Introduction

A U T H O R ’ S N O T E

This is the first installment of Uniform Desires Series, another experimental story from yours truly. I’ve been writing this since last year and decided to publish it for everyone. Please do not forget to leave your votes and comments. Appreciate all your support!

D I S C L A I M E R

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are fictitious, unless otherwise stated. Any, resemblance to real person, living or dead, or actual event is purely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the prior permission of the author.

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME!

Chapter 1

Mabibigat ang bagsak ng ulan kasabay ng hampas ng malamig na hanging akala mo’y may kasamang yelo. Sa kabila nito, hindi ako nakaramdam ng lamig dahil sa makapal na camouflage suit at trousers. Ang suot kong boots ay tamang-tama sa sukat ng aking mga paa, at ang protective gloves ay nagbigay ng katamtamang init sa mga kamay ko.

Ang ugong ng helicopter blades ay pumailanlang sa aking pandinig, sinabayan ng bugso ng hangin, at ang boses ng piloto sa suot nitong headset. Sumilip ako sa bintana at natanaw ang ekta-ektaryang rainforest na nakalatag sa kahabaan ng mga pine at fir trees. Galing sa mga puno ay nagsiliparan ang isang grupo ng mga black-billed magpies.

“…and we anticipate touching down in approximately twenty minutes…” narinig kong anunsyo ng piloto sa mikropono at sunod kong natanaw ang isang plain na gusali at ang malawak na kampo sa ‘di kalayuan.

Fort Richardson
Anchorage, Alaska
5:14 AM, 10°C

Ako nga pala si Javier Marasigan (pronounced as Ha-vier or Ha-vee for short), dalawampu’t pitong taong gulang sa taas na 5’10 at morenong balat. Ako’y tubong Pampanga, ngunit hindi natutunan ang dialekto dahil mas matagal akong nanirahan sa America. Sa Florida ako pinanganak ng aking Filipina mother sa aking Amerikanong ama.

Sampung taong gulang ako nang umuwi kami ng Pilipinas ngunit ilang taon lang ay bumalik din kami sa states sa kadahilanang mas nasanay ako sa kultura ng Amerika at dahil na rin sa mga kaibigan kong nabuo rito. Nanirahan ako sa pangangalaga ng aking ama at ng kanyang pangalawang asawa na isa ring American citizen. Naging fluent ako sa Filipino/Tagalog dahil simula pagkabata ay iyon na ang itinuturo sa akin ng biological mother ko, kaya kahit mas madalas ako sa Amerika ay mas lamang ang pag-iisip at pagsasalita ko sa Tagalog kumpara sa Ingles.

Nagtouch-down ang sinasakyan naming helicopter sa kalagitnaan ng malawak na lupain. My combat boots touched the ground and I was quickly welcomed by the cold breeze of Alaskan air. Mula sa compartment ay binuhat ko ang tatlong duffel bag na naglalaman ng aking kagamitan at medical kits, at saka ko tinahak ang daan patungo sa kampo.

Isa akong combat medic. Nagserve na ako ng limang taon noon sa Arizona at Virginia bilang medical specialist. Ngayon ay nag-enlist ako bilang combat medic na maaaring magtagal ng tatlong taon, depende sa demand na hihingin ng aking trabaho. Bilang isang combat medic ay trained ako upang magbigay ng medical care at assistance sa mga wounded personnel, whether may nangyayaring giyera o wala.

Tiningala ko ang kalangitan, nagtatalo ang dilim at liwanag doon. Pagbuga ko ng hangin ay napalitan ito ng puting usok dulot ng malamig na klima.

Pagpasok sa loob ng gusali ay agad kong nasalubong ang isang kapitan kaya mabilis akong tumindig at sumaludo bilang respeto.

“Good afternoon, General Johnson, Sir. I’m Specialist Marasigan, the combat medic assigned to Alpha Company, 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment.” pakilala ko sa kapitan na diretso ang tingin sa akin, walang mintis, hindi makikitaan ng anumang emosyon.

May kausap itong isang opisyal at nagpatuloy ako sa loob nang tanguan ako nito.

“Hold on, did you say Alpha Company?” bumalik ang tindig ko nang tanungin ako nito.

“Yes, sir.”

“Hmmm, I see. Smithson…” tinawag niya ang isang matangkad na officer na may hawak na clipboard. “…you take care of our new combat medic for Alpha. Welcome to Fort Richardson, Private Marasigan. I expect your extensive medical support to the company.” without looking back, I was left alone in the care of Private Smithson.

Sinuri ako ng tingin ni Private Smithson habang tinatahak namin ang empty hallway, lagpas sa mga pintuang mukhang authorized personnel lamang ang maaaring pumasok. Private Smithson wears the same combat uniform, without the jacket, leaving an army-green shirt that fits his semi-buff physique.

Halos mahuli niya ang mga mata kong nakatitig sa katawan niya, buti na lamang ay mabilis nakabitaw ang tingin ko.

“I’m from the Bravo Company, you can just call me Smithson. Are you new in the field?” malalim ang boses niya, medyo raspy. He looks my age, maputi siya at halos walang buhok sa katawan, pinung-pino at mas matangkad din sa akin ng ilang pulgada.

“No, I’ve done two years in Virginia, and almost three years in Arizona.” tugon ko.

Narating namin ang isang kwarto na mayroong dalawang bunk beds sa magkabilang pader. I found some stuff on the low cabinet, a clear indication that I will be sharing living quarters with other people. Tanging ang lumang wall clock at photo frame ng isang karagatan ang makikitang nakasabit sa pader. Everything looks plain and monotonous.

Iniwan ako ni Private Smithson sa kwartong iyon dahil mayroon pa raw itong aasikasuhin.

Diniskarga ko ang tatlong duffel bags na aking bitbit. The muscle on my back felt strained from carrying it. Saglit akong nagpahinga sa bottom bunk bed sa kanan at hindi pa man nagtatagal ang pananatili ko roon ay narinig ko ang ingay sa labas. I looked up when I heard the door opened abruptly.

“Man, that’s crazy. How did you manage to do th— woah, who are you?” pumirmi ang tingin sakin ng dalawang lalaking kagaya kong naka-combat uniforms.

Tumayo ako upang ipakilala ang sarili sa dalawa. “Javier Marasigan, I’ll be serving as a combat medic to the Alpha Company.”

“I’m Private Moore and this is Private Davis. Did you say Alpha Company?” tumango ako sa itinanong. “Damn, how does one get to join the best unit?”

Captain Johnson had the same reaction, anong meron sa Alpha Company?

“Life’s not fair, man.” pahayag ni Private Davis. “No offense, but we’re in the Charlie Company for five years now and we never get to outrank ourselves.” paliwanag nito habang nakapokus sa akin ang atensyon.

Medyo maliit si Private Moore kung ikukumpara kay Private Davis, ngunit mas mahubog ang katawan ng nauna kaysa sa kanya. Both of them looked like the usual Americans levitating down the streets of Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills or Bourbon Streets in New Orleans and a frequenter to the most high-end bars in every corner.

Matino namang kausap ang dalawa at mabilis kong nakapalagayan ng loob. Ginagamit nila ang bunk beds sa kaliwa kaya solo ko ang isang bed sa kabila. Nang sumapit ang tanghali ay dumalo ako sa orientation na tumagal ng isang oras at mahigit. It was facilitated by an old Lieutenant, nagdiscuss siya ng mga expectations sa aming pre-deployment at pati na rin ang advanced individual trainings na aking tinutukan. Lima lang kaming kasali sa orientation, two from the army reserves and one from the national guard, ako lamang ang medical specialist na naroon.

Paglabas ko ng orientation room ay nakasalubong ko si Private Davis na agad akong nginitian. Halos magkapantay lang kami ng height kaya level ang tingin ko sa kanya. Sinabayan niya ang lakad ko at kalaunan ay niyaya niya akong kumain sa dining hall.

“Where’s your other friend?” tanong ko sa kanya, tinutukoy si Private Moore na hindi niya kasama.

Kuminang ang chain ng kanyang suot na dog tag nang masilawan ito ng ilaw na nagmumula sa fluorescent lamp sa mataas na kisame.

“He’s lifting some weights in the fitness center. I did some lifting already this morning but I’m not much into fitness just like him. I like music, what are you into?” aniya at dahil bagong magkakilala ay nag-alok siyang ilibre ako sa aking pagkain.

What a generous guy.

“I like music.”

“Really? What kind?”

Ako ‘yung tipo na nakikinig sa musika ngunit hindi kayang kantahin. “I like rock music and some heavy metal.” tugon ko dahil iyon ang unang pumasok sa isip ko.

Naiwan sa ere ang hawak niyang kutsara, nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya na parang ‘di makapaniwala sa narinig. “You don’t look like someone who listens to heavy metal and shit.”

“Slipknot, Anthrax, Pantera, Lamb of God, yeah I listen to them.” pinanlakihan niya ako ng mga mata, kasunod ng kanyang pagkamangha.

“No shit.” his amazed smile rose up to his almond-shaped eyes.

Mukhang mas gumaan ang pakiramdam niya sa akin nang malaman ang mga hilig ko. We talked more about music and the likes for the next few minutes, until we walked back to the living quarters. Wala pa rin ang kasama niyang si Private Moore kaya naiwan kaming dalawa roon.

As Private Davis stood beside their bunk bed, he quickly removed his combat jacket and shirt, leaving his topless torso exposed to my vision. Maganda ang hubog ng kanyang katawan na may katamtamang buhok. His nipples are somewhat bulging and pinkish. I felt something grow on my pants and I immediately shifted my gaze to somewhere safe.

Yes, I work in the military, as a combat medic. I heal men and surrounded by them. I’m brave enough to fight wars and provide medical care at the same time. But I have one little secret. A secret that nobody knows.

“You need more blankets?” napabalikwas ako nang tumayo siya malapit sa aking kama. I looked him up and saw the dangling dog tag on his hairy chest.

“No, I’m okay.”

Mukhang napansin niya ang biglaang pag-iwas ko ng tingin dahil may mapaglarong ngisi na sa kanyang mukha nang balikan ko ng tingin.

“Look, I brought CDs. You might like it, I can let you borrow one.” bumalik siya sa bunk bed niya at may kinuhang stacks of CD sa loob ng duffel bag niya.

Mas lalong sumikip ang pantalon ko nang lumipat siya sa aking kama at tinabihan ako. He handed me a set of CDs from artists I was not familiar with. Naririnig ko ang malalim niyang hininga at para akong naubusan ng hangin nang umusog pa siya palapit.

Malamig ang klima ngunit nag-aapoy sa init ang katawan ko.

“Those are my favorite, I listen to them religiously.” itinuro niya ang ilang CDs na hawak ko. His muscled arm blocked my vision and all I could do was listen to his gruffy voice and inhale his manly scent.

Nang matapos niyang ipakilala sakin ang mga paborito niyang artists ay naiwan sa ibabaw ng kanang hita ko ang kamay niya. He was looking at me with sincerity, like he was not up to something nasty.

“So what do you pick?” mas lumakas ang hinala ko nang sadya niyang himasin ang hita ko. Malakas ang kiliti ko sa parteng ‘yon kaya halos mapabalikwas ako sa aking pagkakaupo. “What’s wrong, you look so frightened?” ang naging reaksyon niya.

Naramdaman ko ang pagtulo ng pawis sa aking likuran sa kabila ng matinding lamig.

“Sorry, with your hand on my lap… I’m a bit ticklish.” pag-amin ko dahil wala naman akong ibang rason na maisip. Nang marinig ang sagot ko ay umangat ang kanyang kamay sa ere.

“Really? I apologize, I didn’t know.” he seemed earnest.

Unti-unti akong nakahinga nang maluwag nang matanggal ang kamay niya sa aking hita.

“It’s okay, I don’t really mind that much.”

“You mean it’s okay if I touch you again?”

Hindi ko alam pero may iba akong nararamdaman sa kanya. I feel like there’s a hidden motive behind his kind and gentle act. Kasalukuyan akong nag-iisip ng irarason sa kanya nang bigla niyang ipatong ang kamay niya sa aking…

“How about this, are you ticklish in this area?”

Napaawang ang bibig ko sa gulat. His huge hand is grabbing the middle of my pants where my growing manhood is hiding. Pumailanlang ang kanyang halakhak sa naging reaksyon ko.

We were in that moment when the door slammed open and we both saw Private Moore entered the room in his sweat-soaked shirt. Hinubad niya ang airpods nang matanaw kaming dalawa na magkatabi sa iisang bunk bed. Wala na sa aking kargada ang kamay ni Private Davis sa mga pagkakataong ‘yon.

Looking at Private Moore. Shit, I can picture his sweaty chest and muscled abdomen behind the fabric of his shirt. Mas lalo akong nanigas sa aking kinauupuan.

“What did you do to our new guy? He looked like he’s seen a ghost.” nagtungo siya sa kabilang bunk bed at binuksan ang kanyang duffel bag.

“Nothing, we were just talking. And I just realized we have the same… passion.” pahayag ng katabi kong hindi pa rin ako nilalayuan. I was not too passionate about music like he does but I didn’t disagree.

Nang balikan kami ng tingin ni Private Moore ay napansin niya ang binigay na CDs ni Private Davis sa akin.

“Oh, you mean your shit music.”

“Man, it’s not shitty. I listen to any genre. I’m just open to anything,” lumihis ang tingin niya sa akin at kinindatan ako na parang may sarili kaming pagkakaintindihan.

“I’m gonna hop into the shower, you guys wanna join me?”

“Man, we don’t wanna see your tiny sausage.”

“Go fuck yourself, man.”

Mukhang sanay na ang dalawa sa palitan nila ng banter sa isa’t isa. Nginitian ako ni Private Moore bilang paumanhin sa kanilang asal at nagpaalam na upang magtungo sa shower bitbit ang kanyang puting towel.

“Stop bugging our new guy, let him breathe.” paalala nito bago isinara ang pintuan.

I summoned all the courage to stand up and put the CDs inside my bag. Nakasunod ang misteryosong tingin ni Private Davis sa akin ngunit dinedma ko. I always ignore situations like this. I know men in the military and how they are in secret, sexually depraved, most of the times. Pero narito ako para gawin ang aking trabaho, gaano man kahirap iwasan ang mga temptations sa paligid.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sa ikasunod na araw ay maaga palang ay nagtungo ako sa common bathroom upang mag-shower. Magkakatabi ang mga shower heads na naka-install sa pader kaya halos magdidikitan ang balat kung may makakasabay kang maligo.

Bringing a clean white towel, I pulled the door open and the empty bathroom welcomed me. Tuyo ang sahig dahil wala pang gumagamit. In-organize ko ang aking toiletries sa ibabaw ng isang lavatory. Hinubad ko ang aking kasuotan at dumiretso sa shower area.

Nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa nang salubungin ang tagaktak ng warm water sa aking buong katawan. Limang minuto pa lamang ako roon nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan. Nang silipin ay natanaw ko ang pamilyar na officer na kasalukuyang naghuhubad ng kanyang army green shirt. He was the first Private Officer I met yesterday. Tinahak ni Private Smithson ang daan patungo sa shower area at pumwesto malapit sa kinatatayuan ko.

He was one shower head away from me. Maganda ang built ng pangangatawan niya, halatang regular na nagbubuhat sa gym. His physique was a testament to dedication and discipline, each muscle defined with precision. Matambok din ang kanyang puwitan at bago pa man niya ako mahuling nakatingin ay bahagya akong tumalikod sa kanya.

I unconsciously covered my private part because watching him shower did some mysterious effect on me.

Nang bahagya akong kumalma ay kumuha ako ng shower gel at sinabon ang aking itaas na katawan. Huli ko sa aking peripheral vision ang mga nakaw na tingin ng officer. Maybe out of curiosity or maybe he was just staring blankly, with no definite motive.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha ang lakas ng loob na titigan siya sa mga mata. I caught him looking at me through the trickle of water raining down on the tiled marble floor. Kasalukuyan niyang sinasabon ang kanyang magkabilang braso. Bubbles of soap flowed on his abdomen down to his sleeping shaft. Mahaba ‘yon, lagpas isang dangkal, at gumagalaw habang sinasabon niya ang kanyang mga hita.

Sinabayan ko ang ginagawa niya. Shower gel lamang ang aking dala at nang mapansin niya ‘yon ay hindi siya nag-dalawang isip na pahiramin ako ng sabon.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Ginamit ko ang sabon niya at halos tumuwad ako habang sinasabon ang aking mga binti. Habang nakatuwad ako’y nahuli ko siyang napatitig sa aking puwitan. Seryoso at malalim ang mga tinging iyon. Nang tumuwid ako ng tayo ay hindi na siya nakatingin at napansin ko na lamang ang pamumula ng kanyang leeg.

I don’t have the gym-fit body but I still have each muscle perfectly placed on my body without appearing overly sculpted. Katamtaman ang balahibo sa aking katawan hanggang sa private parts ay hindi ito masyadong makapal.

Hindi nagtagal ay natapos akong magshower at ibinuhol ang puting towel sa aking baywang. On top of the lavatory is a small, a bit old and dusty mirror. Kinuha ko ang aking razor at shaving cream. Nang magsimula akong magshave ay natapos naman si Private Smithson sa kanyang paliligo.

“You having a good day yet?” narinig kong tanong niya habang nagbibihis malapit sa aking puwesto. Now, it seemed we’re about to have a friendly conversation.

“It’s a good day for me. I haven’t done much but I know everything will be different once we’re in the actual war.”

He’s wearing trousers now, topless and he watched me shaved my uneven beard.

“Tell me about it. Sometimes I wonder if we’re just going through the motions.” aniya. “Sometimes I question whether all this is worth it.” dugtong niya.

Three days from now, I’ll be sent to the military base in Syria for a counterterrorism operation. Mas lumaon ang pag-uusap namin at nalaman kong dati na siyang miyembro ng Bravo Company. He was sent home due to an injury, ilang buwan siyang nagpagamot at ngayong physically fit na ay muli siyang sasabak sa parehong mission.

I feel bad for him but that’s how it really goes for people like us, either we fight or lose, but we have to keep going.

“I know what you mean. It’s hard to find meaning in all this madness.” pahayag ko bilang simpatiya.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s all just a waste of time.” tinitigan ko siya at napansin ang bumalot na kalungkutan at pagsisisi sa kanyang mga mata.

“I try not to dwell on it too much. Just focus on getting through one day at a time, you know?” nadala ako ng emosyon at hindi sinasadyang mahawakan ang balikat niya. We both have the same awkward look until I broke the scene and smiled at him.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Pagbalik ko sa living quarters ay naabutan ko si Private Moore na nagpupush-ups sa sahig at balot ng kumikintab na pawis ang kanyang upper body. Ang puting tee-shirt niya ay nakasabit sa ibabaw ng upper bunk at ang dog tag niya ay tumatama sa sahig sa bawat pagbaba ng kanyang katawan.

Napahinto siya nang marinig ang mga yapak ko. I was still clad in my towel when he looked up at me. Naupo siya at hinabol ang kanyang hininga, ipinahinga ang mga kamay sa kanyang baywang kaya nabigyan ako ng kalayaang pagmasdan ang pagdaloy ng pawis sa kanyang matipunong dibdib.

“Sorry, don’t mind me.” paumanhin ko at nagtungo sa aking pwesto upang maghanap ng susuotin.

“It’s okay, I’ve completed my sets. You always bathe this early in the morning?” hinihingal pa rin siya nang subukang tumayo.

“Yes, there’s not enough warm water so I don’t wanna take chances.” parang nagkaroon siya ng ideya nang marinig ang paliwanag ko.

“Is that true? I’ve never noticed that. Shit, I should join you next time, huh?” tinap niya ang balikat ko at saka lumabas ng kwarto.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. There’s too much testosterone in this place. I need to gather myself and not lose focus.

I was digging through my clothes when I heard the door open. Hindi ko na nilingon dahil baka si Private Moore lang ‘yon na kababalik. Pero tahimik ito at mabibigat ang yapak. Bahagya akong nakatuwad dahil sa paghahalungkat sa duffel bag nang maramdaman ko ang paghimas sa aking puwitan.

“Shit!”

Napabalikwas ako at ‘di sinasadyang nauntog sa upper bunk. Napamura ako sa tagalog at hinimas ang parte ng aking ulo na tinamaan.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you’re the jumpy type.” nakilala ko ang boses ni Private Davis na tinulungan akong hilutin ang aking ulo.

“I didn’t know you like touching another man’s ass.” sarkastiko kong pahayag na ikinatuwa niya.

Well, technically, hindi naman niya nahawakan ang puwitan ko dahil sa suot kong tuwalya, pero damang-dama ko pa rin ang malaki niyang kamay at sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan ay nagustuhan ko ‘yon. I have a sensitive spot on my butt so I guess I get this weird pleasure whenever somebody’s touching it.

“I was messing with you. Your butt’s soft like a woman’s, you know that?” I could never figure what he just said.

Mapaglaro ang tingin niya sakin ngunit inismiran ko at nagsuot ng damit sa harapan niya. He was watching while laying down on the bottom bunk bed. When I finished, I walked out to attend another orientation.

Today’s orientation focused more on specialized training. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa whiteboard at sinundan ang dinidiscuss ni General Johnson, I first met him as soon as I landed on this camp, at naglecture siya tungkol sa marksmanship, medical training, at intelligence gathering.

General Johnson looks rigid and robust, kung normal civilian ka ay maaaring ma-intimidate ka sa kanya. But since I met so many men just like him working in the military, wala nang epekto sa akin ‘yon. Instead of fear, I feel respect for them.

It only lasted an hour. Palabas na ako nang tawagin ako nito. Napabalik ako at lumapit. Sinasalansan niya ang ilang smead folders nang tingalain akong tuwid na nakatayo sa harap ng desk niya.

“I wanted to discuss the upcoming mission. It’s going to be challenging, and I wanted to ensure you’re adequately prepared.” he continues sorting the folders and unplugged the laptop and projector. “This mission is crucial, and preparedness is key. Are you feeling confident about your training and equipment?”

“Yes, sir. I’ve gone over the briefing multiple times and have been training rigorously.”

“Remember, trust in your training and instincts. And don’t hesitate to lean on your team for support.”

I’ve never met the Alpha Company, ‘yon lang siguro ang isa sa mga ipinagwo-worry ko. But I’m here to do my job, nonetheless, I have no choice but to serve.

“Understood, sir. I’ll do my best to stay focused and execute the mission effectively.”

Tumangu-tango ito ngunit nagtagal ang titig nito, animo’y mayroong pang ibang gustong sabihin. Nakaramdam ako ng kaba. He looks liked he’s about to drop a bomb.

“I may have to ask you a favor, if that’s okay with you, Private?” sa timbang ng tono ng boses niya, nakaramdam akong hindi ito simpleng pabor.

“Of course, sir. Whatever you may need.”

Lumapit siya at hinawakan ang balikat ko habang nakayuko at may seryosong emosyon sa mukha.

“My son, Captain Johnson, leads the Alpha Company. You will be under his leadership.” panimula niya, not expecting it will turn out this way. “He’s a good leader, a bit reckless and arrogant at times, but he’a good at his job. I need you to keep an eye on him. Can I count on you on that matter, Private?”

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Akala ko’y mas mahirap pa roon ang request niya. He wants me to babysit his son, that’s it?

“I will, sir. Is that all?”

“That’s all I ask, Officer. Stay vigilant out there, and may your mission be a success.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Naglunch ako afterwards. Several officers in combat uniforms are glancing at me in secret, na parang kilala nila ako. Some of the kitchen staff are trying to take a nap. Mabilis akong kumain at nang sumapit ang hapon ay nagtungo ako sa fitness center. Walang masyadong tao roon bukod sa ilang officers na nagbubuhat. Maraming equipment ang bakante, nang matanaw ang linya ng mga treadmill ay dumiretso ako ng lakad patungo roon.

The fitness center is located behind the dining hall, just across the open pavilion that is used as recreation, karamihan ng officers na walang ginagawa ay mukhang doon tumatambay. The sun is out, all mighty in the cloudless sky, and some tiny birds are searching for seeds in the far away meadows. Sa lugar na ito, maarawan ka man ay hindi mo mararamdaman ang init, dahil lamang pa rin ang lamig.

“Hey, can you spot me for a sec?”

I turned the machine off and stepped out of the treadmill. It was Private Moore. Nagkibit ako ng balikat dahil wala naman akong ibang gagawin, might as well help him do his stuff.

“This weight feels like it’s trying to pin me down more than any enemy ever could!” lumalabas ang mga ugat sa kanyang leeg habang binubuhat niya ang isang 10kg dumbbell.

“Well, it’s good training for the real deal. Can’t have you surrendering to a dumbbell now, can we?”

Nang matapos ang set ay sumunod naman ang shoulder press.

“How’s your training been going?” he asked me.

“Not bad.”

“Same here. Trying to stay fit and ready for whatever comes our way. You know how it is, always aiming to be battle-ready.”

“How long have you been serving in Charlie Company?” kuryoso kong tanong habang pinagmamasdan ang biceps niyang nagco-contract.

“About six years now…”

Hindi ko alam na gano’n na rin pala siyang katagal nagse-serve. Well, he doesn’t really look like he’s been in many wars, though who was I to judge?

“I’ve been serving longer than Davis. I like to serve, besides, there’s no life for me outside of here.” dagdag niya, biglang may lungkot na dumaan sa mukha niya, ngunit saglit na segundo lang at hindi nagtagal.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t have a wife to fuck or kid to go home to. My parents are both dead. My older brother, a former Sergeant, now dead. I only have a pet dog, but he’s in the care of an old friend now.”

It made me wonder where all the energy in him is coming from, but his story is not that different from other officers I have met. Most of them, keep on serving the country, because they have no actual life outside. Some are dwelling in trauma, the lucky ones get to go home to their family.

“You’re doing great, soldier. Keep pushing, and soon enough, you’ll be lifting tanks with those muscles.” sinubukan kong i-motivate siya.

“Thanks. I might just get there one day. Now, let’s finish this set strong!”

Mabilis na sumapit ang gabi. Nahiga ako sa aking kama, pilit na pinagkasya ang sarili dahil maliit ito kumpara sa aking sukat. There was a stack of old books on top of the small bedside table. Kumuha ako ng isa at sinubukang magbasa. It was a classic book written by John Steinbeck.

Mabilis akong nakatulog dahil sa pagbabasa. The air was cold as ice, and so I tucked myself in thick blanket. It was very comforting, and I think I had a really good night sleep. Until I wake in the morning and found the blanket below my knee, creased and looked like it was set aside. Nadatnan ko ang nakababa kong boxer briefs at ang natutulog kong ari.

I almost jumped in surprise and quickly pulled my boxers up. What the fuck! Confusion filled my head. I found Private Moore and Private Davis both snoring on their beds. Nagpakawala ako ng buntong hininga, iniisip na mukhang nainitan ako kagabi at wala sa sariling nahubad ang aking boxers.

Chapter 3

(Slight warning: Read at your own risk)

Papalit-palit ang tingin ko sa dalawang Private Officers sa aking harapan. Kasabay ko ang dalawang kumain ng breakfast sa dining hall. Sa plato ni Private Moore ay sausage, bacon, at poached eggs samantalang vegetarian naman si Private Davis kaya puro gulay at prutas ang nakahain sa plato niya. On my plate is a combination of meat and veggies, plus a cup of fresh milk.

They both look normal on a usual day and they are currently arguing about cars.

“Man, I can’t believe you still think muscle cars are superior to sports cars. Have you even driven a sports car?” patutsada ni Private Davis.

“Absolutely, but nothing beats the raw power of a classic muscle car. They have history, character.” sagot naman ni Private Moore.

“Sure, they’re powerful, but sports cars have precision engineering. They handle like a dream.”

“Muscle cars have soul. You feel the road beneath you.”

“Soul won’t win you a race. Sports cars are built for speed and agility.”

“Maybe, but a muscle car cruising down the highway turns more heads than any sports car.”

And so on and so forth. They always argue about things, debates about the best car model, arguments about their favorite football team, about fishing or hunting, and at times about social issues. Opinionated silang parehas kaya madalas magtalo samantalang ako ay nakikinig lang at walang pinapanigan.

I’m more of a listener than a talker. I like and dislike stuff but I don’t talk or argue about them. Napatigil ang pagtatalo ng dalawa nang mapansin ang ngisi sa mukha ko. I was reminiscing about something funny when they caught my face reflecting it.

“Are you mocking us?” mapanuri ang mga tingin ni Private Moore.

“No, I think somebody got a good night sleep, huh?” makahulugang pahayag ni Private Davis. Hindi ko alam kung anong ibig niyang sabihin.

“No, I was thinking about something. You two continue your banter and I should head off, I need to prepare for today’s training.” niligpit ko ang pinagkainan ko.

“We’re in the same training today, what’s the rush?” sinundan ako ng dalawa nang ibalik ko ang tray sa counter at nagsalin ng malamig na tubig sa isang plastic cup.

“Nothing. I just like to be prepared.”

Pagkatapos ay nagtungo kami sa shooting ground kung saan nakahanda ang mga armas at iba pang kagamitan. I’m a combat medic but I still have to learn how to carry guns and how to shoot an enemy when I’m faced with one. If the healer dies in war, then who’s gonna help his platoon and tend their wounds?

Private Moore and Davis both looked like they’re at home, gazing at the lines of armory on the wooden table. That’s something I could relate to, but not with guns and such, but with helping people. Noon pa man, pangarap ko na ang sumabak sa giyera. I’m not too good with guns and arms, pero nakahanap ako ng kalinga sa pag-aaral ng medisina.

“Alright, gentlemen, today’s lesson is all about precision shooting. Remember, aim small, miss small.” that was Sergeant Singh who’s part Indian. Makapal ang kanyang balbas at sunog ang balat sa araw.

There are five other officers in line with us.

“Yeah, like trying to hit a fly with a bazooka, got it.” bulong ni Private Davis, nakangisi sa aming gawi.

“Or hitting a bullseye with a blindfold on. Piece of cake, right?” sabat naman ni Private Moore kaya nagtawanan ang lahat.

“Let’s see how well you can hit those targets, then we’ll talk cake.” tugon ni Sergeant Singh, mukhang hindi satisfied sa komento ni Private Moore.

The other officers take their positions and start shooting. Naiwan ako sa harap ng table, namimili kung ano ang babagay na armas para sakin.

“Bullseye!”

“Ha! Two in a row!”

I heard their voices in the background. Kinuha ko ang isang M9 Pistol at nagustuhan na hindi ito mabigat sa kamay. It is a semi-automatic pistol, it automatically reloads the chamber after each shot but it requires a separate trigger pull for each subsequent shot.

“That’s a fine selection.” hindi ko napansin na nasa tabi ko na pala ang Sergeant.

“Yeah, I like how it’s light.”

“I heard you’re heading to join Alpha Company?” tumango ako bilang tugon. “Good luck out there, kid. They’re the cream of the crop.”

Muling nabuhay ang curiosity ko. Everybody is warning me about the Alpha Company, to be part of it is something to be proud of or to be scared about, that’s how I feel.

“The Alpha, what are they like?”

He crossed his arms and thought for a moment, caressing his thick beard. “They say Alpha Company eats nails for breakfast and spits out victory. But seriously, they’re a tough bunch. You’ll learn a lot from them.”

That didn’t make me feel good.

“Thanks, Sergeant. I’ll do my best to keep up with them.” hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matakot o makaramdam ng relief sa narinig.

“Just remember, your skills as a medic are invaluable. Keep your head down, stay focused, and watch each other’s backs.” he tapped my back a little hard.

“Will do, Sergeant. Thanks for the pep talk. I’ll make sure they will stay healthy and kicking.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Take care out there, and don’t be a stranger. We’ll be rooting for you.”

I began shooting the targets and some of them were amazed by my accuracy. Walang daplis, lahat ng shots ko ay pumasok sa target.

“Hey, sharp shooter, ease up will ya?” narinig kong komento ng isang hindi ko kilalang officer. Sapat na ang matigas nitong British accent para malaman ko kung saan siya nagmula.

The other guys chuckled.

Nobody has ever called me sharp shooter before, hanggang sa pagtatapos ng training ay ‘yun ang naging bansag nila sa akin.

I was in the shower with a couple of guys late in the afternoon when I noticed Private Smithson, few meters away, gazing at me again. Maiingay ang mga kasama naming nagsho-shower, ang iba’y nagkakatuwaan at nag-uusap tungkol sa kanilang mga girlfriend.

“Sharp shooter, huh?” lumapit siya habang nasa harap ako ng lavatory at pinagmamasdan ang sarili sa salamin.

May pakpak nga naman ang balita. “That’s an overstatement.”

“You can’t take compliments, now?”

Mapaglaro pa rin ang mga mata niya, napapansin ko ang palihim niyang pagsulyap sa puwitan ko. I was completely naked, I didn’t care and he didn’t as well.

Natapos magshower ang ilang officers na kasama namin at patuloy ang usapan ng mga ito habang palabas sa shower area. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Private Smithson sa loob.

“I’m just doing my job, just like everyone else.”

“Well, some people are superior than others. They’re not mocking you, it’s a sign of respect so take it.” mas lumapit pa siya at pumwesto sa aking likuran. I can see his reflection in the mirror.

He was resting his hands on his pelvis, unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagdikit ng natutulog niyang ari sa aking likod. Inaayos ko ang aking buhok sa salamin at umaktong walang nangyayaring kakaiba.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” bulong niya, sobrang lapit sa aking tainga hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang paghimas niya sa aking ari. Sumuot sa ilalim ang kanyang kamay at madaling nahanap ang aking tarugo na kanina’y tulog subalit ngayon ay unti-unting nagkakabuhay.

“W-What the fuck are you doing?” I asked him, trying to stay calm. Tinigasan ako lalo nang maramdaman ang init ng hininga niya sa aking leeg.

He started masturbating me. Napaawang ang labi ko at gustuhin mang patigilin siya ay nadala ako ng libog.

“I wanna see how sharp you can shoot.” I saw his daring eyes in the mirror. Napakapit ako sa gilid ng lavatory, kinakapos ng hininga.

“Ohh damn…” napapaungol ako sa sarap lalo na nang bumilis ang pagbati niya sa aking ari. I have an average size for a cock, habang tinititigan ko ang burat kong sinasalsal niya ay namangha ako.

Gumapang ang kamay niya sa aking dibdib at sinimulang himasin ang isa kong nipple. Dumagdag ang sensasyong iyon sa libog na nararanasan ko. His hands pumping on my dick was not something I have imagined.

“You like what I’m doing, huh?” may agresyon sa tono ng boses niya.

“Fuck you.” napahawak ako sa forearm niya nang maramdaman kong malapit na ako. Napatirik ang mga mata ko sa sarap ngunit naputol ang aming panandaliang aliw nang marinig namin ang pagbukas ng pintuan.

Sergeant Singh entered the shower room. Mabilis na nakabalik si Private Smithson sa katabing lavatory habang ako’y tinakpan ng tuwalya ang matigas kong ari. Damn it! Hindi man lang ako nilabasan. Smithson coughed and washed his hands on the faucet giving me a look only the two of us understood.

Mukhang wala namang napansin si Sergeant dahil dire-diretso siya sa shower area at naghubad ng kanyang mga damit.

Naunang lumabas si Private Smithson nang makapagbihis siya, hindi man lang nagpaalam sakin. Sunod akong nakapagbihis, pilit na ipinasok sa brief ang aking matigas na ari. Hanggang sa makabalik ako sa living quarters ay matigas parin iyon kaya hindi ako mapakali.

I needed to release but the two guys are in the room when I got back, arguing about horseback riding now.

“Ha! I’d pay to see that! But seriously, it’s not as hard as it looks.”

“Oh, come on! You’re telling me you’d rather ride a horse than a tank?”

“Well, there’s something majestic about it. Plus, it’s a good workout for the core.”

“I’ll stick to push-ups, thank you very much. Besides, I’ve seen enough action movies to know what happens when someone tries to ride a horse into battle.”

“Fair point. But admit it, you’re just afraid of getting a wedgie from the saddle.”

“Hey, I’ve got enough battle scars as it is. But if you promise not to laugh, I might consider giving it a shot.”

Nagpahinga ako sa kabila nang paninigas ng ari ko. I felt so hot, kahit malamig ay pinagpapawisan ako. Hanggang sa muling sumapit ang dilim, oras nang pagtulog ay hindi ako dinalaw ng antok. The guys are snoring in rhythm. Hinihimas ko ang aking matigas na bukol sa ilalim ng kumot, trying to attain the same pleasure I felt in the shower room with Private Smithson’s hand on my dick.

Damn it, ang hirap maabutan ng libog sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

Bumangon ako at pinahid ang pawis sa aking mukha. Nag-breathing exercise ako sa dilim nagbabaka sakaling makatulong ‘yon na maibsan ang init na nararanasan ko. Paglipas ng sampung minuto, hindi nakatiis ay nagbihis ako nang mabilis at saka lumabas ng kwarto upang magpahangin.

I strolled through the desolate hallway, tahimik ang paligid at maririnig ang huni ng mga crickets sa ‘di kalayuan. Outside the camp, may napansin akong silhouette sa shooting ground. When the shadow moved, I tiptoed and walked closer to see what it was.

Not ‘what it was’, rather who it was.

I found Private Smithson standing in front of the wooden table looking down on the disassembled gun on top of it.

“Can’t sleep?” tanong niya nang maramdaman ang presensya ko. Tinabihan ko siya. I know deep inside he was mocking me. Sinong makakatulog nang maayos kung ‘di mo naabot ang orgasmo pagkatapos kang jakolin?

“What you did… what we did earlier, it won’t happen again, you hear me?” I warned him, pero hindi nabura ang mapang-akit niyang tingin sa akin. I wanted to punch his face but my cock is pulsating on my briefs, clouding my judgment.

Nagpatuloy siya sa pag-assemble ng baril, akala mo’y walang naririnig na pagbabanta sa akin. I watched him assembled the gun completely, waiting for his response.

Nang matapos ay humarap siya sa akin, pinantayan ang talim ng mga tingin ko. Nagsukatan kami ng tingin hanggang sa gumapang na parang ahas ang kamay niya sa gitna ng aking pantalon. Hindi naputol ang titigan naming dalawa. Huminga ako nang malalim dahil muling kinakapos hanggang sa pumasok ang kamay niya sa loob ng aking pantalon.

“You’re not the boss of me…” he whispered coldly and then unbuckled my belt. Imbes na pigilan siya ay hinayaan ko siyang gawin ang gusto niya. “I will do whatever I want with you.” panghahamon niya.

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko, nagpipigil.

Naubusan ako ng pasensya at ako na ang nagtanggal ng aking sinturon at ibinaba ang aking pantalon. I grabbed his head down as he kneeled in front of me. Sinalubong ng naghihintay niyang bibig ang aking tarugo at walang pag-aalinlangan itong sinubo ng buo. Nagpakawala ako ng impit na ungol nang maramdaman ang init ng kanyang bibig.

“Fuck!”

Chapter 4

Please read at your own risk

Under the moonlit night, he wrapped my manhood with his mouth. I grabbed on his hair as he delved and explored the length of my dick. Matagal na akong walang orgasmo kaya gano’n na lamang katindi ang libog ko.

Sumandal ako sa mesa at napakapit doon habang nakatingala, tinatamasa ang rurok ng kaligayahan. Nang ibaba ko ang tingin ay nagtama ang aming mga mata. With heated passion and hunger, he watched me watch him took my entirety in his greedy mouth.

“Ahhh… You’re so fucking good at this, you know that?” bawat minuto ay napapaungol ako sa sarap ng ginagawa niya. I don’t even have to move, he does all the work. Mas mukha pang barako sakin si Private Smithson ngunit siya ngayon ang nakaluhod sa harapan ko at sinasamba ang burat ko.

Loads of precum are spattered on his face. Makatas ako lalo na’t matagal akong walang release kaya gano’n nalang karami ang inilalabas ko. Hinawakan niya ang ari ko at marahan itong piniga, at dinilaan ang dulo nang makamtan ang mga paunang katas na tumatagas.

“Ohhh shitttt…” I cursed, trying to shush myself. Pumailanlang ang mga ungol ko sa katahimikan ng kampo, mukhang mas dinig pa ito kumpara sa huni ng mga panggabing insekto.

Mahusay niyang pinaglaruan ang ari ko, bawat katas na tumatakas ay sinasaid niya. He even licked my balls and suckled on it. I pulled his hair back so he’d look up at me, then I spat on his mouth and he continued worshipping my pulsating erection.

His tongue is an expert, pumulupot ito sa kahabaan ng kargada ko, minsa’y didilaan mula sa puno hanggang sa tuktok, at muling isusubo nang sagad. Sinagad niya hanggang sa dulo ng lalamunan niya at hanggang sa tumirik ang mga mata ko sa sarap.

Ang mga halinghing ko’y muling nanaig sa tahimik at payapang lugar. Ang mahiwagang tunog ng paglabas-masok ng burat ko sa bibig niya ay mas nagpataas ng libido ko. With both hands, I grabbed his hair tight and pushed his face on my throbbing dick. Nang saglit na mapagod ay iniluwa niya ang ari ko at jinakol ako gamit ang dalawa niyang kamay.

I felt my cock so full of cum but I didn’t explode right away. Hinayaan ko siyang salsalin ako ng ilang minuto, binabawi ang aking lakas at huminga nang malalim.

“I didn’t know you’re into sucking dicks when we first met.” I began a conversation, still my dick in his hands as hard as wood.

“I was not. You looked like someone who could use a hand, or mouth.” pinigilan kong matawa sa sinabi niya.

Mukhang naplano na niyang matikman ako una palang. Mas lalo akong nalibugan sa aking mga narinig. I’m not that good looking, but people always say I have this appeal, this appeal that magnetizes like a charm. Somebody I hooked up with before even said I was oozing extreme sexual appeal, like my eyes screamed ‘suck me’. Ayaw ko ‘yung paniwalaan dahil baka sabihing malaki ang ulo ko.

“Open your mouth.” utos ko sa kanya. He looked up like I was a god who could make all his wishes come true and obeyed me.

Hinawakan ko ang burat ko at isinampal ito sa magkabilang pisngi niya. Ang tumagas na katas ay kumalat sa kanyang mukha. Inilabas niya ang kanyang dila at isinayad ko ang kahabaan ko roon. Kumadyot ako ng kaunti habang nasa ibabaw ng dila niya ang naglalawa kong ari.

“You fucking cocksucker, yeah suck on that… ahhh..”

I’m average size (if you say 8” is average) but he almost choked when he took it in his mouth again. This time, mas mabilis ang pagsubo niya at sumasagad ang bawat subo sa dulo ng kanyang lalamunan. It was so intense I almost blacked out.

Habang wala ako sa sarili ay hinuli niya ang dalawa kong mga kamay at ipinirmi ito sa aking likuran. His grip was tight it felt like handcuffs. Hindi ako nakagalaw nang malaya nang supsupin niya nang paulit-ulit ang burat ko, dire-diretso, walang pahinga. Namula ang buong mukha niyang puno ng aking malagkit na katas.

“Ohhhhhhhh… putangina mo…” napamura ako sa sariling wika. He acted like he didn’t hear anything and continued stripping away my constraint. He looked up at me voraciously.

Few more sucks and I orgasmed. My essence exploded inside his mouth, sinipsip at nilunok niya ang lahat. Pinagpawisan ako habang nakaawang ang mga labi, bumabawi ng hangin.

Itinaas ko ang aking nakababang pantalon nang matapos kami. I noticed the satiated smile on his face when I looked at him. May naiwan pang mga bakas ng aking tamod sa kanyang labi.

“This… this is not gonna happen again, you hear me?” I warned him. Hindi nabura ang ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi niya. “Even if you force me, I won’t let you.” paninindigan ko.

“Did I force you, though?” he asked with sarcasm.

Hindi ako nakaimik at sinamaan na lamang siya ng tingin. We crossed the line once and it won’t happen again. Napatigil kami nang mapansin ang pagsilaw ng liwanag sa kinaroroonan namin.

“What are you two doing here?” it was Sergeant Singh with accusatory eyes, holding a flashlight. Nagkatinginan kami ni Private Smithson, naghihintayan kung sino ang unang magpapaliwanag.

Gumapang ang kaba sa aking dibdib. Tahimik na nagdasal na walang kakaibang maamoy ang Sergeant. Even if my cum doesn’t smell anything, I was hoping he won’t pick up any hint that something happened between me and the other Private officer.

“Private Marasigan needed refresher on gun assembly, Sir. We’re just about to go back when you came.” nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang marinig ang rason ni Private Smithson. I wasn’t born a good liar so I think I will just keep my mouth shut.

“At midnight?” kuryosong tanong ng Sergeant, nakatutok pa rin ang sinag ng flashlight sa aming dalawa.

“Yes, sir. Sorry, we’re light sleepers.”

“Alright, go back to rest. You have early trainings in the morning.” sumaludo kaming dalawa bago nagpaalam sa Sergeant ngunit naiwan ako nang tawagin nito ang aking pangalan.

“Yes, sir?”

“You forgot to zip up your pants.” puna nito kaya dali-dali kong sinuri ang nakabukas na zipper at mabilis itong isinara.

Shit!

I woke up late the next morning, it was almost 9-ish in the morning when I grabbed the alarm clock. I still feel tired from last night, I was emptied. Bumangon ako at ilang minutong naupo habang nilalabanan ang antok.

“You look like you could use some coffee.” nag-angat ako ng ulo nang marinig ang boses ni Private Davis. I didn’t notice he came in the room with a cup of aromatic coffee. He handed it to me and I gladly took it and sipped a little to boost my energy.

“Thank you, you’re a life saver.”

Humilata si Private Davis sa kabilang bunk bed habang nakamasid sa akin. “What happened, you look like you barely slept at all.” puna niya. I must have looked like a zombie at least.

“Just a bad dream.” I murmured, trying to erase the memory from last night with Private Smithson because the more I reminisce about it, the more it wants to stay on my mind.

At 8 o’clock sharp, we’re at the shooting range. Officers are lined up, taking turns firing at their targets. The air is filled with the sharp noise of gunfire. Sergeant Singh walks behind us, observing closely but his attention lingers on me.

Sergeant Singh crossed his arms while smirking. “Remember, precision over speed. A rushed shot is a wasted shot. Some of you look like you’ve got steady hands… others, not so much.” anunsyo niya, binanggit ang huling pahayag habang direktang nakatingin sa direksyon ko.

Private Davis fires and hits near the bullseye. “That steady enough, Sarge?”

“Not bad, Davis. Maybe one day you’ll actually impress me.”

Sergeant moves down the line, stopping behind me, watching as I take aim. “And you, Marasigan. You’re looking a little tense today. That grip, too tight. Like you’re holding onto something real hard.” I noticed when he put an emphasis on the last word.

I fired and misses slightly. “I’m fine, Sarge.”

He chuckled. “Fine? Hm. That’s funny. ‘Cause I saw you last night, and ‘fine’ isn’t the word I’d use. No, you looked… occupied.”

My body stiffened but I chose not to respond. I reloaded the gun, avoiding the sergeant’s gaze.

I noticed Private Moore grinning.

“What’s he talking about, Javi? You sneaking off somewhere?”

The Sergeant didn’t respond, hindi ko na rin sinubukang sulyapan ang reaksyon nito. Yes, he saw us last night but he didn’t exactly look like he knows what had happened. I exhaled through my nose, keeping my focus on the target. My finger lingered on the trigger.

I fired another shot, a little harder this time. I hit the target dead center but my jaw remains clenched.

Private Moore laughed. “Damn, Javi, guess you just needed some motivation.”

Sergeant Singh smirks. “Oh, I think he’s very motivated. Maybe even a little worked up.” My head slowly turned, meeting the sergeant’s gaze for the first time.

“You keep your eye on me too much, Sarge.” I commented in a low voice. Nagtagisan ang aming mga tingin. Observing his total behavior today, I freaking learned he knew what occured between me and the other Private officer last midnight.

Namuo ang tensyon sa pagitan naming dalawa. Then he stepped back, raising his voice again for the rest of the group.

“Alright, enough standing around! Let’s see if you can all shoot half as well as Private Marasigan when you’ve got pressure on you!”

The officers groaned and refocused. But as I reload, I can still feel Sergeant Singh’s gaze on me, full of intent. Hindi ko masuri kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. I know he’s up to something, hinihiling ko lang na mali ang hinala ko.

I was at the locker rooms after the training. Most officers have cleared out but I stayed behind, unfastening my vest. The sound of a door closing made me tense. I know who it was before I even turn.

“You got something to say, Sarge, or you just gonna keep running your mouth in front of everyone?” I said without looking.

Sergeant Singh leans against a locker, arms crossed. “Thought you liked the attention. Seemed like you didn’t mind it last night.”

Have I mentioned the Sergeant is part Indian? His skin tone is dark, like sunburnt, he has full beard but he looks clean and neat. He is also more muscular than me, with those bulging biceps and chest, he can surely tackle any officer in this building to the ground without exerting much effort.

I spun around and stepped closer. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang mga pasaring niya kanina. “The hell is your problem? You trying to make a scene out there? You think it’s funny?” nawala ako sa sarili at napangunahan ng iritasyon.

“Oh, I think it’s real funny. Watching you get all worked up, pretending like you didn’t enjoy yourself.”

I clenched my jaw. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

He tilts his head. “Don’t I? Because from where I was standing, it looked like you were having a real good time. You and your secret friend.”

I took another step closer, close enough that our chests almost brush. My breath is sharp and angry. “You think you can push me around, Sarge? Play your little mind games? I don’t scare easy.”

Pinantayan ko ang mapanghamong tingin niya.

I just wanna erase that memory from last night but he kept on reeling me back there. What is his fucking problem?

“Oh, I know. That’s what makes this fun.”

My breathing is heavy, my fists clenched but so is the Sergeant’s gaze, dark and unreadable. Ngunit mas lalo lang siyang lumapit, walang takot at pangamba sa kanyang mga mata.

“See, I don’t give a damn who you’re messing around with, Marasigan. But this is a training ground, this is not a bar where you can pick up girls… or boys. If you want to have fun, get out of here.” makahulugan niyang pagkakasabi, halatang may babala sa kanyang tono.

I swallowed, my pulse spiking not just from anger. Nanatili ang atensyon ko sa kanyang mga salita. I know he was right but I couldn’t accept that it changed his perspective of me. He can no longer see me as one of them, he sees me now as someone who didn’t deserve to be here.

Chapter 5

Next two mornings.

Nagtungo ako sa mess hall para mag-almusal. I can hear the murmur of the officers in their uniform and the clinking of the metal trays. Pumailanlang sa ere ang halimuyak ng nilulutong pagkain, maging ang aroma ng kape ay maaamoy sa hangin.

Nakaupo ako sa isang mahabang table kasama sina Private Davis at Private Moore, eating our breakfast. I was fork tapping against my scrambled eggs I hadn’t taken a bite of, still thinking about the Sergeant’s warning the last time.

Laughter erupted from the small group on the next table, hindi ko kilala ang ilang officers na naroon ngunit ang iba ay familiar dahil nakasabay ko na ang mga ito sa training. My eyes wandered around the four corners of the cafeteria when I saw the Sergeant in my peripheral.

There he was.

Sergeant Singh and his stupid face.

He strode in with his usual pretend display of power, tray in one hand. Ini-scan ng kanyang mga mata ang buong silid, animo’y naghahanap ng bagong aalilain. Hindi nagtagal ay dumapo ang tingin nito sa kinaroroonan ko. Just long enough to make the hairs rise at the back of the my neck.

Hindi siya ngumiti.

Bagkus, hindi ko naintindihan kung may panibagong babala siyang gustong ipahiwatig o kung wala na siyang pakialam sa mga gagawin ko.

I dropped my gaze to my scrambled eggs, pushed them around. Unti-unti akong nawalan ng gana sa pagkain.

“Earth to Marasigan?” puna ni Private Moore, knocking my tray gently. “You look like someone told you you’re getting deployed tomorrow without your kit.”

“No, just didn’t sleep well,” I muttered, stabbing a piece of toast like it had wronged me in a past life.

“You really sure you’re okay?” pangungumpirma nito.

I blinked and forced a chuckle. “Just tired.”

“Bullshit.” Private Davis cut in. “You didn’t even flinch when I said I’d volunteer us for latrine duty. You always flinch.”

Wala akong ideya sa napag-usapan nila kanina dahil okupado ang isip ko sa mga bagay na gusto ko nang kalimutan. I’ve been feeling anxious for some reason. Maybe, I regretted what I did with Private Smithson. It was wrong, a mistake. I should have known better than to give in to temptations.

I tried to smile but my stomach was tied in a restless knot. I glanced over my shoulders. Pumirmi ang tingin ko kay Sergeant Singh na ngayo’y abala sa kanyang pagkain. His eyes sweeped the room like radar but the officers are not minding him.

Two nights ago, I made a mistake. Or something that felt like one. And somewhere lurking in the dark, framed in shadow, was Sergeant Singh, silent and watching.

Nanigas ako sa aking kinauupuan habang iniisip ang gabing ‘yun. I fucking made a mistake. Nagpadala ako sa kahinaan at temptasyon. And now, the Sergeant knows what we did, what I did. Any time now, I’m gonna lose my fucking career.

“You’re zoning hard, my friend.” Private Davis asked, quiet concern in his voice.

Mabilis akong tumango-tango, kinukumbinsi ang sariling magiging okay din ang lahat. “Yeah. Just… thinking about the field exercise.” katwiran ko at saka huminga nang malalim.

“Man’s acting like he’s about to storm Normandy.” Private Moore mocked. “Relax. It’s a simulation. You’ve patched up worse.”

Later in the afternoon, almost dusk, the barracks hallway was dim. Ang mahinang hum ng fluorescent lights sa kisame ay marahang pumailanlang sa tahimik na gabi. Most of the squad had dispersed to gear up for the afternoon drills. I lagged behind, binagalan ang takbo at hinabol ang hininga. I’ve been out of practice, and my mind has been flooded with pictures I kept on burying at the back of my mind.

Until I heard the Sergeant’s voice behind me.

“Private Marasigan.” I froze.

Sergeant Singh stood there with his face unreadable.

“Sarge.”

Muli kong pinantayan ang lalim ng kanyang tingin. Pinagkrus niya ang dalawang braso sa kanyang dibdib at ngumisi na parang oras na ng aking katapusan.

“Follow me.” he ordered and didn’t wait for a reply. Just turned and walked into one of the utility rooms near the back of the barracks.

Napalunok ako sa kaba. “If this is about—”

“It is.” he interrupted with hardened expression. “About what I saw.”

My pulse spiked. “I didn’t mean—”

He held up a hand. “Save it. I don’t care who you’re screwing, Private. That’s your problem. But if certain people found out? Officers fraternizing after hours? Especially a medic barely out of boot? That’d be my problem too. And you wouldn’t like how fast command could bury you under disciplinary crap.” he said it in a serious tone, his Indian accent barely slipping.

Doon ko nakumpirma ang aking hinala. He did see us that night. He knows what I did. Nanlabo ang paningin ko at parang nanghina ang aking mga tuhod.

“You gonna report me?” I asked, trying to act brave and unaffected.

Sergeant stared at me for a beat too long. “No.”

I felt a momentary relief. He didn’t say no because he doesn’t care about what I did, he said no because I need to do something in return, an exchange for his silence. I waited for him to reveal whatever he wanted with me.

“Not if…” he murmured slowly, stepping forward, “you do something for me.”

Hindi ako nakasagot. I just watched him close the distance. Nagsimulang maglatag ng mga posibleng scenario ang aking utak kung ano maaari ang hinihiling nitong gawin ko.

“I need a favor.” he continued. “Something simple. But not… pleasant.”

I felt my shoulders lock, breathing harshly now.

“There’s an officer in logistics. Private Connor. He’s been blocking access to certain medical gear. Hoarding it. I want you to get into the supply database. Change a few entries. Make it look like a simple inventory error.”

“Logistics?”

“Yeah, he’s from Alpha company.”

Napatigil ako nang marinig kong banggitin niya ‘yun. I thought he was pertaining to the logistics division at this camp.

“That’s illegal.”

“So was your little midnight rendezvous.” aniya kaya hindi ako agad nakaimik. “But I’m not the one judging.”

The silence stretched tight. Napatingin ako sa pintuan. No one would hear us here.

“And if I say no?”

His eyes narrowed, but not with anger. “Then I let the CO know what I saw. What you did. You can explain it while getting reassigned to the ass-end of logistics duty with no deployment and no future.”

Halos manlumo ako sa aking narinig. No deployment. No future. It wasn’t just blackmail. It wasn’t even anger.

There was something else in the Sergeant’s stare, it was darker, like he was testing me, waiting to see what kind of man I really was.

I licked my lips, coming to a decision I had no choice but to make. “You want it clean?”

“Clean.” he said, his hands now deep in his pockets. “Untraceable. You’re smart. Figure it out.”

The silence that followed was heavier than before. I gave a single and reluctant nod.

“There’s something else.” dagdag niya. “I need you to look for something in the General’s office.”

“Are you freaking seriou—” hindi niya ako pinatapos.

“It’s a microchip. You’re gonna need it before deployment.”

A microchip? All I know is that it can store data. What is he leading me into? And what does it contain?

“I’ll tell you more details in the next few days. Just… make sure the General won’t catch you sneaking in. This is an important mission.”

And now he calls it a mission. I couldn’t disagree to him because he could ruin my career in a blink of an eye. Whatever this is, I need to do it.

Then he turned and left without another word. Ilang minuto akong nanatili roon, ina-absorb ang lahat nang sinabi niya at kung paano ko i-eexecute ang plano.

The favor wasn’t the worst part. It was how badly part of me didn’t want to say no.

Later that night, I moved like a shadow through the corridor of the admin wing, my heart still hammering as I approached General Johnson’s office. Sergeant Singh’s threat still echoed in my ears like a boomerang. Wala akong choice kundi sumunod sa kanyang command, una ay dahil mas mataas ang posisyon niya sakin, pangalawa ay dahil kayang kaya niyang ibunyag ang nasaksihan niya noong gabing ‘yon. Lastly, he probably hate me so much that whatever happens, he’s gonna ruin my career.

“Get the microchip, or everyone finds out about you and Private Smithson.” that warning he gave me is still burned into my mind.

I hadn’t meant for it to happen with Private Smithson. War made people reckless. Needy and unfortunately horny. Good thing, isang beses lamang itong nangyari. Just a quick moment of release. But the Sergeant had seen. And now I’m here, breaking into the office of the highest-ranking officer on base, looking for something I didn’t even understand.

Inside, the office was dark. I made sure no one was inside. Nagtungo ako sa desk, checking the drawers quickly. The chip was where Sergeant Singh said it would be, tucked inside a manila envelope stamped with the word ‘Confidential’.

As I reached for it, something on the desk caught my eye, it was a photo. General Johnson, standing in his dress uniform, his arm around a smiling young man in combat uniform, his son Captain Johnson of the Alpha company. Something about the Captain’s eyes made my chest tighten. Well, he looked… kind, someone you could trust. And did I say extremely attractive? He could be an underwear model for god’s sake!

I heard footsteps outside the door. Panic surged. Without thinking, I dropped to the floor and rolled under the wide oak desk, pinilit kong pagkasyahin ang sarili sa masikip na espasyo sa ilalim upang hindi mahuli.

The office door opened.

Footsteps. Two pairs.

I heard the General’s voice first. It was calm and commanding.

“You shouldn’t be here, Private.”

I froze. Fuck! He saw me?

“I had to see you.” came someone’s voice. “You’ve been avoiding me.” that’s when I realized he wasn’t talking to me.

I had to peak on a little hole just to confirm my suspicions. The second voice was familiar. It was Private Smithson standing in front of the General. Why is he here and what are they talking about?

There was a long and awkward silence. Ang puso ko’y gusto nang kumawala sa aking dibdib dahil sa kaba. I tried my best to keep still and quiet under the desk.

Then I heard General Johnson spoke, quieter this time like he shouldn’t be seen talking to the other person. “It’s too risky. You know that.”

“I don’t care.” Smithson replied. “Not anymore.”

I shut my eyes. I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t want to know. Pero hindi ako makagalaw at makahinga nang maayos. Footsteps circled the desk, a rustle of clothing then a sharp breath.

“I missed you…” Smithson whispered in an almost intimate tone.

A pause. Then a soft sound, lips meeting. A kiss.

Shit!

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga narinig. I was so pissed and disgusted at the same time. I pressed a hand to my mouth, staying utterly still as the space above me filled with the sounds of something deeply intimate. Something I thought was just between me and Smithson. But Private Smithson had been giving it to someone else. To the General. My commanding officer.

The kissing sound turned into something else, I could hear moaning and panting, just like the sound I made when I let the Private kneeled in front of me.

Guilt twisted with betrayal inside me like wire pulled tight. I kep a hand on the microchip I hid in my pocket. Hindi ko alam ang nilalaman nito at kung ano ang posibleng pakay dito ng Sergeant. I also didn’t know what game Smithson was playing.

But I knew one thing now. No one on this base was clean and I’m already in way too deep.

Chapter 6

The next morning, I stood in the supply tent pretending to inventory bandages while my thoughts ran in circles like dogs chasing ghosts. The microchip was tucked inside a sealed pouch beneath the lining of my boot, far from Sergeant Singh’s reach. Whatever was on it, it didn’t feel like something the Sergeant deserved to have. Not anymore.

At pagkatapos ng aking nasaksihan kagabi sa opisina ng General, sa aking mga narinig, nakasisiguro ako sa isang bagay, there was more going on at this base than Sergeant Singh was letting on.

The door to our room opened, revealing the Sergeant. Matalim ang kanyang tingin, ang mga mata’y nabalot ng kasabikan at suspisyon.

“Well? You have it?”

Hindi ko hinayaang mabasa niya ang kasagutan sa mga mata ko. I might hate lying but I’m pretty good at it. “I searched the office. It wasn’t there.”

I lied for the sake of whatever’s or whoever’s dark secret was inside that chip. Hindi ko hahayaang mapunta ito sa mga kamay niya. And why would he even ask me if he could do it by himself? What was he hiding?

The Sergeant chuckled and moved closer to me. Mabibigat ang mga yapak niya na parang bawat yapak ay may pagbabanta. “Don’t play games with me, Private. You think I don’t know how to read you?”

I faced him without flinching. “I’m telling you the truth.”

Napuno ng tensyon ang buong kwarto. Kung nakamamatay lamang ang tingin, baka kanina pa ako rito bumulagta. “You think I can’t make your life hell? You want everyone to know about you and Smithson? I’ll get that chip myself and bury you with it.”

“You do what you have to do, Sergeant.” bigkas ko nang hindi pinuputol ang eye contact namin para maramdaman niyang seryoso ako at hindi nagpapatalo sa pananakot niya.

At this point, I don’t even care anymore. I have a secret. Even the General himself has a secret. Alam kong hindi ako ilalaglag ng Sergeant dahil may kailangan siya sakin.

He studied me for a moment, as if trying to decide whether I was bluffing. Then he sneered and stormed out, muttering curses under his breath. He couldn’t lay a hand on me because it would also be the end of him.

Kinahapunan, natagpuan ko si Private Smithson malapit sa motor pool. He was leaning against an old tank with a wrench in one hand and grease on his fatigues. Lumiwanag ang mukha niya nang matanaw akong papalapit.

“Hey.” bati niya nang matanaw ako habang pinupunasan ang dumi sa kanyang palad. “You okay? You look like you haven’t slept.”

“I didn’t.” I replied, grabbing a rag and pretending to help tighten a bolt. “Rough night.”

What he did with the General might not be my business. But it left a bitter taste in my stomach.

He gave me a look, a suspecting look. “Yeah. I heard there was movement near command. Must’ve been tense.”

Nagkibit balikat lamang ako, walang ganang makipag-usap sa kanya. “Didn’t notice. I was just checking supplies.” I tried to be as cold as possible. I don’t even know why I’m here. Maybe I wanted to show how disappointed I was at him. But how could I do that without telling him I was at the General’s office hiding under a desk with my own agenda?

“Right. Supplies.” he repeated.

There was a pause.

“You ever notice how people say one thing and mean another?” I told him, eyes still on the bolt. Napansin ko ang pagkatigil niya. “Like when someone says they were just doing their job.” dugtong ko, “but they’re really trying to cover up something they don’t want the world to see.”

Smithson didn’t respond right away. His throat moved as he swallowed.

“Are we still talking about supplies?”

I finally looked at him and saw that there was a flicker of something hard in his eyes. Not anger, just confusion. I decided not to tell him after all.

“I guess we’re all hiding something.” maikling sagot ko, halata sa aking tono ang hinanakit. “Some of us more than others.”

Private Smithson opened his mouth, but nothing came out. I handed him the rag and walked away.

I have a chip in my boot, a target on my back, and a decision to make. But one thing was becoming clearer with every passing hour, I’m tired of being used. And someone is going to regret thinking I was weak.

That night, I waited until the barracks went still. Sa labas ay maririnig ang marahas na simoy ng hangin at ang tunog ng mga yapak. I sat on the floor of the supply shed, flashlight wedged between two crates, the microchip balanced on my knee and a borrowed computer open in front of me.

Nag-dalawang isip ako. Once I opened it, there was no going back. But after last night, after Smithson, after the General, I had to know what was worth blackmailing me into betrayal.

I slotted the chip into the rig and held my breath. Dumadagundong ang kaba sa aking dibdib, natatakot sa kung ano ang makikitang nilalaman nito.

My fingers were unconsciously tapping the side of the monitor. Until the screen flickered.

Lines of classified files appeared. Video logs, scans, and communications transcripts.

I clicked on one marked, ALPHA COMPANY: OPERATION PHANTOM STORM – Suppressed Footage.

It doesn’t sound good. I was still holding my breath when I hit the play button until the video began.

It was a helmet-cam footage. A squad from Alpha Company moving through a dusty, abandoned village. Then not for long, everything went into chaos.

Gunfire. Screams. But not from enemy combatants. Civilians, women, and children.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko habang pinapanood ang mga sumunod na nangyari. The soldiers, American soldiers, were clearing rooms like enemies were inside. No resistance. No weapons. Just bodies falling.

It went on for minutes, raw and bloody. Impossible to justify.

And then…

A line of text appeared.

“Incident sealed by order of General R. Johnson.”

I sat back, cold and shaking, realizing that this was a war crime. And it had been buried by the General. Ngunit hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit interesado ang Sergeant sa impormasyong ito. What’s his connection to this? He was not even in the video.

I closed the laptop slowly, nag-iisip ng susunod na gagawin. Should I give the chip to Sergeant Singh? Blow the whole thing open? Or go directly to the General, force him to explain how he could keep something like this? Sunud-sunod ang ragasa ng mga katanungan sa aking utak.

I didn’t know what was worse, the truth itself or the fact that it was hidden.

Bago pa man ako makapag-desisyon, natagpuan ako ng isang Officer na mukhang kagagaling sa pagtakbo dahil naghahabol pa ito ng kanyang hininga. He looked at me like he’s been looking for me for months.

“Private Marasigan, the General wants to see you now.”

Shit.

Dalawampung minuto ang nakalipas, I stepped into the General’s office again. The memory of hiding under the desk was still fresh, Smithson’s breathless whispers and the General’s voice pressed against him. Nakalista na sa aking utak ang mga posibleng rason kung bakit niya ako pinatawag dito, at lahat ng ‘yon ay hindi maganda. I feel like I’m about to throw up.

I expected a gun, a court-martial, or a boot in the face.

Instead, he stood at the desk with his calm and commanding aura, with his hands clasped behind his back.

“At ease, Private. You’re not in trouble.” aniya at itinuro ang upuan sa tapat ng kanyang desk.

I didn’t relax, nothing about this was relaxing. Hangga’t hindi ko nalalaman ang kanyang pakay ay hindi ako makakahinga nang maluwag.

He wore his eyeglasses as he held papers in his hand. “I’ve been reviewing your file. You’re smart. Careful. You don’t crack under pressure. That’s rare these days.”

He walked around the desk, standing directly in front of me. Hindi ko na ma-predict kung saan patungo ang meeting na ito. I feel like I was held hostage and he’s the abductor interrogating me with questions I don’t have the answer to.

“You might be wondering why I ask you to come. I’m sorry to break it to you sooner than expected, but you will be deployed to Alpha Company tomorrow morning.”

My stomach dropped. I’ve been told I will join the Alpha team, but not sooner than what I expected. Hindi pa man din tapos ang aking training. Why the sudden decision?

“Sir?”

“We’re moving you there under the radar. Your official file won’t reflect the transfer. You’ll be embedded for 90 days.” dagdag niya.

Ninety days? Sa pagkakaalam ko ay isang buwan lang dapat ang itatatagal ko roon. Not fucking three months. What’s with all the changes?

“May I ask why, Sir?”

“I want you to watch them.” simpleng sagot niya. “They’ve gone rogue before. I can’t afford another Phantom Storm. But I can’t send an officer, too obvious. I need someone with eyes, quiet eyes. And it has to happen now.”

Phantom Storm? That was in the microchip!

Natahimik ako, sa tono ng Heneral ay nakumbinsi akong importante itong misyon para sa kanya. His son was there in the Alpha team, why would he want me to watch them?

The weight of the chip burned inside my boot, remembering what I saw, and the video clip, horrible.

“One more thing. You’ll be assigned to work directly with a member of the squad. My son, Captain Joaquin Johnson, I think you already know that. Any questions, Private?”

Marami akong katanungan pero hindi ko magawang itanong, at least not yet. I feel like I’m about to risk my life for some unknown mission.

“No, sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

I left the office numb and my thoughts floating like dead butterflies. I’m being dropped into the center of the fire, with a war crime in my boot, a blackmailing Sergeant on my back and the General’s son, the man from the photo, as my shadow.

Whatever was coming, it had already begun.

I walked into the barracks just after sunset, the warm buzz of idle chatter and boots filling the air. The overhead lights flickered like always, casting a yellow glow all over the place. Nakabalik ako sa living quarters bago mag-alas nwebe ng gabi. When I opened the door, the two were already there in their bunk beds.

“Look what the elite dragged in.” it was Private Davis, perched cross-legged on his bunk, balancing a toothbrush on his upper lip like a mustache. Umangat ang tingin niya mula sa lumang magazine na kanyang binabasa patungo sa akin.

“Private Javier Marasigan. The soon-to-be chosen one. Alpha Company’s future golden child.” pahayag naman ni Private Moore sa kabilang bunk bed kung saan siya nakahiga at nagsi-sit ups.

I gave them a tired smile. “You two need better hobbies.”

“Oh, we do.” Private Davis grinned. “It’s guessing how long until you get deployed to go rub elbows with the command squad.”

Private Moore tossed a used sock at him as a joke. “Everyone knows you’re getting shipped out eventually. Only question was when.”

I dropped the duffel bag on top of my bed. “Tomorrow morning.” walang pakundangan kong sagot.

Both of them blinked consecutively.

“Wait, what?” Private Davis sat up.

“Tomorrow?” Private Moore echoed. “I thought you’d at least have time for one dramatic goodbye, or like… a base-wide karaoke send-off.”

Na-appreciate ko ang pagturing sakin ng dalawang ito na akala mo’y sampung taon na kaming magkakakilala.

“Orders came fast. General Johnson himself delivered them.” paliwanag ko at nagsimulang mag-impake ng aking mga gamit.

Davis leaned back dramatically, hand over his heart. “Ripped from our arms in the prime of your sarcasm. Tragic!”

“Alpha Company…” bulong ni Moore na parang may dumaang takot sa kanyang mga mata. “They don’t even breathe the same air as us. Heard one of them once choked out a wolf using only his forearm and willpower.”

Davis nodded. “And the General’s son? That man’s jawline has rank.”

These guys are overly dramatic but I couldn’t contain my laughter. “I’ll pass along your compliments.”

Just then, the door opened again and Private Smithson stepped in. Nagpakawala ako ng buntong-hininga. What does he want now?

Natahimik ang dalawa dahil sa pagdating ng hindi inaasahang panauhin. Smithson scanned the room and his eyes immediately landed on me.

Hindi ako umimik at nagpatuloy sa pagtiklop ng aking mga damit. I didn’t have to say anything. The stillness in my posture said enough.

The two continued their banters until another shadow blocked the door. It was the Sergeant. He strolled in slowly, arms folded like a man about to issue either an order or a threat.

“Private Marasigan. Heard you’re deploying sooner than expected.” wika ni Sergeant na pinapanood ang pag-iimpake ko. Private Smithson stood beside him, clueless.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan nila nakalap ang balitang iyon pero naniniwala ako sa kasabihang may pakpak ang balita.

“Alpha Company requested me. General’s orders.”

Nang makaramdam ng kakaibang tensyon ang dalawang bunkmates ko ay nagpasya silang lumabas upang bigyan kami ng privacy. I wanted them to stay but Private Moore and Private Davis were already out of sight. Maging si Private Smithson ay naglaho na parang bula.

The Sergeant’s eyes narrowed at me when we were finally alone. “Interesting how you always seem to be in the right place, with the wrong secrets.” pasaring niya.

“You looking for something, Sergeant?”

Ngumiti ito nang makahulugan, hindi nawawala ang pagbabanta. “Just making sure you don’t forget who’s really watching you.” he stared a second longer before turning and leaving.

The barracks returned to its usual noise and rhythm, but the stillness inside me remained. I feel bad for leaving Private Moore and Private Davis sooner but also I feel glad I’m about to leave this place after everything that happened and what I learned.

The following morning.

The helicopter’s blades thundered overhead, kicking up dust and loose gravel across the landing zone. I stood just outside the ramp with the helmet in my hand.

Hindi pa man nakakapag-landing ang helicopter ay naagaw ang atensyon ko nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses sa kabila ng ugong ng makina ng helicopter.

“Javi!”

Paglingon ko ay natanaw ko si Private Smithson. He was half-running towards me, his face shows both concern and guilt. Hinabol niya ang kanyang hininga nang tuluyang makalapit sa akin.

“Didn’t think you were leaving so soon. Heard the reassignment was happening, but not today.” aniya, hindi maipagkakaila ang panandaliang kalungkutang dumaan sa mga mata niya.

I gave him a lazy nod. “Got moved up.”

“You okay?” may hesitasyon sa kanyang mukha, binabasa ang ekspresyon ko.

“I will be.” tugon ko, mas kinukumbinsi ang sarili kaysa sa pagkumbinsi sa kanya.

There was a pause that felt like a whole minute. “Just… Alpha Company’s a whole different animal. I’ve heard things. Some of them… off.” payo niya habang pinanonood namin ang pag-land ng helicopter.

“Then maybe we’ve both seen things we’re not supposed to.” pahayag ko. I chewed on my tongue to stop myself from talking too much. Looking at him now, pinapaalala lang nito ang nasaksihan ko sa opisina ng General.

On some point, I felt betrayed.

“What do you mean?”

I shook my shoulders, searching for answers and not really knowing how to tell him exactly what I want to. My gaze drifted toward the helicopter, impatience is now holding me on the neck. “Just be careful who you trust, Smithson.” I told him that genuinely.

He looked at me puzzled, as if trying to read between the lines he didn’t know existed.

“Are you saying—”

The crew chief waved from the ramp, I took that as a signal to end the conversation with him.

“Let’s go, Private!” the chief yelled inside the helicopter.

“Good luck with your mission.”

I gave Smithson one final nod of understanding and farewell, then turned and climbed aboard. Sinuot ko ang aviation headset at sumandal sa aking upuan. I saw Smithson’s figure getting smaller as the helicopter increased its altitude, while my thoughts spun like the blades of the helicopter.

Chapter 7

Al-Tanf, Syria
9:36 AM, AST

The plane touched down on the rough patch of dirt that served as Alpha Company’s base. After a helicopter ride from Alaska, I switched to a plane ride going to Syria. Malakas at marahas ang hampas ng hangin. Sa hindi kalayuan ay natanaw ko ang mala-disyertong kalawakan at hilera ng mga borders na pinalibutan ang buong kampo. Everything was plain sand and dust, slow realization hits me that this place could be a haven or a resting place.

Al-Tanf is a part of the Rif Dimashq Governorate, Syria, which is controlled by the Syrian Free Army. The base holds significant geopolitical importance, frequently cited as a security point for Israeli operations in Syria and a key site in the US strategy to counter IS and other regional threats.

My boots hit the ground with a thud. I stretched my back muscles and quickly felt the weight of the gear I was carrying. Halos hindi pa ako nakakailang hakbang nang matanaw ang paglapit ng isang matangkad at matipunong lalaki na nakasuot ng combat uniform. He’s big and muscled, and stood there like a mountain.

“You must be the new guy.” malalim at kalmado ang boses nito. He didn’t smile, his arms were crossed in front of him like he was sizing me up.

“Private Marasigan.” pakilala ko.

“I’m Corporal Hogan.”

We didn’t shake hands and we just stood there facing each other, him sizing me up, and me wondering where the rest room is because my bladder is about to burst.

“You’ll do fine here.” he gestured toward the barracks. “Let’s get you settled in. I’ll introduce you to the team.”

I kept my bladder still and followed his footsteps, my eyes scanning the area. It was basic, just what was needed to survive. Nakalinya ang mga tents sa isang hilera na nagsilbing living quarters. Ang training area ay napalibutan ng mga crates na ginawang tambakan ng mga armory. Ang hangar ay matatanaw sa hindi kalayuan, it was massive but looked like it has been abandoned for quite some time.

As we walked, we passed a few team members that Corporal Hogan introduced to me. An officer was squatting by a crate of ammo, adjusting his rifle. Kalkulado ang tinging ipinukol nito sa akin. He looks intense, something that I couldn’t place.

“That’s First Lieutenant Alvarez. He has a reputation as the best marksman in the company…” Hogan told me as I look at the officer who looks so guarded in his demeanor.

“New guy?” tanong nito, hawak pa rin ang kanyang rifle.

“Yeah, I’m Private Marasigan, I’m a combat medic. It’s nice to meet you.”

He returned to his rifle after giving a single nod of acknowledgment. No small talk, no wasted words. Okay, not so friendly.

Further down, nakilala ko si Officer Portman, they also call him P-man for some reason. He’s smaller than Corporal Hogan but also muscular. He leaned against a jeep, flipping a coin with an easy grin plastered across his face. He had the air of someone who had been around the block and still liked to have a little fun.

“Hey, new blood. Welcome to the wild side. I’m Specialist Portman, but you can call me P-man.” masayang bati nito nang lumapit sa amin. Okay, officer super friendly.

His swagger was obvious, halata sa kanyang personality ang pagiging maangas at palabiro. But he’s the type who could always bring trouble, I just know it.

“Thanks, I think.”

P-man chuckled at me, clearly trying to hide the nervousness behind his cocky exterior.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just here to make life interesting. Just, uh, keep it down around the Cap. He’s got eyes like a hawk.” sabay turo niya sa isa pang matipunong lalaki na kanina pang naka-krus ang mga braso sa kanyang dibdib habang nagmamasid sa paligid.

The Captain.

When I saw his face, I already knew who he was. Just that… he looks far from the young guy on the photo in the General’s office. Here, he didn’t look friendly. He looks the complete opposite.

Before I could ask, nag-materialize na agad siya sa aking harapan. He stood tall like a tower, many inches higher than me. Matikas at perpekto ang hubog ng kanyang katawan sa suot na combat shirt at cargo pants. And his penetrating eyes could literally pierce my soul.

“Private Marasigan.” came the voice of Captain Joaquin Johnson, son of the General. He addressed my name like I was supposed to kneel in front of him.

He’s like a calm in the storm, who commanded respect without needing to raise his voice. His features were sharp, with jawline so perfect it looked sculpted. His presence could turn the air heavy, almost suffocating.

The three other officers all straightened but none of them dared move closer.

“Sir, uh, I mean Captain.” I snapped my attention to him. Earlier, my bladder felt like bursting, but right now my whole body feels imploding.

The captain eyed me for a moment, tahimik na nakatitig sa akin na para bang nababasa niya ang lahat ng sikreto ko mula sa pinakamaliit na detalye. So this is the Alpha Company they were talking about, ngayon ay naintindihan ko na kung bakit ganoon ang impresyon ng lahat sa grupong ito. They absolutely look dangerous.

“I’ve heard good things about you. Welcome to the team.” hindi umangat ang sulok ng labi niya bilang ngiti. There was something about the way he said it that made my skin burn like fever. Hindi pa man ako nakakapagpasalamat ay umalis na ito sa aking harapan.

This man, the Captain, he is a weapon in human form.

The rest of the team now looked relaxed, well slightly. The others look as dangerous as the man leading them, but the Captain is on a different atmosphere.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay na marahang dumapo sa aking likuran. “You’ll get used to him.” bulong ni Hogan, who pretended like everything is going to be okay. “We all have.” dugtong niya.

Specialist Portman leaned in toward me, closer to my ears. “Don’t let the pretty face fool you. He’s a stone-cold killer. Like a lion in a silk suit. Looks dangerous, because he is.”

Well, that didn’t help. All I want to do now is to keep myself away from that man as much as possible, not step on his toes or interrupt him while he’s talking or steal his shaving cream. Kailangan kong mag-ingat sa lalaking ‘yun, paalala ko sa sarili.

But the General ordered me to keep watch. How am I supposed to watch him?

Alvarez, who was still cleaning his rifle, threw in his own piece of advice. “You’ll learn quick. Just keep your head down and do your job. Cap doesn’t tolerate distractions.”

I forced myself to take it all in. These are the people I would be working with now, Alpha Company, a team made up of dangerous individuals who had all learned how to survive in their own way. Hindi ko na alam kung isa ba itong pribilehiyo o isang sumpa. I had a feeling my life here wouldn’t be easy.

But then again, nothing ever was.

The next few days were anything but easy. The team was good at what they did. Efficient, lethal, and disciplined. Pero may distansya sa bawat isa sa kanila na hindi ko matanto. It was as if they had all been to places, seen things, and done things that left marks that wouldn’t fade. And nobody talked about it.

Ang mga naunang mission namin ay magagaan lamang at madalas ay nagchi-check lamang ako ng inventory ng mga med kits at supplies sa makeshift tent na inilaan para sa akin. Sa bawat araw na nagdaan ay mas nakikilala ko sila.

Corporal Hogan is steady and never flinches, he’s like an anchor that holds the team together. He is black, if anyone’s wondering. First Lieutenant Alvarez didn’t speak much, his focus is always on his rifle and he was so good at firing. Siya ang second-in-command ng Captain. He’s white in ethnicity, just like Captain Johnson. Specialist Portman tried to lighten the mood with jokes that no one seemed to appreciate, but he kept pushing, desperate for some reaction, some acknowledgment. And he’s the only Latino officer in this camp.

Medyo nahirapan akong makipaghalubilo sa kanila noong una. Because the more I tried to connect, the more I felt like an outsider. It was like they were all carrying ghosts around, animo’y may kanya kanyang bagahe na pasan sa kanilang mga balikat.

Everyone was in their own head and keeping their distance. I guess they fought many wars that made them like this and hindi na rin bago sa akin ‘yun, I’ve met so many people like them who turned out this way, whether they like it or not. We are all damaged in our own little way, some others are just more damaged.

And then there was Captain Joaquin Johnson. The Cap. I had tried a couple of times to make small talk with him, but his responses were clipped and his focus always elsewhere. There was something unapproachable about him. Sa tingin ko’y siya ‘yung tipo na hindi basta-basta nakikilala nang lubusan sa isang pagkikita. Maaaring abutin ng ilang buwan o taon bago mo siya lubos na makilala. Not because he was too high up, but because the things he had done in his past made it impossible to let anyone in. I wasn’t exaggerating but it feels like the truth.

Kinahapunan na nang matagpuan ko ang sariling nakaupo sa isang bakanteng crate, malapit sa dulo ng kampo kung saan matatanaw ang payapang paglisan ng araw. I was lost in my thoughts, feeling the weight of everything that had happened so far. Nakabalik lamang sa reyalidad nang makarinig ng boses.

“You good, Marasigan?”

Pag-angat ko ng tingin ay natanaw ko ang papalapit na si Officer Clemmons, isa siyang second Lieutenant, next in line after Alvarez. Wala siya noong unang dating ko sa kampo dahil nasa kabilang base siya kung saan pinatawag siya ng Colonel.

“I’m good. Just… adjusting.” mahina kong tugon. Umupo siya sa katabing crate habang pinaglalaruan ang isang tabako sa kanyang kamay.

He’s different from the others. Mas easygoing siya kumpara sa iba, he’s the kind of person who always seemed to know how to make people feel at ease. His uniform was a little more worn than the others, his sleeves slightly rolled up to reveal forearms covered in tattoos, most of them faded.

“Yeah, I get it. It’s a lot to take in. Alpha’s not exactly the easiest crowd to warm up to. But give it time. You’ll fit right in.” ginulo niya ang buhok ko na akala mo’y nakababata niya akong kapatid.

Hindi ako agad nakaimik, nangangapa ng sasabihin. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to fit in, it was that every time I tried, the others just stayed distant.

Mukhang naaninag niya ang alinlangang bumalot sa aking mukha. “Look, I get that it’s tough. The guys, they don’t talk much about their pasts. But they’re good people. They just deal with things their own way. You’ll see it once you’re around long enough.”

“Past?” Of course, lahat naman siguro’y mayroong masaklap na nakaraan. With us in the military, it might just be a little more extreme than normal people. “What happened?”

Nagkibit-balikat siya at ngumiti upang takpan ang anumang masakit na emosyon. “We’ve all been through stuff. Some of it… well, some of it’s better left unsaid. But if you stick around long enough, you’ll hear bits and pieces. Hogan’s like an older brother to the team, keeps everyone grounded. Alvarez? Quiet, but he’s seen the worst of the worst. P-man’s our comic relief, but he’s running from something. You’ll figure it out. And the Captain… well he’s the Captain of secrets.”

Unti-unti ay prinoseso ko ang mga salitang namutawi sa bibig niya. Nakapagtataka lang na hindi niya nabanggit ang sarili niya.

“And you?” I asked him as he tried to evade my eyes.

I heard his soft chuckle, but the sadness in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed. “Me? I’ve had my share of demons. I’m just trying to keep everyone from falling apart. If that means being the guy who listens or cracks a joke, I’ll do it. Everyone needs someone who remembers there’s more to life than this place.” he explained just like an old big uncle.

A small weight seemed to be lifted off my chest. It was a good talk.

“Thank you.” ang ngiti’y umangat sa sulok ng aking labi.

He returned my smile. “No problem. Just remember, this team’s been through hell. We don’t forget that. But we keep moving forward anyway. And you will, too. Just don’t let the silence get to you. It’s all part of the game.”

Saglit ko siyang pinag-aralan. It’s good to know there’s someone like him in the team. He seemed like the kind of man who carried his own pain without letting it show, but it didn’t stop him from reaching out when someone needed help. Mukhang mag-stick muna ako sa kanya for a while, dahil mas madali siyang kausap at kasama.

I’m not sure if the rest of the team would ever be easy to crack but Clemmons is a start. At least he was someone who seemed willing to talk.

“Come on. Time to hit the barracks. We’ve got a mission coming up soon, and you don’t want to be the guy who didn’t get the memo.”

“Right.”

“Just remember, it’s not all bad, but it’s never all good either.”

Sabay kaming naglakad pabalik sa kampo. I felt a small sense of calm that I hadn’t felt since stepping foot here. Maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t as alone as I’d thought.

Chapter 8

The small makeshift tent that served as my office smelled faintly of antiseptic and dust. The tent was filled with crates of medical supplies stacked neatly against the walls, rows of syringes, bandages, and painkillers lined up like soldiers on duty. Mabilis kong natutunan na kailangan organized ang lahat dahil susi ito upang mapanatili ko ang kontrol sa lugar. A single mistake could cost someone’s life.

My fingers moved over the supplies, checking each item against the list in my notebook. So far, base sa aking bilang ay mukhang kompleto at sapat naman ang mga med supplies. Tanging ang tunog ng panulat sa aking notebook ang nagmistulang ingay sa paligid. I was about to double-check the bandages when the flap of the tent pulled back and saw Portman stepped in.

“Hey, doc.” bati nito, as usual ay may mapaglarong ngiti sa mga labi nito. He could always find an excuse to pop in and make himself the center of attention.

“What’s up, P-man?” my voice was neutral and passive.

Portman gave a dramatic wince and walked toward the small cot where I kept the medical supplies. Itinaas niya ang suot niyang t-shirt at natanaw ko ang bandage sa bandang tiyan hanggang sa kanyang likuran.

“Yeah, so I kind of took a tumble yesterday.” mas lalong naging dramatic ang mukha niya habang nagpapaliwanag. “I need you to check on this gash, doc. It’s starting to feel like it might be infected. I wouldn’t want to go into battle looking like a zombie, would I?”

I rolled my eyes, not really in the mood for his antics. His wounds seemed to be healing. “You’ll be fine. It’s just a scratch. Sit down.”

As I carefully unwrapped the bandage, I couldn’t help but notice how strong his back looked, muscular and defined. Sinubukan kong magfocus at inignora ang anumang temptasyon na umiikot sa aking isipan.

Hindi iyon naging madali, especially while he’s leaning forward and casually chatting about the latest prank he’d pulled on Officer Alvarez.

“You know, I could’ve sworn Alvarez had no sense of humor, but I managed to convince him to wear that ridiculous wig yesterday.” kwento niya habang natatawa nang mag-isa. “You should’ve seen his face. Pure gold.”

I forced a smile, trying not to let my eyes linger on his exposed skin. Nilinisan ko ang sugat niya at pinalitan ang dressing ng panibago. His abdominal muscles were a sight to behold.

“I’ll just get this wrapped up, and you’ll be good to go.” payo ko sa kanya. “Next time, try not to get yourself injured on purpose.”

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngisi sa kanyang mukha nang marinig ang advice ko. “Oh, come on! A little injury here and there makes the missions more exciting. You need a little fun in this life, doc. Otherwise, you’ll end up like the rest of these guys, serious and brooding all the time.”

I shot him a look, a questioning one. Ngunit hindi na ako nakasagot nang matanaw ang pagpasok ni Captain Johnson sa aking tent. He stood there like a mighty warrior. Ang magaang ambience sa loob ng tent ay naging mabigat at madilim.

Stupid and angry butterflies flew around my stomach, I must be getting hungry. The captain’s presence is commanding and his eyes were sharp as he scanned the interior of the tent.

“How’s everything looking, Private?” his voice was calm but there was no softness in it. Ang mga mata niya’y akala mo’y may nakatagong laser at nakikita niya ang lahat ng detalye ng aking katawan at kasuotan.

Tumayo ako nang tuwid nang harapin siya. “Everything’s in order, sir. The supplies are stocked, and I’ve done a full inventory check.”

Tumango lang siya, hindi nagbibigay ng masyadong emosyon. Ang mga titig niya ay nanatili nang mas matagal at mas madiin.

“Good. Keep it that way. This is crucial work, we don’t have time for mistakes.” he said it like I don’t already know that. Why is he here anyway? Is he here to check on something else?

“Understood, sir.”

Halos hindi ko na napansin na naroon pa si Portman kaya mabilis din itong nagpaalam nang makaramdam na humihinga pa siya. “Alright, doc, I’ll let you get back to your magic. And, uh, thanks for not letting me turn into a walking infection.”

He clapped me on my shoulder and gave a mock salute to the Captain before walking out of the tent, leaving me alone with the scary man.

I felt the tension rise. The air is getting thick, nanatili ako sa aking kinatatayuan habang si Captain Johnson ay matikas pa rin ang tindig at hindi gumagalaw sa kanyang posisyon. His boots looked firm on the ground. And he’s just staring at me like waiting for stars to come out of my eyes.

“Is there anything else I need to know about your work here, Private?” naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng aking pulso. What does he mean by that?

The Captain’s body seemed to fill the whole space of my makeshift office. He’s tall, broad-shouldered, and his uniform fits him perfectly, hugging the muscles of his chest and arms in a way that was almost distracting.

“No, sir. Everything is in order. I’ll continue with the checks and make sure nothing’s out of place.” pinilit kong hindi gumala ang paningin ko sa ibang parte ng katawan niya. This is just too much, I feel like suffocating.

Pinanliitan niya ako ng mga mata, waring may ibang narinig sa mga salita ko o sa tono ng aking boses. Humakbang siya palapit habang tahimik akong nagdadasal. I have the right muscles but compared to him, I was light-years away from his strength and build.

“You’re doing fine, Private. But don’t let your focus slip. Stay on top of things. I need you to be reliable, especially when we’re out in the field. One wrong move could cost someone their life.”

Kahit naninikip ang dibdib ko ay marahan kong in-acknowledge ang sinabi niya. There was something about him, something about the way he spoke, the way he carried himself, that made it hard for me to think straight.

“I understand, sir.”

Sobrang lakas ng kanyang appeal na kailangan ko yatang magsimba ng ilang linggo upang maalis lamang ang mga makasalanang ideya na naglalaro sa aking isipan. I couldn’t let this mess with my head. Not here, not now.

The Captain’s gaze lingered for a moment before he turned and walked toward the entrance of the tent.

“Keep up the good work, Marasigan. I’ll be around if you need anything.”

Nang makaalis ito ay saka lamang ako nakabawi ng hangin. I didn’t realize I was holding all my breath. Pinaalala ko sa aking sarili na narito ako upang gawin ang aking misyon at trabaho. And no matter how much I wanted to let myself be distracted, I couldn’t afford it. There was still work to be done and I couldn’t let anything, especially not my own desires get in the way.

In the next few days, the mighty sun burned everything it touched. The dusts clung to my skin and uniform as we all moved like phantoms through the outskirts of the ruined Al-Kabir market. Ilang street vendors ang nadaanan namin, magkakatabi ang mga kariton at ang iba nama’y naglatag lamang ng sapin sa lupa upang doon ilapag ang kanilang mga paninda.

Kids in their white and cream-colored robes ran the streets. Kabi-kabila ang tindahan ng tela at ng iba’t ibang mga spices. Ilang minuto kaming nanatili sa loob ng armored transport upang talakayin ang mission.

Captain Johnson stood over the map display. “Intel reports five to seven hostiles. They’ve taken civilians, likely for leverage, possibly punishment. Keep it clean and fast. No unnecessary casualties.”

I sat quietly by the rear compartment, going over the surgical kit I triple-checked an hour ago. Every now and then, tahimik kong pinagmamasdan si Captain, trying to read something or anything that might justify the secret orders given by his father, the General.

“Keep an eye on him.” nag-echo ang boses ng General sa aking utak, naalala ang mga huling habilin nito bago ako i-deploy. “You’re my eyes over there. Don’t ask why. Just watch.”

What did he mean exactly? Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong klaseng pagmamatiyag ang gagawin ko. Looking at Captain Joaquin Johnson, he seemed like a reliable leader. So far, wala naman akong napansing kakaiba. He’s a strategic and a natural leader, I don’t see anything wrong with him, at least not yet.

Nagpatuloy ang Captain sa kanyang mga orders. “We’ll split. Hogan and Alvarez on the flank. Portman and I will lead breach. Clemmons stays with the evac point. Marasigan, hang back until it’s safe to extract the injured. You don’t move until I give the signal.” tumango-tango ako na parang naintindihan ang kabuuang layunin ng misyon.

Portman leaned in and whispered to me with a grin. “Translation: stay put, doc. Don’t go Rambo on us.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Noted.” tugon ko at muling chineck ang laman ng aking duffel bag.

I’ve been to several missions myself pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit may kaba sa aking dibdib. Like something’s about to go wrong.

The helicopter dropped us off from the target zone.

We disembarked with their rifles raised. I didn’t bring a rifle, I only brought a small pistol with me for safety and besides I have different role than them.

From behind a low wall, Captain signaled a halt.

“Eyes on three tangos.” bulong niya. I was behind him, sa kabilang pader ay sina Portman at Alvarez. “One sniper. Two on the ground. Hostages inside the main structure.”

Sinundan ko ang line of sight ni Captain. I saw the target, they seemed like locals but the armories they were holding gave it away.

Alvarez took position, it only took less than 5 seconds for him to shoot the rooftop guard.

Then came the chaos.

Gunfires everywhere. I ducked to cover my head while inspecting what was happening. Hindi ko na halos nakita nang malinaw ang mga nangyayari dahil sa usok na pumailanlang sa paligid. Narinig ko ang boses ni Captain na nagbibigay ng orders, sinundan ko ang boses niya hanggang sa matanaw ko sila sa gitna ng mga lumilipad na bala.

They moved like a machine. For a moment, humanga ako sa gilas nila sa pakikipagbakbakan. Within seconds, the ground team subdued the armed men.

“Clear!” Captain’s voice snapped through the comms.

“Marasigan, go!” senyas niya sa akin kaya dali-dali akong sumulong habang iniiwasan ang mga debris na nagkalat sa lupa.

Two women and a boy were quickly pulled from the building, one bleeding heavily from the thigh. Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa dugo nang mapagtanto ko ang aking trabaho. I dropped to my knees, blocking everything else out. Gauze, pressure, and morphine. Mabilis akong kumilos habang isa-isang kinuha ang aking kagamitan.

“Stay with me.” I told the boy who was on the verge of crying, wala na akong pakialam kung hindi siya nakakaintindi ng ingles. “You’re gonna be okay.” I pressed on his wounds and made sure the bleeding will stop.

As much as I hate the sight of blood, there’s no place to get anxious in the middle of a battlefield. I was trained like them so I need to keep my head sane and do my job.

Paglingon ko sa kabilang banda, hindi kalayuan ay nakarinig ako ng marahang impit. It was weak but I could sense it was a cry from a little girl, despite the shouts and gunfire.

I looked over my shoulder and noticed a young girl, maybe ten, barely clinging to consciousness. Halos manlumo ako nang makita ang kondisyon nito. She was half-buried under the collapsed canopy of a nearby stall.

No one had seen her but me.

I looked at the boy in front of me after treating his wound, he looked much better now. Patuloy pa rin ang pagliparan ng mga bala sa ere nang makapagdesisyon ako. There was no time.

“Shit.” I grabbed my kit and quickly ran toward the little girl.

“Marasigan, hold position.” Captain’s voice cracked over the comms. Walang pag-aatubili akong tumakbo, bitbit ang duffel bag na naglalaman ng med kits. I was aware of ignoring the protocol, but the sight of the little girl was more urgent than following any order.

As I reached the girl and dropped to my knees, I wasn’t fast enough to see the figure emerging from behind a stack of crate. His rifle was raised, aimed directly at my head.

Everything was in slow motion. I could almost see the finger on the trigger slower than a millisecond and the devilish grin on the man’s sunburnt face.

Bang!

The slow motion stopped and everything happened so fast.

Sa sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari ay natagpuan ko na lamang ang duguang katawan ng armadong lalaki sa aking harapan. His blood was spattered on the stone behind me. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at naaninag si Captain Johnson na nakatayo sa hindi kalayuan. His rifle still aimed and his eyes blazing like fire, letting me realize he’s the one who shot the armed man.

“What the hell are you doing?!” sigaw nito at nagmartsa patungo sa akin. He removed the comms on his ear to speak directly to me. “You disobeyed a direct order!”

Bumalik ako sa batang babae na hanggang ngayo’y naghihingalo at lumalaban para sa kanyang mumunting buhay. I cradled her in my arms like she was mine.

“She was dying.” pahayag ko, nanginginig ang boses. “No one saw her. I had to—”

“You had one job. Wait for my command. You ever break formation like that again, someone else might not be fast enough to save you.” he growled like a frustrated lion.

The rest of the team hovered at a distance, silent.

“I’m not a soldier. I’m a medic. My job is to save lives, even if it means breaking your rules.” lakas loob kong pahayag. Mas lalong nag-igting ang panga ni Captain Johnson sa galit pero hindi siya umimik pagkatapos.

He fled the scene without saying anything further.

Daan-daang tanong ang gumulo sa isipan ko. I stared down at the little girl in my arms, her blood seeping into my shirt. It was too late, I was too late. I thought I could save her. Maybe the captain was right, I was only risking my own life for… nothing.

Chapter 9

The helicopter ride back to base was deafeningly quiet. No one dared to speak na akala mo’y may bayad ang pagsasalita. Sa likuran ako nakaupo at maliwanag sa aking paningin ang malapad na likuran ni Captain. He was silently watching the view from below, his jaw still tight.

Napabuntong hininga ako at bumaba ang tingin sa aking mga kamay na nabalot ng natuyong dugo. The faint cry of the little girl before I ran to her echoed in my ear until all I could hear were the ringing and humming of a loud noise. I tried to rub my hands to remove the dirt and blood and eventually gave up, too exhausted to try again.

As soon as the chopper touched down, the Captain stood.

“Private Marasigan. My office, now.” madiin niyang utos habang nakababa pa rin ang tingin ko sa aking mga kamay.

Tahimik akong sumunod sa yapak ni Captain hanggang sa marating namin ang tent na naging makeshift office niya. He opened the flap and let me in first, then he followed.

“You disobeyed a direct goddamn order.” panimula niya, hindi man lang ako hinintay na makaupo. “You ran head-first into an active zone. You could’ve been killed, you almost were!”

Pumailanlang ang galit niyang boses sa apat na sulok ng kanyang opisina. He’s fuming mad and his jaw remained sharp, it could almost cut steel.

“I save lives.” I kept my tone even and calm, despite the pulsing adrenaline in my veins. “She was alive, barely. I could have saved he—” he cut me off.

“That wasn’t your call. You’re not in command. You don’t get to choose when the rules bend to your conscience.”

I refuse to back down. I understand his job but why can’t he understand mine? “Then what am I here for? To count casualties from a safe distance? Patch up what’s convenient?” nag-angat ako ng ulo at pinantayan ang matalim niyang tingin.

“You’re here to follow orders—”

“No.” I cut in. “I’m here because your father ordered me to be.” I don’t know why I needed to tell him that, maybe I’d like someone to blame to get even.

It stopped him. The silence between us stretched tight, like a wire pulled to its limit. Napansin ko ang

kanyang dibdib at ang mabilis niyang paghinga.

“He sent me here.” I looked down, not sure if I was trying to make him feel guilty or if I was regretting coming here. “Told me to keep an eye on you. Didn’t tell me why.”

Captain Johnson sat down on his swivel chair behind his desk, slowly processing what I told him. Hindi siya nakapagsalita. Ang magkasalubong niyang kilay ay sapat na indikasyon na wala siyang ideya sa sinabi ko.

“I didn’t come here to be a spy. I came here to save lives. And today, I did.” at least, ‘yon ang tingin ko. I might have failed saving the little girl, but I did save the rest.

Parang lumiit ang espasyo sa pagitan namin nang muli siyang tumayo at humarap sa akin.

“So that’s what this is? You playing both sides?” there was bitterness in his tone now as he crossed his arms. The sleeves slightly rolled up to his forearms and I could see the lines of veins showing.

“I don’t know what I’m playing. But I know I didn’t sign up to get yelled at for doing the right thing.”

The tension in the room was now visible. Hindi man niya matanggap ang paglabag ko sa utos niya, I will still do what I think is right. I will do anything to save lives.

Napansin ko ang mga mata niyang dumapo sa aking mga labi, nakatingin doon na parang nababasa niya ang susunod kong sasabihin. I stepped back when I felt weaker. His stares made my knees weak. I only realized his effect on me now that we’re close.

“Permission to be dismissed, sir.” I told him quickly so I could leave his office and stop the frantic beating of my chest.

He stared at me for a long moment before turning away. “You’re lucky I pulled that trigger when I did.”

“I know.”

I slipped out of the tent before the silence behind could shift into anything else. Nang makalabas ay doon palang ako nakahinga nang malaya. Inside his office felt like a prison. I will never go back in there again.

Ilang minuto pa lamang ako sa aking tent nang matanaw ang pagpasok ni Officer Portman. I was already elbow-deep in gauze rolls and antiseptics, trying to ignore the exhaustion.

“Knock knock, doc. Came to give you a show, shirt’s off, wound’s out.” he said comically, just like the usual.

He strolled in bare chested with a smug grin on his dirty face. “You get that showing off to civilians or crawling under fruit stands?” pahayag ko nang maalala ko siya kaninang nakatago sa ilalim ng isang fruit stand habang nagliliparan ang mga bala sa ere.

He placed a hand on his heart. “That’s slander. It was a tactical dive!”

“Sit down before you get infected from your own stupidity.” I stood up and put my gloves on.

“Easy, doc. I bruise easily.” he said it in the most dramatic way. He could have been an actor, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit military ang pinasukan niya.

I began cleaning the bruises around his body. Habang abala sa ginagawa ay sunod na pumasok si Hogan at Alvarez sa aking tent. I immediately noticed the swelling on Hogan’s shoulder and the faint cut above Alvarez’s brow.

“Looks like I’m hosting a reunion tour.” I mumbled, trying to lighten the air because they all looked so exhausted.

“Guess you’re finally one of us.” Hogan said, settling onto a nearby bench but his face tells me he’s trying to hide some pain.

“I feel so blessed.” sarkastikong sagot ko.

“Don’t let Hogan’s size fool you. He gets bruised by strong breezes and kind words.” Portman sneered.

“I’ll bruise your face if you keep talking.” natawa ako sa tinuran ni Hogan kaya natahimik naman ang isa.

I moved efficiently, cleaning Portman’s wound first. I was aware of the warm skin under my fingers and tried to stay professional. Pero ang ngisi sa mukha ni Portman ay parang nabasa ang laman ng utak ko.

“You checking out my abs again?” he teased. “You can just ask to touch, I don’t mind.”

“I am touching you.” sadyang hinigpitan ko ang bandage sa kanyang braso kaya napa-igtad siya.

“See? That’s the energy I like.”

“I’m going to prescribe you a full week of silence.” tinaboy ko siya nang matapos ako sa mga sugat sa mukha niya.

Alvarez took his place. I did some stitching on the cuts around his face. Tahimik at kampante lamang siya na parang wala lang ang mga natamong sugat.

“You’re too calm for someone who almost got their face rearranged.” puna ko. He’s probably the calmest guy I’ve ever met. Na kahit siguro’y maging critical ang kondisyon niya ay wala lang sa kanya.

He only shrugged. “Terrorists aim like drunk uncles. I’m not impressed.”

“Careful.” Portman cut in. “One day a drunk uncle’s gonna be the one that takes you down.”

“I’d still look better doing it than you.” Alvarez fired back.

I snorted. Even Hogan gave a low chuckle. These two are like the complete opposite of each other. Natahimik si Portman, ngunit nag-iiwan ng masamang tingin sa gawi namin ni Alvarez, akala mo’y batang napikon ng kanyang kaaway.

Nang matapos kay Alvarez ay lumipat ako kay Hogan upang suriin ang kanyang likod at balikat. Both are swelling, like he fell so hard on the ground.

“You’ve all seen worse.” I said softly.

“Yeah.” Hogan agreed.

“And you just keep going?”

“Doesn’t mean we’re fine. Just means we’re still moving.” paliwanag niya. It was vague but I kinda understand the perspective.

I wrapped Hogan’s shoulder but I also caught sight of old scars on his torso, faded but brutal. Well, most of them have the same scars. It just means they’ve been to many wars long before I joined the team. And they are still carrying their past missions on their bodies.

He caught me looking at one of his old scars.

“You’re doing good, doc. Better than most we’ve had.” naantig ako sa sinabi niya. He gives off an older brother vibes who always knows better. He’s cool-headed and could always think of solutions to every problem.

“Thanks.” I finished wrapping him up.

“But also, you’re the most fun to bully. So don’t get soft on us.” inismiran ko si Portman nang sabihin niya ‘yon, hindi papayag na matapos ang araw na wala siyang naiirita.

“You’re all so emotionally healthy.”

Laughter erupted, even Alvarez’s serious face lightened up. Habang pinagmamasdan ang tatlo ay may napagtanto ako ngayong araw. I’m starting to understand this place and I don’t want to leave, at least not yet.

The night in the base was quieter than usual. Nagpahinga ako ng ilang sandali nang matapos sa trabaho. I only drank a cup of hot chocolate because I didn’t feel hungry. My mind keeps on reeling back to the scene where I ran to the little girl and how she died on my arms.

I shook my head to bury those thoughts and stepped into the Captain’s office. I know, I told myself I would never set foot here again but here I am.

Captain Johnson sat behind his field desk, still in partial gear, and typing something into a rugged laptop. He barely looked up when I walked in but I know he felt my presence.

“What is it, Private?”

“I came to check on your injuries from the mission, sir.”

“I’m fine.”

Huminga ako nang malalim habang pinagmamasdan siya. “You took a nasty fall behind that stall. You’re not fine.” I remembered his fall and only realized now that it must have hurt him.

I waited for more than ten seconds before he closed the laptop with a snap. “I said I’m fine.”

“And I’m saying I need to make sure.”

His eyes were sharp and suspicious. Why is he acting like I’m a plague that needs to be avoided? I was sent here to be their medic, so it’s just courtesy to utilize my skills.

I tried a softer approach. “I’m not trying to win a fight. I just want to do my job.”

Nagtagal ang titig niya sa akin bago nagpasyang hayaan ako sa gusto kong mangyari. He pulled off his jacket with a wince. I didn’t say anything but I noticed the tension in his arm and the tightness in his movements.

“Shirt.” I ordered, looking at the army green shirt that was hugging his muscular body.

Napansin ko ang panandaliang hesitasyon sa mga kilos niya. “You get off on this or something?”

“No.” kalmado kong sagot. “But I do get off on making sure people don’t end up with internal bleeding.”

With a scoff, he pulled his shirt over his head. I tried not to react, but God! It was like someone sculpted him from intimidation and sex appeal. He’s built in solid muscle. Napansin ko ang bruises sa kaliwang bahagi ng kanyang ribs at ang galos sa kanyang collarbone.

He’s built like a Roman gladiator but it didn’t mean he’s invulnerable.

I stepped closer and gently pressed on the bruised area.

He reacted like a kid who’s afraid of needles. “Don’t push it.”

“Then stop being stubborn and breathe through the pain.”

Muling nabuhay at lumalim ang tensyon sa pagitan naming dalawa. I worked quickly and professionally, cleaning the scrape and applying antiseptic. But the proximity, and the heat, and his exposed body, it killed me.

I cleared my throat when I noticed the extreme expression on his face never changed at least once while I was taking care of his wounds.

“You always act like you’re seconds away from stabbing someone.” hindi ko mapigilang hindi punahin.

Nagtama ang paningin namin. “Only the ones who don’t follow orders.” he mocked but probably there’s some truth to that.

“You should rest. You’re not invincible.” payo ko nang matapos sa kanya. I cleaned up the used cottons and pads.

“I’m sorry… about the little girl.” napatigil ako sa ginagawa nang marinig iyon. I looked at him and there was a genuine emotion of guilt in his face now. “I’m sorry you couldn’t save her.”

“I’m sorry too.” napayuko ako nang muling mag-flashback sa isipan ko ang memoryang iyon. The gunshots, the painful cries, and the blood on my hands. “Good night, sir.” I didn’t wait for a reply and stormed out of his office.

Later that night, mag-isa ako sa aking tent at ang tanging ilaw ay nanggagaling sa hawak na flashlight. I couldn’t sleep thinking about everything that had happened when I remembered the microchip. I hid it in one of my boots for safety.

I decided to plug it into the computer and for a moment, there was nothing. Naghintay ako ng isang minuto hanggang sa bumukas ito. The last time I learned about the Operation Phantom Storm and the suppressed video file with it.

Now, I learned that there were more folders. Dozens of them, all labeled in alphanumeric code. I inhaled and opened one at random, trying to keep still.

I saw some documents and surveillance data. Reports not meant for any private’s eyes. But one thing stopped me from scrolling down.

PROJECT LYSANDER

Operative: Johnson, Joaquin
Authorization: Johnson, Raymond

Halos hindi ako nakahinga sa mga nakita. My eyes scanned the rest of the file, some keywords like untraceable units, civilian manipulation, covert asset testing. There was a file embedded with encrypted photos and locations. Test subjects.

There was more. So much more.

I gasped, hindi makapaniwala sa natutunan. My hands trembled as I backed out of the folder and shut it all down. It was a lot of information to process but one thing is for sure, that whoever holds this much information, is in real danger.

Chapter 10

The desert road stretched endlessly ahead. The rays of the sun bounced off the dusty windshield of the Humvee as I sat between Alvarez, who was driving, and Portman who was in the back wearing sunglasses.

“Hey, Marasigan.” Portman tossed a peanut at the back of my head. Gusto kong kalmutin ang mukha niya kung hindi lang ako nakapagpigil. “Serious question. If I fake a fever, will you quarantine me in your tent for like a week?”

Ridiculous question.

“Only if I’m allowed to use all the needles I want. Blindfolded.” panghahamon ko sa kanya.

“Oof. He’s grown teeth. Our little medic’s hitting puberty!” he laughed hysterically. Pailing-iling lamang ang nagmamanehong si Alvarez, sanay na sa pangungutya ng kasama ngunit sa huli ay narinig ko ang mahinang tawa niya.

I blinked. “Was that a laugh?”

“No.” Alvarez answered like a defense.

“Don’t lie.” Portman grinned. “That was a laugh. First one I’ve heard in six months.”

Alvarez smirked but didn’t respond. Sumandal ako sa aking upuan at dinama ang simoy ng hangin sa aking balat. Mainit ang klima ngunit napapawi ito ng hangin. For once, I felt like I wasn’t just the outsider being dragged around.

We passed a stretch of broken buildings as the vehicle rumbled through the outskirts of the town. Sumilip ako sa bintana, pinagmamasdan ang kasimplehan ng paligid.

“So, this base we’re heading to, friendly or just another grumpy mess of sandbags and egos?” tanong ko sa dalawa.

“Oh, definitely the second.” si Portman ang unang sumagot. “But they owe us beer, terrible beer. Tastes like regret and old gym socks, but it’s technically liquid.”

“Don’t drink it.” Alvarez warned without looking back.

“Last time I did, I had dreams about marrying a camel.”

Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa narinig. Okay, I’ll admit, nakakatuwa namang kasama ‘tong si Portman paminsan-minsan. Pero mas lamang ang inis mo sa kanya kaysa sa tuwa.

Portman beamed. “See? We’re bonding. Next thing you know, we’ll be doing mani-pedis and trauma counseling together.”

“Let’s just get the crates and go.” hindi napawi ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

We eventually pulled up to the small outpost. It was a rough patch of concrete walls and tents. Narito kami ngayon para sa isang supply run at naatasan ang dalawang ito na i-accompany ako.

The local supply team gave us the crates with little conversation, eager to go back to whatever they were doing before three half-sane soldiers showed up.

Portman nudged me as we loaded the boxes onto the Humvee. “You’re not bad, doc. You’re even starting to smell like us, sweat and sarcasm.”

Hindi ko alam kung insulto ba ‘yun o compliment. “I guess thank you?”

And for the first time since arriving here, I felt the slow pull of belonging. I wasn’t just watching anymore. I was becoming one of them.

Paalis na kami nang makaramdam ako nang kakaiba. Tumayo ang balahibo ko at nagpalingon-lingon sa aming paligid, ang isang kamay ko ay nakahawak sa aking handgun.

I checked the guys but they seemed oblivious. Portman was securing the last crate with a bungee cord, whistling something off-key. Alvarez had lit a cigarette, standing by the Humvee with his usual silence.

I concentrated and observed the surroundings. But my eyes were drawn to the edge of the base. Natanaw ko roon ang isang luma at kinakalawang na water tank. Behind it was a shadow. Human, maybe. It moved, slow and intentional.

I squinted my eyes but I couldn’t see it clearly. “You guys see that?”

Portman turned around, chewing on a gum. “See what? My future wife riding in on a camel to take me away from all this?”

I looked back at the spot where I’d seen the dark figure but it wasn’t there anymore.

Umiling ako bilang sagot. “Nothing. Must have been a shadow.”

Nanatili iyon sa aking isipan buong byahe. Still, we made it back to camp without incident.

The usual hum of generators and low chatter from the bunks filled the night air. Nagtungo ako sa aking tent upang i-log ang mga supplies nang malagpasan ko ang isang recreation tent. I heard echoes of laughter inside.

Curious, I stepped in.

There, in the middle of the tent, were Officer Hogan and Clemmons. Parehas silang shirtless at balot ng kumikintab na pawis. They are tangled in a wrestling match on the floor. Both were laughing, grunting, and cursing playfully under their breaths.

Hogan’s massive arms were wrapped around Clemmons, trying to pin him. While Clemmons had a smaller frame, he wriggled like a madman. Ito ang pinagkaka-abalahan nila kapag walang misyon at maraming oras para magbanat ng buto sa ibang paraan.

Hogan barked a laugh. “You’re slippery as hell, man!”

Clemmons kicked his leg free. “That’s what your mom said last night!”

Nag-init ang mukha ko habang pinapanood ang pawisan nilang katawan. It’s too hot in here. Napansin ni Clemmons ang presensya ko kaya mabilis kong itinago ang nakahihiyang emosyon.

“Hey, doc! Wanna join? We need someone to check if Hogan’s ego is fractured.”

I swallowed hard, my eyes trailed over Hogan’s back and the curve of Clemmons’ chest, their skin both glistening.

“I, uh… I’ll pass.” umatras ako upang lisanin ang lugar at isalba ang aking sarili.

As I walked out, I didn’t notice the pair of sharp eyes watching me from outside. It was the Captain with his face unreadable. Tahimik lamang niya akong sinundan ng tingin hanggang sa bumalik ako sa sariling tent.

It was midnight and I couldn’t fall asleep.

The base was quiet and most of the team already turned in. Lumabas ako at naupo sa isang wooden crate upang magpahangin. While I sat there, naisipan ko naring i-review ang inventory checklist na ginawa ko. Ang tanging tanglaw sa paligid ay ang lantern sa isang poste ilang metro ang layo sa lokasyon ko.

“Can’t sleep either?” a voice said.

It was Officer Clemmons who approached, wearing a loose t-shirt and joggers, holding two mugs. Ibinigay niya sakin ang isang cup na malugod kong tinanggap.

“Hot chocolate. Don’t tell Hogan or he’ll confiscate it for being too soft.” tinanggap ko pa rin ang binigay niya kahit na nakainom na ako nito kanina.

“Thanks.”

We sipped in silence for a few moments, gazing at the stars blanketing the desert sky above us. Ngayon ay mas kalmado na ang paligid. It felt so rare. Working in the military, you’ll get used to so much fighting, and noise everywhere, from guns, from tanks, from people dying, there’s no place for quiet.

“You’re fitting in better than I thought.” nakabalik ako sa reyalidad nang marinig ang sinabi niya.

“Is that your way of saying I was awkward before?”

Narinig ko ang marahan niyang tawa. “I’m saying most new guys don’t laugh at Portman’s jokes. That’s a red flag right there.”

We both chuckled at that. But then Clemmons’ smile faded, just a little. He looked out into the distance, lost in his thought. “You remind me of someone.”

I turned to him. “Who?”

“Our old medic. Before you. His name was Connor.” nahimigan ko ang pag-iingat sa boses niya. “He was funny. Sharp. Always had everyone’s back. Kind of like you. He even used to leave protein bars on Hogan’s bunk to keep him from going ‘full hulk’ on bad days.”

I set my mug down and listened quietly.

Old medic? So they did really have one. Wait, Connor? I’ve heard that name before. Hindi ko lang maalala kung saan at kailan ko ito narinig.

“What happened to him?”

May pag-aalinlangan sa kanyang reaksyon. He rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head slowly.

“Last mission. It was bad. We were stationed in a village near the Syrian border. Intel was off, real off. We thought it was a routine check. But… something was waiting for us there.”

Humilig ako palapit dahil interesado akong malaman ang buong kwento. “What do you mean?”

Saglit siyang tumigil.

“I—I can’t. Not right now.”

I sat back, respecting the boundary. “I understand.”

It must be hard for him to continue the story. So that was really bad, huh. I wonder now how close Connor was to the rest of the team.

The pain shadowing Clemmons’ face was now evident. Gustuhin ko mang pagaanin ang loob niya ay hindi ko magawa. We’re all grieving something. I closed my eyes and traced the little girl’s face on my mind. Losing one’s life even if I was able to save others didn’t feel like a win at all. I don’t know how to move past from that.

“You’re part of this team now, doc. You seem like a good guy. Just be careful. This place? These missions? They change you. Sometimes fast.”

The weight of his words settled in my chest. Tumango ako, mabilis na naintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin.

“Thanks for telling me that.”

He grabbed my head and rubbed my hair like I was his little brother. Kahit paano ay gumaan ang aking pakiramdam, not because of the hot chocolate but because of his genuine advice. We sat there in silence a little longer, until he stood up.

“Night, doc. Try to get some sleep. You’ll need it.” paalam niya hanggang sa maiwan ako roong mag-isa, muling tiningala ang kalangitan at tahimik na humiling na sana’y mas maging payapa ang mga susunod na araw.

I sat at my desk in the small medical tent the next morning. Sa aking kamay ay ang microchip, ilang oras ko nang pinag-iisipan nang mabuti ang gagawin. This microchip is the key to so many unanswered questions.

My thoughts swirled, about the previous mission, about Captain Johnson and his father, about Project Lysander and its ominous contents.

The files on the chip. The ones I hadn’t yet fully understood. There were reports, names, names that I quite know, something that didn’t sit right. Something that didn’t feel like it was about saving lives.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked down at the chip again. Kailangan ko ng mga kasagutan. Mga kasagutang hindi ko alam kung saan huhugutin. Para na akong mababaliw kaiisip.

But… maybe I need to look deeper. I must have missed something. The answers I’m looking for might have been on this microchip too.

Bago ko pa man mabuksan ang ibang folders ay narinig ko ang pagdating ni Captain. Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat. I must have looked like a cat caught stealing a fish.

“Private.”

He was hesitant to come in and walked slower. Why is he here? Mayroon ba kaming one-on-one meeting na nakalimutan ko?

His posture was as rigid as ever. He just stood there before his gaze fixed on the desk.

“What are you doing?” mapanuri ang mga tinging ipinukol niya. Like he knew something was off but hadn’t put it together yet.

I quickly closed the file on the screen, hiding the contents of the chip. “Just going over some inventory. I uhmm… haven’t finished logging all the supplies yet.” I might be a terrible liar but there’s no way I’m telling him what I know.

Humakbang siya palapit sa akin. “You’re up to something.” he confirmed rather than asking.

The air between us felt thick and suffocating. I could feel the temptation to give up, to throw away whatever mission the General had sent me on, and just be a soldier. But the secrets, the chip, held me back. There was more at stake than just following orders.

“I’m doing my job, sir.” kahit na bumibilis ang pulso ko ay pinilit ko ang sariling kumalma.

His eyes stayed locked on me, reading me like an open book.

Then, unexpectedly, he stepped even closer. Para na akong malalagutan ng hininga sa sobrang lapit niya. This is what I’ve been avoiding the past few days, to be this extremely close to him.

His presence was overwhelming, so intense as he invaded my space. His eyes flicking from my face to the closed laptop in front of me. Alam kong alam niya na mayroon akong sikretong tinatago, but I can’t tell him anything until I fully trust him.

Finally, he exhaled through his nose, breaking the silence.

“I’m sorry about the last mission.”

Ilang beses akong napakurap habang pino-proseso ang mga salitang namutawi sa bibg niya. I was caught off guard by the apology. He already said his piece few moons ago, may nakalimutan ba siyang sabihin?

Ang mas nakalilito pa ay ang emosyon sa mukha niya na bago sa aking paningin. He looked soft and so open.

“I shouldn’t have gotten that angry. You were just doing your job.” dagdag niya.

“It’s fine, I understand.”

“And I’m not always angry.”

“Sure.”

Alam kong alam nyang hindi ako kumbinsido sa huling sinabi niya. Ngunit umangat ang isang sulok ng labi niya at naaninag ko ang ngiting sumibol doon.

“I just wanted you to be safe, that’s all.”

I felt the weight of those words. I was too stunned to speak. Hindi ako naging handa sa ganitong version niya. He didn’t speak like an egotistic alpha leader but he spoke like we were on the same level.

He turned to leave, but just before stepping out, he glanced back over his shoulder.

“Get some rest.” he said it with real concern in his eyes.

Bumalik ang nakabibinging katahimikan pagkatapos niyang umalis. The tension, the confusion, the urgency, they all hung in the air like a storm waiting to break. I better get back to checking the contents of the chip further before I lose my mind.

Chapter 11

It had been two weeks since our first mission together and now the team is preparing for a new one. Hindi ito katulad ng nakaraang misyon. It wasn’t a high-intensity combat operation. Instead, it was about insurgents stealing medical supplies from a local town, supplies that were desperately needed by the civilians in the area. The mission was to recover the stolen goods, eliminate any threat, and make sure the local population was safe.

The briefing room was filled with the hum of voices as everyone gathered their gear. Nasa unahan si Captain, tinatalakay ang buong detalye ng kanyang plano. Every now and then ay napapagawi ang tingin nito sa akin ngunit mabilis ding napapawi at binabaling sa ibang bagay ang kanyang atensyon.

As the briefing ended, we prepared for our departure. Dinampot ko ang aking duffel bag at bago pa man ako makasunod sa yapak ng iba, humarang si Captain sa aking daan.

“Private, I need to talk to you.” aniya. His hands are on his belt, looking at me like I was caught shoplifting.

Nagtaka ako pero sinundan ko rin siya sa isang gilid upang makapag-usap.

“I want you to sit this mission out.” his words were deliberate. There was no anger or harshness in his voice, but the request was firm.

“What? Sir, I’m good to go. I’m ready for this.”

Hindi nabawasan ang alinlangan sa mga mata niya. “It’s not about that. You’ve been under a lot of stress recently. I think you need to stay back this time.”

I wasn’t the only one stressed, the whole team was under extreme amount of stress. And besides, it always comes with the mission.

“Sir, I’ve been through worse. I’m part of this team.”

“I know you are.” mas bumait ang tono niya ngayon at hindi na tulad ng dati na parang kaaway lagi ang kausap.

“This mission, it’s too dangerous. I need you to stay behind. We need someone here to maintain the supplies and watch over the base.”

Hindi ako pumayag. “I’ve got this, sir. I’m not staying back. I’m going with the team.”

Now, he looked like he was trying to make a decision that didn’t come easily. Muli siyang nagsalita, mas madiin na ngayon. “You’ll do what you’re told, Private.”

I stood up straighter, locking eyes with him. “I’m going, sir. I’m not backing down.” pagmamatigas ko.

Sa huli ay wala siyang nagawa kundi ang sumuko. “Fine. But stay safe.”

I nodded triumphantly. I joined the team as I caught them busy with their gears. Sa tabi ko ay si Portman na binigyan ako ng makahulugang tingin, parang hindi makapaniwala na pinayagan ako ni Captain na sumama sa kanila.

“What?”

“Look at you, all serious and ready to go. You’re gonna be fine, bro. If the Captain’s worried, it’s because he’s got a soft spot for you. Must be your pretty face.” he teased and nudged me playfully.

Gusto ko siyang singhalan ngunit nagpasyang i-save ang energy para sa aming mission. “You’re unbelievable.”

Later, we prepared for deployment. The mission in the town was simple on paper, recover stolen medical supplies from insurgents holed up in the town’s outskirts. But the area was known for being a hotspot for attacks, and the risk of encountering more than just insurgents was high.

Hindi ko maiwasang alalahanin ang mga impormasyong nakalap ko sa microchip. Iniisip kung mayroong connection ang misyong ito sa mga nakaraang misyon. But there was no time to think about that now.

Nakarating kami sa target zone. Captain Johnson stood tall, scanning the area. The green camouflage suit fits him perfectly. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang mahuling nakamasid si Portman sa aking mukha. He cracked jokes to keep the mood light, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the Captain’s eyes were always on me, kahit na hindi ako nakatingin sa kanya directly.

The town was silent when we arrived, too silent. The team moved with precision as I followed behind. Our weapons were raised and eyes scanning every corner.

Captain Johnson took point, his hand held up to signal quiet. Nagtungo sa kaliwang direksyon sina Hogan at Clemmons. Lumiko naman si Portman sa isang alleyway, makikita sa kanyang mukha ang excitement. Huli kong natanaw si Alvarez na may sariling direksyon. He was looking up to find the perfect place for sniping.

“This place is a grave.” Portman muttered into our comms.

“Any chance we find these guys alive?”

“Keep your focus.” Johnson ordered coldly. “They’re here somewhere. Watch for movement.”

I followed his orders and moved cautiously with the main group, clutching my rifle a little tighter than usual. Nakompirma kong hindi nga ito katulad ng nakaraang mission. This one, I don’t know how to explain, but it feels mysterious, like something’s gonna go down any sec—

Bang!

Pumailanlang sa ere ang tunog ng isang gunshot.

“Contact! Three o’clock!” Hogan shouted.

Chaos broke loose as bullets ricocheted off everywhere. Ang lahat ay nagsitakbuhan at naghanap ng pwedeng mataguan. They returned fire but I couldn’t exactly see where the shots were coming from.

Malapit sa aking kinatataguan ay ang matayog na gusali. I looked up and I realized quickly that that had been where our sniper chose to hide.

Ilang segundo lamang ang lumipas ay narinig ko ang magkakasunod na gunshots na nanggaling sa itaas ng gusaling iyon. Four of the enemies dropped on the ground like flies, all dead.

“Got eyes on three more tangos. One down.” I said through the comms when I saw more enemies revealing themselves. Another shot rang out from the concealed rooftop, pretty sure Alvarez was enjoying this. “Make that two.”

I was crouching behind a wall and scanned the side street. Naririnig ko ang dagundong ng aking dibdib sa kaba. Thinking I will never be used to the feeling of being in the middle of war, I exhaled.

More gunshots were fired. Halos dumapa na ako nang may ligaw na balang dumaplis sa pader sa aking likuran. Good thing I had good instincts and ducked even before it hit me.

I was about to get out of that spot when I froze upon seeing the same figure, rather a shadow. It was all dressed in black clothing. The same silhouette I saw at the outpost when we picked up supplies few weeks ago.

Nanatili roon ang atensyon ko hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang pagbagsak ko sa lupa. Someone lunged at me.

Shit.

“What the—” I heard thru the comms.

The man behind me grabbed me by the vest and slammed my face against the wall. The pistol flew from my hands and skittered across the dirt.

“Marasigan’s down!” Clemmons shouted over comms.

Immediately, shots of pain emerged on my back. Napapikit ako at tiniis ang sakit na tinamo. Then I realized I wasn’t just a combat medic, I was also trained to fight just like the others.

“I can’t see!” Alvarez hissed.

I wrestled with the insurgent and tried to get out of his grip. Hinatak nito ang aking buhok ngunit nakipagbuno ako hanggang sa gumulong kaming pareho sa lupa. I fired punches on his scarred face and he returned it in the same intensity I could almost taste blood on my mouth.

And then I saw the glint of a knife he drove towards me. My flash instincts prevailed and I was able to block it with both arms and stole it from his hand. Trained ako sa mas formal na laban, not for this kind of fighting though, not like everyone on my team.

Pero hindi ako papayag na dito matatapos ang storya ko. I shifted my weight and kicked the man on his pelvis, knocking him off balance. Bago pa man ito bumagsak sa lupa ay nahawakan nito ang isa kong braso at kasama nya akong bumagsak sa isang haystack. Mabilis itong pumaibabaw sa akin at pinalibot ang kanyang dalawang kamay sa aking leeg.

Nagsimula akong kapusin ng hininga. Gunshots flew around, hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari sa iba dahil abala ako sa pagpupumiglas sa lalaking nananakal sakin.

My hand scrambled and searched the dirt, until my fingers found something metal on the ground. It was a jagged piece of a broken radio antenna.

Without hesitation, I rammed it upward into the man’s neck. I caught him off guard, shock etched in his eyes. Tumulo ang dugo sa kanyang leeg pababa sa dibdib. He gurgled and dropped limp beside me, dead.

Shit.

Hinabol ko ang aking hininga habang nakahiga sa lupa. My heart was pounding in my ears, staring at another blood on my hands.

Another round of gunfire echoed from the other end of the street.

“Marasigan, report!” Johnson barked over comms.

“I’m—” nahirapan akong magsalita dahil sa hingal, para akong nauubusan ng hininga bawat segundo. I closed my eyes for a bit and set aside the anxiety. “I’m fine.”

Pwinersa ko ang sariling tumayo at hinanap ang aking nawawalang pistol. After I found it, I looked back at the same spot where I saw the shadow figure a while ago but it was no longer there, it vanished like a ghost.

We regrouped and flew back to the base for debrief. Everyone looked tired and exhausted, but I’m glad they were still breathing. Pasulyap-sulyap sa aking direksyon si Captain at madali niyang napansin ang pagkakatitig ko sa aking mga kamay na balot ng natuyong dugo. I closed my fists and wished to erase the uninvited memories on my mind, the bare face of that little girl, the man who wanted to kill me a while ago, I wished I could turn it all off.

Back at the base, walang nagtangkang kumausap sakin tungkol sa nangyari sa lalaking umatake sakin. I was thankful because I needed to process it on my own. I know how this goes and how I shouldn’t dwell on it.

I listened to the Captain as he laid out the new plan.

We came back the next day. Mas kalmado ang lugar ngayon kumpara kahapon. Walang mga gunshots ang sumalubong sa amin. Maybe they had fled the scene?

Dinala ako ng aking mga paa sa parehong spot kung saan nakipagbuno ako sa lalaking umatake sa akin kahapon. The shock on his face after killing him flashed on my mind.

“Everyone, watch for movement.” the Captain’s voice on my ear.

Nagawi ako sa isang alleyway at nagmasid kung mayroong kakaiba roon. I stopped when I stepped on shards of glass. Broken frames were scattered on the ground. I didn’t even have time to breathe when something slammed into me. I hit the dirt, the wind knocked out of me. Again, really? Why are they always attacking me from behind?

It was another insurgent, lean and fast, but this time his face was covered with a black mask. Nang mapansin niya ang nalaglag kong handgun ay sinipa niya ito palayo. I have another gun stashed on the pocket below my pants but I needed to act faster than him to get it.

Muli akong nabalisa nang maglabas ito ng isang blade, it was longer than the knife used by my attacker yesterday.

I rolled to the side just in time but the blade sliced my arm. I hissed when I felt the stinging pain and put some distance between us. I hid behind a low wall and checked the severity of my wound. Good thing, it was only superficial.

“Marasigan, report. Where are you?”

“Someone attac—” hindi ko natapos ang balak na sasabihin nang marinig ang magkakasunod na yapak patungo sa aking lokasyon. Steady footsteps, maybe four or five men.

Then I heard a voice. A language I didn’t understand.

“Rah nadbahak mitl il-kalb.”
(We’ll slaughter you like a dog.)

I didn’t understand every word, but I knew it was bad. The footsteps now rushed to somewhere far, probably looking for me.

Hindi nagtagal ay narinig ko naman ang boses ni Portman sa hindi kalayuan. “Marasigan! If you’re dead, I’m gonna haunt your ass!” I could hear him clearly, he must be nearby.

Sasagot pa lamang ako nang bigla siyang lumitaw sa aking paningin.

“Behind you!” sigaw ko nang matanaw ang isa pang lalaking nakatago sa likuran niya, wearing the same mask. He turned around, barely deflecting the knife with his rifle.

“Jesus!” he threw a punch into the guy’s stomach. Saglit itong bumaling sa akin. “Get moving! Find those damn meds!”

“But y—”

“GO!”

I decided to ran as fast as I could and didn’t look back, leaving him with the two men in masks. I pressed on my wound while running away, blood dripping on my arm. Shit. I didn’t have time to wrap it with something when another insurgent blocked my way.

Fuck.

This one held a baseball bat. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag, at least it wasn’t another blade that could slice me. I was able to retrieve my spare gun but I hesitated from shooting when the face of little girl flashed on my mind at the worst time.

The insurgent attacked me and I braced myself to take another hit. I kicked his left leg and we tackled on the ground.

I must have underestimated this one until I felt a blow cracked against my skull. Nagsimulang manlabo ang aking paningin. I dropped to my knees, dazed and disoriented. I could no longer hear our comms or it was probably ruined from all the blow I took.

The man took advantage of that moment and he caught me by the arm and twisted.

I heard something click and then a cold steel cuffed my wrists. Ginapos niya ang dalawang kamay ko at kinuha ang aking handgun.

More insurgents came and found us.

“Masikoo! La tkhallo yihrob!”
(Grab him! Don’t let him escape!)

Sinubukan kong magpumiglas ngunit nakatanggap ako ng ilang suntok sa aking katawan. Now there were two or three men beating the crap out of me.

Nang makuntento ay hinatak nila ako na parang sako ng palay. My vision dimmed. Hindi ko magawang tumayo. It was like all the energy left my body in one snap. Before I lose consciousness, I caught one last glimpse of the same shadow, watching me get dragged in the mud.

And then all was black.

Chapter 12

I woke up gagged, bleeding, and tied like an animal.

The taste of rust filled my mouth. I winced immediately when I felt the impact of my wounds. My face was hot with swelling and my vision blurred at the edges. Nang sinubukang gumalaw ay doon ko lamang naalala ang nakabigkis kong mga kamay. But most of all, I was still alive. Barely alive.

The room was dim. Nasilayan ko ang kakaunting liwanag na tumatakas mula sa maliit na bintana. I recognized our missing supply crates stacked in the corner, marked with faded serial numbers and red medical crosses.

So I’m at their base.

A few minutes later, narinig ko ang paparating na yapak. My eyes were swollen but I could still see the boots stepping in my direction. Isang matangkad na lalaki ang tumayo sa aking harapan. He’s dressed in dark robes and a tactical vest. His beard was trimmed but his eyes were feral. He walked like the floor belonged to him. And maybe it did.

Hindi ito mag-isa. Isang mas batang lalaki ang nakasunod sa kanya, tahimik na nakamasid.

The first man crouched in front of me and studied my face like a puzzle. I don’t know how I looked like now, I must have looked like shit.

He spoke in Arabic without blinking. The younger man stepped forward. “This is Sheikh Tariq. He wants to know your name.” he translated for me.

Wala silang narinig na sagot mula sa akin. I kept my eyes locked on Tariq’s. How will I speak if my mouth is gagged anyway?

The translator sighed and tugged the rag from my mouth, mukhang naintindihan ang laman ng utak ko. I spat blood at the floor, just inches from the man’s boot.

“Private Marasigan.” pakilala ko. “And go to hell.”

Tariq said something else. Hindi ko agad naintindihan at hinintay ang batang lalaki na i-translate ito para sa akin.

“He says hell isn’t where he’s going. But it’s where your Captain will end up.” matigas ang tono nito, animo’y maging ang emosyon ay kanyang isinalin sa kanyang sariling mukha.

Anong sinabi niya? What does he know about the Captain?

“What did you say?”

“He says… Johnson. The one they call Cap. You serve under him.” the translator said.

Tariq’s smile was condescending. He looked old, maybe over fifty. He muttered another phrase.

“He says Johnson is going to die by his hands.” the translator relayed. “It is promised.”

“What do you want from me?”

“You know something. Information you carry on you. Sheikh Tariq believes the Americans trust you with it.”

I almost gasped but I acted like I didn’t hear anything shocking. They know about the microchip? How in the world did they know my connection to it?

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Tariq growled something harsh, losing patience.

“He says don’t play games. There is a chip. A secret. Johnson’s secret. It is why your General sent you here.”

My heart nearly stopped.

I didn’t flinch and didn’t answer. So they were after the chip. Just like what I had thought, it contains dangerous intel and now my life is about to be taken away because of keeping it. Am I brave enough to carry out this mission by myself?

And besides, I don’t have all the information figured out yet. Kailangan ko pa nang mas mahabang oras upang alamin ang lahat.

Tariq leaned in closer and spoke deliberately.

“He says Johnson betrayed him. Destroyed his family. Not in battle but in cold blood. Lies, money, power, he says your Captain is not what you think.” the translator looked unsettled for a second then turned to me. “He wants to hurt Johnson. He wants you to help.”

I laughed but paused when I felt the pain again somewhere on my body, my stomach or probably my broken rib.

“Go to hell.” matapang kong bigkas.

Tariq stood. No more questions. Just fury in his eyes. Then he shouted, “Udrubuh!”

Hindi na kailangang i-translate sa akin iyon dahil alam kong hindi iyon maganda. Hindi nagtagal ay naramdaman ko ang yapak ng ilan pang lalaki. I received more blows into my stomach. Then another until I hit the ground hard.

I didn’t scream.

Not for them. Not ever.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras akong nawalan ng malay. I could have been here for hours, or maybe a day, I didn’t have sense of time anymore.

Ilang minuto akong natulala. My gaze lowered on my poor stomach. Sinubukan kong gumalaw at bumangon. I think I need stitches all over my face and some realignment on my broken ribs, hopefully I could still fix it.

Pagkatapos ay may narinig akong ingay. So loud I knew it was an explosion. And then I heard gunshots and yelling.

They must be here. They came for me.

As I blinked through the dust and blood, I thought of Captain Johnson. What the hell have you done, Cap? Why are they risking their lives just to kill you?

I tried to act with urgency and untie my ropes but I couldn’t find any blade or sharp object with me. Lumingon-lingon ako sa paligid, naghahanap ng pwedeng gamitin.

I ignored the pain on my body. The taste of blood still coated my tongue. I cursed, giving it up.

As soon as I gave up, the door burst open. Then I saw him. Captain Johnson.

Wala akong narinig na salita sa kanya. He rushed in, and went straight to me. His hands were rough but fast, cutting my ropes clean with a combat knife.

“You’re okay.” he muttered, almost to himself.

Wala akong naisagot. Hindi ko alam kung okay nga ba ako. Outside, I could still hear the fight, Portman’s voice yelling something, Alvarez’s rifle popping like clockwork, and someone screaming in a language I couldn’t understand.

Johnson helped me up and placed his arm around my pelvis. Halos mahulog ako sa unang attempt ko na tumayo, mabuti at mabilis siyang nakaalalay sa akin.

“I can walk.” I know to myself it was a lie.

He didn’t let go, though. Clearly he knows when I’m not telling the truth. We stumbled through the burning corridor. I saw all the dead bodies on the ground. Some I recognized from earlier. My stomach turned but I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

I was just… tired.

Tinulungan niya akong maglakad hanggang sa mahanap namin ang exit. The air outside stung my lungs. Halos napaso ako sa init na taglay ng araw nang tuluyan kaming makalabas.

Not far from here, his truck waited just past a ridge.

“Where’s the team?” binalikan ko ng tingin ang gusaling pinanggalingan namin.

“They’ll be fine. They’re covering our exit. We move.”

“But—”

“I said they’ll be fine!”

From anger, his face turned warmer after realizing he just raised his voice on me. But it felt like the rage was not directed at me.

Nanahimik ako at hinayaan siyang dalhin ako sa lugar kung saan naghihintay ang kanyang truck. He helped me on my seat before blasting off away from that hellhole.

I leaned back in my seat, eyes slipping closed. Every inch of me hurt but I couldn’t focus on the pain. Not yet, not until I knew this wasn’t just another nightmare.

By the time we reached the base, I was barely conscious.

Johnson parked, came around and opened my door without a word. Muli siyang nagsilbing alalay sa aking paglalakad. Guilt was evident on his face but decided not to say anything.

No one was around yet but I remember he radioed ahead while he was driving. I hope everyone’s okay.

My legs barely worked. He helped me into my tent, the med station, and lowered me onto the cot. Napaigtad ako sa kirot na naramdaman sa aking likuran. The impact of my injuries are starting to materialize.

The Captain acted fast. Sa aking peripheral ay nakita ko ang pagkalkal niya sa mga medkits sa isang crate, anything that would help treat my bruises.

He tossed a gauze and alcohol to the table. I tried to stop him. “I got it.”

“Shut up.” he grabbed a clean cloth and started to clean my side. So much worry was etched on his face, probably blaming himself in secret for letting me in on this mission.

Maingat ang mga kamay niya. I know he had medical training at some point but I knew more than him. I know it will take me a long time to fully heal, hell I might even need an operation.

“What were you thinking?” he asked finally.

“I wasn’t. Just trying to finish the mission.”

He didn’t respond. Just kept cleaning the blood from my ribs. Sa bawat paghinga ako ay nararamdaman ko ang kirot. I wanted to break down badly but I couldn’t let him see me like that.

I know he feels guilty but I acted based on what I know was right. We are all trained and equipped for missions like this one. But the consequences are a different story. We had to deal with it alone.

I saw the hurt on his face but he pretended I wasn’t seeing it. He taped the last bandage over my side.

Tumayo siya pagkatapos. “Get some rest.”

“Wait. Why did you come for me alone?”

“They would’ve done the same.” simpleng sagot niya bago nilinis ang mga gamit at nagpasyang bigyan ako ng oras mag-isa sa aking tent.

But I didn’t believe him, not entirely. I stared up at the tent ceiling. The chip. Sheikh Tariq’s words. Johnson’s secrets. Nagpaulit-ulit ito sa aking isipan hanggang sa hilahin ako ng antok.

Everything was drifting in and out, like waves crashing on the edge of a shore. Nanlalabo pa rin ang paningin ko. Nanatiling gising ang diwa ko sa kabila ng katawan kong nananawagan ng mahabang pahinga.

And then I heard voices. Someone talking. A voice deep and familiar.

Captain Johnson.

Hindi nagtagal ay narinig ko ang mga yapak niyang papalapit.

I felt the weight of his hand pressing a clean bandage to my side, his fingers working fast but gentle. Again, the stinging pain hit my body and I was no longer able to hold back the moaning that escaped my lips.

He hushed me quietly, like I was a scared little child. “It’s almost done. Just hang on.”

Pagod na pagod ako at ang katawan ko’y hindi ko na mabuhat. It felt so heavy and it ached from places I couldn’t name anymore. My ribs felt shattered.

Tears slipped out from my eyes. I didn’t even know why I was crying. Maybe it wasn’t just the pain. Maybe it was the helplessness. Naramdaman ko ang mainit niyang daliri na pinunasan ang aking mga luha.

Pagmulat ko ay naroon pa rin siya, hindi umaalis sa tabi ko. His face was too close, I think he was trying to hear if I was still breathing. Unconsciously, I brushed my fingers gently against his jaw.

His skin was warm. Scratchy from his stubble. Naramdaman ko ang pagkatigil niya nang mahawakan ko ang mukha niya.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to.

Hindi rin niya ako pinigilan. Maybe he thought I was dreaming. Maybe I really was.

I let my fingers linger, softly grazing the line of his cheekbone, then down to the corner of his lips. The last thing I saw was his eyes watching me, before mine shut again. The tears kept falling until sleep pulled me under.

I don’t know how long has passed. Pero nagising ako sa mga boses at mabibigat na yapak na narinig

“Easy, man. He’s still got shrapnel in that shoulder.” someone grunted, maybe Portman or Clemmons, I couldn’t recognize anymore.

“Yeah, well you didn’t exactly walk out clean either.”

I cracked an eye open.

And I saw them. Hogan, Alvarez, Clemmons, and Portman. They were here inside my tent. That sight sent some relief, learning that they are all alive and kicking. Hogan’s arm was draped over Portman, who for once wasn’t cracking jokes.

Everyone looked wrecked.

Si Clemmons ang unang nakapansin na gising na ako at madali siyang lumapit sa higaan ko. His eyes softened with worry. I thought I was only dreaming but I wasn’t. It was real. And they are all alive. But me? I wasn’t sure what I was anymore.

Chapter 13

I woke to the smell of antiseptic and the sound of light conversation. A soft beeping in the corner of the room ticked away like a metronome, keeping time in the quiet moments before everything began to settle. It has been three days since our last mission and three days of just lying in bed.

The team was there with me. The General sent another doctor just to check on the full extent of my injuries. Luckily, nothing was fatal. All my wounds were stitched up and we’ve used all the painkillers in stock. They used iced packs on my broken rib to bring down the swelling. I will heal in no time, the doctor told me.

Mas nakakahinga na ako nang maayos sa mga nakalipas na araw. Alam kong mabigat ang mga tinamo kong sugat kaya hinayaan din nila akong magpahinga hangga’t gusto ko. Even though it was so unproductive for me. I’m the medic but I was the one who needed all the healing.

I looked around and found Hogan sitting on a stool, looking half-asleep, his arm wrapped in bandages. Alvarez was sprawled out, grimacing as he flexed his leg and adjusted his shoulder. Portman was standing, thankfully untouched, his usual smirk in place despite the exhaustion in his eyes.

Clemmons and the Captain were not around when I woke up.

Maingat akong bumangon at naupo. Halos wala na akong naramdaman na kirot sa aking tiyan. My body was healing, slowly. The moment I moved, they noticed me.

“Look who’s awake.” Portman flashed a grin.

“If you only knew how badly I wanted to sleep through all of this.” tugon ko sa isang garalgal na boses.

“Yeah, well you looked like you needed it.” inabutan ako ni Alvarez ng isang bote ng tubig. “How you holding up?”

I took the water, relieved to feel something cool on my dry lips. “Better. But I’ve had worse.” I tried to laugh but it came out more like a cough.

“Worse than being held hostage?” inirapan ko si Portman dahil sa binanggit niya.

“Guess you’ve got some stories.”

“I’m sure you’d love to hear them, but I’m not in the mood for a comedy show.”

“You sure you’re not the one with the worst wounds here?”

Lumipat ang atensyon ko sa dalawa, Alvarez and Hogan, parehong nagtamo ng mga galos at sugat ngunit parang sanay na ang katawan nila sa paulit-ulit na pinsala. Hogan sleeps while standing, while Alvarez looked like he didn’t need any rest at all.

“Right. Definitely not the worst.” I glanced at Alvarez, who had a purple bruise on his arm. “You’re looking a bit rough there.”

Alvarez gave a short laugh. “Just a scratch. Nothing like Hogan’s shoulder. I’ll be fine.”

Napansin ko ang nagising na si Hogan, mukhang nawala ang antok nang marinig ang kanyang pangalan. “I’ll be fine once they stop treating me like an old man.”

“You are an old man.” Portman shot back. Pinigilan kong matawa dahil baka sumakit na naman ang sugat ko.

Hogan rolled his eyes. “Sure, kid. Just wait ‘til you’re carrying the weight of the team.”

“Hey, what’s the deal with the Captain? Where is he?” tanong ko na parang ngayon lang nila napagtantong hindi kami kumpleto.

Alvarez’s expression darkened just a little. Iniwasan man niya ang tingin ko ay nabasa ko ang kakaibang ekspresyon sa mukha niya. Like something bad happened while I was sleeping.

“Well, he’s been… off.” aniya, ingat na ingat sa mga salitang binitawan. “You know how he is. Feels responsible. Blames himself for you getting caught.”

Napasimangot ako. “What? That’s not his fault. I chose to go. He didn’t send me in there expecting to get captured.”

“I know.” Alvarez met my questioning eyes. “But that’s the Captain. He’ll never admit it but I’ve seen the way he’s been after you were taken. He’s been… conflicted.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. May parte saking gustong sisihin siya. But then again, another part of me knew it wasn’t his fault. And as much as I hated to admit it, I’d been the one who let my guard down.

I rubbed my face and combed my tangled hair with my fingers.

“He should’ve just left me. I was the one who messed up. I wasn’t following orders.” pag-amin ko, may pagsisisi sa aking boses.

“You did what you thought was right.” Alvarez said quietly. “But you’re still here. That’s all that matters.”

“I guess.” I sank back onto my bed, feeling sleepy again.

“You’ve got a good crew here, Marasigan. But no one expects you to carry it all.” payo niya sa akin. Napatingin ako kay Portman na seryoso ang mukha at nakikinig lamang sa usapan.

I nodded, trying to convince myself. Instead, I focused on the task at hand.

“Here.” I said, pushing myself to my feet. “Let’s get those wounds patched up. You two are looking like you’ve been in a wreck.” binaling ko ang atensyon sa kanila. They all looked worse than me now.

Alvarez and Hogan both gave me amused looks but they didn’t argue.

I moved to Hogan first, checking on his shoulder. The wound wasn’t bad, but it needed attention. “This won’t take long.” nilinisan ko rin ang gasgas sa kanyang siko. “Just a few more stitches and you’re good to go.”

Tahimik niyang sinundan ang ginagawa ko. “Guess we’re not all as tough as we look, huh?”

“Not at all.” I gave him a friendly pat. “Let’s just get you patched up before you start bleeding everywhere.”

Then I turned to Alvarez, who looked like he wanted to argue but was too tired to. His shoulder wasn’t as bad, but there were a few cuts and bruises that needed some work. Pabaling-baling ang tingin niya sa labas, parang nag-aabang ng papasok doon.

“Where’s Johnson?” I asked him again, trying not to sound too desperate for an answer.

“He’s around. I don’t know. Just… still quiet. We all are.”

I finished tending to him, but the question still weighed on me. Where was he?

Hindi pa man ako lumilipat kay Portman ay nairita na agad ako sa mapaglarong ngiti niya. “You want to go looking for him? Go ahead. But don’t come crying back when he punches you for being a bad patient.”

I couldn’t help but snort at him. “Yeah, yeah. Maybe I will.”

“Good luck with that.” he slapped my shoulder with a bit too much force. Halos singhalan ko siya nang makaramdam ako ng kirot. He mumbled a sorry so I let it pass.

I didn’t know what to feel anymore. I didn’t know if I wanted to be angry or grateful, confused or certain. But for now, all I could do was focus on the guys in front of me.

We are all alive. And that had to be enough.

The next days are calm and boring. I stepped outside the med tent, breathing in the cool air as the sun began to set. Tahimik at payapa ang buong paligid. Pinagmasdan ko ang kahabaan ng disyertong buhangin at ang mga rock formations na ilang milya ang layo.

My mind was racing, too many things weighing on me, but there was one thing that lingered in the back of my head. Johnson. I need to find him.

I made my way around the back of the base, hoping to find him somewhere, anywhere. Hanggang sa matagpuan ko siya sa likod ng kampo.

There he was, standing tall and bare-chested, swinging an axe with slow and powerful motions. Balot ng kumikintab na pawis ang maskulado niyang katawan. I saw his white shirt hanging on a wooden pole. The sharp crack of the axe splitting the wood echoed in the air.

Saglit akong natulala at pinanood ang ginagawa niya. Napalunok ako at nag-init ang aking mukha. I pushed the thoughts aside. This was not the time for distractions.

“Captain.” my voice was almost a whisper, not sure how to start this conversation.

He didn’t acknowledge me. Not a glance, not a nod, nothing. Nagpatuloy lang siya sa pagsisibak ng kahoy. I stood there for a moment waiting but he didn’t even stop.

“I… I’m sorry.” pinagmasdan ko ang mukha niya pero walang bahid ng emosyon doon. “For defying your orders. I know I messed up. But I was just trying to…”

Still, no reply. The axe swung back and forth. I could feel the tension building in my chest, the frustration. Hanggang sa napagtanto kong wala siya sa mood makipag-usap.

Napailing-iling ako sa aking sarili. “Guess you don’t want to talk, huh?”

I saw his muscles tense slightly as I turned to leave. He said nothing, though. Nothing at all.

I turned away and walked back to the main camp, the quiet anger and confusion burning inside me. Why wouldn’t he speak? What had I done to deserve this silence?

Back at the base, the team was gathered around a small fire, laughing and cracking jokes. Inokupa ko ang espasyo sa tabi ni Hogan. Inabutan niya ako ng beer na aking tinanggap. It was a strange feeling, being with them after everything that had happened. I felt like I was carrying the weight of the mission on my back but somehow they managed to keep things light.

Portman was in the middle of a story, and as always, it was a ridiculous one.

“…and then I told her, ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.’” Portman slapped his knee, clearly proud of himself.

Hindi ako sumali sa usapan at nakinig lamang, bahagyang iritado pa rin ako sa pangdededma sakin ng Captain. Tinungga ko ang beer at pansamantalang kinalimutan ang pagkayamot.

“She didn’t know what hit her. I got a few dates out of that one. Best damn pickup line ever.”

The others laughed. Even Alvarez cracked a smile, despite his usual serious demeanor.

“Please. You’re lucky you didn’t get slapped for that line.”

“It’s all about the delivery, Hogan. You just gotta have confidence.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from drifting over to the empty seat next to the fire, the one where the Captain usually sat. The one that was still vacant.

“Where’s the Captain?” Portman asked me as if he knew I was just with him moments ago.

“Probably off sulking somewhere.” si Hogan ang sumagot habang inuubos ang kanyang beer.

Alvarez glanced at the empty seat, then back at me. Clemmons gave a knowing look, like he understands the whole situation.

I didn’t have to wait long before the Captain finally appeared. He’s now wearing a clean white shirt and the dangling dogtag beneath it. Ang buhok niya’y mamasa-masa pa rin ng pawis.

He stepped into the circle, standing just outside the firelight.

Portman whistled. “Well, well, look who finally decided to join the party.” he handed a beer to him.

Mariin akong nakamasid, waring tinitimpla ang mood niya. He just moved toward the fire, finding his usual spot without a word. It was like he’s still a million miles away.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. I remained silent on my seat. I know everybody noticed something was off. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin nila sa aming dalawa, parang ine-expect na magpapansinan kami ngunit ilang minuto ang lumipas ay walang nangyari.

“You two, you’re acting like old lovers who had a fight or something.” palihim kong inismiran si Portman nang basagin ang katahimikan. Walang pinipiling lugar ang mga biro niya.

I glanced over at Johnson, catching his eye for a split second before he looked away. Maybe he’s done with me, as the weakest member in the group, that thought hurt me. Whatever he’s thinking, I don’t care anymore.

Chapter 14

The moon was high by the time I finally snapped.

I stood outside the Captain’s quarters with my fists clenched and my heart pounding. I had been sitting on this for too long, watching him avoid me, carry a thousand shadows on his shoulders, act like none of it mattered when it obviously did.

Dalawang beses akong kumatok. Nang walang sumagot ay kusa na akong pumasok sa loob. I found him standing by the small desk, shirtless again, wiping sweat from his brow with a rag. Nang makita ako’y napailing lamang siya sa kawalan.

“We need to talk.” matapang kong bigkas.

He turned his back to me. “Not now, Private.”

“Yes, now.” I stepped further inside. “You’ve been dodging me for days, Captain. Ever since the mission. Ever since—” napahinto ako, remembering the moment I caressed his face while half-conscious, my fingers tracing his jaw as I cried like a child. “Ever since everything.”

Still, he said nothing. Oh yes, the silent treatment again, very mature. Ang iritasyong nararamdaman ko ay parang apoy na sumiklab pero isinantabi ko ang poot upang makausap siya nang kalmado.

“I need answers. The boss, Shrek Tornick, whatever his full name is, he knew you. He said he was going to kill you with his own hands. Said you did something to him… or to his family. What the hell did you do?” I shot him with the question that’s been bugging me, hoping it won’t backfire.

Nanigas siya sa narinig mula sa akin. Of course, I haven’t mentioned any of that to him in the past three days. How could I tell him? He’s avoiding me like a plague.

“I deserve to know!” bigla akong na-conscious nang marinig ang tumaas na tono ng aking boses kaya pinilit kong kumalma. “You put this team in danger. You put me in danger.” I didn’t mean that, just trying to get a reaction from him.

His eyes were like steel when he stared at me. “You think I wanted this?”

“I think you’re hiding something that could get us all killed.”

Naghamunan kami ng tingin. Umigting ang kanyang panga sa itinatagong galit.

“You don’t understand what this is.”

“Then make me understand!” lumapit ako sa kanya, nanginginig ang kamay. “I was captured, beaten, tied like a dog. You think I won’t demand the truth after that?”

He looked away.

“I want to know, I deserve to know. Please tell me.” I begged, waiting for him to crack.

I saw the hesitation in him. He sat down slowly on the edge of the cot, eyes fixed on the floor. Hinilot niya ang kanyang sintido habang nakatungo.

And when I felt him loosen up, I waited. His voice came out rough, like it hurt to say the words.

“Four years ago, I led a mission in this region.” he started, eyes still looking down. “We were sent to clear out a suspected weapons depot. Intel was vague. We went in hot and found nothing but a small farmstead.”

Tahimik akong nakinig, inaabsorb ang mga salita niya hanggang sa magkaroon ng larawan sa aking imahinasyon habang nagkukwento siya.

“There was a man, a local doctor. Not on any list, not a target. He tried to protect his home. We… we thought it was a trap.” his jaw clenched. “Shots were fired. One of my men panicked. The doctor’s son, he was young, maybe twelve, he was caught in the crossfire. Died before we realized what happened.”

He looked at me now, eyes stripped of all that distance. Namumula ang mga mata niya na parang nagpipigil ng luha. I froze, slowly realizing the ending.

“That man, the one who held you captive, that was Dr. Tariq. The doctor. He disappeared after that day. I thought he fled. I thought it was over.”

“But it wasn’t.” bulong ko, naupo ako nang mawalan ng lakas. It all made sense now.

“No. It never was.”

Ilang sandali kaming nabalot ng nakabibinging katahimikan. My anger dissolved into something else. Understanding. He had carried this guilt for years. Is that the reason why he’s blaming himself? The attack was connected to what happened four years ago?

“I didn’t know.” I murmured. “You’ve been carrying this alone?”

I reached out, tried to brush my fingers against his cheek, the same way I had when I was bleeding. “You don’t have to do this alone.” paalala ko sa kanya. It was the truth. This is not something he had to carry alone because guilt will only eat him alive.

But then he grabbed my wrist. The coldness never leaving his eyes.

“Don’t.” he warned then pushed my hand away with force, not enough to hurt but enough to draw a line.

“Don’t touch me like that.”

“I… I’m sorry.” paumanhin ko. I didn’t know he doesn’t want to be touched.

“Just go.” his voice almost cracking.

I felt really bad for him. He’s so damaged that he wouldn’t let anyone come close. I turned and left, processing the new information I learned from him.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up next morning was the silence. The camp was unusually quiet, no banters, no footsteps, nothing. It didn’t feel right.

The sun was already scorching when I stepped out of my tent. I did my routine of checking the inventory and listing all the supplies we need for next week. Nang sumapit ang tanghali ay nagtipon tipon kami sa dining area. Si Clemmons ang madalas na nakatoka sa pagluluto, kapag abala siya ay si Hogan minsan ang pumapalit.

We were all complete except for an empty seat. I glanced toward the usual spot but the Captain wasn’t there.

“Sleeping, probably?” Portman guessed while sipping on his coffee when he noticed my questioning stare.

“No. He’s always the first one up.” sabat naman ni Alvarez.

“I’ll go check.” nagprisinta ako at saka nagtungo sa kabilang gusali kung nasaan ang opisina ni Captain.

I knocked on his door three times. As usual, wala akong sagot na natanggap kaya kusa na akong pumasok sa loob. But no one was there. I looked around and noticed that his gear and his favorite rifle were both missing.

Panic crept into my chest. Where the hell was he?

Nakompirma ang hinala ko nang mapansin ang isang piraso ng papel sa ibabaw ng kanyang desk. He left a letter addressed to… me.

It didn’t take long to put the pieces together. He’s not missing, he’d gone after Dr. Tariq on his own, no backup, no warning.

Shit.

“Alvarez! Hogan! Portman!” I shouted as I ran toward the dining area. Gulat ang rumehistro sa mga mukha nila habang ako’y hinahabol ang aking hininga.

“Where’s Cap?” Alvarez asked.

“He’s gone. He’s after Tariq, alone. We need to go after him, now.”

For a moment, no one spoke. The gravity of the situation settled over us. They all knew Tariq and the previous mission, he wasn’t just a threat, he was a ghost haunting us all. But the captain going off alone? That was reckless.

“Let’s go.” Hogan moved to grab his gear. I felt relief when they acted on board.

“I’m going with you.” nagdesisyon ako habang pinanonood ang paggayak nila sa pag-alis.

But Alvarez put a hand on my chest, stopping me. “No, Marasigan. You stay here.”

“What?!” I was taken aback. “I’m not letting you guys go without me. The captain’s out there and—”

“Listen.” He cut me off. Hindi ako papayag na hindi ako sasama sa kanila. I must have provoked the Captain’s fury last night and he might be on some suicide mission now. “You’re too close to this. We need you here, watching the camp, keeping communication open. We can’t afford to have you distracted. We’re going after him but you need to stay behind.”

I stared at him, letting him see my frustration. He didn’t get it. “I don’t care about staying behind. The captain, he’s out there! He could be in danger!”

“I know.” Hogan interrupted, lumipat ang tingin ko sa kanya. “And we’re going after him. But you’ve got to hold down the fort. You’ll just be a liability out there, Marasigan. We need you to stay here.”

I clenched my fists, wanting to argue but I knew they were right. If I went with them, I’d just be another person in the way, another person they’d need to worry about.

Huminga ako nang malalim at sumang-ayon sa sinabi nila. I realized I was acting irrational. “Fine. But I’ll be waiting here. If anything goes wrong, you better let me know.”

“We will.” Alvarez promised.

Pinanood ko silang umalis. The weight of helplessness settled over me. I couldn’t stand just sitting here but I knew I couldn’t do anything right now.

“You good?” concerned na tanong ni Clemmons na naiwan din sa kampo.

“No.” tugon ko, nakatingin parin sa direksyong tinahak ng tatlo. “But what can I do?”

He gave me a pat on the shoulder. “We wait.”

I hated it but I couldn’t argue with him. Kaya wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ang maghintay.

Isang oras ang nakalipas, hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

Then suddenly, the sound of the camp’s telephone broke through, ringing loudly. Who would be calling us now?

Mag-isa ako roon dahil nagtungo si Clemmons sa kitchen upang linisin ang mga kalat doon. I walked over to the desk and decided to pick up the receiver.

“Marasigan here.”

The voice on the other end was commanding, a tone I knew all too well. “Private Marasigan, this is General Raymond.”

Halos manlumo ako sa kaba at takot. General Raymond, Captain Joaquin’s father. Why was he calling at this hour? Did he know his son was missing?

“General…” my words were caught in my throat.

“I trust everything is under control over there? Is the Captain present?”

So he obviously wasn’t aware of the situation. Of course, he wouldn’t be. He was probably just checking in, unaware that his son had gone off on his own.

Nag-isip ako ng mabilis na sagot. “Yes sir, everything’s under control. Captain Johnson’s… just stepping out for a moment. Routine check.” I lied smoothly. “We’re keeping things secure here, sir. No issues.”

There was another pause, mukhang satisfied naman siya sa narinig.

“Good. I’m counting on you to keep things tight, Marasigan. We can’t afford any surprises.”

“Understood, sir. We’re good here. Everything’s fine.”

“Good to hear. Stay sharp. I’ll check back in later.”

The line clicked as he hung up. Binaba ko ang telepono at nakabawi ng hininga. The general had no idea what was really happening. No idea that the Captain was off chasing Tariq alone. And I was left here, lying through my teeth, keeping up appearances.

Hindi ako maaaring manatili nalang dito, nag-aabang ng balita at walang ginagawa. I had to figure out how to handle this. The general thought everything was fine and I couldn’t afford to have him second-guess me.

I’m not going to stay behind.

Chapter 15

I stayed up sitting near the fire, eyes glued to the path the others had taken. There was nothing I could do now except wait. I told myself over and over that they were trained for this, that they could handle themselves. But the pit in my stomach wouldn’t go away. Subalit habang tumatagal ay mas lalo lamang akong nababalisa, nag-iisip ng mga worst-case scenarios sa aking utak.

It was getting late and the air was cooling. Naalala ko ang pag-uusap namin ng General kanina at kung paanong napakadali sa akin na magsinunghaling. Should I tell him the truth? Should I let him know the captain was off alone, no backup? The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t feel right.

Joaquin is a man of his word, a man who wouldn’t let something like a dangerous mission stop him from finishing what he started. Part of me trusted that he knew exactly what he was doing. But another part of me, maybe the part that cared too much, couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

I decided to stay alone. They’re right, magiging liability lang ako sa kanila at isa pa ay nagpapagaling pa rin ako sa mga pinsalang tinamo sa huling misyon.

I glanced at the fire again and before I knew it, I heard footsteps in the distance. The three of them were back. Gumala ang paningin ko sa likuran, nag-eexpect na mayroon pa silang kasamang bumalik ngunit mabilis kong napagtanto na hindi nila nahanap ang Captain.

None of them looked good. Their eyes were heavy and their postures stiff with fatigue.

Hindi ko na kailangang isalita ang mga tanong sa utak ko nang makatanggap ng kasagutan kay Alvarez.

“He wasn’t where we thought he’d be. We searched the area, but we couldn’t find him. It’s like he vanished.”

“He… he’s still out there?”

“We think so.” dagdag ni Portman na madilim ang ekspresyon. “But we couldn’t risk going deeper. It was getting dark, and we’re not sure what we’re up against out there.”

I understood. Pero hindi nito napigilan ang paggapang ng takot sa akin.

“So, what now?”

“We wait.” Hogan answered. “We can’t do anything else tonight. It’s too risky.”

The camp fell into a heavy silence, each of us left alone with our thoughts. Lumabas ako at naupo sa gilid ng bonfire. Everyone else seemed to sink into their own exhaustion, slowly finding their way to their tents.

Pero hindi ako makatulog. I couldn’t shut my mind off. I kept replaying the moment when the General had called, how I had lied without thinking, how I’d covered for the Captain’s absence. Tama ba ang ginawa ko? Dapat bang sinabi ko sa kanya ang katotohanan?

The night was cold and the sky was darker now, a deep purple stretching across the horizon. I could see the faint outline of the trees, the path that led to the Captain’s office, and something else. Until I saw a figure moving slowly along the dirt road.

Joaquin.

I recognized him immediately. Mabagal ang mga hakbang nito, mabibigat, na parang pasan niya ang mundo. Kung hindi ko alam na nawawala siya, aakalain kong lasing lang siya.

Without thinking, I started walking after him. Hindi naman niya napansin ang pagsunod ko dahil mukhang nasa malayong kawalan ang isipan niya.

When he reached his office, he fumbled with the door, barely managing to push it open. Naiwan ako sa labas ng kanyang opisina. I was torn between giving him space and seeing if he was okay. But the curiosity gnawed at me.

I slowly pushed the door open just enough to slip inside without being noticed.

Malamlam ang ilaw sa loob ng opisina, ang ilaw ay nagmumula sa desk lamp. Joaquin was leaning heavily on the desk, breathing deep as if he hadn’t had a proper rest in days.

Napansin ko ang papeles na nagkalat sa ibabaw ng desk niya. His fingers brushed over those papers but he seemed too tired to focus on anything.

“Joaquin?” bahagya siyang nagulat sa boses ko. I didn’t realize I just called him by his name.

“Marasigan… I didn’t hear you come in.”

“You okay?” not mentioning him being gone.

He gave me a tired smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. I’m just… tired.”

I didn’t buy it. There was more going on and I could see it in the way he carried himself, like he was on the verge of collapse.

But I didn’t push him. Instead, I took a seat on one of the chairs across from him, watching quietly as he rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“I’ve been following Tariq.” pag-amin niya matapos ang isang minuto ng katahimikan. “I’ve been watching his men. Gathering intel. But it’s all just… a mess.”

I tried to understand what he was saying. “Why didn’t you tell us? Why keep this from the others?”

“I couldn’t. Not yet. I needed to see things for myself. To make sure it wasn’t just another lead that would turn out to be nothing.” pinagsalikop niya ang kanyang mga daliri at mariing tumitig sa akin. “But it’s more than that. It’s personal. I can’t explain it, Marasigan. I just… I need to know what’s going on, what Tariq’s really planning. I have to.”

“You’re not thinking straight. Do you even realize what you’re doing? What could happen if you go after him alone? This isn’t just about you or me. This is about the whole team. The consequences, Joaquin, if you go out there, no backup, no plan, this could end badly. You might never come back!”

He clenched his jaw, his fists tightening. “And what? You think I haven’t thought about that? You think I don’t know what I’m risking? I don’t care. I can’t just sit here, waiting for Tariq to make his move. I have to do this. I have to get him before he gets us.”

It was hard trying to reason with him. “You can’t just keep pushing this. There are limits. We don’t even know what he’s planning. Going in blind, acting on your own… it’s not the way to do this. You can’t handle this by yourself, no matter how much you want to.”

Umiling-iling siya, hindi sang-ayon sa sinabi ko.

“You don’t get it. You’re not the only one who’s lost someone to Tariq. You think I don’t feel that too? That I don’t know what this is costing me? I’m doing this for Connor!”

The words hit me like a punch in the gut. “Connor?” natigilan ako nang maalala ang pangalang iyon. “You mean the medic? You’re doing this for him?”

Connor was the medic before me.

He nodded, na parang pinagsisihan niyang umamin siya sa totoong dahilan. “Connor didn’t die just because of some mission. He died because of Tariq. That man took him from us. I promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen again. I won’t let Tariq destroy anyone else on this team. Not if I can stop him.”

Wala akong ideya. I had never connected Connor’s death to Tariq before. It all made sense now. It wasn’t just a mission to him anymore, it was personal.

“I didn’t know.”

Sa parehong pagkakataon ay biglang sumagi sa alaala ko ang mga salitang nanggaling kay Sergeant Singh bago ako ma-deploy rito. “There’s an officer in logistics. Private Connor. He’s been blocking access to certain medical gear. Hoarding it. I want you to get into the supply database. Change a few entries. Make it look like a simple inventory error.” that’s what the Sergeant had told me back in Alaska. And the Sergeant didn’t know Connor was dead.

Nadagdagan ang mga katanungan sa aking utak.

“I had to. There’s too much at stake. If I tell the others now, it’ll blow everything. They won’t understand. But I trust you. I’m just… trying to protect everyone. Even if it means doing it alone.” bumalik ang atensyon ko kay Joaquin.

I understood at some point. Mahirap mang intindihin ang sitwasyon, may tiwala ako sa kanyang ginagawa niya ito para sa kabutihan ng lahat.

“I get it. But you don’t have to carry it all by yourself, Joaquin. You don’t have to.”

His eyes flickered with emotion. For a moment, it seemed like he might say more, might finally let go of the walls he’d built around himself. Subalit sa huli ay umiwas lamang siya ng tingin, like it was too much to bear.

“I know. I just… I don’t know how to ask for help. Not yet.”

Then, before I even knew what was happening, I was standing in front of him, my hand reaching out. I touched his face gently, my fingers brushing against his stubble. His skin was warm beneath my touch and for a moment, everything else disappeared.

He didn’t pull away this time.

Pumikit siya at dinama ang marahang haplos ng aking kamay sa kanyang mukha. And I saw it, the vulnerability that he had been hiding so well. For just a second, he looked like he wanted to say something else. Like he wanted to let me in more than he ever had before. His gaze flickered to my lips, then back to my eyes. Animo’y tumigil ang mundo sa mga oras na ‘yon.

Our eyes met like it was interconnected and all the thoughts running around our heads were linked as one.

The moment passed quickly, leaving both of us in a strange and awkward silence.

And there it was, the unsaid truth. Joaquin, usually the tough one and the leader, was struggling just as much as the rest of us. And I could see it now, ayaw man niyang aminin.

I didn’t know what to say to make it better. So I just stayed quiet and sat there with him. And maybe for once, that was enough. Joaquin was right. He couldn’t do this alone. And neither could I. But together? Maybe we stood a chance.

Chapter 16

The morning light filtered through the trees. The usual quiet was broken by the sound of Portman’s voice, loud and obnoxious as usual.

“Alright, alright, who’s ready for some of my world-famous eggs?” Portman grinned and flipped a pan over the fire. Hindi naman siya marunong magluto pero ngayong araw ay nagprisinta siya.

The rest of the team laughed, the tension from yesterday slowly fading into the background. It felt good to be back in the routine, hindi tulad no’ng mga nakaraang araw na puno ng tensyon at kaguluhan.

We sat around the campfire passing around plates and sharing breakfast. Ngunit ang pinaka-nakagugulat sa lahat ay ang makitang nakikisali sa biruan si Joaquin. He was joking back with Portman and he was actually laughing. I expected him to be more distant or withdrawn, but here he is, playing along with everyone.

It was a breath of fresh air, seeing him happy every morning. Maybe this is a good sign.

“Alright, Captain. What do you call a medic who can’t cook?” Portman asked, starting a joke.

Joaquin raised an eyebrow. “A failure?” sagot niya na parang hindi man lang pinag-isipan. The entire group burst into laughter, maging ako ay hindi napigilang matawa.

“Harsh. I was thinking more along the lines of ‘a man with taste,’ but okay sure. Harsh, but fair.”

Isang beses na nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Joaquin, naiwan ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. It was nice to see him so normal again, even if it wasn’t entirely the same as before. Alam kong hindi iyon madali, but he was trying and that meant something.

The others didn’t ask where he had gone the day before. No one pushed him for answers or seemed to care about his absence. Na para bang naiintindihan nila kung kailan hindi na kailangang mang-usisa at kung kailan magbibigay ng space. The unspoken understanding was a little reassuring and no one was trying to force him to talk.

As the conversation progressed, I couldn’t help but notice how Joaquin kept stealing glances in my direction. Ngunit sa bawat pagkakataong nahuhuli ko siya ay lumiliko din naman ang tingin niya sa iba. I tried to focus on my food but every time our eyes met, my heart would race a little faster.

What is wrong with me?

Kinalaunan, natapos ang aming breakfast at napukaw ang atensyon namin nang marinig ang pagdating ng isang humvee. Two unfamiliar soldiers stepped out, their uniforms a little different from ours, they are local soldiers from Syria. Mas matanda sila sa amin at mukhang experienced na. Joaquin mentioned it early this morning that two local soldiers will be added to our camp. The General recommended it as it will help us with the missions that require communication with the local people.

The first man is taller with graying hair and a few deep lines on his face. Lumapit siya at inalok ang kanyang kamay kay Portman na pinakamalapit sa kanya. Portman eyed him with curiosity.

“I am Fadil.” the man said, his English thick with an accent. “This is my partner, Samir.” he introduced the second soldier who’s a little shorter but just as solid as Fadil.

“Samir.” simpleng bati nito at may malawak na ngiti sa kanyang mukha.

I could tell immediately they weren’t the type to be put off by our different cultures or language barriers. They were here to help, here to be part of the team.

“Welcome to the team, Fadil, Samir…” I stepped forward to greet them and shook their hands. “It’s good to have you with us.”

They both nodded as the rest of the team greeted them and patter their backs. Their smiles were genuine as if they had already decided they’d belong here.

“We will work together. We fight together. No need for words always.” pahayag ni Fadil habang kaharap si Joaquin na malugod silang tinanggap.

“Alright, let’s get to work.” Portman clapped his hands together, breaking the moment. “We’ve got some training to do. New guys, follow me!”

Sumunod ang dalawa sa kanya na walang pagdadalawang isip. I glanced back at Joaquin who was still watching me, and for a second I thought I saw a flicker of something more in his gaze. But then, he quickly turned away, falling in line with the others as they started setting up for the next phase of the day.

Sweat trickled down my neck as I stepped away from the main area where Hogan and Clemmons were working out in the blistering heat. Parehong balot ng pawis ang mga katawan nila, dulot ng init at ng intensity ng kanilang work out session. I couldn’t help but admire their stamina.

I made my way over to Alvarez who was sitting near a crate of supplies. Naabutan ko siyang nililinisan ang kanyang rifle at tinaasan niya ako ng kilay nang mapansin akong nakatayo at nakatunganga sa harap niya.

“You need something, Marasigan?”

“I was thinking of asking you to teach me a bit more about the arsenal.” I said nodding toward the array of guns and rifles scattered around us. “I could use some practice with handling different weapons. I know the basics, but I think it’s time I learn more.”

Ngumisi siya at saka nagpunas ng kanyang mga kamay. “Alright. You’re not a total rookie, but I’m happy to help you level up. Come over here.”

Sinundan ko ang mga yapak niya. I watched him set up a few rifles and pistols on the nearby table. It was clear he had a lot of experience with weapons, well more than most of us. As he demonstrated the different types, he explained how each gun had its own unique set of challenges, how to handle them effectively, and when to use them depending on the situation.

We spent the next hour or so practicing together, working through different drills and perfecting stances, grips, and aiming. His style was patient and thorough, teaching me not just how to use the guns but also the mindset behind each movement. Marami akong natutunan sa kanya at nakasisiguro akong magagamit ko ito sa mga susunod na mission.

“Good.” inabot niya sakin ang isang bagong rifle para subukan. “You’re picking it up quick. You’ve got good instincts, Marasigan. But keep your head down when you’re aiming. Stay low.”

I absorbed his every word.

Saglit kaming nag-break upang magpahinga. Kumuha ako ng bottled water para sa aming dalawa. I glanced over where Portman was giving the two Syrian soldiers, Fadil and Samir, a tour of the base. They were listening intently, and I could see that Portman was doing his best to make them feel at home while pointing out different areas of the camp.

Alvarez followed my gaze, taking a swig of water before turning his attention back to me. “You know, they’ll fit in fine. Fadil and Samir aren’t like the others we’ve worked with. They’ve got a calm about them. It’ll be good for the team.”

“Yeah.” I agreed. “They seem alright.”

Nagkaroon ng panandaliang katahimikan sa pagitan namin. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Alvarez was waiting for me to ask something. Then, as if sensing my hesitation, he spoke.

“You know, you’ve been spending a lot of time with the Captain lately. How’s he doing?” maingat ang kanyang boses. Alvarez is not the type to show emotions but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. “I know you’ve been keeping an eye on him, making sure he’s okay. He trusts you.”

Hindi ko alam kung paano siya sasagutin. I don’t want to betray anything personal but at the same time, I couldn’t lie to him. He could tell if something was off.

“I think he’s… trying.” mabagal kong sagot, dumapo ang aking tingin sa direksyon ng opisina ni Joaquin. “But he’s distant, you know? He’s always been that way, even before everything with Tariq. It’s like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and he doesn’t want anyone to see it.”

Sumang-ayon siya sa aking tinuran. “Yeah, I get that. He’s never been one to open up. But you’re right. He’s been carrying a lot. I’m not sure how much he’s told you about Connor… but those two were close like brothers. They were inseparable.”

The mention of Connor took me by surprise. Hindi ko inaasahang babanggitin niya ang pangalang iyon ngunit wala naman akong pag-aalinlangan na nahimigan sa sa boses niya.

“Connor and Johnson…” pagpapatuloy niya. “They met when they were both fresh out of training, just kids. They hit it off from day one. They were always together, always looking out for each other. They trusted each other more than anyone else. I think when Connor died, it broke the Cap in ways he’ll never show. He doesn’t talk about it much, but that loss? It hit him harder than he lets on. He doesn’t know how to process it. He never did.”

I could feel a lump form in my throat as I thought about Connor, how little I knew about his death, and how little anyone had shared with me. Ilang beses ko nang narinig ang pangalan niya kay Clemmons at maging kay Joaquin mismo.

Now, it made sense why Joaquin was the way he was. It wasn’t just the mission, or the war, it was personal. He had lost someone who had been more than a teammate. He’d lost a brother.

“Thanks for telling me. I had no idea.”

“Most people don’t. But maybe that’s why Cap has been so distant. He doesn’t know how to let anyone in anymore. But if anyone can help him through it, it’s you. You’re the only one he’s really trusted.”

I wasn’t really certain if he’s right. It was a lot to take in but it also made me realize how much I still had to learn about the man leading our team. Joaquin wasn’t just the captain. He was someone carrying his own battles, his own grief, and I had to respect that.

Dumapo ang tingin ko sa Captain’s office nang matapos ang pag-uusap namin ni Alvarez. Joaquin hadn’t come out yet but I knew he was in there, probably lost in thought or fighting some inner war of his own. It made me wonder if he even realized how much the team cared about him or if he would ever let anyone in enough to show it.

The day was just beginning but I felt like I was already learning more than I expected. The team, the captain, even myself, we all had more to share. But maybe, just maybe, we’re all starting to find our way.

Chapter 17

Later in the afternoon, I walked over to the work area where Hogan was hunched over a small metal device, carefully tinkering with it. He looked up briefly when I approached, offering me a quick nod of acknowledgment before going back to what he was doing. It was the kind of focus you only saw in people who were really good at what they did and Hogan was damn good at dismantling bombs.

Pinanood ko siya dahil mukhang interesting ang ginagawa niya. “Hey, Hogan. I heard you’re kind of a master at taking apart bombs. Thought I might learn something from you.”

He grunted in acknowledgement without looking up, his hands still moving in careful motions.

“It’s not something you wanna be too good at, trust me.” paalala niya pero nag-angat din ng tingin pagkalipas ng ilang segundo. “But I can show you the basics, sure. Just don’t expect me to make a pro out of you overnight.”

I smiled at him. I wasn’t expecting to become an expert but anything I could learn in this line of work might save lives.

He started demonstrating what he was doing, no room for error. Kung panonoorin siya ay parang napakadaling gawin ngunit ibang usapan na kung ako na mismo ang gagawa. I tried and carefully followed his lead as he kept an eye on me. Itinatama niya agad kapag may nagawa akong mali. Still, this is not something I could learn in one sitting.

“You know.” aniya, hindi inaalis ang tingin sa ginagawa ko. “When Connor was still around, he was always the one asking questions. Same as you. He used to follow me around like a damn shadow, wanting to learn the ropes when the captain was off doing… whatever the hell he was doing.”

Okay, I didn’t expect him to share a story about Connor. But maybe they all have their own story with the guy.

“Connor was like a little brother to me. Hell, I trained him up, showed him how to spot a bomb, how to safely disarm one.” I never realized how close he and Hogan were, how much of an impact his loss must have had on everyone. Hogan, usually so tough and stoic, sounded a little softer when he spoke of him.

“Connor must’ve been something else.” I guessed, mukhang hindi sapat ang mga salitang iyon para ilarawan ang impact niya sa kanila.

“Yeah, he was. ” he whispered while looking down at the bomb in front of us. “He didn’t deserve what happened.”

Before I could respond, the familiar voice of Portman interrupted the moment.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s turning into the next bomb expert.” pang-aalaska niya. “What are you two doing, exchanging war stories and making homemade explosives?” He shot me a knowing look, then turned to Hogan. “Careful, man, don’t turn him into a real expert. He might start disarming your snacks next.”

I rolled my eyes at his usual antics. Bago pa man ako makaapela ay natanaw ko ang pamilyar na bulto ni Joaquin. Wait, when did I start calling him by his first name? I should call him Captain or Cap, just to be more respectful.

Respectful, my ass.

The others straightened and even though Captain wasn’t paying attention to me directly, I couldn’t help but glance at him. Nang marating ang kinaroroonan namin ay diretso ang tingin niya sa akin. I almost moaned in secret, looking at his handsome face, perfect in every angle, I couldn’t contain whatever I was feeling.

“Marasigan.” animo’y naging invisible ang dalawa sa tabi at ako lamang ang nakikita ni Captain. “Come to my office. I need you to arrange some papers for me.” utos nito.

It wasn’t unusual for him to ask me for help with something but today… there was something different about the way he said it. Maybe it was just me overthinking things again.

Nagpaalam ako sa dalawa bago sumunod sa kanyang opisina. As soon as I entered, he gestured for me to sit down at the desk, pulling a stack of papers from a drawer and placing them in front of me.

“Tariq’s been moving around a lot.” walang hesitasyon niyang anunsyo. So this was about Tariq again. “I’ve been tracking him but he’s unpredictable. Hard to pin down.”

He tapped a finger on one of the papers. Binasa ko ang mga nakasulat doon. “These reports will give you more information about his patterns. I need you to organize them so we can come up with a plan.”

Wala akong choice kundi ang sundin ang utos niya. Besides, this is what I meant when I told him he didn’t need to do this alone. I focused on the task at hand, trying to ignore the weight of his presence just a few feet away from me. Nahirapan akong mag-concentrate dahil ilang pulgada lamang ang layo niya sa akin. Halos maamoy ko na ang masculine scent niya na kaakit-akit aa aking pang-amoy.

As I shuffled the papers, I could feel his eyes on me. Naramdaman ko ang presensya niya sa aking likuran, may init na nagmumula roon. He leaned in closer, his hand brushing over mine as he reached for another paper. The moment na nagdikit ang mga daliri namin ay para akong nanigas sa kinauupuan. It wasn’t the first time we’d been this close but there was something different this time.

Ngunit ako lang yata ang halos mabaliw sa mga oras na iyon dahil nakatuon ang mga mata niya sa mga nakalatag na papel. I handed him the papers once I’d arranged them and tried to meet his gaze without letting my thoughts betray me.

I needed to keep my distance, paalala ko sa sarili.

“Good work.”

I nodded, still not trusting myself to speak. It was like everything between us had shifted and I couldn’t figure out how or why. I left his office, my mind spinning with the kind of thoughts I didn’t want to have. The day had barely started. Pero para akong nakatayo sa bingit ng bangin, naghihintay na may tumulak sa akin mula sa likuran.

The next day, we were all gathered around the table. Captain Joaquin stood at the front, one hand braced on the table’s edge, the other clutching a worn notepad.

He didn’t waste time with small talk.

He cleared his throat before speaking.

“Alright, listen up. I know the past few days have been… unpredictable, to say the least. But we need to focus on Tariq. His movements have been erratic, and he’s been keeping us on our toes. We’ve been tracking his pattern…” he glanced in my direction, when he said ‘we’ he meant he and I. “And it’s clear that he’s not staying in one place for too long. It makes it difficult to pin him down.”

He paused. Bumaling ulit ang tingin niya sa aking gawi na parang tinitimbang ang magiging reaksyon ko.

“We’re gonna have to work smarter if we’re going to catch him. Our next move is to try and intercept him during one of his smaller transitions. We’ve got intel on a possible location where he might stop for a brief period. We’re going to need everyone sharp and ready to move.”

Somehow, I already knew about it. Pinagmasdan ko ang reaksyon ng iba ngunit mukhang inaasahan na rin nilang marinig ang balitang ito mula sa kanya.

“Three separate intel hits in the last week, all northeast of the ridge. He’s forming a perimeter, not for defense but for something deliberate and coordinated.”

Alvarez frowned and asked. “Ambush?”

“Something more personal.” tugon ni Joaquin habang ini-scan ang mapang nakalatag sa table. “This isn’t about territory. It’s about me.”

Nanaig ang katahimikan ng ilang segundo. Hogan leaned forward, his arms on his knees. “This is connected to what happened with his kid?”

Napuna ko ang pagkakatigil ni Joaquin sa narinig. The topic was too personal to him.

“Yes. His son died during a raid I authorized. It wasn’t clean. Tariq was there. He held his boy when he bled out. He’s been hunting ever since.”

No one said anything. As far as I know, Alvarez and Portman at least know all that happened from that mission, and the others not so much.

“He’s not just staging an attack, he’s building a message. I don’t know if it’ll be a sniper in the dark or a full-on strike, but either way, I’m the headline.”

“So what’s the plan, sir?” napalingon kaming lahat kay Portman na seryoso ang mukha. Si Portman na laging palabiro at walang ka-seryosohang taglay, subalit ngayon ay na-impress ako sa inakto niya.

Isa-isang dumapo ang tingin niya sa amin. It seemed like he’s the only person, aside from Cap, who doesn’t care if he gets killed.

“We will make a plan. No command delays. I want contingencies, extraction, counter-positioning, and if it comes to it, a direct contact.”

Hogan nodded. “We’ll back you. Whatever way it goes.”

“Well, when we find him, I’ll be happy to put a bullet in his head. Honestly, I might even enjoy it.” Portman added in sarcasm now.

“Anything, Cap.” Clemmons agreed, with a determined look on his face. All of them are on board, that’s how closed knit they are.

“Good. We’re done reacting. Time to move first.”

He turned when he seemed satisfied with everyone’s answer and left.

I don’t know if this is being reckless or if this is the right time to make an action. Ano man ang maging kalabasan, may tiwala ako Captain. I hope everything goes well because if not, I don’t know how to console him anymore.

Once the debriefing was over, I found myself walking outside the camp. Sa isang banda ay natanaw ko sina Fadil at Samir. They were standing near the supply area, talking quietly in their native tongue when they saw me approaching. They were headed to the river to refill the water drums. To get out of the tension surrounding the base, I decided to come with them.

They joked around as we worked, pointing out birds in the trees, and splashing a little water like kids. Ma-kwento ang dalawa kaya mas nakilala ko sila habang abala kami sa pag-iimbak ng tubig. May dalawang anak na si Fadil at nalaman kong pinsan nya pala si Samir. Samir was inspired by him to join the military.

“Teach me something.” I grinned as I handed Fadil an empty canister. “I want to learn how to cuss someone out in Arabic. Like… if someone’s really being an ass.”

I noticed they exchanged mischievous glances but it was quick so I ignored it.

“Okay, okay. You say this, ‘ana bahibbak’.” turo ni Fadil.

“Ana… bahibbak? ” inulit ko, hindi sigurado kung tama ang pagkakabigkas.

They burst out laughing, nodding their approval. “Yes! Perfect. That’s what you say when you hate someone very much.” pahayag naman ni Samir na namumula na ang mukha sa pagpipigil ng tawa.

“Alright. Ana bahibbak. Got it. I’ll save that for when the Captain’s being a pain in the ass.” malugod kong bigkas, masaya na may natutunang bago.

After a while, we headed back to camp and the water containers heavy in our arms. Paglampas namin sa barracks ay napansin ko si Clemmons na nakaupo sa labas ng kanyang tent. He’s working on something with his legs stretched out in front of him. Nag-alala ako nang makita ang bakas ng dugo sa kamay niya at ang mantsa sa kanyang damit.

“Hey, Marasigan. I need some help in here.” he motioned me to come over.

When I got closer, I saw that he was stitching up some of his wounds from the last mission.

“Don’t worry. It’s nothing too serious. I’ve had worse.” he probably saw the look of worry in my face.

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s not exactly comforting.”

“You get used to it after a while. Besides, I’m a pro when it comes to stitching myself up.”

Naupo ako sa tabi niya at kinuha ang gamit sa kanya. I stitched him up so his wound won’t bleed again.

“You know, you’ve been around here long enough now. There’s a lot of stuff you probably don’t know about the team.” aniya, naka-focus ako sa ginagawa pero handang makinig. “Stuff that doesn’t always make it into the official briefings.”

I tilted my head at him, curious. “What do you mean?”

Saglit siyang tumahimik, iniinda ang kirot sa kanyang binti.

“Okay. What’s going on around here that I don’t know about?” kuryoso kong tanong, hindi napigilan ang sarili.

“You want the dirt, huh? You know, there’s always something going on in this camp. Everyone’s got their secrets. Even the Captain.”

Now, the mention of the Captain really got my whole attention.

“Like what?”

He only shrugged and leaned back in his chair, his eyes thoughtful. “Well for starters, the Captain doesn’t like green beans or spicy food. The man’s a creature of habit, you won’t ever catch him ordering anything with a kick. If you try to feed him something spicy, he’ll act like you’ve just poisoned him.”

I chuckled, picturing Joaquin’s serious face contorting in disgust over something as simple as a spicy meal.

“And then there’s Portman. You know that guy’s a walking disaster in a good way, right? Well, I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors. Affairs. Multiple, I think. He’s a great guy, but the man doesn’t know how to keep it in his pants.”

Mas lalo akong natawa sa sunod na narinig. I wasn’t surprised about Portman. He always seemed like the type to stir up trouble, mostly in the women department.

“But the real story.” he continued, “Is about Hogan. When he was a kid, he had selective mutism. Wouldn’t speak a word for years. Now he’s one of the loudest guys on the team.”

Woah, I never heard of that one before.

“That’s… intense.” I tried to imagine the big guy staying silent for years.

“It’s a long road, but he came out of it. He’s good now, stronger than most.” I nodded, confirming how strong Hogan is now.

“What about Alvarez?” I asked, more curious this time.

But he only snorted at my question. “That man has the most skeletons in his closet and I don’t know anything about it, won’t even try to.” pag-amin niya habang nakangisi.

True enough, Alvarez seemed the type to keep it all to himself. He’s one of the most reliable guys here, but he’s also the silent type and don’t casually talk about his personal life.

For a sudden moment, Clemmons looked so distant, like his thoughts of the team suddenly vanished. Tumingin siya sakin na parang mayroong gustong sabihin ngunit tinimbang muna ang kanyang lakas ng loob.

“I’ve got a kid.” he confessed after a long pause. “My wife and I split, but I see him when I can. He’s… he’s everything to me. I miss him… more than anything.”

The heaviness in his words hit me harder than I expected. Now, it made sense why he always seemed like he was longing for something and why he cooks good food. He’s a father.

“I’m sorry, man. I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Yeah, well. Life’s complicated. But he’s my world. I’m just trying to keep it all together.” isang payak na ngiti ang umangat sa mga mata niya. “But hey, you asked for the dirt. That’s about all of it.”

Na-appreciate ko ang honesty niya. I also finished stitching him up and returned the tools to him. “Thanks, Clemmons. It’s good to know this stuff.”

We both sat there for a moment, the weight of the conversation settling between us. It was a momentary relief because our mission was far from over. But for now, I had learned more about the team than I had ever expected.

Chapter 18

It was a sunny mid-afternoon when the call came in. It wasn’t just a vague update this time, it was a solid lead.

“Confirmed sighting. Tariq was spotted near Al-Bukamal.” anunsyo ni Clemmons at ipinasa ang printout kay Joaquin.

The Captain’s face changed. Dumilim ang ekspresyon habang binabasa ang mga detalyeng nakasulat doon. The way his fingers curled around the edge of the report like he was holding back from tearing it in half.

“Gear up. We move within the hour.” aniya, hindi inaalis ang tingin sa papel.

I stepped forward and blocked his path before he could storm out.

“Captain, wait. You can’t just go charging in again.” paalala ko sa kanya. Umatras ako ng isang yapak nang mapagtantong malapit masyado ang mga mukha namin.

His glare landed on me. “This is our chance. I’m not wasting time.”

“And I’m not letting you self-destruct.” I snapped back before I could think better of it. “You told us to trust you, remember? So trust us now. Let the team do the work, we’re not just decoration out here.”

There was silence between us for a beat. The guys seemed to agree with what I said. Wala man silang lakas ng loob na magbigay ng sariling opinyon, alam kong pareho kaming lahat ng estado.

“I’m not asking you to stand down.” pagpapatuloy ko. “I’m asking you to let us have your back.” nagtagal ang titig niya sa akin, gumalaw ang panga niya ngunit walang salita na lumabas sa bibig niya.

He exhaled, not quite convinced. He looked at each of the guys to know if they are all in agreement.

“I’ll help you. Whatever you need. But you’re not doing this alone.” bulong ko, makumbinsi lamang siya ng tuluyan.

He didn’t respond but I could see his grip on the folder loosen. Eventually, dahan-dahan siyang tumango nang makumbinsi sa sinabi ko. He folded the report and tucked it under his arm. “You’re right. We’ll handle this smart… together.”

He walked off and left me standing there, clueless but proud. At least, he knows how to listen. I received a pat in the back when the guys passed me by, Portman leaving me with a curious but suspicious look.

Naantala ang aming plano nang makatanggap kami ng panibagong mission. Joaquin understands that the new mission was more important than his personal agenda with Tariq and it can be paused for now.

We were deployed early the next morning. We read the report about gunfires in an old farmland about thirty kilometers out. No solid body count, no verified enemy. Just shell casings, smoke, and silence.

We rolled out in two Humvees. Joaquin let me sit beside him while he was maneuvering the first vehicle. Sa likod naman nakaupo si Portman na excited at akala mo’y carnival ang pupuntahan namin. Clemmons and the rest of the guys were in the second humvee that is much bigger.

Tahimik kaming dalawa ni Joaquin at nakapirmi sa daan ang paningin ko nang marinig ang boses ni Portman sa likuran.

“I swear, the sexual tension in here could knock out a drone. I should’ve brought popcorn.”

Joaquin gave him a sharp look from the mirror but Portman just grinned.

“Come on, lighten up. We’re going out! Sun’s shining, birds are probably exploding somewhere, and I get to legally punch people again. It’s a damn good day.” napairap na lamang ako sa pinagsasabi ni Portman.

“You’re not supposed to punch people, Portman.” bigkas ko at binalik ang tingin sa daan. Ilang beses na dumadapo ang tingin ko sa pagmamaneho ni Joaquin at sa mahahaba niyang daliri sa steering wheel. I only noticed now how huge his hands are.

“Not supposed to, no. But sometimes the universe puts a face in front of me that just begs for a little contact. I’m a servant of fate, really.”

Joaquin’s lips twitched, almost a smile.

“There it is! That was a lip movement. You saw that, right, Marasigan? We’re making progress. Pretty soon he’ll be cracking dad jokes and hugging people.”

“I’ll shoot you before that happens.” tugon ni Joaquin na may kasamang babala.

Portman leaned back with a satisfied sigh, arms behind his head. “That’s all I wanted. Just a little spark in the brooding inferno. Now, let’s go kick some ass.”

The farmland looked abandoned by the time we arrived. Isa-isa kaming bumaba mula sa humvee at sinuri ang kapaligiran. Parched soil, bullet holes in the shed walls, and blood already turning dark in the dirt.

Local police met us at the perimeter but they didn’t look thrilled to see us.

“Captain Joaquin Johnson of the United States Army.” pakilala ni Captain sa dalawang police officers. They shook hands as formality and they briefed us about their findings.

“We can’t intervene.” pahayag ng isang officer. “Could be a domestic dispute. Could be terrorism. Could be… nothing.”

I think Joaquin’s not convinced that it was nothing. Bumalik ang dalawang police officers sa kanilang sasakyan at nagpaalam.

Fadil and Samir stepped in, speaking quickly with the villagers who’d gathered around. Mas komportable silang kausap ang dalawa dahil sa parehong lenggwahe. The locals seemed to respond to them well, they nod and some pointing toward the west field.

Meanwhile, Portman leaned against the edge of the vehicle, sighing dramatically. “I swear to God, if this turns out to be a bunch of goats setting off fireworks again, I’m defecting.”

“You say one more word, I’ll staple your lips shut.” Hogan hissed at him, lightly elbowing him in the ribs.

“Love you too, sunshine.” Portman grinned back at him.

I ignored them and joined Clemmons as we circled the perimeter of the property, eyes scanning for anything, shells, footprints, tire tracks. Nakasunod lamang ako kay Clemmons habang naka-crouch siya sa lupa.

Something felt off. Too clean for a firefight. Too quiet for a village shaken by gunfire.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” bulong ko sa kanya.

“Depends. Are you thinking Tariq?” tanong niya nang hindi nag-aangat ng mukha.

“I don’t know, maybe?”

Back near the barn, I spotted Joaquin standing apart with Alvarez. Nag-uusap silang dalawa, parang may pinagtatalunan at nang mapansin ang pagbalik namin ay saka pa lamang sila tumahimik.

“Found anything?”

Clemmons told them his theory about Tariq in the next hour.

Inabot kami ng hapon sa lugar na iyon kaya nagpasya si Joaquin na mag-stay kami overnight, it was an order. We stayed in the main house in the middle of the farm. Clemmons, Portman, and Fadil were sent back to the base with the Humvee, tasked with bringing back more gear and coordinating from command. The rest of us settled in.

Tahimik na kinausap ni Samir ang matandang may-ari ng farm. No one around here trusted outsiders but Samir had a way of getting people to speak.

Nang gabing iyon ay dinalhan kami ng pagkain ng asawa ng may-ari. There were flatbread, lentils, and roasted vegetables. Sabay-sabay kaming kumain habang pinakikinggan ang huni ng mga panggabing insekto.

Everyone listened, waiting for something.

Nang matapos ay pumwesto ako at naupo sa gilid ng barn. I checked my med kit again out of habit. Joaquin approached without a word, crouching down next to me. He handed me a tin cup of water and laid a folded blanket across my lap.

“You’ll freeze out here.” aniya, ang mga mata’y nakadungaw sa malawak na farm.

“Thanks.” tinungga ko ang baso at binalot ang kumot sa aking katawan.

He lingered for a second too long before standing and walking off to talk with Alvarez, who hadn’t said much all evening. Hogan volunteered to keep first watch. Naupo siya sa ilalim ng isang puno hawak ang kanyang rifle. Sa hindi naman kalayuan ay natanaw ko si Samir. He was whispering prayers under his breath as he cleaned his weapon.

I tried to sleep but something felt wrong. My body knew it before my mind did.

Pumailanlang ang ingay ng isang gunshot sa madilim na gabi. Hogan’s voice followed, he sounded in pain.

Shit.

“Man down!” sigaw ko nang matanaw siyang naka-handusay na sa lupa.

I rushed to him. He was bleeding fast and the blood was soaking through his shirt near the shoulder and chest.

“I got you, I got you!” lumuhod ako sa lupa at mabilis na binuksan ang medkit. I applied pressure to his wound, trying to slow the bleeding.

Captain barked orders, scanning the treeline through his scope. Alvarez took cover behind the overturned cart, his weapon raised. But there was no return fire. No movement. No shapes in the dark.

Just silence.

Pumwesto si Samir sa aking tabi at marahang pumikit. His lips moved in hushed Arabic, words I didn’t understand but somehow felt. He was praying for Hogan.

Hogan was alive, barely. But we didn’t know where the shot came from, or if another one was coming. And just like that, the whole night had changed. We weren’t just watching anymore. We were being watched.

Sumapit ang kinaumagahan na hindi ako binisita ng antok. Nakabantay ako sa kondisyon ni Hogan buong gabi. He was still unconscious, lying under the shade of the barn with bandages tight around his chest. I was able to take out the bullet in his body last night. His breathing was shallow, but steady. I sat beside him for a while, checking vitals and adjusting the IV.

Maging si Alvarez ay hindi iniwan ang tabi niya. He sat cross-legged while his fingers absently tracing the trigger guard of his rifle. Samir was out, trying to get more intel from the locals around the village.

Then the call came in.

Joaquin stepped aside and answered the sat phone. I watched his expression shift as he listened.

It was the General. Malakas ang pakiramdam kong ama niya ang kausap.

Orders were clear, stay in place, secure the area, and wait for backup before making any further moves. Naging visible ang stress sa mukha ni Joaquin nang ibaba niya ang telepono. The lines around his eyes had darkened. He didn’t say a word, just shouldered his rifle and headed out toward the edge of the field without waiting for anyone to follow.

Bago pa man siya makaalis ay tumayo ako at planong sundan siya. I told Alvarez to check on Hogan and shout my name if anything happens.

“Copy that.” Alvarez said, without looking up.

Joaquin and I walked the perimeter. Mahigpit pa rin ang hawak niya sa kanyang rifle at ang daliri’y nakaabang sa trigger, paghahanda sa anumang sakuna.

“You look like you’re about to punch the sky.” I mumbled after a few minutes of silence.

He didn’t answer.

Nilapitan ko siya at pinatong ang aking kamay sa kanyang balikat bilang suporta. “You need to breathe. You’re no good to any of us like this.”

He flinched barely, but didn’t pull away.

“I know what you’re thinking.” dagdag ko nang walang narinig na salita sa kanya. “Hogan’s down. Tariq’s close. The General’s breathing down your neck. But you’re not alone in this, Cap.”

Bago pa man siya makasagot ay napahinto kami nang may masaksihang kakaiba. There was a flash of movement behind the barn. Until we realized that the figure was human. A boy, maybe thirteen, maybe less. He’s skinny and his eyes were too sharp for someone that young.

He was watching us.

“Did you see that?” bulong ko.

Joaquin already had his rifle half-raised. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

We sprinted through the wheat, dodging rusted tools and chunks of dry mud. Mabilis umakto ang bata at nakatakbo ito agad pagkakita sa amin. We followed but when we turned the corner, he was gone. No footprints. No sign of where he disappeared to.

We stood in the heat, both of us breathing hard and sweat soaking through our shirts.

“Either that kid’s a ghost… or someone trained him real damn well.” pahayag ko pagkatapos naming sumuko at hindi nahanap ang batang lalaki.

Joaquin didn’t respond right away but I noticed his anger had cooled, at least just a little. And we both knew something, this is far from over.

Chapter 19

Tagaktak ang pawis ko dahil sa maghapong bilad sa araw. Hogan was stable, still unconscious but holding on. Alvarez had finally dozed off near him, rifle still propped on his lap. Samir was inside, reviewing notes from the villagers.

I wandered off for a breath of air and maybe a moment alone. Naglakad ako patungo sa dulo ng farmland hanggang sa narinig ko ang tunog ng payapang agos ng tubig.

Dulot ng kuryosidad ay sinundan ko ang tunog hanggang sa matagpuan ko ang pinagmumulan nito, isang maliit na batis. The water was clear and it wounds behind the field. Also, I found him there.

Captain Johnson.

He’s shirtless, waist-deep in the water, wet hair slicked back, and his skin glistened under the sunlight like bronze. Matatanaw ang guhit at hugis ng kanyang maskuladong katawan sa bawat galaw. I also noticed a scar that ran down his side I hadn’t seen before, it was almost fading but still visible to the naked eye.

Halos matuyo ang aking lalamunan sa naabutang view. Hindi nagtagal ay napansin niya akong nakatayo roon na nanonood nang palihim sa kanya.

“Private.” tawag niya sakin, na parang hindi na nagulat na nakita niya ako. “You gonna stand there drooling or are you joining me?”

Nag-init ang mukha ko. “N-No. Just… passing through.”

“Right.” narinig ko ang mahina nyang tawa at muling inilublob ang ulo sa tubig. Water rolled down his neck and across his chest, down to the six or eight pack on his abdomen, and I was absolutely not looking.

Nag-alinlangan akong umatras ngunit isang hakbang ko pa lamang ay dumulas ang isa kong paa sa batuhan. Napasinghap ako nang mawalan nang balanse.

But strong hands caught me by the arms before I hit the ground. The Captain held me by the waist, mahigpit at pirmi ang pagkakahablot niya sa akin at ang mga butil ng tubig galing sa kanyang basang buhok ay tumulo sa aking uniform.

“Careful.” he murmured gently.

“Umm… thanks.”

Tinulungan niya akong makuha ang balanse ko at binitiwan din naman nya ako nang makatayo na ako nang tuwid. His hands were huge and warm I could still feel its grip on my body. Parang nag-iwan ng marka ang mga palad niya sa aking balat.

“Is your foot okay?” nahimigan ko ang concern sa boses niya.

“Yeah, it’s fine, nothing to worry about.”

“You sure you don’t wanna join me?” one of his brows shot up, almost teasing me. I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna join him because it will be the end of me.

“Nope. I’m all good. Good luck with your… bathing…” unti-unti akong humakbang palayo at nagpaalam sa kanya. There was an amused expression on his face before I turned around to leave.

Late in the afternoon, we’re all inside the farmhouse. Captain Johnson, Alvarez, and I huddled over the notes Samir had gathered from the villagers. Ilang pahina ng sulat arabic, mapang ginuhit nang mabilisan, at mga linya at direksyon ng iba’t ibang lokasyon. Samir translated patiently, pointing out symbols and names.

“There’s a group, not far from here. North side of the valley. Locals say they keep to themselves. Trade in supplies, weapons… not officially insurgents, but not exactly clean either.” paliwanag niya habang hawak ang isang pahina na may mapa.

“A gang, that’s what you’re saying.” wika ni Captain na tinanguan ni Samir bilang confirmation.

Bago pa lumalim ang usapan at ang plano, narinig namin ang pagdating ng isang truck. Portman jumped out first, grinning wide as ever, even as he hauled a duffel full of supplies over his shoulder. Sunod na bumaba si Fadil na bitbit ang ilang med kits at food rations. Clemmons following at the back with some blankets.

“We come bearing gifts and terrible back pain.” anunsyo ni Portman habang patungo sa amin.

Captain crossed his arms while watching Portman. “Status?”

“Supplies secure. Base is quiet.”

Napansin ko ang paggawi ng tingin ni Captain kay Hogan. “You two…” he ordered while looking at Fadil and Clemmons. “…escort Hogan to the base. Make sure he gets rest and keep the General updated. Portman, stay here.”

Nanatili ang atensyon ni Portman sa kinaroroonan ni Hogan. Captain already briefed them about what happened over the phone.

“Yes, sir.” Fadil answered. “I have some medic training. Nothing advanced, but enough to monitor him. I’ll stay with him.”

“And you.” bumaling sa akin ang atensyon ni Captain. “You’re going back too.”

I was filled with confusion. “No, sir. I want to stay.”

“We don’t know what we’re walking into.”

“I know. That’s why I should be here.” pagmamatigas ko.

Napatingin si Portman sa pagtatalo naming dalawa. The two Syrian soldiers stayed quiet.

Fadil nodded in agreement with me. “If Hogan’s awake, I can handle it.”

Captain paused and the muscles in his jaw worked. Naghamunan kami ng tingin hanggang sa sumuko rin siya sa huli.

“Fine.”

Lumapit sakin si Portman at inakbayan ako. “Looks like we’re stuck with each other. Try not to cry when I save your life dramatically.” bulong niya.

“You mean trip and scream like last time?” sabat ko kaya umismid siya pagkatapos.

Fadil gathered his gear and prepared to bring Hogan back to the base.

We moved out an hour later, tracing the rough sketch from Samir’s notes toward a cluster of rundown structures. Halos isang oras din naming sinundan ang mga direksyon hanggang sa marating namin ang lugar na hinahanap.

Rough-looking men came out of the abandoned looking building. Armado ang mga ito at mukhang hindi magiging madali ang pakikipag-usap sa kanila. The leader stepped forward. He’s lean, mid-thirties, with a lazy smirk and a knife at his belt that looked like it had seen more blood than most battlefields.

“This them?” he asked in broken English, eyeing us.

Samir spoke in Arabic while the man just listened and then laughed. Dumapo ang tingin nito sa amin na para kaming insektong hindi nararapat na maligaw sa teritoryo nila.

“Information comes with price.” matigas na bigkas nito.

Captain decided to step closer. “What price?”

“You’ll see.” lumawak ang ngisi nito na parang hindi magandang ideya ang tumatakbo sa utak niya.

This is going to be harder than we thought.

Mas lumakas ang aking kaba nang mahuli kong nasa akin na ang atensyon ng gang leader.

“Him. I want him.” tukoy nito sa akin. Naguluhan ako, hindi maintindihan ang maaaring intensyon nito sa akin. The others stood still, not sure if they heard right.

“Wait… what?” Portman was the first to break the silence. “Him? Why him?”

Nanatili ang tingin sakin ng gang leader na parang isa akong diyamanteng kailangang ingatan. “He comes with me. That’s the deal.”

The Captain looked at me thinking what was something I have that these people want. “Why him?” tanong niya, humakbang pasulong hanggang sa matakpan ako ng kanyang anino. Alvarez was just silent beside me, waiting for something outrageous to happen.

Nagkibit-balikat lamang ang gang leader. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to. You want the intel, I want him. Just a conversation.” bumaling ang tingin nito sakin na parang may ibang kahulugan. “For now.”

I heard Portman’s low whistle on my back. “Well damn. Guess you’re the camp’s pretty boy. Knew those dimples would get us in trouble.” malisyosong bulong niya na narinig din ni Captain.

I felt the heat rush to my face not just from embarrassment. Joaquin cut sideways to Portman like he might actually murder him.

“Enough.” he snapped at him.

“Relax, Cap. I’m just saying, we should’ve put him in a veil or something. That kind of face shouldn’t be walking around unprotected.” sinamaan ko lalo ng tingin si Portman sa mga pinagsasabi niya. He’s making things worse.

Captain looked like he was seconds from losing it.

Bago pa man siya makapagsalita at magbigay ng sagot sa leader ay nag-step forward na ako. I guess I have no choice but to give what they want.

“I’ll do it.” both of them was surprised.

“What?” komento ni Alvarez.

“No. Absolutely not.” desididong tugon ni Captain na humarap na sakin upang pigilan ako sa anumang binabalak. Magkasalubong ang mga kilay niya na parang walang makapagpapabago ng isipan niya.

I looked at the gang leader who seemed chill and just waiting for us to make a decision.

“Let me talk to him… alone. We need the intel and I can handle myself.” bulong ko kay Joaquin na kaming dalawa lamang ang makakarinig upang kumbinsihin siya. I know coming here will always be risky and I prepared myself enough if something happens again.

Humakbang siya at mas lumapit ang mukha sa akin. “This is not how we operate.”

“And yet, this is the only offer we’ve got.”

The gang leader smirked from behind his men, clearly enjoying the show. The leader’s lower face is filled with thick beard, like it’s half the weight of his head.

“I’ll keep my comms on.” dagdag ko upang mahikayat siya. “You’ll hear everything. If anything goes wrong—”

“I’m coming in with you.” he interrupted. “No hesitation.”

I looked back at the gang leader who’s clearly not on board with the decision. Muli akong lumapit kay Joaquin, lumapit din siya nang maramdamang may sasabihin ako.

“I can do this. You trust me, right?” pinanood ko kung paano niya nilabanan ang sarili. He briefly closed his eyes, close to giving up, and then nodded his head in agreement.

“I trust you. But that doesn’t mean I’ll let them live when you don’t come out.”

He stared at me, almost feeling like he’d completely lose it if I don’t come out alive.

Portman, still completely inappropriate, whispered something else to me. “Just make sure you use protection. You know, verbal protection. Boundaries and safe words and all.” I almost wanted to take out my hidden knife and slash his face right there.

“Portman, shut up.” Captain warned him for the last time.

Portman raised both hands in mock surrender, eyes still dancing with amusement.

Dama ko parin ang bigat ng tingin ni Captain sa aking likuran habang naglalakad ako patungo sa gang leader.

The gang leader stepped aside, gesturing for me to follow him behind the crumbling wall of a half-destroyed building nearby. Isang beses akong lumingon pabalik sa kinatatayuan nila Captain. Nagsalubong ang aming tingin, malinaw sa mga matang iyon ang mensaheng gusto niyang iparating.

If he touches you, I’ll kill him, that’s what his eyes told me.

The gang leader led me behind a crumbling stone wall and into the deeper part of the abandoned complex they called their base. Dama ko ang kaba sa aking dibdib ngunit pinakalma ko ang sarili habang sinusundan ang yapak ng gang leader. As we walked through narrow corridors lined with makeshift cots and weapons stacked in crates, I took in the rough state of their living quarters. Everything looked scavenged and repurposed. Survival was the only rule here.

“I’m Karim.” pakilala ng gang leader. “Leader of this sorry pack of wolves.” then he gestured to some of his men who were all looking at our direction, animo’y nag-aabang ng isang maling galaw.

“Private Marasigan, combat medic.” pakilala ko sa sarili.

“I know. That’s why I asked for you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. Anong ibig niyang sabihin na alam niya? Did he need medical help after all?

“You could’ve said that out there. Instead, you made it sound like you wanted me for… other things.” halos ibulong ko ang huling parte dahil napagtanto kong hindi na iyon dapat pang malaman.

Karim, the gang leader, chuckled. “Would they have listened? Your Captain looks like he’d rather shoot me than shake my hand.” pag-amin niya sa mas magaang tono.

“Still doesn’t excuse the dramatics.”

“I like to test people.” he said, leading me past what looked like a small supply corner. “You passed.”

Huminto kami sa harap ng isang metal door na kinakalawang. Karim opened it, revealing a dimly lit room where a man lay groaning on a mattress, wrapped in dirty bandages soaked with blood.

“He’s been like this for two days. We’ve used what we have, but it’s not enough.” lumambot ang tono nito habang pinanonood ang paghihirap ng lalaki. This must be one of his henchmen.

Nag-crouch ako sa gilid ng kinahihigaan ng lalaki upang suriin ang kondisyon nito. He has labored breathing and pale skin, which are usual signs of infection.

“I can help.” desisyon ko, hindi pinag-isipan nang matagal. I’m a medic, it’s not a question to help people however way I can. “But we’ll need antibiotics and proper tools. If I don’t clean this up soon, he might not make it.”

Karim nodded, jaw tight. “I’ll get you whatever I can. We’re low on supplies, but I’ll trade with the locals if I have to.”

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. “Why didn’t you say this earlier?”

Nagkibit-balikat lamang siya. “You looked like someone who could handle being wanted.”

I gave him a flat look.

Nang hindi ako sumagot ay muling nanaig ang ngisi sa mukha niya. “Unless you wanted me to mean it romantically. I can go with that, if it helps your pride.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re unbelievable.”

He winked. “I’ve been called worse.”

Tumayo ako at pinagpagan ang dumi sa aking mga kamay. “I’ll tell my team. We’ll get what we need.”

He gestured back toward the corridor. “You know the way.”

As I walked back outside the base, Portman jogged up to me, as usual ay mayroong mapaglarong ngisi sa kanyang mukha.

“So? He propose or what? Did he give you a ring made of shrapnel?”

I ignored him. “They’ve got a wounded guy. Karim just didn’t want to show weakness.”

Portman looked scandalized. “So he doesn’t want you? I feel cheated.”

Ilang hakbang palapit ang ginawa ni Alvarez, nabanaag ko ang relief sa kanyang mukha. “Finally, something normal.”

Lumingon ako sa gawi ni Joaquin na kanina pang nakatingin sa akin. He hadn’t moved and the look of tension still visible, but when I caught his eye, something in him finally eased.

“He’ll live?” Joaquin asked.

“If I get in there fast, yeah.”

“Gear up, then.”

I walked past him to grab my kit, pero hindi nagtagal ay naramdaman ko ang pagsunod niya. Narinig ko ang mahina at maingat niyang boses na waring ako lamang ang dapat makarinig.

“But if he so much as lays a finger on you again, medic or not, I’ll break it.”

I swallowed hard, heart suddenly beating faster. I wasn’t supposed to feel it but it woke up something in me.

“Understood.” tugon ko, hindi nag-aangat ng tingin dahil malakas ang pakiramdam kong mababasa niya kung ano man ang laman ng utak ko ngayon.

Chapter 20

Alvarez stayed behind, the Captain told us we needed his eyes back at the farm. Habang ako at sina Joaquin at Portman ay dumiretso sa abandonadong complex na ginawang base ng grupo ni Karim.

We carried med kits and only the bare minimum firepower. Nagpumilit si Joaquin na maging parte ng escort team kahit na isa lang ang kailangan, I suggested Portman to escort me, knowing Joaquin’s distrust towards Karim.

The moment we arrived, tension sizzled in the air like a live wire. Nakaabang sa amin si Karim na nakasandal sa isang haligi, naka-krus ang mga braso at hindi nawawala ang mapanganib na ngisi sa mukha.

“You brought the whole army for one patient.” puna niya nang matanaw kaming papalapit, nagtagal ang titig niya sa akin hanggang sa lumipat ang atensyon niya kay Joaquin na tinumbasan ang mapanghamong tingin.

“I don’t like repeating myself. If anything goes wrong, you’ll regret it.” Joaquin warned with firm voice.

Karim tilted his head at him. “So serious. You must be fun at parties.”

Narinig ko ang patagong bungisngis ni Portman sa aking tabi. “Oh, he is. He even has a punchline. It’s called a fist to the face.”

I ignored them both and asked Karim to show me to the wounded man. Wala kaming matatapos kung mag-hahamunan sila buong araw. Karim led me back to the same room from before. Portman stayed at the threshold while Johnson walked off to check the perimeter but I could feel him hovering somewhere close.

I set to work quickly. Chineck ko ang vitals ng pasyente, nilinis at pinalitan ko ang bandages niya. He was unconscious but his chest is rising, which was a good sign. The guy was in bad shape but not beyond saving. I was focused, gloves sticky with blood and sweat, when I caught a flicker of movement outside the half-open door.

A boy.

The same boy from the village.

And he was watching me… again.

Nanigas ako at hindi nakagalaw sa aking pwesto. Something was wrong. I stood to call out but too late. Mabilis kong naramdaman ang kirot sa aking tagiliran hanggang sa masaksihan ko ang pulang likidong tumatagas doon. I was bleeding. When I looked down to understand what just happened, the man I’d been treating is now holding a blade. He must have pulled it out beneath his pillow or somewhere hidden.

Before I could react, he had me in a chokehold, the tip of the blade pressed cold against my neck.

“Don’t move…” he hissed in broken English. “You move, you die.”

Walang oras para sumigaw o tumawag ng kung sino. Huminga ako nang malalim at kinalma ang sarili kahit na gustong manaig ng panic sa aking sistema. My med kit clattered to the floor. I held my wound and pressed my hand to prevent more bleeding. Base sa aking sariling observation, hindi gaanong malaki ang sugat kaya mabilis na tumigil ang pagdurugo nang tapalan ko ito ng aking kamay.

Then I heard gunshots echoing through the compound. I guess the war had started.

Portman shouted something outside, then I heard more gunfire. I could hear Karim barking orders in his own language I couldn’t comprehend. This is absolute chaos while I was trapped here with a blade against my neck and I had no idea why.

They dragged me down a narrow, crumbling corridor, past rooms that reeked of sweat and smoke. Nakagapos ang mga kamay ko sa likuran, animo’y disyertong tuyot ang lalamunan ko na sinabayan nang walang-tigil na dagundong ng aking dibdib. Hindi ko na alam kung saang lugar nila ako dinadala, hindi rin naman pamilyar sa akin ang mga nakikita kaya nanahimik ako at nagkokonserba ng aking enerhiya.

I looked at the wound on the right side of my abdomen. Hindi ko alam kung tumigil na ang pagdurugo o kung nawalan na ako ng dugo nang tuluyan. But I was still miraculously conscious, despite my droopy eyes and my short breaths. I don’t know how long I can stay awake but I kept on praying to whatever god was listening to give me more time.

They shoved me into a dimly lit room and my breath caught. Joaquin and Portman were already there, both wounded and gagged and tied to separate chairs. Joaquin had blood trailing down the side of his face.

Mukhang mas malala ang kondisyon ni Portman nang mapansin kong nakapikit na ang isa niyang mata, ang mukha’y puno ng galos, ngunit nagawa pang lumiwanag ng mukha niya nang matanaw ako.

“Shit.” I muttered under my breath. They got us all. Naputol ang sunod kong sasabihin nang marinig ang boses ng isa sa mga tauhan ni Karim. He pushed me down onto a third chair and tied me in place.

Then Karim entered.

A victorious smile was obvious on his face. “So… you see now, my friends. We are not so helpless after all.”

Behind him, a half-dozen armed men flanked the door, guns at the ready. Kahit na makawala kami sa pagkakagapos, we’re outnumbered. And it’s not like we’re on our best condition to fight back.

“You’re probably wondering why. The shooting at the farm? It was meant to lure you here. And while you were busy investigating… our men raided your camp. Took the supplies, the weapons, medicine… all of it.”

My jaw clenched. I glanced at Joaquin who didn’t move, but his eyes were sharp and alert, until it locked on me. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa marka ng dugo sa aking damit at nabasa ko ang pag-aalala roon.

“You think we enjoy this? We’re dying out here. Sick… starving… forgotten by the government that left us to rot. So yes… we did what we had to do to survive.” nabanaagan ko ang lungkot na dumaan sa mukha ni Karim.

Portman’s gag was yanked off by one of the guards, at sa kabila ng injuries niya ay nagawa pa niyang ngumisi na parang may nakakatuwa. “Oh, how noble. You steal from people who actually help. You’re real heroes.”

Karim squinted at him and gave a slight nod to one of his men holding Portman. Ilang saglit pa ay nakatanggap ng suntok si Portman sa kanyang kaliwang mukha. Natanaw ko ang marka ng dugo sa kanyang labi. It must have hurt but he’s obviously acting tough.

Lumipat ang atensyon ko kay Joaquin na nanatiling tahimik sa kanyang pwesto. His gaze was steady and piercing… then I noticed it. His hands were moving. I noticed subtle motion om his back. I tried to squint and saw him holding a blade. Wala akong ideya kung saan nanggaling iyon. He and Portman glanced at each other as if they had a secret understanding. Doon ko pa lamang napagtanto ang kanilang plano. Portman was trying to distract Karim and his men while Joaquin was secretly cutting through the rope.

Muling bumaling ang titig sa akin ni Joaquin. I didn’t know what he was trying to tell me with those eyes, but I could tell he’s giving a signal.

Wait… watch… be ready…

I gave the smallest nod I could manage. And then… we all heard an explosion. Napapikit ako sa gulat at halos mabingi ako sa lakas ng impact nito. Hindi ko alam kung sapat ang impact nito upang gumuho ang gusali. I raised my head and saw dust raining from the ceiling.

I heard screams rang out everywhere. I could hear voices, faint and filled with panic. Hanggang sa marinig ko ang sunud-sunod na gunfire. My eyes were blurry, not sure if from the dusts or maybe because I was starting to lose consciousness.

I could hear footsteps, quick and rushed. I heard grunts of pain, like people fighting. Come on, wake up! I told myself. Don’t lose consciousness. You need to stay awake!

“Down!” someone barked.

Hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang presensya sa aking likuran. Somebody cutting my restraints. My hands burned, blood rushing back into my fingers. When I looked up, I finally saw a familiar face.

“Hey? Are you okay?” Joaquin kept asking me. Alam kong naririnig ko siya ngunit hindi ko magawang ibuka ang bibig ko para magsalita. It felt like trying to open my mouth was the hardest thing to do in that moment.

“Shit!” he cursed when he quickly checked my stab wound. “Fuck! You’re bleeding. Portman!” nakarinig ako ng ilan pang yapak na papalapit. I saw him shoved a pistol into Portman’s grip and turned to us. “I knew something was off with Karim. Alvarez and Hogan are outside. We move fast, got it? Follow me.”

Inalalayan ako ni Joaquin, halos manuot sa ilong ko ang kanyang halimuyak. He smelled like a mixture of mint and sweat. We burst out of the room. Muli kong naramdaman ang kirot sa aking tagiliran kaya nang marinig ni Joaquin ang mga impit ko, binagalan niya ang lakad at halos buhatin na niya ako. Portman, despite his limp and bruises, kept pace.

A man turned the corner and raised his rifle but Joaquin was faster and shot him clean in the chest without slowing. Animo’y bumalik ang lakas ko at nagpasyang pulutin ang rifle na nalaglag sa lupa.

“Stop moving!” utos sakin ni Joaquin nang tulungan niya akong makatayo nang tuwid.

Another one of Karim’s men appeared from a corner and without thinking twice, I fired at him and he immediately dropped to the ground. Nasalubong ko ang mapanganib na tingin ni Joaquin na napalitan ng gulat ngunit tumango lamang siya at nagpatuloy kami sa paglakad.

I reminded myself that I’m not just a medic, I’m also trained to fight just like everybody else.

But then, Karim appeared again out of nowhere. Sa bilis ng pangyayari ay halos hindi ko ito nasundan.

He grabbed me from behind, shoved a blade to my throat, and dragged me through a narrow hall while Joaquin and Portman fought off others.

Itinulak niya ako papasok sa isang back room at ni-lock ang pintuan. Nawalan ako ng balanse at napahandusay sa sahig, ang nabitawan kong rifle ay sinipa niya sa lugar na hindi ko abot.

“I didn’t want to kill you…” Karim said, panting. “But you made a choice.”

Then he attacked.

Sinubukan kong lumaban hangga’t kaya ko gamit ang natitirang lakas at kompiyansa. Every punch I threw was desperate, fueled by fear and rage but Karim was stronger. He’s trained like a professional. His fists landed like hammers. I crashed into crates and walls, my breath knocked out, and I could feel pain everywhere.

He pinned me down. Halos mawalan na ako ng malay ngunit nilalabanan ko ang takot at paghihirap. I was trained to fight but I was also trained to endure anything.

“You could’ve saved lives. But you sided with the killers.” marahas niyang bulong habang hablot ang aking buhok.

I barely lifted my arm to block his next strike but then I heard a loud bang. It was a gunshot. Karim’s body jerked and blood came out of his mouth until his body dropped to the ground in front of me.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay naaninag ko ang silhouette ni Joaquin sa nakabukas na pintuan. Ibinaba niya ang rifle na hawak at madaling lumapit sa kinaroroonan ko.

“Shit! Talk to me!” his voice coated in worry and panic.

“I’m… I’m okay…” I gasped, every word a knife through my ribs. It was a miracle that I could speak and I tried my best to smile despite my worse condition.

“I’m sorry. You’re gonna be okay, I’m here… I’m here…” tinulungan niya akong tumayo at isinukbit ang isa kong braso sa balikat niya.

“I thought you… left already… but… it’s okay…” I paused to breathe through words. Hinahabol ko ang aking hininga upang makapagsalita nang mas malinaw.

“I’m never gonna leave you, okay? Never. Come on, we gotta get out of here. Stay with me.”

We fought our way back toward the exit, more men coming, but so did help. I saw Hogan and Alvarez still firing and fighting with the rebels. Nakaramdam ako ng panandaliang relief nang makita ang dalawa, panandaliang nakalimutan ang kirot na bumabalot sa aking katawan. I was almost numb at this point but we tore through the remnants of Karim’s base, not killing everyone, just enough to get out alive.

Then I saw him.

The boy.

The same boy we’d chased through the village days ago. Nakatayo ito sa isang corner hawak ang isang baril. It was a tiny pistol in both hands, trembling, aimed at me. His chest was heaving as if he was scared of me.

“Hey.” bigkas ni Joaquin, dahan-dahang ibinababa ang kanyang rifle. “You don’t have to do this. It’s okay. We’re not here to hurt y—”

Then a aharp sound shattered the moment. It happened so fast. I staggered as the pain ripped through my side. I was bleeding, again. The boy shot me.

The boy ran vanishing down a side hall.

Joaquin’s scream of my name was the last thing I heard before everything blurred. He caught me as I fell, his hands gripping my shirt, voice breaking as he cursed and checked my wound.

“Stay with me. Don’t you dare… fuck! Stay with me!”

They dragged me out. Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko at nalasahan ang dugo sa aking bibig. It tasted like metal. Joaquin was still screaming but I could no longer hear it. Everything blurred. I couldn’t hear a thing, just like submerged underwater and there’s this constant ringing inside my head.

I memorized Joaquin’s face before my eyes finally shut closed.

1. Introduction
2. Chapter 1
3. Chapter 2
4. Chapter 3
5. Chapter 4
6. Chapter 5
7. Chapter 6
8. Chapter 7
9. Chapter 8
10. Chapter 9
11. Chapter 10
12. Chapter 11
13. Chapter 12
14. Chapter 13
15. Chapter 14
16. Chapter 15
17. Chapter 16
18. Chapter 17
19. Chapter 18
20. Chapter 19
21. Chapter 20