Naked Fall

“

Naked Fall”

W

ritten by c

hamdreixx

Neil Iris Arcoiris was born from a wealthy and known family. He lived in the world he wanted. He got everything and nothing to wish for in life.

Experiencing the perfect life he had. Perfect family and circle of friends, he wanted to stay here in the Philippines for good.

Everyone is grateful except to one person. Sanay na siya sa pag-uugali nito at tanggap na niyang kahit na kailan ay hindi sila magkakasundo.

Ang mundong pinaniniwalaan niyang perpekto ay biglang magbabago dahil sa isang pagkakamaling hindi niya inaasahang mangyayari. Dahil kahit anong gawing pag-iwas niya sa pana ni kupido, ay lagi siya nitong tinatamaan.

Standing at the edge of the cliff, balancing his life between his love. Didn’t he know that he slowly falling? Nakedly falling with someone who will ruin the perfect life they both have.

Wrong place and wrong person. Facing the struggles together will be enough to make their love stronger? Even fate and society won’t let them be together.

Should he risk it and be completely fall?

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, songs, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

(

All rights reserved) No part of this story may be reproduced, modify and transmitted in any form or by any means. Please obtain permission.

Warning: This story contains

typos

and

grammatical errors.

Simula

Simula

“Neil, have you already packed up your things? Mamaya na ang flight natin.” Mom said while I’m fixing my hair, looking at myself in the mirror.

“Yes, Mom. Nasabi niyo po ba kila Kaizer na huwag na nila tayong sunduin sa airport?”

“Kuya Kaizer? Really? He will picked up us? Kasama ba sila kuya Ezekiel, kuya Marcos, and kuya Zachary? What about sila ate Kelsy? Ate Zandra? I’m honestly happy that we are now going home!” Russco butt in. Malaki ang ngiting naka guhit sa kaniyang mga labi.

I chuckled and messed his hair.

“Yes kiddo, baka sunduin nila tayo. But Mom, you sure that you are ready to go home? Kung hindi, it’s fine with me and to Russco. Right, Russ?” Baling ko sa kapatid kong nakahiga na sa kama nila Mom and Dad ngayon.

Russco glances in my Mom’s way as he sat from laying. Nakanguso na ito ngayong nakatunghay kay Mom. Lumungkot ang mga matang kanina ay puno ng excitement. Bakas sa kaniyang mukha ang pagkagustong sumang-ayon sa gusto ni Mommy kahit na may parte sa kaniyang malulungkot pa rin siya kung hindi kami matutuloy sa pag-uwi.

Hinaplos ni mommy ang mukha ni Russco at malamyos na nginitian ito kalaunan.

“Ayos lang naman po sa akin…but I also wanna go home.” Russ’s voice said in weary while his lips turn in a pout.

“You will, my sweet boy. Of course, I’m ready and completely happy that you are fine with it. Kahit na alam ko namang miss na miss niyo na ang mga pinsan niyo ro’n. Don’t worry about me, son. I’ve decided it a long time ago.” Nilingon ako ni mommy, her stares were assuring me in comfort that she really is fine with us going back home to the Philippines

“I’m okay, alright? Basta continue your study there.” She then added nang makalapit ako sa kanila ni Russco sa kama.

“Tss, that is so easy mom! That’s so chicken,” pagmamayabang pa ni Russ.

Bahagya naman kaming natawa ni Mom.

“Ikaw talaga, puro pagkain ang nasa isip mo!” Pahalyaw kong sinabi sa kapatid ko.

“What? That is what kuya Kaizer told me, if it’s easy, you will say that ’it’s just chicken. Is it wrong?” He asked me, confused in so much innocence.

I sighed and almost rolled my eyes when I heard Kaizer’s name again. It’s always him. Hindi talaga maikakaila na sa aming mga lalaking magpi-pinsan ay si Kaizer ang pinaka kasundo ni Russco.

“It’s a piece of cake, Russ. Huwag ka nga kasing dikit nang dikit don kay Kaizer kaya ka nahahawa sa kabobohan ng unggoy na iyon e’.”

“Mom, ayan na naman si kuya. Kuya Kaizer is right, it’s the tagalog of chicken. I just can’t remember it in tagalog. It’s the chick tagalog word and you will say it when you find things easy for you to do.” paghingi ng saklolo pa nito kay Mom.

Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin.

“Russ, it’s ’sisiw. And you Neil, look at me.” Mom ordered. Seryoso ito kaya hindi ko magawang hindi siya sundin.

Here we go again, sermon. I languidly glance in my Mom’s way.

“What?” Nakanguso kong tanong.

“Promise me na hindi ka makikipag basag ulo diyan sa pinsan mong si Kaizer. You know what happened last time right? It is better if you will just ignore each other, kesa naman sa lagi kayong nag-aaway-”

I cut her off. I know where this topic is leading.

“Yeah, I precisely gonna do it.” I stood up at aambang lalabas na ng silid.

I stopped in the middle of the open door. My hand is still holding the doorknob.

“Lalabas lang po ako saglit para tulungan si Dad sa mga kailangang dalhin.” then I went out.

Bumuntong hininga ako at tinungo muna ang kuwarto ko bago ako bumaba sa garahe para tulungan si Dad.

When I get inside my room, my sight immediately caught my phone on my bed. It was vibrating nonstop so I picked it up. Dinampot ko ito at nakita ang maraming messages na nagmula sa mga taong hindi ko kilala. Mostly from different girls.

From: unknown

Hi Neil! I heard you were going home soon. I will miss you:(

From: unknown

Neil, I love you. I want to say these three words before you left. I am hoping for your soonest comeback.

From: unknown

I’m the one you kissed at the bar last night. I got your number from a friend. Are you free tonight? Let’s catch up.

I swiped all the messages but someone just bombarded me. It was my girlfriend.

From: Chloe

You are now leaving me? You told me that you are always here behind me?

From: Chloe

After I gave you my virginity last night, you are now leaving? Fuck you, Neil! I fucking hate you!

Hinilot ko ang sentido ko habang binabasa ang marami pa niyang messages. I was massaging the bridge of my nose when someone called.

I answered the call. Tumayo ako at naupo sa couch. Idinikuwatro ko ang aking mga hita habang ang hintuturo ko ay patuloy na hinihilot ang aking sentido.

“Hey-” I started but she suddenly cutted me off.

“How dare you do this to me, Neil! You are a freaking manwhore! You took my virginity and you are now leaving me?”

Nakakarinding boses nito mula sa kabilang linya. Inilayo ko pa ng bahagya ang aking cell phone sa aking tainga.

Damn. Women are so loud.

“What now?! What if I’m pregnant?!”

“I use protection Chloe, stop being so delirious. You are overacting. I know what I did, and I won’t let you be pregnant. You are not my type.” I hissed.

I heard her sighed loudly. Hindi ko alam na may ganito rin palang pag-uugali ang mga taga U.S. well, she’s not my only girlfriend though. Pero masasabi kong siya lang ang nag-over react after we have sex last night.

Sanay naman na ako sa mga ganiyang babae. They always following me. Lurking and stalking me.

But having a serious relationship with them? It’s not my thing. Engaging with them physically is easier. And that’s only my intention.

I don’t even have to lift my finger for them to kneel. They did it with pleasure.

“Fuck you-” hindi ko na tinapos pakinggan ang mga pinagsasasabi niya. I dropped the call.

Tumayo na ako at narinig kong tumunog muli ang cell phone ko. I answered it without looking if who it is.

“I told you that I’m not into you-”

“Woah, woah. Easy man. Si Ezekiel ’to. Sino na naman ba ’yan? Ha? Pogi problems ba?” nang-bubwisit nitong sinabi.

“Gago!”

“Hahaha. Alam mo namang problema nating mga Arcoiris ’yan. Let them drool over us,” he then smug.

“Yeah, you don’t have to tell me that, I know it already. Tss, bakit ka nga pala napatawag? ’Di makapag-antay na makauwi kami?” naglakad ako palabas ng kuwarto habang kausap si Ezi.

“Hindi sayo ako makapag hintay kundi sa mga sapatos at damit na pinabili ko. Give it to me immediately, ibukod mo ang lagayan ng sa akin ah.”

“Fuck you, Ezekiel Harison!” I hissed then I heard him chuckled on the other line.

“Susunduin namin kayo, kaya ihanda mo iyang mura mo kay Kaizer at hindi sa akin. Loko!”

“Si Neil ba iyan?” narinig kong boses ng babae sa kabilang linya.

“Yup, why?”

“Oh my god! Pakausap nga ako!”

“Heh! You see that I’m talking to him right?” Dinig kong pagdadamot ni Ezi sa kapatid niyang si Zandra.

Natatawa akong bumaba ng hagdan habang pinapakinggan silang nagtatalo sa kabilang linya.

“Don’t me kuya. You are only chatting with him dahil may kailangan ka. Don’t give him his stuff Neil!”

“Okay, as you said, he only needs something to me kaya niya ako tinawagan. Alam ko naman ’yon.” Ani ko sa kaniya nang tuluyan akong makababa ng hagdan.

“Uy si Neil yan? Hi Neil!”

“Don na nga kayo! Panira kayo ng diskarte eh. Ikaw Kelsy kay tita Verity ka nalang mag pabili ng kung ano mang pang kulay mo sa mukha.” Si Ezi na nagtutunog iritado na.

“Hey, Arcoiris talk to you later. May aasikasuhin pa kami.” Pinatay ko na ang tawag dahil alam kong aabutin kami ng tanghalian sa pag-uusap at pakikinig ko sa mga bangayan nila.

That’s my cousin’s. Wala pa yan sa kalahati pero ang gulo na. Napapailing ako nang maisip ko ang mga gagawin namin sa oras na makauwi na kami.

It will be a disaster for sure. Especially sa aming mga lalaki. Kuya Huxton called me last night and he said that he already prepared the drinks for the night sa oras na makauwi ako.

I can’t hide my excitement nang paalis na kami ng bahay at patungo na ng airport.

Kahit si Russco ay masayang masaya na makakauwi na rin kami sa wakas.

We live here in the States since I was five years old. Mom and Dad didn’t tell me the reason if why. Maybe beacause they prefer the cold weather here than in the Philippines.

Nagbabakasyon naman kami pero kada dalawang taon ang pagitan. Kaya sinusulit ko talaga kapag umumuwi kami ng Pilipinas. I mostly hang out with my cousins and having fun with them.

Hindi naman naging dahilan iyon para maging malayo ang loob namin sa bawat isa. We constantly contact each other online. It is easy now to communicate with them.

“Dito mo nalang ilagay ’yan Neil.” Napalingon ako kay dad nang magsalita siya sa aking harapan na inaayos ang aming mga bagahe.

Sinunod ko siya at inilagay na rin sa cart niya ang isang bagahe kong maliit lang naman.

We are now here at the airport. We’re waiting for the boarding. I and dad were busy caring for the luggage while Mom is busy with Russco.

At nang makasakay kami ng eroplano ay isinalpak ko agad ang headphones ko sa aking tainga. I got tired of the luggage. Medyo marami rin kasi.

I am now sitting and beside me is Russco. And when I saw him getting his stuffed toy inside his bag. Napailing nalang ako. Russco is still kiddo. He is only six however, he can be easily fooled kaya minsan naloloko ko siya about his stuffed toy.

Napangisi ako nang makitang yakap na niya ngayon ang IT Pennywise niyang teddy. It was his best of the favorite among his all-stuffed toys.  Malamig at siya lang ang katabi ko. Si Mom at Dad ay nasa kabilang side ng sits namin katapat.

Nakita kong unti unti na itong nakakatulog kaya kinuha ko ang ulo nito at isinandal sa aking balikat. I lean on my backrest at ipinikit na rin ang mga mata.

Naging matagal ang flight namin. Pakiramdam ko ay halos mahigit isang araw kaming bumyahe.

Buhat ko si Russ na natutulog sa aking balikat habang si Mom naman ang pumalit sa akin sa pagtutulak ng mga bagahe. Kinuha ni Dad ang mabibigat para hindi mahirapan si Mom. Naglalakad na kami ngayon palabas ng airport, kakababa lang ng eroplano.

We have a lot of luggage. Napagdesisyunan na kasi nila Mom and Dad na dito na kami mags-stay for good. And that excites me more because we are not here for the vacation, we’re gonna stay and live here.

“O hello, nandito na kayo? Sigi, we are near at the entrace.” Narinig kong may kausap si Dad sa telepono.

Napalingon naman ako kay Mom na ngayon ay nakangiti sa akin. I exchange her warm smile with exhaust but a happy one.

“Thank you mom,” Pagpapasalamat ko. Masaya ako na pumayag siya sa gusto namin ni Russ kahit na alam kong nag-aalangan siya sa pag-uwi namin.

Hinagod lang niya ang aking likuran at sabay na lumabas kami ng entrada ng airport.

Nang tuluyan kaming makaapak sa labas ay agad kong naramdaman ang mainit na simoy ng hangin sa Pilipinas. Nainitan agad ako at para bang gusto ko na agad mag hubad ng damit.

Naramdaman ko namang nagising na si Russco sa aking balikat.

“Why so init, kuya?” mahina pero rinig kong tanong nito. Bahagya pang namamaos ang boses nito mula sa pagkakatulog.

My smile grew wider before I spoke.

“Cuz we are here,”

Isang beses pa lang na nakauwi ng Pilipinas si Russ at mga nasa tatlong taon lang siya no’n. Kaya paniguradong maninibago siya sa init ng panahon.

“Put me down kuya, faster. Is kuya Ezekiel and kuya Kaizer are here to pick up us?” He excitedly asked, ani mong mabilis na nawala ang antok sa kaniyang mga mata.

“They are here Russ,” Dad then said to answer Russ’s question.

Ngumisi naman ako sa aking kapatid at nakita ko kung paanong sumilay ang matamis na ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi. Naglakad na kami at kalaunan ay natanaw namin sa hindi kalayuan ang mga van na naghihintay para sa amin.

“Mom, look I’m already sweating.” dinig ko pang ani ni Russco habang palapit na kami sa mga van.

“Russco!” Mabilis namang napabaling ng tingin si Russco sa direksyong pinagmulan ng boses na iyon.

“Ate Meaghan! Kuya, look they are all here!” sigaw niya sa akin nang mapansing nasa harap na namin ang mga pinsan, tito at tita na nasa gilid ng van na masayang nakangiti sa pagdating namin.

“Neil, dude! Hanep and outfit-an mo ah. Mukhang babad ka sa gym at lumaki ng ganyan ang katawan mo. Anong work out mo? May plan meals ka bang sinusunod? Anyway, Let me help you carry your things.” Lucien insisted after cheaply praising me intentionally.

Siya ang unang tumakbo palapit sa amin na mabilis sinundan ng iba pa. Russ was busy with my girl cousins while the boys go to my way.

“Lucien huwag ka ngang para-paraan. Where’s my package, Neil?” Ezekiel directly said without any inhibition unlike Lucien na pinuri pa muna ako.

Natatawa akong nakipag tapikan sa kanila habang nagkakagulo at ginagalaw ang mga gamit na dala namin.

“Mga unggoy! You know what men? Para kayong mga hindi nakakapunta ng abroad. Even your kinds of stuff are more expensive than mine. Damn.” I then whizzed to them.

“Well, we just want this not because it’s from the U.S. but because it’s your treat. Malaki rin ang matitipid ko sa allowance.” Si Ezi na may mapaglarong ngisi sa mga labi.

I frowned and just shook my head. Kuripot.

“Hey man, nice to see you again.” Simpleng sabi ni Zachary sa akin sabay tapik sa aking balikat.

Peke akong napaismid at napamaang naman sila Ezekiel at Lucien.

“Hey,” biglang sabad naman ng kadarating lang na si Marcos na nakakatandang kapatid ni Lucien.

“Isa pang sipsip,” bulong bulong ni Lucien at Ezekiel sa isang tabi.

“What’s wrong with you guys?” Sabay na tanong ni Marcos at Zachary nang mapansin na sila at tinutukoy ng mga ito.

“You both tryna get our pieces of stuff!” sabay na sinabi ni Ezekiel at Lucien.

“What? No way, alam kong nakabukod na ’yong sa akin.” Marcos proudly said to them.

“Yup, same as me. Baka ako ang best cousin ni Neil.” Then Zachary muttered smugly.

Lucien and Ezekiel’s brows furrowed.

“Palibhasa mga sipsip. Walang close-close and best-best dito-”

“Tsh, kay Kaizer ka ’di ba?” Si Marcos na may nanunuya ng tingin.

Napamaang naman si Ezi at Lucien.

“Bruh, kay Neil kami ano ka ba?” Lucien then uttered with his sympathy glares and playfully smirk on his tugged-up lips.

“Stop this now boys, lahat kayo magkakaroon. But before that happen, of course, Neil will give me chocolates and my shoes first. And seriously? Nagbobotohan na kayo kung sino ang manok niyo? Stop this, our Tita’s and Tito’s might hear you.” kuya Huxton exclaimed that showed up from behind me.

Walang nakamaang at nagreklamo. Pare pareho silang lahat na nakabusangot ang mukha at sabay sabay na malakas na bumuntong hininga kay kuya Huxton.

Natatawa ko naman silang tiningnan. Not that they are already giving their bet on me. It just sounds like near trouble whenever they put sympathy on it.

“Such an ass cousins. Cannot you buy here those necessities and luho you all want?” I said while shaking my head, chuckling.

“Iba pa rin pag galing ng ibang bansa. Branded,” ani Killian, ngingisi ngisi pang tumingin ito sa akin.

“Fuck you, Killian! Kakagaling niyo lang ng Paris nung nakaraan.” Lucien growled.

“Neil! You are so good-looking. How is your school?” nahinto ang bangayan naming magpipinsan nang lumapit sa amin si Tita Kailey.

She kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly.

“I know Tita, it will never change.” I proudly replied, bragging.

“Kayo talagang magpipinsan, so full of yourselves!”

“Why not Mama? Hindi ba at ubod naman talaga kami ng guwapo.” Zachary inserted.

Pabirong inirapan lang ito ng kaniyang ina.

“You’re so beautiful tita, parang hindi kayo tumatanda.” dagdag ko.

Matamis itong ngumiti sa akin. Nagmano ako kay Tito Zavian na nasa tabi na ngayon ni Tita Kailey.

“As ever Neil, madalas kong kasama ngayon sila Kelsy at Zandra kapag nagpapa-derma facial ako.”

“Your dermatologist is doing a great job then, Tita. You looked younger than your real age.” pagsasabi ko ng totoo. My tita Kailey’s skin is so sensitive, kaya hindi na ako nagulat pa kung grabe ang ingat at alaga nito sa kaniyang balat.

“Zachary helped your uncle Jessiah in carrying their luggaged. Pagod na sila sa byahe. Kayo rin Marcos, Ezekiel helped your Tito and Tita Verity.” Utos ni Tito Zavian sa mga mokong na nakatayo lang at aliw na aliw sa tingin ng mga kababaihan dito sa airport.

“Boys,” mabilis silang napalingon at dali daling umalis sa kanilang mga puwesto nang marinig naman nila ang istriktong boses ni Tito Deverox.

“You are finally here Neil! What is new? I’m excited to tell you about what happened last summer!” lapit sa akin ni Kelsy galing kay Russco. Abot tainga ang ngiti kong makita silang lahat na kumpletong sumundo sa amin dito sa airport ngayon.

Except sa isang tao na hindi ko talaga gustong makitang kasama nilang pumunta rito ngayon. I am relieved that I haven’t seen him here.

I hugged Kelsy as she hugged me tight like what she always did every time I went here to the Philippines for summer.

Nakita ko naman si Zandra na ngingisi ngisi habang ang isang kilay ay nakataas na nakatingin sa akin, ani mong hinihintay na bigyan ko rin siya ng mainit kong yakap. Kumawala ako kay Kelsy at lumapit kay Zandra.

“Welcome back, Neil. Masaya ako na buo na tayong magpipinsan ngayon. For sure this is gonna be the talk of the town right now.” Zandra said while she’s in my embrace.

Nagkasalubong naman ang mga kilay kong tumingin sa kaniya.

“What do you mean?” napapailing iling kong tinapunan ng nagtatakang tingin silang dalawa ni Kelsy na may naglalarong ideya sa kanilang mga mata na gusto nilang makuha ko.

Shit. The girls are surely waiting in the house now. Kelsy and Zandra had several friends that getting crazy over me and fuck those girls. They are so damn clingy. I don’t like it.

“We tell them that you are coming home! But, this day is only reserve for us and I know that you are tired,” Zandra said.

Laglag ang pangang nakatingin ako kay Zandra ngayon. So they will really invite and throw a night party just for me? Damn.

“Don’t ya worry Neil! They are still obsessed with you!” Kelsy added.

Napasapo ako sa noo ko dahil sa pinagsasasabi nitong si Kelsy at Zandra.

“You know that I don’t like these girls, right? So what’s the point of bringing them?” I frustratedly asked.

“Because we know that you liked it,” ani Zandra na may magandang ngiti na nakaguhit sa kaniyang labi.

“Anyway, you looked great Neil! Sobrang puti ng kutis mo-” Nahinto sa sasabihin si Kelsy nang lapitan ako ni Ate Meaghan.

Nakapilantik ang mga daliri nitong ipinatong niya sa aking balikat ang kamay niya at mahinhing inilapit ang kaniyang pisngi sa aking mukha.

“How’s your life going Ate Meaghan?” tanong ko rito ng mapansing hindi siya nagbago.

“Just like the usual. Busy with my boyfriend and in my study as well. You know, for the sake of my future.” Pa-slang na sabi pa nito.

“Stop it Ate Meaghan. You are being so maarte na naman, it’s so annoying.” naaasar na sinabi ni Kelsy sa kaniyang Ate.

“Bakit ba? Anyway, Neil, nabili ba ni tita yung ilang mga makeups na pinabili ko? Especially ’yung Mac foundation. Naubusan na kasi ako ng stock-”

“Ano? Nagpabili ka kay tita Verity, Ate? My god, hindi ka pa ba nakukontento sa mga expensive makeup collection mo sa bahay? Kakabili mo lang sa mall nung nakaraan ah. At isa pa meron din naman dito sa atin nung pinapabili mo.” Kelsy cutted off her sister.

“Mom bought you all those brands. At huwag ka ng mainggit kay Ate Meaghan, Kelsy dahil meron ka rin naman.” Ani ko dahil alam ko namang ’yon lang ang pagtatalunan nila.

Alam kong mag-aaway na naman ang dalawang ito at hindi magpapatalo si Kelsy. She always fights for what she thinks is right. Not only that. She never backs off. Kaya lahat kaming magpipinsan takot sa kaniya.

“Let’s go hijo, alam kong napagod ka sa biyahe.” Tito Deverox suddenly came.

Nagmamadali namang tumungo sila Kelsy at Ate Meaghan kasama si Zandra patungo sa van nila. They know Tito Deverox is hostile and strict.

Normal na sa pananalita ni tito Deverox ang pagiging istrikto kaya lahat kaming magpipinsan ay takot sa kaniya.

They put our things and luggaged in the van first before we went in. The girls were on the other van while the boys are in different. Iba ang trip naming mga boys kaya sinadyang ibukod ang van sa amin.

Nang papasok na ako ay inilibot ko ng tingin ang aking mga mata para sa pupuwestuhan ko.

“There is no more space here Neil, doon ka nalang sa front seat,” Ezekiel said.

“Hoy Ezi, pag nagkagulo na naman dahil diyan sa pinag gagagawa mo yari tayong lahat kay Tito Deverox.” bulong ni Lucien pero sapat lang para marinig ko.

“Wala ng space? May nakita pa ako diyan sa likuran nyo ah. Zachary! Is there any space there?” tanong ko kay Zach na kakaupo lang din.

“Yup, ako lang at si Marcos ang nandito-” mabilis na tinakpan ni Ezekiel ang bibig nito.

My forehead creased at that. “Basta do’n ka nalang sa front sit, Neil.” Nangingiti pang sabi ni Lucien sa akin.

Sinarado ko ang pintuan ng van. Tinungo ko at binuksan ang front sit pagkaraan.

“Mga gago talaga,” I murmured as I shook my head pagkapasok ko sa loob ng front sit.

“Who is gago?”

Saglit naman akong natigilan sa pinagmulan ng boses na iyon at marahang napaangat ako ng tingin sa lalaking katabi ko ngayon. He’s on driver sit. My brows met immediately as I glared at him. My mood suddenly changed. I hate seeing this man.

“Tss, shut your fucking mouth. Come on and drive, I’m starving.” utos ko pa sa kaniya at inignora ang pakiramdam na magulat akong nandito rin pala siya.

“Why are you so bossy? Remember you are now here in the Philippines. Hindi pwedeng gan’yan ang asta mo kahit na mayaman tayo.”

Nagtataka at nakataas ang isa kong kilay na binalingan siya ng tingin. What do I expect from him? He always like this to me anyway.

“Kaizer, can you just drive now and try not to open your fucking mouth? Bwisit,” at saka nag-iwas ng tingin at naiirata akong tumingin sa bintana.

I then heard him gasped.

“Oh, ako pa ang bwisit ngayon? Ikaw na nga itong ipagmamaneho ako pa itong-”

“I told Mom na huwag mo na kaming sunduin dahil alam kong ganito ang mangyayari. Isusumbat mo yung ginagawa mo. And what the fuck are saying? Did I pertain to or said a particular name? Tsh,”

“Bro, Kaizer, just drive. Nakaandar na yung van nila Kelsy oh, tayo nandito pa. Come on, stop this shit.” ani Killian sa likuran.

“Sino ba kasing nagpapuwesto sayo riyan, Neil? Anak ng. Ezekiel, I swear I’ll flush you later kapag nalaman ’to nila Tito.” Marcos narrowed and sounds so gravely.

Nakikita ko sila ngayon sa salamin na nagsisisihan sa likuran.

I let a heavy sigh.

“Kung alam ko lang na siya pala ang nagmamaneho, edi sana sumabay nalang ako kila Kelsy,” ani ko sa sarili na alam kong maririnig ng aking katabi.

“That is why I didn’t come out,” Kaizer sternly uttered.

I glared at him. He looked away and started the engine.

“Tsk,” I sizzled irritatedly.

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

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The van parked in the restaurant. I surveyed the place through the window. My neck craned outside when I noticed it’s exclusive.

“Papa made a reservation here. Come on, let’s go outside.” Kaizer spoke.

I didn’t look at his way.

“Tito Eleazar? This is nice! Ginugutom na rin ako.” rinig kong sinabi ni Ezi sa backseat.

“Ang sabihin mo, lagi kang gutom!” Lucien mockingly said.

Natatawa naman akong lumingon sa kanila nang makita kong batukan ni Marcos ang kapatid niyang si Lucien sa likuran.

“Ulol, you just are both the same,” Marcos retorted on them.

“Is it right to laugh Zachary? Huh? Batukan kaya kita riyan?” banta ni Lucien sa natatawang si Zachary sa likuran nila na ani mong natutuwa at nabutakan ito ng kapatid.

“Tara na mga tukmol!” Nauna ng lumabas si Kaizer ng sasakyan.

I went out too. Naghaharutan namang lumabas sila Ezi at Lucien ng van.

“Nakakahiya talagang kasama ’tong dalawang ’to.” Lumapit na ibinulong ni Zachary sa akin.

I chuckled. Then we both laughed afterward while looking at the two continuously arguing. About the foods.

Nakaakbay naman sa akin si Marcos nang may ibulong din ito. Papasok na kami ng restaurant. My Tita’s and Tito’s together with my Mom and Dad, kanina pa sila nakapasok kasama sila Kelsy. Nahuli kami dahil sa mabagal na paandar ni Kaizer ng sasakyan at pagrereklamo niya kanina.

“Tomorrow is the throw party that Tita Kailey announced. Tayo tayo lang rin naman iyon.” Marcos said to me later on as we take our step towards the entrance of the resto.

“Mom will announce it later in the dining. You know her, she likes parties and the crowd.” nabuboryong sinabi naman ni Zachary sa akin.

“Yeah, I should expect it already.” I just mumbled nonchalantly because it’s not new to me anyway.

Napapagitnaan nila akong dalawa ni Marcos at Zack nang biglang sumingit si Kaizer sa amin. Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin at nauna nang pumasok. May nag-guide sa amin kung saan ang room na naka reserve para sa amin. We are in a private space that only our family Arcoiris occupied and allowed.

And when we got inside, I noticed that they are all set on the table and we boys are the only ones missing. My brows arched when I saw Ezi and Lucien on their sits already.

Kahit kailan talaga, hindi magpapahuli sa pagkain ’tong dalawa na ito.

“Umayos ka nga Kuya Ezekiel. Nakakahiya kila Tita, para kang hindi nakakakain.” narinig kong bulong ni Zandra sa kapatid niya nang maupo ako sa tabi nito.

“What is wrong? I’m starving, at saka babayaran naman natin lahat ng kakainin natin dito.” walang pakialam na sabi ni Ezekiel dahil abala sa pagtingin sa menu.

Napabaling naman ako ng tingin kay Kelsy nang marinig ko siyang matunog na bumuntong hininga. Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kaniya nang mahuli niya ang tingin ko. Laglag ang balikat, lips protruded she glanced at me.

“I don’t like the foods. It’s all nakakataba.” She disappointedly uttered.

“Try their salads then, kung ayaw mo ng carbs,” I suggested.

“Pero gutom na ako,” nakanguso nitong sabi.

“E ’di mag-stake ka,” Lucien suddenly retorted beside Ezi’s seat.

Nakita ko namang matalim ang mga matang binalingan ng tingin ni Kelsy si Lucien.

“Ayoko nga, hindi ako katulad mo na puro karne ang gusto. So greasy,” Kelsy told on him wryly.

Nangunot naman ang noo ni Lucien. “Why? It’s not fattening if you do your part on the gym.” aniya pa.

“Bakit ba kasi ayaw mo ng mga meals nila dito? Are you now vegetarian?” I then asked Kelsy.

“No, she is not. Nag-aarte lang ’yan dahil sa gown niyang susuotin tomorrow evening.” Ate Meaghan spoke on the right side of Kelsy.

“Ughh! Ano ba ate! You are not helping.”

“Ano ba ate!” paggagaya pa ni Lucien kay Kelsy.

“Stop it, Lucien. Nakakairita ka na.” Kelsy irritatedly said to him.

“Ang arte mo kasi Kels, para kang ate mo,” Marcos stated.

Kelsy just rolled her eyes and turned my way.

“Mag vegetable salad ka nalang, Kelsy.” suhestiyon naman ni Zandra.

Bumaling pa muna ng tingin ito sa akin na para bang nasa akin ang sagot ng kakainin niya.

I smirked.

“Eat what you want Kels. Sasamahan nalang kita sa gym tomorrow kung meron kang schedule.” I smiled at her lightly.

Nangingiti naman niya akong niyakap.

“Thank you at nandito ka na, Neil! Kasi kung si Kuya Zachary, hindi niya ako sasamahan. He usually dropped me at the gym but he never worked out with me.” abot tenga ang ngiti nitong sabi sa akin.

“You’re welcome. At saka, I need to go somewhere else, kasi parang hindi na ako pamilyar sa lugar.” Nakangisi kong sinabi sa kaniya.

“Really? Or you will just be hunting women with Ezi and Marcos?” makahulugang aniya pa habang nakaarko ang isang kilay na nakatingin ito sa akin.

“Huh? Hindi no, ikaw talaga Kels.” tatawa tawa ko nalang sinabi dahil alam ko namang gano’n nga ang madalas na nangyayari kapag sila Marcos ang kasama ko.

Kanina pa nakarating at nakaupo sila Zachary sa kanilang mga puwesto. Kumpleto na kaming lahat ngayon sa aming hapag.

“Where is Kaizer?” Then I heard tito Demarcus asked.

Lumingon ang mga pinsan ko sa akin na mabilis sinundan ng tingin nila Tito. Napakurap naman ako nang ilang sandali.

I blankly looked at them later on.

“What?” I then inquired weirdly just to cut the silence, because no one is speaking while all their stares are just focused on me.

“Sorry, nag bathroom lang po ako, Tito.” biglang sulpot ng boses ni Kaizer sa likuran ko.

My chair is position horizontally at the door of our room. Kaya hindi ko napansin ang pagdating nito.

Awtomatiko namang nag-arko ang kilay kong tumingin sa kaniyang gawi nang maupo siya sa aking tabi. Mabilis na kumunot ang aking noo at agad na inilibot ko ang tingin sa lamesa kung may iba pa bang bakanteng upuan na pwede niyang pag pwestuhan at hindi sa tabi ko.

“Dito na ako uupo,” mahina niyang ani sa akin bago niya tuluyang ukupahin ang upuan sa aking tabi.

“I have no choice.” I then muttered when I haven’t seen any vacant seat far from me except for this one beside mine.

“Sungit,” mayamaya ay dinig kong bulong niya habang nag-aayos ng kaniyang pagkain.

I just shook my head and looked away from him with irritably stares at me. The food is served. I was busy arranging the meal I have on my plate.

“Sure ka na bang dito ka na titira?” Kaizer asked me when I started biting my food.

Hindi ko naman siya binalingan ng tingin at nagtuloy lang sa aking pagkain nang sagutin ko ang kaniyang tanong.

“Yeah, matagal ko na ring pinipilit sila Mom at Dad, buti pumayag na siya ngayon,” mahina at seryoso ko lang na sinabi sa kaniya.

Hindi ko siya tinapunan ng tingin dahil abala ako sa aking pagkain.

“Anong palang academic strand mo? You are in grade twelve right? What is your plan for this school year? Sabay ka nalang sa amin nila Zach sa enrollment para hindi hassle.” Aniya pang muli sa akin kalaunan.

Nilingon ko naman siya. Malaki ang mata kong tiningnan siya. Na para bang hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinasabi ng mokong na ito.

“Tsked. STEM, and I also want to make it a favor to you. You know that I hate the hassle and complicated things. Kaya sana ikaw na ang magpasa ng mga requirements ko.” preskong sabi ko sa kaniya kalaunan dahil alam kong minsan lang siya maging ganito sa akin.

“Abusado ka talaga Neil. You never changed, damn it.” He deeply said with his both thick black brows almost converge.

I smirked at him.

“Minsan ka lang maging mabait kaya lulubusin ko na.” The other side of my lips tugged up.

Mood swing din talaga itong si Kaizer. We are always fighting in all petty things. Simple things, he makes it bigger kaya hindi kami nagkakasundo. But there are times na parang kami ang pinaka-close sa magpipinsan. Even I am more close to Zach and Marcos.

Natahimik siya pagkaraan at gano’n din naman ako. We ate our lunch happily. We talked much and Mom was fond of the topic of planning Russco seventh birthday. Tita Kailey has a lot of suggestions and concepts in mind na paniguradong paghahandaan nila Mom na gawin.

Tita Emilia is just there getting along with them as well and offered that she will take care of the buffet.

“Tomorrow, don’t forget our dinner alright?” Tita Kailey informed us all.

Nakatingin kami sa kabilang table kung saan nakapuwesto sila Mom kasama sila Dad and Tito.

“Mom! Can I bring Eurwin tomorrow night as my date?” pagtanong ni Ate Meaghan sa kaniyang ina.

“Nah-uh, no boyfriends nor girlfriends are invited to our dining.” pagsagot ni Kaizer sa kaniya mula sa aking tabi.

“But Mom?!”

Napakurap kurap naman si Tita Kailey sa anak niyang si Ate Meaghan.

“No. It’s a family gathering, Meaghan.”

Ngumuso nalang si Ate Meaghan at inabala ang sarili sa kaniyang cellphone.

Kelsy laughed at her a bit. Ate Meaghan seems annoyed but she didn’t give her sister, Kelsy a word. She just rolled her eyes on her. I chuckled too. Our family gathering is always celebrating every time we are complete. And we have several events that our family prepares for every year. It’s like a tradition to us. Celebrating and partying.

“Nasaan si Ate Anastasia at Kuya Huxton?” tanong ko sa katabi kong abala sa kaniyang cell phone nang mapansing wala ang dalawa niyang kapatid.

“Kuya is busy with his work. He managed the shipping line of his products dahil hands-on siya when it comes to that. Kaya baka nauna na at hindi na nakapagsabi na mauuna na siya kanina. Si Ate Anastasia naman, maraming nilalakad. She has a lot of projects the reason why she’s not here.” Kaizer said while his eyes are set still on his phone.

Hindi na ako nagtanong pa nang makita ko ang lukot na pagmumukha ng dalawang mokong sa harapan ko.

“Ang tagal ng desserts,” atungal ni Lucien at Ezi.

“Zachary pagsabihan mo nga ang dalawang ’yan. Bakit ba hindi matigil ang mga bulate niyan sa tiyan sa kakakain?” Marcos then pronounced.

“Buti hindi kayo tumataba.” I chuckled as my eyes on them.

“Even I’m this strong eater, I still know how to burn it, dude. Kaya na-memaintain ko ang six-pack abs ko.”

“Ang hangin mo Lucien. Sabay lang naman tayong nag-g-gym. Tatamarin ka pa kung hindi pa kita yayayain.” Ezekiel hissed at Lucien.

“Pa’no ba naman hindi ka nagsisipag sa kakapunta ng gym, e’ type mo yung babaeng instructor don.” pang-aasar pa ni Lucien kay Ezekiel naman ngayon.

Nagtawanan naman sila Kelsy at Ate Meaghan habang si Zandra ay tahimik lang na nakikinig sa usapan ng dalawang bugok na ito.

“Ilang taon naman na iyon, Lucien?” Kuryuso pero mapanuksong tanong ni Kelsy sa kanila na nakisali na rin sa panunukso.

“Ulol ka Lucien! Itutulad mo pa ako kay Marcos! Hindi ako mahilig sa mas matanda sa akin.” pag depensa pa ni Ezekiel.

“Asked him Kels,” Lucien laughed ignoring Ezi’s rants and dark glares on him.

“Kayo ah, trip niyo na naman si Ezi. Sigi lang, baka sakaling tumino.” ani Ate Meaghan.

Napailing iling naman si Zandra. Dismayado sa kahihiyang pinaggagagawa ng Kuya niyang si Ezi.

“Anong katulad ko, Ezekiel?” Seryosong tanong ni Marcos dito.

“Huh? Wala-”

“Sabi niya mahilig ka raw sa Mommy na,” mayamaya ay sabad ni Kaizer sa aking tabi.

Wala sa oras na pinanlakihan ng mga mata ni Ezi si Kaizer ng tingin. Pinipigilan ito sa pagsasalita.

“Hindi ba, Zachary?” Tanong pa ni Kaizer kay Zachary na hindi pa tapos sa pagkain.

“Your such a dick, Kaizer!” Lucien added as he laughs.

Nakita ko pang ngumisi si Kaizer, nagpipigil ng tawa dahil mukhang gipit na ngayon si Ezi sa mga gawa-gawa niyang kuwento.

Kalaunan ay napatingin kami kila Kelsy, Zandra at Ate Meaghan nang mapansin naming tumayo sila.

“Bathroom lang kami, freshen up.” Paalam ni Kelsy sa amin.

I stood up as well. “Samahan ko na kayo, I need to go to the restroom too.” Ani ko.

At nang saktong pagkatayo ko sa aking upuan ay siya namang pambasag ni Kaizer sa akin.

“Freshen up din ba, o to fuck a customer out there?” Pagpapapansin ni Kaizer habang ang mga mata ay mapanuya at mariing nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

Magkasalubong naman ang mga kilay kong tumingin sa kaniya. He is not saying a name or directly says it to anyone of us. He just only whispered it but I heard it clearly because he is just sitting beside me.

“Ah, let’s go Neil.” nag-aalinlangang pagtawag sa akin ni Kelsy na mukhang narinig din ang sinabi ni Kaizer.

“Paghiwalayin niyo ang dalawang ’yan. Now.” dinig kong sabi ni Zachary habang seryoso ang mga mata nitong nakabaling sa akin.

I’m not sure if they hear what Kaizer’s said. Pero sa tinginan pa lang namin ay alam kong nakuha na nilang may hindi magandang nasabi si Kaizer sa akin. Alam na nila ang drill sa tuwing nakikita nila akong mataman na tumitingin kay Kaizer. It only means that I’m bad trip and it’s only beacause of Kaizer.

“That’s funny.” I humorously uttered, later on, pissed.

“Yeah, I remember! Nakalimutan ko pala ’yong phone ko sa van. Tara Kaizer samahan mo akong kuhanin.” Agad na tumayo si Lucien at hinila na si Kaizer patayo sa upuan.

He stood up and I expected him to come outside but he remains standing in front of me. My cousins shut their mouths to let a soft sigh. They know what will gonna happen because Kaizer was now standing proudly in front of me as he glared at me darkly.

I twitched my lips and raised my one brow at him before I uttered. I took a step near him. Yung tipong dalawang pulgada nalang ang pagitan ng aming mga mukha at halos magkaduling na ang mga mata naming matalim na nakatingin sa isa’t isa.

Nakita ko pang saglit na umigting ang kaniyang panga. I greeted my teeth.

“I’m not horny, kaya hindi ’yon mangyayari, Kaizer.” Pabulong kong sinabi sa kaniya habang ang mga labi ko ay may nakaguhit na ngisi. I tried to lower my voice, para siya lang ang makarinig.

Then I stepped forward more. He just looked at me straight in the eye.

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Kaizer. It’s my privacy. It’s your choice if you keep your mouth shut or I will just zip it on my own.”

Nakikita kong napipikon na siya. Lagi kasing papansin at pabida. 

“Okay, sorry na.” Mayamaya ay sinabi niya ng nakataas ang dalawang kamay na para bang suko na ito.

“Kaizer kasi laging paepal. Shut your mouth dude, hindi ko na rin gusto yung mga pinagsasasabi mo.” Dinig king ani ni Zachary.

“Real talk?” Ate Meaghan prompted to him.

Hindi ko na mapigilang peke na matawa.

“What is this scene? Anong nangyayari riyan?” nabobosesan kong tanong ni Tito Deverox mula sa kabilang lamesa na mukhang napansin na ang gawi naming natahimik bigla.

Saglit ko pang matalim na tinitigan si Kaizer at sabay na nakakalokong nginitian bago ko siya iwasan ng tingin para harapin si Tito Deverox ng may ngiti sa labi.

“Wala po Tito, tinanong ko lang po si Kaizer kung nasaan sila Ate Anastasia at Kuya Huxton pati na rin sila Tito Eleazar.” I alibi on them perfectly.

Napansin ko pang mangunot ang noo ni Tito na sinuyod pa ng seryoso at istrikto nitong mga tingin ang gawi ng mga pinsan ko isa isa, lalo na si Kaizer na nasa aking harapan.

“Gano’n ba? Kayo Kelsy at Zandra, saan kayo pupunta?” istriktong tanong ni Tito Deverox pagkaraan.

“Bathroom break lang po, Dad” Zandra answered his father.

Tinapik ko naman ang balikat ni Kaizer for a show, bago ako lumapit kila Kelsy. Then I saw Russco walk towards Kaizer afterward.

“Kuya Kaizer, help me to open the new books that Tita Emilia’s present to me. Go to our house later, I will wait for you to come!” Russco excitedly invited him.

“I want to come with Kaizer, Russco. Is that okay with you?” Marcos asked my younger brother then looked at me innocently.

Malakas akong napabuntong hininga at saka dire-diretsong lumabas na ng silid. I know that they are thinking na magkakagulo na naman kami ni Kaizer. That is why Marcos wants to join Russco in opening the presents. Hindi na ako magugulat pa kung makikita ko silang lahat na nasa bahay namin mamaya kug sakali mang matuloy si Kaizer sa pagpunta sa amin.

The flight is very exhausted. Natapos namin ang lunch at bumalik na ulit ng sasakyan at diretsong umuwi na ng bahay. Buong biyahe akong nakatulog pauwi. Hindi naman kami inabot ng ilang oras dahil hindi na si Kaizer ang nagmamaneho dahil may driver ng dumating.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman kong huminto na ang sasakyan. Napalingon ako sa likod at agad na kumunot ang aking noo nang mapansing wala na sila Zachary ro’n.

Lumabas ako ng sasakyan. Nakita ko si Kaizer na kasama si Marcos na nagbubuhat na ng mga gamit namin ngayon.

“Oh, gising na pala si Neil, Tito.” pag-imporma ni Marcos kay dad.

Tumingin naman si Dad sa aking gawi.

Nakauwi na rin siguro sila Tita at Tito pati sila Kelsy at Meaghan dahil hindi ko na sila nakikinita ngayon sa paligid.

“Pinauwi ko na ang mga pinsan mo. Nagpaiwan itong si Kaizer at Marcos para tumulong sa pagbubuhat ng mga gamit natin sa itaas at para na rin daw ay makapagpahinga ka.” Dad said to me while he’s hugging a huge box.

“Mm, thanks Dad.” napapaos ang boses kong ani dahil sa pagod at kakagising ko lang din.

Naglakad na ako patungong elevator. Nakabuntot na parang aso sa akin si Kaizer habang naglalakad ako. We are living in a commercial-like building but it is also called a condominium but more looks like a huge apartment that my parents owned. This is our house since we left. Hindi ibinenta nila Dad dahil ito ang ginagawa naming bakasyunan tuwing summer and also they were people that occupying the other floors not for free.

Naging mabagal ang pag-andar ng elevator para sa akin paakyat sa palapag namin.

“Fuck,” narinig kong ani Kaizer sa likod ko.

At nang balingan ko siya sa aking likuran ay nakita kong nahulog ang backpack kong siya pala ang may dala. Mabilis na tumaas ang temperatura ng ulo ko, dahil ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman ng nadudumihan ang mga gamit ko.

“Sorry,” pilit na ngiti pa ang ipinakita nito sa akin nang mapansin ang napupuyos ko ng ekspresyon ngayon.

“Let me,” I offered my hand to get my bag as I gritting my teeth harshly to stop myself from bursting out. Iniabot naman niya ito sa akin agad. Pinagpagan ko ito at nang makuntento ay isinabit ko sa aking balikat.

Bumukas ang elevator at sabay kaming lumabas. Nauna ako sa kaniyang naglalakad ngayon nang maramdaman kong sabayan niya ang lakad ko.

“May laro kami bukas sa subdivision lang namin ang court, sali ka ba?” bigla nitong usal sa aking tabi.

“Not sure, ngayon ko pa lang nararamdaman yung jet lag ko.” I stretched my arms and neck when I said that to him lazily.

“You said that you will join Kels tomorrow sa gym?” nasa likuran ko na si Kaizer ngayon nang bilisan ko ang aking lakad at nakasunod ito sa akin papuntang pinto ng bahay namin.

Hindi na rin naman bago sa kanila itong condo namin dahil madalas kaming tumambay na magpipinsan dito sa bahay, lalo na tuwing umuuwi akong mag-isa kapag bakasyon.

“But I’m tired. I think we can compromise about it.” pagod kong sinabi habang binubuksan ang pinto.

At nang mabuksan ko iyon ay nabutan ko si Mom na nagliligpit ng luggage nila ni Dad pagkapasok ko. Marcos is on the other luggage, lifting and putting it in Russco’s room.

“Kaizer nandito ka pa pala. Mabuti naman at may makakasama itong si Marcos sa pag-uwi. Dito na kayo mag dinner.” Mom said while she’s arranging our things when he noticed Kaizer behind me.

“Nasa baba pa si Dad, Mom. He’s fixing something down there.” imporma ko kay Mom.

“Sigi po Tita. Nasaan po pala si Russ?” si Kaizer na nasa tabi ko na ngayon.

“He is already sleeping. Napagod sa biyahe at sa pakikipag harutan sa inyong magpipinsan kanina kaya ayun at bagsak na sa kama niya.” pagkukuwento ni Mom.

“He invites me to join him in opening his books from Tita Emilia kanina, sabi na nga ba at makakatulog siya pag-uwi.” bahagyang natatawang sinabi pa ni Kaizer.

I went to the couch and sit there for a minute ignoring him and my Mom’s conversation.

The other room door open and I caught Marcos went out. Napatingin ito kay Kaizer na may dala pang mga gamit na agad niya ring nilapitan.

“Dito na raw tayo mag dinner sabi ni Tita Verity,” I heard Kaizer whispered to Marcos.

“Okay, magpapahinga muna ako sa sofa. Ang bigat din ng maleta ni Russco e.” Marcos said to him, then he sat on the couch.

“Ah, Neil saan pala ’to?” napabaling ako sa kaniya at nakita ang huling mga gamit na dala ni Kaizer.

“In my room, follow me. Mom, pasok na ako sa kuwarto ko. I’m exhausted, I’m sorry if I can’t eat dinner tonight.” Tumayo na ako at tinapik ang balikat ni Marcos.

“Ipapadala ko nalang ang pagkain mo if you can’t go outside.” pahabol pa ni Mom nang maglakad na ako paakyat ng hagdan.

“Kahit hindi na Mom,” pahabol ko namang sagot sa kaniya.

My head is so heavy. I can feel the tiredness now, hindi kagaya ng kanina. Napahawak ako sa batok ko habang binubuksan ang pintuan ng kuwarto.

“Pupunta raw dito sila Kelsy,” biglang ani Kaizer sa likuran ko.

I pushed the door of my room at mabilis na pumasok roon. Pabagsak akong nahiga sa kama dahil sa sobrang pagod.

Ahh. I missed my bed. Kinuha ko ang unan na malapit sa akin at saka iyon niyakap ng nakatagilid. I heard Kaizers movement in my room as he put my luggage on the floor.

“Didn’t you hear me? Ang sabi ko, papunta na sila Kelsy dito.” pag-ulit pa niya sa sinabi kanina.

“Narinig ko! Umalis ka na nga at magpapahinga na ako.” naiinis kong sinabi.

Tumalikod ako sa kaniyang gawi sa aking higaan. Ngunit naramdaman kong lumubog ang kabilang bahagi ng aking kama.

“I’m also sleepy. Can I just sleep here?” he was already lying beside me when he asked me that.

My eyes were now already shut but I can feel him beside me. “Asshole, nagpaalam ka pa kung kailan nakahiga ka na. Umusod ka nga,” pagtulak ko sa kaniya.

“Mamaya dito ako matutulog sa kama, tabi tayo. Baka maunahan pa ako ni Zachary at Marcos. I don’t want to sleep on the floor.” sabi niya habang nararamdaman kong inaayos niya ang kaniyang unan.

Hinila ko naman ang isang unan na bigla niya kinuha sa akin. Nagugulat itong tumingin sa akin.

“Ang baba ng unan ko. One pillow is enough for you. At saka, sa couch ka naman lagi natutulog kapag nauunahan ka nila Zach, hindi sa sahig.” pagtatama ko.

Bumangon sa aking higaan nang maramdamang hindi ako kumportable.

“May minsan na rin na natulog ako sa sahig ‘no, kung alam ko lang na paunahang makahiga pala sa kama, e’ di sana inaagahan ko ang punta rito.” Seryosong aniya.

We always do slumber here in our house. Pakana lagi ng mga girls. Sa guestroom sila at sila Ezekiel, Zachary, Marcos, Lucien, Killian at Kaizer naman ay dito sa kuwarto ko.

King size bed naman ang meron ako pero ayaw ko ng masikip. Kaya madalas na isa lang ang dapat na katabi ko. Marcos always has his way of controlling us, lagi niyang sinasabi na kung sino ang unang dumating ay siya ang sa kama matutulog katabi ko. His advantage is his age. Kaedaran niya sila Ate Anastasia at Ate Meaghan kaya Kuya na namin siya.

But we don’t call him that. Gusto namin parang tropa lang, walang Kuya. But in Kuya Huxton case is different. He is the eldest grandson of the Arcoiris clan, kaya kinu-Kuya talaga namin.

“Bakit mo ba ’ko tinutulak?” nagtatakang tanong ni Kaizer nang itulak ko siyang muli paalis ng kama, dahilan para mahulog siya ng tuluyan.

“Ouch!” nakahawak ang kanang kamay niya sa kaniyang likuran na nakaupo ma sahig ngayon dahil sa pagkakahulog.

“Ang baho mo! Hindi ka pa pala naliligo. I will take a bath first then you’re next. Walang hihiga sa kama ko ng hindi pa nakaka-take ng bath.” I informed him then stood up and get my towel.

“Nakalimutan ko, sorry. Sigi na bilisan mo!” Sigaw pa niya sa akin habang iniinda ang sakit ng balakang.

I heard my phoned beeped. It’s on the bed and I’m a bit away because I’m on my way to the doorway of my bathroom. So I took a glance at Kaizer’s way. He gets what I mean by glaring on his way so he gets my phone and swipes it to open.

“Tamad talaga,” bulong pa niya dahil hindi ko man lang nagawang lapitan iyon at inutos ko pa talaga sa kaniyang tingnan iyon para sa akin.

I ignored his complaint and just glance at him.

“Who texted me?” My phone doesn’t have a password, kaya madali niya lang iyong mabubuksan.

“It’s from Kelsy, they are on their way na raw kaya bilisan mo maligo. They bought snacks for a movie marathon-” I cutted him off.

“Tell them to buy me a pizza, it’s either Greenwich-”

“Or Yellow Cab, oo sasabihin ko. Go to the bathroom now.” Pagtatapos nito sa aking linya.

I smirked. In all of my cousins, Kaizer is my best enemy. But he knows me better than Zachary. Kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit madalas kaming mag-away.

I shooked my head when I remember the girl that I think is the cause of it all. If she just tells me that she likes me more than him, wala sana kaming problemang magpinsan ngayon.

Pumasok na ako ng bathroom at inalis ang isiping iyon.

Kabanata 2

Kabanata 2

Reason

Lumabas ako ng kuwarto ko at naabutan ko sila Kelsy na nasa living room.

Our condo is spacious and we don’t have a lot of furniture. Kaya kita ang bawat lugar at sulok ng bahay. I saw them sitting at nakikipag-asaran na naman si Lucien kay Ezi.

Pababa na ako ng hagdan nang makita ko si Mom na may bitbit na juice, for my cousins.

“Oh Neil, akala ko hindi ka magdi-dinner tonight at magpapahinga ka na?” she asked when I’m in the middle stairs.

“I have changed my plans Mom, my cousins opt to come here tonight. Magmo-movie marathon daw, eh. I also miss it, so yeah, I’ll give it a try.” bumaba na ako at kinuha ang hawak nitong tray sa kaniyang kamay

“Ako na po dito, magpahinga ka na po Mom. I know you are also tired.”

“O siya, sigi. By the way, have you set up the entertainment room? Hindi ko pa pala naipapalinis ’yon.”

Napaangat ako ng aking tingin kay Mom at nangapa ng isasagot dahil hindi ko pa natitingnan ang entertainment room namin kung malinis ba.

“Ako na ang maghahanda-” aniya nang makita ni Mom na wala akong maisagot dahil alam niyang hindi ko pa iyon naaasikaso.

“No Mom, ako na po. Mabilis lang iyon. Nandiyan naman po sila Marcos, we can fixed it.” nakangiti kong sabi sa kaniya para hindi na siya magpumilit pa na siya ang maglinis.

I can see in my Mom’s eyes the eagerness to help us prepare the entertainment room but I don’t want her to get tired too much.

“Mom, come on. Take a rest, sigi ka baka mag mukha kang zombie for tomorrow’s gathering.” pagkulit ko pa rito.

She looked at me boredly but she smiled afterward.

“Hay, sigi na nga. Basta huwag kayo masyadong magpuyat. Lalo ka na! Kakagaling lang natin ng biyahe.”

“Yes, Mom,” marahan ko siyang tinulak patungong kuwarto nila ni Dad.

I gasped and smiled. “Ako na ang maghahanda ng room.” dinig kong boses mula sa aking likuran.

Tumalikod naman ako at nilingon si Kaizer na tapos ng maligo ngayon. May tuwalya pa itong dala at tinutuyo ang kaniyang buhok.

“Alright, paki walisan na rin at pagpagan ng couch and sofa. Ayaw ko ng maalikabok. I will ready the snacks naman while you’re in the entertainment. Tatawagin ko sila Marcos at Ezi to help you do it.” paalis na ako nang lumapit sa gawi namin sila Kelsy kasama sila Ate Meaghan at Zandra.

Nagugulat at hindi ako makapaniwalang makita ang isa pa nilang kasama. Malaki ang ngiti at ibinaba ko muna ang tray na hawak ko para salubungin ng mainit na yakap si Ate Anastasia.

“Kumusta na? I heard you will stay here for good. That’s nice to hear.” mahinhin na ani Ate Anastasia sa akin nang makalapit.

Mabilis lang ang naging yakapan. Lumayo na rin ako agad. Ate Anastasia is Kaizer’s older sister. Matanda ng dalawang taon kila ate Meaghan at Marcos.

“Ahh, oo. Buti nakasama ka ngayon Ate Anastasia. Kaizer told me that you’re scheds are full. I didn’t expect you to come over tonight. Akala ko bukas pa kita makikita sa dinner.” I said as I picked up the tray I put down on the near small table.

“It’s a surprise then, Neil. Kaya hindi ko sinabi sa’yong pupunta ako ngayon. Ano, game na ba? All set na ba sa taas?” she then asked me with a contagious smile plastered on her lips.

Napalingon naman ako kay Lucien na abala sa paglalaro ng Xbox kasama si Ezi sa sala ng bahay. Para talagang mga bata.

“Ezi! Lucien! Help Kaizer set up the entertainment room. Tumayo nga kayo riyan! Clean the whole room, hindi naman sobrang dumi no’n.” pagtawag ko sa dalawa.

“Ah! Ang daya mo Ezi!” I heard Lucien growled.

“Fuck, I win! Do the consequences, Lucien the loser.” nang-aasar pang sabi ni Ezekiel at saka tumayo at lumapit sa amin.

“Kaizer, ano ba ’yan. Wear your shirt nga. You’re not in our house. Don’t do it here.” Ani ate Anastasia,

“Oo ate, I will get my shirt pagka akyat namin. Tara na Ezi!” Kaizer called.

“Kasi naman, the girls who adored you so much aren’t here para ibalandra mo ’yang abs mo rito, Kaizer,” Kelsy said to him.

Tinaasan lang ito ng kilay ni Kaizer bago ako balingan ng tingin.

“You know my rules Kaizer,” pagbabanta ko sa kaniya dahil topless na naman siya. Kanina ko pa iyan napuna at hindi ko lang talaga binigyang pansin dahil dumating sila Kelsy.

“One of the Rules of Neil: no shirtless kapag nasa bahay ka niya!” sabay sabay na sinabi nila Ate Meaghan, Zandra, Ate Anastasia at Kelsy.

Napangisi naman ako at napapailing na tinaasan ng kilay si Kaizer. Rule breaker.

He just rolled his eyes at me and turn his back to us. “Fine, I don’t like the punishment so I will follow your rules then.” Aniya at hinila na ang dalawa na si Ezi at Lucien paakyat ng hagdan.

“Marcos tulungan mo na din yung tatlo,” ani naman ni Killian.

Tumaas naman ang kilay ni Marcos at mariin nitong tiningnan si Killian. Siya naman ay parang wala lang narinig at patuloy lang sa pagngata ng mani na snack sana namin para mamaya. Kaso ay mukhang siya lang ang makakaubos. But it’s fine, I also hate nuts.

“Si Lucien na lahat gagawa ng part ko. That’s my consequence to him cuz I beat him.” sabi ni Ezi, pagtukoy sa nilalaro nila kanina.

Hindi ko naman na iyon pinansin pa at umakyat na silang tatlo ng hagdanan.

“Ang init lagi ng ulo mo Marcos,” pagpuna ni Kelsy kay Marcos na mukhang wala na naman sa mood ngayon.

Naglakad kami patungong kusina para ihanda ang mga kakailanganin namin para sa pagkain.

“Hindi ka pa nasanay kay Marcos, Kels? He’s like that. That’s his casual and usual scowl look.” pagpapaalala ko sa kaniya.

“Kaya nga kahit si Eurwin takot sa kaniya.” si Ate Meaghan.

“Really? How come?” Ate Anastasia amazingly asked.

“Alam mo naman ’tong si Marcos, daig pa si Dad sa sobrang pagka-strict sa akin. Buti na nga lang at masugid si Eurwin.”

Nakita ko namang naging abala si Kelsy ngayon sa cellphone niya. While Zandra is focusing on reading her book.

Kinuha ko naman sa pantry ang Tortilla Chips habang sila naman ay naupo sa bar stool at nag-uusap. Kumuha si Ate Anatasia ng plate. Napatingin pa ako sa kaniya nang mapansin kong tumingin ito sa aking gawi at pinapanood ang ginagawa ko. Naiilang akong tumingin sa kaniya.

Ate Anastasia is the most sophisticated woman I know. She also likes Ate Meaghan and Kelsy and mixed attitude of silent kind ni Zandra. Napaka pino ng bawat galaw nito. Dalagang Pilipina kung sasabihin pero sobrang nakakailang kung tumingin.

“You know how to do this now, huh? Kelan ka pa natutong gumawa sa kusina?” She asked me as she walks near the ref and opens it.

“Uhm, since last year? You know, Mom and Dad were busy abroad kaya ako na rin ang gagawa nito kapag nagugutom ako. It’s also easy, so why not try.” I replied.

In the girls of Arcoiris cousins, Ate Anastasia is one of my closest than ate Meaghan. Maybe because we have the same perceptions in life. We both hate fetid objects. Because we are both sensitive and many more.

She’s back with tomatoes and lettuce in her hands. She washed it in the sink and cutted it afterward.

“So, you know how to cook? Let me taste it in some time.”

“Kinda, but I’m sucked in baking. I tried to make some for Russco but I failed.” natatawa kong sabi sa kaniya.

“Oh? Bumisita ka pala dapat minsan sa bahay, so I can teach you if you want.” she induced.

Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya.

“Sigi, if you’re not busy pupunta ako.” Ani ko habang sineset ang chips sa plate.

I separated the accompaniment of the nachos for them, but for me I like it spread at the top and garnished with tuna and cheese.

“Nasaan na pala yung pizza, Kels?” pagtanong ko sa busy-ng si Kelsy.

“There, nasa living room. I’ll get it nalang pag paakyat na tayo.”

I set the nachos I made. Ate Anastasia gets something from the pantry at hindi ko nalang pinansin dahil bumaba na ang tatlo.

“Hmm, what is that smell?” tanong ni Ezi na agad namang binatukan ni Lucien.

“The nachos, of course, nasa harap mo na Ezekiel Harison. Maang-maangan?” Lucien annoyingly said.

Masamang tingin lang ang itinapon ni Ezi sa kaniya at dumiretso ito sa akin. His fingers were ready to pick up the chips when I slapped them abruptly.

“Mamaya na. Baka maubos mo agad.” Sabi ko sabay bitbit ng platter at lagay sa tray kasama ng juice na bagong timpla ni Ate Anastasia dahil nawalan na ng lamig ang kanina kong daladala.

“Damot,” ngumuso pa si Ezi sa akin na ani mong nagpapaawa.

“Kuya tumigil ka nga,” Zandra, stopping his brother now from being shameless.

“Let’s go upstairs. Naayos at nalinis na namin lahat. Everything is set. Tayo nalang ang kulang.” Kaizer informed me.

“Great, inaantok na ’ko kaya tara na.” ani Killian at tumayo na sa kaniyang upuan.

“Kuya Killian, nag text si Mom.” Biglang ani Zandra nang tumayo na kaming lahat para umakyat na.

“What’s she said?”

“Nagtanong lang kung uuwi ka raw ba tonight. You need to report to Dad.”

“Ah, let me text Mom about it, Zandra. Let’s go.” Ani Killian sa kapatid at nauna ng naglakad papuntang hagdan.

“The pizza Kelsy, please get it on the sofa,” Marcos reminded her.

Mabilis namang nilakad ni Kelsy ang living room para kuhanin ang dalawang box ng Yellow Cab pizza.

“It’s not the cheap pizza Neil, kaya huwag kang magreklamo.” Ani Marcos nang mapansing sinuyod ko ng tingin ang box.

“Good,” tanging nasabi ko.

Nang makapasok kami sa loob ay kaniya kaniyang pwesto na kami. Magkatabi si Zandra at Kelsy na nasa kanang gilid ko. While Ate Anastasia and Ate Meaghan were on my left side. The sofa is huge and can accommodate us five.

Nasa kabilang couch naman ang magkapatid na Marcos at Lucien na pinagigitnaan nila si Ezekiel. Kaizer and Killian are on their solo sofa near our sofa. We started watching after they picked the ramdom Hollywood movie on the screen.

Habang abala sila sa pagkain at pagpili ng panonoorin namin ay may napansin ako. I noticed that one of the boys is absent except for kuya Huxton. Inilibot ko ang tingin sa mga kasama ko at napansing may nawawala talaga. I get and bit the nachos on my fingers.

Si Zachary! Nasaan ang mokong na ’yon? He always presents every slumber and movie marathon. He was never absent. Kaya nakakapagtakang wala siya rito ngayon.

“Nasaan nga pala si Zachary?” Hindi ko na napigilang magtanong.

“He’s not home nang umalis kami kanina sa bahay. He’s probably in his girlfriend.” si Ate Meaghan.

“Kailan pa nagkaro’n ng girlfriend si Zach? And he invades the rule. Ngayon nalang tayo ulit nakumpleto tapos hindi pa siya umattend?” I asked.

“Hindi rin nasabi sa’kin ni Kuya kung bakit. At saka, what are you saying Ate Meag? He wasn’t in a relationship.” Kelsy stated.

“Baka parating na rin ’yon at nasa daan na,” Zandra said after her long silence.

“I will text him,” Kaizer probed.

“Ngayon lang hindi nakapunta ’yon ah. He usually dropped here earlier para siya ang sa kama, but now he’s late.” si Ezekiel.

“Too late, dahil ako ang sa tabi ni Neil tonight.” ani naman ni Kaizer.

“Mas nauna ako sayo rito Kaizer. Ano ka sinuswerte? Ako ang sa kama.” Marcos interferes.

“Tumigil na nga kayo boys, I can’t contact Zachary.”

“Huh? Out of reach o nakapatay ang phone niya, Ate Meaghan?” tanong ko rito nang mapansing may tinatawagan nga ito mula sa kabilang linya.

“Don’t mind Zachary, he’s not minor anymore. Let him go anywhere,” Marcos suddenly said.

Tumingin naman ako sa screen, inalis sa isipan kung bakit wala si Zach ngayon. Hindi na rin sila nagsalita at itinuon na rin ang atensyon sa pinapanood.

I felt my phone vibrated in my shorts so I get it. Kung kailan nasa climax part na kami ng movie ay ngayon pa ito tumunog. Mabilis kong kinuha ang phone at agad na binasa ang mensahe.

From Zachary:

Hey dude, sorry hindi ako nakapunta tonight. I’m wasted as fuck.

Mabilis namang nangunot ang noo ko sa mensahe niya. Anong problema nito? Hindi naman ganito ito pag nagti-text.

I typed in my message and hit the send button.

Ako:

Why? Are you alright?

Mabilis naman siyang sumagot.

From Zachary:

I’m such a dick. I fucked up.

I moved on to my sit, absorbing his messages. He has never been like this, unless it’s about his girl. Damn Zachary, masyado kasi yatang siniseryoso ang mga dapat beneficial relationship lang.

Ako:

Nasaan ka? Are you home? Don’t drink.

“Neil, you are invading you’re own rule. No phones allowed, right? You’re unfair. Give it to me.” Kelsy then said when she caught me on the phone. Inilahad pa nito ang kamay niya, pag-abot sa cellphone kong wala akong balak i-surrender.

“Akin na,”

I gulped and try to say a word.

“Sino ba kasi ’yang ka-text mo, Neil?” Kaizer asked from my other side this time.

Nagsalubong naman ang aking mga kilay na tumingin sa kaniya.

“Zach texted me,” I answered.

“Oh, nasaan daw siya?” Ate Meaghan butt in, but her eyes are still on the screen.

“He didn’t tell me. Pero baka nasa bahay niyo lang?”

Mabilis kong sin-wipe ang phone ko to read his new sent message.

From Zachary:

I’m drinking.

Shit.

“Tara Ezi, samahan mo ’ko.” Pabulong kong sinabi kay Ezekiel. I stood up.

Tumingin naman siya sa akin. Hindi naman ako narinig nila Marcos at Killian dahil abala sila sa kanilang sa panonood. Malakas ang volume kaya malabong marinig din nila ako. The lights were dim in our room and I can’t see Ezi if he stood up. Lumingon naman sa akin si Ate Anastasia.

“Saan kayo pupunta? Let’s finished the movie first bago kayo umalis,” she said.

“May bibilhin lang sa labas, I need a driver.” Tangi kong ani ko at umalis na. Hindi ko na rin alam kung napansin ba nila Zandra at Kelsy ang pag-alis ko. Because they are all focused and preoccupied with the movie. Hindi ko naman maikakaila na maganda ang palabas na napili nilang panoorin.

Lumapit ako sa pwesto nila Ezi. Medyo madilim ang gawi nila. It seems Ezekiel didn’t hear me. Kaya basta ko nalang hinila ang manggas ng damit niya palabas ng pinto. At nang makalabas kami ay agad kaming dumiretso sa hagdan pababa. He didn’t say a word. Tahimik lang akong nagtataka kung bakit hindi siya nagsasalita. Nakakapanibago. Baka masyado siyang nadala sa movie?

Huminto ako sa paglalakad nang makitang may mensahe ulit akong natanggap. Nasa living area na kami.

From Zachary:

I know you’ll come, buy me a drink on your way. A’right?

Baliw na talaga ’to. Ano bang problema nito at naglalasing. Ang aga naman niyang nag-celebrate sa pagdating ko. At sinolo niya pa talaga ang drinks ha.

I dropped back my phone inside my pocket at nilingon si Ezi na wala man lang kaimik imik. Buti at hindi ito nabwisit nang hilahin ko siya palabas.

“And why did you drag me out?” Nagugulat kong tiningnan si Kaizer na nakabusangot ang mukhang nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

“What are you doing here? Nasaan si Ezekiel?” Nagtataka kong tanong sa kaniya.

“Tss, I asked you first. Bakit mo ako hinila palabas? At… at sino ba ’yang ka-text mo? You made a rule and you just break it yourself? What the fuck.”

“Stop cursing. I hate it. At saka hinila ko si Ezi at hindi ikaw-”

“Eh, sa ako nga ’yung nahila mo? Nae-enjoy ko na ang pinapanood natin tapos bigla biglang may hahatak sa akin mula sa dilim. Thank god, we’re not watching a horror movie.” nangungunot ang noo nito at nagsasalubong ang dalawang makakapal na kilay nito habang nagsasalita. Iritadong iritado sa ginawa ko.

“Fine, bumalik ka na ron. Give me your keys.” inilahad ko ang kamay ko sa kaniya.

Nanlaki naman ang mata ko nang makita ko itong nakakalokong ngumisi at saka ngumuso ng pagkababoy baboy. Putcha!

“Anong ginagawa mong unggoy ka?! Give me the keys!” naasar ng ani ko, nauubusan na ng pasensya.

“You want my kiss, right?” nanunuya pang tanong nito.

“Oo! Akin na! I’ll drive it alone,”

Lumapit ito sa akin at mabilis akong hinalikan sa pisngi.

Sinapak ko siya sa braso sa sobrang inis.

“Fuck you ka, Kaizer ang salahula mo!” nandidiri akong lumapit sa table kung saan may sanitizer akong nakalagay, na madalas kong gamitin kaya dito ko nalang iniwan kanina sa table.

“What? You said you want my kiss. So I gave it to you.” tatawa tawa pa ang loko sa kababuyan niyang ginawa pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon.

“That is so gross, Kaizer dimwit.”

“Bakit kapag sila Zach ang kaharutan mo hindi ka nandidiri? Pare parehas lang tayong mga lalaki pero mas malapit ka lang talaga sa kanila. Tss.” Singhal niya pa sa akin.

“Akin na nga ang susi. Now you get it? Susi, hindi ’yung kababuyan mong kiss.” I emphasize this time.

Magkarugtong ang dalawang kilay kong tumayo. Hindi ito nagsalita at naglakad nalang ako na pinalabas.

“Huwag ka ng sumama, reklamador ka eh,” ani ko sa kaniya ng matigilan siya.

“I’ll drive you. Kila Zach ba?” Mayamaya ay aniya.

Nakababa at nakalabas na kami ng elevator na madilim na ang paligid sa labas ng condo. The stars in the night sky are shining like the moon lights the night.

Lumapit kami sa sasakyan niyang dala siguro ni ate Anastasia kanina kaya nandito na ngayon.

“Yeah, alam kong alam mo kung nasaan siya. Maang maangan pang hindi alam kanina. Naglalasing na ang tukmol na ’yon ngayon kaya bilisan mo mag-maneho!” ani ko hanggang sa makapasok kami ng sasakyan.

Tulog na rin naman sila Mom at Dad kaya hindi na ako nagpaalam. Alam kong napagod sila kaya hindi ko nalang sila ginising pa.

“Ano namang gagawin natin do’n, kung ganon?” tanong niya habang innuumpisahan ng paandarin ang sasakyan.

“Loko ka, alam mo namang kung ano anong nasasabi non kapag lasing. Baka mamaya mapagalitan pa ’yun ni tito Zavian.” I explained to him.

“Bakit ba kasi naglalasing? Sobrang natuwa ba sa pagdating ng pinaka-close niyang pinsan?” nanggagagong aniya.

“Shut it, Kaizer. Bilisan mo nalang mag-drive riyan kesa magtanong ka nang magtanong.”

Loko-loko talaga kahit kailan. He never gets serious in his life. He always thinks that everything is not that complicated. Kaya hindi kami nagkakasundo.

Hindi naman na ito nagsalita pa nang

mapansing seryoso akong nakatingin sa labas. He knows what is up when I am like this. Kaya dapat tumahimik siya.

“Turn left.” seryoso kong sinabi na mabilis naman niyang ginawa.

Nakuha niya ang nais kong puntahan kaya ipinark niya ang sasakyan. I removed my seatbelt then glanced at him.

Agad na nag-isang linya ang kilay ko nang mapansin kong hindi siya nagsuot ng seatbelt kanina pa. ’Yan ang ayaw ko tuwing umaalis kami nila Zach o kahit nila Marcos at Ezekiel. They always not doing it, it’s so simple yet they can’t apply it.

“Uhm, mamaya susuotin ko.” mahinang aniya. Parang tangang takot ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin gayon.

Lumabas na ako ng sasakyan. Nasa tapat na ako ng entrance ng Starbucks nang makita kong may message si Kelsy sa akin.

From Kelsy:

Nasaan ka? Kaizer is also gone. Magkasama ba kayo? Come on, no boys bonding muna right?

I typed in my text while I started walking inside the coffee shop. I saw on my peripheral vision that Kaizer opens the glass door for me.

Ako:

Yeah, may bibilhin lang kam

Ibinalik ko ang phone ko sa aking bulsa at nangunot ang noo nang makita ko ang isang babaeng pamilyar sa akin.

Naupo ako sa isang bakanteng upuan.

“Kaizer ikaw na ang mag-order,” pag-utos ko rito nang akmang uupo na siya.

Hindi naman na ito nagreklamo at umalis na at tinungo ang counter. Hating gabi na at may iilan pa ring tao rito.

But when my eyes lifted to the woman in front of me who just approached me.

“Neil? It’s you!” ani ng babaeng napamilyaran ko kanina.

This girl, I won’t forget her.

“Ashley?” nangingiting tanong ko rito at saka ako tumayo at mabilis niya sinalubong ako ng yakap. I didn’t expect it but I give back.

Habang yakap ko si Ashley ay nakita ko namang nakatingin sa amin si Kaizer na seryoso ang mga matang nakatunghay sa amin.

The girl we both like before is back. The reason why we’re not always on good terms. I felt Ashley’s soft lips touched my cheeks.

“I missed you. I’m glad that you’re now back, Neil.” nagniningning ang mga mata nitong sinabi sa akin.

Kabanata 3

Kabanata 3

Past

Naupo na kaming dalawa ni Ashley sa table ko at ipinahatid niya ang kaniyang in-order na coffee.

“Kumusta ka na? You looked very handsome on your Instagram posts and you even surpassed that in person.” aniya habang ang mga mata ay gumagapang sa katawan ko papunta sa aking mukha.

Ashley’s bitch face is still the same. The wildness and her beautiful face that capturing his brown eyes became more innocent.

Looked so hard outside but she’s a very kind and soft person if you will just get to know her more. I admit that I’m conscious of my body built back then so I worked out regularly kaya mas naachieve ko ang katawan ko ngayon.

“Thanks, ikaw lang ba mag-isa?” I then asked her.

“Uhm, yeah.” Malaking ngiting sagot nito.

“What about you? Are you alone?” sakto namang pabalik na si Kaizer sa gawi namin nang itanong niya iyon sa akin.

“No, I’m with my cousin.” I simply answered her.

She sipped on her coffee first before she looked at me and asked.

“Sino? Zach? O si Marcos?” she really knows who always I’m with in my cousins.

Ngumuso ako at saka nilingon si Kaizer na nasa likod na niya ngayon. Kadarating lang.

“Kaizer,” agad namang nag-iba ang ngiti ni Ashley sa akin nang sabihin ko ang pangalan na iyon.

We both know our past and the circumstances we faced. The love triangle of us.

“Hey,” Ashley awkwardly greeted him when Kaizer showed up.

I sighed and stood up in my seat. Hinarap ko si Ashley para makapag paalam na rin.

“Uh, aalis na rin kami. We just buy our drinks,” ani ko para maalis ang awkwardness sa pagitan naming tatlo ngayon.

Tumayo naman si Ashley at hinalikan ako sa pisngi at nagpaalam. I was caught there off guard. I didn’t expect her sudden move.

“Let’s meet up next time. Do you still have my number?” she asked.

Napapantastikuhan naman akong tumingin sa kaniya.

“Sure, if there was a spare time for me. And I don’t have one. My sim is newly activated so yeah, definitely my old contacts are gone.” Bumaling naman ako kay Kaizer na mukhang bored na bored sa panonood sa aming dalawa ni Ashley.

“Uh, here,” mabilis niyang hinalungkat ang dala niya at sabay pagkuha nito ng pursed at may kinuha sa loob nito. “Here’s my calling card. Call me if you’re not busy.” She pronounced as she handed me her calling card.

I smirked. My charm doesn’t change. I still don’t have to do anything for them to give in. Paipit kong kinuha ito ng dalawa kong daliri sa kaniyang kamay na nag-aabang para sa akin at saka ko tiningnan para kunwaring suriin.

“Got it. Sigi,” ani ko at tinalikuran ko na siya at sinundan ang nauna ng maglakad palabas na si Kaizer.

Sumunod na rin ako sa sasakyan nang makapasok na siya. Isinuksok niya sa lagayan sa gitna namin ang coffee na in-order niya kanina.

“Para saan ba kasi ang kape na ito?” tanong niya habang sinusuot ko ang aking seatbelt.

The engine started.

“Pampawala ng lasing? And it’s not for us, it’s for Zach. Sasamahan lang natin yung mokong na ’yon at baka magbigti.” then I chuckled hoarsely afterward.

He didn’t say a word. I know that he thinks about me and Ashley. It’s funny that we saw her at the Starbucks after we talked about our closure in that place too. It’s a long story but to be short, Ashley became one of my girlfriends. At bago maging kami ay hindi ko alam na may gusto pala itong si Kaizer sa kaniya. And to think of it, he’s not vocal about it kaya naunahan ko.

I didn’t confess, Ashley did. Hindi ko naman kayang tanggihan si Ashley because damn, she’s so soft and very innocent woman that time. I admit that I admire her. Kaso hindi rin kami nagtagal dahil kailangan ko na ring umalis.

At bago pa ako makaalis ng bansa pauwi sa U.S. ay naramdaman ko nalang ang pag-iwas sa akin ni Kaizer. No one knows about Ashley. My cousins thinks that we’re not on good terms because of my attitude. What the fuck, right?

Either they know it already or they are just silent and don’t want to meddle on us.

I haven’t confronted Kaizer about it. All I know is the days of our good bonding together in the party, in the club, and more that our both night is totally fucked up. It was bliss, just one summer break and Ashley’s relationship with me buried our great copartnership.

Lumiko kami sa subdivision. Inihinto niya ang sasakyan nang marating na namin ang bahay ni Tito Zavian. I get the paper bag in between our seats and went out of the car.

Pumasok kami ng gate. At nang makarating kami sa pasilyo ay tiningnan ko kung bukas ba ang pintuan ng bahay nila.

“Bukas?” Tanong ni Kaizer sa aking malayong likuran.

Umiling naman ako kay Kaizer nang pinihit ko ang seradura ng pinto ngunit naka-lock ito.

“Sa likod kaya? Baka bukas don?” He suggested.

“Sigi, tingnan natin,” pag-ayon ko.

Naglakad kami sa gilid ng bahay kung nasaan ang banda ng hardin ng malaking bahay na ito.

“I don’t think Manang is still awake,” I said to him nonchalantly.

Nakita ko namang nangunot ang noo nito.

“You come here without them knowing? Paano tayo makakapasok niyan?” Nagugulat at nakataas ang isang kilay nitong nakatingin sa akin na para bang hindi makapaniwala sa pinaggagagawa ko.

Bumuntong-hininga naman ako at sinubukang i-slide ang glass door mula sa likuran ng kanilang kitchen. And boom, it opens.

Ngingisi ngisi akong tumingin kay Kaizer na may iritadong mukha na nakatingin pa rin sa akin. The lights in the kitchen were dim the moment I got inside. The light from outside glistens a bit the dark inside.

Naglakad ako at sinubukang aninagin ang dinaraanan ko sa loob ng malaki nilang kusina.

“In what we are doing right now I can say that we looked like a thief here. Ang bagal mo pang maglakad. Ano may binabalak ka bang masama?” ani Kaizer sa gilid ko na nauna ng maglakad at hinanap ang switch ng ilaw at binuhay ito.

“Tsk,” I mumbled.

At nang lumiwanag ang paligid ay napalingon kami sa island bar at nakita naming nakaupo si Zachary roon at may alak na tinutungga. Napakunot naman ang noo ko at napangiwi akong natanawan siya ro’n.

Hindi naman ganito ’to kanina nang sinundo nila ako ah?

I walked towards Zachary’s way. May kalayuan din ang island bar nila sa dining. Separate ang island bar nito na nakaharap sa isang grand piano. It’s like the entertainment part of their house but the only musical piece is that piano.

Hindi na rin abot ng lights ng kusina itong parte na ito kaya ang liwanag lang mula sa parteng kitchen ang nagsisilbing liwanag sa amin ngayon patungo sa gawi niya.

“Fuck dude! Give it back.” galit na ani Zachary kay Kaizer na humila sa bote ng alak nitong nilalaklak.

“Here,” ako naman ay inilahad kay Zachary ang kape at tinitigan niya pa ito nang ilang sandali. Wala itong balak na tanggapin kaya mariin ko siyang tiningnan at walang magawang dinampot niya ito kalaunan.

There, kukuhanin din naman pala nag-aarte pa.

“Ano bang problema mo?” Hindi ko alam kung may pake o naiinis ang tono ni Kaizer nang sabihin niya iyon.

Parang baliw namang ngumisi si Zach habang nakatingin sa kawalan. “Neil, akala ko ikaw lang ang pupunta. Dapat hindi ka na lang nagsama-” pinutol ni Kaizer ang sasabihin nito.

“Huh,” hindi makapaniwalang malakas na buntong hininga ni Kaizer.

“Zach,” nambabanta kong tawag sa pangalan niya dahil alam kong silang dalawa naman ang magtatalo.

“Okay, I’ll stop.” pagsuko nito nang makuha niya ang pagbabanta sa boses ko.

Naupo ako sa tabi niya at saka kinuha ang kapeng nasa tapat ko. “What’s your problem? Spill it Zachary Thiago.” ani ko mayamaya.

Naupo naman si Kaizer sa gilid ko. I was now sitting in the middle of the two. Zach sipped in his coffee then turned his gaze on me.

“I’m just happy that you are back,” peke pa itong natawa pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon.

I can see through his eyes that he’s lying. I smirked.

“Kaya ka nagce-celebrate mag-isa?” Sabad ni Kaizer sa gilid ko.

I punched him a bit. Kaizer groaned. Paepal talaga kahit kailan. Kanina pa ’to ah.

“Shit, ano ba Neil?” he whispered, mahinang daing nito sa akin.

Zach seems oblivious to what we are doing. Dala na rin siguro ng kalasingan niya. Kaya hinarap ko muna si Kaizer sa kaliwang gilid ko.

“Shut your fucking mouth, Kaizer. You’re not helping.” I whispered to him narrowly.

Nakita ko namang ikutan ako nito ng mga mata at saka ako matalim na tiningnan. Bakas ang sobrang iritasyon sa kaniyang mukha.

“Remember the day I told you about someone?” Zach then spoke out of nowhere.

Nag-iwas naman ako kay Kaizer ng tingin at binalingan si Zach ngayon na nasa aking kanan.

“What’s about it?” I asked. Naging alerto naman na ako ngayon sa kaniya.

Yeah, I remember it. It’s a year ago. Controversial. And I don’t want to think of it now. But he picked up this topic and I have nothing to do with it.

“It’s really posible, huh? I mean, you know what I’ve been through even you are living in States. It’s just that, augh. I’m fucked up, Neil.” he then frowned and shooked his head.

I let a sigh. “You know what, let’s just go to bed now. Iaakyat ka na namin ni Kaizer.” Pag-iba ko ng usapan.

Hindi ko gustong makitang ganito ang sitwasyon ng pisan kong si Zach. He coped up and I know he’s trying to move forward. He’s not like this. Minsan lang siyang magkaganito at alam ko kung bakit.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He stood up at nakaya pa naman niyang ibalanse ang kaniyang sarili kahit na nagkalat ang dalawang bote ng Jack Daniels sa island counter nila.

At nang mabilis kong napansin na mawawala na siya sa kaniyang balanse ay mabilis kong sinuportahan ang kaniyang katawan. Kinuha ko ang kanang braso niya at saka iyon isinukbit sa aking balikat. He’s heavy and I looked at Kaizer’s way who remained sipping in his coffee sitting there below. I angrily glared at him.

“Tulungan mo ’ko,” ani ko sa kaniya sa naiinis ng tono.

Seryoso naman ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa is akin at saka tumayo naman siya kalaunan. Pinagtulungan naming alalayan si Zach paakyat ng hagdan patungong kuwarto nito.

“Open it,” Utos ko sa kaniya nang marating namin ang silid ni Zach.

“Ikaw na,” Kaizer lazily said to me.

The fuck. Utos ko bumalik sa akin? Damn him.

“I said…open it.” Mariin kong sinabi sa kaniya sa pangalawang pagkakataon at hindi ko pa natatapos sabihin iyon ay nabuksan na niya ang pinto.

I leered at him after. Lasing na lasing naman si Zach kaya siguro nakatulog na habang inaalalayan namin. Damn this man. He can’t control himself.

Ibinagsak naming pareho ang katawan ni Zach sa malaki nitong kama. I let a breathe and looked at his mess after I put him down. I then roamed eyes in all the corners of his room. Wala namang nagbago. Maliban sa mga posters ng paborito niyang banda noon na ngayon ay wala na, his room was still messy.

Binalingan ko naman si Kaizer ngayon. “Tara na,” sabi ko sa kaniya at nagtataka naman ako nitong tiningnan.

“Dito nalang din tayo matulog. Inaantok na ako. I don’t think I can drive.” humihikab pa nitong ani sa akin.

Napangiwi naman ako. Itinaas ko ang palapulsuhan ko at tiningnan ang relo. Hating gabi na at paniguradong tapos na ang pinapanood namin.

Kinuha ko ang cell phone ko at nakita ang huling mensahe sa akin ni Kelsy.

From Kelsy:

Done in the movie.

It was sent thirty minutes ago.

I lifted my eyes and glanced at the men in bed. I sighed when I heard them snore. Malakas akong bumuntong-hininga. I have no choice. Kahit ako ay pagod na pagod na. From the flight and for the long ride. It was all exhausted.

I took a bath first in Zach’s room and change my clothes with his. It was all new with a tag price from his closet kaya ’yon ang sinuot ko.

At nang makuntento ay nahiga ako sa sofa habang ang dalawa ay nahiga sa kama. Wala akong comforter kaya hindi ako mapakali. The aircon was on high and I’m cold.

Tinungo kong muli ang closet at nagbakasakaling may mahahanap ako roong comforter. But there is nothing. So I sighed in dismay. Bumalik na ako at lumapit sa kama kung nasaan ang dalawa. Hinila ko ang comforter ni Zach at ’yon ang ginamit ko.

Tsh, kahit kailan hindi na natuto.

Natawa naman ako ng bahagya nang makita ko ang nakakunot na noo ni Kaizer habang natutulog. I shooked my head. Kahit natutulog nakakunot pa rin ang noo.

Nahiga na ako sa sofa at hindi na nakisiksik pa sa kanila. The bed is huge but I’m not used to lying there with the two. Ayaw ko ng nasisikipan ako.

The next morning I woke up, tulog pa ang dalawa. Mabilis na hinanap ng kamay ko ang cell phone ko para tingnan ang oras.

Shit! It’s nine in the morning and we’re still here. I haven’t told Mom that I’m going here. Fuck, I stood up and went to Kaizer who sleep tightly on the bed with Kaizer. Damn it.

Marami na ring missed calls si Kelsy at Ezekiel sa akin na hindi ko nasagot.

Nasa kaliwang bahagi si Kaizer ng kama kaya naglakad pa ako para lang gisingin siya. We have to go home. Hindi ako sanay ng umaalis ng walang paalam kila Mom. And about last night? Hindi ako nakapagpaalam dahil akala ko ay babalik din naman agad kami.

“Kaizer, hoy gising!” Pagyanig ko sa braso nito.

At nang hindi ko siya magising ay hinila ko siya dahilan para mahulog at lumagapak siya sa sahig.

I was about to wake up Zachary also when I saw him grimaced. Napatingin ito sa nahulog na si Kaizer na ngayon ay ngumingiwi sa sakit ng likod.

“Don’t wake me up, Neil. There’s no need.” namamaos pero mabilis na ani Zach sa akin, takot na baka hilahin ko rin siya pabagsak ng kama.

“Fuck-” Kaizer groaned in pain.

“I said stop cursing, will you? Umagang umaga ’yan ang bungad ng bibig mo. Bumangon ka na riyan at uuwi na tayo.” ani ko habang papunta sa sofa upang ligpitin ang aking hinigaan.

“Mag breakfast na muna kayo rito.” Ani Zach sa akin.

“Hindi na, gusto ko ng umuwi. And also, mamaya na ang dinner natin. Maybe you guys want to buy your clothes?” Imporma ko pa sa kanila.

“Naka-ready na ’yong sa akin. Bakit? Wala ka pa ba?” Kaizer added while he stood up from the floor, holding his back from the pain of falling.

Hinarap ko naman siya.

“Wala pa akong suit. Baka sa mall nalang ako maghanap. I don’t have time to make one,”

At kalaunan ay bumaba naman ang tingin ko sa sobrang gulong kama ni Zach at saka ako napangiwi pagkaraan.

I hate mess. Dirt. Cursing. Lazy people. But sadly my cousins had it all.

Hindi na ako nagsalita at diretso ko nalang na nilakad ang pinto palabas ng kuwarto ni Zach. Naramdaman ko namang agad na sumunod naman sila sa akin.

“Amoy alak pa ’ko! Wait, maliligo lang ako. Mom would probably smell my drunk ass.” Dinig kong ani Zach sa aking likuran nang malapit na kami sa hamba ng hagdan.

“Bilisan mo,” si Kaizer.

“Tita Kailey knew it now. Remember, wala namang nagligpit ng bote na pinag-inuman mo kagabi?” sabi ko pa habang pababa na kami habang mabilis naman na bumalik ng kuwarto si Zach.

“Kaizer? Neil? Dito pala kayo natulog kagabi. Mag breakfast na kayo.” Tita Kailey said to us nang makasalubong namin ito sa baba.

“Good morning Tita, hindi na po. Uuwi na po kami.” Ani ko sa kaniya.

“Huh? Bakit? Nasaan ba si Zachary? Hindi ka ba nakapagpaalam kila Verity at Jessiah?” Tita asked me in wonder.

I bit my lips and looked at the person beside me. Wala man lang kaimik imik itong katabi kong si Kaizer na mukhang antok na antok pa.

“Yes po, Tita. Hindi siya nakapagpaalam.” sabi ng lintik na si Kaizer ngayon.

“Gano’n ba? Oh siya, you should go home na nga. Kaizer ingat sa pagmamaneho.” paalam ni Tita sa amin pagkaraan na mukhang may lakad din.

Nauna na akong naglakad palabas ng bahay patungo sa sasakyan namin kagabi. Hindi namin nakita si Tito Zavian marahil ay nasa trabaho niya na ito ngayon.

Tumunog ang sasakyan at mabilis akong pumasok sa loob. I checked my phone when I felt it vibrated.

Marcos is calling.

“Hey, what’s up? Hinanap na ba ako ni Mom?” bungad ko matapos kong masagot ang tawag.

“Yeah, bilisan niyo at paalis na rin kami ng bahay. Tita is asking if where you are.” Ani Marcos sa kabilang linya.

The car roared and start moving.

“You tell?”

“Of course not. Kelsy did. Sinabi mo raw kaya sinabi niya kay Tita Verity. Sigi na, nasa living area ako, pababa na sila Zandra.”

“Sigi,” then I dropped the call. My forehead creased, wala naman akong maalalang sinabi ko kay Kelsy na pupuntahan namin si Zach kagabi.

Lumingon naman ako kay Kaizer pagkababa ko ng cellphone ko.

“Daan muna tayo ng coffee shop?” maalalahanin kong tanong sa kaniya.

Nagtataka naman at nakakunot ang kilay nitong nakatingin sa kalasada ngayon.

“Bakit na naman?” he asked irritably.

Napangisi naman ako.

“Mukha kasing inaantok ka pa, baka sakaling mawala ’yan at magising ka kapag nabilhan kita ng kape.” nanunuya kong sinabi.

Umayos naman siya sa kaniyang upuan at umupo ng tuwid. Seryosong nakatingin na siya ngayon sa kalsada at hindi na mababakas ang inaantok nitong mukha.

“I don’t wanna die early, so drive properly Kaizer.” Seryoso at mariin ko ng ani sa kaniya ngayon.

Mabilis lang ang naging biyahe. Lumabas na ako at naabutan ko sila Kelsy na nasa labas na ng building namin ngayon patungo ng parking lot.

“Bakit ngayon lang kayo? Where have you been?” Ate Meaghan asked nang makita kami nito.

“Kila Zach,” imporma ko sa kanila. Naramdaman ko namang kakababa lang ni Kaizer sa sasakyan namin.

“I told ya,” si Kelsy.

“Wait, how did you know?” I asked.

Tiningnan naman ni Kelsy si Zandra na tahimik lang na nakatingin sa amin.

“So what? Pwede niyo namang sabihin sa amin na nakila Zach kayo kagabi ah.” Ate Meaghan snorted.

Sunod na lumabas ng exit sila Ezi, Killian at Marcos na mukhang kakababa lang rin ng elevator. Mabilis naman silang tatlo na nakalapit sa aming gawi.

“You think it’s easier that way? Edi kapag sinabi ko, sasama pa kayo at manggugulo.” napapailing iling kong sabi sa kanila.

Natawa naman ng bahagya si Marcos na bihira lang mangyari. Nawi-weirduhan namin siyang tiningnan.

“Anong nakakatawa?” Kelsy asked frustratedly at him.

“Uhm, si Neil? Kasi paniguradong sasama nga naman kayo kapag nalaman niyong kila Zach sila pupunta.” Ani Marcos.

“Neil! Uuwi na kami ah. Hinahanap ka na ni Tita Verity, go inside.” Biglang ani Ate Anastasia na kalalabas lang rin ng building.

Ngumiti naman ako at niyakap siya para makapag paalam na rin.

“Neil, later samahan ka namin sa mall for your suit? Tita told me,” Kelsy then uttered nang mauna na sila Ate Meaghan sa sasakyan nila, si Killian ang magda-drive kasama si Ezi sa front seat. Ang magkapatid na si Marcos at Lucien naman ay magkasama sa iisang sasakyan.

“Sure, I’ll text you nalang. Salamat.” ani ko sa kaniya.

“No problemo, Nube. May in-invite rin pala akong sasama sa atin.” Nakangiti niyang sinabi sa akin na para bang may plano siya para mamaya.

“Sino?” I curiously asked her. Knowing her, she has a lot of friends.

“Basta. Text me para ma-inform ko rin siya. Sigi na, bye!” aniya pagkatapos akong mabilis na hinalikan sa pisngi at sumunod na papasok ng sasakyan nila.

Tinanaw ko pa saglit ang kanilang mga sasakyan na tuluyan na ring tumulak ngayon paalis.

“Ate, magbe-breakfast muna ako dito.” Mayamaya ay narinig kong sabi ni Kaizer kay Ate Anastasia na nasa cell phone ang tingin.

“Have you not been able to eat your breakfast yet?” Binalingan naman ako ng tingin ni Ate Anastasia.

“Neil, ikaw din?” nakangiwing tumango naman ako. I then saw her let a loud sigh.

“Okay, mabilis lang Kaizer, ah. I have a meeting this ten-thirty and it’s quarter to ten already. I don’t wanna be late.” Ate Anastasia weakly muttered on her brother.

Pumasok na kami ng building at saka tahimik lang na sumakay ng elevator patungong floor namin. And we got into our house I saw Mom in the dining while Dad wasn’t there. And Russco came to us when he saw us came.

“Kuya Kaizer!” Russco happily said to the person behind me.

Dumiretso naman na ako sa kusina.

I kissed my Mom’s cheek and greet her with my good morning.

“Saan kayo galing kagabi? Hindi ka nagpaalam.” Tanong sa akin ni Mom pagkaraan.

“Kila Zach lang Mi,” ani ko habang kumukuha ng plato naming dalawa ni Kaizer. He still in the living area, talking to Russ. While I saw Ate Anastasia is on the sofa, busy on her phone.

Inilapag ni naman ni Mom sa lamesa ang bread, omelet at bacon sa lamesa. Tumingin ako kay Mom nang mapansing may kulang.

“We don’t have tomatoes, I haven’t been to the grocery store yet.” sagot ni Mom sa tingin ko sa kaniya at inilapag ang spread.

“Okay, ako nalang po ang mamimili if you want?” I suggested. Naupo na ako sa upuan at kumain. Si Kaizer naman ay nakita kong palapit na rin ng lamesa.

“Pwede rin naman. Our maids are not here, baka sa susunod pa ang dating.”

“Kuya Kaizer, I have a gun here. It’s fake but you can put some bullets inside. I want the real one but Mom said it’s not good for kids.” Russco said to Kaizer who just came to the dining with him. He then sat on the chair in front of me at gano’n din si Russco na naupo sa kaniyang tabi.

“I had to use a real gun several times, sa airsoft.” nakangiting sabi ni Kaizer kay Russ.

“You play airsoft? That’s cool! I just played it on Xbox. Can I play it too?” Russco amazingly said on him.

“In some time, Russ. I’ll teach you and try to bring you there.” aniya pa sa kapatid ko.

I bit the bacon on my fork and turned my gaze to my Mom.

“Ako nalang Mom,” pagtukoy ko sa pamimili ng groceries.

Nagugulat naman akong tiningnan nito.

“You sure? Alam mo ba kung paano? You’re not used to here, it’s different in the U.S.”

“Ano po ’yon, tita?”

“Mamimili siya ng groceries, kaso mukhang maninibago ito rito.” sagot ni Mom sa tanong ni Kaizer.

“That’s good. Para matuto siya. Anyway, akala ko pupunta kayo ng mall ni Kelsy to buy your suit for tonight?” He asked habang si Russ ay nasa tabi niya at kumakain na rin. Mom leaves us for a while.

“Yup, pero pwede namang bukas na ako mag-grocery.” sabi ko.

Hindi naman na siya nagsalita pa at saka tahimik nalang kaming pareho na kumain na dalawa. Patapos na kami sa pagkain nang magsalita si Ate Anastasia at magtungo sa gawi namin sa kitchen.

“Neil, totoo ba ito? You caught with Ashley last night in the coffee shop. Sabi mo kila Zach kayo pumunta?” she asked me after a long while of silence.

Nagugulat naman akong tumingin sa kaniyang gawi na palapit na sa aking kinauupuan ngayon.

“We just saw her there…unexpectedly,” I told on her.

Narinig ko namang tumikhim si Kaizer sa aking harapan. Alam kong ayaw niyang naririnig ang tungkol kay Ashley kaya gano’n nalang ang reaksyon niya.

Ate Anastasia bowed a bit when she’s now beside my sit. She lends me her phone and showed me the picture of the scene last night. It was me, staring at Ashley’s face and the other one that she kissed me before we left the coffee shop.

“It isn’t a big deal, right? I mean, we are cool.” ani ko pa.

“Tss,”

Hindi namin pinansin si Kaizer. Ate Anastasia looked at me with ease.

“Well, you’re right. I just get curious because it’s now on Twitter. And you should be careful, Neil. People may think that you are going back together even you’re not.” Aniya at saka niya binalingan si Kaizer pagkatapos na nakikipaglaro na kay Russco ngayon, na para bang iniwasang pakinggan nito ang pinag-uusapan amin ng kaniyang Ate.

“Let’s go, brother. I’m honestly very late in my meeting.” she then waved her hand on me saying goodbye.

Si Kaizer naman ay nagpaalam na rin kay Russ at Mom. Bumaling pa ito sa akin bago lumabas ng pinto. Hinarap niya ako habang naghihintay na nakabukas ang pintuan para sa kaniya.

He looked at me straight in the eyes with his sight almost glaring. Then his lips parted, hinted for the words will come out.

“Stop playing around, Neil.” he’s a bit hostile when he said it before he completely left and shut our door.

Kabanata 4

Kabanata 4

My date

I got to rush in my things last night. Hindi ko pa ito naayos at kailangan ko ng magmadali dahil kanina pa naghihintay sa akin si Kelsy at Zandra sa ibaba.

Damn. It took me an hour before I went out of my room. Kakauwi lang namin kahapon and I can say na wala pa akong pahinga.

“Ano okay ka na? Para kang babae sa tagal mong mamili ng susuotin.” Kelsy’s brow arched as she said it to me.

“Why? That’s normal. At saka wala akong makitang damit na magiging kumportable ako. It’s all sleeves, I forgot that it’s summer now here in the Philipines.” depensa ko sa kaniya.

Si naman Zandra ay nakatingin sa amin. She’s wearing her cute simple beige dress while Kelsy wearing her high waist button jeans and the hell! Is it a tube top or crop top? Uh, whatever it is you called, her top is too short.

“What are you wearing Kelsy?” Medyo iritable kong tanong sa kaniya nang palabas na kami ng elevator.

Mom and Dad aren’t home. They go somewhere else at hindi na rin naman ako nagtanong pa sa kanila.

“Uhm, off shoulder tube top.” simpleng sagot nito.

“You are showing too much skin. Be conservative.” ani ko pa sa kaniya.

Nangunot naman ang noo nito.

“What? No! It’s just fine and I like it! Gosh, Neil, we’re in the 21st century. It’s no big deal anymore. It’s normal.” She said then went inside the car.

Pumasok na rin ako nang makapasok na si Zandra. I’m on the front seat while they are both in the back seat.

“Even so? Look at Zandra, wear something casual and appropriate.” I told her.

“Zandra used to it and that’s her sense of fashion and style. But I don’t, we are different. At please lang Neil, huwag mo na nga akong pakialaman.” mataray na nitong sinabi.

Napatingin ako sa itaas, animong umirap dahil sa ugali niya. She doesn’t wanna be scolded by anyone. Even it’s her wrong she can’t accept it.

“Neil is right Kelsy. Your top is a bit revealing.” Paggatong ni Zandra sa sinabi ko.

“Killian, magmaneho ka na nga. Niluluto na ako ng dalawa rito.” Kelsy crossed her arms and look very irritated.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Zandra at pigil ang tawa kong kinagat ang aking mga labi.

Killian will just drop us in the mall. Hindi pwede si Ezekiel at ang magkapatid na Marcos at Lucien kasama si Kaizer dahil may laro daw sila ng basketball ngayon at si Killian lang ang available. Si Zach naman ay hindi ko alam kung kasali sa game.

Then I remembered Kaizer invited me yesterday but I refused. Naging abala naman ako sa pagbili ng mga damit na susuotin ko mamaya at ilang mga damit na pang araw-araw ko.

Kanina pa ako paikot-ikot dito sa isang boutique pero hindi ko makita ang gusto ko. Just a plain shirt but I can’t find the clothes I wanted. I tried to find it for the other brands but here I am at the Off-White.

“You don’t want this one? It looks nice, try it.” Zandra suggested and give me the printed shirt, it was color white and the other one is black.

“Maputi ka naman kaya lahat ay bagay sa’yo.” dagdag na aniya.

I smirked, “No need to praise me Zandra, I know it already.” I smug on her.

Napangiwi naman ito at natatawang hinagis sa akin ang damit. I don’t need to go at the fitting room. I know my size and I can see that this will fit on me perfectly.

Kanina pa kaming dalawa lang ni Zandra ang nandito dahil umalis si Kelsy. Base on what she said before she left us here, she will just go to meet my date for this day.

Wala akong ideya kung sino iyon pero may tingin akong isa sa mga kaibigan lang niya iyon panigurado.

“Saan tayo bibili ng suit?” I asked Zandra when we walked out of the shop.

“Sa pinapagawaan nalang namin nila Kuya. Kelsy knows that place too. Doon din nagpagawa sila Kaizer at Kuya Zach.” napatango naman ako sa sagot niya.

I am holding my phone now and I felt it vibrated.

Kelsy:

Where are you now Neil?

I typed in my reply after I read her message on me.

Ako:

Sa mall pa rin.

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o ano nang biglang tumawag si Kelsy sa akin. I answer it.

“Oh?” Bungad ko sa kaniya.

“I know that you’re still in the mall, my gosh. What I mean is nasaan kayo sa mall? I’m here outside. Lumabas na rin kayo.” she said on the other line.

Nahuli ko namang nakatingin sa akin si Zandra. Mukhang may ideya naman na ito kung sino ang kausap ko.

“O sigi, sa parking ba?”

“Yes, go on and hurry up we’re waiting here.” Maarteng anito sa akin.

“Sino ba kasi ’yang sinama mo?” I curiously asked.

“Basta, just go outside so that you will know.” Then she hangs up the call. Bumuntong-hininga ako at saka ibinalik ang cell phone sa aking bulsa.

“Lumabas na raw tayo. Nasa parking na raw sila Kels.” ani ko kay Zandra na tinanguan lang ako.

Nilakad na namin ang patungong parking lot. At hindi naman maalis sa isipan ko kung sino ba itong makakasama namin. Kelsy always has her surprises on me.

“Did Kelsy told you about her friend, kung sino yung makakasama natin?” tanong ko kay Zandra muli.

Nagkibit balikat pa muna ito bago ako sinagot. “Don’t know. She didn’t tell me about this.” napasinghap naman ako at saka malakas na bumuntong-hininga.

Nang makalabas kami ng mall at tinungo ang parking ay natatanaw ko na si Kelsy malapit sa sasakyan na may kasamang babae. Her back is our view so I can’t recognize her. She’s facing Kelsy and they seem to talk humorously.

When we got near them, Kelsy seemed to notice my way. Then the girl in front of her faced me. And in shock, she just gave me a warm smile.

What the hell is she doing here?

Namamangha akong tingnan si Ashley habang mabilis akong dinampian ng halik sa aking pisngi. It was swift. Tumingkayad siya at mabilis akong ginawaran ng halik sa pisngi.

“Surprise,” she then grinds.

“I think I’m really effective in pairing the love birds again.” tumataas taas pa ang kilay ni Kelsy nang sabihin niya iyon. The air of this girl.

“You supposed on not doing it Kels, what if Kaizer smells about it?” Zandra’s eye narrowed.

I turn my gaze on her. “No, he won’t.” ani ko.

I smiled boyishly at Ashley who’s staring at me lovingly. God, her eyes that I love are still the same. She caught me in just one glance and she got me again. I don’t know but something is churning inside me.

Her dress that fitted her body perfectly is driving me differently. I shook my head when I noticed myself fantasizing about her in my mind.

“Uhh, gusto niyo bang kumain? In the restaurant or just a cafe?” I asked. I turned my gaze on them and back at her again when my eyes drifted on Ashley’s red thin lips.

I gritted my teeth.

“Sigi, then we go to the boutique after that,” Kelsy said.

“It’s okay to me as well.” Ashley softly spoke.

I smiled boyishly and lend my hand to Kelsy to get my keys. Our car just arrived. At si Kelsy ang nag-antay no’n ditong maihatid.

“Let’s go, Ashley,” si Kelsy matapos maiabot sa akin ang susi.

I get inside and roared the engine. Hindi naman ako nagpaapekto nang sa front sit naupo si Ashley katabi ko.

“Saan tayo?” I asked. My eyes are all on the road.

“It’s already lunch and I’m starving big time, Neil. I can’t decide. Ikaw na ang bahala.” Si Kelsy ang sumagot. Napatingin ako sa salamin para tingnan sila sa likod.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay kay Zandra kung may gusto ba siya pero tanging kibit balikat lang ang binigay nito sa akin.

Napabuntong-hininga naman ako at binalingan si Ashley. Mabilis lang at tinuon kong muli ang paningin ko sa daan.

“Ikaw Ashley?” tanong ko rito.

“Uh, sa Le Bellevue nalang.” aniya at naramdaman kong tumingin siya sa gawi ko.

Naiilang akong ngumiti dahil sa titig niya sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay kailangan kong huwag magpakita ng sobrang emosyon lalo na kapag kasama ko siya.

“Na-try niyo na ba ro’n kumain? We always ate there with my family,” she then said later on.

“Oh? I heard a lot from that resto and they all rate it a perfect ten for performance in foods and their services.” Kelsy said from the backseat.

“Yup, kaya highly recommended and one of my favorite places.” Ashley smiled and look at Kelsy at the back.

I know that place and I’ve been ones there. Nang malapit na kami, I turn left the car at the hotel. I parked it and we went out. Mabilis akong lumabas ng sasakyan para pagbuksan si Ashley ng pinto nang saktong paghila ko ay siyang pagbukas rin niya nito.

“Thank you,” she politely said to me.

Sinarado ko ang pinto nang makababa na siya. Napangiwi naman ako at bahagyang nawala ang ngiti sa aking mga labi nang makita ko ang tingin ni Zandra sa akin.

“Neil, bakit kapag kay Ashley ang gentleman mo? Can’t you see, Zandra and I are both women? Be a gentleman to us next time, alright?” pagpapaalala ni Kelsy sa akin.

Nangingiti naman si Ashley kay Kelsy. I just saw Zandra smirked at me.

“Well, we’re just his cousins, unlike Ashley. She’s treated with specialty.” ani Zandra kay Kels.

Napangisi naman ako at umiling iling kay Kelsy at Zandra na nagdadrama sa harap pa talaga ni Ashley. Damn, nakakahiya.

“Yeah, Ashley is special to me. Not just special, very… special.” Ani ko sa kanilang dalawa. Then I snaked my arm on her waist as I whispered the last word in Ashely’s ear.

I even felt her jumped a bit in her place because of my sudden move. She turned her head on me and look up to stare into my eyes.

“You know what, let’s go Zandra. Mauna na tayong umakyat at hindi ko kayang panoorin itong dalawa.” Kelsy said in a hurried tone.

“I agree,” Zandra said.

I noticed Ashley’s cheeks reddened. That makes my lips tugged up. I lick my lips and bit the lower. I can smell her. She smells so fucking great. I saw how her eyes got fixed on what I am doing. Hmm, am I already tempting her this way?

I cleared my throat before I spoke.

“Let’s go?” She snapped out and awkwardly looked away. My hands didn’t leave her ways.

The other side of my lips tugged as we started walking together with my claiming stance on her waist. Nauna ng maglakad and dalawa na mabilis din naming naabutan sa lobby na naghihintay.

Their gaze threw on our way as we enter. Nagtataka ko naman silang tiningnan.

“Why you two are still here? Akala ko mauuna na kayo sa taas?” I asked them and stopped.

“Of course not. Hihintayin namin kayo. Iniwan lang namin kayo saglit.” Si Kelsy.

Her arms crossed as she started walking towards the elevator. Zandra followed her, so are we. Sa top floor ng hotel na ito ang resto. I moved my finger and Ashley gave me a look. Nasa harap namin si Erin at Zandra na walang pakialam sa amin sa likuran nila.

My eyes surveyed the place and focus on Ashley.

I maliciously draw a circle and different lines on her skin while my hand remained in her waist. I then felt her managed herself to stand straight. My hand leave her side when I noticed her breathing.

Her chest looked stressed as I noticed it. Parang bumilis ang pagtaas baba nito. But then I didn’t look at her, you know. I just look at her chest, as in sa dibdib kung saan inilalagay ang kanang kamay kapag umaawit ng Lupang Hinirang.

The elevator opens. Since I haven’t made our reservations, we just dine at their normal table. The hotel has the views of Roxas Boulevard and enchanting Manila Bay.

When we got our space and table. We ate our lunch in their buffet. Ipinaghila ko ng upuan si Ashley bago ako naupo.

We then ordered our food. Kelsy’s order was different.

“I’m craving in their Sirloin Steak but I prefer to eat the Vegetable and cheese terrine,” Kelsy said, we’re now deciding on our meal.

“Well, it’s their both signature dishes here,” Ashley added just for her to know about it.

“Ikaw ang bahala, Kelsy. Ayaw ko ng mag stopover just to buy your cravings later kapag nagutuman ka.” I said.

“Neil is right. Huwag ka ng mapili sa salad. It’s not even appealing.” ani Zandra sa kaniya pagkaraan.

Kelsy glared at her. Diretsang blankong nakatingin naman sa kaniya si Zandra. Kelsy rolled her eyes and cutely pursed her lips.

“Hindi naman palakain ng veggy si Zandra, e’. And I will eat what I order. Kaya huwag niyo nalang akong pansinin, okay?” Si Kelsy.

“Kelsy, you’re actually sexy. I admire your body so much. So it is your meal plan to achieve that body? Being vegetarian?” Ashley asked. I didn’t interfere at baka mawala na naman sa mood si Kelsy.

The food has served and we have a great lunch. Bumaba na rin kami ng hotel pagkatapos naming magpahinga saglit.

“Malapit lang ba sa ’tin yung pagawaan na sinasabi mo, Kels?” Tanong ko nang nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan at paalis na.

“A bit… far? Hindi ko na masyadong tanda yung name ng boutique but their designs and the quality of their suits are nice.” Sagot sa akin ni Kelsy.

I managed the steering wheel when I heard Zandra is talking on her phone.

“Turn left ka, Neil,” Kelsy commanded.

I did and I found that place traffic.

“Oh no, hindi naman weekdays ngayon ah,” Zandra said.

Sa boredom sa sasakyan habang umuusad sa traffic ay nakita kong kinalikot ni Ashley ang playlist ko sa sasakyan.

“Your songs are badly so dramatic. How come you liked it?” Asley asked while she’s picking up a song to play.

Nagkibit balikat lang ako. I just found it relaxing? Dramatic or lonely songs are my typed. It makes me feel alive. Maybe because I’d never been that ironic and loner in my life. Basta, I just relate to that song even without experiencing it.

“Stop the car at the glass wall with the blinds. Do you see the boutique on the right side? That’s it. Let’s go.” Si Kelsy na nauna ng bumaba pagkatapos kong ihinto ang sasakyan.

Napangiti naman ako nang sabay kaming lumabas ni Ashley sa sasakyan.

Nagugulat akong tumingin sa kaniya nang maramdaman kong hawakan niya ang aking kanang kamay. She smiled shyly. I intertwined our hands at hinila na siya papasok sa loob.

Years had passed and my feelings for her never changed. Naghiwalay kami hindi dahil may nagustuhan o hindi ko siya sineryoso nang kami pa noon before. I broke up with her cuz I don’t want a long-distance relationship as well.

It was torture to love someone from afar. That’s how I see it so I decided to just break up with him. She didn’t complain and just agreed with me. We both know how hard it was but we still chose to love each other again in time.

Walang kupas ang ganda ng ngiti nito sa aking paningin nang balingan ko siya ng tingin. I was enchanted by her beauty and kindness. She’s the perfect girl you wanted if you wanna take a serious relationship with her.

“Oh! Eto na pala siya, Tito Ben.” si Kelsy nang makapasok kami sa loob ni Ashley na magkahawak ang mga kamay.

Tinanaw ko muna si Ashley. “Mabilis lang ’to. Want something to ease boredom?” I worriedly asked. I don’t want her to get bored while waiting for me.

Nakangiti ako nitong inilingan. She put her right hand on my shoulder. Nasa loob na kami ngayon.

“Nothing. I can wait here, ano ka ba. I’m with Kelsy and Zandra so don’t worry.”

I smiled at her before I stalked Kelsy towards the fitting room. Naiwan naman si Ashley at Zandra sa living area.

“Gosh! You really have a good trait of genes, Kelsy! Tingnan mo naman kung gaano kaguwapo itong pinsan mo. He’s immaculately handsome like your other cousins. Kaya hindi na dapat pa akong magtaka kung bakit ka ganiyan ka ganda.” ani ng bading, kausap si Kelsy nang maabutan ko sila nang lumapit ako sa kanila.

I stood proudly and the gay seems shocked. His mouth was dropped a bit. I shook my head when his eyes went down to my chest and down there to my friend.

“It’s bulging, meaning it’s excruciatingly big as hell.” the gay mumbling.

“Ano ka ba Tito Ben! That’s my cousin. Stop drooling, can you?” Mataray na ani Kelsy rito.

Mukhang natauhan naman itong si Tito Ben at nginitian ako ng pagkatamis tamis.

“We’re here for the suit, Tito. ’Yung babagay sa kaniya ah.” si Kelsy.

He snapped his hand. Like he was prepared and had an idea. Lumapit ito sa akin at malagkit na humawak sa aking magkabilang balikat, animong sinusukat ito.

“You know me, Kelsy. I’m always ready and prepared. I have here so many samples. Naku bagay na bagay sa’yo iyon hijo, for sure.” ani Tito Ben na naglakad paikot sa akin pabalik ulit sa harapan ko.

Natatawa naman ako nang makita ang mukha ni Kelsy na nandidiri. What’s wrong with her? I chuckled.

“Enough of that, Tito Ben. Tsinatyansingan mo na ang pinsan ko. Ilabas mo na ang mga suits. Kailangan na namin ’yon tonight.”

Napalunok pa si Tito Ben dahil sa tingin ni Kelsy rito bago sya tumalikod para kuhanin ang mga suits na tinutukoy nito kanina.

“What’s with your irritating mood, Kels? Relax, he has nothing to do with me.” I chuckled at her, nginiwian naman ako nito.

“Makati ’yang si Tito Ben kung alam mo lang. Kung hindi lang talaga maganda ang mga gawa niya ay hindi tayo pupunta rito.” she said it in a stagy way.

“Tss,”

“But he knows our family. He’s kind so I used to his pervert moves. But not in my cousins, it’s a different case.” ani Kelsy.

Lumabas naman si Tito Ben tulak ang maraming set ng tux at pares nitong pang-ibaba. Wala na akong pinalampas na oras at nagsukat na ako. And when I found my taste and it was perfectly fit my body, I urged to take it.

Then I remember Ashley and Zandra waiting at their living area which they called their waiting area. Lumabas na ako ng fitting room at binigay na sa babaeng mag-aayos ng box ang aking suit.

“Thank you, Tito Ben. I like it.” pagpapasalamat ko nang iabot sa akin ang malaking paper bag.

Hanggang tainga naman ang ngiting iginawad nito sa akin.

“Your welcome, Neil. Ezi and all the boys of Arcoiris are my customers. I am glad that I meet you too, finally.”

“I told him that you are living in the States,” nag-aalinlangang ani Kelsy sa akin.

“Uh, nice meeting you also, Tito.” I politely said to him as well.

“Sigi Tito Ben, mauuna na kami. We’re gonna be late na. Mag-aayos pa kami. Bye!” ani Kelsy rito.

Nauna na akong umalis at sinalubong si Ashley na naabutan kong abala sa pagtingin ng mga magazines. I stared at her for a while, she looked up and stood when she noticed me.

“Are you done?” tanong nito sa akin.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Patayo na siya ng sofa mula sa pagkakaupo nang magsalita si Kelsy.

“Ash, may gagawin ka ba tonight?” tanong ni Kelsy nang makasakay na kami ng sasakyan.

“Wala naman,”

“Ang bagal ni Neil, ano? Ako pa ba ang mag-iinvite sa kaniya?” Kelsy meaningly stated on her.

“But Tita Kailey didn’t allow any dates, right?” sabad naman ni Zandra sa aking tabi.

I shifted my weight on that. Nahihiya tuloy ako dahil sa sinabi ni Zandra. Ashley will think that she does not belong and I hate it.

“No, it’s fine. Would you come and be my date for tonight, Ashley?” I sincerely said and asked her that later on. I glanced at her then took back my eyes on the road again.

“Uh, h-hindi na.” Dinig ko pang nahihiya niyang sabi.

“Ano ka ba, Ash. It’s okay. Huwag mo nang pansinin ’yung sinabi ni Zandra.” I then said to her.

“Please be my date, Ashley. Ngayon lang ulit ako nanghingi ng pabor sa’yo. So…please?” pangungulit ko pa.

Bakas sa mukha nito ang pag-aalinlangan pero mukhang wala na siyang pagpipilian pa.

She then let sighed, “Okay, sigi.”

“Yon!” I cheered after she says yes then I bit my lower lip.

This night will gonna be memorable with her. Damn. I really missed her so much.

Kabanata 5

Kabanata 5

Risk

Inihatid ko si Ashley sa kanila before I go home. It was nice of her that she didn’t refuse my offer. I gave her my number because I forgot where I put her calling card that she gave me last night at the coffee shop.

I took a bath and fixed myself when I got home and prepare myself for tonight’s dinner. I spray my perfume after I wear my suit. It was a neat and clean white tuxedo. My hair was in clean-cut and it suits me very well.

I get my phone after I wear and fixing myself. I tied up and sat on my bed as I type in my message for her.

Ako:

Are you done?

She didn’t reply instantly. She’s probably busy preparing for tonight. I twitched my lips, it’s five minutes late and she’s still not responding. I almost groaned when my phone beeped. I hurriedly get it to see her reply.

Ashley:

Yup. Almost done. Ikaw?

I smile and reply immediately.

Ako:

Kanina pa. So…can I pick you up now?

I was surprised that she replied immediately after I hit the send button. I thought she’ll reply after a few minutes again. I smirked and licked my lips as I read her message.

Ashley:

Sure. Tapos na ako. Nakapagpaalam na rin ako kay Mom.

Ako:

Good, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.

I shut my phone and put it on my sacs. Lumabas na ako ng silid at naabutan ko si Russ na nasa living area.

“Kuya, look at my ribbon. Does it make me cooler with it? Tell me, I ask Mom and she says yes.” Russco asked me with his brows on arched.

Ngumiti naman ako at ginulo ang ayos na niyang buhok. He groaned and looked at me annoyed. From his cute smile, it became a monster face that will be going to eat me now.

“Stop disheveling my hair! You are ruining my almost an hour fixed hair. It’s not that easy.” he spatted irritatedly.

I chuckled softly.

“Sorry, kiddo. By the way, you are cute with or without that tiny little red ribbon.” Yumukod pa ako at ipinantay ang aming mga tingin nang sabihin ko iyon sa kaniya.

Hindi naman nagbago ang hitsura nitong nakanguso at magkasalubong ang dalawang kilay na nakatitig sa akin.

“But Kuya Kaizer said it isn’t. I believe him more than you.”

My eyes popped out for seconds to what he just stated. The heck. Namamangha ko naman siyang tinunghayan. Napaayos ako ng tayo habang siya ay naupo sa sofa.

“Kaizer? Is he here? Saan?” Tanong ko pa sa kaniya na nakakunot ang aking noo.

He crossed his arms. “I called him and put it on face time to see his reaction. He said that I looked like a cute little guy.”

Napataas ako ng isang kilay.

“Oh, ’yon din naman ang sinabi ko sa’yo ah.” napapamaang kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Umiling iling naman siya sa akin. “Nah-uh, he said that if you wanna look like a matured guy, you shouldn’t wear it or at least wear black one instead of the red color.”

I sighed in defiance. That asshole. Palagi nalang kung ano anong tinuturo niya kay Russ. I shooked my head.

“Neil, aalis ka na?” Mom said when she and Dad just got out of their room. Nilingon ko naman ang gawi nila.

“Ah, opo Mom. Susunduin ko po si Ashley.”

Nakitaan ko naman ng gulat ang mukha ni Mom sa sinabi ko. She seems surprised for a while.

“Ashley? Your past girlfriend?” she assuringly asked me.

Mabagal naman akong tumango. “Yup,”

Tuluyan nang nanlaki ang mga mata nito. “Oh, nagkabalikan na kayo? Kung gano’n siya ang magiging date mo for tonight?”

I smiled at her.

“Opo Mom, I gonna go na po.” paalam ko at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

“Sigi, mauna ka na at susunod na rin kami ng Dad mo at ni Russ sa venue,” she added.

Napapantastikuhan naman niya akong pinanood paalis ng bahay. Mom knows about Ashley. In fact, Ashley met my Mom already. The good thing that happened is that they get along. Mom likes Ashley and she seems okay with us. But Dad seems doesn’t care about it but it’s fine. Ganoon lang talaga kasi si Dad. Mukhang istrikto at laging intimidating ang dating.

I parked my car outside their gates when I reached their house. They are living in a subdivision next to Lucien and Marcos subdivision so it’s not that far from us.

Bumusina muna ako bago lumabas ng aking sasakyan. At nang makalabas ako ay agad na may nag bukas ng gate nila para sa akin.

“Magandang gabi po, sir. Pasok daw po muna kayo sabi ni Ma’am.” nahihiyang ani ng dalaga sa akin.

Nginitian ko naman ito para mawala ang naiilang niyang tingin sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung naiilang o ano. But her eyes were like shocked that she sees me and she seems intimidated at the same time.

Pumasok na ako sa loob at naglakad sa batong bilugan na magkakasunod patungong teresa ng bahay nila. Their house was spacious with a touch of the minimalist theme. From outside you can see the bermudagrass. It’s not that visible because of the dark, pero sa tingin ko naman kapag umaga ay makikita ang maraming puno sa paligid nito.

“Hijo! Thank you for inviting my daughter. Kelan pala kayo dumating?” Napabaling ako ng tingin kay Tita Lea na sumalubong sa akin sa kanilang salas pagkapasok ko.

“Wala po ’yon Tita Lea. Kakauwi lang po namin yesterday.” ani ko habang bahagya niya akong niyakap at bineso sa pisngi.

“Ganoon ba? Have a sit, hijo.” pagmuwestra nito sa kanilang sofa.

I smiled a bit and take a sit. “You want anything? Juice, coffee, tea, or water?” She immediately offers.

I shook my head. “Wala naman po, salamat.”

“Uh, my daughter?”

Nangunot ang aking noo sa tanong niya. Is that one of the choices too? I chuckled fantastically. And when she noticed that I get what she meant, she smiled at me mischievously.

“Anyway, she’s still upstairs. Pababa na rin ’yon.” She utter then sophisticatedly sat down in front of my sit on the sofa.

Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataon na makapunta ako rito sa kanila. I met Tita Lea because Ashley introduced me to her. Her Dad passed away kaya silang dalawa na lamang ng kaniyang ina ngayon.

“You’ve grown, I can see that now.” she then said after a long silence.

I just smirked at that.

Sabay pa kaming napabaling ng tingin sa hagdan nang makita naming pababa na si Ashley. My world stops or it just slows for a moment.

Fuck, she’s so hot in her red gown. My jaw dropped but I’m not drooling that much.

I have seen and touched so many bodies like that and more likely more than that and it doesn’t turn me on immediately. But this woman in front of me has seductive eyes that are now staring at me straightly at the eye.

Damn it. Napakurap-kurap ako nang iba na ang takbo ng utak ko. I then shooked my head.

“Tara na?” she softly asked when she’s now in front of me.

I licked my lips and gritted my teeth. I stopped myself from looking at her chest. Her cleavage is showing and I can’t just tell it on her. I don’t want her to think that I didn’t like her gown. Or… I just like it that way. Fuck, I am fully fucked up.

“You look so beautiful,” I huskily said.

Nakita ko naman siyang saglit na matigilan. Pinamulahan siya ng pisngi at saka nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.

“Oh siya, maiwan ko na kayo. Neil, take care of my daughter alright? Ihatid mo siya rito bago mag alas diez ng gabi.” It was her Mom.

“Yes po, tita I will.” Simpleng ani ko.

Nilapitan naman niya ang kaniyang anak at hinalikan ito sa pisngi at saka kami tuluyang iniwan sa kanilang salas.

“Tara?” I probed after.

Nakasunod naman siya sa akin palabas ng bahay. But I can’t resist holding her hand so I stop and wait for her for a bit. Nagtataka at naiilang naman niya akong tiningnan nang lingunin ko siya.

Walang sabi sabi ko siyang hinawakan sa kamay patungo sa aking sasakyan. Narinig ko pa ang paimpit na hiyaw ng mga kasambahay nila na nakakita sa ginawa ko. The smug smirk flashed on my lips as I open the door of my car for her.

Mabilis akong pumasok at pinaandar ang sasakyan nang maisara ko ang kaniyang pintuan.

“Is it really okay if I come with you?” nag-aalinlangan nitong tanong nang mapaandar ko na ang sasakyan.

“Of course. I already told Mom that you’re my date for tonight.” I said while my eyes are on the road.

I saw in the corner of my eyes that she was surprised but then she smiled afterward.

“H-Have you really told her? Anong sabi ni Tita?” She hesitantly asked.

“Calm down, Ash. It’s fine with Mom, of course. She was amazed that you will come with me tonight. So don’t be bothered, okay?” pagpapakalma ko rito dahil halatang kinakabahan siya.

The minutes passed and we immediately got near the hotel here at The Fort.

Narinig ko pang napasinghap siya at mahinang bumuntong-hininga. So I held her hand after I stop the car. We’re now here at the venue. Hinarap ko siya at masinsinang tiningnan sa mga mata. She looked tensed but my eyes only captured how beautiful she is tonight.

“If you are thinking about Kaizer, please just think of me instead and don’t mind him. He has nothing to say on this.”

“It’s not it Neil. It’s not Kaizer. I just don’t want you to caught fight with him. Promise me that you wouldn’t do anything.” she said seriously to me.

Nag-iwas naman ako ng tingin sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam kung anong pakiki-epal na naman ni Kaizer ang gagawin niya mamaya kung makikita niyang kasama ko si Ashley. I can still see in Kaizer’s eye that she still liked Ashley. At masakit iyon kung ako ang nasa posisyon niya na makikita ko ang taong mahal ko na kasama ang taong mahal niya. At ang mas masakit pa, pinsan niya ang karibal.

“Neil looked at me. Promised me na hindi mo papatulan si Kaizer.” She uttered again, so I let a sigh before I nod my head for her.

“Fine, just don’t mind him as well. Bitter lang iyon.” Ani ko sa kaniya at tumango naman siya.

Bumaba kami ng sasakyan at pumasok na sa loob pagkaraan.

Nakita ko sa labas ang sasakyan nila Ezi at Marcos pati na rin ang sa iba pa. I prepared myself before we get inside. Alam kong nariyan na silang lahat sa loob at kami na lamang ang hinihintay. I leveled my wrist to check the time. We are not late, we’re just on time.

Ashley clung her arms to mine when we enter to the double doors. Bumungad sa amin ang nag gagandahang dekorasyon at palamuting ilaw sa paligid ng venue.

It was an open space garden outside and luxurious inside. The chandelier and the paintings on the wall looked so authentic. We are now passed on their lobby and we are heading to the back of their resto where our fine dining is set up.

At nang maabot namin ang lugar kung nasaan ang pamilyang Arcoiris ay sa amin agad natutop ang kanilang mga tingin. They are now completely sitting on their sits and tables kaya naman ay huminto ako saglit at pinagmasdan silang lahat.

“Good evening,” Bungad ko sa kanila. Lahat sila ay nakasuot ng suit and gowns. It’s like a party but it is just a family gathering and simple fine dining for us.

“Ashley?” Ani ate Anastasia na nasa lamesa kasama sina Kaizer, Kuya Huxton, Tita Audrina at Tito Eleazar.

She seems surprised that she saw Ashley with me right now.

“Oh, is that her? She’s so pretty.” I heard Tita Kailey shrieked from her sit as she pointed to Ashley.

Kaya naman ay lumapit kami sa kanilang gawi at nagmano sa mga Tito at Tita. We firstly go towards Kaizer’s table. I ignored his presence at nagmano lang ako kila Tito Eleazar at Tita Audrina.

“Sup?” It was Kuya Huxton who tapped my back as I kissed Ate Anastasia’s cheek for a peck.

“Nothing change, Kuya.” I just said at him and we both smirked at each other.

Nakita ko naman si Ashley na kinakausap si Ate Anastasia. At nang tumapon ang aking paningin kay Kaizer na nasa akin din pala ang tingin ay mabilis lang akong nag-iwas ng mga mata ko at hindi nalang siya binigyang pansin.

“Dude, nagkabalikan kayo?” Zachary asked nang makalapit kami sa lamesa nila kung nasaan nakaupo sila Kelsy, Ate Meaghan, Tita Kailey at Tito Zavian.

Magkakasama sa lamesa ang bawat pamilya pero alam kong mamaya ay magsasama sama na kaming magpipinsan sa iisang table at gano’n din sila Dad and Mom.

“Nice to meet you, hija.” I heard Tita Kailey said. Matamis naman ang ngiting iginawad ni Ashley sa kaniya.

It looks like Tita Kailey knew about Ashley that she was in glee to see her here tonight. Pagkatapos sa kanilang lamesa ay nagtungo naman kami kila Ezekiel at ganon rin ang ginawa. Hindi naman nagtanong sila Tita Emilia at Tito Deverox sa amin.

Killian was just smirking at me the whole time. Ezi can’t take his eyes off Ashley. Tinakpan ko pa ang mata nito na mabilis niyang hinawi.

“Stop looking at her. Kung hindi-” he abruptly cutted me off.

“Yeah, I won’t. Akala mo naman aagawin ko. At saka hindi ako, si Kaizer ang sabihan mo.” nawala naman ang ngiti ko nang bumaling ako kila Kaizer.

He’s not looking at us. He seems cool. Good. Mukhang hindi kami magkaka-away ngayon kapag nanatili siyang tahimik at walang imik sa kaniyang kinauupuan.

“Good evening Tita Lorelai, Tito Demarcus.” pagbati ko sa kanila.

“Good evening, din.” mahinhing ani Tita Lorelai sa akin ng may ngiti sa labi.

I blessed and get back on our sits after. Nanliliit naman ang mga mata ni Marcos sa akin nang iwan namin sila sa lamesa.

“Mom, Dad.” ani ko at nagmano sa kanila. Ganon din ang ginawa ni Ashley.

“Ikaw na ba iyan, hija? Aba, napakaganda mo naman sa suot mo.” papuri ni Mom kay Ashley nang makaupo kami.

“Salamat po, Tita Verity.” Ashley said shyly.

Hinawakan ko naman ang kamay niya na nasa ilalim ng lamesa para hindi mailang at kabahan. Napasulyap siya sa akin nang maramdaman iyon at tipid akong nginitian.

“Kuya, who is she?” tanong ni Russco sa akin. Pagtukoy nito kay Ashley.

“Uh, Russco she is Ate Ashley. Say hi to her.” ani ko rito.

Napatingin naman sa amin sila Mom at nahinto sila sa pag-uusap ni Ash.

“Hi, Ate Ashley. Nice meeting you.” maginoong inilahad ni Russco ang kamay nito sa kaniya.

Natutuwa namang inabot at tinanggap iyon ni Ashley.

“Hello, little boy. You seem like a mature guy as you handed me your hand. That’s cute.” Naaaliw na sinabi ni Ash sa aking kapatid.

Mabilis namang nangiti si Russ sa sinabi nito.

“You find me matured, Ate Ashley? Well, I just actually think that I’m a big boy. That’s all, kaya parang matured na ako.” Okay na sana kaso ay konyo ang pagtatagalog ni Russco nang sabihin niya iyon. Which is Ashley finds it cuter.

“Ganon ba? So you are not playing with toys anymore cuz you are now a big boy?” Ashley asked.

I chuckled then lean a bit on Ashley’s way. “He’s still has a lot of toys but he is more into books now and Xbox” I mumbled in not that low tone that Russco will still hear what I said.

Sinimangutan naman ako ni Russ nang balingan ko ito sa aking harapan.

“Stop on being trying hard impressing Ate Ashley, Kuya Neil. I’m the one she’s asking, not you.” Russ muttered irritatedly.

Napamaang naman ako sa sinabi ni Russ. Tinaasan naman ako ng dalawang kilay ni Ashley, ani mong pinapahinto akong mag salita ng kung ano. There, I zip my mouth and didn’t talk as I hide my chuckles into a smirk.

We ate our dinner hanggang sa natapos at nagsama sama na kaming magpipinsan sa iisang lamesa. Some of my Tito’s and Tita’s are asking about my strand this coming school year. I answered all their questions and they seem contented about my plans here.

“Ikaw Neil, ah. You haven’t yet introduced us to your date. At kung alam ko lang sana na hindi naman pala totoo yung sinabi ni Mom ay sinama ko na rito si Eurwin.” ani Ate Meaghan na nasa harap na namin ngayon.

Ate Anastasia, Kelsy, and Zandra were sitting beside ate Meaghan. Zachary, Lecien, Ezekiel, and Kaizer are on my side, napapagitnaan kaming dalawa ni Ashley.

Natatawa naman si Ezi na binalingan siya.

“Hindi mo pa ba kilala si Ashley?” patay malisyang tanong nito kay Ate Meaghan.

Nagtataka rin ako kung paano nilang nalaman ang tungkol sa amin ni Ashley, e’ wala naman kaming pinagsabihan noon. Maliban nalang kay Kaizer na nakakaalam talaga nito.

Hindi na ako nang-usisa pa, matik na kapag sa Pilipinas ka nakatira ay lahat ng tungkol sa’yo ay malalaman ng iba. That’s how toxic some people are. Gaya nalang ng picture namin ni Ashley sa coffee shop that night, nung una kaming magkitang muli. It was rumored in just a snap of night.

“Duh, I know her. What I mean is that at least introduce her to us.” Ate Meaghan clarified.

I then sighed. If that’s what she likes then I will do it.

“Fine, this is Ashley. Ashley these are all my cousins.” I introduced her to them.

Nakita ko naman ang mga nakakaloko at makahulugang pagngiti nila sa akin na sinsabayan pa ng malisosyong mga tingin nila Ezekiel at Lucien sa akin.

“I love your gown, Ash. It fitted your body perfectly.” puna ni Kelsy sa suot ni Ashley matapos ang saglit na pang-iintrigang titigan.

“Mm, salamat.” Ash simply replied.

“Nasaan na ba sila Kuya Huxton at Killian?” Zach asked beside me.

“Kinukuha pa yung drinks natin, buti nga pumayag sila Dad na uminom tayo tonight,” Marcos said.

Zandra is just in her silent mode and watching us. Habang si Ezi at Lucien ay walang tigil sa harutan. I shooked my head. Ang lalaking tao pero kung umasta parang mga bata.

“Juice lang ang sa girls ah,” Killian said, kasabay na pumasok nito si Kuya Huxton na kapatid ni Kaizer at Ate Anastasia habang bitbit-bitbit ang tig-isang bucket ng alak.

The girls groaned. “Cocktails are enough, basta huwag lang juice.” Ate Anastasia spurned.

“Oo nga naman, Killian. Kuya Huxton, pakiabot nga ng cocktail ko.” Sabay utos ni Kelsy rito.

Nangunot naman ang seryosong noo ni Kuya Huxton sa kaniya. He’s the eldest of our cousins. Na para bang nairita sa pag-utos sa kaniya ni Kelsy.

“Oh!” biglang abot ni Kaizer ng inumin ni Kelsy rito dahil mukhang hindi maiaabot ni Kuya Huxton iyon sa kaniya.

Si Zandra naman ay kumuha ng para sa sarili. They gave me also a shot of Black Daniels and I drink it, gano’n din kila Zach.

Ashley is busy talking to Ate Anastasia when we, boys decided to make our own table.

“Do’n na kayo boys sa separate table. And please Lucien, stop meddling on us.” ani Kelsy sa amin. So we decided to separate our table to girls.

Nang tumagal tagal ay nauna ng umalis sila Dad.

“Huxton, huwag kayong magpapagabi. Umuwi rin kayo ng maaga.” istriktong ani ni Tito Deverox.

“Anastasia, kila Neil ba kayo mags-sleep over tonight?” Tito Eleazar asked her. Narinig ko sila sa kabilang lamesa.

“Yes, po Dad. Bye, ingat po kayo, Mom.”

“Gago ka Lucien! Haha, nakailan ka na ulit?” tanong ng lasing na na si Ezi nang tuluyan na ngang makaalis sila Tito at Tita.

“Shut up, Ezi. Pati ba naman experience bibilangin ko pa. Why the hell would I do that?” Umiiling na sabi ni Lucien rito.

“Sandali one, two, three, four, five. Uh, I can’t remember them all. Masyado silang madami.” dagdag ni Lucien habang binibilang nito sa daliri niya lahat ng naikama niya na.

Humagalpak naman sa tawa si Zach. “Mga baliw! You know what, you are all drunk! Umuwi na nga tayo.” ani Zach.

“Huh? Eh kakaumpisa pa lang natin.” Si Killian na umapila.

Natatawa naman ako sa kanilang napatingin.

“Yeah, you are right Killian. But look at these two. Bagsak na agad samantalang pangatlong bote pa lang natin ito.” Si Kaizer na binalingan ko ng tingin ngayon.

Nahuli naman niya ang tingin ko dahil si Marcos lang ang nakapagitan sa aming upuan. At napangunot ako ng noo nang samaan ako nito ng tingin at saka mabilis ding nag-iwas kalaunan.

Mayamaya ay pagkaubos namin ng pangatlong bote ay bumagsak na talaga sila Ezekiel at Lucien. Napabaling naman ako sa aking katabi nang maramdaman kong napasandig na sa akin ng bahagya.

“Nahihilo na ako, Neil,” Zachary whispered to me.

“Huh? Nakakatatlong bote pa lang tayo. Seriously? Humina ka na pala.” Then I chuckled afterward when I say that.

Dahil malabong mahilo itong si Zach, e’ kagabi nga ay nakainom pa ito ng tatlong bote ng tequila. And his liquor tolerance was actually great. Gano’n din kami nila Marcos, Killian, Kuya Huxton at Kaizer, hindi kami agad tinatamaan.

“Damn, I’m serious.” Ani Zach na yumukod na ngayon sa lamesa.

“O? Anyare?” Nagtatakang tanong sa akin ni Marcos na nasa kaliwang gilid ko.

“Tinamaan na.” I simply said.

But when my eyes caught Kaizer’s way. He was now drinking his glass like it’s just some water. And when I noticed his hooded eyes, I winced. This man is tipsy.

I shook my head and checked the time. I blinked when I realized that we took as long here. I get my phone nang mapansing naging abala na rin ako at si Ashley sa pakikipag-usap sa mga pinsan ko. I then message her.

Ako:

Let’s go home. It passed ten already.

I texted her because it’s now quarter midnight. Napapikit ako ng mariin nang maalala ang bilin ni Tita Lea sa akin. Damn, I didn’t notice and guarded the time that I get preoccupied with my cousins.

Tumingin ako sa gawing lamesa nila Ashley mula sa kabilang table at nakita ko siyang binabasa ang mensahe ko. She turned her gaze on my way and nodded at me when he caught me watching her.

So I stood in my sit.

“Saan ka pupunta, Neil? Tulungan mo kami rito kila Ezekiel.” Kaizer asked then I drifted my eyes on the two who’s now knocked out on the table.

Inalis ko ang tingin kila Ezekiel at Lucien at saka nag-angat ng tingin kay Kaizer.

“Ihahatid ko lang muna si Ashley, babalik din ako agad. Wait for me here so I can help you with them.” I only said to him.

Kuya Huxton is busy on his phone when my eyes turn his way. Si Killian naman ay umiinom pa rin at kausap ang kapatid na si Ezi na tumba na dahil sa sobrang kalasingan.

Mabuti nalang at hindi naman ako gaanong tinamaan. I chuckled. Hindi ako pwedeng malasing dahil kailangan ko pang ihatid si Ash.

“Bye! Thank you, Ate Anastasia. Sigi Ate Meaghan, Zandra, Kelsy, I have to go. Salamat ulit.” Pagpapaalam ni Ashley sa kanila nang sunduin ko na siya sa kanilang lamesa. Bumaling pa ito sa boys table at parang mga baliw namang nagpaalam sila Lucien rito.

We just laugh in unison as we went out of the venue.

“Nag-enjoy ka ba? Pagpasensiyahan mo na yung mga pinsan ko, mga lasing na kasi.” I asked, habang pinagbubuksan ko siya ng pinto.

“Ayos lang ’yon ano ka ba. I enjoyed it. Masayang kausap sila Ate Anastasia.” aniya at pumasok na sa loob ng sasakyan.

Nagtatawanan kami habang nasa daan nang mapag-usapan namin ang nangyari kanina.

“Buti hindi nanggulo si Kaizer,” ani ko pagkaraan.

“Yeah, buti at naka move on na siya. He deserves better.” Ashley then said.

I smiled, nang makita ko siyang nakangiti. I turn to their subdivision and parked my car in front of their house.

Nang makalabas kami ng sasakyan ay hinawakan ko pa muna ang kamay nito. Tumingin siya sa akin at dumapo ang pagod na niyang mga mata sa akin.

“Thank you,” I huskily said to her.

“Salamat din, Neil,” she muttered softly.

Madilim na ang paligid at ang tanging ilang ilaw lang mula sa mga lamp sa kanilang gates ang nagbibigay tanglaw sa amin sa loob ng aking sasakyan. Kaya naman nang lumabas kami ay bahagya pa siyang natapilok nang subukan niyang maglakad patungong gate nila. I scooped instead of letting her walk swaying on the road.

“Ayos ka lang?” tanong ko sa kaniya nang mabuhat ko siya.

Ang lapit ng aming mga mukha sa isa’t isa. I licked my lips when my eyes down to her parted lips.

Her hands were resting on my chest. Itinayo ko siya ng tuwid mula sa pagkakatapilok.

Nagulat nalang ako nang isabit nito ang dalawang kamay niya sa aking leeg. Her breath smells like tequila. Damn, I thought they are only drinking the cocktails, kaya pala pinalipat pa kami sa kabilang table dahil magha-hard liquor din ang mga girls.

Her boobs were touching my chest. I am just only wearing my button-down shirt this time and she’s wearing my tux dahil ipinasuot ko sa kaniya iyon kanina sa loob ng sasakyan.

Marahan niyang hinaplos ang aking panga. I gritted my teeth nang mapansing naliliyo ako sa ginagawa niya. My hands are pulling her closer to me on her waist.

“Neil, let’s be together again.” she drunkenly muttered on me.

I licked my lower lip when I saw how her lips parted. She looked at me seductively and suddenly kissed me.

I didn’t move at first as her lips reached mine, but when her mouth opened and she started moving it. Our lips fought like in their hunger states. I felt her bit my lower lip.

Fuck, I’m getting a hard-on when I felt her body grind on me. Her chest was brushing my chiseled chest.

I stop kissing her back when I realized what we are doing. It’s not right. She’s drunk and I can’t just do it when she’s not in her sanity.

Kaya naman ay pinindot ko and doorbell at naghintay ng magbubukas nito para sa amin. Nakapikit ang mga mata ni Ashley at ani mong natutulog na sa aking balikat ngayon. And when the gates open ay hinatid ko na siya sa loob ng kanilang bahay at iniakyat sa kaniyang kwarto.

“Neil, please… isn’t it the right time for us?” she keeps on mumbling it since we got here inside her room.

Tinitigan ko pa siya saglit bago iwan sa kaniyang silid. Ayaw kong gumawa ng desisyon na pagsisisihan ko rin. She’s innocent and I just got carried away by her action kanina nang halikan niya ako sa labas. She’s drunk and I can’t take that as my advantage. It’s not me.

I liked her and I respected her. I don’t want to hurt her so instead of putting what we have right now in a relationship is a risk. I’m torn now. I wanted to take it slow for her this time.

Nasa labas na ako ng bahay at nakasakay na sa loob ng aking sasakyan nang makita ko ang cellphone kong nasa dashboard na tumunog. I get it and saw the bombarded messages for me. Pero nauna kong binuksan ang mensahe ni Ate Anastasia sa akin.

Ate Anastasia:

Neil, nasa hospital kami ngayon. Sila Kaizer naaksidente.

Agad na nangunot ang aking noo at nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay. Mabilis na kumabog ang dibdib ko. Fuck. Hindi ba siya nakapaghintay na dumating ako para tulungan sila ni Zach kila Ezi?

Pero bago pa man lunurin ng mga katanungan ang aking isipan sa inis ay agad ko ng pinaharurot ang sasakyan ko paalis do’n. Damn, Kaizer is such a pain in the ass.

Kabanata 6

Kabanata 6

Infinity

“Nurse, where is my cousin?” tanong ko nang makarating ako ng hospital.

“Ano pong name, sir?” tanong nito.

“Kaizer Adam Arcoiris, please paki bilisan po.” Ani ko dahil nag-aalala ako sa tukmol na ’yon. We are always like a cat and dog but I still care about him. And in this case, hindi lang siya ang naaksidente.

Hindi ko alam kung mag-aalala ba ako o maiinis dahil sa nangyari. I don’t want to put the blame on Kaizer’s name but it turns out my fault if I won’t.

“Room 112, po.” The nurse said.

Mabilis naman akong tumalima at umalis na ron. I felt my phone on my sacs vibrated. Kinuha ko ito at tiningnan kung sino.

“Hello?” I started after I accepted the call.

“Where are you? Tito Jessiah is worried about you, inakalang kasama ka nila Kaizer. Tito Deverox is fuming mad.” Ani Kelsy sa kabilang linya.

I shooked my head. Patay kaming lahat nito. This is what I prevent to happen. Tito Deverox will grounded us. Fuck.

“I’m here at the hospital now, malapit na ako sa room. Are you also there? Parating na ako.” Nagmamadali kong sinabi habang papasok ng elevator.

Kung hindi dahil sa katangahan ni Kaizer this will not gonna happen. My Tito’s will fry us alive and that’s for sure.

Pinagduldulan ko ang aking daliri sa buttons nang hindi pa ito nag-uumpisang sumara nang makapasok ako ng elevator. Damn. I have plans for tomorrow. Gusto ko sanang makipagkita kay Ashley for a date but this happens. Right, good timing talaga ’tong si Kaizer.

Nang bumukas ang elevator ay agad akong lumabas at hinanap ang room number na sinabi sa akin ng nurse kanina. At nang makita ko iyon ay agad ko iyong nilapitan. Binuksan ko ito at tumambad sa akin ang mga seryosong mukha nila Tito at Tita sa loob.

Si Tito Eleazar na mariing nakatingin kay Kaizer na nakaupo sa kama. Tito Deverox with Tita Emilia is now brow lifted at me when I open the door. While Tito Demarcus is sitting on the chair, massaging the bridge of his nose. And Tito Zavian who’s being a seriously scary person which is not his usual reaction. The funny face has gone and changed with full of disappointment and dismay.

“Neil, hijo! Are you okay? May nangyari ba sa’yo? I thought you’re with them. Thank god that you’re safe.” Pagdalo sa akin ni Mommy habang hinahawakan ang aking mukha at tinitingnan ang bawat parte ko kung may sugat ba ako.

“I’m okay, Mom. Hinatid ko po si Ashley.” Ani ko rito.

Bakas ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang mukha pero mukhang nakahinga ng maluwag si Mom dahil sa aking sinabi.

Binalingan ko naman ng tingin sila Kelsy na ngayon ay nakayuko at walang imik sa isang tabi. Gano’n din sila Zandra at Ate Meaghan.

“Dad, let’s go home. Kailangan niyo na pong magpahinga. It’s midnight. Hindi po magandang mapagod kayo ng husto.” Ani ni Ate Anastasia kay Tito Eleazar na ngayon ay mukhang galit din.

Tito Eleazar sighed and looked at me. Nagugulat at hindi alam ang gagawin kong nag-iwas ako ng tingin. What the fuck was that? At bakit nga ba ako kinakabahan e’ wala naman akong kinalaman.

“Neil, samahan mo ’tong mga pinsan mo na ito at pagsabihan. They are not growing! Matuto naman kayo lalo ka na Kaizer! How many times do I have to remind you that you shouldn’t drive when you’re drunk.” Tito Eleazar fumed. Tahimik ang paligid at walang nagtangkang magsalita.

Tita Audrina held Tito Eleazar’s hand. Napansin ko namang kumalma si Tito dahil sa ginawa nito. I am relieved that Tito sees me as one of their trusted nephews, well I grew not just physically. Sadyang iba lang talaga ako sa mga lokoloko kong mga pinsan. They tripped too much. And fucked up at the same time.

“Yes Tito, ako na po ang bahala rito. You should go home na rin po, Tita Audrina.” ani ko nang lapitan ko sila.

Tipid naman akong tinanguan ni Tita. Tito Eleazar just let a heavy sigh before they leave with Ate Anastasia. Si Tito Deverox naman ay matalim ang tingin sa anak niyang si Ezekiel at Killian na ngayon ay parehong may mga galos.

“You are all grounded, hear it? Walang hangouts and summer outings for the whole week and also in the next coming weeks.” Ma-awtoridad na ani Tito Deverox sa aming lahat.

Sumimangot naman si Ate Meaghan.

“But Tito-” Kelsy try to speak up but immediately cut off.

“No buts, Kels.” ani ng kaniyang ama na si Tito Zavian.

“But Dad, it’s summer. And we only have almost less than two weeks to spend it with Neil. Dad, please don’t this.” pagmamakaawa pa nito, but Tito Zavian is like a tower. He will never spoil or agreed with your plans if he’s mad. Kapag seryoso siya, he’s totally deaf. He won’t hear you anymore.

“Ask your brother. Kung hindi siya nagkaganiyan e’di sana tuloy ang outing ninyo papuntang Palawan.” Pagtukoy ni Tito Zavian kay Zachary.

Kelsy seems so very annoyed to his brother now.

“Ikaw kasi, Kuya.” paninisi nito. Inis na inis si Kelsy dahil hindi na kami matutuloy papuntang Palawan.

It’s their big plan pa naman for me dahil late na kaming umuwi rito. They have a lot of plans na hindi na matutuloy ngayon dahil sa pangyayaring ito.

“Stop blaming Kels, it’s all our fault,” Zachary stated.

“Dad, sigi na naman. Huwag niyo naman ng ipostponed yung outing namin, please.” si Lucien naman ngayon kay Tito Demarcus.

Tahimik lang ito habang iniilingan ang anak. Mukhang wala na kaming magagawa dahil kalaunan ay umalis na sila Tito at Tita. Si Dad naman ay lumapit sa gawi ko bago sila lumabas ng silid.

“Umuwi ka pagkatapos nito. Impluwensiyahan mo ’yang mga pinsan mo na magpakatino na.” ani Dad sa akin at tinapik ang aking balikat bago ako tinalikuran.

“Yes, Dad good night. Mom, good night po, ingat kayo Dad.” paalam ko sa kanila.

Si Russco naman ay wala, siguro ay nasa bahay na at natutulog na sa mga oras na ito.

Nang kami nalang ang nasa loob at wala na sila Tito at Tita ay parang mga aso at pusa silang nagsisihan at nagturuan kung sino ang may kasalanan. Napasinghap ako bago matunog na bumuntong-hininga at umiling iling sa kanila.

I sat on the chair near Kaizer’s bed. Sinuntok ko ang braso nito sa inis. He groaned in so much pain na naging dahilan para matahimik silang lahat.

“Fuck! It hurts Neil. Why the hell did you do that?” Kaizer asked in pain as he looked at me straight in the eyes.

Nakalamukos ang mukha nito dahil sa sakit. Napatingin naman sila Ezi at Lucien sa akin. Si Zachary, Marcos at Killian naman ay nakangisi sa akin.

“Dahil ’yan sa kapabayaan mo.” tipid kong sinabi habang matalim ko siyang tinitingnan ngayon.

Naiinis ako at gusto ko pa siyang sapakin nang makita ko ang mga galos nito sa katawan at sa ulo na may bandage. Gano’n din naman kila Ezi, Zach at Lucien pero si Kaizer ang pinaka napuruhan. Gago kasi e.

“Alam mo ba ang buong nangyari at sinasapak mo agad ako?” umiiling-iling pa nitong tanong pabalik sa akin. Mukhang galit na rin.

“Bakit? Hindi ba’t ikaw lang naman ang matino kanina? They are all drunk except you and Zach na mukhang nahimasmasan naman na kanina bago ako umalis.” matalim ko silang tiningnan ni Zachary na kanina ay nakangisi pa sa akin pero ngayon ay napaiwas na ng tingin.

“Hindi ba at sinabihan kitang hintayin akong makabalik dahil ihahatid ko pa si Ash? But look what you did? And where your stupid decisions bring you. And the worse, lahat tayo ay naapektuhan.” I ranted on him.

Magkasalubong ang dalawang makakapal na kilay nito na nakatingin sa akin.

“At sino ba’ng may sabi sa’yo na kasalanan ko lang ang lahat ng ito? Don’t blame me like you’re not at fault too. Tss, palagi ka nalang kasing play safe.” he mumbled when he looked away from my narrowed eyes on him.

I aggresively sighed and looked at him mockingly this time.

“Kaizer, alam nating pareho na kasalanan mo ’to.” I turn to Kelsy, “Tell me what happen Kels, let’s see who’s the culprit.” Paghahamon ko.

“Neil, tigilan niyo na ’to, okay.” ani Kuya Huxton na hindi ko namalayang nasa likuran ko na pala ngayon. Kapapasok lang mula sa pintuan.

Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng hiya pero hindi ako nagpahalata.

“Si Killian ang pag kuwentuhin mo, Neil.” ani Ate Meaghan sa akin mayamaya.

Hinanap naman ng mga mata ko si Killian. At nang mahanap ko ang mga tingin nito sa akin ay agad naman siyang nagsalita.

“Nagpumilit sila Ezi na umuwi. But Kaizer told them to wait you for a bit. Kaso mapilit ’yang mga lasing na ’yan at ha’yun, lumabas at sumakay ng sasakyan.” Pagku-kuwento ni Killian.

“Si Kaizer ang nag drive but Ezi is so drunk. You know him kapag lasing, lahat ng mahawakan hinihila. He pulled the gear lever at pilit na inaagaw ang manibela.” Lucien continued.

“Masyadong malakas ang hila ni Ezi that Kaizer can’t control it anymore. Kaya nabunggo sila. Buti at sa puno lang bumunggo at hindi sa sasakyan na pasalubong sa kanila. The ford was ruined. Sira ang harapan. Kaya gano’n nalang ang galit ni Tito Zavian kay Ezi. It was Ezi’s car, and he’s the one responsible for it.” Zachary ended the story.

“So si Kuya Ezi talaga ang may kasalanan nito,” Zandra spoke up on their side. Matalim nitong tiningnan ang kaniyang kapatid na ngayon ay napangiwi na.

“Sorry na, Zandra…” Ezekiel muttered softly to his little sister.

“Anong sorry? E’ kasalanan mo nga kaya hindi na natuloy ang outing natin!” It was Kelsy who lamented on him angrily.

I licked my lips at napahilamos nalang sa aking mukha. Buti nalang talaga at walang nangyaring masama sa kanila. Kaya naman nang bumaling ako ng tingin kay Kaizer ay bahagya akong nakaramdaman guilt dahil sa paninisi ko sa kaniya.

“Sa susunod huwag mo nang hayaan si Ezi kahit na sobra pa siyang nagpupumilit na umuwi. Your life is at stake if the worst happens. Nag-alala rin ako sa’yong hayop ka.” mahina kong sinabi. Sapat lang para kami lang ang makarinig.

His eyes soften. He looks surprised at what I said. Maybe he thinks that I didn’t care about their situation but I am.

“Okay,” he hoarsely said now.

“Umuwi na muna kayo Meaghan, Kelsy. Ihahatid ko na kayo nila Zandra. Halina kayo.” Kuya Huxton interferes sa walang humpay na pagtatalo nila ni Ezi at Lucien.

Nagligpit naman na ng gamit nila sila Kelsy at nilapitan na ang mga kapatid nilang mga baliw.

“Sayang ang outing natin. It was totally planned out and yet hindi na matutuloy. Nakaka bad trip kayo boys.” Nanghihinayang na sinabi ni Ate Meaghan.

“May next summer pa naman, don’t worry,” Zandra muttered on her.

“Bye, Kuya. Umuwi na rin kayo kapag puwede na.” Paalam ni Kelsy kay Zachary.

Gano’n din si Meaghan dito. But Zandra mockingly punched his brother Ezi and Killian before they leave.

Umiiling ko nalang silang tiningnan lahat.

“Neil, uwi na rin tayo. I’m so exhausted.” Lucien speaks up on the other bed.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko.

“Mamaya pa, hihintayin pa natin kung pwede na.” masungit kong baling dito.

“Fuck, ang sakit ng ulo ko.” Si Zachary naman ngayon na sinamaan ko ng tingin.

“Kasalanan mo ’yan. Akala ko pa naman ay nasa katinuan ka pa kanina. And guess you’re not. Looked what happened with you guys, you all look like shit.” I muttered enraged.

Tahimik lang si Kaizer at hindi naman na umimik. Si Killian na nasa kabilang upuan ay abala sa kaniyang phone. Ezi is now snoring and hugging his self on the side of Kaizer.

“What now?” ani Kaizer nang ilang minuto na ang nakalipas at binalot na kami ng katahimikan. Mukhang nakatulog na rin ang iba at si Kaizer nalang ang natitirang gising.

I shifted on my seat at nakita kong kaniya kaniya sila nang upo sa couch.

“You hungry? What do you want?” tanong ko sa kaniya pagkaraan.

He then shook his head. “Na-uh. Just sleep here beside me kung inaantok ka na rin.” He spat his side.

I winced at that and arched my brow at him. Alam naman niyang hindi ako nahihiga sa masikip na higaan.

“Huwag ka ng maarte. I know you’re also tired.” Seryoso pa nitong sinabi sa akin na nagpakunot pa lalo sa aking noo.

“Ayaw ko. Matulog ka na at lalabas muna ako saglit. Titingnan ko nalang kung pwede na ba kayong makauwi. Actually, ikaw lang naman talaga ang pinaka pasyente rito.” I said then gaze my eyes at the other boys on the bed next to him.

“Yeah, nakikisama lang ’tong mga bugok na ’to.” He then growled at me. But I narrowed my eyes on him.

Nagtataka naman akong tiningnan nito pabalik.

“Why your words seem so different? I hate you saying those and even cursing.” Nanliliit ang mga mata kong sinabi sa kaniya.

He smirked and chuckled afterward. “Maybe you find it cute?”

“What’s cute on cursing, naririndi ako Kaizer.”

Nagseryoso naman siya. He pouted his lips like a small kid asking to give him some milk.

“Ayaw mo ng nagmumura kami pero ikaw pwede. Unfair nito,” aniya pagkaraan.

Bumuntong-hininga naman ako. “Tumigil ka nga riyan sa kadramahan mo, Kaizer. Nakakabadtrip,” I irritatedly said.

“Kapag kay Ashley hindi ka nabubwisit kapag sa’kin lagi kang galit. Why is that?” He seriously asked and looked away.

“Because you’re irritating? All the time? And you’re different from her. At ngayon ganito pa ang nangyari sa inyo. Sinong hindi maiirita.” Hasik ko sa kaniya.

I saw his jaw clenched. I was also gritting my teeth when he looked back and our gazes met narrowingly. His eyes were different. It’s an unfamiliar and distant look he was giving me now. Like he won’t let anyone get across that line.

“I wanna go home. You should ask them now if it’s okay,” he only said then turned his back on me.

Diretso lang akong nakatingin sa kaniya habang tinatanaw siyang nakatalikod na sa akin ngayon. I let a heavy sigh. Hindi na ako nagsalita at lumabas nalang muna ng silid.

Nakarating ako sa ground floor at sinabing pwede na raw kaming umuwi. All the charges are already paid kaya wala na akong inasikaso pa. Agad akong umakyat at bumalik para gisingin sila. Niyugyog ko si Ezi na mahimbing ang tulog. Wala man lang siyang reaksyon kahit ilang beses ko siyang ipagtulakan. Shit.

Nilapitan ko pa si Killian na mabilis namang nagising at nakaramdam.

“Uuwi na, tulungan mo ako rito kay Ezi,” I said as I tried to stand Ezi on his bed.

Ginising na rin namin ang iba. Mga bangag silang tumayo at pumunta sa sasakyan sa baba ng parking lot. Nauna sila Lucien kasama si Marcos at Killian na lumabas patungong elevator pababa.

I also already texted Kuya Huxton to picked up Kaizer at isabay na rin si Zach. Ayaw ko ng maghatid sa kanila dahil pagod na rin ako.

“Kaya mo pa ba Kaizer?” I asked him nang mapansing napapikit si Kaizer kasabay ng pagngiwi nito nang isukbit ko ang kaniyang braso sa aking balikat patayo.

“I can do this,” he only said, irritated.

“Huwag ka ng maarte,” ani ko nang akmang aalisin niya ang kaniyang braso.

Mabilis naman siyang lumingon sa akin.

“Ano bang trip mo, Neil? Stop repeating what I’d said.” inis niyang sinabi.

Humiwalay siya sa akin kaya hinayaan ko nalang. Ngunit pahaltak ko naman siyang hinila nang makitang bubunggo ito sa pintuan palabas.

“Hindi kasi tumitingin sa dinadaanan.” ani ko at tinalikuran na siya. Bahala kang mabagal na maglakad diyan papuntang elevator. Ang dami mo pa kasing arte tinutulungan ka na nga.

“Zach, kila Kuya Huxton ka na sumabay. He’s there outside. Pagod na rin ako, hindi na kita maihahatid.” sabi ko at sabay kaming pumasok ng elevator ni Zachary.

“Sigi,” aniya.

Nakalabas na kami ng hospital at nasa tapat na ng sasakyan ni Kuya Huxton ngayon sa parking lot.

“Sila Marcos?” Kuya Huxton asked me when I got near him.

“Pinauna ko na sila, si Zach nalang itong ihahatid mo.”

“Teka, nasaan si Kaizer, Neil?” Tanong naman ni Zach na nasa kakabukas pa lang na pinto ng sasakyan.

Napakurap kurap naman ako. Lumingon ako sa paligid at nagbabaka sakaling matagpuan siya ng mga mata ko. Damn.

Mariin akong napapikit nang hindi ko siya namataan at naalalang hinayaan ko nga pala siya dahil sa kaartihan niya.

“Baka nasa loob pa, babalikan ko,” I said then run inside the hospital.

Hinanap ko siya sa ground floor pero wala. Pumasok na ako ng elevator at nang bumukas iyon ay mabilis akong tumakbo papunta sa gawi ng room namin kanina.

Nasaan ka na ba Kaizer? Putcha, malilintikan ako niyan kapag may nangyari pa sa’yo eh. Habol ko ang aking hininga nang binuksan ko ang pintuan ng aming room kanina at nakita siyang nakaupo sa kama hawak ang isang box. I sighed in relief na makita siyang maayos lang. But still have bruises.

“What are you doing, Kaizer? Hinihintay ka na namin sa baba. Gusto mo pa bang mag stay dito? Fuck, bilisan mo na riyan.” ani ko at nilapitan siya.

Walang imik naman niya akong tiningnan. Nagulat pa ako nang seryoso niya akong tinaasan ng isang kilay at bumaling sa isang box na hawak niya.

“Ano ba ’yang hawak mo? Tara na, sa sasakyan mo na ’yan titigan, okay? Bilis.” pagmamadali ko rito. Madaling araw na at inaantok na rin ako.

Napapantastikuhan ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin nang tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin.

“Here, take it. Sayo ’yan.”

My forehead creased and my lips pursed a bit as he handed me the tiny box in his hand.

“What’s this? At bakit may pa regalo ka?” Nagtataka kong tanong.

He never gave me a gift. This is the first time he did. Kahit Christmas ay madalas na ako lang ang nagreregalo sa kaniya hindi ko na rin naman siya hinanapan ng maibibigay sa akin.

“Welcome present, ayaw mo ba? Minsan lang kitang bigyan tapos tatanggihan mo. Akin na,” Pag bawi nito mayamaya.

Mabilis ko namang iniangat sa ere ang kamay ko para hindi niya maabot kahit na ang totoo ay kayang kaya naman niya talagang makuha iyon sa akin. Then I smirked.

“No, I will take this. Minsan lang ’to no kaya bakit ko pa tatanggihan. Tara na nga.” ani ko at nauna ng lumabas ng kuwarto. Sumunod naman siya hanggang sa makababa na kami.

“Akala ko naman kung ano ng nangyari sa inyo. Saan mo nakita si Kaizer?” Zach asked me nang marating na namin ang sasakyan ni Kuya Huxto na kanina pa naghihintay sa amin.

“Nasa loob siya, bumalik.” iiling iling kong ani.

“Get in the car, I have a meeting this morning.” sulpot ni Kuya Huxton na sinabi sa kaniyang kapatid, kagagaling lang mula sa isang tawag.

“Sigi na, alis na rin ako.” Sabi ko at saka tinapik ang balikat nila at naglakad na patungo sa aking sasakyan.

I open my car and sat on my sit. I relaxed myself for a bit dahil napagod ako ng sobra. Pinatong ko ang siko ko sa manibela at kinuha ang cellphone ko sa bulsa.

Ako:

Good night,

I texted on Ashley. I know it’s late but I just want to check if she’s now sleeping.

Pinaandar ko na ang sasakyan ko at narinig kong binusinahan pa ako nila Kuya Huxton. Umalis na rin ako at umuwi na ng bahay. I’m totally drained when I entered inside my room. Tulog na sila Mommy at patay na rin ang lights sa salas at tanging sa kusina na lamang ang buhay.

I check my phone if Ashley replied when I got sat on my bed. I licked my lips when I saw one.

Ashley:

Are you still awake? I just woke up. Hindi ako makatulog e,

Ako:

Yep, galing akong hospital. I just got home.

Ashley:

What happened? Why are you there?

I arched my back when I felt it aching. Diretso akong naupo sa kama habang nagtitipa ng mensahe para kay Ashley.

Ako:

Naaksidente sila Kaizer. Ate Anastasia texted me nang makalabas ako sa inyo.

I careened my neck when I felt like it was stiffened a bit.

Ashley:

Ayos lang ba sila?

Ako:

Thankfully, yes. But our plans got suspended.

Ibinaba ko muna ang cellphone ko sa kama para maligo. I feel like I’m sweating and it’s dried onto my skin and I feel uncomfortable with it.

It took me almost thirty minutes inside the bathroom after I went out and wear my white shirt and just my black boxer shorts.

Kinuha ko ang cell phone ko nang maalalang ka-text ko si Ash kanina.

Ashley:

Aww, it’s so sad. Don’t worry may sembreak pa naman kaso matagal pa.

Ashley:

You still there?

Ashley:

I’ll sleep now, maybe you’re probably now snoring.

I chuckled after I read her messages. It’s 3:16 in the morning. I typed in my reply even it’s late.

Ako:

Good night, sleep tight and please dream about me.

I smirked then put down my phone next to my pillows. Ipinatong ko ang ulo ko sa dalawa kong kamay habang nakatingin sa kisame.

Parang baliw na ngumingiti nang maalala ang halikan namin ni Ashley kanina. Then I shook my head. Buti at hindi naman niya ata naaalala.

She will be shy and ignored me if she is. I don’t want it to happen. I want us to get more of us. The time has set this moment and I will gonna take it for granted.

Tumagilid ako ng higa sa aking kama at naramdaman kong may nasagi ako sa paanan ko. I looked down to see if what is that. Kalaunan ay naupo ako para tiningnan kung ano iyon.

And when I saw what it was, I get the small black box on the edge of my huge bed. It was Kaizer’s gift for me for the first time in history. My lips tugged up. It was a small black box. Nagkasya ito sa bulsa ko kanina at nakalimutan ko sigurong dito ko nailagay sa paanan ko.

I was amazed that it’s not cheap. It’s branded and luxurious jewelry. Lumawak ang ngiti ko at namamangha sa laman nito. I already turned off the lights earlier and the lamp on the side table of my bed is the only thing that lightened me now.

At nang mabuksan ko ang maliit na box na iyon ay napangisi ako. Kumikinang ang isang pares ng infinity dangle earring na nasa loob ng maliit na kahon. I usually wear ear piercings. It’s a different style and this is the first time I saw an infinity dangle because I have only seen and have the loop chains of it. Cool.

It’s lightweight and not that heavy when I held it out of its box. Sinuot ko ito sa aking kanang tainga para subukan. Napangiti naman ako pagkaraan nang magsakto lang ito sa akin. I didn’t know that his tiny gift for me had sense.

Hinubad ko rin agad at ibinalik sa lagayan. I get my phone and texted Kaizer.

Ako:

Nice one, I like it. Thank you.

Then I put it together with my other accessories like the watch and other pierced earrings I have. I go back to my bed and let a heavy sigh when I think about what happened. I’m really worried about them. Thank god that they only got small bruises and nothing worst happened.

I heard my phone beeped on the side of my pillow. I turn my gaze on it and get my phone on my side. I saw that it was his reply.

Kaizer:

You’re welcome. Used it when your very special day came. I’m glad that you like it.

I chuckled and smirked eventually as I typed my message for him.

Ako:

I can wear it whenever I want though.

Ibinaba ko ang aking cell phone nang hindi na siya nag reply. I was about to fall asleep when I felt my phone vibrated.

Nakapikit ang aking mga matang kinuha iyon ng aking kamay sa gilid ng unan ko. Isang mata lang ang aking idinilat at ang isa ay nakapikit dahil hinihila na talaga ako ng antok nang binasa ko iyon.

Kaizer:

Good night. I’m happy that you are finally back, Neil.

Kabanata 7

Kabanata 7

Blind

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga araw at hindi na nga kami natuloy sa Palawan. It was sad to say because I also wanted to go there with my cousins.

Nagkikita lang kaming magpipinsan tuwing pupunta sila rito sa amin o hindi naman kaya ay ako ang pumupunta kila Kelsy at do’n naman kami tumatambay na magpipinsan. And the rest of the week, I will gonna spent it here at home.

It wasn’t much boring because I am messaging Ashley. Several times. I am so sure that I’m getting near the line. I planned to ask her for a date, kaso hindi ko pa nasasabi ay sinabi na niya sa akin na abala siya sa kanila. And also the school year is near.

Nakatayo ako sa tapat ng walk-in closet ko ngayon at namimili ng damit na susuotin. Magpapa-enroll na ako kasama si Ashley. Kelsy texted me and said that she will be joining us together with Zandra. Ate Meaghan, Killian, and Marcos are in college. At kami nalang nila Kels at Zandra ang nasa senior, and of course the rest of the boys in our clan.

“Neil, tara na! Sumabay ka na sa amin para hindi ka na magdala pa ng sasakyan. It’s a snag, so don’t bother to bring your car.” ani Ezi na nasa kama ko at prenteng nakatiyayang nakahiga habang ang dalawang kamay ay nasa likuran ng kaniyang ulo.

“Nah-uh. I’m going with Ashley. You go with them.” Ani ko habang ipinasok ang isang kamay sa loob ng damit ko.

“Huh? Si Zach at Kaizer may planong isabay ka na rin sa amin tapos sasabihin mo that you are going with her? Dude, nakakaselos na si Ashley.” napapabangong aniya at bahagyang galit akong tiningnan.

“Bakit? E’di, sabihin mo sa kanila na kita-kita nalang tayo ro’n. At huwag ka ngang mag-inarte, alam ko namang sawang sawa ka na sa pagmumukha ko. Let me be with Ashley just for today. Alam mo na namang ngayon lang ako bumabawi sa kaniya.” I said then get my phone next to him.

Malakas siyang bumuntong-hininga. I boredly look at him.

“Tumayo ka na riyan.” Umiwas na ako nang akmang hihilain ako nito pahiga sa kama.

“Tumigil ka nga, Ezi. Para kang sira. I need to go. See you there nalang.” ani ko at umalis na ng silid ko. Parang hangin naman siyang nakasunod sa akin pababa ng hagdan.

“Tinext ko na sila Kaizer kanina. Do you really think that I let you be with Ashley again? Dude, tuwing nagkikita kita tayo bukambibig mo na ’yang si Ash. Kami naman sana ngayon.”

“Tss, huwag ka ngang madrama, Ezi.” I’m getting pissed.

“You’re obsessed with her.” He shooked his head as he looked at me when we got down from the staircase.

My brows meet as I glared at him.

“And I guess, you are more than that.” biglang ani pa ni Lucien na nasa harapan na namin ngayon. Napatingin naman ako sa sofa at nakitang naroon sila Kaizer at Marcos kasama si Killian na nasa living area na ng bahay.

Napaikot naman ako ng mata sa sobrang pagkairita sa mga ’to.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I lazily growled at them.

“Hayaan niyo na siya. If he doesn’t have time for us, because she’s spending all his minutes to Ashley. Wala tayong magagawa. Let him be.” Kaizer muttered fantastically then stood up from his sit on the sofa. His lips pursed when our gazes met.

Nakapameywang naman akong tiningnan ni Marcos sa kaniyang tabi.

“You have a point. Let’s go.” Ani Marcos at tinalikuran na rin ako.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko.

“Marcos!” tawag ko rito.

Nagkibit balikat naman si Zach sa akin. “It’s your fault now,” he then said and turn his back on me as well.

Nauubusan ng pasensya ko silang pinagmasdan palabas ng pintuan ng bahay namin. They know how important they are to me. Hindi ko lang talaga maisip kung bakit masyado silang nagtatampo ngayon. They are acting weird like we were still kids. Dimwit.

I never mind it when I went out of our house. I went to Ashley’s house to pick her up. Mabilis lang ang naging byahe namin patungong school at hindi naman kami natagalan pa.

“Sana naman hindi masyadong marami ang subjects this year. I really got stressed last year.” Ashley said.

Naglalakad na kami ngayon sa loob ng university papunta sa registrar. The students are looking at us. May iba ring babae na napapalingon sa aming gawi.

“Si Neil ba ’yan?” I heard the girl on the side asked.

“Neil Arcoiris? Oo, siya ’yan. My god, dito na ba siya mag-aaral? If he is, mabubuo na ang Arcoiris boys and fam!”

“Grabe, ang gwapo niya! Kyah!” I even heard someone giggled.

Nginitian ko naman ang iilang tumatawag sa akin. Hindi na rin naman bago sa aking pinagtitinginan at pinag-uusapan. My cousins here are popular, so I am. I’d been here one time, nang maaga akong nagbakasyon and it was Kelsy’s last sem. Maraming nagulat at nakuryoso kung sino ako nang sunduin ko sila ni Zandra noon.

“Neil? Wow, what a coincidence!” hinawi ni Anne ang ilang hibla ng kaniyang buhok na tumatabing sa kaniyang mga mata. She’s wearing a strapless dress. Ang mga kalalakihan ay nakatingin sa kaniya nang lumapit ito sa akin.

Tumingin naman ako kay Ash na humawak sa kamay ko.

“Hey, Anne? Kumusta? It’s nice to see you again.” I greeted her dahil nakasalubong namin siya ngayon dito sa registrar.

Nakita ko pang taasan nito ng kilay si Ashley bago ako balingan muli ng isang matamis na ngiti. It’s more like seducing evil smile. Marahan pang hinaplos nito ang kamay ko.

“Anne, magkakilala pala kayo ni Neil?” biglang ani Ash sa aking tabi habang ang mga mata ay nakatingin kay Anne sa harapan ko.

“Uh, yes. We have been out the last time.” nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko sa biglang pagsagot ni Anne.

I admit that I fantasize about her ones. Ones. And she reached out to me last summer at the bar if I’m not mistaken. It was Kaizer’s friend’s birthday and celebrated at the high-end bar. And there where I met her. Ka-edaran niya sila Ate Meaghan. She’s damn aggressive and too impulsive that night. So yeah…

Naramdaman ko namang lumuwang ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko ni Ashley. Laglag pangang tumingin ako sa kaniya na ngayon ay matalim ang mga matang nakatingin kay Anne.

Anne seems so very relaxed and didn’t care at all as she glances in Ashley’s way.

“Oh Ashley, buti at naabutan pa namin kayo rito. Neil, nakapagpalista na kayo?” Then suddenly, Kelsy came from the crowd.

Napabaling naman ako sa kanila na nasa katabing gilid lang namin ngayon. Zandra’s eye looked at me with her cat eyes. Ani mong alam niya ang nangyayari bago pa sila dumating. Napakurap lang ako sa kaniya.

“Damn, dude! Justin loses it up. Hey, girls-” ani Ezi at nahinto nang makita ako.

Mukhang paalis na sila nila Marcos kaya nagkasalubungan kami rito sa entrance. But then I noticed that they didn’t look in my way. Ano bang problema ng mga ’to?

“Kuya! Tapos na kayo?” Kelsy asked Zachary.

Lumapit sila sa amin pero hindi sila umiimik. What the fuck? We’re just fine last time and now they’re ignoring me. I’m like a wall here, didn’t even noticed. Then I realized that maybe it’s about Ashley again. I mean, the hell. It’s so petty.

“Yup, huwag na kayong pumila. The school told us na naayos na nila Dad ang mga babayaran. You all just need to do is to sign the papers for the enrollment. By the way, si Ate, nasaan?” Zach said and later on asked Kelsy with his eyes caught my way. Mabilis ko naman siyang pinaningkitan ng mga mata.

“Hi, Zach!” bati ni Anne rito na nasa aming harapan pa rin. She also greeted my other boy cousins.

Tiningnan lang nila Marcos at Killian ito. While Ezi and Lucien greeted her back.

Malaki kaming bomber dito sa entrance at lahat ng dumaraan ay napapatingin. Some of them are staying and watching us. Weird.

“Uh, tara na Ashley. Para maaga tayong makaalis.” ani ko nang makitang abala na sila sa pakikipag-usap kay Anne.

Nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer. Malamig lang itong nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin. Napailing nalang ako at saka umalis na kami ni Ash. Sumunod naman sa amin sila Zandra at Kelsy sa loob. When we have done fill in the form we immediately got inside the car in the parking lot.

“Mag lunch muna tayo, Neil,” Kelsy said as she gets inside the backseat.

“Sige,”

“I’m craving for fast foods,” sabi naman ni Zandra sa tabi ni Kels.

I looked at them in the rearview mirror. “What chain?” I then asked them.

Si Ashley naman ay napapansin kong tahimik lang magmula kanina.

“McDonald’s? Is it okay? Okay lang kung ayaw niyo, mag drive-thru nalang tayo.” si Zandra.

“Wait, parang nagke-crave din ako sa fried chicken ng McDonald’s. At sa fillet nila. What do you think, Ashley? Gusto mo ba?” Kelsy asked Ashley.

Napakurap kurap pa muna si Ashley bago niya binalingan si Kelsy sa likuran.

“Ayos lang. I want it too. Para hindi na magastos.” maagap niyang sinabi.

“Don’t mind the bills, Ash. It’s my part, I will pay it.” Sabi ko sa kaniya.

She just glances at me and suddenly looked away at the road. I gasped lightly before I drove the car to the near fast food. Nang maipark ko ang sasakyan at makapasok kami sa loob ay maraming tao. Most are students from different Universities and schools. May iilan ding nakakita sa amin na agad kaming pinagtinginan.

“I think it’s not a good idea to eat here,” Zandra spoke behind me.

Kelsy winced at her. “You suggest this place, girl. If you forgot this is your idea.”

“Remember that you are also craving for their fried chicken and fillet.” Zandra then spells on her. Napanguso nalang si Kelsy sa kaniya pagkaraan.

“Mag drive-thru nalang nga talaga tayo. Sa bahay nalang tayo kumain. Is that okay, Ashley?” Ani ko sa kanila at sabay baling ko kay Ash sa aking tabi.

Tumango lang ito bilang pagtugon. I held her hand and went back to my car. I can feel her coldness. I can’t stop thinking about it. Hindi ako sanay sa ganiyan niyang pagtrato sa akin. She’s not even this way before, kaya naninibago ako sa kaniya.

We ordered our meal, umalis na rin kami agad at umuwi na rin pagkaraan nang maibigay ito sa amin.

“Ashley,” I huskily called her name. Nasa kitchen na kami ngayon ng bahay. Zandra and Kelsy are busy arranging plates and the food.

Ashley glanced at me. Ikinulong ko siya sa aking dalawang braso sa pamamagitan ng paghawak sa magkabilang gilid ng upuan nito. We’re now on the counter and she’s sitting at the stool.

She looked away when I neared my face on her. “What’s wrong?” Nag-aalala ko ng tanong sa kaniya ngayon.

I felt her breath on my neck. I licked my lips when my eyes dropped on her parted mouth. It was in a half-open.

“Uh, h-huh? Nothing, napagod lang siguro ako kanina. And I’m also starving.” she isn’t implied but I know that there is something up on her mind.

I then shook my head when I felt her pushed my chest a bit. Kumakawala sa pagkakabakod ko sa kaniya.

“Tapos na ata sila Kelsy at Zandra. Let’s eat na.” Pagdadahilang aniya at saka siya bumaba ng upuan at nauna ng maglakad patungong dining table. Bumuntong-hininga ako at sumunod na rin sa lamesa.

Ikukuha ko sana ng upuan si Ashley ng maunahan na niya akong hilahin ito at naupo ro’n mag-isa. Si Kelsy naman ay nakangiting kinausap siya. Zandra is just watching us. I looked away and sat down too, ignoring Ashley’s weirdness.

Kinuhanan ko ng meal si Ashley.

“Just the fillet, I don’t want the fried chicken, Neil. Thanks,” aniya sa akin at hindi tinanggap ang ibinigay kong fried chicken sa kaniya.

Natigilan naman ako sa sinabi niya. Fuck. It’s frustrating. She’s fucking avoiding me. I’m trying to get her and this happen? I know it’s too much to ask her if what is going on, even I can see it clearly. She’s jealous.

I smirked and didn’t mind her for a while. Papalamigin ko muna. She’s still hot so I let her refresh for a minute.

“Tinext ko sila Lucien to come here tonight. He didn’t reply. Nasaan ba sila?” Kelsy asked me after we ate.

Zandra’s eating her ice cream when she gives me a glimpse. Like I know the answer to Kelsy’s question.

I shrugged. “Don’t know,” I simply answered on them.

“Nag chat na rin ako sa group chat natin but the boys are not replying. What’s going on? Active silang lahat and they can’t even give it a second to read my messages?” Protesta pang muli ni Kelsy.

Tiningnan ko naman si Ashley na kinakalikot ang phone niya ngayon. Nahuli niya akong nakatingin kaya ibinaba niya na ito at binalingan ako.

“Uuwi na ako,” mayamaya ay aniya na hindi ki inasahan.

Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. Napaayos akong upo. Halos kakatapos lang naming kumain uuwi na siya agad? Wait, she’s still mad at me.

Hindi nalang ako nag react.

“Hatid na kita,” prisinta ko pa sa kaniya.

Agad siyang umiling, “No need, I texted my driver, nakalagpas na raw siya ng subdivision ngayon.” Then she stood up from her seat beside me.

“Oh, uuwi ka na?” nagugulat na tanong naman ni Kelsy sa kaniya.

“Oo, salamat sa lunch. Mauuna na ako Kelsy, Zandra.” paalam nito sa dalawa. Nagbeso pa sila bago ako sinipat ni Kelsy.

“Bakit nakaupo ka pa? Send her home.” Anito sa akin na pinanlakihan pa ako ng mga mata.

“No need, Kelsy. Nagpasundo na ako sa driver ko eh. Tsaka alam kong napagod din kayo kanina.” mahinhing sinabi ni Ashley.

“Ihahatid nalang kita sa labas.” Pagpupumilit ko pa.

I want to check if she will be gotten by her driver. Of course, to talk to her as well outside our house before she leaves. I want to clarify and know why she acts this way.

Nasa sala na kami nang bumaba si Russ sa hagdan at nakasalubong kami sa hamba ng hagdan.

“Hi Ate Ashley,” he seriously said. Nangunot naman ang aking noo.

“Russ, why are you wearing your shades? Where is your eyeglasses?” tanong ko rito.

“Hello, little boy.” bati naman ni Ash sa kaniya.

“I just want to wear this one rather than my eyeglasses. At saka papunta ako kila Kuya Kaizer tonight. We have a sleepover in their house. Strictly boys only.” aniya at tinalikuran na agad kami.

Napataas naman ako ng kilay kay Ash nang iwasan ako nito ng tingin. Why is this day is so annoying? Wala na bang mas ilalala pa ito? Damn.

Sumakay kami pababa ng elevator at pagkaraan ay huminto sa hamba ng exit patungong parking.

“Ash,” pagtawag ko rito nang makalabas na kami ng building.

She turns on me. “Hmm?”

“Tell me, are you jealous?” Nakita kong lumaki ang mga mata nito ng bahagya kaya nag-iwas ito ng tingin sa akin.

“Neil, andiyan na ata ang sundo ko-”

“No, I won’t let you leave without telling me what is wrong.” mariin kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Hinawakan ko ang palapulsuhan niya nang akmang tatalikuran na niya ako. Lumapit ako ng bahagya sa kaniyang puwesto at inilapit ang aking mga mata sa kaniyang mukha. We are now closing the distance between each other.

“Anne is part of my past. I didn’t even like her. Ikaw lang, Ash.” namamaos ang aking boses nang sinabi ko iyon sa kaniya.

I want to enlighten her dahil alam kong iyon ang rason kung bakit siya nagkakaganito ngayon at iniiwasan ako. Pumikit naman siya at kinakalma ang sarili. I noticed that her chest rises whenever she breathes.

“Alam mong ito ang dahilan kung bakit tayo naghiwalay noon, hindi ba? You have not trusted me enough. I don’t want you to overthink about my exes and flings back then. So please, tell me what are your thoughts. It’s driving me crazy, baby.” I said to her with my voice in a hoarse.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. “I love you, Neil. I missed you. Hindi ko lang talaga kinaya na makita sa harapan ko si Anne, na…”

“Shh, it’s just a night. No feelings involved. Ikaw ang gusto ko.”

My eyes rolled down to his reddy nose and flush cheeks. Till my eyes narrowed in her soft parted lips.

I was about to capture it when someone blew the horn outside.

“Russco! Are you set up? Come on outside!” Dinig kong sigaw ng boses ni Ezi sa labas na nasa parking.

Panira naman oh. “Uh, a-alis na ako.” si Ashley, naiilang na nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin ngayon.

Awkward for a minute because of the failed kiss I am trying to do. Kung kailan naman kasi darating ’tong sila Ezi. Bad trip.

“Hatid na kita sa parking.” Tanging sinabi ko nalang at sabay kaming naglakad patungong labas. At saktong paglabas namin ay papasok naman sina Kaizer patungong elevator.

I saw him seriously looked on my hand holding Ashley’s hand tightly. Then his eyes lifted on me.

“Excuse me.” He just said and went in. Gano’n din ang ginawa nila Ezekiel, Lucien, Zach at Killian. Dire diretsong pumasok at hindi man lang ako binalingan ng tingin. It’s our house. The heck.

Bumuntong-hininga nalang ako. Naramdaman ko namang hinaplos ni Ashley ang braso ko. She looked at me wearily and curiously. I just shook my head and sigh.

“May problema ba?” siya naman ang nagtanong ngayon.

“Don’t mind me, you should go now. Take a rest, okay?” I softly said at her.

Pinagbuksan ko siya ng pinto ng sasakyan nila nang huminto ito sa aming harapan. It was parked in front of us.

“Thank you,” she mouthed. I just boyishly smiled at her.

Then I shut the door and wave my hand a bit to her. The window was closed but I’m sure that she sees me.

She opened it and my smile grew wider. “Bye! Love you!” she shouted as she waved her hand. Mabilis na umalis ang sasakyan matapos niyang sabihin iyon.

Hindi naman ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. It feels so surreal. I feel like I’m lying on a cloud nine. She just said that she loves me not just ones, she said it for the second time before she left.

I chuckled and crazily shake my head. Hindi mabura bura ang ngiting nakaguhit sa aking labi habang pinagmamasdan ng aking mga mata ang sasakyang hindi ko na abot tingin ngayon.

“Damn, I’m going crazy.” napailing iling pa ako. Tumalikod ako para pumasok na sa loob.

“Tss,”

Agad akong napaangat ng tingin kay Kaizer na naka-crossed arm akong tinitingnan. Nanliit ang mga mata kong binalingan siya. He was now near the doorway of the entrance. I thought he was now on our floor at hindi ko inasahang nandito pa pala siya at naiwan sa ibaba.

I didn’t said a word and I just walked past him.

“So that’s how you make girls insane with you?” makahulugang anito nang malgpasan ko ang kaniyang gawi.

I stopped. I was in a good mood and he seems going to ruin it now. Tsked.

“It’s not satisfying, Neil. Baka gusto mong turuan kita ng mga tamang galawan? You are being attached and serious to her-”

“If so, what do you mean?” I asked him back, a bit hostile.

Nananatili pa rin akong nakatalikod sa kaniya habang siya naman ay paniguradong nakasandal pa rin sa hamba ng pader.

“Don’t take her seriously.” he simply said. But I can feel the sternness and bitterness in his voice.

I smirked and turn around to face him. He’s fucking serious and his eyes were dim when our eyes locked. I bravely stared at his distant eyes that he always gave me.

Alam at napapansin kong sa akin lang ganito ang mga mata niya. It’s screamed in so much burden and very forbidden. I can say that he distancing himself from others. Alam ko ang bawat galaw ng mga pinsan ko. In just one glance, I can say how they feel and what they are thinking.

Malakas ang pakiramdam ko at hindi nila iyon maikakaila sa akin. Kaya madalas ay ako ang tinatanungan nila o pinagdedesisyon sa mga bagay if they can’t decide on their own. Like what I said, I grew…a lot.

I tugged up my lips and mockingly looked at him straight in the eye.

“You’re just jealous. Cannot you move on, Kaizer? Hindi ka pa ba nasasaktan diyan sa pinaggagagawa mo sa sarili mo? You’re seeing her saying I love you’s to me and yet you still loved her? Why you keep on pushing yourself to someone who can’t see you the way you like them? It’s torture, man.” I said then raised my one brow when I saw him shifted in his place. Trying to find the right words to say to me.

You can’t fire the bullet back, man. You got shot, and all you can do is to bear the pain.

“Just…don’t let her broke your heart.” wala ng masabing aniya.

I chuckled. “As if you care on me? Hindi ba at ’yon naman ang gusto mo? Na mahalin ka niya pabalik once she broke up with me?”

“It’s not about her loving me back.” He immediately told.

“Then what?” Mabilis kong tanong. I am now pissed. He pushed my buttons and I’m irritated by his words.

I know why his eyes were distant. I just don’t want to know what is behind that. I’m a coward for not trying but that is the right thing to do.

“It’s you… Neil, I don’t want you to get hurt.” matiim niya akong tiningnan at mahinahon niyang sinabi sa akin.

Agad namang nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay.

“Stop this bullshit, Kaizer. People who will care for me are the people who matter to me.”

“Didn’t I matter-” I cutted him off in so much annoyance about what this topic is leading on.

“Of course you do! Huwag mo na lang akong pakialaman. It’s my life and my choice to love Ashley. Ako ang masasaktan at hindi ikaw. So stop acting like you really care.”

“Ikaw, you should stop acting like you cannot see what’s in me. Stop acting like you’re blind. Even I know that you’re not.” he said then walked past through me. Nilagpasan niya lang ako at iniwang banas na banas sa kaniya.

Acting your ass! We both know what he meant by that. It’s not just right. I love Ashley and I won’t let him get her. Or even get the forbidden stone that’s giving me life.

Kabanata 8

Kabanata 8

Lights off

Pagkapasok ko sa loob ay naabutan ko si Russ na daladala ang kaniyang isang duffel bag. I looked at them and raised my brow.

“I’m leaving, Kuya.” he just simply said to me.

“Wait, nakapagpaalam ka na ba kila Mom?”

“Yup, they said it’s fine. They allowed me.” He lifted his gaze on the person at my back. A happy smile plastered on his lips.

I almost groaned and rolled my eyes. Hindi na ako nag-abalang tingnan pa kung sino ang nginingitian ng kapatid ko.

“Kuya Kaizer, let’s go! I’m excited, I also bring my IT teddy for the slumber. Do you have an Xbox in your home?” He happily asked while I almost vomit in so much anger.

“Tara na Kaizer, wala naman na tayong ibang pinunta rito kung hindi si Russco lang.” Si Marcos na mukhang nang-iinis pa lalo.

Hindi nga pala ko kasama, tsk.

“Yeah, bago pa tayo puntahan dito nila Kelsy na nasa dining lang,” Ezi said.

Napabaling naman sila ng tingin nang maglakad patungo sa gawi namin sila Kelsy at Zandra na mukhang napansin na nandito na sila ngayon sa living room.

“May ano?” Zandra asked when she neared on us.

“Russ, bakit may dala kang ganiyan? What’s inside?” Usisa pa ni Kelsy sa bag ni Russco na agad kinuha ni Ezekiel palayo rito.

Sinamaan naman ito ng tingin ni Kelsy.

“Kila Kaizer kami tonight.” biglang ani ni Zach, pagsagot sa matalim na mga mata ni Kelsy na ibinabato sa kanila ngayon.

Her brows meet. “Bakit kayo lang? Why you didn’t inform us, edi sana nakapaghanda na rin ako ng-” Kelsy was panicking a bit for not getting the invite for the night’s occasion.

“Kels, we’re not including.” Zandra cutted her off.

Napaawang naman ang labi ni Kelsy na tumingin sa kaniya.

“What?! At bakit naman? Malapit na ang pasukan so I think it’s the perfect timing to get wasted. I mean, if you have any plan on getting drunk?” Napapaisip pa nitong tanong sa kanila.

“Kelsy, we are not. Isasama namin si Russ. At wala kaming balak magpaka wasted. Baka si Kaizer, meron.” Ani ni Killian na ngumuso pa bago nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin nang magtama ang aming mga mata.

“Kung hindi niyo kami isasama, then I don’t have any choice. Dito nalang kami ni Zandra tonight mags-stay. Do’n kayo kila Kaizer.” ngumisi pa si Kelsy saka ako binalingan ng tingin.

Sumulyap naman ako kay Zandra na tahimik lang na nakamasid sa sasabihin ko. I smiled, fakedly.

“Sigi, sa room ko na kayo matulog.”

“Ano? Hindi pwede! Kapag kami isa lang ang pwedeng tumabi sayo sa kama but when it comes to Kelsy and Zandra you let them sleep with you.” Ezekiel ranted in me. He knows me well.

Nagkibit balikat ako at saka bumuntong-hininga.

“Why? ’Di ba kila Kaizer kayo tonight? So why not?” pagtanong ko rito. He just reacts because he knows that I prioritize women first.

Nagkasalubong ang tingin namin ni Kaizer na mabilis kong inismiran.

“Bakit Kuya Ezi, hindi ka pa ba nakakahiga sa kama ni Kuya Neil?” natatawang tanong ni Russ dito.

Ezi pursed her lips and looked up. Like he was thinking.

“Isang beses pa lang. And guess what, ilang taon na ’yon pano ba naman ay si Zachary ang madalas niyang katabi.” napangiwi siya at saka ako matabang na nginitian.

Si Zach naman ay nakapamulsang nagpipigil ng tawa. Pinangunutan ko siya ng noo. He noticed my gazes on him, he was about to say something nang sikuhin siya ni Marcos.

Umiwas nalang ako sa kanila at hindi pinansin sila Ezekiel dahil hindi rin naman ako tinatapunan ng tingin nila Marcos. Ewan ko ba sa kanila! Just because of Ashley, they are being so unreasonable.

Alam at ramdam ko rin naman na hindi na nga ako nakakasama sa kanila dahil madalas si Ashley ang focus ko. But can’t they just pass it? They also have their own love life and I never meddle with them. And now that I have this seriously they are being unreasonable.

Tinungo ko ang kuwarto ko at pahampas na isinara ang pintuan. I hate it when they are ignoring me. I used to them bagging and disturbing me.

“Neil!” Narinig kong pahabol na tawag ni Kelsy sa akin mula sa labas ng pintuan pero agad din namang nawala.

I’m not in the mood right now. Alam ko rin namang gusto lang inisin ni Kelsy sila Ezi at Lucien na dito sila matutulog sa kuwarto ko just to let them come in Kaizer’s house.

Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa unan. I gritted my teeth. Then I heard a knock on the door. Magkakasunod at mahinahong mga katok.

I sighed in annoyance. Kabisado ko kung kaninong katok ang mga iyon. Kaya naman ay mabilis akong napabangon at magkasalubong ang mga kilay kong tinungo ang pintuan para pagbuksan siya.

Why he’s still here? Russco wants to be with him for tonight. For sure he misses their bond too. I groaned when my mind has an idea of him annoying me. Like what he always did.

“Ano na naman ang kailangan mo?” my eyes flashed on him as I said it deeply stoic.

“Sumama ka na sa amin. Kelsy and Zandra will be there also. Sinabay na sila ni Russco papunta sa amin.”

“I don’t want, Kaizer. Kayo nalang.” I was about to shut the door when he blocked his arm.

“I said, I am not coming-”

“Fine. Kung ayaw mo edi huwag. You are always making us feel that we’re on the urge to sue you. Ikaw naman minsan ang mag-approach sa amin, Neil. Marcos is mad at you not only because of Ashley. I thought you matured? But you seem not.” he fired then sighed.

Ano? Not just about Ashley?

“You know what Kaizer, hindi ko rin kayo maintindihan e’. Last month lang ayos naman tayong lahat and after that incident at na grounded tayong lahat, nagkaganito na. Ano bang problema ninyo?” I asked him in frustration.

“Packed up some clothes. Ako na ang magsasabi kila Tita Verity na sa amin kayo tonight.” he was avoiding my question.

I shooked my head then shrugged. Wala akong magagawa kung hindi niya sasabihin. But I want to know if why is Marcos mad at me.

I get only my phone in my bed. Tumalikod na ako at nagtatanong ang mga mata ni Kaizer ang sumalubong sa akin palabas ng pintuan ng kwarto ko.

“Where are your clothes? Phone mo lang talaga ang dadalhin mo?” Tanong niya sa akin.

“I don’t do the packing. Matatagalan pa ako sa pagpili ng damit kaya huwag na.” ani ko.

“Hihintayin naman kita. Bilis na, go get some clothes!” nakakunot ang noo nitong inutos.

Nagsalubong naman ang mga kilay kong tiningnan siya. “You have clothes right?” I asked him in a sternly one.

Napamaang naman niya akong tiningnan.

“Of course,”

“Then I will use it. Tara na.” inunahan ko na siya sa paglabas ng silid. Mom and Dad were not home yet kaya hindi rin ako makakapagpaalam.

“You texted mom?” tanong ko sa kaniya habang pababa kami ng hagdan.

“Mm,” I heard him simple hmm.

Ayos din ah, parang kanina lang ay grabe at ang tindi ng inis ko sa kaniya. But now were seem cool to each other.

Pumasok kami ng elevator at bumaba na patungong parking lot. And when I felt my phone vibrated, I get it from my sacs.

Ashley:

I have a family dinner tonight. On my father’s side. Ikaw din, eat your dinner on time:)

I smiled while I typed in my reply.

Ako:

Okay, I will. Take care.

Natauhan ako habang sini-send ko ang message ko nang marinig ko ang malakas na pagsara ng pintuan ng sasakyan mula sa driver seat. Nabuburyong nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kaizer na patay malisya akong tiningnan.

“Sorry, chineck ko lang. Kasi parang hindi ko na-lock kanina.” He alibi.

I let a heavy sigh and went in, ignoring his reckless innocence. I didn’t buy his reason. Who is on the right mind that would leave his car open. Later on, he drove the car.

“Si Kuya Huxton ba na sa inyo?” tanong ko sa kaniya nang makaalis na kami sa amin.

“Uhm, wala siya tonight. He’s busy lalo na at lilipat na siya sa abroad.” his eyes were fixed on the road as he said that.

“Oh? Kelan ang alis niya? He’s so hardworking, dapat tularan mo ang Kuya mo.” then the corner of my lips tugged up.

Sumimangot naman siya sa akin.

“I won’t. We are different. He’s hardworking and I am too. I’m passionate while he is just a digger. You know what I mean. He’s going to take over the company.”

Tito Eleazar has a company. It was a business of a small chain of hotels here in Manila and I heard that Tito has a newly open hotel in Palawan and in Camiguin. It was both far places but they find it the tourists spot and has beautiful scenery.

Tumikhim ako at tumingin na lamang sa bintana ng sasakyan.

“Why are you so bitter?” I said out of the blue, in almost a whisper.

Hindi ko alam kung nahihiya ba ako o dahil na rin sa pride ko. I’m aware of what happened lately. It’s also my fault but I want to know if what’s on his mind kaya siya ganiyan makitungo sa akin.

“Huh? What do you mean?” He turned the car on the left. Papasok sa kanilang subdivision.

“Sa amin ni Ashley. Hindi ka pa ba nakakamove on?”

He didn’t say anything. You can hear the crickets because of the silence between us.

The car parked outside their gates. I saw Ezi’s car also parked in front of us.

Bumaling ako sa kaniya habang tinatanggal ang aking seat belt. He shrugged. Napasinghap pa siya at saka nagkibit balikat muli.

“I’m not bitter, Neil. I…I… you know what, let’s go. Pumasok na tayo. Let’s just forget about it.” umiiling iling niya pang ani pagkaraan.

“Okay,” I just simply replied then go out of his car. He’s not open about it so I won’t meddle.

Nang makapasok kami sa loob ay sumalubong sa amin sila Kelsy at ang iba pa na nakaupo sa sofa ng kanilang salas. My eyes dropped on someone who approached Kaizer.

“Babe! Buti naman at nandito ka na. I’m hungry, hinintay kita para sabay na tayong mag-dinner.” she said then lean on Kaizer to give him a kiss…on the lips.

“Oh, I thought you wouldn’t come.” Si Kelsy na nakaupo sa sofa.

“I supposed to be here, bakit hindi? At saka ngayon nalang ulit tayo nakapag sleep over sa iisang bahay.” Sagot ko sa kaniyang tanong sa akin.

“Namiss mo kami, noh?” biglang ani Lucien sa isang tabi.

“Kind of, paano ba namang hindi, e’ hindi niyo nga ako pinapansin nitong mga nakaraan.” I reasoned out.

Marcos glanced at me but he looked away when my eyes met his. Si Zachary naman ay nilapitan ako at saka ako sinakal ng yakap.

“Zach, ano ba. I can’t breathe.” Natatawa kong ani sa kaniya.

“Huwag ka ng maarte! Na-miss ka rin namin.” aniya pa.

Kakawala na sana ako mula sa sakal niyang yakap sa leeg ko mula sa aking likuran nang makisama pa si Lucien, Ezi at Killian sa yakap ni Zachary sa akin.

Fuck, mas lalong hindi na ako nakahinga.

“Pasalamat ka at sumama ka kay Kaizer papunta rito ngayon kung hindi, ’di ka na talaga namin papansinin ng mga isang linggo pa.” ani Killian sa akin na ikinagulat ko.

“Para naman kayong mga babae e’, napaka matampuhin.” naiirita kong sinabi sa kanila.

Hindi pa rin sila umaalis sa harap ko kaya pinagtutulak ko na sila. Natatawa nila akong tiningnan.

“Mga bading! Ang lalaki ng mga katawan ninyo pero napaka drama niyo, boys. Hindi bagay.” Sigaw sa amin ni Kelsy. Nakita ko namang nagpipigil ng tawa si Zandra sa tabi niya.

“Pasalamat kayo at wala si Ate Meaghan at Ate Anastasia ngayon kung hindi malalagot kayo ro’n.” ani Marcos.

Nginitian ko naman siya, pero agad lang siyang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin. Napakunot pa ako ng noo bago ko napagpasiyahang lapitan na siya. Iniwan ko muna sa likod ko ang mga baliw na kumag na ’to.

“May problema ba, Marcos?” Salubong ko sa kaniya dahil mukhang siya nalang itong ilang sa akin ngayon.

Nag-igting ang panga nito bago ako binalingan ng tingin. Bahagya pa akong napangiwi nang makita ang hawak niyang baso ng alak.

“Meron bang dapat problemahin?” He evilly smirked at me.

Nginiwian ko nalang siya at saka nag-iwas ng tingin. Marcos is known as the bad boy. More than a bad boy I guess. Parang baliw na paiba iba ng mood pero madalas ay galit. His eyes have a shade of darkness while Lucien his brother has the lightness. Magkaiba silang magkapatid, because Lucien looks soften than his brother that has a rugged aura.

Umiiling iling akong pinagmasdan siya. “Tumigil ka na nga sa pag-inom. Ang aga aga at ’yan ang nilalagay mo riyan sa sikmura mo.”

“What? It’s late, quarter to 8

:00 pm na, maaga pa ba iyon sa’yo?“

Napatingin naman ako sa aking palapulsuhan para tingnan ang oras.

Mag-aalas otso na nga. “Neil, come on dine with us.” paglapit sa akin ni Kaizer kasama ang babaeng nakakapit sa kaniyang braso.

“Sigi. Si Russco? Nakapag dinner na ba?” tanong ko rito habang tinutungo namin ang kanilang kusina.

“Oo, kanina pa. He’s sleeping now. Nasa guestroom siya ngayon. Doon din naman matutulog sila Zach mamaya.” aniya.

Iminuwestra nito ang upuan sa kasama niya. Parang bulate naman itong naupo sa upuang hinila ni Kaizer para sa kaniya.

“Sila Kelsy, sa other guess room. Silang dalawa ni Zandra.” dugtong niya habang hinihila ang isa pang upuan.

Tumingin sya sa akin at saka tumango patagilid. Nagtataka naman ako at hindi makuha ang kaniyang ginagawa.

“Sit,” pagtukoy niya sa upuang hinila niya para sa akin.

Naupo ako at wala ng sinabi pa. I was preoccupied in our conversation that I almost forgot to pull a chair for myself. Nakahanda na ang mga plato at kubyertos sa may kalakihang dining table nila. Their maids serve the meal.

“Tayo nalang ba ang hindi pa nakakapag dinner?” tanong ko rito. Ang babae namang nasa tabi niya ay mukhang iritable na. Kaizer didn’t introduce her to me kaya siguro ganiyan ang reaksyon ng mukha.

Kumuha ako ng pagkain ko at nagsalin sa plato ng pagkain ko. “Oo, ang tagal mo kasi kanina.” aniya at saka nilagyan ng pagkain sa plato ang kasama niya.

Hindi ko na sila pinanood pa dahil ayaw ko rin namang langgamin. I ate silently.

“Ito Kaizer, try this. I know that this is your favorite.” pag-abot nito ng ulam na adobong manok at nilagyan ang plato ni Kaizer.

“Alliah, ayos na ’to. Baka hindi ko maubos.” ani naman ni Kaizer sa babae.

Alliah naman pala ang pangalan. Bakit kasi hindi pinapakilala sa akin.

“Who is she?” tanong ko kahit na alam ko naman na kung sino siya.

Kaizer sipped on his glass before he looked at me. “Neil, Alliah my girlfriend.” he just simply said. He watches me for seconds.

“Oh? Is that your present girlfriend?” nanliit pa ng bahagya ang aking mga mata habang magkatinginan kami ni Kaizer. Naninigurado kung totoo ba o hindi.

Kaizer is one of the hell fucking guy. He’s smart and hardworking but has also desires. Kaya alam ko kung siniseryoso ba niya o hindi.

“Sorry ngayon lang ako naipakilala ni Kaizer. I’m Alliah,” she gave me her hand. I take it then nod at her.

“It’s okay, nice meeting you too.” Napansin ko namang nag-iwas ng tingin si Kaizer sa amin.

We continue our meal and talked a bit.

Napapasulyap ako sa kanilang dalawa tuwing magkakatawanan sila pero hindi ko na rin binigyan ng pansin pagkaraan.

I stood up after I finished my food. Nakikita kong tapos na rin sila ngunit abala sila sa isa’t isa kaya mauuna na akong umalis sa hapag para iwanan muna sila.

Umakayat ako sa second floor at pumasok ako sa entertainment room nila at naabutang nanonood sila Zach roon. I sat down beside them. Marcos poured the glass of drink and gave it to me. Kinuha ko naman iyon at saka ininom.

“Sila Zandra at Kels, nasaan?” I asked after I drink the glass of tequila they gave me.

“Pumasok na ng kuwarto nila.” ani Lucien.

“Ang aga pa ah?” pagtataka ko.

“May lakad pa raw sila bukas. I don’t know to them. At saka it’s quarter-past nine na.” Si Ezekiel na mukhang inaantok na rin sa pinapanood namin.

Nagsalin akong muli ng inumin sa aking baso. “What can you say about Alliah, Neil? Is she good for Kaizer?” Killian suddenly asked me out of nowhere.

Napansin kong hindi na sila nakatutok sa screen ngayon dahil lahat sila ay naghihintay ng sasabihin kong sagot sa tanong ni Killian sa akin.

My brows arched.

“Come on, alam naming magaling ka pagdating sa mga ganiyan. Are they just only fuck buddies or they are really on the serious stage of a mature relationship?” Si Zachary na kanina ay nakikinig lamang sa amin ay ngayong nauna pang magtanong.

I smirked. “Why are you guys so curious about what’s with them?” tanong ko sa kanila.

“Hindi pa ba kayo nasasanay sa kaniya? But if you want answers from me, nakikita ko namang seryoso si Kaizer sa kaniya.” Dagdag kong ani sa sinabi kanina. I was subtle.

Napangiwi naman si Ezekiel na nasa tabi ko.

“Ba’t ganiyan ’yang mukha mo?” tanong ni Lucien kay Ezi.

“Seriously? Si Kaizer magseseryoso na? I can’t imagine that. Si Neil pa nga lang seryoso na kay Ashley nakakalimutan na tayo pati ba naman si Kaizer.” he disappointedly uttered.

I tapped his shoulder. “You will find your woman someday.” pag-alo ko rito na agad sinundan ng halakhakan. Ani mong imposibleng mangyaring mahanap iyon ni Ezi.

“Asa ka Ezi, matagal pa ’yon!” Si Lucien na napapahawak pa sa kaniyang tiyan dahil sa sobrang tawa.

“You’re such a dick. Mahihirapan kang makahanap kapag ganiyan ka.” ani Zach rito.

“Fuck you Zach, Lucien. Wala pa sa bukabolaryo ko ang pagseseryoso sa mga ganiyan. Para less hurt, less damage. Mahirap ma-self destruct dahil lang sa isang tao.” Ani Ezi.

Natahimik naman sila. Nakita kong ngumisi si Marcos. “I agree,”

“Nasaan na nga pala sila Kaizer? Bakit hindi na sumunod dito sa atin?” tanong ni Killian.

“Iniwan ko sila sa dining kanina. Baka nasa baba pa rin.” Sagot ko sa kaniya.

“Puntahan mo, Neil. Matutulog na ako. My head is aching.” si Marcos na tumayo naman na sa kaniyang upuan.

“Pa’no ba naman kanina pa alak ang hawak mo. You drink too much.”

“Oo nga, ako rin. I’m tired. Matutulog na’ko.” ani Zach sa akin mayamaya.

“Fuck!” biglang sigaw naman ni Killian.

“Bakit?” Lucien asked, alarmed by his sudden yell.

“Pauwi na raw sila Kuya Huxton. Baka maabutan pa tayong umiinom dito. Tawagin mo na si Kaizer.” sabi ni Killian habang binabasa pa ang mensahe sa kaniyang cellphone.

“Yari na naman kapag nahuli nila tayo.” si Zach na nauna ng tumayo sa amin.

Nagpasiya na kaming magpahinga at matulog na sa aming mga silid. We off the screen and remove the sockets before we leave the entertainment room.

“Ikaw na magsabi kay Kaizer. Matutulog na kami bago pa dumating sila Kuya Huxton.” ani ni Killian sa akin.

I just nod my head at him then went downstairs. Patay na ang mga ilaw sa living area pati sa gawi ng kusina ng bahay. Kaya naman nagtataka ako kung nasaan sina Kaizer at Alliah.

Shit. Hindi kami pwedeng maabutan na gising pa kaya naman ay nagmadali ako. I walked towards the dining kung saan ko sila iniwan kanina pero wala na sila ro’n.

Umalis ako at tinungo naman ang salas. It was dark and I can’t see clear things. Hindi naman ako nangangapa dahil kabisado at alam ko ang aking nilalakaran.

“Ahh… Kaizer ang sarap niyan.” naging alerto ang aking pandinig at mabilis na nangunot ang aking noo sa boses na aking naririnig.

“You like it?” nahihimigan kong boses ni Kaizer iyon.

“Uh-huh. Keep on doing that.” Dinig kong namamaos ang boses na sabi ni Alliah.

Nilapitan ko ang switch ng lights para makita ko kung ano ba ang nangyayari. My minds are running out of so many worldly things that they are now possibly doing. I just can’t identify if which one they are acting.

Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Their voice was like a whispered and stirred by pleasure.

Mabilis kong pinindot ang lights.

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Laglag ang panga kong nakatingin sa kanilang dalawa na nakapwesto ngayon sa sofa dito sa living area.

“Akala ko tulog na kayo. What are you doing here, Neil?” tanong ni Kaizer na nakaupo sa sofa habang nakapatong naman ang ulo ni Alliah sa kaniyang mga hita.

“I-I thought you are doing something weird-”

“Doing weird? Ano?” Maagap na tanong ni Kaizer sa akin.

“Ah, I heard growls-”

“What? I’m just massaging her head. You’re so dirty-minded.” Ani Kaizer at hinilot muli ang sentido ni Alliah.

What the fuck. Ako pa ngayon ang dirty-minded. Eh kahit sinong makarinig sa ungol nilang dalawa pagkakamalang may ginagawa silang milagro rito sa sala, lalo na at madilim.

I cleared my throat and composed myself first before I walked near them.

“Pauwi na raw sila Kuya Huxton.” imporma ko.

“Ano? Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi? Shit. Uh Alliah, ihahatid na kita.” mabilis na napabalikwas mula sa pagkakahiga si Alliah mula sa sofa nang sabihin iyon sa kaniya ni Kaizer.

Tumayo silang parehas at tumingin sa akin.

“Hindi na, ’di ba nasabi ko naman sa’yo na nagpasundo na ako sa driver namin. Tumakas lang ako at baka makita ka pa nila Dad. Stay here.” ani Alliah sa kaniya.

Tumingin naman sa aking gawi si Kaizer. Tinaasan ko naman sila ng kilay. Napabuntong-hininga pa ako bago naupo sa sofa at hindi pinakinggan ang kanilang usapan. Okay, it’s their privacy. Hindi ako nakikinig. Promise.

“Goodnight, Kaizer. Bye,”

I saw them walked away. Marahil ay inihatid niya sa labas si Alliah. I waited for him for a few minutes until he came back. He closed the door and locked it.

“Turn off the lights, baka maabutan na tayo rito ni Kuya. Let’s go upstairs.” aniya sa akin kalaunan.

Umakyat na kami sa taas matapos kong mapatay ang mga ilaw.

“What do you think we are doing, Neil?” biglang tanong niya nang makapasok kami sa silid niya.

“Malay ko sa inyo. Having sex? Nagfu-fuc-” hinagis niya sa mukha ko ang towel na kinuha niya mula sa kaniyang walk-in closet.

“Damn it. Where not doing those nasty things that you are thinking.” napahalakhak pa siya nang sabihin niya iyon sa akin.

Kinunutan ko naman siya ng noo.

“Who would think that you aren’t? May pa, ’You like it ka pang nalalamang loko ka. And Alliah’s womanly voice echoed.” Pasiring ko siyang tiningnan at saka tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa kaniyang kama.

“Oo na, sigi na. Maligo ka na then I’m next.” aniya habang nagpipigil pa rin ng tawa.

“Tumigil ka nga, para kang sira riyan katatawa.” Hasik ko pa sa kaniya.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Hindi na ako tatawa.”

“The next time you will massaged her again, huwag sa madilim. Find a place na may liwanag para hindi kayo napagkakamalan.” I stated annoyingly.

Nakakaloko pa siyang ngumiti at tumingin sa itaas. Ani mong nag-iisip. He shrugged then looked at me.

“You know that I won’t do those kinds of stuff, right? So trust me. Wala ng next time para hindi mo na ako pagdudahan.” marahan niyang sinabi.

I winced at that. “Stop me, Kaizer. Do whatever you want just not in public places.”

“Bakit? Hindi naman public ang sofa sa loob ng bahay ah.” aniya pa.

Napasinghap ako sa mga sinasabi niya. Nauubusan na ako ng pasensya para sa kaniya.

“Basta, there will be no next time. Unless kung gusto mong ikaw nalang ang masahihin ko?” he then asked me smoothly.

Agad naman akong napangiwi sa kaniya. “You’re so gross, Kaizer. Tabi nga riyan.” pagtulak ko sa kaniya na nakaharang malapit sa pintuan ng bathroom.

Then he laughed hoarsely.

“Took a quick bath then I will massage you after.”

“Fuck you, Kaizer!” sigaw ko sa kaniya patungong bathroom nang hindi niya pa rin ako tinantanan.

“Tss, I assume that you would like it as well. I have a belief that my hands are great at massaging. So why feel gross if I just gonna massaged you after-”

“Manahimik ka na nga!” Tanging sigaw ko sa kaniya nang tuluyan na akong makapasok ng banyo at marinig ko pa siyang malakas na humalakhak sa labas.

Kabanata 9

Kabanata 9

Imagination

“Ikaw na,” sabi ko kay Kaizer pagkalabas ko ng bathroom.

He got my towel that I used that overlaps on my shoulder.

“Hey! I used it already. Wala ka na bang ibang tuwalya?” I asked him, a bit annoyed.

“I don’t mind. At saka, it’s my towel you used. Dapat kasi nagtanong ka muna sa akin.” aniya at pumasok na sa loob.

I let out a sigh. Hard-headed. Lumapit ako sa closet niya at naghanap ng maisusuot. I always like this when I’m here sleeping in his room. I wear his new clothes, with a price tag. I smirked. It’s a white tee shirt and I look out for boxer shorts on his walk-in closet at his lower drawer.

Nakita ko pa ang iilan nitong ginagamit. I winced and didn’t even dare touch it.

“Kaizer! Where are your new boxers? Hindi ko makita sa closet mo, baka may iba ka pang pinaglalagyan?” I shouted for him to hear me from here.

“Just wear the briefs instead. I don’t have new boxers. ’Yan lang ang meron akong bago.” I heard him loudly replied inside the bathroom.

Napangiwi naman ako nang makita ang briefs na sinasabi niya. It’s all in an extra-large size. What? Is that how big he is now? I’m only using a large size but it’s an extra-large and I don’t have any choice.

Hindi na ako nag-arte at sinuot nalang ang bagong brief na nakita ko. Hindi na rin ako nahirapang maghanap ng shorts because he has a lot of it.

“We have the same smell.” Aniya sa gilid ko pagkalabas niya ng bathroom. I am now lying on the bed and badly wanted to rest.

Hindi ko siya tinapunan ng tingin. “Of course, we used the same bath soap and shower gel.” I annoyingly said to him.

“Stop being so nosy. I want to rest.” ani ko pang muli sa kaniya dahil pakiramdam ko ay tinatamaan na ako ngayon ng alak na ininom namin nila Ezi kanina. Hindi ko alam pero dapat ay nahimasmasan na ako dahil nakaligo na.

Pakanan akong nakadapang humarap sa kaliwang bahagi ng kama. I’m so exhausted. I shut my eyes and tried to sleep. Then I felt the other side of the bed moved. Naramdaman ko siyang gumilid sa akin at hawakan ang aking balikat.

“Fuck off, ass.” Pahasik kong pagtataboy sa kaniya. But I can’t protest when he started massaging my shoulders. It is so relaxing.

My breathing became to be tame and it felt so good. Shit. Kaizer is doing great. Now I get it why Alliah is growling earlier.

“How does it feel?” tanong niya sa akin pagkaraan.

I chuckled a bit and shooked my head on the pillow.

“Are you a masseur? Kaya pala napagkakamalan kong umuungol si Alliah sa baba kanina dahil sa masahe mo.” I chuckled.

“Damn it, I won’t do it again there.”

“Good. Better do it in your room or in the guestroom. Paano kung madatnan kayo ni Kuya Huxton na gano’n ang mga huni niyo. You will instantly burn alive.”

We both chuckled at what I just said. He’s still massaging my back. “That’s enough,” I said but he didn’t hear me.

“Okay, just a few more seconds, nararamdaman kong may lamig ka sa likod.” Aniya pa na parang alam niya talaga ang kaniyang ginagawa.

“Ano namang lamig ’yan? Tell me, masahista ka ba?” I teased and chuckled afterward again.

“Tsked,” Huminto na siya at naramdaman kong tumayo ito mula sa pagkakaupo sa aking tabi.

I didn’t mind opening my eyes just to check on him. Umayos ako ng higa at inunat ang aking balikat sandali nang marinig ko ang tunog ng gitara na hindi kalayuan sa pwesto ko.

Mabilis naman akong napamulat ng aking mga mata matapos marinig ang sintonadong pag strum niya sa gitara. I sat and looked in Kaizer’s way who’s now smiling like an idiot in front of me. Nakaupo siya ngayon sa bandang paanan ng kama habang nakapatong sa hita nito ang gitarang kaniyang pinatutugtog. Napangiwi ako nang subukan niya itong patugtugin muli.

“You’re messing my mood, Kaizer. Inaantok na ako tapos maggi-gitara ka pa ng wala sa tono. Ayusin mo nga,” I demanded.

“Okay, ito na.” he chuckled then start strumming once again.

I know how to play guitar and I taught him before so he could play it. And I can see that he also enjoyed playing guitar when we were young. He’s a fast learner kaya hindi na rin ako nahirapang magturo sa kaniya. ’Yun ’yong mga panahong hindi pa kami aso at pusa sa isa’t isa.

Napangiti ako ng matonohan na niya ang kaniyang tinutugtog. Nang mag-umpisa na ang unang linya ng kanta ay nakatingin siya sa akin habang sinasambit ang liriko nito.

“Oh, there he goes again… Every morning it’s the same… You walk on by my house, I wanna call out your name

I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where I’m standing, You got me thinking what we could be ’cause…“ he paused and sustain the beat. He licked his lips as he looked away.

I smirked when I felt his cold voice playing on my ears now.

“I keep craving, craving, you don’t know it but it’s true, Can’t get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you… This is typical of love. Can’t wait anymore, I won’t wait I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever,

In my dreams, you’re with me“ he then turned his gazes on me and straightly looked at me in the eyes.

“We’ll be everything I want us to be… And from there, who knows? Maybe this will be the night that we kiss… for the first time Or is that just me and my imagination…”

The stare he is giving me right now is mixed with weary and distant eyes that he always showed up in me as he sang that song. Napapaiwas siya nang tingin sa tuwing pinanliliitan ko siya ng mga mata.

“We walk, we laugh, we spend our time walking by the ocean side, Our hands are gently intertwined, A feeling I just can’t describe. All this time we spent alone, thinking we could not belong to something so damn beautiful… So damn beautiful…

I keep craving, craving, you don’t know it, but it’s true, Can’t get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you… This is typical of love… I can’t wait anymore, I won’t wait Need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever…

In my dreams, you’re with me We’ll be everything I want us to be And from there, who knows? Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time, Or is that just me and my imagination?“ his eyes dropped on my lips then he licked his own before he lifted his gazes on me. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa epekto ng alak itong nakikita ko ngayon.

Kaizer was seriously singing the song he is playing. I can’t deny that he has a good voice but he sang it differently. Like he was playing it with unknown feelings.

Bumagal ang pag strum nito sa gitara at nag-iwas ng tingin kalaunan. Binalingan niya akong muli at parang tanga kaming nagtitigan na dalawa.

“I keep craving, craving, you don’t know it, but it’s true, Can’t get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you…” he bit his lower lip then chuckled afterward, pagtatapos nito sa kanta.

I didn’t chuckle. I just stare at him seriously.

“Why did you sing that song?” I then asked him seriously.

Tipid naman siyang napangiti sa akin at saka nagbaba ng tingin sa gitarang hawak niya ngayon. Ibinaba muna niya ang gitarang hawak at saka ipinatong ito sa pagitan naming dalawa.

“Because I want to,” he growled softly.

Pinanliitan ko siya ng mga mata.

“In love ka na ba talaga kay Alliah at nagagawa mo nang kumanta ng ganiyan kalalim ngayon?” nagtataka kong tanong sa kaniya. Because he’s acting strange now.

Nag-angat naman siya ng seryosong mga tingin sa akin.

“Ikaw? Gano’n ka rin ba kay Ashley? Do you love her already?” tanong niya sa akin pabalik.

Napasinghap naman ako bago sinagot ang kaniyang tanong.

“I just know that I love her.” I simply said. It is my honest answer.

“Really?” Pagdududa pa niya.

“Uh-huh, I liked her since then and now I think I loved her.” Nagkibit balikat pa ako bago sumandal sa headboard ng kama.

“Teka nga, I asked you the question first and you didn’t answer mine.” Pagkakaalala ko sa nauna kong tanong sa kaniya.

Nagkibit balikat siya at kalaunan ay bumuntong-hininga. “No,” tipid niyang sagot sa kanina ko pang tanong.

I chuckled. “Well, ayos lang naman ’yan. If you couldn’t tell and find out yourself what your true feelings for her. Wala namang masama. When the right time comes and you know the answer to all of your questions, tell her.” Ani ko. I can sense that he has a burden. He’s just taking it alone.

“Hah,” matunog niyang buntong hininga. Humarap siya sa akin mula sa pagkakayuko. “Imagination, it’s all just in my mind. Hindi ko nalang gugustuhin pang malaman niya.”

My forehead then creased at what he said. I gasped before I uttered.

“If I were you, I will do the same. Kung ’yan ang alam kong makakabuti para sa amin. But keeping it to yourself is like restraining your own happiness.” I said seriously on him.

Tumayo siya sa kama at nahiga sa kabilang gilid ko. Parehas na kaming nakasandal ngayon sa headboard ng kama at parehong tinitingala ang madilim na kisame ng kaniyang silid.

Kaunti lamang ang liwanag na sumisilay sa kuwarto mula sa labas. Nararamdaman ko na rin ang unti unting pagsarado ng aking mga talukap.

“I just wish I have the courage and guts to say the words I wanna say to you.” he huskily muttered.

My eyes were shut but I clearly heard what he is saying. I’m exhausted and sober but in the blink of an eye, I felt a soft thing that touches my lips. It was a long and gentle dab.

I slowly open my eyes to see what it is but only his distant eyes what I first saw when I opened my eyes. Our stares met. He was sitting beside me but his face was so near to me. Like his face was on top of me.

“Neil…” He then whispered huskily.

My head is spinning and I can’t even open my mouth. I was drowned by my thoughts and it leads me to doze.

Pagkagising ko kinaumagahan ay wala na si Kaizer sa aking tabi. Napahawak ako sa aking ulo habang ibinababa ko ang aking dalawang paa sa sahig.

And then suddenly my eyes widen when I remembered what happened last night. Fuck. Panaginip lang naman ’yon, right? Shit.

I hurriedly went to the bathroom and took a bath. I bit my lip as the water from the shower flowing down through my body. Mariin akong napapikit at mahinang iniuntog ang ulo sa pader.

It’s nasty. Fuck you Kaizer! I cursed him in my mind. Napupuyos ako sa galit ngayon dahil sa ginawa niya kagabi nang maalala ko iyon. I’m a man and he is too! For Pete’s sake! That’s so gross. He is totally fucked up.

What are his reasons to just kiss me that way? Aside from being a guy, I am his cousin!

Magulo ang isipan kong lumabas ng bathroom. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya pakikisamahan ngayon dahil sa ginawa niya kagabi. It’s absolutely irrelevant and purely a mistake.

“Really? Kaizer and Alliah are in a relationship? Tell us more Marcos, I’m curious.” Dinig kong ani Kelsy sa kusina nang makababa ako at marating ang dining.

“Yup, at mukhang magseseryoso na si Kaizer sa puntong ito. Isn’t it scary? Unbelievable, right?” I heard Marcos said.

Bumaba na rin ako ng hagdan na masama ang tingin na ibinibigay sa bawat isa. They all turn their heads towards me. Nasa counter top silang lahat at mas piniling magsiksikan dito kesa sa malaking lamesa sila pumwesto.

“Good morning, bad mood? Bad morning?” Pagbungad sa akin ni Lucien.

Hindi naman ako nagsalita at diretsong naglakad patungo sa pantry to get some cereals.

“Baka dahil iniwan siya ni Kaizer mag-isa sa kwarto.” nanunuyang sinabi naman ni Ezi.

“Shut the fuck up, Ezekiel.” I irritatedly said to him.

“Chill, I’m just kidding,” Ezi added.

“Wrong timing kasi yung pang go-good time mo, Ezi.” Ani Zandra sa tabi ni Kelsy na nasa aking harapan.

“What’s wrong, Neil? Bakit mukhang ang pangit ata nang gising mo ngayon?” tanong ni Zachary nang makaupo ako sa tabi nito.

“Yuh, what’s up to Neil? Umagang umaga and you’re in a grumpy mood. Buti nalang at hindi kayo nagkasabay ng init ng ulo ni Marcos kanina.” Kelsy stated then took a glance in Marcos’s way.

I just shook my head, ignoring them.

“Maagang umalis si Kaizer, hindi niya rin sinabi kung saan siya pupunta. Nag-away na naman ba kayo kaya ganiyan ’yang mukha mo ngayon?” Nang-uusisang tanong ni Zachary sa akin.

“No,” I just simply said to them. I started eating while they are all watching my way.

I hated Kaizer for what he did to me last night. I sighed and shook my head a bit. I was a little tipsy last night and I guess it’s because of it. There is nothing wrong, it was just a simple kiss without any meaning. I said to calm my fucking self because I’m already freaking out. Or should I say, it was just an accident? Fuck. I’m straight and not gay. Damn, Kaizer. Alam kong straight din siya but how come he does it on me.

At maaga pa siyang umalis ngayon. Saan siya nagtungo? Is he going to avoid me now?

Tang ina niya. Siya itong gagawa gawa ng kalokohan tapos bigla-biglang mawawala. I also want to forget about it since I can act like I forgot what happened to us that night.

It’s shouldn’t be a big deal, right?

Yeah, I think that’s the right thing to do. I need to pretend like nothing happened. I should act like I don’t remember anything. For sure he kinda regretted it now. Yeah, I think so. Pagkukumbinsi ko sa aking sarili.

“Nasaan si Russ? Tulog pa ba?” tanong ko sa kanila pagkaraan.

“Uh hindi, gising na siya kanina pa. Nasa taas siya, I told him to packed his things at uuwi na rin tayo mayamaya.” Sagot ni Killian sa akin.

Tinapos ko ang aking pagkain. Nang matapos kaming mag-almusal ay nagpasiya na rin kaming umuwi. Tito Eleazar and Tita Audrina were not here again. Maaga rin siguro silang umalis katulad nila Ate Anastasia at Kuya Huxton. At gano’n din si Kaizer.

“Sa Monday na ang pasukan, anong schedule mo Neil?” Tanong ni Zachary sa akin palabas ng bahay nila Tito Eleazar.

We’re going home. Nauna na rin sila Kelsy umalis kasama si Zandra at Ezi sa iisang sasakyan. Sila Marcos, Killian at Lucien ay magkakasabay ding umalis gamit ang sasakyan ni Marcos. Kami naman ni Russco ay kay Zach na sasabay dahil wala akong dalang sasakyan kagabi.

Kaizer picked me up last night kaya wala akong sasakyang nadala. Russco woke up and fixed up early at nauna na siyang pumasok sa sasasakyan. While I and Zach were just about to go out of the house.

“Same as you lang din ata. STEM ka rin ’di ba?” I asked Zach as I open the front seat of his car.

“Yup, edi magkakaklase pala tayo. I thought you’ll also choose ABM. Sila Lucien at Ezi yun din kasi ang track na kinuha gaya ni Kaizer.”

“Oh, si Ezi? Hindi ba at Engineering ang gusto niya?” Tanong ko pang muli.

Pagkapasok ko sa loob ng sasakyan ay napatingin ako sa back seat to check Russ but in a surprise, he wasn’t there.

“Oo-”

“Shit! Where’s Russco? Bakit wala siya dito? His things aren’t here, too.” I said then open the door of the back seat.

Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at gano’n din si Zach.

“Maybe he’s inside the house. Baka may nakalimutan lang,” Zack said to me calmly.

Kaya naman ay naglakad kami pabalik sa loob ng bahay. Tanging mga kasambahay lang ang bumungad sa amin sa sala pagkapasok ko.

“Pinauna ko na siyang pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan kanina, ’di ba? And we’re here to get my things, bakit hindi natin siya napansing pumasok?” nag-aalala kong sinabi.

“Manang nakita niyo po ba si Russco?” Tanong ni Zach kay Manang na napadaan sa gawi namin at mukhang napansin niya kaming may hinahanap.

“Hindi po, sir Zach.” sagot nito.

“Sa taas ako, ikaw dito sa baba maghanap. Nandito lang iyon, imposibleng makaalis siya.” ani ko kay Zach para mas mabilis naming makita si Russco.

Walang sali-salitang naghiwalay kami at inakyat ko ang pangalawang palapag.

Okay, Russco loves to play hide and seek back then. I just wish that he is just playing around, alright? Hindi ko nagugustuhan sa tuwing nawawala siya sa paningin ko.

“Russ? Are you still here?” I called his name as I open his room last night, kung saan siya natulog kagabi.

Ngunit wala akong nakita. Malinis na ang kama at sahig, wala na ring mga bakas ng mga gamit niya ro’n.

Lumabas ako at naglakad para puntahan naman ang guestroom na tinulugan nila Zach kagabi. Sa paglalakad ko ay may narinig akong mumunting tinig mula sa kabilang silid. Napakunot ako ng noo nang mapansing nagmumula iyon sa kuwarto ni Kaizer.

Naglakad ako at nilapitan ang pinto. May siwang ito at nakabukas ito ng bahagya kaya naririnig ko ang nasa loob. I heard a soft strum of a guitar.

“Is that what you play to her? I liked your song of choice. You make her feel like she’s always in your mind that even in your imagination she exists.” I heard Russco spoke.

“Uh-huh, you think so?” Rinig kong boses ni Kaizer sa loob. Nakabalik na pala siya.

“Of course! Who wouldn’t like it? You sing it very well. Every woman will be fall for you if they would just hear you sang it. Unluckily, only your special someone could hear it and she’s very lucky that you sing for her.” If I could just seeing Russco now, I’m sure he’s giggling big time as he said that to Kaizer.

Binuksan ko ang pintuan at naabutan ko silang nakangisi sa isa’t isa. Nabura ng bahagya ang matamlay na ngiti ni Kaizer nang makita ako ng pumasok at maglapat ang aming mga tingin.

“Russco, kanina ka pa namin hinahanap ni Zach. I told you to wait for us inside the car. Paano ka nakapasok dito?” I asked as I get his bag on the floor.

“Kuya Kaizer pulled me.” pagturo nito sa kaharap niyang nakaupo sa kama.

Tinapunan ko naman ito ng masamang tingin. Naiilang ay ibinalik ko nalang muli kay Russ.

“Did you know Kuya Neil, Kuya Kaizer sang for me. And he said that the girls love harana. Do you know what is it?” tanong ni Russ na bakas ang pagkakuryoso sa kaniyang mga mata.

Napasulyap pa ako kay Kaizer na nakatitig sa akin ngayon. There’s nothing wrong right? I actually over it. I don’t remember anything. Yeah, I don’t remember something horrible last night.

Hinarap ko si Russco at saka tipid na nginitian.

“Yeah, girls love harana. It’s like singing a song for them. That will make them feel that your love is genuine through the lyrics of the song you have chosen to play.” I explained to my brother who seems innocent to our old tradition.

“Have you experienced being harana by someone, Kuya?” may accent nitong salita sa ’harana, hindi pa rin bihasa sa pagsasalita ng tagalog.

Nanlaki naman ng bahagya ang mga mata kong tumunghay kay Russco.

“No Russ, harana is only for women, for girls. That’s the role of the guy, to sing and the girl who will just be going to listen to their song. Kaya hindi ako pwedeng haranahin dahil ako ang manghaharana.” pagpapaliwanag ko pang muli sa kaniya.

“But Kuya Kaizer can harana you right? He’s good at singing, you might also wanna hear it.”

“Uhh Russ, your Kuya Neil love someone-” I cutted Kaizer.

“We’re cousins and he’s a guy like me. It’s not good to be in that way. And not  appropriate.” I suddenly said, hostily this time.

“But Kuya Kaizer is a good guy, and you are strict. He may be a chick magnet but he said that he’s loyal. You can tame his beast inside.” Russco stated again.

I shook my head. Napasinghap ako at napahawak sa hamba ng pintuan.

“Neil, hindi ko makita si Russ. Have you found him?” I heard Zach asked outside.

“Ahhh! Aray!” Pinigilan ko ang sariling mag mura dahil nasa harap ko lang si Russco at hindi siya pwedeng makarinig ng ganong mga salita.

Naipit ang aking daliri sa siwang ng buksan ni Zach ang pintuan.

“Sorry, hindi ko alam na nandyan ka.”

“Are you alright? Does it hurt? Patingin nga ako.” Mabilis na sinabi ni Kaizer nang makalapit ito sa akin.

He holds my wrist to get my hand and checked my fingers. Nakita kong namumula ang dalawa kong daliri. Napatingin ako sa kaniyang mukha na sobrang lapit na sa akin ngayon.

He was checking and blowing my fingers like it will going to blow away the soreness from it. Seryoso at magkadugtong ang dalawang kilay nitong ginagawa iyon.

“Let’s go downstairs. I have there my emergency kit.” mabilis niyang sinabi at akmang hihilain na ako palabas ng silid nang hindi ako gumalaw sa aking kinatatayuan.

Umugat ang mga paa ko sa aking puwesto at mataman ko siyang tinitigan. “I’m fine. Maliit na sugat lang ito.”

He looked at me in confusion at first. But then I immediately looked away from his serious deep stares at me.

“Russco, tara na at uuwi na tayo.” mariing pagtawag ko sa aking kapatid.

“But Kuya, you have a small wound, Kuya Kaizer volunteered to help you treat it.” Ani pa Russco.

“Maliit lang ’to Russ, don’t worry okay?” I said as I dishevelled his hair.

“Ayos lang ba talaga ’yang kamay mo?” tanong pang muli ni Kaizer.

“Daliri lang ’to, Kaizer.” ani ko habang ang mga mata ay nakatunghay kay Zach na nakamasid lang sa amin.

“Oo nga Neil, pasensya na talaga. If I just know that you’re there hindi ka sana naipit.” Lapit ni Zach sa amin.

I tried to manage a smile. “Ayos lang, ikaw naman ang magda-drive. Tara na, gusto ko ng umuwi.” Pagpipilit ko na ngayon.

Binalingan ko na si Russ. “Let’s go,”

We went downstairs without looking back on Kaizer’s room. Naiwan siya ro’n at hindi ko na naramdamang sumunod pa sa amin pababa ng hagdan.

I gritted my teeth as I narrowed my eyes on my way. I hate the way he reacts. It’s insulting and at the same time, he makes me feel uncomfortable about it. He shouldn’t react this way. It’s just making me feel that our situation is not that simple because he’s making it complicated to me right now.

Kabanata 10

Kabanata 10

Jealous

My thoughts were tangled about Kaizer. I didn’t like the way he acts the last time we got a sleepover in their house.

Hindi na rin kami nagkita simula no’n. Two days after, I only get out of this house whenever I have to meet Ashley. Good thing that I have her. We’re now in a relationship and it’s not hard for us to be this way again. Back then, I was his boyfriend who only likes her, but now I don’t think that change. I still like her despite our struggling relationship because of Kaizer.

He seems the villain of our love story before. Hindi ko alam na may gusto rin pala siya kay Ashley na naging dahilan ng pag-aaway namin. Pero kung iisipin, simula’t sapul ay hindi na talaga kami magkakasundo. Added by our love triangle, it tainted everything. It just fuels the feud between us.

“Kanina pa tingin ng tingin sa atin ’yang mga freshman. Nakakairita na ah.” Kelsy said.

Nakaupo kami ngayon dito sa school cafeteria. It’s lunch break. Sama sama kaming magpipinsan na nagla-lunch nang mapansin ni Kelsy ang mga matang kanina pa nga nakamasid sa amin.

“She’s looking at you Kaizer. And I think she likes you. Ang lagkit ng tingin, e’.” Sabi ni Zandra habang umiinom sa kaniyang juice.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kaizer na nakatingin sa akin. Hindi ko namalayang pinapanood pala niya ako sa pagkain. Sinamaan ko lang siya ng titig at saka iniwasan siya kalaunan.

“Oh, ano na naman ’yan, Neil? Kaizer?” Biglang ani ni Lucien na mukhang naghahanda na sa gerang mangyayari nang mukhang mapansin niya ang titigan namin ni Kaizer.

“What?” inis kong tanong kay Lucien.

“’Yung mata mo kasi Neil, kulang nalang kainin si Kaizer ng buo. Nanlilisik.” sagot naman ni Ezekiel sa akin.

“As if naman kayang kainin ni Neil si Kaizer ng buo, ang laki kaya ni Kaizer.” ani naman ni Lucien.

“Mga bobo! It’s just a figurative speech. Don’t take it seriously.” Si Zach na binatukan pa sila Lucien at Ezekiel.

“Bakit nanlilisik kung pwede namang tumitirik?” Biglang ani Ezi.

Napaikot ako ng mata dahil sa kaharutan niya. I sighed. My mind is turning green because of him.

“Ewan ko sayo Ezekiel. Ang bastos mo!” Si Kelsy na nandidiring nakatingin kay Ezi.

Tatawa tawa namang nakikipagtitigan si Ezi sa amin.

“Why? Bakit kasi ang dudumi ng mga utak niyo. Tsk,” aniya pa.

Inilapit sa akin ni Kelsy ang kaniyang mukha at akmang may sasabihin ito. Nakaupo siya sa kanang tabi ko habang si Zandra naman ay nasa kanan din nito. Zach was sitting on my left side while Lucien, Ezekiel, and Kaizer were in front of us.

“Sa tingin mo may gusto kay Kaizer ’yung nakatingin sa atin kanina pa? She’s pretty but she looks like a whore.” bulong ni Kelsy sa akin.

Napakurap kurap ako at sabay kibit balikat. Inginuso pa ni Kelsy ang gawing table kung nasaan nakaupo ang babaeng tinutukoy niya. Hinanap naman ng mga mata ko iyon. At nang makita ko ngang nakatitig ito kay Kaizer ay agad akong napangiwi.

She has the looks… and the body. She’s nice overall by appearance. Mukhang brat girl. She has her Chanel bag beside her on the table. Tumayo ito at natutunugan kong sa amin ang tungo nito.

Hindi nga ako nagkamali nang walang hiya hiya nitong isinabit ang kamay niya sa braso ni Kaizer.

“Whore, how pathetic this girl could be.” Rinig kong mahinang ani ni Kelsy kaya napatingin ako sa gawi niya.

“Woah!” ungulan nila Lucien at Ezekiel na mukhang natigilan nang makita ang babaeng lumingkis ang braso kay Kaizer.

“Hi, Ezi! Lucien! Zach! Neil! Of course, hi to you Kaizer.” The girl flirtatiously greeted on us.

Tumikhim naman si Kelsy sa aking tabi at narinig ito ng babaeng nasa harap namin ngayon. She has a long hair and thick lashes in close-up. She’s beautiful, indeed.

Napansin kong naglikot ang mata nito nang nagtama ang tingin nilang dalawa ni Kelsy. Naiilang na ba siya ngayon? Oh well, she is. Who wouldn’t be intimidated by Kelsy’s glare?

“U-Uh, hi Kels! Zandra, hello!” peke ang ngiti nito at ani mong nakikisama lang nang binati niya sina Zandra sa aking tabi.

Plastik na ngiti lang din naman ang isinukli ni Kelsy rito. Si Zandra naman ay tinapunan lang ito ng nabuburyong tingin.

“Anong kailangan mo?” Nauna ng tanong ni Kaizer sa kaniya.

Napasulyap pa sa akin ang babae na hindi ko rin naman kilala. I’m new to this school and my cousins are very popular. No wonder why woman crashed here just to catch a glimpse of us.

Include me now.

“Kayo na ba ni Alliah?” she asked and let a faked laugh. Na para bang napaka imposibleng mangyari nang kaniyang tanong. “Hindi naman, right?” Paninigurado pa niya.

“I’m going, male-late na ako sa next class.” paalam ni Zach na tinaasan pa ako ng kilay at ani mong hinihintay ako.

“You will probably gonna be late if you do not come with me.” Dagdag pa ni Zach sa akin. He then smirked.

I stood up para sumabay na kay Zach pabalik ng classroom for the next class.

“You’re out of it.” ani Kaizer nang tumayo na ako.

“Papasok na kayo? Sabay sabay na tayo!” sabay tayo ni Ezi at Lucien.

“Kaya nga, Zach. Tara na Kaizer!” tawag naman ni Kelsy rito kahit na kausap pa ang babae. Pang-iistorbo sa usapan ng dalawa.

“I knew it, Alliah was just assuming.”  nakita ko pang umiling iling ang babae na parang sinasang-ayunan ang kaniyang sarili.

“Ruffa, I’m not sorry to interrupt your conversation with my cousin but we have to go. Kaizer, tara na. Ano ba.” nabobosesang inis na ani Kelsy rito.

“Uh, sure. Bye! See you around, Kaizer.” Paalam na rin ni Ruffa sabay marahang haplos sa braso ni Kaizer bago siya tuluyang umalis ng aming lamesa.

“Just please don’t talk to her Kaizer. Nakakadiri.” maarteng sinabi ni Kelsy pagkaalis ni Ruffa.

Kinuha ni Kelsy ang kaniyang bag at pairap na inalis ang tingin kay Kaizer. Hindi ko naman siya binigyan ng pansin at sabay sabay na kaming naglakad palabas ng cafeteria at hindi pinapansin ang tingin ng iba sa amin.

“Ang gwapo ni Kaizer, grabe!”

“Si Ezi ba’t lalong gumagwapo?! And look at Lucien angel face! I feel like he’s the angel that god sent for me!”

“Si Zach ba ’yun? Ang tangkad niya at sobrang hot! Sino yung kasama nila? Ang gwapo rin?!”

“Gaga! Akin ’yan. That’s Neil, their cousin from States. Gosh! He’s the total package!”

Napangisi ako sa mga bulungang naririnig sa bawat lamesa na aming madadaanan.

“Bakit nakakadiri?” Mayamaya ay dinig kong tanong ni Kaizer kay Kelsy.

“That girl is a whore. Have you already forgot her scandal last year? So pathetic.” si Kelsy na mababakas mo ang panghuhusga at pagka disgusto sa kaniyang tono ng pananalita.

Nang makalabas kami ng cafeteria ay narinig kong tumunog ang aking cellphone. Kinuha ko ito sa aling bulsa at tiningnan kung sino.

“Tss, as if I’m going to fuck her.” Dinig kong naiiritang sinabi ni Kaizer kay Kelsy.

Ashley:

Are you done? Sorry, talaga hindi kita nasabayang mag-lunch today. Bawi ako bukas. Promise:)

I typed in my reply to her.

Ako:

No problem. I’ll send you home later.

Then I hit the send button. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita kong masama ang tingin sa akin ni Kaizer. Si Kelsy naman ay mukhang iritado na sa kaniya. We are now here in the hallway just out near the cafeteria.

“Hayaan mo nalang si Kaizer, Kelsy.” Dinig kong sabi ni Lucien.

“Yeah, you’re right. Tutal naman mukhang wala siyang balak na makinig sa mga sinasabi ko. Tara na nga Zandra.”

“Wait Kelsy, anong problema?” tanong ko.

“What? Seriously Neil? You’re asking her what’s the problem. Kasi naman masyado kang abala sa cellphone mo.” Si Kaizer na mukhang binabara naman ako ngayon.

Tinitigan ko lang siya ng matalim at natahimik naman siya. Good.

“Huwag mo akong pakialaman.” ani ko sa kaniya, iritado.

“Hays! Tumigil na nga kayo, para kayong mga bata.” si Zach naman ngayon na umawat sa amin.

“Basta ako sinabihan kitang whore ang Ruffa na ’yon.” It was Kelsy who reminded Kaizer again.

“Wala naman daw paki si Kaizer don, kaya chill ka lang Kels.” Sabi naman ni Ezi.

“Kaya nga Kelsy, isipin mo nalang yung klase natin ngayon. Kasi baka by next month ay marami na tayong org na aasikasuhin.” Si Zandra.

Napabuntong hininga sila pagkaraan. Pumasok na rin kami sa mga klase namin pagkatapos no’n. Madalas lapitan si Kaizer ng mga babae rito sa kanilang school. Some also approached me at ganon din kila Ezi, Lucien at Zach. And it became like normal to us. I used to it before in the U.S. Halos lahat sila kung makakapit sa akin ay parang mga linta na ayaw ng humiwalay.

Pangatlong araw pa lang ng pasukan namin ngayon. I sat near the door. Katabi ko si Zach. Sila Ezi at Lucien ay parehong nasa kabilang strand na katulad ng kay Kaizer.

“Nagpalista ka na ba sa Varsity Neil? Basketball?” tanong ni Zach sa akin nang hapong naglalakad kami malapit sa gymnasium. Kakatapos lang ng break at pabalik na kami ng building namin ngayon.

I shook my head to him before I answered his question. “Kelan ba pwede? May try out pa ba?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

Our school gymnasium has green fields outside. The leaves of the tree shades are covering us from the sunlight as we walk towards the way of our department.

“Hindi ko lang alam, pero usually kasi nagpapa try-out si Coach para sa mga bago. But I know it’s just basic for you. Ikaw pa,” aniya.

Napangisi naman ako. We suddenly turn our heads to the person in front of us.

“Zach, ikaw pala.” ani ng lalaking singkit ang mga mata.

“Kimson! I thought you transfer. Buti at hindi ka umalis, our team needed you lalo na si coach.” ani Zachary sa lalaki.

Nakatingin ito sa akin. The side of his lips tugged up. Forming into a smirk. May pagka chinito ito at maputi rin ang kutis. Mukhang half Chinese.

“I don’t think so. Mukhang magaling ’tong Kasama mo eh.” Mayamaya ay ani ni Kimson na ikinagulat ko pa.

“By the way my cousin, Neil.” pakilala sa akin ni Zach.

Malisosyo ang mga mata nitong si Kimson na nakatitig sa akin at saka inilahad ang kanyang kamay.

“Kimson, my pleasure to meet you.” He introduces himself to me.

I smirked. “Neil,” tipid kong pakilala sa kaniya.

“Nga pala, sa Friday ang try out. Wanna join to the school basketball varsity team? You looked overqualified. You’re tall and seems to have the ability.” anito sa akin pagkaraan.

“Sure, I wanted to.” masaya ko namang sinabi. Ngumiti lang ito sa akin at saka tinapik sa balikat si Zach. Gano’n din ang sa akin.

“Kung gano’n good luck. Si Kaizer ang kasama ni coach na mamimili,” he smirked then started to walk away.

I want to join the varsity team and not just because of Kaizer I will gonna be chickening out. I didn’t mind that much if ever that he’s the one who will coach the tryout. As long as I will gonna do my best in court, that’s more than fine to me to say that I will gonna passed their tryouts.

I was now alone here standing beside my car, waiting for Ashley here at the parking lot of our school.

Ashley:

Pababa na ako ng floor. See you.

Napangiti naman ako ng ilang sandali pagkatapos mabasa ang kaniyang mensahe sa akin. Umikot na ako sa sasakyan na dala ko at aamba sa pagsandal nang may marinig akong kakaibang tunog.

Napalinga linga ako sa paligid. Kaunti nalang ang mga sasakyang nandito ngayon sa parking dahil halos lahat ng estudyante ay nakauwi na rin. Sila Kelsy at Zandra ay nauna ng umalis at hindi na kami nagsabay sabay pa pauwi.

Kaya naman ay napabaling ako ng tingin sa likuran kong sasakyan na tatlong kotse lang ang pagitan sa sinasandalan kong kotse ko ngayon.

But then my eyes dim immediately when I saw that it was Kaizer. Natanawan ko siya sa hindi kalayuan na may kahalikang babae. What the heck is he doing? Is he even thinking?

Mahigpit ang hawak ng babae sa suot nitong uniporme habang siya naman ay hinahapit ang bewang nito. Walang tao sa paligid at ang pwesto nila ay bahagyang tago. Agad naman na nanliit ang mga mata ko nang bahagyang tumabingi ang ulo nilang pareho dala ng labis na paghahalikan at mapansin ko kung sino iyong kahalikan niya ngayon.

Wait, parang kilala ko itong babae ah. Ruffa? The whore? Shocks. Kaizer is an idiot. I bit my lip at nag-iinit na ang ulo ko na lalapitan na sana sila nang biglang nasa harapan ko na si Ashley ngayon.

“Hey, sorry kung natagalan ako. I just submit my paper sa lecturer namin kanina. Kanina ka pa ba nandito?” bungad ni Ashley sa akin.

Nalilito naman ako kung saan ako titingin, kay Kaizer na hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pakikipaghalikan sa isang gilid o kay Ashley na kanina ko pa hinihintay at ngayon ay nasa harapan ko na.

“Hindi naman. Ayos lang.” baling ko sa kaniya at mabilis na balik muli ng aking mga mata sa gawi nila Kaizer.

Nahuli ko pang nakadilat ang mga mata ni Kaizer at nakatingin sa akin habang umaawang ang kaniyang bibig. Fuck.

“Neil? Okay, ka lang ba? Sino ba yung tinitingnan mo?” saka ko lang narinig ang sinasabi ni Ashley nang tangkain niyang hanapin ang lapat ng aking mga tingin. Hindi niya dapat makita sila Kaizer.

“I-I’m okay, pasensya na. I am just thinking if you want to come and eat with me outside tonight?” I asked her.

“Sure! Sigi ba,” masaya niyang sinabi sa akin.

Napasinghap naman ako nang makitang hindi na niya napansin ang tinitingnan ko kanina.

“Let’s go?” ani ko pa pagkaraan at pinagbuksan na siya ng pintuan. Hindi ko na binalikan pa ng tingin ang lugar nila Kaizer.

He’s old enough to know what is right. And kissing someone else in the parking lot is a no-no. He doesn’t even care that I saw them. Mas lalo lang niyang ibinuka at ipinagduldulan ang kaniyang mga labi kay Ruffa nang makita niya akong nakatingin. So grossed.

Napailing iling ako sa dismaya at sa postura nilang dalawa na naabutan ko pa kanina.

Nananadya ba siya? Kasi kung oo, naiinis ako.

“How was your day?” tanong ko kay Ashley habang nagmamaneho ako.

“It’s kinda busy pero okay naman overall. Ikaw?”

Iniliko ko ang manibela palabas ng parking lot at napatingin ako sa side view mirror. Agad namang nangunot ang aking noo at nagtagis ang aking bagang nang mamataan ko ang gawi nila Kaizer kanina na magkahiwalay na sa isa’t isa ngayon.

Buti naisipan nilang tumigil. I thought they will continue it there the whole night. You know what I’m saying. Hindi kasi malabong hindi nila gawin ’yon don batay pa lang sa ligkisan at lapat ng mga labi nila. You knew it, so I was amazed that they didn’t fuck there.

“Hey?” pagkuha ng atensiyon ko ni Ashley.

Nangangapa naman akong bumaling sa kaniya at iniwas nalang ang tingin sa kalsada.

“Uh, same lang din. Balak kong sumali sa try out this Friday. For the varsity.” ani ko, pagbabalik ko sa usapan namin kanina.

Bumuntong hininga pa ako matapos makaisip ng isasagot sa kaniya.

“That’s great. Manonood ako,” magiliw niyang sinabi.

“Okay, if you’re not busy. At sa tingin ko mas gaganahan ako lalong maglaro kapag nando’n ka.” I boyishly smirked and glance a her.

I saw her cheeks flushed and it felt good to me seeing her blushing. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at nagpipigil ng ngiti. Damn, this girl makes me feel at ease for a while.

“Sigi, I’ll cheer for you. Is that okay with you?” she shyly asked me.

“Of course, cheer me as long as I am the only one you supported. Not the other guy around,” I said to her seriously.

“Syempre naman, you’re my boyfriend, not them.” She replied with a smile on her lips.

I chuckled. “Swerte ko talaga,” I mumbled.

I parked the car outside the mall.

“Dito nalang tayo mag dinner, it’s past 6:00 already,” I said, informing her.

Ngumiti lang siya at saka ako tinanguan. Pagkalabas namin ng kotse ko ay napalingon ako sa sasakyang sasalubong sa amin. Napapikit pa ako ng bahagya dahil sa lights nito.

I put my hand on Ashley’s waist sa pag-aakalang hindi niya ito napansin. Huminto ang sasakyan sa tabi ng pinagpark-an ko.

Mabilis na bumaba ang taong sakay nito at hindi ko naiwasang mapataas ng isang kilay nang makita kung sino iyon.

“Uh, pasok na tayo sa loob. Ginugutom na ako.” nahihimigan ko ang pag-aalinlangan sa boses ni Ashley nang sinabi niya iyon sa akin.

“Sigi,” Ani ko at inalalayan na siya paalis ng parking lot at hindi nalang pinansin ang dalawang kakababa lang ng kanilang sasakyan.

“Oh, is that Neil? Nandito pala ang pinsan mo Kaizer.” Narinig kong sabi ni Ruffa sa kasama niyang si Kaizer na nagpark sa tabi ng kotse ko.

What the heck are they doing here? Sa dinami rami ng lugar na pwede nilang puntahan talagang dito pa nila napili. Tsk, I never thought Kaizer would bring her here. Buti pa ay sa motel nalang niya dinala dahil mukhang do’n din naman ang kanilang punta.

Hindi ko sila pinansin at nagpanggap na hindi ko sila nakita at narinig. Ashley didn’t mind them as well. As if we where here for the same reason. Pumasok kami sa isang resto nang makapasok kami sa isang mall at umupo kami sa bandang likuran. Napatungo ako ng makitang maraming tao ngayon.

We take our orders and wait until they serve our food.

Napaangat pa akong muli ng tingin nang makita kong pumasok din si Kaizer kasama si Ruffa sa restong kakainan namin ngayon ni Ashley. Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Kaizer mula sa aking kinauupuan patungo sa kaniyang gawi na nasa entrada ng double glass doors. na mabilis niya ring iniwas. My forehead creased and arched my brow annoyingly now.

Sinusundan ba nila kami? It’s not accidentally anymore. Ang laki ng mall at dito rin nila napiling kumain?

They sat on the chairs that parallel in our table. Nagawa pang tingnan ako ni Kaizer ng mataman pero ako na ang unang nag-iwas ng tingin ngayon.

“I heard some of my classmates talking about you na na-meet mo raw si Kuya Kimson? You know our schoolmates when it comes to Arcoiris. They are all always updated.” Ashley started after we started our meal a few minutes after it was served.

Kanina ko pa pilit iniiwasang tingnan ang lamesa nila Kaizer kaya nag-umpisa na lamang ako sa pagkain para maiwasan sila.

“Yup, kanina sa gymnasium. Zach introduces him to me. Anong year na ba non?” tanong ko pa kay Ashley para humaba naman ang usapan namin.

Napasulyap pa akong muli sa gawi nila Kaizer at nakita kong nag-uusap sila ni Ruffa. Kinuha ko ang aking tubig at saka uminom.

“He’s in college now, the first year I guess. Matanda lang ng isang taon sila Kuya Killian at Marcos sa kaniya base on my knowledge.”

Nakatalikod sa akin si Ruffa at si Kaizer naman ang nakaharap sa aking banda. He gave me a look and I saw how his glares were intense this time.

Nagtitigan kami ng ilang sandali at ako na ang pumutol. He was like a magnet from afar. He always caught my attention. He always caught me glimpse because he’s watching me.

“Wait lang, uhm mag ba-bathroom lang ako saglit.” paalam ni Ashley sa akin mayamaya.

Napaangat naman ako sa kaniya ng tingin nang tumayo siya sa kaniyang upuan.

“Sigi, I will wait for you here.” ani ko sa kaniya at hindi na muna tumayo sa aking kinauupuan.

Umalis na siya pagkaraan at tinungo ang restroom. Kanina pa kami tapos kumain at nagpasiya kaming uuwi na pagkabalik niya.

Nakita ko namang tumayo rin si Ruffa sa kaniyang upuan nang mabiling sa kanila ang aking mga tingin. Napansin kong tinungo rin niya ang daan na pinuntahan ni Ashley, sa restroom.

Napasinghap ako at nag-iwas nalang ng tingin sa mga matang kanina pa sa akin nakamasid. I can’t take his glare anymore. He’s like a hawk waiting for his prey. Gano’n siya kung makatingin sa akin kanina pa.

At nang hindi na ako makapagtimpi pa. I stood up on my sit and went to their table. He’s now alone because her date is in the bathroom now.

Hindi ko na napigilang lapitan siya. May parte sa aking napupuno na sa kaniya dahil alam kong sinasadya niya itong gawin. He lifted his gaze on me when I got near him. I sat in front of him without any ado and stared at him intimidatingly.

“Sinusundan mo ba kami?” I started.

Seryoso at matalim ko siyang tinitingnan ngayon nang itanong ko sa kaniya iyon. Then I gritted my teeth afterward. Napamaang pa siya ng bahagya pero marahan ding nagsalita pagkaraan.

“I just want to eat here. Is there something wrong about it?” balik nitong tanong sa akin, painosente.

I smirked at him without humor in it. Then narrowed my eyes on him eventually.

“I’m not numb, Kaizer. Tell me, imposible namang kumain ka rito sa Japanese resto e’, sa pagkakakilala ko sa’yo you hate their foods here. So stop lying. There’s no use of that.” Mahina pero mariin kong sinabi sa kaniya.

“I’m not lying-”

“Then stop pretending? Is that it?” putol ko sa kaniya.

Nag-iwas lang siya ng tingin sa akin. I know what is he doing. Hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang gabing ’yon. I darted my eyes more when he seems not taking me seriously here.

“I have a girlfriend, Kaizer. Let me know what your real motive is. Do you still like Ashley?” tanong ko sa kaniya kahit na alam kong mukhang iba naman ang pakay niya ngayon.

He shifted on his sit and trying hard to equal my gaze.

“Kasi if you are, tigilan mo na. We end it over years ago and yet you’re still can’t forget.” Iritado at nauubusan na ako ng pasensyang sinabi sa kaniya iyon ng mariin.

“What if I really can’t move on and that person didn’t leave my mind? What if I say to you that she’s not the one I’m being jealous with? Can you… take it?” he then said it in a menacing and doubtful tone.

Napakunot naman ako ng noo. He opens his mouth and says something that will shake my head. Insanely. What he is up to? Damn him. I’m gonna kick his balls once we got out of here.

“Alam kong hindi mo nalilimutan ang halik na ’yon nang gabing iyon. It wasn’t accidentally. I insist it, Neil.” He then muttered with his huge deep voice.

Mabilis na nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay. Matalim at mataman ko siyang tinitigan. He should be kidding me. Or else I will tame him. What is happened that night was a big mistake. And now he just admits that he intentionally did it.

Why is he putting this conversation up? I’m trying hard to act and forget that stupid night. That stupid kiss. But he still brings it up and seems that he bragged it on me that I will gonna be shocked once he said it to me.

“Why the hell did you that?” nakatiim bagang kong tanong sa kaniya ngayon. I wanna punch his face big time as of the moment because I’m so much pissed of him right now.

He looked away and I saw him swallowed hard.

You will going to mess up everything. So please, just tell me that you’re pleased by what the moment is bringing that night. Na nadala ka lang at walang ibang kahulugan iyon. Dahil nalilito ako at hindi ko na kaya pang makasama ka kung may kahulugan pala ang lahat. I can’t take you as something different. Nakakatakot at hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko.

Is he saying that he is jealous because Ashley is with me and not because I’m with Ashley? The heck. That’s bullshit. This is stupid and insane.

Kaizer, just please screw yourself from where you are and just remain on it. Because I know that once you fuck this up. Everything will gonna fall. And I hate to admit that I will be hating myself about the idea of you crashing and pulling me out of my zone. Just fuck off.

I said inside my head as I glared at Kaizer gravely who is now staring at me in menace.

Damn this brute.

Kabanata 11

Kabanata 11

Hold

I am running out and calculating my thoughts of what Kaizer would say to me as his eyes bore on me darkly. Because whatever might he will say, it would mean something serious and unlikely to us.

“What do you think?” he asked me sternly.

“Huwag mo na akong paikutin, Kaizer. Spill the bean.” Nauubusan na ng pasensya kong sinabi.

Nagmulat siya ng mga mata at tumingin sa akin. His distant eyes were glinting as I saw myself mirrored in his eyes. Lagi ko na siyang nakikitang seryoso tuwing magkakasama kami but this time is different.

His seriousness will take you to the depths. Like it was so deep and you can’t just escape from it.

“I feel something weird towards you that can make me jealous over someone with. You made me feel something that I shouldn’t be. I think… I like you.” marahan niyang sinabi.

Agad na nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay at saka nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Marahas pa akong napabuntong-hininga pagkaraan. Hindi ako makapaniwala at hindi alam kung ano ang sasabihin sa kaniya.

Tumingin ako sa paligid at siniguro na walang nakarinig sa kaniyang sinabi. Our seat was placed at the right corner and the few customers are far from us.

I looked at him hostily this time when I secure that no one will hear whatever his unfiltered mouth will gonna utter.

My lips were in a grim line as my eyes narrowed on him sharply. I am gritting my teeth and controlling myself from bursting out.

“Take it to yourself. Walang mararating ’yang mga pinagsasasabi mo sa akin Kaizer. I am disgusted about your confession. Naririnig mo pa ba ang mga sinasabi mo? Hibang ka na!” I tried so hard but I can’t let my emotion keep.

Kinakabahan man at nag-aalinlangan, sinalubong pa rin niya aking mga tingin. He was just silently staring at me. Pabagsak niyang isinandal ang kaniyang likod sa upuan. At saka ako nanlulumong tiningnan sa pagkakataong ito.

Then he absurdly chuckled which I haven’t expected. He is just avoiding what I said that is why he looked away. His jaw moves as he licked his bottom lips. Napahilamos siya sa sarili at bigo akong binalikan muli ng tingin.

He glanced at me weakly and weary. He’s now calm but all you can see in his face was frustration.

Frustratedly eyes he is giving me now. Wala akong maramdamang awa o pagkabigo para sa kaniya kung hindi tanging pagka-inis at diskriminasyon lamang ang pumapasok sa aking isipan at kalooban sa mga oras na ito.

“You think I don’t contemplate about it, Neil? That I never feel what you are feeling right now? Ni hindi ko rin nga alam kung ano ’tong nararamdaman ko-”

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Ayaw ko ng marinig ulit iyang mga iniusal mo. It’s not appropriate. Think, Kaizer. Dig more! Baka nalilito ka lang sa nararamdaman mo. This is all a mistake!”

Habol ko ang aking hininga at pilit pa ring pinipigalan ang sariling sapakin si Kaizer na nasa harap ko ngayon. Tumayo nalang ako at saka tinitigan siyang mabuti. Hindi naman siya nag-iwas ng tingin at mataman rin akong sinulyapan.

I shook my head on him in so much dismay.

“I’m fucking disappointed in you,” I muttered sharply.

Gumalaw ang panga nito. “You don’t have to worry, I feel the same way for myself.” then he smirked without humor playing on his lips, and later on, he took his stares away from me.

Tumayo rin siya at naglakad paalis para talikuran na rin ako.

“Bakit nandito ka? Tara na?” Ashley asked me in wonder. Hindi ko namalayang dumating na pala siya.

I just nod my head at her and we went home that night.

After I dropped Ashley in their house I go to my room and locked it. Nagkulong ako at hindi na lumabas pa ng gabing iyon. Hindi na rin naman ako kinatok nila Mom dahil sinabi ko sa kaniyang nakapag dinner na ako sa labas kasama si Ashley.

Ibinaon ko ang aking mukha sa kama. Nakadapa ako at mariing nakapikit ang mga mata. I can’t believe what just happened at the resto. We went there for the good food and nice conversation for tonight with Ashley and suddenly turns out to be like this.

I feel so stupid for asking him if what is his real motive. From the start, I thought Ashley is the reason. Then he just claims last night that he has forbidden feelings for me. The unknown. Ang pakiramdam na kailan man ay sa tingin kong hindi ko masusuklian.

It is not right. Maling mali ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin. Malaking kasalanan at hindi kailanman masasabing tama.

Marahas akong bumuntong-hinanga. Tumihaya ako ng higa sa aking kama at itinabon ang aking siko sa aking mga mata. Nakakuyom ang aking mga kamao at litong lito sa mga nangyayari.

Paano niya ako nagustuhan? We are fucking cousins and for goodness sake, we are both fucking male, we are both alphas. What is he?

Napaisip ako at hindi ko masabi ang aking naiisip kung ano ang pagkatao niya. Imposibleng bading siya. He’s straight. Wala akong makitaang kilos o kahit anong anggulo na nagpapakita ng gano’n niyang pagkatao.

Sa kilos ay masasabi kong lalaking lalaki si Kaizer. His voice was big, manly. His physique is bold and austere. The way he spoke and socialize with my cousins as well as with other people are naturally manly. Kaya hindi ko maisip na magkakagusto siya sa kapwa niya lalaki. And the most intriguing question, why me?

He likes me. He admits it. Why? What we always do every time is to argue and contradict each other. Mula pagkabata ay magkasundo kami pero ngayong lumaki at nagkaedad ay naging magkaaway na kami. We are the best of enemies. At alam ’yon ng mga pinsan ko.

He used to be the contrary and the rule-breaker of my rules and violations. Titigil lang siya kapag galit na ako. At kalaunan ay tatahimik at makikipagbati sa akin.

Kaizer, ano ba ’tong nararamdaman mo? Hindi tama ito. I want him to stop this shit bago pa may makaalam na iba. Ayaw kong masira ang kung anong mayroon sa amin. We always fight pero nagkakasundo rin pagkatapos.

Hindi pwedeng masira ang kung anong nasa pagitan namin ngayon. Maraming maisasaalang-alang. Marami ang mawawala sa tamang ayos at hindi niya na ito maibabalik pa sa oras na mabago niya ang lahat. And knowing Kaizer, he’s really such a pain in the ass.

Nalunod ang aking isipan ng mga tanong at pangamba para kay, Kaizer nang gabing iyon. He’s different from us and I am the only one who knows it. I’m thinking of it excessively till I fall asleep.

The next days passed at sinikap kong hindi makasalamuha si Kaizer at hindi naman ako nahirapan. Madalas kaming magkakasamang magpipinsan sa school pero pagkatapos ng gabing iyon ay hindi na siya nakakasama sa amin.

I can’t say if it’s a bad or good thing in our situation. It’s been two days since he didn’t show up. Mas mabuti na rin ’yon para mapag-isipan niya lahat ang kaniyang mga sinabi.

“Si Kaizer nasa kabilang bench kanina, bakit hindi sa atin sumasama ’yon?” Kelsy asked.

Nasa bleachers kami ngayon dito sa gymnasium dahil ngayong hapon gaganapin ang try out for the new varsity players.

“Kaya nga, nung Wednesday pa natin siya hindi nakakasama. Iniiwasan niya ba tayo?” tanong naman ni Lucien na nasa tabi ko.

Nakatayo ako at hinaharap sila Kelsy at Zandra na nakaupo sa mataas na parte ng bleachers. Si Zach ay nasa tabi ko pati na rin si Lucien. Ezi is on the court at kinakausap si coach.

Napamaang naman ako nang mapagtanong ang mga mata ng dalawang magkapatid na si Zach at Kelsy na nakatitig sa akin. Marahan pa akong napasinghap at saka marahas na bumuntong-hininga bago nagsalita.

“Baka abala lang siya sa klase niya. You know, nag-iisip isip.” Ani ko at saka nagkibit balikat dahil mukhang sa akin nila hinahanap ang sagot kung bakit hindi na namin nakakasama si Kaizer nitong mga nakaraan.

“I saw his last tweet. Baka ’yon yung dahilan niya kaya hindi siya sa atin lumalapit.” si Zandra naman ngayon.

Nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay at agad na napukaw niyon ang atensyon ko. Tweet? I didn’t follow all his social media accounts, ni isa nga ata ay wala. And I also rarely open my accounts lately because I’m quite busy at school and with Ashley.

“The last time I check his account nang makita ko iyong picture nila ni Ruffa. I warned him, that girl is a whore and yet he’s with her. What’s wrong with him? Hindi naman siya ganiyan dati.” kita ang dismaya at kuryosidad sa mga mata ni Kelsy nang sabihin niya iyon.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanila at nasulyapan ko ang mga titig ni Zandra sa akin.

“He fed-up. Badly fed-up that he literally ill spit me.” Zandra uttered while her eyes didn’t leave mine.

I blinked twice and looked down.

“Ano ’yon Zandra? What are you saying?” tanong ni Lucien nang hindi iyon naintindihan.

Lahat naman sila ay nakatingin kay Zandra habang siya naman ay sa akin ang mga mata. Naiilang ako sa paraan ng pagtingin ni Zandra pero hindi na ako nag-iwas ng tingin dahil mukhang iniisip niyang may alam ako.

“That was his last tweet. ’He fed-up. Badly fed-up that he literally ill spit me.” usal niya pang muli.

“Fed-up? To whom?” Zach asked as he held his bottle for a drink.

I gulped.

“Sana naman kay Ruffa, right? Akala ko pa naman ay seryoso na siya kay Alliah pero hindi naman pala. He never changed. He’s still a manwhore.” Si Kelsy na mukhang dismayado at bakas ang iritasyon.

“Kels, stop it. Kaizer is not a manwhore he’s just a playboy.” Pagsaway pa ni Zandra sa kaniya.

Mataray naman na nagtaas ng kilay si Kelsy na binalingan si Zandra.

“Asked Neil. He said to me that Kaizer is a manwhore. Hindi ba?” Binalingan nila akong lahat ng tingin ngayon.

“U-Uh, I don’t remember sayin’ it, Kels.”

“Maybe you forgot. Kasi last summer pa ’yon nang umuwi ka. Lasing kayo no’n and you punch Kaizer while you mumbled the word manwhore-”

“Woah, easy Kels. May galit ka rin ba kay Kaizer kagaya ni Neil?” ani Lucien na natatawa na.

Kelsy rolled her eyes at him. “Of course not. Si Neil lang ang galit sa kaniya. Sila lang naman ang madalas na mag-away.”

“Tsked. Kaizer is not a manwhore. Maybe I just said it due to the alcoholic beverage that I drink. I was drunk and mad at the same time kaya ’yon ang usal ng bibig ko. But… I don’t really mean it.” mahina kong sinabi at paliwanag sa kanila

“Well, minsan napapaisip na lang ako kung ano bang rason ng mga pinag-aawayan niyo.” si Zach na nakatikhim na ngayon habang ang mga mata ay serysong nakaburyo sa akin ng tuwid.

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata at saka kumurap kurap. “I won’t say anything. It’s just a nonsense matter na pinapalaki niya. Do’n kasi siya magaling.” Tangi kong sinabi sa mariing tono.

“Sa super nonsense nagkakasapakan na kayo.” Ani Zandra na mahinang bumungisngis pa sa tabi ni Kelsy.

Nakita ko namang magkibit ng balikat si Zach sa akin bago ko narinig na tinatawag na kami ni coach sa baba ng court.

Bumaba na kami sa bleachers dahil mag-uumpisa na raw ang try out. Naka line up na kaming mga susubok at ang mga dati naman ng players ay nasa kanilang kanang bleachers sa gilid ng stage at manonood sa amin.

Napasulyap ako sa gawi nila Kelsy at saka sila kinindatan.

“Yabang mo, Neil! Porket magaling ka lang.” Nababasa ko sa buka ng bibig ni Kelsy na sinasabi niya iyon. Hindi niya ito isinigaw, she just mouthed it.

I chuckled at that. Maraming nanonood at halos lahat sila ay may mga kartolinang mga dala. Nanliit ang aking mga mata at malawak na napangiti nang makita ang aking pangalan sa karamihan doon. Try out pa lang pero ganito na agad? Tss.

“Makinig kayo, lahat ng babanggitin kong pangalan ay ang mapupunta sa team ni Morgan.” Paunang kuha ng atensiyon sa amin ni coach.

Ang try out na magaganap ay hindi lang basta paramihan ng points ng mai-shu-shoot ng bola sa ring kun’di pati na rin pagpapakitang gilas mo sa loob ng court. Si coach ang pipili ng mga miyembro sa mga baguhan na ididistribute niya sa dalawang team na maglalaban.

“Yes, coach!” malakas na sabay sabay naming sinabi.

Sa aming magpipinsan ay ako lang ang magta try out dahil lahat naman sila ay kasali na dito sa school.

“Jersy with number six. Neil Irish Arcoiris…” tawag sa akin ng isang miyembro na captain ata nila. Lahat sila ay napalingon sa akin sa likuran.

Si coach naman ay nakita kong sinuri ako ng kaniyang mga tingin. Nang makalapit ako sa harap ay nagulat pa ako ng bahagya nang balingan ni coach si Kaizer na nasa kanang gilid lang pala niya.

“Pinsan mo?” Dinig kong tanong ni coach kay Kaizer.

Tumango lang siya. Hindi man lang ako nagawang tapunan ng tingin ni Kaizer.

“Good. Mukhang may makakalaban ka sa pagiging MVP. Let’s see your potential.” baling ni coach sa kaniya at saka ako tinapik sa balikat.

Hinati kami sa dalawang grupo at may magiging coach kami. Si Kaizer at si Morgan ang magsisilbing coach ng bawat kupunan. Ipinakilala sila sa amin kanina at naging mabilis lang iyon. Si Morgan ang sa amin habang si Kaizer naman ay sa kabilang team.

“Arcoiris, ikaw ang mag shooting guard. Levon, mag point guard ka. Kabisado ko na si Kaizer pagdating sa pagko-coach, paniguradong puntos ang uunahin nila hanggang sa maka lamang. Kayong dalawa,” baling nito sa dalawang mataman na nakikinig sa harap namin ni Morgan. “Bantayan niyo si Arcoiris, I’m very sure na ikaw ang puntirya nila mamaya sa loob ng court. Knowing your cousin, he’s a hell inside the court.” ani ni Morgan sa akin na may nakakalokong ngisi sa kaniyang labi.

I smirked at him as well. If he’s hell then I’m the punisher. Alam kong magaling si Kaizer pero magaling din ako. Tuwing naglalaro kaming magpipinsan ay lahat naman kami ay may kaniya kaniyang abilidad. Ako lang talaga ang pinaka shooter.

Tumunog ang buzzer, hudyat na magsisimula na.

“Arcoiris!!! Go, Neil!!!”

“Ang gwapo mo Neil! Ang hot pa! Ahhh!!!”

“Wahhh!!! May isa pang Arcoiris, galingan mo babe!”

“Arcoiris cousins are the best! For sure magaling din ang isang ’to! Go baby!”

“Kaizer ang gwapo mong maging coach! Yawa ka! Kinikilig ako! Ahhh!!!”

“Morgan is so hot! But Kaizer is so appealing! Pero mas gusto ko kay Zach!!! Zach pansinin mo ’ko!!!”

“Si Ezi ang cute tumawa, pota! Huwag kang pa hot Ezekiel, nagliliyab na ako dito!”

Natawa pa ako ng bahagya sa huling narinig mula sa mga bleachers bago kami magsimula sa laro. Tumingin ako sa bleachers at mas lumawak ang aking ngiti nang makita ko si Ashley na nakaupo katabi nila Zandra at Kelsy na nanonood.

“Go, babe!” I saw her cheered for me.

Naramdaman ko namang binunggo ako ni Morgan sa aking tabi. “Lucky guy,” napatingin ako sa kaniya at hindi pa rin napapawi ang maganda kong ngiti sa aking labi.

“No, I’m lucky to have her.”

Napanguso naman siya sa sinabi ko. “Tss, pwesto na! Magsisimula na tayo.” sigaw niya sa akin kalaunan at bahagya pang tumawa.

The first quarter was a bit easy for me. Marami akong naipuntos at ganon din ang mga ka-team ko. We all did a great job hanggang sa napansin kong natatambakan na namin ang grupo nila Kaizer.

“Neil!” pagpasa sa akin ni Levon ng bola na agad kong nakuha at na-i-shoot sa ring. Bam! Three points! The crowds were screaming and became wild as the quarter pass.

Third-quarter na nang mag-umpisang mag-init ang labanan. The other team is being a hoax. Lahat kami ay napapamaang dahil sa mali maling desisyon ng referee.

“Puta! Bading ata yung isa na ‘yon e’. Napakagaling umarte pwede ng mag aktor.” Ani ng isa kong kagrupo habang nagpapahinga kami saglit.

“Halata namang sinadya niyang sumubsob para makakuha ng freethrow. Doon nalang kasi sila makaka puntos. Tss.” Dinig kong ani naman ng isa.

Bahagya akong ngumiti kay Ashley nang iabot nito sa akin ang isang bote ng malamig na tubig. She was now here in our bleacher beside the stage nang magbreak time. Nagulat man ay natutuwa akong pinuntahan niya ako rito para asikasuhin.

“Thank you,” I said when she handed me the bottle of cold water.

She just smiles at me. “Panalo na kayo. I’m sure of it. Tinambakan mo ba naman yung kalaban. I didn’t know that you’re good at this.” namamanghang sinabi niya sa akin ngayon.

Tinapik ko ang kabilang side ng inuupuan ko. Nakuha naman niya ang ibig kong sabihin at naupo naman siya sa aking tabi. Medyo naiilang pa ako no’ng una dahil basa ako ng pawis pero mukhang hindi naman big deal sa kaniya iyon kaya hinayaan ko nalang.

“Good lang?” I then asked her. Pagtukoy ko sa kaniyang sinabi tungkol sa akin kanina.

She pursed her lips. “Best at it then,” mas magiliw naman na niyang ani.

Napangiti naman ako ro’n at saka marahang pinisil ang kaniyang pisngi.

“Good. Because I should only be the best in your eyes.” nakangiti kong sinabi sa kaniya.

“Substitution for the last quarter. Papasok ang inyong mga coaches at sila ay magiging teammates niyo na rin.” sabi ng nagsasalita sa mic.

Tumayo naman na ako para maghanda na muli ngunit natigilan ako nang maramdamang halikan ni Ashley ang aking pisngi. Saglit kaming nagkatitigan bago siya bumitiw sa pagkakahawak niya sa aking braso.

Naghiyawan pa ang ilan sa mga crowd pero hindi ko na binigyan pa ng pansin iyon.

“Iba talaga pag inspired.” banat ni Levon nang makapuwesto na kami sa loob ng court. Dahil mukhang napansin niya kami ni Ashley kanina.

Pabiro ko lang na sinapak ang braso nito bago ako nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin at bumaling na sa aming harapan. Ngunit nang maglapat ang mga tingin namin ni Kaizer sa loob ng court ay hindi ko maiwasan na mabilis na magseryoso.

Nasa tapat namin sila at seryoso rin itong nakatitig sa akin. He seems so pissed. Very pissed off by something. Pinangunutan ko lang siya ng noo at saka nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Your cousin is looking forward to the hell inside the court right now. Hindi pa nagsisimula mukhang beast mode na.” Bulong ng natatawang usal ni Morgan sa tabi ko habang pumipwesto na kami sa loob ng court.

Sinulyapan ko namang muli si Kaizer at nakitang hindi pa rin naman niya inaalis ang galit niyang mga mata sa akin kanina pa. Tinapik ni Morgan ang likuran ko at nakita kong magtangis ang bagang ni Kaizer sa malayo.

“Let’s make it hard for him. Huwag kang easy chill game, Neil. Kayang kayang habulin ni Kaizer ang twenty points na lamang natin sa kanila.” bulong ni Morgan sa akin.

“Mm,” tangi kong naiusal sa kaniya.

The fourth-quarter starts at hindi nga naging madali iyon. Madalas na na kay Kaizer ang bola at lahat ng pasok niya ay walang mintis. I sometimes had the ball when he corners me pero hindi naman niya iyon nakukuha kahit na anong pagtatangka niya.

The last five minutes left at apat na puntos na lamang ang lamang namin sa kanila. Habol ko ang hininga ko nang mapansin kong tapikin ako ni Morgan.

“See? He’s really a hell inside the court.” si Morgan.

I just shook my head and licked my lips.

Last-minute break and the game started again. Pagod na kaming lahat at hinihingal na sa loob ng court. Nakuha agad ni Kaizer ang bola at naipuntos ito.

“Fuck! Dalawa nalang!” sigaw ng grupo ni Kaizer.

Ang mga audience naman ay nagwawala na sa kani-kanilang mga bleachers habang idinidribol ko ang bola.

Naramdaman kong may nakabantay sa aking likod kaya mas binilisan ko ang takbo. And when the two players guarded me I just stop for a second before I turn around and slip at them. At nang malagpasan ko ang dalawa ay akala ko ay wala ng bantay at malaya ko nang maipupuntos ang bola. But that’s not happened.

Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang maramdaman ko si Kaizer sa aking likuran. He was so quick like he is some lightning that I never noticed him guarding me behind.

Nakatalikod ako sa kaniya ngayon dahil aamba na ako sa paghagis ng bola nang salubungin niya ako sa harapan dahilan para tumalikod ako at hindi niya iyon maagaw sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang dalawa niyang kamay na bumabakod sa magkabilang gilid ko. Nagtiim bagang naman ako nang maramdaman kong mas lumapit pa siya sa aking likuran.

“Fuck off,” I hissed on him in a low baritone voice.

“Shoot it, Neil, and you’ll be mine,” I then heard him whispered to me.

My brows immediately furrow. I gape but then gritted my teeth. He’s really is into his illusions of hallucinating. Damn him, he is insane.

“Fuck you Kaizer. I’m getting disgusted to you.”

The time is running and it’s only seconds left. Why would he take me as mine if the truth is not. And the hell, I’m having goosebumps by his nasty lines.

“I do not have care if you are disgusted with me. What matter is, you spit me now but I’m gonna make sure that you will get fall. Stumble without having any idea that it is because of me.” He remarked in deep husky voice before the crowds noise crept my hearing.

“Shoot mo na, Neil!”

“Oh my gosh! Go, Neil! Ipasok mo na para tapos na!”

“Shoot, shoot, shoot!” Dinig kong hiyawan ng mga tao sa bleachers.

I’m not thrilled, okay. Alam kong dapat ngayon ay kumikilos na ako para mai-shoot na ang bola sa ring. Pero hindi, dahil sa hindi ko rin nagustuhan ang pakahulugan ni Kaizer sa sinabi niya sa akin kanina kapag naipasok ko ang bola sa ring.

But then when I snapped out of my reverie, I overtake at binangga ang balikat niya bago nag lay up at ipinasok ang bola sa ring nang bigla sa aking may bumunggo nang pabagsak na ako sa sahig.

“Neil!” malakas na sigaw nang karamihan habang malakas na umugong ang buzzer kasabay ng pagbagsak ko sa sahig ng court.

“I’m sorry, hindi ko sinasadya. Are you alright?” dinig kong tanong ng lalaki na bumangga sa akin sa ere nang mai-shoot ko ang bola.

“Ah-Aray,” tangi kong naiusal habang ang mga mata ay nakapikit na sa sakit.

Naipasok ko ang bola at kami ang nanalo. Pero ang pagbangga sa akin ay sa tingin kong napuruhan ako.

“Medic! Medic! Pakibilisan!” naririnig kong sigaw sa kung saan.

Bumagsak ako at naisangga ko ang aking mga siko. Pakiramdam ko ay nabali ito sa sakit na nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito.

“Gago ka, Elco! Tang ina mo!” nabobosesan ko si Kaizer na sumisigaw ngayon sa isang galit at seryosong baritonong boses.

“Hindi ko intensyon na-”

“Fuck you! Hindi sinasadya. Kapag may nangyaring masama kay Neil, siguraduhin mong mag pull out ka na sa varsity, huwag mo ng hintayin na ako pa ang magpatalsik sa’yo.” galit na galit ang boses ni Kaizer nang sabihin niya iyon.

Naramdaman ko namang may humawak sa aking kamay pagkaraan. “Fuck… Fuck.” Narinig kong marahang pagmumura ni Kaizer habang may nag-aasikaso sa akin.

“S-Stop cursing, will you? Ang sakit na sa tainga.” naaasar kong pinilit na sinabi sa kaniya kahit na namimilipit na ako sa sakit.

Pakiramdam ko ay hindi lang braso ang masakit sa akin. Malakas ang pagkakabagsak ko at sinabayan ng galagbog ng katawan ko ang tunog ng buzzer kanina.

“I’m sorry, you’ll be okay, alright?” bakas ang sobrang pag-aalala sa kaniyang boses nang sinabi niiya iyon. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.

“Neil, babe. Oh my gosh, are you okay? Pinahanda na ng school ang sasakyan for the emergency.” sabi ni Ashley habang dahan dahang inialis ni Kaizer ang pagkakahawak nito sa akin.

Slowly I felt Ashley’s hand holding mine. Kaizer looked at me weary as he clenched his jaw.

              I can’t understand why I feel something suddenly lost and missed. Part of me like what he did but at the same time, I feel like I needed it. His rough and big calloused hand that letting go of my hand because he’s not suitable and it’s ineligible.

I want his hand to hold mine. But then I felt something is stopping me to hold him. It’s not right. And it will never gonna be right.

Kabanata 12

Kabanata 12

How

“Ano ba kasing nangyari?” Ate Meaghan asked. Kadarating lang niya rito sa clinic. She was called because of Kelsy.

I was lying on the bed now here in our school clinic.

“Napalakas lang ang bunggo kay Neil kanina sa loob ng court.” Sagot ni Zach sa tanong ng kaniyang kapatid.

“Napalakas? Fuck.” Kaizer hissed on the corner.

“Alam mo Kaizer kanina ka pa. Ano ba’ng problema mo? Can you calm down your jack? Masyado kang mainit eh.” Hirit ni Ezekiel na bakas na ang iritasyon sa kaniyang mukha.

“Ezi, hayaan mo na siya.” marahan kong sinabi.

Hindi ko na gustong lumaki pa ito at baka magtaka pa sila sa inaakto ni Kaizer. I don’t want them to think that he was mad because of what happened to me, even he really is. Pero ayaw ko ng pabulaanan pa iyon sa mas malalim at ibang paraan.

“Maayos ka na ba talaga?” tanong sa akin ni Ashley. She’s on my side simula kanina.

I looked at her and smile warmingly. “Not that much, but I can.”

Sila Zandra at Kelsy ay nakaupo sa mga upuan na malapit lang sa amin, samantalang sil Lucien, Zachary at Ezekiel ay mga nakasandig sa pader. Seryoso ang mga mukha. Kaizer was on the corner of the room. Far from me, far from us.

Mabuti nalang at agad akong nadaluhan kanina. Pakiramdam ko ay balak pa nila akong dalhin sa hospital kanina kung hindi lang sinabi ng doctor namin dito sa school na kaya namang magamot dito.

“Eh, anong nangyari sa nakabunggo sa’yo?” si Ate Meaghan muli.

“Humingi naman na ng paumanhin. At isa pa, it’s a game. Hindi talaga maiiwasan ang ganiyang pangyayari.” sagot ni Zach sa ate niya.

“As if it will help. He should pull out to the varsity-” I cutted him off. It was Kaizer.

“Enough. I’m fine. I’m just injured-”

“That’s it! You’re fucking injured! And you just say it like it’s not a big deal.” he stood up from his seat. All of us are watching him. “What if something wrong happens to you? Do you still think and finds it fine? What about us? We are also worried about you.” he shook his head and sighed heavily. He seems in dismay.

Napakuyom ako ng kamao kong natatabunan ng kumot ngayon. Mas lalo lang pinapakomplikado ni Kaizer ang nangyayari ngayon. My cousins are watching him curiously and I can’t help but think that they are started to get odd about his acting.

I looked down. I understand what he’s pointing out. Hindi naman sa ayos lang sa akin ang nangyari. It’s just that, I’m inside the court so expect the worse. Hindi naman maiiwasan ang balyahan pero nagkataon lang talagang napasama ang bagsak ko kanina.

“I think Kaizer needs some air to breathe.” Biglang ani Zandra at saka tumayo palapit kay Kaizer.

“Mabuti pa nga.” masungit naman na sinabi ni Kelsy.

Hindi ko nalang sila binalingan at nakayuko lang ako hanggang sa makalabas si Zandra at Kaizer. Naramdaman kong hawakan ni Ashley ang braso ko at mahinang pinisil iyon.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. She looked worried.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that.” mahina kong sinabi sa kaniya habang marahang hinahaplos ang kaniyang pisngi.

“I’m just worried. I understand Kaizer why he’s so upset about what happened,” she replied.

I licked my lips and I saw her eyes down to it.

“What is that?” dinig kong tanong ni Kelsy na pumutol sa titigan namin ni Ashley.

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at ani mong alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin.

“What?” nagtataka kong tanong sa kaniya pabalik.

She then rolled her eyes. “Kaizer’s reaction, duh. Huwag mong sabihin na…” She paused like I know the continuation of her phrase.

“Yeah, I’m also confused with him. Hindi naman ’yan ganiyan kapag ako ang nabubunggo ng iba.” ani naman ni Zach.

“Sabihin na?” bahagyang kinabahan kong tanong kay Kelsy.

“Na kaya hindi sa atin sumasama si Kaizer lately ay dahil magkaaway na naman kayo? Look at him now, he’s totally mad. At baka nadagdagan pa ang inis niya sa’yo dahil sa nangyari kanina.” Sabi pa ni Kelsy.

“Why, babe? Is there something wrong between you and him?” Ashley interferes beside me.

I shook my head.

“Nah, we’re okay.” sagot ko kay Ashley. At hindi na ako nagbaling pa ng tingin sa gawi nila Kelsy dahil alam kong iintrigahin lang ako non.

“Well, kung ako nga sanay na sa away ng dalawang ’yan kaya hayaan nalang natin sila.” si Lucien.

But when my glimpse threw at Ezi’s way, he seems irritated magmula pa kanina. While Zach is just silently sitting.

“I need to go na. Eurwin is waiting outside. Umuwi na rin kayo mayamaya, okay?” Ani nang tumayo na si Ate Meaghan at mabilis sa aming nagpaalam.

“Okay, nasa parking na rin naman ang driver. Ingat ate” si Kelsy.

“Mm, kayo rin. I’m sure Tito Jessiah and Tita Verity know it now. The school informed them about what happen kaya huwag na kayong mag-alala, okay?” baling niya sa akin.

I just give her a nod before she completely went out. Napagpasiyahan na rin naming umuwi pagkaraan dahil past five na ng hapon at quarter to six na.

“Pasensya na kung hindi kita maihahatid ngayon. Babawi ako, promise.” sabi ko kay Ashley.

We are now in the parking lot. Her driver is inside their car, waiting in front of us.

“Ano ka ba, it’s okay. Magpahinga ka nalang muna para maging mabilis ’yang paggaling ng braso mo. I understand. Bye,” she said then kissed my lips. It was swift.

Malutong naman akong ngumiti sa kaniya. “That’s so sweet, babe.”

“Alin?” namumula ng bahagya ang pisngi nitong tanong sa akin.

“Your lips. I want more.” I hoarsely uttered.

She pursed her lips and give me another swift kiss.

“Mm, I think I will heal by your kisses. I need more to be completely healed.” pangungulit ko pa.

“But my driver is waiting and your cousins too. Nahihiya ako,”

“Don’t be, they’re on the car-”

Napahinto ako sa sinasabi ko nang may malakas na busina ang nagpagulat sa amin. The familiar car near us again.

“Goodbye Neil, see you on Monday.” paalam na sa akin ni Ashley at mabilis na umalis sa harapan ko at diretsong pumasok sa loob ng kanilang sasakyan.

Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga nang bumukas ang bintana ng sasakyan sa harapan ko. Ashley’s car isn’t here anymore. It was now the car who ruined my kisses with her.

Hawak ko ang kaliwang braso ko kung saan ako may cast. Napasinghap ako at saka tumalikod para sana puntahan ang sasakyan nila Kelsy nang makita kong wala na ito sa pwesto nito sa parking.

“What? Nandito lang sila kanina ah?” I said in confusion to myself.

“Get in. Ako ang maghahatid sa’yo.” ani Kaizer sa likuran ko. Narinig ko rin ang pagsara nito sa pinto ng kaniyang sasakyan.

“Let’s go, gumagabi na. Baka mapano ka pa-”

“Kaizer can you stop this bullshit?” naiirita kong sinabi sa kaniya. Hinarap ko siya at nakita ko ang iritado niya ring ekspresyon.

I walked to get near him. “Why is that?” he huskily asked.

Wala ng tao at sasakyan sa paligid. Kami na lamang ang narito sa parking lot at naka lubog na rin ang haring araw.

“Because it’s fucking gross and repulsive. You shouldn’t seem to act this way. You are just my cousin. And for goodness sake, you’re overreacting.” pagtukoy ko sa mga inakto niya kanina. Hindi ko gusto iyon at ako ang natatakot kapag nalaman ng iba ang mga sinabi niya sa akin.

Mataman lang siyang nakatitig sa aking mga mata. His eyes dropped on my cast arm. Then, later on, he slowly consumed the distance between us.

“I’m sorry then if I can’t stop myself. I am just really worried, fuc- so much.” aniya habang ang mga mata ay nakatabon sa aking braso. Mabilis na nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay dahil sa akmang pagmumura nito.

Pero bago ko pa siya masapak ay nagmartsa na ako patungong sasakyan. I’m injured but it’s my only one hand. Gumagana pa rin naman ang isa kong kamay kaya ako na rin ang nagbukas ng pinto para sa sarili ko. Pero naabutan niya ako kaya mabilis niya iyong hinila para sa akin.

Masama ko lang siyang tinignan bago ako pumasok sa loob.

Wala ni isang nagsalita sa amin simula nang paandarin nito ang sasakyan. His eyes were focused on the road while I’m looking at the window.

I felt my phone vibrated. I get it to see if who it was.

Kelsy:

Just getting my sleepwear, see yah!

She texted. Or more, informing me that they are going to sleep in our house tonight.

“It’s Friday, kaya pinauna ko na sila Kelsy kanina dahil alam kong uuwi pa sila sa kanila.” Biglang sabi ni Kaizer sa kawalan.

Hindi naman ako nagsalita.

“Sila Zach din ba sa inyo matutulog tonight?” tanong niya pa. I even saw him took a glance at me.

Hindi naman ako muling nagsalita. I just pursed my lips and pissed off looking at my window side.

“Si Marcos, panigurado wala, pati si Killian. I heard they are kinda busy.” aniya pang muli.

Wala akong balak na magsalita o ni kahit kausapin siya. Pahahabain ko lang ang usapan sa oras na may sabihin ako. I don’t want him to get the chance of having my attention. The more I talk too much, the more I give him the reasons to express and tell his feelings for me.

And that scares me big time.

Hanggang sa makarating kami sa bahay ay hindi ko na siya inimik. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ito. Bumaba ako sa sasakyan at saka mabilis na isinara ang pinto. Pumasok ako ng elevator nang hindi siya binabalingan ng tingin kahit na ramdam kong matalim na ang baling na ibinibigay nito sa akin ngayon.

Good. He shut his mouth finally. Umakyat na ako ng kwarto ko nang makapasok ako ng bahay at saka naglinis ng katawan. May kahirapan din dahil sa cast ko pero mabuti nalang at natapos din ako sa pagligo.

Pagkalabas ko ng bathroom ay agad na bumungad sa akin si Kaizer na nakahiga sa aking kama.

My brows immediately furrowed. What the hell is he doing here inside my room? I left him in the living room with my Mom and Russ before I got here.

“You done? Okay, ako naman.” Silip nito sa akin habang nakahiga dahil ang kanang braso nito ay nakatabon sa kaniyang mukha.

He stood up and walked towards my way to get my towel.

Napipikon at iniinis niya talaga ako. Hindi na ako nakapagpigil pa at nagsalita na ako.

“Who says that you are taking a good bath here? Really, Kaizer? Stop pissing me off.” mataman kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Pinipilit kong umiwas hangga’t maaari dahil alam kong iyon ang makakabuti at tamang gawin para sa aming dalawa. But how will I do that if he keeps on being around me?

“Uh, your mom? She gave me the permission,” he then said, mockingly.

“But what about my opinion? My permission? It’s my room and you just getting here inside.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry-”

“Stop cursing! Magso-sorry ka nalang kailangan may mura pa? Get out!” nabubwisit ko nang sinabi.

Gamit ang kaliwang kamay ay hinila ko siya palabas pero nananatili naman siya sa pwesto niya at nagmamatigas.

“No, I will stay. I will sleep here tonight… beside you.”

“No, hindi pwede.” sabi ko kasabay ng pagbitiw sa kaniyang braso. Ayaw niyang magpahila edi huwag. Nagmamatigas ka ah.

Nakita ko pang mabilis na nangunot ang kaniyan noo sa akin.

“Bakit? You don’t have feelings for me as I do, so what’s wrong with me getting asleep on your bed beside you?” He asked me annoyingly in my ears.

“Tsk, baka kung ano pa ang gawin mo. Kaya huwag na! Get out.” nauubusan na ng pasensya kong sinabi.

Napamaang naman siya at bakas ang pagkainsulto base sa kaniyang reaksyon. Mabagal nitong kinagat ang pang ibabang labi niya bago siya nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

“Who says that I’ll do something that could hurt you…or pleasure you?” hindi makapaniwalang sinabi niya.

I arched my brow. “My instinct. You’re a freaking fuckboy. Ikaw pa? Baka nakakalimutan mong sabay lang tayong lumaki?”

“You sure? Sabay tayong lumaki? Tingnan nga natin?” panghahamon nito. Dahan dahan niyang sinasakop ang pagitan naming dalawa.

“T-Teka, anong tingnan?” iba ang naiisip ko sa sinabi nito.

He stops eating our distance and smirked at me. Smug.

“Look who’s having a green mind here.” He ridiculed again.

“Damn it! Maligo ka na nga lang kung iyan gusto mo! Fucking asshole.” I said irritatedly. Naiilang dahil sa kaniyang sinabi.

“Bakit kapag ako ang nagmumura bawal? What about your mouth? It’s bursting rude words.” tanong niya pa bago pumuntang bathroom.

“Ako lang ang pwede. At isa pa sumasakit talaga ang tenga ko kapag nakakarinig ako ng mura. Especially when it’s from your mouth. It’s annoying.”

“E, yung mura mo?”

“I said take your bath now! Ang dami mo pang tinatanong. You gonna sleep on my bed or outside? Pick.” nauubusan na ng pasensiyang tanong ko sa kaniya.

Ngumiwi naman siya at saka nagmadaling pumasok sa loob ng banyo. Napailing iling ako at saka marahas na napabuntong hiningang naglakad patungong closet. I find the best clothes that could feel comfortable when I wear them.

Inayos ko ang aking kama na hihigan ko. Kumuha ako ng isang unan na magsisilbing pagitan sa amin. I smirk when I remember he’s malikot kapag natutulog. Not super likot but enough to say na nangyayakap ng katabi.

“Ano ’yan?” napalingon ako mayamaya sa pinagmulan ng boses na iyon.

“Harang? Mahirap na at malikot ka.” sabi ko kay Kaizer na kalalabas lang ng bathroom.

Umiling iling lang siya at saka pinagpatuloy ang pagtuyo sa kaniyang buhok.

We decided to get out of my room dahil dinner na. Mom and Dad were in the dining while Russco came to us. Sinalubong nito si Kaizer na nasa gilid ko na pala nang nasa hamba na kami ng dining room.

“Kuya Kaizer! When will you bring me to the airsoft? I’m excited.” ani Russco na may magiliw na ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Next time, Russ. Kapag may time na si Kuya.” sagot nito sa tanong ng kapatid ko.

Naupo naman ako sa upuan sa harap ni Mom na katabi si Russco. Si Dad ay sa kabisera nakaupo. Kaizer pulls the chair beside me and takes his seat.

“Why KuyaKaizer? You busy?”

“Nope, it’s your Kuya Neil. Kapag may free time na siya saka lang tayo pupunta ro’n.”

Nagulat naman ako nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko. I turned my gaze on him. At nagtaas ng kilay, ani mong nagtatanong kung bakit ako nasasali sa usapan nila ng kapatid ko.

He didn’t say anything. Binalingan lang niya ako pero kalaunan ay nag-umpisa ng kumuha ng pagkain.

“Kumusta ang braso mo, Neil? Are you alright now? Sabihan mo ako kung masakit. Ipacheck-up natin ’yan tomorrow to see if there is no fracture.” si Mom.

“Maayos naman na, Mommy. The doctor says I’ll just need to rest it. May binigay na rin sa aking reseta for swelling.”

“Make sure you’ll be fine. The school tells us about what happened. Ang Mommy mo ay balak pang magpunta kanina just to check on you.” si Dad.

“Opo, Dad.” tanging sagot ko.

Inumpisahan ko na rin ang pagkain. Patuloy din naming pinag-usapan ang tungkol sa school. It was a conversation that I always wanted to have with them. Maganda talaga kapag open at maayos ang communication mo sa family mo. And it was the thing that I will be proud of. Because not all family is like ours. Kaya masaya ako at ganito kaming pamilya.

“Malinis na ang guest room. Naipahanda ko na iyon kanina. Sila Kels at Zandra lang ba ang pupunta tonight?” tanong sa akin ni Mom.

“Yes po, baka nasa daan na rin ang dalawa.”

“Sila Zach? Are they not coming?” Tanong naman ni Dad.

“Hindi raw po, Tito.” naunang sagot ni Kaizer sa akin. I looked at him.

“But it’s not sure. Baka pumunta rin ang mga ’yon tonight.” pagbabakasakali ko. Minsan nalang kami ulit magsasamasama. Halos isang buwan na rin nang huli naming gawin ito.

“They’re not coming. I texted Zach, Ezi, and Lucien, and they all answered the same. ’Not up to.” anito sa akin.

I sighed. Napansin ko talagang hindi na mawawala ang inis ko kay Kaizer. What he did is just so embarrassing. Siniringan ko lang siya at tinapos na ang pagkain.

“Kuya, when will you free? I want to go and play airsoft.” tanong sa akin ni Russco. Nasa living room na kami ngayon at hinihintay ang pagdating nila Kelsy.

“I don’t know. I have so many things to do Russ but I will check my schedule so I can insert it.” Ani ko sa aking kapatid.

Bumaling siya kay Kaizer na inaayos ang throw pillow sa sahig na inuupuan nilang dalawa ni Russco. They are now started playing the Xbox while I’m here sitting on the couch.

“Your Kuya is busy, Russ. Baka next year pa tayo makapunta ng airsoft if he can’t adjust his schedule.” Dinig kong sabi ng nakatalikod na si Kaizer.

Agad namang nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay. Damn. Nananadya talaga ah. I know what he’s trying to do. Don’t me.

“No! I want it soon! At isa pa, my birthday is near. Kuya Neil, do it for me. Please…” Nakangusong ani ni Russco sa akin nang balingan ako.

Napatingin ako sa itaas at saka napabuntong hininga sa kawalan. I know that Kaizer is just using my brother to make me say yes and joined them. The heck.

“Fine,” I then finally said weakly to them.

“Yes! I will schedule it very soon, Russ. Don’t worry.” masayang ani Kaizer na napaikot pa sa kaniyang kinauupuan para tumingin sa akin at harapin ako.

“Why you seem so very excited than Russco? First time mo rin ba?” nanunuya kong sinabi sa kaniya, naiirita.

Si Russco naman ay hindi naman na kami pinansin at pinagpatuloy na ang paglalaro.

“Nah-uh, I’m just excited because you are gonna be with us.” abot taingang ngiti ni Kaizer sa akin na mas lalo kong ikinabwisit.

“Gosh! Thank god we are now here. Ang tagal kasi ni Zandra. What now?” biglang sabi ng kadarating na si Kelsy na naupo sa aking tabi. Si Zandra naman ay agad na nagtama ang tingin namin bago siya naupo sa kabilang gilid ko.

“Matutulog na?” tanong ko.

“What?! Wala ba tayong ibang gagawin? I mean, drinking, Netflix and chill?” Kelsy asked while her brows arched.

“Neil is injured, Kels.” sabi ng katabi kong si Zandra.

“Ay, oo nga pala. Okay fine, matulog nalang tayo.” Kelsy sighed.

“But Ate Kelsy, I am still playing. Pwedeng mauna na kayo?” tanong ni Russco na nasa screen pa rin ang mga mata.

“Matulog ka na rin, Russ. It’s past nine. Come on, let’s continue this tomorrow.” si Kaizer na nauna pang tumayo.

“Buti nalang at wala sila Lucien kung hindi pinuntirya na ’yang paglalaro magdamag.” Dinig kong ani ni Zandra.

Nakita kong samahan pa ni Kaizer si Russco patungong silid nito nang mapapayag na itigil na ang paglalaro. Marahil ay papatulugin niya ito.

Pagka-iwas ko ng tingin sa gawi nila Russco ay napansin kong nakatingin sa akin si Zandra.

“Ah, bakit nga pala wala si Ezekiel?” naiusal ko nalang bigla sa kaniya.

“Hindi raw pwede si Kuya. Ganon din si Kuya Killian.”

Natahimik nalang ako pagkatapos at hindi alam ang sasabihin. Nakakailang talaga ang tingin ni Zandra.

“Inaantok na ako, tara na Zandra. Neil, let’s go upstairs. Tulog na ba sila Tita?” hikab ni Kelsy pagkatapos ay tanong nito sa akin. Namumungay na rin ang kaniyang mga mata nang tumingin siya sa amin.

“Yeah, matulog na rin kayo. The guest room are already prepared.”

“Kaya nga. Nakakapagod ’yong game niyo kanina. It was fun. Ayaw talaga magpatalo nila Kaizer.” Biglang ani ni Zandra.

Bahagya namang natawa si Kelsy. “You know him. So competitive as ever.”

I chuckled as well then stood up. Umakyat na kaming tatlo. They go to the guestroom and I went to my room. Napahikab na rin ako sa pagod.

Before I lie on my bed I get my phone and texted Ashley my goodnight. She also has a lot of messages for me that state that I should be careful lalo na at weekend na. We have no plans to meet up this Saturday nor Sunday because of what happened.

Nahiga na ako sa aking kama pagkatapos kong maibaba ang aking cell phone sa side table. Nakapikit na ang aking mga talukap nang marinig kong bumukas ang pintuan ng aking kuwarto.

Hindi ako nagmulat ng mga mata at nananatiling nakahiga. I didn’t move. My body was too exhausted to move a bit.

I felt the other side of my bed submerge. I heard him sigh. Nakatihaya akong nakahiga at naramdaman kong tumagilid siya ng higa paharap sa akin.

“Hey, you asleep?” he huskily asked.

I didn’t respond. I just felt like sleeping now because of tiredness.

Narinig ko pang marahas siyang bumuntong-hininga. “Good night, Neil. Please dream of me.”

I groaned at that. “Ayoko,” I hoarsely uttered.

Bahagya kong iminulat ang aking mga mata at nakita ang kaniyang namumungay na mga matang nakatunghay sa akin.

“I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was about when I heard the door creaked. Please stop talking. I want to sleep.” ani ko at ipinikit muli ang mga mata.

“Okay, I will just watch you till you fall asleep.”

Napamulat naman ako sa sinabi niya. My eyes were irritated nang tumingin ako sa kaniya.

“Kaizer sa labas ka matutulog kapag hindi ka talaga tumigil.”

“I’m serious, Neil. Please let me. Don’t think that I’m just playing here. I said that I like you and… I mean it.”

Natahimik ako nang ilang segundo. Ang aming mga mata ay hindi naghihiwalay sa isa’t isa. Napansin ko ang pag-igting ng kaniyang panga.

“I told you to stop it,” I uttered hostily on him.

“How could I if I am started falling?” he asked like he can do nothing now.

Nag-iwas naman ako ng tingin sa kaniya. I gritted my teeth. I heard him gasped.

“Stopping yourself to love the person you like is not that piece of cake, Neil. It’s like taking your heart away from your body. I’d try it so many times. But I just end up…liking you more Neil. Tell me, how could I stop myself?” he hoarsely muttered.

I bit my lips and shut my eyes. I have no answer for that. Sa lahat ng itinanong sa akin ay kailanman ay hindi ako nawalan ng maisasagot. Ngayon lang. And asked by Kaizer. It was deep and mind-blowing.

I am on the verge of stopping myself. I’m glad that I still stand for it. Hindi pwedeng may mamagitan sa aming dalawa. Nalilito at naguguluhan ako pero ang tanging pinanghahawakan ko ngayon ay ang pinaniniwalaan kong tama at kung ano talaga ako.

I looked away. “Just try to avoid me, Kaizer. Try it so hard that can make you fell out of that sinful feelings. Go back on being a playboy. Get back to your old life. That’s what you should do. Forget like it never happened. Forget it like you never knew it happened.” I mumbled sternly.

What I say is what I think is right. I need to wake him up by this sinful nightmare. Because I don’t want to stay dreaming with him. I don’t want to get involve and sleep by this immoral feeling he was saying to me.

Then I heard him sighed, abrasively.

“I wish it was that easy. I wish it’s that easy to forget and get rid of my feelings for you, Neil.”

Kabanata 13

Kabanata 13

Staved off

“Uuwi na kayo pagkatapos nito?” I asked when Kelsy said that she has an errand to attend.

“Probably, yes.”

“Come on, it’s Saturday. What about lend it to someone who can do it?” ani ko pa.

She sighed and bowed her head. I sip on my glass of milk in front of me while waiting for her answer.

She lifted her gaze and shook her head afterward. The fuck?

“No. Hindi ko pwedeng iasa ’to sa iba. It’s my responsibility. At saka wala rin sila Mom and Dad sa bahay. And I have nothing to do here.” Sagit ni Kelsy sa akin.

“Seriously? Nandito naman si Zandra.” Dagdag ko pa.

“Uh, I also have important things to do Neil. Sorry,” Zandra speak out beside her.

Nabuburyong nag-ikot ako ng mga mata sa kanila at saka umiling ng bahagya. What are their plans for today? Even weekends they had this workout thing and meetings on their own. While me, just here sitting and probably will be lying on my bedroom the whole day, lalo na at injured pa ako dahil sa nangyari kahapon.

“Nandyan naman si Kaizer ah, just don’t piss off each other.” sabad ni Zandra sa akin pagkatapos ng ilang sandaling katahimikan.

“Speaking of the which. Here he goes, at bakit ngayon ka lang nagising Kaizer? Napuyat ka ba kagabi?” Usisa ni Kelsy rito.

Naramdaman ko naman ang presensiya niya sa aking likuran. I didn’t look in my back and I just continue eating my food. Ignoring his presence.

“Kuya Kaizer, sit beside me!” Sigaw ni Russco sa kararating lang na si Kaizer.

Russco is sitting in the next chair in front of me. So If Kaizer will sit there, magkaharap kami. And like what usually happens, he goes and pulled out a chair, mag kaharap na nga kami ngayon.

“Nah, I just feel comfortable. And it’s weekend, right? Wala naman sigurong masamang magising ng late.” Sagot ni Kaizer sa bahagyang namamaos na boses sa tanong ni Kelsy sa kaniya.

Pagkatapos ay kumuha siya ng pagkain na nakahain sa hapag. Hindi ko naman na siya binalingan at inignora na lamang ang kaniyang presensya sa aking harap.

Russco kept on sharing his idea for our scheduled airsoft in the next coming weeks. Not this week or in the next few days. Because I haven’t clean my schedule yet, na pwedeng masagasaan if I won’t check all of it.

I need to also clean up my mind for at least days. Naguguluhan ako sa nangyayari sa amin ni Kaizer. I told him what his feelings towards me were wrong but he seems oblivion about it. He’s playing deaf and blind to all of it. Like he doesn’t want to be deterred. And it shouldn’t be like that. He needs to stop.

“I saw Ruffa yesterday sitting in the bleachers next to us. Kayo na ba, Kaizer?” tanong ni Zandra na binalingan ang nasa aking harapan.

Kaizer is chewing his food when he spoke. “No.” baling nito kay Zandra.

“Oh please, don’t talk it here in the middle of my breakfast. Disguting.” nakangiwi at ani mong nasusuka si Kelsy nang sinabi niya iyon.

Hindi naman naalis ang tingin ko kay Kaizer. Simula nang dumating siya dito sa table ay napansin kong hindi niya man lang ako nagawang sulyapan. Na para bang wala ako sa harapan niya at hindi ako nandito kasama nila.

“Matutulog na lang ako pagkaalis niyo.” Mayamaya ay ani ko sa kanila.

“Well, you need to rest. Kuya Zach asked me last night if you got home fine. Paano ba naman ay si Kaizer ang naghatid sa’yo kahapon. Malay ba namin kung nagkasapakan pa kayo sa daan.” Zandra muttered then she chuckled a bit afterward.

I looked at Kaizer who’s in front of me to see his reaction. He just normally eating like he didn’t hear Zandra’s statement. I shrugged.

Natapos kaming kumain hanggang sa umalis sila Kelsy at Zandra para umuwi na sa kanika. Kaizer is still here at hindi ko alam kung uuwi na rin ba siya pagkatapos nito.

He’s now with Russco downstairs. Kanina pa ako nakaakyat sa aking silid upang makapagbihis. I took my morning bath. I was preoccupied with my phone because of Ashley.

I texted her this morning. The first thing I do when I woke up is to greet her with my good morning. And what she usually does is to reply. Pero ngayon ay halos dalawang oras na ang nakalipas matapos kong mai-send ang message ko ay hindi pa rin siya nagreresponse.

Marahas akong napabuntong hininga habang nagtitipa muli ng mensahe para sa kaniya. I shouldn’t be possessive, okay. At hindi ko rin ugali ang makialam sa mga ginagawa niya sa kanila.

Ako:

Are you busy? Tell me if you’re free. I will wait.

Baka naman busy nga siya? What is she doing now, anyway? Natutulog pa rin kaya siya hanggang ngayon? But that’s impossible. We exchange our goodnights last night and it’s a bit early.

Marahas na bumukas ang pintuan ng aking kuwarto at pumasok si Russco na habol habol pa ang kaniyang hininga na bumungad sa akin.

“Uuwi na raw si Kuya Kaizer. I want to come with him, Kuya Neil. Mom and Dad aren’t here so I asked for your permission.”

“Pero-”

“Please… I will be a good boy there. I’m not magpapasaway. Promise!” Aniya pa.

“Let him come. Ako na ang magbabantay sa kaniya. Just rest here.” biglang sabi ni Kaizer na hindi ko inaasahang susulpot papasok sa loob.

I sat on my bed. I was a bit surprised and feel awkward because Kaizer is now talking to me. Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko ay iniiwasan niya ako kanina pa.

“I will let Russco come if…”

“If what?” he just coldly asked as his eyes bored on me lifelessly.

Si Russco naman ay nagpapalitan ang tingin sa aming dalawa.

“If you let me come too. I don’t have any plans to stay here alone.” I dare him then I stood up from my bed.

He was seriously staring at me. Bahagya akong nailang sa tingin na ibinibigay niya sa akin. But I was eager and not that weak to just look away.

“Uh, Kuya Kaizer? Please.” Dinig kong mahinang sinabi ni Russco na nasa pagitan na pala naming dalawa ngayon nang makatayo ako.

Dumungaw naman si Kaizer rito at marahang bumuntong-hininga. Sinuri pa niya ang aking braso at saka nag-angat sa akin ng tingin. Nakitaan ko ng pag-aalangan ang kaniyang mga mata pero kalaunan ay tumango na lamang siya.

Wala rin naman kasi talaga akong pagkakaabalahan ngayong araw kaya wala naman sigurong masama kung sasamahan ko si Russco sa pag-alis.

Nauna siyang tumalikod sa amin palabas ng silid ko na mabilis sinundan ni Russco. I stalk them outside. Nakapasok na kami ng elevator nang tahimik lang kaming pareho at gano’n din naman si Russco. At nang makarating kami sa ibaba ay agad naming tinungo ang sasakyan niya at sumakay na ro’n.

Naupo ako sa front sit at si Russ naman ay sa likod ko pinapuwesto. Napatingin ako kay Kaizer nang umpisahan niya ng paandarin ang sasakyan. Mabilis na nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay nang makitang hindi pa niya naisusuot ang kaniyang seat belt.

“Fasten your seat belt, dude. Fuck! Can you stop the fucking car for a minute?!” I’m a bit alarmed when the car bumped into something. And he’s not even wearing his seat belt for fucking sake.

He just hovered and tilted his head like he’s watching the road and driving carefully. Even he is just absolutely driving lazily.

“Kaizer! I said stop the fucking car!” I shouted in anger this time.

He parked the car before it reaches the main road. Kaskasero ang putang ina.

He turned his head on me and boredly glance at me. I greeted my teeth. Masasapak ko na talaga ’to.

“Wear your fucking seat belt. And for goodness sake! Akala ko ba you will take care of Russco, pero sa ginagawa mo ngayon ikaw ang magpapahamak sa kaniya! Sa akin. Sa atin. Gago!” I remove my seat belts and look at the back seat.

“Let’s get out of here, Russ. Now!” sigaw sa kapatid ko na nasa backseat habang binubuksan ko ang pinto ng sasakyan kaso ay hindi ko iyon mabuksan.

“Fuck you Kaizer! Open this damn door or else I will freaking ruin this.” naiinis at hindi ko alam kung bakit ba naging ganito nalang bigla ang inis na nararamdaman ko sa kaniya.

“Russ, stay, please. Wear your headphones.” Usal ni Kaizer na binalingan pa ng tingin ang kapatid kong nasa likuran.

Nakita ko namang hindi na si Russco nagtanong pa at isinuot nalang ang headphones niya. He didn’t look on us, sa halip ay sa labas ng bintana tumingin si Russco at parang walang pake sa pinag-aawayan naming dalawa ni Kaizer sa harapan.

Binalingan naman na ako ni Kaizer nang makitang mukhang wala ng naririnig si Russco sa sasabihin niya ngayon. He stares at me this time with his softened serious eyes.

“I’m sorry. Hindi ko na uulitin. Please don’t leave, I’ll drive carefully ’kay?” he said it with an expression of fondness.

Maaamo at namumungay ang mga matang ibinibigay nito sa akin ngayon habang ang mga labi ay hindi magkalapat. I let out a sigh and pull my eyes out from gloating. It’s not that he’s getting me by his mellow glares. But his eyes were gotten me a while ago. I shifted at my sit and looked away. I focused my eyes on the road narrowly, to get away from his subtle gaze on me.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Let me help you wear this thing. Hmm.” he muttered.

I even fumbled upon his sudden move when his hand tried to reach the seat belt that was on my side. I glared at him.

“I can do it my own. Keep…your hands away from me.” mabilis kong sinabi sa kaniya. Pagdedepensa sa sarili. It’s like my precaution if you get it.

“But your left hand-”

“I said I can do it,” I said, emphatically.

Nakita ko pang mapaawang ang kaniyang mga labi nang ilang sandali habang ang kaniyang mga mata ay nasa ibaba ang tingin. He looked shamefaced about what I said. I even heard him sighed.

“Kuya Kaizer, hurry up.” biglang sabad ni Russ sa aming likuran.

Napaayos naman ako ng upo at sandal sa likod ng aking inuupuan. Bahagya ko pang pinanlakihan ng mata si Kaizer dahil baka narinig kami ni Russco. Hindi ko gustong makita niya kaming dalawa na ganito. I mean…na ganiyan ang paraan ng pagtrato sa akin ni Kaizer.

“Okay, Russ. Sorry about that. May humps kasi at hindi ko napansin.” may aliw ng sabi ni Kaizer sa pagkakataong ito. Ibang iba sa kaninang mood niya.

Bipolar lang? Napairap pa ako sa hangin nang magtama ang mga mata naming dalawa bago niya tuluyang pinaandar ang sasakyan.

I can see through his eyes the shadow of pain and patience. Convinced by my thoughts that I’m still in my sane. I snapped out and shake it off out of my head. Hindi pwedeng pag-isipan at alamin ko ang bawat galaw na nararamdaman niya. I shouldn’t be care about it. Yeah, I shouldn’t.

Naupo ako sa couch pagkarating sa kanilang bahay. Wala rin si Tito at Tita, gayundin sila Ate Anastasia and Kuya Huxton.

“Who’s here in your house? Why is the air feels so cozy?” Russ suddenly asked as he followed Kaizer towards their kitchen.

Hindi naman na ako sumunod pa sa kanila. Dahil hindi ko na gusto pang masundan ang pagtatalo namin kanina na nauwi sa paglalambing na paumanhin ni Kaizer. Nanatili lang ako ritong nakaupo sa sofa at hinintay nalang sila.

Kagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi nang ilang minuto pa ang lumipas ay bumalik na rin si Kaizer na may dalang tray na may lamang isang pitcher ng juice at sandwiches. Russco is eating already when he takes his seat in front of my sofa.

“Here, take a sipped and eat up.” Pag-abot ni Kaizer sa akin ng sandwich na mukhang kakagawa lang niya.

“Magla-lunch na. Ayaw ko.” Pagtanggi ko at saka kinuha ko nalang ang juice na ibinaba niya sa maliit na lamesa.

Hindi naman na ako nito inimik at hinayaan na lamang. Kalaunan ay nagtungo sila sa pangalawang palapag ng bahay at iniwan mag-isa rito sa salas. Marahas pa akong bumuntong hininga bago sila sinundan. Para akong lutang nang paakyat na ako ng hagdan dahil muntikan pa akong matalisod.

Nasapo ko pa ang aking noo sa kalutangan. Ano ba Neil? You’re not clumsy. Kaya naman ay inayos ko ang aking paglalakad at saka tinungo ang kuwarto kung nasaan sila.

Malaki ang bahay nila Kaizer kung ikukumpara ito sa bahay namin. It’s a mansion. Their grand staircase and the railings with the touch of modernization. But the golds are visible in there. If I am not mistaken, this house was just renovated from their old ancestors on his mother’s side.

Arcoiris was also rich. Richer than it can be. And Tito Eleazar bought this house from the American businessman who handled this old house that Tita Audrina’s family-owned before. The story is that, maagang naulila si Tita Audrina at napabayaan itong bahay nila at naisanla. And as a symbol of Tito Eleazar’s love for her, he bought this house as a gift.

“Still amazed?” I heard his baritone voice from my side as I surveyed their painted pictures on the walls. It was extravagant and they all look so great.

Hindi ko namalayang nasa tabi ko na pala siya ngayon nang marinig ko siyang magsalita. Hindi ko naman siya nagawang balingan ng tingin dahil napako ang aking mga mata sa kanilang mga litrato. Marahan ko namang inihakbang ang aking mga paa palapit sa kaniyang larawan.

“You look so tough. Hard outside and inside as well. Why you became like this?” Mayamaya ay tanong ko sa kaniya.

He’s still standing on my back. Hinayaan niya lang akong pagmasdan ang kaniyang malaking larawan.

“What do you mean? Being who I am today?” Nagtataka niyang tanong sa akin pabalik.

“Yeah. Paanong magkakagusto ka sa akin?” hinarap ko na siya sa pagkakataong ito at nakita ko ang nakakaliyo nitong mga matang bumungad sa akin.

Then he slowly walking towards me and halt. Leaving the gap of an inch we only have now in between. I distance myself, I step back.

“Hindi ko alam. I just know that I like you. Nakakabaliw ba, Neil? It’s okay-”

“How you become gay? Are… you… gay?” my forehead creased by my own question. Then later on my brow arched a bit.

I saw his lips were half-open when he looked away. Then he burst a loud heavy breath before he turns his gaze on me again. Mataman ko naman siyang pinagmasdan. It’s not like a dagger but enough to make him feel like he’s being interrogated.

He licked his lips before he started to utter.

“At first I didn’t know what is this sensation I am feeling. It feels so surreal and I hate it, Neil. It’s like a nightmare. That I just woke up liking someone. And what’s the most ridiculous here is that you. I like you and not just a fucking cousin.”

My brows meet in line as my eyes became to be in a rage.

“We are both man Kaizer. Ano bang pumapasok diyan sa kukote mo? Are you done playing around kaya ngayon gusto mo ng thrill? Gusto mong machallenge in the way of liking me? Fuck that like.” I fired on him sharply.

“Then, I love you.” ratsada nitong sinabi. The firm in his voice was evident. It was finalized and no one can stop him from saying it.

Hindi naman makapaniwala ko siyang tiningnan. My lips parted in terrified. Mariin na ngayon ang paraan ng aking mga tingin sa kaniya. Kung kanina ay parang nanghuhusga pa ako, ngayon ay nakapagdesisyon na ako. I am mad at him. I always want the best for my cousins. For my family. And what he is acting right now was purely strange to me. And it was fully wrong.

Umayos ako ng tindig at mas hinarap siya ngayon. Magkasalubong ang aking mga kilay at matalim ang mga mata kong nakatitig sa kaniya ngayon.

“Disgusting. Nandidiri ako sa’yo Kaizer. Ikaw ba? Hindi ka ba nasusuka sa mga pinagsasasabi mo? You are totally out of your mind. Dimwit.” I burst out a loud heavy sigh and turn my back on him. Sapo sapo ko ang aking noo habang nakatalikod sa kaniya ngayon.

Wala akong narinig na salita mula sa kaniya. At nang hinarap ko siyang muli. My lips were in a grim line. Jaw clenching and eyes were furious as we stare at each other way.

“Kaizer…” Dismayado kong tawag sa kaniyang pangalan. Napasinghap pa ako at nangangapa ng sasabihin habang mataman siyang nakatitig sa akin.

My lips parted when I saw the shadow of pain in his eyes. It’s like he was tortured. Seems like he got betrayed by someone he fully trusts.

“Hindi ka ba natatakot sa sasabihin ng iba? Sa sasabihin ng pamilya natin? Nila Tito, Tita, and all of our cousins. What about them? Please consider them also. Hindi lang ikaw ang madidiskrimina rito, Kaizer. It’s our family name that is at stake. And liking me or whatever loving me you are saying is kinda selfish. As early as I can, I want you to stop this insanity.”

He licked his lower lip as his jaw move in iron. But then I was left astounded when the side of his lips tugged up, forming a fraud ridicule smirk.

“You’re right. Ikaw nga na naunang nakaalam ng nararamdaman ko at taong minamahal ko ay hinuhusgahan ako. Paano pa kaya sila Mom and Dad? Right? You always know what is the right thing to do, Neil. And you are always right. And to defend myself with you, I can’t. You know why? Because I am in so much pain right now. Hearing you judging me is slowly killing me. I feel like you are so sick of me.” he bitterly and painfully said. His eyes were bloodshot. Gritting his teeth and his lips were in grim line when he stops talking.

He then chuckled a bit. With no humor on it.

At nang maglapat muli ang aming mga mata. Malamig at wala ng buhay ngayon ang kaniyang mga tingin na bumuburyo sa akin. The distance shadow I’ve shown on his eyes before became more visible this time. And the difference now is he put walls as our boundaries. It’s like a caution that you need to stay away from him from now on. That you need to leave him because you will never understand what is he going through.

“Titigilan ko na. If that’s what you want.” He uttered hostily.

I shook my head.

“Hindi pwedeng dahil gusto ko lang. It should be your choice, Kaizer. Think of it. Buhay natin ang nakasalalay dito.”

Humakbang siya palapit sa akin. Napaatras naman ako ng paunti unti.

“That’s it! Buhay natin ito. It’s our life and our own choice. We choose for ourselves. We decide for ourselves. Pero bakit mo ako dinidiktahan? Tell me, Neil? Naguguluhan na ako! Holy fuck. Just fucking fuck.” Nafu-frustrate na niyang sinabi. Napahawak na siya sa kaniyang ulo at kitang kita na litong lito na siya sa nangyayari.

I swallowed hard before I spoke again.

“Kaizer, before we decide we need to think of it first. Analyze and seek for the people who will be affected by our choice. It is not that easy as you think! It’s not just about ourselves! It’s also about the people around us! So stop being selfish.” nahihirapan na ring pagpapaliwanag ko sa kaniya.

Nag-angat siya sa akin ng tingin. Ang mga mata ay namumula. His hair was messed up now. Masakit para sa aking makita siyang ganito pero ayaw ko ng gawing kumplikado pa ang lahat. This should be stopped.

“But what about my happiness? Sometimes there’s no wrong in choosing the things that makes you happy. I don’t care if that means being selfish.” he muttered as his red thin lips twitched for a second.

Napailing iling naman ako sa kaniya.

“Hindi puro pansariling kaligayahan, Kaizer.” mataman kong sinabi.

“Fuck! Damn it… Neil, please. Let me show my feelings for you.” then he held my hands. Holding it tightly.

Agad namang dumapo ang aking paningin sa kaniyang dalawang kamay na mahigpit na nakahawak sa akin ngayon. And I suddenly groan in pain.

“Ouch! Aray. Let go of my hand!” I immediately groaned loudly when he held my injured hand.

He let go of it but the other hand of mine is still on his hold. It was tight. Ramdam ko ang haplos ng kaniyang mga daliri sa aking kamay.

“I’m sorry, hindi ko sinasadya.” nag-aalala nitong sinabi sa akin.

At napansin ko pa ang biglang pagtangis ng kaniyang bagang at masama ang tingin sa aking kamay.

“Come here, let’s go inside my room. I’ll check it if it’s fine. I’m sorry.”

Inalalayan pa ako nito na para bang hindi ko kayang maglakad. How could this man do these things? How could he manage to be in pain and care for me at the same time after I hurt him? After I throw him a lot of dagger words he can still be like this to me.

Is that how much he loves me? Is that the magic of love that even I stabbed him so many times he will still be able to look fine just to make me feel that I’m safe and I’m on my fortress.

Binuksan niya ang pintuan ng kaniyang silid at bumungad sa amin ang malawak na espasyo nito.

Mabilis akong napatingin sa kaniya.

“Ayos lang ako. Medyo nasaktan lang ako sa paraan ng paghawak mo sa akin kanina.” ani ko. It’s a bit awkward when I glance at him.

He still looked in worry. “Nasaan si Russ? I thought he’s here inside your room.” tanong ko pang muli sa kaniya upang maiba ang kaniyang isipin.

Hindi ko na gusto pang alalahanin ang nangyari kanina. He’s almost in his emotional state but I know he’s controlling himself not to give in.

Sinundan niya ako ng tingin nang akmang lalabas na ako sa kaniyang silid.

“He’s in my old bedroom. He asked me if he can play our old stuff. Kaya dinala ko siya ro’n para makita at malaro na rin.”

“Our?” nangunot ang aking mga noo at nagtatanong ang aking mga mata. Na parang walang nangyari kanina.

He still looks hostile every time he lifted his gaze on me.

“Yeah, our old toys and other stuff that we used to play with together, is inside my old room.”

“You keep it?” namamangha kong sinabi. I cleared my throat when I feel like I seemed to be amazed.

Seryoso lang ang kaniyang mga mata at ngayon ay unti unti ng nagpapakita ang distansiya roon na kanina ay nakita ko rin.

“I keep everything and anything about you. But I guess, I need to let go of it all now. As you said, I should stop this insanity.” he coldly uttered and walk towards me.

“You should.” marahan kong sinabi bago niya pa ako lagpasan palabas ng pintuan ng kaniyang kuwarto.

He’s giving me a cold stare before he went out of the room. I sighed. It’s now started. I just hope that this could work and stay for long. He should stop. His feelings for me should be staved off.

Kabanata 14

Kabanata 14

Cold

Nang araw na iyon ay napagpasyahan ko nalamang na umuwi kami ni Russco.

“But Kuya? Isn’t it too early to come home? And I am enjoying myself here. Can we extend our time here for a bit?” si Russco nang sabihin kong uuwi na kami.

“No but’s Russco. We’ll go home.” ma-awtoridad kong ani.

He sadly stood up. Agad naman akong nakaramdam ng lungkot para sa kapatid ko. Kahit na kami lang ni Kaizer ang may problema ay pati kaligayahan ng aking kapatid ay naaapektuhan na.

And even how much I wanted to stay here for Russ, I can’t. To stay here longer won’t make anything good.

Dumaan ang isang linggo na hindi kami nagkakausap ni Kaizer. We rarely see each other the next weeks. Hindi na rin naman kami masyadong nagkakasamang magpipinsan kaya hindi na rin halata na iniiwasan namin ang isa’t isa.

I spent my weeks at school with Ashley. We mostly hanging around. At hindi ko rin maiwasang mag-alala. Sa isang linggo naming pagsasama ay naramdaman kong may nagbabago. I can’t determine if it’s her or it’s on me. I felt the little gap between us na hindi ko gustong hayaan pang lumaki.

Nakapasok din ako sa varsity. Team namin ang nanalo sa game so it’s a sure na qualify na kami and as a new member we highly cooperate sa drills na ginagawa namin. But in my case that week ay nagpapagaling pa ako ng injury ko kaya hindi ako nakasama. I’m excused so I usually spent my hours in the library with Zandra.

“Kelsy will arrive here later. Nasa cafeteria pa siya kasama sila Kaizer.” ani Zandra sa akin. Nandito kami sa bandang dulo ng library kung saan wala masyadong dumadaan.

“Sila Zach kasama rin ba nila?” tanong ko pa.

Inilipat muna nito ang pahina ng librong kaniyang binabasa bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

“Yes, nando’n silang lahat at tayong dalawa lang ang nakahiwalay sa kanila.” nakatitig siya sa akin nang sabihin niya iyon.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil naiilang ako. We continue what we are doing. She focused on her assignment while I was still bothered about Kaizer. Kahit na isang linggo na nung huli kaming mag-usap ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang isipin ang tungkol do’n.

Palabas na kami ng library nang mamataan ng aking mga mata si Ashley na nakatayo at naghahanap ng libro sa mga shelves. Huminto ako sa paglalakad para sana lapitan siya kaso ay may biglang lalaking sumulpot at kinausap siya.

The guy was tall and has the same built as me. The way he glances at Ashley ay hindi ko na agad nagustuhan iyon. It has the air of adoring her and more likely his eyes were glinting.

Hindi ko naman nakita ang reaksyon ni Ashley nang harapin niya ang lalaki dahil nakatalikod siya sa gawi ko.

“What’s wrong?” biglang tanong ni Zandra mula sa aking tabi nang mapansin niyang huminto ako sa paglalakad. Natauhan naman ako at mabilis na inalis ang tingin sa gawi nila.

“Wala naman,” tangi kong sinagot sa kaniya.

I just shook my head. At pagbalik ko ng tingin sa puwesto nila Ashley kanina kung saan ko sila nakita ay wala na sila ron. Umiling nalang ako at inalis iyon sa aking isipan. Maybe it’s her classmate. I shouldn’t doubt her. She trusted me and just like I do.

I attended all my classes and tried to focused to divert my mind that day. Weekend na at balak ko sanang makipagkita kay Ashley sa Linggo for a simple date outside.

“How’s your day?” I asked as I put my hand on her waist.

Naramdaman ko naman ang biglang pag-angat niya sa kinatatayuan niya. We are in the parking lot and waiting for his driver.

“Sorry, nagulat ba kita?” tumingin naman siya sa akin pero hindi rin nagtagal.

“Uh, hindi. I was just thinking about my day. It’s quite busy.” aniya.

“Hmm, my babe is probably tired. I wanna date you this Sunday. Let’s go out, ang tagal na nang huli nating date. Is that okay with you? I’ll send you the details tomorrow.”

“But-”

“No buts Ash, please. I missed you, didn’t you miss me?”

She let a sigh. “Of course I do. I miss you, Neil.”

Hinarap ko siya at hinawakan ang kaniyang mukha. Tumingin siya sa aking mga mata at mabilis din na nag-iwas. I notice that she was having trouble breathing. Nararamdaman kong hindi siya kumportable.

“Hey, you okay?” I worriedly asked her afterward.

“O-Oo naman, pagod lang talaga ako siguro.”

Aamba sana akong halikan siya nang bigla siyang mag-iwas ng tingin at bumitiw mula sa pagkakahawak ko sa kaniyang mukha. Napamaang ako at napapahiyang nag-iwas nalang din ng tingin.

“My driver is here. I gotta go, Neil. Bye.” mabilis niyang sinabi.

Hindi ko sinuklian ang ngiting ibinigay niya sa akin. Sa halip ay pinanliitan ko siya nang tingin. Mabilis niyang inalis ang kaniyang mga tingin sa tuwing magkakatitigan kami.

Marahas lang akong bumuntong-hininga nang makaalis ang kaniyang sasakyan. She seems off since yesterday. Hindi lang pala kahapon, kundi simula nung nakaraan pa. I just shook my head and went to my car.

I don’t do hunch. I trusted her.

Maayos na rin ang aking braso. I just need to make my moves more secure and careful para tuluyan na talaga siyang gumaling. Pinaandar ko ang aking sasakyan at pinaharurot pauwi ng bahay.

Pagkapasok na pagkaasok ko ay bumungad agad sa akin si Marcos.

“Hey, dude! Kumusta?” Nakangiting tanong ko.

Ngayon ko nalang uli siya nakita simula nang magpasukan dahil naging abala rin ang isang ’to sa college. Gano’n din marahil si Killian na mabilis akong inakbayan.

“I’m good as fuck, Neil. Ikaw? Kumusta ang pagiging in a relationship mo? How could you make it? I mean, you’re a notorious playboy back then.” he chuckled a bit.

I pursed my lips for a second and think of my answer.

“I think it’s the contentment Marcos.” sagot ko sa kaniya.

“Come on, Neil. Let’s go to the rooftop. Nakapagpaalam kami kila Tita Verity and Tito Jessiah if we can drink there and guess what. They agree!” Masayang ani Killian sa akin.

“Ang bigat ng braso mo. Tara na nga lang.” sabi ko sa kaniya.

“Akyat lang pala muna ako sa kwarto ko. I will just drop my things and also changed my uniform.” imporma ko pa sa kanila.

Tumango lang ang mga loko at mukhang hindi makapaghintay na makaakyat sa taas. Nakatingin naman ako sa palapulsuhan ko habang binubuksan ang pinto ng aking kuwarto.

It’s past six in the evening. I shook my head as I put my bag on the sofa. I unbuttoned my polo and removed my slacks. I took a quick bath before I went out and go to our dining.

“Mag-dinner muna kayo ng mga pinsan mo bago kayo uminom.” sabi ni Mom nang makalapit ako sa kaniya. I kissed her forehead and nod.

“Sigi po, tatawagin ko na sila.”

“Kuya Kaizer! When we will go to the airsoft?” Narinig kong tanong ni Russco. Napahabol naman ako ng tingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses niya.

And there I saw Kaizer, he didn’t saw me. Pinagmasdan ko siya sa malayo. Nasa kusina pa ako pero natatanaw ko siya sa living area namin.

“Oh! Akala ko ba tatawagin mo na sila?” biglang tanong ni Mom sa akin nang makita niya akong nakatayo pa rito.

“U-Uh opo.” pumunta muna ako sa rooftop dahil alam kong nandon sila Marcos and Killian.

When I got there I saw the setup. I was in awe for a second.

“Wow, what’s with the setup? Mag-iinuman lang naman tayo bakit kailangan may pa candles and table cloth pa?” manghang tanong ko dahil bukod sa mga ’yon ay may mga lights pa sa paligid.

“You will know later.” nakangiting sinabi ni Killian sa akin.

“Damn. I hate surprises. Nadamay lang talaga ako rito.” nakabusangot ang mukha ni Marcos nang sinabi niya iyon.

Bahagya pa akong natawa pero nakuryoso pa rin. “Tara, kumain daw muna tayo. Dinner is ready.”

Bumaba na kami at mabilis na sumakay ng elevator patungong palapag namin. Nagtungo na ang dalawa sa dining. Pinauna ko na sila dahil tatawagin ko pa ang mga nasa living room. I was about to call the other in the living area when I saw no one.

“Sir Neil, nasa kusina na po silang lahat.” ani sa akin ng isa naming kasambahay.

“Gano’n po ba? Salamat po.” naglakad na ako patungong dining.

“Ayan na pala si Neil, Tito Jes,” dinig kong boses ni Kelsy iyon.

Abot tainga naman ang ngiti ko nang makita ko silang lahat na nandon na pala sa dining table. Matagal na rin nang huli kaming magkasama sama.

Nilapitan ko muna si Dad.

“Hi, Dad,” lapit ko sa kaniya. He just smiled at me.

“Dito ka sa tabi ko! I vacant this chair for you, man.” Ani Zachary na nanunuyang nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

Natatawa pa sila Ezi nang sulyapan ko sila. They seem to have their conversation kanina pa at mukhang ako nalang din pala ang hinihintay.

Kaya naman ay tinungo ko ang sinasabing upuan ni Zach na nasa tabi niya nang mabaling ang tingin ko sa harapan ng pwesto namin. Halos mahinto ako sa pag-upo nang may isang hindi pamilyar na babae ang nasa hapag namin ngayon.

Kumurap kurap pa muna ako bago naisipang maupo na. We started our dinner happily.

Tahimik lang ako at hindi na nagawa pang magsalita.

“Kuya Kaizer where did you two meet?” mayamaya ay tanong ni Russco sa lalaking nasa tabi ng babaeng nasa harapan ko.

Kaizer takes a look at the girl beside her before he turned his gazes to Russco.

“Mom introduced her to me. She’s my mother’s inaanak.” nakangiti pang sabi ni Kaizer. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagkain at hindi binigyang atensyon ang pinag-uusaan nila.

“Hindi mo ti-next si Ashley to join us tonight?” Mahinang tanong sa akin ni Zach.

“I didn’t know that you guys are here.” Sagot ko sa kaniya.

“Yeah, we know each other since before. We’re actually childhood friends and now, we’re…” I heard the girl in front of me said sweetly while her eyes fixed on Kaizer’s face.

Napatingin ako sa kanila.

“You’re now his girlfriend!” Russco exclaimed giggly.

“Actually-” Kaizer suddenly cut her off.

“Coleen is the sweetest girl I’ve ever meet. She’s very humble and dedicated, that’s what I like to her.” Kaizer said.

“Maybe that’s the reason why you both click to each other. Kaizer is a kinda bitter and very effortless man. While you have the best opposite that will match him. What a lovely lovers.” natutuwang Sabi ni Kelsy sa kanila.

Binaba ko naman ang tingin ko sa aking pagkain.

“And she’s also exhausted from school. Maybe next time.” sagot ko pang muli kay Zach.

“Kuya Neil has also a girlfriend. Her name is ate Ashley. She’s also sweet and kind to me.” Russco shared with them.

Naramdaman ko namang napatingin sa gawi ko si Coleen. She’s smiling at me nicely and sweetly. Na hindi ko alam kung masusuklian ko rin ba ng bukal kong ngiti.

“You’re Neil, right?” she asked me.

I just nodded. “Yeah, and you are?” hindi kumportableng tanong ko sa kaniya.

Sinikap kong ngumiti ng maayos and I’m glad that I did it. Nakita kong magbaling sa akin ng tingin si Kaizer pero hindi na ako nagtangka pang suklian iyon.

“I’m Coleen, nice meeting you, Neil.” she lends her hand for a handshake.

We shake hands and I gave her a warm smile.

“The feeling is mutual.” tangi kong naiusal.

“Kaizer introduced all his cousins to me except you. But I heard a lot about you from him.” bahagya pa akong nagulat dahil hindi ko inasahan ang kaniyang sinabi.

“Talaga? What did he tell you?” I asked her, surprised that Kaizer is telling me to her.

“A lot actually. Like you’re just got home from States this summer. And that’s why I am actually curious why he forgot to introduce you to me.” bumaling siya kay Kaizer nang may nagtatanong na mga mata. But her smile never fades. It’s like a sun that always rises up.

Kaizer’s mouth parted, seems like he was searching for the right word to say.

“He’s oblivious. I understand it. At saka kadarating ko lang din. Maybe it’s the reason. Right, Kaizer?” tanong ko pa sa kaniya nang mapansing nahihirapan siyang sagutin si Coleen. May pekeng ngiti pa na nakaguhit sa aking mga labi nang binalingan ko siya ng tingin.

He looked at me normally. “Yeah, probably.” then he held Coleen’s strands of hair and buckle it up at the back of her ear.

He says it in a normal way. Like we never fought about his feelings. Part of me was happy that he actually made it. He’s now moved on and forgot his stupid love for me.

Tinapos namin ang pagkain at hindi na rin naman ako nakapagsalita pa dahil maraming kuwento sila Ezi at Lucien.

Napagpasiyahan na rin naming umakyat sa rooftop kung saan nakahanda na ang mga drinks namin. It was all fast but I feel like the time is not moving.

“Do you like it?” narinig kong sabi ni Kaizer pagkarating ko roon.

Coleen was on her wide smile when she nods and hugs Kaizer. I continue walking towards them. So it was a surprise for Coleen?

I immediately pick a sit far from their way. I don’t wanna bother them. Did I disturb them? Oh no, Neil. It’s our drinks, and you’re in your house. So why do you feel like you do not belong to be here? Because of what you are seeing right now? Dimwit.

I get the bottle and pour my glass of it. We started a while ago and I wasn’t that attentive to even recognize what is happening with my other cousins. Or who is their subject in their conversation?

“How was it? Damn! Lasing ka na agad?” I heard Ezi asked someone.

We are at one table. It’s not round, just a long rectangular one. At malayo ako sa pwesto nila Kaizer. Nasa kabilang dulo ako habang sila ay nasa isang dulo. Pero kahit na ganon ang layo nila sa akin ay dinig na dinig ko pa rin ang mga boses nila.

“What? No! Shot pa! And it’s alright for me to get drunk tonight. Kaizer is here to accommodate me.” binalingan ni Coleen nang tingin ang seryosong si Kaizer na nasa kaniyang tabi.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang akmang hahalikan ni Coleen si Kaizer. Nagtama ang mga tingin namin ni Zandra na nasa bandang harapan ko lang din. Kelsy and the boys are so loud except to her.

“Shit man! Get a room! Putcha nasisira image mo dito.” ani ng natatawang si Ezekiel.

“Stop it Ezi, Coleen is drunk. She probably lost her sanity. Don’t make a move.” hindi ko na napigilang magsalita.

Napamaang naman akong tiningnan nila. I just glare at them.

“As if I’m gonna used it as my advantage. I’m not that type of guy. I respect women.” Kaizer spoke like he was mocking me.

Our gaze met and didn’t leave each other’s eyes. I’m tipsy because I drink a lot since earlier. Mariin ko lang siyang tiningnan pabalik at saka ako muling uminom sa aking baso.

“Stop giving her another shot, Lucien!” sigaw ko rito nang akmang iaabot niya ang isa pang baso kay Coleen na ngayon ay gegewang gewang ang ulo. She’s grinding for Pete’s sake! What kind of woman.

“You know what couz? Let’s play spin the bottle. At kung sino ang matapatan ay mamimili between truth or dare.” Masayang tanong ni Kelsy, just to lighten the mood.

“That’s a good idea! Tutal lasing na rin naman ako. I now have the guts to do the dare.” si Coleen.

“Hindi ba’t gasgas na ang larong ’yan? Pass ako.” Ezi growled.

“Ang kill joy mo naman Ezekiel! Sasali ka ba o hindi?” Kelsy asked her stagily.

Ezi let a sighed then twitched his lips.

“Fine,” pagsali rin niya kalaunan.

“Okay, here’s the bottle.” iniabot naman ni Zach sa kaniyang kapatid ang bote na wala ng laman.

Lahat sila ay sumang-ayon at excited sa larong gagawin. I’m not fond of this or in any kind of games but to accommodate with them, I will cooperate.

They are started spinning the bottle when I get my phone in my pocket. I want to divert these hate feelings of the unknown.

So I texted Ashley and asked if she’s still awake.

“Woah, you’re first Coleen. Come on, truth or dare?” Killian asked her.

Si Coleen naman ay nakasandal sa balikat ni Kaizer nang mag-angat ako sa kanila ng tingin.

“I choose dare.”

Nakita ko namang mangiti sila Kelsy.

“I dare you to kiss Kaizer with a time allotment of thirty seconds!” Naunang dare ni Kelsy.

My eyes suddenly lifted on her. I put my phone back on my table now.

“That’s it? Hindi ba masyadong madali iyon? Let’s make it one minute.” suhestiyon pa ni Coleen na may malaking ngiti sa mga labi.

Marahas akong napabuntong-hinga at matalim na tinitigan si Kaizer. Wala namang nakatingin sa akin kaya walang makakapansin sa paraan ng pagtitig ko sa kaniya. Dahil lahat sila ay nakatuon ang buong atensyon kay Coleen at Kaizer.

“If you can make it, then make it. I will set the timer now as you can see.” Kelsy said while swiping her phone.

“Isn’t it that long?” maya maya ay tanong ko.

“It is. Thirty seconds nalang Kels. Coleen is drunk.” Zandra agreed with me.

“It’s up to Kaizer, Neil.” Lucien retorted goofily.

I turn my gaze to where Kaizer is and he just sitting comfortably on his sit. He didn’t look in my way but when he did, his cold eyes hit me.

“Let’s do this! I’m not drunk, ano ba? Kaya ko ’to, Neil. Don’t worry too much.” ani Coleen sa akin.

The boys were loud when Coleen held Kaizer’s jaw and slowly pushing herself to him. Kaizer’s stare is all on me as he slowly neared his face to Coleen.

Pero bago pa maglapat ang kanilang mga labi ay nag-iwas na ako nang tingin at mabilis na tumayo sa aking pwesto para umalis. Dire diretso ang lakad ko pababa ng rooftop. I tightly shut my eyes as I lean on the wall inside the elevator.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Neil?” naiinis kong tanong sa aking sarili. I open the door of my room and went in.

I was hyperventilating when I got inside and sat on my bed. It’s crazy that I walked out there. I bit my lips when I think of him kissing Coleen earlier.

Hindi ko man nakita ay alam ko na natuloy ang halikan na ’yon. It’s just a game, a dare. I shouldn’t be affected. It’s nice to see that Kaizer found his girl at hindi na niya tinuloy pa ang kahibangan niya.

Tama, wala naman ’yong nangyari kanina. They are in a relationship and it’s fucking normal. Like me and Ashley, kissing is normal. Is it?

Kinalma ko muna ang aking sarili bago ako umakyat muli sa taas. I can’t go up if I’m not in the mood. So I’m in my rational thoughts when I left my room.

Halos thirty minutes din akong nag-stay sa kuwarto ko. Hindi pa ako nakakalabas ng pinto ng bahay ay nakita ko na sila Kelsy na papasok na.

“Bakit ka biglang umalis kanina? Ang KJ nito.” si Kelsy nang makasalubong ako sa hamba ng pintuan namin.

“Bathroom lang,” tanging isinagot ko kahit na hindi naman talaga iyon ang dahilan.

“Babalik ka pa ba? Pababa na rin sila Kuya e’. We’re going to bed too. You should sleep now as well, baka mapagalitan pa tayo nila Tita. It’s past midnight.” Zandra uttered to me.

Pababa na sila? The game is over?

“Tapos na kayong maglaro?” kuryoso kong tanong sa kanila.

“Oo, ang tagal mo kayang hindi bumalik. Almost thirty minutes? We’re done. Ayaw mo lang ata sumali kaya ka bumaba. I even thought you might be asleep.” sabi naman ni Kelsy na sinundan pa ng hikab.

“I’m getting sleepy, go ahead. I’m going to sleep.” dagdag ni Kelsy na nauna ng maglakad patungong guest room.

“Good night, Neil. Nasa taas pa sila Kaizer, pababa na rin ’yon.” ani pa ni Zandra sa akin.

I just nodded at them and went to the elevator. At pagkaakyat ko sa rooftop ay naabutan kong bagsak na si Lucien at Ezi sa lamesa. Parehas ng tulog sa kalasingan.

“Pagtulungan natin ’to Marcos. Ikaw diyan sa kapatid mong si Lucien ako rito kay Ezekiel.” sabi ni Killian habang iniaakbay sa kaniyang balikat ang braso ng kapatid nito.

At nang mapansin ni Zach ang gawi ko ay nilapitan niya ako.

“Oh, Neil akala ko natulog ka na? Ang daya mo ah.” sabi ni Zach na mukhang kakatapos lang magligpit ng mga bote.

“Ah, hindi.” I shortly said because my eyes were fixed on Kaizer’s arm.

Buhat ni Kaizer si Coleen na mahimbing ang tulog sa kaniyang kanang balikat. Nagsalubong ang aming mga tingin. He then approached me.

“Ihahatid ko muna si Coleen. Go to your room, Neil. Mauna ka ng matulog.” he just coldly said to me.

Malayo na sa amin sila Zach at nakababa naman na sila Marcos at Killian dala dala ang kanilang mga kapatid na tumba na.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa mukha ni Coleen na mahimbing na natutulog sa balikat ni Kaizer.

“Ihahatid mo pa siya? She’s sleeping. Sa guest room mo nalang din siya patulugin. Hating gabi na.” I said to him.

Mataman at seryoso ang kaniyang mga titig sa akin ngayon.

“Ihahatid ko na siya.”

Hindi naman na ako nagsalita pa. Bumaba kami ng elevator at sinundan ko sila. Nasa living room na kami nang magsalita akong muli.

“Babalik ka pa ba? I mean, dito ka ba matutulog? My room is spacious dahil sa isang guest room natulog sila Marcos.” I then asked him out of nowhere.

He stopped walking and faced me.

“Mm, but don’t wait for me. Mauna ka ng matulog.” Tanging aniya sa akin.

Umalis na siya at hinatid si Coleen. I’m inside my room now at hindi ako mapakali. It’s twenty minutes since they left and Kaizer still not returned. Tumagilid ako ng higa sa aking kama. Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga nang hindi talaga ako mapakali.

I can’t wait for him here. My mind was thinking of worldly things that might happen to him between Coleen. And for goodness sake, she’s drunk! Kaizer is just a man.

Kaya naman ay tumayo ako sa aking kama at lumabas ng kwarto. Bumaba ako ng hadan at dahan dahang naglakad patungong elevator pababa. Madilim na sa living room nang bumaba ako kanina.

Pumasok ako ng elevator at pinindot ang ground floor. Nang bumukas ito ay agad kong tinungo ang parking lot at don ako maghihintay. I know that I shouldn’t be doing this but I just can’t stop myself from being bothered about why he still not home.

The cold breeze hit my skin the first time I took my step outside. I put my hands in my pocket to keep from getting cold. The sky was dark when I looked up and I could see a few stars shining in there.

Madaling araw na nang tingnan ko ang aking palapulsuhan. Naupo ako sa isang gilid at saka naghintay sa kaniya.

I don’t know if it’s right to wait for him here. I’m confused with myself tonight. I feel like I’m a different person now. I want him to stop but what am I doing right now? Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin sa sasakyang dumating.

Nagmadali akong tumayo at lalapitan na sana ang pinto ng sasakyan nang bumukas iyon. Napapahiya at mabilis akong bumalik sa pwesto ko nang mamukaang hindi pala siya iyon.

Ano ba ’tong ginagawa ko? Fuck. I hate this feeling and action that I am making now. This is not me. Hindi pwede itong ginagawa ko at alam kong mali ito. But why am I still pursuing this? Waiting for him? Sinabi niyang huwag ko na siyang hintayin. Pero ano at nandito ako sa labas ng building ngayon?

Matagal pa akong naghintay sa kaniya at sa bawat sasakyan na dumaraan ay agad akong napapalingon at nagbabakasakaling siya na iyon. Pero ilang beses na akong nabibigo sa bawat sasakyang hihinto at dadaan.

Nakayuko at magka-krus ang mga braso kong nakayakap sa sarili at nakatingin sa ibaba nang may narinig akong mga yabag na papalapit sa akin.

“Why are you here?” I heard a cold deep large voice asked in front of me.

Mabilis naman akong napaangat ng tingin nang mahimigang si Kaizer iyon. At nang mahuli ko ang kaniyang mga matang natatunghay sa akin ay agad akong nakampante. Nakakunot pa ang noo nitong nakatingin sa akin. I am still sitting on the small rail of the parking as he glances at me. While I was looking up on him.

And when our stares are getting longer, I noticed the cold gaze visible in his eyes as he stares at me. Like it will never be gone so easily.

Napahawak ako sa mga braso ko nang tablan na ako ng lamig sa mga oras na ito. Dahil halos mag-iisang oras na rin akong naghihitay dito sa labas.

“I told you, don’t wait for me.” magkasalubong ang mga kilay nitong sinabi sa akin. Na para bang galit na makita ako ritong mag-isa.

I stood up so that our gazes level.

“But I want to,” I said in a low voice.

Our glares to each other are getting deep as his distant humid eyes are directly on me. I even caught his jaw clenched as I gulped hardly.

At sa mabilis na paraan ay hindi ko inasahang hihilahin niya ang aking kamay at sasakupin ang aking likuran ng kaniyang mga braso. He hugged me tightly. And I felt the temperature difference between the two of us when our skins came together.

His manly scents filled my nose. The alcohol remains on his clothes a bit.

“Your skin is so cold.” I heard him huskily whispered in my ears.

“But the glance you were giving to me is colder than my skin, Kaizer.” I hoarsely uttered.

I felt his hand gripped my shoulder and pulled me more closer to him. My chin was now resting on his back shoulder as I felt his mouth at the back of my ear.

“I’m sorry,” he then huskily muttered which immediately warm my chill skin.

Kabanata 15

Kabanata 15

Surprise

Tahimik at wala ni isang nagsalita sa amin habang pinipindot niya ang tamang palapag. Malayo ako sa kaniya at mukhang natauhan na ngayon sa mga pinaggagagawa ko kanina.

It was long. He hugged me tight and I slipped out from his embrace when my mind reminds me that it was wrong. Hugging him was a mistake. It’s like a line that I just crossed illegally. We are not meant to bound each other. That’s the point of avoiding him.

And what I did earlier was deliberately wrong. I don’t want to tolerate myself being affected by my emotions and by these freaking feelings that I can’t even recognize.

There’s a demon inside my stomach that I feel towards him. And I should not be confused and affected by how he feels. I know what to do and I can’t just get lost. I have the sanity and I’m on it.

Pumasok kami sa loob ng kuwarto ko nang wala pa rin ni isang nagtangkang magsalita. He keeps on checking me every time I looked at him.

Mabilis naman akong nag-iiwas ng tingin kapag nahuhuli niya ako. His eyes were still aloof. The distant glare isn’t bearable anymore. And I feel tense every time I look at it.

I lay on my bed and he did not. He walked towards the near table and removed his button-down shirt. I looked away when I saw his hand removing his belt.

What a view.

My room was a bit dark, pero may naaaninag pa rin naman ako.

“Sa sofa na ako matutulog,” he then said without gazing at me.

I gasped. He thinks that something is between now that he needs to keep his distance the whole night. Pero wala namang dapat na mangyari. Or he’s just distancing himself from me? Because he has a girlfriend and he’s loyal. Well, that seems great.

“Ikaw ang bahala. But you can sleep here. My bed is spacious.” I spatted then I felt something inside my stomach again.

Fuck. Ano ba ’tong demonyong nararamdaman ko?

Naramdaman ko namang nahiga na siya sa kama nang marinig ko ang mahina niyang buntong-hininga. Mas lalong nagwala ang sistema ko nang pinili niyang mahiga sa aking tabi.

Kaya tumagilid ako at tinalikuran ang gawi niya. I shut my eyes and pretended that I’m asleep. Because the demon wildly moves inside me. I hardly bit my lower lip.

Isang mahinang buntong-hiningang muli ang narinig ko mula sa kaniya. The distance between the two of us was great because my bed is big. But I can still hear his sigh.

“You’re confusing me. I told you to stop playing around but it looks like I’m the one you’re playing with right now.”

I open my eyes and slowly breathe when I heard him uttered behind me. Nananatili akong nakatalikod sa kaniya.

“Neil, turn around and look at me in the eyes. Alam kong gising ka pa.” his husky voice command. Then I felt him smoothly move his body near me.

At bago pa siya tuluyang makalapit sa aking tabi ay tumalikod na ako paharap sa kaniya. My brows were shot up and I can’t look at him straight in the eye.

Wala pang kahit na sino ang nakagawa nito sa akin. Only him. I never felt intimidated and scared of staring at someone. This feeling was new to me. And I don’t think I could feel it the same way with others.

I used to be intimidating and not this way. Hindi ako ang unang nag-iiwas nang tingin dahil una palang ay walang gugustuhing titigan ang aking mga mata at kung meron man ay hindi rin nila matatagalan dahil lagi silang naiilang.

“Keep the distance, Kaizer.” I immediately remind him when I notice he was about to move closer to me again.

He didn’t care about what I’d said. Hindi siya nakinig at umusod pa siya hanggang sa iilang pulgada nalang ang pagitan namin sa isa’t isa.

“What are you doing outside?” he asked me hoarsely while our shoulders bumping against each other.

“Isn’t it obvious? Tss.” I hissed at him.

“I wanna hear it from you,” aniya pa.

“What for? And to add, what I did was wrong.”

Kitang kita ko kung paanong nagsalubong ang dalawang makakapal nitong kilay at magkunot ang kaniyang noo. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. Malalim ang iniisip.

“Walang ibang ibig sabihin ’yon, Kaizer. Lumabas ako para magpahangin kanina dahil naiinitan ako at nagkataong naabutan mo lang ako. It doesn’t mean that I am there waiting for your comeback.” I lied.

Napasinghap ako nang marinig ko ang malutong niyang naging ngisi sa sinabi ko. He was aloof again. Yet when you peer his eyes deeply, the pain was there.

“What an excuse, Neil. I’m not numb so stop saying bullshits on me.” mariin niyang sinabi. It was hoarsely but he emphasis every single word of it.

I looked away.

“You’re up to Coleen, she’s your girlfriend. I’m glad you change your mind.” nakangiti kong sinabi. Peke. Pag-iiba ko ng usapan namin.

“Maybe you’re happy and relieved now that I have her.” Ramdam kong matalim ang mga mata nitong nakatunghay sa akin.

“Yes, I do.” I huskily said, almost in a whisper.

“Seems the opposite.” Mabilis niyang saad.

Napakurap kurap ako at saka napalunok sa naging segunda niya sa aking sinabi.

“Sa sobrang tuwa mo umalis ka kanina. Is that the reaction of being so much grateful? Huh?” he mocked me annoyingly.

I swallowed hard and I can’t even take a glance at him this time.

“Nag-bathroom lang ako. Alangan namang pigilan ko? And how did you even notice that? I thought you were busy kissing Coleen.”

Gumalaw siya at inunan ang kaniyang kanang braso habang nakatagilid paharap sa akin. He was shirtless. He used to sleep without clothes on top and I used to it too. His hard chest is facing me now.

“I do not kiss anyone. If you just stay there at hindi ka nag walk out, you will see. But it seems like you are not liking the view of us so you leave.”

“Hindi ako nagwalk out.” ipinagpilitan ko.

“If you say so.” tangi niyang sinabi.

Marahas akong bumuntong-hininga at tumihaya naman siya ng higa. Nakatagilid pa rin ako at hindi inaalis ang tingin sa kaniya. I can now stare at him without getting awkward and intimidated.

“Are you scared, Neil? If you are, it’s okay. I’m just here.” he softly uttered like he knew what I’m up to.

My lips parted. I cleared my throat.

Alam ko kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin. He’s really not numb. He can feel me. And to tell him the truth. I am not just scared, I am more than frightened to tell it. About the truth. About these feelings. This heartbeat that I am familiar with that I just keep on ignoring. Because maybe I’m a coward for hiding. For pretending to be stupid and dumbfounded.

The significant words I’m trying to use to clear up his mind are just my spell for myself. I keep on warning him but with every word I speak, it’s like I reminding myself. Reminding myself that this is the right thing to do. And not by just restraining him.

Mali ang nararamdaman niya at walang maidudulot na maganda iyon para sa aming dalawa. It would not benefit the both of us. It will just ruin the perfect life we both had. It’s scary to lose the people that matter’s to you. The people who adore and loved you. It will gonna be a loss for both of us.

“This isn’t right,” I mumble.

“Nahihirapan din ako, Neil. Nalilito hanggang ngayon. But what will I do? I am trapped. Fucking trapped by these insane feelings that you cannot even accept. Because it’s a disgusting and freaking disgrace.” Mapait niyang sinabi sa akin habang ang mga mata ay ngayo’y nasa akin ang lapat.

Biglang nanikip ang aking dibdib sa hindi malamang kadahilanan. Naging mabigat ang aking paghinga nang magtama ang aming mga tingin.

“I’m not scared to say these words to you, Neil Irish. Even I know it will break me after you heard me say this… I fell, Neil. I’m excessively falling, that I can’t just ignore it anymore.” He said in his deep husky voice that caught me off guard.

Napasinghap ako. Umiling at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

Fucking feelings. Fucking love.

“Please don’t say anything that could break me more. Just… just close your eyes instead.” nasasaktan niya pang sinabi sa akin.

Kaya naman, I slowly closed my eyes with the burden inside. He’s here in front of me lying beside me in bed. Dauntlessly confessing his feelings for me and yet all I can do is hurt him.

Parehas kaming lalaki pero hindi ko alam na sensitibo rin pala kami. Na marunong din masaktan. Na nakakaramdam din ng sakit. Lumuluha at napapagod. That we are not the strongest wall that may others think. Maybe we can, but in times of dilemmas, we also became weak. We also get hurt in the battle. We got pain and wounds but we carry it like it’s not too much to bear. That it is just easy and bearable even the truth is not.

Nasa sitwasyon palang ako na nalilito sa nararamdaman ko. I have a girlfriend and Kaizer as well. It is wrong in the eye of everyone and even in the eye above.

Nakakatakot i-risk ang bagay na alam mong worth it pero walang kasiguraduhan na magtatagal. Maraming panghuhusga at natatakot akong malaman kung ano ba talaga ako. It’s not only about my feelings anymore. It’s also about finding out what I really am.

I’m in the corner now. Nakasuksok sa pagitan ng dalawang pader. Nasisikipan sa mundong ginagalawan. Nagpapanggap dahil takot sa katotohanang iba na pala ako. That is what I am feeling now.

Ang isipin na mahanap at malaman ko sa sarili ko kung ano ba itong pagkatao ko ay kinakatakutan ko na agad. Dahil ako mismo sa aking sarili ay hindi magawang matanggap.

The next morning became swift. Nagbreakfast kaming magpipinsan kinabukasan but I distance myself. I feel like that every move I’ll make will gonna be a failure. Like I’m such a fool. And I’m being fooled by myself.

Monday came and I tried to stop thinking about it. Kaizer and I didn’t talk about it too. Balik kami ulit sa dati. We didn’t talk to each other. Ignoring each other way like we both haven’t care anymore. He looks in pain and mad at me. That’s what I’m seeing on him.

The gap between us after that night became more extensive. Wala namang nakapansin sa aming dalawa, marahil sanay na sila Kelsy na palagi kaming nag-aaway kaya normal nalang sa kanila na hindi kami magpansinan.

Naglalakad ako mag-isa pababa ng hagdan sa building namin para pumunta sa soccer field. We have classes but I didn’t attend. Hindi ko iyon ugali pero gusto ko lang talagang mapag-isa at makalanghap ng sariwang hangin.

Habang naglalakad ako ay napansin kong may lalaking nasa malayo at nakatanaw sa akin. He’s wearing a college uniform. Nasa walking area siya patungong gymnasium at nakatayong mag-isa at nakapamulsa ang mga kamay.

Nang makalapit ako malapit sa kaniyang gawi ay nakita kong may isang lalaking nilapitan siya. It was Morgan.

“Enzo, pack up na kami. Gusto ka raw kausapin ni coach.” Narinig kong sinabi ni Morgan sa lalaki.

Napatingin siya rito pero ang mga mata ay hindi inaalis sa akin.

Balak ko na sanang magpatuloy sa paglalakad kaso ay bigla akong napansin ni Morgan at tinawag.

“Neil, where are you going? Come here, may ipapakilala ako sa’yo.” ani Morgan.

I approached them dahil madadaanan ko rin sila at hindi posibleng hindi niya ako mapansin.

“Sa soccer field sana, why?”

“Uh, this is Enzo. His from college and from the other university. Schoolmate ni Marcos. You will frequently see him in the next few days, dahil na rin sa basketball. He’s great on it and I’m sure that you will learn a lot from him.”

Agad naman akong napaisip. It answers why his uniform seems familiar to me. Si Marcos lang ang naiibang university ang pinasukan at hindi sa university kung saan nag-aaral sila Killian, Ate Meaghan at Ate Anastasia.

Seryoso ko lang siyang tinanguan ang lalaki at hindi na nakipagkamay pa. Sinuklian niya lang ako ng mapanuring mga tingin.

“I’m glad that I finally meet you… Neil. I gotta go, nasa loob pa ba si coach?” Enzo uttered then suddenly asked Morgan.

“Yeah, you should go. Kanina ka pa no’n hinahanap kasi bigla kang nawala.”

Nagpaalam na rin ako kay Morgan nang makaalis si Enzo dahil hindi ako kumportableng makipag-usap ngayon. Mukha rin namang may gagawin pa siya kaya hindi na rin kami nakapag-usap pa ng matagal.

Naupo ako sa damuhan at saka malalim na bumuntong-hininga. Ilang buwan pa lang ang lumipas simula nang umuwi kami rito sa Pilipinas pero parang ang dami ng nangyari.

I am literally happy when I convinced my Mom to finally stay here. It’s like a wish come true. Because I wanna stay here with my cousins. To get a bond with them. To have my life here, not because that I don’t have a life in the U.S. before, but also because here in my country is what I called home. Is where I feel at home.

This is the place where I want to make myself feel at home. Make myself feel free and happy with my family. Kaso mukhang nag-iiba na ngayon ito. Ang lugar at mundong gusto kong tirahan ay unti unti ng nag-iiba sa pananaw ko.

It’s started when Kaizer kisses me. It was just a peck. Thus it shouldn’t affect me. But since then I started to take him out of my mind. Because it’s not healthy. And I knew then that I was curious and care about his feelings.

Wala akong ibang inisip ng mga panahong iyon kundi kung ano siya. Kung paano ko siyang agad na hinusgahan. Kung paanong nangyari ang lahat ng ito, ang nararamdaman niya. If it’s just a play and a challenge that he only wants to take.

It wasn’t a good week ahead for me. Dumating muli ang araw ng Sabado at pakiramdam ko ay latang lata ako. Tuyong tuyo ang aking utak at pagod sa mga isping bumabagabag sa akin. Sa mga araw na lumipas ay pinilit ko pa ring kumustahin at kausapin si Ashley. And as the usual me, I just pretend that I’m fine and nothing is wrong. Hinahatid ko pa rin siya sa kanilang sasakyan pagkatapos ng eskuwela gaya ng madalas kong gawin.

We don’t even have a long conversation in person these past few days. She always said that she’s tired from the whole day of classes and she’s sorry for not making it tonight.

It’s our third monthsary and I prepared a surprise for her. But I think it’s just made for nothing.

I texted her early this morning.

Ako:

Goodmorning Ash, did you have a good sleep? Happy monthsary.

Ako:

I’m sorry for the days I’m on hang. Alam kong abala at pagod ka rin nitong mga nakaraan. Pero babawi ako. Are you free tonight?

I added. Hindi pa siya nakakapag-reply pero may idinugtong na ako. I waited for her messages until they came while I was preparing and having a plan in my mind.

Ashley:

Happy monthsary! Yeah, I think I’m free tonight.

’I think I’m free tonight? Is she not free the other night? Gano’n ba siya kaabala nitong mga nakaraang araw sa school activities that she will even spend her time at night doing it?

Mabilis akong nagtipa at hindi na nagpaligoy ligoy pa.

Ako:

I will pick you at seven later tonight.

Noong una kaming maging magkarelasyon noon ay palagi siya ang nag-eefort para sa akin. It was when I am not that serious when it comes to relationships. Pero ngayon na nagkabalikan na kami ay gusto kong ako naman ang maghanda at gumawa ng surpresa para sa kaniya.

“Hello, Neil?” she softly asked from the other line when I decided to call her.

Tinawagan ko muna siya bago ako magpunta sa kanila. I am all ready. The setup was fine. I made a reservation at the near resort and asked them a favor for this setup I want to achieve for our perfect dinner tonight. It’s quarter to seven.

Nakangiti at bahagyang kinakabahan sa kung ano ang mararamdaman niya kapag nakita niya ang inihanda ko. I want her to appreciate this effort I made for the first time in my life of being in a serious relationship.

“Are you done? I will end the call now para masundo na kita.” I said. Naglakad ako palapit sa aking sasakyan habang ang cellphone ko ay nasa aking tainga.

“Uh, no. I’m sorry, Neil. But I can’t make it tonight. I’m on a sudden event. It’s my grandma’s birthday, nandito pa rin kami and I didn’t expect that this would take longer. I-I’m really sorry, Neil. Babawi ako next time, promise.” malungkot niyang sinabi. Ramdam ko ang lungkot at pagkadismaya sa boses niya.

I almost ran out of words after she said that. Everything is ready and she’s the only one missing for this perfect night.

The rectangular table and the delicious foods in front of the beautiful scenery of the night sky in the field with her. Eating and talking about ourselves and love for each other. It was all planned in my mind.

“Neil? Are you still there? I’m really sorry, I need to hang up this now. My Mom is now looking for me, uh humanap lang kasi ako ng tyempo to call you. I hope you understand it.”

“I will wait, Ash. I can.” I huskily said in hope that she can make a way to come here.

“I’m really sorry,” then she hung up before I had a chance to say that I will stay here and wait for her.

“Damn it!” naipatong ko ang dalawa kong kamay sa bubong ng aking sasakyan at mariing ipinikit ang mga mata.

I relaxed myself and try to breathe in. Fuck! What about this dinner? Ako nalang ba mag-isa ang magce-celebrate dito?

Ayos lang sa akin kung hindi siya makakapunta tonight, pero yung bigla nalang niya akong babaan ng telepono? Damn. At parang wala lang sa kaniya itong balak kong gawin. It’s our monthsary and I know she expects something from me.

I understand her. I really tried to understand her. Kahit na nahihirapan na rin ako nitong mga nakaraang araw dahil sa mga iniisip ko. And I want her to be in my side kaso mukhang abala at hindi niya na rin ako mabigyan ng oras niya. I don’t wanna be clingy every time pero iba pa rin ang bigyan at pagtuonan ka ng pansin.

Sumakay nalang ako ng sasakyan ko at umalis na ron. Naiinis at hindi nagugustuhan ang mga nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

I texted the owner and the manager that the dinner will be canceled. Syempre dahil wala na rin naman akong mukhang maihaharap ay ’yon nalang ang sinabi ko. I didn’t give them reasons. I paid for the food, reservation, and decorations they made for this night just to make it a perfect place for me and Ashley, kahit na hindi ito natuloy.

I am disappointed and at the same time, I feel like it was an epic fail.

I heard my phone rang and I just ignore it.

Patuloy ko lang na pinapaandar ang sasakyan ko habang nag-iisip ng lugar na pwede kong puntahan. Nang agad akong nakaisip at narating ang lugar ay ipinark ko ang sasakyan sa labas.

I was at the entrance when I saw some of our schoolmates are there. I was now in the high-end bar and it seems not at its peak now because it’s still too early for that.

Pumasok ako at agad na naupo sa island counter ng bar. I ordered a shot of Aunt Roberta. It is my first time drinking this because I want to get wasted tonight.

My mind is exhausted and all I want is to make it cool and chill for a moment. If this what am I doing is right. May iilang napansin at nakakilala sa akin at nilapitan ako. Mostly girls that look high maintenance.

“Neil Arcoiris? Oh my, hi!” The girl in a black bodycon dress asked me as she put her hand on my shoulder. She adhesively touches my arms.

“What are you doing here? Are you with your cousins?” the other girl she’s with, asked me.

“Nah, I’m alone.” sagot ko habang ang mga mata ay nasa mga taong parit parito. Some are at their peaks and kissing someone on the dance floor.

“You seem lonely, Neil. Gusto mo bang samahan ka muna namin dito?” malanding tanong muli ng babaeng hindi ko naman kilala habang gumagapang ang kaniyang kamay sa aking mga balikat.

“Get your hands off of me.” mariin kong sinabi rito.

Nakita ko namang nagulat siya sa sinabi ko at gano’n din ang kasama niya.

“Now, leave.” Mariin kong pagtaboy sa kanila.

“But-” hindi na sila nakapagsalita pa nang tingnan ko sila sa mga mata ng matalim. They looked scared and startled by my glares so they leave me.

I shooked my head and order for another shot. When the bartender served me a shot of the Aunt Roberta I ordered, I immediately drank it. I drunk it straight.

The music was now loud and I’m on booze now. Ramdam ko na ang tama ng alak sa akin. At nang tumingin ako sa aking likuran ay may nakita akong nagkakagulo pero hindi ko pinansin iyon.

Ilang oras na rin akong nandito kaya mukhang dis-oras na rin ng gabi. I stood up from the stool and I was about to went out of the bar when I saw Kaizer.

Nung una ay nagugulat akong makita na nandito siya ngayon sa harapan ko. Ilang beses pa muna akong napakurap kurap ng mga mata ko bago tuluyang mag sink-in sa utak ko na nandito nga siya ngayon sa aking harapan.

“Why are you here?” he asked. Malakas ang boses niyang tanong dahil sa malakas ang tunog ng music.

“Wala kang pake,” sabi ko at saka hinawi siya para makalabas na ako. Hindi ko gustong makausap o kahit na makita siya ngayon.

Medyo napaisip pa ako dahil madadaanan ko ang gawing may mga nagkakagulo. Bakit walang mga bouncer na lumalapit dito?

Shit. I’m really drunk.

“Sandali! Huwag ka ng dumaan diyan. Hintayin mo ako, ihahatid kita.” harang sa akin ni Kaizer. Napakunot naman ako ng noo sa inaakto niya.

“Ano ba, Kaizer?! I wanna get out of here!” sigaw ko para marinig niya dahil mas lumakas pa ang music ngayon.

Hinawi ko siya paalis sa daraanan ko at nagtuloy sa paglalakad at napahinto ako nang makita ko kung ano ang pinagkakaguluhan nila. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang makita ko si Ashley na nakikipag halikan sa isang lalaki.

The fuck.

“Woahh! Ashley is on the fire now!” dinig kong sigaw ng iilan.

Fuck, akala ko ay may nag-aaway dito kaya nagkakagulo, ’yon naman pala ay may mga naglalaplapan na kulang nalang ay dito na makipag sex sa dance floor. Tangina.

Walang humpay sa pakikipaghabulan ang mga labi ni Ashley sa lalaking kahalikan niya ngayon. Ang kaniyang mga braso ay nakaangkla sa batok ng lalaki habang ang braso naman ng lalaki ay nakahapit sa kaniyang baywang.

I bitterly chuckled. Natanim ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

“Fuck.” the only word came out from my mouth as I watch how Ashley kissed the man in front of him.

“Neil…” I heard Kaizer called me behind.

I am furious. I wanna burst out. Seeing my girl kissing another man? And to say, she already lied to me.

So she’s at her grandma’s birthday party, huh?

Huminto sila sa ginagawa nila nang malakas at mabilis kong hinilia si Ashley at sinapak ang lalaking kahalikan niya.

“You fucking bastard! I will kill you, I swear!” galit na galit kong sigaw habang ang lahat naman ay gulantang sa ginawa ko.

My lips were in a grim line as I breathe heavily. Fuck, I’m gonna kill this man.

Kabanata 16

Kabanata 16

Invest

Hindi ko na hinayaang makatayo pa ang lalaking nakahandusay sa sahig. I run to him and punch his face more. Fuck him!

Hindi ko alam at maintindihan ang galit na nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito. I am stressed out because of this shit. I prepared a dinner for the both of us and her without knowing that I made a surprise just decline it with her bullshit reason. Fuck her grandma’s party.

I was ruthlessly punching him until his face bleeds in so many bruises. My adrenaline rush when someone held my both arms, stopping me. But I just immediately knocked that fucking bastard who is fucking stopping me. I am drunk and I got mad so easily that I carried it away so fast.

I even heard the people call someone and saying something but I just ignore them. But then, when someone held my arms again and pulled me away strongly. I catch my breath hardly.

“Neil… please stop!” ngayon ko lang narinig ang kanina pa palang sumisigaw na si Ashley. The crowds were shocked and looked at me awfully. I didn’t back off.

“What the heck, Neil!” Kaizer shouted from my back. So he’s the one who pulled me away.

“Stop messing here, man. Marami ng taong nanonood. Relaxed.” ani Marcos na hindi ko alam na nandito rin pala ngayon.

Natitigilan at hindi ko naman makapaniwala siyang tiningnan.

“Relaxed? Seriously, Marcos? Tell me, how can I relax if I see my girlfriend kissing another man?! Recklessly and very hype. Goddamnit!” I fumed in so much anger.

“He deserves the punches dude, anong gusto mo, bugbugin pa namin ni Lucien?” seryosong sinabi ni Ezi sa gilid ko na agad kong binalingan ng nanlilisik ko ng mga mata.

“Kill him,” I said gravely.

“Neil, please can you breathe for a minute. Ashley kissed him and that young boy is not the only one at fault!” Si Kaizer.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. I am hurt and furious at the same time. Masamang tingin lang ang ipinukol ko sa kaniya, sa kanilang lahat.

The music was still on the high pitch and volume when I was about to come near at Ashley’s way. Nakatakip ang dalawang kamay nito sa kaniyang bibig at ang mga luhang dumadaloy sa kaniyang mga pisngi ay kitang kita ko.

“Ash,” pagtawag ko sa kaniya nang matauhan ako.

Some of the boys attended the guy I punched. Bumitiw ako sa pagkakahawak ni Kaizer sa aking mga braso at mariin siyang tiningnan bago ko tuluyang nilapitan si Ashley.

And when my dim eyes caught her way she looked at me in pain and the defiant reaction was visible in her teary eyes. Umiiling iling siya habang dahan dahang umaatras palayo sa akin. I fasten my walk to catch her but she runs away. I swiftly run to get her, and locked her in between my arms.

Patalikod ko siyang niyakap. Nasasaktan at gusto kong magalit dahil sa ginawa niya pero hindi ko magawa dahil sa takot na nakikita ko sa kaniyang mga mata.

I am mad, furiously. But that was earlier. Was it? I’m trying hard to control myself by gritting my teeth hardly now.

“Why are you running?” I sternly asked her.

Her sobs melt my anger. But not the pain she was giving me now.

We are a bit far from the people now. Malapit kami ngayon sa exit, sa daan sa likuran.

“I-I didn’t mean to lie. I’m so sorry, Neil,” she said in between her sobs.

Niluwagan ko ang pagkakayakap sa kaniya at unti unti siyang pinakawalan. She then faced me and I saw how her tears crawled down on her face.

“Why did you kissed that bastard? Why the fucking lie to me, Ashley? What just fucking night.” sapo ng isa kong kamay ang aking ulo habang marahang tumalikod sa kaniya at mabilis rin siyang hinarap.

I bit my lips harshly. My hands were in fist stance. She’s just looking at me painfully and regretfully as she cried in panic.

“Why Ashley? At ang masakit pa nagsinungaling ka para lang makasama ang ibang lalaki.” I fired at her because it was what I just witnessed.

“I’m so sorry. H-He’s just my friend-”

“Friends do not french kissing, Ashley! For goodness sake! Huwag mo ng dagdagan pa ng kasinungalingan ang kasalanang nagawa mo. It will just worsen our situation. I’m not blind, Ash. At mas lalong hindi ako tanga!” I burst out.

I want our relationship to stay long and what just happened tonight will break that thought.

“But Neil, I love you! Nagkamali ako ngayon kasi pakiramdam ko hindi mo na ako nabibigyan ng atensyon and he’s the only person besides me every time I needed you. He’s always there unlike you! You always seem so busy and stressed about something that you cannot even say to me. I’m tired of figuring you out.” taas baba ang alon ng kaniyang dibdib dahil sa pag-iyak.

My tears aren’t falling. Kahit pagbabadya ay hindi ko maramdaman. All I can feel was pain and anger towards what is happening right now. I feel like I am trash that she just exile.

“I tried to understand you pero nakakapagod na, Neil. You were so insensitive. You can’t even sense what is up with me, because you are too busy with yourself! Neil, girlfriend mo ako! I want you to be on my side every time I needed you. I want you to tell me what’s bothering you. And not that you are like some puzzle piece that I cannot solve.” she shook her head as she wipes her tears.

Mariin ko naman siyang tinitigan. I gritted my teeth like it was only my resort in controlling my outrage.

“You think that’s enough reason to cheat on me? May nangyari pa ba sa inyo bukod sa halikan? Huh? Sabihin mo sa akin ang totoo Ashley.” I asked her in a low narrowed baritone voice.

Nagugulat at natatakot ang nakatunghay niyang mga mata sa akin ngayon. She looked stunned by my sudden question. Pero kalaunan ay umiling iling siya sa akin habang bakas sa kaniyang mga mata ang paumanhin.

“I’m sorry-”

“Fuck that bastard! How is this all happened? When? When is this all started, Ashley?! You are hurting me so much.” I wiped my face with my hands in so much frustration.

“I was drunk that time. I don’t know what I am doing. We both let this happen, Neil. But if you forgive me, I promise that I won’t let this happen again.” pinunasan niya ang kaniyang mga luha at mataman akong tiningnan sa pagkakataong ito.

“Please, Neil. I love you so much. Please forgive me.”

“Ashley it’s not that easy. You’re saying that I forgive you right away like you did something facile. I can’t do that so easily. You broke my trust. I don’t know.”

She held my hand and looked at me with begging teary eyes.

“I will do everything just don’t leave me. Neil, please… I love you… So much. I know you know it.” she then hugged me tightly. Securing that I won’t leave her side.

I let a loud heavy sigh. I hold her shoulders as I slowly pushed her away from me. I am doing it because I want her to look at me in the eyes.

“No, Neil. I won’t let you do this.” she cried as I slowly pushing her away.

“Look at me in the eyes.” my words were cold and distant now.

Hinawakan ko na ang kaniyang kamay sa aking likuran at saka dahan dahang inalis ang kaniyang mga braso mula sa pagkakagapos sa aking katawan. Kinakabahan at nangungusap ang kaniyang mga mata nang tuluyan ko siyang mailayo sa aking katawan. She looked scared when I glance at her.

“If you feel that I’m always gone and not on your side, I’m sorry. But I guess we should start moving on.” I gritted my lips after I said those words to her. It kills me so bad seeing her broke but I can’t seem to have her in my life now.

Her lips were trembling as the first lone tear falls on her cheeks. Her brows meet edge to edge like she was asking me. Like she doesn’t seem to believe and carry what I just said.

“Tell me you are just mad at me. That you are not going to do this. Again. Please, Neil…” she breaks down on the floor.

I carry her, but she just hugged me tightly. I want to put her down on the sofa near us but I don’t want her to think that I still have cared for her.

The music is not that loud in our place but the crowds are watching us from afar.

“Neil, ayoko! You broke my heart twice! You always break up with me. I cannot! I already said I’m sorry. Why do you decide so easily? Neil…” she begged… Desperately.

Marahas akong napabuntong hininga bago siya binitiwan at hinayaang tumayo sa sarili niya.

“No Ashley, it’s your fault this time. Asked yourself so you can stop asking me why.” I said hostily, then I turn my back on her.

Masakit mang talikuran siyang nawawasak ay wala akong ibang magagawa. Nasasaktan din ako. My pride and ego are just so high that I can’t forgive her right away. It’s not that easy. She cheats. She lied. The reason why it’s hard for me to forgive her mistake.

As I walked away I felt her stopping me by gripping my wrist. Nananatili akong nakatalikod sa kaniya habang hawak niya ang aking palapulsuhan ng mahigpit.

“Neil, if you don’t turn on me please at least say that you will come back. Like what you said to me before. Please…”

I swallowed hard. Hindi ko siya hinarap at hindi ko rin magawang ibuka ang aking bibig.

“Neil…” she painfully uttered again, waiting for me to say what she is begging for.

“No more come back, Ashley.” I ended to her.

Diretso akong naglakad palabas ng bar pagkatapos niyon. Hindi ko na pinansin sila Ezi at Lucien nang makasalubong ko sila nang paalis na ako. I am the target of the eye of the crowds now.

Why does it need to happen? I fucking love Ashley. But what I saw just flurry my mind. She’s kissing the guy intensely and my mind can’t just throw it away.

And the fact that she was sorry about it was only making me feel stabbed. She fucked that bastard and that was the most excruciating part. I never do that to her because I respected her as a woman. I respected her dignity. Na hindi ko lubos maisip na ibinigay niya lang sa iba.

Tang inang buhay ’to! Bakit Ashley? Bakit ngayon pang gulong gulo na ako sa sarili ko at kailangan kita ay saka mo nagawa ’to? Is this the payback? I broke so many hearts and play a lot of women before. And now that I change for the woman I only love, this happened. She hurt me so much.

Maybe I need to suffer this way. That all I did before was not enough on what I am feeling right now.

Hindi ako naiyak at pulos sakit at hinanakit lang ang nasa loob ko. Nang marating ko ang sasakyan ko sa parking lot at akmang papasok na ay bahagya akong nagulat nang may humablot sa susing hawak ko.

“I will drive you home, lasing ka na and you look…devastated.” si Kaizer na pinangunahan na akong pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan ko.

Wala ako sa mood na makipagtalo at magreklamo pa sa ginagawa niya dahil sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kaya naman ay umiling nalang ako sa sarili at saka inikot ng sasakyan patungong front seat.

Nakapikit ang aking mga mata buong byahe at hindi naman siya nagsalita. Hindi ko rin kayang pag-usapan ang nangyari kanina. Because every time I reminisce what happens, only Ashley’s lies and regretful face is what I only see.

Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at hinayaan siyang ayusin ang lagay niyon sa parking lot. Sabay kaming sumakay ng elevator nang walang imikan at diretso akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay na parang wala sa sariling tinahak ang hagdan patungo ng aking silid.

The lights are off, it’s midnight. Nang mabuksan ko ang aking kuwarto ay agad kong tinungo ang bathroom. I wanna wash it off.

The cold water from the shower is rushing onto my skin as I lean my forehead on the wall. It was crazy of me to think that it was all my fault. Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha at hinayaang dumaloy ang buhos ng malamig na tubig mula sa shower patungo sa aking katawan. Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata pagkaraan ng ilang sandali.

Yeah, it’s all my fault. If I just been sensitive about her situation this wouldn’t happen. If I am not busy thinking about myself, overthinking actually, Ashley won’t feel that she’s left alone.

Kung mas pin-riority ko siya nung mga panahong si Kaizer ang laman ng isip ko e’di sana ay hindi ito mangyayari. Hindi lang siya ang nagkamali. Ako rin. Siya lang rin ba ang may nakahalikang iba?

I gritted my teeth at that question that just automatically popped out in my head.

I punched the wall in front of me when I remember the night Kaizer kissed me. But Ashley got physically intimate with his man. And that hurts me more. I don’t compare and weighing our mistakes. What I wanted to mean is that she caused me a lot of damage right now.

Mabigat ang loob ko habang naglalakad patungong kama. I want to rest it all. I’m fucking exhausted from all of it. I feel like it’s not the only day that I got disappointed in myself. I lost someone today and she’s very important to me.

Kaizer entered the room the moment I lay on my bed. He didn’t look at my way and just continuously walked towards the bathroom.

I shook it all off. I shut my eyes and tried to sleep. So much trying hard that Kaizer was now done on his bath and I’m still up for the night. Naupo ako at sumandal sa headboard ng aking kama. Hindi ko alam at maintindihan ang sarili ko pero pakiramdam ko ay tutumba ako anytime. The pain is just different that it hits me contrarily. I can’t just lose her but my pride says that what am I doing is just right.

Nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer ay mas lalo lang akong nakaramdam ng awa sa sarili ko. I don’t know but maybe I just realize that I forgot about myself. My worth.

Sa sobrang pag-aalala ko kung sino at ano ako ay unti unti ko ng napabayaan ang sarili ko. Pati ang mga taong nakapalibot sa akin ay lubos na naapektuhan dahil sa letseng pagkatao ko.

Saktong pagkaupo ni Kaizer sa aking higaan sa tabi ko ay mabilis ko siyang nilapitan at niyakap. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa kukote ko at bigla ko nalang iyong ginawa. He didn’t move and say anything. He just let me hugged him.

Pakiramdam ko ay bumigay na ako at hindi na kinaya ang sakit. Kung kanina ay walang mga luhang lumalabas sa aking mga mata pero ngayon ay parang gripo na ayaw tumigil sa pagtulo. Damn, I know that it’s lame to cry as a man but I just can’t.

I felt his hand embrace me back.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me, Kaizer.” ani ko nang maramdamang hagurin niya ang aking likuran.

Pakiramdam ko ay siya lang ang masasabihan ko nito. Mapaglalabasan ng sakit at pagod na nararamdaman ko. Wala na ako sa sarili nang yakapin ko siya at wala na akong pake kung ano ang iisipin niya pagkatapos nito.

She has a girlfriend and now I haven’t. I am pushing him away and luckily I did. He easily copes up the pain. But did he?

We stayed in that position for minutes. He just let me hugged him without complaining anything. Nang matapos akong umiyak ay agad akong humiwalay sa kaniya. Nakita ko naman ang dismaya sa kaniyang mga mata nang mabilis akong lumayo. He’s still hurt. And I hate seeing through his eyes that I am the reason why he’s in pain too.

“Huwag mo kong tingnan ng ganiyan.” ani ko sa kaniya. My voice was hoarse from tears.

His forehead creased then he arched his brow.

“Well, unfortunately, I’m hurt whenever I see you in pain,” he muttered deeply.

I looked down. I swallowed hard when I felt my throat dried.

“I’m sorry about what happen earlier,” he added.

I immediately shook my head at him.

“No, it’s not your fault.” Then I lifted my gaze on him. “Bakit kayo nasa bar?” I asked when I remember what they are doing there.

“Marcos told us about your preparation for your monthsary. And I can’t help but feel wasted tonight but seems like it turns out that you are. Then I unexpectedly saw Ashley there, and I was also shocked when I saw you there as well. I feel torn between you and her.”

“Why?” I asked at the last phrase he said.

He licked his lower red lips before he spoke up. He is staring at me lightly.

“Because that’s what you think of me?” then he chuckled without humor on it.

“You’re not torn between our relationship. Maybe you are a torn on me.” I factly mumbled at him.

He just nodded like he understands what I’d said. I let out a sigh as I saw him get the pillow near my side and put it on my lap.

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang ihiga ang kaniyang ulo sa unang nasa aking kandungan ngayon. His eyes were shut and he seems so relaxed as he tried to sleep there.

“Kaizer…” nag-aalangan kong tawag sa kaniya.

“Let me lay down here for a minute, please.”

Hindi naman ako gumalaw at hinayaan ko nalang siya sa gusto niya. Gumaan ng bahagya ang nararamdaman ko at ayaw kong aminin na posibleng siya ang dahilan non.

I was a broken glass earlier but now I feel like I’m at peace because of him. Nakita ko ang paggalaw ng kaniyang lalamunan at marahang pagbukas ng kaniyang mga mata. Hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin at mataman kaming nagtitigan sa isa’t isa.

My lips parted when I feel like I can’t breathe properly.

“I wish we can stay like this for a day or a week,” he uttered hopefully.

I blinked.

“We shouldn’t, huwag mong lagyan ng ibang kahulugan itong ginagawa natin. I let you because I wanted to. Nothing more.” I explained to him.

Mapait niya naman akong nginitian at saka nag-iwas ng tingin. Why do I feel like it’s more painful every time I watch him like this. I don’t want to help him watered the feelings he was giving to me. I don’t want it to grow more. It’s gonna be illegal if that happens.

I am not liking him nor adoring him but I always get affected whenever he feels something that can hurt him. Pakiramdam ko ay nasasaktan din ako sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mga mata niyang pilit akong nilalayuan pero hindi niya magawa-gawa.

“I’m sorry,” biglang naiusal ko sa pagitan ng katahimikang namutawi sa amin.

Malungkot at nagtatanong ang mga mata niyang nakatunghay sa akin. Nakayuko ako at matamang binibigyan ng atensyon ang mga mata niyang puno ng pighati.

“Sorry if I judge you. I’m sorry for the words I used. I’m so sorry for hurting you, Kaizer.” nasasaktan kong sinabi sa kaniya.

His lips moved and tried to speak.

“Hush, it’s okay. I understand you,” he then lifts his hand and reaches my cheeks. He held and caressed it.

Hindi ako nagreklamo at sarili ko mismo ang kusang pumayag na hayaan siyang gawin iyon. Na hayaan siyang amuhin at haplusin ang aking pisngi.

His index finger was gently caressing my cheek as his eyes bore on me with the hint of anguish and worried.

“Nahihirapan ka pa rin ba hanggang ngayon, Neil? I can’t read you now, please tell me.” He asked me while his subtle hands on my face softened my heart like it was his caressing.

“Yeah,” namamaos ang aking boses nang sabihin ko iyon.

Tumango tango siya pagkaraan.

“Mahal mo pa ba si Ashley?” kitang-kita ko kung paanong dumaan ang sakit sa kaniyang mga mata nang itanong niya sa akin iyon.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Nasasaktan ako kapag nasasaktan si Ashley. Nasasaktan ako nang makita kong may iba si Ashley. Pero mas nasasaktan ako tuwing nakikita kong lugmok na lugmok na si Kaizer sa sakit dahil sa ipinararamdam ko sa kaniya sa mga oras na ito.

“I loved her…” What I can only say to him.

His jaw moved. Then slowly I felt him took his hand away from my cheeks and looked away. Mabigat ang loob kong bumuntong-hininga. I felt the cold when his warm palm leaves my jaw.

Nalilito na ako sa nararamdaman ko. Nalilito nga ba ako o sarili ko lang ang niloloko ko?

“Then fight for her. If you truly loved her, take her back. Be together and forgive each other.” aniya habang ang mga mata ay seryosong natakatingin sa blankong kisame.

“Is that how you act when you loved someone?” tanong ko pa sa kaniya.

I want to know if where his love can bring him. He turned his gaze on me. His distant and weak eyes bore on me, the anguish was now gone.

“No. If I love someone and he can’t be with me, I will let him choose what he wants. I don’t want to force him. Pero sa oras na maramdaman kong gusto niya rin ako, wala ka ng kawala. I will fight for you, for us, whatever may it takes.” He compelled seriously with his eyes puffed in eagerness.

My lips parted to catch some air. I blinked and then took my eyes away from his alluring glares on me as I felt my heartbeat race with unknown.

“Kaya kung hindi ka pa sigurado, huwag mo akong pakitaan ng mga bagay na aasahan ko. Keep telling me that you are just doing it without feelings involve, I’m fine with it. Pero kung paulit-ulit nalang ang mga ginagamit mong rason sa akin, baka next time hindi na ako maniwala, Neil. Because I will chase you in a matter of time if that happens.” he uttered before he sat.

Naupo na siya at seryoso akong tinitigan.

“Good night, I’m still holding on to that person that he would like me back.”

Binalik ko naman ang tingin ko sa kaniyang muli.

“What if he can never like you back? Would you still dare?” habol kong tanong nang makahiga na siya sa aking tabi kahit na pagod na ang aking mga mata nang itanong ko iyon sa kaniya.

I saw him licked his lips before he parted them to utter his answer to me. At saka nag-angat sa akin ng tingin gamit ang seryoso at malalim niyang mga mata.

“I already invest my feelings. So if ever that happens, he’s gonna be a big loss to me.”

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Future

After what happened at the bar, I never saw Ashley anymore. It’s like a very sluggish day for me. Hindi ko na rin naman inisip pa iyon. Ayaw ko nang alalahanin dahil nasasaktan lang ako.

That night, I realize something. Kaizer made me realize and feel that he would risk everything for us. He’s willing to wait and catch me if ever I’m ready to fall.

It is hard for me to get out. Ashley broke me in my hardest days. I was seeking her and she just slips away because of her reasons. And find out that she is into someone now.

Hindi naman ako binatikos ng aking mga pinsan sa nangyaring iyon. At wala rin akong balak na magsabi dahil hindi ko na rin naman gustong mag-kuwento pa sa kanila.

The days passed and became weeks. I focused on my study at inalis sa isipin ang pangyayaring iyon. I don’t know but it makes me feel at ease. Every time I go to school ay kasabay ko na si Zach. It’s like a routine almost every day. I picked him up or he got me from home. That’s the cycle in the past weeks.

We’ve been also in the bar every other week. I just go there to catch up with my cousins, dahil bihira nalang kaming makumpleto. It feels like I haven’t through heartbreak because I always seem to be productive and live every time I’m with them.

“Come on, isayaw mo na si Riz. She has a huge crush on you since junior high. Pagbigyan mo na. And she’s also my friend, so please! Give it a try!” Kelsy shouted, mixed at the loud music here inside the club.

We are sitting in a U shape form sofa. It’s our lounge and our designated table for tonight. All my cousins are here and some are on the dance floor now while the others are having their women beside them.

I chuckled. “Where is she? Riz? Is that her full name?” I asked her interestedly.

Ang mga mata ko ay tumapon ang tingin kay Kelsy pagkatapos ay kay Kaizer na nakaupo sa kanang sofa sa aking harapan. He’s a bit far but I can sense his negation about it. Dahil mariin at seryoso ang mga mata nitong nakatitig sa akin. I didn’t back out and gave him a teasing glare.

“Oh gosh, Neil! You already forgot Riz?! Kakapunta niya lang dito kanina sa table natin just to greet you and you just forgot her! Nando’n siya sa kabilang table, look at her. She’s so beautiful, indeed! And she’s taking relationships seriously. So go to her and asked her for a dance.” ani Kelsy na tumataas pa ang dalawang kilay nito matapos sumandal sa inuupuan niya. She sipped on her cocktail before she pointed Riz’s way.

I shook my head. Tiningnan ko naman ang gawi ni Riz na katapat lang din namin. May isang pagitan pero kita ko siya.

She’s beautiful, really. She’s holding her drink as her eyes bore at the dance floor. Her fair skin and wavy hair were highlighted.

“Bakit hindi ikaw ang magsayaw kung ganon, Kelsy?” napabaling ako nang tingin sa table namin.

It was Kaizer.

“Why me? Neil is a man. At saka wala naman siyang girlfriend so why not try, right?” Pagmaang ni Kelsy rito.

“Yeah, I agree,” Zandra added. She’s sitting next to Kaizer.

Si Kaizer naman ay pinapaikot-ikot ang yelo sa loob ng glass na hawak niya.

“Wala ba siyang kasama? She looks lonely.” ani ko pa pagkaraan.

“Nope, she’s with her other cousins. Why? You want me to invite her here instead? Sa bagay hindi rin naman mahilig sumayaw ang isang iyan.” Kelsy replied attentively.

“Parating na sila Ezekiel. Our table is just enough for us. We don’t need more people. At saka hindi ba at ayaw ni Neil ng masikip.” Sabad na naman ni Kaizer.

Nakita ko namang mangunot pa ang noo ni Zandra na bumaling ng tingin sa kaniya.

“You know what Kaizer? Kanina ka pa. Ano bang problema mo? Nasaan ba si Coleen at bakit hindi mo sinama rito, e’di sana hindi ka nanggugulo sa amin.” naiinis nang sinabi ni Kelsy sa kaniyang katabi.

Nakita ko pang mag-igting ang panga ni Kaizer bago magtama ang aming mga mata. I rolled my eyes at him then stood up. Si Marcos na nasa gilid namin na may sariling mundo ay napatingin sa akin nang tumayo ako. There are two girls beside him that touching his shoulders pervertedly. I winced at that.

“I bet you gonna go and get that girl.” Marcos bet as he pointed to the other table, Riz’s table. So he’s listening, I thought he’s preoccupied with his women.

I smirked and just give him a smug look.

“I support you to that, Marcos,” Kelsy funded then raised her glass to Marcos for cheers.

Somehow, I was slightly amazed when Kaizer dropped the glass he was holding on the table. Padarag niya iyong ibinaba na lumikha ng tunog.

“What the heck dude. Come on! Stand up, we are in the bar. Don’t just drink and sit there lazily. Have some fun!” biglang sabi ng kadarating lang na si Killian na na kay Kaizer agad ang lapit.

Paalis na ako nang marinig kong muli si Kaizer na magsalita.

“Akala ko ba ayaw niya ng nasisikipan. Tss,” Kaizer murmured in an annoyed tone.

“What?” Dinig kong tanong ni Kelsy rito.

Hinarap naman ni Kaizer si Kelsy. Killian sat beside Kaizer’s sit and pour his glass of drinks.

“Coleen wasn’t here in Manila. I’m gonna call her once she got back so she can join us here.” Kaizer replied and shot up his brows as he looked on me.

Umiling naman ako at bago pa ako tumalikod para puntahan ang kabilang table ay saglit pa akong natigilan nang marinig kong may idagdag si Kaizer.

“I wish I could be possessive right now. Sadly I cannot,” he said while his eyes are directly glaring at me.

I gulped then looked away. Tinalikuran ko na sila.

“Bakit? Dahil ba malayo si Coleen kaya hindi mo magawa?” dinig kong usisa ni Kelsy.

“No,”

Nilakad ko na ang gawi ni Riz at hindi ko na narinig pa ang usapan nila. Kinakabahan ako sa mga sinasabi ni Kaizer dahil ayaw kong malaman nila Kels kung ano ba ang tingin niya sa akin.

I don’t want them to judge him as I did once they find out Kaizer’s feelings for me. It’s torture if that’s happened again. I wanna keep this because this ain’t good. And God please help as well as guide me from doing it. Because every time Kaizer speaks louder it just gonna mess up everything I was trying to avoid. And he’s making it harder for me.

Nang malapit na ako sa table ni Riz ay napansin kong naramdaman niya ang aking presensyang patungo sa kaniya. But I notice that she almost jumps at her sit when I got near her. Maybe she didn’t expect that it’s gonna be me who’s approaching her.

“Hey, you seem alone here,” I said and gave her a serious stare.

I felt her body tensed a bit. She can’t look in my eyes straightly.  I saw her gulped when I took a step. Shy? Or just frightened?

“Uh, oo.” tipid niyang sinabi. Her cheeks reddened.

I then smiled at her playfully to make it light for her.

“Are you bothered by my presence? Sorry, I think I should go now.” ani ko nang maramdamang wala siyang balak magsalita o yayain man lang akong maupo sa tabi niya.

I saw her panicked a bit after I said that.

“N-No it’s fine with me. I-I want you here.” her eyes were so hesitant but full of surprise as she said that.

“You sure?” Tanong ko pa.

She just nodded.

“Please don’t be shy,” I said to lighten her.

Ngumiti naman siya sa akin ng tipid. “Pasensya na. Maupo ka.”

“No need, you wanna come to our table?” Pagtanggi ko sa alok niya dahil balak ko talaga siyang dalhin na lamang sa lounge namin.

“Hindi ba nakakahiya?” She then asked hesitantly.

I smiled assuringly at her as I shook my head a bit.

“Hindi ’yan. Kelsy is there, I believe you’re acquaintance to her.”

She bit her lips as if she was thinking of it. Then she lifts her gaze on me again.

“Okay lang ba talaga?” 

“Kung ayaw mo ayos lang din naman. I will stay here instead.” I probed when lastly I realize that she really looks so shy and hesitant.

“Naku hindi na. Maybe you have a company there. You better should go now.” alinlangan niyang sinabi sa akin.

Bahagya namang nangunot ang noo ko. Kelsy said that Riz has a huge crush on me. She doesn’t seem like it.

“Riz,” narinig kong tawag mula sa aking likuran.

Riz look at the man behind me with a surprise in his eyes. I take a look to see if who is that. Pero bago pa man ako makabaling ng tingin ay nakalapit na sya sa aking harapan.

His eyes checked on me. I stare at him and he seems amazed by my presence here.

“Enzo, you done? Nasaan sila Bryce?” tanong ni Riz dito.

Hindi naman nagsalita si Enzo at nananatiling nakatitig lang siya akin. Bahagya naman akong nakaramdam ng pagka-ilang dahil sa paraan ng pagtitig niya.

“Neil, right?” he then asked me. He arched his brow, askingly.

“Yeah,” I just simply drawled on him.

“I hope you haven’t forgotten my name.” He was serious when he said that.

I smirked, “Enzo,” I remembered him even I met him the day I was so confused with myself.

He then smiled at me. There is something to his smile that I can’t explain. He actually looks like one of the greek gods. Perfect face and body built. Not to brag but same as mine but the only difference is that I’m younger than him.

“Maupo ka, join us.” He invited me.

Nginitian ko lang din siya pabalik at saka tumalima sa kaniyang inbitasyon. We take our sit and talked a bit. Nang sila pa ni Riz ang nag-uusap ay napatingin ako sa pwesto namin nila Kelsy to see what they are doing now.

But Kaizer’s glare on me is what only caught my attention. It’s like a dagger from afar that waiting and focusing on me. Sila Kelsy ay mukhang preoccupied sa kanilang pinag-uusapan nila Zandra at Marcos while him only, glaring at my way darkly.

Katabi ko si Enzo at si Riz ay nasa gilid naman niya. I took my eyes away from staring at Kaizer’s way and concentrate on Enzo beside me. Naramdaman ko naman ang kakaibang trato ni Enzo rito kay Riz kaya bahagya pa akong nailang nang maalala ko ang dahilan ng pagpunta ko rito.

Kelsy said that she’s having a crush on me. But the heck, I can say that Riz is not.

“Kanina pa kayo rito?” Enzo suddenly asked me and turn on my way.

Para siyang si Kuya Huxton base na pananalita at tindig dala na rin siguro ng mas matanda siya sa akin ng ilang mga taon.

“Oo,” tangi ko lang na naisagot sa kaniya. I sipped on my glass na kanina ko pa hawak.

“You like basketball? I got curious nang ipakilala ka sa akin ni Morgan last time we met.” tanong niya pang muli. Nag-iwas rin siya ng tingin nang mangunot ang aking noo.

“Yes. Bakit?”

“Nothing. May naalala lang ako. Anong year mo na pala?” He asked more.

His voice stern, the reason why I got confused.

“Grade twelve.” I simply said. I’m not good at making conversation lalo na kung wala rin naman akong ibang gustong sabihin.

“I haven’t seen Morgan lately. Busy ba siya sa school?” he then asked again as he sipped on his glass.

I shrugged. “I also haven’t seen him these past months. Hindi na rin uma-attend ng practice sa basketball drills.”

His brows shot up. “Really? Strange. You didn’t know why?”

“Don’t know.” ani ko at bigla kong naramdamang mag-vibrate ang cellphone ko sa aking bulsa.

“Excuse me,” I said to them.

Tinanguan lang ako ni Enzo. Some of their friends are now here at the table. Kadarating lang din.

I swipe my phone after a long and continuous vibration. It was a text message.

Kaizer:

Who is that man you are talking with?

Kaizer:

Come back here. Hinahanap ka na nila Zach.

Kaizer:

Read my messages. Stop talking to him.

My forehead creased to his texts. Why is that? I’m just talking here with my new friend. He’s being a jerk for telling me what to do.

I typed in my reply. Naiinis.

Ako:

No. Mamaya na.

And my forehead creased when Kaizer immediately sent his response.

Kaizer:

I know him.

Hindi na ako nagtipa pa ng susunod kong sasabihin. E’ ano ngayon kung kilala niya? Who wouldn’t know Enzo? Mukha pa lang ay pinagkakaguluhan na. At first glance, you can say that he’s notorious.

“Neil Arcoiris? Hey,” bati sa akin ng isang lalaking nasa harapan ko. Ang sofa namin dito ay kagaya lang rin ng sa aming table na magpipinsan.

The sofa was like forming a U shape and there’s a table in the middle.

“Yeah and you are?” I said to a man that seems to be Enzo’s friend.

“Bryce,” aniya ng may ngisi sa mga labi.

He also looked matured like Enzo. They are like bachelors but not really because they are just on their college.

“Gusto mo pa ba ng drinks? I’ll order you, Enzo will pay it later don’t worry.” Bryce said then he chuckled afterward.

Si Riz naman ay bakas ang pagkamangha sa akin habang nakangiti akong nakaharap sa kanila.

“No thanks, I can pay for my own.” I only said to them.

Naramdaman ko naman ang titig ni Enzo sa akin na hindi pa rin nag-iiba.

“But you can get everything, I’ll take it. Just say it, don’t hesitate.” saad pa ni Enzo sa akin.

“We have plenty of money. We don’t need your treat.” I jumped a bit on my sit when I heard Kaizer’s voice behind me.

Nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya si Enzo. He just looked at Kaizer intimidatingly and sternly.

What the hell is he doing here? Damn it.

I took a glance at my hard-headed cousin’s way that is now on my side, towering me from my sit. Binalingan naman niya ako ng tingin ng my distansiya sa kaniyang mga mata. Ramdam ko ang lamig at talim roon.

“Sorry to interrupt you guys. Neil, we have to go.” Kaizer seriously said as he directed his menace glares on me.

Humarap naman na ako kila Enzo, Riz at Bryce para makapagpaalam na, dahil hindi ko na rin gusto pang magtagal kung si Kaizer ay nanggugulo na. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko ng mga oras na iyon.

Kaizer just goes there to get me. And I hate what he said to Enzo. The man is just being indulgent to me. And he said something that we shouldn’t be arrogant of that much in a rude way.

“Thanks for the company Riz, Bryce.” I smiled at Enzo. “Enzo,” pagtawag ko sa kaniya sa aking tabi.

“You are always welcome, Neil. I’m happy to see you,” Enzo pronounced then tapped my shoulders.

Nakita ko namang tumalim ang tingin ni Kaizer sa braso ko kung saan ako tinapik ni Enzo. Ano bang problema nito?

Nag-iwas naman ako ng tingin kay Kaizer at hindi muna siya tinapunan ng pansin. I do the same to Enzo. Magaan ang pakiramdam ko sa kaniya unang pagkikita pa lang namin. Kahit na may kakaiba sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin ay naramdaman ko namang tunay ang pakikisama niya.

“Tara na.” Dinig kong sinabi ni Kaizer pagkatapos ay tinalikuran kami at nauna ng umalis.

Nagtanguan pa kami nila Bryce bago ako tuluyang sumunod kay Kaizer. Nabuburyo at nabubwisit akong naupo sa tabi ni Zach nang makabalik kami sa lounge namin.

“Anong nangyari, Neil? Akala ko ba dadalhin mo rito si Riz?” bungad sa akin ni Kelsy.

“Oh man, have you forgot my bet? I lost two bucks. The heck.” si Marcos.

“She’s a shy type.” tangi ko lang na nasabi sa kanila at nagsalin na ng inumin sa aking baso.

“She really is! Ganon talaga ’yon. Bakit hindi mo man lang ginamit ang charm mo? Ganiyan ka na ba kahina ngayon? Gosh!” Kelsy rolled her eyes on me afterward.

Arte. Eh, mukhang binubugaw mo lang naman ako sa kaniya. Hindi nalang ako nagsalita dahil naaasar pa ako kay Kaizer at ayaw kong madamay si Kelsy. At nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nakita ko si Zandra na nakatingin sa akin.

I raised my brow to ask but she just frowned. Weird. And when I turned my gaze beside her, unluckily Kaizer’s eyes met mine. I looked at him annoyingly.

He moved his hand and I saw him get his phone while his eyes are on me. Nung una ay hindi ko pa maintindinhan ang ginagawa niya. Nangungunot na ang aking noo nang maramdaman kong magvibrate ang phone ko.

Marahas akong bumuntong-hininga bago ito kinuha sa aking bulsa.

It was his text that pops up on my lock screen. My brows converge as I open his message.

Kaizer:

You looked so irritated. May nagawa ba akong mali?

Tang ina. Ask your fucking self.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya pero wala na sa akin ang kaniyang mga mata. He’s talking to Ezi and Lucien. He’s acting like he didn’t know what he did. Seriously?

Ako:

Ask yourself.

Ibinaba ko ang aking cellphone sa gilid ko at saka uminom muli. Hindi naman gaanong nakakalasing ang alak na iniinom ko ngayon kaya pakiramdam ko ay hindi pa ako tinatablan kahit na hindi ko na mabilang sa aking mga daliri kung nakakailang shot na ako.

I shook my head when I remember that Kaizer called me because we’re going home. But where are we now? Tss, asshole.

“Neil, kanina pa nagba-vibrate at tumutunog ang phone mo. Checked it, baka importante.” sabi ni Zach sa tabi ko na kanina pa pala napapansin.

Mabilis ko iyong kinuha nang akmang kukuhanin niya iyon sa aking tabi at iaabot sa akin. The screen was on and brighten so he could clearly see if who’s texting me. And it is freaking Kaizer for goodness sake!

Kaya naman ay mabilis ko iyong hinablot sa aking tabi at saka nag-iwas na lamang ng tingin kay Zach. Tumalikod ako sa kaniya ng bahagya para basahin ang mensahe ng loko na ’to.

Kaizer:

I’m not sorry if you think what I did is wrong. Masyado ka kasing nagiging friendly.

Kaizer:

Are you drunk? Let’s go home.

Mabibigat ang daliri kong nagtipa ng sasabihin sa kaniya.

Ako:

Can you stop sending messages?! Baka may makahalata na ako ang ti-ni-text mo.

Kaizer:

Don’t worry, hindi nila mahahalata. I’ll keep it lowkey.

He suddenly replied.

“Sino ba yang ka-text mo Kaizer? Kita mong nag-uusap tayo rito tapos may ganiyan?” mabilis akong napaangat ng tingin. Si Lucien iyong nagsalita.

Lowkey mo mukha mo.

I saw Kaizer chuckled a bit and sipped on his drink while his eyes were all on me now.

“My future,” Kaizer said with a smirk played on his lips.

Lahat naman kaming magpipinsan ay nakuha ang atensyon dahil sa sinabi niya. Mabilis akong nakaramdam ng kaba dahil baka kung ano pa ang ibulalas niya.

I didn’t even know what he’s talking about. His future? The fuck! The thick of his face!

“Wow, your future? Gano’n mo sineryoso si Coleen? Like wow, Kaizer.” Marcos said to him in awe.

“Hahaha, I didn’t know that you change!” Banat pa ni Ezi rito.

“Siguraduhin mo lang na si Coleen iyan.” paninigurado ni Kelsy sa kaniya.

Si Zandra naman ay nakatingin lang kay Kelsy at saka ito nginisian.

“Why Kels? May irereto ka pa bang iba para kay Kaizer?” Zandra interfere.

“No need to ask that, Zandra. Sa gandang lalaki ba naman naming mga Arcoiris kailangan ng irereto? Damn, we don’t need that. Girls are chasing us.” Killian spoke up.

May apat na babae pa ring nakapalibot sa kanilang dalawa ni Marcos. Mga nakalingkis ang mga braso nito sa kanilang katawan.

Kaizer chuckled. Hindi naman na nila napansin iyon dahil abala sila sa pag-uusap. He glanced at me then back to his phone. I felt my phone move.

Kaizer:

Namumutla ka. Are you okay?

Napakurap-kurap naman ako nang mabasa ko ang kaniyang mensahe at saka kinagat ang aking pang-ibabang labi habang nagtitipa ng sasabihin.

Ako:

Don’t talk too much. And what the hell you are saying to our cousins? Tang ina mo Kaizer.

I typed in and send it to him. Medyo nakaramdam naman ako ng hilo pero hindi ko iyon pinansin.

“Ayos ka lang ba, Neil? You look pale.” Zachary asked beside me.

Napakurap naman ako at nakaramdam ng biglaang kaba kaya mabilis kong pinatay ang phone ko.

“Ah, oo. Gusto ko ng umuwi. Ikaw ba? You’re so quiet, what’s up?” I asked him back, naturally.

Umayos ako ng upo at nakakaramdam na nga rin ako ng hilo.

He smiled at me wickedly then chuckled boyishly. “You know what I guess you’re already intoxicated. I’m not good but I wish I am. Pagod ka na ba? Uuwi na rin ako, ihahatid na kita.” tumawa pa siya ng bahagya matapos niyang magsalita.

“Talaga?” tanong ko pa sa sinabi niyang hindi ko masyadong naintindihan. Nangingiti na rin ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit. I’m not drunk okay. I’m not here to get boozed though.

“Uwi na tayo Kels. Lasing na rin yung iba.” Ngayon naman ay narinig ko ang boses ni Kaizer na malapit na sa akin ngayon.

“Sigi, nahihilo na rin ako eh. What time na ba Zandra?” si Kelsy.

“Quarter to one na,”

“Neil, let’s go.” Hindi ko namalayang nakapikit na ang aking mga mata nang marinig kong may tumatawag sa akin.

Shit. Hindi naman sobrang lakas ng alak na ininom ko ah? Wait, naka ilang glasses ba ako at ganito kalakas ang tama sa akin ngayon?

I felt Kaizer get me from Zach. “Ako na ang maghahatid sa kaniya. Ihatid mo na sila Kelsy. She’s tipsy. Take care of your sister.” 

I didn’t see how Zach reacts but I think he agreed because Kaizer is helping me out now. Namalayan ko nalang ay naglalakad na kami at nakaramdam ako bigla ng panlalamig. Nakasukbit ang aking braso sa leeg ni Kaizer nang magdilat ako ng aking mga mata.

Papuntang parking na kami at nararamdaman kong may kakaiba sa aking sikmura. Nahihilo ako at nahihirapan akong maglakad.

“Neil, you okay?” huminto kami sa gilid ng sasakyan ni Kaizer at sinubukan kong kapain ang bulsa ko para kunin ang susi ng aking sasakyan.

“What are you doing?” tanong niya nang mapansing may hinahanap ako.

Nakasandal ako sa sasakyan niya dahil sa hindi ko inasahang tatamaan pala ako ng alak ngayon.

“Where are my keys? Kaizer, where is that? Give me my keys.” nahihilo kong sinabi sa kaniya dahil hindi ko iyon makapa sa aking bulsa.

Fuck. I am really drunk. Totally drunk that I can’t even stand straight. Damn it.

“You want my kiss? Fuck. You’re drunk, Neil.” I heard him said.

“Gago! Yung susi ko Kaizer.” lasing ako pero alam ko pa rin naman ang ginagawa ko. At sa naririnig ko sa mga pinagsasasabi niya, mukhang nauulol na naman ang isang ito.

“Akala ko kiss, tss. Kinuha ko kanina, binigay ko kila Killian.”

“N-Nasaan si Zach? Akala ko siya ang maghahatid sa akin?” tanong ko pa sa kaniya.

Sinubukan kong maglakad kaso muntikan na akong matumba at mabilis akong nahawakan ni Kaizer. Nagtama ang aming mga titig habang marahan niya akong inaalalayan upang hindi ako matumba.

Our body was so close to each other. I can feel his mixed minty alcohol breath. His eyes were dark and menacing as he stared at me now.

“Ako na ang maghahatid sa’yo.” He then mumbled huskily while his eyes dropped on my pursed lips.

“Kaizer…” I said huskily, almost in a whisper.

“What?” iritadong tanong naman na niya ngayon.

Mahigpit akong napakapit sa kaniyang magkabilang braso. I bit my lips. I saw his eyes dropped on my mouth.

His luscious thin lips parted as I licked my lips. Then unexpectedly he slowly neared his face to me but I suddenly felt like my stomach turns upside down.

“Fuck!” he then suddenly cursed.

Nakayuko ako sa kaniyang dibdib habang mahigpit na pinipisil ang kaniyang dalawang balikat. Hindi ko na napigilang magsuka. Dimwit!

“I need my wipes in my car. I have an extra shirt there that’s why I’m finding my keys.” mahina kong sinabi nang mahimasmasan ako.

“Damn it-” mariin kong naipikit aking mga mata at saka ako nawalan ng ulirat. Nakatulog ako at hindi ko alam kung ano ang sumunod na nangyari.

Basta ang tangi ko nalang na naaalala nang maidilat ko ang aking mga mata ay nakita kong naghuhubad si Kaizer ng kaniyang damit at walang saplot siyang nagmamaneho.

“Shit, I expect that it will gonna be a kiss but damn. You fucking vomit on me.” I heard him murmured.

I chuckled drunkenly.

“You’re doomed, cuz your future spits up you,” I mumbled with my insane smirk plastered on my lips while my eyes are off.

Kabanata 18

Kabanata 18

Unknown

Naramdaman kong may humahawak sa aking mukha. Marahan kong iminulat ang aking mga mata at una kong nasilayan ang mukha ni Kaizer na ilang pulgada nalang ang lapit sa akin.

He’s caressing my cheek. I blinked twice then I removed his hand on my face nang matauhan ako.

“What the fuck are you doing?” My voice husk as my eyes narrowed in little on him.

He didn’t speak and just stared at me blankly and seriously.

Nangunot ang aking noo. Then I run my fingers to my disheveled hair as I darted my eyes on him.

“Anong oras na?” I asked him again later on. Paos na paos ang boses ko nang itanong ko iyon sa kaniya.

He then gave me a smile that made me grimaced.

“I said what time is it?” I clearly said now with my voice large and deep.

“Eleven AM,” he said then sat on my bed beside me.

Bumangon naman ako at sumandal sa headboard ng kama. Napangiwi pa ako ng bahagya nang maramdaman kong sumakita ang ulo ko. Napangiwi ako at napasapo sa aking noo.

“Ipagtitimpla kita ng kape. Bumaba ka na, your breakfast is ready kanina pa.” ani Kaizer sa aking tabi at saka mabilis na tumayo ng kama.

“Sigi,” tangi ko nalang na nasabi habang nakahawak sa aking ulo.

Nasa hamba na siya ng pinto nang idilat kong muli ang aking mga mata mula sa mariing pagkakapikit. Nakita kong binalingan niyang muli ang aking gawi at mukhang parang may sasabihin pa.

“Russco is waiting for us downstairs, hurry up.” aniya at tinalikuran na ako.

Hindi ko alam kung naiilang ba siya sa akin o ano. Tanging ang kaniyang mga mata lang ang nakakapagsabi sa akin kung bakit parang may kakaiba sa kaniya ngayon.

Why? Is there something nice that happened last night? Wait. What happened last night? Shit. I can’t remember! And what he was doing to me when I woke up? He’s caressing my cheeks and I didn’t even protest!

Nakakunot at masama ang aking tingin sa bawat bagay na matatamaan ng aking mga mata habang tumatayo paalis ng aking kama. What I can only remember is that I got drunk and I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Hanggang sa pagligo ay hindi ko tinantanan ang pag-iisip kung ano ba ang nangyari kagabi. Imposible namang may dahilan iyon kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay may kakaiba sa inaakto ni Kaizer ngayon. But his distant eyes were now gone. And it’s terribly surprised me.

I went down after a long bath I had. When I got in the dining I saw Russco sitting and looking up to Kaizer who’s now standing and leaning on the wall.

“Finally we’re gonna go there. I thought you forgot because you don’t come here anymore.” I heard Russco happily uttered.

I am walking towards them but they didn’t notice my presence as they continue their conversation.

“Of course I won’t forget it. I promised you, kaya dapat matuloy.” nakangiting sinabi ni Kaizer sa kaniya.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa paningin ko ay parang ang gaan ng awra ni Kaizer ngayon. He seems to bloom in my eyes. His face and presence are just so good right now. Then I just shrugged that off out in my head when I realize that I shouldn’t feel this way

Napatingin sila sa akin nang maupo ako sa upuang nasa tapat ni Russ.

“Kuya Neil, are you ready? What is that you are wearing? Have you forgot the date?” Russco winced at me while he asked me that.

Nagugulat naman akong tumingin sa kaniya at nagtatanong ang mga mata kong binalingan ng tingin si Kaizer.

“What’s about today?” walang ideya kong tanong rito.

Malakas na bumuga ng hangin si Russco at saka bagsak ang mga balikat na tumingin sa akin. Ani mong buryong buryo at hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.

“We are going out today! Kuya Kaizer will bring us to play airsoft. Plus the other stuff that I want to do with him.” His lips pouted after he said it.

Mukha naman akong walang alam sa mangyayari ngayong araw. As in I really don’t remember myself going out today. It’s not even on my list of schedules.

“It’s Russco’s birthday gift from me. So don’t you ever try to refuse it.” Kaizer uttered as he put my cup of coffee in front of me.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko sa kanilang dalawa.

“Hindi ko maalalang naka schedule ’tong araw na ito-” Kaizer cutted me off abruptly.

“Hush. No more excuses. No one cares if you’re not informed by this. Kailangan mong sumama.” ma-awtoridad na sinabi ni Kaizer.

I sighed heavily. “Fine,”

Tinapos ko ang umagahan ko o kung tanghalian na rin ba iyong matatawag dahil anong oras na akong kumain.

Mga ala-una nang tuluyan kaming tumulak papuntang Quezon City. It’s in Metro Manila and just not almost an hour away from us. I even think that we can get there in just forty minutes.

Sa likod ako naupo at magkatabi kami ni Russco. Hindi ako pumuwesto sa harap dahil ayaw kong makatabi si Kaizer.

“Neil, bakit diyan ka?” nagugulat na tanong ni Kaizer sa akin nang makitang nakapuwesto na ako sa likod ng kaniyang sasakyan.

“Gusto ko dito, tabi nalang kami ni Russ.”

“Kuya sa harap ka na. Promise, I won’t sleep so you don’t worry about me.” sinabi pa ni Russco dahil baka akala niya ay nag-aalala ako kapag nakatulog siya sa byahe.

Wala na akong naidahilan pa nang pagbuksan ako ng pintuan ni Kaizer sa front sit. Nakaabang at naghihintay siyang nakatingin sa akin.

Eto na nga, e’. I talked to myself forcedly as I went outside of the car at saka tinungo ang front sit para do’n maupo sa kaniyang tabi.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa at umusad na kami. Ang dami nilang pinag-uusapan ni Russco at hindi naman na ako nakisali sa kanila. Bahagya pa rin akong nakakaramdam ng hangover kaya ipinikit ko nalang ang aking mga mata.

“You think Ate Coleen would love playing this too? Hindi ba siya maarte?” dinig kong tanong ni Russco sa likod habang ipinapark ni Kaizer ang sasakyan.

“I don’t think so. She’s actually been to the place the last time I go here.”

“You mean she’s actually playing airsoft? Wow, I wanna see her holding a gun, I think she’s so cool with it.” namamanghang ani Russco at tuluyan ng naipark ang sasakyan.

I almost rolled my eyes at that. I removed my seat belt and went out of the car

As if namang walang kinaaartehan si Coleen. Tss. Kung gano’n ay dito sila nagkakilala o dati pa lang magkakilala na sila?

Lumabas na rin sila at agad namang lumapit si Kaizer sa aking tabi. Si Russco naman ay tumakbo at pumagitna sa aming dalawa.

“Let’s go! I’m excited to see the place I can’t wait to play!” hindi na napigilan pang hilahin ni Russco ang magkabilang kamay namin ni Kaizer at saka kami tinangay patakbo.

Bahagya namang tumawa si Kaizer sa excitement ni Russ. He looked in my way and the moment he turns his gaze on me I was actually watching his movements and his reactions.

I smiled a bit, awkwardly, then I head off. Hindi ako naiilang, okay. I just feel to look away at that moment.

Bago kami makapasok sa loob ay may kinausap pa si Kaizer at may ibinigay sa aming protective gears. I wear my goggles and knuckle gloves. Nakita kong kakatapos lang tulungan ni Kaizer suotan ng protective gears si Russco. He was wearing the same but he has the earmuffs on and he also handed me one with the eyeglasses. Kinuha ko naman iyon sa kaniya nang iabot niya sa akin iyon.

“I’ll show you first Russ, just watch me.”

We are sitting in their waiting area part of the doorway. And my side is far from Kaizer’s way on me. Russ is on my side and seriously watching Kaizer. Nangunot naman ang noo ko. Nakita kong may inabot sa kaniya na ipinasak niya sa loob ng baril. Itinutok niya iyon sa target.

“What is he doing? I thought we’re going to play this with him?” parang tanga kong tanong kay Russco.

“No, Kuya. We’re just only doing target shooting. What you are saying is outdoor playing. And we’re not going to do that for now.” Russco said while his eyes are still on Kaizer’s way on his position, targeting.

Malakas ang naging tunog ng kaniyang baril kahit na malayo sila sa amin. Nang makailang putok si Kaizer ay ibinigay na niya ang hawak niyang baril sa lalaking nasa gilid niya.

He then walked towards us eventually. Russco stood up while I remain sitting in my seat.

“What do you think?” tanong ni Kaizer kay Russco habang inaalis nito ang headphone niyang suot.

“You did great I guess.” tanging sinabi ni Russco sa kaniya.

Nangunot ang noo ni Kaizer kay Russco. “You guess? Why is that? You haven’t tried this, how come?”

“I saw you looked down the barrel. You shouldn’t do that.” Russco said.

Napakamot naman sa ulo si Kaizer. “No, I don’t. The gun wasn’t loaded yet. I just pointed it to my target. You memorize the gun safety rules, huh?” si Kaizer.

“Yeah, I’m prepared,” Russco smirked at him and gave him a smug look.

“Kuya, mamaya ka na. Ako muna,” baling sa akin ni Russco na nakasuot na ng eyeglasses niya ngayon.

I just nod my head at him. Hindi rin naman kasi ako interesadong sumubok.

“Sige,” tangi kong sinabi at saka nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer.

“You’re next,” aniya sa akin bago sila nagtungo sa pinagpwestuhan niya kanina.

Pinagmamasdan ko siya habang inaalalayan niya si Russco sa paghawak ng baril. He’s so serious while doing it. Like he’s really focused on it.

Si Rusco naman ay madaling nakuha at nang subukan niya ay mabilis niyang natamaan ang target. Halos hindi na rin ako nagulat dahil maraming alam si Russco pagdating sa ganiyan. Though it was his first time he applied all his knowledge about it.

At nang iwanan ni Kaizer si Russco sa kasamahan niya ay pinuntahan ako nito. He was half running and I can’t take my eyes off him.

“Wear your earmuffs and eyeglasses. Let’s go,” aniya nang makalapit sa akin.

Napatikhim naman ako nang mapansing masyado akong natutulala sa kaniya.

“Come on,” iniabot nito ang kamay niya sa akin para tulungan sa pagtayo.

Aabutin ko na sana ang kamay niyang nakalahad sa akin kaso ay bigla kong naalala na kaya ko namang tumayong mag-isa. What’s happening to me? So I finally stood up on my own.

Napapahiya naman niyang inalis ang nakalahad niyang kamay para sa akin. Nang isusuot ko na ang earmuffs sa aking tainga ay naramdaman kong wala ito sa aking leeg. Napalingon pa ako at nakita kong naiwan ko pala ito sa upuan ko kanina. Kukuhanin ko na sana ngunit nakita kong binalikan na iyon ni Kaizer.

At nang makuha na niya iyon ay mabilis siyang tumakbo patungo sa aking puwesto at halos matigilan ako ng lapitan niya ako sa hindi normal na paglapit. He steps more closer that I even felt my breath stop.

“Don’t remove this, also your goggles.” He said right in front of my face as I just nod my head languidly.

When I got into my position he handed me a gun. It was a bit heavy for me. He said that it has a bullet inside so I just need to point it on my target.

Dalawang kamay ko ang nakahawak sa baril habang itinututok ko ito sa target. Nang mahirapan ako ay halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang hawakan ni Kaizer ang dalawa kong kamay.

Nasa likuran ko siya at hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I can’t concentrate and my mind was tangled about his presence on my back. I feel like I was catching my breath when I heard him speak.

“Never put your finger on the trigger until you are aiming at the target and are ready to shoot,” he said as he gets my finger that is now on the trigger.

There is an orientation before we got here but I didn’t much pay attention to that. Kaya pakiramdam ko ay napahiya ako sa sinabi ni Kaizer.

“Kaizer, let me do this,” I muttered.

“You’re not doing it right. Inaalalayan lang kita.” marahan ang boses niyang sinabi sa aking tainga.

Nang subukan kong ibaling ang tingin ko sa kaniya ay halos maglapat sa isa’t isa ang aming mga labi dahil sa sobrang lapit ng kaniyang mukha sa akin.

I gulped harder. As I heard him cleared his throat. We both immediately looked away but he was still holding my hand and remain standing at my back.

“Pwede mo naman akong alalayan ng hindi mo ako hinahawakan. Hindi ako katulad ni Russco.” nahihirapan kong sinabi dahil pakiramdam ko ay natutuyuan na ang aking lalamunan.

“That’s why I’m doing this, you’re special.”

Damn it. I feel like the beating of my heart doubled in an instant.

“Baka may nakatingin sa atin Kaizer. Just let me go. I can do this.” kinakabahan kong sinabi.

Hindi mapakali ang aking mga mata sa paligid dahil baka may nakamasid sa amin. At ayaw kong may isipin silang mali at kakaiba sa ginagawa namin.

“Relaxed. It’s normal here. Roam your eyes around and you will see.” he huskily said on me.

Tumingin naman ako sa kaliwa ko upang hindi kami magkasalubong ng tingin at nakita ko ngang may iba ring katulad niyang umaalalay sa mga tinuturuan nila.

“Hindi ako kumportable Kaizer. At saka ayaw kong makita tayo ni Russco sa ganitong ayos.”

Naramdaman ko namang iniayos niya ang pagkakahawak ko sa baril na parang hindi niya ako narinig. Bumuntong hininga na lamang ako at saka hinayaan na lamang siya. Nagseryoso ako at inalis ang isiping nasa likuran ko siya. At nang matamaan ko ang target ko ay mabilis din siyang humiwalay sa akin at binitiwan ang aking kamay.

Nakangiti ako nang bumaling sa kaniya dahil natamaan ko ito kaso ay nag-iwas siya ng tingin at agad na tinungo ang gawi ni Russco. Napamaang naman ako at marahang bumuntong-hininga.

Nang makita kong wala na si Russ sa field at naghihintay na ito sa amin ay umalis na rin ako at tinungo ang kinauupuan namin kanina.

“Ang galing mo Kuya, direktang puso ang tinamaan mo.” ani Russco sa akin nang makalapit ako sa kanila.

I just smirked at him. Proudly looked at him. But when my eyes met Kaizer, my heart sank slowly. Because he’s glaring at me with humid eyes.

“I will just get us some drinks. What do you like Russ?” baling niya sa kapatid ko.

“Juice is fine to me.”

At nang bumaling siya sa akin, “Water,” tangi kong nasabi.

Umalis naman na siya agad. Galit ba siya dahil sa sinabi ko? But I just said it because I don’t want Russco to see us in that position. I can’t understand the beat of my heart when we’re on that site. It was loud when he’s on my back.

I then sighed when I felt myself overthinking about it. And when I lifted my gaze, I saw Kaizer handed me a bottle of water. Kinuha ko naman iyon s kaniya.

Tahimik lang ako habang silang dalawa ni Russco ay may pinag-uusapan. Hindi naman ako nakisali sa kanila. I just remain silent and watching Kaizer’s every rection. Napansin ko namang ni hindi niya man lang ako binabalingan ng tingin.

At ilang sandali pa ay aalis na rin kami at hindi pa rin niya ako kinakausap. Hindi ko alam kung maninibago ba ako sa trato niya o hindi. Dahil parang mas gusto ko nalang na ganon siya kesa sa ganitong wala kaming kibo sa isa’t isa.

We are walking outside the premises in the hallway when I bumped into someone. I paused and my lips left in a half.

“Sorry– Enzo?” gulat kong tanong dahil nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay namukhaan ko siya. Hindi ko inaasahang makakabungguan ko siya rito.

“Hey,” bakas din sa reaksyon nito ang pagkamangha nang makita ako.

“Pasensya na,” I then chuckled guiltily.

“No, it’s okay. You’re playing airsoft too?” Biglang tanong niya sa akin.

Napangiti naman ako sa kaniya.

“Sinubukan ko lang. Sinamahan ko lang ang kapatid ko. Ikaw? What are you doing here? Playing?” I asked him curiously.

He chuckled boyishly before he spoke. “Ah hindi, susunduin ko lang ang kapatid ko. She usually goes here to play target shooting. Pauwi ka na ba? Sinong kasama mo?”

Lumagpas naman ang tingin ko sa kaniya nang banggitin niya kung sino ang kasama ko. I lifted my gaze to Russ who’s waiting for me. I didn’t notice that we talked much.

“I’m with my brother, Russco.” nilapitan ko si Russco na nasa isang gilid at naghihintay kasama si Kaizer na nasa kaniyang likuran. “And my cousin, Kaizer,” I informed Enzo.

Kaizer just nods at him and Enzo did the same way. Alam ko namang magkakilala na ang dalawang ito dahil sa basketball. But still, I introduced just him because I’m with them.

Then he smiled at Russco. “Hey, little man,” pukaw ni Enzo sa atensyon ni Russco sa aking tabi.

“Hey, big man,” sabi naman ni Russco sa kaniya na nakangiti rin.

Malawak namang napangiti si Enzo sa kaniya.

“Russ come with me. Let’s leave your Kuya Neil muna.” Biglang tawag ni Kaizer dito.

Napalingon naman kami sa kaniya.

“But Kaizer-” he cut me off.

“We just gonna wait for you in the car,” Kaizer stated at me with his humid eyes.

“Bye big man, I gotta go.” Dinig kong paalam ni Russco kay Enzo.

Nakaramdam naman ako ng gulat at pagkainis sa ginawa ni Kaizer. He’s being rude again like what he did last night at the club.

Hindi ako binalingan ni Kaizer ng tingin bago sila umalis patungong sasakyan.

“Kuya,” napalingon naman ako sa malambot at sobrang lamyos na boses mula sa likuran ko.

“Nics, nandyan ka na pala.” sabi ni Enzo.

The girl in front of me looked so intimidating. From her intimidating eyes and sophisticated stance. I didn’t expect that her voice was not stagy and mean like her aura is bringing right now.

Humakbang pa ito palapit sa akin patungo sa gawi ni Enzo sa aking harap. Their resemblance was a bit similar. From their fair skin complexion to their intimidating aura’s.

Napansin ko pang seryoso ako nitong tiningnan. Ilang segundo pa kaming nagkatitigan at parang sinusuri namin ang bawat isa bago ako nag-iwas ng tingin para makapagpaalam na. Kailangan ko ng umalis dahil ayaw ko ng paghintayin pa sila Russco ng matagal.

“Ah, I gotta go. Naghihintay na sa akin ang kapatid ko.” Baling ko kay Enzo na nasa akin din pala ang tingin.

“Sigi, ingat.” Enzo’s deep voice said.

His voice is strict but I feel like it’s just sounded like that. Hindi ko naman na binalingan pa ng tingin ang kaniyang kapatid na babae at saka umalis na. When I reached the parking lot I immediately went inside our car.

After I buckled up my seat belt when I got into my seat. Kaizer then suddenly drove the car without any ado of glancing on my way. He didn’t say anything, so I am too. No one defeated the silence. He’s just looking at the road stubbornly.

‘Is he mad?’ The only question that is running on my mind in the whole ride.

Nang makauwi na kami sa amin ay nakatulog si Russco sa backseat. I open the door of the car and went out to get him in the backseat. Papunta na ako sa likuran pagkababa ko ng sasakyan nang may kinuha lang ako sa front sit at para buhatin na rin si Russco ay mabilis itong nabuhat ni Kaizer.

Hindi ko naramdamang bumaba ito ng sasakyan. I paused, I was also about to get Russco in his arms when he avoided my way and walked past me. He started walking without taking a glance in my way.

I just let a heavy sigh before my eyes stalked him that is now walking near the doorway towards the elevator.

Mabilis ko namang nilakad ang gawi niya para maabutan siya. When we enter the elevator I clicked the button to our floor. Russco was sleeping on Kaizer’s shoulder when I lifted my gaze on them. While Kaizer is seriously staring at the air. His lips were in a grim line.

We got inside our house and there I noticed that he’s really avoiding me.

“Oh, nakatulog na si Russ. Pasensya na Kaizer, ah.” Mom said to him.

“Ayos lang po Tita, mukhang napagod lang po si Russ kaya nakatulog.” he politely said.

“Dapat si Neil nalang ang pinagbuhat mo kay Russco. Mukha pa namang pagod ka na rin sa pagmamaneho, hijo.” Then I saw Mom looked in my way.

Inaasahan kong may sasabihin si Kaizer ngunit wala man lang siyang naging reaksyon sa sinabi ni Mom sa kaniya. Diretso niya lang na tinungo ang daan patungong kuwarto ni Russ. Nakasunod naman si Mom sa kaniya para alalayan si Russco sa pagbaba nito sa kama.

I sighed heavily and then I let myself fell on the sofa. I will wait for him till he gets out of Russco’s room, I want us to talk. Pagod na rin ako at nakasandal ang aking likod sa sofa habang nakatingala sa kisame nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto.

My eyes immediately throw on his way. I stood up when he got near me. Akala ko ay hihinto siya sa harap ko ngunit hindi. Tuloy tuloy lang siyang naglakad palabas ng pintuan ng bahay namin.

Nagmadali naman akong abutan siya. Mabilis siyang nakalabas ng pinto at hindi ko alam kung nagmamadali ba siya o ano.

“Kaizer!” I called him loudly.

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad at nasa hallway kami ngayon ng floor. Patungo na siyang elevator nang maabutan ko siya. Mariin pa akong napapikit ng mga mata nang maisip kung ano ba itong ginagawa ko ngayon. Then he turns around to face me.

Ngayon lang muli lumapat sa akin ang kaniyang mga mata at hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng pagkailang ngayon. Naglakad pa ako para malapitan siya. Seryosong tingin lang ang ibinibigay nito sa akin sa mga oras na ito.

I started to get frustrated because I can not understand what he is doing. I also don’t understand myself if why I am reacting this way to what he is doing now.

Hindi dapat ako naghahabol sa kaniya ngayon para lang alamin kung ano ang iniisip niya dahil hindi ko naman ito ginagawa noon.

“I want us to talk.” I seriously said nang makatayo ako sa harapan niya sa tapat ng elevator.

He’s gritting his teeth, the reason why his jaw is moving.

“We are talking now.” Simple at walang kabuhay buhay niyang sinabi sa akin.

“I want us to talk in private,” dagdag ko pa.

Lumingon pa siya sa paligid para tingnan kung may ibang taong.

“There is no one else here except you and me. Now talk,” he uninterestedly uttered.

Nag-umpisa ko na namang naramdaman ang malademonyong kulisap sa aking sikmura habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you mad at me? May nasabi ba akong mali kanina? If it’s about what I said na baka makita tayo ni Russco sa gano’ng posisyon then I’m sorry. I just don’t want to put ourselves at risk. Russco is intelligent. At ayaw kong pag-isipan niya tayo ng iba. Why aren’t you talk to me either looked at my way? Tell me what is wrong.” my heartbeat slammed so fast as I pronounced my laments.

His eyes narrowed as he looked away. He’s patiently controlling his self and I can see that. I can see it through his clenching jaw.

“You say sorry for the very first time. You asked me so many times. Tell me… why are you curious, Neil? You even look frustrated about it now.” mataman niyang sinabi sa akin. His voice was greedy.

Bahagya naman akong natauhan. I swallowed hard. This is not me. What am I doing? I never asked him about his reaction whenever he’s treating me cold or he’s avoiding me. Pero bakit ngayon ay parang hindi ko maintindihan ang ikinikilos ko.

He took so many steps and another step that will eat the small gap between us. The sounds of his footsteps filled the whole area as his eyes darted on me directly.

“Why are you frustrated about it? Hmm?” he huskily asked when he got more closer to me.

I can’t stop myself from gulping. Nasa harapan ko na siya ngayon at ilang pulgada lang ang pagitan namin sa isa’t isa.

“I just want to know. That’s it! Malapit na ang birthday ni Russco at ayaw ko ng ganiyan ang pakikitungo mo sa akin. B-Baka mamaya isipin ni Russ nag-away na naman tayo.” ani ko at dali-daling nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

The intimidating and fierce look I have is now gone when he started glaring at me. He’s startled me now.

“Good. Remember what I told you? Keep on reminding me that you are doing it without feelings involve so I know when I should expect and when to get you.” he said and put his index finger on my lower lips as he twirled it just once. His other fingers are underneath my chin now.

I was now looking at him straight in the eyes. I almost hyperventilate when I saw his eyes became hooded as they bore into my lips.

Then he turned his back on me. Leaving my lips parted from his caressed onto it earlier. My mind was blank for seconds but I immediately snapped out from my thoughts.

Naglalakad na siya nang tawagin ko siyang muli. Huminto naman siya at nasa loob na siya ng elevator pero hindi niya na ako binalingan pa ng tingin.

“Thank you for today. I have fun.” I only said to him sternly before the elevator closed.

The feeling that I am having right now was strange. The waves of my chest as my heartbeat pounded the cave of unknown as I felt him cold to me. It was all over filled with unknown grateful things that I will admit… That will slowly lead me to a choice I never planned to make.

Kabanata 19

Kabanata 19

Fall

The next day was been boring and not productive for me. I was busy and trying hard to focus but someone is just buggering my mind. It’s started when I get frustrated why he’s mad at me. I was damn freaking opened eyes almost the whole night that time, thinking about it.

I don’t want to claim to myself that I am now having a strange feeling towards it. It’s insane to think about it every minute. Evey seconds.

“Fuck! Bakit ba hindi ako makatulog?!” I asked myself frustratedly.

Nakailang tagilid at mariing pikit na ang nagawa ko pero hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok. Naubos ko na rin sa mga daliri ko ang pagbibilang ng sheep but nothing’s happened.

Nang mga sumunod na araw at katapusan na ng November ay naging abala naman ako sa school. It was a pretty good diversion of my attention to stop overthinking things especially thinking about him.

I know it’s not healthy and kinda new to my system that he gets into my mind lately. Naliliyo pa rin ako magpa hanggang ngayon pero lamang ang kuryosidad sa nararamdaman ko.

Days before Russco’s birthday we decided to go to the pub. It was a nice day for us to hang out because it’s also sem break the next week. Ngayon na lang din kaming magpipinsan na magkakasama so I grab their invitation for me. But at the same time, in the other half of my mind, I just also want to go out to see him.

It’s been weeks at simula no’n ay hindi na kami nagkausap pa. We also rarely saw each other at school at ang madalas kong kasama ay si Zach. Nakakapanibago dahil pakiramdam ko ay may hinahanap ako pero at the same time ayaw kong makita. It is now between my heart and my mind.

My mind keeps on telling me that I shouldn’t feel this way. It’s inappropriate to have this kind of abnormality. Yeah, I do exaggerate the word to remind myself. To stop myself from liking him back.

Maingay at malikot ang bawat galaw ng ilaw sa loob ng club. Pero dahil nasa taas kami ay hindi gaanong malikot ang mga saliw nito. The song was loud and the people are on their peaks.

Nakaupo ako at tanging hawak ang isang baso ng alak.

“That’s terrible! Ruffa is such a whore. She has a newly released scandal last Friday, haven’t you see it? Parang every three months may bago siyang videos.” Narinig ko si Kelsy na malapit lang sa akin at kausap ang ilan sa mga kaibigan niya.

Zandra is also with them. I watched them talking about it loudly when someone tapped my shoulder.

“Zach,” tawag ko nang makaupo siya sa aking tabi.

Seryoso at wala kang ibang mararamdaman sa malamig na mga mata niya nang titigan ko iyon nang iba ang direksiyon ng kaniyang mga tingin. It was cold and dark.

Pero nang bumaling siya sa akin ay mabilis iyong nawala. “Have you tried to dance?” tanong niya sa akin.

“No, I don’t even have plans to do it. Pass muna ko riyan.” ani ko.

The other side of his lips tugged up. Kanina pa kasi nasa dancefloor si Ezi at Lucien na ngayon ay nakikita naming paakyat na ng hagdan. They are dancing with the girls.

“Si Kaizer?” tanong ni Killian sa amin nang bumaling ito sa gawi namin ni Zach.

“Don’t know? Baka nasa baba.” pagtukoy ni Zach sa mga lounges.

Hindi naman ako kumibo. Kanina ko pa nga rin hinahanap si Kaizer. He’s just here earlier but he said that he needs to go somewhere else. Simula nang magkita kita kami rito kanina ay hindi ko pa siya nakakausap.

He’s been distancing himself again. He’s spacing out. I straightly drink my whiskey on my glass.

I stood up from my sit. I need to find him. I can’t stay here anymore.

Kanina pa ako kating kati na tumayo para hanapin siya but I don’t have the guts to do that. But now that I drink a lot, I think the guts are now rushing in my blood.

“Saan ka pupunta? Are you going to dance? Akala ko ba ayaw mo?” Zachary gazes at me and curiously asked.

I just shook my head at him. “Hindi,”

He didn’t ask me more because I left him already. Nadaanan ko pa si Marcos na may babae na namang nakalingkis sa kaniya at ganon din kay Killian. Ezekiel and Lucien were now also at our table when I went downstairs to find Kaizer.

Maraming tao at hindi naman ako nahirapan sa pagbaba ng hagdan. It is an exclusive bar. Every person I am encountered and passing by turned their gazes on me. They even try to hit on me but I off too.

I don’t feel like having sex right now.

Nang mapunta ako malapit sa mga sumasayaw ay agad akong luminga para tingnan kung nando’n ba siya. But he wasn’t there. So I walked, then got on the tables but he’s not there as well. He said that he will just go here but I’ve done looking for him and he’s not here. I can’t see him.

I just continued walking and I saw Morgan behind me when I look back. He was looking at me indulgently. He’s not even surprised to see me here.

He’s wearing a button-down shirt and I notice that his physique is now bulky.

“Hi,” he hoarsely muttered on me. Maingay ang tugtugin sa loob ng bar pero narinig ko ang mahina nitong pagbati.

“What’s up? Ang tagal kitang hindi nakita sa school, ah. You are also not attending to our games.” I said to him. Naglakad naman siya papunta sa isang sofa na mukhang solong pwesto niya.

I opt to follow him because I haven’t seen him lately so we can continue our conversation.

Did he occupy this sit alone? Tanong ko sa sarili nang makita ang lounge niya. Halos kasing laki ito ng sa aming magpipinsan at halos siya lang mag-isa ang narito. Not to mention the people hanging here but he seems alone. Like he isn’t with anybody else.

“Yeah, I’ve been very busy these past few weeks. How is the varsity going?” he asked me then sat on the sofa.

Ibinuka niya ang kaniyang palad at inilahad ang bandang tabi niya upang upuan ko. I didn’t hesitate to sit beside him so I went.

“Want some?” he asked as he leveled the bottle of drink on my glass.

“Sure, give me some.” he then poured my glass of it.

Napansin kong kakaiba ang hawak niyang bote ng alak. It’s different and I haven’t seen that brand before. Even in the U.S. so I got curious.

I immediately sipped on my glass to taste it at hindi ako nagkamali na masarap ang lasa nito.

“Like it?” Morgan asked with a smirk on his lips.

“Not bad. Anong brand name niyan? I don’t think that I’m familiar with our drink.” I said then sipped on my glass for the second time.

“It’s a different brand. You never know this because this is specially made for me by my friend. He owns this bar and he gave me this to drink with someone and share this very good alcoholic drink.” then he smiled at me boyishly.

Naramdaman ko namang nag-vibrate ang phone ko pero hindi ko iyon pinansin. I am drinking when I felt something is burning in an instant. Churning inside me. I feel like I’m on fire and I need someone to share this flame with me.

“So kumusta na nga ang varsity? Okay naman ba si coach? Kaizer is his captain and he chooses him over me.” nakitaan ko ng kakaibang galit ang kaniyang mga mata habang nakatitig ito sa akin.

He slightly smiled at me but the anger wasn’t fade. His glare is now weird to take because there’s something behind it. Like he was calling me to come with him. Is he hypnotizing me? Holy shit. I am really drunk.

Napasandal ako sa inuupuan ko at ipinatong ko ang aking siko sa sandalan ng sofa. Naiinitan ako at pakiramdam ko ay may kakaibang libido akong nararamdaman.

“Hey, I am asking you twice about our school varsity team. Answer me,” he then chuckled.

Naramdaman kong umayos siya ng upo at napansin kong pinaghiwalay niya ang nakapandekwatrong mga hita nito kanina.

I chuckled a bit too. Which is weird. Maybe it’s just because of so much drunk. And when I was about to speak he slowly held my arm at the backrest. Bahagya akong nagulat sa ginawa niya.

“Wait, don’t put your arm here.” ang mga mata niya ay nangungusap at may pagnanasa. Puno ng sensasyong hindi ko alam kung bakit ko nararamdaman at kung saan nanggagaling.

Nang ibinaba niya ito ay akala ko ay sa sofa ngunit nabigla ako nang ipatong niya ang kamay ko sa pagitan ng kaniyang mga hita.

“What are you doing?” nahihilo ko nang tanong. Naramdaman kong iginalaw niya ang aking kamay at naramdaman ko ang malaking umbok do’n.

What the fuck.

Nahihilo ako at sinusubukan kong alisin ang aking kamay ngunit mahigpit niyang hawak ang aking palapulsuhan.

Ang utak ko ay tumatanggi pero dahil sa init ng katawan ko ay hindi ko na rin alam kung ano ang ginagawa ko. I slowly felt his hand guided my fingers to open his zipper.

Our eyes were just locked on each other. Filled with desire. I didn’t mean to feel it towards him but it was him who did it and do such things I didn’t expect him to do. He gives me a motive and my mind is getting a hard time processing everything.

I am dizzy and my head hurts.

He bit his lips seductively while my mind is losing its sanity. Nanliliit na rin ang aking mga mata dahil sa talukap kong pabagsak na.

“If you please, my friend down here wants you to suck him big time.” I heard him hoarsely said to me.

Nilapit niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin at ilang pulgada nalang ang pagitan ng aming mga mukha ngayon sa isa’t isa.

“Fuck you, Morgan. I don’t do sucking. Girls are doing it on me but I don’t do that. Just fuck you. Fuck off. Fucking get off me.” hindi ko alam kung pagalit ko bang sinabi iyon pero imbis na ganon ang kalabasan ay parang naging mahinahon pa iyong pakinggan.

My mind was mad and want to get out of this situation but I was so exhausted that I can’t even pull out my hand from his tight hold. Naramdaman ko pang may gumuhit na kakaibang init sa aking sikmura paakyat sa aking lalamunan dahilan para mag-init din ang aking mukha.

“Let’s go somewhere else. I will teach you how to suck good,” he whispered on me then he held my hand and caressed it seductively.

He stood up while he was still holding my hands, helping me to get up. Kaso ay napapikit ako nang bigla akong nakaramdam ng hilo at nang idilat ko ang aking mga mata ay nakita kong napaupo si Morgan sa sofa.

“Fucking horny Morgan. You didn’t scared and you even dare to touch him?! I won’t let you breathe before the sun rises.” isang malakas na suntok ang pinakawalan ni Kaizer sa mukha ni Morgan na ngayon ay nakahawak sa kaniyang panga.

“What did you do? Huh? You got fucked up with our teammates and I don’t have any fucking care about it! But to my cousin? Tang ina mo!” hawak ni Kaizer ang kwelyo nito at saka itinulak sa sofa. He punched Morgan for the last time with his eyes narrowed gravely at him.

“Kaizer, stop it! The bouncers are here to get him.” Narinig kong sinabi ni Zandra.

I saw Morgan smirked at him evilly while he wiped out the blood from the side of his lips.

“Nothing’s happened yet, Kaizer,” Morgan uttered.

Naramdaman ko naman si Kelsy sa tabi ko at inayos ako ng upo.

“Shit. Lagot tayo niyan kila Dad and Tito. Neil, are you okay?” tanong niya sa akin sabay tapik sa aking pisngi.

Wala naman akong maramdaman ngayon at pakiramdam ko ay namamanhid ang aking buong katawan.

“You dirty son of a horny bitch!”

“Tang ina mo Morgan! Hindi ka namin hahayaang lumabas ng buhay dito, gago ka!”

“Ano Marcos? Pakaladkad na ba natin itong hayop na ’to?” naririnig ko ang mga boses nila Ezi kahit nakapikit na ang aking mga mata.

Bahagya akong nahimasmasan nang makaamoy ako ng mint. Marahan kong idinilat ang aking mga mata at nakita kong nagkakagulo na ngayon sa aking harapan.

Nakita ko pang hindi na si Kaizer ngayon ang sumasapak sa nag-iisang si Morgan kung hindi pati na rin sila Zach at Marcos na mukhng galit na galit.

“Ano ba boys tigilan niyo na iyan? Please! Oh my gosh. Levon, please stop them! Baka makapatay si Kuya!” kinakabahan nang sigaw ni Kelsy sa tabi ko.

“Bro, tama na. Enzo, si Marcos hilahin mo na palabas. Damn it! Basag na ang mukha nitong gago na ’to.” ani Levon kay Enzo na mabilis na hinatak si Marcos palayo sa kanila.

“Tang ina mong gago ka! Kulang pa iyan!” si Ezi nang may umawat na sa kanila.

“Gago, si Zach hilahin niyo na! Tang ina, siya ata bumasag sa ilong ng hayop na ’to.” Dinig kong sigaw ng kung sino.

Kaizer was there also. I saw him fuming mad. Humahangos niya akong binalingan at nagliliyab sa galit ang kaniyang mga mata nang magtama ang aming mga tingin. Then it immediately turns into a cold stare.

Tinulungan akong makatayo ni Enzo at Kelsy palabas ng bar. Naging magulo ang gabing ito dahil sa akin. I wanna blame myself for making this trouble. And I’m so disgusted to myself for touching him. Even Morgan does it, I’m still responsible for it. It’s my fault.

“Thank you for helping, Enzo.” rinig kong usal ni Kelsy.

“Nasan na ba si Neil? Ayos lang ba siya? Gago talaga ’yang tang inang Morgan na ’yan e. He deserves more punches. He deserves his face to be broken.” sinabi ni Zach na naabutan kong nasa parking lot.

Lahat ng pinsan ko ay nandoon na dahil lahat sila ay mga galit na galit at pahirapang awatin. Enzo and Levon were also there with some of Marcos’s friends na umawat sa kanila.

Habang naglalakad kami ay may naramdaman akong kakaiba sa aking sikmura. Para naman akong hangin na mabilis na nagsuka sa isang gilid. Shit. Pakiramdam ko ay bumabaliktad ang sikmura ko.

“Are you okay?” narinig kong boses iyon ni Kaizer sa aking likuran.

“Here, drink this.” iniabot niya sa akin ang isang bote ng tubig. Agad ko namang kinuha iyon at ininom.

Nakabukas ang kanilang mga sasakyan at nag-aalala nila akong nilapitan. Nahimasmasan naman na ako at mas aware na sa nangyayari pagkatapos maduwal.

“Anong pinainom niya sa’yo?” tanong sa akin ni Enzo na nakitaan ko ng pag-aalala ang mga mata. He’s just really a genuine person. But I can sense his anger, he’s just stopping himself to be.

Nakaupo ako ngayon sa likuran ng nakabukas nilang sasakyan.

“Hindi ko rin alam. But after a several sipped I took, I feel something churning inside my stomach.” I said to them weakly.

“Morgan isn’t like this before. Pero simula nang malaman niya yung alak na ibinigay niya sa’yo, he frequently used and give it with someone who can have sex with him. It’s like an addiction that he can’t stop himself from the pleasure.” I heard Levon said while his eyes were strongly staring at us.

“He’s insane! He should be in rehab or jail. Paano kung may masamang mangyari sa ibang tao? He really is out of his mind.” Lucien spoke up.

“Ang laki ng pinagbago niya. Kaya nga na kick out sa varsity. Kung hindi lang talaga siya pumatol sa bakla edi sana hindi siya magkakaganiyan. Look what happen to Neil. Siguro kung hindi natin sila naabutan ay baka kung saan na niya dinala ’to. That’s disgusting.” Ezekiel muttered.

“Buti na lang at nakita ka ni Kaizer agad. He was looking for you when you went down.” Ani Zach na bumaling sa akin.

I was sitting at the back of an open car while they are calming themselves from bursting out inside the club.

“Hindi talaga kami magdadalawang isip na bugbugin siya ulit. Huwag lang talaga siyang magpapakitang hayop na ’yan.” Ezekiel eyes darted at the club.

“If no one just stopped me inside. Nasa OR na ng hospital ’yang gago na yan ngayon at nag-aagaw buhay na.” Marcos was narrowing his eyes to something.

“I can’t go and get in trouble with you guys. I pay all the waiter and some people inside for the mess you got in so you don’t have to worry about it.” Killian probed on the side of Levon.

“What about Morgan?” Lucien asked him.

Killian arched his brow and darted his eyes on Lucien. Smirking evilly. “Someone got him. You know me. I don’t let a mess stay in its position. I want everything cleaned.”

“That’s what he got.” Zach chuckled but his eyes were dim as well.

We used to get in trouble every time we go to the bar before. Especially Marcos who’s the bad boy of the clan. While Killian has this tactic and habit to pay the mess that we always caused at the bar so no one will find this out. Dahil sa oras na umabot sa mga magulang namin ito, lahat kami ay malalagot.

“You know what boys, let’s talk about it tomorrow. You are all hype and furious. Neil needs to take a rest. Kaizer ikaw na maghatid sa kaniya.” si Kelsy sabay paalam na sa akin.

Hindi naman na ako tumanggi dahil nahihilo pa rin ako. I feel like anytime I will just snap out.

Nagsisakayan na rin sila sa sari sarili nilang mga sasakyan. Si Enzo naman ay nakasunod sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer na inaalalayan ako patungong front sit ng kaniyang sasakyan.

“Salamat bro, ingat.” Dinig kong seryosong sinabi ni Kaizer kay Enzo.

Naramdaman ko pa ang ilang sandaling pagtitig sa akin ni Enzo bago niya kami tuluyan na talikuran patungo sa kaniyang sasakyan.

Pagkapasok naman ni Kaizer sa loob ng sasakyan pagkatapos niyang maisara ang pintuan ko ay galit ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa seat belt niya habang sinusuot ito. Magkasalubong na magkasalubong ang dalawang makakapal na kilay nito nang bumaling ako sa kaniya.

I shut my mouth and didn’t intend to speak. I know he is mad and I can’t ease that easily by talking to him. My eyes dropped outside the car while it’s now moving.

Bahagya pa rin akong nahihilo pero pinilit kong hindi ipikit ang aking mga mata dahil gusto kong hintayin siyang magsalita. I want to hear his voice.

“You should sleep and rest yourself.” he coldly said to me.

I already expect his cold voice but I still want to hear him saying my name.

“Malapit na rin naman tayo. Kaya hindi na,”

Hindi naman na siya umimik.

He said before that he will wait for me till I’m ready. At first, the words he was saying were vague to me. The feelings he had to take for months now that I stopped several times because that is what I think is right. He never showed me that he really is changed.

He’s still he. Despite judging him. His persona. I realized that he never changed his heart. He is just only finding a way to cover it up even the reality is he’s still into it. Liking me. That made me question myself.

He’s ’gay’. That second word came up in my mind the moment he said that he likes me romantically. It’s weird. I feel disgusted. And it’s wrong. I am disappointed because cousins shouldn’t intimately love each other. It’s a sin. It’s incest. And incest is a sin in the eye of everybody and in the eye of above.

It’s an evil thing. We have the same blood and the scariest part is that… We are both men. Both male, alpha which should never be. It’s a very sinful love for us.

Iniisip ko pa lang na sabihin sa kaniya ang nararamdaman ko ay nahihirapan na akong tanggapin ang katotohanang wala sa aming tatanggap. It’s a pity for me to feel that way. I love my family and I hate myself for thinking which is the right to choose. Because my mind and heart will never be reconciled in making decisions about this matter.

Habang nasa elevator kami paakyat sa floor namin ay hindi ko na napigilang magsalita.

“I’m sorry,”

He didn’t give me a look. He’s just sternly looking at the closing elevator. I know that he’s mad but I want to talk to him. I want him to hear me. I feel like I’m on urged to explain what happened at the club so I opt to tell him even he’s not asking for it.

“I was looking for you earlier and I just meet Morgan at the crowd. We talked and I did not expect that to happen. I’m sorry…Kaizer.” hinarap ko siya para makita niyang seryoso ako sa sinasabi ko nang biglang bumukas ang elevator at saka siya lumabas. Iniwan akong mag-isa sa loob ng elevator.

Nakaramdam naman ako ng kirot sa aking dibdib nang hindi niya man lang ako nagawang balingan ng tingin at kausapin ngayon. Alam kong nasasaktan ko siya…simula pa lang. And I’m getting frustrated every time I remember it.

Sinundan ko siya at naabutan sa tapat ng pinto ng aming bahay. He stood there proudly. The cold stare was never gone as he glare at me. I looked at him.

“Where are my keys?” I asked him.

Alam kong madalas niyang nami-misinterpret ang keys sa kiss tuwing sinasabi ko iyon. Ngunit ang naiba lang ngayon ay sinadya kong sabihin iyon dahil gusto kong mabawasan man lang ang yelong nakabalot sa kaniyang mga mata.

Ngunit mukhang mali ako ng akala.

“It’s inside your pocket.”

Nagpanggap naman akong parang naalala ang kaniyang sinabi.

“Ah, oo nga, hindi mo pala kinuha.” tanga tangahan ko pang sinabi.

Nahihilo at masakit pa rin ang aking ulo pero pinipilit kong hindi maapektuhan nito.

Nasa sahig ang mga mata ko nang pumasok ako sa loob ng aming bahay. Napahinto pa ako nang maramdamang wala ang presensya niyang dapat ay nakasunod sa aking likuran.

“Kaizer?” naalarma agad ako at mabilis na lumabas muli ng pintuan dahil hindi pala siya nakasunod sa akin na pumasok sa loob.

Nang makalabas ako ay naabutan ko siyang nakatalikod at naglalakad na paalis. Parang may malaking bato ang dumadagan sa dibdib ko habang pinagmamasdan ko siyang nakatalikod palayo sa akin.

I am used to him being on my side at night every time he goes here. And I admit that I like it. I like his presence beside me. I like it every time he came to save me. I feel like I’m safe with him. I feel like I’m always on the cliff watching the beautiful sceneries with him on my back. Didn’t scared to fall. Because I know that he always got my back.

But I never imagine getting fall. Did I really never imagine? Or I’m just still scared to jump off the cliff and choose to be with him even just this time.

“Kaizer!” Malakas na pagtawag ko sa kaniya.

Nakita ko kung paano siyang natigilan sa paraan ng pagtawag ko. Pakiramdam ko ay kahit anong oras ay babagsak na ako. Nahihilo at masakit na ang aking ulo pero desidido akong lapitan siya.

I wanna get more closer to him. I want to…

I hurriedly come to him and hugged him from his back. I felt him stiffened a bit. My arms snaked to his body perfectly.

“Please stay…” I huskily said to him as my forehead rest on his back.

He was stiff and didn’t even move a bit. I thought he’s still mad at me. But when I felt his hand slowly held my embrace on his body, it feels so good.

The first time I accept his caress. It feels home and overwhelming. I feel like the ice he made to hinder himself from getting too much attached to me is now slowly melting.

Isinandal ko ang aking noo sa kaniyang likod. Naramdaman ko ang marahan niyang paghinga. Ngunit nabibingi ako sa paraan ng pag tibok ng aking puso. Malakas at dumadagundong ito sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Nakakabingi… Nakakakaba… Nakakatakot pero masarap sa pakiramdam dahil alam kong siya ang posibleng dahilan.

“Are you doing this because you just only want or you are doing this with-” I cutted him off.

“I am doing this voluntarily. With feelings involved, Kaizer. With feelings this time.” I repeated it huskily.

Narinig kong marahas siyang bumuntong-hininga at mabilis na inalis ang mga kamay kong nakayakap sa kaniyang katawan at saka ako hinarap at sinalubong ng mainit niyang yakap.

The hug that I didn’t expect. It was tight. It was heart whelming. It was all in there. The warmth he was giving to my body comforted me.

“I want you to say it clear again, Mi Arcus,” he whispered to my ears and then looked at me indulgently with his gentle eyes.

Sinakop ng dalawang kamay niya aking mukha at marahang hinahaplos ang aking pisngi. Ang aming mga noo ay magkalapat sa isa’t isa. His minty warmth breath touches the bridge of my nose.

I look at his eyes softly. Kinakabahan at malakas ang kabog ng aking dibdib habang marahan ang paraan ng pagtingin ko sa kaniya. Nangungusap at puno ng pag-aalala.

“I don’t know what this feeling Kaizer. But one thing is I’m so sure about… I am falling, Kaizer…”

Kabanata 20

Authors Note: I just wanna say sorry for the super slow update. I was pretty busy and out with something these past few days so hope you understand. But now I’ll try to be active so you won’t get bored that much for waiting. Thank you and hope you enjoy reading:)

Kabanata 20

First

Marahang dampi ng kaniyang mga labi sa aking noo ang aking dinadama habang magkatabi kaming nakahiga ngayon sa aking kama. Tanging pananabik lang at saya ang nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito.

Magkaharap kaming dalawa sa isa’t isa. We are staring at each other then smile afterward.

“I love you, Neil.” he hoarsely said to me.

Every single word when he says those three words my heart just skipped its beat. It’s like stopping my breath for a second in so much happiness. I’ve never felt this kind of happiness before. Even when I was in a relationship with Ashley. It’s just really a spectacular feeling right now.

I just smiled at him. “Fall na fall ka sa’kin a? Ano bang ginawa ko at ganiyan ang naging epekto sa’yo?” I asked him mockingly.

He boyishly chuckled then shrugged. “Nothing? I just naturally feel it,” he said hoarsely.

“So honest,”

“Because I don’t want to hide anything from you, Mi Arcus.” he seriously uttered.

I let out a sigh before I looked away. I look up at the ceiling. I felt him do the same.

“I will never forget this night,” he said.

Ipinatong niya ang kaniyang ulo sa kaniyang braso habang nakatingin kaming parehas sa ceiling. It’s just plain. We can only see the white ceiling of my room.

“Same. But can you tell me what’s ‘Mi Arcus’ you are calling me?” I asked him curiously.

I just noticed that he called me twice simula kanina. At hindi na iyon nawala sa aking isipan.

I saw him in my peripheral vision glance at me. I did the same. We’re now staring at each other. He’s just so perfect in my eyes even the lights are off. I never see him this way before. What just happened? Probably the fall thing. Am I starting to fall harder? Fuck.

“Mi Arcus means my rainbow. ’Mi came from a Spanish word while Arcus, meaning rainbow in Latin. You’re my rainbow, Neil Irish.”

Gusto ko nalang siyang titigan habang sinasabi niya iyon. Ang kaniyang mga mata ay napakagaan ng paraan nang pagtingin sa akin. Ani mong mababasag ako kaya kailangan niya akong marahan na titigan.

“Mi Arcus… I like it.” I huskily uttered.

“Hmm, that’s what I want to call you since before. Mi Arcus. Come here, let’s go to sleep, I know you’re exhausted. I want you to sleep now.” he then said.

Nang umusad ako malapit sa kaniya ay agad niyang sinakop ng kaniyang mga bisig ang aking katawan. He hugged me tightly.

“It’s so tight, Kaizer. I can’t breathe.” Reklamo kong ani sa kaniya.

Bahagya naman siyang natawa at saka niluwagan ang pagkakayakap sa akin.

Masarap at mainit ang hatid ng kaniyang mga yakap. It was overwhelming and I still can’t believe that we’re in this position right now. I haven’t thought of myself hugging someone in the middle of the night with a guy.

It is all unexpected and very life-changing. I just hope that we can stay like this for long and not just only in the meantime

“Good night, Mi Arcus.” He whispered to me huskily.

“Good night, Kaizer,” I said till I fall asleep.

I feel at peace while sleeping. Maybe because he’s on my side that’s why I feel safe. Unlike the other night that I can’t comfortably sleep. Now that he’s here on my side, I am now alright.

The next morning I woke up when I heard a woman’s voice. I blinked thrice before my sight became clear from adjusting to the sunlight.

Sikat na ang araw at ang liwanag mula sa bintana ay tumatama sa aking balat.

“Wake up Neil! The sun has risen! You should too!” sigaw sa akin ni Kelsy na ngayon ay palapit sa aking kama. Kasunod niyang pumasok si Zandra.

I sat on my bed and looked at them. Napabaling pa ako nang tingin sa aking tabi para tingnan kung nandito pa ba si Kaizer ngunit wala na. Where is he? What happened last night is-

“Terrible! It was a terrible night for us last night. My gosh, Neil! Tell me what happened? Anong ginawa sa’yo ni Morgan? He’s freaking gross. I heard that he’s gay?”

“He’s not gay Kelsy. He’s a bisexual.” Zandra corrected her then sat on the sofa near my bed.

Nangunot naman ang noo ni Kelsy sa sinabi nito. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang pandidiri na makikita sa kaniyang reaksyon.

“Whatever you called it. It’s still the same. Nagkakagusto siya sa kapwa niya lalaki and it’s a wrong thing.” Kelsy stated.

“But it has a very big difference, Kels. Hindi mo pwedeng sabihin na gay si Morgan basta-basta dahil straight siya at nagkakagusto siya sa kapwa niya lalaki. It’s different from liking the opposite sex and while liking both sexual orientations. And he still attracted to a woman so he’s a bisexual.” Zandra added.

Ako naman ngayon ang naguguluhan sa kanilang dalawa. So, Morgan is a bisexual.

“Bisexual?” I asked when I didn’t even know what it was.

Hinarap naman ako ni Zandra at sinagot ang tanong ko.

“Sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender. Attracted to both men and women, that is bisexual Neil.”

“Where did you get this information, Zandra? Nagresearch ka pa ba dahil sa nangari last night?” Kelsy curiously asked her. But the mockery was dripping.

“Nope. I just have a friend. And a part of their community.”

“Ahh! Fine, so ano nga? May ginawa ba sayo si Morgan last night?” pag-iiba ni Kelsy nang tanong papunta sa akin.

Napamulagat ako at naalala ang ginawa niya sa akin kagabi. Halos makaramdam ako ng pandidiri sa aking sarili dahil sa aking ginawa.

Morgan is a very good-looking guy kaso ay hindi ko lang nagustuhan ang ginawa niya. It’s a nasty image for him that brought it to my mind. I don’t judge him because of his sexual orientation but because of his actions last night. He shouldn’t do it again. With anyone or anybody else.

I’m also a man and I don’t want it to happen to me. It’s your reputation and dignity is at stake that you are risking when you do that kind of shitty stuff.

But I am drunk and the drink he was given me was mixed with some unknown drugs. And thanked God that Kaizer saved me.

“Huwag mo ng tanungin si Neil. Wala namang nagyari dahil naabutan natin sila.” Si Zandra kay Kelsy.

“Fine.” tanging sinabi ni Kelsy.

“Anyways, we are just here to check on you. The boys are in the dining room right now. Buti nalang at hindi nalaman nila Tito ang nangyari especially Dad.” Zandra said to me.

“Thanks,” tanging nasabi ko.

Dahil alam kong pinag-usapan nila na hindi na sabihin sa parents ko dahil malalaman din iyon ng mga parents nila at lahat kami ay malalagot kapag nagkataon. And none of us wants that to happen.

“Tara na sa baba. Nga pala pinapasabi ni Kaizer na dalhin mo raw ’yung phone niya. It’s a miracle that you two looks on good terms lately. Ipagpatuloy niyo lang ’yan. Ayaw namin magkaroon ng World War Three so better be good to each other.” Si Kelsy na tumayo na mula sa pagkakaupo.

Tahimik lang ako at hindi nagsalita. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin. There is now a connection between me and Kaizer. Unlike before that, we are just ignoring one another just to keep his feelings distant from me. This is also what I’m scared of right now. What if they know what’s between us? I’m scared about their reaction and stand about our relationship.

I get Kaizers phone beside my phone on my side table. I turn it on to see what’s inside but it has a passcode. I press the only button in the middle at the bottom of the phone. And I was surprised that his phone automatically unlocked.

My fingerprint. Did he use mine?

My forehead creased when I saw one of his recent messages came from Coleen. I didn’t open it. I simply gasped. Then I let a heavy sigh.

He’s with her the last time I check. But now that we’re together, is he still keep in touch with Coleen? Definitely yes. They’re in a relationship and what the fuck I am doing right now?! I just confessed my feelings last night and now decided to be his without thinking that he’s probably with her.

Oh fuck.

Pinatay kong muli ang cellphone at saka bumaba na para makapag-agahan. Naging mabigat ang naging hakbang ko pababa ng hagdan.

Nang makarating ako sa lamesa ay nando’n nga silang lahat. Unang nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer. His eyes were damn too nice in the morning. I looked away when Ezi called me.

Lumapit muna ako sa gawi ni Kaizer na nasa kaliwang bahagi ng lamesa sa tabi ni Marcos. They are on the countertop, sitting on the high chair while Ezekiel, Lucien, Killian, Zach are on the table, gano’n din sila Zandra at Kelsy.

“Good morning, Mi Arcus.” namamaos niyang bulong sa akin nang makalapit ako sa kaniya. Mahina at sapat lamang para marinig ko.

The small smile immediately plastered on his lips. While I bit my lower lip and give him his phone. Then I looked down and just gave him a thrifty smile.

Inabot naman niya iyon at saka inilagay sa counter. Mabilis naman akong lumayo sa kaniya nang marinig ko ang pagtawag ni Ezi sa akin kanina pa.

“What?” I asked him.

Bahagya naman siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko. Bakit? May nakakagulat ba sa sinabi ko?

“You’re not annoyed?” he amazingly asked.

My forehead creased. “Why would I be?” I asked him in wonder.

“I called your name several times and you aren’t getting irritated. Is that progress?” Ezi asked me mockingly.

I chuckled too and my eyes glance in Kaizer’s way for seconds. “I think so,”

“It look’s appetizing. Serve me one too, bro.” Si Lucien na nakaupo sa tabi ni Ezi.

Naupo naman ako sa tabi ni Zandra. Nagugulat pa akong napaangat ng tingin kay Kaizer na may biglang inilapag siya sa aking lamesa.

It was bacon, hotdog, egg, and bread on a plate.

“Serve your ass, Lucien. Get your own.” ani Kaizer dito.

Namamangha at kinakabahan naman akong bumaling sa kanila. Mabibisto kami nito sa ginagawa ni Kaizer. It’s not good for him showing this kind of action when our cousins are around. Nakakatakot kapag natunugan nila at mapansin nilang espesyal ang pagtrato niya sa akin. Hindi pa ako handa at wala pa akong balak na may makaalam.

“So sweet of you Kaizer. Bakit kapag kami hindi mo sini-serve-an. You always have favoritism. You’re just like Neil.” Kelsy spoke up.

Halos tumayo ang mga balahibo ko nang magsalita si Kelsy dahil akala ko ay kung ano na ang kaniyang sasabihin. Kelsy’s tongue is so sharp. And I don’t know how to take her words if she knows it.

“I’ll serve you then.” Kaizer then said to her.

Marahan akong bumuga ng hangin dahil pakiramdam ko ay nahihirapan ako sa paghinga. Nandito lahat kaming magpipinsan at ako ang kinakabahan sa mga kilos ni Kaizer. Buti nalang at nakukuha ko naman siya sa mga tingin ko.

Nang tapos na akong makakain ay agad kong naramdaman ang phone kong nag-vibrate.

It was a text from Kaizer.

I should change his name on my phone in case that someone is looking at me and noticed who I am texting with. It’s dangerous.

Kaizer:

Sorry about that. I’m just carried away.

Nag-angat pa ako ng tingin sa gawi niya upang tingnan siya. Nagtama ang mga mata namin pero mabilis akong nag-iwas dahil ayaw kong may makapansin non. I didn’t reply to his message.

Hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano tatanungin ang tungkol kay Coleen sa kaniya.

“What is Tito and Tita Verity’s plan for Russco’s birthday? It’s in the near next few days na.” Kelsy asked me.

I put my phone on my lap as I held it. “Dad makes a reservation in a resort. That’s what I heard from them. And also tayo tayo lang din naman ata. Oh kung hindi man ay iilang classmates ni Russco ang invited.”

“Pool party ba? That’s nice then.” Lucien said.

“It’s not. Pool party for the seventh birthday of Russco isn’t it for matured? As if his birthday will be held at night.” Ezekiel retorted.

“But that’s what Russco want’s his birthday to be.” Si Kaizer. Nagtama ang aming mga mata pero agad din namang bumawi ng tingin.

“Well, Russco told me to bring my girls to his party. He said that he will be celebrating it day and night. The daylight party was for his classmates and the night is for us. Isn’t it a brilliant idea?” Marcos commends.

“I agree, that Russco’s idea was brilliant and very thoughtful. But in bringing your girls Marcos? Seriously? Damn, it still his birthday and gonna be a pool party. Tito Jessiah expects us to be aware of it. Bata pa rin si Russco kahit na ganon siya mag-isip.” ani naman ni Zach.

“Knowing you Zach? Really? I know your woman who is lining up for tonight. Come on,” Marcos arched his brow at him. Zach’s eyes rolled then boyishly smirked at him afterward.

“Ganito na lang cousins. Don’t bring any girls. Let’s just spent and enjoy the night together.” suhestiyon ni Kelsy.

“What? The heck no!” Ezekiel retorted na ani mong sawang sawa na sa pagmumukha namin. Sinamaan naman siya ng tingin ni Kelsy.

“But let’s invite some of our friends from school instead, what do you think?” Si Zandra naman.

Bumaling ako sa kaniya. “Yeah, si Enzo and Levon. I counted them on the invitees.” I said.

Napatingin naman sa gawi ko si Kaizer. I looked away.

“Yeah, some of our friends too.” Zach agreed with me.

Nang matapos naming ma-plano ang ilan sa pwede naming gawin para sa birthday party ni Russco ay nagpasya na rin silang umuwi.

Kaizer stayed for a little while in our house. I didn’t say any word simula nang makaalis sila Kelsy. I immediately go up to my room.

While I was fixing my bed I heard the creak of my door. It open and Kaizer showed up.

I didn’t turn my gaze on him. I felt his attentive and darting eyes on my back.

“Is there something wrong?”

I almost jump a bit and my eyes widened a fraction when I heard his deep low baritone voice asked. Nakatalikod ako sa kaniya kaya hindi niya nakita ang naging reaksyon ko.

I felt his footsteps approaching me now.

“Huh? Wala naman.” I said as I faced him.

His glaring at me now, but gently diving the depths of my mind. I actually want to ask him about Coleen. It bothers me since earlier I saw her text for him.

His brow raised at me strictly and unpatiently look straight into my eyes. I gritted my jaw when he gets more closer to me now. Our distance was almost closed if I didn’t just move a step backward.

“Hmm?”

My lips were half-open, trying hard to find the right words to say just to shut this off. But then my thoughts were buckled with him.

“Are you still with someone else? Because if you are, let’s stop-”

“No,” seryoso ang mga titig nito sa aking sinabi sa akin.

Magkasalubong ang aking dalawang kilay na tumingin sa ibaba. I can’t take his serious glares on me. I felt the lump stuck on my throat as I gulped. I wanna asked him so it won’t bother me that much.

“Are you still with Coleen?” there, I asked it.

Hindi ko nagawang tingnan siya sa mga mata pagkatapos ko iyong sabihin. But when I felt him not responding, I slowly lift my eyes on him.

His eyes down to my nose then to my lips.

“We’re not in a relationship.”

My eyes widened instantly. The heartbeat was now attacking inside my chest.

“What do you mean? You…broke up with her…recently?” I asked, still surprised.

He shifted at his position. “We are really not together. It’s just an act. She’s only my friend.” he explained to me.

My mouth dropped as I looked away. My lips twitched as I process everything.

He went home after he explained what’s the score between them. And I admit that I felt relieved knowing that he isn’t in a relationship with others. It clear and make my thoughts in a bubble pricked.

He’s been texting me when he got home while I was inside my room.

Kaizer:

What are you doing?

Ako:

I’m in my room. Nasa study table ko.

Kaizer:

Did I disturb you?

I get my phone on the side of my laptop. I am doing my pending activities at school para bago mag Christmas break ay natapos ko na ang lahat. Malapit na ring matapos ang semester namin ngayon and I am reviewing all the lessons to get prepared for the upcoming examinations.

Ako:

No.

He replied immediately.

Kaizer:

Can I call?

Tiningnan ko pa muna ang screen ng laptop ko para tingnan kung ilan na lang ba ang kailangan kong tapusin. Iisa nalang ang natitira kong activity and I can finish it within thirty minutes.

Ako:

Sure.

Ano naman kaya ang sasabihin nito?

Then my phone rang. I answered it immediately. I lean on my swivel chair and looked at my window.

“Hey, Mi Arcus.” His husky voice said from the other line.

I licked my lips after I heard his voice over the phone.

“Hello,” what can I only say. Ginagalaw galaw ko ang aking katawan sa swivel chair patagilid. It was fun doing it. Swaying in circular movement through it.

Then, later on, silence ate us for a minute until I heard him gasping.

“I missed you,” he hoarsely uttered.

I looked like a fool when the smile suddenly crept on my lips. It slowly growing until it plastered on my lips. I just love the way he calls me and the way he says that he missed me.

“H-Huh? Kakakita lang natin kanina and you already missed me?” I stuttered.

What the hell?! I’d never been stuttered with anyone else! Damn.

“Uh-huh. Sorry, masyado ba akong… Just tell me if you don’t feel comfortable.” he opted after omitting his first statement.

“No, it’s okay. I… I like it too.” The heck. I’m being so lame!

Hindi siya nagsalita sa kabilang linya. Tanging paghinga lang niya ang aking naririnig.

I bit my lower lip.

“Does it mean you also miss me?”

Sabay namang tumaas ang dalawa kong kilay sa sinabi niya. Wow. He got me there. What? Wait, I mean yeah… I missed him too already. And I’m too proud to just take it to myself.

“Just tell me, Mi Arcus.” his voice became soft and gentle as it is raucously waiting for my response to say that I miss him as well.

I moved my swivel chair to faced the open window. To get some air to breathe. I feel like I’m such a clown now because my lips tugged up from ear to ear.

“Yeah… I missed you too.” mariin ang pagkakakagat ko sa aking pang-ibabang labi matapos kong sabihin iyon. Pinipigilan ang malaking ngiti na kanina ko pa gustong kumawala sa aking mga labi.

It’s just felt so good to hear this from him. Sanay kasi ako na madalas na ako ang nagsasabi niyan kay Ashley. At iba pala ang pakiramdam kapag nagmula na iyon sa kaniya. And to admit, I also felt weird but I’m liking the idea that I’m making him smile because of what I said.

“Let’s meet tonight,” he said with his voice in raucous.

“Where are we going?” I asked him. A bit surprised by his sudden invite.

“Just come with me and I will take care of you.”

Shit. What is he saying? I feel so fluttered. It’s too lame but  I can’t deny the impact of it on me. My heartbeat fastened. Tang ina, para akong babae nito e.

“I’ll pick you up at six. Let’s dine outside,” he added.

“Sigi,” what my mouth can only say at the moment.

After the call, I finished the last activity I have. I feel so productive and very energetic after that call. I can’t wait to see him tonight. It’s just us. Only us.

Nang mag-alasingko ay nag-umpisa na akong maglinis ng katawan at mamili ng damit na susuotin. The time is quick and I was like a turtle wearing my white long sleeves. I’m done wearing my black leather shoes.

Nakaharap ako sa salamin habang ipinapasok ang unang butones ng aking damit nang may marinig akong katok sa aking pintuan.

“Sandali lang!” I shouted. I walked towards the doorway to open it.

I was a bit amazed to see Kaizer in front of me when I opened the door. He looked immaculately handsome in his black button-down shirt with his trouser while looking at his belt. He seems cool and very attractive wearing it. It fitted his body perfectly.

“Keep on staring Mi Arcus. I’m all yours.”

My eyes lifted to his face and grimaced at him.

“Tss,” I leered at him.

Napansin ko namang nakatingin siya sa nakabukas kong dibdib dahil hindi ko pa ito nabubutones ng buo. His lips parted and his eyes were hooded when it met mine.

I licked my lips. “Just wait for me for a bit. Hindi pa ako tapos magbihis.”

“I will help you,” aniya pa nang makapasok kaming dalawa sa loob ng kwarto ko.

Nagugulat ko naman siyang tiningnan.

“I will help you buttoned your shirt,” he said then come closer to me.

Nasa harap ako ngayon ng isang malaking salamin nang ipagpatuloy ko ang pagsuot ng butones nang lapitan niya ako. Napamaang pa ako noong una dahil naiilang ako ngunit nang umpisahan niyang isuot iyon ay napatingin na lamang ako sa repleksyon naming dalawa sa salamin.

I am wearing a white button-down shirt while he’s wearing the black ones. It’s so cute to see our reflection while he’s helping me buttoned it. Napatingin ako sa kaniyang mukha at nakitang seryoso siya sa ginagawa.

He looks so gentle every time he glances at me. I just feel so special seeing him being serious while doing this. Para bang kailangan ay maayos niyang maipasok ang bawat butones sa butas nito.

Then his gaze lifted on me. “Done,” he said then stare at me for a while.

Our eyes locked on each other. I felt my heart thumped. Then began to beat rapidly when I felt our spaces became too little.

His eyes were dropped on my lips. His thin red lips are parted as he licked them. I gasped and chuckled awkwardly. Napakurap kurap naman siya at bahagya kaming naglayo sa isa’t isa. Ilang segundo pa ang lumipas at walang nagtangkang magsalita sa aming dalawa.

“Let’s go?” he said huskily afterward.

I cleared my throat and nod at him. Nang makababa kami ng hagdan ay nakasalubong namin si Dad. I was stoic when he gets near us. I feel nervous and I can’t help but look at Kaizer.

“Saan kayo hijo?” Dad asked me.

I swallowed hard.

“Sa labas lang po,” I nervously answered Dad.

“Kayong lahat na magpipinsan ba?” Dad added. His intimidating but usual gaze was all directed at me.

Napakurap kurap naman ako at pakiramdam ko ay natutuyuan ako ng lalamunan.

“Jessiah,” then I heard Mom’s voice. When she got in front of us she looked at us happily. “You are both gorgeous human beings. Where are you going, son?” Mom commends then suddenly asked me.

Nang wala na akong maisip na maisagot ay kay Kaizer ako tumingin. Hindi ako sanay na nagsisinungaling pagdating kila Mom at Dad.

“Our mutual varsity friend has a throw party on a pub tonight po Tita. Magsasabay na lang po kami ni Neil para isang sasakyan nalang.” si Kaizer.

“Gano’n ba? Mabuti nga iyang naisip mo hijo.” it was Mom to Kaizer.

“Yes po, aalis na po kami,”  I interfere just to cut this conversation short.

Nilapitan ko si Mom at saka hinalikan sa pisngi para makapagpaalam na. Samantalang tinapik lang ni Dad ang balikat ko at ganon din kay Kaizer.

I felt so relieved when we finally outside. Pero hindi pa rin maalis sa akin ang pag-aalala habang pababa na kami ng elevator. Kaizer held my elbow and looked at me worriedly.

“You okay?” he asked me gently.

I looked at him worriedly. “I just don’t know how to say it. Don’t mind me. I can handle it.” sabi ko dahil ayaw kong pag-alalahanin siya lalo na at lalabas kami ngayong dalawa.

It’s gonna be our first date and our first day being in a relationship and I can’t just ruin it. He seems very confident and happy for tonight when we are in my room. Ayaw kong sirain iyon. Matagal din niya itong hinintay at ngayon na kami na, ay ayaw kong sirain iyon nang dahil lang sa sobra kong pag-aalala.

“You sure?” he asked in a deep voice.

“Yeah…” I said while nodding my head.

At nang makababa kami at makasakay na ng sasakyan niya ay inalis ko sa isipan ko ang pag-aalala sa relasyong meron kami. I shouldn’t think about it. It’s gonna be a special night for me. For the both of us. And I need to make it memorable and happy for us.

We’re now inside his car.

“You ready?” he asked me while his lips were on a boyish smile and his eyes were glinting in pleasure.

I smirked at him. “Yeah, take good care of me like what you’ve said.”

“I will, Mi Arcus,” he said seriously then turn his gaze on the road.

The engine roared as it starts moving away from our place. I never feel this safe in my life. Even there is still doubt that crept in me. I still find peace whenever I am with him.

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21

Decision

Nakangiti akong bumaling kay Kaizer habang papasok kami sa hotel dito sa Antipolo. The entrance door at Tahanan Bistro is a submarine-looking glass with a fish lock. When we got inside someone approach us.

“Mr. Kaizer Arcoiris, this way sir.” the guy said as he guided us.

Lumibot ang aking mga mata sa paligid. There are illuminated jars that giving me an idea of warmth light inside it, like a firefly light. The place inside is mostly made of woods. There’s a vibe here like you were in your home. The peaceful and very overwhelming ambiance is present in this place.

Umakyat kami sa pangalawang palapag ng Bistro and I was in awe when I saw the place. There was a table there near in a beautiful scenery outside. Everything here is just made of woods and I love the symmetry. It feels odd but at the same time, you will experience being in a different place.

Kaizer gave me a smug look and I just smirked at him.

“How did you know this place?” I asked him while roaming my eyes.

“I go here every time I want to escape the city. You like it?”

“Yeah, I love the tranquility that this place is giving me.” naglakad ako patungong railings kung saan kita ang ilaw ng syudad. There’s a lot of trees and grass outside that surround our place.

I breathe as I inhaled the fresh air. I’m in so much awe of this place when my eyes got to the place where I saw some sculptures. Nasa baba iyon at sa bandang hardin.

“From now on, we are going here if we feel that we’re getting a hard time breathing. This place is owned by two lovers. They made it to make us feel comfortable and to feel at home at the same time.” I heard him said behind my back.

I felt him behind me. Hindi ko alam kung magugulat ba ako o kakabahan dahil baka may makakita sa amin. Then he hugged me from the back.

Nakayakap ang kaniyang mga braso sa aking baywang at saka niya ipinagsalikop ang aming mga daliri. I then felt him rest his chin on my shoulder, making his face have its access on my neck at the side of my face to see the view I was looking at. Agad naman akong nakaramdam ng kakaibang kaba dahil sa posisyon naming dalawa ngayon.

“Kaizer baka may makakita sa atin,” I said to him nervously.

“No one is here, you don’t have to worry. I checked this place and book here the night you said that you are started to fall,” he said in a deep-down voice.

My eyes are fixed on the city lights as I listen to him. I am relieved that no one is here. Hindi ko na rin inilibot ang aking mga mata dahil kanina pa lamang sa ibaba ay napansin ko ngang walang ibang tao kundi kami lamang.

“Stop mentioning that night, will you?” Nahihiya kong sinabi nang maalala ang tinutukoy niya.

He chuckled hoarsely. “Okay, I will just keep it to myself then.”

I bit and licked my lips as I accept his warm embrace from my back. The cold breeze is just fine because he’s covering me. Pakiramdam ko ay ligtas at nakawala kaming dalawa sa lugar na pakiramdam namin ay magkukulong sa amin pareho.

“Look at the city lights, they are like twinkling stars above.” I pointed to the place where only my eyes can only reach and captured.

Hindi siya nagsalita at ang tanging naging response niya lamang ay ang mas paghigpit pa sa yakap na ibinibigay niya sa akin ngayon.

“Mi Arcus…” I heard him muttered wholeheartedly.

Bigla naman akong nakaramdam ng kakaibang saya at kirot sa aking dibdib. Kaya naman ay marahang diin ang ginawa kong pagpikit sa aking mga talukap.

“Hmm?”

Mas isinuksok pa nito ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. I tilted my head to give him more access. Bahagya naman akong nakiliti pero halos hindi ko na rin naramdaman nang magasalita siyang muli.

“I want us to stay like this forever. I captured this relationship of us with you to stay longer and not just a temporary one.” his voice became weary but the conviction is still visibly felt.

I sighed softly. The little pain I am feeling earlier is now getting more crucial.

I know what our situation is and it’s hard to make an assurance to it. It will never gonna be okay to mind it every time. I feel stressed and confused every time I think about our family and also the say of everybody about our relationship.

I held his hand. I squeezed it a bit. He looked my way and I didn’t. Nananatili lang ang aking tingin sa aming magkasalikop na mga kamay.

“Kaizer…it is not that easy. I-I don’t know.”

“But let me try this work, please. I know that you are still not okay with this kind of set up but you let your feelings now. And I take that as an urged to fight for us. Kasi hindi na ako nag-iisa ngayon. You’re now here together with me.”

“What if they find out what’s the thing between us? Aren’t you scared of it? Their reaction towards it?” I worriedly asked him.

“I am, of course. But if you are with me. I won’t let them discouraged me.” Kaizer’s voice was persistent.

I nodded. “Gusto ko sanang itago na’tin itong relasyon natin, Kaizer. Ayaw kong may ibang makaalam at makakita sa atin. Kasi parehas tayong mapapahamak. Our relationship should be a secret.” I let out in worried.

Marahang buntong-hininga ang kaniyang ginawa bago siya nagsalitang muli.

“I understand. I will do what you want,” he uttered then he removed his hands from the embrace.

Tumalikod ako at hinarap ko naman siya ngayon.

His eyes were wickedly glaring at me. “I’m sorry but this is the only way I know that we should least do.” Marahan kong ani sa kaniya.

He wickedly smiled at me. He reached for my hands and intertwined them. He softly massages the back of my hand with his index finger.

“I understand, Mi Arcus.” he then softly chuckled awkwardly. “Let’s eat? Mukhang lumamig na ang pagkain natin,” he said then looked back on our table behind us.

I smiled at him. I gasped but later on, I take my seat with him. We ate our food and it was good. Their dish here is just so tasty and it’s all a Filipino dish.

“Here, try this one,” he said as he transfers a lot of foods on my plates after we ate their appetizers.

Magrereklamo na sana ako kaso ay bigla niya akong tinaasan ng kilay at saka pinangunutan ng noo. Bumuntong-hininga na lamang ako at saka kinain lahat ng kaniyang inilagay.

I even noticed his hidden smile when I pursed my lips at what he is doing. Nakita ko namang may inilayo pa siyang putahe sa aking gawi. He put the plate near him and a bit far from me. Hindi ko nalang din naman iyon binigyan pa ng pansin dahil sa dami ba naman ng inilagay niya sa aking plato ay iniisip ko na kung paano kong mauubos iyon lahat.

There has also a portion of food here that seems unfamiliar to me when I noticed the other dish. It’s in front of Kaizer’s plate and he didn’t give me this one, hindi kagaya ng ibang putahe na ipinatikim niya sa akin kanina. Kaya naman nang makuryoso ako sa lasa niyon, I get a bit of it on the plate near him because I wanna try this one. It looks appetizing in my eyes so I took a bite of its accompaniment dressing.

Mula sa kaniyang pinggan ay nag-angat sa akin ng tingin si Kaizer. Mabilis na nagsalubong ang dalawang makakapal niyang mga kilay. Nagpalipat lipat ang tingin nito sa tinidor kong may naiwan pang pagkain mula sa platong pinagkuhanan ko ng pagkain na tinikman ko.

“You ate that?” He suddenly asked.

Tumango tango naman ako, “Yeah, hindi mo kasi ako inabutan nito kanina-”

“Fuck!” he cursed then suddenly stood up from his seat.

“Hey, stop cursing!” I stopped him.

But then my eyes followed his way. Mabilis siyang naglakad pababa ng hagdan na ani mong may emergency. Nangunot naman ang aking noo at nagtataka kung bakit siya nagmamadaling bumaba ng hagdan.

At nang kukuha pa sana ako ng pagkaing tinikman ko kanina dahil nagustuhan ko ang lasa nito ay natigilan ako, nang bigla akong may nakitang hipon roon.

Fuck.

Nagmamadali akong uminom ng tubig at kinalma ang sarili. I’m allergic to crustacean! Hindi ko napansin ito kanina nang tinikman ko kaya nagulat ako nang may makita ako ro’n.

I managed to relax. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I do the drill habang pinapakiramdaman ko ang aking sarili.

Naririnig ko ang kalabog ng bawat hakbang ni Kaizer sa hagdan na senyales na pabalik na siya ngayon. Napangiwi ako nang lapitan niya ako at agad na may binubuksan siyang gamot.

He’s panicking and the worried on his face was very visible. But he still manage to be calm and I can see it even his hands were a bit tensed.

“Kaizer, relaxed. Wala pang reaction na nangyayari. At saka hindi naman ata ako nakakain kahit isang piraso ng hipon, you don’t have to worry that much.” Sabi ko sa kaniya kahit na bahagya na rin akong kinakabahan.

“No, mas mabuti ng safe ka. Hindi ko nakita yung kinuha mo so I’m not sure if you really ate even a half of it.”

“Ah, sir I’m really sorry po. Hindi ko po naalis sa menu-”

“Call your manager, now. I want to talk to him.” mariing ani Kaizer sa lalaking mukhang waiter dito. He looked tensed and I noticed that he was shaking before he left us to call his manager.

“Kaizer, why did you do that? He’s just saying his apology to you and you-” he cutted me off.

“Drink this, I want you safe Neil. I made a reservation here and I’d choose the foods before this day so it won’t be a bother and now there is an extra dish which does not belong on my list,” he said while his brows furrowed as he looked at the table.

“Pero wala naman ata akong nakaing hipon. See? Walang reaction na nangyari sa katawan ko. There are no allergies came up.” I said then showed him my arms and face. I even careen my neck for him to see if there is any justification just to assure him that I’m fine.

Nakatayo siya habang inaabot sa akin ang gamot. Kinuha ko ito at ininom para safe na rin. Nakita kong may parating na isang ginang kasama ang isang lalaking kaedaran lang rin niya mula sa hagdan. Bakas sa mukha nila ang pag-aalala nang tinahak nila ang gawi namin ni Kaizer at hindi ko maiwasang bumuntong-hininga.

“Anong nangyari, Kaizer?” tanong ng ginoo.

Mukhang mga nasa edad mid 50’s na ito at gano’n rin ang ginang na kasama niya. Nilapitan ako naman ako ng ginang at hinawakan ako sa balikat. She looked at me worriedly.

“Mr. Reyes, I already have set and send the details of my top picks menu last night. Pero may isang dish na naligaw na hindi ko naman pinili because my… my cousin is allergic in crustacean.” Kaizer uttered.

“Ganoon ba? Pasensya na Kaizer. Ayos ka lang ba hijo? Nahihirapan ka bang huminga? Just tell us so we can do something about it. Or should we just go to the hospital now?” Tanong ng Ginang sa akin na mukhang nag-aalala na.

“Alin ba rito hijo ang iyong kinain?” lumapit sa akin si Mr. Reyes at nakita kong hawak na nito ang pinggang pinagkuhanan ko ng pagkain kanina.

Pinagmasdan ko iyon at nakita ko namang nakahiwalay ang hipon kaya sigurado akong wala talaga akong nakain ni kalahati niyon. Kaya kung meron man ay may mararamdaman na akong kakaiba sa aking katawan.

“I think I only ate the pork floss. The brown thing.” I said.

“Hindi ka naman ba nahihirapang huminga?” tanong pa nitong muli.

“Mr. Reyes it’s serious. If something happens to him-” It was Kaizer who seems mad now.

“Just relaxed Kaizer, I got it.” ani ng ginoo sa kaniya.

“Maayos pa naman po ang aking paghinga.”

“You didn’t try to eat these dumplings?”

“No, I haven’t.”

Mr. Reyes let out a heavy sigh. “Thank god. You’re safe. ’Yung dumplings lang ang may prawn and not the crispy pork floss. Gino, take this plate with you.” tawag nito sa lalaking nanghihingi kanina ng paumanhin kay Kaizer.

“Are you really alright?” Kaizer put his hand on my shoulder as he asked me worriedly.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry, okay?” I said to calm him. He looked tensed and problematic earlier and I’m worried about him as well.

“Ako na ang humihingi ng pasensya sa’yo hijo para sa empleyado ko. Don’t worry I will talk to them later.” nag-aalalang sabi ng Ginang.

“We are really sorry about this trouble. Kahit na may nangyari mang masama o wala sa pinsan mo ay kasalanan pa rin namin iyon. Pasensya na talaga, hijo” ani ng Ginoo sa amin.

“No Mr. Reyes, it’s in your employees. I want to talk to Gino.” si Kaizer na mukhang hindi pa rin lumalamig ngayon.

I glared at him. Dahil alam kong galit pa rin siya at ayaw kong pagbuntungan niya ng galit ang waiter. Nakita naming bumalik muli si Gino at nakayuko ang kaniyang ulong bumaling sa amin.

“Pasensya na po Sir Kaizer. Masyado lang po kaming na-excite sa pagbalik ninyo rito. Kaya naisipan po naming isama na sa menu niyo ang dish na iyon kahit na wala naman po iyon sa pinili niyo dahil alam po naming paborito niyo iyon.” ani Gino habang nakayuko.

Halatang mas bata pa ito sa amin ng ilang taon at mukhang kailangan niya ang trabahong ito dahil sa murang edad ay pumapasok na siya rito sa Bistro.

“Kaizer,” pagtawag ko sa aking katabi.

“Pasensya na rin po, Sir Neil.” ani Gino na nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

I nod my head at him, “It’s okay, basta next time sundin niyo nalang kung ano ang nasa list ng costumer para hindi na magkaroon pa ng aberya.” I muttered and gave him a little smile to make him feel light.

Mukha namang gumaan ang pakiramdam ni Gino ngunit nang magtama ang tingin nila ni Kaizer ay agad itong napayuko.

“Pasensya na po talaga Sir Kaizer,”

Si Kaizer naman ay lumapit sa kaniya ng bahagya. “Sigi na, I let it pass because you said that you’re all just excited to see me. But no more next time, okay?” Kaizer said and tapped his shoulder.

Mabilis namang nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya si Gino. “Yes, po!”

“Mabuti nalang talaga at walang nangyaring masama sa iyo, hijo.” ani ng ginang sa aking harapan.

Nakaalis na si Gino at kami nalamang nila Kaizer, Mr. Reyes at Ginang Carolina ang narito sa hapag ngayon pagkaraan. Tapos na rin naman kaming kumain ni Kaizer at dessert naman ang aming kinakain ngayon.

I smiled at her. “Salamat po sa pag-aalala.” tangi ko nalang na sinabi.

She looked so calm and her welcoming smile and stare makes me feel more comfortable.

“Ako nga pala si Carolina, maaari mo nalang rin akong tawaging Tita, if you want. Madalas dito si Kaizer noong nakaraang taon. At ngayon lang siya bumalik ulit. Kaya siguro natuwa ang mga empleyado at ginawan siya ng paborito niyang putahe sa menu.”

I now see that he really loves this place. But does it mean that he frequently having difficulty breathing that’s why he always gets here? I asked myself in my mind.

I took a glance at Kaizer’s way. He is pouring my glass of champagne. When he saw me glimpse at him, he just arched his brow at me, like he’s asking for why.

I just frowned at him.

“Ngayon lang kita nakita, hijo. Kaizer mentioned that you are his cousin. But I met all of his cousins before, at bago ka sa paningin ko.” ani ni Mr. Reyes nang dumapo ang tingin nito sa akin at balingan ako.

“He’s from States, he lives there. Before.” Kaizer answered it for me.

Nagugulat naman akong binalingan ng tingin ni Mr. Reyes. The edge of his brows meet.

“Jessiah is your father?” his lips dropped a bit like he was surprised.

“Yes po,”

Tumango tango pa ito. Does he know my father? Our family? He shifted his gaze to his wife beside me.

Iniabot sa akin ni Kaizer ang wine glass. I get it and take a sipped on it.

“Dito na ba kayo ngayon nakatira? Ang tagal na rin simula nang umalis ang iyong mga magulang patungong ibang bansa. No one’s got the idea that they will stay and lived there for good.” Tita Carolina then said to me.

I put down my glass and looked at her. “Yes po, fortunately. I and my brother finally convinced them to stay here for good.”

“If you are thinking kung bakit kilala namin ang iyong mga magulang ay na-meet na namin sila noong araw. They have actually been here in our Bistro when it was only started.” Mr. Reyes said.

“Talaga po? I never know that.” I was surprised for a minute.

“Sa katunayan niyan ay meron kami ritong personal gallery kung saan nakalagay ang ilang na-wood carved naming mga likha. Your father helps me doing it. Marunong rin siyang mag-ukit. He’s really good at it, even in everything. Halika at ipapakita namin sa iyo. Kaizer already saw it before.” Mr. Reyes kindly said to me then stood up from his seat.

Tapos naman na kami ngayon sa aming pagkain kaya sumang-ayon na rin kami ni Kaizer. We all rose on our sits and went down their stairs with them. I just noticed that on the second floor, there is a wall door sliding glass that covered the floor and it was open for us. Ganon rin sa ibaba na ngayon ko lang napansin.

Nang makababa kami ay may tinungo kaming bahagi ng Bistro at nakita ko roon ang ilang nakamamanghang mga likhang iskultura.

“Kayo po ang gumawa ng lahat ng ito?” I asked Mr. Reyes in amusement.

I just love the accent wood and the carves are just so perfect. There were like a four-man sculpture outside of this room and here inside are there most beautiful wood carvings.

“Yes, here is our one of the guess spot. They like seeing this personal gallery of mine. Kaya napagdesisyunan na rin naming isali na ito sa Bistro para naman may iba pa silang makita.”

Napukaw naman ang aking mga mata ng isang frame. It was a wood frame but inside it is the wood-carved art.

There was a girl carved inside of it. And I walked towards it to see it clearly. I noticed that there is a baby inside the mother’s womb when I got near.

Hinawakan ko ito. I traced every single detail of it.

“It’s Tito Jessiah’s work.” narinig ko ang boses ni Kaizer mula sa aking likuran.

Nang maramdaman ko ang mag-asawang naglakad patungo sa gawi naming dalawa ni Kaizer ay binalingan ko sila ng tingin.

“What can you say about your father wood carving? That’s our centerpiece here. It always attracts and gets the attention of anyone so we decided to put it here in the middle wall part.” Mr. Reyes said as his eyes glisten on me.

“I didn’t know that my Dad can do this. I wonder if he still can do this kind of stuff. Madalas na rin po kasi siyang abala sa trabaho ngayon.” Pagkuwento ko pa sa kanila.

“I hope he can drop by here. Nang sa gayon ay makagawa nga siyang muli ng mga ganiyan kagandang sining. Ilang taon na rin namin silang hindi nakikita na mag-asawa. Kaya natutuwa akong makita ka.”

“Thank you po, I’m also grateful that Kaizer brings me here. At first glance at this place, I already feel nostalgic.” lumingon ako kay Kaizer na kanina pa pala nakatingin sa akin.

Inilibot din nila kami sa ilang bahagi ng Bistro pagkaraan ngunit naglakad na rin kami palabas at hinatid kami ng mag-asawa nang magtagal na kami ro’n. Hindi na namin nalibot pa ang buong lugar dahil dis-oras na rin ng gabi at isang oras pa ang babyahihen namin pauwi.

“Natutuwa akong makita at makilala ka, hijo. Kaizer, mag-ingat ka sa pagmamaneho. Salamat sa pagpunta ninyo.” ani Tita Carolina sa amin ni Kaizer.

Nakangiti naman silang nagpaalam sa amin.

“Bumalik kayo sa susunod, lalo ka na Neil. Alam kong babalik ka pa rito.” Mr. Reyes said to me. He smiled a bit.

Napangiti naman ako. “That is for sure,” I muttered.

We got inside the car and it started moving away from the Bistro. Habang nasa daan kami pabalik ay hindi mawala wala ang ngiting nakaguhit sa aking mga labi.

“You enjoy, huh?” Kaizer tantalizingly asked on me.

I look at his way.

“Of course, that place seems so romantic and peaceful. There was a nostalgic feeling the first time we got in. It was really a beautiful place from escape.” I said as I turned my gaze on him.

He’s driving. His eyes are all on the road but he sometimes takes a glance at me.

“Yeah, kaya madalas ako ro’n last year.”

“Why? Are you struggling? Nahihirapan ka bang huminga at kaya pinipili mong pumunta rito para makatakas?” I asked him curiously.

Kanina ko pa rin iniisip iyan kung paanong nangyaring madalas siyang pumunta rito. Bukod pa sa naging dahilan niya sa lugar na ito.

He didn’t respond. “Is it about your past woman?” I then added.

He glances at me. “Of course not.” he sternly muttered.

I pursed my lips. “Then what is it about?”

“Your question should be ’about whom it is,” he said it in a whisper but I heard him.

“Then, about whom it is?” I ask, changing what I asked him earlier.

“Does it really needs to answer?” he asked me as he seriously looking at the road.

My forehead creased. “Ikaw? Depends on you. If it’s about your past girlfriends that you don’t want to talk about it’s alright to me-”

“Probably you,”

“Huh?” I asked him as I processed what he said. Nang makuha ko naman ay bahagya akong nailang. “Why me?”

“Because I am confused that time.”

“Hindi nga ako umuwi last year, remember?” I asked him but deep inside of me I feel surprised that he struggled a year ago.

“Yeah, and that what makes me crazier,” he said in a deep husky voice. At mabilis din niyang dinugtungan ang kaniyang sinabi.

“That time, I am not just confused about my feelings but also about who I really am. And now I can say that this is who I am. Liking someone… like you.” he took a glance at me then back to the road again.

My chest wildly beat up my emotions as I look at the road as well. Wala akong ibang masabi dahil alam kong mahirap iyon. Ang pagkilala kung ano ka ba talaga. I struggled about it months ago. And up until now, I’m still searching.

I hate it every time I said that I’m still not sure. My parents raised me to always choose the right. To always choose it no matter what.

I looked at the window and lean at the backrest of my sit and pretend that I’m sleeping.

Kaizer is my cousin but I like him. He’s a guy and I like him. And we’re now in this relationship that we choose to have. It wasn’t easy for us especially we are just getting started. I want to take it slow for both of us. To keep it a secret and not just a private relationship.

Both of our lives will have a big change and adjustments as it’s going. Because this is what we choose and as much as I can, I will try not to give up. I will try to keep on holding.

Hindi ko namalayan na tuluyan na nga akong nakatulog sa byahe namin. Nagising ako nang maramdaman ko ang marahang haplos ni Kaizer sa aking pisngi.

“Hey, Mi Arcus. We’re here,” he said huskily.

My eyes roamed outside at nasa parking na nga kami ng building. Nang bumangon ako ay lumabas na rin siya ng kaniyang sasakyan. I was surprised when he opened the door for me.

“Thanks,” I said hoarsely.

Hatinggabi na at wala ng masyadong dumadaang sasakyan. Nang naglalakad na kami patungong elevator ay nagulat pa ako nang biglang hawakan ni Kaizer ang aking kanang kamay at saka iyon pinagsalikop sa kaniya.

I shifted my gaze to him. He just gave me a serious stare.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at hinayaan ang aming mga kamay na magsalikop sa isa’t isa. Sumakay kami ng elevator at wala ni isang nagsalita sa amin. Pagod at inaantok na rin ako nang makalabas kami ng elevator at nang makarating sa tapat ng pinto ng bahay ay saka ko lang siya binalingan ng tingin.

“Dito ka matutulog? It’s late, alam kong napagod ka rin sa pagmamaneho.” I said to him.

“Hindi na. We have classes tomorrow.”

Napatingin pa ako sa sahig bago nag-angat muli ng tingin sa kaniyang mga mata. Ang aming mga kamay ay nananatili pa ring magkasalikop at ayaw bitiwan ang isa’t isa.

“I gotta go,” he said then pulled me for a hug.

Mabilis iyon at hindi ko inaasahan. I smell his scent and I shut my eyes as I accept his embrace.

“Good night, Mi Arcus,” he whispered in a deep husky voice.

“Good night, Kaizer. I enjoy this night. You fulfill your promise that you’ll take good care of me. Thank you.”

Marahan kaming kumawala sa pagkakayakap. He chuckled huskily. “Muntik ng hindi,” aniya pa.

I chuckled too as I remember the prawns.

At nang magtama ang aming mga mata ay hindi ko maiwasang malungkot. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong klase ng pakiramdam.

Pakiramdam na kahit alam mong makikita mo pa rin siya kinabukasan at sa susunod pang mga araw ay hindi mo pa rin sigurado na magtatagal kayo. Hindi ko maalis alis sa aking isipan na mali itong ginagawa namin. Na hindi ito nararapat. Na kasalanan ito.

But I don’t want to be unfair. I don’t want to hurt Kaizer. I still want to try even without certainty.

I hate that it feels like I’m doubting my decisions when in fact that I also considered him as my fortress. I don’t wanna doubt and feel numb about the choice I am making. But I don’t want also to regret anything.

“Good night, Mi Arcus…”

Tumalikod na ako at isinara ang pintuan nang paunahin na niya akong makapasok sa loob. I let a loud and heavy sigh as I lean my back on the door.

I still want to try. No matter what the outcome is. I’m gonna risk it. This is my choice. And my decision is gonna be a big responsibility. So I will take this seriously and wholeheartedly.

Kabanata 22

Author’s Note: I am in doubt if I should continue this story or just unpublished it instead. I am rooting with you readers. These past few days I’ve been in a very unknown place that I can’t find my way back. But now I finally back and will continue to make my own pathway towards my dreams to conquer it. If you are lost too, continue dreaming and finding yourself. There’s always a way to make it come true. Let’s all trust the process. We’re on our way, believe me.

Kabanata 22

Status

Tomorrow came and I go to school. Magkakasama at kumpleto kaming magpipinsan every lunch break.

Kaizer and I got more cooler to each other in the eye of everyone. Madalas din kaming magkasama at magkasabay kapag uwian. Pero mas naging maingat din ako at gano’n din si Kaizer. We haven’t met outside except in school. We mostly call and text each other every night.

Naging busy rin ang mga araw na iyon dahil Christmas break na next week. Mostly exams, compilation, and submission of late activities are the student is finalizing.

Hapon na nang huling araw sa klase for Christmas break at patungo kaming parking lot. Kasama namin ngayon ang mga pinsan namin at sabay sabay naming tinungo ang parking lot. Magkalayo kami ni Kaizer at hindi ko maiwasang tingnan siya tuwing nahuhuli ko siyang sumusulyap sa akin.

“What are the plans tomorrow?” Kelsy asked.

Huminto kami sa tapat ng mga sasakyan namin.

“Tuloy ang pool party ni Russco tomorrow. And of course, invite some of our friends. I invited Levon yesterday and Renz. Marc is not sure but I know that they will come.” I said to them.

Ezi boredly looked at me. “You didn’t invite girls?”

Marahan naman akong umiling. “No, friends are enough. I don’t need girls for that party.”

“What happened to you, Neil? You’re not like this before. How come you stop playing around?” Lucien asked then chuckled afterward.

I lifted my gaze on Kaizer and I saw how his eyes glare at Lucien.

“Old habits could actually die,” Kaizer mouthed.

“Or maybe, Neil is contented now. By himself alone. Right?” Zandra looked at me.

“Yeah, I think so,” I just growled.

“Are we going to the club tonight?” tanong pa ni Ezi na nasa gilid ni Kaizer. Zach was on my side.

“I pass, I don’t have the energy for tonight,” Zach uttered.

Ezekiel’s brow arched. “Okay, if you guys don’t want to come, I guess hindi na lang din ako pupunta.”

“Basta let’s just meet tomorrow lunch kila Neil. Do’n na tayo magprepare at sabay sabay na rin tayong pumunta sa resort.” Kelsy reminded us.

We all agreed on that. Nagsi-alisan na rin kami at umuwi na ng bahay. Kakapasok ko pa lang sa kwarto ko ay may mensahe agad akong natanggap mula kay Kaizer.

Kaizer:

I’m home, gonna take a bath later.

I didn’t reply and I just put my phone on the side table. After I changed my clothes and cleaning myself ay naupo muna ako sa study table ko at binuksan ang laptop.

Dahil wala na rin naman akong ibang gagawin ay binuksan ko ang Facebook account ko. I logged in and this is gonna be the first time na nagbukas ako ng Facebook since abroad. I mostly used my Instagram and Twitter and I rarely used this one. Maybe because I find facebook filled with some toxic stuff.

When my account open, I saw my notification was flooded by friend requests and some react from tagged photos from Kelsy. I checked my messages and it has a lot there from people in the States and also from my new schoolmates.

Some messages from my old schoolmates in the U.S. are similar to my new ones. I got also a message from my friend Victor. He’s one of my childhood friends in the States and he’s half Filipino.

Victor:

Don’t you ever forget me, bro. We have some drinks and tons of topics that we have to discuss once you came back here.

It was sent a month ago. I replied to him.

Ako:

That’s for sure.

After I hit the sent I have a new notification. Hindi ko na binasa ang mga nasa group chat namin at tinungo ko na ang notification ko. Nagtataka ako kung bakit sunod sunod iyong tumutunog.

My forehead suddenly creased. My lips pursed as I saw what the notif was. I clicked it and I am surprised. My lips are half open and I suddenly feel cold. Hindi ko alam kung kinakabahan ba ako o hindi ako mapakali.

Kaizer updated his status. He changed it ‘into a relationship’. He didn’t mention or tagged anyone.

Kaka-post pa lang niya. It was posted one minute ago. And it already gathered hundreds of likes. Then I go to the comment section to read the comments. The most relevant comments are from my cousins.

Kelsy Dior Arcoiris: Is this a dare or you really are in a relationship?

Zandra Cassidy Arcoiris: Seems real, Kelsy . Kaizer won’t update his status for a dare. And he never changed it before sa mga ex’s niya.

Zachary Thiago Arcoiris: Spill it out, tomorrow man. We need to know this girl.

Ezekiel Harison Arcoiris: Kaya pala ang tahimik at inactive nito nung mga nakaraang linggo. Kasi active pala sa love life. Lol.

Lucien Felix Arcoiris: Lmao. Kapag ’yan nangtitrip lang humanda ka bukas.

Kelsy Dior: So who’s this girl?

Zandra Cassidy: We never know,

Ang dami ko pang nabasang comments from our friends and the others are from our schoolmates. They are all curious about this so ’called girlfriend of Kaizer even the fact is, it was a boyfriend. Damn.

I get my phone and immediately typed in my message to him.

Ako:

Why did you change your status on Facebook? They are now curious about it.

Magkasalubong ang aking mga kilay habang hinihintay ang kaniyang reply.

Kaizer:

Are you mad? Hindi pa ba pwede? I didn’t tag nor mention you on my post so they won’t know.

I sighed. I checked the laptop again and now it’s near thousands of likes with wow and love reaction. The comment section was bombarded and it’s now like a chatbox of my cousins as well, darn it.

May nagnotif ulit sa akin at nakita kong mention iyon.

Kelsy Dior Arcoiris: @Neil Irish, do you have any idea?

Zandra replied to Kelsy’s comment.

Zandra Cassidy Arcoiris: Don’t be so nosy ’bout being so curious Kelsy.

Nag-reply na rin ako para hindi naman sila magduda kung bakit parang wala akong reaksyon.

Neil Irish Arcoiris: don’t know. Maybe it’s a scam.

Kelsy Dior Arcoiris: You think so? Sa bagay he really never does this stuff.

Zandra Cassidy Arcoiris: he will if he really is serious.

Ako ang kinakabahan sa mga reply ni Zandra dahil mukhang naniniwala talaga siya.

Mukhang mali pala ang naging pag-reply ko dahil mas lalo ko lang naipakitang may paki ako sa status ni Kaizer. Half of me was happy about it but at the same time, I’m also nervous about it. Especially that he’s notorious in our school. A bunch of girls has a crush on him and some are desperate. Hindi naman nawawala iyon.

Kaya natatakot akong may ibang mang-usisa ng tungkol dito. Hindi maganda ang estado ng relasyon namin ni Kaizer kaya hanggang maaari ay gusto ko itong gawing pribado lalo na kung gusto naming magtagal.

Dahil walang kasiguraduhan kung anong mangyayari sa oras na malaman ito ng ibang tao at lalong lalo na ang aming mga pamilya. They would be so disgusted to us and the worst, they will separate us.

I was massaging my forehead when I felt my phone vibrated. Kinuha ko ito at mabilis na sinagot nang makitang si Kaizer iyon at tumatawag.

“Are you mad at me? I’m bothered when you didn’t reply to my message.” his deep husky voice on the other line.

Nakasandal ako sa aking swivel chair at nakatingala sa ceiling. Marahan akong bumuntong-hininga.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I-de-delete ko nalang para wala ka ng ipag-alala.”

“Huwag na. You already posted it. Deleting it would be worthless. They all knew about it at kahit pa i-delete mo ay pag-uusapan pa rin ’yan ng mga schoolmates natin.” I pointed out.

“But you are mad-”

“Oh shut it, Kaizer. Why did you post this kasi without my permission?” I asked him abruptly annoyed.

“Because I want and feel to do it, Neil. Gusto kong malaman nilang taken na ako.”

“But still Kaizer, the point here is that we are in a very secretive relationship. And by what you did, you just gave them an idea to crave for what is up on you-”

“I’m sorry,” he cutted me by his deep raucous voice.

I then let out a sigh. I shut my mouth then just massage the bridge of my nose. I heard his heavy breath on the phone. Tahimik lang siya at hindi na nagsasalita ngayon. Mukhang kinakalma ako.

I know that I may be burst on him but I really trying myself to calm my fucking self here. I just can’t hide my worriedness and the nervousness for the sake of our relationship that I panickedly saying the possible outcomes of his act.

“Mi Arcus?” he asked after a long noise of crickets chirping on my mind.

I swallowed hard when I felt my throat running dry by this conversation.

“Hmm?” I only hemmed

“Forgive me if you find it bad.” his manly soft voice growled.

I licked then pursed my lips afterward. His voice was already enough to ease this annoying feeling I am having now. Fuck, how could he do it on me?

“You’re not forgiven. I’m also not mad. I’m just…slightly annoyed.” I admit.

“You are annoyed because of me. Sorry because of that. I post it to stop those girls who are trying to hit on me. I want them to know that I’m taken. That I’m with someone now. That I’m happy for us. Because if our love wasn’t this bad in the eye of everybody, I will scream to the whole world that I’m your boyfriend. And I’m proud of that, Mi Arcus.”

I didn’t know why but it’s like some magic spell that he cast on me that made me smile after hearing him saying those heart-melting words. He’s also enough and I’m happy enough to have him.

Hindi na nawala sa pandinig ko ang boses ni Kaizer. Hindi ko na rin naman inisip pa ang tungkol sa pinost niya dahil mabilis iyong natabunan ng kaniyang mga salita. Because the only thing is running on my mind was the last thing he said last night.

It was heart-melting and warming. The smile draws on my lips as I get my food here at our dining table for breakfast. Today is now Russco’s birthday at mamaya pang tanghali ang dating nila Kelsy rito sa bahay.

My sight throw at Russco who’s now walking towards me. I smiled widely.

“Happy birthday, Russco Yusuf!” I greeted him.

Ngumuso naman siya at saka ako nginiwian pagkalipas. Kakagising lang niya at mukhang mag-uumagahan na rin siya.

I get him a plate and place it on his mat. Naupo siya roon sa tabi ko sa lamesa.

“Thank you, Kuya. But it’s better if you wouldn’t say my whole name.”

“Okay okay, sorry about that,” I said and glance at him indulgently.

Sila Mom at Dad naman ay magkasabay lang na bumaba ng hagdan at nagtungo sa hapag. They greeted Russco as well when they got in the dining room.

In the middle of our delightful meal, Mom spoke up. Napatingin naman ako sa kaniyang gawi.

“May pool party pa ba kayo sa gabi?” she asked me.

“Yes po, Mom,” I answered.

“Well, okay lang naman dahil wala na ring klase next week and we accommodate the resort for the whole day. Just be careful later tonight. Your uncle Eleazar and auntie Audrina will be there.” Dad stated as he glances at me now.

I just gave Dad a nod. At napatingin na lamang ako sa aking pinggan at saka ipinagpatuloy ang pagkain.

Tito Eleazar will be here later. Hindi rin kasi naglalagi ang mga magulang ni Kaizer sa kanila. Tanging siya lang at sila Ate Anastasia at Kuya Huxton ang kasama niya dahil nasa trabaho sila Tita and Tito. Their house is big and as of now tanging siya lang ang nandoon at iilang kasambahay nila.

Bago pa magtanghali at alas diez palang ng umaga ay nandito na si Kaizer sa amin. Russco welcomed him. He was so happy to see him here this early.

“Happy birthday, old man.” ani Kaizer rito na nag-angat din sa akin ng tingin.

Napanguso naman ako at saka pinagmasdan silang dalawa. Nasa sofa ako ngayon at nakaupo habang ang dalawa ay nakatayo malapit sa pinto at mabilis na naglakad patungong gawi ko.

“Thank you, old man.” Russ fired back mockingly on him.

“I already gave you my gift, right? When I took you to the airsoft last time, remember?” Kaizer said as they both sat on the near side of my sit.

“Yeah, thanks for that early present. I had so much fun.” Russco gratefully uttered.

“But I bought you another one. Here,” nakangising inabot ni Kaizer ang regalo sa kapatid ko na namamangha nang makita iyon sa kaniyang kamay.

“Oh! Thanks! I’m gonna open it now.” Russco excitedly said.

Mabilis niya iyong kinuha sa kamay ni Kaizer at saka agad na binuksan ni Russco ang regalo.

“I know you’re now interested in playing basketball so I buy you a new pair of them. You can use it when you’re going to play with your friends o kaya naman ay kapag maglalaro tayo nila Zachary.” nakangiting sinabi ni Kaizer sa kaniya habang sumusulyap sa gawi ko.

Hindi ko naman namalayang kanina pa pala ako nakangiti habang pinapanood silang dalawa.

“It’s so cool and very expensive Kuya Kaizer, it’s a Nike-Air Mag sneaker Kuya Neil!” ipinakita pa sa akin ni Russco iyon.

Nagugulat naman akong bumaling kay Kaizer. Si Russco naman ay nagmamadaling tinungo ang kaniyang kuwarto para siguro ay sukatin ito.

“Bakit ka naman bumili ng gano’n kamahal na sapatos? And you really find his size of that specific shoes?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

He stood up and sit beside me. Walang ibang tao dito sa living area kun’di kami na lang dalawa. Mom and Dad were at the resort to check if everything is ready and all set. Kaya kami lang ni Russco ang naiwan dito sa bahay at mamaya ay babalik din sila to pick up Russ.

Seryoso naman na ako ngayong nakatitig sa lalaking nasa tabi ko kaya ako ay tumagilid ng puwesto.

“I just want to give him that present, may natira pa naman sa ipon ko,” he said then smiled at me boyishly.

I let a heavy sigh then pursed my lips.

Naramdamn ko ang pag-usog niya sa akin. Halos magkadikit na ang aming mga braso sa isa’t isa ngayon. Hinarap niya ako.

I know what he will gonna do.

“Kaizer not here, we have CCTV cameras. Dad always checked it every night. Let’s just go inside my room.” I said under my breath when I know that he’ll gonna be clingy now.

When we’re inside of my room ay mabilis niya akong pinaluputan ng kaniyang mga braso. Nakaupo kami ngayon sa aking sofa na may kalayuan sa kama ko.

Nakayakap siya sa aking baywang habang ang mukha ay nakasubsob sa aking leeg. The last time he hugged me when we go out to Antipolo and it’s almost a week ago. But I feel it like it was just yesterday. I shifted on my seat when I felt something tickle my neck.

“Kaizer,” I groaned. I tilted my head.

“Hmm?”

“Stop it,” I hissed when I felt him teasing my neck.

He’s playing with me now. Bahagya akong natawa ng kilitiin niya ang aking tagiliran.

“I said stop it, Kaizer!” I spatted and smacked his hands when I can’t take it anymore.

Pulos tawa ako habang siya ay nakangisi sa aking nakatingin.

“Fine, just let me rest on your neck.” he cutely said while his lips on his purse.

Nagpapanggap akong nag-iisip para makaganti.

“What? Pag-iisipan mo pa ba ’yon? Come on, Mi Arcus.” his voice was like a kid when he said that.

I smiled widely. “Why your voice is so cute? Don’t make it like that.” I stopped him.

He raised his brow and the corner of his lips tugged up.

“You find it cute? Mi Arcus finds my voice cute, I’ll take that as you fall for me harder.” then he chuckled huskily.

Nagsalubong naman ang aking mga kilay.

“So full of yourself, tsk.”

“Why? Can you refuse when you find my voice soothing and cute? Hmm? Just admit it.” he teasingly asked.

I almost rolled my eyes at him.

Nang-aakit at nangungusap naman ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa akin ngayon. I sighed in annoyance but more likely in defiance.

“Fine! Who can refused it though?”

Then his smile grew wider and looked at me proudly. The guts of this man. Damn him.

Sinakop muli ng kaniyang mga braso ang aking katawan habang ang kaniyang mukha ay nakasiksik sa aking leeg.

“I really loved your smell. It’s addicting Mi Arcus.” namamaos ang kaniyang boses nang sabihin niya iyon.

I turned my gaze on him and smile a bit even he can’t see me because he burried his face on my neck. I raised my hand to reach his head. I caressed his hair.

“That’s relaxing, keep on doing that Mi Arcus.”

Bahagya namang nawala ang ngiti sa aking mga labi nang maalalang uuwi nga pala ang kaniyang mga magulang para mamaya.

I swallowed hard before I asked him about that.

“Tito Eleazar and Tita Audrina will be there at the party later. Gano’n din ang iba pa.” Ani ko sa kaniya pagkaraan.

I heard him let a sigh, “Don’t worry about it too much. I will keep on doing my best to keep our relationship a secret. And also no one will know about us, right?” he asked.

Marahang buntong-hiniga ang kumawala sa aking bibig. “Yeah, as it should be.”

Inalis niya sa pagkakabaon ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg at mataman akong tiningnan sa mga mata.

“Don’t worry too much, walang makakaalam,” he said as I should be relieved.

“Neil? Kaizer?” tatlong magkakasunod na katok ang narinig namin mula sa pinto.

Mabilis akong bumaling kay Kaizer. Because I forgot to lock the door. Dimwit.

I suddenly pushed Kaizer out of the sofa. He was shocked when I did that. Kaso bago pa siya mahulog sa sahig ay nahawakan niya ang aking mga braso dahilan para pareho kaming mahulog sa sahig.

With wide eyes, we are staring at each other. I’m on top of him while I felt his breath on my neck below me.

At nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto ay mabilis akong tumayo at ganon din si Kaizer. I build my composure as I walked towards the door.

Nakita kong nakatingin sa amin ni Kaizer si Zandra. Hindi naman niya kami naabutan, tama ba? Fuck. Kinakabahan akong bumaling sa kaniya at nagpapanggap na maayos pa rin ang postura.

“Zandra,”

Her eyes shifted on Kaizer at my back. “Sa baba na raw tayo, nando’n na rin sila Zach. Kayo nalang ang hinihintay,” she said smoothly.

I almost let out a loud sigh in relief.

I just nod and licked my lower lips. Damn, I really thought she would ask us what we are doing. Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung ano ang isasagot sa kaniya kung sakaling tinanong niya sa akin iyon.

Sabay kaming tatlo na bumaba ng hagdan pagkatapos. Dala ko ang duffle bag ko at nang makarating kami sa baba ay nasa dining na pala talaga silang lahat.

“Why are you guys upstairs?” salubong na tanong sa amin ni Zach.

Napakurap kurap pa ako ng mata at nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer na seryoso lang itong tumingin kay Zach.

“I waited for him in his room. He’s preparing his extra clothes for later tonight.” Kaizer coldly answers him.

“Wait, totoo ba ’yung status mo last night? Like to be honest, I’m still curious about it.” Kelsy asked him.

Doon ay mabilis na nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanila.

“Kaya nga. Kapag ikaw lang talaga nanggagago…” Ezi seconded.

Naglakad si Kaizer palapit sa table. Kinuha nito ang pitcher at nagsalin ng juice sa kaniyang baso. He sipped on it before he answered all their question. Ako naman ay tinungo ang isang stool sa countertop at tahimik lang silang pinapakinggan.

“I mean what I posted. It’s true. I’m in a relationship.” diretsa niyang sinabi habang ang mga mata ay direktang nakatingin sa akin.

Agad naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin at nakita kong nasa akin ang mga mata ni Zandra. Yumuko na lamang ako at kinuha ang cellphone sa aking bulsa upang magpanggap na may ginagawa at abala.

Napunta ako sa messages ko. I tap his name and texted him out of nowhere.

Ako:

Kaizer, stop giving them information. They will just be more curious about it.

Naiinis kong ibinalik sa aking bulsa ang cellphone at nagulat pa ako nang malakas na may tumunog na cellphone.

“Oh, siya ba ’yang nag-text sa’yo?” Lucien asked Kaizer.

“Oh my god! Is she asking you now? What is she said?” Kelsy seconded.

“Kelan mo ba ’yan ipapakilala sa amin, ha?” isa pang tanong ni Lucien.

Kaizer chuckled humorlessly at them.

“Or he even has the plans to introduce her to us?” Zandra probed on them all.

I then suddenly awkwardly laugh. “Let’s just stop asking Kaizer about it. Isn’t it awkward? Wala rin naman kayong mapapala sa love life niyan.” I almost stuttered but I still try to spoke up like I’m not interested in it.

Matalim na mga mata ko ang sumalubong kay Kaizer. Giving him the sign, stopping him to say more.

“Okay lang naman Neil, alam naming wala kang paki sa love life ni Kaizer. But yeah, you’re right.” Zachary looked in my way.

Nang naiba ang usapan ay bahagya naman akong nakahinga ng maluwag. We started to go out and get in our van. Nag-isang sasakyan nalang kami para hindi hassle mamayang gabi lalo na at mag-iinuman din kami.

Si Marcos ang nagda-drive ngayon. Nakaupo ako sa bandang gitna sa tabi ni Kelsy at Zandra. Si Kaizer ay nasa likuran ko naman. Hindi ko na siya nagawang tapunan pa ng tingin dahil sa takot at kaba kong may makahalata sa amin kahit na tinginan lang naman ang ginagawa namin.

When we got to the venue and there were already a lot of people. Russco’s classmates and friends who have him at his tables and the program is started already.

Naupo kami sa bandang harapan kung saan nakahanda na para sa amin ang dalawang malaking round tables. Nandon na rin sila Tita at Tito. Lahat sila ay narito na at mukhang kami na naman ang nahuli.

Kuya Huxton isn’t here but I saw ate Anastasia waving her hand to me. I waved my hand back. Ate Meaghan is also here and his boyfriend Eurwin. Ang ilan sa amin ay doon naupo sa table nila habang kami naman nila Zach, Marcos, Ezi, at Lucien magkakasama sa katabing lamesa.

I saw Kaizer was about to sit here on our table but I glare at him and shook my head to not sit here. Fortunately, he understood what I wanted to convey.

The party goes on until I felt my phone vibrated. Nasa kalagitnaan na ng party at ang lahat ay ukupado dahil may kaniya kaniyang pinag-uusapan habang kumakain. Kinuha ko ang aking phone mula sa aking bulsa. Nananatiling nasa ilalim ng mesa ito habang binabasa ko ang kaniyang mensahe.

Kaizer:

Are you upset about what happened earlier? Let’s talk later.

I lifted my gaze on him and I saw him watching me. I looked away. I sighed.

I gulped then looked at my plate. Naramdaman kong tumunog muli ang aking phone. Napatingin na sa gawi ko si Zach na nakataas ang isang kilay.

“Who’s that?” he asked me curiously.

“Ah, wala,” I simply said.

Nanliit ang mga mata nito sa akin at bahagyang nagsalubong ang mga kilay.

“If that’s the case, mute your phone or power off it. We’re in front of the meal.”

“Sigi,” tangi ko nalang na naiusal sa kaniya.

Sanay kasi sila sa aking hindi gumagamit ng phone habang kumakain at iyon pa ay isa sa mga rules ko kaya hindi na ako magugulat kung bakit may pagtataka sa mga mata ni Zach nang tanungin niya ako.

I am now actually breaking my own rule because of Kaizer. Fucking shit.

I pretend that I shut down my phone even I was reading his newly sent message to me.

Kaizer:

I’m worried. I can’t eat properly every time I see your irritated glance. Let’s meet in the room of this resort.

Ako:

No! Just stay there Kaizer. We are not going to talk.

I lifted my eyes and when I take a look at their table next to us, I saw the sharp dim eyes that he was giving me now. He looked bothered but I don’t want us to talk here. So I just looked away and continue to finish my meal.

We have nothing to talk about as well so why asking me to meet him somewhere far from the crowd. And also, all our family was here, present at this party and he’s freaking out just by my irritated glance. Well, kasalanan niya rin naman ’to.

Kabanata 23

Kabanata 23

Sorry

Nang matapos ang party ni Russco at kami nalang magpipinsan ang maiiwan sa resort ay nagpaalam na sa amin ang aming mga magulang.

“Bye Dad, ingat po kayo sa pag-uwi. Mom, Russco happy birthday ulit.” I kissed my brother’s cheeks as I send them my goodbye.

“Just don’t drink too much, okay? Go home before twelve.” Dad seriously uttered.

“Yes po,” I replied before he goes.

Nakita kong umalis na rin sila Tito Deverox, Tito Zavian at Tito Demarcus kasama sila auntie. But when I noticed Tito Eleazar just got out from the venue ay mabilis akong lumapit sa kaniya para makapagpaalam na rin.

Kinakabahan ako nung una pero naglakas loob pa rin akong lumpit para makabati.

“Tito, salamat po sa pagpunta.” I looked at him.

Ate Anastasia and Tita Audrina were on his both side, a bit surprised to recognize me approaching them.

“You’re welcome, we enjoy the company. Anyway, you’re having a pool party tonight kaya ba kayo maiiwan dito?” Tito asked me.

“Yes po, we decided na i-accommodate na po namin ito para naman sulit ang bayad sa resort.” I casually answer.

He nodded slowly to me. Tito Eleazar is the eldest of the Arcoiris. While my father is the youngest. But he seems strong when at the same time he’s taking care of his health kaya laging nakaantabay si Ate Anastasia.

“Okay then, basta huwag kayong magpagabi ng sobra. And I know that your cousins bring alcoholic beverages. Huwag mo silang hayaang magpakalasing ng lubos gaya nung nakaraang gathering natin. I don’t want another accident.” he seriously stated.

“Yes po, I’ll take care of it. Ingat po sa byahe, Tita Audrina.” ani ko sa Mommy ni Kaizer.

“Thank you din, ikaw nang bahala sa mga pinsan mo lalo na kay Kaizer.” Tita Audrina commanded on me.

I exchange her smile with a wider one. “I will po,” kahit na may kaunting ilang na nararamdaman dahil si Kaizer iyong pinag-uusapan.

“Ah Mom, Dad, mag-stay po muna ako rito. I wanna enjoy myself with them.” si Ate Anastasia.

“Okay, take care of your cousins and brother, Anastasia. Neil, kayo nang bahala.” ani Tita at pumasok na sila sa loob ng kanilang sasakyan.

Sabay naman kaming bumalik ni ate Anastasia papuntang cottage na malapit sa pool. Nagdidilim na rin ang kalangitan at nararamdaman ko rin ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Marahil ay Disyembre kaya maagang lumubog ang haring araw at malamig na rin ang dampi ng hangin sa aking balat.

Nasa isang malaking cottage kaming lahat ngayon para hindi na hiwa-hiwalay. At nang mag-alasais na ng gabi ay dumating na rin ang ilan sa mga kaibigan nila Kelsy and also some of our varsity team that I invited.

“Bro, buti nakapunta kayo.” I said as we bump our shoulder to each other. It was Levon and Renz and I was a bit surprised to see Mark as well.

I met them on the varsity and we bond along with my cousins.

“Yeah, I won’t like to miss this one. Lalo na at wala na rin naman akong gagawin the next day.” Mark said because when I invited him, he was a bit hesitant but now he’s here.

“Nandyan din ba sila Elaine? I heard they are also invited to.” tanong ni Renz sa akin.

Napatingin naman ako sa gawi ng mga babae. Bahagyang maingay ito. Nakita ko ngang nandiyan na rin sila Elaine. She’s one of Kelsy’s friends.

“Oy Mark! Akala ko hindi ka makakapunta?” tanong ni Zach na nasa tabi ko na rin. Halos lahat kaming lalaki ay magkakasama ngayon dito sa cottage. Zach, Marcos, Killian, Ezi, Lucien, Mark, Renz, Levon at si… Kaizer. He looked a bit irritated and not in the mood when my eyes glance on his way.

We decided to ate our dinner first bago mag dip sa pool at uminom. Nang natapos kaming kumain ay kaniya kaniya na silang palit ng damit ang mga babae. The boys were just chill on their sits.

We prepare a long table near the infinity pool para do’n nalang ilagay ang snacks at mga alak na dala namin. Some of the girls help us pero ang iba ay abala na.

Nang matapos naming mai-set-up ang table ay kumuha naman ako ng pang grill para sa barbeque. Tinulungan ako ni Zach at Levon doon habang ang ibang lalaki ay nagbubuhat ng mga upuan.

“May charcoal na ba riyan, Neil?” Zandra asked me while I was putting the main grill.

“Wala pa, pakikuha naman sa cottage. Salamat.”

Nang maiabot sa akin ni Zandra ang uling ay bahagya akong nagulat sa presensya ni Kaizer sa tabi ko. I haven’t pay attention to him earlier because I was preoccupied preparing the tables and the foods para mamaya.

When I looked back to check the others if they are looking on us and they didn’t. I gasped and lifted my gaze on him.

“Let me do this,” aniya sabay kuha ng pangsindi.

I didn’t refuse and give it to him. While he was doing that I go back to the cottage to get the marinated meats.

I get that I was a bit irritated earlier because of him. Pero hindi ko rin naman maiwasang mangamba sa mga tingin niyang hindi ko alam kung paano tatanggapin. Because he’s also looked pissed and I hate it when both of us don’t compromise with something. Well, we never compromise since before though… I think.

While walking towards the cottage I found Kelsy, Elaine, and their other friends there. Wala akong balak na tapunan sila ng atensyon kaso ay tinawag nila ako. I don’t wanna be a snob, they are guests after all.

“Hi, Neil!” If I’m not mistaken it was Mariel who greeted me.

“Hey,” I simply greeted back.

“Grabe ang gwapo talaga ng pinsan mo na ’to,” Mariel said to Kelsy as she giggled a bit.

“Lahat sila actually. It’s running in their blood, swerte nalang talaga ng mga magiging girlfriend ng mga ito.” I heard Elaine enchanted.

Mabilis ko lang na kinuha ang pinunta ko rito para makabalik na kay Kaizer kaso ay nakasalubong ko si Levon na mabilis akong tinulungan sa dala ko.

“Naku hindi na. I can bring this one. It’s not that heavy though.” I pointed out. But he insists. Pilit niya itong inaabot mula sa pagkakabuhat ko.

“I’ll help you, wala na rin naman akong ibang gagawin. Tapos ng maayos at mailagay ng mga girls ang pagkain sa table. They had also been set up the music. So yeah, I will just help you here.” he uttered with his glinting eyes.

Napakunot ako ng noo at saka walang nagawa kun’di ang ibigay nalang sa kaniya ang iba.

Tatlong malaking baunan lang naman ang dala ko at nakalagay iyon sa dalawang styro icebox. The other one has the two pieces of tupperware inside and the other one was on mine at may kasama pa iyong mga hotdogs.

“Hindi ka pa ba maliligo?” I asked him out of nowhere.

Mabilis naman akong nakaramdam ng awkwardness nang maalala ang tanong ko.

He chuckled a bit. “Nakaligo na ako bago pumunta rito.”

“Yuh, I mean mags-swimming?” I glance at him.

“Mamaya nalang siguro.”

Nang makarating kami kay Kaizer ay napansin ko ang matalim nitong tingin kay Levon.

“Ah, sigi do’n lang muna ako. I will get my things. Nakaready na rin ang mga drinks, you want some? Dadalhan kita rito.” Levon offered.

“Hindi na, salamat.” tangi kong sinabi dahil hindi pa naman ako nauuhaw.

Nang makaalis siya at kami nalamang ni Kaizer ang nandito ay hindi niya ako tinapunan ng tingin. Ni isang salita ay walang namutawi sa kaniya. I did not speak either.

A few more minutes passed and no one tried to spoke up. Ang ilan sa mga kasama namin ay nasa pool na. They now drinking there. The music was loud and like booze in some bar as the lights scattered to the poolside na naabot ang gawi namin dito. Ako naman ay iniwan muna ulit si Kaizer para sana kumuha ng alak.

“Saan ka na naman pupunta?” Kaizer asked me when I turned my back on him and about to leave.

I faced him. “Kukuha lang ako ng drinks,”

Hindi ko alam kung ako ba ang galit o siya. Ang tangi ko lang na dahilan kaya ayaw ko ng masyado kaming nag-uusap ay ayaw kong may makahalata sa amin.

He looked away. His jaw moved. He really looked pissed. Mahigpit ang pagkakawak nito sa dulo ng lamesa at matalim ang tingin sa kung saan.

I’m worried about him too. If he thinks that I’m only doing this to protect ourselves without thinking to considered our feelings then he’s wrong.

“Hey,” I said to catch his attention but he was stoic this time.

Bahagya akong lumapit sa kaniya. “I’m not mad nor upset to you if that’s still bothering you.” I blurted out to calm him.

Hindi siya nagsalita at nananatiling nasa iniihaw ang tingin ng kaniyang mga mata. Marahan akong bumuntong-hininga at bumagsak ang tingin sa ibaba.

Nang maramdaman kong wala siyang balak na magsalita ay nagpasiya na lamang muna ako na umalis at iwanan siya. I get my drinks.

I sipped on my cup. Kanina lang ay gusto niya akong makausap tapos ngayon ay hindi naman niya ako sinasagot. What’s wrong with him?

Naghubad na rin ako ng aking damit at naka shorts akong lumusong sa pool. Gusto ko munang magpalamig. Lumangoy ako sa bandang dulo, sa malalim na parte. Sila Kelsy, Zach at ang iba naman ay naroon sa mababaw na parte kasama ang mga kaibigan.

May ilang sinubukang languyin ang gawi ko.

“Ang lalim na pala dito! Ilang feet ’to?” tanong ni Levon sa akin. Kasunod nito si Renz at Mark na marahang lumalangoy palapit sa akin.

I smirked at him. “15 feet,”

Lumangoy naman ako pagilid para humawak sa tabi. Ganoon din ang ginawa nila. Nakaharap kami ngayon sa mga halaman at ang dalawang siko ay nakapatong sa gilid ng pool.

“Damn, have you seen Elaine? She’s so hot with her bikini.” Renz glances attractively at Elaine’s way as he stated it.

Mark, Levon and I, lifted our eyes on their way. And the girls are wearing their bikinis. They are also watching our way.

Marcos was there of course with the girls beside him. Si Killian ay ganon din, like their usual trips.

“Guys! Dito na tayo sa table. Let’s have a drink here!” Kelsy caught our attention.

Ang lahat naman ay umahon na. Nagulat pa ako nang iabot sa akin ni Levon ang isang towel nang makaakyat na rin ako sa pool rails.

“Meron ako sa bag,” I explained because I can’t take it.

Hindi naman niya inalis iyon sa pagitan namin at nananatili pa rin niyang iniabot sa akin.

“Nasa cottage pa ’yon and we need to be on the table now. Take it.” he urged.

Magsasalita pa sana ako nang may marinig akong nagsalita sa aking likuran.

“Neil, here’s your towel.” I heard Kaizer’s deep voice from behind.

Nakita kong bahagyang napamulagat si Levon nang makita ang towel kong iniaabot sa akin ngayon ni Kaizer. Kinuha ko iyon sa kamay niya nang mabilis ko siyang hinarap.

“Thanks… Tara na,” I imparted on him without taking a glance on his way.

Hindi ko namalayan ang biglaang pagsulpot ni Kaizer kaya mabilis kong inaya si Levon na magtungo sa mga lamesa kung nasaan na rin ang iba. Saktong pagkaupo naman namin ay nagsasalin na sila ng alak. Ang mga barbeque na naluto ko at ni Kaizer ay kinakain na rin namin ngayon.

Elaine and Mariel can’t take off their eyes on me. Ang ibang girls naman ay kaniya kaniyang lingkis ng kanilang mga braso kila Marcos at Killian. Gano’n din kila Ezi at Lucien.

“Hey everyone! Let’s play a game tutal marami na ring nainom ang iba sa inyo.” Kelsy informed sassily.

“Game!” everyone’s giggled.

“Basta huwag na truth or dare, gasgas na masyado ’yon.” Killian lazily drawled.

Kelsy leered at him. “Of course! This game is called ’Two Truths and A Lie.”

“What’s that game? I never heard it before.” Levon commented.

“Okay everyone, listen. To play, everyone sits or stands in a circle but since we are on a long rectangular table it’s not a problem. One by one, each person will have to say three statements about him or herself. Two of these statements must be facts or truths, and one must be a lie. The other members then try to guess which statement is the lie. So the consequence of this game ay kapag hindi mo na guess ang lie, you will have to drink half of cup of Tequila or Whiskey and Jack Daniels for the boys without any chaser. Ready?” Kelsy excitedly asked.

Everyone giggled and said yes. The boy’s brows arched and just agreed to it. Well, I think it’s a nice game after all.

Ang mga lalaki ay magkakatabi sa kaliwang side ng table habang lahat naman ng girls ay nasa kanan nakaupo.

“Let’s start with Kaizer, Kelsy,” Caroline suggested.

Kelsy mockingly glares at them then looked at Kaizer who’s sitting at the edge. Magkalayo kami ng upuan. Dahil ako ay nasa bandang gitna at dalawang tao ang pagitan namin sa isa’t isa.

Marcos and Zach are in between us. He just lazily lifted his eyes on Kelsy. The girls seem excited to hear him out.

“Sure! Let’s start with Kaizer then.” Kelsy declared cheerfully.

Naghagikgikan naman ang iba at nanunuya ang mga matang natuon ang atensyon kay Kaizer.

I rolled my eyes when he smirked at them like he was using his charm or what. Tss.

“Start na!” the girls chanted.

“Please include your girlfriend, Kai. I wanna know her.” Elaine’s voice was implied.

My forehead creased and my brows raised a bit to what she said. I even saw her glances at Kaizer maliciously. And Kaizer is oblivion into it like it was just a normal stare.

He chuckled boyishly while he leans on his chair. I know that he’s still pissed. He cannot hide it from me. Kahit pa na mukhang kalmado siya sa paningin ng iba ay ramdam at kita ko sa mga mata niya na hindi iyon ang kaniyang nararamdaman.

The girls shut their mouths until no one’s voice is hearing. The silence deaf us for a minute before Kaizer’s voice begin to be heard.

“First, I am falling in love. Second,” he looked on my way slowly until our eyes met and locked on each other’s stares.

“This person really hit me hard.” he licked his lower lip and parted it. “Third, I do believe that this person will never leave me from behind.” his glare was dim and weak. Full of worried and care as it bore on me.

I noticed that my heartbeat fasten. I looked down at my cup and sipped a drink on it.

“Gosh! Parang lahat naman truth. Ang hirap Kaizer!” I heard Mariel whimpered.

“Dahil naniniwala akong walang relasyon na tumatagal, I choose the latter one.” Elaine presumingly said.

“What? You’re too harsh Elaine! Stop being bitter!” Mariel exclaimed at her.

Nagtawanan naman ang iba habang ako ay tahimik lang na nakatangin kay Kaizer.

“I’m not bitter though. I just know that this person he is pertaining can’t give what I can give. Right Kaizer? He knows it because I already impressed him.” malagkit ang paraan ng pagtingin nito kay Kaizer.

Kaizer just gazes at Elaine menacingly. I darted my eyes on him but he didn’t even dare to glance on my way.

What are they talking about?

“The heck are you talking Elaine. You are drunk. Stop spilling your experience here. And really? With my cousin pa talaga?” Kelsy retorted, seems like she’s annoyed.

“Everyone moved on. Proceed to Marcos. You guys are so hypocritical about Kaizer choices.” Zandra snorted on them all when she noticed that the air begins to be humid.

Mark and Renz chuckled in unison. “It’s a big deal for them.” they both mumbled.

Dahil wala rin namang nakahula kung alin ang lie sa sinabi ni Kizer ay lahat kami ay uminom ng tig kakalahating shot.

He didn’t also say what is the lie there. The game moves on until it’s my turn.

“Tell us your lie, Neil. Come on!” Caroline cheered on me.

Napasinghap ako bago nagawang magsalita. They are all waiting for what I will say.

“Wala namang interesante,” I said then chuckled afterward.

“I haven’t met you before but I just wanna say that everything you are doing right now really impressed me. You really are good-looking and freaking…ahhm…hot.” the girl who keeps lurking at me earlier spoke up. I don’t know her name tho.

The boys cleared their throats, it was Lucien, Ezi, and Marcos of course. Who would it be? Si Kelsy naman ay napailing dahil alam nila kung anong epekto ko sa mga babaeng ngayon lang ako nakita. They became open about what they’re feeling and it wasn’t scary for me. But sometimes it leads them to their aggressive and naughty side that I also enjoyed playing. But that was before.

I cleared my throat before I started.

“First, I sleep late at night. Second, I’m busy at school and the latter is… I am now tipsy.” nothing seems interesting about my statement.

“’Yon na iyon, Neil?” Zach asked me unbelievably.

I shrugged. “Yeah,”

“Neil, make it sensible! Nothing seems very interesting about it. Tell us more.” ani pa ni Kelsy sa akin.

Some of the boys and girls laugh as well. And I can’t hide my smirk so it plastered instantly. I also chuckled at them.

“Kaya nga Neil, make it a bit…deeper? Masyado kasing mababaw yung sinabi mo. I mean it’s normal.” Elaine said after her soft chuckles.

I leered at her. Oh? She wants abnormal. I let out a heavy sigh. My eyes locked on Kaizer when I accidentally glance on his way.

“Okay here it goes, first…may mga bagay na sa tingin ko kailangan nating gawin dahil ’yon ang magpapasaya sa atin. Second… Everything will never be the same if you risk it. Like you will lose it all like it’s just the bet of fate for the both of you. And lastly…” I blinked then glance at Kaizer’s way intensely.

“Maybe what is happening right now is just a phase. That it will all change in time. At baka nadadala lang ako sa nararamdaman ko.”

They are all silent after it. I sighed then smirked at Elaine and Kelsy who keeps on saying that I should give them a sensible statement.

“Wow, that’s too deep,” Zach uttered.

“What now guys? May gusto bang manghula kung alin ang lie? If I were you, I will just get my drink now.” Zandra mockingly poured her cup of drink.

Lahat naman sila ay mukhang natauhan at nagsalin na rin nang sari-sarili nilang bas. Napangisi naman ako ngunit agad ding nawala nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer. I looked away when I realized it’s taking long. Nang ipinagpatuloy ang game hanggang sa matapos ay halos lahat sila ay mga lasing na. I even noticed Kaizer’s hooded eyes narrowed on his cup.

Ang iba ay nasa pool para mahimasmasan ng kaunti. Bumalik din ang malakas na tugtugan at malikot na saliw ng mga ilaw sa paligid. Like the party started again.

Napagpasyahan ko naman munang maglakad patungo sa garden side para sana pakalmahin ang aking sarili nang makita kong naroon si Kaizer. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad para kumpirmahin kung siya nga ba iyon. He was standing there. And I was supposed to go near him when I saw someone with him.

I saw that it was Elaine, pulling him to somewhere else. Her hands were seductively gripping his arm. He’s just proudly standing at hindi nagpapahila. And when he glances on my way and noticed my presence his eyes widen a fraction.

“Kaizer, come on. I know you missed it too.” Elaine pervertedly caressed his arms.

Kaizer’s eyes were now all on me. Sinundan ni Elaine ang tingin nito at nang mapansin ni Elaine ang presensiya ko ay nginitian lang niya ako at saka kinawayan.

“Hi, Neil!” she sounded so cool but she’s really drunk.

Nakaramdam ako ng inis nang mag-iwas si Kaizer ng tingin sa akin. He held Elaine’s both arms and before he does something I left them.

I walked away. What the fuck they are doing in there alone in the dark? Naiinis at mabilis na nag-init ang ulo ko nang maalala kong hinawakan pa talaga ni Kaizer ang magkabilang braso ni Elaine.

Kaya naman nang makalapit ako sa mga table namin ay dumiretso ako ng poolside at hinubad ang aking damit. Hindi naman ako nagulat nang lapitan ako ng isa sa mga kasama nila Kelsy na hindi sa akin pamilyar. I think she’s the girl who admits that she already liked me earlier at the game.

She put her hands on my chest and pinched it teasingly. I didn’t protest, because my mind was preoccupied and mad at the view of Kaizer and Elaine at the garden side. I bit my lower lip as I pulled her waist near to me. I heard some of our friends scream and groaned at the pool. Betting on us now, I guess.

“Crush ka niyan Neil!”

“Yiee! Finally girl, you finally have the guts!”

Dinig kong sigaw nila sa pool. Naglapat ang mga mata namin ng babaeng hapit ko ngayon ang baywang at nakitaan ko ng init ang kaniyang mga titig sa akin. I smirked and pulled her waist closer to me.

And she shrieked a bit. “Ano ba Neil! Baka mahulog ako.” then she wet her lower lips after she said that softly.

I narrowed my eyes on her, playful.

“Why would you? I am holding your waist, you’re not gonna fall.” I whispered to her ears huskily.

Then I felt her grind. I saw her licked her thin lips seductively as her eyes didn’t leave mine. Then she slowly neared her face on me and reach for my lips. I kissed her back. Slowly.

“Neil,” I heard that it was Kaizer’s voice but I didn’t stop kissing this girl. Instead, I put my hand on her neck to kiss her more, deepen.

I know what am I doing and I know that this isn’t right. My instinct says that I’ll regret it but my mind seems off at the moment. I was pissed and mad at Kaizer.

He’s with Elaine and he really thinks that I’m that numb to didn’t even recognize what she’s up to with him. And the heck she is telling earlier that she already impressed him. What is that? A talent show who prepare a step to grind on? The fuck is that.

I kissed her forcefully. While I felt her hand tracing my body. From my jaw to my chest down to my abs. She moaned when I bit her lower lips that she was licking earlier.

Narinig ko ang hiyawan ng ilan sa pool. Alam kong lasing na rin sila. Nahinto lang kami sa halikan nang may marinig akong malakas na bumagsak sa tubig.

Mabilis akong humiwalay sa babaeng kahalikan ko. Nakita kong sa malalim iyong parte ng pool kung saan kami pumunta kanina.

“Oh my gosh! Inubos ni Kaizer ang isang bote ng Black Label! Nahulog ata siya sa pool!” dinig kong sigaw malapit sa amin.

Mabilis namang kumabog ang dibdib ko nang mapansing hindi pa rin siya umaahon o nakikitang lumalangoy man lang. Fuck, he’s already drunk earlier, what’s more now that he straightly drunk a bottle. Damn it. Nagmamadali kong tinakbo ang dulo ng pool at saka tumalon do’n.

I dive quickly as my heart started to beat rapidly.

Nang makita ko siyang palubog sa tubig habang nakapikit ang mga mata ay lumangoy ako patungo sa kaniya. My heart races and I can’t hear anything except the loud beats it is making.

I grab his hand and hold it tightly. Nakita kong may isa pang humawak kay Kaizer and it was Zach. Nang maiahon namin siya ay habol ko ang aking hininga.

Inihiga namin si Kaizer sa gilid ng pool. I hurriedly kneeled on the floor beside him.

“Fuck. Kaizer! Kaizer! Hey!” tinapik tapik ko ang pisngi nito at balikat habang tumatagaktak ang tubig sa basang basa kong katawan. I tried to wake him up but he didn’t open his eyes. Damn it!

Sila Kelsy naman ay pumunta na rin sa gawi namin. Pinakiramdaman ko pa ang kaniyang ilong at bibig. I put my hands on the top of my first hand on his chest and push straight down to his chest when I didn’t felt anything.

“Kaizer,” I mumbled as I pump his chest.

I lifted his chin and pinch his nose after the count. I put my mouth in his and sealed it with mine.

I pump again when his chest doesn’t rise. Then give him a second breath. Naninikip na ang aking dibdib ko at nahihirapan habang nakikitang wala man lang siyang reaksiyon.

Damn it! Come on Kaizer.

Tanging kaba at takot lang ang tanging alam kong nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na ito habang nakikita siya. I don’t wanna lose him. My tear almost came out but I didn’t let it.

Then I stop when the water came out of his mouth. Naubo siya at mariing nakapikit ang mga mata. Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang likod habang marahan siyang naupo at habol ang hininga.

“Kaizer, you okay?” I shuddered in worried.

His eyes were hooded and he looked so weak when his gaze went on me. I gritted my teeth. It wouldn’t happen if I just look at him and stop kissing that damn girl. It’s my fault. And I can’t just stand there looking at him drowning.

It’s like letting my heart break itself. Letting it tore itself into pieces as the excruciating pain was too much to bear.

We’re now on the van after the party and about what happened to Kaizer. We actually didn’t continue it. It was fast and anyone was worried about him. I was preoccupied with his situation that I almost forgot about my things.

“Salamat,” I mumbled to Zach when he handed me my duffle bag.

Agad na rin naming tinapos ang party at halos lahat ay natakot at nangamba dahil sa nangyari. Nagpaalam na rin sa amin ang mga kaibigan namin bago kami tuluyang tumulak. Habang ang ilan sa kanila ay papasok pa lang ng kani kanilang mga sasakyan nang iwan namin sila sa parking lot ng resort.

Lahat naman ng pinsan ko ay tulog na sa byahe at hinayaan na ring magpahinga si Kaizer. Nakaupo ako sa tabi niya ngayon at nasa gitna kaming dalawa nakaupo. Ate Anastasia was on his left side while I’m on his right.

Wala na ring space para sana mahigaan niya. But when our cousin slept and he also sleeping. I caressed his hair without any hesitation because no one will notice us.

“I’m sorry,” I then whispered to him.

Nananatili siyang nakapikit at mukhang pagod na pagod. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil nangyari ito. What if I never stop kissing that freaking girl, can I save him? What if something worse happens at hindi ko siya agad nakuha sa pool? I’m gonna blame myself and I will never forgive myself for that.

I was clenching my jaw as I slowly lean his head on my shoulder.

I am jealous to see him with Elaine that’s why I kissed another girl. But it’s not a better excused to do it. And the stupid and fucking me do it in front of him. I feel so fucked up. I feel so stupid and numb. How could I be so selfish to him at that time?

All he did was to help me hide our relationship to others and here I am doubting him. My bad. I’m such an ass. I didn’t even consider his feelings while kissing another girl. I let my heart blurred out by jealousy and flood with so many thoughts.

He didn’t talk to me earlier but I know that he still cares for me. I am so guilty for doing it. We are in a relationship and what I did is considered cheating. The fucking shit of me! I’m such a dick and fucking bastard.

And when I felt his head move on my shoulder, I glance at him.

“Thank you for saving me,” I heard him muttered in a serious and deep voice.

He slowly lifted his eyes on me. “I’m sorry,” all I can say to him, husky and almost in a whisper.

I’m fucking sorry, Kaizer…

Kabanata 24

Kabanata 24

Kiss

Nauna naming hinatid sila Kaizer sa kanila. I help him to go upstairs to his room but he ignored me. Hindi naman ako sumuko at sinabayan ko siya sa paglalakad paakyat ng hagdan.

“You can go home. I wanna be alone.” he coldly uttered which make me stop from taking another step up on their staircase.

“Ihahatid lang kita sa kwarto mo at pagkatapos aalis na rin ako-” he immediately cutted me off.

“I said I want to be alone.” his cold voice dripped inside my nerves.

“Kaizer! Neil is just helping you.” Ate Anastasia imparted to him irritatedly.

Kaizer just looked at her sister coldly. He did the same to me. My breath hitched and I can’t stay long by his gaze. I grip the railings as I put my guilt there. I am mad but not on him. To myself. I understand why he’s very upset right now.

He looked like he was losing his patience. And it’s because of me.

Naglakad siyang mag-isa paakyat ng hagdan at iniwan kaming dalawa ni Ate Anastasia. Nakasunod ang aking paningin sa kaniya at saka marahang bumuntong-hininga.

“I’m sorry about that. Nagkagalit na naman ba kayo ni Kaizer? Last time I checked hindi naman siya ganiyan sa’yo.” Ate asked behind me.

I smiled wickedly as I faced her. “I gotta go na ate Anastasia. Naghihintay na rin sila Kelsy sa labas. Good night, thanks for tonight.” I answered differently, avoiding her question.

She just then smiled welcomingly at me as she nods her head.

Ayaw ko nang magkuwento pa kay Ate Anastasia dahil alam kong mauungkat lang ang puno’t dulo ng lahat. He’s good to me and that’s the truth. Galit siya sa akin dahil may kasalanan akong nagawa. Tahimik lang ako sa biyahe at hindi na nagsalita pa. Ako ang sunod na hinatid at mabilis din akong nakaakyat sa floor namin.

Nakahiga na ako sa aking kama ngayon at hindi ako dinadalaw ng antok. I get my phone on the side table. I want to talk to him so I texted him.

Ako:

Are you still up? Can I call you?

I put my phone down while I wait for his reply but nothing came. I typed in again. Nagbabakasakaling gising pa siya.

Ako:

Hey, I’m sorry. Please let’s talk.

Then I send him a lot of messages when he didn’t reply until I fall asleep waiting for his response. I know that he’s mad and I can’t ease that swiftly.

Nang magising ako kinabukasan ay cell phone ang unang hinanap ng aking mga mata. Kinuha ko ito habang nakadapa at hindi pa bumabangon ng kama. Marahang buntong-hininga ang ginawa ko nang makitang puro messages lang iyon mula kila Levon, Kelsy at iba pa from last night.

Buong maghapon akong naghintay sa kaniyang mensahe pero ni isa ay wala akong natanggap. I keep on texting him until the other day came. But he still ignoring me and it’s bugging the shit out of me.

I continued my day with Russco, Mom, and Dad. I let him in the meantime. I can’t force him to talk to me if he’s not ready and okay with it. It’s my fault and I already regret it.

I haven’t also tried to go to their house because I heard that they are having a family out of town for days. I was in my room lying on my bed when I open my group chat because it keeps on notifying me. It was our cousin’s GC.

Kelsy Dior: Hindi naman siguro nalaman nila Tito Eleazar ang nangyari kay Kaizer nung birthday ni Russco, ’di ba?

Ezekiel Harison: Maybe, yes. Becoz Ate Anastasia was with us that night. She might tell her to Tita Audrina.

Zachary Thiago: I actually wonder why he falls on the pool…

Lucien Felix: He accidentally falls after he drunk a bottle of hard liquor. Don’t know why but I saw him nung mangyari ’yon.

Zandra Cassidy: Why you asked @Kelsy Dior ? Are we grounded?

Napakunot ang noo ko sa mga messages nila. They are all active and very attentive to everyone’s chat. So I checked if Kaizer is online so I can chat with him but he’s off so I just go back to our group chat again.

Kelsy Dior: They are out of town at baka dahil si Kaizer lang ang grounded kaya sila umalis.

Marcos Fonces: I heard baka abutin na rin sila ng Christmas eve kapag nag out of the country sila Tito for his medication.

Killian Desmond: Yeah, nabanggit nga rin sa akin ni Huxton. So definitely, they might be not here on Christmas to celebrate with us.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko at mabilis na nag-alala dahil hindi ko pa siya nakakausap. At umaasa pa naman ako na sa araw ng pasko ay magkikita na kami.

Kelsy Dior: Hindi pa naman daw sure ’yon. Kaya baka dito sila magpasko, and that is what Ate Anastasia said to me.

And because of Kelsy’s response, nabuhayan ako ng pag-asa na dito sila magpapasko this year. Weeks passed at hindi niya pa rin ako nire-reply-an. Malapit ng magpasko at magkakaroon kami ng family gathering. I am bothered that he still avoiding me. I keep on sending him a voice mail saying that I’m sorry and I wanted to talk to him. But even seen it, hindi niya man lang ginawa. Muntik ko pa tuloy isipin na naka archive ang messages ko sa kaniya dahil hindi niya man lang ito sini-seen.

Kaya nang dumating ang araw nang pasko at papunta na kaming venue sa isa sa mga hotel ay hindi ako mapakali. It’s Christmas and I already greeted him online. He didn’t reply, of course.

“Dad, let’s go!” Russco called.

“Sandali, call your brother to help me bring these gifts.” I heard Dad from downstairs.

Pababa naman na ako kaya nang makita ako ni Russco ay inginuso lang ako nito kay Dad. Binalingan naman ni Dad ang gawi ko.

“Put these boxes inside the car. Tatawagin ko lang ang Mom mo,” he said to me then walked away towards their room.

“Russ, I need your help here.” I hinted as I neared the presents for my cousins.

I lift a lot of boxes inside our car. And Russco helps me also. This is a gift for my cousins, uncles, and auntie because this is just our second time celebrating Christmas here in the Philippines. Of course, I also prepared a gift for Kaizer. It was my peace offering for him. Isang linggo rin kaming hindi nagkita kaya hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.

I am running out of words while walking in the lobby of the hotel. May ibang nagbuhat ng mga regalo namin paakyat sa floor na pagdadausan ng celebration namin. I am now wearing a color red black stripes long-sleeve button-down shirt that was tucked into my faded rugged jeans while the three-button of my shirt was unbuttoned. It is our color theme for this year.

Nang bumukas ang elevator ay kumaliwa kami at tinungo ang room na para sa amin. When we got there Mom opened it, we saw our family members inside.

They were all there. The reception was nice and grand. The city is shown behind the glass wall. The floor is spacious for us. The buffet and the big round tables for each family were perfectly covered. There are also servers.

Zach smiled at me as he walked on my way. Nakita rin nila Ezi at Lucien ang pagdating namin kaya nagmano sila kila Dad and Mom.

“Merry Christmas Tito Jessiah, Tita Verity. Russco! Merry Christmas.” Kelsy cheerfully greeted us.

Sinalubong pa ako nito ng yakap. She’s wearing a red dress as well as Zandra.

Nagtapikan naman kami ng balikat at bahagyang naghagikhikan kami nila Zach, Ezekiel, Lucien, Marcos at Killian habang nagbabatian dahil ngayon lang ulit nagkita kita. Kuya Huxton is not here now because he’s abroad. And I know that Tito Eleazar, Tita Audrina, Ate Anastasia, and Kaizer are celebrating Christmas out of the country. But this time I heard that they are here to celebrate it with us.

So I’m looking forward to seeing him here today…and talked to him finally.

“What’s up? Ngayon nalang ulit nagkita kita after ng pool party.” Ezi blurted then chuckled as he smirked at me.

“Wala namang ganap, sa bahay lang din,” I commented.

“Hindi kasi kayo nagcha-chat sa group-chat natin. I asked you to go out and chill at the club last day but no one responded.” Marcos hissed at me.

“Well, I’m kinda busy,” Lucien replied.

“Busy your ass. You’re just making out with your woman.” Ezekiel trailed off. Pinangunutan lang siya ni Lucien ng noo.

“Wala nga pala sila Tito Eleazar this Christmas. Nasabi ba sa’yo ni Ate Anastasia? For sure Kaizer won’t inform you, mukhang magkagalit na naman kayo nung nakaraan e.” Kelsy spoke up.

Nagugulat naman akong tumingin sa kaniya.

“What? Hindi ko alam. Akala ko nung nakaraan mags-stay sila dito ’til Christmas eve and also to attend our gathering.” My eyes widen in disappointment while I roamed my eyes in the venue, hoping to see him here.

I thought that they would be hereafter there out of town so they will celebrate with us. I expect them to be here. To see Kaizer. To talk to him. To give him my gift. And he never told me that they are going abroad. He’s that really mad at me? I’m saying my sorry so many times and he never replies to my messages since that night.

It was hard to accept that maybe he’s really just attracted to me before. That he just only wants to be challenge because he can get any girl he wanted. That he’s just only like me for no reason.

And this is what I told myself before. At ngayon napatunayan ko na nga. It’s just a phase for both of us. Our feelings will fade for each other in time.

“Yes, that’s what I also expect. But Tito Eleazar needs to go abroad for their business. They also need to check up on his health there. Kaya natuloy na rin sila sa pag-alis.” Kelsy replied to me.

“Nung nakaraang araw lang sila umalis. Lahat ata sila, pati si Kaizer kasama.” Zandra said to me.

I sighed. Maybe I should throw my gift instead of giving it to someone else. Wala na rin naman pala akong pagbibigyan.

We started our family gatherings. And Kaizer was not here. I asked Mom if she knows about it.

“Mom, wala po pala sila Tito Eleazar? I thought they will celebrate with us?” I asked after our meal.

“Biglaan din ang pag-alis nila nung nakaraan. Your Tito is not feeling well.”

I just let out a heavy sigh and gritted my teeth as I look at the buildings outside.

We played games and I have fun. Pero hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip ko si Kaizer. Gusto kong mainis o magtampo pero parang wala ako sa posisyon na gawin iyon ngayon dahil may pagkakamali ako. But that’s what I am feeling right now. I admit that I made a mistake but how can we fixed this if he keeps on ignoring my texts and call. He’s just so cold to me.

I go to the bathroom after the game. We finished our meals. And when it’s the time of giving presents to them I suddenly felt my heart hurt. I have a present for him. Pinaghandaan ko pa naman ’to but then, he’s not here to receive it.

“Sir, we also have here an infinity bracelet. For woman po ba?” the sales lady asked as I roamed my eyes on their bracelets.

“No, it’s for man. I want something unique. Can you make me a customize of this bracelet?” I handed her the silver infinity bracelet.

Dahil wala akong makitang kwintas na infinity and it’s also most used. I want a customized necklace for both of us.

“Bracelet din po ba, Sir?” tanong sa akin ng manager. It was an expensive jewelry shop but I talk to the owner because luckily he’s here in the main branch.

“I want it to be done a necklace,” I said.

“We have an infinity necklace, sir.”

“Different with your infinity one. I want it silver and unique to your design.” I added.

I pleased the owner if he can make it before Christmas and he said yes. At ngayong nasa kamay ko na ang maliit na box sa aking kamay ay saka naman siya wala.

Pang-ilang buntong-hininga ko na ba ito ngayong araw at mukhang hindi ako napapagod gawin ito. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at ibinalik sa aking bulsa ang maliit na box.

I feel like I’m less without him these days. I missed him. My mind was just only fixed up to him. Wherever I look at, his face just flashed in my sight.

If I just am reasonable that night it wouldn’t gonna happen. If I just am more careful and aware of a person’s sensitivity I won’t miss him this much. If he’s just only here, I will be happier celebrating Christmas with him.

“Kuya Kaizer!” I heard Russco screamed. He runs towards the door excitedly.

I’m facing the grand door and I can’t believe that I’m seeing him enter.

Ang ilang pinsan ko naman ay sinalubong din siya kalaunan habang ako ay nananatiling nakaupo. I can’t believe that he’s here. I licked my lips and my eyes blurred.

Napakurap kurap ako nang magtama ang tingin naming dalawa. Naramdaman kong namamasa ang aking mga mata kaya mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

Nananatili akong nakaupo at hindi siya nilalapitan. I heard him greeted my Mom and Dad at ganon din kila Tito at Tita.

“Akala namin nasa abroad kayo? How come you’re here?” Kelsy surprisedly asked him.

“Yeah, ako lang ang umuwi mag-isa. Mom, Dad, and Ate Anastasia left there. Hassle ngayon kaya nahuli ang flight ko dahil Christmas. Buti nalang nakaabot pa ako rito.” he replied.

“So where’s our gift?” Ezi mockingly asked him.

Kaizer pursed his lips like he always does every time he’s with me. But now he seems cold.

“I have it in my house. Punta nalang kayo tomorrow. Wala rin naman akong kasama sa bahay.”

I stood up. “Mom, bathroom lang po ako.” paalam ko kay Mom dahil hindi ko na matagalan ang presensya niya.

“Sigi, pero bilisan mo dahil matatapos na rin ang celebration natin.”

“Yes, po,”

Hindi naman ako napansin nila Zach na lumabas patungong bathroom dahil abala silang lahat sa kadarating lang na si Kaizer. When I got inside the bathroom and I’m only alone, I put down the small box and my hands on the sink while I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

I saw how my adam’s apple moved up when I swallowed hard. Hinagod ko ang aking buhok at saka mariing ipinikit ang aking mga mata.

Damn it! Now that he’s finally here I can’t look at him straight in the eyes. I can’t even stay long with his presence.

I feel like there’s now a gap between us after almost two weeks of not having communication. And it’s my fault? I took the blame and I’m still blaming myself. The fuck. It’s always me. And it’s absolutely because of me why it’s happening.

What about him? I tried to reach him out but all he did was to ignored and avoid me. And it sucks big time for me to think of him in those days he ignoring me.

Mabilis akong napatingin sa pintuan nang marinig kong bumukas iyon.

My eyes darted to the person who came inside. I was surprised to see him here. I suddenly feel awkward so I looked away. Nagpanggap akong naghuhugas ng kamay habang dahan dahan namang naglalakad si Kaizer palapit sa akin.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at nagpanggap na hindi siya nakita. I am mad, no. I feel sulk.

“Merry Christmas,” I heard his deep husky voice greeted me.

I didn’t glance at him. I turned off the faucet and get a tissue near him.

Naramdaman kong pinapanood niya lang ang ginagawa ko ngayon. Hindi ko naman binigyan siya ng atensyon at tanging nasa isip ko lang ay ang umalis na.

Alam kong hindi ko dapat ito gawin dahil ako ang may kasalanan sa aming dalawa. But I can’t control myself from getting annoyed. Tinalikuran ko na siya at nasa hamba na ako ng pinto nang magsalita siyang muli.

“Your cute little box, naiwanan mo,” he said casually.

Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga bago ko siya hinarap. How can he be this casual to me?

It was my gift for him and is now in his hand when I saw him holding it.

“Take it, baka regalo mo ’yan sa babae mo,” he said cooly, mocking me wasn’t even his intention I guess. His eyes darken as they bore on me.

Nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay. Then I chuckled humorlessly. His eyes glisten. He looked at me humidly.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at saka mabilis na hinablot sa kaniyang kamay ang maliit na box. I mockingly smirked at him.

“Yeah, it’s for my girl. Thanks for reminding me.” I hissed and turned my back on him.

I was about to walk out when he pulled my wrist. I want to protest but in a swift motion, he was now kissing me…thoroughly.

He held my jaw and moved his face like he was liking it. My lips were in a grim line and I didn’t kiss him back.

His eyes were shut. He continued kissing me. He’s teasing me. It was subtle and very passionate. His kisses made me want to answer his passionate kisses but I opt to not.

I put my hand on his chest to pushed him but his kisses became aggressive this time that can knock on my sanity.

I missed him. So bad.

My plan of pushing him away fail. I gripped his polo shirt as I kissed him back now. It was a one roughed kissed. I felt his tongue teases mine. Until our tounge fought to its own war. He sucked it and bit my lips as I did the same on his.

Marahas at mahigpit ang hawak ko sa kaniyang mga braso habang siya naman ay nakahawak sa aking panga.

Our breath hitched and I was running out of air. Naghahabol ako ng hininga habang patuloy siya sa paghalik. At nang maramdaman niya akong habol ang hininga ay tumigil siya. He looked at me weakly and my eyes glistened bore on him.

My heart twitched as I saw him licked his lips like it was a sweet icing that messed on his lips. Our bodies were touching each other. He was holding my back while my hands are still on his chest. I’m still gripping his clothes like I’m still ready for more.

His eyes went down to my parted lips back to my nose. He slowly caressed my cheeks.

“I miss you, Mi Arcus,” he said in a deep husky voice.

My heart thumped. His words hit me like thunder.

“I missed you too,” I said under my breath.

He looked at me passionately. His eyes were a bit dark and serious but the gentleness was visible in there.

Ipinagdikit niya ang aming mga noo. My eyes voluntarily shut and savored the moments. He gently caressed my cheek. I held his hand that covering my face as our foreheads lean on each other.

Ramdam ko ang marahan niyang paghinga. Ang mainit niyang mga haplos sa aking pisngi at panga. Ang presensya niyang siya lang ang nakakagawang pabilisin ang kabog ng dibdib ko ay hindi pa rin nagbago.

“I’m sorry,” I felt my eyes heated when I say that.

“Hush, I’m sorry too. I forgive you. Don’t ever do that again in front of me. Hmm? Hindi ko na kakayanin sa susunod na makita kang may kahalikang iba.” he painfully uttered.

Our voices were like a whispered. Huskily and under our breaths.

I nodded my head continuously. Like I will obey him. Like I learned from it and I will never do it again. And I swear, I will never do it again.

“I thought you left me. That we are gone because you are no longer replying to my messages. I thought it was the last. I thought that I was right that you just want to be challenged. I thought that you already give up. I thought you wouldn’t forgive me-” I said as my tear now escaped from my eye.

I never cried in front of anyone nor anybody else. Even to my parents. This is the first time that my tear fell in front of someone. And it’s only because of him. Fuck.

“Hush, I’m so sorry Mi Arcus. I am mad at you at that time. Nagpabulag ako sa galit ko sa’yo. I badly want to answer your texts and calls but my pride can’t let me. I’m so sorry,”

We stayed in that position for a minute. I just want to treasure this moment of us even for a while. I moved out from his embrace afterward.

“This is actually my gift for you.” I showed him the little black box he was holding earlier.

He looked at it surprisingly. He smiled widely as he opened it.

“It’s a silver infinity necklace with an arched that crossed above it. The arched symbolizes the rainbow. The love that love has no boundaries and hindrance as long as you both faithful to each other. The infinity symbolizes eternal love. That it’s endless and limitless. And silver because of our unconditional love and a mirror to the soul.” I said as I showed him my present.

He gently looked at me. “Thank you for this. But why is it half?” he asked when he held it.

“The half of that is in me,” I said as I bow my head and lifted my left foot. “I made this into an anklet.” inalis ko ito sa pagkakakabit at saka ipinagdikit ang kaniyang kwintas at ang anklet ko.

“It’s beautiful,” he muttered in amusement.

Isinuot ko sa kaniya ang kwintas at isinuot naman niya sa akin ang anklet ko. When he stood up and his forehead creased. He tilted his head more on my side.

Then he touched my infinity dangle earring. I wear this now because I know that this day is gonna be special. And in goodness, it is.

“This is my gift…you wear it,” he said in regale.

“Yup, it’s also an infinity. But only one pair cuz it’s piercing.”

“I’m glad that you liked it, Mi Arcus.”

Nakangiti ako sa kaniya habang siya naman ay nangungusap ang seryosong mga mata. Mabagal at naging mabilis ang naging dampi nang kaniyang mga labi sa akin kalaunan na hindi ko inasahan.

“Sorry, nagkamali ako ng pasok-”

Mabilis kaming naghiwalay ni Kaizer sa isa’t isa nang may marinig kaming boses mula sa pintuan. Nanigas ako sa aking kinatatayuan. Malakas at mabilis ang naging kabog ng aking dibdib.

“Neil… Kaizer. What are you doing?” Zandra doubtless asked. Her eyes were like in shock that popped out.

“Za-Zandra, let me explain-” I stuttered but she cutted me off.

I felt Kaizer hold my hand. He bravely looked at me. His lips were in a grim line. He seriously gazes at Zandra who’s looking at us suspiciously now.

She saw us. That’s for sure.

“Why are you two kissing? Neil? Kaizer? Anong ginagawa niyo? Answer me. M-May relasyon ba kayong dalawa?” she asked emphatically.

Namimilog ang kaniyang mga mata at hindi makapaniwala kaming tinitingnan ngayon. Her brows meet in confusion as well in the judgment of predicaments she has now in mind.

“Yes, Zandra may relasyon kaming dalawa,” Kaizer muttered coldly on her.

“Kaizer,” I said worriedly as I narrowed my eyes on him.

He should deny us! We couldn’t tell Zandra what’s with us. He should lie!

“There’s no used of hiding it from her, Neil.” he worriedly uttered on me.

Mabilis naman akong bumitaw sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa akin ni Kaizer para lumapit kay Zandra.

“Zandra please, don’t tell Mom and Dad. Don’t tell anyone about us. I’m begging you, please…”

Seryoso lang ang mga mata ni Zandra habang nakatunghay ito sa akin. Hindi ko makitaan ng ibang emosyon ang mga ito.

“Hindi niyo ba alam na mali itong ginagawa ninyo? Na mali ito sa mata ng kahit na sino. You’re cousins. And for goodness sake! You guys are both men!” nakitaan ko ng pag-aalala ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Zandra I know-”

“Neil, I thought you’ve grown? Bakit mo hinayaan si Kaizer na maging ganito?” She asked me in dismay of judgment.

“Because I like him, Zandra! More than that!” I admit to her.

Habol ko ang aking hiningang napahilamos sa aking mukha. Si Kaizer naman ay nilapitan ako at kinuha muli ang aking kamay.

Until our hands slowly intertwined.

“I love him, Zandra. So if you gonna tell them about our relationship it’s all in you. I will never let anyone dictate us.” Kaizer bravely said to her.

I look at him. Naramdaman kong higpitan nito ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking kamay nang balingan niya rin ako ng seryoso niyang mga mata. Pinapalakas ang loob ko.

“No, hindi ako papayag.” Zandra suddenly said.

“Then go, tell them.” Kaizer provokes her hostily.

Mabagal na naglakad si Zandra palapit sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer. My hands on his gripping it tightly. I shiver. Our deepest secret will be revealed. And we can’t stop Zandra.

Will it be our end? I just hope it’s not. Or else what we have right now will be gone. It will be stopped in no time.

Kabanata 25

Kabanata 25

Redden

Takot at pangamba ang tangi kong nararamdaman sa mga oras na ito.

“No, I won’t let them know about it. But that doesn’t mean that I’m still okay with it. I can’t believe na tama ang hinala at nararamdaman kong may namamagitan sa inyong dalawa.”

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag matapos niyang sabihin iyon.

“Salamat, Zandra.” tangi kong naiusal.

“Naramdaman ko na ’to noon pa. I just…can’t believe it.” she said in dread.

“Really? How? I mean we’re trying hard to keep it a secret.”

“My instinct sense it. And my instinct never fails. But don’t worry, I’ll help you both to keep it a secret.”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Kaizer at saka ko naman niyakap si Zandra.

“Salamat,”

“But you both have a lot to say on me about this. Neil, tell me okay. Because this is not a joke. It is more than serious. And I hope that you both know what you are taking into.” Zandra pronounced with her browsed in worried as she glanced at me and to Kaizer.

“Alam namin ang pinapasok namin, Zandra. It’s not that simple pero ginagawa ko naman ang makakaya ko for our relationship to be quite like it hides inside a box.” Kaizer said to her.

“You should. And I will be outspoken here, what you both have right now will be a loss for the both of you. Dahil magpinsan kayo, Kaizer. And what’s more terrible is that you are both alphas. Ako nga lang na malaman ko ngayon na may namamagitan sa inyo ay hindi ko pa rin lubos na matanggap. Bukod sa ipinagbabawal dahil magpinsan kayo ay pareho kayong lalaki. It such a mind blow and a very sensitive topic that even both of you should know.” Ani Zandra sa amin sa napakaseryong paraan.

Nanatili naman kaming tahimik lang ni Kaizer hanggang sa ilang sandali pa ay magsalita si Zandra muli.

“Basta huwag lang kayong magpahalata masyado. I’m not tolerating you both but just to keep our family union, I will try not to tell them about it. I’m not yet an ally but you can trust me with this. Let’s go back. Baka puntahan pa nila tayo dito.” Seryoso at bakas pa rin ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang boses nang sinabi niya iyon sa amin.

Maluwag ang naging paghinga at naging pakiramdam ko nang sabihin ni Zandra iyon. I just can’t believe that she knows about it and she will help us to keep it secret.

Naiintindihan ko na hindi niya pa kami lubusang matatanggap, pero sapat na sa akin na marinig mula sa kaniya na hindi niya ipapaalam sa iba ang kung anong namamagitan sa amin ni Kaizer.

I just hope that we keep our relationship secretly because I don’t know what else can happen if our family finds this out. It can be worst. And that was what I was afraid of from the very beginning. On how they will react when they find it out.

Zandra is a silent girl I know. She just looks and stares around. Watching you and tried to figure what’s in you. Gano’n ang pagkakakilala ko sa kaniya.

But I never expect that she would keep our secret like it’s also now her burden.

Nang makabalik kami sa loob ay naging maayos naman ang lahat. Hindi ko lang talaga maiwasang balingan ng tingin si Zandra sa tuwing titingin siya akin, sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer.

We went home that day after our family Christmas celebration. Napagpasiyahan pa ng mga pinsan kong mag-inuman sa bahay namin. Dahil pasko naman at isang linggo na rin kaming hindi nagkakasama ay pumayag na rin ako at sila Mom.

Sa rooftop ulit ang naging pwesto namin. Habang nakaupo na kami sa aming table ay hindi ko maiwasang kabahan at mailang.

We’re all at the same table. We decided to sit at one table dahil kami lang naman magpipinsan. But Ate Meaghan wants to separate and Kelsy contradicts.

“Huwag na Ate Meag, kasya naman na tayong lahat dito.”

Nang sumang-ayon naman na ito ay nagsimula na kami.

Lahat kaming mga lalaki ay magkakatabi habang ang mga babae naman ay gano’n din. Katabi ko si Zach at Marcos, like the usual setup. Kaizer was on the side of Marcos and beside him were Ezi, Lucien, and Killian. Our table is round so next to Killian is Ate Meghan, Zandra, and next to her, and on my left side is Kelsy.

I glance in Zandra’s way and she just gave me a serious stare. I didn’t look at Kaizer’s way.

“Kelan ang laro niyo next year?” Kelsy asked.

“Versus other University? Hindi pa sinasabi ang date pero sure na raw.” Ezi answered her.

Marcos chuckled. “Kami ang makakalaban niyo, make sure na nag practice kayong mabuti.”

“Tss, as if naman kaya niyo kaming talunin. Neil is now one of the best players. Silang dalawa ni Kaizer. But of course hindi sila magiging magaling kung wala kami.” Si Lucien.

Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Kaizer.

“Let’s see. Last year wala si Neil at kami ang nanalo. Homecourt niyo pa.” Marcos said with a hidden evil smirk play on his lips.

“Magaling din naman ang players ng school natin. Kaso iba lang talaga gumalaw sila Marcos. Lalo na si Enzo.” Kelsy muttered, pagtukoy sa players ng kabilang university.

“Yeah, iba rin ang galing non. Parang si Neil nga rin kung maglaro. Kaso mas magaling nga lang ’yon.” Zach mockingly looked at me.

I leered at him. “Mas magaling pa sa’kin? Don’t try me, Zach. Wala ka naman pagdating sa akin.” I snorted on him beside me.

“I’m just kidding, alam ko namang mas magaling ka ro’n.” bawi niya pa sa akin.

Nagtawanan naman sila Ate Meaghan.

“Alam niyo ba si Zach, hindi na ’yan nagkakagirlfriend! Kelan pa ba nung huli iyang nagkagirlfriend? Gosh, I can’t remember! Ewan ko ba kung anong sumaping espirito riyan sa kapatid ko. May mga kaklase nga akong models na nagri-reach out sa kaniya and they are demanding on me for his reply. Ako pa ang nape-pressure. The heck of those girls! They are not cheap pero kung makatanggi ang kapatid ko parang siya na ang pinakaperpektong nilalang.” Ate Meaghan imparted.

“Seriously? Maybe Zach wants a serious relationship now, Meaghan. Or he’s focusing on his studies.” Killian commented then took his shot.

“But that’s gonna be a big change of him if it’s real. Sinong maniniwala riyan sa gagong ’yan? We all know Zach, tahimik lang ’yan when it comes to his relationship and sex life.” Ezi hissed.

“Tulad mo pa ’ko sa’yong bulgar. Nah,” Zach mocked him. Umiling-iling pa ito.

“But I always heard the rumors about your girlfriend in our school. Hindi ka nga nawawalan. Ano ba talaga, meron o wala?” Marcos then asked him.

“Wala. Hayaan mo silang isipin na meron. They are concluding and making it a big deal.” Zach answered.

“You’re known as a notorious playboy daw kasi kaya lahat ’yon ang iniisip. Ito namang si Lucien laging bad boy ang aura kaya lahat ng mga single sa school ikaw ang gusto.” Kelsy hissed.

Nang makalahati namin ang isang case ng alak ay nakaramdam na ako ng hilo. Hindi na rin ako nakakainom ng mga nakaraang araw kaya siguro mabilis akong natamaan ng alak ngayon.

Kaizer is watching, I saw it on my peripheral vision but I just don’t pay attention to it.

“Kanina ko pa ’yan napapansin, Neil.” Si Kelsy.

Lahat naman sila ay nakikinig kahit na tipsy na rin.

“Alin?” Kinakabahan kong tanong dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang tinutukoy niya.

Nanliit ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

“Your piercing. The earring you are wearing. It’s infinity? Ngayon lang ako nakakita ng ganiyan. And it’s in dangle style. Very unique.” namamangha niya pang sinabi.

I gulped. “Oo nga, Neil. It’s beautiful.” Ate Meaghan added.

“Where did you buy it? Kasi wala kong nakitang ganiyan sa pinuntahan natin last time nung naghanap tayo.” Si Zach naman ngayon.

I’m running out of words. Their question is so hard to give an answer for me. Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Kaizer. He also looked worried.

“Ah-” I was about to say something when someone interferes.

“Sa mall lang din niya ’yan nabili. The last time na nagmall kami nila Kelsy for his suit for the dinner nang makauwi sila. Remember Kels? Nung sinama mo si Ashley?” Zandra suddenly spoke up.

Agad naman akong nag-angat ng tingin kay Zandra na ngayon ay nakatingin na rin sa aking gawi. At nang balingan ko ang katabi kong si Kelsy ay mukhang napaisip naman siya.

“Yeah, I remember! Kaya pala ang tagal niyo.” tatango tangong sinabi pa ni Kelsy.

Marahan naman akong bumuntong hininga at saka kinuha ang baso ko at mabilis na uminom. Zandra eyed me. I just nod a bit on her.

Hindi na ako umimik dahil ayaw ko nang humaba pa ang maging usapan. Nang matapos kami ay nagsibabaan na rin kami at pumasok na sila nang guess room para makapagpahinga na.

Nauna na sila Kelsy at Zach sa girls at boys room. Si Zandra naman ay kasabay kong bumaba. Nakasunod sa amin si Kaizer at Killian na nag-uusap sa aming likuran.

Huminto ako at ganon din si Zandra. Dumiretso naman sila Killian at binalingan ako ng tingin ni Kaizer bago siya nagpatuloy sa paglalakad kasunod ni Killian.

“You should be more careful, Neil.” basag ni Zandra sa katahimikan.

I sighed and nodded. When she went to their room ay dumiretso na rin ako sa kuwarto ko. I feel like my room is empty because Kaizer wasn’t here when I got inside. Saan ’yon natulog? I thought he came here to my room.

I walk through my bathroom to clean up and I was shocked when I opened the bathroom’s shower room, I saw that Kaizer was there inside…naked.

Mabilis naman akong tumalikod. “What the fuck are you doing, Kaizer?” I asked loudly in horrified.

“Taking a bath? Why are turning your back on me?” he asked me teasingly.

I heard the shower off. Nananatili pa rin akong nakatalikod habang ang twalya ay nakasabit sa aking balikat.

“Kailangan mo pa ba talagang itanong iyan?! Of course, you are damn naked for goodness sake!”

“Then why are you not leaving? Or else you wanna see my body.” he mocked.

I let a loud sigh. “No way! Meron din ako kung ano ang meron ka. Stop being nasty. Just be quick and get out. Ako naman ang maliligo.”

“I’m not in a hurry though.”

“What?! Bilisan mo na riyan-”

“You can bath with me if you want. Kesa naman madaliin mo ako sa pagligo. You are the one who said that you also have the things I have.”

Mariin kong naipikit ang aking mga mata. I licked and bit my lips.

“Come here, Mi Arcus. Bath with me.” malamyos ang boses niyang sinabi sa akin.

I felt his body at my back. He held my both arms. I sighed then I turn around to face him.

Ang basa niyang buhok na dumadaloy ang tubig sa kaniyang pisngi at matangos na ilong ang unang nakakuha sa aking paningin. His thin red lips are now lusciously wet by the water. Then the water is dripping down to his chest.

I didn’t look down for more. His eyes glisten with desire. I am also feeling hot probably because of the alcoholic drinks I drunk. I remove my shirt and I am only wearing my boxers. But he looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

Then I removed everything that covered my body. We both go under the shower and he turns it on. He’s on my back as the water soaked my body.

I felt his hand caress my shoulder. Gently and seductive caress. I tilted my head when I felt his lips gently touch my skin.

My breathing slows down with the rapid throbbing of my chest. I groaned when he teasingly kissed my right shoulder.

“Kaizer,” I growled.

He continues kissing my shoulder until he reached my sensitive ears. He teasingly bites it and a small groan escapes on my lips.

“Let’s stop there,” he said in a deep husky voice.

Hindi ko namalayang kinakapos na pala ako sa hangin dahil sa pagpipigil ko ng hininga. I swallowed hard.

I licked my lips. “Hmm,” namamaos kong hinimig.

He rubbed the soap on my body gently. I put a conditioner on my hair. We finished our bath and it took us almost an hour.

It was hard to ignore when our bodies touch each other. When his skin rubbed on my skin. And thank god that we finished it quietly and without doing anything.

Nang makahiga kami sa kama ay marahan akong bumuntong-hininga. It was a long day for both of us. Lalo na siya dahil galing pa siyang flight kanina.

I careen my body to his side to face him.

“Close your eyes, Kaizer. Alam kong wala ka pang tulog simula kanina.” I said it in almost a whisper to him.

He shut his eyes and moved towards me. His hand fly up to my body and hugged me tightly. Tumihaya naman ako at saka niya isiniksik ang sarili sa akin. He buried his face on my neck like he usually does.

The small smile crept on my lips. I caressed his hair. He mumbled something that I didn’t understand until we both fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up he still next to me. I smiled and caressed his face. I traced his eyes, thick eyebrows, narrow nose, and his red thin lips. I slowly touch his perfectly sculpted jaw like I was amused by his image.

Matamis na ngiti ang kumawala sa aking mga labi nang marahang gumalaw ang kaniyang mga mata. He moved and hold my wrist on his face. He pulled and hugged me in bliss. I groaned awkwardly.

Niyayakap niya ako habang bahagya naman siyang natatawa.

“Goodmorning, Mi Arcus.” namamaos ang kaniyang boses pero may ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi nang sabihin niya iyon.

“Morning,” I said then he suddenly kissed my cheek.

I groaned. “Kaizer! Don’t do that!”

He chuckled. “Why? I want to do it,”

Para akong tanga nang maramdaman kong nag-iinit ang aking pisngi. The heck! Why is my cheek heat up?

“Wait, are you blushing?” mas lumawak ang nanunuya nitong ngiti sa akin ngayon.

I looked away. Damn it. “What are you talking about? Of course, I’m not!” I pretend.

“No, you’re blushing. I can see it with my two naked eyes. Hey, look at me. Don’t move.” he said then tried to shift my gaze on him.

Ako naman ay kumakawala sa kaniyang yakap. “I’m not blushing Kaizer!”

Magulo na ang kama at hindi niya ako pinapakawalan. Nakapaibabaw ako sa kaniya habang pilit niyang sinisilip ang aking mukha.

“The more you looked away, the more you’re cheeks redden. Are you shy? Don’t be, Mi Arcus.”

“Kaizer, ano ba.” natatawa ko na ring sinabi.

I smacked his chest. “Let me go,” imbis na pagalit kong sinabi ay naging malambing ang tunog niyon.

Ikinulong niya ang aking mga hita ng hita niya.

“Damn it baby, you look so hot when you’re blushing in the morning. Don’t be shy, I’m liking the view.” he huskily uttered.

Napayuko naman ako dahil mukhang wala na akong kawala. Nakaramdam naman ako ng tuwa sa sinabi niya. Shit, I’m kinikilig ba? Fuck. I never felt this kind of feeling before.

“Hey, look at me Mi Arcus.” gamit ang kaniyang hintuturo ay iniangat niya ang aking mga tingin.

Nakanguso naman ako at hindi siya tinitingnan sa mga mata.

“Okay, I won’t tease you. Look at me. Look. At. Me.” mariin niya nang sinabi dahil hindi ako tumatalima sa kaniya.

“There, good boy. What do you want for breakfast?” he asked.

Mas lalo pa akong napanguso sa kaniyang tanong.

“Apparently you can’t cook for me.”

“Why?” nangungunot ang noo nitong tanong s akin.

“Because our breakfast is ready. Mom cooked for us. For sure they are now waiting for us downstairs. Kaya bitiwan mo na ako para makababa na tayo.” I asserted.

He sighed in defeat. “Fine,”

Sabay kaming lumabas ng pinto at nakasalubong pa namin si Zach pababa ng hagdan.

“Morning,” he greeted us.

We greet him back and went down. Nang makarating kami sa dining ay agad na tinawag ni Russco si Kaizer na doon maupo sa tabi niya.

I sat beside Zach and Zandra. We ate our breakfast with some little talk about last night and our plans for the new year.

Zandra, Ezi, and Killian will celebrate their new year on their mother’s side. Sila Kelsy, Ate Meaghan at Zach naman ay ganon din, sa Lola nila. While Marcos and Lucien are just in their house.

Kami naman ay ganon din. We don’t plan to go abroad. But when Kelsy spoke up and asked Kaizer,

“Ikaw Kai? Uuwi ba sila Tito Eleazar bago mag New Year?”

Napatingin sa gawi ko si Kaizer. “Hindi ko pa alam.”

“Eh pa’no ’yan? Ikaw lang mag-isang magne-New Year sa inyo o babalik ka ulit ng abroad?” Kelsy added.

“Ang hassle at nakakapagod naman non Kaizer. But if Tito and Tita want you back there, then you should fix your flight now.” Ezi suggested to him.

Ipinagpatuloy ko lang ang aking pagkain at hindi nakisali sa usapan nila. Nang natapos kaming mag-agahan ay napagpasyahan naming pumunta kila Kaizer para kuhanin ang mga regalo namin doon.

Nasa sala sila nang makarating kami at abala sa pagbubukas ng mga regalo at ako naman ay nasa kusina at nagtitimpla ng maiinom. Wala ang kanilang maids dahil pinauwi nila ito sa kani kanilang pamilya at dahil na rin sa nasa ibang bansa sila Tito mags-stay until next year.

I saw Kaizer walk towards me. Si Zandra naman ay nakasunod ang tingin sa amin pero agad ring nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Hey, ako na riyan.” he offered.

“Patapos na rin, ako na.” hinalo ko ang orange juice sa pitcher at saka iyon hinalo. Nagsalin ako sa isang baso at saka uminom.

He’s just only watching me silently.

“Dito ka ba magba-bagong taon?” I then asked him hesitantly.

Marahan siyang bumumtong hininga at saka tumabi sa akin sa counter.

“Oo, I want to celebrate it here…with you.”

I looked at his way. “Pero Kaizer, you spent your Christmas here. Your Mom and Dad miss you too. Minsan lang tayong magkaroon ng time sa family natin. You should go and be with them.”

He bit his lips then sighed afterward.

“But I want to-”

“No but’s Kaizer, we have enough time. Babalik din naman kayo next year e’. At saka hindi naman ako aalis. Nandito lang ako.” I chuckled a bit to lighten our conversation.

Nakikita kong ayaw niyang umalis dahil gusto niyang dito siya magbagong taon. Kahit na gusto ko rin naman ang ideyang iyon ay hindi ko rin naman pwedeng piliin na lagi kaming magkasama. His family needs him too.

Dalawang araw bago mag bagong taon ay lumipad na siya patungong ibang bansa. He spent his days in our house before his flight came. He played with Russco and go back home at night. Magkasunod ding gabi siyang natulog sa amin kaya nang sumunod na mga araw ay sinabi kong sa kanila na siya magpalipas ng gabi.

“Happy New Year!” I uttered over the phone.

We’re now on Skype and he’s inside his room now. Dahil eastern time sa bansa niya ngayon ay hindi pa sila nagse-celebrate. 

“Happy New Year, Mi Arcus!”

“What time there?” I asked.

He’s not wearing his shirt. Tanging makapal na kumot lang ang nakatabon sa kaniyang katawan habang nakadapa siya sa kama at nakaharap sa akin.

“It’s twelve-thirty in the afternoon. Mag-aala-una na riyan sa inyo. Aren’t you sleepy yet?” He then asked me.

“Hindi pa naman. Ikaw, bakit wala kang damit na suot? Wear at least some jacket, I know it’s so cold there.”

He chuckled and pretend that he’s quaking. He rubbed his hands and warmed them with his breath.

“I’m not joking Kaizer! Wear your jacket-”

“Okay okay,” bumangon siya at nakita ko ang kaniyang katawan. His six-pack abs flashed on the screen.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko nang hindi man lang siya gumagalaw. Tanging katawan lang niya ang nakikita ko sa mga oras na ito.

“Kaizer, ano ba? Alam ko ang ginagawa mo. Mag damit ka na.” I muttered.

Natawa naman siya. Alam kong sinasadya nya lang na ipakita sa akin ang katawan niya. Damn.

“Aren’t you drool by my body?” he asked playfully.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course not. Meron din ako niyan.”

“Pa’no na ’yan? Baka hindi mo na ako mahalin dahil lahat ng meron ako ay meron ka. You will no longer feel longing every time you see me.” he pursed his lips.

“Ano bang sinasabi mo?” Tanong ko sa kaniya, bahagyang natatawa sa mga pinagsasabibi niya ngayon.

Nagtaas lang ito sa akin ng kilay at naiinis akong tiningnan. Kahit sa screen ko lang siya nakikita ay nalilibang akong pagmasdan siya. But he’s more immaculately handsome in person.

I smirked. I know what he wants me to say. “I miss you,”

His grim line lips slowly rosed to a smile. My smile grew wider as well.

“That’s it, Mi Arcus.”

Then I heard someone called him.

“Kaizer! Tawag ka ni Dad!” nahihimigan ko ang boses ni Ate Anastasia.

“Sigi na, bye,” I said to him so he can go now.

Ngumuso pa siya at nagpacute ng ilang segundo bago ko pinatay ang tawag.

Hindi mawala wala ang ngiti sa aking mga labi habang isinasara ko ang aking laptop. Nagtungo ako sa aking kama at nahiga na roon.

“Tss,” I hissed out of nowhere.

I shook my head when I remember myself blushing. Then I remember him teasing me. Damn. I wish he was just here.

Kabanata 26

Kabanata 26

Alone

Naging mabilis ang mga sumunod na araw. Nakauwi na siya at nagsimula na rin ang pasukan. Pababa ako ng hagdan ngayon papasok ng eskuwelahan nang madatnan ko si Mom sa ibaba.

“Papasok na po ako,” I kissed her cheek.

“Pwede bang makisuyo anak?” Aniya pa na mabilis kong binalingan.

“Sure Mom, what’s it?”

“Can you dropped by at Starbucks and buy me a coffee and baked?

Maaga pa naman at hindi rin naman kalayuan sa amin ang Starbucks. Mom gave me her order and I went there.

“Caffè Misto, Spinach, Feta & Cage-Free Egg White Wrap, take out,” I ordered to the girl who’s gazing at me adorably.

Nagmadali naman siyang gawin ang in-order ko. I get my phone when I felt it vibrated.

Kaizer:

Good morning! Nasa school na ako. Where are you?

Ako:

I’m on Starbucks. Male-late ako ng kaunti, I’m sorry. Minsan lang mag-utos si Mom e’.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin ay nakita ko ang babaeng nasa counter din at nakatingin sa akin.

She looks familiar. Saan ko nga ba siya nakita?

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin nang mahati ang atensyon niya. May lumapit sa likuran niyang lalaking may edad na rin. He’s wearing corporate attire. He looks in his early fifties.

“Nics, here’s the card. Use this.” the old man said to her.

His eyes went to me when he saw me staring at them. He blinks and his eyes were in awe for seconds.

“Here Dad, thank you.” the girl uttered as she gives back the card.

I remember her! She’s Enzo’s sister. I met her on the airsoft last year when we go there. That’s why she looks familiar to me.

I smiled at her when her gazes met mine. Inabot naman na sa akin ang order ko sa harap kaya mabilis ding naputol ang aming titigan.

“Thanks,” I only said then went out of the shop.

Mabilis kong hinatid sa bahay ang gusto ni Mommy at pumasok na ng school.

“Hey,” Kaizer greeted me.

We’re here on the side of the soccer field near. Walang masyadong dumadaan dahil sa medyo mapuno ang parteng lugar na ito. May mga upuan dito at dito niya ako hinintay simula kanina nang makarating siya ng school. Our classes will start in a few minutes but we meet for a while.

“Sorry na late ako,”

“It’s okay,” he then sat beside me.

Napag-usapan na namin that we shouldn’t be clingy or do a public display of affection in any part of the school nor even anywhere else unless we’re inside my room or either his room.

Mahirap na kapag may nakakita sa amin. We talked a bit about our classes and our near basketball game. Nang mag lunch ay nasa cafeteria kaming lahat na magpipinsan. We are just sitting at one table.

Like the usual, hindi kami magkatabi ni Kaizer. Si Zach ang katabi ko at si Zandra sa upuan. He’s a bit far from me.

“Excited na’ko sa game niyo! May mga pupunta raw bang ibang school para suportahan ang mga players nila?” Kelsy asked while opening her bottle of juice.

“Meron ata. They will be having a bus for their students.” Zach replied.

“We should give our best here. Lalo na at ito na ang last game natin sa senior.” Ezi commented.

“I agree, dapat manalo tayo. Last year hindi tayo nanalo so we need to make sure na this time makukuha natin ang trophy.” Kaizer uttered.

He looked in my way but his glance went on my back. Napansin ko rin ang baling na ginawa nila Kelsy sa akin.

Tumigil naman ako sa pag-inom ng juice at tiningnan kung ano ba ang ikinahinto nilang lahat at tinitingnan nila sa aking likuran.

“Hi Neil,” it was Ashley.

Napakurap kurap pa ako bago mabalik sa tamang huwisyo. Hindi ko inaasahang lalapitan niya ako ngayon. We never talk after our breakup. I never intend as well to have our closure. Hindi ko na iyon hiniling pa dahil sa tingin ko naman ay malinaw ang naging dahilan ng paghihiwalay naming dalawa.

Pakiramdam ko ay may bumalik na kirot sa aking dibdib. Masasabi kong minahal ko na rin siya noon kaya naging masakit din sa akin ang naging desisyon.

But it changes now. I have Kaizer. And I don’t want to do anything that could hurt his feelings. Natuto na ako nung nakaraan at ayaw ko na ’yong maulit pa. It was the immature side of me when I kissed someone. And I won’t do that again or even more than that. I made a promise and I won’t break it.

“Can we talk? Uhm…later tonight?” she asked me hesitantly but the eagerness to make us talk was there and it makes sense.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kaniya. Ani mong nag-iisip kahit na alam ko naman na kung ano ang isasagot sa kaniya.

“Sorry, I’m not free tonight.”

Nanghihinayang naman niya akong tiningnan. She looked the same but she seems awkward while doing this. Maybe she knows why is that.

Sila Kelsy ay kahit hindi na nagawang magtanong sa akin ay alam kong alam din naman nila ang nangyari. Of course, my other cousins who were there that night tell her. Hindi rin naman ako naging vocal sa nangyaring break up namin. Even Mom didn’t ask me about that because they know that I’m a private person.

I don’t want anyone to meddle with my life. I deal with it on my own. Maybe when the time comes and I needed someone to help me deal with those shit, I will let him be. But for now, it’s on me.

“Kahit mamayang uwian nalang?” pagbabakasakali pang muling tanong sa akin ni Ashley.

Nakita kong mag-iwas nang tingin sa akin si Kaizer nang bumaling ako sa kanila.

“I’m sorry, I need to go home early. Family dinner.” I excused the alibi again.

Napapahiya naman siyang tumingin sa akin. Wala akong ibang magagawa kun’di ang tanggihan siya dahil wala na rin naman akong balak na kausapin pa siya. What is between us is in the past. And it’s been months now at ngayon niya lang naisipang mag-usap kami. Just wrong timing.

Hindi na rin naman niya ako kinulit pa. She goes back to their table. I shook my head.

“You are so mean,” Zandra pointed out nang makaharap ako sa kanila.

“Why did you do that, Neil? I mean, she’s also hurt. Maybe she wants to clarify things between you and her. And you just like ignoring her requests?” Kelsy seconded.

“What for?” Kaizer inserted on them. He looked humid but his glare was on his bottle of water.

“Duh? For closure! Tsaka to make it cool na rin. Dapat pumayag ka na lang.” Si Kelsy ulit.

“Yeah, you should’ve agreed to her. Kasi parang lumalabas na iniiwasan mo sya dahil…hindi ka pa nakakamoved on?” Ezekiel asserted.

“Hindi ba pwedeng kabaligtaran no’n? Na umiiwas siya dahil ayaw nalang niyang pag-usapan o balikan yung nangyari? We should have considered our state too. What we can feel about that setup. It will be an awkward dude.” Zach spoke up beside me.

“That only means the same thing. That you are still affected, Zach. That you still haven’t moved on.” Lucien explained in his statement.

“But I…” I trailed off.

Lahat sila ay tiningnan ako at hinintay kung ano ang susunod kong sasabihin. Napailing-iling nalang ako at saka tumingin sa gawi ni Kaizer napaiwas ng tingin sa akin.

“I and Ashley, we don’t need to talk. We have nothing to discuss. We are done. That’s it.” I mumbled in a dismissive tone.

Nang matapos ang lunchbreak ay hindi na rin naman nila ako kinulit pa tungkol kay Ashley. We have no business to talk about it. And that’s what I believed on.

Hindi nawala sa aking isipan kung bakit gustong makipag-usap ni Ashley sa akin. My mind keeps on telling me that she only wants closure because she has a new boyfriend now. That she already moved on and she just only wants us to be cool after all. But if she wished for us being friends I don’t think I can give that to her. If she pursues us to be together again, I can’t give that.

I’m out of her. I got blind on her. And I realize that I didn’t love her that much. I just think that it’s an affection that I am feeling even the real is not. It’s only puppy love. I was just excited that I see her when I came back.

The two weeks passed and I always did the same. I went home after school and always have a night talk with Kaizer. It became our routine. Minsan pa nga ay inaabot na kami ng madaling araw.

At kapag may free time naman sa weekends ay nag-aayang mag basketball sila Ezi. I just go and play with them. Of course, Kaizer was also there with us.

Minsan ay sa Village nila kami at si Kaizer ang sumusundo sa akin. It’s also a nice bonding for us. We both enjoyed playing with our cousins and some of our schoolmates.

Si Levon, Renz, Mark ang tangi ko lang na kilala no’ng una dahil kasama ko sila sa varsity. And they were also some boys from Marcos’s university. It his friends too that we also got along now.

Nagulat pa ako no’ng huling laro namin ay nakasama namin ang Kuya ni Ashley.

“Edward, dude!” si Marcos na unang nilapitan nito dahil same school nga ang dalawa.

He looked on my way and greeted me casually. He knows that I’m Ashley’s boyfriend…before. And he didn’t meddle on us maybe he knows what happens or not. But I didn’t care about it.

Bago matapos ang buwan ay ang nakaschedule naming basketball game versus the other university. We have a practice every five PM after our classes. At madalas kaming natatapos ng mga bandang seven na ng gabi.

Our coach was very consistent that we can win this game this year. The students were very ready and cheerful as we entered the court. Katabi ko si Kaizer habang naglalakad patungong bleachers sa gilid ng stage. Dala nito ang bag ko at ako naman ay ang mineral water na para sa aming dalawa.

No one noticed or give it any meaning because we are both guys and we’re cousins. They just know that we are now close to each other and done with the cousin rivalry.

Maraming estudyante ngayon at walang bakanteng mauupuan sa mga bleachers maging sa entrance ng gymnasium kaya nahirapan kaming mga players na makapasok. Gano’n din naman ang kabilang school.

They brought three buses here at school and they were all students, cheerleaders, and players. Nakita naming papasok na sila Marcos kasama sila Edward at Enzo at ang ilan pa nilang mga kasama. There are girls from our school screamed Marcos, Enzo and Edward’s name. They were very popular in their school kaya kahit na dito sa aming university ay kilala sila.

“Tsk, ang yabang ni Marcos.” sabi ni Ezekiel sa tabi namin ni Kaizer.

“Ikaw din naman e.” Lucien mocked.

“Look at your sister Kelsy, Zach. She’s cheering the other team. Ang unfair.” ani Renz nang matanawan namin si Kelsy sa bleachers at nagsusumigaw.

Zach chuckled. “Selos ka lang, e.”

Napamaang naman si Renz at awkward na tumawa. Kahit ako man ay nararamdaman na may gusto siya kay Kelsy nitong mga nakaraan.

“Let’s beat them,” Kaizer whispered on my side.

I glance at him. “That’s the plan,” I whispered back.

Then he smiled and bit his lower lip seductively. I leered at him. “Stop doing that Kaizer, we’re on game.”

He smirked. “So you’re tempted. Thanks,”

Nangunot naman ang noo ko. “Huwag ka ngang maharot, maraming tao, oh.” I pointed to the audience and our teammates are just sitting beside me that is why I’m worried.

He just pouted his lips and looked at me indulgently.

The game started. Kasali ako sa first five. It’s me, Kaizer, Zach, Renz, and Levon. Nagtapikan pa kami ng mga braso bago nag-umpisa. Sa kabila namang team ay kasali si Marcos, Enzo at Edward sa first five.

The crowds are so loud. Kaya nag-focus lang ako sa game at hindi pinansin ang sigawan ng mga tao. Nang makuha ko ang bola ay mabilis akong binantayan ni Edward. I dribble the ball back and forth.

Tumalikod ako hawak ang bola at mabilis na nakatakas sa bakod na ’yon. When I saw Zach guarding Macos and Kaizer was free, I throw him the ball and he catches it perfectly. Mabilis niya iyong naipasok sa ring. The crowds became wild.

Bumaling siya sa akin ng tingin habang tumatakbo palapit sa amin. He boyishly smiled at me. Napailing naman ako. Yabang.

At nang mga nasa second quarter na kami ay tatlong puntos lang ang lamang namin sa team nila Marcos. At nang nasa third quarter na ay nalamangan na nga nila kami ng points.

“Jersy number eleven shoot another three-point shot!” the speaker announced when Enzo did another point.

He really is good. Tama nga ang sinabi ni Zach na mas mabilis ito kaysa sa akin. Pero kung free throw at shooting lang din naman ay hindi kami nagkakatalo.

Nang mag fourth quarter at match ang score namin ay na sprain ang leg ni Edward kaya hindi na siya naipasok. It is now between the best of the best.

Nang magkaroon nang substitution para palitan si Edward ay halos magsalubong ang aking mga kilay nang makita na si Morgan ang pumasok sa kanilang players sa loob ng court.

Marami sa mga estudyante na schoolmates namin ang nagbulungan habang ang kabilang school naman ay buo ang suportang sumisigaw sa pangalan niya.

“Anong ginagawa ng gago na ’yan dito? Hindi ba at expelled na ’yan?” Si Lucien.

“Dyan pa talaga siya pumasok sa university na alam niyang mahigpit nating kalaban. After his stupidity and disgraceful act to our coach and teammates ay nagawa pa niyang kalabanin tayo. Ngayon natin subukan ang hayop na ’to.” Ezi sternly said.

Ako naman ay hindi maintindihan ang kanilang mga sinasabi. Do to what? Coach? Teammates? Basta ang tangi ko lang na natatandaan ay ang kababuyan niyang ginawa sa akin sa club.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Morgan at nakita ko naman ang nakukonsensya niyang mga tingin sa akin. Nag-angat ako ng isang kilay habang mariin ang tingin sa kaniya.

“Neil,” I heard Kaizer’s voice beside me. Hindi ko na nga lang ito binalingan dahil tumunog na ang buzzer.

The game started at hindi ko hinayaang maagaw ni Morgan ang bolang hawak ko. I even bumped to him but I didn’t lose my balance. Patalikod siyang natumba dahil sa pagkakabunggo ko sa kaniya.

Pumito ang referee at sinabing foul ang ginawa ko.

“Jersy number 2, foul for the first time. Seems like Arcoiris are on fire now inside the court as they fight in their home base.” The speaker pronounces as the game continued.

I didn’t mind it. My teammates just glance in my way. Hindi ko iyon sinadya pero alam ko sa sarili kong napalakas nga ang bunggo ko sa kaniyang dibdib kaya siya tumumba. Nakita kong tinulungan nilang makatayo si Morgan ng teammates niya.

Nang mag free-throw siya at nagawang maipuntos ang lahat ay mabilis din nilang nahabol ang score namin. I guarded Enzo in front of me when the game begins again.

He seriously looking at me as he dribbled the ball. He was about to pass it but I know that it was just his act of play at hindi naman talaga para makawala sa akin. I smacked the ball into his hand and escape to him.

It was a three-point shoot I did and the crowds were so loud. They are screaming under their lungs.

Ngunit nang si Morgan ang humarang sa akin at isang minuto nalang ang natitira. Lamang ang puntos namin ng dalawa at kayang kaya pa nila kaming mahabol ’pag natsambahan nila ’to. But no, I won’t let them get it from me.

The siren loudly strikes as the seconds started. Iniwasan ko lang sila Marcos at Morgan na humaharang sa akin. When I got cornered by Enzo I heard Zach shouted.

“Patagalin mo na lang!” he shouted.

Ilang segundo na lang din at sa tingin ko naman ay kahit hindi ko na ipasok ang bola ay kami na ang mananalo. Huwag ko lang hayaan na makuha nila sa amin ito.

Mabilis kong ipinasa kay Renz ang bola na nasa kanang bahagi na mabilis inihagis kay Kaizer ang bola na nakaantabay malapit sa ring. Then he shoots it.

And bam! We win! The crowds became wild especially our schoolmates that are cheering us since the opening.

“Ang galing niyo Arcoiris! Wooh!”

“Kaizer lang sakalam!”

“Neil is the best! Shooter ka shit!”

“Pashoot din kami, Neil! Aughh!”

“Zach I love you!”

“Levon ang hot mo! Yawa ka!”

It was some of the crowds screamed that I am familiarized with.

Nang matapos ang game ay mabilis na nagtungo sa amin ang mga audience from the bleachers. Ako naman ay inabutan ni Kaizer ng towel habang nakatayo rito sa gilid ng stage.

“Thanks,” ani ko sa kaniya.

He opened the mineral water for me and himself.

“Yung sa’kin Kaizer? Bakit si Neil lang ang meron?” Ezi asked in front of us now as he wiped himself of a face towel while the girls are busy calling him in front.

“Get your own,” masungit na sinabi ni Kaizer. I smirked.

Pawisan na kami kaya naghubad na ako ng damit. Ganon din ang iba naming kagrupo. Narinig naming magtilian ang mga babae at may tumatawag sa akin. I just chuckled at that and smirked when I also heard some loud whistles.

And when I’m on my way to look at them Kaizer suddenly tosses me my shirt.

“Wear it,” he said coldly.

Napamaang at napakunot pa ako ng noo sa kaniya bago ko sinuot ang damit kong ibinato niya sa aking dibdib. Maraming nagpapicture pero hindi rin lahat ay pinaunlakan namin dahil pagod na kami sa game.

Nang inaayos ko ang gamit ko ay nakita ko sila Zandra at Kelsy sa kabilang bleachers kung nasaan sila Marcos. Kelsy is looking at Enzo irritatedly. But Marcos was only smirking at them. Pilit na hinihila ni Zandra si Kelsy dahil mukhang galit na ata ito.

“Let’s go there,” Ani Levon papunta kila Marcos.

Kaso ay nakita naming patungo na rin ang grupo nila sa gawi namin. And the first thing I feel when my sight met Morgan was anger. He seems regretful about it but I don’t buy his facial reaction. We haven’t seen each other since last year after the club experience with him. It was terrible and a fucking disgusting.

I heard that he’s expelled from our school. My cousins are also mad at him. Pati rin ang ilang teammates namin kaya hindi ko alam kung anong magiging approach nila sa kaniya ngayon.

“Congrats bro,” Si Enzo na nakipagtapikan ng balikat kila Zach at Kaizer nang makalapit sila sa amin.

Then he approached me. He smiled a bit on me that he didn’t do to others. My forehead creased at that but I just wash it off.

“You are really a good player and one of hell when you’re inside the court, Neil… Congratulations.” Enzo praised me with his boyish smile plaster on his lips.

“Thanks, man.” I thanked him.

“Anong masasabi mo, Marcos? Natalo namin kayo! Hahaha.” I heard Ezi mock.

“Whatever. Nanalo lang kayo dahil kay, Neil.”

“Teamwork ’yon! Teamwork, Marcos! Kaya kami nanalo! Palibhasa natalo lang namin kayo e,” then Ezekiel laughed.

Si Marcos naman ay naiirita lang siyang tiningnan. Kelsy and Zandra got near us below the stage.

“Congrats!” bati nilang dalawa.

“Salamat,” ani ko at napansing nakabusangot ang mukha ni Kelsy.

“Bakit ganiyan ang bitsura mo?” I asked her.

Natawa naman si Marcos na nasa tabi ko na pala. “Magpapapicture sana kay Enzo kaso tinanggihan siya. Kaya ayan.” Marcos stated.

Kelsy’s eyes narrowed at him. “Kailangan pa talagang idetalye?” Kelsy irritatedly uttered.

We suddenly looked at the court when we heard the women screaming. Nakita kong nandoon na din sila Ezi at Zach. Ang ibang players naman ng kabilang school ay mukhang may inaawat.

“What’s that?” Kelsy brows arched.

“Fuck.” mabilis na tumakbo si Marcos patungo ro’n sa nagkakagulo at hindi ko na rin napigilang puntahan iyon.

“I said I just wanna say sorry to him! I have nothing to do that could hurt him after that!” dinig ko ang malakas na sigaw ni Morgan.

Naging mabilis naman ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang makita kong may dugo ang kabilang bibig niya. Kaizer’s chest was up and down like he was catching more air and he needs it. His eyes are sharply narrow on Morgan.

Hawak ni Zach ang magkabilang braso ni Kaizer habang delikado at matalim ang mga mata nitong nakatingin kay Morgan na nasa sahig.

“I already told you to leave us alone. But you still dare to touch my cousin. At anong akala mo sa akin? Hindi alam ang binabalak mo?” Kaizer’s voice thundered.

Naramdaman ko si Zandra sa gilid ko. “Stop him,” she muttered worriedly on me.

Alam namin kung paano magalit si Kaizer. It’s horrifying. And none of us want to see that. Madalas siyang mainis kapag nag-aaway kami noon pero hindi pa siya nagagalit ng mas higit pa ro’n.

Kahit nung nakaraang taon na iniwasan niya ako ng isang linggo dahil sa pagkakamali ko. He was just hurt but I know that he’s not totally mad. Because when he’s mad. Everything became worst. Everything is ruined. Someone is hurt and someone is injured. He can’t control his anger that much back then.

But when we started our fight. Doon lang niya nakontrol ang sarili niya. I don’t know why but that change his temper. Naging tahimik siya at bihira na lang mainis maliban kung ako ang kaaway niya. He’s just always got pissed but he never hurt me like what he did to others before.

Mabilis kong hinawakan ang kamay ni Kaizer na nakakuyom. Ang mga mata niyang nanlilisik ay mataman kong tinitigan hanggang sa unti unting nawala ang apoy doon nang dumapo sa akin ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Kaizer,” I muttered.

“Neil, I’m sorry! Lasing ako no’n at hindi ko rin alam ang mga ginagawa ko-” narinig kong sinabi ni Morgan pero hindi ko siya binalingan.

“Tang ina mo! Anong lasing? E’ ano yung ginawa mo kay coach? Hindi ka rin ba lasing no’n? Kung hindi ka pa namin nakita sa ginagawa mo magpapaawat ka ba sa kalibugan mong tang in ka!” Ani ng isa naming teammate.

“Kaya yung kay Neil, hindi namin papalampasin ’yon. You’re disgusting.” Ezi snorted.

Naging matalim muli ang mga tingin ni Kaizer ng marinig si Morgan. I shut my eyes tightly as I walked near Morgan. Lumayo ako kay Kaizer para harapin ’tong gago na ito.

Nagmumukha na siyang kawawa at nag-iisa dahil lahat ay galit sa kaniya. But there are some men behind him that I think one of his friends.

Morgan looked so stressed when my eyes darted on him. His hair was disheveled and his clothes were rumpled. His face has wounds but he still tries to approach me. My teammates and cousins won’t even allow him.

“Neil please…” he begged.

Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng awa sa sitwasyon niya ngayon. He’s also been a good friend to me before. He introduced me to Enzo that’s why we know each other. He was also my first coach. He’s just so kind to me before, but now he’s changed. And he did a mistake.

There was a wall in my heart that I can’t just easily forgive people. It took me time before I give it. Because it’s the trust that I am issued about. When someone just ruined it. I can’t trust that person again.

“Morgan, you should go now.” I seriously said to him.

“I’m really sorry about that night. You’ve been good to me and I’m so stupid for doing it! I regret what I did…believe me. Neil…”

I slowly shook my head. “Please, take him. Hindi pa kita gustong makausap sa ngayon.” I only said then walked away.

Naramdaman ko naman si Kaizer na sumunod sa akin palabas ng gymnasium. Iniwan ko sila at gusto ko munang mapag-isa.

How can I be so harsh? Ashley wants to talk to me but I declined her. Several times. And now Morgan saying he’s sorry but I never let him. Because I’m so fucking disappointed in them.

Pinagkatiwalaan ko ang mga taong ’yon pero anong ginawa nila? They didn’t treasure it enough.

Alam kong mali rin ang ginawa ko kay Ashley at alam kong may kasalanan din ako. Pero tanging sarili at opinion ko lang ang palaging tama sa isip ko. My pride and ego will hurt.

“Neil! Neil Irish, stop!” Kaizer’s voice deep down into my nerves.

Huminto ako sa paglalakad. I’m in our building now. Sa gilid ng hagdan at patungo ng parking lot. Dito ako dumaan para wala masyadong makakita sa akin dahil maraming estudyante sa labas.

“Kaizer, please. Gusto ko munang mapag-isa.” nakatalikod kong sinabi sa kaniya.

“Why? Because you want to take all that shit you are feeling alone? Neil, I’m just here. Tell me what’s wrong. Handa naman akong makinig-”

“But I want to be alone.” my voice raised a bit but it was deep.

I felt him took a step behind me.

“Then I won’t let you be.” he prompted.

I let a heavy loud sigh. I hated myself more when he’s like this. He’s making everything fine and what I always do is to make it worst for us.

I swallowed hard before I faced him. I sighed and my eyes looked down. Avoiding his deep glares at me.

Kabanata 27

Kabanata 27

Warrior

“Sasama ka pa ba? Kasi kung hindi, hindi na rin ako tutuloy. I have nothing to do there too if you are not coming.” he asked me habang nakatingin sa dalawang kamay namin na magkasalikop.

We are inside his car. Nang sinundan niya ako kanina ay dito na kami nagpunta sa loob ng sasakyan niya. I lifted my gaze on him.

“Hmm, yup. We should come. We should celebrate with them.”

Our teammates invited us to come with our celebration. The sky outside is now dark.

Hindi ko na rin napansin kung nakaalis na sila Morgan at ang ibang mga kasamahan nito. I just feel uncomfortable when he’s around. Dahil hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang ginawa niya noon. But half of me says that I shouldn’t draw much attention to it because it will just make me feel uncomfortable and make me more worried about things that I cannot control.

I heard my phone rang inside my bag. I get it and I saw it was Zandra. Nakatingin si Kaizer sa akin nang sagutin ko iyon.

“Nasaan ka? Also Kaizer? Where are you two? Hinahanap na kayo nila Kelsy.” Zandra said on the other line.

“We’re still here sa school parking lot.”

“Nasa bahay niyo na kami. Nag-aalala sila at inakalang umuwi ka na ng bahay. Umuwi na kayo dito bago pa sila magtaka kung saan kayo nanggaling.” she worriedly said.

“Sigi, salamat,” I uttered then she hangs up the call.

We both sighed first before I went out to his car and went to mine. We drove back home.

Sabay kaming bumaba ng sasakyan at sumakay ng elevator papuntang floor namin. We’re just silent the whole time. He gets my bag at siya na ang nagdala ng mga gamit ko. Hinayaan ko naman siya.

Nang makarting kami sa tapat ng pinto ay nauna ako at sinabing sumunod nalang siya sa akin papasok sa loob para hindi mahalatang sabay kaming umuwi.

When I got inside our house, I saw them on the sofa. Their heads turn on my way and Kelsy hurriedly stood up from her seat. Zach went to me as well.

“Saan ka galing?” nauunang tanong ni Kelsy sa akin.

Sa library? Sa coffeeshop? Anong sasabihin ko?

“Kels, Neil is going through about what happened earlier. Don’t ask him too much.” Zandra saved on me.

Napalingon naman sila Ezi sa sumunod na pumasok sa pinto.

“Kai? Saan ka rin galing?” Si Kelsy ulit.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Zandra.

“Uh, may dinaanan lang.” si Kaizer.

Nakita ko pang mangunot ang noo ni Kelsy rito.

“Bakit na sa’yo ang bag ni Neil? Magkasama ba kayo kanina?” nanunuri ang mga mata ni Kelsy na bumaling sa akin.

“Binigay niya sa’kin kanina. I left it inside my car so I forgot to bring it back.” Mabilis na agap ni Kaizer.

The air seems awkward and intimidated to all of us. Zandra cleared her throat.

“Pupunta ba kayong bar tonight? Pinapasabi ni Levon that we should join the party.” Zandra said to lightened the mood a bit.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Kelsy. Zach arched his brow. “Punta tayo, para malibang na rin,” he suggested.

We agreed and decided to make it out. Nakawala naman kami sa mga tingin ni Kelsy at napagpasiyahang maghanda na lamang. Si Kaizer ay dito na rin nag palit ng damit at pans sa aking kwarto while Zach, Ezi, Lucien, Kelsy, and Zandra went to their house. Si Marcos at Killian naman daw ay susunod na rin sa amin.

I send them the location that Levon send to me earlier. Isang sasakyan nalang ang ginamit namin ni Kaizer. We used his car and went to the bar.

Nang makarating kami ay naghihintay sa amin sila Kelsy sa labas. Sabay sabay na rin kaming pumasok at tinungo ang pwesto nila Levon. Marami kaming mga kasama at kakilala na nasa loob na rin.

I nearly think that this area is reserved for us because most of the customers are my schoolmates. And some are batchmates of Marcos and Killian from the other University.

“Akala ko ay hindi na kayo pupunta!” Si Levon na lumpit sa amin nang makita kami.

“Pupunta talaga kami, sila Neil at Kaizer lang ang hinihintay namin kanina kaya natagalan,” Lucien replied.

Nang makaupo kami ay tumapat naman sa pwesto namin sila Levon at Renz.

They are holding their glass of drinks.

“Huwag mo nalang isipin si Morgan. He’s really fucked up. But I heard a lot about him last month.” si Renz sa akin.

Nag-angat naman ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

“After this school year, he will be going abroad. Do’n na siya magka-college.” Renz added.

“Maybe that’s why he’s sorry about what happened last year because he’s leaving soon,” Zach concluded while his eyes on me.

“He should be. Pero sino ba naman kasi ang hindi magagalit sa kaniya. He almost gives me a head in the locker room. At pati si Coach idadamay niya pa sa kalibugan niya.” Mark then said.

Nakaupo kami ngayon. Kaizer ordered our meal first dahil hindi na rin kami nakapag dinner sa bahay kanina at diretso nang nagtungo rito.

I naturally asked my cousins if they also eat their dinner para hindi naman nila kami pagdudahan na kami lang ang nag-order. We ate our dinner while Kelsy and Ezi are busy with some of their friends’ company.

Kuryoso naman akong tumingin kay Mark. Ngayon ko lang nalaman iyon. Kaya pala nawala na si Morgan sa varsity nang mga ilang buwan ko pa lang sa team dahil sa pangyayaring iyon.

Naiba na rin ang usapan at naging tungkol na rin sa eskwela at sa nalalapit na pagtatapos ng senior high.

Napatingin naman ako kay Zandra na nakaupo lang sa aming gilid at nakatingin sa kaniyang cell phone. She lifted her gaze like she knows that I am glaring at.

I handed Kaizer a drink after we eat. We just eat a bit to fill our empty stomach and now we’re going to drink but not to get drunk. Just a bit. Dahil ayaw ko ng umuwi ng lasing.

The neon lights and the music are now booming inside the bar. It is so loud and everyone was dancing and having fun.

Katabi ko si Kaizer nang may lumapit sa aming grupo ng mga babae. Lahat kaming magpi-pinsan ay nandito at sila Levon naman ay nananatili ring nandito sa aming harapan.

“Hi… Kaizer,” I saw the girl tried to get his attention.

Kelsy lifted her gaze to the girls who stand in front of our table now. And I saw how her lips parted. Like she was surprised to see them.

Kaizer didn’t notice them because he’s preoccupied with what Zach is sharing.

“Thalia?!” Kelsy shrieked a bit before she hurriedly stood up and hug the girl who called Kaizer.

I poured my glass of drink. Zandra stood up too to greet her and I was in wondering if who she is. Naupo si Zandra sa aking tabi pagkaraan.

“Thalia? Kelan ka pa nakabalik? You look stunning as ever.” Ezekiel praised her.

Gano’n din sila Lucien, Marco, Killian at Zach pati na rin sila Levon, Renz at Mark dito. They are all surprised to see her here except for me.

I looked at Kaizer who was not standing up to greet Thalia. His brow just shot up. And when he caught my eye he neared his mouth on my neck.

Napalayo pa ako ng kaunti dahil nagulat sa gagawin niya pero nang marinig kong may ibubulong siya ay nakinig ako.

“Let’s go home,” he whispered in my ears. I smell his breath. It was mixed with mint and alcohol.

I gazed at him after he said that. May sasabihin sana ako kaso ay biglang tinawag siya ni Kelsy. Napatingin din ako.

“Kaizer! Look who’s here! Come on! Tumayo ka naman diyan! I know you waited for her for so long.” Kelsy giggled.

Sila Ezi naman ay nagsitikhim-an. Mukhang alam kung anong tinutukoy ni Kelsy.

Kaizer looked at me first before he stood up. He looked hesitant when he glanced at me. I never met this girl, Thalia. She looks so elegant and sophisticated as well. I can notice that already in just a glance.

“Who is she? Kaibigan niyo?” I asked Zandra on my side as I glanced at Kaizer who now approaches her in front.

Nakita ko naman kung paanong dampian ng halik sa pisngi ni Thalia si Kaizer nang lumapit ito sa kaniya.

Halata naman ang gulat sa mga mata ni Kaizer na mabilis humiwalay sa kaniya. The girl muttered something and I can’t hear it from here in my sit.

“Ex-girlfriend ni Kaizer,” Zandra mumbled.

I then suddenly regret asking about it. Sa paraan pa lang ng pagtingin ni Thalia kay Kaizer ay kita ko ng may kakaiba. That answers it.

“They are cool, huh?” I drawled normally.

Nagkatinginan naman kami ni Zandra kalaunan.

“Yeah, she’s closed to Kaizer. Matagal ding naging sila. But if you want to know about them. Kaizer will explain it to you later, for sure.”

Thalia laughed elegantly as she smacked Kaizer’s arm. My brows shot up and just dropped my sight in my drinks.

“Have you met Thalia?” Zach asked me when he sat.

“No,” I said then gaze at him after I drink a shot.

He smirked at me. “Kaizer! Neil hasn’t met her before. Introduce her to him.” Zach called Kaizer.

He’s smiling when he gazes at me. Mukhang masaya ang pinag-uusapan nila.

“Oh? Hindi niya pa pala nakikilala si Thalia?” Si Renz na hindi makapaniwala.

“That is his real future,” Ezekiel specified.

Naglakad patungo sa amin sila Kaizer at mabilis na dumapo ang tingin ko sa kamay ni Thalia na nakakapit na ngayon sa braso ni Kaizer. Natatawa pa ito ng bahagya sa tuwing may sasabihin si Kaizer sa kaniya.

Bakit? May nakakatawa ba sa sinasabi ni Kaizer, huh?

I almost groan nang maramdaman kong sikuhin ako ni Zandra. Pinanlakihan naman niya ako ng mata nang bumaling ako sa kaniyang gawi.

“Stop glaring at her. You looked like your going to snatched her or something just to vanish her out of here. Baka magtaka si Kelsy,” Zandra pointed out my dark glares at them.

I harshly gasped then immediately plastered a playful smirk on my lips when Thalia is now near to me.

“Hello! My name is Thalia.” Naglahad pa siya sa akin ng kaniyang kamay.

Nagtaas pa ako ng kilay kay Kaizer bago iniabot at tinanggap iyon.

“Neil. Nice to meet you.” I draw a smirk on my face as I look at her thoroughly.

Ex is ex, right? Like how I treat Ashley. But Thalia doesn’t seem one. She looks so graceful and normal as she clung her hands to Kaizer’s biceps.

I darted my eyes on Kaizer when he saw me glance at him. Marahan lang niyang inilayo ang sarili kay Thalia.

“How are you doing? Dito ka na ba mags-stay o babalik ka rin abroad?” I heard Kelsy asked her.

Nakaupo na siya ngayon sa tabi ni Kaizer. Habang ako ay nakahiwalay sa kaniya.

“Hindi pa sure but I will be staying here for a month. You know, let’s shopping next time.” she smiled at Kelsy.

“Sure! Sure! Just tell me when you’re free.”

“Okay but here’s my calling card. Iba na kasi ang number ko.” I saw her get her calling card inside her purse and gives it to Kelsy.

Inabutan niya rin si Kaizer nito kahit hindi naman nanghihingi ng numero niya. Tss.

“Here, Kaizer. In case you will message me.”

Nang magsasalin ako ng alak ay wala na palang laman ang bote ko. Renz chuckled when he saw me.

Umirap naman ako at tumayo na.

“It’s boring here, uuwi na ako.” I suddenly uttered.

Kaizer’s eye lifted on me.

“Lipat ba tayo sa kabilang bar, Neil?” Zach asked me.

“Oo nga, I saw on my friend’s Fb post that there were on the other club. Nandon din sila Enzo at Edward kaya pala wala sila dito.” Marcos commented.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at saka umiling sa kanila.

“Ang kill joy mo naman, Neil! Minsan na nga lang tayo ulit nag bar gusto mo na agad umuwi? Let’s stay here for a bit. Later ka na umuwi kasabay namin. We are just started to enjoy it. Come on, don’t be KJ!” Kelsy asserted on me.

Gusto ko na sanang tumanggi pero lahat sila ay mukhang gusto pang mag stay.

“Uuwi na rin ako, hahatid ko na si Neil. He didn’t bring his car.” Kaizer stood up.

Buti naman nakaramdam ka.

Nagugulat namang tumingin sa kaniya si Thalia.

“Uuwi ka na agad? But we’re just having fun. Babalik ka ba?” Thalia looked faltered.

“Sasabay na rin ako,” biglang singit jo Zandra na tumayo na rin sa kaniyang kinauupuan.

“Huh? Ang aga pa Zandra. Mamaya ka na umuwi. Mamaya na kayo umuwi!” pilit ni Kelsy sa amin.

Pero dahil ako ang masusunod ay lumabas na kami at nakasakay na sa loob ng sasakyan. I’m sitting in the front seat while Zandra is on the back sit.

Kaizer started the engine. I didn’t open my mouth to speak or say something. Naramdaman naman ni Kaizer ang pananahimik ko habang nasa daan na kami.

He glances at me sometimes. I just turn my attention on the window.

“Hey,” namamaos ang boses niyang pagkuha sa aking atensyon.

Hindi ko siya binalingan at tanging buntong-hininga niyang muli ang aking narinig.

“Are you jealous?” direktang aniya.

My brows suddenly furrowed. I glared at him and he looked torn when my eyes caught his expression.

“I’m not.” I just coldly uttered.

Si Zandra naman ay nakita kong nakamasid lang sa aming dalawa.

“Thalia is my ex-girlfriend.” he started.

I looked away.

“Don’t be jealous. Dammit-”

“Watch your mouth, Kaizer.” I snarled.

“I’m sorry, I just hate seeing you jealous. Baka mamaya may halikan ka na namang babae.” nag-iwas siya ng tingin.

“That was before. And I promised that I won’t do that again. So stop nagging me.” I pointed out.

Mahigpit ang hawak niya sa manibela habang ang mga mata ay mariing nakatingin sa daan.

“I’m not nagging you. What I was saying here is that there is nothing to be jealous about. She’s my ex-”

“Can you stop insisting that she’s your ex? I know that part for goodness sake! But the way she glances at you… Hold you. I know there is more something behind that. I know you’re not numb. You feel it too.” I mewled.

Kinuha niya ang isa kong kamay at sumulyap sa akin saglit.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m keeping our distance-” I cutted him off.

“Kaya pala kung makalingkis siya sa braso mo ay gano’n nalang kung hayaan mo siya,” I mumbled mockingly.

“Then I’m sorry, sa susunod hindi ko na hahayaan na hawakan niya ako. If you’re gonna be jealous about it.”

Bumuntong-hininga ako. I don’t wanna be possessive as much as I can but what can I do if I feel it that way? I don’t want him to feel like he was tied on me.

Binaba namin si Zandra sa kanila.

“Thanks,” Zandra thanked us.

“No, thank you. Kung hindi baka nagduda na si Kelsy sa amin kanina. Salamat.” I smiled weakly at her nang lingunin ko siya sa back seat.

“Wala ’yon. I’m now with you guys. Susuportahan ko kayo hanggang kaya ko. Just stop fighting each other.” she then smirked.

Napatingin naman ako kay Kaizer.

“Si Neil lang naman ang laging nang-aaway sa’kin. But don’t worry he’s good to me kapag kami lang dalawa.” Kaizer said approvingly.

Sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin. Nang lumabas na si Zandra ng sasakyan ay umuwi na rin kami sa amin.

Nakapatong ang noo ni Kaizer sa balikat ko nang makapasok kami sa loob ng elevator.

“You’re not jealous anymore?” he calmly asked.

“Hindi naman talaga ako nagseselos.”

“Hmm, Mi Arcus is in denial.” he softly said.

Tumakas naman ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

Pagkabukas ng elevator ay nagugulat akong tumingin kay Enzo na nakakunot ang noong nakatingin sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer.

Kaizer didn’t notice him because he’s still leaning on my shoulder.

“Kaizer?” Enzo asked suspiciously.

“E-Enzo,” I stuttered.

Palipat lipat ang tingin nito sa aming dalawa. Lumabas kami ni Kaizer at hindi pa rin naaalis ang nagdududa nitong mga tingin sa aming dalawa.

Kaizer’s brow raised at him. “Enzo, anong ginagawa mo rito?” Kaizer probed at him in seriousness.

Napakurap kurap naman si Enzo bago nagbaling ng tingin sa akin.

“Nagkamali lang ng floor na napuntahan. Kayo? Bakit…masyadong magkadikit kayong dalawa kanina?”

“Why? It’s normal to us.” Kaizer fender.

Enzo shrugged. “Alright, I gotta go.”

Pinanood pa namin siyang tuluyang makapaaok ng elevator bago kami umalis. At nang makapasok kami ng bahay ay patay na ang mga ilaw sa sala at kusina tanging sa pintuan lang ang buhay. I turned it off.

Nang makapasok kami sa kuwarto ko ay hinubad ko ang aking damit. Si Kaizer naman ay nagtungo sa bandang gilid ko.

I went to my bed and plop.

“Sa sofa nalang ako matutulog,” si Kaizer.

I know that there is something in between us now. Kaya hindi ko minsang maiwasang mag-isip at maglikot ng aking isip sa tuwing sa tabi ko siya matutulog.

But I know that he won’t make anything that could harm me. We both respect each other. He never did more than a kiss and hug. We usually cuddle pero hanggang don lang iyon.

“Dito ka na sa kama.” I offered.

He looked hesitant as he removed his clothes and pants. Ganiyan lagi ang pantulog niya. He’s only wearing his boxers. While I’m wearing a white shirt and my boxers too but he’s not wearing any tops.

I took a bath first at gano’n din ang ginawa niya pagkaraan. And when we were both done cleaning ourselves, he was now lying next to me.

“What if they found out about us?” tanong ko sa kaniya pagkaraan dahil kanina ay nakitaan ko ng duda ang mga mata ni Kelsy at Enzo.

Hindi ako handa kapag gano’n ang nangyari. Wala akong maisip na dapat gawin kapag naging ganoon ang sitwasyon. Hindi ako handa sa mga sasabihin ng iba.

“We will fight for us. I won’t let anyone dictate us. Hadlangan man nila tayo ay hindi ko na ’yon iniisip pa. Dahil wala silang ibang magagawa kun’di ang tanggapin tayo.” he huskily muttered.

“But what if we can’t be together? Paano ang sasabihin ng iba?”

“I don’t care of it anymore. The more I care about here is us, Neil. Mi Arcus, you’re the only one I am thinking about. I won’t give a fuck for their opinion about us. Kasi kung sila ang iisipin natin tayo ang matatalo. And I don’t want it to happen.” he caressed my cheeks. Umusog pa siya nang mas malapit sa akin ngayon.

“Promise me, we will fight for us. Kasi kung ako lang ang lalaban mag-isa ay hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko. So please, promise that you will stay on my side. That you will stand for us. That you will not push me away.” nagsusumamo niyang sinabi.

My eyes narrowed. I badly want to be with him too. I want him to be on my side. I don’t want to leave him.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay nitong sumakop sa aking mukha.

“I love you, Kaizer.” I then muttered in an instant.

He looked surprised and amazed at the moment I said it. Ang kaniyang mga matang kanina ay mahina at malungkot na nakatingin sa akin ay ngayo’y napalitan ng saya.

“I love you, Mi Arcus. I want us two to be the soldiers of the rivalry of love we are now taking into. Be my warrior, and I will be your warrior.” namamaos niyang sinabi at pinagdikit ang aming mga labi.

We kissed gently and passionately. And when our lips parted, I stare at him deeply like there is no other than him in the hole I was now looking at.

“I will be a warrior for you, Kaizer. I promised.”

I just don’t want this moment to end. Yet. Our relationship was the only best thing I have now despite the circumstances that we gonna face if they found it out. It isn’t easy but I want to be ready and faced it with him. To fight with him. And be with my warrior no matter what happened.

“We are now warriors of our love. And I promised you as well to be the best and great protector of your heart and soul. That I will guard and make sure that is no one can tear us apart, Mi Arcus. No one,”

Kabanata 28

Kabanata 28

Baby

Today is heart’s day. I greeted him earlier and he also called me just to say ’Happy Valentine’s day.

It’s Friday at magkikita naman kami sa school. Kelsy teases Ezi if he has a date today and also Lucien same as Zach.

“Ikaw Kaizer? Who is your secret girlfriend ba? Last year pa ’yong update mo ng status last year at hindi mo pa rin pinapalitan. Is that mean that you’re still with her?” Kelsy suspiciously asked.

Nasa isa sa mga bench kami ngayon dito sa school. Maraming hawak si Kelsy at Zandra na mga bulaklak at tsokolate. There are so many boys earlier that gave it to them. Even Levon and Renz gave Zandra and Kelsy a box of cookies and bouquets.

Kaizer glance in my way. I just pursed my lips. We keep it a secret but I felt safe dahil alam ko namang hindi naming hahayaang may makaalam niyon. Even our cousins. Zandra glare at me too.

“Yeah, kami pa rin hanggang ngayon,” Kaizer replied to Kelsy.

“Really? Kelan mo ba kasi siya ipapakilala?” pangungulit pa nito.

Kaizer smirked and looked at me again. Kinabahan pa ako nang balingan ako ni Kelsy ng tingin habang ang mga kilay ay nakataas.

“Neil?” Kelsy asked in surprise.

I swallowed hard.

“Alam mo kung sino ’yong girlfriend ni Kaizer, no? OMG! Kelan pa kayo natutong maglihim sa amin?” Medyo iritado ang boses na tanong ni Kelsy.

Pakiramdam ko naman ay may natanggal na mabigat na nakadagan sa aking dibdib nang sabihin niya iyon. She turned her gaze on Ezi, Lucien, and Zach who’s busy on their phone.

“Ano ba Ezi! Zach, Lucien?! Sino ba ’yang mga ka-text ninyo? Alright, may mga date kayo later?” Kelsy rolled her eyes.

“Uh-huh. Ikaw, mukhang wala kaya ka nanggugulo.” Ezekiel mocked.

Napamaang naman si Kelsy. Zandra bit her lower lips. Stopping herself to laugh.

“Anong wala? Maraming nagyaya kaso wala ron ang gusto ko.” she pursed her lips.

“Sino bang gusto mo?” nagkatinginan pa kami ni Kaizer nang sabay at pareho naming itanong iyon. I immediately looked away.

“Wala…siya rito. Basta! Sa ibang school.”

“Ikaw nga ’tong hindi na nagsasabi sa’min e.” si Lucien na kababa lang ng phone niya. He stood up.

“It’s a private though. Where are you going?” she asked Lucien.“

“May date pa ako, just see you guys!” aniya at akmang aalis na nang tumayo rin si Zach at Ezi.

“Ako rin,” Ezekiel informed us.

“I gotta go too,” Zach mumbled.

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa kami ni Zandra o maiinis sa reaksyon ni Kelsy. Kaizer is just holding his phone. I noticed that he had been using it earlier. Sino ba ang ka-text niya?

“What? Akala ko ba magsisine tayo later? Kaya ko nga rin tinanggihan ang mga nagyaya sa akin because I know that we’re gonna celebrate. Tapos ngayon may kaniya-kaniya pala kayong date.” Kelsy sighed in dismay.

“It’s okay, Kels. Pinapasabi nga pala sa akin ni Enzo na babawi raw siya sa’yo.” pang-aasar pa ni Zandra.

We all know that she has a huge crush on Enzo but he seems annoyed with her. Kaya si Kelsy ay naghanap na lang ng iba. Palibhasa maraming reserba kaya may kapalit agad kapag tinanggihan.

Kelsy leered at her. Tinawanan naman nila Ezi, Zach at Lucien si Kelsy. Ako naman ay mahina lang na tumawa. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kaizer ay nakita kong nakakunot ang noo nito habang may binabasa sa cellphone niya.

He looks so busy, huh? When he lifted his gaze on me, I just raised my brow. He shook his head then twisted his lips.

Umalis na sila at nagpunta na sa kaniya kaniya nilang mga date. While Kelsy was picked up by some guy from Marcos school. Kunwari pang walang date, meron din naman pala.

Sabay naman kami nila Zandra at Kaizer na naglalakad patungong sasakyan ko.

“Uh, mauna na kayong umuwi. May dadaanan pa ako.” Kaizer said then approached me. “Ingat, I’ll call you later. Be ready ’kay?” Imporma niya sa akin at saka pumasok na ng sasakyan niya at pinaandar agad ito.

Nangunot naman ang aking noo. What was that? It’s Valentine’s today and he doesn’t even have a plan for us? Well, wala rin naman akong binigay sa kaniya at ganon din siya. But I’m expecting something from him. Expectation really hurt you.

“Galit ka ba? Yung kilay mo kasi malapit ng mag-isang linya.” Zandra pointed out on my side.

I just shook my head and drove. Hinatid ko muna si Zandra sa kanila bago ako umuwi sa amin.

“Thank’s for driving me home. Happy Valentine’s, anyway. Wala ba kayong date ni Kaizer?” Zandra asked before she opens the door’s car.

“Mm, wala e. He seems busy earlier.” I drawled.

Her forehead creased. “Si Kaizer? Walang date na hinanda? E’ ikaw, wala rin?”

I twisted my lips then nod at her. She winked at me.

“Chocolates you want?” she offered her bag full of different kinds of chocolates she had received earlier.

Napangiwi naman ako. “Nah-uh,” pagtanggi ko.

“Kay Russco nalang. Hindi ko rin naman makakain lahat ’to.” then she leaves it there at the back sit then went out.

Habang nasa daan ako pauwi ay nagdidilim na rin ang kalangitan. I heard my phone rang from the dashboard. I answered it without checking if who it was.

“Neil speaking, who is this?”

“You ready? I sent you the location. Please don’t ditch me, alright?” nabosesan ko si Kaizer sa kabilang linya.

“Huh? Saan? Pauwi pa lang ako-”

“Change your clothes and go to the address that I’ll be sending you.”

“But-” he dropped the call.

My mouth parted open. He did what? Hindi pa niya ako napagbababaan ng phone call at ngayon pa lang. Nakakunot ang noo at magkasalubong ang aking mga kilay na pumasok sa loob ng bahay.

Naabutan ko sila Mom, Dad at Russco na nakabihis.

“We’re going out for dinner. May ide-date ka ba ngayong gabi?” Mom asked me when I got near them.

Magsasalita na sana ako at sasabihing wala, nang maalala kong may pinapapuntahan nga pala si Kaizer sa akin.

“You can join us if you haven’t. We reserved a table for us.” Dad said.

“Ah, hindi na po. May pupuntahan din po ako ngayong gabi. Ingat po kayo, enjoy!” ani ko bago umalis paakyat ng hagdan.

I immediately go to my bathroom and cleaned up myself.

I wear my color grey black striped trousers, topped by a plain black t-shirt and coated by the pair of a casual grey-black striped sleeve blazer and wearing a leather black shoes. I am looking at myself in the mirror as I put on my piercing earring that he gave me last year.

Inayos ko ang pagkakasuot ng blazer sa akin. Nasa labas na ako ng kuwarto ko at pababa na ng hagdan nang tumawag sa akin si Kaizer.

My lips suddenly formed into a wide smile as I answered it.

“Where are you?” I heard his husky voice.

“In the house. Why?”

Narinig kong bumuntong hininga siya. “I’m waiting,” he said patiently.

I smirked. “Papunta na ako,” I said then I dropped the call.

Naiinis ako kanina sa kaniya dahil abala siya sa cellphone niya. But now that he send me the location I don’t know why my annoyance to him was suddenly gone.

Kaizer:

The Bayleaf Hotel, see you there Mi Arcus.

Hindi naman naging matagal ang binyahe ko dahil around Manila lang din. I went out of my car after I parked it outside.

This is my first time coming here alone at siya naman ay naghihintay sa akin dito. When I got into their lobby the accent of the warmth of their light welcomed me.

From the glass and staircase on the side. The wooden color-like walls and the warm parallel lights are impressing me. Naalis ko lang ang aking paningin nang may tumawag sa aking pangalan.

“Mr. Neil Arcoiris?” the receptionist asked.

“Yes,” I said and her smile grew wider when our eyes met. I smirked at her.

“Mr. Kaizer is waiting for you on the Sky deck. This way, sir.” she politely said and guided me afterward.

“Thank you,” I uttered then went to their elevator where she heading me.

I pushed the upper deck button of this hotel when the door of the elevator shut. I haven’t been to their Sky deck because the last time I came here is just to dine in their restaurant on floors. So I don’t imagine what’s up there.

Nang bumukas ang elevator at naglakad ako palabas ay agad na dumampi ang malamig na simoy ng hangin sa aking mukha. I’m wearing a coat so it didn’t bother my skin. But my eyes didn’t leave the person standing at the side of the lounge when my sight perch on his way.

He is standing proudly. His eyes directed on me and glint in awe when he saw me walked slowly towards him. He’s immaculately gorgeous in his formal black long sleeve. The three buttons above were unbuttoned. And the pure grey trouser that hugging his muscled leg perfectly. His hair was disheveled by the wind.

The glasses that he was holding were on his hand as he licked his lower lips while his eyes were directed on me.

“Nice place,” I commended.

Ang kaniyang mga mata ay hindi na naalis sa akin. He is staring at me like he didn’t hear me say something.

“Kaizer,” I mumbled.

He smiled and sighed when he snapped out. Naakurap kurap pa siya habang ipinaghila ako ng upuan.

He gazes at me, waiting to sit on the chair he pulled for me. I conformed.

“Thanks,” I uttered.

Hindi ko maiwasang kabahan dahil baka may taong nakatingin sa amin. I lifted my gaze on him when he sat towards his chair.

“Wala bang makakakita sa atin dito?” I asked worriedly.

He smiled at me. “I reserved their Skydeck for you. No one is here. It’s just only us, Mi Arcus.” he assuringly said.

Napangiti naman ako sa kaniya at sa inilibot ang tingin sa paligid. Madilim na pero kita pa rin ang liwanag mula sa iba’t ibang establisyemento. There are some lounges up here with a big umbrella that towers beside it.

It’s a cozy place. They have a 360-degree view of Intramuros. The cool air and the historical ambiance. It was just a perfect place and a perfect night that I think will gonna be a night to remember for me, again.

“It’s beautiful here lalo na kapag sunset. But we go to school so…” he trailed off.

“I liked it here. I liked every place as long as you are also there with me.” I specified.

His eyes were serious and glisten now. He put his hand on the table and lend it to me.

Ipinatong ko ang aking kamay sa kaniyang palad at marahang dumapo ang aking mga mata sa kaniya.

“Happy Valentines Day, Mi Arcus,” he said in a deep husky voice.

My heart thumped. The heartbeat races as I looked at him lovingly. Mabilis at tanging kalabog lang ng naghuhuramentado kong puso ang tangi kong naririnig.

“Happy Valentine’s, Papi Chulo,” I muttered on him in a husky voice.

Mahina ko lang sinabi iyon. But the ghost of a smile in his lips rosed up as his thick black brows creased. Namamangha ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin habang ang noo ay nakakunot.

“What…did you say, Mi Arcus?”

I gasped as I hide my smirk. “Nothing,”

“I heard you mumbled. Please say it again,” he cutely pleaded.

How could this perfect manly human being be cute at the same time? Darn it.

“Papi Chulo,” I breathily said then smirked at him awkwardly.

Mas lumawak ang ngiti nito at hindi makapaniwalang tumingin muli sa akin.

“Fuck, is that how much you find me hot and so handsome, Mi Arcus? That you have to call me that way now?” He asked me in menaced but the smirk is visible in his brooding eyes.

I licked my lips and darken my eyes on him. “Then should I call you baby instead? Because Papi Chulo doesn’t make you mine.”

His brow shot up and his thin lips parted in awe. He blinked in amused.

“Damn, are you hitting on me? But anyways the ‘baby’, I like it more better than chulo. That sounds good Mi Arcus.” He then said with his eyes in dark of playful now.

Naiilang naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin. I don’t know if I feel shy or what. But I feel the heat on my neck came up to my face. Fuck.

“You’re blushing,” aniya. Pinangunutan ko naman siya ng noo.

“I’m not, kumain na lang tayo Kaizer. Stop staring at me. Kanina ka pa nakatitig e.” I said to divert him.

“How can I start eating if I am seeing you blushing this way? This is the first time I saw your cheeks fully reddened and I can’t stop adoring it.” ipinatong niya pa ang kaniyang dalawang siko sa lamesa at tumunghay sa akin.

My eyes fell in his open chest. I saw there the necklace I gave him. I smiled.

Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo lamang uminit ang aking pisngi.

“Then stop making me blushed more Kaizer!” nahihiya kong sinabi. I looked away.

He chuckled boyishly. “My baby is shy, okay. Let’s it now.”

I shook my head then I started to eat. Masarap ang pagkaing nakahain. Inuna namin ang appetizer bago ang main course.

Nagulat pa ako nang makita na nandito na lahat ng pagkain sa serving trolley. On the other trolley were the Wine glass Rack and the beverages.

“Pinadeliever ko na sa kanila ang lahat ng ito para pagdating mo, you have no worries,” he stated.

“And the desserts?” I arched my brow and smirked at him.

He forgot it for sure.

“Iseserve nila after our meal…” aniya at saka ako natawa ng bahagya

Ramdam ko ang saya at effort niya para sa akin. He always makes me feel complete. He always gives me the best. And I’m beyond grateful to have him in my life.

Alam kong mali at hindi magiging tama ang ginagawa namin sa mata ng iba. Nakakatakot mang tanggapin ang katotohanang iyon pero heto pa rin kami at magkasama.

I never imagined us in this kind of situation before. Nang mga panahong sinabi niyang mahal niya ako. I never believe and buy that because I’m scared. I’m scared to discover to myself that I slowly falling for him too.

Nakamasid at tanaw ang madilim na kalangitan habang katabi ko siyang nakatayo. I am holding my glass of champagne.

“Mi Arcus…” he softly uttered beside my ears.

“Mm?” I sound while my eyes are still at the night sky.

I heard him sighed and felt him glance at me. Binalik niyang muli ang kaniyang mga mata sa madilim na kalangitan nang magsalita na siya.

“Gusto ko ng sabihin kila Dad kung anong mayroon sa atin. Gusto kong ipagsigawan sa buong mundo na mahal kita.” he seriously uttered.

The emphasized and the marked in his voice were getting into my nerves. I didn’t say a word.

“Alam kong hindi ka pa handa pero kailan tayo magiging handa?” then his eyes turn on me.

I swallowed hard. “Kaizer, hindi madali ang sinasabi mo. Baka paghiwalayin lang nila tayo sa oras na malaman nila. And I don’t want it to happen.”

“But we will fight for us, right? We’re in this together. As long as you fight with me hindi natin sila hahayaang paghiwalayin tayo.” He uttered then caressed my cheeks.

Naninikip ang dibdib kong nakatitig sa kaniyang mga mata ngayon.

“Hindi pa ako handa, Kaizer. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan natin itatago ito but let’s just be contented with what we have right now.” I just said what I only think is better for us.

He gasped and looked down. “I understand.”

Saglit kaming natahimik bago napagdesisyonan ng umuwi. Pagkababa namin sa lobby ay naabutan namin ang tatlong lalaki nakikipag-usap sa receptionist. Nakatalikod sila sa amin.

“Who’s on your upper deck? Parang ngayon lang nangyaring nagka reservation kayo ron. And we just only need the bar part.” the guy said.

“Pwede naman siguro kaming umakyat don. Right? If you want we gonna pay the same amount they paid for the night.” the man on the side prompted.

“But sir, it’s really confidential. Hindi po talaga pwede dahil two couples lang po ang nag accommodate ng upper deck. They paid enough amount and we didn’t accept that kind of offer.” the girl patiently said to them.

Nang makalapit kami sa banda nila ay napatingin sa amin ang babaeng kaninang sumalubong sa akin.

“Sir,” bahagya pa siyang nagulat nang makita kami.

“We’re done. Pwede niyo na silang paakyatin. Thank you.” Kaizer prompted to her.

The girl nodded then take a glance at the three men in front of their desk.

Ang tatlo namang lalaki ay napatingin din sa gawi namin. And my eyes suddenly widened. I felt stuck in my place that I can’t even move when I familiarized these three.

“Kaizer… Neil?” Levon slowly uttered. He looked so shocked.

Napakurap kurap ako at naging mabilis ang kabog ng aking dibdib.

“Kayo ang nasa upper deck?” maliit ang mga matang tanong ni Levon sa akin. Halos hindi na ito patanong nang sinabi niya iyon. It’s more likely a confirmation.

Si Renz at Mark naman na kasama niya ay parehong gulat nang makita kami. Namimilog at nakakunot ang mga kilay nilang nakatingin sa amin ni Kaizer.

“Wha the fuck.” Renz’s mouth blew.

“Kaizer let’s go.” I pulled Kaizer’s wrist and went out.

Naramdaman naman naming sumunod sila sa amin sa labas.

“Kaizer!” dinig kong boses ni Levon iyon na palapit ng palapit sa amin.

Si Kaizer naman ay huminto at madilim ang mga tinging sumulabong kila Renz.

I saw how his jaw clenched. I held his hand when it started forming into a fist.

“I can’t believe that you…guys are dating. You’re both cousins and the heck, lalaki kayong parehas. Hindi kayo talo.” Levon surprisedly said. His eyes aren’t believing in shock.

“Levon please, Renz, Mark. Don’t tell anyone about this.” I said as I walked near them.

I wanna plead with them to keep this a secret. We are friends after all and I think they can pass it up and just slip this happened. But when I get near them I didn’t expect how Mark reacts to me.

“Huwag kang lumapit sa akin! You’re fucking gay! You are both disgusting human beings.” Mark shouted at me. He pushed me and I fell on the floor.

Habol ko ang aking hininga nang matumba ako pero mabilis akong tumayo nang makitang sinuntok ni Kaizer si Mark na mabilis na humandusay sa sahig.

“Kaizer tumigil ka! Ano bang nangyayari sa inyo ni Neil! This is insane!” sigaw ni Renz sa amin.

“Ano kayo? Bakla? Magpinsan pa kayo, tangina!” ani Mark na nanggigigil na kinuwelyuhan ni Kaizer.

Naramdaman kong mangibabaw ang luhang nakaabang ng mahulog sa aking mga mata. Fuck.

“Kaizer please stop!” pagpigil ko sa kaniya nang akmang sasapakin na naman niya si Mark.

Hinawakan ni Levon ang dalawang braso ni Kaizer para awatin ito. I went to them and pulled Kaizer.

“Fuck you assholes! Tell them about us and I don’t fucking care! Call me gay or whatever you want, but not Neil! He’s out of here. Do you think we will break up just because of you? Gago! Hindi ’yon mangyayari!” Kaizer’s voice thundered in flame.

I trembled. My tears fall to my cheeks like I never know it will fall. Because I never am a crybaby all my life. Maybe I’m really that frightened and worried so much in our situation right now, the reason why I can’t hold my emotion anymore. So as Kaizer as well, he’s furious and I get the reason why.

I am holding his hands tightly. Stopping Kaizer from being aggressive. 

“Ano? Ipagsigawan niyong mali ang ginagawa namin. Husgahan niyo ako. I won’t give a fucking care. And you Mark, you judge Neil as if you are clean. Look at yourself first! Hindi ba at may nangyari sa inyo ni Morgan? Sinong mas kadiri sa inyo ngayon?” Kaizer scoffed at him darkly. He is mad. Fuming mad.

Inaalalayan naman ni Renz na tumayo si Mark mula sa semento. Levon gaze on our way.

Hinarap ako ni Kaizer at sinakop ang basa ko ng mga pisngi.

“Kaizer let’s just go…” my lips trembled. Ayaw kong magkagulo at ayaw kong may masaktan.

He gritted his teeth and looked at them angrily.

“Hindi naman ako ganiyan mag-isip Kaizer. I accept people for being who they are. Even they are gay, lesbian, or whatever they are. I’m a fair person.” Levon stated to us.

Mahinahon na sila ngayong nakatingin sa amin.

“Hindi lang talaga ako makapaniwala…sa inyong dalawa,” Levon added.

“Kaibigan ko kayo, Kaizer, Neil. Hindi rin naman ako perpekto para manghusga. I’m sorry. I was just shocked.” Renz uttered.

Mark was now looking at the floor. He lifted his glare on us and gaze at me apologetically.

“Yeah, nakakadiri nga ako.” he chuckled with no humor on it. “I’m more disgusting than what you know. I’m sorry.” aniya at tumingin kay Kaizer.

“If you guys can’t accept us and keep your mouth shut. You better leave us alone. Make your own freaking life.” Kaizer reprimanded.

“Kaizer… baby let’s just go,” pagtawag ko pang muli sa kaniya dahil ramdam ko pa rin ang kaniyang galit.

I feel so weak. Ngayon pa lang ay wala na akong magawa para sa amin. Kaizer was fuming mad and all I can do is to stop him. I feel so useless.

We got inside his car. I put my hands on my face when my tear fell recklessly for the last time. I gritted my teeth harshly.

Mabilis namanv hinawi ni Kaizer ang mga kamay kong nakatabon sa aking mga mata nang makapasok siya ng driver’s seat.

“I’m sorry, Kaizer.” pang-ilang beses ko na nga ba itong sinabi sa kaniya? Sa sobrang dami ay hindi ko na mabilang.

My bloodshot eyes gaze on him as he looked at me darkly.

“It’s okay, don’t be scared. We are safe. Our relationship is safe-” I cutted him off.

“What if they tell someone? What if they make gossip about us? What if-” my shivered raucous voice was halted by him.

He narrowed his eyes on me with a softness hint on it.

“God, I can kill someone for you, for our relationship just to keep it safe. But your ‘baby’ keeps me back on my sanity,” he said in a deep low voice.

He’s indeed my warrior. He will spare his life just to keep our love remain on its bound that no one would dare get to the gutter.

Kabanata 29

Kabanata 29

Hard

Nang makapasok kami sa loob ng bahay ay patay na ang mga ilaw. Dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko at nakasunod siya sa akin. Kaizer will be sleeping in my room.

We are just silent the whole time.

Nang makahiga kami ay agad niyang ibinaon ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. Gaya ng palagi niyang ginagawa. Bumuntong-hininga ako habang marahan namang hinahaplos ang kaniyang buhok.

“Kahit pa malaman ng lahat ang tungkol sa atin, promised me na hindi ka bibitaw Neil.” buo at ngayon ko lang siya narinig na maging ganito kaseryoso.

“I promised,” I whispered back.

Malungkot ang aking mga mata at mabigat ang aking dibdib habang mahigpit siyang nakayakap sa akin.

I want to be strong and stand by on his side whatever this relationship may take us.

“Are you still bothered?” he asked me worriedly.

I let a heavy sigh and gaze at him.

“Yeah,” I breathily replied.

I want to be honest this time. He tightened his embrace more and put my head on his shoulder. Bahagya siyang nakatagilid ngayon habang ang kaniyang braso ang nagsilbing kalong sa aking likuran nang ihiga niya ang aking ulo sa kaniyang balikat.

I gritted my teeth. It’s like every time I think what will happen to us when everyone knows the string that binds us together makes me weaker. I don’t doubt his loyalty, his faithfulness, and the love he is always pouring each day for me.

What I’m scared of is disappointing him. And I can’t take seeing him in ache because of me. I should be bold for our relationship like what he is doing. That no one can tear us apart because we stay and believe to fight for each other.

Hindi lang si Zandra ang nakakaalam ngayon ng relasyon namin ni Kaizer. Pero ang hindi ko sigurado ay kung ipagsasabi ba nila Levon ang kanilang mga nalaman at nakita kanina.

I touch his cheeks and caressed his disheveled hair. Slowly as I stare at him, I lightly put my lips gently in his and smiled weakly when I felt him softly.

I rose from the bed and picked up my phone when Kaizer fall asleep. I sat on the side of the bed while reading the messages from Levon.

Levon:

I’m sorry about what happened. Hindi namin sinasadya. We’re just really shocked when we saw you two.

Levon:

I just want to say na wala kaming pagsasabihang iba. We assure you that. Mark and Renz will keep that too. Your secret is safe to us. We are really sorry,

He texted me earlier but I haven’t read it. Alam kong galit pa rin si Kaizer sa kanila dahil sa nangyari kanina. I am also mad but only to Mark. Because he easily judges me. And it hurts hearing those judgments from him.

Napayuko ako nang maalala ko ang panghuhusgang ginawa ko kay Kaizer noon. Now I know how hard it was to hear. How hard it was to take. Lalo na siguro na nanggaling pa sa akin iyon. I am blaming myself now for being unfair at that time. I’m being biased about what is the only preference that the human should have. That it’s either a man or woman.

Nalito at nahirapan akong hanapin at tanggapin kung ano talaga ang aking pagkatao. It was also the reason why Ashley finds me selfish. I was actually busy thinking about myself. Busy on figuring out what I am truly am. Until I slowly realize that I’m falling to Kaizer.

I am not gay. That was the first thing I claimed to myself. At kahit anong iwas ko sa kakaibang demonyong nararamdaman ko sa loob ko para kay Kaizer ay hindi ko mapigilan at ang mas ikinatakot ko pa ay ang pag-usbong nito lalo.

Until I gave in. Hindi ko na kinaya at hinayaan ko na ang sarili kong mahulog sa kaniya.

It was good. So good to fall in his arms. To have him on my side. To be loved by him. It was all new to me. I felt strange but I slowly learned from it. I easily learn how to love him back.

Naglalakad ako sa kusina para sana tingnan ang umagahan namin nang marinig ko ang boses ng mga pinsan ko sa salas. I leave Kaizer in my room. He’s still sleeping and I didn’t wake him up because I know that he’s tired from what happened last night.

It’s still fresh on my mind. Pakiramdam ko ay magkakaphobia pa ako dahil sa takot na maulit ang gano’ng pangyayari.

“Kumusta ang date mo kagabi? Tita Verity told us that you make out last night.” Kelsy curiously inquired on me.

I didn’t answer her. Napatingin naman silang lahat sa akin at napansing may kakaiba kaya sila natahimik lahat. Zach looked at me worriedly.

Nakaramdam agad ako ng kaba kaya pilit ang ngiting ipinakita ko sa kanila.

“May nangyari ba?” Zach asked me. His eyes were anxious.

“Wala naman. Dito na kayo mag breakfast. Bakit nga pala kayo nandito?” tanong ko at bahagyang ngumiti para hindi naman sila mailang sa inaakto ko.

“We’re going to invite you to go to the club…next week pa naman,” Kelsy uttered.

“And uhm, overnight na rin dito.” si Lucien na tiningnan pa ako sa mga mata. Ani mong inaalam kung anong problema ko.

When Zandra’s eyes met mine we stared at each other for seconds. She arched her brow, asking if what is up. I just frowned and looked away.

Nang wala ng magawa ay tumambay kami sa sala. Kaizer was stalking me now. Hinayaan ko nalang din siya dahil wala namang makakapansin.

My cousins are busy playing the Ps5 that my Dad and Mom present for Russco.

Ezi was sitting on the floor with the pillow under him while managing to play.

“Ezekiel remove the pillow!” Zach irritatedly said. May hawak pa siyang controller at mabilis na pinipindot at ginagalaw iyon.

“No way.” Ezi mocked.

“May carpet naman ah. Ang arte mo!” Marcos slapped his shoulder.

Magkasalubong ang dalawang kilay na lumingon si Ezi sa kaniya.

“Masakit?” Zach said sarcastically.

“Hindi. What do you think about me? A baby? Tsk. Matibay ’to no. Ikaw lang naman Zach ang nagpapaka wasted.” pagbawi ni Ezi.

Napamaang naman si Kelsy. “Wait nga lang, dahil sa throw pillow lang nang re-real talk ka na, Ezi?” Then Kelsy burst out a loud laugh.

“Pikon,” Zandra uttered.

Matalim naman siyang tiningnan ng kapatid. “Kasi naman worried lang sa’yo si Zach baka magkapigsa ka,” Lucien mocked at him.

Nagsalubong ang mga tingin namin ni Kaizer na nakangisi. I smirked too.

“Worried? Ako? Sa kaniya? Tss, I’m not Lucien. I’m more concerned sa throw pillow na inuupuan niya.” Zach mockingly said.

We all bark out of laughter. Si Ezi naman ay nakanguso lang na nakatunghay sa amin. Russco tapped his shoulder. Comforting him.

But when Ezi lifted his gaze to Russ and saw the teasing smile that plastered on his lips. He rolled his eyes.

“I feel the same, Kuya Zach,” Russco uttered then immediately run to Kaizer bago pa siya maabutan ni Ezi.

Natawa naman ako habang si Zach ay nakangising nakatingin kay Ezi. Ate Meaghan came out from the kitchen with the snacks on her tray.

Zandra is sitting beside me while slicing her piece of cake. The others are also eating but Ezi and Russ were still playing.

Nakita kong magsalin si Kaizer ng juice sa isang baso at aktong iaabot sa akin ito. Nag-aalinlangan man ay tinanggap ko iyon.

I sipped and I noticed Kelsy’s glare on us. I almost burst out the drinks but I just cleared my throat.

When they are all busy I go to the kitchen. Sinundan naman ako ni Zandra. Kanina pa kami nagtitinginang dalawa at ngayon lang ako nakahanap ng tamang tyempo para makausap siya. Kaizer’s eyes stalked us.

I sat on the high chair. Zandra is standing in front of me and I can sense that she’s a bit nervous about what I’m going to say.

I checked my other cousins again if they’re not followed us here in the dining.

“Spill it, Neil. It’s bothering me too.” Zandra said.

I sighed. “Levon, Renz, and Mark know the thing about me and Kaizer.” panimula ko.

Her eyes widened. Her lips parted and let out a loud sigh.

“How? Nag-iingat naman kayo ’di ba?” naipatong niya ang dalawa niyang siko sa countertop at saka minasahe ng marahan ang kaniyang sentido.

Yeah, it really is stressing. It’s stressing me out last night that I can’t have a better sleep. Kahit na siniguro sa akin ni Levon na wala silang ibang pagsasabihan ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang kabahan at matakot. There is always a chance. And having the chance for them to know it, will not make good for our relationship. I’m getting my tail and started hiding it but I won’t.

“We date yesternight at the hotel and they saw us there. I’m scared Zandra. Natatakot akong may makaalam pang iba.” I said to her in so much worry.

I parted my lips as I looked away. Zandra held my hand and tried to catch my gaze.

“It’s okay. Nandito lang ako. What about Kaizer? I can conclude and imagine right now what he did last night. Ako na ang bahalang kumausap kila Levon. They should understand this thing. They are your friends for goodness sake. What kind of friends they are kung hindi nila kayo maintindihan, ’di ba?”

“But Zandra, hindi lahat ng tao ay kagaya mong mag-isip. You don’t tolerate us at first but you still accept us later on. But some people can’t just open their minds because it’s really a bad thing. Our love…for each other is ain’t good.” I harshly bit my lower lip.

“Neil, don’t say that. Kahit kailan ay hindi naging mali ang magmahal. I thought you will fight for him?” she asked weakly. Bakas pa rin ang kaba sa kaniyang mukha.

“Yes. I will.”

“Then stop giving yourself those thoughts that could break you. I know that you always want to do the right things. That you don’t want to fail us by mistakes and wrong decisions. But can you just please choose him this time? To fight for him even it’s wrong? To choose what your heart wants to get. Kasi si Kaizer, I know that he will fight for you no matter what. Kaya sana ikaw din. I’m also here. We are all in this. So you should have the strength to do this as well. Because if you can’t I shouldn’t accept you both from the first place.” mariin ang mga mata ni Zandra na nakatitig sa akin ngayon.

I gasped heavily and nodded at her afterward. I felt my tear fell when I blinked my eyes slowly.

“Thank you,”

She smiled at me encouraging.

“Are you crying, Neil?” Kelsy’s voice prevails behind Zandra’s place.

I immediately stood up and went to the sink to wash my face. Mabilis ang kabog ng aking dibdib habang mariin kong hinihilamusan ang aking mukha.

“Hindi. Pinagpapawisan lang siya.” sagot ni Zandra na mukhang kinakabahan din. But she managed herself and looked like she wasn’t surprised or doing something wrong.

I get a lot of tissue to dry my face when I saw a hand with a handkerchief when I got neared to them. When I lifted my gaze I saw Kaizer’s glare on me. His serious face that is now protruded on Kelsy’s hawk eyes.

“Huwag na, tissue can do this.” kinakabahan kong sinabi at tinanggihan ang panyong iniaabot niya sa akin.

Kelsy brows were in both converge. Nanunuri at kitang kita ang pagtataka rito.

“Use this,” Kaizer constraint and put his hankie on my hand.

Zandra’s eyes were darting at Kaizer like he should stop what he is doing now. But Kaizer just ignoring it. Damn it.

“Oh, why you guys are here? May problema ba?” Biglang tanong ni Ate Meaghan na naabutan kaming apat na nakatingin sa bawat isa.

“Nothing Ate Meag. Let’s go Kaizer, baka hinahanap ka na ni Russco.” Zandra turned her gaze on him before she exited herself.

Naramdaman ko pang binalingan ako ni Kaizer ng tingin bago kami tuluyang iniwan.

“You need anything?” pagtanong ko kay Kelsy na nasa iba na ngayon ang tingin ngunit ang mga mata ay seryoso.

Ate Meaghan didn’t mind us as she goes towards the fridge. We go back to the living room. Hindi rin ako naging kumportable dahil sa mata ni Kelsy na hindi ako nilulubayan simula kanina.

I was sitting on the sofa beside me where Zach and Zandra. Napapagitnaan nila ako ngayon. Kelsy and Ate Meaghan were on the other sofa when she shifted on her sit. Kaizer was on the floor with Russ, Lucien, and Ezi, still playing.

“Is that an anklet? Who gave it to you?” Kelsy asked me while her eyes are now fixated on my ankle.

Mabilis namang nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay. I then gulped. Naglikot ang aking mga mata at naghahanap ng maisasagot. Zandra caught my eyes and she just frowned.

“Saan?” si Zach na narinig ang sinabi ni Kelsy at mukhang nakuryoso sa sinabi ng kaniyang kapatid.

Kelsy pointed me using her lips. Zach tilted his head to see it beside me.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin kung itatago ko ba ang aking paa o ipapakita nalang sa kanila iyon. Pero dahil nakita na nga nila ay hindi ko na pwedeng itago pa ito.

All of them are now checking my anklet and they are all amazed when they saw it. Si Kaizer ay nakatiim ang bagang habang hawak ni Lucien ang anklet na ipinahubad pa sa akin ni Kelsy para mas makita raw nila ng masinsinan.

“It’s a really nice anklet,” Lucien said then Kelsy took it from him.

“Bakit parang…may kulang?” Si Zach na nakakunot pa sa akin ang noong tumingin.

“Yeah, it’s nice. But I can’t recognize the shape or the purpose of this. Is there another piece? I always buy my jewelry out of the country sometimes and you know how much I’m obsessed with those luxury jewelry. And this is real silver. Kaso parang may nawawala nga.” Ate Meaghan stated as well.

I felt my throat run dried when Kelsy’s eyes lifted on me.

“Oh? Talaga ate? Saan mo ba nabili ito Neil?” Mausisang tanong ni Kelsy sa aking muli.

Binigay sa akin ng isang kaibigan? Binili ko last year? I’ve got this abroad? Or I have this since before at ngayon lang nila nakita at napansin. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko sa kaniya dahil sa mabilis na pagpintig ng aking dibdib.

I gulped so many times. “Kasabay ’yan ng dangle earring na piercing na sinuot ko.” I hardly try not to stutter when I said that.

“Yung sinuot mo last Christmas? Oh, that says it. They looked a bit similar to each other.” Ezekiel remembered.

“No, his piercing is infinity and this anklet is a half or what? Kasi may parang curved sa taas nitong piece ng anklet.” Kelsy is really snooping for more that makes me feel more uncomfortable.

“What do you think, Kaizer?” Kelsy asked him on the carpeted floor.

I saw Kaizer’s eyes were in dark. But it changes when he gazes at me. It became blank.

“It’s…nice. But can we just get over it? It’s something that we all shouldn’t care about.” Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin.

He licked his lower lips. He was about to go back to his seat beside Russco when Kelsy spoke up…again.

“Sino nga pala ang ka-date mo kagabi? Parang naging tahimik ka nitong mga nakaraang buwan, ah? Kayo pa rin ba ni Coleen? Hindi ko na siya nakakausap. How are you guys doing?” Kelsy’s eyes were elfish now. The tone she was using now was like an investigator.

Kaizer faced him. “No one.” he sternly muttered.

“Why? Hiwalay na ba kayo? We have talked last Christmas and she says that she will come with us this summer. Bumawi ka sa kaniya. Siya yata kasi yung ka in a relationship mo sa status mo sa Fb.” Then she arched her brow and smiled mockingly to Kaizer.

“You know what Kelsy, tigilan mo na nga si Kaizer. He’s being a good boy now. Stop meddling with his relationship.” Ate Meaghan probed.

“Si Kelsy kasi ay hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin pinapansin ni Enzo kaya ganiyan ’yan. Hahaha.” si Ezekiel na sinamaan lang ng tingin ni Kelsy.

“I’m curious. Ikaw ba Neil? Ang dami kong friends and some friends of ate Meaghan that are reaching out to you pero hindi mo naman daw ini-entertain. Why is that? Si Ashley pa rin ba?” ’di na nauubusang tanong ni Kelsy sa akin.

I chuckled. “I’m busy-” she cutted me off na kinagulat ko.

“Busy your ass! Neil Irish Arcoiris? Been months of not having a girlfriend? For real? I don’t buy it.” she inquired.

“Neil change na nga kasi Kelsy! He’s not like us anymore that always partying and have some women beside us na pinaglalabasan namin ng kati.” Zach prodded.

Hindi ko alam kung paanong natapos ang araw na iyon. Tanging pangangapa lang ang laman ng utak ko sa mga tanong nila sa akin. I have never been this way before. I feel like I was interrogated by something I’m really scared of.

I never felt this kind of nervousness towards others. It’s just said that I really care for this. That I need to be more careful. Because every word that my mouth will say is my responsibility. It’s not only me. Our relationship is at stake once they knew it.

I can only imagine how my life will change after this but I stand on it. As I said, this is what I choose. And I chose this because I know that we can be together regardless of any despite.

Last month na ng school year and we will graduate soon. Kasama ko si Kaizer na nakaupo sa aking tabi. While Mark, Levon, and Renz are in front of us.

We’re inside the Starbucks. Having some frappe and coffee while studying. Dahil matatapos na rin ng semester na ito at pulos exam nalang ang gagawin.

At first hindi ko alam kung paano sila ia-approach. I thought they were all disgusted with us. That Levon only says that to his messages just to lighten everything that night. That the next Monday morning they will just ignore us but it turns out different. Because the next time we meet them at the school field they approach us.

They apologize to me and Kaizer as well. I’m overwhelmed because I didn’t expect that to happen. I thought they will leave and just ignore us. That they will spread the news of us and the gossips will spread easily. But glad to say, they accept us.

“Zandra is going here,” I informed them when I read her text na susunod daw siya dito sa amin.

“What do you think she wants to order?” Renz asked me hesitatingly.

I shrugged. “Don’t know. Hintayin mo nalang malapit na raw siya.” he nodded and focused his eyes again on his books.

Alam na rin ni Zandra ang tungkol sa ginawa nila Levon that day. She was pleased to hear it from them. Nakausap niya rin ang tatlo at nangakong sa amin lang ang mga nalalamang iyon. That we should strive on keeping it privately.

When the last week of the month came ay napagdesisyonan naming magpipinsan na mag-inuman sa amin. We invited Levon, Renz, and Mark. I was a bit surprised when I saw Enzo and Kimson na ngayon ko nalang ulit nakita.

Nasa upper deck na kaming lahat. Malamig at kumikinang ang maliliit na mga bituin sa kalangitan ng tumingala ako.

Separate ang table ng girls sa table ng boys. Kelsy’s friends are invited too. Apat sila kasama si Kelsy, Zandra at Ate Meaghan sa kabilang table.

Kami namang mga boys ay nagkakatuwaan dahil sa kinukuwento ni Ezi tungkol sa babaeng pilit daw syang hinihila nang huli silang nagpunta ng club.

“Grabi ’yon dude! Baka prosti ’yon?” Renz asked him.

Umiling iling pa si Ezekiel sa kaniya. “No, she said that she’s the daughter of some hotelier. Hindi ko nga lang matandaan ang pangalan. She’s fucking hot in her fitted dress but she’s really drunk. Kahit pa gustong gusto ko I stopped myself, bro!” Ezekiel exclaimed.

“Yeah, drunk girls should be prioritized and not be imposed. They didn’t know what they are doing when they are drunk. So might take care of them instead of taking that as an advantage.” Enzo muttered.

We all nodded as we agreed.

“Neil! Zach! Lipat kayo dito sa table namin, dali! You are so many there! Ang unfair.” Si Kelsy.

Nagkatinginan pa kami ni Kaizer. He nods and drinks his drink. Katabi ko siya ngayon kaya ng tumango siya ay nakuha ko kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin.

I sat beside Zandra nang lumipat kami sa girls table. Ngunit nang makaupo ako ay agad kong naramdamang magvibrate ang aking cellphone. I took it from my pocket and I saw his message.

Kaizer:

Diyan ka lang sa tabi nila Zandra umupo. Huwag ka ng tumabi sa mga babae.

I smirked as I typed in my reply. I am hiding my phone under the table so they don’t notice it.

Ako:

Yes, Papi Chulo.

Napatingin ako sa kabilang table at nakita ko siyang nagtitipang muli ng mensahe.

“Hi, Neil! Anong course mo sa college? Magtu-tourism ako, ikaw ba?” the girl in a sweet voice asked me.

I lifted my gaze on her from my phone. I just smiled at her.

“Undecided pa iyan. Give him suggestions makakatulong ’yon sa kaniya.” Kelsy said at the girl who asked me.

Well, that’s true. Before I wanna take medicine. To be a doctor. But then my mind crumbles at nag-aalangan na sa pipiliing kurso.

Hindi ko napansin ang texts ni Kaizer sa akin ng bigyan nila ako ng shot. Patago ko muli itong binasa sa ilalim ng lamesa nang makakuha ng tyempo para basahin iyon.

Kaizer:

What are you talking about there?

Kaizer:

It’s boring here. Cuz you’re not beside me.

Napakagat ako sa aking pang-ibabang labi habang nagtitipa.

Ako:

It’s fun there! Just enjoy it, okay?

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin, I almost jumped on my seat when I saw Zandra’s eyes on me.

“Siya ba ’yan? Mamaya mo na siya i-text,” she whispered to me.

Ibinalik ko naman sa bulsa ko ang phone at bumalik na sa company ng iba.

Minsang dumadako ang aking mga mata sa gawi nila at nakikita ko siyang nakatingin din sa akin. I read his text after a few minutes.

I was getting my phone nang maramdaman ko ang marahang pagsiko sa akin ni Zandra. Nangunot ang aking noo at nang makita ko si Kelsy na pinapanood pala ako ay mabilis ko rin iyong ibinalik sa aking bulsa.

“Sino ba ’yang ka-text mo? Girlfriend?” Kelsy asked curiously.

“Just a random message,” I said then I chuckled.

Saglit pa niya akong seryosong tinitigan bago nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Anyway, we are planning to continue going to Palawan this summer. Dahil hindi nga tayo natuloy last year sana naman ngayon matuloy na. I asked Dad and he agreed to it.” she informed.

“The boys know it too.” Ate Meaghan seconded.

“Tayong magpipinsan lang?” I asked.

“Sila Levon sasama pati sila Mariel. Some of your friends and some of mine para marami tayo.” Kelsy inserted.

Tumango nalang ako at hindi na nagsalita. They give me another shot at mabilis ko iyong ininom at saka kinuha ang phone ko sa bulsa nang makakuha muli ng tyempo.

Kaizer:

Okay:)

Kaizer:

I want to sleep? Aren’t you sleepy?

Kaizer:

May shrimp sa pulutan, huwag kang kakain.

Kaizer:

Why aren’t you replying? I can’t wait.

’Yon ang huli kong nabasa niyang mensahe na kakasend niya pa lang just a minute ago.

“Can I borrow Neil?” mayamaya pa ay narinig ko ang namamaos nitong boses.

Natigilan naman ako nang mapagtantong si Kaizer iyon. Fuck.

“Bakit? Mamaya na! Do’n ka na muna Kaizer.” Si Zach na nakasandal ang ulo sa aking balikat.

I think he’s drunk. Puro ba naman sa kaniya binibigay ng girls ang shot.

I saw how Kaizer’s serious face darted on him. I stood up. They all looked in my way.

“Oh, where are you going?” Tanong ni Kelsy na mukhang ngayon lang napansin si Kaizer sa tabi ko.

“Ihahatid na namin si Zach. Mukhang lasing na, e.” si Kaizer na bara-barang hinila si Zach sa tabi ko.

Mabilis naman akong umalalay. Zandra stood up too. “Samahan ko na sila. Magba-bathroom din ako.”

Bago pa man silang lahat makatanggi ay pumasok na kami ng elevator. Nang makarating kami ng guestroom ay inihiga namin si Zach na nakatulog na. Zandra was on our back.

“Fuck, he’s so heavy,” Kaizer complain.

“Your mouth Kaizer!”

Mabilis naman niya akong niyakap mula sa likod ko at isinubsob ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg.

“I’m sorry, Mi Arcus,” he whispered seductively in my ear.

The heat on my neck came up to my cheeks. I turned my gaze on Zach who’s sleeping on the bed then up to Zandra that is watching us now from the doorway.

“Kaizer…” I mumbled. Nahihiya dahil nakatingin sa amin si Zandra na may nanunuyang mga ngiti sa labi.

“Hmm?”

“I gotta go up. Mayayari ako kay Kelsy kapag nagtagal pa ako. Ako nang bahala sa inyong dalawa. Go to your room now, Neil!” then she smiled at us before she left us.

Sinarado ko naman ang pinto ng guestroom. Nang makapasok kami sa kwarto ko ay nagulat ako nang maghubad si Kaizer ng kaniyang damit pang itaas at pants.

“What are you doing?” nagugulantang kong tanong sa kaniya. He’s now only wearing his black boxer that hugged his friend perfectly.

I immediately lifted my eyes on him and I saw a ghost of a smile crept on his lips.

“What?” pagbato ko sa kaniya ng damit niyang hinubad.

“We’re taking a bath, baby. Not what you are thinking,” he said playfully on me.

I rolled my eyes. “You go first. Move! Go on!”

Tumalikod ako sa kaniya para hindi na siya papakin ng aking mga mata at dahil na rin sa aayusin ko ang kama ng maramdaman ko siya sa aking likuran.

My eyes widened a fraction when I felt him hard. Goddamnit.

Hindi ako nakagalaw. Dahan dahang gumapang ang kaniyang dalawang braso sa aking katawan at saka ako mainit na niyakap mula sa aking likuran.

“You made this, Mi Arcus,” he said hoarsely. Pertaining to his massive friend down there that I’m pretty sure that is now proudly erect.

“W-What? I didn’t do anything.”

Mas lalo pa niyang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa akin dahilan para mas maramdaman ko pa siya. My breath twitched.

“You did this. You looked so hot there sitting from afar. And… I can’t take it.”

I swallowed hard. I never expect this to happen. And I don’t know what to do.

“So, what now?” I asked him darkly.

I can feel his hot breath behind my ears. I can smell the alcohol and the mixed mint in his breath. Holy shit.

“Just…just take a shower with me.” he huskily growled.

Napakurap-kurap naman ako.

“But it will just make you hornier, baby.” now I want to tease him. I smirked.

“No, I promised. We’re just taking a bath.”

“You sure you don’t want to do more than that?” I huskily asked on him.

“Mi Arcus, stop torturing me,” he said on behalf of kissing my neck.

I almost burst a growl when he suddenly stops. He pulled out my shirt. And unbuttoned my pants. He stops in there.

Nakatingala ako habang ginagawa niya iyon pero agad siyang humiwalay sa akin. Narinig kong bumuhos ang tubig sa bathroom. I sat on my bed and blinked as I think of what just happened.

I removed my pants and seconded him inside after a few minutes of being crazy thinking of it. Nothings gonna happen. That’s what I keep telling to myself.

He’s putting soap in the bathtub when I got inside the bathroom. His dripping wet. The room was dark. Only the stars in the night sky behind the glass wall are glinting towards the bathtub. The big curtains were pushed aside. That highlighted the tub perfectly.

I opened the shower and cleaned myself.

He didn’t take a look at me. Nang mangalahati ang tubig nito ay binalingan niya ako ng tingin. His face was clear in my sight. The seriousness but the gentle gaze he’s giving me right now.

I walked towards him when his glares are saying that he’s calling me to come near. Nasa likod ko siya habang nakalubog ang pareho naming katawan sa tubig ng tub. It feels warm in his arms. As always.

Binabasa niya ang aking balikat at nilalagyan ng bula. His touch was subtle. Naliliyo ako sa bawat haplos ng kaniyang kamay.

Then slowly I felt his soft lips behind my ears. He bites it teasingly. A hard groan crept out on my lips as he continued doing it. I didn’t know that I slowly biting my lower lip to stop myself from groaning breathily.

“I love you, Neil Irish,” he said in between his kisses.

Hinawakan niya ang aking panga at inabot ang aking mga labi. Hinalikan niya ako ng buong puso. I kissed him back. He sucked my lips. I equaled his kisses until we’re both panting that needs to catch some air to breathe.

Nang imulat ko ang aking namumungay na mga mata ay patagilid na nakapulupot na sa kaniyang batok ang aking dalawang braso.

His hair was disheveled in damp as the waterdrops dripped into his aristocrat nose and perfectly sculpted square jaw.

We locked eyes for seconds. My eyes drifted to his lips as I watch him licking them. Then lifted back again to his hooded eyes with carnal and erotic desires.

“Mahal din kita, Kaizer Adam.”

Kabanata 30

Kabanata 30

Door

Sabay kaming umahon ng tab at tinuyo ang aming mga sarili kalaunan. We lay on my bed and stare at each other for a while. Until he started caressing my hair which makes me fall asleep.

The next morning was a bit strange. Madalas kong mahuli ang tingin ni Kelsy at Zach sa akin. I just ignore them and think that they aren’t suspecting me.

Nauna ko ng pinauwi si Kaizer that morning. I texted him because I can really sense that Kelsy and Zach are doubting.

“Who brought me to bed last night?” mayamaya ay tanong ni Zach sa amin.

We’re at the table and having our breakfast. It’s past eight in the morning at himalang maaga silang nagising kahit na lasing sila kagabi.

“Sila Neil at Kaizer.” Ate Meaghan answered him.

“Why? Don’t you remember what happened last night? You’re truly drunk.” Kelsy said as she poured her glass of milk that she gets from the ref.

Zach ate his bacon before he spoke. “I remember…some.”

I turned in Zandra’s way when I heard her cleared her throat. I gasped and didn’t gaze at Kaizer that is now giving me a stare.

Please tell me that he only remembers what happened at the upper deck and not what happened in the room. He didn’t hear us. I’m sure of that. He’s sleeping.

“What you remember?” Ezi asked habang umiinom ng kape dahil sa sakit ng ulo.

“Hmm… Let me think about it.” Zach looked at me. Nanigas naman ako sa kinauupuan ko.

“I was leaning on Neil. And Kaizer helped him to put me on towards the bed and…”

“And?” Lucien and Kelsy asked in unison.

I swallowed hard. I felt the lamp that stock my throat as my throat dried.

My lips parted when Zach’s brow shot up while his glaring at me. “I… think that’s it. Nakatulog na nga siguro ako.”

After that conversation, I texted Kaizer to go home at mauna na siya kila Kelsy. Iba ang pakiramdam ko dahil may kutob akong nagsususpetya sila.

But the days and weeks passed until it became months ay naramdaman kong nawala na ang kutob kong iyon. Mabilis na lumipas ang mga araw. But we are still together. No one knows about us. Zandra and the three men that we fully trusted are still helping us to keep what we have us our darkest secret.

We graduated from our Senior High School and we have a small celebration at the club. Ngayong summer ay napagdesisyonan naming ipagpatuloy ang plano sana naming puntahan last year na hindi natuloy.

We’re now going to Palawan and everyone is excited about this trip. Naghahanda na sila at paalis na rin kami mamaya. We have our flight and it’s only me and my cousins travel. Hindi kasama sila Mom at Dad pati na rin si Russco.

“Neil, akin na yung luggage natin,” Kaizer said as he glided it outside my room.

Some Kaizer’s clothes were on my luggage, it’s just his extra’s. We share the spaces para hindi na rin daw ako mahirapan magbuhat kahit na kaya ko rin naman dahil siya ang magdadala. He only bring his duffle bag that good for traveling. We went downstairs at sinalubong sila Mom, Dad at Russco.

Nasa living room din sila Kelsy at ang iba pa na naghihitay sa akin para makaalis na patungong airport dahil ako ang huli nilang sinundo.

“Ingat kayo sa biyahe, anak.” Mom kissed my cheek and I smiled at her. Ganon din kay Russco na malungkot na nakatingin sa amin ngayon.

“I also want to go Palawan with them.” he sadly said.

Kaizer caressed his hair and bent down to level their gaze.

“Hey, young man. You should stay here with Tita and Tito. You also have a trip this summer.” Kaizer uttered to him softly.

Russco pursed his lips. “Okay, but I have nothing to do here before our trip. And it’s summer, I also wanna go to Palawan. It’s gonna be my first time there.”

Yumuko na rin ako sa tabi ni Kaizer para aluin si Russ. “But Dad also has a plan with you and Mom so don’t worry. We bring you a souvenir so you won’t miss the place too, alright?”

Tumayo na ako nang mukhang ayos naman na si Russco. Nang nasa labas na kami ng pinto ay niyakap ako ni Dad saglit at tinapik ang aking balikat. Biniro naman nila Ezi si Russco para hindi na magpumilit na sumama.

“Don’t forget to enjoy there, son,” Dad mumbled.

“Yes po,”

“Have fun, Neil!” Mom cheerfully said.

I kissed her cheek and nod.

Nang makababa kaming lahat sa elevator ay kaniya-kaniya ng sakay sa loob ng van. Like the usual, sa isang sasakyan nalang kami sumakay dahil ihahatid lang din naman kami patungong airport.

Katabi ko si Kaizer sa bandang likuran para wala masyadong makapansin sa aming dalawa. Sa bandang gilid ko ay si Zach. We are all excited because it’s gonna be our first time going there.

Last summer I came here, we go to Boracay and it was really a nice beach. The sand was so pure and white. Obviously speaking, we always go to the beach every summer. Kami lang magpipinsan simula nang payagan kami ng mga magulang namin.

“Sila Levon ba nakasunod na? O sa airport nalang din sila dideretso?” Lucien asked in front of us.

“Nakasunod na, papunta na rin silang airport,” Marcos answered.

Sa front sits nakapuwesto si Marcos habang sila Ezi, Lucien at Zandra ang nasa harapan namin. Ate Meaghan and her boyfriend Eurwin and Kelsy were in the next of Marcos.

Hindi kasama si Ate Anastasia at Kuya Huxton dahil nasa ibang bansa na ang mga ito at gano’n din sila Tito Eleazar. Tanging si Kaizer lang ang naiwan sa kanila. Si Killian naman ay wala na rin sa Manila. He leaves Manila last month and he was sent to some province that her mother obliged him to go to. At doon na rin niya ata ipagpapatuloy ang college niya.

“Ang laki naman ng dala mong bag. What’s inside of it? Have you weighed it before you bring all of that?” Ezi curiously asked Kelsy who’s rummaging her bag.

“It’s only my skincare and travel skincare set plus my makeups and sanitary. Wala pa dito ang mga damit ko. And the hell you care? Huwag kang manghihingi ng sunblock sa’kin ah kapag nasa beach na tayo. Because you are judging my useful handbag.” Kelsy blasted at him in annoyance.

Napamaang naman si Ezekiel. Tumawa naman si Lucien at Zandra. I smirked too.

“Edi ’wag. Kay Neil nalang ako maghihingi.” Ezi mocked.

Kelsy just leered at him.

Naramdaman ko namang hinawakan ni Kaizer ang kamay ko. I looked at him. Nasa gilid ko ang aking kamay at napapagitnaan namin itong dalawa. Hindi naman nila ito mapapansin kaya hinayaan ko na siya.

Nang makarating kami sa airport ay nakita naming nando’n na sila Levon, Renz at Mark. Saglit na batian lang at dumiretso na rin kami paalis.

Kaizer was on my side inside the airplane. Nakasandal ang kaniyang ulo sa aking balikat.

“Take a nap, mahigit isang oras pa naman ang biyahe,” I said as I caressed his hair.

“Mm,” he mumbled.

Wala na ring makakapansin sa amin dahil ang puwesto namin ay sa hulihan at ang nasa harapan namin ay sila Levon at Mark. On the other side ay magkatabi si Zandra at Renz. I didn’t expect it from them pero sila ang nagplan ng sits. They said that I and Kaizer should make this trip memorable.

“Ilang room ang pina-book for us?” I asked him. Nakasandal na rin ang aking ulo sa kaniya.

“I guess there are no rooms. On the island, they only have bunches of villas. Kasi yung hotel ay yung way natin to get there on their island resort.” he answered.

“Oh? So-” he cutted me off.

“I will book us a villa. ’Yong tayong dalawa lang.” He abruptly said.

I smacked his arm then he chuckled hoarsely.

I leered at him. “Kidding,” he muttered then I pursed my lips.

He became aggressive these days and all I did was to tame and smacked his arm every time he’s having a hard-on. We don’t do anything more than a kiss and I know that he’s also patiently controlling his self. Which way more better because I don’t know if what gonna happen if he goes beyond a kiss.

Nakatulog din ako saglit. Nagising nalang ako nang maramdaman ang marahan niyang haplos sa aking balikat.

“We’re here Mi Arcus, wake up,” he mumbled.

Napatingin naman ako sa bintana. His smile was the first thing I saw when my gaze turned on him.

“Let’s go,” he uttered. Nang makita naming tumingin sa gawi namin sila Kelsy.

“Uh…let’s go guys.” Nangungunot ang noo nitong tawag sa amin.

Sila Levon naman ay tinanguan lang kami at sinenyasang sumunod na. We went out of the airplane.

“I can already feel the heat of the summer! Thank god I put on my sunblock.” Kelsy said while hauling her luggaged.

We’re headed outside and Kelsy is wearing her big sunglasses. Well, I am also already wearing my shades because the sun’s brightness is too bright.

Habang naglalakad kami palabas ng airport ay nagulat ako nang makita si Coleen na mukhang kababa lang din ng eroplano.

“Kelsy!” she called out. Lahat tuloy sila ay napatingin sa gawi niya.

“I thought you were not coming!” Kelsy giggled as she walked neared her. Ate Meaghan seconded her.

Her eyes immediately flocked to Kaizer who is standing beside me after she hugged Kelsy. She smiled widely as she hurriedly walked towards us. I slightly moved away from Kaizer when Coleen hugged him. I look away.

Naramdaman ko namang lumapit si Levon sa gilid ko. I look at him and he just raises his brow and smirked at me for a bit. I sigh.

“I miss you, Kai.” her voice soften while my eyes dropped on her arms on Kaizer’s body.

Ang mga mata ni Kaizer ay seryoso at kita rin ang pagkamanghang makita rito ngayon si Coleen. He smiled boyishly as he removed Coleen’s hand. He gazes at me, the smile didn’t leave his lips.

Napakurap-kurap ako at saka nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Saan kayo pupunta?” I heard Coleen asked them.

Renz and Mark also Lucien and Ezi accompanied them. While Zandra and Levon were standing beside me.

“Sa Coron kami, you? Where’s your destination?” Kelsy asked on her.

Coleen’s face lightened with amazement. “Do’n din ang punta ko! To our hotel. I will help my Dad to manage it lalo na ngayong maraming tourist.” she answered then glanced to Kaizer again.

“OM? Really? E’di magsabay na pala tayo.” Ate Meaghan seems so excited when she said that.

“Uh, let’s go outside. Mauna na tayo.” I said to Zandra.

“Huh? A-Ah sigi, tara Levon.” Zandra called.

Lumabas na kaming tatlo dahil malapit na rin naman kami sa labas nang makasalubong namin si Coleen at nahinto tuloy pati kaming lahat.

“You okay?” Levon asked me.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” I simply said then looked at the place.

“Palabas na rin sila. Hinahanap ka ni Kaizer.” Zandra said like she knows what I’m doing.

Hinahanap? Tss.

“Oh, ba’t nauna kayong lumabas?” tanong ni Lucien sa amin na kalalabas lang din.

Sila Kelsy naman ay nasa likuran nila kasama si Coleen at Kaizer na bahagyang nakangiti sa pinag-uusapan nila. Inakbayan naman ako ni Zach nang makita niya ako.

“Tiningnan lang namin kung may masasakyan dito patungong hotel,” Levon said beside me.

“Sa hotel din ba kayo?” Alertong tanong ni Coleen.

“Hindi.” I blurt out.

Lahat sila ay napatingin sa akin. Halos lumapat na rin ang labi ni Zach sa aking pisngi nang bumaling ito sa akin kaya mabilis akong humiwalay sa kaniya.

“I mean, sa hotel bayside kami ng Coron then diretso na kami sa island. We are not going to check-in.” I clear to them.

“Yeah, so let’s go na? Para maaga kaming makarating sa isla.” Kelsy stated.

I cleared my throat while we are getting inside the van. It’s heading to Coron and it will take 45 minutes to 1 hour before we get there.

Levon knows the place kaya hindi na rin kami nahirapan kung saan at alin ang sasakyan patungong island. Nakapasok na sila Kelsy at Zandra sa loob ng sasakyan. Marcos was on the front seat again. Lucien, Ezi, Renz, and Mark were now getting inside as well.

At syempre si Ate Meaghan and Eurwin ay nasa loob na. Kami naman nila Kaizer, Zach, Levon, and Coleen remained outside. Tinutulungan nila Kaizer at Levon si manong na isakay sa taas ng van ang ilang maleta namin dahil mukhang may katandaan na rin ito kaya kami na ang nag boluntaryong tumulong. Habang ako naman ay iniaabot sa kanila ang ilang gamit.

“Here pa,” Coleen said, giving me the luggage.

I get it. Pagkatapos naming mailagay lahat ay bahagya akong pinagpawisan. Si Zach naman ay nagpupunas ng pawis niya nang humarap siya sa akin.

“Water,” si Zach. Kinuha ko naman ang nasa bag ko at iniabot sa kaniya.

“Painom din, Neil.” ani Levon nang ibalik sa akin ni Zach ang inuminan.

I bought this while they are arranging the luggage. I only bought two bottles for me and Kaizer but he seems doesn’t need them.

He’s now drinking a bottle of juice from Coleen while they are having a great conversation…again. I looked away and give Levon his bottle.

I sat beside Zach and Levon inside the van. Nang papasok na si Kaizer ay nahanap ako ng kaniyang mga mata. He was about to sit with us kaso ay wala ng pwesto. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Kaizer dito ka na sa tabi ni Coleen, there’s a space here.” Kelsy said.

He consult to me first by gazing and I just gave him a pretentious smile. Narinig ko pa ang marahang buntong-hininga niya bago siya tuluyang pumasok at maupo sa tabi nila Coleen.

Nakatingin lang ako sa likuran niya buong biyahe dahil nasa harapan sila. Hindi ako kumportable dahil nandyan si Coleen pero hindi ko rin naman pwedeng pagbawalan si Kaizer. She was his friend. And even I know that they just fool us that they are in a relationship ay sa mata nila Kelsy ay naging girlfriend niya ito. And my mind can’t take that they have a thing in others view.

I inhibit myself to be jealous. And that’s what I need to do.

Naunang bumaba ng van si Coleen dahil nakaabang na pala ang kotse nila sa kaniya. At ngayon pa talaga? She has a service from her Dad’s associate and she still rides with us? What the fuck.

“Manong pahinto nalang po sa tabi. Kels, my Dad’s car is waiting there. Please contact me after your island vacation, I’ll tour you guys to our hotel and resort.” Coleen said.

“Okay, bye. See you! I will text you and that is for sure.” Kelsy sends her goodbye.

“Alis na ako Kaizer, bye,” she said and swiftly kissed Kaizer’s cheek. She immediately went out and closed the van.

Kelsy shrieked a bit. Lucien and Ezi chuckled because they saw it. I automatically took my eyes off of them. I shut my eyes and pretend that I’m sleeping.

Narininig kong nagkantiyawan pa sila dahil kay Coleen. Wala naman akong narinig mula kay Kaizer hanggang sa makarating kami ng Two Seasons Coron Bayside Hotel.

Nang makababa kami ay agad ko muling isinuot ang aking wayfarer dahil sa sobrang sikat ng araw. The place was very beautiful. Their hotel was pretty good and we’re not gonna stay here because we are directly heading to their resort which is on their island.

We are gonna get our speedboat all the way to the island. Some people guide us inside the hotel to our way to their speedboats on the back seaside.

I felt Kaizer stalked me from behind as I walked towards the hotel. Kausap ko si Zach at Levon kanina kaya hindi niya ako nalapitan. He just hawking me the whole time nang makababa kami ng van at hindi ko naman siya binabalingan ng tingin. As we went to the back of the hotel to ride a speedboat ay tuluyan niya na akong natabihan.

The blue sea was actually like a shining crystal as we walked to the bridge towards the speedboat. Pababa kami ng palihis na hagdan pababang bridge kung saan sa dulo nito ay ang mga speedboat.

May kahabaan ang tulay at bahagyang gumagalaw ang sahig dahil nakalutang ito sa dagat. It’s like an inflatable that’s why you can feel it moving.

“Neil give me your luggage,” I heard Kaizer said behind me.

I didn’t look at him and just continued walking. Sila Kelsy naman ay inaalalayan nila Ezi. Mahangin ngunit tirik na tirik ang araw.

“Mi Arcus,” his low voice called me again but this time, it made me stop.

“Ako nalang ang magbibitbit. I can bring it my own.” I said then passed him.

“Babe! Hold me tight. Baka mahulog ako!” I heard Ate Meaghan said to Eurwin habang inaalalayan ito pasakay ng speedboat.

“Ate ang arte mo! As if namang mahuhulog ka r’yan, unless kung ako ang tutulak sa’yo. Gusto mo?” si Kelsy na nakasunod sa kanila. Ate Meag just leered at her.

Nang ako na ang sasakay ay hinawakan ni Kaizer ang braso ko pero mabilis rin akong bumitaw sa kaniya nang abutin ni Levon ang kamay aking kamay na nasa speedboat na.

“Thanks,” I said to Levon. Hindi ko binalingan ng tingin si Kaizer.

Sumakay kami ng speedboat at hindi kami nag-imikang dalawa. Maingay naman sila Kelsy dahil malapit na kami.

“Kels, pahingi ako ng sunblock.” si Ezi.

“Akala ko ba kay Neil ka manghihingi? And we’re near na. I can already see the resort. You don’t need it.” Kelsy replied.

“He looks mad.” Ezi probed then glance at me.

I arched my brow at him. “I’m not mad,” ani ko.

“We? Kanina pa magkasalubong ’yang dalawang kilay mo-” I cutted him off by throwing him my sunblock.

“Manghihingi ka nalang ang dami mo pang sinasabi. Tss.” I said then looked away.

Naramdaman ko namang umusod ng upo si Kaizer palapit sa akin. We took two speedboats dahil hindi kami kasya sa isang speedboat. Ako, si Kaizer, Ezi, Marcos, Levon, and Kelsy lamang ang narito habang sa kabila naman ay sila Zach, Zandra, Ate Meaghan, Eurwin, Renz, Mark, and Lucien.

Ang mga kasama ko ay nasa magandang resort na ang tingin habang ako naman ay pinapakiramdaman si Kaizer sa aking tabi na tahimik lang din.

“Gosh! I didn’t expect the place to look like a paradise.” Kelsy complimented.

Kahit ako ay namangha nang huminto na ang speedboat. Nauna sila Zach na nakarating kaya hinintay nila kami sa pagbaba. Gaya ng kanina ay may inflatable blue like bridge na daraanan namin patungong resort. Sa dulo inihinto ang speedboat at isa isa na kaming bumaba.

Nang si Kaizer ang huli ay iniabot ko sa kaniya ang kamay ko. He looked at me. I am wearing my wayfarer kaya hindi niya makikita ang mga mata ko. He took my hand and held it tightly. Nauna na silang maglakad lahat dahil excited nang makita ang resort habang kami ni Kaizer ay naglalakad sa hulihan nila.

Mariin ang tingin ko kay Kaizer dahil hindi pa nito binibitiwan ang aking kamay. Hindi ko maiwasang sumulyap-sulyap sa unahan namin dahil baka nakatingin sila sa amin.

“Let go of my hand, Kaizer.” kinakabahan kong sinabi dahil baka may makakita sa amin sa ginagawa niya.

He just glances at me sturdy. “Kaizer, ano ba? Baka makita nila tayo sa ginagawa mo.” I lowered my voice a bit.

The salty wind was blowing wildly as we intensely stared at each other.

Kahit suot ko ang madilim kong salamin ay kita ko pa rin kung paanong umigting ang kaniyang panga. Bago pa siya makapagsalita ay hinblot ko na ang aking kamay at nagpatiuna ng maglakad.

“Zach!” sigaw ko para hindi na ako malapitan ni Kaizer. Zach heard me and looked back on my way.

Sumabay ako sa kaniyang maglakad. At nang makarating kami sa dulo ay may mga staff na naghihintay sa amin para salubungin kami.

They welcomed and give us a beautiful white necklace made from white seashells. I was amazed by it after they voluntarily put it on our heads to our neck.

“Thank you,” I said happily at the old woman who wears it to me.

They’re looked so happy as they welcome us to their resort. Sila Kelsy naman ay natutuwa rin nang matanawan ko ang kanilang gawi.

The first thing I noticed as I stamp my feet on the sand. It was so white and seems so powdery. And their sea was a bit green in the near tip of the sand and it was so clear.

My mind is preoccupied with this beautiful place when I saw Kaizer glaring at me. I didn’t mind him and start walking towards their resto. It’s facing near the speedboats and most of the tourists are directly going here after a long ride.

We haven’t yet eaten our lunch. Maaga kaming umalis kanina for the flight and now it’s passed lunch more likely a snack time.

“Their food here is a bit expensive,” Renz uttered in surprise as we have our menu for our lunch.

He’s right but it’s all look delicious. Most of it is all Filipino dishes they have on the menu. Kaizer tilted his head on my way.

“What do you want?” he asked in a low baritone voice.

I pursed my lips. I’m not pissed anymore. Thanks to this place who brighten up my mood.

“Lobster with crab and Chicken Kebab,” I said loudly.

Lahat naman sila ay sinabi rin ang kanilang mga order sa butler. Kaizer won’t pay it anyway. Our expenses were provided by contribution. And sila Ate Meaghan ang naghahawak niyon para sila na ang bahala sa lahat.

“Chicken Kebab lang ang sayo. You are allergic to lobster and crab. Why you order it?” tanong ni Kaizer sa akin.

Nakatingin naman sa amin si Levon na mukhang narinig ang pinag-uusapan namin.

“I just wanna taste it.” I simply said even the truth is I just want to see him annoyed.

“You’re allergic to seafood?” Levon interfered on us.

I then turned my gaze on him and nod my head.

“Just the crustaceans,”

“We can exchange if you want, I ordered some pinakbet and vegetable dish.” he offered.

“I ordered him Bulalo, ’yon nalang ang kainin mo. May gulay din naman ’yon.” singit ni Kaizer sa tabi ko na may matalim na tingin kay Levon.

Hindi ko nalang sila pinansin at nang mai-serve na ang pagkain ay lahat kami ay nilantakan na iyon. Most of the dishes they ordered in our meal have shrimps even the pasta. Kaya si Kaizer ay nakaantabay sa tabi ko dahil sa mga inaabot sa akin nila Zach, Marcos at Ezi na pagkain dahil baka may shellfish iyon.

“Neil, taste it. Masarap ’to. You haven’t eaten this last time nung nag Boracay tayo.” Ezi said.

Kaizer took the plate and ate it. Napamaang naman sila sa ginawa nito.

“Allergic siya sa crustaceans, remember?” Kaizer explained to them in annoyance.

“Ay, oo nga pala. Kaya pala hindi mo natikman ito. I’m sorry I forgot.” si Ezi.

“Did you bring your emergency meds naman ba in case you have eaten some?” Ate Meaghan asked me.

I just simply nodded at her.

“Buti hindi nakalimutan ni Kaizer na allergic ka kung hindi ay nakain mo na ’yong shrimp sa food,” Kelsy said to me.

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya. Hindi alam kung ano ang isasagot sa sinabi. Tiningnan ko nalang siya at saka bahagyang nginitian.

After we ate we book to their Bungalows. It’s like a villa where the beds are in. Kaso ay mukhang mahihirapan kaming mamili dahil hindi kami magkakasiya sa isang Bungalow lang.

“Mag Hilltop Bungalows nalang tayo. There are two queen beds in each villa. So we can group ourselves into four.” Ezi suggested.

“But it’s so high. I want it near the beach. Malayo pa sa mga facilities nila dito like their bar na pupuntahan natin. Mag-island tip nalang tayo.” Kelsy said about their Bungalows kind of classic that is base also in money range of their chosen villa.

“It’s expensive and it’s only for two people. Kahit pa king-size ang bed.” Zandra butt in.

Kanina pa kami namimili ng room. All their rooms are great but the range of its price was expensive but I don’t mind it. Ang problema nga lang ay kung ano pa ang pinakamahal ay ’yon pa ang tanging isang bed lang ang nasa loob ng Bungalow. But the view outside and the necessities inside were complete. Unlike sa Hilltop Bungalow na may dalawang queen-sized bed that can accommodate more than four people.

“If we’re gonna book their Island Tip Bungalows, one Bungalow should be taken by three people. What do you think?” Ate Meaghan suggested.

Nagkatinginan naman kami ni Kaizer. There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. My forehead creased.

“Kayang kaya kong i-book ang Sandbar nila, tayong dalawa lang.” he then whispered to me. No one noticed it.

Napalunok ako. He’s pertaining the most beautiful and pleasing scenic Bungalows. It’s the most expensive villa and seconded by the Island tip that we’re planning to check-in.

When everything is settled ay sumakay na kami ng golf carts na maghahatid sa aming mga Bungalows. We agreed to their Island Tip Bungalows.

Maganda ang paligid at napapaligiran ng matatayog na mga puno habang sakay kami ng golf cart patungong bungalow. Ang tahimik ng lugar na maririnig maski ang mga huni ng ibon. I can see from here the beach and the sand bar from afar that caught my attention. It looks drown. A bit invisible at this hour but I’m sure that there is a sand bar near.

Hapon na rin at pagod na kaming lahat kaya hindi na kami lumabas ng mga bungalows nang makapasok kami.

I’m with Kaizer and Zach. The room is very neat and very comfortable. From the rustic color of their wooden floors and the headboard of the king-size bed is made with aged wood discarded from old railroad tracks. It complemented the wooden accent of the room.

Kaizer is fixing our things on the dresser. Ganon din si Zach. We’ll gonna stay here for days, five days. I just wish it wouldn’t take so fast because I want to stay here for a while.

Naglakad ako patungong verandah at nakitang wala na ang haring araw. There’s a plunge pool and a small table with a big umbrella towered beside it. The glass walls that covered our place and hidden inside by the big curtains.

I let a sigh as I watch the untamed waves of the sea. I shut my eyes as I felt the peacefulness of this place.

Nang ilang mga sandali ay naramdaman kong tumabi sa akin si Kaizer. Madilim na ang langit at tanging malakas na hangin at mahinang hampas ng alon nalang ang tanging tunog na aking naririnig.

Tanaw mula sa kinatatayuan namin ang kabilang bungalow kung nasaan sila Levon at sumunod naman sa kanila ay sila Kelsy. May veranda ring katulad ng sa amin kaya paniguradong makikita pa rin nila kami kapag nagkataong lumabas sila para magpahangin. But our lights here in our veranda were turned off unlike them that lightens up the dark.

“They can’t see us from the next block. Kelsy called and she said that they’re already at the Sulu Restaurant. Pinauna ko na rin si Zach don. It’s only us here now.” I heard Kaizer said as he slowly gripped my hand behind me.

I didn’t speak. “Hey, you’re ignoring me since earlier. What’s wrong? Come on, tell me.” he hoarsely said then embrace me from my back.

He rested his chin on my shoulder as he hugged me tightly which gives me warmth from getting cold on the sea breeze.

“Neil…bakit ba kasi? I’m bothered the whole day.”

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m hungry, pumunta na rin tayong restaurant.” I then said to him.

Mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa akin nang aalisin ko ang kaniyang mga kamay.

“No. We’ll stay here hangga’t hindi mo sinasabi sa akin kung ano ang problema. Kanina maayos pa naman tayo tapos pagkababa natin ng eroplano, your mood suddenly changes. I’m confused.” he uttered strictly.

I gulped and let a sigh. Nahihiya akong sabihin kung bakit. And I can pass it if I can para hindi nalang niya ako kulitin.

“Wala nga, Kaizer. Tara na.”

“You’re jealous.” he suddenly said.

Napamaang naman ako. Kung hindi lang madilim ang puwesto namin ngayon ay makikita na niya kung anong reaksyon ko. Damn it.

Hindi ako nagsalita at sinubukan niyang hulihin ang tingin ng aking mga mata. I looked away even it’s dark in our place.

“Come on Mi Arcus, tell me. If you’re jealous then I’m sorry-” I cutted him off.

“Kaizer, no. You shouldn’t be sorry. Yes, I’m jealous and I will admit it now. I know that she’s only your friend. I… I just can’t stop myself. I should be the one to say sorry for avoiding and ignoring you for a day. It’s stupid of me.” I said. My breath became hard.

Gumalaw ang kaniyang katawan mula sa aking likuran habang nakayakap siya sa akin. Naramdaman ko nalang na umusad kami palapit sa dulo ng verandah. There’s a glass wall that barricades the verandah as a railing. He locked me there in between his arms.

Iniharap niya ako sa kaniya para tingnan ako sa mga mata. Naging mailap ang aking mga tingin pero kalaunan ay nahuli niya rin ito. Our bodies almost fire like matches because of our inch gap distance to each other that he’s slowly eating.

“What did you say?” he asked. He’s seriously looking at me.

“I’m jealous,”

Ang kaniyang mga mata ay awtomatikong gumapang pababa sa aking labi.

“My baby Mi Arcus is jealous-”

“Stop saying it Kaizer. Kanina pa ’yon.” I stopped him.

He smiled at me cutely. Nangunot naman ang noo ko dahil sa ginawa niya. He’s extremely good-looking and I can’t take my eyes off of him.

“You’re still jealous. I’ll kiss you then to ease that jealousy you are feeling the whole day.” he then tilted his head and grabbed my chin by his index finger.

He was so quick. His soft lips dab gently on mine. Then our eyes slowly open as we stare at each other.

“Love you,” his manly low voice uttered.

I smiled thriftily and hugged him. “I love you too.” I hoarsely replied.

I heard the door creaked as it opened. “Kaizer… Neil?”

Halos maitulak ko si Kaizer nang marinig ko ang boses ni Zach. Nanginginig at kinakabahan ako. What now? What we’ll gonna do now? Fuck.

Kabanata 31

Kabanata 31

Jealous

Kaizer went inside para salubungin si Zach na tumatawag sa amin. I stayed in my position. Still startled. My heart almost came out when I heard him calling us.

Napatingin ako sa madilim na dalampasigan sa aking likuran at napahawak sa aking dibdib. I was so sure that I heard Zach’s voice very near. I can’t tame my heart from beating wildly.

I swallowed hard and tried to calm myself. I breathe.

“Neil,”

Mabilis kong hinarap si Zach na tumawag sa akin. Nakasunod sa kaniya si Kaizer na may seryosong mga tingin.

“O-Oh? Tapos na kayong mag-dinner? Ang bilis n’yo naman, papunta pa lang kami ni Kaizer.” I stuttered. I cannot contain my nervousness as my sight is directed at him.

Si Kaizer ay nasa hamba ng pinto at mariing nakatingin sa akin. May narinig ba si Zach? Narinig niya ba kami? Why Kaizer’s face looked so upset. My heart throbbed roughly.

Zach’s forehead creased as he gazes at me. “Huh? Akala ko ba magpapahatid nalang tayo ng food para kay Neil? Wait, are you feeling well? He said you’re not fine.” Zach said as he turned his gazes to Kaizer then lifted back on me again.

Napamaang naman ako at naglikot ang mga mata kong nangangapa ng maisasagot sa kaniya.

“I’m fine. Pumunta nalang tayo sa resto. I know they’re all waiting for us there.” I said then hurriedly went inside.

Nagpatiuna na akong pumasok sa loob at sumunod naman silang dalawa sa akin. Zach didn’t hear us. I felt relieved about that. But for Kaizer, I don’t get why he looked so pissed.

“Maglakad nalang tayo. May kalapitan lang din naman iyon dito sa bungalow natin.” ani Zach habang sabay kaming tatlo na naglakad palabas ng room.

As we walked to the road I noticed Zach became silent. Not his usual silence. It seems like he’s sensing us. He’s scenting if something is up but he just opts to keep silent and just let us spill it on him.

Ako naman ay iginiya ang mga tingin sa malawak at madilim na kalangitan na punong puno ng kumikinang na mga bituin. Kaizer was on my left side while Zach was on my right.

May iilan lang kaming natatanaw na mga tao sa malayo. This resort gives you peace of mind. It seems and presenting haven and shir of tourist flock here except it’s being an expensive but a fine luxury and raw nature this set as your refresher out of the real world.

We ate our dinner the moment we enter inside. The foods were already served at maraming kinds of seafood kaya pili lang ang nakain ko. They ordered me fish and many more that I can eat. At pagkatapos ay nagtungo sa kanilang Bahura Bar.

Nagkakatuwaan sila Ezi, Lucien, Mark at Marcos habang naglalaro ng billards sa kabilang side ng bar. They also have here a foosball where Ate Meaghan and his boyfriend playing. May malaking pool din sa side ng bar na may ilang kalalakihang foreigner ang naliligo.

Kaizer, Zandra, Kelsy, Levon, Renz, and I were now sitting in their lounge as we drink the beverages we ordered. Si Kelsy ay umiinom sa kaniyang cocktail nang magsalubong ang tingin namin dalawa.

It’s still early and we don’t plan to get booze. We’re just here to chill in because tomorrow we are gonna try some of their activities here in their resort. We only have days staying here and we’re gonna get booze before our last stay.

“Ang ganda talaga ng lugar na ’to. Let’s kayak tomorrow?” tanong ni Kelsy.

“Island hopping ’di ba ang napag-usapan?” Zach asked her back.

She pursed her lips. “Oo nga pala. They have a lot of activities and I can’t wait to try it all.”

Napatingin naman ako kay Kaizer at nahuli ko ang tingin nito sa aking gawi. Hawak niya ang kaniyang cellphone. Kinapa ko ang aking bulsa para tingnan kung nag text siya sa akin. But in surprise, it’s not here. I can’t felt it on my socket.

I think I left it on our bungalow. He licked his lips when he noticed that I left my phone. Zandra caught my gaze and her eyes moved on the other side where Zach’s eyes are now glaring at me.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at saka dinampot ang baso ng alak sa lamesa at saka uminom. Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng kaba sa paraan ng pagtingin nito sa akin.

“Hindi raw ba talaga pwedeng magpa-deliver pa sila ng isang bed sa room namin? You know, the room is spacious and yet we are three in just one bed.” Kaizer spoke up suddenly.

“Kaya nga, sa amin din. Mark is so stagy. Gusto niya ay dalawa lang ang sa kama at isa sa amin ni Levon ang hihiga sa couch. Tss.” Renz seconded as he agreed to Kaizer.

“Papatingnan ko kay Ate Meag. Sa amin naman kasi walang problema. Kasiya kaming tatlo nila Zandra at Ate. Kayong mga boys lang talaga ang nag-iinarte.” Kelsy contemplated.

Ngumisi naman si Levon dito. Sila Marcos naman ay nagtungo na rin sa amin kasama ang iba pa nang dumapo ang tingin ko sa gawi nila.

“Bakit Kaizer? Ayaw ba ni Neil nang nasisikipan?” si Zach. He asked it to Kaizer directly. His glare was on Kaizer and it was playful.

I feel nervous by Zach’s glare. And the way he moves and asked I feel like he really knows something. But I’m sure that he’s not so how come he will be.

“Oo, because on his bed…he only wants to sleep with only one person beside him. At alam mo ’yan.” Kaizer replied with his serious tone.

“Well, I know that. But when it comes to me and Marcos he let us-” Kaizer cut him off.

“You’re making a story.” Kaizer probed. He looked pissed and I need to interrupt.

“Sa sofa nalang ako matutulog. Kayong dalawa na ang sa kama.” I said just to stop them.

Hindi ko namalayang napalakas pala ang boses ko at nakatingin na silang lahat sa gawi ko.

I gulped. I saw Ate Meghan on my side staring at me. Then she spoke, “I will call the manager so I can ask for another bed.” Ate Meaghan said when she noticed us having troubles in bed.

Nagtangis naman ang bagang ko dahil hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari kay Zach. Is he mad at Kaizer or what? I know and I’m big sure that he didn’t know anything. Kaya ano at bakit ganito siya umakto ngayon.

“Hindi. Si Kaizer nalang ang sa sofa. We are both sleeping in the bed.” Zach said to me. I thought he will shut up but he spoke up again.

Seryoso lang ang mga matang nakatingin si Kaizer sa kaniya. Pero ramdam mo ang talim doon.

“Guys ano ba? Kasya naman kayong tatlo sa bed. Or kung ayaw niyo talaga ng tatlo kayong mahihiga sa kama, then agreed to Neil. He’s giving you an option. Gosh! Stop stressing us! Tigilan niyo ko ah. Kuya, stop pissing Kaizer, kung hindi ay uuwi tayo ng mas maaga sa napag-usapang date.” Kelsy looked mad and stressed out.

“Bakit nga pala kasi si Kaizer ang kasama ni Neil sa bungalow? Hindi ba’t si Marcos dapat?” tanong ni Ezi nang mapansing naiba ang grupo ko.

I bit my lower lip as I gaze in Marcos’s way.

“Daming tanong.” si Zandra na umiinom sa kaniyang kopita.

Napangunot naman ang noo ng kapatid nito sa kaniya.

“Teka nga muna, thirteen tayong lahat and we occupy their five bungalows. And we planned to have three persons per room. So sino dito ang dalawa lang sa isang bungalow?” Ate Meaghan said after she put down her phone.

Lahat naman kami ay napatingin sa bawat isa nang matanto na may dalawang bungalow na nagdalawa lang.

“Ako, si Zandra at Ate Meaghan. We’re three at ganon din kila Neil.” si Kelsy.

“Kami nila Renz at Mark. We are three and it’s fine I guess.” ani naman ni Levon.

“There are two bungalows left. So it means na kayong apat Lucien, Ezi, Marcos, and your boyfriend Ate Meaghan is having some more spaces in their room.” Kaizer stated.

“Reason why Marcos chose the latter villa with Eurwin dahil mas spacious don. Nasagot na ba ang tanong mo kuya Ezi?” Zandra asked in a mocking way then she smirked at me.

I know that she’s helping me out dahil magagatungan lang ni Ezi si Zach.

“I think Zach should sleep with them.” Ate Meag said.

“Ayos lang naman,” sabi ni Marcos dahil lilipat sa kanila si Zach ngayong gabi.

At nang balingan ko naman si Zach ng tingin ay nakaangat ang isang kilay nitong nakatingin sa akin. I sighed.

“Fine, ako na mag-aadjust.” Zach darkly muttered then his glance at me turn in Kaizer’s direction.

“Then it’s now settled.” Kaizer drawled at him as he glared in Zachary’s way.

Tumikhim ako dahilan para maputol ang malalim nilang titigan. Sinubukan ding ibahin nila Levon ang usapan pagkatapos no’n kaya naging maayos din hanggang sa napagpasyahan na naming magpahingan na at bumalik sa kaniya kaniyang bungalow.

Hindi na kinuha pa ni Zach ang gamit niya para ilipat sa kabilang bungalow nila Marcos at Eurwin dahil gabi na rin at napagpasyahang bukas nalang.

Mabilis naman silang sumang-ayon kay Ate Meaghan kanina dahil sanay na rin silang kaming dalawa ni Kaizer ang magkatabi sa pagtulog. Hinayaan ko naman si Zach sa mga gusto nitomg gawin kanina sa bar para hindi siya makahalata. Kahit na nararamdaman kong lumalayo kami lagi sa gawi nila Kaizer kanina when the girls approach us.

Pagkabukas ng pintuan ng aming bungalow ay bathroom agad ang una kong tinungo. I didn’t open the lights. The large bathroom has a huge mirror and I can still vaguely see myself on it. The warm lamp light inside the box lights up as I get a towel on its rock on the sink.

I lifted my gaze and I saw Kaizer on my back now. His serious gaze didn’t leave my back, I can see our reflection in the mirror inside this huge pretty bathroom.

Nauna akong maglakad at iniwan ang gawi niya. Pumunta ako sa shower room at binuhay ang rainshower. I stand in the middle of the floor of the mountain ceiling of this shower room.

Nakita ko si Kaizer na pumasok din at binuhay ang kabilang shower at do’n naligo sa aking likuran. Inabot pa nito sa akin ang shower gel na nasa kaniyang tapat malapit.

“Put it on me,” I said to him when I noticed his grumpy face.

Nakita ko namang magdilim lalo ang kaniyang ekspresyon bago siya lumapit sa akin at ginawa ang sinabi ko. He scrubs my back slowly. I heard him sighed heavily.

Tahimik lang ako at gano’n din naman siya. We finished our bath and he seems not in the mood. I don’t get why he looked mad or seems to ignore me.

Nang makahiga kami sa kama ay hinarap ko siya. Ang dalawang lamp nalang sa magkabilang side ng headboard ang buhay. Nakatihaya siyang nakahiga at ipinikit ang mga mata nang maharap ko siya.

His brow furrowed like he’s mad or something as his eyes shut. He looks strict and very rugged. While I looked very intimidating but softer with him.

I know he’s not sleeping. I slowly reached his jaw and caressed it a bit to face it on me. But he didn’t move.

Umusad pa ako ng higa at isiniksik ang aking mukha sa kaniyang leeg gaya ng madalas niyang ginagawa sa akin. But now he didn’t do it that’s why I know that there is really something up to this man right now.

I smell his neck and I can scent the same body wash we used earlier. But his manly natural smell stays on his even he didn’t wear any kind of perfume.

“Why you looked so upset earlier? Tell me that you aren’t mad. Is there something wrong?” I mumbled hoarsely on his ears.

My other hand is still on his jaw as my index finger caressing his cheek. I felt him breathe heavily.

“Kaizer, may problema ba?” I asked again.

Tiningala ko siya sa pagkakataong ito at nakitang magmulat siya ng kaniyang mga mata.

“If you’re going to sleep in one bed, sila Marcos at Zach ba ang pipiliin mong makatabi instead of me? I know that you’re more close to them but you’re mine now Mi Arcus,” he said in a very low deep voice.

I pursed my lips. I was surprised that it was his reason why he seems so upset since earlier. I tried to hide the smile that my lips can’t stop on plastering. So this is what he’s thinking and buggering him.

“If it’s still about what Zach’s said-”

“It’s not about it, Mi Arcus.” he denied, even his eyes were not fixed on the ceiling and not fixed on me I can see that he’s lying.

I smirked. “Whether it’s rooted about it or not. I still choose to be with you. Never think that every people I treasure is comparable to you, Kaizer.” I muttered on him huskily.

“Baby, please call me that way.” he corrected what I called him by his name.

My smile grew more. I sat on the bed at niyuko siya. My other hand is on his left side as I locked him on my buttress arms.

His eyes darken a bit. I saw him gulped for the first time. I smirked and seriously looked at him in the eyes.

“You’re the most precious person that I treasure and will only treasure, baby.”

Bumaba ang mata nito sa aking mga labi matapos sabihin iyon. I tilted my head and kissed his forehead, nose and I can sense that he’s anticipated that I will kiss him on his lips. I smiled when I didn’t.

Niyakap niya ako at saka pagulong akong inihiga sa kabilang side ng kama at siya naman ang pumaibabaw sa akin sa pagkakataong ito. At bago ko pa man siya matingnan sa mga mata ay sinalubong na ako ng kaniyang malamyos na paraan ng paghalik.

It wasn’t a peck. His mouth move as I seconded to his subtle kisses on me. It was long but later on, he pulled out from our passionate address. Our bodies stayed close to each other as he buried his face on my neck while his other hand is hugging me. We stayed in that position as the blanket covered us till we fell asleep.

Kinabukasan ay maaga kaming nagising dahil sa mga activities na gagawin namin sa resort. Maganda ang sikat ng araw at masarap sa pakiramdam ang tunog ng mga alon sa aking pandinig.

“Where are the other idiots?” Kelsy asked as we grab our sit on the table. We’re having breakfast here at their Sulu Restaurant.

I raised my brow. “Still on their dreamy dormant?” I guess.

Kaizer sat beside me. And I noticed that Lucien, Ezekiel, and Zach were still not here. So that’s the other idiots she’s pertaining to.

Kumpleto na kami at nag-umpisa nang kumain sa hapag at hindi pa rin dumadating ang dalawa.

“Call them, anong oras na oh. Magpeprapare pa tayo for the island hopping.” Ate Meaghan retorted.

“Puntahan na lang natin?” Levon looked on our way.

Tapos na rin naman ako sa pagkain at gano’n din si Kaizer. We stood up and decided to check them out.

Renz and Mark joined us dahil babalik na rin daw sila ng bungalow nila. We’re just walking and the peaceful place didn’t fail to relaxed me.

Hindi naman kami nailang sa presensya nila Levon dahil alam nila kung ano ang namamagitan sa amin ni Kaizer.

“You should be more careful. Both of you guys.” panimula ni Levon habang nasa unahan namin siyang naglalakad. He looked back to face us.

We slow down our walk as I gaze at them. They are now looking at us.

“We should, and we’re being more careful this time.” Kaizer confided in him. Then he shifted his gaze on me.

“Kahit na hindi namin naramdaman nung mga panahong wala pa kaming ideya tungkol sa inyo ay nagduda rin ako. But I shooked it all. Why would both of you have a thing, right?” Si Renz na nakangiting nakatingin sa akin.

“Yeah, I agree. Kaizer is always grumpy and hot-headed the first time we met Neil. I doubt why if he’s mad at Neil or what because he treats his other cousins differently. Very unlikely to them and now I know why. He’s being possessive whenever you are with the team.” Mark said then mockingly glance at Kaizer.

Kaizer just smirked at him and held my hand. “Tss,”

“But seriously speaking. You guys need to make things unpredictable and unnoticeable.” Levon asserted.

Naramdaman kong higpitan ni Kaizer ang pagkakahawak sa aking kamay. I lifted my eyes on him. I saw his eyes darken a bit.

When Levon noticed it he continued walking. I know he’s just being kind and sympathize with us that’s why he’s suggesting us things that we might do that will help our relationship.

I can’t deny that he’s leading the topic earlier to make us choose. And by making things unpredictable was our relationship is. It is more than unpredictable that I can’t even know if were this heading off. The only thing that I’m holding on to right now is Kaizer. I keep on believing and trusting him each day that our love for each other won’t fade that easily. Because we chose to take this and I want us to stand for it.

Nang makaakyat kami pataas at makapunta ng bungalow nila Ezi. We tried to open their door but it’s locked. Kinatok namin sila ng maraming beses at saka lang ito bumukas.

Zach opened the door and his serious glare was all on me. I equaled his glare.

“Bakit hindi pa kayo bumababa para magbreakfast? Where’s Ezi and Lucien?” I asked as I pushed him slowly to give me spaces so I can enter inside the room.

I grimaced when I saw a mess. Their room was a big mess. Nakita kong nakahiga pa ang dalawa sa kama at mahimbing na natutulog. The bottle of soda and beer scattered on their floor.

“The heck? Ang usapan last day pa tayo mag-iinuman tapos pinuntirya niyo na ang laman ng refrigerator?” Si Kaizer na nasa gilid ko na pala.

Zach shrugged and pursed his lips. Nanliit ang mga tingin ko sa kaniya. Bahagya naman siyang nagulat sa tingin ko.

“What?” he asked.

“Call the front desk to clean up the mess you made.” I seriously demand.

May problema na naman ba ang isang ’to at naglasing? Kahit hindi ko na tanungin ay kitang kita ko na siya ang pasimuno nito.

I leered at him and went to the bastards who are soundly sleeping. I pulled their blanket that covered their bodies.

“Mga unggoy magsibangon na nga kayo riyan! We’re not here to just sleep. We’re taking a vacation to enjoy the summer! Lucien! Ezekiel!” I shouted.

Parang mga nakarinig naman sila ng saklolo at dali daling nagsibangunan sa kama. I let a heavy sighed and shook my head.

“Shit! What time is it? Lagot tayo kay Neil at Kelsy!” Si Lucien na nakatayo na ngayon at nagugulat akong tiningnan. He winced and blinked nang mapagtantong nasa harapan na nila ako.

“Good…morning,” they both said.

Binatukan naman sila ni Marcos na nakita kong kapapasok lang din. Kasunod sila Zandra at iba pa. Lahat tuloy kami ay nandito sa loob at pinagmamadali ang tatlo na mag-ayos na dahil aalis na rin kami in a half of an hour.

Bumalik na rin kami ni Kaizer sa bungalow namin at naghanda na sa pag-alis. He’s wearing his white linen shirt while I was wearing the green floral pattern button shirt paired with our shorts.

Lumabas na rin kaming dalawa pagkatapos magbihis dahil sila Kelsy ay naghihintay na sa amin sa labas. While the golf cart is moving ay tanaw na tanaw na ngayon ang magandang tanawin ng isla.

We first undergo their orientation at Pawikan Aqua Sports Center. They tell us everything we need to know about exploring the two-snorkeling sites and many underwater shipwrecks and reefs excursions.

While having the end of their orientation ay nakita kong may kausap sila Kelsy at Ate Meaghan. I am facing her back kaya hindi ko mamukhaan ang kinakausap nila.

My forehead creased when I familiarized the woman in front of them. Coleen? Nang humarap sa gawi namin sila Kelsy para tawagin si Kaizer ay halos malaglag ang panga ko nang makita na si Thalia pala iyon. She’s wearing her beach-stripped maxi shirt dress that covers up her swimsuit underneath.

She looked surprised as she glances at him. Kaizer glance at me and I just gave him a nod. He goes there and Thalia suddenly welcomed her with an embrace, which I expected her to do.

“It’s nice to see you here, Adam! Pupunta rin ba kayong Kayangan lake?” she asked him.

Nakatagilid si Kaizer sa amin at hindi kita ng buo ang kaniyang ekspresyon.

“Yes! Ikaw din ba?” Kelsy asked.

“Oo, I’m with my two friends. Maybe we can unite.” she almost proclaims, well she is.

Of course, Kelsy willingly says yes to her. And maliciously gaze at Kaizer like she was planning something.

“Unfortunately, hindi kami kasya sa isang bangka. Lilipat nalang namin ang ibang boys sa inyo if that’s okay?” Kelsy blurt out.

I looked away. Zandra walk towards me and sat on my side.

“That’s fine, tatlo lang kami sa bangka.” Ani ni Thalia.

“She’s the past,” Zandra mumbled on my side like she knows what I’m feeling right now.

I looked at her. Slowly nod my head. Kung kahapon ay si Coleen, ngayon naman ay si Thalia na ex niya. I then looked away.

Nang matapos ang orientation ay papunta na kami sa mga bangka. Nadaanan namin ang restaurant at saka nagpatuloy patungong dagat.

Simula nang makita namin si Thalia at ang ilang kaibigan nito kanina ay hindi na nakabalik si Kaizer sa aking tabi. Kasama ko sila Zach at Marcos na naglalakad pasakay ng bangka. Si Kaizer naman ay natanawan kong pasakay na rin kasunod ni Kelsy sa bangka namin nang pigilan siya nito.

“Kaizer, you better ride with Thalia’s boat. We’re out of space here at kaunti lang din naman sila sa kabilang bangka. Do’n ka nalang muna.” Kelsy importuned at him.

Kaizer’s gaze lifted on me but it was a glimpse because Thalia suddenly called her from the other side. Hindi pa ito nakakasakay ng bangka at ani mong hinihintay talaga nito si Kaizer.

“Go! Helped her.” Kelsy quipped to help Thalia ride their boat.

Then he goes and helped Thalia. Nauna siyang sumakay ng bangka at saka niya iniabot ang kaniyang kamay rito. Thalia held it and when she was a bit slipped out, Kaizer grabs her waist to catch her from falling.

The boys screamed mockingly like an idiot on our boat as they watched them. Thalia’s hand was on Kaizer’s broad shoulder and opened chest as her eyes blink with glint.

I gulped then I looked away. Sakto namang umandar na rin ang bangka namin patungong Kayangan at nauuna na kami sa kanila. Hindi ko na rin nagawang lingunin pa sila dahil ayaw kong magtaka si Zach at Marcos na kausap ko ngayon. At hindi ko rin nagugustuhan ang tanawing kasama ni Kaizer si Thalia.

Ate Meaghan and her boyfriend Eurwin, Zandra, Kelsy, Marcos, Zach, Lucien, Ezi, and I were on the same boat. Sila Mark, Levon, Renz at Kaizer ang napunta sa kabilang bangka kasama sila Thalia.

“Thalia is still fabulous and more beautiful now. I can see that she’s into Kaizer pa rin.” I heard Kelsy said.

Magkausap sila ni Ate Meaghan at Kelsy sa kabilang side ng bangka. Malakas ang tunog ng makina ng sinasakyan naming bangka pero rinig ko ang kanilang pinag-uusapan. I didn’t intend to eavesdrop but I can’t, because their voices were uplift on my ears.

“I can see it too. They are really meant for each other. Kaizer seems fine now and I guess kaya hindi na siya nagkagirlfriend lately is beacause she knows that Thalia is back. And looked at them now. They looked so cute.” Ate Meaghan pointed out.

Napatingin din ako sa bangkang nasa malayong likuran namin ngunit malinaw na nakikita ko pa rin ang lulan niyon. I saw Thalia sitting on the side of Kaizer as she looked at him and slowly clung her hands to Kaizer’s arm. Napatingin naman si Kaizer sa kaniya.

“Kung hindi lang talaga umalis si Thalia noon, for sure sila pa rin until now.” Kelsy trade-off.

Napatingin ako sa kanila at inalis ang tingin sa bangka nila Kaizer.

“I don’t think so,” si Zandra na seryosong nakatingin sa kanila.

“Bakit naman? They are perfect for each other.” Kelsy defend.

Zandra looked at her intently. “Perfect couples don’t exist. So they don’t match. If you find them perfect for each other, they won’t click.”

Nakita ko namang mangunot ang noo ni Zach sa tabi ko nang mapansing nakikinig din siya sa usapan nila Kelsy.

“What is that? A theory?” Ezi asked from Zandra’s phrases.

“Fine, I guess you’re proving me something and I get it,” Kelsy said then twitched her lips as she eyed the sea.

Nang makarating na kami sa Kayangan Lake ay nakita kong tangkain ni Kaizer na lapitan ako ngunit masyadong makulit ang mga kasama nito. Thalia pulled her. I just looked away and enjoy the place too.

Nagpicture taking din kaming lahat bago nagsipaglusong sa tubig. Kaizer was on Thalia’s way habang ako naman ay nasa kabilang gilid katabi si Zach at Marcos. After several shots of pictures ay nagsi-hubaran na kami ng mga damit. The girls are wearing their bikini’s while the boys are only wearing their shorts.

The place was extremely beautiful as it speaks for itself. The water was green and clear. I tried snorkeling with Kelsy, Zandra, Zach, Renz, Marcos, and Levon.

At nang matapos kami at napagpasiyahan ng umahon ay una kong namataan si Kaizer na sinusuotan ni Thalia ng lifevest. They are standing in the middle of the boardwalk. Nakatalikod si Kaizer at ang mukha ni Thalia ang nakaharap sa gawi ko kaya hindi niya ako napansing pinagmamasdan sila ngayon.

“Let’s go Neil, akyat tayo sa taas,” Levon said then hold my wrist.

Napatingin ako ron at kalaunan ay hinayaan siyang tangayin ako palayo. Hindi ko nalang binalingan si Kaizer dahil mukhang abala rin naman siya.

May batong hagdan paakyat para masilayan ang ganda ng buong lugar. Sumama naman ako at umakyat kami nila Levon patungo sa top ng rock formation na ito.

I was busy climbing and it was a steep step. It is surrounded by tall trees. May kataasan din ang hagdan bago kami makarating sa itaas.

The girls were busy taking pictures nang makarating kami sa tuktok. You can see the towering limestone cliffs and green small trees that hanging on them. There were leaves of trees that covered it a bit but for me, it added more to look so nostalgic and beautiful scenery. I can see the boardwalk and the boats on the lake below from here. How beautiful this place can be?

Then I frowned when I remember Kaizer. If he’s just with me up here it will be more memorable for me.

“Hey,” nilingon ko si Levon na pumukaw sa atensyon ko.

“Let’s take a picture here,” he said then put his arm on my shoulder.

Nakatalikod kami sa magandang senaryo ng Kayangan Lake habang iniharap nito sa aming dalawa ang kaniyang cellphone. He took two selfies of us together habang nakaakbay sya sa akin.

“Bakit kayo lang? Sali rin kami!” Ezi shouted and went near us. Same as the others.

We took several selfies with them. At saktong pagkababa ng camera ay dumapo ang mata ko sa seryosong si Kaizer na nakatingin sa akin ngayon ng tuwid. But then my eyes drifted to someone beside her who’s holding his arm.

“Nandito na pala kayo, Kelsy. Why you didn’t call us para sabay na tayong lahat na nakaakyat.” Thalia said.

“You’re having a good time with Kaizer kaya hindi na namin kayo inistorbo,” Kelsy replied.

I looked away at tumabi ako kay Zach na nakatingin pa rin sa tanawin na nakatalikod ang gawi kila Kaizer.

“Kaizer come here, Anne please take a picture of us.” I heard Thalia’s voice.

“Baba na tayo,” si Marcos na nasa tabi ko na rin pala.

Binalingan ko siya ng tingin at saka seryoso lang na tinanguan. Naglakad na kami patungong hagdan nang biglang may tumawag sa akin. I halted.

“Neil,” I know that it was Kaizer who called me.

Nasa unahan ko na sila Zach at Marcos na nakatingin sa akin nang tawagin niya ako. Nagkatitigan pa kami ni Zach bago ko siya hinarap sa aking likuran.

Napansin kong patungo na sa gawi ko sila Levon at Zandra nang maharap ko si Kaizer na may seryosong mga tingin.

“Oh?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

Kelsy was looking at me dahil sa biglaang pagtawag ni Kaizer sa akin. Sila Thalia naman ay mukhang hinihintay si Kaizer for the picture taking.

He looked on my shoulder then back to my eyes again. “Let’s-”

“Let’s go Neil, I want to snork again. Samahan mo ako.” Zandra cut him off and dragged me down the rock stairs down to the lake.

Naging mabilis ang pangyayari at bumaba na kami. Hinila ako ni Zandra patungong boardwalk at naglakad patungong dulo nito habang sinusuot ang vest na kinuha ko para sa aming dalawa.

Malapit na rin kaming umalis patungong twin lagoon kaya magiging mabilis lang ang paglusong namin.

“Kelsy will suspect us if Kaizer spoke earlier. You both should better act normal. Or at least control your self Neil by showing Kaizer your emotion. Alam kong ikaw ang mas makakagawa non. Let’s help each other okay? I don’t want both of you to get harm by recklessness.” Zandra spoke after a long silence.

We’re now on the lake. Floating with our vest. I looked at her and frowned.

“I know,” I only said to her.

Habang nakatingin ang aking mga mata sa lagoon ay hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip.

The turquoise water in the lagoon near Kayangan Lake makes me more relieved. It relaxed me at the same time.

The first time we arrived here in Palawan, Coleen meets our way. And gladly she left but now that we are enjoying our second day here, Thalia suddenly came up. I sighed in dismay.

I never expect this trip to be this kind of mirthless. The place and the view were perfectly beautiful. Extremely haven and peaceful.

But I just can’t enjoy it if my mind were busy thinking about him. I was busy fixated on the things that we are not capable in do it together. By showing others that we’re together. By being together despite the judgments of others. By exploring the world and discovered everything with him.

We ate our lunch at their cottage that they set for us. We haven’t done many things after the lake and twin lagoon except swimming at the beach.

Nang makapunta rin kami ng twin lagoon ay kailangan ding sisirin ang ilalim ng cave to get access inside the next lagoon. The water is also very deep. We can also dive here unlike on the Kayangan which is very strictly needed to wear a lifevest before you dive at the water.

Hapon na rin nang makabalik kami ng resort. Kaizer was still trying to go on my way and I just gaze at him whenever he’s not looking at me.

Nang pasakay na kami ng golfcart para magpahatid sa bungalow namin ay nakita kong nasa tabi pa rin niya si Thalia at hindi bumibitiw sa kaniya.

Sila Kelsy ay nauna na at tanging ako at sila Levon, Mark at Renz nalang ang kasama kong nandito dahil pagod na rin ang lahat.

Hindi ko na rin napigilan pang lapitan sila pagkaraan. Kanina ko pa ito gustong gawin dahil nakikita ko sa mga mata ni Kaizer na wala siyang kawala kila Kelsy at Thalia lalo na sa pilit kong pag-iwas dahil ayaw kong mahuli nila kami. Ngunit ngayon ay hindi ko na matiis.

“Kaizer, bumalik na tayong bungalow. I need to rest.” I said to him then the two girls beside Thalia looked on my way.

Kanina ay nilapitan din nila kami ngunit wala ako sa mood para makipag-usap sa kanila. They smiled on me when they saw me near.

Kaizer’s eyes widen a fragment as he shifted his eyes on my side. He looked annoyed when I saw him earlier but now he looked softened when his eyes turned on me.

“But can Kaizer join us-” Thalia urged but I don’t want this to take long so I cutted her off.

“I’m exhausted. And I’m pretty sure that he is too. We need to rest for tomorrow.” ani ko at tinitigan sila bago nagpasiyang talikuran na sila kalaunan.

I felt Kaizer on my back as I went in the golf cart. Naupo siya sa tabi ko at nakatingin naman sa akin sila Levon. I just looked away.

Where just silent the whole ride. Mabilis lang din naman ang naging patakbo kaya nang makababa kami ay mabilis pumasok sa loob at nagtungo ng bathroom para maligo. After I was Kaizer.

Habang nakaupo ako ngayon sa verandah katabi ang nakabuhay na plunge pool at pinagmamasdan ang magandang karagatan kasabay ng paglubog ng araw sa kulay kahel na kalangitan. I sighed and looked at my aide where the other bungalows are. Nakita kong nandoon din sila Levon at sila Kelsy sa kanilang mga verandah. They wave their hands at me and I just smiled weakly at them.

I lean more on my soft chair when I heard his steps on my back. Mula sa bathroom. There’s a glassdoor at the bathroom towards the verandah that’s why I assume that it was Kaizer.

I turned my gaze at him. He’s now standing proudly at the back of my chair and seriously staring at me. He’s half-naked and only his lowered body is a cover-up with his towel. The drops of water were dripping down to his chest. Then I took my eyes off him.

Nakabihis na ako at handa na sa pagtulog habang siya ay mukhang wala pang balak. His eyes that bore on me were full of seriousness and I get trembled a bit.

I looked away but when he gripped my hand I lose it. I stood up as he hurriedly pulled me inside our room.

It was so swift that I didn’t expect him to grab my jaw when he pushed me on the wall. He kissed me roughly and I obliged to kissed him back. I suddenly sat on the bed near where we are standing as his right hand yarding my side while his left hand guiding my face to kiss him more.

My breath twitched. My mind was losing its sanity as he kissed and sucked my lips. I gripped his arm as I equaled his kisses on me. But he was more rugged but passionate at the same time.

My mind was thinking so many things earlier but now that he’s kissing me, everything is gone. I was lost by his kisses until I found myself careening my neck as I give him more access.

“Kaizer…” I growled after I called him.

“Hmm?”

Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa kamang nasa likuran ko at ang isa kong kamay na nasa kaniyang balikat.

I stopped him and he looked at me. His eyes were hooded.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was hoarse when he said it.

I just nod my head. “I’m sorry for not being on your side the whole day. God, I missed you.” his eyes dropped on my lips after he said that breathily.

I know it’s hard for us to make time lalo na kung maraming tao ang nakapalibot sa amin na alam kong dapat naming iwasan. It wasn’t easy and never be easy.

I let out a heavy sigh.

“It’s okay,” the bitterness never escaped the tone of my voice as his weakly eyes were now glaring at me.

“You jealous?” he said in a deep husky voice.

I won’t lie and there’s no reason to deny it but I know that it’s obvious. He knows it already through my eyes and voice. I looked away.

“If you are, I am too. I’m jealous Mi Arcus. Extremely jealous that I almost want to kiss you and make my own time to spend with you. Just the two of us. Only us.” he huskily admits.

Mabilis akong napaangat nang tingin sa kaniya at sumilay sa akin ang namamanglaw at mariin niyang mga titig sa akin.

Kaizer…

“And that is what I will do tomorrow and in the days to come, Mi Arcus…”

Kabanata 32

Kabanata 32

Tumble

Staring at him in the morning is the first thing I did when my eyes woke up. His disheveled hair that I am caressing softly. His face that burried on my neck that is now lying on my shoulder. His mixed angelic but rugged look is now making my heart flutter as I stare at him.

I smiled as my eyes dropped from his narrow nose went down to his soft pink thin lips. Then up to his brow which is always on scowl. My smile grew more.

The man that always gets into my nerves before is now getting my whole heart. He started to steal it the moment he said his feelings for me.

He moved a bit and hug me, pulling me more closer to him. Ani mong kulang pa ang paglapat ng aming mga balat para masabing nandito nga ako sa kaniyang tabi.

I let a sigh and looked at him intently. His eyes were still shut.

If we can just stay like this forever, I’ll promise that I won’t get tired of caressing his hair every morning. Watching him sleeping beside me while his arms were on my body. His breath that I never get over every time it hits my skin. His scents that I would never forget. His voice that I always missing is gonna be my music if that’s happened

“Good morning,” namamaos niyang sinabi habang ang mga talukap niya’y unti unting nagmulat.

“Morning,” I uttered.

Gumapang ang tingin nito sa aking labi pataas sa aking noo, ani mong kinakabisado ang aking mukha. He then plasters

a smile while he held my jaw. His smile that I know he’s contented on what we have. Of what we’re having right now.

Ilang segundo pa kaming nagtitigan bago ako nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Are you hungry? I will call the resto to sent us food para hindi na rin tayo lumabas.” he offered in a husky way while I just give him a little smile and nod my head afterward.

We stood up from bed and he gets the telephone as he spoke on the other line. Habang inaayos ko naman ang hinigaan namin ay napansin ko ang kaniyng phone na katabi ng sa akin.

It vibrated twice and I can’t stop myself from getting curious about it. I get my phone and when it vibrated again and showed up his lock screen with flood messages I seized it. I bit my lip as I opened his phone.

Nakita kong puro babae ang nagtetext sa kaniya and it’s not an issue for me because he didn’t even dare to read their messages for him. But my eyes caught the newly sent message.

My brows met and my lips pursed as I open the text message.

From Thalia:

Good morning, Adam! Let’s have breakfast together. I’m already here in their restaurant.

Marahas na buntong-hininga ang mabilis na kumawala sa akin matapos mabasa ang mensaheng iyon.

“Who texted?” Kaizer’s voice startled me for a second.

Hinarap ko siya at mukhang kakatapos lang niya kontakin ang resto. His eyes drifted on the phone I was holding.

“It was Thalia,” I said to him.

Nag-angat naman siya sa akin ng tingin at saka ko sa kaniya iniabot ang cellphone niyang hawak hawak ko.

He didn’t read the message and he just dies down his phone and put it back on where it was placed earlier.

“I already call their assistance in the resto, idedeliever na raw nila dito.” He informed me.

Naramdaman ko namang naninimbang at nanunuri ang kaniyang mga mata ngayong nakamasid sa akin. I didn’t look away and just glared at him as well. But when he takes a step near my place and we are now inches away from each other, I lifted my gaze on him.

He’s glaring at me softly and his dark eyes were glints in weak but the happiness was screaming as you deepen your stare at his eyes. Napakurap naman ako.

“Thalia is my ex-girlfriend and I didn’t like her now.” He stated as his eyes darted on me with gentleness.

“I know,” I muttered.

He took another step again but this time there is no space that parting our bodies. His arms wrapped around my body that I felt his hand locked on my back as he glared at me intently.

Sobrang lapit ng aming mga mukha sa isa’t isa na halos maglapat na ang aming mga labi. I notice his eyes drifted on my parted lips when he spoke again.

“I don’t want to see you jealous, Mi Arcus that’s why I’m telling you this. Thalia is my past. We are now cool-” I cutted him off in that part.

“But I can see that she still likes you,”

“But I don’t like her because I love you. I don’t care if she likes me because it’s only you, Neil. Ikaw lang ang laman ng isip ko at hinding hindi magiging iba iyon. So please, don’t get jealous of her. Alright?” He muttered to me darkly.

I bit my lower lip as I looked down. Thalia was her past and Ashley is also my past. And I know now how hard for him to tame himself and buckled up his temper whenever I’m with Ashley back then. But thinking and assessing the situation that we both love each other, we should never see our past relationship ruin what we are having right now.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at sumilay sa akin ang mga mata niyang mataman at malamyos na nakatitig sa akin ngayon.

“I trust you, Papi Chulo so yeah. I will never get jealous of her again.” I said as I emphasize the chulo thing.

He arched his brow on me as the other side of his lips tugged up, forming into a smirk of fondness.

“You’re hitting on me again, huh?”

I shook my head and licked my lips.

“No, Papi Chulo. Alam ko lang na baliw na baliw ka sa akin kaya hindi mo magagawa na maghanap ng iba.” I proudly said at him with my voice in a deep large tone.

I saw his eyes darken as his hands on my back pulled me more closer to him. Napahawak naman ako sa kaniyang magkabilang balikat ng mahigpit. Pushing him a bit when our lips almost bumped to each other.

“Ah-huh, I’m crazy for you, Mi Arcus. At sa’yo lang ako mababaliw ng ganito.” He said huskily with a sexy smirk plastered on his lips.

Napakagat labi naman ako at saka ko siya marahang tinulak palayo sa akin dahil masyado ng mahigpit ang kaniyang pagkakahapit sa aking likuran. Kaso ay mas lalo lang niya akong hinapit palapit sa kaniya at mas lalong lumawak ang ngisi sa kaniyang mga labi nang makita niya akong matigilan.

Fuck, this brute is having a hard-on!

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata at marahang kinurot sa kaniyang kanang balikat.

“Ahh!” He groaned then chuckled afterward when he finally let go of my back.

“Damn, you are so fucking horny Kaizer!” Naiirita kong bulyaw sa kaniya na ngayon ay nakanguso lang na nakaupo sa aming kama.

He pouted his lips as his eyes turned into puppy eyes as they bore on me. Magkasalubong naman ang dalawang kilay kong tiningnan siya.

“Sorry, Mi Arcus. I just can’t stop my friend down here to have its hard-on because you’re teasing me a Papi Chulo.” He huskily said.

Hindi ko naman alam kung bakit gumapang at nagbaba ang mga mata ko sa kaniyang gitna at makitang halos kumawala ang kaniyang kaibigang Agila sa soot niyang boxershorts. Damn, he’s really an extra-large.

Napalunok ako at saka mabilis na nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin. Nagugulat naman akong makita ang pilyong ngisi na nakaguhit sa kaniyang mga labi ngayon habang ang mga mata ay madilim na nakatingin sa akin.

“Fuck you Kaizer! Pumunta ka na nga ng bathroom at baka dumating na yung foods natin at makitang nakaganiyan ka.” I burst on him irritatingly.

Nagtaas naman siya ng kilay sa akin at hindi pa rin naaalis ang nakakalokong ngisi sa kaniyang mga labi.

“Bath with me, Mi Arcus-”

“Stop me, Kaizer! You’re so horny,” I spatted.

Nakita ko naman siyang matigilan sa sinabi ko at napanguso pagkaraan. Fuck, he’s handsome at the same time hot while his eyes hooded with desire.

Kaya naman nang hindi pa siya tumatayo ay hinawakan ko na ang magkabila niyang braso at saka siya pinagtulakan patungong bathroom.

“Bath with me, Mi Arcus please!” He keeps on saying as he chuckled while I pushed him inside the bathroom.

“Damn you, Kaizer! Bilisan mo!” Pagtulak ko sa kaniya na nasa hamba na ngayon ng pintuan ng bathroom.

“Okay, okay fine. I’ll take a bath alone. Tapos sasabayan nalang kita ulit kapag ikaw naman ang naligo-”

Mabilis na tumama sa mukha niya ang tuwalyang inihagis ko.

“Maliligo ka nalang ang dami mo pang sinasabi!”

Tatawa tawa naman niyang inalis ang tuwalyang sumapol sa kaniyang mukha at saka ako maharot na kinindatan bago siya tuluyang dumiretso ng shower room.

Nakangisi at nakakunot naman ang aking noo na umiling iling kung saan umabot ang kaninang seryoso naming usapan na nauwi sa kalokohan niya. Darn it.

Our food arrived just the same time the moment Kaizer went to the bathroom. I get that and place it on our dining. I waited for him to finished his bath at gano’n din siya sa akin bago kami nagsabay na kumain ng agahan.

For today’s agenda, we’re going to ride on their banana boat and do some of their water sports activities in their resort for today. No island hopping nor tour because we decided that we just gonna do it tomorrow instead, to our fourth-day dahil alam naming mas mapapagod kami.

It’s eight in the morning when we are done eating our breakfast. Dumating din sila Zach at Marcos sa aming room. Because some of Zachary’s clothes are in his drawer na hindi na niya ginalaw at kukuhanin nalang daw niya kapag naubusan siya sa kaniyang maleta.

“Have you two eat breakfast?” I asked on them two nang makita kong nasa pinagkainan namin ni Kaizer ang tuon ng mga tingin ni Zach.

“Yeah, we’re done eating at their Sulu Restaurant.” Sagot sa akin ni Zach.

“I didn’t know na nagpa-deliver pala kayo ng breakfast niyo dito. Hinahanap kayo nila Meaghan at Kelsy kanina dahil sabay sabay kaming nag-umagahan. We thought you are both still sleeping.” Marcos stated as he twisted his lips.

Si Kaizer naman ay tumayo sa aking tabi at nakita kong nilapitan ang telepono at mukhang ipaliligpit na ang aming pinagkainang dalawa.

Ako naman ay binalingan muli si Marcos na nasa akin pa rin ang mga mata.

“Ah oo, medyo nahuli na rin kasi ng gising.” I alibi kahit na gusto lang talaga namin ni Kaizer na magsolo muna just for this morning.

At nang matapos si Zach sa bathroom at nakaayos na rin naman si Marcos ay sabay sabay na kaming apat na lumabas ng bungalow to meet Kelsy and our other cousins on the shore.

She also texted me earlier that they are already there at kami nalang nila Zach ang wala pa at hinihintay nilang lahat. And when we got to the shore near the sun lounges ay nakita kong handang handa na nga sila Kelsy at Ate Meaghan at kami nalang talaga ang hinihintay.

They are already wearing their two-piece as they sunbathing on the sun loungers. At nang makita nila ang gawi namin ay napaupo sila at ibinaba ng bahagya ang sunglasses niya.

“What took you so long boys? Kanina pa kami nandito at naghihintay.” Bungad sa amin ni Kelsy.

Natanawan ko naman si Zandra at Ate Meaghan na nagsa-sunbathing din sa katabing sunlounger ni Kelsy.

“Hinintay pa namin si Zach, he took his bath pa e’,” Marcos explained on Kelsy.

“Damn bro! What you wearing?! Remove your polo’s hindi tayo magtu-tour today kaya mag boardshorts na kayo at nakahanda na yung banana boat for us.” Lucien said nang makalapit sa amin.

Then I noticed that they are all now topless. Lucien, Ezekiel, Mark, Levon, Renz, and Eurwin are all now only wearing their boardshorts. At nang mapalingon naman ako sa kasama kong si Kaizer, Zach, at Marcos ay mabilis na rin nilang tinanggal ang kanilang pang-itaas na damit. So I opt to remove my clothes as well.

At nang matanawan ko ang dalawang banana boat na nakahanda na nga para sa amin ay binalingan ko pa sila Kelsy na mukhang naglalagay pa ng sunblock.

“Kelsy damihan mo ah, huwag mong tipirin yung likod ko please.” It was Ezi who said that.

Nakaupo ngayon si Ezekiel at Lucien sa isang sunloungers habang pinapahiran ni Zandra at Kelsy ang kanilang likuran ng sunblock.

“Hoy Ezekiel huwag mo akong artihan. Ako ang naglalagay kaya ako ang masusunod,” Kelsy uttered seriously annoyed.

“Ang lapad naman kasi ng likuran mo Lucien, baka ikaw pa ang makaubos ng sunblock ko.” Dinig kong ani naman ni Zandra.

“Dapat kasi nagsama kayong dalawa ng girlfriend niyo, e’di sana hindi kaming dalawa ni Zandra ang ginagambala ninyo, Ezekiel at Lucien ano?” Si Kelsy muli.

“Kaya nga, tingnan niyo si Eurwin, chill lang habang si Meaghan na ang bahala sa lahat.” Ani Marcos sa mapanuyang tono.

Natatawa naman akong napabaling ng tingin sa gawi nila Ate Meaghan at nakita kong nagsosolo ang dalawa dahil lumayo sila ng sunlounger sa amin.

Ako naman ay kinuha na rin ang sunblock ko sa aking belt bag at saka nagpahid sa aking mukha at braso. Ngunit natigilan lang ako sa pagpahid sa aking likuran nang abutin ni Kaizer ang sunblock na hawak ko.

Nakatayo ako malapit sa matayog na puno ng niyog habang naglalagay ng sunblock habang ang ibang mga pinsan namin ay nasa mga sunloungers. Hindi ko napansin na nasa tabi ko pa rin pala si Kaizer.

“Turn around, ako na ang maglalagay sa likuran mo.” He said to me.

Tiningnan ko pa siya saglit at nag-aalangan kung tatalikod ba ako. Dahil kung hahayaan ko siyang pahiran ng sunblock ang aking likuran ay posibleng bigyan ng malisya iyon ng aming mga pinsan.

“Don’t worry about them, it’s just fine. Come on.” He added when he noticed my hesitant stares at him.

Nagsalubong pa ang kaniyang makakapal na kilay na nakaburyo sa akin at saka kalaunan ay tumalikod na rin ako sa kaniya.

“Put my other right back Kaizer, hindi mo pa nalalagyan.” I said, nang puro baba lang ang napapansin kong nalalagyan niya.

“Okay, wait.”

Malamyos at marahan ang palapas ng kaniyang palad sa aking likuran. At hindi ko rin maiwasang mapakislot nang makiliti ako ng bahagya sa kaniyang paghaplos.

“Kaizer ayusin mo nga,” I said when I noticed that he’s just teasing my back.

I heard his lips smirk.

“What? I’m doing it right naman ah?”

“Bilisan mo ang pagpahid sa likuran ko at hindi yung parang mamasahihin mo pa ako dito. Fuck.” I cursed because he’s really starting massaging my back, goddamnit!

Then I heard him chuckled. “Okay, fine,”

At nang bumaling namang muli ang tingin ko kila Kelsy ay halos matigilan akong makitang pinapanood niya kami ni Kaizer. Her eyes were darted on our way while our other cousins were busy on themselves.

“Kaizer, stop,” I muttered deeply to Kaizer.

Mukhang hindi naman ako narinig ng nasa likuran ko at patuloy lang sa pagpapahid. Oh fuck.

Hinarap ko si Kaizer para sana kuhanin ang sunblock ko sa kaniyang kamay at para pahintuin na rin siya kaso ay halos lumuwa ang aking mga mata na makita si Zach na nasa malapit na likuran lang ni Kaizer at seryoso ang mga matang nakatutok sa akin ngayon.

I swallowed hard when I realized that Zach was so near on us compare to Kelsy at the sun loungers. He might hear what I and Kaizer are talking about earlier. 

Napansin naman ni Kaizer na natigilan ako kaya naman napalingon din siya sa gawing tinitingnan ko ngayon. Zach slowly approaches us. And when he got near our place he smiled at me.

“Put me some sunblock as well, Neil. If you please,” he said to me darkly then looked at Kaizer’s way who seems coldly glared at Zachary’s way.

Malakas naman ang kalabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung narinig ba kami ni Zach o hindi but his glares really bothered me.

“Hindi pa ba kayo tapos diyan? Kanina pa kasi naghihintay si Manong sa atin, Neil?” I heard Kelsy’s voice behind me.

Agad ko namang hinarap ang gawi ni Kelsy at sumalubong sa akin mapanuri niyang mga mata. Nakita ko pang lumapat kay Kaizer at Zachary ang kaniyang mga tingin.

“Tara na pala. I don’t want to put on sunblock anymore.” It was Zachary who said it on me at nauna ng maglakad sa amin patungo kila Lucien na nasa dalampasigan na.

Napakurap kurap pa ako ng ilang sandali bago sumunod kay Zachary at iwanan sila Kelsy at Kaizer doon. I shouldn’t just put aside my hunch about Kelsy and Zachary’s glares on me and to Kaizer. I can really feel that they are sensing us. It is not good and it will never do good for the sake of my relationship with Kaizer.

Nang makapuwesto na sila sa banana boat ako naman ay nagsusuot pa lang ng lifevest at gano’n din si Zachary sa aking tabi. Dumating na rin naman sila Kelsy at Kaizer na mabilis ding nakapagsuot ng kani kanilang mga lifevest.

Pumuwesto naman na ako sa likuran ni Zach. I was at the end of our boat. Walo kaming pulos mga lalaki na nakapuwesto sa isang banana boat. While on the other boat I saw Ate Meaghan, Eurwin, Zandra, Kelsy and Kaizer.

“Ayos na po ba sir?” Tanong ng isang lalaki sa amin na nagtatali ng aming boat para makapag-umpisa na.

“Ayos na po boss-” naputol ang sasabihin ni Ezekiel sa pinakaharapan namin nang marinig naming may magsalita sa aming likuran.

“Sandali, kasamahan daw nila ang tatlong ito!” Ani ng isang lalaki.

At mabilis naman na nangunot ang aking noo nang makita kong sila Thalia iyon kasama ang dalawa pa niyang kaibigan.

“Thalia! Bakit ngayon lang kayo?” Si Kelsy na bumaba pa sa kaniyang pwesto at nilapitan ang tatlo.

“Sorry nahuli lang kami ng dating. Kasya pa ba? Or next batch nalang kami-” Kelsy cutted Thalia abruptly.

“Oo, sakto pa kayong tatlo sa boat namin nila Kaizer. We actually need three people para makumpleto, and you’re just in time!”

Nakita ko pang balingan ako ni Thalia ng tingin at ani mong nag-aalangan. Pero nang balingan ni Kelsy ang gawi ko ay mabilis na nagsalita si Thalia.

“Thanks, pero hindi nalang-”

“What? No! Sumabay na kayo sa amin para naman mas ma-enjoy mo and your friends as well. It’s really okay. Don’t worry, Thalia. Ano ka ba? Kami lang ’to!” Pagpilit pa sa kaniya ni Kelsy muli.

Nag-aalangan man ay nakita kong pinaunlakan na rin niya si Kelsy. They wear their vest at hindi naman naging matagal iyon. At nang pasakay na sila ay nakita kong pinababa ni Kelsy si Kaizer at pinapuwesto ang dalawang kaibigan ni Thalia sa likuran niya at bago magdulo ay don dapat pupwesto si Thalia nang balingan niya si Kaizer.

“Ikaw na ang mauna, Adam.” She said.

“No, you go first ako na sa likuran-” she then cutted off Kaizer.

“Ikaw na Adam, please. Dito na ako sa hulihan, mas gusto ko kasi ang puwesto dito.” She insists and I saw how Kaizer’s brow arched.

Hindi nalang din ipinilit ni Kaizer dahil nagsalita na si Ate Meaghan sa harapan.

“Ano ba? Aandar pa ba itong banana boat natin o aandar? Make it quick people, gosh!” Ate Meaghan said in front.

Kaya naman ay pumwesto na si Kaizer at sa likuran niya ay si Thalia gaya ng sa pwesto ko na nasa dulo rin. Ilang sandali pa ay mabagal pa muna ang andar ng speedboat na nasa aming harapan dahil nasa mababaw na parte pa lamang kami. At nang makalayo na sa dalampasigan ay don na nagsimulang bumarurot ang speedboat dahilan para tangayin kami sa likuran nito.

Malakas ang hiyaw ng mga girls habang ako naman ay napapapikit lang sa tubig na tumatama sa akin.

“Bilisan mo pa Kuya! Yung tipong hihiwalay ang kaluluwa namin sa katawan namin! Gano’n dapat!” I heard Ezi in front of our boat scream loudly.

“Gago ka Ezi! Kulang pa ba yung bilis e’ kung itulak nalang kaya kita riyan?!” Nabobosesan kong si Lucien iyon.

Natawa naman kami sa kanila dahil si Lucien ay alam naming takot kaya inaasar pa lalo ni Ezi.

At nang mapatingin naman kami sa gawi nila Kelsy nang pasalubong kami sa kanilang boat ay nanliit ang mga mata ko nang matanawan ko si Thalia na mahigpit na nakayakap ang isang braso niya kay Kaizer na nasa harapan niya.

“Wooh! Kaizer si Thalia hawakan mo yung kamay at baka mahulog!” Dinig kong boses iyon ni Marcos na isinigaw sa kanila nang makalagpas na sila sa amin.

Narinig ko pang maghiyawan ang mga lalaki kong pinsan dahil do’n. At nang bumagal ang andar namin at makasabay na namin ang boat nila Ate Meaghan ngayon ay hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong mariin na tingnan ang gawi ni Kaizer. He also takes a glance on my way.

May kalaliman na rin ang gawi namin dahil ni-request nila Marcos na kung pwede ay bahagyang ilayo pa ang takbo ng speedboat. Nakita ko pang mapatingin sa aking gawi si Thalia na binalingan ako ng tingin habang ang kaniyang kanang kamay ay nananatili pa ring nakahapit sa katawan ni Kaizer.

I gritted my teeth when I noticed that something is playing on Thalia’s glares at me. At nang mariin ko siyang tiningnan sa pagkakataong ito ay bumitiw siya ng kapit kay Kaizer.

“Oh my gosh!” Narinig kong sigaw ni Kelsy nang mabilis na umandar ang boat nila at nakita kong mahulog si Thalia.

“Tang-ina! Ezekiel ito na ang request mong gago ka!”

“Fuck!” Malakas na bulalas ni Zach sa aking harapan nang biglang mabilis ding umandar ang speedboat na tatangay sa aming banana boat.

And the fuck I am doing, I wasn’t holding tightly on our boat because it was slowdown earlier and of a sudden the speedboat moves fast. Nabitiwan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa hawakan sa aking harapan at mabilis din akong nahulog sa dagat.

Mariin akong napapikit pagkabagsak ko sa tubig. I float because I’m wearing my vest. Napahilamos pa ako sa aking mukha at namatan ko ang lumulutang na lifevest na may kalayuan sa akin. Nangunot ang aking noo nang makitang wala si Thalia roon. It was just only her vest. Fuck! Where is she?

I immediately remove my lifevest para languyin ang gawi niya but when I heard a loud plunge on the sea and saw that it was from Kelsy’s boat, nakita kong si Kaizer iyon na mabilis na nilangoy ang pinagbagsakan ni Thalia kanina.

Tuluyan ko naman ng nahubad ang aking lifevest para na rin tulungan siyang languyin ang gawing iyon ni Thalia nang mapahinto ako sa paggalaw ng aking mga paa sa dagat.

“Ahh,” I groaned when I felt something glued on my left ankle.

Mabilis pa akong napakapit sa aking lifevest na hinubad ko kanina nang maramdaman kong lulubog ako dahil hindi ko maipadyak ang isa kong paa at hindi ako makalangoy. What the fuck is that?

And when I tried to see what is that thing that glued on my ankle that made me feel weak and paralyzed now. My lips parted. It was a fucking jellyfish.

At nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa gawi ni Kaizer ay natanaw kong hawak na niya ngayon sa kaniyang bisig si Thalia na mukhang walang malay.

“Holy fuck.” I muttered breathily, scared of what will gonna happen to me now.

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

Gam e

“Si Neil! What the fuck!” Dinig kong sigaw ng papalapit ng speedboat sa gawi nila Kaizer para tulungan siyang maiahon si Thalia.

Nanigas naman ako sa aking pwesto habang tinatanaw si Kaizer na mabilis na naibigay si Thalia kay Marcos at tumingin sa kinaroroonan ko. He was about to swim but my eyes were caught by someone who just plunges into the sea.

I feel my heartbeat weaken as the waves floated me away from them. At nang makitang si Zach pala iyong lumangoy palapit sa akin ay agad akong kumapit sa kaniyang balikat at malalim na napalunok.

“Z-Zach,” I mumbled weakly on him.

Nakita kong mangunot ang kaniyang mga matang madilim na nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

“What’s wrong?” He asked me in worried when he noticed that something is wrong.

“There’s a jellyfish on my ankle,”

Nakita kong saglit na namilog ang kaniyang mga mata at mabilis na bumaling sa speedboat na palapit na rin sa amin ngayon. I even caught Kaizer near us.

“Hurry up! Na-jellyfish sting si Neil! Fuck, kumapit ka sa balikat ko.” Ani ni Zach sa akin na bakas ang sobrang pag-aalala.

Tumalikod siya sa akin at kinuha ang magkabila kong braso at saka iyon isinabit sa kaniyang magkabilang balikat. Patagilid ko namang naibagsak ang ang ulo sa kaniyang likuran habang sinusubukan niya akong ilangoy palapit sa speedboat.

I feel weakened as I felt the pain in my ankle. There was a throbbing pain as I feel the stinging sensation that dripping there on my skin.

“Anong nangyari?” Kaizer asked nang makalapit siya sa amin at sinasabayan kami sa paglangoy.

“Jellyfish sting, Kaizer,” I said that I feel him get my hand on Zach’s shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Zach asked on him in annoyance.

“I’m helping Neil. Give him to me.”

“The fuck Kaizer, ako ang naunang tumulong-”

“I said I want to help so give me Neil.”

“Kaizer, stop!” I stopped him when he hardly tried to get me from Zachary’s back.

“But-”

Hindi ko na narinig pa ang sinabi ni Kaizer nang mabilis akong naiangat nila Levon at Renz sa speedboat. Pabagsak ko namang inihiga ang katawan ko sa sahig ng speedboat at napahawak ako sa aking hita nang maramdamang kumikirot iyon.

“Anong nangyari?” Nabobosesan ko ang naaalarmang boses ni Mark.

“We need vinegar. Na-jellyfish sting siya. Manong patulong po dito dali.” It was Renz.

Nakita ko namang agad na dinaluhan ako ng isang lalaki. And when he saw my ankle I heard him radio on his phone-like radar as he informed their staffs.

“Wala po kaming suka rito boss. Pabalik na rin po tayo ng resort within five minutes-” the guy who seems frightened on my condition said but suddenly cutted by someone.

“What? In five minutes we don’t know what will gonna happen to him!” Kaizer’s voice barked in fume.

Napatingin naman ako sa kaliwang paa ko kung nasaan naroon ang jellyfish. It wasn’t that big but the tentacles of it were so long that spread over my anklet.

“We have to remove the jellyfish by scraping it. Kaya hindi pwedeng basta nalang alisin natin iyan.”

“Renz is right, Kaizer. Calm yourself dahil malapit na rin naman tayo.” It was Levon who said that.

Naramdaman ko namang lapitan ako ni Kaizer at mabilis na hinawakan ang aking kamay. Napatitig ako sa labis na nag-aalala niyang mga mata habang mahigpit niyang hawak ang kanan kong kamay.

“Neil, does it hurt? Fuck, I’m sorry-”

“Kaizer please calm down, okay? Nothing bad will happen to me. And it’s not your fault so don’t say sorry.” Mahinang ani ko sa kaniya.

At nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kabila kong gilid nang huminto na ang sinasakyan naming speedboat ay nakita ko si Zach na matiim akong pinagmasdan. Agad siyang lumapit sa akin at kinuha ang isa kong kamay na isinukbit niya sa kaniyang balikat.

He was just silent and Kaizer as well when they both carried me to the shore. There was a staff there that immediately attended me. He poured my ankle a vinegar that made me flinched in a stinging sensation after they scraped away the tiny jellyfish.

My other cousins were also there as the medical team assisting me. Kaizer was on my side and I can’t stop myself from getting worried when I saw Kelsy’s eyes narrowed on my ankle.

“Thanks to that anklet, you haven’t been to worst.” Si Renz na nasa malapit na tabi nila Kelsy.

“Yeah, your anklet helps you to put in less risk.” Levon seconded.

Napaangat naman ako ng tingin sa gawi nila Zandra at nakita ko ang mga mata ni Kelsy na nasa dibdib ni Kaizer ang tingin. Nangunot naman ang noo ko at saka mabilis ding iniwas ang aking paningin sa kaniya nang maramdamang sa akin naman ngayon lumapat ang mga mata niya.

We waited for minutes there and they observed if something bad will happen to me. I feel weak but I can say that I get fine after they removed the jellyfish and put my ankle a vinegar.

Pinagpahinga muna nila ako sa bungalow namin ni Kaizer habang may medical assistance. Ate Meaghan was freaking worried about me that she even called the owner of this resort and seek for help and to confront him as well.

“Why don’t they surveyed the surrounding area of their island? It’s a must that they know where to go and not for their tourist. It’s the life we were risking here, gosh.” It was Ate Meaghan.

Nandito silang lahat ngayon sa aming kwarto ni Kaizer. Zach was sitting beside me on the bed while Kaizer was on the sofa, far from our place.

“It’s their protocol they are implementing Ate Meaghan and we clearly see that we go beyond their sealine for banana boats.” It was Zach who explained.

“But still they should have a medical kit in their boats with us in case that something bad happens.” Zandra indicated.

“Si Ezekiel kasi gustong gusto pa na lumayo-” si Lucien.

“Anong ako? Bugok ka ba? Ako ba yung jellyfish na kumapit kay Neil para sisihin mo?” Ezekiel nagged out.

“Eh ’di ba nga gustong gusto mo yung mabilis kaya iyon,  nahulog si Neil at Thalia.”

“Teka nga Lucien, ako rin ba yung nagmamaneho sa speedboat para ako pa rin ang sisihin mo sa patyeng iyon? Tang ina.”

“Kung hindi ka kasi nag-request na bilisan ang patakbo wala tayo sa ganito ngayon-” Lucien got off.

“You know what both of you, leave. You are making the air here so noisy and nonsense.” Kaizer ruled on them.

Natahimik naman ang dalawa. And when I lift my glance to Zandra in the side of Kelsy near my bed, she glances at Kelsy’s way beside her. I noticed that Kelsy is just silent and not saying anything since earlier.

When she caught me staring at her, she blinked.

“Ah Kaizer, si Thalia nga pala. Would you like to visit her on her bunggalow?” She then uttered after her long silence.

Naramdaman ko namang balingan ni Kaizer ang gawi ko bago niya nagawang sumagot sa tanong ni Kelsy.

“I will take care of Neil. I’m not sure if I can go outside today.” He responded seriously.

“But we have another activity later this noon and tonight,” Kelsy announced.

“Kelsy you see that Neil is in physical pain. Kung tuloy pa rin kayo mamaya sa mga plano natin ngayong araw then do it. But you cannot count me in as well as Neil. Aalagaan ko siya.” Kaizer told to them that made me looked at his way.

As my eyes lift on him, our eyes locked. I blinked and immediately looked away. I know that he’s concerned about me but his worriedness seems off now. Kelsy and my other cousins might notice his actions that he’s being so caring for me. Far from its normal care as his cousin.

“I know but Neil will have to rest, at wala ka namang gagawin sa maghapon dito-” he cutted off Kelsy this time.

“I don’t care. Basta dito lang ako. Kayo ang tumuloy kung gusto niyo.” Aniya sa seryosong tono.

Nakataas naman na ngayon ang isang kilay ni Kelsy na nakatingin kay Kaizer nang balingan ko ito.

“Uhm, tara mag lunch na muna tayo. I know you guys are now starving. Halina kayo at para makapagpahinga na rin muna si Neil.” Biglang bulalas ni Zandra.

“Mabuti pa nga,” si Renz na sinang-ayunan ang kaniyang sinabi.

“But wait, e’ ’di hindi nga pala talaga natin makakasama si Neil mamaya sa sea kayaks and other water sports?” It was Ate Meaghan.

“Yeah, he has to rest. And his ankle was still swelling.” Zach answered on her beside me.

“E’ si Kaizer? Dito nalang din muna siya?” Si Marcos naman ngayon ang nagtanong.

“Yes,” Kaizer drawled at him.

“Okay, ikaw na ang bahala kay Neil. Huwag mo lang aawayin at baka imbis na agad gumaling ay maipangsipa pa niya sa’yo yung paa niya.” Biro pa ni Marcos dito.

“Kaya nga Kaizer, baka mag-away lang kayo kapag ikaw ang naiwan?” It was Ezekiel.

“Ako nalang ang magbabantay kay Neil. Si Kaizer, sumama ka sa kanila.” Zach instructed.

Nakita ko namang mapamaang si Kaizer sa sinabi ni Zach na nasa tabi ko.

“Do it yourself. I already said that I’m not coming and I will just stay here with Neil.”

“Baka kasi mag-away nga lang kayo, kaya mas mabuti ng si Zach nalang-” si Lucien naman ngayon.

“And why would I fucking annoyed Neil? I’m gonna take care of him. Pissing him off wasn’t on my list the day-”

“Zach will stay here. That’s what I want.” I rebuke hostily before he uttered words that we all gonna regret after this.

Naramdaman ko naman ang mabilis na pagbaling ni Kaizer sa aking gawi na hindi ko binalingan ng tingin. He should be careful about his actions. Hindi dapat siya nagpapadala sa nararamdaman niya ngayon.

“Neil,” ramdam ko ang diin sa boses niya nang sinambit niya ang aking pangalan.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at napansin kong tutok na tutok si Kelsy na nakatingin sa aking gawi.

“Kaizer will join you later. Si Zach nalang ang makakasama ko rito-”

“No, I said I will stay here.”

“He said that he wasn’t like you. Ako nalang daw ang magbabantay at maiiwan dito.” Zach restated on him.

Kaizer’s eyes darted on him sharply. He is like controlling himself to burst out. I saw his jaw moved as his eyes pierced on Zach.

“Tara na. Natawagan ko na ang resto at nakahanda na raw ang pananghalian natin.” Zandra interferes at the heavy glares that the two are having now.

“Halika na Kaizer, sumabay ka na sa’min.” I heard Mark called him to get away from the glares he’s doing.

“Dito ako magla-lunch. Tatawag nalang ako sa restaurant.” He said then went to the verandah.

Nakita ko pang sundan siya ng tingin ni Zandra bago sila naunang lumabas ng villa namin. Sila Kelsy at Ate Meaghan naman ay saglit pang binalingan ng tingin si Kaizer at saka sa akin lumapit pagkaraan.

“Kaizer must be badly wanted to take care of you, huh? Good thing that he’s like this now unlike before that he’s the one causing you trouble.” Ate Meaghan said to me, she even tapped my shoulder.

Tiningnan ko lang siya. Si Kelsy naman ay tahimik lang na nakatingin sa amin ng Ate niya.

“He still the same.” I then muttered.

She smiled at me. “Well, I think so. Anyway, we informed Tita Verity about what happened to you earlier. She’s worried, you should contact her after lunch. Rest well, para mamayang gabi ay makasama ka sa amin sa bonfire. You should be there.” Ate Meaghan stated.

Si Kelsy naman ay tipid lang akong nginitian at saka lumabas na rin sila ng villa namin. Zach wasn’t on my side now dahil sumama na rin siya kanina sa kanila sa paglabas.

Kaizer was still on the verandah outside. I let a sigh. I know he’s upset about what I said but it has to be that way. Because if not, I’m so sure that my cousins would really suspect us. And I didn’t want us to put at risk just for him to stay here even how much I wanted him to.

I received a phone call from my Mom in the middle of my thoughts and she’s worried about what happened. Ate Meaghan told her what happened to me in detail. Mom asked me if I will be fine or she will book a flight here. I immediately halted her from what she is planning because I know that they are also on vacation.

Matagal din kaming nag-usap ni Mommy at Dad sa phone dahil gusto nilang patingnan pa ako sa doctor. But I said to them that I already get checked by a doctor here in their resort so they won’t get worried about me that much.

After that long conversation, my sight caught when I noticed Kaizer preparing our food at the table. Nagtaka pa ako kung bakit siya ang naghahain dahil alam kong kasama sa service ng resto ang paghahain ng pagkain namin sa dining.

At nang maglakad siya palapit sa gawi ko ay lumapat ang mga mata niyang seryoso at malamig ang mga tingin sa akin. He offered me his hand to help me stood from sitting in my bed. Hindi ko iyon pinansin at diretso ko lang siyang tiningnan sa mga mata.

“Kaizer, I know you are mad at me. I just want us to keep safe. I can see that Kelsy is suspecting us and I don’t want to give her another benefit to doubt us.” I began.

He didn’t say a word, he just remained silent as his lips purse. His humid eyes were all directed at me and I can’t seem to stare at him in this state.

“Please understand our situation Kaizer,” I now held his hand.

Then I heard him gasped. His humid stares on me never fade but I can see the gentleness there now. He just simply nodded then pulled me up so I can stand. But I didn’t expect that he will wrap his hand on me.

He hugged me tight as he burried his face on my neck. Nakaangat naman ang mga kamay ko at saka marahan siyang niyakap pabalik. Ramdam ko ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang mga yakap sa akin ngayon.

“I’m sorry,” I heard him muttered on me in hoarse.

“Kaizer it’s not your fault-”

“It is because if I could just go at your way immediately you wouldn’t be hit by a jellyfish. You wouldn’t get hurt.”

“Baby it’s not your fault, okay? Don’t blame yourself. At isa pa nothing bad happens to me.”

Gumalaw naman siya sa aking leeg at naramdaman kong suminghap.

“You will get a scar from it, that is why I’m also sorry.” He mumbled huskily then withdrew his face from my neck.

His eyes weren’t humid anymore. It was now softened and in worried apologizing stares.

Napanguso naman ako. He’s scared of causing me another scar. I smiled at that.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. Mawawala din naman ito.”

Sinuri pa niya ang tingin ko bago siya muling nagsalita.

“What if not? Yung nasa kamay mo-” I cutted him off.

Ipinakita ko sa kaniya ang aking kamay na nagkapeklat din noon ng dahil sa kaniya. One of our dog and catfight back then.

“It’s now gone. See? Kaya huwag mo ng isipin yung magiging peklat.” Nakangiti kong sinabi sa kaniya.

“You are not mad at me?” Tanong pa niya sa akin.

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin. Paulit ulit.

“Hindi nga,” nauubusan na ng pasensya kong sinabi.

Nakanguso naman siyang tumingin sa akin.

“The last time I accidentally poured your hand a hot coffee you were furious at me. I got scared at that, Mi Arcus.” He stated cutely handsome.

Tinaasan ko naman siya ng isang kilay at nakangisi ang mga labi kong tiningnan siya pabalik. Nananatili pa rin ang mga kamay niyang nakapulupot sa aking likuran at magkadikit ang aming mga katawang nagtititigan sa isa’t isa.

“Because it was really your fault. At isa pa, dati pa ’yon.”

“What about now? Are you not hot-headed to me anymore?”

“Ngayon? As in right now?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he seriously muttered.

“Actually isang salita mo pa, itutumba na kita. Nagugutom na ako at hindi ka pa matapos tapos sa kakatanong mo sa akin.” I roared at him, annoyed.

Napangisi naman siya at saka napailing nalang din pagkaraan. He guided me to our table and we ate our lunch together.

Ilang saglit pa ay dumating na rin sila Zach kasama sila Marcos para sunduin si Kaizer. It was quick that he has to go on with them.

“Hindi ba talaga pwedeng dito nalang din ako?” Kaizer asked in a whisper. Nasa harapan ko siya ngayon at nagsusuot ng damit.

“No, you better go. I will be fine here so don’t worry.”

Kahit pa nakikita ko sa kaniyang mga mata ang hindi pagsang-ayon ay tumulak pa rin siya at naiwan si Zach kasama ko sa silid.

“Ikaw Zach, you really sure that you don’t want to join them and enjoy? It’s our third day and tomorrow is gonna be our fourth day here at wala na rin tayong gagawing activities tomorrow.” Mayamaya ay tanong ko sa kaniya nang makaupo siya sa tabi ko sa kama.

“Nope, I’m fine. Sasamahan nalang muna kita dito.” He said while his serious eyes bore on me.

“You sure? I can handle myself now, medyo maayos na rin naman ang pakiramdam ko at kaya ko ng makatayo.” Tanong ko pang muli.

“Yeah, dito nalang muna ako. It’s okay to me so don’t worry.” He simply said.

I didn’t ask him more or even forced him too to go out with our other cousins. I just let him be and I shut my eyes to take a nap. At nang magising ako at makita ang oras na nasa bandang mag-aalas kwatro na ay nakita kong may pagkain sa tabi ng aking higaan. It was on the top of a small table beside my bed.

Hindi ko namalayang napahaba ang idlip ko at inabot na ako ng hapon. Kinuha ko naman ang meryendang nakahanda na para sa akin at nakitang may sulat doon. Saglit pang nangunot ang aking noo nang makita iyon.

I just go to the shore to see our cousins. Babalik din ako agad.

                                               -Zach

I ate the snack he prepared for me. Naramdaman ko namang bahagyang maayos na rin ang aking pakiramdam kahit pa medyo kumikirot pa rin ang aking kaliwang paa.

Ibinaba ko ang dalawa kong binti sa sahig at pinagmasdan ang aking kaliwang paa. I noticed the swollen trace of tentacles on my ankle. It was short and not that long because the jellyfish that attacked me was still small.

I licked my lips and checked every bit of it. Sa tingin ko naman ay mabilis lang din mawawala ang peklat nito. Natigilan naman ako sa pag-iisip nang may mapansin akong parang may kulang at nawawala. Napakunot pa ako ng noo nang hindi ko maisip kung ano iyon.

“Neil, can you walk now?” Nawala naman ako sa aking iniisip nang dumating na si Zach.

I looked at his way. “Yeah, I think so,” I answered on him.

“Tara, I borrowed a golf cart so I can ride you near the shore. Nando’n na rin sila Kelsy. They are all waiting for us there.” He said to me.

My forehead creased. “Huh? Bakit?” Nagtataka kong tanong sa kaniya.

“Nalaman naming may Molokini pala sila dito. Hindi ka pwedeng magbasa ng paa so we decided that you can instead try that one.”

Napakurap kurap naman ako. He’s right. So without any ado, I agreed to him dahil kahit papaano ay gusto ko rin namang masulit ang araw na ito. We went to their Molokini transparent kayaks. It was a small clear boat that fitted for two people.

At nang matanawan ko sila Kelsy na nag si-sea kayaks ay kumaway sila sa gawi naming dalawa ni Zach. They are all doing the same and when they saw me, they were all wave their hands at me.

Ngunit hindi naman naalis sa aking paningin si Kaizer na kasama ngayon si Thalia na nagka-kayak din. They were in the same kayak, paddling together. Thalia was in front of him while he’s in the back.

I saw Kaizer’s eyes darted on me from where he was. I just glance at him and looked away when my Molokini boat is ready. Sumakay ako roon at pati si Zach. He gave me my paddle. I just silently paddling as I roamed my eyes at this beautiful island.

It is now sunset and the orange sunlight is hitting my skin. I was facing the sunset while Zach is in front of me. But then my eyes went down on our boat to see from where I’m sitting the underwater. Our boat was transparent so I can clearly see what’s below us. I can see the small fishes there. And then I lift my glance at Zach’s way to pointed at him if what I am looking at when I noticed something that caught my attention.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin mula sa anklet na suot niya sa kaniyang binti. Nakatitig naman siya sa akin nang magtagpo ang aming mga tingin.

“Where did you get my anklet?” Diretsa kong anong ko sa kaniya.

He was seriously staring at me right now. I stop paddling and he stopped as well. I even saw the side of his lips tugged up before he utter.

“I just saw it at the top of the dresser while you’re sleeping kanina. Sinuot ko muna,” he simply said in a large voice.

Napakurap naman ako at tinaasan siya ng kilay. He should ask for my permission before he wears it.

“You know how much I hate when someone just used and meddle with my things without asking for my permission. So why did you wear that without asking me?” I asked him sternly.

Nakita ko namang matigilan siya.

“I just find it beautiful and you’re sleeping-”

“Still, you tamper my thing, Zach.” Mariin kong sinabi ngayon.

My eyes are now darting on him narrowly.

“I’m sorry-”

“Hubarin mo, give it back to me.” I darkly said, pissed.

He chuckled awkwardly. Ang kaniyang mga mata ay prente lang na nakatitig sa akin ngayon. Nangunot naman ang noo ko sa kaniya.

“Mamaya ko na huhubarin. Don’t worry, isasauli ko rin sa’yo.”

I was about to say something more to him when I heard Marcos’s voice near us. He was on his kayak.

“Tara na daw sa shore. Magpe-prepare na tayo for the bonfire.” He informed on us.

Tahimik lang ako at hindi na nagsalita pa. Si Zach naman ay hinayaan kong siya ang magsagwan dahil nakatalikod ang pwesto ko sa dalampasigan. Hinayaan ko na rin muna ang anklet ko na suot niya. It was on my left foot, nabubad ko lang dahil sa nangyari kaninang umaga.

Pagkababa namin sa dalampasigan ay kaunti na lamang ay palubog na ang haring araw. At nang matanawan ko si Kaizer na patungo sa aking gawi ay nagulat pa ako saglit nang lapitan ako ni Kelsy.

“Neil, dito ka muna sa sunlounger. Huwag ka na munang tumayo.” She said on me at inalalayan pa ako sa paglalakad.

At nang tanawan ko ulit ang kaninang gawi ni Kaizer na patungo sa akin ay nakita kong natigilan din siya nang lapitan siya ni Thalia. Nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin nang maramdaman kong nakamasid sa aking tabi si Kelsy kaya naman ay binalingan ko siya ng tingin.

“What happened to Thalia kanina?” Pagtukoy ko sa magkasunuran lang na pagkahulog namin kaninang umaga sa banana boat.

“She wasn’t wearing her life vest kaya natanggal sa pagkakasuot niya kanina. She didn’t know how to swim the reason why she drowned. Buti na nga lang at agad na napansin ni Kaizer at nasaklolohan siya.” Kelsy answered on me indulgently.

Napakurap naman ako at saka mahinang bumuntong-hininga. Nag-iwas naman na sa akin ng tingin si Kelsy.

“Balik na muna tayo sa mga bungalows natin then we’ll go back here near the shore for dinner.” Ani ni Kelsy sa aming lahat.

“Yeah, magbihis muna at magsiliguan muna kayo then we gonna ate our dinner here.” It was Ate Meaghan.

Dumating naman na si Kaizer sa aking tabi na mabilis kong binalingan ng tingin. He also glances at me. Agad din naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin at dumapo ang mga mata ko kay Kelsy na nasa akin ang atensyon. She then approaches me again.

“Neil, bumalik ka agad ah. I prepare a game kagaya nung dati. Sana this time you won’t go to the bathroom anymore para ma-enjoy mo rin yung game.” Kelsy said to me with a smile plaster on her lips then she glances at Kaizer’s way beside me.

“Ikaw din Kaizer, let’s enjoy this night.”

Kabanata 34

Kabanata 34

Disgust

Nagagambala man ako sa sinabi ni Kelsy ay hindi ko nalang pinabulaanan iyon. Bumalik kami ni Kaizer ng bungalow namin at naghanda na para sa gabing ito.

Tahimik lang ako at walang imik habang ramdam ko naman ang seryosong mga tingin ni Kaizer na kanina pa sa akin nakamasid. His serious stare never leaves my way. It was stalking me whenever I move.

Kaya naman nang makapasok siya ng bathroom ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag. I’m not talking to him because something is disturbing me. My anklet is in Zach and he’s still not returning it to me. I don’t want him to see that wearing by anyone else.

Nakaupo ako sa aming kama nang lumabas si Kaizer ng bathroom na tanging tuwalya lang ang nakatabon sa kaniyang kalahating katawan. I lifted my gaze on him and our stare met. He wasn’t even blinking. He stares at me seriously and I can’t seem to understand the glinting dim in his eyes.

I then took my gaze off him. Tahimik lang kaming pareho at ramdam kong may kakaiba sa mga tingin niya. He goes towards the dresser. Tinanaw ko naman siya na ngayon ay nagbibihis. Agad naman din akong nag-iwas nang tumungong muli sa aking gawi ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Is your ankle fine?” He then asked on me after a deafening long silence and looking away from each other’s gazes.

Napakurap kurap pa ako at saka tiningnan ang gawi niya. He was now wearing his encirun linen plain white button-down shirt paired with his loose black pants as his glares brooding on me.

“Yeah, the nurse attended me.” Simple kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Nakita ko pang marahan siyang napasinghap bago ako tuluyang nilapitan at naupo sa aking tabi. I then notice that we are wearing the same plain white button encirun linen clothing. He sat beside me and held my hand. Nangunot pa ang aking noo dahil napansin kong magkamukhang magkamukha nga kami ng suot ngayon.

“Where did you bought your shirt,” I then asked him.

“Nung sinamahan kitang bumili sa mall before the outing. I saw you buy this so I buy myself too.” He muttered deeply.

Napakurap naman ako at saka nagbaba ng tingin sa ilang pulgadang pagitan namin ngayon. Ilang sandali pa muna ulit kaming pinatay ng katahimikan dahil ni isa sa amin ay walang nagsasalita.

Then I felt his hand tightened his hold on mine.

“Neil, I love you.” Mayamaya ay biglang aniya na nagpaangat sa aking mga mata na agad dumapo sa kaniyang seryosong mga tingin.

And when our eyes met, his deep-set dark serious eyes were all directed on me. Piercing like it was getting through my soul within.

“I love you more than what you think, Mi Arcus. I love you higher than the clouds and sky. My love for you is deeper than the deepest ocean. And I will always let myself fall if it was you I’m gonna falling with.” His voice was in a deep husky voice that I can feel every word of it shivers me.

I blinked. My heart thumped as I let myself reach his lips. I give him a soft and swift kiss as I shut my eyes feeling his hand on my back. I felt him pulled me more closer to him. At nang maghiwalay ang aming mga labi at magtama ang aming mga tingin, I utter.

“I love you too, Kaizer. Beyond the cliff I am standing in, my love for you was my happiest fall.” I said almost in a whisper.

His eyes darken after I said that. Nagbaba ang kaniyang mga mata sa aking mga labi at mabilis ding nag-angat sa aking mga mata.

Nangungusap ang kaniyang mga titig na hindi ko kayang iwasan ng tingin. Because it was hypnotizing me. His eyes were in awe of the love that watching me was his surprise of glee. I licked my lower lip. Staring at him as well is my delighted state.

That whenever I glance at him, I just can’t stop myself from falling deeply at him. It is insane but it was the truth. I know to myself that it’s not just a simple feeling, it was more than that feeling. It is more than affection. It is more than what my mind can think. It was beyond anything else that no one will get to understand.

“Neil, Kaizer…”

Halos mamilog ang aking mga mata nang mabosesang si Kelsy iyon. Mabilis akong humiwalay kay Kaizer na nakahapit sa aking likuran. At nang maharap ko ang gawi ni Kelsy ay malalim akong napalunok.

Nakakunot ang kaniyang noo at magakasalubong ang kaniyang mga kilay. Her eyes were in wonder of skepticism as they directly pointed at me.

“Kelsy,” mahina kong sambit sa kaniyang pangalan.

I stood up from the bed at naiwan naman si Kaizer na nananatili pa ring nakaupo sa kama. Kelsy eyed us and I know that she just showed up from the door and she didn’t hear us.

“Hinihintay na kayo ni Ate Meaghan sa shore. We are all there while you two are still here. I thought something bad happened to Neil so I dropped here to pick you up both.” Ani Kelsy habang ang mga mata ay bakas ang panunuri.

Binalingan ko naman si Kaizer at umaktong normal lang ang lahat. That Kelsy didn’t doubt us and I have nothing to worry about.

“Let’s go Kaizer,” pagtawag ko rito sa malamig na tono.

Binalingan naman niya ako ng tingin at naramdaman ko ang riin do’n. I know that our setup was quite hard. It wasn’t comfortable that every time our cousin will come nor with us, we can’t be who we are. He can’t treat me the way he wanted me to be treated by him. He can’t show and impressed me the things that I know he wanted to do.

But we don’t have a choice if we want to be together. Dahil kung magiging pabaya kami at hindi mag-iingat ay mawawala ang lahat sa amin. In just a snap, the cliff we are both standing in will crash if they know our darkest secret.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong makahinga dahil mukhang wala namang narinig si Kelsy sa naging usapan namin ni Kaizer. It was safe but my instincts opt not to feel to. I can’t sympathize with my feelings of being relieved when the fact that I sense that there is up to. And I can’t just ignore that feeling.

I get my phone on our bed then we went outside. Tahimik lang kami sa daan habang si Kaizer na ang nagmaneho ng golf cart na aming sinasakyan. I was sitting beside Kelsy when I checked my phone. She wasn’t looking in my way but I still move to my side to hide my phone on her way.

I saw that there is a lot of messages from Levon and Zandra. Kaninang hapon pa iyong kay Levon at ang kay Zandra naman ay kakasend lamang a minutes ago.

From Zandra:

Kelsy will gonna be there in ten minutes to pick up you two. You should go out now. We are all here.

Binasa ko naman ang iba pa niyang mensahe sa akin simula kaninang umaga at ang ilan pang kahapon pa pala niya sinend. Her messages were all pertaining to the same thing that I should be careful and Kaizer as well because Kelsy is lurking on us. Levon messages were also the same.

I haven’t read their messages for me because I rarely use my phone since Kaizer and I have our own time in our space. I want to cherish our moments together that using my phone will be a waste of time. But now that I’m reading this, I can now confirm to myself that something is really up to Kelsy that I shouldn’t just set aside.

Nang makarating kami sa tabing dagat kung nasaan ang ibang mga sunloungers ay natanaw kong nando’n na nga ang lahat at kami nalamang ang hinihintay. The place has a very nice setup. I saw the not that far long table prepared for all of us away from the woods that we will gonna light up later after our dinner.

Nakaantabay naman sa akin si Kaizer habang naglalakad ako. My left ankle was still swelling but I still can manage to walk on myself alone. We all heading to the table that beautifully arranges. There has a lot of torches that lighted our place. Plus the uncountable glinting stars above us and the scenic sounds of waves. It seems to be a perfect night for all of us.

I noticed that Zandra is looking at me at the side of Renz when we already take our seats at our table. Kaizer was now on my left side while Zach sat on my right wing. Levon was on Kaizer’s side while Marcos on Zach’s way. Si Eurwin Mark naman ay nasa kabiserang katabi ni Levon. In front of us next to Levon was Eurwin, Ate Meghan, Kelsy, Zandra, Renz, Lucien, and at the edge proportional to Levon is Ezekiel near Marcos way.

The food is already served in our dining. There has a lot of dishes at our table that we haven’t tried yet. We started our dinner while Lucien and Ezekiel has a lot of jokes and stories they shared at our table. Napuno naman kami ng tawanan kahit na pinapakiramdaman ko ang bawat isa sa amin.

Kaizer was just silent even sometimes our gazes met whenever I looked at his way. Gano’n din naman si Zach sa tabi ko.

“Have you tried this one?” Mayamaya pa ay tanong sa akin ni Zach.

Napatingin naman ako sa putahe ng ulam na tinatanong niya.

“Yeah, thanks.” Ani ko nang mapansing akmang lalagyan niya sana ang aking pinggan.

Ibinaba niya na lamang iyon at saka kinuha ang nasa kabilang pinggan.

“What about this one? It’s their best-”

“Bawal nga kay Neil ang shellfish Zach. Have you forgot?” It was Kaizer who abruptly cut Zach’s statement.

“But it has no shellfish here, it’s fine with him Kaizer.” Angil pa ni Zach sa kaniya.

At nang tingnan ko ang pagkaing iniaabot sa akin ni Zach ay nakita kong steak iyon. Napakurap naman ako at saka marahang binalingan si Kaizer na matiim na nakatingin kay Zach na nasa kanang gilid ko.

“I think busog na si Neil. Kaya huwag niyo ng abutan pa ng food, Zach.” Si Zandra iyon na nasa tapat lang namin katabi si Kelsy na nasa harapan ko nakapwesto.

Nakita ko naman siyang nakatingin sa kaniyang Kuya na animong nalilito sa ginagawa.

“Their foods here are absolutely great. I mean, marami akong nakakain every meal. Sulit.” It was Lucien who spoke at the side of Renz.

“Yeah, kaya nga dapat ay pumunta na tayo ng fitness center nila bukas. To burn fats and calories that we take.” Ezekiel told him.

“May mini-gym naman sa mga bungalow natin ah. They have equipment there, hindi niyo pa ba nagagalaw ang gym niyo sa kwarto?” Renz asked on them.

“We know, but damn. Nakakatamad-”

“Yan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko kay Ezi, tamad siyang mag work out at sa tuwing mag-gym pa kami ay napapapayag ko lang dahil sa gym instructor niyang babae. Tss.” Lucien then hissed on Ezekiel.

“Wala kang paki Lucien. My muscles are still in their right places even I’m not working out.” Ezi bragged.

Nakita ko namang mapaismid si Ate Meaghan.

“Ang hangin mo Ezi!” Ate Meaghan told on him.

“Why? Totoo naman ah. Bakit si Neil? Ask him, he is more fit on us but he didn’t do gym lately and he still maintains his toned body.” Asik pa ni Ezi.

Napunta naman sa akin ang kanilang mga tingin. I cleared my throat.

“Calorie deficit. That’s it.” I just simply said on them.

“You are doing that if you’re not going to the gym?” Zach asked beside me.

“Ah-huh. It’s great though. It doesn’t make my tummy bloat and loses its abs that I work hard.” I uttered then chuckled lightly afterward.

“Si Kaizer babad lagi sa gym ’yan lately before your classes ended.” Si Mark.

“He may be preparing his body for this outing, huh?” I heard Marcos mocked.

Nakita ko namang mangisi si Kelsy sa aking harapan. 

“He is. Kita mo naman yung mga girls kanina nung nag water skiing tayo. Kung makatingin kulang nalang hilahin na si Kaizer palayo sa’tin.” Ate Meaghan retorted.

“Kaya nga kahit si Thalia hindi rin mapakawalan ’yan kanina. I just noticed how Thalia gripped onto your biceps, it’s like she’s playing or something.” Then Kelsy spoke up. Her eyes were on Kaizer then moved to my way.

Nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Kelsy, hindi naman ako nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Yeah, I notice that too. Damn, kayo na ba ulit Kai?” Ate Meaghan asked on him.

Napalunok naman ako at saka marahang napakurap. Nagbaba na lamang ako ng tingin sa aking pinggan.

“I can say that she still likes you.” I heard that it Marcos.

“We are not together.” Sagot naman ni Kaizer sa kaninang tanong ni Ate Meaghan.

Tuwid lang ang tingin ni Kaizer nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniyang gawi.

“Why? Don’t you like her anymore?” Ate Meaghan asked on him again.

“Or you like anyone else now?” It was Kelsy who suddenly asked after her sister.

I saw Kelsy’s glares on Kaizer. She was serious but when the air blew cold on us, she then plasters a smile on her lips. At nang mapunta kay Zandra ang tingin ko ay nakita kong nakatitig pala siya sa akin. Her glares were serious but I can’t deny that I can see the worry in there.

After our dinner ay hindi ko alam kung paanong nalagpasan namin iyon kahit na hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko sa mga tingin ni Kelsy sa akin. Pagkaraan ay nauna na rin kaming mga lalaki na nagtungo sa mga kahoy na ngayon ay sinisindihan na ng staff ng hotel for our request bonfire. We even actually consulted at the resort if this will be allowed dahil alam naming maaapektuhan ang magandang sand ng isla and luckily, they approved our request.

We went to the lazy sofa bean bag that surrounds the woods that is now burning. I was sitting on mine when I felt Kaizer sat beside me as well. Nakapalibot na rin kaming lahat sa apoy at kaniya kaniya na ring pwesto sa kanilang mga sofa.

They prepared us hotdogs and marshmallows to grill at the fire. While the other snacks were placed near my side, gano’n din sa mga drinks na iinumin na namin ngayon. Inabutan pa ako ni Kaizer ng drink na kakasalin niya lang at nakita ko naman ang mga mata ni Kelsy na hindi na naalis sa gawi namin simula kanina.

I furrow my brows as I glance at her back. Nasa kabilang side siya sa aking harapan malapit sa gawi ni Kaizer habang sila Zandra at Levon naman ay nasa kanang side ko.

“Ang ganda ng gabi and this place is really a paradise. Tama nga ang tagline ng resort na ito.” Ani Marcos na umiinom na rin ngayon.

“Exactly! You know what, I feel like I’m starting to be an island boy.” Ezekiel then said.

Napaismid naman sila Mark at Lucien.

“Island boy your ass, Ezekiel! Hahaha,” si Lucien.

“Bakit? Haven’t you seen and noticed my complexion now?” Hirit pa ni Ezi.

“No, because it’s still the same.”

“Bugok, I’m having tan skin. And it blended my skin amazingly. I actually didn’t expect na bagay din pala sa akin ang tan.” Ezi muttered amazingly.

“Bagay nga sa’yo kahit pa halos ikaw na ang makaubos ng sunblock ko.” Kelsy agreed with him.

“So islander ka na niyan, Kuya?” Zandra then asked his brother.

Natigilan naman kami nang marinig naming matawa si Marcos.

“Oo, islander na ’yan simula ngayon. Actually dito talaga ’yan nakatira, hindi niyo ba nakita nung nakaraan yung kakambal niya?” Mayamaya pa ay tanong ni Marcos sa amin.

Nakita ko namang mangunot ang kanilang mga noo sa mga pinagsasasabi ni Marcos.

“Hindi Marcos, kasi wala akong kakambal at walang kagaya ang gwapong mukha na ito. So stop making stories.” Iritado namang ani ni Ezekiel.

“You’re the islander na pasabit sabit sa mga puno nung nakaraan na nakita namin nila Mark at Renz.” Ani pa ni Marcos.

“Ah ’yong unggoy?” Tanong pa ni Renz.

“Damn you, Marcos! Hindi ka Sana magkaroon ng good sex in the whole month straight!” Ezekiel fired back at him with a mocking smirk played on his lips now.

Nakita ko namang magdilim ang mga mata ni Marcos na mariing nakatitig kay Ezi. Nagtawanan naman sila Lucien at Ate Meaghan sa reaksyon ni Marcos. Mukha siyang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa na parang katapusan na ng mundo kung magkatotoo man ang sinabi ni Ezi sa kaniya.

“Tang’na mo Ezekiel Harrison,” Marcos mumbled gravely.

Nakita ko namang matigilan si Ezekiel at ani mong natatakot na rin sa matalim na tingin sa kaniya ni Marcos. Saglit pa silang nagbangayan at halos puro tawanan lang ang nagawa namin. It was a great normal conversation with them. Having a drink while the bonfire heated us in the middle as the seawaves gives us a pleasant sound. I’m gonna cherish this moment and that is for sure.

“Do you wanna go back?” Kaizer asked beside me in low voice.

Binalingan ko naman siya ng tingin.

“Mamaya na, hindi pa tayo tapos maglaro e’,” I answered on him in a whisper.

We are now playing bring me. I know that it was kind of different that playing it here on the island but Kelsy keep on pushing that we should play this one. Nakailang laro na rin kami at ito na raw ang last namin. Malalim na rin ang gabi at nakailang bote na rin kami ng alak.

Lasing na si Ezi at Lucien pero mukhang nasa katinuan pa rin naman.

“Here Kels, ako ang naunang nakaabot kaya mag-shit kayo!” Lucien said after he gave Kelsy the thing she wanted to receive.

“Ang daya palibhasa may suot siya no’n.” Dinig kong angil ni Renz.

“Huwag na kayong magreklamo! Uminom nalang kayo!” Ani pa ni Lucien.

“Dapat pala drink and spill nalang talaga, bakit ba ako nag agree sa game na ito?” Marcos said in annoyance dahil kanina pa kami nagsa-shot dahil puro sila ang nauuna sa aming makapagbigay kay Kelsy.

“Okay, tama na iyan and get ready for the next item na babanggitin ko. Now, let’s see if you guys can give me this one,” Kelsy said as she smiles happily at us.

“Come on! Ibibigay at ilalabas namin kahit ano pa ’yang ipa-bring me mo, Kels,” Ezekiel uttered in smug. Lasing na ang loko.

Ngumisi naman si Kelsy sa kaniya.

“Let’s see then. Bring me… an anklet!”

Unti unti namang nabura ang ngiting nakaguhit sa aking mga labi nang sabihin iyon ni Kelsy. Sila Lucien naman at ang iba pa ay naghanapan naman sa isa’t isa.

“Yon! Si Zach meron!” Dinig kong sigaw ni Marcos.

“What?” Napakunot naman ang noo ni Zach na binalingan si Marcos.

“Oo nga, hubarin mo na Zach!”

“Hoy ako ang unang lumapit kay Zach, baliw!”

Naramdaman ko namang balingan ako ng tingin ni Kaizer sa aking tabi. At nang magsalubong ang mga mata namin ay nakakunot ang kaniyang noo at mariin ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

I was about to explain to him if why Zach has my anklet when I heard Kelsy’s voice utter again.

“Hindi ba ay kay Neil ito? Why is it in you Kuya?” Kelsy asked his brother with her brows in arched.

Napatingin naman sa aking gawi si Zach. Napansin ko rin ang mga tingin ni Zandra sa akin na ani mong naguguluhan din kung paanong napunta kay Zach ang aking anklet.

“Pinahiram niya muna sa akin because he’s still injured,” Zach answered as his eyes are all on me.

Agad namang nagsalubong ang aking dalawang kilay dahil sa naging sagot niya. Naramdaman ko namang tumayo si Kaizer sa aking tabi na agad kong binalingan ng tingin.

Sila Kelsy naman ay napatingin na rin sa aming gawi.

“I want to go now,” Kaizer said in a deep serious tone.

“Huh? Mamaya na! Hindi pa tayo tapos Kaizer. Saglit nalang din naman ’to.” Si Ate Meaghan na pinigilan si Kaizer.

“Aalis na ako,” aniya pa na walang pakialam sa sinabi ni Ate Meaghan.

I was also about to stood from my seat to follow him when someone suddenly spoke.

“E’di umalis ka, ako nalang ang maghahatid kay Neil. O kaya naman sa tabi ko nalang ikaw matulog Neil in case that Kaizer forgot to leave the door unlocked.” Zach pronounced as his eyes brood on Kaizer’s way.

Nakatalikod na sa gawi namin si Kaizer at paalis na nang sabihin iyon ni Zach. Natigilan siya at saka marahang pumihit para humarap sa amin muli. Natigilan pa ako nang makita ko ang ngisi sa mga labi ni Zach nang harapin kami ni Kaizer nang mariin at matalim niyang mga tingin.

“You know what Kaizer, maupo ka muna sa tabi ni Neil, dahil last na bring me na ’tong sasabihin ko… Seat,” Kelsy suggested in a commanding way as her arched brow is directed for Kaizer.

Si Zach naman ay naramdaman kong mabilis na naupo sa tabi ko kung saan nakaupo si Kaizer kanina. Kaya nang bumaling siya sa aking gawi para tabihan akong muli ay nakita ko kung paanong gumalaw ang kaniyang panga na nakatingin sa gawi ni Zach.

“Dito ka na Kaizer sa tabi ko.” Zandra then offered to Kaizer nang mapansin din siguro niya kung paanong tumingin si Kaizer kay Zach.

Hindi naman nakinig si Kaizer sa kaniya, bagkus ay tinuloy pa rin niyang maglakad patungo sa aking gawi. Madilim ang kaniyang mga titig at ramdam ko ang pagpipigil niya sa kaniyang sarili.

“Zach sa kabila ka nalang maupo-” mahinang ani ko sa aking katabi na hindi ko inasahang puputulin ang aking sasabihin.

“Why? Ako naman lagi ang gusto mong katabi noon ah. Bakit mo ako pinapalipat ngayon? Is Kaizer now closer to you more than me at nagagawa mo na ako ngayong palipatin?” Zach asked me in awe.

Napakurap naman ako at saka kalaunan ay nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya. My brows meet as my eyes dropped on the sand.

“No,” I simply said on him.

“Saglit lang, sasamahan lang namin ’tong si Lucien at Ezi. Nasusuka na ang dalawang bugok.” I heard Marcos’s voice said to them.

At nang mag-angat ako ng tingin para sana tingnan ang gawi nila ay natutop ang aking mga mata kay Kaizer na mabilis na hinila ang isang lazy sofa palapit sa aking tabi at saka ro’n naupo.

“Sigi. Uhm, Eurwin pakitulungan naman sila Marcos.” Narinig ko pang ani ni Kelsy sa boyfriend ni Ate Meaghan na nasa kaniyang tabi.

Nakita ko namang agad na tumayo si Eurwin para alalayan si Ezi habang kay Marcos naman ay si Lucien ang pasan. At nang maglikot si Ezi ay agad namang sumaklolo sa kanila si Mark na pinagtulungan nilang akayin si Ezekiel.

At nang kami nalang nila Kelsy, Zach, Kaizer, Ate Meaghan, Levon, Renz at Zandra ang natitira rito sa mahinang baga na lamang ng apoy, nagtama ang paningin namin ni Kelsy.

Si Zandra naman ay tutok din ang mga mata sa akin na para bang nagbabantay siya sa amin ni Kaizer.

“Ang tagal naman ng mga iyon. Ano? Itutuloy pa ba natin ang game e’ mga lasing na sila.” It was Ate Meaghan na napahikab pa at mukhang inaantok na.

“Tuloy pa Ate,” Kelsy answered then her glares darted on his brother beside me.

“Dahil si Kuya ang nakapag-abot sa akin ng kaisa isang anklet na meron tayong lahat kanina. Siya naman ngayon ang magsa-suggest ng kung ano man ang maaari niyang ipa bring me.” Kelsy said.

“Wala kong maisip, ikaw nalang.” Nabuburyong ani Zach sa aking tabi.

Malawak naman na napangiti si Kelsy at saka ako binalingan ng tingin.

“Gladly Kuya-”

“But Kelsy, wala naman ng gagawa ng bring me mo.” Si Zandra.

“Nah-uh, if there is none. E’di ako ang magsasabi kung sino ang magbibigay sa akin.” She muttered.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko.

“Now… Bring me…necklace,” Kelsy commanded as her eyes pointing on me.

Nanlamig naman ako nang ipakita pa niya sa amin ang anklet kong hawak hawak niya ngayon.

“Huh? Wala kaming kwintas na suot Kelsy, kakagaling lang natin ng swimming kanina e’.” Renz said on her.

“No, may nakikita akong isa sa inyo ay may suot na necklace… Give it to me, Kaizer.”

At ang kaninang ngiti na nakaguhit sa mga labi ni Kelsy ay mabilis na naglaho at napalitan ng isang matalim na mga mata. Mabilis ang naging kabig ng aking dibdib nang dumapo sa akin ang matalim na mga tingin ni Kelsy. It was narrowing on me sharply.

“I said…give it to me Kaizer,” this time she said it darkly.

Agad namang tumayo mula sa aking tabi si Kaizer at hinawakan ang aking isang kamay at akmang hihilahin ako patayo nang biglang tumayo si Kelsy sa kaniyang kinauupuan at nilapitan kami.

“What are you doing? Aalis kayo? Saan mo dadalhin si Neil, Kaizer? Huh?” Kelsy then asked on him as her eyes in flame.

“Wala ka ng pakialam-”

“What the hell Kaizer! Are you freaking out of your mind? Neil! What the heck you both doing?!” Kelsy asked on me hysterically fumed.

Naging mabigat naman ang aking paghinga at mabilis na nakaramdam ng panghihina sa mga tuhod ko. Kelsy’s eyes were fumed as her voice raise in so much anger.

Nakita ko namang mabilis na tumayo si Ate Meaghan at nilapitan ang gawi namin ni Kaizer. Si Zach naman ay naramdaman kong mapatayo na rin sa kaniyang kinauupuan. While Zandra, Levon, and Renz were now on our back while my other cousin is now facing me in front.

“Anong nangyayari Kelsy? Why are you shout-” Ate Meaghan paused when she saw Kelsy’s tear flowed on her cheeks as her eyes sharply darting with me…and to Kaizer.

“What is happening Kelsy? Why are you crying?” Ate Meaghan asked her sister then her eyes went on my way like she was asking us.

“Nakakadiri kayo! Ang bababoy niyo!” Kelsy screamed as her chest in wailed of heavy breath.

“Kelsy-” I was about to say something again when she cutted me off.

“Your anklet and Kaizer’s necklace… What is the meaning of that? Sabihin mo sa amin, Neil. May relasyon ba kayo ni Kaizer? Huh? Is that a couple dangle that you are both wearing in different accesories so we can’t notice it? Answer me!”

“K-Kelsy please,” mahina at hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot sa kaniya.

I felt my eyes heated when I felt Kaizer pulled me back when I was about to approach Kelsy’s way.

“Anong relasyon? Neil? K-Kaizer?” Namimilog at hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Ate Meaghan sa aming dalawa ngayon.

Her eyes widened as her lips parted.

“Kelsy please stop this-” It was Zandra who interfere that got cutted when Kelsy fired again

“Ikaw ang tumigil Zandra! So you know that there is a thing between them and yet you still tolerate that evil disgrace relationship of them?! I can’t believe you!”

“Kelsy hindi sa gano’n. Please hear their side as well.” Zandra said on her in alarm.

“No, I will never listen to whatever is that dark spell they cast on you!” Kelsy said on Zandra. Then she lifted her sharp dim glares on me.

“Are you out of your mind Neil? Kaizer is your cousin! And for Pete’s sake! You are both men! How could you do this kind of evil thing?!” Sigaw ni Kelsy sa amin habang ang kaniyang mga luha ay ngayo’y namamalisbis na sa kaniyang magkabilang pisngi.

Umiling iling naman ako at hindi alam ang gagawin. Natatakot ako. Nanghihina ako. Nawawalan ako ng ideya kung paanong malulusutan ang isang bagay na alam kong simula pa lang ay wala na akong lusot. I was cornered. I get cornered since the day I began to fall for him. And being stuck on the same page of him in a secretive layer won’t take long.

“W-What the hell are you saying K-Kelsy?” Ate Meaghan’s voice cracked as her teary eyes bored on me askingly.

Pinawi naman ni Kelsy ang mga luhang nakatabon sa kaniyang pisngi na walang humpay sa pagbagsak at saka niya kami mariin na tinitigang muli.

“Kaizer and Neil…they are in a nasty relationship. And I’m so sick that I badly want to throw up.” Kelsy announced with disgust filled her indignant voice.

Napasapo naman si Ate Meaghan sa kaniyang bibig at saka marahang umiling iling. Her eyes widen before his eyes bore on us with disgust.

“Oh my god,”

Kabanata 35

Kabanata 35

Means

“Ate Meaghan-”

“Huwag mo ’kong hawakan Neil! I’m disgusted with you! I’m so disgusted to the both of you!” Ate Meaghan wailed as she steps back away from me while I try to come near her.

My tears dripped on my cheeks as I tried to approached Kelsy and her who can’t seem to dare let me. Their eyes were in hatred and nausea as they shook their heads on me in dismay.

“P-Please, Ate Meaghan, K-Kelsy… I-I’m sorry.”

“Neil, how come you both come up in this situation? Alam niyo pa ba yung ginagawa niyo? Alam niyo ba kung anong ibig sabihin ng namamagitan sa inyo?! Oh, God!” Kelsy snapped as her eyes narrowed on me.

I shook my head as my eyes started to refill with tears again.

“Kelsey, I know what we are doing-”

“Seriously Neil?! Nakuha mo pa palang maintindihan ang sitwasyon niyo and yet you still that dumbass who let it happened to the both of you!?”

“Kelsy huwag mong sisihin si Neil. It’s not his fault-”

“So ikaw ba dapat yung sisihin ko? Ha Kaizer?! Is it your fault that’s why Neil became this horrible-”

“Shut up Kelsy! You have nothing to say on us!” Kaizer’s voice taunted her.

Namilog ang mga mata ni Kelsy at natigilan sa naging pagsigaw ni Kaizer. He is furious. His eyes were in hostile that I can even see the ache that his heart is dwelling on now.

Binalingan niya ako ng tingin at saka nilapitan para alalayan na paalis nang bigla siyang sapakin ni Zach.

“Putang ina mong hayop ka!” Zach’s voice made my knees trembled.

Kaizer falls on the sand and I saw the side of his lips bleed. Mabilis siyang nilapitan muli ni Zach at sinugod para saktan pang muli nang mabilis na hinawakan ni Renz at Levon ang magkabilang braso nito.

“Let go of me! Tang ina sabing bitawan niyo ako Levon!”

“Fuck! Huminahon ka Zach!” Levon darkly said on him.

“Who would fucking calm when you know that both of your cousins are in a relationship? Huh?! Bitiwan niyo ako, tang ina!”

Patuloy pa ring namamalisbis ang mainit kong mga luha sa aking pisngi nang dinaluhan ko si Kaizer. I glance at him as I held his both shoulders. My tears were nonstop falling. Nakita ko pang iangat niya ang kaniyang kamay para pawiin ang mga luha kong kusang bumabagsak.

“Hush, we will be okay Mi Arcus. Don’t get scared please,” he mumbled with his eyes in weak.

I bit my lip harshly. “Kaizer-”

Natigil ako sa aking sasabihin nang malakas na mahila ni Kelsy ang nanghihina kong katawan palayo sa kaniya. Nabitiwan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya at nang balingan ko si Kelsy na nasa harapan ko ngayon ay mabilis din akong napaiwas ng tingin.

Her hand slapped me so hard that I feel numb as my eyes drooped in shocked.

“Kelsy ano ba?! Why did you do that?!” Zandra pulled me from Kelsy’s hold as she puts me on her back.

“He needs to wake up, Zandra! Hindi pwedeng ganito! They have to be stopped!”

“But you cannot dictate someone this way, Kelsy!”

Nakaawang ang mga labi kong nanginginig nang hinarap ko ang matalim na mga tingin sa akin ni Kelsy. Ate Meaghan is now on her back as her eyes were still in disgust but the disappointment is now more visible on it.

“At anong alam mo Zandra? Letting and tolerating this kind of bullshit?!” Kelsy fired on her.

“Oo! Because I’m not like you-” Zandra’s words cutted when Ate Meaghan slapped her too.

“Shut that crap Zandra. Hindi mo ba nakikitang mali ang kung anong namamagitan kila Neil?! Are you blind? Or you are just that dumb?” Ate Meaghan sharply retorted on her.

At nang balingan ni Zandra ang aking gawi ng tingin at makita ko ang luhang bumagsak sa kaniyang mga mata ay hindi ko na napigilan pang harapin si Kelsy at Ate Meaghan. It’s my fault and I have to face the consequences now. There is no need of hiding.

I wiped away my tears as I took a step beside Zandra. She’s out of this trouble. She shouldn’t be judge this way just because of my mistakes.

“Ate Meaghan, Zandra has nothing to deal with this. It’s all on me-”

“Really Neil? You know what, gusto kong masuka! Gusto kong masuka sa inyo ni Kaizer!” Kelsy stormed is nausea.

Mariin akong napapikit pero hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin. Nilakasan ko ang loob ko sa mga masasakit na sasabihin nila sa akin kahit na alam kong ano mang oras ay bibigay na akong muli.

“I feel nauseous now that I’m thinking in every night that Kaizer sleeps in your room something is happening in the both of you. This is repugnant. This is awful!” Kelsy horrified me with her words.

“Kelsy, hindi. Walang nangyayari sa amin ni Kaizer-”

“And why would you think I buy your reasons, Neil?! Akala ko naman ay nagbago ka na! You just became more terrible!”

My lips parted as I catch air because of her breathtaking phrases on me. I tried to get near her and held her but she abruptly pushed me away.

“I’m sorry Kelsy-”

“Don’t you dare come near me nor near us! Nakakadiri kayo!”

“Kelsy huwag namang ganito-” it was Zandra that abruptly cutted off when Kelsy pulled her out of my side and put her beside them in front of me.

Napahilamos naman ako sa aking mukha, getting frustrated on what is happening now. Tinanawan ko si Kaizer sa aking malayong likuran na hinaharap mag-isa si Zach na galit na galit. I want to go near his way but I can’t because I have to face Kelsy and Ate Meaghan.

“Hindi ko hahayaang maging ganito tayo Neil. I know that you know that this is not right. That this is immoral in the eyes of anybody else. You better think and do the action that will give its best for all of us. For our family.” She said with conviction with her eyes entailed with the sharpness of loathing.

At nang harapin ko naman si Ate Meaghan ay tanging nandidiring mga mata lang niya ang dumapo sa akin na hindi ko na nagawa pang titigan pabalik. Tinalikuran nila akong dalawa at naiwang nakatayo si Zandra sa aking harapan.

“Zandra sumunod ka sa amin.” Mariin at matalim ang boses ni Kelsy nang binalingan niya si Zandra.

Naluluha at nag-aalangan man ang mga mata ni Zandra ay wala na rin siyang nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod kila Kelsy na hinila pa siya para lang makalayo sa akin.

Nagtungo sila sa gawi ni Zach na ngayon ay naghahabol sa kaniyang hininga sa harapan ni Kaizer. Ako naman ay tinungo ang gawi ni Kaizer na may matalim na mga tingin kay Zach.

“Whatever you put and say dirt on us, I don’t give a damn fuck. Say whatever you want. Wala akong pakialam.” I heard Kaizer’s voice in a deep thud manner.

At nang makita niya akong palapit sa kaniyang gawi ay agad niya akong sinalubong ngunit bago pa man niya ako tuluyang malapitan ay mabilis nang nahuli ni Zach ang aking palapulsuhan. Natigilan ako at hindi inasahan ang mabilis niyang paghila sa akin.

“I will definitely say and do whatever I want Kaizer. And you will never get Neil-” Zach’s statement was halted when Kaizer’s fist hit his jaw.

“Oh my gosh, Zach!” Ate Meaghan screams horribly as she attended to Zach.

“Huwag na huwag mong hahawakan si Neil kung ayaw mong patulan kita Zachary, tandaan mo ’yan.” Hinihingal na sinabi ni Kaizer habang ang mga mata ay madilim na nakatutok kay Zachary na dumura ng dugo.

Matalim at mariin din ang mga mata ni Zach na nakatunghay kay Kaizer. Kahit kailan ay hindi ko pa nakita ng ganito katalim ang kaniyang mga mata. And I get chills every time I looked at his eyes.

Nasa harapan ko ngayon si Kaizer habang nasa magkabilang gilid ko naman si Renz at Levon na tahimik lang na nakamasid sa amin kahit na ramdam ko rin ang tensyon sa kanilang dalawa.

“Let’s go, Zach. Huwag mo nang patulan ang dalawang mga hayop na ’yan.” I heard Ate Meaghan said to him.

Hinanap naman ni Zach ang aking paningin at nang maglapat ang aming mga tingin ay nakita ko kung gaano iyon kariin. I get colds that glancing at him back made me feel frightened at him.

“No, hindi ako aalis hangga’t hindi sa akin sumasama si Neil.” Zach firmly muttered.

“What? No!” It was Kelsy who seems to can’t believe in what his brother is saying.

Nangunot naman ang aking noo. Mabilis ang naging tambol ng aking dibdib nang balingan ko ng tingin si Kaizer na nakatalikod sa aking harapan. I can feel that he’s now gravely glaring in Zach’s way. Then my eyes crawled down to his hand that is now form into a fist.

Kaizer…

“Neil come with me… Stay away from Kaizer. Alam naming ikaw ang mas nakakaalam ng kung alin ang tama at mali sa inyong dalawa so please, do the right thing.” Zachary’s voice provoking me.

Nag-lapat ang aming mga tingin nang humakbang siya palapit sa aming gawi. Hindi naman gumalaw si Kaizer sa kaniyang kinatatayuan sa aking harapan.

“Halika na Neil,”

I always choose the right thing because I can immediately assess the situation. But now that I’m in the middle of the circumstances that I made. I don’t know what to do. Nahihirapan akong magdesisyon at piliin kung alin ba ang tama. Because I don’t want him to get hurt. And choosing what is ortho would mean of leaving him.

Kaya naman nang lumipad ang mga tingin ko kila Kelsy at makitang mariin ang kanilang mga tingin na ibinibigay sa akin ngayon ay nagtiim bagang ako. I can see in their narrow glares that they want me to do what is right. And that right is to come with Zach.

I looked down. Mabigat man ang aking mga paa ay nagawa ko pa rin iyong ihakbang. At bago ko pa man malagpasan ang gawi ni Kaizer ay naramdaman kong mag-angat siya ng tingin at balingan ako sa kaniyang likuran.

His eyes were now in menace but his startled expression made me looked away at his weakened glares on me. Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ko magagawang lumayo sa kaniya kung ang malamyos at nalulumbay niyang mga mata ang tangi kong nakikita. It diminished me. It poisons me to the point that I wanted to die with it.

“Mi Arcus,” he muttered huskily stunned as I walked past through him.

Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin dahil alam kong hindi ko magagawang tagalan ang kaniyang mga titig. Na hindi ko magagawang pagmasdan ang malamyos at nalulumbay niyang mga tingin sa akin habang pinipili ang desisyong tumungo sa gawi nila Zach.

Patuloy akong naglakad hanggang sa malagpasan ko siya. Pero bago pa man ako makalayo sa kaniyang kinatatayuan ay mabilis akong napahinto. My eyes drooped in ache that doing this would hurt me as well.

Hinuli niya ang aking palapulsuhan at saka ako mahigpit na hinawakan.

“Neil, please stay…” His voice restrained in vulnerable of fear.

I swallowed hard the huge lamp that stock at the back of my throat as I bowed my head to looked down. Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil naramdaman kong mag-uumpisa na naman muling mag-init ang aking mga mata. I can’t take letting my tear dawn on me. Because tears will just make me vulnerable that I will resist doing what is right.

I bit my lower lip, stopping myself from saying anything that could give him a reason to stop me. Nananatili akong nakatalikod sa kaniya at hindi hinaharap. Mabigat ang alon ng aking dibdib na pilit akong nagseryoso. I parted my lips to utter.

“Kila Zach ako matutulog ngayon gabi, Kaizer.” I then muttered at him darkly as I didn’t face his way.

Naramdaman ko namang mas higpitan pa niya ang pagkakahawak sa aking palapulsuhan.

“Why not in our own bungalow? Our bed was more spacious, Neil. Hindi ako papayag.” Mariing aniya, pagtutol sa aking nais sa malamig na tono.

Alam kong wala akong laban kapag siya na ang kalaban ng isip ko. I always let him defeat me. I always let him beaten my heart that I end up in his arms. I then gulped hard as I lifted my glares to Zach who’s now in front of me.

Nakuha naman niya ang pinaparating ng aking mga tingin. Kaya naman ay mabilis kong hinablot ang aking palapulsuhang nasa mahigpit na pagkakahawak ni Kaizer sa akin. I pulled my hand from his tight hold that I also feel stray out of his tight embrace on me.

Agad akong humakbang palayo sa kaniya nang makawala ako mula sa kaniyang mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa akin. Zach then immediately goes to his way to stop him from getting near me. Mabigat man ang loob ko at ang naging mga paghakbang ko ay alam kong marapat na maghiwalay muna kami sa gabing ito.

“Neil!” His hostile voice sent shivers on my spine that I felt my heartbeat paused.

Hindi na ako lumingon pa at saka diretsong naglakad paalis don. Nakasunod naman sa akin si Zandra at Ate Meaghan na nakaantabay sa aking likuran.

“What the fuck! Neil! Bumalik ka dito!” Nagpupumiglas ang malakas at baritonong boses ni Kaizer sa aking pandinig.

Hindi ko naman na nakayanan pang pigilang pumatak ang aking mga luhang kanina pa nagbabadya sa pagbuhos. Naramdaman ko ang presensya ni Zandra sa aking likuran nang alalayan niya ako sa paglalakad.

I immediately wiped my tear off as I hardly tried to make my face look like I’m tough. At nang makalayo kami sa seaside ay natanawan ko si Kelsy na nakatayo sa gilid ng golf cart. Hindi niya ako binalingan ng tingin at ramdam ko pa rin ang galit at pandidiri niya para sa akin. Gano’n din kay Ate Meaghan na hindi ako magawang dapuan ng kaniyang mga mata.

Ilang sandali pa ay dumating na rin si Zach at nakita kong wala si Kaizer ro’n na nakasunod sa kaniya. He went on me and without saying any word, he helps me ride in the golf cart. Sila Kelsy naman ay nakita kong do’n sumakay sa kabilang sasakyan kung saan may nag-aantay ng staff na magmamaneho sa kanila pabalik.

Tahimik lang ako at walang imik na nakatingin sa madilim na paligid at kalangitan. Ang bigat ng loob ko at ang tanging laman lang ng aking isipan sa mga oras na ito ay si Kaizer. Zach drove our cart and I can’t seem to glance in his way.

Alam kong galit sila sa kanilang nalaman at hinding hindi nila iyon matatanggap kahit na kailan. From their judgments and accusations on me and Kaizer, there is nothing that can really change their mind.

They were mad. They were hurt and disappointed about the truth. And they are disgusted with us. Wala nang mas sasakit pa sa mga salita at tingin nilang pulos pandidiri at pagkamuhi para sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer. Their glares were screaming in nausea. They were so sick to the point that they are now loathing us.

Nakakapanghina at nakakabagabag sa dibdib. Talaga ngang masakit at mahirap harapin ang takot at pangamba na nakakubli sa katotohanan.

Hindi kami pwede ni Kaizer, tama sila. We are cousins. We are both men. And converging ourselves to fit in this society would only cause trouble and mental breakdown.

We can never fit kahit saan mang anggulo ko pa iyon tingnan. Mali ang namamagitan sa amin. Kasalanan ang relasyong meron kaming dalawa. It was taboo that no one would dare to entertain for acceptance.

Nakakatakot, dahil ngayong alam na nila Kelsy ang kung anong meron kami ay wala na akong ibang ideya kung anong mangyayari sa amin ni Kaizer. Their reaction left me in the hang that I can’t keep myself steady from keeping him. What more if Marcos and my other guy’s cousin knew about it? What about my parent’s reaction? What about our family’s prejudice against us?

“Neil,” Zach then mumbled on me as we get inside our bungalow.

Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin, bagkus ay tinanaw ko ang bungalow namin ni Kaizer na tatlong villa ang pagitan sa amin ngayon. At nang maramdaman kong balingan ako ni Zach nang makapasok siya sa loob ng pintuan ay sumunod na rin ako sa kaniya papasok.

“Sila Marcos ay doon natulog sa bungalow nila Levon. Hindi na sila nakabalik kanina dahil nakatulog na raw sila Ezi.” He then said to me.

Nasa sahig lang ang aking tingin at nanatili lang na nakatikom ang aking bibig. Naupo ako sa couch at naramdaman ko namang tumayo siya sa aking harapan.

I heard him gasped.

“What about Kaizer? Sinong kasama niyang matulog ngayong gabi?” I then asked him darkly.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin sa pagkakataong ito. Ang kaniyang seryoso at mariing mga tingin ay lumapat sa akin ngayon. I gritted my teeth.

“He’s with Renz and Levon.” Tipid niyang sagot at saka naghubad ng damit at tinungo ang bathroom.

But before he fully gets inside the bathroom I spoke that halted him from taking another step.

“Are you disgusted with me too, Zach? Do you feel sick because of me?”

Huminto siya sa kaniyang paglalakad. Hindi niya ako binalingan ng tingin at alam kong mariin ang mga mata nito ngayon. I want to know what he feels for me after he knew what’s the thing with me and Kaizer. I wanted to know if he also wants to puke so bad because of that. He’s my friend among them all and his perception towards me really matters.

“If you are, just admit it, Zach. I understand if you feel dirt on me. If you want to throw up because I get to do this kind of evil thing that anyone would never let to acknowledge, I will face your anger to me. Sabihin mo sa akin-”

“Yes, I feel ill thinking the truth that you are really with Kaizer.” He faced me now as his shirt that he took off was now hung on his left shoulder.

His piercing eyes stabbing me now like he was in full wrath. I didn’t back off. I glared at him back but not in a rage. I stare at him back with my eyes wearied.

“You know what Neil, I really thought you already had changed. I thought that after you broke up with Ashley you are just finding yourself. But I’m wrong. Dahil may namamagitan na pala sa inyo ng putang inang Kaizer na iyan-”

“Zach, don’t call him that way-”

“And why not? Because you already fall for him? Huh? Is that it, Neil?” Matalim niyang tanong sa akin.

Napakurap naman ako at saka nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck! Goddamnit Neil! Hindi kita maintindihan! You are not like this! You were far from this person you are now. Hindi ikaw ’yan, ano bang nangyayari sa iyo?!”

“Zach hindi mo ako maiintindihan-”

“Then explain yourself to me!”

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin. Nanginginig ang aking mga labing mariing nakatikhim habang nilalabanan ang matalas niyang mga titig na sumasaksak sa akin ngayon.

“You will never get to understand me, Zach. Walang kahit na sino sa inyo ang makakaintindi sa sitwasyon namin ni Kaizer-”

“Because it was awful! It was a disgrace! A mistake, a sin Neil. Hindi mo ba nakikita at naiintindihan iyon?!” His voice thundered inside our room.

I breathe, heavily that I can’t stop the loud beats of my heart that are now starting to tear me apart.

“Magpinsan kayo Neil. Parehas kayong lalaki. Hindi tayo talo-talo dito tang ina!”

A hot lone tear cascade through my cheek as I immediately wiped it off. He’s right, but I can’t seem to accept it. I love Kaizer and I will never betray him. We made promises. I promised to be his warrior, his soldier in this war that we both gonna went through together.

Naramdaman kong maglakad palapit sa akin si Zach. Ang seryosong mga mata niya ay mariing hindi nakikisimpatya sa sitwasyong haharapin ko.

“Leave Kaizer and we will go back to where we are before. Gano’n din kila Kelsy. Hindi na namin gustong umabot pa ’to kila Mama at sa buong pamilya natin. Just stay away from Kaizer at babalik tayong lahat muli sa dati-”

“No, I will never do that Zach. I love Kaizer and-”

“Do you still hear yourself, Neil?! The love you were saying is evil! Don’t you feel horrible about yourself? Hindi ka ba kinikilabutan sa mga sinasabi mo!?” Napupuyos ang mga mata ni Zach na diretsong nakatitig sa akin ang mga mata habang sinasabi iyon.

I gritted my teeth harshly like I can’t put there my anguish. My brows meet in-furrow as I feel my chest tightened in so much heave.

Everything he says was like a punched to my face. He’s hitting me hard with his words that I get pained from it. My mind likes to agree and accept the fact that we cannot be together. But then the loud beats of my heart obstructing the idea of leaving him.

It wasn’t easy to do and it will never gonna be easy for the both of us if we continue this. It will just damage the two of us. Our relationship will just inflict our lives that can ruin our future.

I was so irrational that I still let him loved me. I was so reckless that I give him the motive to fall for me harder. And it is restless for me now that I’m thinking of breaking up with him.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Zach na ngayon ay namamanglaw na ang mga matang nakatunghay sa akin ngayon. His jaw moved before his lips parted to spoke.

“Go back to what you were before Neil. This is not you. Don’t let this circumstance worsen because of your impulsive decision again. Huwag mong hayaang mawala at masira ang kung anong mayroon sa ating lahat.” He coldly said before he finally turns his back on me.

Losing everything will be means of having him. But letting myself slip out of this fall will be indicative of securing and taking everything back to where it should be. Returning everything to its previous place.

Kabanata 36

Kabanata 36

Kiss

Hindi ako mapakali at walang kapanatagan ang puso ko nang gabing iyon. I can’t just shut my eyes and fall into a doze.

The thought of leaving him is buggering me. It’s haunting me as I think of it. It tore my heart that I can immediately feel how it will be hard for me to do it.

I made a promise to him. We swore a promise to each other and transgressing the words I pronounced will just shatter us both. It will just impair the feelings we both trying to fight for together.

Morning came and I don’t know what to do. I only stay in our bungalow and went out when Kelsy and my other cousins came to bring me to the Sulu Restaurant for breakfast. I didn’t saw Kaizer there. I was looking for him but there is no trace of him.

Kahit sila Levon, Mark at Renz ay wala rin do’n. Hindi ko naman maiwasang makaramdaman ng bigat sa aking dibdib dahil ang presensyang hinahanap ko ay wala naman dito.

“Nasaan sila Kaizer? Neil?” Lucien asked me nang nasa dining table na kami ng resto.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin pero walang namutawi sa aking bibig na mga salita para isagot sa kaniyang tanong.

“Baka nasa bungalow pa nila. Hayaan mo nalang.” Maagap na sagot ni Zach sa kaniya.

Nahuli ko naman ang mga tinging ibinibigay sa akin ni Kelsy. It is still hostile and filled with disgrace. While Ate Meaghan is still not glancing on my way since after what happened last night. Si Zach naman ay hindi na rin ako magawang kausapin ngayon. He just only glancing at me like Kelsy.

Zandra was on my left side and she just also keeps on staring at me with the seriousness of empathy. Ramdam kong gusto niyang magsalita at kausapin ako ngunit nakikita ko sa kaniyang mga mata na may pumupigil. She was stopping herself by looking away whenever our gazes met.

“Bakit? Hindi ka ba natulog sa bungalow niyo ni Kaizer kagabi Neil?” Ezekiel asked me.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa aking pinggan at saka marahang umiling sa kaniya.

“Hindi,”

“Huh? Bakit? Nag-away na naman ba kayo?” Ezi added.

“Nako, ‘yan na nga ba sinasabi ko e’. Kaya dapat talaga hindi na kayo magsamang dalawa at maghiwalay nalang. Hindi na kasi natatapos at nauubos ang pinag-aawayan ninyo.” Lucien stated in dismay.

Nang mag-angat naman ako sa kanila ng tingin ay nakita kong tahimik na nakamasid sa akin si Marcos habang ang dalawa naman ay mukhang dismayado.

So they didn’t know. I thought Zach will tell them about what happened last night when they went for the restroom. But I can sense that Marcos seems to be curious with the awkward glance in the cold breakfast we are now having.

Walang umiimik sa amin pagkaraan at tanging si Lucien at Ezekiel lang. Wala naman akong gana sa pagkain at tanging pagtingin pa lamang sa aking pinggan ay pakiramdam ko ay binubusog na ako niyon. Marahang buntong-hininga ang kanina ko pa pinapakawalan.

At nang matapos kami sa aming agahan at sabay sabay kaming lumabas ng resto ay halos mapahinto ako sa aking paghakbang nang makita ko si Kaizer kasama sila Mark, Renz at Levon na papasok pa lang ng resto habang kami ay pasalubong sa kanila palabas.

His eyes met my way but then he immediately looked away. Seryoso lang siyang naglakad at nilagpasan ang aking gawi. Namataan ko naman ang seryosong mga mata nila Levon, Renz at Mark na nasa akin nakatitig ngayon.

Huminto sila sa aking harapan para paraanin kami at napansin kong hindi man lang nagawang balingan nila Kelsy, Ate Meaghan at Zach ang gawi nila Kaizer.

“Kaizer!” Biglang sigaw naman ni Ezekiel nang tuloy tuloy lang sa paglalakad si Kaizer hanggang sa malagpasan ako nito sa pinakalikuran nila Zach.

Napahinto naman sila Ate Meaghan na nakalabas na rin nang maglakad si Ezi at Lucien sa gawi ni Kaizer na nakita kong huminto rin sa kaniyang kinatatayuan. Pumihit naman ako paharap sa kanilang gawi kahit pa ramdam ko si Zach sa aking likuran na hinihintay na akong lumabas.

Kaizer then slowly turns his way to where is Ezekiel and Lucien are. His eyes were in serious glares and I can’t see anything there. It was plain and just a blank gazes.

I swallowed hard.

“Neil tara na,” I heard Zach’s stoic voice command on me from my back.

Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin. Nanatili lang akong nakaharap sa gawi nila Kaizer na mataman kong tinitingnan.

“Bakit ngayon lang kayo? May problema ba?” Dinig kong mahinang tanong ni Ezekiel.

Nasa harapan ni Ezi at Lucien ang apat na nasa hamba namin ang gawi nila. Nakita kong maglipat sa aking gawi ng tingin si Levon.

“Nothing, napuyat lang kagabi.” It was Levon who answered him.

“Nag-away na naman ba kayo ni Neil?” It was Lucien’s voice in a low deep large voice.

Masuri ko namang pinagmasdan si Kaizer na alam kong nararamdaman niya ang mga tinging ibinibigay ko sa kaniya ngayon na hindi niya magawang suklian.

“Nope,” he drawled on Lucien’s question.

“Eh bakit siya kay Zach natulog kagabi? May ginawa ka na naman sigurong mali na nagpainis kay Neil. Tsk.” Lucien probed.

I saw Kaizer’s jaw moved then he seriously looked away. At sa pag-iwas niya ng kaniyang mga mata sa gawi nila Lucien ay sa akin naman dumapo ang kaniyang seryosong mga tingin. I gritted my teeth. He didn’t look away this time but I can see the distant glares he was giving me now.

Ito yung mga tingin na ibinibigay niya sa akin noon nang hindi ko pa magawang maunawan ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin. At ang makitang ganito siyang tumingin sa akin ngayon ay pakiramdam ko ay may maliit na kirot akong naramdaman sa aking dibdib.

“Baka nga ako na naman ang may kasalanan sa kaniya.” Kaizer then uttered sternly to them as his eyes directly on me, never leaving my weak stares on him.

Mabagal at mahina pa siyang tumango sa kaniyang sarili habang ang kaniyang mga labi ay kumikibot at saka kalaunan ay mariing ipinirmi. He looks so annoyed. He looks so pissed that glancing at me makes me know that it’s me his reason for feeling this way.

At walang ano ano ay tinalikuran na niya sila Ezi.

“Mamaya ah! Baka makalimutan mo, we have planned before this noon so don’t forget!” Sigaw ni Lucien sa nakatalikod ng si Kaizer na hindi na sila binalingan pa ng tingin.

Sila Renz naman ay tipid lang akong tinanguan bago sila naglakad kasunod ni Kaizer. I didn’t know what to feel and to react. I already expecting him to be upset because I leave him last night but seeing him staring at me that way, feels like the cold freezes me for a while.

Lucien, Ezekiel, and Marcos didn’t still know about us. I have no idea if Kelsy will tell them about it or our circumstances will inform them of what is really happening now.

At ang isiping pati sila ay malalaman iyon ay pakiramdam ko ay nag-uumpisa ng magbago ang lahat. And that is what I don’t want for us to happen. The important thing that I won’t take to happen.

At bago pa man magtanghali ay naghanada na kami patungong Wreck at Siete Pecados. I still have my wounds but I can manage myself now more than yesterday. Tahimik lang ako at hindi na rin lumangoy pa ng dagat. Tinatanaw ko lang ang malawak na karagatan habang nilalanghap ang maalat na simoy ng hangin.

Nasa iisang bangka kami ngayon dahil sila Kaizer ay nakabukod sa aming muli. Nasa kabilang bangka sila kasama sila Levon, Renz, Mark, Ezekiel at Lucien. Habang kami naman nila Zandra ay magkakasama sa iisa ring bangka.

At nang magtanghalian naman ay may hinanda sa aming pagkain sa isang isla na malayo sa resort. And that time, hindi ko magawang balingan ang gawi ni Kaizer ng tingin. Umiiwas siya at gano’n din naman ako. Ramdam ko rin ang mga mata nila Kelsy at Zach na nakabantay sa akin, sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer.

They didn’t want us to be, and I get their reasons why. The justifications that waking me up to the reality of the realization that this must be stopped. Dahil kahit anong gawin kong pag-iisip kung may iba pa bang paraan para sa amin ni Kaizer ay lagi lang nauuwi ang aking mga isipin sa iisang gawi. That I just ended up in the cycle of we are cousins and we are both men.

And being in this kind of setup, would never really meant to happen in longer. It will uphold immediately because we can never fit in the eyes of everybody.

Masama. Kasalanan. Nakakadiri at makasalanan kung iisipin ang kung ano ang persepsyon ng mga tao sa aming estado. Totoo iyon at hindi ko magagawang kontrahin ang mga salitang walang ibang kahulugan kung hindi ay ang mga katotohanang dapat na isinaksak namin sa aming mga isipan.

Naglakad lakad ako sa dalampasigan kasama si Zandra pagkatapos naming mananghalian. Naiwan naman silang lahat sa cottage. Isang oras lang din kami rito at magtutuloy na kami patungo sa huli naming pupuntahan para sa araw na ito.

Diretso lang akong nakatanaw sa mahabang buhangin ng isla na ito habang mabagal na naglalakad kasama si Zandra sa aking tabi.

“What are your plans now?” Mayamaya ay tanong niya sa akin.

I saw her in my peripheral vision that is watching me in worried. Gumilid naman ako sa paglalakad at nilapitan ang isang malaking troso sa silong ng mga puno.

“I have plans in mind. But I know that I’m uncertain about it Zandra.” Ani ko sa kaniya.

Nilapitan ko ang troso at saka don naupo. Nakasunod naman siya sa akin at naupo rin sa aking tabi. Tinanaw ko ang dagat sa maliit na mga tingin dahil sa nakakasilaw nitong liwanag.

“I’m sorry Neil, but if my help for the both of you was just sufficient-” I opt to cut her off.

I turn my eyes on her way and stare at her thoroughly.

“Zandra you didn’t know how much your help benefit our relationship big time. Yung pagtanggap at pag-unawa mo pa lang para sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer ay sobra ng nakakataba ng puso. And that is more than enough for me.” I said to her with my lips formed in a bleak smile.

Seryoso man ang kaniyang mga matang ibinibigay sa akin ngayon ay bakas pa rin ang lungkot do’n.

“Mag-usap kayo ni Kaizer. Tell him your plans and I’m sure maiintindihan ka naman niya.”

“Sana nga Zandra,” I mumbled in hope.

I want Kaizer to deeply understand what is our situation. I want him to be rational this time that choosing himself on his choices will be an exception.

Nang makabalik kami sa cottage ay natanawan ko sila Lucien na pasakay na ng kanilang bangka. Sila Zach naman ay mukhang kami nalang ang hinihintay at mukhang sakto naman ang balik namin ni Zandra. Naglakad na rin kami at sumakay na sa aming bangka.

Simula kanina ay hindi ko pa nagawang balingan ng tingin ang gawi ni Kaizer. Alam at ramdam kong iniiwasan niya rin ako.

Kaya naman nang makarating kami sa Siete Pecados ay napayapa naman ang nababagabag kong dibdib kahit na papaano. Maganda ang isla at perfect for snorkeling. Gano’n nga ang ginawa ng mga pinsan ko habang ako naman ay nanatili lang na nakatanaw sa matatayog na puno at sa kulay asul na asul na kalangitan.

Umalis na muna ako sa dalampasigan at nagtungo rito sa isang mini bench para mapag-isa. Sila Kelsy, Zach at Ate Meaghan ay ani mong ang laki ng pinagbinago sa paraan ng pagtrato nila sa akin. Habang ang tatlo naman na wala pang kaide-ideya sa lahat ay alam kong nakikiramdam na rin sa nagyayari dahil pulos katahimikan lang ang namamagitan sa aming lahat ngayon.

Nahinto ako sa pag-iisip nang biglang sumulpot si Kelsy sa aking harapan. I was sitting now on a bench when I saw her serious poker face bore on me. Nag-iwas naman ako sa kaniya ng tingin pagkaraan at ibinalik ang aking mga titig sa kalangitan.

I thought she will just walk past me when I heard her suddenly spoke.

“Marcos is already asking Kuya if there is something went wrong. We decided to just keep it to ourselves about what happened that night, Neil. Wala na kaming balak pang sabihin kila Ezekiel ang kung ano man ang nabunyag kagabi. Kaya sana ay tapusin mo na kung anong namamagitan sa inyo ni Kaizer.” She said sternly.

Binalingan ko naman siya. Her peevishly serious glares are directed on me sharply as her brow is in arched.

“Is there no chance for us-”

“You are crazy. There is no way for the two of you to be together! Neil, hindi mo pa rin ba naiintindihan? Mali at kasalanan lahat ng ginagawa niyo ni Kaizer!”

I swallowed hard before I spoke. This is just getting worst each time I tried to spoke but I amend every word that will gonna come out from my mouth.

“Naiintindihan ko Kelsy. Alam kong mali pero ang hirap gawin ang tama kung alam mong sasaktan ka lang niyon.”

“Oh God, Neil! Are you out of your mind? Anong nangyari sa dating Neil na kilala naming lahat? You are the one who is supposed to easily discern what is wrong. You always do what you think is right! And what you are saying right now is completely absurd!” Kelsy’s voice raised in disbelief.

Her eyes were now piercing on me as her chest waves in a heavy breath. I tried to look cool even deep inside of me I am started to wail.

“Neil, pinsan mo si Kaizer at parehas kayong lalaki! Hindi ito tama! Ano nalang sa tingin mo ang iisipin at mararamdaman nila Marcos sa oras na malaman din nila ang katotohanan? Hindi ka ba natatakot? Especially your parents, our family Neil. Aren’t you thinking about the possible state that our family will face if you won’t leave him?”

She asked then took a step near me. Ramdam ko ang matalim at mariin niyang mga tingin na ipinupukol niya sa akin ngayon.

“Aren’t you afraid about what people will say to our family? It will stain the Arcoiris clan. The discrimination to the both of you will inflict everything where you both rooting in, including your family… Our family.” She said with the conviction of emphasis.

That is what I’m afraid of to happen. The people’s opinion and prejudice. And what makes me frightened more is that…the discrimination might come from my family. And it will hurt us three times from what other people might say.

I don’t want to disappoint my family. I don’t want them to loathe us. I’m in appall if they despise us. And thinking of Kaizer, I know that he can take it all just to be with me. But it will hurt me seeing him swallowing those stabbing words that suppose to wouldn’t have been happening.

“We are leaving tomorrow and I will expect you to end up everything with him now today before the sunrise came. Dahil kung hindi, kami ang gagawa no’n para sa inyong dalawa.”

Agaran akong nag-angat ng tingin kay Kelsy matapos niya iyong sabihin sa akin.

“But Kelsy-”

“We won’t let this sickening relationship take for long. We will end this on your way, or in our own way. Mamili ka, dahil sa oras na kami ang gumawa no’n ay nasisiguro kong hindi mo ’yon magugustuhan.” She said then turned her back on me.

But I halted her when I open my mouth to utter once again.

“Is this what you want-” she cutted me off then face me.

“Yes! Not just what I want. Because it has to be done! And if you can’t do it, then let us do the favor for you, Neil.” She remarked before she finally walked away from me.

Magkasalubong ang aking mga kilay. I gritted my teeth in an ache that now starting to strike me. This should be done and I will do it in my own way. I will end it myself and not them who will do the favor for me.

Nang lumipad ang tingin ko sa dalampasigan ay nakita ko si Kaizer na nakatanaw sa akin mula roon. He’s not wearing his wayfarer that is why I’m so sure that it was me he was looking at. His brows were in a usual scowl while his lips were in grim. Kahit sa malayo ay ramdam ko ang diin sa kaniyang mga tingin.

I looked away. Hindi na tama ito. Kelsy is right. Kailangan na naming itigil ang anumang namamagitan sa aming dalawa. Even it will damage us both, at least we prevent inflicting the people around us. And that is what we have to see at stake, our family.

We can never just lose the people who made and shape us today. We can’t just let the world we have now crash and turn into dust in just a glimpse of mistakes.

Nakabalik na rin kami ng resort. Saglit akong nagpahinga sa bungalow namin ni Zach. My things are also now here in his room dahil dinaanan nila iyon ni Kelsy sa bungalow namin ni Kaizer. I don’t know what to feel because I’m getting numb each minute passed.

I texted Kaizer. I have to end this. Alam nila Kelsy iyon dahil sinabi ko. They know what it means and they agreed to it. They will back up me if they see that I and Kaizer’s conversation is getting worst. While Zach and Ate Meaghan will take care of my other cousins. Si Zandra naman ay kinontak na rin sila Renz at sinabi ang plano kong mangyayari.

They assure us that Kaizer won’t know about it and I feel like I’m betraying him. I feel like I’m stabbing him at the back without him knowing what my scheme is.

Palubog na ang araw sa gawi namin at dito ang lugar na napagpasiyahan kong pagkikita namin. Our island tip bungalow is located on the resort adjacent to the sandbar. A verandah with an outdoor plunge pool overlooks the sunset ocean and a few steps down leads to a beach cove.

Bumaba ako ron sa dalampasigan na nasa kabilang side ng aming bungalow mula sa aming plunge pool sa verandah. Walang tao rito dahil limang bungalow lang ang island tip at ang lahat ng iyon ay in-accommodate naming magpipinsan.

My cousins were now in the restaurant or in the game station of this resort. Wala akong ideya kung saan nila dinala sila Marcos para lang makapag-usap kami ni Kaizer ngayon.

Tanaw ko ang palubog na araw sa nagkikintabang mahinang alon ng dagat mula sa aking kinatatayuan. This place is indeed a paradise, but for me, this island is gonna be our perfect sunset.

“Neil,” his cold voice called me from my back.

Hindi ako gumalaw at tanging tinanaw lang ang haring araw na nangangalahati na sa kaniyang paglubog sa karagatan. I felt him went to my side. He’s just also silent but I can sense his narrowing glares for me.

“Are you gonna break up with me now?” Biglang tanong ni Kaizer sa malalim na tono na hindi ko inasahan.

I gritted my teeth. I then gulped. I have to do this for us. For the betterment of us all.

“Yeah, let’s break up. I am breaking up with you Kaizer.” Seryoso at malalim kong ani sa kaniya.

Hindi naman siya nagsalita. Ilang segundong katahimikan pa ang namutawi sa pagitan naming dalawa bago ko siya nahimigang magsalita muli.

“Is this what you really want, Neil?” He asked me in deep.

I blinked and shut my eyes tightly before I turn my gazes on him. At nang magtama ang aming mga tingin ay halos pagsisihan kong hinarap ko pa siya.

His bloodshot eyes bore on me in menace. His lips were in grim line while his thick brows furrowed in stabbing pain.

My lips automatically parted when I felt my breath paused, watching him breaking.

“Kaizer-”

“Sabihin mo sa akin Neil. Ito ba ang gusto mong mangyari? Do you really want us to break up?” His voice hit me like a rumble of thunder that sent shivers down my spine.

Napakurap ako at napaawang ang mga labi kong nag-umpisang manginig. My eyes grew in hot that I can’t take staring at him for long. His view was tearing me apart. His words were firing me off guard that I can’t resist my feeling of being a wreck.

“Neil sabihin mo sa akin. Ginagawa mo lang ba ito dahil ito ang sinabi nila Kelsy sa’yo? Ginagawa mo lang ba ito kahit na hindi mo naman talaga gusto-”

“Oo Kaizer! I am doing this because of them. I am doing this for you! For our family! For the sake of all of us-”

“Then what about the sake of yourself?! What about your wants Neil?” His bloodshot eyes were now dripping in resentment as it gaze on me.

I instantly shook my head at him. I licked my lower lip then I look away from his menacing glares.

“Considering myself will be worthless, Kaizer. Being selfish at this point won’t help us both in the future. It will just ruin us both if I let my selfishness dictates me.”

Napailing iling naman siya. Dismayado at mukhang hindi makapaniwala sa mga sinasabi ko ngayon.

“I don’t care whatever people will say to us. I love you, Neil, unconditionally. And that is only matters to me.” I heard him say it darkly.

“Kaizer, pamilya natin ang nakasalalay sa mga desisyong ginagawa natin. Mali ang relasyong pinasok nating pareho. Mali ang mahalin mo ako. At mali rin na minahal kita.” Mataman kong sinabi sa kaniya sa pagkakataong ito.

Ang kaninang kulay kahel na sinag ng araw na tumatama sa aming pareho ay ngayo’y unti unti ng naglalaho. Kasabay ng pagbaba ng araw ay kasabay din ng paglapat sa akin ng walang buhay na mga mata ni Kaizer.

“Do you regret of loving me, Neil?” He then asked me that struck me so hard.

“Kaizer-”

“Answer me!”

Bumagsak ang luha kong kanina ko pa pinipigalilang pumatak. Umiling iling ako sa kaniya at mabigat ang dibdib kong nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Sabihin mo sa akin. Do you regret of loving me, Neil Irish!?”

“I am Kaizer! I regret loving someone like you! I regret letting myself fall for you! I regret everything we share, our moments together, our laughs, your kisses. I feel absurd and disgust about it. And I will forever regret it.” I sharply said to him this time.

My tears trickled but my dark glares at him never fade. I have to hurt him this way just to let me go. Just to let go of what we are having now.

He shook his head on me. Disapproving to what I stated.

“I hate lies, Neil. And that is what you are doing now. I don’t believe you. I will never believe you because I feel that you enjoy every bit of it. I feel that you never regret loving me. Because you loved every moment we share, you savor and cherish every time our lips collide. So please…don’t hurt me this way.” His bloodshot eyes were weakened that I can’t seem to look at.

“Kaizer I’m sorry-”

“Damn it, Neil! I never needed your sorry. What I needed is your trust and faith in me! I want you to love me with no inhibitions. I want you to be my warrior in the battle we both made. Not the coward who will leave me defeat on the battlefield.” Aniya at mabilis na hinuli ang aking palapulsuhan.

He held my hand and pulled me closer to him. I purse my lips as I cage my sobs.

“I’m sorry Kaizer but I can’t be your warrior anymore. I’m sorry but I can never obtain my promise to you. I’m s-sorry for being a coward.” I said as I shook my head at him with my trembling lips.

“No, no Mi Arcus…please-”

“Kaizer we cannot be-”

“Hindi, we can be. Look at me in the eyes. I said look at me, Neil!” His baritone voice commanding me in pleading.

Ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa aking palapulsuhan ay ngayo’y sumasakop na sa aking magkabilang pisngi. Mariin niya akong tinitigan habang ang kaniyang mga mata ay liyong liyo na sa sakit na pilit niyang nilalabanan ngayon.

I looked at him straight in the eyes while my face filled with tears that I can’t seem to stop anytime soon.

“Mi Arcus, don’t listen to them, please. You said to me that whatever happens, you will fight with me. That you won’t leave my side. So please, stick to your words for me.” Nangungusap ang kaniyang mga matang lugmok na sa sakit na nararamdaman.

Umiling ako sa kaniya. Ipinirmi naman niya ang aking tingin at saka ipinagdikit ang aming mga noo. I heard him gasped heavily pained as I gritted my teeth hardly.

“Kailangan na nating tapusin ito Kaizer.” Mahina at pinipigilan ko ang sarili sa paghikbi nang sinabi ko iyon sa kaniya.

Naramdaman ko namang iiling niya ang kaniyang ulo. Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata at nakita ko ang nakapikit niyang mga mata. Mas lalo akong nakaramdam ng bigat sa aking dibdib nang makita ko ang isang patak ng luhang dumaloy sa kaniyang pisngi.

Iniangat ko ang aking kamay at pinawi iyon.

“Kaizer, let’s stop this…”

This time he looked at me. Humiwalay ako sa kaniyang noo at saka siya nanghihinang pinagmasdan pabalik.

“I love you Kaizer, pero hindi tayo pwede. Masakit pero we have to go back to where we should be in the first place. We have to cut what keeps us together and that is to stop loving each other.”

“Neil, hindi ’yon gano’n kadali-”

“Alam ko pero kailangan nating subukan. Kailangan nating gawin dahil iyon ang tama.” I breathily said to him.

Marahan ko na ring sinubukang alisin ang kamay niyang sumasakop sa aking mukha. Ngunit nang maramdaman kong higpitan niya ang hawak sa aking mga panga at ilapit niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin ay natigilan ako.

Ang malaking bato na kaninang dumadagan sa aking nararamdaman ay ngayo’y mas lalong bumibigat. Dahil sa bawat pagdampi ng kaniyang mga labi sa akin ay hindi ko maiwasang suklian iyon.

I shut my eyes tightly as my tears profusely receding on my cheeks. I kissed him wholeheartedly like it will gonna be my last. Like it will gonna be our last.

At bago pa man lumalim ang mararahas niyang mga halik sa akin ay mahigpit ko nang hinapit ang magkabilang niyang balikat at saka ko siya buong lakas na itinulak palayo sa akin.

Bagsak ang kaniyang balikat at ang kaniyang mga mata ay nanlulumo akong pinagmasdan. I licked my lips.

“I’m sorry…” Tangi kong sinabi at mabilis ko siyang tinalikuran dahil alam kong bibigay na ako anumang oras.

“Neil, please! Mi Arcus…” I heard him shouted on my back that I cannot attain to hear anymore.

I just did what is right. I just did what is for the better even it is means of leaving him.

Kabanata 37

Kabanata

37

Normal

“Mi Arcus, I love you! Don’t do this I begged you,” Kaizer gripped my wrist.

Hindi ako humarap at nananatiling nakatalikod ako sa kaniya. I feel my heart being pound by a huge rock. My tears were like from the gloomy sky that unstoppable from receding. It was so heavy that no one can lift it for me.

“Neil please…”

“Kaizer tumigil ka na. Tigilan na natin ito-”

“I said I can’t Neil! Hindi ko kaya…” His huge deep voice broke.

Mabilis siyang kumapit sa aking katawan. He wrapped me by his warm tight embrace from my back. It was so tight. It wasn’t wholesome for me. Because it’s just confusing and restraining me from the righteous deed I must have to do.

Hinawakan ko ang dalawang kamay niyang mahigpit na nakakapit sa aking tiyan. His huge hand was like handcuffs around me. He locked me like I will be his prisoner in his arms.

“Kaizer please…” Nahihirapang ani ko na rin.

Naramdaman ko namang umiling siya sa aking likuran. Ang kaniyang mahigpit na pagkakayakap sa akin ay ang mas lalong pumapatay sa puso kong nagsisimula ng mabasag.

Pilit kong inalis ang mahigpit niyang pagkakagapos sa aking katawan pero sa bawat pag-aklas ko ay mas lalo ko lang nararamdaman yung sakit na idinudulot niyon sa akin. It’s like I was pushing aside the thorns that obstructive my way and it’s causing me pain.

“Kaizer bitiwan mo ako!”

“Hinding hindi ko gagawin ’yon. You fall for me, so now, let’s fall together. Let go on the cliff you are still holding on and please…be with me. Fall for me Neil,” it was his massive voice.

“I won’t Kaizer. I will never be completely fall for you.” Tinatagan ko ang boses ko nang sabihin ko iyon.

Kailangan niya na akong bitiwan. Kailangan na naming tigilan ito. Dahil maraming mawawala sa amin. Maraming magbabago at maaapektuhan sa makasarili naming desisyon kung ipagpapatuloy pa namin ito.

At nang hindi ko magawang kalasin ang mahigpit niyang pagkakayakap sa akin ay tinigilan ko ito. And when my eyes lifted to our bungalow I saw Marcos there. My eyes widened as I saw his rage eyes darted on us.

Nakita ko naman sila Zach na mabilis na nakasunod kay Marcos. Mahigpit akong napakapit sa mga kamay ni Kaizer.

“S-Si Marcos, Kaizer.” I stutteringly muttered to him so he can let go of me.

My heartbeat raced in tremulant. Naramdaman ko rin naman si Kaizer sa aking likuran na unti unti akong pinakawalan nang makarating sa aming harapan ngayon si Marcos.

His darted eyes were now fixed on Kaizer’s way. Maging sila Ezekiel at Lucien ay narito na rin. They are now glaring at us in disbelief of absurdity.

Kelsy, Zandra, Ate Meaghan, Mark, Levon, Renz, and Zach were also here. They are all here now and all I can feel is like I’m getting too little by their glares on us.

“Kaizer ano ’to?” Lucien asked him darkly.

Si Kaizer na nasa aking likuran ay ngayo’y tumabi sa aking gilid.

“I love Ne-” and before he finishes his line, Marcos’s fist hit him.

“Marcos tumigil ka!” Sigaw ko kay Marcos na mabilis naman akong kinuwelyuhan.

Ang kaniyang mga mata ay nag-aalab sa galit habang ang kaniyang mga labi ay nakapirmi sa isang manipis na linya.

“Kelan pa nagsimula ang kahayupang ito? Neil, answer me!” His voice thundered on me as his hand on my polo tightened.

Napatingala naman ako habang mahigpit na hinahawakan ang dalawang kamay niyang halos sumakal na sa akin ngayon. I tried of pushing him away but he’s just so strong that I feel weakened by his grip on my neck.

“Marcos stop it! Bitiwan mo si Neil!” It was Zandra’s voice I heard that stopping the beast in front of me.

Mas dumiin naman ang mga tingin sa akin ni Marcos.

“Sabing bitiwan mo ako Zach!” I heard Kaizer’s voice behind Marcos.

Hindi ko siya makita dahil nahaharangan ni Marcos ang kaniyang gawi. At nang bumaling ako ng tingin sa banda nila Zandra ay nakita kong umiiyak ito. Her tears were dripping as her hand cupped her mouth.

“Ahh!”

Nagpumiglas naman ako sa mahigpit na pagkakakapit sa akin ni Marcos nang marinig kong si Kaizer iyong sumigaw.

“Anong ginagawa niyo kay Kaizer? Let go of me, Marcos. I said let go of me!” I shouted in a storm that I hit his face so hard just to let me go.

Napahawak naman si Marcos sa kaniyang panga at nabitiwan ang mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa akin. Mabilis kong nilapitan si Kaizer na nakahiga sa buhangin at habol ang kaniyang hininga. At nang makita ko ang dugo sa kaniyang pisngi at gilid ng kaniyang labi ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong magpuyos sa galit.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Zach na alam kong may gawa no’n. I hurriedly walked towards his way and pushed him violently. And when he stepped back I was about to hit his face when I felt Kaizer stop me. Nakatayo na siya ngayon at mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa aking palapulsuhan.

“Neil,” he looked awful when he said that. It’s like he’s calming me despite our situation right now.

Magkasalubong ang aking mga kilay at napupuyos ako sa galit dahil sa ginawa niya kay Kaizer. I want to hit Zach so bad that I want him to be burried.

Pero nang maramdaman kong marahang haplosin ni Kaizer ang aking kamay ay natigilan ako.

“Mi Arcus,” mahinang pagtawag sa akin ni Kaizer.

I gritted my teeth hardly as I looked in Zach’s way with hostility.

Binitiwan ko ang mahigpit kong pagkakahawak kay Zach at saka patalsik ko siyang itinulak palayo sa amin ni Kaizer. Mariin ang kaniyang mga tingin sa akin pero mas matalim ang mga mata kong nakatunghay sa kaniya ngayon.

“Who are you to put your hands on Kaizer, Zach? Nung nakaraan ka pang tang ina ka!” I fumed at his face.

Mahigpit naman ang kamay ni Kaizer na nakahawak sa akin na pilit ako ngayong hinihila palayo sa kanila.

Nakita ko pang mariin ang mga tingin nila Kelsy at Ate Meaghan sa akin na hindi nila man lang nagawang pigilin si Zach. And even Ezi and Lucien. They were all mad at us that they will hurt us all.

At nang dumapo naman ang mga mata ko kila Renz ay agad silang napaiwas ng tingin sa amin. Kelsy glance at their way when she noticed I was glaring with them. Nakita ko pang may sabihin si Kelsy sa kanila at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin ang tatlo. Nakitaan ko ng pag-aalangan ang kanilang mga tingin pero kalaunan ay tumalikod na sila at naglakad na pabalik ng bungalow.

Lubog na ang haring araw at tanging ilaw nalang sa mga lamppost namin ngayon ang tumatanglaw sa aming lahat. Naging malakas na rin ang simoy ng hangin na sinabayan ng nagwawalang mga alon.

Kaming magpipinsan nalang ngayon ang naiwan dito malapit sa dalampasigan. Natanawan ko naman si Zandra na akmang lalapit patungo sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer nang agad siyang hinaltak ni Kelsy para pigilan sa binabalak. Nakita ko namang samaan niya ng tingin si Kelsy at saka marahas na kinalas ang pagkakahawak sa kaniya nito at nagtungo sa aming gawi.

“Kelsy, sobra naman ata itong ginagawa niyo! You want me to leave Kaizer and now you’re hurting us physically-”

“And you really think that I would believe that you will gonna break up with him? Kilala kita Neil, you are a wise man at alam kong bulag ka sa nakakasukang pag-iibigan niyo ni Kaizer.”

“I already break up with him! And yet you fooled us-”

“I never fool anyone here. Kung meron man sa ating manloloko, kayo iyon ni Kaizer! Kayong dalawa iyon at hindi ako!” She fired back.

Napakuyom ako ng aking kamao at matalim siyang tiningnan pabalik.

“Neil,” nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Marcos na nasa tabi nila Kelsy nang tawagin niya ako.

Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang matalas niyang mga mata at nag-aapoy niyang mga tingin. Hindi naman ako nagpasindak at pinantayan ko ang tinging ibinibigay nila sa akin.

“Ano Marcos? Sukang suka ka na rin ba kagaya nila Ate Meaghan at hindi mo masikmura ang nakikita mo ngayon?” I asked on him in the stern.

Umigting naman ang kaniyang panga.

“Oo, malay ko ba na baka hinahalay mo na ako sa isip mo ngayon. Kami ni Zach tuwing kasama mo kam-”

“Tang ina mo! I never think grossed like you were thinking of me that way, you motherfucker!” I cutted him off in furious.

“Who knows? You’re a son of a fucking bitch! A disgusting gay-”

“Shut that bullcrap, Marcos, or I’ll cut your balls and buried them in hell.” Kaizer abruptly hissed on him in a blast.

“Yan ba ang nakuha mo sa States, Neil? Yang kabaklaan mo-”

“Sinabing tigilan mo Marcos,” mabilis na sumugod si Kaizer sa kaniya at sinakmal ang magkabilang kwelyo nito.

“Bakit Kaizer? Nahawa ka ba ni Neil o ikaw ang nanghawa sa kaniya?” Nahihirapang sabi ni Marcos dahil sa halos pagkakasakal sa kaniya ni Kaizer.

Nakita ko namang hawakan ni Lucien at Ezekiel ang magkabilang braso ni Kaizer para awatin ito. Ako naman ay akmang lalapit sa kanilang gawi nang pigilan ako ni Zandra sa aking tabi.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at seryoso lang niya akong inilingan.

“Don’t Neil, sa oras na lumapit ka sa kanila mas lalo lang kayong magkakagulo.” Zandra said on me.

Napalunok ako. Tinanaw ko si Kaizer na ngayon ay pahagalpak na itinulak si Marcos.

“Maghiwalay kayong dalawa at tigilin ninyong pareho ang kahayupan ninyo! Dahil sa oras na malaman ’to ng pamilya natin nasisiguro kong itatakwil nila kayo!” Marcos stormed in the blaze.

Natigilan naman ako sa sinabi niya.

“Ano Neil? Akala ko ba nakipaghiwalay ka na sa kupal na ’to? Huwag mong sabihin na tama ang hinala ni Kelsy-”

“I already broke up with him Marcos so stop being a jackass here.” I cutted on him.

Nakita ko naman si Zach na maglakad palapit sa aking gawi.

“Then let’s go now. Leave each other alone and don’t ever try to hit on one another kung ayaw niyong magkagulo pa tayong lahat.” It was Kelsy who say that to me.

Napabaling naman ako sa gawi ni Kaizer na madilim na nakatingin sa kawalan. Marahan akong napakurap.

“We will go back to where we are before like this never happened. I know Neil that also wants to save this family so as you Kaizer, do your part.” She added.

At nang lumapat naman ang mga mata sa akin ni Ate Meaghan ay mahalumigmig na iyon. But unlike before that she wasn’t glancing at me.

“Neil,” nabosesan ko ang mahinang pagtawag sa akin ni Kaizer. Pinipigilan na naman akong muli.

Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin. We have to move forward like this never happened. I want our family to stay in its bind. So as what I wanted to happen, we will end this. I will stick to what was agreed.

Naglakad na ako palayo sa kanila at bago pa man ako malapitan ni Zach ay nilagpasan ko na siya. Umalis na ako at iniwan sila ron.

Mabigat at masakit ang loob kong pumasok sa loob ng bungalow namin ni Zach. At nang tuluyan akong makapasok sa loob ay agad kong isinandig ang aking ulo sa pader. Marahan akong huminga at ikinalma ang aking sarili at ang naghuhuramentado kong puso. 

Nag-init ang aking mga mata at naging mabigat ang aking paghinga. At unti-unti ay naramdaman ko nalang ang sarili kong umiiyak. Malakas kong sinuntok ang batong pader na aking kinasasandigan ng ulo nang hindi ko na makayanan pa ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa aking dibdib.

“Fuck! Damn it!” I then shouted to let out the heavy burden of pain in my heart.

Humahangos akong napahawak nalang sa pader kalaunan habang iniinda ang sakit na hindi mawala wala sa aking dibdib.

I love Kaizer. I loved him so bad that our love for each other will cause us both to our ending. Even I know that there is no limitation in love, but every time I think of what kind of relationship we have, I always find its limit. He was my limit…and loving him was the biggest downfall in my ending.

It hurts and pains. But I’ve got to decide what is for the right. I live to think and made decisions in balance. To make deeds righteously to preserve the betterment of everyone. Especially our family. I mostly love them that leaving him will be my best choice.

When Zach’s came inside our bungalow. His eyes dropped on my right hand. Nakasandig ako ngayon sa pader malapit sa bathroom at walang buhay ang mga mata kong nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin.

“Fuck, what happened to your right hand? Why is it bleeding?” He asked me then immediately attended my hand.

Tinulak ko naman siya nang akma niyang hahawakan ako.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me, Zach! Huwag ka ng magpanggap na may pakialam ka sa akin kahit na ang totoo ay kinasusuklaman mo ako kagaya nila Marcos.” I said as I catch my breath.

Tiningnan niya ako sa malamyos niyang mga tingin at ibang iba sa paraan ng madilim niyang mga mata sa akin kanina sa labas. Hindi siya nagsalita at nilapitan lang akong muli. I pushed him again but this time he holds my hand to stop me. His eyes bore on me directly as it gives me sympathy.

Hindi ko naman maiwasang manlumo at bumagsak sa kaniyang mga balikat. Hinawakan naman niya ang magkabila kong braso at saka mahinang bumuntong hininga.

“Neil-”

“I’m sorry Zach. I-I’m sorry if I failed you all. I’m sorry if I disappoint you. But please…please let me change it this time.” I said to him as my lone tear crept out on my blurry eyes.

Hindi siya nagsalita at hinayaan lang akong isandig ang aking noo sa kaniyang balikat.

It was a very tough night for me. I and Kaizer broke up and I had nothing to do other than making up with my other cousins this time. This night shall end up drinking in the Buhura Bar with them. Having a nice conversation and enjoying the night. Getting booze in so much fun. That was our plan for our last day here in the resort but it ends up being this tangled in our situation.

Nakakalungkot at sobrang nakakapanghina ng loob na nauwi sa ganito ang sanang masayang bakasyon namin sa resort. We see this as our beautiful and one of the best summer outings.

I want to blame myself for causing this so much trouble to them. In our family. I opt to love Kaizer even I know that it was wrong. I chose to let myself fall because my feelings devour me even I know it is mistaken. And now that I leave him. I cannot take to think of him suffering in pain.

Hindi ko na alam ang nangyari kila Kaizer sa labas kagabi ng makapasok ako ng bungalow namin. I didn’t also tried to lurk on them out dahil alam ko sa sarili kong papakumplikaduhin ko lang ang lahat.

Kinabukasan ay hindi na rin kami nagtagal pa sa resort. After our breakfast, we prepared for our boarding at the airport. At ang unang plano na magkatabi sana kami muli ni Kaizer sa eroplano ay napalitan na. Katabi ko na ngayon si Zach at si Marcos naman ang katabi ni Kaizer ngayon.

We were both guarded by my cousin’s glares on us. It was like our CCTV if ever we do something that can make them think ill. Hindi pa rin ako pinapansin ni Ate Meaghan at maging sila Ezekiel ay gano’n din. While Kelsy, Zandra, Zach, and Marcos are seemed to be cool on me.

Tahimik lang ako at walang kibo sa buong byahe namin. Palagi rin kaming magkalayo ni Kaizer sa mga sits at kahit sa paglalakad ay hindi kami maaaring magsabay.

Gusto kong manibago ngunit tanging takot at pangamba lang ang nararamdaman ko. I get scared of my cousins. I get scared by their words that haunted me that night. It was getting underneath my pillow that judgment and criticisms of prejudices of my sexual orientation buggering my peace.

I keep lurking and just make my stance rugged for them to see that I am fine. That I am tough and not affected by what is happened to us even the truth is that I am frightened inside.

Nakauwi ako sa amin ng wala sa sarili. Wala akong ideya kung paano kaming nakauwi ng walang imikang magpipinsan sa buong byahe. It was new, it feels innovative.

My Mom and Dad asked about our summer outing and I can’t lie to them. So instead, I just said that I’m tired from our trip. Russco was also happy when he saw me come home. But then, when he asked me ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman.

“Kuya Neil where is Kuya Kaizer? Is he going here tonight? Sa room mo ba siya matutulog? Does he have pasalubong to me as well?” Russco asked me.

Natigil ako sa paghakbang ko paakyat ng hagdanan nang itanong niya sa akin iyon. I tried to plaster a smile on my lips as I faced my brother

“No Russ,”

“So when will he go here?” Tanong niya pang muli sa akin na mukhang nalungkot.

I pat his head and smiled at him softly in weariness.

“I don’t know but maybe he’ll come here soon, alright?”

He just nods his head at me. Hindi ko alam kung paano ngayon ang mangyayari. Kaizer is closed to Russco and they seem to be friends. But now that our paths shouldn’t meet, I can’t contemplate if this is still right.

I can see and feel that the moment we chose to be together everything change. Everything started to be bound on its fall including everything we have. It was so high that I never think we will end up being this vulnerable.

That day passed and my Mom scheduled a check-up for my ankle. It was now getting fine and her doctor said that I have nothing to worry about it. He also gives me an ointment for the scars it will leave on my skin.

Four days passed and I heard nothing from my cousins and even from our family. Kaizer was also off, I am too. He changed his number dahil ’yon ang sinabi nila Marcos sa kaniya. At gano’n din naman ako. We don’t have any connection now unless I make access through my social media which I often use.

Hindi rin ako naglalalabas ng bahay namin at nagkululong lang ako madalas sa aking kwarto. I went downstairs to drink water in the kitchen when I felt dehydrated because I do nothing inside my room. Natanaw ko si Russco na malawak ang ngiting sumalubong sa akin sa hamba ng hagdan ng pababa ako. Nangunot naman ang aking noo na tiningnan siya.

“Look Kuya! I got my pasalubong na from Kuya Kaizer!”

Natigilan naman ako saglit sa sinabi niya at mabilis na napatingin sa aming salas kung naroon pa ba si Kaizer. But he wasn’t there.

“Pa’no mo nakuha? Pumunta siya rito?” I asked on him.

“Yes, pero mabilis lang at agad na rin siyang umalis,” Russco answered to me.

He even pouted his lips like he was sad that Kaizer didn’t stay here for a while. Nagbaba nalang ako ng tingin at saka naglakad na patungong kitchen. I was pouring my glass of water when Russco went on my way again. Sinundan niya ako sa kusina.

Nagbaba naman ako ng tingin sa kaniyang muli.

“What is it kiddo? May kailangan ka ba? You want snacks?” Tanong ko sa kaniya but he just eyed me.

“I’m not kiddo anymore,” masungit niyang sinabi.

Napangiti naman ako niyon. “Okay, I’m sorry then.”

Tumango lang siya sa akin at saka pagkaraan ay may hinalungkat sa paper bag na binigay sa kaniya ni Kaizer na puro pasalubong ang laman.

“Pinapabigay nga pala ni Kuya Kaizer.” He then handed me a piece of sheet.

Nanliit naman ang mga mata ko ro’n at saka ko iyon kinuha. It was a small card. Binuksan ko iyon agad at nakita na numero iyon.

“He said to me that if you have something to say to him, just message him there, he will reply immediately. And yeah, I remember that he also said that it was our secret so I know what to do Kuya.” Russco stated then smirked at me boyishly before he leaves me in the kitchen.

Saglit ko pang pinagmasdan ang kaniyang numero. I didn’t have something to say to him. Kaya naman nang umakyat na ako sa aking silid ay itinabi ko na lamang ang kaniyang numero.

Wala na akong dapat na sabihin pa. Wala na kaming dapat na pag-usapan pa. I know what he is attempting to do and I can’t abide it anymore. We’re done and we better off now this way.

The week passed and I focused on gaining my mental health back. I went to the gym for almost half of the day and played basketball with Levon and Zachary. I tried to go back to what is my life before. To where and what I am supposed to be.

Wala namang binabanggit sila Levon, Renz, at Mark sa akin na tungkol kay Kaizer tuwing may laro kami. Balik naman sa dating trato si Zach at Marcos sa akin. Like what happened in the resort never happened.

At ang madalas ko rin na makasama lately ay si Enzo. We frequently saw each other, especially that we are just in the same gym. We have the same time at nagkaiba lang kami ay sa oras ng pag-uwi. I always go home at six while he went home by five. Pero nang sumunod na araw ay nag-extend na rin siya kaya magkasabay na talaga kami na umuuwi ngayon.

“May game ka ba bukas?” Enzo asked me when I got near on my car. Kakababa lang namin galing sa gym.

“Uhm maybe, yeah, you want to join? Nando’n naman si Marcos.” I replied.

Huminto kami sa paglalakad sa tapat ng aking sasakyan. Inayos ko ang pagkakasabit ng strap ng aking duffle bag sa aking balikat nang mahuhulog na iyon. Nakita ko naman siyang napatingin don.

“No thanks, I also have plans for tomorrow.”

Nag-angat naman akong muli sa kaniya ng tingin.

“Gano’n ba? Okay lang,” ani ko pa.

“Yayayain sana kitang mag jiu-jitsu. Maybe you want to give it a try because I can see that your into sports this summer.” He then explained.

Napangiti naman ako. “Sure! I actually do jiu-jitsu back then in States, natigil nga lang din nang makabalik na kami rito. And also my cousins are into that as well.”

“Really? So I will set a schedule for us two and see what you’ve got then,” he smirked.

I arched my brow, naghahamon. “Let’s see then,”

Mapanuya naman niya akong nginisian at saka tumungo na rin sa kaniyang sasakyan na katabi lang din ng kotse ko.

“I will send you the details tomorrow morning-” I cutted him off. Nasa pintuan na kami ng aming mga sasakyan ngayon.

“Huh? Bukas agad?” Natitigilang tanong ko.

Mas lumawak naman ang kaniyang ngisi.

“Yes, why? Are you chickening out?”

“No! Why would I? Tss.” I annoyedly said then open the door of my car.

Narinig ko pa siyang mahinang matawa. Binalingan ko pa muna siya ng tingin at itinaas ang hawak kong fruit shake na nilibre niya sa akin kanina.

“Thanks for this,” I simply muttered to him then I went inside my car.

Nakita ko pang panoorin pa muna niya akong makaalis bago siya pumasok sa kaniyang sasakyan. Bumusina naman ako bago nagdire-diretso sa patakbo.

At nang pababa na ako ng kalsada ay bahagyang namilog ang aking mga mata nang matanawan ko si Kaizer na nasa tapat ng isang commercial building. He is standing there proudly while his eyes narrowed directly on my car.

I blinked and just immediately looked away. Iniliko ko na ang sasakyan ko at nilagpasan na ang kaniyang gawi.

Mahigit dalawang linggo na rin ang nakalipas at ngayon ko nalang siya muling nakita. I feel strange but I shouldn’t be awkward in seeing him again. We have to forget. We have to go back to normal and leave the ridge we are standing in so we won’t get fall again.

Kabanata 38

Kabanata 38

Badass

Pagkababang pagkababa ko ng aking sasakyan sa parking lot ay natigilan akong makita ang sasakyan ni Kaizer na pumarada rin sa tabi mismo ng aking sasakyan. Agad na nagsalubong ang aking mga kilay.

What the fuck is he doing here?

I haven’t noticed him at my back earlier as I drive home. Lumapit ako sa kaniyang sasakyan at saka siya hinintay na makalabas.

Naipatong ko ang aking dalawang kamay sa aking bewang sa iritasyong nararamdaman. Hindi dapat siya nandito. Hindi na dapat siya pumunta pa rito.

And when the door of his car open I was about to confront and thwart him but his eyes immediately hit me like an ice pick. Saglit akong napahinto at saka kumurap nang harapin niya ako. He goes in front of me, not so close but enough to say that my heart palpitates loudly by his presence.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito?” I then asked on him in hostility.

Tinitigan lang niya ako. Ang kaniyang mga mata ay walang buhay pero mariin ang mga tinging tumutunghay sa akin. I gritted my teeth. Started to get annoyed because of him.

“You shouldn’t be here, Kaizer. What if Marcos knew that you came here-”

“Kuya? Is there a problem?” Naputol ako nang mabosesan ko si Russco na ngayon ay nakita kong nakatayo sa bandang gilid ni Kaizer.

My brows meet as I took a glance at his way then back to Kaizer who is now menacingly glaring at me.

“Russco, anong ginagawa mo rito? Magkasama…kayo ni Kaizer?” Alanganin kong tanong sa aking kapatid na may kuryoso at seryoso ang mga tingin na ibinibigay sa akin ngayon.

“Yeah, we hang out this noon. He’s here because he just dropped me home. Is there a problem with that, Kuya?”

I blinked and slowly shook my head as my eyes went to Kaizer’s way who still just seriously glaring at me.

“W-Wala naman,” I muttered.

Saglit pa akong pinagmasdan ni Russco.

“Go inside Russ, aalis na rin ako.” Kaizer then immediately pronounced.

At nang marinig ko ang malalim at malamig niyang boses ay hindi ko napigilang mapabaling sa kaniyang gawi.

“Huh? Aren’t you come with me inside? Dito ka na sa amin mag-dinner. You can either sleep over here as well. Hindi ba at sa room ka naman ni Kuya madalas? So just stay here for the night, Kuya Neil will be glad if you sleep with him.” Russco said that makes my eyes widened a fraction.

My lips parted. At unti-unti ang mga mata ni Kaizer na nakatuon kay Russco ay nag-angat sa aking banda para tapunan ako ng isang sulyap.

“Why you think he will be glad? Your Kuya loathes me so much.” Kaizer then muttered as his glares at me stay for a while.

Napalunok naman ako. I felt Russco glance at me.

“He will. He’s finding you the last time you came to give me my pasalubong. And I always caught him punching the wall like he’s mad—”

“Russ let’s go inside. It’s near seven o’clock, Mom and Dad must be waiting for us.” I suddenly spoke to cut Russco’s words.

Nakita ko pang balingan muli ni Russco si Kaizer ng tingin.

“Come with us Kuya Kaizer.”

“Russ I said let’s go, hinihintay tayo nila Mom and Dad.” Ani ko pang muli sa seryoso at malalim na boses.

Kaizer eyes were thrown on me with a glint of the dark. His lips were grim as his brow in a scowl.

“I’m sorry Russ but I also have to go. Maybe I’ll join you next time instead, is that alright with you?”

Mahinang bumuntong-hininga si Russco bago siya marahang tinanguan. Ako naman ay nag-iwas na sa kaniya ng tingin at saka kinuha si Russco na nasa kaniyang kaliwang gilid.

“Go on inside,” aniya pa sa aking kapatid.

Bahagya pa niyang ginulo ang buhok ni Russco na hindi naman nagreklamo sa kaniyang ginawa. Nag-angat si Russ sa akin nang tingin bago siya naunang maglakad patungong gawi ng elevator. Sumunod na rin naman ako at hindi na binalingan pa si Kaizer na naiwan sa kaniyang sasakyan sa parking lot.

I didn’t know that Russco saw me punching the wall inside my room. Madalas ko iyong gawin nung first-week nang hindi ko na makontrol pa ang sarili ko. I was pissed, I get nuts after our island outing.

And up until now, I admit that I still can’t move on. I just plaster a smile and faked everything I do just to make them see that I’m fine. Even the truth is I’m breaking inside because I can’t accept how fate crashed our lives. It wasn’t still on its peaks but I can already feel how hard our fall will be.

That night, hindi ako dinalaw ng antok ko. I was thinking about him. I was thinking of how his cold eyes bore on me. I cannot deny to myself how I missed seeing his features, if how I miss caressing his clenching jaw. I missed his serious and cute little gestures on me. I missed how he makes me happy. I missed how to be in bliss whenever I’m with him.

But it has to be the end. We could never be because our fate was like a parallel that will never intercept even how much we wanted to collide. And what I am feeling right now is only preserve to myself alone. It shouldn’t be out of its vocal because it will just fall everything out of its place once that happened.

Kinabukasan ay halos tinanghali na ako ng gising. I immediately went to the bathroom when I checked my phone and I receive messages from Enzo.

Enzo:

Be here at eight.

He sent me the place and I know where it was because my cousins were going there. But my only problem is that it’s past eight already. Damn it!

Enzo:

I’m at the place.

Enzo:

Traffic?

Enzo:

It’s thirty minutes past. Are you coming or not? I’m waiting.

Kaya naman nang makalabas ako ng aking kwarto ay agad ko siyang tinawagan. It’s now past nine in the morning and I’m more than an hour late! Fuck!

Pababa ako ng hagdan nang masagot niya ang aking tawag.

“Neil-” I cutted him off abruptly.

“Damn, I’m sorry I got a late get cracking. Anyway, uhm are you still there at the MDS?” I asked him as I went to the staircase.

Napahawak ako sa handrail ng hagdan at saglit na huminto. I heard him gasped.

“Yes, I thought you are not coming.”

“I’m really sorry, but don’t worry I gotta go now. I will be there before a half.”

I went downstairs as I fixed the strap of my duffle bag on my shoulder.

“Alright, hintayin nalang kita sa lobby-”

“Hindi na! I’m alright. I know the floors so you don’t have to.” I instantly cut him off.

Hawak ko ang aking cellphone sa aking tainga nang makababa ako ng hagdanan. At nang mabaling ang tingin ko sa salas at makita kung sino ang naroon ay halos matigilan ako sa paghakbang

“Sigi, ikaw ang bahala,” Enzo said over the phone.

I dropped the call and my brows immediately meet when I saw Kaizer’s back sitting on the floor. He was sitting there with Russco as they play games on PS5.

“Shit! How could this irritable man shot me?!”

“Hush Russ, don’t curse. Your Kuya Neil might hear us-”

“Russco!” I exclaimed when I heard their conversation even though I was late.

Agad namang napalingon ng tingin si Russ sa aking gawi. Namilog ang kaniyang mga mata at napaawang ang kaniyang bibig na tumingin sa akin.

“Uh-oh,”

“Once I hear you say that again I will tell it to Mom. Understand?” I asked him, annoyed.

Napayuko naman siya. Nabaling naman ang mga mata ko kay Kaizer na sinamaan ko ng tingin.

“And you, what are you doing here? Can you just leave Russ so he can’t mimic your unfiltered mouth?” I irritatedly said.

Seryoso at tahimik lang niya akong tiningnan at pagkaraan ay nakakaloko akong nginisian.

“Oh really? Am I? As far as I know, you are the one who cursed often even how much you hate it.” Kaizer mumbled.

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin.

“Just cut that crap.” I just blew on him at saka pasiring na iniwasan sila ng tingin at nagtuloy na sa paglalakad palabas ng pinto.

“Where are you going?” His huge deep voice asked.

Nasa hamba na ako ng pintuan nang itanong niya iyon sa akin. Hinarap ko siya at nakita ko ang nanunuri niyang mga tingin sa aking suot.

“Wala ka ng pakialam don.”

Tinalikuran ko na siya at saka lumabas na ng pintuan. I went to the elevator and pressed the ground floor. Nang makasakay ako ng aking sasakyan ay do’n ko lang naalala na hindi pa pala ako nakakapag breakfast.

I decided to just have a drive-thru for my breakfast. I ordered a burger and french fries and I took a bite on it as I drove my car to the place. I parked my car outside the building. Inayos ko muna ang natira kong fries na hindi ko na naubos bago ako tuluyang lumabas ng aking sasakyan.

Pumasok ako sa establisyemento at hindi naman ako nalito dahil wala pa rin namang nagbago sa lugar. I once got here for a lesson in jiu-jitsu before with Zach, Marcos, Killian, Lucien, Ezi, and Kaizer. We have been here for almost three consecutive weeks before.

Hindi na ako nagpa-register sa front desk because Enzo took care of it, nailista na niya ako kagabi and I actually amazed that he doesn’t seem that excited for me.

Pagkabukas na pagkabukas ng elevator sa tamang palapag na tutunguhan ko ay napakurap pa ako nang makita ko si Enzo na mukhang pasakay naman.

Nakita kong maakurap din siya at saka kalaunan ay nagsalita.

“I was about to grab you at the lobby,” he firstly said.

My brows shot up. That explains it. Tinanguan ko lang siya.

“Pasensya na talaga at nahuli ako,” ani ko pang muli sa kaniya.

“No, it’s okay. Ang importante dumating ka,” he stated that made me glance at him.

At nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin ay nakita ko ang tipid na ngisi sa kaniyang mga labi. Napailing nalang ako at saka namin sabay na tinungo ang room. And when we got inside ay nagtungo pa muna kami ng locker room para makapagbihis ako.

Malawak ang loob at may mga pad. There was also a sparring side that near the training one. Napatingin pa ako sa iba pang mga narito nang ipakilala ako ni Enzo sa kanila. Pero natutop ang aking paningin sa sparring side na nasa kabilang side.

Napakurap pa ako nang mamukhaan ko kung sino iyon.

“Tara, let’s do the warm-up. Then proceed tayo sa rolling kapag nakondisyon mo na ang katawan mo.” Enzo said beside me na tinapik pa ako sa balikat.

Inalis ko naman na ang tingin ko sa kaniyang kapatid na babae na nagro-rolling kasama ang isang lalaki. She’s good, as in great. Even her opponent is a man I can barely see how she attacked him. Malakas at pakiramdam ko ay ako ang nasasaktan para sa kalaban.

Sinundan ko si Enzo at nagwarm up muna kami.

“Sensei, this my friend Neil.” Enzo introduced me to the man who looks the same age as my Dad.

His eyes were piercing but the smile on his lips opposing his rugged look.

“Welcome to BJJ, Neil. Is it your first time?” Sensei asked me.

I was doing the warm-up as I uttered to answer him.

“Nope, I’m not new to BJJ. I’ve been doing this before in the U.S. and my male cousins ​​are into it as well.” I answered.

Tumayo naman ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa lapag at saka inunat ang aking mga braso.

“Oh, are you a belter?” Sensei then asked me once again.

Napabaling naman ako kay Enzo na nakatingin din sa akin ngayon.

I then chuckled awkwardly. “Well, I’m not a belter. I only have a purple belt.” I simply said.

“Well, it is not bad at all because you said that you stop right?” Enzo asked.

I turn my gaze on him.

“Yeah,” I uttered with a nod in my head.

“Kung gano’n ay si Enzo na ang bahala sa’yo. He’s a black belter and on training for a brown belt. I can see that he will do the job for you.” Sensei said then leave us. Tinungo niya ang gawi ng mga nagro-rolling.

Nginisian naman ako ni Enzo.

“Ano? Let’s start?” Tanong niya.

I pursed my lips then shook my head before my foot strike his neck when he suddenly slid on his place para ilagan iyon.

“You really think you can beat me?” He muttered then mockingly smirk at me.

“Uh-huh,”

He then went near on me as his hands quickly caught my other hand to the barrier I made and pulled me down on the floor that I didn’t expect. He was strong and quick. Damn it!

Then he offered me his hand to help me stood up. I didn’t accept that. Instead, I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him down beside me. Pinakubabawan ko siya nang tuluyan ko siyang mapatumba sa aking tabi. I grid my elbow in his neck for him to yield but he hit me differently now. Kinuha niya ang dalawang braso kong sumasangga sa kaniyang leeg at saka ako padapang pinakubabawan habang ang dalawang braso ko ay pahaltak niyang inipit sa aking likuran.

“Fuck,” I groaned when I feel it hurts my arms and shoulder.

My legs that are now out of his waist were on the ground. I don’t want to lose this first rolling, sorry but I’m really that competitive. Kaya naman ay paikot kong pinalupot ang kanan kong paa sa kaniyang bewang at buong lakas siyang pinatumba sa sahig. Malakas siyang napabagsak pero nang ang kaniyang paa ay paluputan din ako ay halos mapaliyad ako sa sakit niyon.

I was on top of him but his massive strength weakening me. At nang balingan ko siya ng tingin sa aking ilalim ay matalim ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin.

“Just yield, Neil. So you won’t get hurt.” He then muttered.

At bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay nahaltak na niya ang aking leeg at pasakal akong pinadapa sa kaniya.

“Why would I yield if I can fight back?” Nahihirapan kong tanong dahil sa masakit na pagkakasakal ng kaniyang bisig sa aking leeg paarko sa likod.

“Oh really-” bago pa man niya matapos ang kaniyang sasabihin ay malakas na hinila ko na ang kaniyang leeg sa aking uluhan.

Patagilid ko iyong hinaltak kasabay ng paggilid ng aking katawan para umalis siya sa pagkakadagan sa akin. At nang magtagumpay ako ay nakatihaya ako ngayong nakapatong sa kaniya na nakatihaya rin sa aking ilalim. I didn’t expect that his grip on my neck is that strong even I pulled it using my left hand earlier.

At ngayong patalikod akong nakapatong sa kaniya na nakatihaya ay mabilis kong naramdaman ang paghigpis niya sa aking kanang hita habang ang kaliwa naman niyang paa ay nakapulupot sa aking baywang. His hand was still on my neck while his other hand is locking my left hand to pull it out.

Nahihirapan na akong huminga at naramdaman kong manakit ang balikat kong marahas niya ipinilipit.

“Fuck, Enzo! Bitiwan mo na ako!” I yield when I can’t move anymore dahil na-lock na niya ang bawat parte ng katawan ko.

“Say, master, Neil.” I heard him whispered in my ear as I felt him flexed his biceps.

Mas lalo akong nasakal niyon dahil sa kaniyang ginawa.

“Damn you-”

“Just say it, wala namang mawawala.” He cut me off.

This time, mas pinilipit pa niya ang pagkakahawak sa aking kaliwang braso na hindi ko na napigilan pang mapahiyaw sa sakit.

“Fuck you, master! I yield, goddamn it!” I cursed as I surrender in defeat.

Malakas naman siyang natawa at saka pinakawalan ang aking leeg at ang kaniyang pagkakapilipit sa aking kaliwang braso. Nanatili naman ang kaniyang mga binti na nakahapit sa aking hita at baywang pero wala na iyong buhay na pinipigilan ako. Habol ko naman ang aking hininga habang nananatiling nakahiga sa kaniyang dibdib.

“You shouldn’t condemn your master, Neil.” Namamaos niyang sinabi habang habol din ang kaniyang hininga.

Siniko ko naman ang kaniyang tagiliran dahilan para mapaungol ito.

“Ouch!” He groaned.

Inalis ko naman ang kaniyang kamay na nakapatong din sa aking dibdib at saka tumayo nang bigla niyang hapitin muli ang aking baywang dahilan para bumagsak muli ako sa kaniyang dibdib.

“Tang ina, bitiwan mo ’ko Enzo,” pagod kong sinabi dahil ramdam kong nanghina ako sa ginawa niya.

Hindi naman siya nakinig at ipinulupot muli ang kaniyang braso sa aking leeg. Napatingin naman ako sa paligid namin na abala lang din sa kanilang mga ginagawa. Ngunit nang dumapo ang aking paningin kay Kaizer na may madilim na tingin sa akin ay mablis kong inalis ang pagkakahapit ni Enzo sa aking leeg.

“Enzo pakawalan mo na ako-”

“Neil,” Kaizer voice said in hostile as his eyes brood on me in menace.

Nasa ibaba namin siya ngayon nakatayo at umiigting ang pangang matalim na nakatingin sa akin. Agad naman akong tumayo at kumawala kay Enzo nang maramdaman kong luwagan niya ang pagkakahapit sa akin.

“Kaizer…what are you doing here?” I then asked him nang makatayo ako sa kaniyang harapan.

“Picking you up after your rolling.” He then muttered in menace.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko at saka mariin siyang tiningnan. At nang maglipat siya ng tingin mula sa akin patungo sa lalaking nasa likuran ko na ngayon ay agad kong hinawakan ang kaniyang braso at hinila siya palayo ron.

“How did you know I was here?” Mahina pero mariin ang boses kong tanong sa kaniya.

Hindi naman siya nagsalita at matalim lang din ang mga matang ibinibigay sa akin ngayon. Tinangay ko siya rito malapit sa locker room kung saan walang tao.

“You are not supposed to be here! Umalis ka na-”

“Why? Are you enjoying your rolling with him? That’s why you want me to go away now?” He asked me darkly as his eyes stabbed me like I’m the criminal he caught doing a crime.

Napalunok naman ako sa talas ng kaniyang mga tingin. He took a step near me. I didn’t move, I just remain in my place and didn’t startle by his steps.

“Kaizer it’s not about that. Kelsy and Marcos might know about this at alam mo namang hindi pwede. Kaya umalis ka nalang!”

Hindi naman siya nagpatinag kahit pa tinaliman ko na rin ang tinging ipinupukol ko sa kaniya. Madilim ang kaniyang ekspresyon at bakas sa kaniyang mukha ang labis na iritasyon. Humakbang siyang muli palapit sa akin, ilang pulgada nalang din ngayon ang pagitan namin sa isa’t isa.

“Bakit ako aalis kung nandito nga ako para sunduin ka. So if ever I leave this place, I’m taking you with me.” Malalim ang boses niyang sinabi sa akin.

I gritted my teeth. I equal his dark glares on me.

“Kaizer you’re crazy. Can’t you just stop simping on this kind of love? It’s so pathetic that I don’t know why I have to buy it anymore!” I exclaimed sharply on his face.

His jaw moved. His eyes grew to darken while his lips twisted like I’m spewing gibberish words that he won’t take to believe.

“Kaizer tigilan mo na ’to-”

“Swear to God that you don’t want me simping on you. Say it.” Aniya sa malamig at naghahamon na tono.

I gulped. How would I answer him if the words that will come out to my mouth will just be a lie in God? How could I swear if I know to myself that I’m just fucking fibbing on him?

He took another step that closing our inches of distance now. I step back when his chest will gonna bumped on me.

“Tell me, Neil. How would you want me to stop when I can see through your eyes that it’s opposing what you said. Hmm?” Aniya pa sa malaki at malalim na tono habang patuloy siya sa paghakbang palapit sa akin.

Ako naman ay patuloy ding umaatras palayo sa kaniya sa tuwing humahakbang siya palapit. At nang maramdaman kong mabunggo ang aking likuran sa locker at makitang wala na akong aatrasan pa ay akmang aalis na ako pakanan nang mabilis niya akong binakuran doon. At nang sa kaliwa naman ako dadanan ay mabilis niya ring naitukod ang kaniyang kaliwang braso.

I halt. Hindi ako sa kaniya tumingin at nananatili lang ang mga mata kong nakapako sa ibaba. I was now in between his hands, cornered by his jailed huge muscled arms. And when I took a look at it. His veins were tensed that they showed up braggingly.

“Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me that you want me gone in your life, Neil. Tell me so I could stop thinking of you now. So I could stop myself from getting crazy because of you. Say it right in front of my face that you don’t love me anymore. That you are disgusted by it.” He challenged me in raucous as his eyes glint in opaque.

I gritted my teeth harshly. Then I felt his hand roughedly cupped my jaw to face him. Inangat niya ang aking tingin sa malamig at matalim niyang mga titig sa akin.

Naging mabilis naman at malakas ang kalabog ng naghuhuramentado kong puso sa aking dibdib habang pinipigil ko ang aking hininga. Nagparte ang aking mga labi nang yumukod pa siya at ilapit ang kaniya mukha sa akin.

“Say it now, Neil.” He said huskily.

Napakurap naman ako habang ang kaniyang seryosong mga tingin ay hindi nagawang iwanan ang aking mga mata. Our faces were now inches away from each other that I can feel his hot mint breath reaches my chin. Mahigpit ngunit hindi masakit ang kaniyang pagkakahawak sa aking panga na inalalayan akong harapin siya.

“Kaizer, we are already done in this part so stop making this hard for me,” I muttered.

Inilapit naman niya ngayon ang kaniyang katawan sa akin. Our knees bumped against each other that I almost get quivered on it.

“It’s not what I command Neil-”

“Sinabi ng tumigil ka na Kaizer! Bitiwan mo ako!” Ani ko sa kaniya na pahaltak kong inalis ang kaniyang kamay na humahawak sa aking panga.

And when I finally remove his hand off me, I glared at him.

“I cannot be with you Kaizer. I cannot be with my cousin. It’s a sin. It’s just a mere feeling. And I’m not a gay-”

But before I finish my line he ruggedly pushed me at the locker. My back bumped on it as he locked his left hand at the side of me while his right hand immediately snatches my jaw and captures my lips in no time.

I even felt him pushed me on the locker as his body crashed on me. His kisses on me were rugged and so forceful that I didn’t get to kiss him back.

I already made a decision. I already decided. And kissing him back will just complicate and muddle the things I tried to make out with my cousins.

I gripped Kaizer’s shirt to pushed him but he was so quick and tough that he pushed me harshly again that I groan in ache when my back smash on the locker again.

“Kaizer-” his mouth bit my lips as he roughly kissed me.

“I know you miss me. I know how much you get frustrated when we separate and Russco tells that to me. You can’t lie to me, Neil. You can’t just simply get up from your fall and you know that I won’t let that happen.” He huskily said as he bit my lower lip.

He cuffed my both hands on the upper locker, both sides of me when I attempted to push him again.

Then slowly, his hot wet kisses went down to my neck that I can’t find the right words to say to stop him. Naramdaman kong sipsipin niya ang aking leeg at bahagyang kagatin ako ron na nagpakislot sa aking katawan.

Iniangat niya sa akin ngayon ang madilim niyang mga mata habang ang kaniyang mapula at namamasang labi ang pumukaw sa aking paningin.

“I marked you now. No one outside is allowed to touch you that way again. Not Zach and not Enzo, ako lang, Neil. Ako lang.” He said in a deep large voice with his eyes focused on me in hostile.

Napahawak naman ako sa aking leeg kung saan ko naramdamang mahina niya akong kinagat at sinipsip. Fuck. What did he do? Marked? Damn it!

“That’s your reward for being such a badass. Changed up your clothes. Uuwi na tayo.” He presided over viciously that I only get to glared at him darkly.

Fuck you Kaizer, humanda ka talaga sa’kin.

Kabanata 39

Kabanata 39

Together

Pasiring kong tinulak si Kaizer sa aking harapan para makaalis sa kaniyang pagkakabakod sa akin at halos matigilan ako sa paglalakad nang makita ko ang kapatid ni Enzo na nakatingin sa aming dalawa. I halt from taking another step when her eyes narrow on us.

“Ah…” Nangapa ako ng sasabihin sa kaniya.

“Hinahanap ka ni Kuya,” she then muttered seriously.

Then her eyes went to Kaizer who is now standing beside me. Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin at nauna nalang na naglakad paalis ng locker room.

Hindi naman siguro nakita ng kapatid ni Enzo ang ginawa ni Kaizer sa akin ’di ba? Because if ever she saw us she wouldn’t act calmly. But her eyes intimidate the shit out of me. She seems skeptical about what she caught when I saw her way.

Natanaw ko naman si Enzo na may kausap na lalaki at nang makalapit ako sa kaniyang gawi ay agad na dumapo sa akin ang kaniyang mga tingin. His eyes went on me but then down on my neck. Naningkit pa ang mga mata niya na nag-angat muli sa akin ng tingin.

“I’m sorry Enzo medyo natagalan. Uhm, I have to go.”

“Huh? Nakakaisang rolling palang tayo ah. Ayaw mo bang bumawi? Maybe this time you win,” he uttered, persuading.

Napailing naman ako sa kaniya.

“I enjoy the rolling and of course, I would love to beat you. Kaso kailangan ko ng umalis e’,”

Nahuli ko pang muli ang kaniyang mga matang nakatingin sa aking leeg nang tingnan ko siya. At nang mapansin ko iyon at maalala ang ginawa ni Kaizer kanina ay agad kong inayos ang gi na suot ko.

Fuck, what did he do to my neck?! I would really kill that son of a bitch! Mamaya ka sa akin Kaizer.

“What happen to your neck?” Mayamaya ay biglang tanong sa akin ni Enzo.

Napaiwas naman agad ako sa kaniya ng tingin. Damn you Kaizer!

I bit my lower lip before I lift my gaze on him again.

“H-Huh? Why?” Nagtataka ko kunwareng tanong sa kaniya.

Naningkit pa ang mga mata ni Enzo na pinanliitan ng tingin ang aking leeg.

“There is a red thing-” I opt to cut him off when I saw Kaizer and her sister is now walking on our way.

“It’s nothing. Baka nakagat lang ako ng lamok kanina.” Pagdadahilan ko.

“No, I don’t think so. It is not hives. It’s super red that far from a mosquito bite.” He said again in curiosity.

I then chuckled fakedly to divert his eyes out from my neck.

“Well if it’s not a hive then maybe it’s because of what you did to me earlier. Papatayin mo ata ako,” I alibi again.

At nang nasa tapat na namin sila Kaizer ay agad kong tinaliman siya ng tingin. Madilim na nakangisi naman ang unggoy na ’tong nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin.

Fuck you Kaizer! Humanda ka talaga sa akin mamaya.

“Kaizer, I was about to ask you if why you’re here kaso ay mukhang may pinag-usapan kayo ni Neil.” Si Enzo na naunang nagsalita.

Tumingin pa munang saglit sa akin si Kaizer. Tinaasan ko naman siya ng isa kong kilay at masamang tinitigan.

“Cousin thing. And also I’m here to pick him up. May gagawin pa kasi kami.” Kaizer answered seriously to him.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko. Anong gagawin ang sinasabi nitong mokong na ’to?

“Gano’n ba? Kaya pala nagpapaalam na itong si Neil sa akin.” Enzo then said.

Halos sabay pa nila akong dalawa na binalingan ng tingin. At nang si Kaizer ang tinapunan ko ng mariin kong mga mata ay nakita ko rin kung paanong magdilim ang kaniyang mga matang mariing nakatitig sa aking leeg.

“Yeah, so if you don’t mind we have to go now.” Kaizer divulged then lift his eyes on me.

“It’s already lunchtime Kuya. Invite them,” I heard Enzo’s sister probed.

Hindi ko matandaan ang kaniyang pangalan at nahihiya naman akong tanungin dahil naipakilala na siya ni Enzo sa akin noon.

“Would you like to have lunch with us? Neil? Bago kayo umalis, maglunch muna tayo.” Ani pang muli ni Enzo sa akin.

At nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng isang sulyap ay mabilis ding naagaw ng kaniyang kapatid ang aking paningin.

“I’m Nicks, Enzo’s sister.” Biglang pakilala niya sa akin nang mapansing hindi ako pamilyar sa kaniya.

Nagbaba naman ako ng tingin sa kaniyang kamay na nakalahad para sa akin.

“Neil, nice meeting you…again.” I simply said then shook her hand.

Seryoso lang ang kaniyang mga mata na nakatingin sa akin at kalaunan ay tipid akong nginitian. Nabitiwan ko lang ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniyang kamay nang marinig kong tumikhim si Kaizer sa aking tabi.

“Let’s go,” he commanded beside me.

Napatingin naman ako kay Enzo na may seryosong mga mata na nanunuring nakatingin sa gawi ni Kaizer.

“Mauuna na kami Enzo, Nicks. Bawi nalang ako next time.” Ani ko dahil mukhang hindi ko na mapapaunlakan pa ang lunch na sinasabi niya.

“Alright, you owe me a lunch then.” He then said.

Napangiti naman ako. “Sure,”

“But I would be glad if it will be a dinner sometime.” Aniya pa.

Napatingin naman ako kay Kaizer.

“Pwede rin naman,” ani ko pang muli kay Enzo.

Binalingan ko pa muna si Nics ng tingin at saka marahang tinanguan. Si Enzo naman ay tinapik ang aking balikat bago ako nakapagpaalam sa kanila paalis.

Iniwan ko naman si Kaizer doon na naramdaman kong mabilis na bumuntot sa aking likuran. Nagpalit muna ako ng aking damit sa locker room at hindi ko na hinayaan siyang makapasok ro’n. I immediately changed my gi and pants that I wear into a plain black shirt and acid wash skinny jeans.

At nang makalabas ako ay nilagpasan ko lang si Kaizer na naghihintay sa akin sa bungad ng locker. Tinungo ko ang elevator at hinayaan siyang sumunod sa akin. At nang makapasok siya sa loob at sumara ang elevator, I saw my reflection in the door. Mabilis na nagdilim ang paningin ko at padarag na binato kay Kaizer ang duffel bag kong hawak.

“You’re fucking son of a bitch! Why did you put this on me?!” Napupuyos kong tanong sa kaniya habang nakaturo ang isa kong daliri sa aking leeg.

Nasapo niya ang duffle bag na ibinato ko sa kaniyang mukha at seryoso lang akong tiningnan sa mga mata.

Damn him! He put a hickey on my neck! Kaya naman pala gano’n nalang ang reaksyon ni Enzo sa akin kanina! Fuck shit. He definitely knows the difference between hickey and hive. Damn it!

Hindi siya nagsalita. Matalim ko naman siyang tinitigan bago ako tuluyang nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin. Hindi ko siya kinausap at binigyan ng pansin hanggang sa makalabas kami ng building. I went to my car. Binuksan ko iyon at akmang papasok na ako sa loob nang bigla siyang magsalita.

“Sandali yung bag mo,”

Hindi ko siya binalingan at bara bara lang na hinablot sa kaniyang pagkakahawak ang duffle bag ko. Pero ng hilahin ko iyon ay hindi niya binibitawan. Nainis naman agad ako.

“Tang ina, bitiwan mo Kaizer.” Nauubusan na ng pasensya kong sinabi.

Hinila naman niya ang bag ko na mahigpit ko ring hawak dahilan para mahaltak niya rin ako palapit sa kaniyanv gawi.

“Hindi ako bibitaw Neil.”

Nangunot naman ang noo ko. Ayaw niyang bumitaw? E’di huwag. Binitiwan ko ang bag ko at hinayaan na sa kaniya.

Tinalikuran ko siya at sumakay na ng aking sasakyan. Padarag kong isinara ang pintuan at saka mabilis na pinaandar ang sasakyan ko.

Nakita ko naman siyang magtungo sa aking gawi at saka ako kinatok do’n.

“Papasukin mo ako. Wala akong sasakyang dala.” I heard him said.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kalsada at hindi siya pinansin.

“Mag-commute ka kung gano’n! Bahala ka sa buhay mo!” Sigaw ko at saka pinaandar na ang sasakyan palagpas sa kaniya.

Then I let a heavy sigh. What the fuck is he doing? Hindi ba talaga siya titigil sa ginagawa niya? What if Kelsy and Marcos will know about this? Ano nalang ang gagawin nila sa amin? Hindi pwedeng ganito. He needs to stop this craziness!

Dalawang linggo ko na ring hindi nakikita si Kelsy at Ate Meaghan. Si Zandra naman ay gano’n din. While Zach, Marcos, Lucien and Ezi ay nakasama ko naman nung huling may laro kami.

Ayaw kong isipin na iniiwasan pa rin ako ni Ate Meaghan pero mukhang gano’n ang lumalabas. It’s gonna be our last month for summer at mag-uumpisa na naman ang school year. We’re gonna be on our first year in college at ganito pa ang nangyayari.

Naiinis kong hinampas ang horn ng manibela nang maisip ko si Kaizer. Damn it! Ayaw ko man siyang isipin at alalahanin pa ay hindi ko naman maiwasan.

I u-turn my car para balikan siya sa building. Pa’no siya nakapunta rito nang walang sasakyang dala? Napailing iling ako sa sobarang pagkainis na nararamdaman para sa kaniya.

I parked my car when I got there. Lumingon lingon pa muna ako sa paligid para hanapin siya ngunit nang hindi ko siya mamataan ay inalis ko na ang suot kong seatbelt. Lumabas ako ng aking sasakyan at halos mapatalon ako sa aking kinatatayuan nang biglang sumulpot sa aking harapan si Kaizer.

“I know you’ll come back,” aniya sa matamlay na tono.

Hinagis niya sa akin ang bag ko at saka naunang pumasok sa aking sasakyan.

“Sandali ako riyan! Sa front sit ka lang!” I exclaimed dahil sa driver’s seat siya sasakay.

“Ako ang magmamaneho. Now, get inside.” He snorted and went in.

Kaunti nalang talaga at masasapak ko na siya. Huwag mo lang talaga akong punuin Kaizer!

Padabog kong isinara ang pintuan nang makapasok ako sa front seat. Agad naman niyang pinaandar ang makina ng sasakyan.

“Gusto ko ng umuwi. Ihatid mo ako sa bahay namin.” Utos ko sa kaniya.

“Okay, I will take you home.” He simply muttered with his voice in deep.

Wala sa aming nagsasalita habang nasa byahe kami pauwi. Itinuon ko lang ang tingin ko sa daan at gano’n din naman siya.

“Let’s eat lunch first before I-”

“Kaizer I said I wanna go home! Ayaw kong maglunch na kasabay ka.”

Naramdaman ko namang balingan niya ako ng madilim niyang mga tingin. Nag-igting ang kaniyang panga at magkasalubong ang makakapal niyang kilay na diretso na ngayong nakatitig sa kalsada.

“Kapag si Enzo kahit dinner pinapayagan mo. Kapag ako ayaw mong makasabay kumain. Tss.” I heard him murmured.

Napairap naman ako sa kawalan. Hindi ako nagsalita at hindi nalang siya pinansin. Bahala ka sa buhay mo, asshole.

At nang malapit na kami sa building namin ay halos mag-dugsong ang aking mga kilay nang lagpasan niya iyon at magtuloy tuloy lang siya sa pagpapaandar ng sasakyan.

“Anong ginagawa mo? Iliko mo yung sasakyan Kaizer! Ano ba! Uuwi na ako sabi!”

Hindi naman siya nakinig at mas binilisan lang lalo ang patakbo ng sasakyan.

“Fuck! Saan mo ba ako dadalhin?!” Nagpupuyos ko ng tanong sa kaniya dahil mukhang wala naman siyang balak na magsalita at kausapin ako.

“Sa bahay mo, hindi ba at gusto mo ng umuwi?” Aniya kalaunan.

Hindi naman ako makapaniwalang hinarap ang kaniyang banda.

“Are you kidding me? Lumagpas na tayo sa building namin! Tang ina.”

Sinubukan ko namang ikalma ang aking sarili dahil nanginginig na ako sa sobrang galit sa kaniya. Napupuyos ako dahil sa inaakto niya ngayon. He’s ruining the foundation we started to build up separately. He’s making our situation complicated again.

He’s intercepting my line again even he knew that it was illegal.

Walang nagsalita sa amin pagkatapos niyon. Nakatuon lang ang aking mga mata sa bintana. He seems hostile as well, so I was too. At nang makarating kami sa lugar ay ipinarada niya ang sasakyan sa tapat ng kanilang bahay. Hindi ako umimik dahil alam kong sasabog lang ako sa oras na magsalita ako ngayon.

“Let’s go inside.” He muttered darkly.

Naramdaman ko pang titigan niya ako sa aking upuan nang hindi ako gumalaw sa aking puwesto.

“Neil bumaba ka na muna-”

“Fuck you Kaizer. Lumabas ka na ngayon ng sasakyan ko. What do you think of me? A dumb ass? Fuck you million times! I know what you’re doing at hindi mo ako madadala sa mga pangbu-bwisit mo sa akin ngayong araw!” I fired in rage.

Seryoso at mariin lang din ang kaniyang mga matang nakatitig sa akin ngayon. His lips were in a grim line as his eyes narrowed on me darkly.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Car. Now!” I shouted at his face so he can get to do what he has to do.

Marahan naman siyang umiling sa akin.

“Lalabas lang ako kung lalabas ka rin-”

“Hindi ako lalabas dahil uuwi na ako sa amin!”

“E’di hindi rin ako lalabas ng sasakyan mo.” Pagmamatigas niya pa at saka isinandig ang kaniyang ulo sa backrest ng upuan.

Damn him! Ang tigas talaga ng bungo ng unggoy na ‘to e’. Hinayaan ko siya pero nang halos nakakalahating oras na kaming nandito sa loob ng sasakyan ko at nakapatay pa ang aircon ay naaalibadbaran ako. Naramdaman kong pinagpapawisan na ako.

At nang binalingan ko naman kaniyang gawi ay halos mag-isang linya ang aking mga kilay nang makita kong hubarin niya ang kaniyang damit pang-itaas.

“Ang init,” he muttered huskily then he lifts his eyes on me after he removes his shirt.

“What the heck are you doing?” Naiinis ko na namang tanong sa kaniya.

Ngumisi naman siya at ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin ay mapaglaro sa dilim at riin.

“Ikaw? What do you think am I doing?” He asked me back.

Nothing. What the hell!?

At mayamaya ay tinukod niya ang kaniyang kanang kamay sa gilid ng aking upuan. He hangs his shirt on his left shoulder then crouched on my way. Napasandal naman ako sa backrest ng aking upuan nang ilapit niya sa akin ang kaniyang mukha.

I felt my breath hitched in heave as he slowly gets too close to my face, closing every inch of our distance until his chiseled chest touches my shoulder. My heart thumped wildly.

“Kaizer lumayo ka nga,” mahina at mahinahon ang boses kong sinabi.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit naging gano’n ang tono ko kahit na alam kong naiinis ako sa ginagawa niya sa akin ngayon. Nag-iwas ako ng mga mata mula sa seryoso at madilim niyang mga titig. My eyes down to his abs and I noticed that his muscles were now tensed. I gulped hard.

“Let’s get inside Neil, or else… I will undress myself more than a shirt here in so much hotness.” He huskily mumbled in my face then he bit his lower lip.

Natuon naman ang mga mata ko sa kaniyang mamulamulang labi at nang mapansin kong mas ilapit pa niya ang kaniyang sarili sa akin ay marahan akong napapikit. I held his huge shoulder as he neared his lips on me.

At bago pa man maglapat ang aming mga labi ay agaran ko siyang tinulak ng malakas at saka inalis ang seatbelt kong suot. I went out of my car at saka do’n huminga at ikinalma ang nagguhuhuramentado kong puso.

Kaizer is being sultry. I know that he is sultry in just one glance but what the hell! Sinasadya niya sa akin at kanina pa siya ganiyan!

Napailing iling nalang ako nang maalala ang ginawa niya sa akin sa locker room kanina. He’s such a dickhead.

Nang makalapit siya sa akin ay pinangunahan ko na siya papasok sa kanilang bahay. I went to the living room at pabagsak na naupo sa sofa ng kanilang salas.

“I will prepare us lunch-”

“I’m not hungry.” Putol ko.

Natigilan naman siya at napakurap kurap.

“Well, I’m starving so I’m gonna cook now.” He said then leave me here.

Naiirita naman akong nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin. I stood up to leave this place but when I’m near their doorway, I paused.

“No one is gonna leaving, the keys are in me.” Narinig kong aniya sa aking likuran.

What the hell. Kaizer!

Sinundan ko siya sa kusina at padabog ang mga hakbang na ginagawa ko. Nagtungo siya ng fridge at saka tinungo ang sink pagkatapos, nagdefrost. At pagkaraan ay bumalik sa counter at do’n naghiwa nang mga sangkap.

Nakatayo naman ako sa kabilang side ng counter sa kaniyang harapan. Padabog kong ipinatong ang aking dalawang kamay do’n at saka matalim siyang tinitigan.

“You know what Kaizer, stop bothering me! Kaninang umaga ka pa. What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I shouted at him in turmoil.

Huminto naman siya sa paghihiwa at matalim din akong tiningnan pabalik.

“You want to know my problem? You. It’s you, Neil. Because I can’t fucking move on and forget about us.”

“But we already settled this! We already talked about it! We are not meant for each other-”

“No one is meant for each other Neil. Walang tao ang nakalaan para sa isa’t isa because people are the one who makes and choose what will be ahead of them. It’s not fate who dictates.” He convicts.

I gritted my teeth as I stabbed him with my glares. Ipinagpatuloy naman niya ang kaniyang paghihiwa at naaasiwa ako sa mabilis at malakas na tunog ng kutsilyo niya sa sangkalan.

“You are wrong Kaizer. Fate is the one who makes way for the people to cross their paths. It’s not the people itself, it’s God’s plan and destiny.” I said darkly.

Nag-angat naman siya sa akin ng tingin at madilim ang mga matang nginisian ako. Marahan pa siyang tumango tango sa akin.

“So you believe in that? In cliches love story…in cringed beliefs of a hopelessly romantic love story. So what about us? Our love story isn’t like a fairytale in the movie nor a perfect one in a novel. But had you even believe that we can still be together?” He asked me with his serious weak glares.

I shut my lips, pursing it because I get to understand what he is pointing. I never believe that there will be us. I never believe that we can be together at the end because in the very beginning I already concluded that we will not gonna end in each other’s arms.

We both fall, in the same place but different ways.

“Kaizer…let’s just go back to what we were before. Huwag mo ng ipilit yung alam mo namang mali. Parehas lang tayong masasaktan. Parehas lang tayong mawawalan.” I said to him with my voice stern.

I saw his jaw clenched. Nananatili pa rin siyang walang damit na pang-itaas at kitang kita ko kung paanong tumaas baba ang kaniyang dibdib.

“I’m sorry but I can’t. And if what I’m doing right now is a sin, then convict me.” 

I shook my head then I looked away. Napu-frustrate akong napahilamos sa aking mukha dahil sa mga sinabi niyang tinatamaan ako.

“I don’t care if I will regret this sooner or later, because what I only know that I will gonna regret is that I didn’t give my best to fight for you…to fight for us, Neil. Because I swear an oath, I made a promise to you that I will be your warrior. That I will be your soldier in the battle that we both gonna face together. And that’s what I’m going to do.” He spurned then turn his back on me and walk towards the sink.

I swallowed hard. He still wants to fulfill his promises to me despite my reluctance on it. He’s really my warrior and I’m a coward for turning my back on him.

I love the way how he stands for what he aspires. I love how his passion brings him despite our circumstances that might give him despair. But I’m not like him. I’m his very opposite. I cannot take and do what is for me when I knew that it was wrong. And I didn’t condemn myself for being like this.

But when he came, he ruined my perception. He changed my belief. He altered my thoughts that breaking a rule would have its pros and cons. And having it both is not bad at all, dahil hindi lang naman cons ang mararanasan namin.

Nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin na ngayon ay naghihintay sa kaniyang niluluto sa stove. His eyes were all on me in humid but the glint of sadness was more screaming in my eyes.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry if I can’t done my promise to you Kaizer. Mali ito. Maling mali na ipagpatuloy pa natin ’to.”

I heard him gasped the moment I looked away.

“I know you want it, Neil. I know how much you wanted us to be but you are just restraining yourself from letting me love you-”

“Because that what is right Kaizer.” I cut him out at saka pagod ko siyang tiningnan sa mga mata.

His crossed arms went down as he walked near me now. Tinalikuran ko naman siya.

“Don’t turn your back on me, Neil Irish. I’m not done yet.” His deep baritone voice almost startled the shit out of me.

Nanigas naman ako sa aking kinatatayuan nang maramdaman ko siyang nakatayo na ngayon sa aking likuran.

“You’re not going anywhere. You’re not leaving me until I didn’t get what I want.” Malalim at mariin niyang mahinang sinabi sa aking tainga.

Hinarap ko naman siya at halos magtama ang aming mukha sa sobrang lapit niya sa akin.

“Then what do you want?” Pahamon kong tanong sa kaniya kahit na alam ko namang hindi ko maibibigay ang bagay na hihilingin niya.

His jaw moved and I can even feel his wrath.

“I want you, Neil. Let’s just keep us a secret again. But this time, I promise you that no one will gonna know about this. I will be more careful. We will be going to be more prudent-”

“No. Tama na Kaizer-”

“Please Mi Arcus…please,”

He held my both hands and kissed the back of it. Nanatili ang kamay ko sa kaniyang mga labi habang ang kaniyang mga mata ay nangungusap sa aking nakatingin, pagod at nagsusumamong hayaan namin ang isa’t isa para sa isa pang muling pagkakataon.

I blinked. Letting us be together again will be another hardship. It will be our resentment of heartache if my cousins will know about this again. Risking him this time again will be another burden of blissful qualm.

But how will I resist him if my heart keeps on bugging me in the past nights of not having him in my sight. I loved him. I want him to. And maybe that risking it this time with him again will take this unreasonable ache that I’m battling. Because he’s the only one I know that can make everything light and do things without inhibitions.

He’s my support system, and letting him go was my breakdown.

“Kaizer…”

“Please Mi Arcus…” He summoned huskily on me once again.

I bit my lower lip as I swallowed hard. Sa ngayon ay ayaw ko munang isipin kung ano ang sasabihin at magiging reaksyon nila Kelsy sa oras na malaman nila ang tungkol dito. Because at this moment, I want my heart to precede me.

“Okay,” I breathily muttered while I slowly nodded my head at him as I saw how his eyes turn in glee. He then pulled my hand and welcomed me with his tight embrace.

“I love you Mi Arcus. Thank you…” He hoarsely uttered.

I embrace him back. His hands were on my waist wrapped at the back of me while mine was on his nape down to his back.

“I love you too, baby…Papi Chulo…my Kaizer.”

Then I heard him chuckled huskily.

“Sisiguraduhin kong hindi na kita papakawalan ngayon, Neil. I will gonna make sure that you will fight for me, with me this time no matter what.” He then mumbled deeply at the back of my ear.

Mas hinigpitan ko naman ang yakap ko sa kaniya.

“I will fight for you this time Kaizer. Come hell or high water I swear to fall with you here and now.” I granted on him in hoarse.

I will fight with you…

Kabanata 40

Kabanata 40

Rage

Fall. I might stumble but I want to make sure that I’m with him to this fall. Gusto ko siyang samahan. Gusto ko siyang ipaglaban. Gusto kong mahulog kasama siya sa lugar na ibang iba sa mundong pinaniniwalaan nating perpekto.

I want his caress. I want his kisses. I want his love that this perfect world we are in cannot give.

The day I decided to let myself stood on that cliff he hangs me on. I have already surmised that I might fall. But then, I hold on to survive because I don’t want to lose the world we are both living into.

But the moment my heart skips its beat, I lose my balance. I fall. I fall for him even I know that it will both inflict us, damage us, ruin the things we are both working on in life.

And I don’t think I will regret it. Because the time he makes me feel that he’s my shelter and the warrior that will guard me, I recognize that falling on him was the best feeling I will always want to happen. 

I kissed him back in the same hunger. Our lips collide like they were eating their prey. It was craving, it was euphoric.

I pushed him on the wall as I held his jaw, gripping it. His hands were on my nape pulling me hard as he kissed me thoroughly. Our body was in the flame of love that I can feel by every move of his lips, that it was passionate. It was burning me with his rough caress at the back of me.

We are both panting and catching our own breath. Idinikit ko ang aking noo sa kaniyang noo habang habol namin ang aming mga hininga. Nananatiling nakahawak ako sa kaniyang panga habang ang isang kamay niya ay mahigpit na nakahapit sa aking batok. His other hand was on my back, pulling me more like were crashing bodies wasn’t enough.

Mariing nakapikit ang aking mga mata nang marinig ko siyang magsalita.

“I love you Mi Arcus at hindi ako magsasawang sabihin sa’yo iyon.” He muttered huskily.

Ang kamay niyang mahigpit na nakahawak sa aking batok ay gumapang patungo sa aking pisngi. He caressed my cheeks as he lifted my soft glares on him.

I licked my lips as my sight met his alluring weak stares that glints in the glee of hope.

That day, I can’t get myself moved on. I cannot sink in my head that we are now back again. That we are having it secretly again. That we are now continuing the sin we are both partaking.

It’s wrong. A taboo. A mistake and a sin. Incest. A made of evil that loving the same sex and relative blood will give unpleasant discouragement of disappointments and contempt in people like us.

But we are also human. We are also living. We can also feel. We can still felt love and deserved to be loved. At ’yon ang isang bagay na hindi ko kayang ipagdamot sa aking sarili.

I want to love him without any despite and regardless. I let myself got into him because I unconditionally accept what I am…if what is him and if what we both are.

Nang araw na iyon ay maghapon akong nag-stay sa kanila. We watched movies and rest together in his bed. He prepared us a snack when we both get up.

His parents were abroad at gano’n din ang kaniyang mga kapatid. Siya lang mag-isa sa kanila kaya kampante kaming walang makakaalam na magkasama kami buong maghapon. Even their maids weren’t there.

Hinatid niya rin ako ng gabing iyon at sa amin na rin siya nag-dinner.

“Kuya Kaizer dito ka matutulog?” Russco asked him.

We’re at the dining table, magkatabi kami ngayon sa hapag. Mom and Russ were in front of us nang tanungin siya nito.

Binalingan ko si Kaizer ng tingin.

“No Russ, uuwi ako sa amin-”

“But you are alone in your house. Dito ka nalang matulog sa amin so you won’t feel alone.” Russco imparted on him.

Nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Kaizer nang balingan niya ako, ani mong nanghihingi ng permiso sa akin na hayaan siyang matulog ngayon sa kwarto ko.

I cleared my throat and drift my eyes back on my plate.

“Yeah, you can stay here for the night Kaizer.” Isinatinig ko ang laman ng aking isipan na sumagot sa kaniyang mga matang nangungusap.

At iyon nga ang nangyari. Kaizer sleep in my room beside me. Nung una ay hindi ako mapakali dahil paano kung malaman nila Kelsy na dito siya natulog ngayong gabi.

Hinarap ko siya sa aking kaliwang likuran. Nakatihaya siya ngayong nakahiga sa aking tabi habang ako ay nakatagilid at nakaharap sa kaniya. He glances at me, ako naman ay tumihaya na rin kagaya ng kaniyang paghiga at pinagmasdan ang blankong kisame ng aking silid.

“What if Kelsy and Marcos might know this?” Ani ko sa nag-aalalang tono.

Naramdaman ko naman siyang tumagilid ng higa at saka isiniksik sa aking leeg ang kaniyang mukha. His hand was hugging me tightly as his other leg spread, wrapping my thighs. Napanguso ako sa pwesto namin ngayon. He is really cuddly.

“They won’t know Mi Arcus. They were on vacation with their family. Wala sila Zach, sila Marcos naman ay alam kong abala kaya you don’t have to worry.” He huskily mumbled.

Hinawakan ko naman ang braso niyang nakayakap sa aking katawan. Marahan kong hinaplos iyon at saka mahinang bumuntong hininga.

“Kaizer,” malamyos kong pagtawag sa kaniya.

“Hmm?” He responds from my neck.

Nagbaba naman ako muli ng mga tingin sa kamay kong marahang hinahaplos ang kaniyang braso.

“I’m sorry, sorry kung naging ganito ako.”

Gumalaw naman siya sa aking leeg at saka umalis mula sa pagkakasiksik sa akin. At kalaunan ay tiningnan ako ng tuwid sa mga mata. I purse my lips as my eyes glance at him in weary.

Nangunot naman ang kaniyang noong nakatitig sa akin.

“Mi Arcus,”

Marahan akong umiling sa kaniya at saka nagbaba ng tingin sa kaniyang dibdib. I licked my lower lip before I spoke.

“If just one of us is a lady and we are not blood-related, I believe no one will constraints us.”

I lifted my eyes on him and my lips parted when I saw how his eyes locked on me in seriousness and amazement. Then I felt his hand crawled up from my abdomen up to my jaw. He blinked.

“Mi Arcus you shouldn’t be sorry. Makinig ka sa akin alright? There is no wrong in being what we are. It is also not the thing that could make people stop from loving. Because everyone deserves the feeling of euphoria, and that euphoria is the feeling of being love. There must be a lot of aspects that could make you in bliss but loving someone…it is more than of the context of it. It means everything. Unmeasurable feeling.” He asserted hoarsely while his eyes adorably filled with passion towards his words.

I held his hand that caressing my cheek. I look up at him and stared at his expressive glares at me.

“I love you in the way you dressed up. I love you in the way how you carry yourself. I love you for being what you are, Neil. And if you’re wishing that at least one of us will be a lady, I don’t think I will fall for you in the same intensity.” He then stated.

Napanguso naman ako. “And why is that?”

He smirked sexily. “Because I like a badass and not a pretty bitch.”

I smacked his chest. Namamaos naman siyang mahinang natawa at saka hinawakan ang kamay kong humampas sa kaniya. He holds it and kissed the back of my hand.

“Ikaw ba Mi Arcus, would you like me to be a lady instead?” Mayamaya ay tanong niya sa akin.

Ako naman ang ngumisi sa kaniya ngayon. Dumilim naman ang kaniyang mga titig sa akin.

“Yes, I want you to be a lady. And I’m gladly taking you as my lady, baby chulo.”

“Tss,” napipikon naman siyang nag-iwas sa akin ng tingin.

I then chuckled, annoying him more.

“I want my lady to treat me cutely. I want my lady to burried his face on my neck, smelling me like I’m her most favorite perfume. I want her to be possessive of me. I want her to be clingy who loves cuddles and hugging her.” Ani ko pa sa kaniya sa nang-aasar na tono.

Nag-angat naman siya sa akin ng tingin at saka kumibot ang kaniyang mga labi nang mapagtanto ang aking mga sinabi.

“Kilig ka na niyan?” Nanunuya ko pang tanong sa kaniya.

He bit his lower lip then slowly nodded his head at me. Tss, he’s being pa-cute. Kairita.

Then his eyes puffed like a cute puppy staring at me right now. Pairap naman akong nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin.

“I know that I’m the lady you are telling, Mi Arcus. Then I willingly accept to be yours, from here now and then.” He said like it was his vow to me.

Nangunot naman ang aking noo nang makita ko pa siyang kunwareng may isuot na singsing sa aking daliri.

“Anong ginagawa mo?” Natatawa at the same time ay hindi maiwasang makaramdam ng kakaibang pakiramdam sa kaniyang ginagawa.

“I’m putting you a ring of promise.” He then muttered.

Natigilan naman ako ron sa sinabi niya. He held my hand and intertwined it with his.

“I’m sorry I’m not prepared but I am giving you this invisible ring that symbolizes my infinite love for you, Neil… my Mi Arcus. I swear to not stop falling for you not until you stop loving me too. Because I believe that you are also crazy in love with me.” He said in bragged but the seriousness was elevated.

Seryoso ko naman siyang tinitigan pabalik. Is this a proposal or what? But why do I feel like it is? I feel pressured and freaking nervous that I felt my palm sweat.

I licked my lips and swallowed hard. Mukha naman siyang naghihintay ng sasabihin ko.

Damn, I didn’t know that this will be hard!

“Is this…serious?” Tanong ko pa sa kaniya.

He just smirked at me sexily as he nods his head at me. I blinked then cleared my throat.

I let a soft sigh before I utter. I held his hand which he uses from holding me tightly. Then I looked at him straight in the eyes.

“Kaizer, I may not be perfect but… I promised you as well to love you in depths. To always keep on loving you so you can’t stop yourself from letting your feelings elated me.”

I didn’t know how that perfect night ends. Because even my eyes shut and I’m asleep, I feel like I was awake the whole night. His arms that are wrapped around my body. His face that is so near to mine. His warm presence that giving me the vibes of the shelter of home that loves and equality is the foundation of it.

The next day, he went back to their house. He wanted us to hang out slash date kuno and I don’t know how to resist it so I said yes. I know it’s lame but how could I withstand this man? Damn, I think he really cast some spell on me.

Mamayang hapon pa ang alis namin kaya ginawa ko muna ang mga dapat kong asikasuhin kinaumagahan. I also heard from Mom that Tito Zavian and Tita Kailey went to Cebu with their children nung nakaraan pa kaya wala sila Zach dito ngayon. Sila Marcos naman ay hindi na ako nakibalita pa dahil alam kong abala siya ngayon sa pagtulong sa business ni Tito Demarcus, gano’n din si Lucien.

Si Zandra at Ezekiel naman ay nung nakaraan pa nakaalis at nagbakasyon din sa probinsya kung saan si Killian pinadestino nila Tito Deverox. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ang uwi nila pero halos ilang araw lang pagkatapos ng outing namin ay umalis na rin sila patungo ro’n.

“Kuya saan ka pupunta?” Russco asked me nang maghapon at naghanda na rin ako dahil anytime soon ay darating na si Kaizer para daanan ako.

I’m in my room now at si Russco naman ay nakaupo sa aking kama at nakamasid sa akin na nag-aayos ng sarili.

“Uhm, sa labas lang.” Tipid kong sagot sa kaniya.

“Saang labas Kuya? Kailangan naka shoes and complete attire?” He then asked me again.

Napakurap naman ako sa kaniyang tanong. Naupo ako sa kaniyang tabi at kinuha ang aking phone na naroon sa kaniyang gilid.

“Uhm…” Nangapa ako ng isasagot sa kaniya.

Ngunit nang marinig kong tumunog ang aking cellphone sa aking kamay ay nakita kong mabilis na dumapo ron ang mga mata niya.

“Kuya Kaizer is calling you.” Aniya at saka marahan siyang nag-angat sa akin ng seryosong mga tingin.

“Saglit lang,” sabi ko kay Russ para sagutin ang tawag.

Tumayo ako mula sa aking pagkakaupo at saka naglakad patungo sa gawing study table.

“I’m down here, nakaayos ka na?” Kaizer said on the other line.

I bit my lower lip.

“Yeah, on it. Give me a minutes bababa na rin ako.”

“Okay, aakyat na rin ako para-” I chop him off.

“You don’t have to, mabilis lang ’to. Diyan ka nalang sa baba.” Maagap kong ani.

Hindi naman siya agad nakapagsalita.

“Alright,” I heard him uttered in a low manner.

I dropped the call at saktong pagkaharap ko kay Russ ay halos matigilan ako nang makita ko si Zandra malapit sa pinto ng aking silid. Napakurap ako at ilang segundong natigilan sa paghinga.

“Zandra, kelan pa kayo dumating?” I then asked on her.

Hindi ko alam pero agad akong kinabahan na makita siyang narito sa aking silid. Nandito rin ba sila Ezi? Sila Kelsy? Nakabalik na rin ba sila?

“Kaninang umaga lang. Dumaan lang ako para bisitahin ka at si Russco. Na-miss ko rin kayo.” She said then went to Russco’s way and I saw her give something to him.

“What is it, Ate Zandra?” Russco asked on her as he opens the paper bag.

“It’s a dry fruit chip from the province, masarap ’yan. Meron din d’yang cute na bonnet, I bought that for you.”

Naglakad naman ako palapit sa kanila. Napatingin naman sa akin si Zandra habang si Russ ay naging okupado dahil sa pasalubong na bigay niya.

She was smiling when she glanced at me but when she saw my serious glares on her, she blinked then glanced at me with curiousness.

At pagkaraan ay sinuri niya ang suot ko.

“Aalis ka?” She then assumes in asked tone.

“Yeah, mauna na ako,” I said to her.

“Sandali-” she was about to say something when I immediately went out of my room.

Hindi ko naman naramdaman na mabilis pala siyang nakasunod sa akin nang nasa hamba na ako ng hagdan.

“Wait Neil, Kaizer is at the parking. Siya ba ang kasama mo?” She then blurted out which made me halt from taking a step downstairs.

Nilingon ko siya at saka seryoso lang na tiningnan. I know that she’s our ally but I can’t tell her about it this time. Mas mabuti nang sekreto na lamang naming dalawa ni Kaizer iyon na walang kahit na sino ang may alam. I want us to start with a clean sheet of pad paper without any scratch put in there.

Pinangunutan ko siya ng noo.

“Huh? What are you saying?” Maang maangan kong tanong sa kaniya.

Naningkit naman ang kaniyang mga matang tumunghay sa akin. Peke pa akong bahagyang napatawa upang itago ang kaba sa aking dibdib.

“Ilang linggo na kaming hindi nagkikita Zandra. So how could you say that he’s in the parking-”

“I saw him there.”

“Baka namamalikmata ka lang. And I wasn’t with him. Pupunta ako kila Enzo ngayon.” Gatong ko pa sa mga sinabi ko kanina.

Hindi naman siya kumurap at saka marahan lang akong tinanguan.

“Okay, ingat sa byahe,” she then simply uttered.

Ilang sandali pa kaming nagkatitigan bago ako nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya at bumaba na ng hagdan. I can feel her stares on my back as I went out of the doorway.

We can trust Zandra and I know that. But I can’t just risk the chance that Kaizer and I given to ourselves.

Nang makababa ako sa parking ay naabutan ko si Kaizer na nasa gilid ng kaniyang sasakyan na nakasandal. Dali dali ko siyang nilapitan.

“Let’s drive separately. Hindi ako pwedeng sumakay sa sasakyan mo just in case na may makakita sa atin. We can’t risk it. Zandra is in our house and he saw you here.” Nag-aalala kong sinabi sa kaniya.

“What? Hindi ko siya nakitang dumaan dito.” Aniya naman sa akin sa nagtatakang tono.

I gritted my teeth. How did she get in? Kanina pa ba siya sa amin? Bakit hindi siya nakita ni Kaizer na dumaan dito?

“Sasakyan ni Ezi,” Pabulong na ani sa akin ni Kaizer na agad akong hinila patungo sa gilid ng kaniyang sasakyan.

“What the fuck. Kelan pa sila nakabalik?” Kaizer asked me in shock.

Tinampal ko naman ang bibig niya. “Why fucking curse?” Iritado kong ani sa kaniya.

Napanguso naman siya sa akin.

“Kaninang umaga lang daw sila dumating. Sila Kelsy hindi ko alam kung nakabalik na ba pero ang alam ko ay sa makalawa pa ang uwi nila.” I answered to him.

Hinawakan naman ni Kaizer ang aking ulo at saka ako marahang inalalayan para yumuko at magpaliit sa kinatatayuan namin ngayon para magtago. Natanaw ko pa ng ilang sandali si Ezi na kasama si Lucien na nagtungo sa loob papasok ng elevator. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag nang tuluyan na silang makaalis.

I sigh and about to stood up when Kaizer grip my hand. He pulled me closer to him and scoop the back of my head. Iniharap niya ako sa kaniya at saka marahang isinandig sa kaniyang balikat.

“Don’t move, Marcos is there.” He whispered in my ear.

Hindi naman ako gumalaw at nanatili lang akong nakasandig sa kaniyang balikat. Ilang sandali pa ay naramdaman kong lumuwag na ang pagkakahawak sa akin ni Kaizer kaya marahan akong humiwalay sa kaniya.

We continue our plan. We go out and we used separate car para walang makahuli sa amin.

Marcos is in our house at gano’n din ang iba ko pang pinsan. I know that they would ask and be curious about my whereabouts but then if I might get home and they are still there, I have to make a lot of excuses for them to buy it.

Nagtungo kami sa isang resto malayo sa malls at kahit ano pa mang alam naming maaaring makakilala sa amin. We need to be more critical this time. We can’t just go to the resto in a hotel nor to some malls because there will be a possibility for someone to recognize us two. And we both didn’t want it to happen.

We’re now sitting at one table near the grass field on the backside side of this resto with the view of their amazing garden. It’s a small resto that a bit far from the city. Palubog na rin ang araw nang makarating kami ritong dalawa kanina.

We immediately order and ate our meal. It actually felt so surreal that we are doing this again. I feel like I get back to our first date. Yeah, I know it’s kinda lame but I really did feel like a little shy badass here now.

“You’re blushing again,” Kaizer stated as he now giving me a sexily smirk.

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin.

“The hell are you saying. I’m not having that.” Pasiring kong ani sa kaniya.

Kanina pa kami tapos sa pagkain at ngayon ay nagkakaasaran lang sa tuwing napupuna niya akong namumula. 

“Kelan ang balik nila Kelsy? Do you have any idea?” I then asked him in seriousness after a bark of laughter we share earlier.

I always had fun with this man since before. Kung hindi lang talaga niya ako inaway noon ay kami talaga ang mas malapit sa isa’t isa at hindi kila Zach at Marcos.

Nagseryoso rin naman siya ngayon at ipinatong ang dalawa niyang siko sa lamesa.

“I have no idea but let’s just get updated every time.” He muttered.

“Maybe hindi na muna tayo lumabas ulit next time. Mahirap na at baka malaman nila ang tungkol dito.” Ani ko pa sa kaniyang muli.

Marahan naman siyang tumango sa akin. “I understand.”

Saglit pa kaming nagkatitigan bago siya tumayo sa kaniyang upuan at ilahad sa akin ang kaniyang kamay. Napatingin naman ako ron.

“Take my hand Mi Arcus, you have nothing to worry about here.” Namamaos niyang sinabi sa akin.

Napatingin naman ako sa aming paligid. Madilim na rin at wala naman akong nakitang mga tao sa aming banda. I lifted my eyes on him then, later on, I accept his hand. I stood up and I didn’t expect that Kaizer will pull my waist close to him.

Bumunggo ako sa kaniyang dibdib. Kaizer was tall, I am too. But he’s taller than me, just an inch I guess. Agad ko naman siyang tinulak palayo sa akin at nakangisi naman niya akong tinitingnan.

Damn, why is this man is so annoying?

“Kaizer napaka PDA mo talaga kahit kelang hinayupak ka,” Mahina pero mariin kong ani sa kaniya.

He just chuckled sexily.

“Sorry Mi Arcus, I just can’t stop myself from holding you. You are just so ethereal. Oh God,” he muttered in adoration.

Napangiti naman ako sa kaniya.

“So do you want me to be your angel or God?” I asked him in a soft large voice.

Hinigpitan naman niya ang kaniyang pagkakahawak sa aking kamay. Marahan siyang kumurap at ang seryoso niyang mga mata ay malamyos na tumunghay sa akin.

“I want you both because I love every bit of you. And I would love to praise you each day.”

His voice was in a deep large tone that allures me. He takes a step closer to me until our distance became few as it should be. His eyes directly staring at me with the glint of fascination. He licked his lips then plaster a small smile that made him look sultry.

“But if ever that you’ll gonna be an angel, would you rather be a fallen for me?” He asked me raucously.

I didn’t blink. I am enjoying his menace alluring stares at me. I smiled at him.

“Why wouldn’t you just be an angel as well so we could be free in heaven?” I asked on him.

Nagbaba ang kaniyang mga talukap at nakita kong lumapat ang kaniyang mga mata sa aking labi.

“I don’t think I can be one because I will just break their rules for you, Mi Arcus.”

I bit my lower lip. “But I don’t wanna be a fallen…” I mumbled.

Nakita ko namang dumaan ang lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata. Napalunok siya at saka kumurap.

“But if loving you is a sin and rebel that means of casting me out of heaven, I would rather be a fallen for you Kaizer,” I muttered deeply that left him astounded.

I saw how his eyes darken this time. His jaw clenched as his lips line in a grim. I plaster a soft smile for him.

“Neil?”

But the smile on my lips immediately fades when I heard a voice near us. And when I took a glance at it. I saw Enzo and Nicks, watching us in appall with their eyes and mouth in o.

“Enzo-”

“What are you both doing? Kaizer…why are you holding his hands?” Enzo asked in the rage of shock.

Nakita kong tumalim at dumilim ang kaniyang mga mata na minsan ko lang nakita kay Morgan noon. His eyes sharpened and I can’t take glaring at him back.

At nang mapansin kong akmang lalapit siya sa gawi namin ay nakita kong mabilis na hinawakan ni Nicks ang kaniyang braso.

“Kuya,” I heard her soft voice stopping his brother.

Nicks looked horrified but when she stops her brother I can see that she also gets afraid of it.

Enzo pulled his arm from the hold of her sister. Naramdaman ko namang ilagay ako ni Kaizer sa kaniyang likuran. Hinawakan ko naman ang kamay niya dahil alam ko ang ganitong galawan ni Kaizer. He’s preparing himself. And I can’t let him be in this trouble again.

“I really felt it at first but I just ignore it because I believe that you are just cousins. But now seeing you with Neil with this strange glares I wanna fucking hit you Kaizer.” Enzo’s voice rumble kasabay nang mabilis niyang paghakbang patungo kay Kaizer na nasa aking likuran.

Ako naman ay bago pa may masamang magawa si Enzo sa kaniya ay hinampas ko na ang braso ni Enzo na muntikan nang dumapo kay Kaizer. I saw Enzo glared at me darkly and glance at Kaizer at my back.

And when he tried to go near him I get his both hands and locked them at the back of him. Pinilipit ko ang mga braso ni Enzo. At nang malakas siyang mapainda sa sakit ay naramdaman ko namang may humawak sa aking ulo at panga. Sa isang pihit lang niya ng aking ulo ay tapos ako ngayon.

“Let go of my brother bago pa may mangyaring hindi mo magustuhan.” It was Nicks who is now on my back.

Hindi naman ako nakagalaw. I gulped. At nang bitiwan ko si Enzo ay hindi ko inasahang mabilis niyang nadamba si Kaizer. What the hell.

I gritted my teeth. My chest tightened as I saw Kaizer wiping the side of his lips. At bago pa man may mangyaring hindi maganda ay kumawala ako kay Nics at agad na tinakbo ang gawi ni Kaizer.

Enzo was panting while his eyes dimmed as he stabbingly glaring at us.

“You’re cousins Neil! So why the hell on earth you both guys are in this bullcrap thing?!” Enzo burst on me.

“You have no say on this, so fuck off! And you think we will break up just because you knew it? Tang ina mo, hindi ’yon mangyayari.” Kaizer enraged.

Hawak ko naman ang magkabilang braso ni Kaizer. I was frightened to see how Enzo eyed me now. It was piercing through the depths of my eyes.

“Your cousins should know about this-” and before Enzo says more he falls on the field.

“Kuya!” Nics screamed in weary as he attended his brother.

Nakatayo si Kaizer sa kaniyang harapan na matalim siyang pinagmamasdang nakahandusay sa sahig. At nang lapitan ko sila at makitang dumugo ang ilong ni Enzo ay hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.

“Kaizer please…let’s just go. Huwag mo na siyang labanan. Baby please.” Mahina kong ani sa kaniya habang hinihila ang kaniyang braso palayo ron.

But he didn’t listen to me. Kaya naman nang mabilis na nakatayo si Enzo ay hindi ko na napigiling sumigaw dahil alam kong hindi sila titigil hangga’t walang sumusuko.

“Enzo please stop! P-Please tama na!” I exclaimed with my voice strained.

I didn’t plan to cry but my tears are too shallow at this point. Nilapitan ko si Enzo at saka hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat. I can’t stop Kaizer because I know that he’s just protecting me. Instead, I went to Enzo to please him.

Mariin ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniyang magkabilang balikat at namumula ang lumuluha kong mga matang mataman siyang tiningnan.

“Enzo, pakiusap…stop it. Stop hurting us because we are already emotionally strained and we can’t take physical damage this time. P-Please…” My lips trembled after I said that to him.

Naramdaman ko naman ang malalim at mabilis niyang paghinga.

“Fucking bullcrap! This is insane. I can’t believe you, Neil.” He cursed under his breath as he shook his head on me in disbelief.

Kabanata 41

Kabanata 41

Promise

“Kaizer!” Levon’s voice startled me.

At nang bitiwan ko ang mahigpit na pagkakahawak ko sa magkabilang braso ni Enzo ay napatingin ako sa kanilang gawi.

My eyes widened when I saw Levon and Renz walking towards our way now. What are they doing in here? They should not see us. No one should know about us again but why the heck is this happening right now!?

“Let’s go,” Kaizer voice crept on me nang mabilis niyang hinuli ang aking palapulsuhan.

Mabilis kaming naglakad palabas at hindi na ako lumingon pa pabalik. Levon and Renz were also here, hindi nila kasama si Mark. Enzo and Nics, they know what is the string attached between me and Kaizer now and I can’t stomach how shocked Enzo was earlier.

Gusto naming itago ni Kaizer ang kung anong mayroon sa amin ngayon. But then fate seems to oppose the chances we are risking into. The uncertainty of happenings in our way right now became more congested. It’s like a timer that is set on a specific date and we can’t turn it back.

Mabuti nalang at nakalabas kaming kaagad at hindi naman na kami sinundan pa nila.

I licked my lips as I felt my face viscid in tears I cried earlier. Hinarap ko si Kaizer sa driver seat nang pareho na kaming makapasok sa sasakyan niya. His weary eyes bore on me as my eyes dropped on the side of his lips.

Agad kong hinanap ang emergency kit at nang makita ko iyon sa baba sa tapat lang ng aking upuan sa ilalim ay kinuha ko iyon. I cleaned his bruise at the side of his lips. He was just silent as I do it very gently.

Hindi ko siya tinitingnan sa mga mata pero ramdam ko na nasa akin nakatutok ang seryoso at madilim niyang mga titig. Bahagya pa akong lumayo sa kaniya nang maramdaman kong gumalaw ang isa niyang kamay, senyales na hahawakan ako.

“Kaizer, let’s go home.” Pag-iwas ko at saka niligpit na ang kit at binalik sa dati.

Tinignan ko na siya sa mga mata sa pagkakataong ito. I pursed my lips as my eyes bore on him in weary. But then, his hand reaches my cheeks once again. He caressed me softly like he’s wiping away the dried tear I was done giving earlier.

“I’m sorry Kaizer-”

“Hush, I don’t want to hear you sorry. It’s not your fault-”

“But Kaizer you always get bruises because of me. I can’t even stop them hurting you, from hurting us. Paano tayo lalaban kung palagi nalang ganito? Kung palagi nalang akong ganito? I’m tired of seeing you hurt baby. And I can’t take seeing you get hurt again.” I muttered to him seriously.

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang kamay niyang humahaplos sa aking pisngi. Ang kaniyang mga mata ay kumukinang sa pangamba at hindi mapangalanang galit.

“Just hold on me Neil, we can surpass it. If you can’t take seeing me hurt then I promised you that I won’t let them again. I won’t let them hurt you by seeing me harm Mi Arcus.”

His words were comforting me somehow. Even I know that in spite of what just happened there is still a doubt and fear of what if Kelsy might know about this? Enzo said that my cousins had to know about it and that is creeping me out.

Naghiwalay kami ni Kaizer ng sasakyan at kalaunan ay magkahiwalay kaming umuwi. He wanted to stalk my car until I got home but I opt him to not too especially that Zandra is in our house earlier and I am not sure if they are still there.

I feel bothered by Levon and Renz as well. I know that like Zandra they were also the ones who knew our dirty secret and they intend to keep it with us as well. Pero sa pagkakataong ito ay naiba. Ayaw kong maglihim man sa kanila ay ’yon ang sa tingin naming makakatulong sa aming dalawa ni Kaizer.

But then fate contradicts our plans once again. Destiny seems to ruin it and we have nothing to do with it unless we face out its consequences. Including the burst of this dirty secret, that we risked again for the second time.

Pumasok ako ng bahay na tahimik na ang paligid. The lights were turn off in the living area and even in the kitchen. Tahimik lang akong naglakad paakyat ng hagdan habang hindi naaalis sa aking isipan kung paanong nagalit si Enzo kanina. He wasn’t actually fully mad yet I can see it through his eyes when I pierced on him. He was stopping and trying to control himself.

I opened the door of my room as I get my phone inside my pocket when I feel it vibrated. Binasa ko ang mensahe ni Kaizer sa akin habang marahan akong pumasok sa aking silid. Ngunit bago pa man ako tuluyang makapaglakad patungo sa aking kama ay agad na nagpagitla sa akin ang presensya ni Marcos na nasa aking higaan.

“Marcos…anong ginagawa mo rito sa kwarto ko?” I asked him in shock but I pretend that I was just asking him nonchalantly.

Nakahiga siya sa aking kama at mariin ang madilim nitong mga matang tumitig sa akin pabalik. Nakapatay ang ilaw ng aking silid ngunit may kaunting liwanag na nagbibigay tanglaw sa aming gawi mula sa bintana.

I gritted my teeth.

“Dito ako matutulog, I was waiting for you dahil baka sa ibang bahay ka matulog ngayong gabi.” He then said with his huge deep voice.

I blinked and looked down. Hinubad ko naman ang aking pang-itaas na damit at saka siya tinalikuran. I was heading to my bathroom when I heard him spoke again.

“By the way, where have been? Kaninang hapon lang kami dumating dito nila Lucien and Ezi to visit you and Russco. And Zandra said you are…”

Namilog ang aking mga mata nang putulin niya ang kaniyang sinasabi. Pinakiramdaman ko naman siya agad mula sa aking kinatatayuan dahil kilala ko si Marcos, he’s like some sort of shit that you cannot want to crashes on.

“She said that you are out with someone very special to you.” I heard his deep dark voice is now getting near to me.

At bago pa man siya makalapit sa aking kinatatayuan ay hinarap ko na ang kaniyang gawi. Ilang pulgada nalang ang pagitan namin ngayon na hindi ko inasahang magiging gano’n kabilis siyang makakalapit sa akin.

His face was brooding on me as his massive broad shoulder seems to be tensed as his jaw moved. He was topless and I am too, but his difference is that he’s only wearing his boxer shorts.

I gritted my teeth as I narrowed my eyes on him as well, equalling the glares he was throwing on me.

“Why Marcos? Is it bad to hang out now with the person I wanted?” I asked him in raucous.

Gumalaw ang kaniyang panga at kahit na bahagyang madilim ay kitang kita ko kung paanong mag-igting iyon kasabay ng pagtalim lalo ng kaniyang mga titig sa akin.

“Then, do you even mind telling me who’s that special someone you are with earlier?” Tanong pa niya na nagpatigil sa akin lalo.

I pursed my lips in a grim line as I hardly tried not to looked away by his trenchant glares. I gulped hard.

I can see that he’s just ensnared me in the act that I was with Kaizer earlier. I know that he’s doubting me right now and I can’t stop him from feeling that way. I just want to believe that Zandra didn’t know whom I’m with when I leave earlier that Marcos didn’t buy that as a benefit to doubt us.

“It’s out of your knowledge, Marcos. Hindi mo na kailangan pang usisain kung sino ang kasama ko kanina.” Mariin kong ani sa kaniya.

“And why is that? Is there something that is happening beyond my knowledge…beyond our knowledge Neil?” Marcos’s voice is stern. His tone is freaking deep like he’s frightening me.

While I cannot stop myself from gritting my teeth. My sharpened eyes weren’t enough to say how much I wanted to hit him now but I know that I shouldn’t. I have to be careful about everything especially in my actions that will gonna reflect on their thorough eyes assessment of my every move.

“Wala. Dahil matagal ng tapos lahat Marcos. I ended it for the better and I’m not a damn to give a fuck on him again.” I uttered sternly.

He then smirked at me without any humor that hangs on it. Mas lalo naman akong nagseryoso na tumitig sa kaniya pabalik.

“You are not damn but you are a jackass that became stupid by your irrational guilt feelings. And that doesn’t make any difference from being fucking damn.” He stoically pronounced.

I took a step near him. I arched my brow and sharpened my stares more.

“So what are you pointing out here?” I asked in hostile.

He blinked. Nag-iwas pa siya ng tingin sa akin saglit at saka agad ding bumaling sa akin nang may seryso at mas matalim na mga mata. Ang kaninang mapanganib niyang ngisi na naglalaro sa kaniyang mga labi ay ngayo’y naglaho na.

“Sa oras na malaman kong si Kaizer ang kinikita mo, magkapatayan na kung magkapatayan. Magkagulo kung magkagulo, matigil lang ’yang kawalang hiyaang pinaggagagawa ninyong dalawa.”

I shook my head at him as I plaster an evil smirk.

“Then dare me, Marcos, I don’t care. What I just can promise to you this time is that if ever that happens, I would kill you myself first before you ruined us.”

Mahigpit naman niyang hinawakan ang aking magkabilang panga gamit ang isa niyang malaking kamay. He’s gripping my jaw and cheeks as his lips twitched in raw anger.

I smirked more as I saw him fumed.

“Relaxed Marcos. I know what I’m doing. I won’t do the same mistake again.” I then hardly said because of his hand.

Malakas ko naman siyang tinulak nang maramdaman kong mas higpitan niya ang pagkakasakmal sa aking panga. Napaatras naman siya at saka binitiwan ako.

“Make sure of that Neil. Dahil sa oras na sirain mo ang iyong pangako, hindi lang kami ang makakalaban niyo. Our family will despise both of you. At wala na kayong iba pang magagawa kun’di ang putulin ang lahat ng namamagitan sa inyo.”

Mariin at walang humpay sa pag-igting ang aking panga kahit sa pagtulog ng gabing iyon. Marcos didn’t sleep in my room. Mukhang umuwi siya at hindi ko na binigyang pansin kung sa guestroom siya nagtungo o sa kanila.

His words were bothering me. It was hostile and very substantial. I can even picture everything that might happen to me and Kaizer once our family gets an idea of us in this wicked relationship.

I can’t accept it in my mind but I have to be with him. I have to be braver this time to face the circumstances with him. Because it’s not just his battle, it’s our battle that we have to be more reliant on each other.

Hindi ko alam kung paano akong nakatulog nang gabing iyon. Basta ang tanging nagpamulat nalang sa aking mga mata kinaumagahan ay ang mahinang boses ni Kaizer na gumigising sa akin.

“Mi Arcus, wake up. We have to go now. Neil, we need to hurry.” Kaizer’s husky deep voice awakening my losing senses from asleep.

Napakurap-kurap ako at saka siya binalingan sa gilid ng aking kama. He was moving my shoulders gently as his other hand is tapping my cheek softly.

And when my eyes adjust by the dim light inside my room, my forehead creased. Madilim pa at hindi pa nagliliwanag ang araw sa bintana ng aking kwarto kaya nagtataka kong binalingan si Kaizer.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito? It’s so early-” he chops my words off.

“We have to go. Ate Anastasia is going home this morning. I heard that it was urgent but I know that it’s not.” Mahina niyang ani sa akin.

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniyang damit at nakita na nakasuot siya ng plain black large buttondown shirt and inside of that was a bit exposed white sando on his chest, paired with his loose white trousers.

“Huh? Bakit?” Nagtataka ko pang tanong at saka naupo sa aking kama nang mapansin ang kaniyang mga matang nagseryso.

“I think they know,” he muttered.

“What!?” Namilog ang aking mga mata.

“That’s why we have to hurry. Mom said to me that Ate Anastasia will be home today,”

“Pero paano kung hanapin ka nila Tito Eleazar?” I asked him, a bit panicking.

I saw his jaw moved and his eyes darken.

“I didn’t mind. Paghihiwalayin lang nila tayo Neil. Kaya tara na. We have to go.”

“Teka saan naman tayo pupunta?”

He just glanced at me and kissed the back of my hand.

“Just trust me, okay? Come on, I’ll help you get up.” He answered then he helps me out of my bed.

Nagpalit ako ng damit at nagsuot ng jacket. I have no idea if what is the time now dahil naging mabilis ang pangyayari. Kaizer was waiting for me as I saw him talking over the phone. Naging abala naman ako sa aking pagbihis at nang natapos ay nagtungo sa aking walk-in closet but when Kaizer spoke, I stop.

“You don’t have to bring clothes. Meron na akong dala sa sasakyan. We have to leave now.” Kaizer said to me.

Hindi naman na ako nagsalita pa at saka dinampot na ang aking cellphone bago kami tuluyang lumabas ng aking silid. I have no idea how Kaizer sneaked inside our house. But seeing how careful our steps are, I can really feel and hear how my heartbeat fasten.

At nang mapatingin ako sa kwarto nila Mom ay hindi ko maiwasang mapahinto. Kaizer in front of me stopped as well.

I swallowed hard. Naramdaman ko namang higpitan ni Kaizer ang pagkakahawak sa aking kamay nang hindi pa ako gumagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan.

I love Mom and Dad, as well as Russco so much. But I want to be with Kaizer just for this time. I want to choose him. I want to love and shared my every moment with him without antagonizing by anyone else.

Binalingan ko si Kaizer ng tingin at saka marahang tinanguan. I can see through his eyes that he’s scared that I might leave him because of my know standpoint that family is my first before anything else. And I want to erase that thought on him by being on his side. By standing with the love we both want to be accepted by anyone despite our circumstances.

Nang makalabas kami ng pintuan at patungo na kaming elevator ay natigilan kami nang matanaw namin ni Kaizer si Marcos na kakalabas lang don. Mabilis kaming nagtago sa pader. Hindi niya kami nakita pero ang kalabog ng aking dibdib ay animong nahuli na niya kaming dalawa.

Mabagal ngunit mabigat ang aking paghinga habang hawak hawak ni Kaizer ang aking kamay patungong hagdanan. Hindi na kami nag-elevator dahil delikado na baka may makakita sa amin.

Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin at bahagyang nalilito pa ako sa mga nangyayari ngunit gayunpaman ay wala akong pag-aalinlangan na sumama sa kaniya. At nang makababa kami ay mabilis kaming nagtungo sa isang hindi pamilyar na sasakyan at do’n kami sumakay.

Binalingan ko pa si Kaizer ng tingin nang makapasok na siya at makaupo sa driver’s seat.

“Kaninong Hilux ’to?” I asked him dahil alam kong wala naman silang black Hilux na sasakyan.

He maneuvers the car at umandar na kami paalis ng building.

“Someone lend this to me so no one will recognize that we are here in this car. Mahirap na kapag kotse ko ang ginamit o kaya naman ay ang sa’yo.” He answers me.

Napatingin naman ako sa aking cellphone para tingnan ang oras. It’s just only past three AM in the morning and we are here now on a ride.

Hindi ko lubos na naintindihan kung ano ba ang mga mangyayari. All I understand is that our family will know about us and we have to walk away now before they separate us.

“Kaizer, tell me what is happening. Paano mo nalamang uuwi si Ate Anastasia?” Mayamaya ay tanong ko sa kaniya nang hindi ako mapakali.

Seryoso at diretso lang ang tingin niya sa kalsada habang nagmamaneho nang sagutin niya ako.

“Mom told me. She was wondering why Ate Anastasia is going home this urgently. Wala na akong ibang maisip kung bakit kung hindi ang paghiwalayin nila tayo.”

“But what if she’s just going home for a vacation-” he cutted me off instantly.

“She’s not. Pauwi na rin sila Kelsy sa pagkakaalam ko kaya imposibleng nagkataon lang ’to.” He muttered seriously.

Napakagat labi naman ako. Did they know that Kaizer and I were now back together again? But how?

Enzo…

“Fuck,”

Napabaling naman ako kay Kaizer nang marinig ko siyang magmura. I was about to shout at him when he uttered again.

“Someone is following us.” He then said as he attentively glances at the side mirror.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

“What the…who’s that bullcrap?” Mabilis ang pintig ng aking puso nang sabihin ko iyon.

And when I glance at the side mirror, I immediately recognized the car. My mouth parted as my brows meet in the furrow.

“What the heck, it’s Zachary’s car. Akala ko ba ay pauwi pa lang sila nila Kelsy? But what is he doing here right now?”

“I don’t know,” Kaizer then pulled the gear lever.

He fasten the speed of our car at nakita kong hindi pa rin kami nakakawala kay Zach. Paano niya nalamang nandito kaming dalawa ni Kaizer? At kelan pa siya dumating? Damn it!

Zach is a racer. He was doing this sport for years at alam kong magaling siya. But given to Kaizer that I know doing racing as well ay tiwala naman akong makakatakas kami sa kaniya.

Mabilis ang paandar ni Kaizer sa sasakyan namin habang inililiko ito sa bawat kalsadang maaari naming maikutan. I was preoccupied pointing our direction way out on Zach’s car when I felt my phone vibrated and ring.

I gritted my teeth. It’s now past four in the morning and Zandra is calling me. Did she know something about this? How did Marcos wait in my room last night? Is he there to warn me? Is he there because he knew that I was with Kaizer again? Why Zach’s car is stalking us now? And why is Ate Anastasia is going home?

I answered her call. Binalingan ko pa saglit si Kaizer na seryosong nakatingin sa daan.

“Hello,” bungad sa akin ni Zandra.

Ako naman ay hindi mapakali nang makita sa side mirrror na malapit na sa amin ang kotse ni Zach na kanina pa sa amin humahabol. Fuck.

“What is this Zandra? What is happening?” I asked on her dahil sa hindi mapangalanang kaba ang nabuhay sa aking dibdib.

“I told Kaizer everything last night. Just come with him, Neil. Parating na sila,”

Naguguluhan naman akong tumingin kay Kaizer. What the fuck? So Zandra really knows that I’m with Kaizer again? Damn.

“You will go to a resthouse in Tagaytay. Huwag kayong mag-alala kaming bahala kila Kelsy-” I cutted her off.

“Zandra, Zachary is chasing us now!” I said in alarm.

“Kaizer can take care of it Neil, just trust him okay?”

I gritted my teeth. At nang mapatingin akong muli sa side mirror at makitang wala na ang sasakyan ni Zachary na nakasunod sa amin ay pakiramdam ko ay nabunutan ako ng tinik sa dibdib. I dropped the call.

I want to confront Kaizer but he seems so stoic and stern as his eyes bore on the road. He looks mad. At nang bumalik na sa tamang bilis ang patakbo ng aming sinasakyang sasakyan ay hinawakan ko siya sa hita.

It’s still dark outside pero tanaw ko na ang pasikat na araw dito sa Tagaytay. And when Kaizer’s hand held mine on his thigh, we intertwined our fingers.

Alam at ramdam kong pareho naming hindi alam ang mga posibleng mangyayari pagkatapos nito but we chose to hide. We are choosing ourselves to continue this forbidden love that my cousins are trying to quell.

Naging mabilis lang din ang naging byahe namin patungong Tagaytay at natagalan lang talaga kami dahil sa paghabol na ginawa sa amin ni Zach. Kaizer parked the car outside the resthouse. The house was near the cliffside at the back where you can see the Taal lake.

Sabay kaming pumasok ni Kaizer sa loob matapos niyang maiparada ang sasakyan sa loob ng gate. We went to the backside where you can see the view of the lake. There was a black railing that barricades the edge so no one will fall on this kind of stiff place. The sun was already rising and it was a perfect view in our spot.

Tanaw ko ang Taal lake at nakapatong ang dalawa kong kamay sa railings nang maramdaman ko si Kaizer sa aking likuran. His hand wrapped me from behind as he burried his face on my neck.

Hinawakan ko ang dalawang kamay niyang mahigpit na nakayakap sa aking katawan at saka dinama ang mahigpit at mainit niyang mga brasong yumayapos sa akin ng buong puso.

“Mi Arcus, Ate Anastasia is going home to please you… I know that Kelsy told her about us. And she’s coming to you para kausapin at pakiusapan kang layuan na ako.” He then muttered on my neck.

Hinaplos ko ang kaniyang dalawang braso na ramdam ko ang higpit at takot na bitiwan ako. I licked my lips.

“Kaizer, remember what I promised you? Hmm?” I gently asked on him.

Naramdaman ko naman siyang marahang tumango sa aking leeg.

“Yes, Mi Arcus.”

I smiled weakly.

“Then trust me as well. I give you my faith Kaizer at ngayon, tiwala mo naman ang kailangan ko. If they can’t accept us, then be it. But that doesn’t mean I will stop loving you.” I said with my voice in a deep hoarse manner.

Inalis naman niya ang pagkakabaon ng kaniyang mukha mula sa aking leeg at ramdam kong titigan niya ako.

“Mi Arcus?” he called me softly once again which softened my heart as well.

“Hmm? What is it, baby?”

“If our parents know about this and they will separate us, can you make me a promise?” His voice was in deep seriousness now.

Sinubukan ko naman siyang balingan ng tingin kahit na sobrang lapit ng kaniyang mukha sa akin.

“Ano ’yon?”

I don’t want us to separate but thinking about our situation frankly, we won’t last. It hurts thinking of it but I don’t want that thought to consume me at this moment. Gusto ko muna siyang maramdaman. Gusto ko muna siyang makasama kahit ngayon lang ng hindi iniisip ang sasabihin ng iba.

I want to caress his jaw. I want to kiss him. I want to hug him. I want his kisses. I want his cuddly mood. I want everything of him without inhibitions and prohibition. And this day, what I can only wish is that it won’t end so quickly.

I felt him gasped.

“Mi Arcus, just keep your heart open. I want you to keep that open for other people to see how good a person you are. Then at the end of the day, I want you to close it for me. I want you to give your whole heart shut only for me.” He muttered hoarsely.

Slowly, he pulled out his tight embrace from my back at hinarap ako. He gets my both hands and puts it on his nape. He stared at me with the passion of seriousness and weary in his eyes.

“I want you to give me space in your heart. And that special space is only reserve for me, Mi Arcus. Promise me that after all might happen, hindi ako mawawala dito.” He said as he pointed his finger on my chest where my heart is pounding loudly.

I blinked. His eyes went down to my chest then up to my parted lips. At nang maglapat muli ang aming mga mata ay hinawakan ko ang kaniyang pisngi at malamyos siyang hinawakan do’n.

Nangungusap at seryoso naman ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin ngayon. I gulped.

“You know what Kaizer, you don’t have to reserve a space in here,” paghawak ko sa kamay niyang nananatili pa ring nasa aking dibdib nakaturo. Then I lift my eyes lock on him again.

“Because you will always have that special space in me…in my heart. And I make sure you of that Kaizer. Dahil wala na akong ibang minahal pa ng mas higit pa sa naramdaman ko para sa’yo.” I said in a raucous deep voice as his eyes weary on me.

“At wala na rin akong mamahalin pa ng mas higit pa sa pagmamahal ko sa’yo, Kaizer.”

He then pulled my waist near him. Hindi ako umapila at hinayaan ko ang sarili kong dumikit sa kaniya. The sunrise was perfectly hitting our spot as the beautiful scenery of Taal lake witnessed our promises.

“I want you to know Mi Arcus that I never get scared of falling. Because the moment I realize that I excessively fall for you, I wanted more to fall harder which makes me feel the addictive feeling of love for you.”

I saw him licked his lips. Then his eyes dropped on my parted lips.

“I once say this but let me say this again to you Mi Arcus. I fall. Not just being fall. Unbelievable and insanely fell to you, Neil.” Namamaos ang malalim at seryoso niyang boses nang sabihin niya iyon sa akin.

Ang aming mga mata ay ilang saglit pang nagkatitigan bago ko tuluyang naramdaman ang talukap kong kusang nagasara para damhin ang malamyos at masarap niyang halik sa aking labi.

I’m not scared to fall as well Kaizer. Because I know that you always got my back to catch me from falling.

Kabanata 42

Kabanata 42

Delude

Without him, I can say that I wouldn’t grow this way. He’s the sprinkler and the sunlight that gave me strength to live on.

Kaizer and I were still dependent on each other. We can’t be apart because of the situation that we have to face. Turning back to our family doesn’t mean that we run away from it. It’s our responsibility and requisite to face the cruelty and adhesive belief of reality.

I accept it already the day I admit my feelings for him. The day I said that I’m slowly falling for him. I realized that people won’t ever get to understand it. That the string attached in the both of us should be cut off because it isn’t right. It’s a taboo that will never be acknowledged.

It was wrong. It was forbidden. It was a sin…our love for each other is evil. And I still see this as a mistake. But even my mind was on its rational thoughts I still couldn’t get to do the best for ourselves. Because my heart clouded the vision of truth. My heart invaded the reality that I might leave and avoid him in the first place.

It’s really between your mind and heart. And I chose to let my heart guide me to the path I am walking into. To the way with him without the uncertainty of fate that this thing would last.

Kaizer went out to buy us food for breakfast. Gusto niya pa akong isama pero napagdesisyonan kong manatili na lamang dito sa bahay.

Nanatili ako sa likuran ng bahay kung saan naroon ang malawak na bermudagrass at overlooking spot of Taal lake. I was sitting at the rattan chair that is placed near the veranda. Nakatuon lang ang aking paningin sa kulay asul na kalangitan at sa kapaligirang pinapakalma ang aking pakiramdam.

I shut my eyes as I tried to remove the difficulty in my exhales. Kaizer brings me here to walk away from the meantime because our cousins we’re now known the truth. And I’m so sure that they are now tracing our paths to come in here.

I slowly opened my eyes. Marco’s words to me last night are still creeping into my ears. Kelsy’s peril on me at the resort was also bugging me. Their phrases are like a threat in our state. It was perilous and I know that they have their own ways just to tear us apart.

And I’m afraid that it was our family. My Mom and Dad…my uncle and aunties.

I was about to stand from my seat when I heard footsteps behind me. Mabilis akong tumayo at hinarap kung si Kaizer na ba ’yon. And when I saw who it was my eyes widened. I gulped.

My eyes roamed to the people who just came in. Kelsey, Zach, Ate Meaghan, Marcos, and… Ate Anastasia. They were all staring at me gravelly as my brows meet halfway.

They really make their ways to find us. And they didn’t fail.

“Hi,” Ate Anastasia’s voice sent shivers on me when she spoke.

I felt my skin get chills as she now started to walk near my way. Sila Kelsy naman na may seryoso at matalim na mga tingin sa akin.

Hindi ako nakagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan nang himinto siya sa aking harapan. At nang ang kamay ni Ate Anastasia ay dumapo sa aking balikat at saka ako marahang hinalikan sa pisngi, I gritted my teeth.

At nang lumayo sa akin si Ate Anastasia at nakangiti pa rin akong hinaharap ngayon ay hindi ko maiwasang magbaba ng tingin. I know why she’s here. But what is I cannot understand is that how they knew that we are here.

“Let’s sort this out, Neil.” Then she muttered in a very stoic voice. Extremely different from her softened tone earlier.

“Ate Anastasia-” hindi ko natapos ang aking sasabihin nang ang kaniyang palad ay mabilis akong pinatahimik sa isang malakas na sampal.

I clenched my jaw as my eyes dropped on the grass. Naramdaman kong mabilis na nangilid ang aking mga luha sa ilalim ng aking pang-ibabang talukap.

“How could you still dare on calling me Ate pagkatapos mong babuyin ang kapatid ko.” Her voice stiffened me.

Marahan akong nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin. At ang nanlalabo ko ng mga mata ay nakikita kung gaano katalim ang mga tingin na ibinibigay niya sa akin sa mga oras na ito.

Her thin lips were in a grim line as her sophisticated brows were arched as she glances at me.

“I’m sorry,” tangi kong naiusal sa namamaos na boses dahil sa nagbabadya kong pagluha.

“Leave my brother. It’s not a command, it’s the thing that you should have done in the very first place, Neil. Ikaw ang mas nakakaintindi sa mga ganitong bagay. I expect that you knew how our family strives for us and yet you both let this happen? How very disappointing!” Ate Anastasia’s voice raised at her last sentence.

I blinked hard as I bit my lower lip. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan sa mga mata dahil alam ko ang aking pagkakamali. Ate Anastasia is one of my closest cousins. And I love her that I respect her so much.

“Ate Anastasia I’m sorry. H-Hindi ko sinasadya. I love Kaizer-”

“Neil!? Can you even hear yourself? It’s horrifying me! Your words are giving me colds that I get sick of it.” She said as her eyes sharpened.

Bumagsak naman ang luhang kanina pa nagbabadya sa aking mga mata. I tried to hold her hands but she immediately lifts her hand in the air in the middle of us, stopping me to come near her.

Namilog naman ang aking mga mata at saka napamaang na nagparte ang aking mga labi.

“Ate please, I’m sorry-”

“Nasaan si Kaizer?” She then asked me as I saw how her tears flowed on her face.

Umiling iling naman ako sa kaniya.

“Where the hell is Kaizer?!” She exclaimed in fume as her eyes raging me.

My lips trembled. Nakita kong lapitan ni Kelsy at Ate Meaghan si Ate Anastasia na mukhang nanghihina na. They both held Ate Anastasia’s arms as they helping her to stood firmly.

“Umuwi ako ng Pilipinas since yesterday at ang haba ng binyahe ko para lang sa letseng pag-iibigan ninyo! Neil naman! Bakit nagkaganito? Bakit!?” Ate Anastasia’s sobs pounding my heart in pain.

It was so aching that I started to catch the air for me to breathe. Hindi ko inalintana pa ang mga luha kong walang humpay sa pagbagsak at sinubukang lapitan si Ate Anastasia para yakapin ng mahigpit.

Hinayaan naman ako nila Kelsy. I hugged Ate Anastasia tightly even how much it hurts to see her pushing me away.

“Ate I’m s-sorry. Patawarin mo ako, please…” I mumbled repeatedly on her as I tightened my embrace on her.

Mas napahagulgol naman siya sa aking dibdib at wala ng lakas na itulak pa ako palayo sa kaniya.

“Neil h-hindi pwede ’to. Y-You should have been stopped yourself from the very beginning. Magpinsan kayo…you are both males for Pete’s sake!”

I bit my lower lip as my hot tears dwell in my eyes. My cousins are just only wanted us to go back in our line. Because I and Kaizer crossed the cord that will bound both of us in chaos.

“Do the right this time, Neil. Hiwalayan mo na si Kaizer!” Ate Anastasia wailed.

Binitiwan ko siya at saka marahang hinarap sila Kelsy na ngayon ay nakaantabay na sa kaniya. Si Marcos at Zach naman ay seryoso at ramdam ko ang madilim at delikado nilang mga titig sa akin.

I shook my head to them. I bit my lower lip as I step back.

“Hindi ko hihiwalayan si Kaizer,” I then firmly said.

Nakita ko kung paanong mamilog ang mga mata ni Kelsy na mabilis na napalitan ng nakakapanindig balahibong mga titig.

“Pwede bang tumigil ka na Neil? I said to you to stop it already. Ilang linggo lang ang lumipas at nawala lang kami ng saglit ay ganito na agad ang nangyari? I have my eyes on you! To the both you kaya hindi ko hahayaang masira ang pamilya natin.” Kelsy said sharply.

“Hiwalayan mo na siya Neil. I warned you already last night. So if you continue this, mas lalo mo lang papakumplikaduhin ang lahat sa inyo…sa ating lahat.” Marcos’s voice threatened me.

I shook my head at them. I won’t leave Kaizer. I made a promise and we swore to each other. And I want to fulfill it this time.

“Maghihiwalay kayo sa ayaw at sa gusto mo. Wala na kayong magagawa pa. If we can’t stop you, then let’s see how firm you are when your Mom and Dad knew about it. And my parents, Kaizer’s parents. Our uncles and aunties. Can you even stand this sturdy after they knew how disgraceful you are and Kaizer?” Kelsy muttered in a very threatening way.

Humakbang pa siya palapit sa akin. Umatras naman ako. I was holding my phone as I tried to call Kaizer. I hid my phone behind my back. Sana lang ay hindi siya dumiretso sa loob dahil kapag nagkataon ay wala na kaming kawala. He has to stay outside.

“Ano Neil? Natatakot ka na ba? O wala ka talagang kinatatakutan na maski ang diyos ay isusuway mo?! You’re a man and he’s our creator. He creates us as a woman and man, nothing more and nothing less. So being you in that preference is a sin-”

“No Kelsy. Being gay or whatever I am is not a sin. It might be a crime in your eyes but it will never in the eyes of the people who are open to this-”

“And there is none of them!”

“There is Kelsy! Zandra accepts us. Levon, Mark, and Renz accept us. Because they believe that being who we are is never been committed as a sin!” I fired on her.

Nakita ko naman kung paanong umalon ang kaniyang dibdib sa galit. She looks so furious. Her lips trembled as she twitched it in anger.

“It is a sin, Neil. Loving your same-sex is not factual, it’s inaccurate. Especially that he’s your cousin. Can you even see the crime you commit in the eye of God? Didn’t you even feel guilty about it?”

Napakurap ako. God. It’s the best opposing word that can kill me…us. Because being a homosexual is clearly stated as an abomination, a sin, something that incurs the wrath of God.

Having different references to its usual term, homosexuality condemn. People who despised us will despise us. It is what it is. Committing a burden sin in the land of God will remain unholier.

Sino nga ba ako? Ano nga ba ako? Isang makasalanang hudyo that needs to find the purpose in life by the guide of him. And not by the immorality who is now entice into evil ways.

“Neil, what more about this incest thing? Do you even know how forbidden it was?” Kelsy asked me more.

Her words were like a slap on my face. It was arising my senses that I have come to assess my decisions. No, I have to be firm in my decisions to him. I have his word and he has mine. I might become a fallen and it is only because of loving Kaizer.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanila ay natanaw ko si Kaizer sa hamba ng pintuan ng veranda. My eyes widened a bit but I didn’t let them notice that I saw him at the back of them.

They are glaring at me darkly as I eyed Kaizer to move back. His brows furrowed and dim as it bores on me.

“Lumayo ka! Lumayo ka…Kelsy.” I shouted, pertaining to Kaizer.

Nakita ko namang mangsalubong ang kilay ni Kelsy sa akin. Zach and Marcos were now approaching me when I saw Kaizer fisting his hand as he stopped himself from going near on our way.

I gritted my teeth. I moved my brow and intensify my glares at Kaizer to shoo him away. At nang makuha niya ang gusto kong ipahiwatig ay nakita ko sa kaniyang mga mata kung paano siyang labis na nagtitimpi na lapitan ako. He finally walked out.

“Call Kaizer, tell him that you are breaking up with him. That you didn’t in love with him Neil.” Ate Anastasia commanded on me in hostile.

I looked down.

“Alright, my phone is inside. Kukuhanin ko muna.” I then said to them like I accept my defeat.

“Use my phone,” it was Zach.

“No, gusto mo bang maisip niya na inutusan niyo lang akong gawin iyon at napilitan lang ako? How would he buy my reasons if I will be using your phone?” Tanong ko pang muli sa kanila.

Saglit silang nagkatinginan bago ako tinanguan ni Marcos.

“Go inside and call him. Do what is right.” Marcos pronounced.

Marahan naman akong naglakad sa gitna nila at hindi sila binalingan ng tingin. At nang makalagpas ako kila Kelsy ay natigilan ako nang biglang sumigaw si Ate Meaghan.

“Wait, your phone is in your hand!” Ate Meaghan screamed was my indication.

Saglit akong huminto at kalaunan ay mabilis na tumakbo palabas ng veranda patungong salas palabas ng bahay. Naramdaman kong mabilis akong hinabol ni Marcos at Zach na nagawa ko namang takasan.

“Fuck! Bumalik ka rito Neil!” Zach’s hostile voice screamed.

Nang makalabas ako ng gate ay halos mahablot na ni Marcos ang hood ng aking suot na jacket na mabilis kong sinipa sa dibdib para matakasan ko.

“Ahh! Damn it! Huwag ka lang talagang magpapahuli sa akin Neil Irish!” Marcos groaned as he fell to the ground.

Nakaabang naman na sa akin ang Hilux na sasakyan ni Kaizer na dali dali kong binuksan. The engine was already roaring when I got inside the passenger seat.

“Move the car! Now!” I whined at Kaizer as I put my seatbelts on.

Hindi naman siya nagsalita at agad ding pinaandar ang sasakyan paalis don.

“Bumalik kayo dito! Neil, Kaizer!” I heard someone scream at the top of her lungs nang mabilis na umnandar ang sasakyan namin.

“Kaizer,” I then mumbled as I glance at him.

He was just seriously glaring at the road as I saw how his jaw moved. Madilim ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa kalsada at ramdam ko ang galit na kaniyang nararamdaman.

“Just hold on Neil. Aalis na tayo.”

At nang lumipat naman ang tingin ko sa side mirror ay halos lumabas ang puso ko sa aking dibdib nang makita ko ang sasakyan ni Zach at Marcos na mabilis na nakasunod sa aming likuran.

“Kaizer, sila Zach!”

Napakapit naman ako sa aking upuan nang bilisan ni Kaizer ang patakbo ng aming saskyan. Mabilis ang pintig ng aking puso kasabay ng hindi mapangalanang kaba sa aking dibdib.

Mabilis na iniliko ni Kaizer ang sasakyan at nakaantabay naman ako sa side-mirror kung saan tanaw ko ang sasakyan nila Marcos na nananatili pa ring nakasunod sa aming likuran.

The road was finished but it was really perilous. May harang lang ang kalsada at konting pagkakamali mo lang sa manibela at hindi tamang pag-antabay sa break ng kotse ay lalaglag kami sa bangin.

I swallowed hard as our car moved its momentum while it’s slowly sheered.

“Kaizer be careful,” mahinang ani ko dahil kinakabahan na ako ngayon sa sobrang bilis ng paandar niya sa aming sasakyan.

Mabilis din ang patakbo nila Zach at Marcos sa kanilang mga sasakyan na halos maabutan na rin kami ng mga ito.

“Damn,” I murmured when I can’t seem this to happen this way.

And when my phone in my lap suddenly rang, I immediately picked it up.

“Hello?” Mabilis kong sagot sa tawag ni Zandra.

“Where are you both. Papunta na sila Kelsy diyan-”

“They are chasing us, Zandra! Marcos and Zach are chasing us! We cannot just stop the car for Pete’s sake! Damn it!” I cursed out of frustration.

Napasapo pa ako ng noo at saka binaling ang tingin sa labas ng bintana.

“What? Wait, the road was perilous there in Tagaytay. Nasa highlands pa kayo! Huwag kayong makipaghabulan-”

“But we can’t just face them, Zandra! I need your help. Maybe you know someplace we can get into? Now!” I demanded on her.

I heard the other line became silent for a while. I was panicking because of what is happening right now. Pwede kaming madisgrasya kung hindi namin sila maiwawala.

“Tell Kaizer to go to the Casa. He knew that place. Do’n kayo dumiretso. I’m on my way there as well.” She said then dropped the call.

Agad ko namang binalingan si Kaizer.

“Casa. Sa Casa raw tayo tumungo Kaizer. We have to at least escape from them now dahil baka kung ano pa ang mangyari.” Kinakabahan kong ani sa kaniya.

Hindi naman siya nagsalita at dire-diretso lang na pinaandar ang aming sasakyan. At nang iliko niya ang kotse sa isang iskinita at mabilis na nailikong muli pakaliwa ay nakita kong nawala ang sasakyan nila Marcos at Zach.

Hindi naman binagalan ni Kaizer ang patakbo dahil paniguradong maaabutan kami no’n anumang oras. But when we got far at ilang liko na rin ang nagawa namin ay hindi na namin pa nakitang nakasunod ang kanilang dalawang sasakyan sa aming likuran.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong makahinga ng maluwag dahil nakawala kami sa kanila. I feel bothered by their words. Kelsy’s phrases are like knocking my conscience and scorching the belief that I was been lacking for a while now.

Mabilis pa rin ang pagkabog ng aking puso. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi balingan si Kaizer ng tingin habang seryoso siyang nagmamaneho. His eyes were darted at the road as I saw how his jaw clenched. I can see how eager his narrowed eyes to win our battle…to win us.

I breathe when I felt my eyes heated. He’s really the warrior I would always like to have but at the same time don’t want. I want him because he’s unrivaled, he’s the only one I can depend on except myself. He’s my soul. And I didn’t want because I can’t afford to see him getting hurt because of me.

“We’re heading at the Casa. Anong sabi ni Zandra?” He then asked me in a serious manner.

Hindi naman ako nagsalita at pinagmasdan ko pa muna siya ng ilang sandali. But when he noticed me staring at him he spoke again.

“Mi Arcus?”

“I love you.” I then uttered out of nowhere.

I saw him stiffened. Bumagal ang andar namin at napatingin ako sa malawak na pader at sa malaking gate na tanaw ko na kahit sa malayo. The Casa.

“Papunta na rin daw siya,” I then replied to him.

I don’t know but I just feel like saying I love you to him. I just want him to hear that I’m still standing with him in this. That I’m not backing out because I will gonna be here fighting with him.

He parked the car outside the huge mansion on the field with the bermudagrass. The place is surrounded by tall trees. The mansion seems old but at the same time is having the touch of modern architecture.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and was about to went out when Kaizer snatch my wrist and immediately pulled me. He caught my lips and locked them with his subtle kisses.

I felt him held my jaw as he kissed me passionately. I kissed him back, wholeheartedly. It tastes so good that I feel how so much love he was putting in his every move of his mouth.

At nang bumagal ang dampi ng aming mga labi at pumirmi sa bawat isa ay marahan kong iminulat ang aking mga mata. I darted my eyes on him while his hands remain on my jaw.

“I love you Mi Arcus,” he then said in a deep husky voice.

Hinawakan at sinakop din ng aking mga kamay ang kaniyang pisngi. We stare at each other glares. My eyes were weary as his eyes weakly bore on me. I licked my lips. I blinked.

“Ate Anastasia was really there. S-She’s also against us. They despise us Kaizer. W-What if they are calling our parents now? Anong gagawin nati-”

“Hush, Mi Arcus listen to me alright?” He then calmed me in worry while he neared his face close to me.

I bit my lower lip when I felt it trembling in so much nervousness.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,”

“Then we’ll get through this. Just don’t get too far from me. Whatever our parents say to us I will fight for you. Even they abominate us I don’t care because it’s only you I am thinking about. So please…just stand with me so I can have my strength.” He muttered under his breathe.

I swallowed hard as I nod my head profusely. Ilang saglit pa kaming nanatili sa loob ng sasakyan. He kissed my forehead then embrace me tightly. At nang mapagdesisyonan na naming lumabas ay sakto namang may dumating na isang kotse na pumarada sa aming tabi.

Mabilis na kumabog ang aking dibdib but when I saw Zandra went out of it and immediately went on our way ay hindi ko napigilang yakapin siya.

“Neil…” She muttered as I felt her shoulders shuddered with her soft sobs.

Nang mag-angat naman ako ng tingin ay nakita ko si Renz na kakababa lang ng driver’s seat. Humiwalay na rin naman sa akin si Zandra. I look at her eyes and I now see how her tears filled her face. Her eyes were swollen like she was crying since earlier. Nilapitan naman kami ni Kaizer.

“Let’s get inside. Do’n na tayo mag-usap sa loob tungkol dito.” Zandra then said to me.

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita at nagpatiuna ng pumasok sa loob. Kaizer was on my side as he held my hand, slowly intertwined it with his.

Zandra is a big help to us. Even I haven’t told her that we get back to each other again she’s still helping us. Renz was with her and I believe that he also knew now.

We get inside the mansion. Wala akong ideya kung kaninong Casa itong pinasukan namin but when Kaizer spoke I glance at him.

“It’s our ancestral house. But don’t worry, hindi naman nila malalamang nandito tayo. They didn’t know that our family has this in Tagaytay.” Kaizer enlightens up on me when he noticed me wondering.

Malinis ang loob ng bahay na para bang bagong linis ito. It was really an old house. By the furnished inside and the old antique jars and rustic theme railings of the grand staircase. It was screaming in refinement.

Nang makaupo kami sa sa sofa ng salas ay saka ko narinig na magsalita si Zandra.

“Ate Anastasia came home. She’s with Kelsy.”

“Yeah, I meet her earlier.” Ani ko sa kaniya sa namamos na boses.

Hinawakan naman niya ang kamay ko. She stared at me and Kaizer beside me. Her eyes were weary and in agony for the both of us.

“What are your plans now?” Nangangamba niyang tanong sa amin.

Napakurap naman ako at saka binalingan si Kaizer sa aking tabi.

“We will fight for us. We made this and whatever may happen we will face its circumstances.” I answered.

“Pero paano kung paghiwalayin lang nila kayo-”

“That is for sure and not just a ‘what if’ Zandra.” Kaizer cut her off.

Naglipat naman ako ng tingin kay Zandra nang bitiwan niya ang aking kamay nang marinig naming tumunog ang kaniyang cellphone. Tiningnan pa muna niya ako bago niya iyon sinagot.

She stood up at lumayo sa aming gawi. Si Renz naman na nasa aming harapan na may madilim na ekspresyon ay hindi ko maiwasang pagtakhan kung bakit. His eyes were hostile as his jaw clenched. But when he saw me glancing at his way, he blinked.

“Do you want anything? Nag breakfast na ba kayo ni Kaizer?” He asked on me.

I just shook my head. Tumayo naman siya agad sa kaniyang upuan.

“Sigi, lalabas muna ako. I’ll buy you foods-”

“Ako nalang, maiwan kayo rito nila Zandra.” Kaizer opted then stood up beside me.

Nakita ko namang natigilan si Renz.

“Hindi na, ako nalang.” Aniya at nauna ng maglakad patungo sa malaking bulwagan ng mansion palabas.

At nang magawi naman kay Zandra ang tingin ko na papalapit na sa amin ngayon ay nangunot ang aking noo. Her tears were nonstoply subsiding onto her cheeks. Her eyes were full of tears as her lips trembled. Napatayo agad ako para daluhan siya nang bigla siyang magsalita.

“Neil, I-I’m sorry,” she then said in between her sobs.

Nalilito ko naman siyang tiningnan at huminto sa kaniyang harapan.

“Why are you sorry? M-May nangyari bang masama-” then my words got cut out when the huge door opened.

And there I saw…

“Mom… Dad,” I uttered beneath my breath as my eyes left astounded.

“I-I’m sorry Neil… Kaizer patawarin niyo ko but we really have to do this.” Napahagulgol na si Zandra sa pag-iyak habang sunod sunod kong nakita sila Kelsy na pumasok sa loob.

Naramdaman ko namang hawakan ni Kaizer ang aking kamay ng mahigpit. But then my eyes heated.

“Z-Zandra ano ’to?” Nanginig ang mga labi kong tinanong sa kaniya.

She shook her head as her sobs knocking my senses.

“I’m r-really sorry Neil-”

“You framed us…” Namamaos at bagsak ang balikat kong ani sa kaniya.

The fuck. What are we going to do now? The only person I can trust in my relationship with Kaizer betrayed us. I really believed that she’s helping us. I do believe that she’s on our side but then she turned her back on us. Zandra deludes us.

“I’m sorry Neil but you have to set each other free. T-This is not right anymore. This is against God and society. It is in-depth…that has to be quelled.”

Kabanata 43

Kabanata 43

Decision

“Neil-”

“Nagsinungaling ka sa amin Zandra!” My chest heave as I exclaimed it at her.

Umiling iling naman siya habang ang mga luha ay walang tigil sa pagbuhos sa kaniyang mga pisngi.

“I’m sorry-”

“I thought you are with us. I thought you already accept us-”

“Oh shut up Neil! Zandra knows what to do so unlikely to you! She will never be an ally, no one of us will!” Kelsy then blurted in resentment as her eyes were now field in tears.

I bit my lower lip. Naramdaman kong lapitan ako ni Kaizer sa aking likuran at hawakan ang aking baywang. My Mom and Dad were now here inside as I saw how my Mom’s eyes in weary while my Dad glared at me darkly. I looked away when I can’t take it anymore.

Pinangilabutan ako at nanayo ang aking mga balahibo nang makita ko pang pumasok sila Tito Zavian at Tita Kailey, Tito Demarcus, and Tita Lorelai at Tito Deverox and Tita Emilia. But my shoulders drooped and my eyes popped out as my hot tears dwell on my bottom lids when Tito Eleazar and Tita Audrina came in together with Ate Anastasia.

Halos malagutan ako ng hininga dahil sa labis kong pagpipigil na makita silang lahat na narito ngayon. Even Killian is present here. They are all glaring at us with despise and disgust in their eyes. They seem to be disappointed but at the same time, they look so torn to see us in this kind of situation.

“Ano ngayon Neil? Are you ready to let your guard down? Better be dahil wala na kayong magagawa pa-”

“You can never say on me what to do Kelsy-”

“Tama na!” Tito Deverox voice thundered as we all almost jump in our place.

I swallowed hard as I look down my eyes on the floor. Alam kong wala na kaming kawala pa ni Kaizer lalo na ngayong alam na ng aming pamilya ang kung anong namamagitan sa amin.

But I still want to push it. I still want us to fight for our relationship despite their alleged that we should end this.

I felt Kaizer’s hand rest at my waist at the back. I didn’t take a glance at him even I can see in my peripheral vision that he’s staring at me wearily.

“Kelan pa nagsimula ito? Neil?” It was Tito Deverox who strictly asked me in thunder.

Hindi ko magawang mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya, sa kanila. My lips were grim as I clenched my jaw. Nakapirmi lang kaming dalawa ni Kaizer ngayon sa harap ng isang mahabang sofa habang silang lahat ay nasa harapan namin.

It was only the two of us now. While they are all contended against us.

“Sinabing kailan ito nagsimula Neil?!”

“Magsalita ka na Neil. Wala naman nang magagawa pa ang pagtahimik mo-” I cutted off Kelsy’s struggling words. She’s crying and I can also see how hard our state right now.

“I love Kaizer, Mom… Dad. Tito Deverox-”

“How could you love your cousin for heaven’s sake! Do you even know what you both are getting into? Neil, Kaizer! You’re cousins! Oh, Jesus,” Tito Demarcus appealed with anguish.

Nag-angat naman ako ng tingin sa kanilang gawi at nakita ko kung paanong maiyak si Mommy. Dad immediately held her arms as he supported her when she seems to can’t stomach what I said.

“This is wrong Jessiah. Nakikita mo ba ang anak mo ngayon-” it was Tito Zavian that my Dad cutted him off.

“I believe Neil will do what is have to be done,” Dad muttered as his eyes narrowed on me.

I never saw him glared at me this way. He never gets mad at me. That is why I get shivered from it that I just get to grit my teeth in so much agony.

Gusto kong ipaglaban namin ni Kaizer ang kung anong meron sa amin but now that my Dad is saying how much he trusted me with my every decision I make, I feel like I disappointed him big time.

“Kaizer has too as well.” I heard Tita Lorelai said.

“No, I love him. I love Neil more than just a cousin, Dad.” It was Kaizer who spoke beside me.

Nakita ko naman kung paanong mamilog sa galit ang mga mata ni Tito Eleazar sa sinabi ng kaniyang anak. Tita Audrina was on her side, watching us intently as well.

“Kaizer!” Sigaw ni Tito Eleazar na hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sa aking tabi.

Ate Anastasia immediately attended her Dad. Tito Eleazar is the firstborn in the Arcoiris siblings. May edad na rin at hindi pwedeng i-risk at i-expose sa stress reason why they are in abroad for medication.

“What the hell Kaizer! Dad is sick, hindi mo ba nakikita ’yon!?” Ate Anastasia exclaimed in worried and outrage.

“I’m sorry-”

“Tigilan niyo itong kahibangan niyo Kaizer! Hindi tama ito! Hindi na kayo mga bata para pumasok sa isang bagay ng ganito kapadalos dalos!”

“But Dad I’m certain to this-”

“Oh, Jesus, hindi namin kayo pinalaki para sa ganito! Damn it!” Tito Eleazar is fuming mad as I can feel Kaizer enraged beside me.

“You are cousins Neil and Kaizer. You are both alpha’s and domineering so why does it have to happen? Kahibangan ang magkaroon kayong dalawa ng relasyon.” Tito Zavian said to us.

“But it’s not a crime to love him. Tito Demarcus, you are attorney, tell me, tell all of them here that loving him was never been a crime.” Ani Kaizer sa aking tabi na hindi ko na napigilan pang balingan. His voice was demanding and I can’t seem to take this with losing our respect for them.

My family matters to me. I love them as I love Kaizer. But if choosing between the two, I had no answer left to say right now.

“It’s a crime Kaizer. Sin in the eye of God and to anybody else that believing in it. Our world was battling and struggling with toxic masculinity because it was abominated in the bible. Same as loving your cousin. It’s incest. Incest is considered taboo in every human culture around the world. It will always be seen as an evil-doing.” Tito Demarcus said on us firmly.

I looked down because of what Tito Demarcus stated. I gritted my teeth as I feel agitated by it.

“I want to know, are you guys gay?” It was Tito Deverox who asked us this time that made me lift my glance at him in shock.

“We raised you both in a healthy community and we never see any signs of being gay. So how come you love the same sex? It’s insane. You guys are freaking…” He then fired on us like he’s started to get frustrated on it.

Napakurap ako. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung bakla ba akong matatawag o ano. Because what I only knew is that I’m only attracted to Kaizer.

“We can’t let you this way. Your behaviors aren’t appropriate anymore. It’s inaccurate, kailangan niyong maghiwalay at maglayo na dalawa. Kaizer, leave him. And Neil, leave my son alone.” Tito Eleazar reprimanded in hostile.

“I will not do what you’ve said. I will never do it!”

“Kaizer! It’s the father you are talking with! You are being disrespectful just because of your repugnant love for your cousin?! Hindi ka namin pinalaki ng ganiyan!” It was Tita Audrina who seems to be hurt by his son’s action.

I swallowed hard when I felt the huge lump that stuck at the back of my throat when I get to realize what just Tita Audrina said. I respect them and disrespecting them right now bleeds me. We aren’t like this. We aren’t the child who contemn our good parents that only did is to give the best on us. The better for us.

Naramdaman ko namang hawakan ni Kaizer ang aking kanang kamay at saka mahigpit na pinagsalikop ang aming mga daliri. Nakita ko na lahat sila ay tumapon ang tingin sa aming mga kamay na mahigpit na magkahawak.

“I’m sorry Mom,” Kaizer said sincerely but at the same time in bleak.

“Kaizer will you just fucking fuck this off!?” Zachary’s blow up this time as his brows furrowed.

Akmang lalapitan niya ang aming gawi nang mabilis na nahuli ni Lucien at Ezi ang magkabila niyang mga braso para pigilan sa paglapit sa amin.

“Hindi kami maghihiwalay. Tanggapin niyo man kami o hindi, we will remain loving each other.” Kaizer said with conviction, eyes darted on them in hostile.

“Neil, pumunta ka rito.” It was my Dad who said that.

Natigilan ako. Bumilis ang kalabog ng aking dibdib at mabilis na nag-init ang aking mga mata.

“Come here anak. Let go of Kaizer’s hand. Now.”

I blinked as I gulped hard. Diretso akong nakatigin kay Dad nang maramdaman kong mas higpitan ni Kaizer ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

“Neil, don’t please…” It was Kaizer’s deep husky voice said in pleading.

“Mga bata pa kayo. Maybe you just found love in a very different wrong way. Madalas kayong mag-away noon kaya paanong nauwi sa ganito?” Tita Emilia asked on us.

“You’re right, they are still young. They got blinded and misunderstood the interpretation of each other’s actions. This should be stopped as early as it would be.” Tita Kailey said in a stew.

I gritted my teeth. I looked down when their eyes seem to be the daggers that are stabbing us.

“I said let go of your cousin’s hand, Neil.” Nagtitimpi ang boses ni Dad na sinabi sa akin.

Nag-umpisa ng manginig ang aking mga labi at pumatak ang luhang kanina pa nagbabadya sa aking mga mata mula sa pagbuhos.

Tahimik ang aking mga pinsan at wala ni isang nagtangka na magsalita. My uncles and aunties are all remained glaring at us in despise. At nang mag-angat ako ng tingin at masalubong ko ang matalim na mga mata ni Dad sa akin ay pinangilabutan ako.

“Let go, Neil!”

Kasabay nang malakas na pagsigaw ni Dad sa akin ay kasabay din nang pag-aklas ko ng aking kamay mula sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa akin ni Kaizer.

My hot tears streamed on my cheeks as I started to walk in my Dad’s way when Kaizer immediately grip my wrist and pulled me on his side.

“No. No! You are just manipulating Neil’s mind-”

“I’m his father Kaizer! You are just his cousin and what you are both doing is completely disgusting!” Dad’s words strike on me like a lightning in the blast.

“Marcos, take them apart. Abrupt!” In disapprobation, Tito Eleazar commanded on my cousins.

Naging alerto naman si Kaizer na mabilis akong hinapit at inilagay sa kaniyang likuran. Sila Marcos, Zach, Killian at Ezekiel ay mabilis namang nakalapit sa aming gawi.

Zandra and Kelsy’s wailed filled my ear. Their struggling sobs made me feel like this shouldn’t be happening if I just listened to them. If in the first place I already gave up Kaizer.

“Neil please anak, don’t make it hard for your Dad and uncles. Stop this already.” Mom lamented as her tears tear me apart.

I gritted my teeth while I shut my lips in grim. Bumigat ang aking pakiramdam na para bang may dumagan na sobrang bigat na bagay sa aking dibdib. Nahirapan akong habulin ang aking hininga nang ang impit kong halinghing ang nagpapahina sa aking mga tuhod.

Kita ko sa kanilang mga mata kung paanong sila nahihirapan sa aming situwasyon. They despise us but I know that they just want what is best for us. That separating us both will be the very best thing to do for our sake.

“Mga bata pa kayo Kaizer. Marami pa kayong pagdadaanan. And maybe that this love you are saying and feeling towards each other is just a phase. It will also be fade and tinted as you both grow in this realm.” Tita Audrina said to us.

Umiling naman si Kaizer sa kaniyang ina. At nang maglakad ako at harapin si Kaizer ay nakita ko kung gaano katalim at kariin ang kaniyang mga mata. His bloodshot eyes bore on me when I went beside him.

“It’s just a phase in the both of you. Mawawala at maglalaho rin ’yan. Magpinsan kayo at parehas kayong lalaki. I hate to say this but it’s indeed a sin. It’s an evil-doing that you two are expressing.” Tita Kailey added.

“We’re sickened and feel scorn about this ill relationship. Pero lamang sa amin ang pagiging mga magulang. As your family and guardians, we wanted to secure that our children won’t be at stake. And taking you both apart from each other will be the best thing to be done.” Tito Demarcus stated in hostile.

Napakurap ako at saka binalingan si Kaizer na mahigpit na nakahawak sa magkabila kong braso. His eyes were bloodshot while his jaw clenching in so much acrimony. Brows furrowed halfway while his forehead creased like he’s already pleading on me.

“Kaizer…” I muttered huskily.

I don’t know if I can speak and say this to him because I know to myself that it will just break us both.

“Neil don’t listen to them, please. We already talked about this right? You will be with me on this battle. You said that you’ll gonna be my warrior this ti-”

“Kaizer I’m sorry, but our family is just helping us to be out of this horrible relationship. They might say words that can hurt our feelings and ego but it must serve us right! We are doing this incest and homophobic relationship that against the eyes above in heaven and our society’s cultural beliefs. We should end this-”

“Hindi Neil, please dont…just fucking don’t!”

“Kaizer just let me go! Let each other go!” I said in between my heavy sobs now.

Naramdaman ko namang nilapitan na nila kami ngayon. Zach and Ezekiel pulled me from Kaizer’s grip while Killian and Marcos apprehended Kaizer away from me.

“Fuck off Marcos! Neil, please don’t do this to us! I know that you are just scorned by our family’s opinion.” He pleads to me while his bloodshot eyes painfully glaring at me.

I shook my head at him. Zach and Ezi were on my side and Kaizer was now away from me. Mabigat at pakiramdam ko ay may punyal na tumatarak sa aking dibdib habang pinagmamasadang pahirapan siyang ilayo nila Marcos sa akin.

“Neil, your Tito Jessiah is waiting for you.” Zach muttered to me.

I wiped my tears away and turn my back on Kaizer. But the moment I took a step away from him, I immediately look back when my aunts shrieked.

“Oh my gosh, stop it Kaizer!”

“Demarcus stop them!”

At pagbaling ko sa aking likuran ay nakita ko kung paanong malakas na sinuntok ni Kaizer si Marcos at Killian sa mukha nang makawala siya rito. I even caught Marcos’s nose rilled blood.

At nang makita ko ang humahangos na si Kaizer ay hindi ko mapigilang pumatak muli ang aking mga luha. Ang namumula niyang mga mata ay nangungusap akong pinagmasdan. He was about to approach me when Zach went in front of me.

“Umalis ka riyan Zach. Umalis ka!” Kaizer yelled in blast that I can feel how pained he is right now.

Napalingon naman ako kay Kelsy at Zandra na patuloy pa rin sa pagluha pero hindi inalintana ang kanilng mga nararamdaman na hinila ako palayo sa kanilang gawi.

“Tara na Neil. Let’s go!” Kelsy exclaimed as her tears profusely flowing on her cheeks.

Si Zandra naman ay namamanglaw at nangungusap ang mga matang hawak din ang aking braso.

“Tara na please, tigilan niyo na…” Zandra muttered that break me in chills.

My lips parted as my heart paused its beat. Her words felt like the last thing that will slap me to wake up.

“Kaizer I said stop this craziness! Ano nalang ang sasabihin ng ibang tao sa inyo!? Hindi mo ba naiisip iyon!?” Tito Eleazar thunder at his son who is now in full raged just to get near on me.

Malalim akong napalunok kasabay ng pagmalisbis ng aking mainit na luha. Hindi ako binitiwan nila Kelsy ngunit lahat kami ay natigilan dahil sa naging pagsigaw na iyon ni Tito Eleazar. He stood from his seat on the sofa at nakaantabay sa kaniyang likuran si Ate Anastasia at Tita Audrina nang humakbang ito patungo sa aming gawi.

Halos manginig ang aking mga tuhod nang ang matalim at nakakamatay niyang mga tingin ay sa akin nakatutok.

“Go to your father. Jessiah, take your son here if he can’t walk on your way!” Sabay baling ni Tito Elazar sa aking ama.

“Dad-”

“Kaizer we will go home now! Hinayaan ka namin dito sa Pilipinas para mag-aral at hindi para makipagbabuyan sa pinsan mo! How come you became loving your same-”

“Dad!” Kaizer’s thunderous voice filled the living area.

Naramdaman ko namang may humapit sa aking braso na mabilis kong binalingan ng tingin. It was Dad now, he stared at me gravely. I looked down.

“Tara na-”

But then my Dad’s word got cut off when Kaizer pushed Zach away that is blocking my way towards him. Natigilan ako at namilog ang aking mga mata nang ang kamay ni Kaizer ay napakahigpit akong hinawakan sa aking palapulsuhan. Dad was on my right hand while Kaizer is gripping my left.

“Tito Jessiah, please! I want your son! I love your son, please understand us! Neil…please.” Kaizer’s deep baritone voice cracked as his eyes were now in bloodshot blue of hope that I will get to fight with him on this.

Nasasaktan man ay marahan ko siyang inilingan.

“Kaizer, l-let’s end this-”

“No! What the fuck is wrong with you!? I am fighting here for us and yet you just leaving me to die here alone? Neil naman…ipaglaban mo naman ako!” His lonely tear stream from his bloodshot eyes. His lips parted like he can’t do this alone without me.

My lips tremble, cannot find the right words to say because of the excruciating pain that is now whacking my senses.

“Kaizer bitiwan mo na si Neil!” Zach burst.

Umiling naman sa kaniya si Kaizer na mas lalo lang hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak sa aking palapulsuhan. At walang ano-ano ay bigla niya akong hinapit at niyakap ng mahigpit.

“Neil please…wala na akong ibang hihilingin pa sa’yo kung hindi ito nalang. Fight for me…fight for us.” He whispered in my ears with his broken voice.

I stiffened at first but when my hot tears creek I tried to push him away. Naramdaman kong mabitiwan ni Dad ang pagkakahawak sa aking braso kaya naman ay kinuha ko iyong pagkakataon para patigilin na siya.

“Kaizer tumigil ka na!” My voice broke as I clamored the words I wanted him to do.

Hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin at sinubukang ikulong ang aking mga braso sa kaniyang mga bisig. But then when I already pushed him with all my strength, his back bump against Marcos body.

Pagod at nanghihina na ang kaniyang mga mata na tiningnan ako ng tuwid sa mga mata. At nang sinubukan pa muli niyang lapitan ako, I punched him in the face.

“Tama na! Tigilan na natin ’to Kaizer! I don’t love you! We are cousins and that is what I only feel for you! I’m sorry but I can’t love you the way you love me. I can’t love a man, a guy, my cousin…it’s getting into my nerves that I get so sick of it!” I remarked then I turned my back on him when I can’t take to see how shattered he is right now.

Mabilis akong naglakad palapit sa gawi ni Mom na sinalubong ako ng isang mahigpit na yakap.

“Gusto ko na pong umuwi,” patiuna kong sinabi kay Mom habang patuloy sa pagmamalisbis ang mainit kong mga luha.

Narinig kong may sinabi pa sila Tito kay Kaizer na ngayon ay mukhang umalma at natigilan but then I didn’t pay attention to them. Mabigat ang dibdib ko at masakit ang aking puso para magawang balingan pa ang mga mata ni Kaizer na liyong liyo sa pighati na nararamdaman naming pareho.

Ngunit nang marinig kong sumigaw muli si Kaizer ay hindi ko na napigilan pang mapatingin muli sa kaniyang gawi at nakita ko kung pano siyang mapasapo sa kaniyang mukha.

“Fuck!!! If you can’t accept our relationship then I’ll better be off to this family! If he can’t fight for me just because of all of you, I can’t do anything about it. You want us to separate? Then I will leave!” Kaizer’s voice makes us all look at his way.

Nakapalibot sa kaniyang likuran sila Lucien, Zach, Ezi, Marcos at Killian habang nasa kaniyang harapan naman sila Kelsy, Zandra, Tito Eleazar at Tita Audrina.

Pero kahit na gano’n ay tanaw na tanaw ko siya sa kaniyang kinatatayuan. Nakita ko kung paano niyang mariin na tiningnan si Tito Eleazar at saka padabog na naglakad patungong pintuan.

“Kaizer! Bumalik ka rito!” His father blast.

Nakita ko namang huminto si Kaizer nang malapit na siya sa hamba ng pintuan palabas. At kalaunan ay humarap siya sa amin…sa akin.

“I will come back if this family is ready to accept me and Nei-”

“And that’s never gonna happen-”

“Then I won’t go back.”

“Ang tigas ng bungo mong bata ka! We’re just doing what will gonna help you both in the future! And you think you can run away at magpakarebelde dahil sa pagkakamaling ito!? You are still dependent on us! You can’t live on your own!” Tito Eleazar stated in rampant.

Kaizer smirked humorlessly. “Is that it? Then take everything I have. I don’t need it anyway.” Aniya at saka niya kami tinalikuran at padarag na isinarado ang pintuan.

“Kaizer! Oh crap…” I heard Tito Eleazar shouted as the door shut.

“Dad? Are you okay? Dad!” It was Ate Anastasia this time.

At nang makita kong mahimatay si Tito Eleazar ay mabilis na tumungo sila Dad at Tito Zavian para lapitan ang gawi nila Tita Audrina na ngayon ay nagkagulo na.

“Kuya? Kuya Eleazar! Prepare the car, Killian! Hurry up!” It was my Dad who helped Tito Demarcus to carry Tito Eleazar out of the house.

Napahilamos naman ako sa aking mukha at akmang tutungo sa kanilang gawi nang makita ko ang mga mata ni Marcos na matalim na nagpahinto sa akin sa paghakbang patungo sa kanilang gawi.

I halted when his fatal glares stopping me. At mas natigilan din ako nang maramdaman kong hawakan ni Mom ang aking braso. I looked at her beside me and when she shook her head, I blinked and look down.

I gritted my teeth. Tito Eleazar was carried by my Dad and Tito Demarcus. Sila Tita Audrina at Ate Anastasia naman ay nagmamadaling lumabas kasunod sila patungo sa sasakyang inihanda ni Killian.

My other auntie and uncle glance on my way first with their eyes in disappointment before they get their way out of this place. As well as my cousins that I didn’t get to glance at because their parents glare at me that already ate my last shame to face them.

I gritted my teeth. My brows furrowed as I dried my cheeks. Binalingan ko si Mom na alam kong maraming nais na sabihin pero hindi lang isinatono. Because I know that her words might just hurt me but at the same time it will make me as a good person.

“I-I’m sorry Mom. I’m so sorry…” What I can only say beneath my breath.

Hinarap ko si Mommy na mabilis akong hinapit ng mainit niyang mga bisig. She embraces me again and brushed my back as I shivered in my wails. My shoulders drooped while it shudders in torn.

“I’m really sorry Mommy, h-hindi ko po sinasadya na mahulog sa kaniya. Hindi ko sinasadyang mahulog para kay Kaizer.”

“I understand hijo… I understand.”

Mom let me cry on her shoulder until I calm down myself. I don’t know how to feel after this day. I feel like I get strained by what happened. My knees were now weak habang ang aking mga balikat ay nakabagsak na lumabas ng ancestral house namin.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng sasakyan namin nang wala sa sarili. Mom was in front and I was alone in the backseat.

I looked at the window as I feel repentant and think of what just happened to us. I leave Kaizer. No, I let go of him. I turned my back on him because I wake up to the dream he made with me. I get up from the fall when someone held me and make me realize that this should put to its end.

That day we go home. Tito Eleazar was rushed into the hospital and tomorrow morning he will move to Manila. I also heard Dad that they will eventually go abroad soon if his condition went stable. I feel guilty about what happened that I get to blame myself for why Tito Eleazar got rushed to the hospital.

Kaizer was still unfounded. He was literally gone without any footsteps left behind to trace. My cousins aren’t looking for him as well at hinayaan nalang muna siyang magpalamig.

I also lost contact with him even with my other cousins. I don’t know how to call this but I can say that I was grounded by this day until the school year starts. Dad confiscated my phone as well as my laptop.

I had no gadgets left and I don’t feel bad about it. Dahil pakiramdam ko ay mas makakahinga ako kapag wala iyon.

Dad and Mom didn’t also ask me about it after what happened in Tagaytay. I feel sorry and dismay in myself because I make them feel awful about me. I commit a mistake not just to my family but also in the eye above. I was dumbfounded by the love that Kaizer and I tried to fight for. He…tried to fight for.

I figure this out on myself the moment I admit to Kaizer that I was falling for him. This is what I am frightened for. The day that our family became the hardest obstacle we will have to face.

And that day already ratified that we cannot be. We’re now separated. Banned against each other. Kick out of love that we should never let to take our system.

Weeks passed and I heard nothing from my family. My cousins never visited me in our house. I guess it was now settled. I believe that our family is ceasing this controversy just between all of us. Dahil sa oras na lumabas ito ay alam naming masisira ang kredebilidad ng mga magulang namin sa mata ng nakararami just because of our recklessness and stupid decisions. And I believe that my uncles wouldn’t let that happen as well as my cousins.

But somehow, now, I assume that I made the right decision this time. That cutting the string that binds us together will be the denouement.

Kabanata 44

Kabanata 44

Outrage

“Kaizer is gone. Hindi pa siya bumabalik simula nung mangyari yung sa Tagaytay.” Zandra said to me.

We are now in the kitchen area. Nakaupo siya sa stool sa kabilang side ng countertop habang ako ay nakasandig sa pader na pinagmamasdan ang sahig.

Zandra visited me just this morning. Wala siyang kasama at tanging siya lang din ang pumunta sa amin. At first, I feel uneasy about her because of what she did to me and Kaizer but then I realized that it has to happen that way. Because if maybe she didn’t do that, we’re still in that shadow hiding and running away from the wrong deeds we are committed.

And now Kaizer is gone. Halos dalawang linggo na ang nakalipas simula nang mangyari iyon but he’s still nowhere to be found. I shouldn’t think of him now but I can’t help myself from thinking where his possible location.

I didn’t expect that he’ll be gone for this long. Mom and Dad didn’t tell me about this as well. Kaya kung hindi pa dumating si Zandra dito ay hindi ko rin malalaman na ganito na pala ang nangyayari.

“Tito Eleazar was now in abroad. Gano’n din sila Tita Audrina at Ate Anastasia. Except for Kaizer that is still hiding. Maybe you have any idea about his whereabouts?” She then asked me.

Umalis naman ako sa aking pagkakasandig sa pader at hinarap si Zandra sa countertop. Ipinatong ko ang dalawa kong siko ro’n at saka siya mataman na tinitigan.

“No. I don’t know where he is.” I simply said as I stare at her gravely.

She let a sigh as she bent her glance at our table.

“He has nothing, Neil. His credit card was on him but he never uses it. Even his bank account, no traces. Nagpadala na rin ng mga tauhan sila Tito Eleazar and Tito Demarcus para hanapin siya.” She added.

I blinked. So it is that serious na kailangan nang magpadala ng mga tauhan para hanapin siya. But I assume that wherever Kaizer is, he’s just cooling himself. He’s just gaining himself from what just happened to us and our family.

After that morning ay hindi na rin nagtagal pa si Zandra sa amin. Alam kong hindi rin siya kumportable sa paraan ng pakikipag-usap ko sa kaniya ngayon. It was uneasy that even she just did is what best for our sakes ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang makaramdam ng pagkainis. I believed and trusted her but then she came up with the idea of betraying us.

Pinilit kong alisin sa aking isipan ang kahit na anong tungkol kay Kaizer. After weeks ay pinayagan na rin ako nila Dad na lumabas ng bahay. But only a few people I can come with. Madalas akong babad sa gym at kung hindi naman ay sa jiu-jitsu kasama si Enzo.

At first, I thought Enzo will decline me after I texted him if I can join him on his jiu-jitsu training. Dahil isa rin siya at si Nicks sa mga nakaalam ng relasyon namin ni Kaizer ay inasahan ko ng iiwasan niya ko. I already expect the worst on him so it won’t hurt me in the end.

But then, he became a good friend, and ever since then ay siya na rin ang nakakasama ko. After one month of getting and trying diverting myself from what just happened to our family ay hindi ko pa rin alam kung nagpakita na ba si Kaizer sa kanila. Because the last time I got the update is when Dad asked me if I know a place that he possibly hiding.

“I don’t know anything Dad.” I simply answered as I fix my things inside my duffel bag.

Saglit pa akong pinagmasdan ni Dad. Ani mong sinunsuri ang aking bawat galaw at tinatantya ako.

“Okay then, I believe you.” He muttered gravely.

Since then, I never lied to my parents kaya gano’n nalang ang tiwala sa akin nila Dad and Mom. Kaya nung araw na ’yon mismo nang nasa Tagaytay kami at sinabi ni Dad na alam niyang gagawin ko kung alin ang tama ay halos mawala ako sa sarili ko. Their expectation and faith in me in that kind of situation is still that elevated despite the fact that I already break their trust in me because of the lie that I’m with Kaizer.

It was breakable for me. Because I know deep inside myself that I break and defy the trust they given and set to me. They are my parents and I’m glad that even though after what happened, they didn’t confront nor asked me about it. I was down and in despair in those days after that family confrontation.

At nang isang linggo na halos ang lumipas ay do’n ko lang din nagawang makausap sila Mom and Dad. They were frigid to me but when I tell them my reasons and apologies they get to accept and forgive me.

It wasn’t that easy to forgive my mistake and as their son, I can see into their deep eyes how much they also feel at fault for me ending up loving my cousin.

“I’m sorry Mom… Dad,” I said wholeheartedly as the hot tears cascade on my face.

Mom immediately gets near me and embraces me with all of her heart. Hindi na rin niya napigilang maging emosyonal nang yakapin niya ako ng mahigpit.

At nang mag-angat naman ako ng tingin kay Dad na may madilim na mga matang nakatitig sa sahig ay hindi ko na pinigilan pa ang sarili kong lapitan siya at saka yakapin.

I know that he’s more hurt about it. Because his firstborn son fell in love with his cousin. That his firstborn son fell in love with the same sex…to a man, guy, a boy like him.

“D-Dad I’m sorry,” my deep large voice cracked as I said that to him.

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit habang ang mga luha ko ay binabasa ang kaniyang balikat. At nang maramdaman kong hagurin niya ang aking likuran at marahang tapikin ang aking balikat ay halos umaldag sa tuwa ang puso ko.

Because I believe all along that he will despise me once he knew what’s between me and Kaizer. That he won’t get to accept me being this way. But then it turns out to be the other way around. And I feel more than grateful for it.

“Hindi man kita maintindihan ngayon but I believe that I will get there someday, Neil Irish. Patawarin mo rin ako-” I cutted him off and slip away from my tight embrace on him.

“Dad, it’s not your fault. Hindi kayo nagkulang ni Mommy ng pangaral sa akin. Hindi kayo nagkulang na alagaan at palakihin ako sa mabuting paraan. It’s just me that I get to struggle it to myself.” I imparted to Dad when I already concluded that he’s blaming his self for what happened.

He thinks that if he just guided me thoroughly I will not end up this way. Na hindi sana nangyari ito. But it’s not. Their guidance and the trust they are giving to me is enough to say that they knew that they raised me well. And I believe in it as well. They raised me adequately.

My auties and uncles, I haven’t talked to them or seen them after that happened. Gano’n din sa mga pinsan ko na maliban kay Zandra.

Ayaw kong isipin na iniiwasan nila ako but that is what I can only think the reason is. I lost communication with them and they didn’t try to approach me. Alam kong may galit at tampo pa sila para sa akin dahil sa ginawa kong maling mga desisyon at hindi pa ako nakakahingi ng tawad sa kanila. But then I think it is better for me to live this way for a while so I can also stop overthinking how my life with my cousins and family changed in just a snap because of my recklessness.

Mahigit isang buwan na rin ang nakalipas at malapit na muling mag-umpisa ang school year. Pero magpasahanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nagpapakita si Kaizer. Zandra is still texting me about the updates even I’m not asking for it. And it was often no trace.

Kaizer is really doing good at hiding. I bitterly smirked at that thought. Pero kung ipagpapatuloy niya pa ito ay alam kong wala na ring patutunguhan pa ang lahat ng ito.

He didn’t even show up after what happened to Tito Eleazar. I feel guilty about it at kung iisipin ko pa lang ang sitwasyon ni Kaizer ay ako na ang mas nahihirapan para sa kaniya. Tito Eleazar must be fuming mad at him up until now and I feel useless that I can’t help him about it.

Nang mapagpasiyahan naming magkita ni Zandra sa isang coffee shop near at the mall para pag-usapan ang mga nangyari sa akin nitong mga nakaraan, pakiramdam ko ay kahit na papaano ay bumalik na muli sa dati ang trato ko sa kaniya.

It’s not that awkward at all. Maliban nalang kila Kelsy na magpasahanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin nakikita.

“Tinigil na raw nila Tito Demarcus ang paghahanap kay Kaizer. Mukhang magaling magtago ang unggoy mong pinsan.” Zandra said to me as her lips plaster in a small smile.

I smirked at her. “Dapat lang na ihinto na nila ang paghahanap sa taong ayaw namang magpakita. Then wait for them to show up when no one is looking for them.” I then uttered.

She then sipped on her cupped of frappuccino before she glanced at me as she held her stainless straw with her fingers.

“Yeah, exactly. Anyway, we’re going out tonight. Would you like to join us?” She inquired as her eyes were now serious staring at me.

I licked my lower lip as I blinked and glanced at her.

“Uhm, may gagawin din kasi ako ngayong gabi. Baka hindi nalang.” I simply muttered.

She cleared her throat. “Hindi pa rin ba kayo nakakapag-usap nila Kelsy?” Mayamaya ay bigla niyang tanong sa akin.

I didn’t tell her about it. Hindi rin naman kasi namin napag-uusapan ang tungkol kila Zach. They are also still out of my reach na hindi ko na rin sinubukan pang puntahan at lapitan para makipag-ayos.

I gulped then looked away. Naramdaman ko namang gumalaw si Zandra sa aking harapan.

“I’m sorry,” aniya pa sa malumanay na tono.

Nag-angat naman ako sa kaniya ng tingin muli at saka tipid na nginitian.

“No, it’s fine. Mukhang ayaw na rin naman nila akong kasama-”

“Kuya Ezi is actually looking for you recently… Madalas kasi kaming lumabas nitong mga nakaraan. Alam kong gusto ka rin nilang makasama.” Aniya na ngayo’y mukhang nag-alangang sinabi sa akin.

I chuckled softly. I know that she didn’t mean to offend me so I understand if they frequently hang out without me. It has no problem with me.

“Sumama ka sa amin mamaya,” she then said again with her eyes glint in glee to provoke me to come.

“Don’t worry akong bahala. At saka para makausap mo na rin sila. I can also feel how much you wanted to talk to them. Kaya sumama ka na, alright?”

I wanted to come and join them tonight but my feelings and thoughts of them ignoring me crept into my head. I’m frightened and feel lame to admit this but I get appalled by them now. Pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong mukhang maihaharap pa sa kanila lalo na kay Kelsy at Zach.

Nagkamali ako and they tried to fix the broken pieces for me…for us and yet I break it again for once. I feel ashamed to myself that they believed in me that I will be the one who has control over everything. That appointing the right and wrong deeds can be easily specified by me. And yet, I disappointed them as well as I did to each and everyone in our family.

I’m such a disappointment and setback that could never get through the previous page where I was before. And what I only have to do now is to continue flipping the page that I can’t go back anymore.

I was about to utter a word to answer Zandra’s request to join them tonight when my eyes caught my other cousin’s group came into the entrance of this coffee shop. Nakita kong natigilan si Kelsy sa pagpasok at gano’n din sila Marcos sa likuran niya.

Napatingin naman si Zandra sa kanilang gawi. And when Kelsy’s eyes met mine, she suddenly looked away. Tinanaw ko naman si Zach na mukhang hindi naman pinansin ang gawi ko. Marcos glances at our way but it’s just a glimpse. Si Lucien at Ezekiel naman ay seryosong nakatitig sa akin.

I then slowly nod my head at the two who remain looking at me. Marahan naman nila akong tinanguan pabalik.

“Ayaw ko na pala dito. Let’s go, sa iba nalang tayo Ate Meaghan.” I heard Kelsy said to her sister who seems busy with her phone that she didn’t notice my way.

“Huh? Dito nalang tayo Kelsy. Hindi ba at Starbucks lang naman ang gusto mo? I also already texted Eurwin, papunta na siya dito.”

“Sa iba nalang tayo Meaghan,” it was Marcos who inserted this time.

At nang mag-angat si Ate Meaghan ng tingin sa dalawa at dumaan sa aming gawi ni Zandra ang kaniyang mga mata ay nakita ko kung paano siyang matigilan. She pursed her lips as her eyes narrowed a bit.

Agad naman na akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanilang gawi nang mapansing ako yata ang dahilan kaya gusto nalang nilang lumipat ng ibang branch.

“Zandra, I have to go. Uuwi ka na rin ba o…sasama ka pa muna sa kanila?” I hurriedly ask on Zandra as I instantly stood up from my sit.

Natitigilan naman siyang nag-angat sa akin ng tingin. Her lips parted like she was about to say something that she can’t just voice out.

“Ah, oo. Mamaya ka na rin umuwi, sumama ka na muna sa amin.”

“Hindi na, kailangan ko na ring umali-”

“Neil?”

Naputol ako sa aking sinasabi at awtomatikong napatingin sa gawi ng malamyos na boses na tumawag sa akin.

“Nicks, hey.” I then said to her when she stops near our table.

Napatingin naman ako sa kasama niyang si Riz na simple akong nginitian.

“Aalis ka na?” Nicks asked on me.

Binalingan ko naman ang gawi ni Zandra na ngayo’y tumayo na rin sa kaniyang kinauupuan.

“Oo e’,” pagsagot ko kay Nicks.

“Zandra!”

Napatingin naman ako kila Marcos nang marinig kong tawagin nila si Zandra sa aking harapan.

“Ano Neil? Sama ka sa amin?” Zandra asked me once again.

Pinagmasdan ko naman si Nicks na tahimik lang na nakamasid sa amin ngayon.

“Zandra let’s go! Sasama ka ba sa amin o maiiwan ka nalang dito?” I heard Kelsy’s voice called out in annoyance.

Agad ko namang binalingan si Zandra. I then shook my head at her.

“Go ahead, I’m fine alone don’t worry,” I said at her assuringly when I can see in her eyes that she’s bothered by my situation.

Marahan lang niya akong tinanguan at saka marahang hinalikan sa pisngi para makapagpaalam na. I tapped her back as I mumbled to her ears.

“Don’t worry Zandra, I’ll talk to them next time so everything will fall back to its place again.”

She slipped out from my held at her back and she glanced at me.

“I’m hoping for that then,” she only said. We stare at each other for seconds before she finally walked towards my other cousin’s way.

Pinagmasdan ko pa muna sila ng ilang sandali bago sila tuluyang makalabas ng coffee shop ng hindi ako tinatapunan ng tingin. I gritted my teeth as I looked away. Hinarap ko naman sila Nics na nakapwesto na ngayon sa kabilang table.

Nang mahuli ni Riz ang tingin ko ay napakurap siya.

“Ladies, mauna na ako. Nicks, Riz, nice seeing you here. I gotta take off.” I pronounced when I get near their table to say my goodbye.

“Wait, wala kayong training ni Kuya in the next whole week?” Nicks suddenly asked on me.

Napamulsa naman ako sa aking loose trouser at saka siya sinagot.

“Yup, I just want a break for at least days.” I simply answered at her.

Marahan naman siyang tumango at nag-iwas ng tingin na para bang may iniisip.

“Babalik ka rin naman after that right?”

I blinked. “Yeah, eventually.”

“Alright then,” Nicks plainly replied to me.

“Ingat sa pagda-drive Neil,” ani naman ni Riz sa akin.

Hindi na rin ako nagtagal do’n at umuwi na rin ng bahay. Nanatili lang ako sa aking kuwarto at saka tumitig sa puting kisame na noon ay madalas ko ring pagmasdan kapag si Kaizer ang aking katabi.

Up to this day, Kaizer is still not coming home. I wonder where he is living in the past month. Hindi naman niya nagagalaw ang perang may transaction sa kahit na anong bank account niya. I hope he’s fine and wishing that he showed up soon.

I then let a sigh when my mind went to what just happened earlier. In a month of not seeing my cousins, I already feel the huge gap they deterred on me. Especially Kelsy and Zach who seem ignoring and avoiding me.

Their gravely glares at me were intense that I can’t stand to look at them long. While when they didn’t take a glance at me, I feel shamed and belittle by their presence.

Hindi ko pa alam kung kelan ko sila magagawang makausap dahil kung papakiramdaman ko pa lang sila ay alam kong iiwasan at lalayuan lang nila ako. But then I haven’t yet tried so why I lose hope.

When the night came and I just finished my dinner, I was walking upstairs when my phone in my hand rang. Halos alas onse na rin ng gabi nang mapagpasiyahan kong magdinner dahil nakatulugan ko kanina ang pag-iisip. I answered the call and put it in my ear.

“Sup Zand-”

“Neil come here to the pub. Kaizer is here. He gets in trouble.” Zandra’s serious voice made me halt from taking another step upstairs.

My eyes widen a fraction while my mouth left in parted as it dropped by her statement.

“What?” I startlingly asked.

“You get what I said. Hurry up! Sila Marcos lang naman ang kasuntukan niya ngayo-”

“Fuck!” I instantly dropped the call and hurriedly went to my room to get my keys and denim jacket.

I was wearing a plain white loose shirt paired with black trousers. Hindi na ako nagpalit pa ng damit at saka nagmamadaling bumaba sa parking at tinungo ang pub na sinasabi ni Zandra sa akin.

She texted me the location as I drove my car at its pace. Damn, why is he in the pub? And seriously? Ngayon lang siya ulit magpapakita tapos ganiyan pa ang way of approach niya? Getting in trouble with our cousins? Damn it.

Nang marating ko ang pub ay agad kong ipinark ang aking sasakyan sa labas. Hindi naman ito kalayuan sa amin kaya siguradong maaabutan ko pa kung paanong magpatayan ang mga pinsan ko.

Hindi ako nakaramdam ng kaba sa pagkakataong ito. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa alam kong nandito na si Kaizer o sa kadahilanang may galit din ako sa lahat ng nangyayari ngayon.

I was gritting my teeth drastically as I went inside. Hindi naman ako nahirapan at agad din akong napapasok sa loob. I was holding my phone as I called Zandra but she’s not answering the call.

Maingay sa loob ng pub at lahat ay may hawak na sari sariling drinks at kaniya kaniyang sayaw sa dance floor. Inilibot ko naman ang aking paningin sa paligid para mabilis kong mahanap ang gawi nila Kelsy dahil may kalakihan din ang pub at maraming tao ngayon.

And when I passed the lounges and my eyes caught the people that surrounding the lounge passed at the dance floor near the restrooms ay nagmamadali ko iyong tinungo. The people were shouting there and I can feel the vigor even I was just glancing in that way.

“Go fuck yourself, Marcos! Lalo ka na Zach! Tang ina niyong lahat!”

I familiarize that deep baritone voice who just thunder when I got in their way. Hinawi ko pa ang mga taong nakikigulo rin sa mga pinsan ko.

“You know what? You’re a fucking lame and a disgusting alpha-”

“Tang-ina mo!”

Halos malaglag ang panga ko nang makita kong ihampas ni Kaizer ang bote ng alak sa braso ni Zach na mabilis niyang sinangga ng isang tray. Kung kanina ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng kaba ay ngayon naman ay halos mabingi ako sa malakas na pagkabog ng aking puso.

What the freaking hell…

“Kaizer stop it! Pigilan niyo siya Mark! Levon, stop him!” I heard Kelsy’s scream as her voice in sobs.

Napatingin ako sa gawi nila at nakita ko roon si Zandra na nakaantabay kay Kelsy at Ate Meaghan na mukhang hindi na rin alam ang gagawin.

“I will fucking kill you, Zachary!” Kaizer’s beast voice shivered me that his thunderous voice gets into my bones that I get trembled to it.

Nakita kong mabilis siyang inawat nila Mark, Levon at Renz na mabilis niya lang nasapak sa mukha at isa isang bumagsak sa lamesa at sahig na pinagsisisipa. At nang lapitan siya ni Marcos ay padarag niyang sinakal ito at ipinako sa pader.

Napaawang ang bibig ko at naramdamang mag-umpisang mag-init ang aking mga mata habang pinagmamasdan kung paanong mapuyos sa galit si Kaizer. His brow was fixedly furrowed as his eyes darken in wickedness.

“Who’s a motherfucker hell now Marcos?” His deep voice shivers me.

Mahigpit na nakahawak si Marcos sa isang kamay ni Kaizer na sumasakal sa kaniya na pilit niyang inaalis. His head was now turning to red as he can’t remove Kaizer’s hand from its burke.

Hindi naman ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. I froze at my place as my feet rooted at the floor.

At nang malakas na napaatras si Kaizer nang sipain ni Marcos ang kaniyang dibdib ay humahangos na hinabol ni Marcos ang kaniyang hininga. He was coughing as he held his neck.

But then my eyes widened when I saw Zach went on Kaizer’s way as he about to slam a thick piece of wood at his neck when Lucien and Ezi deterred his plan. Ngunit bago pa man ni Zach mapigilan ang kaniyang sarili at magpaawat sa dalawa ay naunahan na sila ni Kaizer.

He hit Zach’s face that fell on the wrecked table. Hinuli naman ni Lucien at Ezi and magkabilang braso ni Kaizer para patigilan na ito pero marahas na nagpumiglas siya at tinadyakan ang dalawa na napainda sa sakit.

“Kaizer what he fuck!?”

“Zandra! Call Neil!” I heard them shouted.

Hindi ako nakagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan. I get afraid. It’s not Kaizer. The one they are fighting is not him. I swallowed hard as I feel the huge lamp that stuck at the back of my throat.

Lahat sila ngayon ay humahangos at iniinda ang sakit ng katawan habang si Kaizer ay ngayo’y palapit na kay Zach na may nakakasindak na mga tingin.

“Kaizer please tama na!” Kelsy exclaimed in tears.

“I have to call Tito Deverox, this is insane! Kaizer is…troubling with it again.” Ate Meaghan’s voice reaches my way.

That’s it. That’s why I’m afraid to get near him dahil hindi na si Kaizer ’yan. His anger consumes him. He’s furious and nothing can stop him. No one can stop him. Even I…cannot stop him.

“Neil… Neil!” I blinked when Zandra’s exclamation echoed in my ear.

Napatingin ako sa kaniyang gawi at nakita kong lapitan niya ako. Malalim akong napalunok habang pinagmamasdan si Kaizer na sakalin si Zach na nakahandusay sa sahig dahil sa malakas na pagkakabagsak niya sa table.

“Neil. Stop Kaizer! Stop him!”

“I-I can’t Zandra-”

“Mapapatay niya si Zach kung hindi mo siya pipigilan ngayon! He’s frantic, h-he’s out of his mind. H-He’s getting back to his dilemmas so stop him before something bad happens!” Zandra’s panicked voice race my heartbeats in pressure.

Mahigpit pa niya akong hinawakan sa magkabilang balikat at nakita kong naiiyak na rin siya sa takot. Maging ako man ay hindi na napigilan pang mag-init ang mga mata dahil sa nakikita ko ngayon.

“Neil please!”

Naging mabigat ang bawat kalabog ng aking dibdib at halos maputulan ako nang hininga nang ang mga mata ko ay dumapo muli sa gawi nila Kaizer. Na ngayon ay may basag na bote na siyang hawak na ipanghahampas kay Zach na nakapako sa sahig dahil sa mahigpit niyang pagkakasakal rito.

The people here that witnessing this are all left in gaped as I heard their screams in shock and frightened.

Damn, Kaizer… Fuck!

Mabilis kong tinakbo ang gawi niya at saka hinawakan ang kamay niyang nasa ere at aamba na sa paghampas kay Zach.

“I will kill you-”

“Kaizer…” I muttered in almost a whisper as I grip his hand tightly. Stopping him from getting aggressive.

Naramdaman kong matigilan siya. Hindi niya ako nilingon at naramdaman kong manlaban ang kamay niya. But when I spoke again I felt him froze this time.

“Kill me Kaizer. Ako ang saktan mo.” I firmly said that made my heartbeat flickered.

He has to stop. This ain’t good anymore. What he is doing is not healthy for him anymore.

Malakas niyang binawi ang kaniyang kamay na mahigpit kong hawak at saka niya inihagis kung saan ang basag na bote. Binitiwan niya si Zach na ngayon ay pulang pula na humahangos at hinahabol ang sariling hininga. Tumayo si Kazer at nanaatiling hindi ako hinaharap.

Nakita ko naman sila Marcos, Levon, Mark, Renz, Lucien at Ezi na nakatayo ngayon na pulos may galos na rin ang mga mukha na mariing nakatingin kay Kaizer ngayon sa aming malayong harapan.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito?” Kaizer then asked me gravely.

Nananatili siyang nakatalikod sa akin at kahit na hindi niya man ako harapin ay alam kong madilim ang mga mata niya na hindi ko magagawang matagal na pagmasdan.

“I came here to stop you-”

“Shut up. Leave me, Neil. You left me hung and now you are saying that you came here to stop me!?”

“Kaizer-”

“Fuck you!” And that curse haunted me.

Nanginig ang buo kong kalamnan na para bang huminto sa pagtibok ang aking puso. Pakiramdam ko ay tinamaan ako ng malakidlat niyang salita na hinding hindi ko malilimutan.

He now turned on me to face my weary way. And his hostile glares made me blink as my lone tear fell on my cheek.

Kaizer…

“Who the fuck are you to stop me? Who the fuck are you!”

Nanginig ang aking mga labi at bumagsak ang aking magkabilang balikat sa nakakapangilabot niyang pagsigaw sa akin.

“K-Kaizer-”

But then my stuttering words cut off when he grips my jaw tightly with his right hand. Napatingala ako habang ang mga luha ko ay natigil sa pagbuhos.

“K-Kaizer bitiwan mo ako,” I said as he neared his face on me with his misty look.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang mahigpit na humahapit sa aking panga at pilit iyong inaalis. But my strength wasn’t enough to stop him. Nanghihina ako. Nawawalan ako ng lakas na makita siyang nagkakaganitong muli.

And when his right hand gripped my jaw tighteningly, I groaned in pain. His hand was clasping my face while I’m seeing him in drastic rage.

“K-Kaizer let go of me, nasasaktan ako!” I exclaimed when I can’t take it anymore.

Nahihirapan akong huminga kasabay ng masakit niyang paghapit sa aking panga.

Agad niya rin naman akong nabitiwan nang maramdaman niyang palapit sa aming gawi si Enzo na napansin ko lang nang mabilis niyang napatumba si Kaizer.

Napahawak ako sa aking mukha at maramdaman kong mangalay sa sakit ang aking panga dahil sa ginawa ni Kaizer sa akin.

“Hurt Neil at ako ang makakabangga mo Kaizer.” Enzo’s threatened voice sent chills on me.

At nang makita ko sila Kelsy na daluhan sila Zach ay napatingin naman ako kay Marcos na nasa likuran ni Kaizer.

Kaizer smirk evilly as he spitted the blood and wiped it at the side of his lips.

“Why would I hurt him?” He then asked in hostile playfully then glance at me darkly.

He then took a step near us but before he gets on my way ay agad siyang humandusay sa sahig.

Nakita ko si Marcos na nakatayo sa kaniyang likuran na mukhang malakas na dinagukan si Kaizer dahilan para bumagsak ito sa sahig. Agad ko namang napansin ang mga tauhan ni Tito Deverox na sunod sunod na dumating at kinuha si Kaizer na ngayon ay wala ng malay na binuhat paalis ng lugar na ito.

Kaizer…

It’s not him. It’s the different side of Kaizer. An evil one. A monster. The beast one that I get too scared of.

Bumalik lang ako sa tamang wisyo ko nang maramdaman kong hawakan ni Enzo ang aking panga at napainda ako nang maramdaman kong masakit iyon.

“Ahh, shit.” I groaned as I gasped.

Napangiwi ako at nagdugsong ang dalawa kong kilay sa sakit niyon.

“I’m sorry. Let’s put it a cold compress. Your jaw is reddened, baka magpasa ’yan.” Enzo muttered on me in worried.

Napakurap naman ako at saka marahang tumango sa kaniya. I feel weak. My jaw hurt but my heart aches more when I remember Kaizer in that state again. He really has to go abroad. He needs to be far from me.

Dahil kung hindi, he won’t be able to control his outrage self. He will just get irrational and consumed by his anger that he can no longer manage himself again.

Kabanata 45

Kabanata 45

Goodbye

“Look how your reckless stupid decisions made to Kaizer, Neil. He wouldn’t be this way if you just didn’t let your selfishness!” Kelsey exclaimed at me.

I gritted my jaw as I clasp my hand into a fist. I looked down at hindi ko sila magawang tingnan pabalik. It may be really is my fault that is why Kaizer turn to this again. Ako nga siguro ang may problema sa aming lahat.

“Kelsey hindi lang naman si Neil ang nagkamali rito. Tayo rin!” Zandra fired on her beside me.

“Anong tayo? Kayo lang! Huwag na huwag mo kaming idadamay sa kawalanghiyaang pinaggagagawa ng mga iya-”

“Kelsy shut up!” It was Marcos who burst to stop Kelsy from blaming.

“Zandra is right. Lahat tayo ay may pagkakamali rito. Huwag na tayong magsisihan pa. We are all the reason why Kaizer is battling again with his anger management issues.” Ezekiel muttered gravelly.

I lifted my glares at them. Nakaupo ako ngayon sa sofa habang naglalagay ng cold compress sa aking panga. We are now here in our living area. Madaling araw na at umalis sila Mom at Dad to attend Kaizer at their house. Gano’n din ang iba naming mga Tito at Tita na tinunguhan si Kaizer sa kanilang bahay lalo na at mag-isa lamang siya ro’n.

Habang kami namang magpipinsan ay narito ngayong lahat sa bahay namin. Enzo was still here sitting beside me while Mark, Renz, and Levon already go home.

Nang magsalubong ang tingin namin ni Kelsy ay matalim niya akong tinitigan. Then she rolled her eyes as she looked away. I pursed my lips in grim as my jaw clenched.

Masama ang tingin sa akin ni Kelsy habang sila Zach at Ate Meaghan naman ay hindi ako tinatapunan ng tingin.

We leave the bar in a wreck condition. Marcos pay the damages dahil wala si Killian na siyang gumagawa no’n sa aming magpipinsan. And our parents were stunned when my cousins tell them about what happened.

Hindi naman ako nagsalita at ang tangi ko lang na naintindihan kung bakit nagkagulo sa pub ay dahil kay Kaizer. He was there when my cousins came accidentally with the same pub that Kaizer is in. And there, he burst out and get into a physical impulsive rage with Zach and Marcos.

“He really has to go abroad lalo na at ganito na pala ang nangyayari sa kaniya.” Lucien then said.

“Yeah, he should. He has to be treated.” Ezekiel agreed.

“Ate Anastasia is boarding tomorrow afternoon para sunduin si Kaizer. Diretsong flight na sila agad.” Kelsy informed us in a hostile voice.

“No, Anastasia called me earlier at hindi na niya masusundo pa si Kaizer. But Papa already assists and prepares everything for his flight.” Marcos then corrected.

“Siguro naman ay papayag na si Kaizer this time? Especially that his condition is not good.” Ani naman ni Zach na nakatuon ang mga tingin kay Marcos.

“He will. I’m sure that our parents make him agreed to it by now.”

Napakurap naman ako at saka nag-iwas sa kanila ng tingin. Kailangan na ni Kaizer sumunod kila Tito Eleazar sa ibang bansa not only because of our controversy but as well as for the sake of his sickness. He needs to get treated especially that I saw how his rage wasn’t under control anymore. 

“Enzo, you should go home.” Ani ko sa kaniya na nakaupo sa aking tabi at mukhang nakaantabay sa akin nang balingan ko siya.

“Mamaya na, sasabay na ako sa mga pinsan mo pag-alis.”

Nakaramdam naman ako ng hiya sa kaniya dahil nakita pa niya kung paano kaming mag-away at magsisihan na magpi-pinsan. He didn’t actually have to witness this but then he insisted to come over to our house after what happened in the pub. He’s worried and I can already see that.

“We are leaving,” mayamaya ay ani ni Marcos sa akin.

Seryoso ang kaniyang mga mata nang sinabi niya sa akin iyon. Tumayo naman ako at si Zandra at Enzo na nasa aking magkabilang tabi. I saw Kelsy vicious glares turned to Enzo beside me as we three rise in unison.

At nang mahuli niyang nakatingin ako sa kaniya ay agad siyang nag-iwas ng tingin kay Enzo at walang sali-salita ay nagpatiuna ng lumakad siya patungong pintuan palabas. Sila Ate Meaghan at Zach naman ay sumunod na rin kay Kelsy na nauna ng umalis.

Nilapitan ko naman sila Ezi at Lucien. Marcos was still here, seems like he’s waiting for me to say something.

“Ingat sa pagmamaneho,” I then simply said to them.

Tinapik ni Ezi at Lucien ang aking balikat at saka marahang tinanguan bilang paalam bago sila lumabas ng pintuan. While Zandra beside me hugged me for seconds before she also went out together with Marcos.

Nakita ko pang saglit na pagmasdan ni Marcos si Enzo na nananatili pa ring nakatayo sa aking tabi.

“Thanks bro, una na kami.” Ani pa ni Marcos sa aking katabi bago siya tuluyang lumabas kasama si Zandra.

“Welcome, susunod na rin ako,” Enzo replied to him.

At nang kami nalang ni Enzo ang natira ay nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin.

“Hatid ba kita?” I asked on him.

Seryoso naman ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin nang magsalubong and aming mga mata.

“No, I’m okay. Magpahinga ka na lang muna. Good night,” he said in a deep large voice.

I nod at him. “Salamat sa kanina. And…pasensya na rin sa problema.” Nag-aalangan ko pang sinabi sa kaniya.

I licked my lower lip as I plaster a shameful smile at him.

“No, it’s alright with me,” he then drawled in a low voice.

I lift my glance at him then stare at him for a while.

“Salamat,” tangi ko nalang na naiusal sa kaniya.

Hindi na rin naman siya nagtagal pa sa bahay at umalis na rin. Mahina akong napabuntong hininga at bagsak ang dalawa kong balikat na tinungo ang hagdan matapos kong mai-lock ang pintuan sa salas.

I get tired of what happened but then my mind wasn’t yet exhausted to think of Kaizer’s situation. He’s getting back to his childhood dilemma that struggling with his temper makes him irrational and out of place towards everything.

I’m worried and feel guilty that I am also the reason why it happens to him. I am also his trigger that made him a ticking bomb clock that will burst anytime soon.

I still feel how his hand grip my jaw harshly. His thunderous voice is still echoed in my ears that strikes me in curses. I can never forget how it happened to me before when we were kids. That it crept and haunting me again now.

“I want those shoes, give it to me,” Kaizer commanded as he pointed out the rubber shoes I gave to Zach.

Kakauwi ko lang from State at umuwi ako mag-isa for a summer vacation. Nandito lahat ang pinsan ko sa bahay namin dahil sa isang package na inuwi ko for them that Mom prepared as I go home.

Seryoso ang mga mata ni Kaizer na nakatingin sa akin na iniutos iyon. I arched my brow. Iniabot ko kay Zach ang sapatos na gusto niyang angkinin.

“Kay Zach ’yon. I have something here for you-” but then he abruptly cutted me off.

“I said I want that shoes!” Kaizer shouted at me.

Mabilis niyang inagaw ang sapatos sa kamay ni Zach at saka masama akong tiningnan sa mga mata. I stood up from the floor at inagaw ang sapatos sa kaniyang mahigpit na pagkakahawak.

“Hindi iyan para sa iyo! Kay Zachary ’yan! Hindi ba at sinabi ko namang meron akong nakabukod na para sa’yo!? Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo at ang hirap mong umintindi!?” I exclaimed as I pulled the rubber shoes from his tight grip.

Malakas naman niyang hinila iyon patungo sa kaniyang dibdib habang ang kamay ko ay mahigpit na nakakapit pa rin do’n.

“I said I want these shoes! Ikaw ang hindi makaintindi sa ating dalawa! Let it go and give it to me!” He loudly said as his voice freaks me.

“Ayoko sabi! Kay Zach nga ito!”

“I’m gonna punch you if you don’t give it to me!” He warned on me darkly.

“I’m gonna kick your balls then before your fist hit me!” I fired back.

“Tumigil na nga kayong dalawa! Kaizer! Ano ba!” It was Ate Meaghan who stopped us.

Sila Kelsy naman at Zandra ay napansin kong tumakbo patungong hagdan at mukhang tinawag sila Tita Kailey at Tito Zavian na nagbabantay sa amin ngayon.

“No! I want these shoes so give them to me instead of Zachary! Mas bagay sa’kin ’to kesa sa kaniya!”

At nang hindi maalis ni Ate Meaghan ang mahigpit na pagkakahila ni Kaizer sa sapatos at nilapitan na rin kami nila Lucien, Ezi, at Marcos ay padarag kong isinaksak sa baga ni Kaizer ang sapatos na gustong gusto niya.

’Yan ang gusto mo hindi ba? Ayan, isaksak mo sa baga mo!

Napaupo siya sa sahig dahil sa malakas na pwersang pagkakahila niya sa sapatos. I glared at him at masama rin ang mga tingin na ibinabato niya sa akin na ani mong kinokontrol pa niya ang kaniyang sarili sa mga oras na ito.

“There, sa’yo na ’yan!” I yelled at him sharply then I turn my back at him.

“Fuck you, Neil!” I heard him burst then I felt a massive thing that hit the back of my head.

“Ahh!” I groaned and I feel how the back of my head swollen.

“Kaizer!”

At nang maluha luha kong hinarap muli ang gawi niya ay nakita ko si Tito Zavian na agad siyang sinaway. Nilapitan naman ako nila Kelsy at Zachary.

“Are you okay?” It was Kelsy who asked me as she looked at the back of my head.

Masakit iyong pagkakabato niya ng sapatos sa akin kaya nagbukol. Paano ba naman ay ang makapal na talampakan niyon ang sumapol sa akin. Masama ang tingin ko kay Kaizer habang ang luha ko ay pinigil kong bumuhos sa sakit na dinulot niya sa akin.

It wasn’t the first time nor the last time it happened. Maraming beses niya akong inaway at sa tuwing mumurahin niya ako ay alam ko nang mananakit siya. Alam ko ng sasaktan niya ako.

“Fuck you!” He cursed on me in so much anger.

He punched me in the eye just because I didn’t let him join us.

“Tang ina mo Kaizer!” Tuluyan na akong umiyak at saka malakas siyang tinulak sa pader at saka ko siya sinuntok din sa mata.

He kicked my abdomen that’s why I fall onto the floor. At nang akmang lalapitan niya ako ay mabilis siyang napigilan nila Marcos at Killian na hinawakan ang magkabila niyang balikat.

He was about to protest but then I immediately stood up from my fall and hit his face while my other cousin is holding his both hand.

“Don’t you ever cursed me again Kaizer Adam! I hate you! I do fucking hate you!” I exclaimed as my tears filled my face.

Natigilan siya at namilog ang mga mata dahil sa sinabi ko. Nakita kong may sasabihin pa siya ngunit bago ko pa man ’yon mapakinggan ay tinalikuran ko na siya at saka padarag na isinarado ang pintuan ng aking silid.

He’s getting into my nerves. We’re still kids and he’s already like this! What more if we get older!? Baka magpatayan nalang kami hangga’t pagtanda.

I was crying on my bed when I heard a continuous knock on my door. Hindi ko iyon pinansin dahil masama pa rin ang loob ko dahil sa ginawa ni Kaizer. I always try to be kind to him but all he gives in return for my kindness was always a curse and punched on my face. He’s just so hotheaded. I hate him.

“Neil, it’s Kaizer… Can I come in?” His soft voice called out from my door.

So he’s the person who keeps on knocking? Why would I let him enter? Para sapakin na naman ako sa mukha? Minsan na nga lang akong magbakasyon sa Pilipinas to have fun with them tapos ganito pa ang mahihita ko mula sa kaniya? He’s so annoying.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at hinayaan lang siyang kumatok sa aking pintuan.

“Neil? Please… I’m sorry,”

And the moment he said that, I stood up from my bed. I grit my teeth.

“And why would I forgive you?” I then asked on him. Nananatili lang akong nakatayo malapit sa aking kama at hindi pa rin siya pinagbubuksan ng pintuan.

“Because… I feel sorry for what I did.” He muttered like he’s really sorry for it.

Since then, I always wanted him to feel like he’s not different from us…that despite of his disorder he’s still normal.

When my Tita’s and Ate Anastasia tell me about Kaizer’s state I begin to understand his situation. His sudden outburst. His sudden annoyance and irritation towards everything, I understand it all to the point that I get tired of comprehending him.

He’s hotheaded and his temper is just too much to me. Dahil palagi nalang ako ang pinagdidiskitahan niya. Palagi nalang ako ang binibuwiset niya. Palagi nalang ako ang inaaway niya.

But despite all of it. At the end of the day, he will say…

“I’m sorry,” I heard him said as my tears dwell in the bottom lid of my eyes.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at saka tuloy tuloy lang ako na naglakad papasok ng sasakyan hila-hila ang aking malaking maleta at ihahatid ako nila Zach patungong airport.

Hindi siya kasama dahil ayaw ko siyang makita sa pag-alis ko. I ignore him after what he did to me. Na magpasahanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nawawala ang galit ko sa kaniya.

“Neil, nasa baba ako ngayon. Come over here,” Zandra said over the phone.

Nasa loob lang ako ng aking silid simula kaninang umaga at hindi ako lumalabas kahit na anong pilit nila Mom at Russco sa akin. But when Zandra called me this noon ay agad na nangunot ang aking noo.

“Huh? Bakit?” Tanong ko pa sa kaniya.

Ngayong tanghali ihahatid si Kaizer patungong airport. Wala naman akong narinig na balita galing kila Mom nang makabalik sila galing sa bahay nila Tito Eleazar kaninang madaling araw. And I didn’t opt to ask them as well.

“Basta, bilisan mo nalang.” Zandra hinted then dropped the call.

Bahagya naman akong napabuntong-hininga bago nagpalit ng damit at saka nagmamadaling bumaba patungong parking lot. Natanaw ko na agad si Zandra pagkabukas pa lang ng elevator. I went out at tinungo ang kaniyang gawi.

“Sama ka sa amin.” Bungad niya sa akin nang makalapit ako.

She was walking towards the parking. Hindi ko naman napigilan ang mga paa kong kusang sumabay sa kaniya sa paglalakad.

“Saan?”

“Basta, pumasok ka nalang sa loob ng sasakyan. Sa passenger sit ako, do’n ka sa backseat.” She then pointed to the door of the backseat for me nang makalapit kami sa sasakyan na sinasabi niya.

Napakurap naman ako nang matanto kong sasakyan ito ni Ezekiel. At nang balingan ko ng gawi ni Zandra ay nakapasok na siya sa loob kaya naman ay hindi na rin ako nakatanggi at pumasok na rin ako.

But the moment I opened the door of the backseat ay may humila sa akin sa loob dahilan para pabagsak akong napaupo at sumubsob ang aking mukha sa dibdib ng humila sa aking palapulsuhan. The car starts to roar as my brows furrowed in protest.

“What the hell!?” I cursed and when I was about to push the person I was burried my face was, I slowly familiarized his manly scents.

At nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya ay sumilay sa akin ang seryoso at mariin niyang mga tingin.

“Miss me?” He then growled peevishly.

His lips were grim as his jaw clenched. Natigilan ako at bahagyang namilog ang aking mga mata na makita siya ngayon. His looks were now different, far from what he looks like last night when he’s in the pub bursting impulsively. But when he blinked and his eyes glance at me with a playful stance. I leered at him.

Nag-iwas ako sa kaniya ng tingin at saka itutulak ko na sana siya nang isubsob niya akong muli sa kaniyang dibdib.

“Kaizer ano ba!” I protest as I pushed him away.

“I’m sorry, Neil. I’m sorry Mi Arcus if I hurt you last night.” His voice softened this time.

Naramdaman ko pang marahan niyang hinaplos ang aking likuran. His embrace on me melting the sulkiness I was feeling in him.

He seems very apologetic with his sullen voice. Kaya naman nang mag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin at humiwalay sa kaniya ay nakita ko kung paanong umigting ang kaniyang panga habang ang mga mata ay madilim na nakatingin sa aking pisngi na kagabi ay mahigpit niyang hinawakan.

He then slowly held my jaw na ngayon ay may maliit na pasa malapit sa aking tainga.

“I’m sorry,” he growled again in almost a whisper.

“Kaizer, I understand you. It’s okay.” Ani ko sa kaniya.

Umiling naman siya sa akin at saka ako malamyos na tinitigan sa mga mata.

“I’m leaving now Mi Arcus,” he then muttered to me.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin nang makuha ko ang mga tingin niyang hindi ko kayang tagalan na pagmasdan.

“Yeah I know, take care of yourself. You should’ve too.” Usal ko at saka binalik muli ang aking mga mata sa kaniya.

He has to go abroad to completely cut the wire that binding us together, as well as to have him checked and under his medication. I know that he’ll be good after a few sessions. He’s already doing great in the past years at ngayon na bumalik muli ang kaniyang anger management issue ay naniniwala akong babalik din ulit siya sa normal.

Pinulupot niya ang kanan niyang kamay sa aking likuran at saka niyakap ang aking baywang. He then leans his head on my shoulder as I tap his cheek.

Natahimik kami pagkaraan at wala ni isang nagsalita sa amin. Maging si Zandra at si Ezekiel na ngayon ko lang napansin na siya pa lang nagmamaneho ng sasakyan. At nang makita niya ako sa rearview mirror na nakatingin sa kaniya ay lokoloko lang niya akong nginisian.

I smiled at him. I’m glad that even Ezekiel knew my situation with Kaizer, I didn’t hear anything from him as well as from Lucien. Gano’n din kay Killian. They seem to be silent, pero kahit na gano’n ay hindi ko naramdamang iniwasan nila ako.

“Don’t worry, hindi nila malalaman na sinama ka namin sa paghatid kay Kaizer,” Ezekiel then said to me.

“Yeah, I hope you talk about this for the last time Neil.” It was Zandra seconded.

I then plaster a small smile at the two. “Thank you,” I sincerely muttered.

Nakasandig ang ulo ni Kaizer sa aking balikat habang ang kamay namin ay mahigpit na magkasalikop. Nakatanaw lang kaming pareho sa bintana habang ang sasakyan ay mabilis ang paandar. Sa bawat pag-ikot ng mabilis na gulong ay siya ring katumbas ng nalalapit na pag-alis ni Kaizer.

But then I wanna savor our last moment together here while holding his hand tightly. While his head leaning on my shoulder and burried it later on in my neck and felt him sniff me. I want to cherish this farewell.

Masaya ako na aalis na siya dahil para rin naman sa kaniya ito…para sa aming dalawa. But then at the same time, I feel like there’s a piece of me that I’ve got to set free. That I have to let slip and be gone for good.

Bumaba kami ng sasakyan at naglakad papasok ng airport. Mabigat ang loob ko at hindi ko mawari kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay nag-init bigla ang aking mga mata. Kaya naman ay nagpahuli ako sa paglalakad at hindi sinabayan si Kaizer.

At nang makita kong yakapin ni Zandra si Kaizer dahil kailangan na niyang umalis ay nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanila. Hindi ko sila kayang pagmasdan na magpaalam sa kaniya.

I bit my lower lip harshly then gritted my teeth as my eyes narrowed at the carts. But when I heard him called me, nagbaba ako ng tingin.

“Neil, hindi ka man lang ba magpapaalam sa akin?” Dinig kong ani Kaizer sa malambing at malalim na boses.

Hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin. Nanatili akong nakaiwas sa kanilang gawi. Then I smirked heavily strained. I didn’t know that saying goodbye to him is gonna be this hard.

“Mi Arcus,”

I then froze in my place as my heartbeat fastened when Kaizer’s raucous voice was now behind my ears. At nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niyang pumulupot sa aking baywang mula sa aking likuran ay hindi ko na napigilan pang harapin siya at yakapin ng mahigpit.

“I’m not gonna miss you Kaizer. Here me? I-I will not miss you.” My voice cracked.

I shut my eyes while I embrace him tightly. He buried his face on my neck as he seems smelling me. Our embrace was tight and overwhelming. It feels like two stones crashed against each other that has to build a fire, but then failed.

“I’m sorry Mi Arcus but I will gonna miss you.” He then said in a deep husky manner.

I heard him gasped. Ilang saglit pa kaming nanatili sa ganoong posisyon bago ako kumawala sa kaniyang mga braso. Diretso ko siyang tiningnan sa mga mata habang naramdaman ko namang pumatak ang aking mga luha.

Peke akong natawa at saka nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin. But when I can’t hide my tears from him anymore ay hindi ko na nagawa pang itago ang mahina kong halinghing sa kaniya.

He held my face gently as he wiped my tears for me. His eyes narrowed on me in weary as his lips left in apart.

“Magpakabait ka kila Ate Anastasia! Say sorry to Tito Eleazar, alright? Say my apologies to them as well. Hindi kita mami-miss.” I said to him as I stop myself to look like I’m in sorrow that he’s now leaving.

Tipid naman siyang nangiti habang ang mga mata ay namumungay na tumitig sa akin.

“Hindi mo ba ako pipigilang umalis Mi Arcus? Wala na bang pipigil sa pag-alis ko?” Tanong pa niya sa akin sa malungkot na tono.

Binalingan niya pa sila Ezekiel at Zandra na nasa aking likuran at tahimik lang na nakamasid sa aming dalawa.

“Wala na dude, umalis ka na,” Ezekiel said with a playful smirk played on his lips.

Si Zandra naman ay umiling lang din sa kaniya ng malungkot na nakangiti akong pinagmasdan. And when Kaizer’s gaze locks on me again, I shook my head at him as well.

“You have to go now. You have to move on. We have to keep moving forward, Kaizer… Go on, tinatawag na ang plane ticket mo.” Ani ko pa sa kaniya at saka ko tinuyo ang basa kong pisngi.

Saglit pa niya akong pinagmasdan. His eyes were tracing my face. It’s like he’s memorizing every part of me, every bit of me.

Hinapit niya pang muli ako ng isang mahigpit na yakap sa huling pagkakataon. It was warm and feels like a cozy farewell. At nang humiwalay siya sa akin ay namutawi ang seryoso at wala na niyang buhay na mga matang tumunghay sa akin.

At ilang segundo pa ang lumipas bago niya kami tuluyang tinalikuran at nag-umpisa ng humakbang palayo sa amin.

Watching his back walking away from me hauling luggage in his hand was a seizing nuisance sentiment. Separating and taking different paths now will be a great start for both of us.

Goodbye Kaizer… I’m not gonna miss you… So bad.

Kabanata 46

Kabanata 46

World

Halos isang buwan na rin ang lumipas nang makaalis si Kaizer. I can say that my life is getting back to its normal…half of it. Dahil magpasahanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin gano’n kaayos ang lahat sa aming magpipinsan.

Zandra, Ezi, Lucien, and Marcos were good to me, at least. Nakakausap at nakakasama ko pa naman sila, unlike Kelsy, Zach, and Ate Meaghan who’s still avoiding me. I’m not forcing them to talk to me nor pushing myself with them because I know that they are just starting to regain their trust in me.

I disappointed them and I knew my mistake. And that is what more important. To recognize when you are already wrong and admit that you are at fault.

Falling for Kaizer nakedly, blinded me. Kaizer didn’t fool me, he just loved me as a whole. Despite our circumstances in our family, no one intrigues our preferences.

I somehow sometimes feel that they are also wondering about it but they just keep their mouth shut and never minding to asked me about it. And as to that, I also get confused about myself. I’m attracted to Kaizer, more likely, I loved him. But to other guys, I didn’t. Because I only planted and grow this kind of feelings for him. To him only.

In that last month, our family let the issue subside. It’s the controversy that we faced and I fully understand now why it has to happen.

He’s my cousin. We are both men. And those two phrases didn’t neglect the fact that having a relationship with each other is taboo. It is a forbidden sin of evils way of approach. I hate to believe it but it’s the truth. Because our love for each other clouded the wrong deeds that we became blind towards the action we were both taking and risking.

Inabala ko ang sarili ko sa nakalipas na isang linggo na iyon na pag-alis niya. Dad plans a vacation for me and to Mom and Russco. We go out of town and headed to some beaches. Isang linggo lang din iyon and I can say that my mind is at ease for at least.

They never make me feel that there is something wrong I made nor make me feel like I was out of place. My parents were the best that they get to understand me without any despite. They are just so compassionate that I felt how much their love filled me and grew me up to this day.

After a week of vacation with my family ay naging abala naman ako sa university na papasukan ko dahil ilang araw nalang ay mag-uumpisa nang muli ang pasukan.

Naging madalang din ang pagtungo ko sa training ng jiu-jitsu na sinalihan ko kila Enzo. Wala naman daw problema do’n and everything is on his hold. At mas naging madalas naman ako sa gym these days.

Kasama ko si Ezi at Marcos minsan sa gym at madalas naman kapag sinasama nila ako sa play nila sa kabilang subdivision. Hindi naman ako tumatanggi lalo na at malapit na rin ang pasukan at paniguradong kakalawangin ako kapag matagal akong hindi nakapaglaro.

“Nice game!” Renz said to me as he pats my shoulder.

Kakatapos lang naming maglaro at nasaktuhan lang na dito rin pala sila nagko-court. Hindi niya kasama sila Levon at Mark. At nang mapatingin kami sa iba pa niyang mga kasama nang matapos ang laro namin dahil sila naman ang gagamit ng court ay hindi ko maiwasang panliitan ng tingin ang isang lalaking nakatitig sa akin.

“Let’s go, naghihintay na sila Mama at may dinner pa kaming a-attend-an,” Marcos said to me nang tapos na siyang makapagpalit ng damit.

Napakurap naman ako at saka isinukbit na rin sa aking balikat ang strap ng aking duffel bag.

“Sigi,” tangi kong naiusal.

Nagpaalam pa muna kami sa mga nakalaro namin at sa ilang kakila na binati kami. At nang palabas na kami ng court nila Marcos, Lucien at Ezekiel ay natigilan ako nang binato ng isang lalaki sa akin ang bola nila na agad ko namang nasapo kung hindi ay masasapol ako niyon sa mukha.

“Fuck, who the hell is that?” I then asked as my brows immediately furrow.

Naramdaman ko namang gumilid sa aking tabi ang tatlo kong pinsan nang harapin ko ang gawi ng pinagmulan ng bolang iyon. At nakita kong palapit sa akin ang isang lalaki na siyang kanina ko pa napapansing mariin akong pinagmamasdan mula sa malayo.

“Give me the ball,” he then commands on me as he lends his hand for the ball he threw on me.

Nakita ko naman si Renz at ang iba pa nilang kasama na tinungo ang gawi namin. Namukhaan ko pa si Edward na mukhang kasamahan din nila Renz.

“You threw this on me?” Pahasik kong tanong sa kaniya.

He was wearing his black v-neck shirt with his dark maroon jersey shorts sported by his red Niky shoes. He arched his brow on me as his mouth parted like he’s in awe. His looks were rugged by his narrowed eyes and scowl look. The hostile and intimidating descriptive word didn’t enough to make you feel this kind of air on him.

“Yeah, why?” Seryoso lang niyang tanong sa akin na para bang wala lang na muntik na akong masapol niyon sa ulo.

“Muntik mo na akong matamaan-”

“And so? Akin na ang bola.” He snorted.

Kaya naman nang akmang kukuhanin niya sa kamay ko ang bola ay iniwas ko iyon. Nakita kong taliman niya ako ng tingin. I smirked. And when he took a step near me at akmang kukuhanin niya iyong muli sa aking kamay ay ibinato ko iyon sa kaniyang mukha.

“Shit, Neil. What the fuck?” I heard Lucien cursed in stunned at what I just did.

“Anong nangyayari? May problema ba?” Renz butt in when he got near us.

Hindi naman ako kumurap at pinagmasdan lang ang lalaking matalim ang mga matang nakatunghay sa akin ngayon. His complexion was fair kaya naman agad na namula ang kaniyang ilong na tinamaan ng bola.

“Serves you right. Sa’yo na ’yang bola mo.” Ani ko at saka pasiring siyang nginisian.

Tatalikuran ko na sana siya nang bigla siyang magsalita.

“You’re a son of a bitch. One on one,” dinig kong paghamon niya.

Hinarap ko naman siya. “Hindi ako nakikipag one-on-one sa mukhang talunan. Tss.”

“Okay then, let’s see next time kung saan ka dadalhin ng yabang mo.” Aniya pa niya sa matigas na tono.

Inismiran ko lang siya at saka ko binalingan sila Marcos sa aking tabi na mukhang nakaantabay lang sa akin kanina pa. Doon ko lang din napansin na ang ilang kasama ni Renz ay nakaabang na rin sa likuran ng hindi ko naman kilalang lalaki na ang lakas ng loob manghamon.

“Son of a bitch, sandali!” Dinig kong hirit pa niya nang makalayo kami ng bahagya sa kanila.

Tumigil naman ako sa paglalakad at pinauna na sila Lucien. Tinanguan ko pa sila dahil mukhang nag-aalangan silang iwanan ako mag-isa sa court. At nang ma-assure ko namang kaya ko ang sarili ko ay iniwan na rin nila ako. Saka ko naman hinarap ang lalaking tumawag sa akin na naramdaman kong nasa likuran ko na ngayon.

“What do you need, motherfucker?” I said as I faced him.

Natigilan naman ako ng ilang segundo nang makitang nakangisi siyang nakatitig sa akin ngayon.

“Rhadmus, that’s my name and not a fucking motherfucker.” He corrected peevishly.

I playfully smirk at him. “Motherfucker, that suits you better.” Ani ko at saka siya tinalikuran na.

“Neil, is that your name right?” Aniya pang muli.

Hindi ko naman na siya pinansin at nagpatuloy na ako sa paglalakad paalis ng court.

“See you soon, Neil Irish…” Malayo na ako sa kaniyang gawi pero malinaw kong narinig na sinabi niya iyon.

I didn’t mind it at dumiretso na rin ako sa aking sasakyan para makauwi na ng bahay. The next day came at nagpahinga lang ako maghapon sa aking silid dahil ngayong gabi ay may pupuntahan akong dinner. Enzo texted me and he’s now claiming the dinner na utang ko sa kaniya nung nakaraan pa.

At first, it was funny to think dahil hindi niya pa pala nakalimutan iyon. Kaya naman nang i-message niya ako ay agad ko naman siyang pinaunlakan.

When the night came and I already prepared myself ay nagpaalam pa muna ako kila Mom nang makasalubong ko sila sa pagbaba ko ng hagdan. It was quick at bumaba na rin ako ng elevator patungong parking. I drove my car towards the hotel restaurant that Enzo send on me.

Pamilyar naman ako sa lugar na sinend niya sa akin kaya hindi na rin ako nahirapang pumunta ron. And when I get inside the resto at lingunin ang paligid ay natanawan ko ang gawi ni Enzo sa bandang gilid. At nang magtama ang aming mga tingin ay nakita kong mapangiti siya at saka tumayo sa kaniyang upuan.

“Good evening,” I gritted on him.

“Good evening, take a seat.” He said as he pointed to my chair.

Tumalima naman ako at naupo sa upuang katabi ng kaniya. And when he didn’t sit on his seat beside me ay nag-angat ako sa kaniya ng tingin.

“Si Nicks? I thought she’s gonna dine with us?” I asked on him.

“She’s on her way medyo natagalan lang, sandali- Oh, she’s here.” Enzo then pronounced as he glances at his back near the entrance.

At nang tanawan ko naman ang paparating na si Nicks ay napakurap pa ako nang makita ko ang lalaking kasama niya. I stood up from my seat when I didn’t expect na may isasama pa pala sila sa dinner namin ngayong gabi.

“Dad, he’s here.” I heard Enzo said to the man who looks in his early fifties.

Tumayo naman ako bilang paggalang. “Good evening po, Nicks,” I politely greeted them.

“Magandang gabi rin sa iyo hijo.” Ani naman sa akin ng ginoo.

At nang isenyas niya ang mga upuan ay nakuha ko naman ang kaniyang ibig sabihin at saka kami naupo. Tahimik lang ako at hindi nagsalita. Pinagmasdan ko si Enzo at Nicks nang maramdaman kong nasa aking gawi ang kanilang mga tingin.

And when I heard their Dad cleared his throat ay sa kaniya naman lumipat ang aking mga tingin. Nakita kong magsenyas siya sa isang waiter na mukhang namukhaan ang ginoo. The waiter nod his head na para bang nakuha na nito ang kung ano mang sinasabi ng Dad nila Enzo sa kaniya.

“Are you already starving, hijo?” Mayamaya ay baling niya sa akin.

Napangiti naman ako sa kaniya. “I can wait,” ani ko dahil mukhang inihahanda na ang order na sinenyas niya sa waiter kanina.

Napatitig naman ako sa kaniya. He’s wearing his black corporate attire at mukhang kagagaling lang ng opisina.

“How old are you, hijo? Are you now in college?” He asked on me again.

“Turning nineteen po and yes, I’m in my first year in college,” I answered politely.

Tipid naman akong nginitian ng ginoo at hindi na rin ako tinanong pang muli. Ilang sandali pa kaming naghintay sa pagkain at napansin ko ang kanilang mga seryosong ekspresyon at katahimikan. At first, I didn’t pay attention to it because I thought we’re just feeling awkward at each other especially that their Dad is in front of us. But when Enzo spoke, I blinked.

“May gusto sanang sabihin si Dad sa’yo, Neil.”

Nagbaling naman ako kay Enzo. “Sure, ano po ’yon?” I asked their Dad lightly.

“Huwag ka sanang mabibigla,” then Nicks inserted beside me.

Napakurap naman ako sa sinabi niya. Nangunot ang aking noo at saka nangiti sa kaniya. Why would I be shocked?

“Okay…what is it?” Nakukuryoso ko na ring tanong ngayon.

At nang balingan ko silang tatlo na may seryosong mga matang nakatingin sa akin ay hindi ko tuloy maiwasang kabahan. I was expecting their Dad’s question to me about my life. About school or how do I know his children and since when. But when their Dad serious eyes darted on me and his grim lips parted to utter, my brows creased instantly.

“I’m your father, Neil.” Then the man in front of me said in revelation.

I didn’t blinked. Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya ng hindi ko masiyadong nakuha iyon.

“I’m sorry, ano po ’yon?” I asked him again dahil baka nagkamali lang ako ng dinig.

But when he rested his hand on the table and glance at me in seriousness, I swallowed hard.

“I’m your father Neil Irish. You are not an Arcoiris,” he muttered to me clearly this time.

My lips parted at naramdaman kong ang kaninang mabagal na pagtibok ng aking puso ay ngayo’y naghuramentado na. Napakurap ako at saka nangunot ang aking noo na tumingin kila Enzo at Nicks. Bahagya akong ngumiti at pekeng natawa pagkaraan.

“Ah hindi po, si Jessiah Arcoiris ang Dad ko.” I drawled at him.

“He’s your foster Dad, but biologically I’m your real father Neil.” He said again that made my heart throbs in the race.

“I-Imposible po ’yang sinasabi niyo. I am Jessiah’s firstborn. I am not your son.” Nawiwindang ko nang ani ngayon sa kaniya. He’s just maybe making a story.

“Neil-” when Enzo called me ay hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong putulin ang kaniyang sasabihin.

“Enzo I’m not your brother, tell me. I’m an Arcoiris. Your Dad is just bluffing right?” I asked him with my voice became hostile this time.

I can’t be his son. This is insane. I’m not Enzo’s brother. Because I’m Russco’s brother. But when Enzo shook his head and held my arm I get chills.

“I’m your older brother Neil. And I’m sorry to say but you are not an Arcoiris. You are a Gutierrez.” Enzo muttered in his deep serious tone.

I didn’t blink. My eyes blur as I felt my lips tremble to utter words but nothing came out. I abruptly pulled out my arm from Enzo’s hold at hindi makapaniwalang pinagmasdan ang kanilang ama.

I want to chuckle humorless but my lips only left in a disbelief smile in stunned.

“I’m Ned Gutierrez, your biological father.” The man in front of me said that garbled my world.

How is this happen? How could he be my real father? How could I be not a real Arcoiris? My father is Jessiah. All my life I live with him. This should be a lie or else this will blow my state.

This is mind-blowing that I do not know how to take it. It’s was left me astounded that after all these years, he will gonna show up and tell me that he’s my biological father? The fuck is this!

And if this might the truth, it will freak the hell out of me. It will strike me harder than lightning. It will shot me directly that living in the world I believe I protected is not related to me, I fucking don’t know how will I take this shit. I fucking don’t know how the hell I will face this one on my own. Because it’s mindblowing and the truth is already jerked me.

After my conflict with my family, this gonna leaked up? This is mindblowing. This is not real. I’m an Arcoiris and not a Gutierrez they are saying I was. I would never believe them. And I cannot accept how the truth may garble the world I thought I kept. In the world I believe I belong to.

Wakas

Author’s Note: If you read Naked Fall till its end I just wanna say thank you ❤. We sometimes face struggles and I want you reader/s to put in mind that there will always be a rainbow that will gonna show up. It might not visible sometimes but it will eventually show up in a time where everything will seem to be fine. Where the time is already perfect for you to come out and to show them your true beautiful colors.

It’s always not late for the people who wanted change and acceptance. Be brave to face the circumstances that life brings to you/us. Because it was given to make us whole and massive to conquer the cliff we all afraid to fall in. Fall, set yourself free from the cage you were hiding in by letting yourself fall on the edge you were frightened to face. Once again, thank you so much for spending your time in my story:) See you in BOOK 2.

Wakas

“Neil! Buti nakauwi ka this summer!” I saw Kelsy giggled as she hugged the lad who just comes out from the airport.

Kakababa ko lang din ng van nang nagmamadaling magsilabasan sila Killian sa likuran ko para salubungin siya. I saw Zandra and Ate Meaghan hugged him as well.

“Yeah, I please Mom and Dad for this vacation and luckily they let me.”

“Damn bro, I miss you!” Marcos said as he taps his shoulder.

“Halata nga sa mukha mo Marcos,” Neil hissed at him.

At nang makalapit sa kanilang gawi sila Lucien, Ezi at Zach ay parang mga baliw itong nagsilingkisan sa katawan ni Neil.

“Namiss rin kita Neil! Hahaha, wait, nasaan nga pala yung pasalubong namin?” Mayamaya ay dinig kong ani ni Lucien.

“Kaya nga? I’m excited to use it!” Ezekiel seconded.

I shooked my head. Lunatics.

“Nasa box, sa bahay niyo nalang kuhanin. Pamiss miss pa kayong nalalaman, tss.” Neil said to them.

Mga baliw namang tumawa at nagsingisian sila Ezi sa kaniya habang sila Kelsy ay nakangiwing nakatingin sa kanila.

And when his eyes crawled on my way I didn’t blink. Nasa gilid lang ako ng van at hindi lumalapit sa kanila. I glance at him for seconds but when Tito Demarcus and Tita Lorelai came to approached him ay nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin at binalingan ang mga ito.

The first time I saw him, I already hate him. He’s so nice to my cousins. They seem to be fond of him dahil minsan nga lang umuwi ng Pilipinas. But then, I don’t like him.

His eyes were expressive. His thick lashes and reddened thin lips are always twitching like he’s thinking about what is the right thing to do. While his fair skin makes him blushed sometimes dahil sa sobrang init. And I hate to say na mas maganda pa ang balat niya kila Kelsy.

Bakit gano’n? Dahil ba sa ibang bansa siya nakatira? Iba ba ang simoy ng hangin do’n at ganiyan siya kakinis at kaputi na masikatan lang ng araw ay agad siyang namumula?

“Kaizer! Come over here, meet your cousin. His name is Neil,” Tito Demarcus called me out when he saw me glaring at them beside the van.

Hindi naman ako nagsalita at saka isinalpak ang aking headphone sa aking tainga. Why would I have to meet him?

“Ah, huwag mo nalang pansinin si Kaizer, lagi kasing mainit ulo niyan.” I heard Kelsy said.

Sinamaan ko naman sila ng tingin. At nang makita kong mapangisi si Neil sa akin ay agad kong kinuha ang aking cellphone to play music.

“I don’t care at him actually. Tara na para mabuksan ko na yung box at mabigay ko na kila Ezi yung mga pasalubong. Atat na atat kasi.” Dinig ko pang ani ni Neil nang hinaan ko ang volume sa aking phone just to hear what he’s gonna say.

I gritted my teeth. He didn’t care at me? Tss, I don’t care about him as well. Binuksan ko ang van at saka pumasok na ron. Akala mo kung sino ang yabang naman. Umuwi lang ng Pilipinas akala mo kung sino ng sikat na laging bida sa amin.

“Omg! Nakauwi na si Neil?! I get busy kasi this morning kaya hindi ako nakasama sa pagsundo sa kaniya.” Ate Anastasia shrieked at me.

Hindi ko siya tinapunan ng tingin at nagpanggap lang na hindi ko siya naririnig. Sumandal ako sa couch habang siya naman ay nakahanda na at mukhang pupunta sa bahay ng pinsan kong bida.

“Kaizer! Hindi ka ba sasama? Hello? Do you even hear me?!” Ate Anastasia screamed on me.

Hindi ko pa rin siya pinansin. Ano bang meron kay Neil at kailangan pa siyang puntahan? And even Ate Anastasia is so fond of him. He’s like a saint that anyone wants to see and approach. Tss, what a scheme.

“Bahala ka nga diyan,” naiinis na ani Ate na naglakad na palabas at iniwan akong mag-isa sa aming salas.

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin palabas ng pintuan. At saka kalaunan ay pumanhik nalang sa hagdan patungo sa aking silid.

That is the first I met him. My other cousins like him while I was hating him. I don’t know why but every time I looked at him I get irritated. Every time I glance at him, I’m hating him more.

Naglalakad ako sa salas ng kanilang bahay nang nagtungo kami sa kanila kinaumagahan. Killian and Marcos dropped in our house at niyaya akong magtungo rito. Tinanggihan ko sila kaso nang buhatin nila ako palabas ng kwarto ko ay wala na akong nagawa pa.

He’s really just alone here in their house. Pero nakita ko naman na may isa siyang maid na mukhang nagluluto at gumagawa ng mga gawaing bahay ngayong summer na mananatili siya rito.

At nang saktong pagkarating namin sa salas ay naabutan namin sila Kelsy, Zandra, Lucien, Ezi, Ate Meaghan, Ate Anastasia, Zach at Neil na nagkakatuwaan. They are still wearing their terno sleepwear at nangunot ang noo ko nang mapansing dito silang lahat natulog kagabi.

Why they didn’t tell me?

“Zach, ito yung sa’yo.”

At nang makalapit kami sa kanilang gawi at mukhang hindi napansin ni Neil ang presensya ko ay nakatayo ko siyang tinitigan na nakaupo sa lapag.

“This is nice, I like it. This is the latest right?” Zach asked on him.

“Yup, I remember you wished for it so I granted it now,” Neil said to him as his smile plaster on his lips that irritated me.

“I want those shoes, give them to me,” I then suddenly said as I pointed the shoes he was giving to Zach.

Nag-angat naman siya sa akin ng tingin nang mapansin niya na ako ngayon. His thin red lips twitched before he spoke.

“Kay Zach ’yon. I have something here for you-”

“I said I want that shoes!” I shouted at him.

I saw him blinked but then his brows met in annoyance. At nang makita kong ayaw niyang ibigay sa akin iyong sapatos na tinuturo ko ay kinuha ko iyon kay Zach. Mabilis namang tumayo si Neil at saka pahigit na kinuha ang sapatos na mahigpit kong hinahawakan ngayon.

“Hindi iyan para sa iyo! Kay Zachary ’yan! Hindi ba at sinabi ko namang meron akong nakabukod na para sa’yo?! Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo at ang hirap mong umintindi!?” He exclaimed as he pulled the rubber shoes from my tight grip.

I pulled the shoes on my way.

“I said I want these shoes! Ikaw ang hindi makaintindi sa ating dalawa! Let it go and give it to me!”

“Ayoko sabi! Kay Zach nga ito!” He exclaimed at me again.

“I’m gonna punch you if you don’t give it to me!” I warned on him darkly when I can’t seem to control myself.

Bakit ba kasi hindi nalang niya ibigay sa akin para tapos!

“I’m gonna kick your balls then before your fist hit me!” He fired back.

Matalim ko naman siyang tiningnan.

“Tumigil na nga kayong dalawa! Kaizer! Ano ba!” It was Ate Meaghan who stopped us.

“No! I want these shoes so give them to me instead of Zachary! Mas bagay sa’kin ’to kesa sa kaniya!” Pagpupumilit kong sa akin niya iyon ibigay.

Mahigpit ko iyong hinila sa kaniya kahit pa pilit ba inaalis ni Ate Meaghan ang aking kamay ro’n. Lumapit na rin sa aming gawi sila Ate Anastasia para pigilan kami.

At nang biglang bitiwan ni Neil ang pagkakahawak niya sa sapatos na pilit kong hinihila ay tumalsik ako sa sahig.

“There, sa’yo na ’yan!” He yelled with his sharp glares at me.

Napuyos naman ako nang talikuran niya akong bigla. Kaya naman ay binato ko sa kaniya ang isang pares ng sapatos na kumapol sa kaniyang ulo.

“Fuck you, Neil!” I burst.

“Ahh!” I then heard him groaned. Napahawak siya sa kaniyang ulo at agad naman siyang dinaluhan ng mga pinsan ko.

“Kaizer!” Then I saw Tito Zavian approaching my way with his eyes in anger.

Nang umagang iyon ay hindi na ako nakatagal pa sa bahay nila. Pinauwi nila ako sa amin at pinagsabihan naman ako nila Dad nang malaman nila ang nangyari.

But I didn’t learn, because the next time we meet again, I punched his face this time. Palagi kaming nag-aaway at aaminin kong ako lagi ang nagsisimula. At mas nadagdagan lang ang galit ko sa kaniya nang hindi niya na ako pinansin at nagawang tingnan pa.

I burst out and threw my things inside my room because of that. I am mad at him. He always good to my other cousins while he can’t be good to me. Palagi niyang pinagbibigyan sila Zach at kapag ako naman ay palagi nalang niyang binabara.

When Dad and Mom knew about what I did inside my room, the next day they immediately set me a schedule for my therapist. It wasn’t a big deal to me because I to myself know that I’m having a hard time taking my anger under control.

Noon pa man ay ganito na ako. I always get immediately irritated when I feel it. Kaya kahit ang mga pinsan ko ay hindi ko rin gano’n kasundo dahil ako na ang umiiwas sa kanila. But then when Neil came here for a vacation, he just triggered me.

I was diagnosed by having Intermittent Explosive disorder. And the exact cause of the disorder is unknown. My parents were not abusive so I don’t know why I get this kind of lunatic disorder.

They consulted and make me undergo to CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to lessen my unmanageable burst out lately. It made clear my mind somehow that help me indeed to control myself.

Kaya naman nung mag-away kami ni Neil muli at saka ko lang napagtanto na mali ang nagawa ko dahil nasaktan ko siyang muli ay mabilis akong nakonsensya. He slammed the door of his room after he punched me once again.

I get to assess myself after my outburst. I get to see and feel guilty about it when I already realize that I did wrong. Kaya naman pinagsabihan ako nila Killian dahil hindi pa rin lumalabas ng kuwarto si Neil magmula kanina ng magbangayan kami. I punched his eyes and I know that it indeed hurt him.

“Talk to him Kaizer, say sorry at least,” Killian said to me.

We’re in the countertop of their kitchen when all my cousins seem to be off to me after what I did.

“Magsorry ka sa kaniya Kaizer,” Kelsy reprimanded.

“This is the first time he goes back here in the Philippines after they migrate in the States tapos ganito pa ang nangyari sa summer vacation niya,” Zandra mumbled as she sounded offended.

Napakurap naman ako.

“Knock on his door. Apologize to him Kaizer.” Zach uttered.

“Kaya nga, the last time binigyan mo siya ng bukol ngayon naman ay black eye. Ano nalang sa susunod? Damn, your such a jerk dude.” Marcos inserted.

I pursed my lips. “Alright then, I’m gonna say sorry to him. Happy?” I asked on them in annoyance.

“You should be definitely sorry Kaizer. Dahil kapag nalaman na naman nila Tito Eleazar ang ginawa mo, hindi ka na pwedeng pumunta rito.” Ate Meaghan said to me.

“And what the worst is that…baka hindi na magbakasyon si Neil dito next year dahil sa’yo! So say sorry to him Kaizer! Abrupt!” Kelsy exclaimed on me.

I hate him. That is what I thought. Or that is what I’m just feeling for him.

I prepared a tray of meal for him before I head off to his room dahil hindi pa siya nakakapag-lunch. Ayan ah, kapag nagsungit pa siya sa akin ihahagis ko nalang talaga ’tong tray na ’to sa kaniya.

And when I got to the door of his room I paused. I knock several times but he wasn’t opening the damn door. What the fuck is he doing? Why can’t he just open the door for me?

“Neil, it’s Kaizer. Open the door.” I said languidly when the tray on my hand is getting heavier.

Hindi siya nagsalita at wala akong narinig na kahit ano. Kinatok ko pa siyang muli hanggang sa,

“I’m sorry,” I said to him sincerely nang pagbuksan na niya ako ng pintuan sa wakas.

Kanina pa ako kumakatok at hindi niya ako pinagbubuksan. He’s mad at me and I know that I’m the reason why. Kaya nga nagtungo ako rito ngayon para humingi nang paumanhin sa kaniya.

I saw his sharp expressive eyes narrowed on me the moment he opens the door for me. Nakita ko pang nagbaba siya sa akin ng tingin patungo sa daladala kong tray.

I enter his room and put it at the side table near the doorway. Hinarap ko siya nang mapansing hinihintay niyang may sabihin ako sa kaniya.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you still going home after what you did to me?” He asked me in hostile.

I gasped. “I just want to say sorry,” I then said to him.

Nakita ko namang maakurap siya. His brow shot up and he seems to be blown by my apology.

“Is that it?” Tanong niya pang muli sa akin.

Napakurap naman ako at saka napanguso sa kaniya.

“Uh-huh,” I lazily drawled as I slowly nod my head.

“Okay. Now leave my room.”

Napamulat naman ako at natigilan sa sinabi niya.

“What?”

“I said get of my room. Now. Get out!” He fired like he’s getting annoyed again to me this time.

Sinamaan ko naman siya ng tingin. Ako na nga ’tong nag-sorry sa kaniya papalabasin niya pa ako sa bastos na paraan? Why he’s just so rude? Damn it.

At nang ipagtulakan niya pa ako patungo sa pintuan para sapilitang palabasin ay pareho kaming natigilan nang marinig namin iyong mabilis na sumara. Napatingin kami ro’n.

“Ano iyon?” Tanong niya sa akin na mukhang nagtaka.

Nilapitan ko naman ang pintuan at saka iyon binuksan. And when I screw the doorknob and I can’t open it, I glance at his way.

“What happen?” He then asked me in annoyance.

“They locked us-”

“What?! Hindi pa ako kumakain!” pahalyaw niyang ani sa akin.

I smirked at him. At saka ko binalingan ng tingin ang tray nang pagkain na daladala ko kanina na ipinatong ko sa isang table. Nakita ko namang sinundan niya rin ng tingin ang tray na pinagmasdan ko.

It was actually my peace offering to him as well. But then, he’s rude.

Nag-iwas siya ron ng tingin pagkaraan at saka ako matalim na tinitigan.

“It is your fault.” He blames on me.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko. The fuck, I already say my sorry to him and he’s now blaming me?

“Sila Kelsy ang sisihin mo dahil sila ang nag-lock sa atin dit-”

“Don’t put the blame on them! If you just didn’t come into my house and annoyed me e’ di sana kasama ko sila ngayon.” He said as he sat on his bed. His brows furrowed while his lips pouted in so much annoyance.

Napaikot naman ako ng mata. “So ayaw mo akong kasama?” I asked on him, a bit irritated now.

Nag-angat naman siya sa akin ng tingin.

“You know what I really really don’t like? You.” He answered me generally.

Ouch. Hindi ko alam na gano’n pala talaga kasakit kapag inayawan ka. Nagtiim bagang ako.

“You’re a crying baby. Ayaw din kitang kasama no’.” Singhal ko sa kaniya pabalik.

Then I walked towards the tray of food I prepare for him on the table. Kinuha ko iyon at saka nilapitan siya sa kama. Nag-angat siya sa akin ng may nagtatakang mga tingin. Habang ako naman ay pinagmasdan ang mamasa masang makapal niyang pilikmata at bahagyang namumulang ilong. His eyes weren’t black but it’s reddened.

“Kumain ka na,” ani ko kahit na naiinis ako sa kaniya.

“Ayoko.” Pagtanggi pa niya sa pagkain.

Inilapit ko nama sa kaniyang harapan muli ang pagkain.

“Eat-”

“Sabing ayoko nga!” He then shouted at me.

I let a sigh. Pasalamat ka at naawa ako sa mapula mong ilong na gusto kong pisilin ngayon pero hindi ko lang ginawa dahil baka mas lalo ka lang magalit sa akin.

I put the tray beside him. Hinayaan ko siya kung ayaw niya. E’di huwag. At umikot ako sa kabilang side ng malaki niyang kama para do’n mahiga. And when I saw a huge pillow I get it. Naramdaman ko namang mabilis niya akong nilingon.

“Get out of my bed. At pwede ba, don’t use my pillow.” Eksaheradang aniya sa akin.

Ipinikit ko naman ang mga mata ko. At saka niyakap ang malaking puting unan na ayaw niyang ipagamit sa akin. It smells good. His bed smells so lovely that I get to fall asleep here.

“Kaizer, don’t hug my pillow-”

“Pahiram muna ako. Kumain ka lang diyan.” Putol ko sa kaniya habang ang mga talukap ko ay nakapikit.

I heard him sighed heavily. At nang imulat ko ang isa kong mata para silipin siya ay nakita kong galawin niya ang pagkaing ako mismo ang naghanda para sa kaniya.

Nang ilang sandali pa akong nakahiga sa kaniyang kama at makita ko siyang tapos na sa pagkain, tumihaya ako. Nakita ko naman siyang tumayo at nilagay ang tray sa table.

“Akala ko ba ayaw mo?” Mayamaya ay tukso ko sa kaniya.

Inirapan naman niya ako na hindi ko inasahan.

“Huwag mo akong kausapin.” Masungit niyang ani.

Napanguso naman ako, nagpipigil na tumawa sa sobrang cute ng maganda niyang mukha.

At nang sundan ko siya ng tingin patungo malapit sa dresser at makita ko siyang may kuhanin doon ay napaupo ako sa kama. And when he turn and walk towards the bed on my way, I blinked when I saw what is in his hand.

“Oh, ’yan yung sa’yo. Not the shoes you were trying to get from Zach.” He said as he throws the headphone on the bed.

Napangisi naman ako at saka agad na inalis ang pagkakabalot niyon. Nice, this is pretty. I like it.

“Thanks! Buti naman at naisipan mo rin akong bigyan-”

“Meron ka naman talaga. Ikaw lang ’tong nang-aangkin ng hindi naman sa’yo. Tss.” He blocked on me is wincing glares.

Napanguso naman ako habang ang mga tingin niya sa akin ay nananatiling masungit. Pagkaraan ay hinampas niya ako ng unan sa mukha.

“Huwag ka ngang ngumuso. It’s so ugly.” He then judge me.

Namilog naman ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya.

“Tss, sabihin mo na-cute-an ka lang.” Usal ko.

Nakita ko namang mapangiwi siya. Napakagat labi ako at nang ang mga mata ko ay nagbaba ng tingin sa namumula niyang ilong ay hindi ko n napigilan pang pisilin iyon.

“Ah! Kaizer ano ba!” Maarte niyang paghampas sa kamay ko.

Natatawa ko naman siyang tinitigan na nakanguso sa akin ngayon. “Damn, I didn’t know that you’re much gorgeous and cuter when you’re nose is reddened,” I muttered.

Sinuntok naman niya ang braso ko. Napainda ako sa sakit dahil malakas iyon gago.

“Pangit mo kasi,” ani pa niya.

I licked my lips. “Oo na pangit ako,” pagsuko ko kahit pa alam kong gwapo naman talaga ko. Even his eyes are saying that I am, he’s just denying it to himself.

That day, I tried to be good at him. Maghapon kaming hindi pinalabas at kinulong sa silid niya at natulog at nanood lang kami sa kaniyang tv nang wala na kaming magawa. At kalaunan ay tinuruan pa niya akong maggitara na hindi ko inasahang maalam pala siya ron.

After seeing him cry and hearing the word I hate you from him the last time, it makes me feel mad at myself. Neil is such a good person and I get to see that in my own naked eyes. He’s approachable. He’s easy to get bond with. He’s lovely. And he’s annoying to me. But now, I get possessive that getting his attention was my to-do list.

After that first summer with him, I started to feel like I’m normal. Nakakasundo ko na rin ang mga pinsan ko at hindi na rin gano’n kadalas uminit ang ulo ko. Actually, he helps me control my temper. Kaya nang makaalis siya ay naging komportable na ako sa lahat.

“Dito ako matutulog sa tabi mo,” I said to him nang mag sleepover kaming magpipinsan sa bahay nila isang gabi.

Kakagaling lang naming resort dahil last year ay hindi siya nakauwi para magbakasyon. Hinintay ko pa naman siya last summer at may plano akong magbeach kami at naipaalam ko na iyon kila Dad. But then, hindi siya nakauwi. I feel sad about it but then I have to wait for him the next summer.

“Sigi, basta agahan mo ang pagpunta sa kama dahil baka maunahan ka nila Zach.” He simply said to me.

Napangiti naman ako. “I will bossing,” ani ko sa kaniya ng may ngisi sa aking mga labi. Sinamaan lang niya ako ng tingin at saka lumabas na ng kaniyang silid.

Zach and Marcos was my rival towards his bed. Dahil madalas nila akong nauunahan sa kama ni Neil so I end up, sa sofa ako matutulog. But recently, ako na ang nauuna lalo na at limited one slot lang ang taong hihiga sa tabi niya.

At iyon nga ang nangyari nung gabing ’yon. I get the limited slot for goodness. I smirk after I took a bath in his bathroom at nakita ko si Neil sa kama niya na nagce-cellphone.

“I really like your bath soap, ang bango.” Ani ko sa kaniya habang tinutuyo ko ang aking basang buhok.

Hindi naman siya nag-angat sa akin ng tingin.

“Pag-alis mo akin nalang ’yon ah, wala na rin naman gagamit no’n,” I added with a sexy chuckle.

Napaangat naman siya sa akin ng tingin sa pagkakataong ito.

“Sure, marami ako sa maleta niyan. Kumuha ka kung gusto mo.” Aniya pa.

Napamulat naman ako. Then I bit my lower lip. Damn, I really love his smell. It’s alluring the hell out of me.

“Magbihis ka na nga! Matutulog na ’ko,” he then said when I didn’t notice that I’m staring at him for a while.

I blinked then removed the towel that only wrapping my waist. Nakita ko naman siyang matigilan sa ginawa ko.

“The heck Kaizer! Ano bang ginagawa mo!?” Sigaw niya sa akin sabay iwas ng tingin.

Natatawa ko naman siyang pinagmasdan.

“Nothing,” I drawled then went on the side of his bed.

“Sandali, do you even wear your boxer shorts bago ka humiga sa kama ng walang saplot?!” Nakapikit ang mga mata niyang sigaw sa akin.

Natatawa naman akong nahiga sa kaniyang tabi.

“Oo naman, nag-iwas ka kasi agad ng tingin kaya hindi mo tuloy nakita,” I mumbled beside him.

Napaiwas naman agad ako sa isang tabi nang bigla niya akong harapin at hampasin ng unan.

“Damn you Kaizer! Sa labas ka talaga matutulog kapag hindi ka tumigil!”

I chuckled and caught his hand. Niyakap ko siya at nagpumiglas naman siya sa akin.

“Tang ina mo Kaizer bitiwan mo nga ako!” Aniya na animong nasisikipan na.

Hindi ko naman maiwasang matawa. He really hates tight space. He always wanted a huge space kaya kahit sa kama ay dapat isa lang ang dapat na katabi niya kahit kasiya naman ang tatlo sa laki nito.

That is also the reason why I give him space after I confess my feelings for him. Nang makauwi siya ng Pilipinas at malaman kong dito na sila mananatili ay halos mawala ako sa sarili. Dahil alam kong hindi ko na mapipigilan pa ang sarili ko sa kaniya.

“Damn, do you really like Ashley? Alam mo namang kay Neil na ‘yon e’,” Killian asked me nang minsang magtungo kami sa club.

I sipped on my glass and just shook my head at him. I didn’t like Ashely. What I like is him. But liking him is taboo.

We get close, that’s indeed true. I and Neil became like the best of the best in our cousins. But when Ashley came to his life one summer that he goes here, we get to be the best enemies again.

“Fuck you Kaizer! Why would you kiss Ashley? She’s my fucking girlfriend!” Neil blasted on me after he hit me hard.

Bumagsak ako sa sahig dahil sa malakas niyang pagsapak sa akin. He’s mad. He’s in rage that I can see in his eyes how much he loathed me right now.

“She doesn’t like you, Neil! She likes me-” he kicked me as I tried to spoke.

Napainda naman ako sa sakit. At nang makita ko ang kaniyang mga mata at ilong na namumula na sa sobrang galit ay napaiwas ako ng tingin.

“I hate you Kaizer! You’re such a dick! I fucking hate you!”

I did kiss Ashley. I did kiss her para hiwalayan siya ni Neil. Para hindi na maging sila. Because he’s getting too attached to that girl and I can’t have his attention anymore.

Nang bakasyong iyon ay umuwi si Neil ng ibang bansa nang magkagalit kaming dalawa. Hindi lang din kasi iyon ang huling beses na nagkasapakan kami dahil pati sa ilang clubs and events ay nagkagulo rin kaming dalawa. My cousins were always there whenever we made commotion and damage at the place. Killian paid the cause we always made in that summer.

And when our parents knew about it ay pulos sermon na naman ang natanggap ko kila Dad. They asked me if I’m dealing again with my IED and I just ignore them. But they still keep me to undergo a session with a therapist abroad. Hindi nalang din ako nagreklamo dahil pakiramdam ko nga ay may mali na naman sa akin. May mali na naman sa pagkatao ko.

I knew then that I like Neil. That I maybe love him already. I get obsessed with his smell. His scents never change, I even bought and research what is he using and buy myself that same scents just to feel that he’s always with me. It’s alluring and taming me whenever I feel like I’m gonna be in a sudden burst out.

“We are both man Kaizer. Ano bang pumapasok diyan sa kukote mo? Are you done playing around kaya ngayon gusto mo ng thrill? Gusto mong machallenge in the way of liking me? Fuck that like.” He fired on me sharply.

“Then, I love you.” ratsada kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko at ilang saglit pa ay mabilis siyang nakabawi at matalim akong tinitigan sa mga mata.

“Disgusting. Nandidiri ako sa’yo Kaizer. Ikaw ba? Hindi ka ba nasusuka sa mga pinagsasasabi mo? You are totally out of your mind. Dimwit.” He burst out and let a heavy sigh then he turn his back on me.

If he just only knew how I hardly get through this thought of loving him ay hindi na niya gugustuhin pang malaman pa. Dahil ako mismo sa sarili ko ay naguluhan. Ako mismo sa sarili ko ay hindi tinanggap ang kung anong posibleng pagkatao ko.

Am I gay? Because I love him. I’m a sinner because I love him despite that he’s my cousin and we are both men. But regardless of that, I can still pronounce that my love for him is not that skeptical and shallow. It was deep like I get fall from the highest cliff and deep blue sea.

Kaya naman nang marinig ko mula sa kaniyang mga bibig ang salitang kahit na kailan ay hindi ko kailan man naisip na sasabihin niya sa akin ay hindi ko na siya nagawa pang pakawalan.

“I don’t know what this feeling Kaizer. But one thing is I’m so sure about… I am falling, Kaizer…”

His words were very clear in my ears that they echoed on my hearing nonstop. It’s insane but my heartbeat race in its field. My heart pounding and knocking the hell out of me. It’s terrifying, it’s addicting, and feel so euphoric.

But then, our love wasn’t that tough enough with the fate that inflicting and testing our sturdiness with each other.

Kaya nang malaman ng aming pamilya ang tungkol sa aming relasyon at pinaghiwalay kami ay hindi ko iyon lubos na matanggap. Umalis ako at nagpakalayo layo muna. I stayed in Antipolo in the Bistro. Pinatuloy naman ako ng mag-asawang Reyes sa kanilang tahanan.

Pero hindi rin ako nagtagal don. Tumungo akong muli ng Manila at sa condominium ako ni Kuya Huxton nanirahan nang halos isang buwan. Kuya was in abroad at may spare key card naman ako ng unit niya kaya hindi ako nahirapan. Wala man akong pera sa ilang linggo kong pagtatago sa mga tauhan nila Tito na pakalat kalat na naghahanap sa akin ay nagawa ko pa ring mabuhay.

I have my investment in Levon’s company at iyon ang ginagamit ko. He also visited me in the condo when I called him to come over one time.

“You’re really fucked up… You look like shit, damn, maligo ka nga!” He hissed on me nang dumating siya sa unit ko at naabutan akong tamad na tamad na nakahiga sa couch.

“Wala akong gana,” I lazily drawled at him.

“Hell, si Neil hindi naman mukhang broken-hearted tapos ikaw, daig mo pa ang namatayan.” Nakangiwi pa niyang sinabi sa akin.

Napaayos naman ako ng upo at saka siya mataman na tiningnan.

“Why you say so?” I asked on him in hostile.

“Because I saw him living his life, back to normal.” He then answered on me.

Mapait naman akong napangisi at saka nag-iwas sa kaniya ng tingin. Talaga naman Neil, you really easily cope up with us? I can’t believe you.

Isang linggo pa ang lumipas bago ko napagdesisyonang lumabas na sa lungga ko. At saktong pagtungo ko sa pub ng gabing iyon para magpakalasing ay nakita ko sila Marcos. Hindi ko naman naiwasang makaramdam ng galit at sobrang pagkainis sa kanila.

And when I decided to go near them ay nakita ko kung paano silang matigilan na makita ako. Nakatalikod sa aking harapan ang gawi nila Marcos at Zach habang sila Kelsy at Zandra naman ay natanaw kong namilog ang mga matang pinagmasdan ako kaya naman napalingon din sila Marcos sa aking gawi.

“Kaizer,” it was Zandra who called me.

“Where have you been? Pinaghahanap ka ng mga tauhan nila Tito Demarcus. Tito Eleazar is sick and you have to conform them abroad.” Ate Meaghan said to me.

Pero hindi sa kanila natuon ang paningin at atensyon ko kung hindi kay Zach at Marcos na may matalim na mga tingin na nakatutop sa akin. I gritted my teeth as I feel like I wanna break their skulls.

“Long time no see. Are you done hiding now? Are you already recharge your ass from lurking?” Marcos asked on me sarcastically.

“How have you been, Kaizer? Are you gonna finally go abroad this time?” Zach seconded with an acting innocent glance at me.

I smirked at them. “I will…after I cut your evil horns motherfucker.” I said in hostile.

And when I lost myself in anger ay hindi ko na alam pa ang ginagawa ko. I am furious at them because they are the reason why Neil break up with me. They betrayed and deterred to me the only person I wanted in this life.

I ruined the place and I even hurt the person I love that night. I was out of my rational state that my rage took me. My animosity grabbed the control of my consciousness with the pain that he leaves me hanging in the hope that he will fulfill his promises to me this time. But he didn’t and that hurts me big time.

Nang gabi ring iyon ay kinausap ako ng mga Tito at Tita ko. Namalayan ko nalang na nasa loob na ako ng kuwarto ko at nakahiga. Masakit ang aking batok at ang aking ulo nang magmulat ako ng aking mga mata.

“Kaizer has to go with his flight today, pronto.” I heard Tito Deverox said to his brothers.

At nang mapansin ako ni Tita Verity na magising ay dinaluhan niya agad ako.

“Are you alright hijo? Magpahinga ka na muna,” she softly said to me.

“Ayos lang po ako Tita. Uhm…si Neil po?” I asked on her.

Nakita kong matigilan siya at napabaling naman sa akin sila Tito at ang ilan ko pang Tita na nandito rin ngayon sa aking silid.

“I want to say sorry to him. I… I hurt him. I’m sorry,” I apologetically said at Tita Verity.

Marahan naman niya akong nginitian at hinaplos ang aking pisngi.

“He’s home with your cousins. I believe he understands what happened.” She said to me warmingly.

“Kelan pa nagsimula ’to Kaizer? Dapat no’ng una palang ay hindi ka na nagtago at sumunod ka na kila Kuya Eleazar sa ibang bansa.” Tito Zavian asked me in hostile.

“Zavian,” I heard Tita Kailey said to his husband, stopping him to speak more.

“You’re risking yourself Kaizer. Your mental health is at stake kaya sana naman ay maintindihan mo ang ginagawa namin ng Dad mo ay para rin sa kapakanan mo. You hurt my son again, physically. And I won’t tolerate it anymore dahil hindi na kayo mga bata.” Tito Jessiah muttered on me gravelly.

Nagbaba naman ako ng tingin sa aking mga kamay na may ilang band-aid na nakadikit.

“You will be boarding this noon. Susunod ka na kila Anastasia at wala ng kahit na anong reklamo pa akong maririnig mula sa’yo. This is settled. You’re sick and you need to be attended.” Tito Deverox hostily remarked on me.

Wala naman ng nagsalita sa kanila. I just looked away and pursed my lips. I have to go abroad not only to conformed my Dad’s will but as well as to take my therapy again.

Neil breaks up with me because of our family. And I knew it from the start. His visions and perceptions in life were already clear in my head. I memorize him. He always knew what is the right thing to do kaya naman nang sabihin niyang mahal niya ako ay hindi ko lubos na mapaniwalaan nung una dahil alam kong taliwas iyon sa kaniya. But then I get to believe him because he never knows how to lie.

He’s sucked at lying, kaya naman ng paalis na ako at ihatid na nila ako sa airport ay nakita ko sa mga mata niya kung gaano niya ako hindi kayang makitang umalis.

His thick lashes flickered when he can’t seem to halt the tears that about to come out from his expressive eyes. His pointed nose and thin lips reddened as he tried to mask his crying baby look right now.

“Mi Arcus,” I whispered at the back of his ear when he can’t take to look at me in the eyes.

And when I felt him stiffened, he instantly turned his face on me. While I then wrapped my hand around his waist at hindi inalintana ang mga tao sa paligid na posibleng makakita sa aming dalawa.

“I’m not gonna miss you Kaizer. Here me? I-I will not gonna miss you.” He said to me with his voice cracked.

Ako naman ay mabilis siyang hinila at saka niyakap ng mahigpit. I buried my face on his neck as I whiffed and savor his lovely scent once and again.

“I’m sorry Mi Arcus but I will gonna miss you,” I said huskily deep while I remained my face buried on his neck.

I’m gonna missed this man. I’m gonna miss my Mi Arcus. I’m gonna miss this badass.

I am looking outside the window while I saw the clouds below us. I did take my flight at hindi ko na nagawa pang lumingon pabalik sa kanila dahil baka umatras lang ako at manatili nalang sa Pilipinas kapag nagkataon.

I am holding the necklace he gave to me last December. It was his gift to me. The half of his anklet. Mahigpit ko iyong hawak habang pinagmamasdan ang ulap sa labas ng bintana.

It was high. The clouds were already high above the ground. Like the cliff, I was standing with him. It was high that falling in that edge will be your end.

I fought with him. I fought for us. Because I was the one who firstly fell on that cliff. I was the one who just pulled his hand to get fall for me. And when we both completely naked fall in that cliff we are standing in. We are now arising from the fall we shouldn’t risk in the first place.

Pero hindi ako nagsisi na nahulog ako kasama siya. Hindi ako nagkamaling isama siya sa pagkakahulog ko. Because that fall was my best mistake that I will always gonna take a look back.

It was euphoric… An instant bliss. That once in a lifetime, I get to love the naked person who I can’t believe to love me back.

Naging mabilis ang byahe para sa akin. Bumaba ako ng eroplano at pinagmasdan ang kulay asul na kalangitan. Ilang sandali pa ay tinungo ko na rin agad ang gawi kung saan ay dapat ko ng tahakin. I saw Ate Anastasia waiting for me at the airport.

I saw her smile but the weariness and sadness never escape my vision. Kaya naman nang makalapit ako sa kaniya ay agad niya akong sinalubong ng isang mahigpit na yakap.

I embrace her back. I felt her sighed heavily but then she brushed my back and slip from our embrace.

“It’s good to see you here. I’m happy that you did great this time. Dad and Mom are already waiting for you,” she muttered languidly happy.

I didn’t smile at her back. I just simply glance and blinked at her when I feel like maybe this gonna be my new life. That this is gonna be a start for the two of us.

Sumakay ako ng kotse at saka mahigpit na hinawakan muli ang kwintas na ibinigay niya sa akin. I kissed it and feel like it was him. I was looking at the window of the car as it now moving while I gritted my teeth in acknowledgment.

Mi Arcus, I hope you didn’t forget our last promise to each other. Because I still want to fulfill it without any assurance from you.

Parce que mon cœur ne battra que si fort pour toi, Mi Arcus.

My heart will deliberately beat this hard for you… Only for you, Neil Irish.