Highly Unlikely [BB]
cherrykimono7 · 32 chapters · 87,183 words
[Highley Unlikely] A/N and Disclaimer
Here’s to another!🥂
Hi!! First of all, thank you for clicking on this book, lots of love to you.
Sooo, this will probably be my most unique book so far because I haven’t ever written about teenagers before.
No, I will not ‘warn’ anyone that this is a bxb book featuring gay characters because, nobody warns anyone when they click on a straight book featuring straight characters. So if you were blind while reading the title and are “offended” that the main characters will in fact be very gay, pick up your sight from here and leave👉🚪 (and don’t click on any of my books in the foreseeable future)
Okay with that out of the way, let’s do the disclaimer stuff.
SYNOPSIS
Kayden feels a little lost and detached, secretly recovering from an unexpected and painful betrayal. Julian feels a little trapped and suffocated by his parents and their mysterious paranoia.
Like two opposites, Kayden uses partying and sex as a distraction, while Julian bottles everything up inside.
Kayden doesn’t need that extra person in his life while he is slowly pushing everyone away from him. And yet for Julian, nothing in life had ever felt exciting, until he saw Kayden.
DISCLAIMER
This book is a work of fiction, names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual places or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
I do not own any of the pictures used from here on out, all credit goes to their respective owners.
TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS
Strong/vulgar language, mild violence, loss of (a) loved one(s), racism and homophobia.
Please be cautious of this as you read on.
[Y'all, I still can't figure out if consensual smut is triggering to some people, so let me know in the comments.] (I say this because, a few people in the past have suggested that I put warnings if a chapter will have smut and I'm just not a fan of that idea because it feels like spoilers)
++++
And then my darling, my love and grand baby; Knox.
This one is obviously for you🖤
im-a-mfing-power
>>>>>><<<<<<
CHARACTER AESTHETICS
Please imagine the characters how you see fit. I was only excited because I've never made aesthetics before lol, so I just did whatever. But it's still kinda what I had in mind though!
The order of display of aesthetics is almost random, and features mostly the entire 'gang'.
Okay without further ado, let's begin!
🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀
KAYDEN
[Kayden Wilson]
Annoyingly good at everything| Can't sleep with a shirt on| Unhealthy obsession with orange juice| Smart| Does not know how to lose| Just don't touch his Jeep
>>>>>><<<<<<
JULIAN
[Julian Hawthorne]
Would wear a hoodie even in the desert| Filthy rich family| Horrible at video games| Isn't allowed to drive his own cars| Hates the color green| Spirit animal is Groot
>>>>>><<<<<<
KNOX
[Knox Kumar]
Asexual| Has a god complex| Will not forget to mention that he is gay| Surprisingly understanding| Loves horror movies| Will flirt at any given moment| Do not make him mad
>>>>>><<<<<<
KIT
[Kit Pierson]
Believed to be cold| Adores Rylan and Rylee| Throws the best parties| Makes the worst choices| Picky eater| Pretends to have it all together
>>>>>><<<<<<
MIKE
[Mike Deshaun]
Too big for his own good| Sweet tooth| Looks very intimidating| An airhead sometimes| Surprisingly reliable| Fiercely loyal
>>>>>><<<<<<
CONNOR
[Connor Park]
Comfortable in his own skin| Cannot ignore a sad face| Has got a thing for cinnamon rolls| Movies junkie| Goes MIA for no reason| The type to have deep conversations
>>>>>><<<<<<
STACEY
[Stacey Jackson]
'Beautiful black child'| In love with poetry| Laughs a lot| Extremely protective| Can switch personalities when mad| Cannot live without Connor
>>>>>><<<<<<
LIAM
[Liam Anderson]
Hates the fact that he's extremely pale| Talented| Owns only black shirts| Sleeps a lot| Obsessed with basketball| Afraid of girls
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KATEY
[Katey Johnson]
Rich| Kind-hearted| Makes bad choices| Feels misunderstood| Too used to having everything on a silver platter| Trusts easily
>>>>>><<<<<<
AMBER-LEE
[Amber Lee]
Way too shy| Kind| Will avoid people like the plague| Dances privately in her mirror| Secretly thinks Kayden is a hero| Intolerant to racist comments
>>>>>><<<<<<
RYLAN AND RYLEE
[Rylan and Rylee Wilson]
Share everything| The good twin and evil twin| Cannot fall asleep without the other| Kayden is their world| Both in love with gummy worms| Question everything
>>>>>><<<<<<
And finally, I genuinely hope you won't regret clicking this book.
Remember to vote and comment. Your support means a lot to me🖤
Okay, okay, enjoy the read!
Copyright © Cherrykimono7 2022
# Epigraph
>>><<<
We're just strangers
Trying to find release when there's none around
Then there's you
You don't feel that much a stranger
You stand out from all the crowds
I don't feel that much in danger
I was lost till I found you
[breathe - james arthur]
>>><<<
# PROLOGUE
The Captain, His Best Friend, Amber-Lee, And How It All Went Wrong
River Falls High was the school that carried victory back home every single basketball season for three years in a row. They remained unbeaten, almost unrivaled, and stronger than ever. Such facts could make anyone comfortable, but to Kayden, there was just something off about this particular season.
Kayden Wilson, the captain of the basketball team, stood at an impressive height of six foot five and had an unapproachable look about him. Many people didn't dare to approach him, nor his gang of basketball friends. Only the few who were brave enough got to see them for who they truly were; a group of boys who stuck together like glue at first because of their love for basketball. Until they'd become inseparable.
They were leading the season, but it didn't sit well with Kayden that every single win had been frighteningly close to a loss. Which was why he made sure their coach only directed the pressure toward him, and let him handle the rest of the team.
Usually, his coaching was completely strict, and he had earned a lot of respect from the rest of the players over time. Kayden tried to ease up a little this time, but he still made sure they practiced extra, although not enough to wear their bones out completely.
And then he practiced more than they did. It was probably a bad habit, but he had a burning desire to always win, so it didn't matter what he put himself through.
The hours he put into practicing did not affect his grades. Kayden was a straight-A student, and he didn't even need to try, he was just that smart. So he stayed late more often than not, just to practice.
This day was no different. He'd stayed back after everyone had left. Or at least, after everyone should have left.
"If it isn't K, practicing late again," he heard Kit say. And as he guessed, he was moving closer to him. He paid him no attention.
Kit Pierson was what you would call part of his gang, and what you would call the person he was closest to. They just hadn't given a name to their relationship yet.
The others were Mike, Knox, and Liam. Stacey and Connor were the only two who weren't connected to basketball, but hang out almost all the time nevertheless.
Kit had been extremely annoying lately for some reason, and Kayden didn't want to read too much into it, but his best friend couldn't just leave him alone. It was starting to get super annoying.
Kayden bounced the ball and caught it, then bounced it again and caught it. Just before he could throw it into the hoop, Kit came into view and he hesitated, then stopped. He stood there just staring at him with an amused expression on his face.
"You want a one-on-one?" Kayden asked.
"No," Kit replied with a little shake of his head, his smirk still intact.
Didn't he have better things to do with his time?
Namely; one of his girlfriends or flings or whatever.
Kayden remembered that just earlier that day, some girl called Cleo, Chloe, Cholera-whatever, was blowing his phone up with messages about meeting after school. If only Kit ever cared about someone that much.
"Then pick up a ball and practice," Kayden told him, trying to keep his annoyance out of his voice.
Kit decided it was best to shove him at that moment. Kayden decided to ignore him again. He already had a short fuse because he was stressed out, and he didn't need Kit adding to that stress.
The only times Kit got this annoying was when it was always a week to Kayden's birthday. He always became extra because the deal was that Kayden couldn't say anything about it and he could spoil him and get them all into trouble as he saw fit.
Kit threw exceptional parties, everyone knew that. But once a year, on Kayden's birthday, he always went overboard.
His birthday wasn't anywhere around the corner so the captain could not for the life of him figure out why he was being such a pain.
Kayden bounced the ball and before his hand could catch it, Kit shoved him again and disrupted him, letting the ball bounce on its own, away from them both.
"What the hell man?!" Kayden snapped.
Kit smirked like he finally got what he wanted. Kayden couldn't understand why he was provoking him. It all started at the beginning of the basketball season, right from their first game.
"I'm going to shower and change," said Kit while he walked away.
"Good for you, champ," replied Kayden.
Just until the season was over, Kayden thought the best option was to ignore Kit. He would confront him about his strange behavior afterward.
There had to be something that was going on with him and maybe that was what he was trying to convey. He continued to practice after he left.
Kayden tossed the ball into the basket turn after turn. His mind was straying far, and he lost track of time as he kept dribbling and shooting the ball.
It probably wasn't ten minutes since Kit left and he heard footsteps getting closer to him. His temper flared. "Jesus, just fuck off," said Kayden, nearly growling.
The footsteps receded so fast like the person was running away.
"Wait," He called out. He thought it couldn't be Kit, Kit wouldn't listen. And when he turned, he saw that indeed, it wasn't his best friend. It was Amber-Lee, the one other person who didn't hang out with them.
Amber-Lee was more of his friend alone than anyone else among the others. And she was so shy that she never really said 'hi' to any of them.
The way they'd become friends was a little unexpected. They had been assigned lab partners in chemistry and she'd been paired with him.
After sitting next to her for ten minutes is when he really looked at her for the first time. And he noticed that she was having an anxiety attack.
Deciding that it wouldn't do her any good to draw any attention to them, he slowly reached out and put her hand in his under the table, then when her eyes shot up to his in trepidation, he nodded and smiled warmly at her.
The teacher's voice and the rest of the class drowned in the background at that moment.
He used his other hand to rub the back of hers as she took deep breaths for as long as she needed. Until she'd calmed down and made it comfortably through the class.
She was probably (he wasn't sure) the only girl that had ever talked to him without wanting to sleep with him.
She and Stacey. Probably.
The rest didn't bother denying the fact that they wanted him, and being selfish wasn't one of his strongest suits. At least if he had the time.
Kayden didn't do dating, no matter how much some girls had begged. Just the thought of it was too much work.
He sometimes sat with Amber-Lee at lunch but not always, in consideration of her. Because he knew she hated all the attention that followed wherever he went.
Some people rumored that they were dating, but that was hardly the case. They were only friends. After all, she was among the very few girls he could hold an actual conversation with.
"Amber-Lee, I'm sorry," said Kayden, he paused his exercise. "I thought it was someone else."
The look of hurt on her face slowly disappeared. "I thought you'd be here with your friends, but I only saw you so I came in, I hope...t-that's fine."
"You're my friend too," Kayden said to her and she looked down, causing him to frown. "Right?" He insisted.
There was silence on the basketball court.
"Come on, Lee, that's cold," he said and she gasped.
"Yea...yes, we're friends," she finally admitted.
Kayden smiled and bounced the ball. "Come to help me practice?"
Her face contorted immediately at the question, causing the basketball captain to laugh. "I brought... I made you something," she said.
"No shit?" Kayden asked excitedly and walked over to her.
Amber-Lee held her hand out to him and revealed several tiny strings woven together to make a bracelet. "It's a good luck charm," she said. "I know, the last game will probably be the hardest."
"For me?" Kayden asked as he took it. "That's so sweet. Thank you, I'll wear it at the game tomorrow."
She smiled. Amber-Lee was the sweetest person he knew. And because of her anxiety, he suspected this took a lot of courage for her to make, better yet, to give to him.
"And!" She suddenly exclaimed, seeming upset.
Kayden raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Could you stop... this basketball practice thing?" She asked with a movement of her hands. "You're overdoing it!"
He didn't think she was actually going to say that but she did, and he felt like he had no choice but to listen to her. Kayden sighed. "Okay, just three more minutes," he bargained. She nodded after seeming to think about it.
"Do you want me to give you a ride home?" Kayden asked her. "I won't be long."
Amber-Lee shook her head. "My mom's picking me up today."
"Okay. Three minutes and I'm done, I promise," replied Kayden.
"Okay, see you tomorrow," said Amber-Lee. "And good luck!"
"Thank you," he replied.
Kayden practiced for about three minutes or so. He was actually in a good mood. Amber-Lee had somehow done that.
Unfortunately for her efforts, the good mood only lasted until he got to the locker room and noticed that Kit was still there. His lifted mood dampened again. While they might have been the closest of friends, he'd prefer not to be around him at the moment.
Kit folded his arms and smiled. "Aren't you just perfect?" His best friend asked. "Staying late to practice, the perfect captain, perfect grades..."
Kayden gathered all of his willpower and let it go. He put the bracelet in his gym bag and went straight to the showers after stripping.
Was that what it was with Kit? Was he just jealous? No, that didn't sound right. It was definitely something else.
Kayden closed his eyes and let the water soothe him. He was exhausted, so it felt like he could feel every single drop on him. Although even as he showered, he still couldn't feel relaxed. That would probably be after the final game. He'd have the longest bath after that.
When Kayden got out of the shower, Kit was seated on one of the benches. "Why are you still here?" Asked Kayden. "Your car break down or something?"
"Or something," Kit answered coolly.
Fucking annoying.
Maybe he just wanted a ride home. Probably. "Fine," replied Kayden. "I'll drive you."
He started to change, but before he could throw his shirt on, Kit grabbed it away from him.
"Don't piss me off, man," Kayden warned.
"Or what?" Asked Kit.
"You've been getting on my nerves Kit, what's your problem lately?" Kayden said irritatedly. "Something you want?"
"You just piss me the fuck off lately," replied Kit.
"Yeah?" Kayden backed him against the lockers with a bang. "I'm the annoying one?"
"You can do better than that K," said Kit. It was annoying how calm he was.
"Your white ass looking for a fight?" Kayden moved closer to him, making Kit's six foot one height look shorter.
He closed his hands around Kayden's throat and squeezed. "What if I am?" Kit asked, then he pulled Kayden to him and kissed his best friend.
The shock took ages to finally land. His mind went into confusion until understanding dawned on Kayden. All the goading, taunting, and getting on his last nerve... all of it had just been sexual frustration!
Did Kit want to kiss him all this time? Wanted to kiss him? Kit wasn't gay, or so he thought.
A memory suddenly came to him, one where they stretched during practice and he lowered himself next to Kit. His hand had covered his on the floor by mistake, and Kit had pulled it away from underneath his so quickly it made it awkward. They'd both ignored it and went on with their exercise, talking about other random things.
Kayden had never been into guys before, the idea had never even crossed his mind. And he should have pushed him away, but he didn't. Kit had been acting like a piece of shit, but boy could he kiss, so he kissed back.
For one, Kayden didn't know what to do with himself, because this was completely new ground. He kissed girls all the time, but right now, he was a little lost.
Yes, he kissed back, but he didn't know what to do. Whether to hold him tighter or not. Should he turn them around or not? What was Kit thinking? What was the vulnerability he suddenly felt coming off from him?
No sooner had he used both his hands to hold Kit by the waist, than he withdrew like he'd been burned. It just felt too weird to hold his best friend like that.
He called the shots and withdrew from the kiss when he felt Kit's erection pressing against him. He'd draw the line there. He just couldn't handle that level of weirdness. Or at least the weird feeling of another guy's hard dick pressing against him.
The look that Kit had on his face after they'd parted was one that he'd seen many times. Mostly when the gang had gone out, or he'd thrown one of his parties and he'd had too much to drink. He looked drunk.
The look didn't last that long. It changed quickly, like the realization of what he'd done had finally caught up with him. He moved back as if forgetting he was against the locker and there wasn't any further he could get than that.
Kit clearly wanted to get away from him. Kayden himself was shocked by the look on his face. It was nothing other than fear.
•••
Coach Peralta had watched Kayden be the best he could be for a long time, so he knew that something was off about the whole situation. His talent didn't go as far as Liam's, but no one could lead the team as he did. If he went, they lost. It wasn't that complicated.
"We need him, if he goes, we lose this season," he said to the principal because there was no other way around it. It was literally like he said.
The principal put his hands together on the table before him and pretended to take his words seriously. He'd never liked the balding man, personally. He was the picture of the typical corrupt official. It was just unfortunate that he didn't have enough power to get to the bottom of Kayden's situation. Someone had obviously pulled some strings.
"For the first time in three years," the coach insisted. "You know what that means right?"
"And how do you know that," principal Matthews asked with a look that couldn't even pretend that he was interested.
The coach wondered if the man could decipher his expression, his disgusted expression that could probably pass off as an insult.
"There's a reason why you're the principal and I'm the coach. It's my job to know," said Coach Peralta.
He was pissed off because deep down, he knew this wasn't fair and he doubted that Kayden would do anything so outrageous as to invoke an expulsion. At least not right before his final game of the season.
"He is vital," he finished with finality to his voice.
"He has to go," said principal Matthews, angering the coach further.
"And may I ask why exactly?" He'd already asked, but the snake sitting before him had slithered around the question, refusing to give him an answer.
"That would be none of your business," he now replied.
"Fine, expel him. Have River Falls' legacy and reputation finally thrown in the mud. It's your school anyway, not mine," coach Peralta used the only resort he had left. He knew that Matthews was a proud man, and he tried to use that to his advantage.
It took a while for the balding man to think it through, using the pad of his thumb and his forefinger to stroke his surprisingly nice goatee until he caved in. "Fine... fine, the boy plays."
The coach sighed inwardly and got up to leave, his job here was done after all. "But after that," the principal stopped him in his tracks. He answered by continuing to walk away before he hailed his anger on him.
On the day of the final game, coach Peralta tried not to show guilt and sadness every time he looked at Kayden. The boy was in high spirits, and in turn, was the entire team. For what it was worth, he couldn't know just yet.
As the players made it out to the court, the coach called Kayden back for a few seconds.
"You look, worried Coach," Kayden said with a smirk on his face, he could tell how excited he was for the game. "I know I'm not going to let us down."
The way he said it sounded like a friendly accusation to the coach, like what was he doing sounding worried?
"I know," he replied.
Kayden continued to look at him expectantly. He cocked his head questioningly. "What?" The boy asked. "You wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, coach?"
"It's nothing," replied coach Peralta as he shook his head as if to clear it. "I believe in you, kid."
"You better. Thanks, Coach," said Kayden, he was already turning to get back into the court to join the rest of his team. "We're about to show them who owns the court."
The coach watched him go. He sighed because he'd never been this tense before a match. Deep down he knew they would win, but how would Kayden react after he found out that he was getting expelled right after?
He tried not to think about it and focus on the players instead.
Kayden could tell that it was going to be a tight match from the moment the other school got the first five points. It didn't help that their opponent's cheerleading team made their amazing cheerleading team (in his own opinion) look like they weren't even half good.
The deciding moment came when both schools were tied with only under a minute left to the end of the match. It sucked that Liam had an injury, but then again, Liam with an injury only leveled out their skill.
The fact that the other team didn't know that little truth could be the only reason why they would win. They also didn't know that Knox already had it figured out. He complemented Liam perfectly, apart from the fact that he was the best small forward they'd ever had on the team.
Mike had to be the MVP of this particular match, coming in clutch at any moment's hesitation. The members of the other team were intimidated by him, and Kayden knew exactly how to use that to their advantage.
Mike passed the ball to him to shoot their final shot. He had to think fast because he didn't have to make the last shot in his risky position.
That was when he saw Liam, almost unguarded. That was really dumb of the other team. He was like a god on the court, they'd seen his magic enough times not to doubt him.
It would be difficult for the pass to get to Liam uninterrupted, so Kayden passed to Kit. If you needed anyone on his team to make a pass successfully, it would be Kit. And there was also the fact that he always seemed to know what Kayden was thinking every time the ball was passed to him.
Barely after the ball was in his possession, it was already in Liam's before the other players could understand how it happened.
From their side, the biggest threat was their captain, but with Knox marking him, they could still play confidently.
Unfortunately for them, they made the mistake of assuming that Kayden was their biggest threat, and now Liam had the ball. He just couldn't for the life of him figure out why he passed it right back to him.
Even in his confusion, Kayden knew he couldn't hesitate. He had to make the shot one way or another. They didn't have much time, and he trusted Liam. Maybe he couldn't make the shot for some reason, or maybe he had calculated moves ahead. Either way, Kayden had to make do.
The captain drove his team to victory by scoring five seconds to the end of the match. The applause and cheers were deafening. Kayden threw his fist in the air in celebration after the match was finished, the orange bracelet on his wrist jerking vigorously according to his movements as he did it again.
He was then lifted unexpectedly. It was Mike, of course, it was. The other team members just started to jump on them, screaming their victory. And then the rest of the school, Kayden thought he'd die.
For four years in a row, River Falls High would remain undefeated.
•••
Kayden was still receiving praise the next day at school, including the biggest hug from Amber-Lee. She knew how to surprise him because a hug in public was one of the last things she would probably do.
She was smiling widely when they parted. You were so cool at the game! She said excitedly.
"Am I not cool all the time?" Kayden pulled his lips into a pout that looked like he was going in for a kiss then he raised his eyebrows.
Amber-Lee laughed. "What type of face is that?"
"The hot one," he replied.
'KAYDEN WILSON, REPORT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY,'
came the sound from the PA system.
"Did something happen?" Amber-Lee looked worried as she asked.
Kayden shrugged. "Don't know, maybe he's dying to congratulate me," he replied. "I'll see you later, Lee."
He kept it light-hearted but he couldn't shake the cold feeling deep in his gut.
"Congratulations," said the principal immediately after Kayden got into his office.
Before he could answer, he noticed that his mom was already inside. "Ma?" Kayden got to her side. "How come you're here, what's wrong?"
"Sit down, Kayden," said the principal. "I'm saddened to have to do this, but I'm afraid this school has a zero-tolerance policy–"
"For what? Winning a championship?" He asked immediately, cutting him off.
"Substance abuse," he said gravely. "This was found in your locker." The principal motioned to what looked like cocaine.
Drugs?
Kayden almost laughed at the accusation. He'd tried drugs before but it just wasn't his cup of tea. He'd sooner be caught smuggling orange juice than with drugs. Before Kayden could open his mouth to defend himself, his mother spoke.
"Not my son," she stopped the principal just before he was about to add something else. Kayden too kept his mouth shut. It'd been a while since he heard his mom sound that angry.
"I understand your confusion and anger Mrs. Wilson, and Kayden is a brilliant student and athlete, it would be a pity to see him go," he said like he really meant it. Kayden just wanted to know what the hell was going on.
"Not. My. Son," his mom said more firmly like it was taking everything in her, not to punch the man in the face.
The principal rested his forearms on his desk. He liked doing that. "And as I said, Mrs. Wilson, I understand your confusion, but if you really look at it, these cases are not that rare with people of your skin complexion. Perhaps it could be the environment you are raising him in, I would hate to see such a–"
"The fuck did you just say to my mother?" Kayden was up from his chair in the next second.
The principal did not cower or flinch, he looked Kayden in the eye and took his time. "I'm sorry Kayden, but you are expelled."
Fuck that
. "Apologize to her," he warned.
"Come on baby, let's go," his mom said while getting up and putting her bag over her shoulder.
"He just–" Kayden was cut off.
"Kayden," she insisted and he reluctantly stopped. "An apology from him is as good as nothing. Let's go."
Kayden let it go, but his mother wasn't done yet. "You do not come at my people the way you just did, do you understand that?" She said to the principal.
Principal Matthews had the slightest decency to look just the least bit ashamed. "I was only–"
"One more slur, out of that mouth, and I'll show you how well I learned from the environment I was raised in," she replied then suddenly gripped his necktie and pulled him to her face. "You racist motherfucker."
She took her son's hand and they walked out of the office, then the school. He could almost swear he'd never heard his mom curse. She was always the one yelling at him not to use foul language.
The word had felt heavier somehow when she had used it. Like it carried more meaning.
He knew she had done everything back there to hold herself back. Somehow, he knew it was for his sake.
"I'm sorry baby," she said when they were outside. "I hope I didn't spoil any chances you might have had back there. I think someone's out to get my lovely boy. Who could have planted drugs in your locker? I swear I'll cripple a kid–"
She looked at her son after she realized he wasn't even listening to her. He had that far away look on his face that he always got sometimes—one of the biggest reminders she had of her late husband.
As his mother, she always knew how he looked when he was in pain.
"Kay?" She called. "There's something you're not telling me."
Kayden shook his head. "It's nothing," he replied. He hugged his mom against his car and tried to cool her anger off.
He knew she was overworked and tired. She worked all the time and took care of her children the best she could. She was a single mother of three, and that alone had to be taking a toll on her. And now this? He didn't need to be an addition to that stress she was already under.
"It'll be okay Ma, I promise," he said.
"You were almost finished with high school, now what?" She asked angrily.
"There's other schools, it'll be fine," he answered. "We'll figure it out. I'm smart, remember?"
She nodded. "I know. Shouldn't you say something to your friends first?"
Kayden held the passenger door open for her and she got inside, then he walked over to the other side.
"It's okay," he said. "We'll meet up."
One way or another they would. It could even be as soon as that same day because they'd want answers. Answers he wasn't even sure he had.
He didn't want to meet them. To be specific, he didn't want to meet Kit. Because if he looked him in the eye, then he'd know whether what he was thinking was true or false.
And something told him he wasn't going to like what he saw.
>>>>>><<<<<<
Gosh, that was one long-ass prologue.
# CHAPTER ONE
The Boy In The Mustard Yellow T-shirt
The scenery wound past my window quickly at first, then slowly as the traffic lights turned red. I always thought that if the world finally fell apart, people would still follow three simple colours religiously. It could even make for a good episode of love, death, and robots. Humanity was weird like that.
The chauffeur's fingers tapped noiselessly against the wheel, it was the only indication that he might be on edge. I knew because everyone was always on edge around my father.
It didn't matter if he'd worked for my family for more than fifteen years, it didn't matter if anyone was as scary as a dragon, around my dad, they seemed to be more careful.
My father, on the other hand, didn't show the same side he did the others, to his family—although this chauffeur, in particular, was family. And it wasn't that he was shitty to everyone else, no, he was just really scary when provoked.
Otherwise, he was always polite and straight to the point. To his actual family, he could be really sweet when he wanted to be. To my mom more than anyone else. It was evident in this little trip we were having.
The chauffeur, whose fingers still tapped noiselessly against the wheel, was Andre. The one I've come to accept is like a second father to me.
My real father was the great Mr. Hawthorne; a very wealthy man, with at least a few billion to his name. It was probably great, if the things the papers said were true, it should have been great.
But things like that came with their own consequences. My dad always made time for me whenever he could, but it was filled with wherever he was planning to expand, or meetings where he wanted to take me, so I could 'have a feel of what I would be inheriting in the future'.
To him, we were solidifying our connection, and maybe we were, but I just wanted him to smile more when he was with me. He seldom did. But with his associates and friends, he always did.
It might have made me jealous, and I believe there was a time when I was, but the smile never reached his eyes, so it stopped bothering me.
There really wasn't much my dad could teach me out of the business world, and I learned to accept that. It was the hardest pill to swallow when I was younger, but eventually, I did. And that was where Andre came in.
From the time I could walk and remember, he has always been there. As the clumsy child I was, it had always been Andre picking me up a thousand times from the ground.
He nursed my leg when I fell off a bicycle for the first time as he was teaching me how to ride it. He wiped away my tears, saying I was a strong little man and strong little men didn't cry. I had puffed my chest at the praise as I bit my lower lip and looked up to prevent the tears from falling off my eyes. And then he'd gone ahead to pick me up and perch me on his shoulders, running around with me until the only tears that fell off my eyes were that of joy and laughter.
Andre got me an action figure I was crazy about having for my seventh birthday. I'd never told him I wanted it, but I constantly nagged my dad about it whenever we went out.
He seemed to always have something to do, so I understood that he was busy.
There was always a meeting he had to be at, so it justified the theory that suggested he forgot. It was one among the several that I had made up over time as I grew up. I would not accept that he didn't care. He did, I knew it. He just had a lot riding on his shoulders.
After asking and nagging for about one million times, one father had listened, and it wasn't the one I was talking to.
Andre taught me to never back down in a fight, he was something of a fighter himself so he took it seriously. He taught me to treat people with respect no matter who they were, or where they came from. (Although he did also add that I shouldn't hesitate to punch an asshole if I felt the need to.)
Andre still ruffled my hair whenever my dad wasn't looking. I looked up to him, even now that I seemed to be getting taller than him.
When the light turned green again, we moved and I was jolted from my thoughts.
"Julian?" My dad asked with a little concern, looking back at me.
"Yes?" I answered. He didn't have to look so concerned, it wasn't like he didn't catch me zoning out more times than not.
"I was asking if you'd already picked out what to wear for the dinner today," he replied.
Ah yes, of course, how could I forget?
My parents really did love their fancy dinners and small fancy events.
My father would be with his associates, together with my mother and me. I didn't want to be there, I had absolutely nothing to say to old men and their old wives and their stuck-up, obnoxious children. It sickened me.
I knew because I went the last time and a few other times before that. The only thing the kids my age had to talk about was how great and mighty their families were and what they owned and whatnot. It wasn't even impressive, to be honest.
Show me a warm family that genuinely loved each other unconditionally, now that would be impressive.
No one talked about normal things kids talked about in the movies. No one talked normally, they all sounded like robots programmed to mimic their parents. I felt a familiar anger rising and then going back down. No one even knew about Groot, and that alone, was absolutely offensive to me.
My parents always take me wherever they want to. We're bonding that way, so it's important. But I wasn't so ready to oblige this time, we could push the bonding to another time. "I'm not going," I told my dad.
He chuckled. "Nonsense," he replied. "Of course, you're coming."
I noticed Andre's hands tighten on the wheel after hearing my father's response. I knew that if my dad kept on insisting, he was going to interfere and they'd possibly end up having a fight over me.
"I already spoke with mom about it," I said quickly before Andre could add anything. It took a lot for me to oppose anything my parents said or suggested, but I was dead-set on sitting this one out, so they'd probably drag me there if they wanted it that badly.
"We will continue this later, we're here," my dad said to me. He meant we'd continue the argument with my mom present...
by all means then.
Andre brought the car to a stop at The Grand Hall, the museum we'd arrived at—really plain name if you asked me.
It seemed to be somewhat prestigious, I wouldn't know because I'd never been here before. I've never been to a lot of places here where I lived. I'd probably get lost if I wandered around for too long.
It's not that I couldn't be bothered to learn my surroundings, I had some idea of the places my dad went to and a few my mom went to, plus a few Andre snuck me out to.
I didn't know much because I wasn't allowed to move around that easily. The first condition was that I had to have bodyguards with me, and that easily turned claustrophobic if you were in public. I would rather not.
This was just one out of very few rare times that my dad actually accepted to leave the house without a bodyguard.
Aside from that was that I studied in a privately owned boarding school all the way in Switzerland. And that meant I had no friends here either because they either lived there or in other places around the world. It was no good.
Many times, I dreaded the holidays and yearned for school to begin, because spending time with my friends was so much better than tailing my parents around all the time, in unfamiliar places.
I didn't plan to go with my father to do whatever business he had to do, and he didn't pressure me about it either because he'd much prefer I stayed inside the car and away from the public eye anyway.
The purpose of this excursion was to get for my mother some sort of art piece she 'needed in her house', as I'd understood it.
In my own unimportant opinion, the things anyone needed included air, food, and anything along that line, but my mother always forewent all reason. Everything was about reputation to her.
After she got this piece, I knew there would be a party thrown for whatever reason she thought of. Then she would rub it in my aunts' faces by asking them where best to place the expensive piece of art.
I still had to figure out where to escape to when that day came about, I'd much rather be anywhere else, to be honest.
I watched my dad walk out and into the museum, sometimes he looked like such a simple man. But when he fixed his attention on you, then all the simplicity left him, and you were left stranded with a lion ready to devour you in one fell swoop at any wrong move. I loved that lion, but God he was so infuriating.
"It's going to rain," I told Andre.
"You don't know that," he replied immediately. He was wrong of course, I always knew when it was going to rain.
"I'll bet you ten bucks," I replied. And so went our ageless game.
Whenever one of us wanted to prove a point without arguing, we bet money and the victor took it home. It solved a lot of pointless arguments.
"Thanks for the free money," he said confidently.
I didn't argue any further with him on that matter. He began to hum happily. Funny how the atmosphere always changed depending on the presence of my parents.
"I'm bored, so I'm going to check this place out," I said while unlocking the door.
"I'll let your father know," he replied. "Try not to cry without me, more specifically, don't piss on yourself, I won't come to get you.
I hated to admit it but when I was four, I cried, pissed my shorts, and wailed for almost a full thirty minutes just because I had seen an artificial skeleton of a T-Rex. In my defense, it was really scary as it towered above me while it tried to eat me up.
I even went ahead to fight everyone off me until Andre came to save the day. I readily jumped into his arms the moment I saw him approach me.
He won't let me forget it, so I flipped him off and walked away, hearing his laughter follow me outside the car.
The room was humongous, as any museum should be, and I didn't even know where to start. I never should have done this to myself.
I wasn't the biggest fan of art galleries, museums, or even any places where auctions were held. I had nothing against the art or the history—those were great. I just couldn't really focus, to a point where it got annoying. Museums were the worst because they are the biggest.
I moved around a little bit and perused through a few art pieces and relics until I came to stop in front of the biggest painting I had seen so far. I had to stretch my neck and look up at it because it was that tall. I could probably lie down and my length would still not have been its width.
I was still trying to figure out how anyone could paint something so big or how long it took them, or just to what lengths did their willpower go when I noticed that someone was standing right next to me.
It's the sneakers I noticed first—I had the exact same pair at home... somewhere I didn't really remember.
I looked up slowly from the shoes and noticed he was wearing jeans and a mustard yellow T-shirt. His skin was a rich brown complexion and his hair was curly at the top and buzzed out at the edges. My best guess was that he was African-American. He was probably around my age too, even if he was so tall.
Not that I was short, I was actually taller than the average male height, he just happened to be further up that scale. He looked more like someone who played a sport for a national team, not someone you'd find taking their time to stare at art.
The boy didn't look back at me, thankfully, because I couldn't stop myself from studying his profile for some reason.
Goodness, what a jaw!
I thought my palms at that point were just the least bit clammy, although I decided not to believe it.
"Hi," I finally said.
He didn't answer me. There wasn't even any indication to tell whether he heard me or not, he didn't even look at me. The boy just walked away to stare at another painting.
I wanted to walk away too and go back to the car, but I didn't appreciate people not answering when I talked to them. If my parents' fussiness at manners was good for anything, then I knew that it was rude. So I followed him.
"Isn't that Artemis?" I asked while coming to a stop next to him, referring to the next painting he was looking at. I knew fully well that the painting was 'The birth of Venus' by the Italian artist Sandro Botticelli—although this one was a replica of the original piece somewhere in Italy. Just like I thought, it seemed to irritate him. "She's Apollo's aunt, isn't she? And this painting shows her birth."
The boy finally turned to me, and I finally saw his face. His eyes were like a deep golden—if that sort of thing even existed. His furrowed eyebrows weren't bushy but they weren't thin either. I'd say they were perfect. My heart embarrassingly, sort of skipped a beat.
"What do you want?" He asked me.
Great, his voice was deep too. He sounded a little wary and irked that I, in particular, was talking to him. I'd never seen him in my life, so I had no idea what I'd done.
"I'm just looking at Artemis here," I motioned to the painting with my hand.
He was definitely irritated. "It's Aphrodite, or in this context, Venus. But have at it," he said and made to walk away again.
"Wait," I said before he could go. My heart was beating crazily. It's not something that has happened to me before, certainly not for a reason I couldn't understand. It felt like if anyone was close enough, they could hear it drumming in my chest.
He stopped and looked at me a little impatiently. I didn't know what to say. My tongue felt stuck.
"What?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
Julian, please talk, I'm begging you,
my inner voice pleaded with me. "I uh... It's rude to ignore someone who's talking to you."
That actually seemed to amuse him. "Is it?" He asked and took a step towards me, I had no idea what for.
I didn't want him to get closer, I honestly felt like my nerves would force me to run away if he did.
"Julian," I heard my father's voice, distracting me and causing me to take my eyes off the boy. "There you are, let's get going."
I heard that familiar edge to his voice. Was he seriously angered that I stepped out of the car without him or Andre?
Th
e
man really needed to
relax
.
Nevertheless, it felt like I had been saved. And yet at the same time, it felt like a rug was pulled away from under me.
I was just from telling the boy I met that it was rude to ignore someone, so I shouldn't leave without saying anything to him, I told myself.
I turned back in his direction, but he'd already moved on to stare at a mini sculpture of some sort like I wasn't talking to him just a few moments ago.
I looked at him for a moment, studying him study something else, then I turned back and followed my dad to the car.
The temptation to look back was the greatest I'd ever faced. Mostly because it felt like he was staring at me as I walked out until I was out of the building.
Andre held the door open for me, standing stoic like a soldier at attention. I hated that. "I can get my own door, Andre," I said with a frown.
"Yes, yes," he answered and smiled. "In you go, my lord."
I'd get him for that one. He knew I hated it when he called me that, but he always seemed to have fun with it.
"What time does this place close?" I asked my dad after he got into the car.
"Around midnight, if I'm not mistaken," he replied. "I take it you didn't make friends with that boy, or something so absurd," my dad said, or asked, I wasn't sure.
"Why not?" I asked. I could feel my anger bubbling again, but that was just it.
That was the thing about my anger, it was always just there. It never surfaced or went out of control, even at times when I could really use it. It always contained itself and told me to keep it safe inside. Maybe that way it wouldn't die, and maybe that was why I listened to it. I always kept it inside, safe from harm.
"Poor people," my dad answered. "Our worlds just don't mix."
It wasn't what Andre taught me, but I kept my mouth shut. I had so many questions, but I silenced every single one as I watched the rain droplets start to beat steadily against the car window.
>>>>>><<<<<<
So there's our first chapter! What do you think?
Thank you for reading, have a beautiful time!
🍒🍒🍒
# CHAPTER TWO
Temper Tantrums At Basketball Hoops
"Hi honey," said my mom over the phone. I already knew what she was calling me for, she didn't have to ask.
"Ma, it's cool, I'm already on my way," I replied before she could continue. "I already told you, I can always pick up the babies now."
Picking the twins up from school every day became a job I took up for myself. I didn't mind because it gave my mom plenty of time to focus on herself.
I also kind of avoided her whenever I could, because I didn't want to see that look she always aimed at me without even knowing.
"Yeah, but you're a baby yourself. You don't have to," she replied. "Go hang out with your friends or something."
"My friends are in school, studying," I replied.
"My bad, sorry honey," she replied.
"Alright Ma," I laughed. "I'll see you later."
"I might be home earlier than you think today," she said. "And I'll be making dinner."
"Really?!" I asked, already excited.
Ma's dinner was magical, but a rarity nonetheless. Because she worked so much to support us that so many times, she only came home, kissed us goodnight and blacked out in her room. Many times I found the twins pulling her shoes off and fixing the covers around her. Then climbing onto her bed and falling asleep on either side of her.
"Yeah!" She replied. "Okay, I've got to go. See you later."
After my mom hung up, I pushed my phone into my pocket and grabbed the car keys. I stopped, then looked back and went to smooth out the wrinkles on my bed.
"Damn it!" I said out loud then ruffled the bed again.
According to Ma, I was kind of a clean freak. So this was me trying to prove her wrong.
Granted, my room was a regular boy's room without a lot of the mess. A few books, posters and my game console. Fine, it was really clean and maybe way too neat, but she made it sound like I was a freak who couldn't live with a little mess, and I just had to prove her wrong about that.
What if my wife turned out to be messy? Divorce? No fucking way. If I finally ever liked a girl enough to marry her, there was no way we were divorcing.
I wanted what Ma and dad had, there was nothing stronger than that shit. They were true to their vows, and only till death did they part.
It's been seven years since my dad was gone, and I miss him every single day. Rylan and Rylee were too young to remember, but I can't even begin to imagine what Ma feels.
I shut the door and left the house, then climbed into my most prized possession; my car. One day, I just found Ma smiling at me and standing next to a jeep on my sixteenth birthday. She explained that my dad had actually planned for me to have it from the time I was ten. He was supposed to give it to me when I was of age but because of circumstances, he entrusted Ma to it.
I just remember sitting inside it and crying like an idiot, and letting my mom hug me till the tears stopped coming. Embarrassing shit, but a boy's got to cry sometimes too.
•••
"Kay!" both kids shout as they ran towards me. I crouched and opened my arms wide just as they crashed into me. Then I lifted them both up.
"How was school today?" I asked while walking us all to the car.
"Rylee failed the test on purpose again!" My little brother sounded a bit too happy for my liking.
"Ree," I lowered them both into the backseat then paused as I looked at her. "What did we say about failing on purpose?"
"To not," she answered, dejectedly. Although she looked like she had more to say as she crossed her arms.
"So why do you keep on doing it anyway?" I asked.
The girl was too smart for her own good, so smart she knew how to get the answers wrong. Kids didn't do that, nor did they even know how to. Not when they knew all the right answers.
"I heard them talking!" she said, sounding worked up and upset. "Miss Brown said that they'd do good to take me up another grade because I'm too smart for my own. I don't want to go. I can't be in a class without Rylan!"
They just had to be the most adorable children I knew. Although they could easily become the most annoying things on earth.
"So that's why?" Rylan asked then went ahead to hug her. "Good girl, you can keep failing Rylee. That way we'll always be together!"
"Boy, if you don't..." I stopped short when I noticed how sad Rylee looked. It meant she was really scared of losing Rylan, even if that only meant he'd be like one classroom away.
"No one's going to take you away from him, okay?" I held her cheek and made her look at me. "Okay?"
"How do you know?" She was right to have her fears when she asked.
"Hey... since when did you stop trusting me huh?" I accused. "I'll talk to them if I have to."
"I trust you," she said defensively. "Okay."
"It'll do you both good if you helped him with his homework, so Ry could keep up. And to study as well," I told Rylee.
"Studying is for losers," Rylan was quick to say. "Not even Ree studies and look at her, she's a genius!"
"Well at least losers get to study in the same class as their genius sisters," I replied.
Rylan groaned. "Fine, I'll study," he said but I had my doubts. Ry was the type of kid who could convince you he was an angel then go ahead to carry out the devil's work the next minute.
"I'm serious Ry, or I'll get 'you know who'," I warned.
The unnamed was Knox. Also known as the only entity in existence that actually scared Rylan to some degree.
"Kay no! I said I'll study!" This time, he sounded more serious. I smiled and ruffled his hair, then closed the door and went to get behind the wheel.
"Okay now give your brother a kiss," I said before starting the car.
I didn't have to tell Rylee twice. She dropped two kisses on my cheek and giggled.
I raised my eyebrows at Rylan who leaned back on the seat and crossed his arms, looking anywhere but at me. When I didn't stop looking, he rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said and kissed my cheek.
I resisted the urge to tell them about Ma making dinner later on just in case she couldn't make it in time. If she did then it would count as a surprise for them.
I finally pulled out of the driveway.
"Where's Kit?" Rylee asked. "He stopped coming with you to pick us up. Is he sick?"
Shit.
"Yeah uh... he fell sick and needs lots of time to recover," I said even as I was at a loss for words.
"Oh no!" Ree said. "I'll draw him a picture and you can give it to him."
Currently, the huge rift (that kept getting bigger) between me and Kit didn't only affect the two of us. It extended to my family too, from the kids to my mom. And I was running out of excuses to give her. Soon it would extend to our friends, unless by some miracle we acted natural when we met.
"Kaaaay!" She pulled the syllable so much that it sounded like she was whining.
"Yeah...yeah?" I answered.
"You'll tell him I miss him right?" She pouted when I looked in the rearview mirror.
"Yeah, definitely," I said with a false bravado.
Fucking Kit.
•••
Ma did actually come home earlier than expected. The twins' reactions were nothing but priceless, and right now nothing could convince them to leave her side.
I decided to practice some basketball in the backyard in the meantime. I practiced as much as I could before the thoughts decided to crowd my mind.
I started to miss all the shots I was making. I needed something to take the edge off.
The more I missed, the more I got pissed off and then the more I missed.
"Argh!" In my anger, I finally put too much strength into a shot and the ball hit the rim of the basket and ricocheted over the fence. "Fuck!" I cussed and kicked the pole while I pulled sweaty curls out of my face.
"I was starting to wonder just how many times you were going to miss before you stopped," said a calm voice from my left.
"
Jesus
, fuck, Knox. What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"Your mom let me in," was Knox's unhelpful reply. "Rylan screamed when he saw me... seriously, what do you be telling those kids about me?"
I swiped sweat off my brow and stood before him. "That you're the grades fairy. And you tear bad kids apart when you see them."
I laughed when his face changed. "I'm bullshitting you. I don't have to tell them anything, your ass is horrible with kids."
"They're little monsters," he said like there was no other truth.
I took my shirt off and scrunched it in my hands, then sat down next to Knox, folding my knees and facing the hoop. "So, to what do I owe this ungodly visit?" I asked.
"Something's off about you," said Knox. "Watching that pathetic practice you just had, was just sad."
"What do you mean?" I asked mostly because I wanted to know if he was on to something.
"I mean, something's definitely off about how you suddenly got expelled for drugs," he laughed. "Dude, it would be more believable if you were expelled for not being able to keep your dick in your pants. But there's definitely something off about the way you're acting."
"And how is that?" I asked.
It was showing already? Was I actually acting weird?
"Moody-ish," said Knox. "It's like you're brooding."
"It shocks me every time you start to care about me," I replied. It took a lot for Knox to really care about anyone. Apparently, we managed to have that privilege. (In his own words)
"You know I've always cared about you, baby," Knox let his fingers dance on my wrist as he looked into my eyes. He could flirt with a goldfish if it was presented to him.
I pulled my hand away. "Hmm," was the only reply I could think of.
"So what's really wrong?" He asked.
"I was expelled."
"And I'm hot. I can tell you a few more facts if you want to hear them," Knox raised his eyes as if to say 'any time now'. He was really difficult to deal with because he was almost always right. Emphasis on the almost.
"I can't tell you that yet," I replied honestly.
"That's much better," he finally said to let it go. "I don't have to remind you that we might all meet up soon, so you might want to improve your acting skills a bit if you don't want everyone asking questions."
"Yeah I got it," I replied. "Oh by the way, my mom's making–"
"Dinner, yes I know, she asked me to stay," said Knox. "But I can't. My mom's also making dinner and I won't hear the end of it if I don't eat her food."
We walked back inside the house and my mouth started to water as the aroma of the food wafted into my nostrils.
"Goodbye Mrs Wilson," said Knox to my mom. "You're as beautiful as I remember, it was nice to see you again."
"Boy I saw you last week!" Ma smiled. "You best not be flirting with me Kumar."
I excused myself and went to take a quick shower, leaving them to talk. Ma probably thought he was an angel, because that's how good he was at switching personalities. He was nothing like an angel, it was even absurd to associate him and the word.
By the time I was back, Knox was already gone but his words didn't stop ringing in my head.
Why did he not miss anything?
I was still lost in my thoughts when I noticed Ma giving me that look again. I just wish she could stop. I was okay, and that was all.
"Help me set up the table," she said and all I could think was: thank goodness. Anything that could distract us both.
"I know you feel like you can't talk to me—" she started.
"There's nothing to talk about," I said, trying to convince both her and myself.
"You are not yourself. Are you depressed? It that it? Because I understand–"
"You don't," I said sharply and stopped myself quickly. "I am not depressed," I said more calmly. "Ma, please..."
"Fine. Whenever you're ready to talk to the woman who gave birth to you," she said.
It was one of the side effects of every time my mom and I didn't see eye to eye. She became petty as hell. At least she finally let me go.
I spent a big part of dinner trying to avoid eye contact with her, making the entire thing awkward.
Thankfully, the twins were too excited to stop talking. It served as a pleasant distraction. That, and the delicious food.
•••
By the end of dinner, I was so tired for some reason. So I told Ma that I was going to bed early and surprisingly she didn't argue.
I pulled my shirt off and plopped onto my bed, cursing the fact that I'd actually outgrown my bed and was almost too tall for it.
I grabbed my phone and checked through it and there were about five messages. I opened the one from Stacey.
Stace
:
Hey ugly beast, I'm waiting for you to come over with a replacement for my mirror ;)
Stacey labeled me 'ugly beast' because I accidently broke one of the two mirrors in her room. According to me (which was the truth), I underestimated its weight and tried to move it. According to her (which was obviously the lie), I am so ugly that I looked at the mirror and it cracked.
In her own way, she was just asking me to hang out and I knew it.
Mikey:
Hey man! I'm coming over tomorrow. It's been a while since we video gamed!!! Prepare to get your ass kicked!!!!!!
Every time Mike texted me, I always questioned his mental health with the number of unnecessary exclamation points he always used.
K:
I can't tomorrow, maybe next time...
I typed then decided that it was a little mean, considering I was already avoiding everyone. I erased it.
K:
Bring it on, you'll be runnin back to your momma's house after I give you a proper ass whooping.
I hit send, after a lot of contemplation. It shouldn't have been like that.
I texted a little more with Stacey and then I told her good night before putting my phone on the night stand.
When you have a lot of time on your hands, you pick up many habits and hobbies, even things you didn't think you'd ever do. Like going out to purposely look at art.
I didn't understand why either, but I was getting a little obsessed with art, of almost all forms. Even though I couldn't draw for shit.
I also thought a lot about many things, even if I didn't want to. Schools were having a break soon, River Falls included, so that meant we were going to hang out almost all the time.
I didn't want to see them, just like how I avoided even simple texts sometimes. Currently when my friends came over, I just couldn't wait for the moment they'd finally leave. Not cool, I know.
When they asked, demanding an answer as to why I was expelled, I told them the exact reason why. I didn't tell them of my suspicions, which I was almost completely confident in now. Kit went completely silent on me. Impossible.
I was tired of talking about my expulsion all the time. When they'd first found out, my friends threatened to burn the school down. And Stacey might as well have been leading the march.
Kit probably didn't have an opinion. Impossible.
'Julian, there you are, let's get going.'
The thought surfaced again, unbidden.
That was his name. The boy in shorts, sneakers and a hoodie. He had brown hair and green eyes. He spoke like he attended a private class called manners, conducted by the queen herself. His name was Julian.
Yeah, that was his name. I sighed.
Fucking get out of my head.
•••
Happy pride month my peeps! You are all beautiful in your own unique ways
🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
# CHAPTER THREE
Escapades At Family Parties
When my mom began preparing for a party, she either started the day before or at the ass crack of dawn, even if the party didn't start till it was dusk.
I couldn't hear much of what she was trying to say because normal human beings didn't really get up at this time. My eyes were in full agreement as they too, refused to open fully.
The sun was barely up and there she was, standing at my door in her white morning gown and headband, trying to get me awake.
There was nothing I could do to convince my parents to give me the keys to my room. It was even out of the question, on top of that, I had to put up with such disrespect.
"Go away mom!" I groaned.
I did not sign up for this, and besides, it's her party, I didn't know why she had to pull me into it. I always got annoyed when my sleep was interrupted. Sleep is essential, sacred even. The sooner adults understood that, the better.
"Get off that bed Jules!" She said, having no regard whatsoever for my wishes. "We'll have breakfast first, then start. I'll be waiting downstairs, I need your help with everything."
She didn't need my help with anything and she knew it. All she had to do was just say the word and any number of men she wanted would come to put everything in their place. But this was another one of those bonding times and getting to know her son better as she put it.
I wondered if the world would crumble if she ever asked me what I wanted to do for a change. Like 'hey Jules, what do you want to do today?' 'Gee mom, glad you asked. Let's go for a drive and stop at random places and take absurd pictures together, not wake up at fucking three in the morning for party decorations'.
Fine, it wasn't three in the morning but that could never happen. As far as I knew, my mother had a reputation to keep and not even her son would get in the way of that.
I calmed down after grabbing my phone, it immediately flashed to life and Groot appeared on the Lock Screen.
I sighed deeply.
I knew that I didn't really mind helping, but sleep was not something I liked to sacrifice. If someone ever understood that, they could have me forever.
I dragged myself to a sitting position and released an exasperated breath then got off the bed.
My room was just like any other teenager's room I'd been in; huge with a little clutter.
I went in the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Pausing, I stared at myself for a few seconds. Sleep lines on one side, my brown hair in a fierce rebellion against gravity and the green that looked back at me appeared so dull I hated it all the more.
I didn't like the color green, unfortunately it had to be associated with Groot, but I could look past that. It didn't mean I could look past my eyes though; I hated them. Ew.
There were specs of freckles scattered lightly over my shoulders, they weren't a lot, but they were definitely noticeable.
I looked so angry that I broke out into a small smile despite myself.
After the bathroom, I walked into my closet and picked out the first hoodie I saw and pulled it over my head then reluctantly dragged myself down the stairs.
Andre immediately hooted with laughter when I reached the bottom of the stairs and pulled me to him, forcing me to bend to his height and disheveling my hair more than it already was after I tried to get it under control. "You look like crap, I'm so happy for you," he said then laughed some more.
I didn't fail to notice that he was impeccably dressed.
Did these people sleep?
"You should know that I'm stronger than I look, so I would refrain from carelessly manhandling me if I were you," I told Andre.
"Aw, has my lord finally gotten the courage to challenge me to a duel? I can have the gym cleared out for us," he replied with one of his smuggest faces.
Andre was probably a black belt or something of the sort. It was probably why my dad was more lenient to not having guards around when he was driving. I could fight a bit decently, just nowhere near his level.
Insane people.
I once lost a bet and Andre made it so the condition was for the loser to do what the other asks. He pulled me to the gym and said I needed to learn how to defend myself. Andre smiled menacingly and left me on a mat then went to sit down and watch. He asked me to pick an opponent from any of the guards to fight.
I foolishly picked my mother's bodyguard David, thinking it couldn't be that hard because I'd watched them practice a couple of times. Wasn't fighting just blocking at the right moment and hitting whenever you can? It shouldn't be too hard.
All I heard was Andre telling him to go easy on me and me not thinking he had to. The next thing I knew, I didn't land even a single hit on him when he'd rendered me motionless in less than ten seconds. The fist that crushed into my gut was not a blow my body would ever forget. It almost took the air out of my lungs. And I thought Andre had told him to go easy.
Andre didn't let me hear the end of it, but he made sure I practiced sometimes and I noticed that there were a few improvements here and there.
"You know I would never raise my hands against the weak, Andre, that's just the wonder I am," I replied.
"Come here Jules!" I heard my mom call as I left Andre to do whatever my mom had asked him to.
She sat at the table and smiled at me when I sat down. I didn't smile back, I just looked at my plate and filled it with food. As I ate, I kept my gaze fixed on the piece of art on the wall opposite me. Nude cherubs looked back at me with eyes that seemed cruel and kind at the same time.
"Good morning," she said.
Hardly.
"Morning," I answered.
I wasn't comfortable, not really. It didn't matter though, enduring things was part of my life. I really couldn't wait till school started once again.
"You stopped eating," my mom said.
"I was lost in thought," I told her.
"What about?"
"How much I can't wait to get back to school," I said honestly.
She laughed. "You don't want that."
"Yes, sure." I plastered a smile on my face and continued to eat, then paused to ask. "Do you think it'd be alright if I made friends with someone random I just met?"
I wasn't asking for her permission, I didn't need that. I just wanted to see what she would say.
"Who is this person?"
Just then, I got a call from Izzy, one of my friends from school.
"No phone calls," my mom said as she grabbed the phone from me. "It's our day."
She went ahead to answer the call. "Hi, Julian isn't available right now, please call later," she said and hung up.
What the fuck?
"You can't just do that mom," I said, sounding a little pissed off.
"What? I was just telling them to call later, you're mine at the moment," she said with a smile.
It was at times like this when she'd look a little worried and I'd feel bad that she was putting an effort to spend time with me and I wasn't so interested.
"So let me tell them that myself, what gives?" I answered.
She ignored me and got up from her seat, then handed my phone to Killian; my main personal bodyguard. "You can give it back to him when we're done arranging for the party."
He nodded and took the phone. I couldn't really blame him because his job description was basically to protect me and take orders from my parents. There wasn't much say he had in the situation.
My mom clapped twice and turned to walk away, her face in a constant smile. "Enough breakfast Jules, let's begin!"
This was bound to be a long day.
•••
The guests began to arrive an hour after the party was supposed to start. Security was tight around the premises because all the bodyguards were working at the same time and asked to be on alert, coupled with some of the guest's bodyguards.
The guests turned out to be more than I thought they would be. I got my phone back and apologized to Izzy earlier on, she told me she'd just called to check up on me and that made me happier than anything.
While I had the freedom to use my phone, there wasn't a lot I could do with it, not with the number of people who demanded my attention at the moment.
I entertained mom's guests so much it felt like I had thrown the party myself. It was until I found myself standing side by side with my mom again, my tall frame almost towering her lithe figure. "Your aunt Maggie is getting a little fat, isn't she?"
I wasn't ready to endure this too, so it was my cue to leave. No way in hell was I going to stand and gossip with my mom about my aunts, or anyone else for that matter.
No freaking way
.
In fact, it was high time they gave me a baby sister. If my baby sister didn't want to gossip with her, then we'd escape together. I wasn't exactly having the time of my life being an only child, another sibling would make me beyond ecstatic the more I thought of it.
In my attempt to slip away from everyone as quietly as I could, I wished I could have blended in with the people more. I was on the opposite side of the exit of the grand room with a sea of people separating me from it. It was either I was underdressed or the guests were overdressed and I wouldn't put it past either of us.
I was actually dressed formally but the hoodie I threw on just defeated the whole purpose, making it look like I couldn't care less about the dress code.
Just then, I bumped into someone, or to be more precise, they grabbed me.
"Oh little Julian! Look at you all grown up!" The person whom I hadn't seen yet said. It sounded suspiciously like my great aunt Susan.
I hated this. I cursed why I wasn't short enough to mix in better.
"It's been a while, child," she said. Then suddenly, I was hugged tightly, inhaling way too much perfume.
Personally, I think the secret to perfume, no matter how expensive, was subtlety. But there existed the branch of aunts who didn't know this, and I had the misfortune to be crushed against one of them now.
It was one hug after another or a pat in the back but finally, I crossed the sea and reached the exit.
It was where I spotted a guy I'd never seen before, looking so angry I felt a little concerned. I have no idea why, but I approached him, hoping he wouldn't lash out for no reason.
We were almost exactly the same height, and his hair was almost one shade darker than mine. He had blue-ish eyes and the way his lips were set made him look a little bit cocky and generally not nice.
"Are you alright?" I asked and he finally looked at me.
He laughed a little and averted his gaze. "Let's just say this is not my kind of party."
I decided he was interesting, so I paused my exit plan for just a little bit. "It does make sense that I haven't actually seen you at any."
"Like how do you guys do this?" He asked and I was further amused. I hated these parties too!
"The varsity jacket you're wearing, how'd you get away with coming to such a formal occasion with one?" I asked.
"Look who's talking, hoodie," he said. "My parents forced me to come, so this is silently showing my rebellion." He pulled the jacket and looked at it with pride.
"Are you part of a school team or something?" I interrogated him further.
"River Falls High, basketball team," he said and smirked before having the weirdest look of possibly sadness on his face. Or was it just a frown?
That was actually impressive. "I don't think I could even dribble a ball to save my life, that's amazing," I replied.
"You don't even know River Falls High, do you?" He asked and was right on the money.
I shook my head, a little ashamed. "I don't know a lot of places."
"Come on," he flashed me a brilliant smile. "You're not from here?"
"I am, but I spend most of my time at school," I replied. "Boarding school, far from here."
He nodded in understanding. I didn't expect him to be the least bit nice when I'd approached him.
"I'm Julian by the way," I added after a thought.
"Kit," he said.
"Well Kit, I'll see you around. Enjoy the rest of the party," I said as I needed to go.
"And where are you going?" He asked suspiciously.
"Anywhere away from here," I replied.
"Hell no, you're taking me with you," he smirked and kept his hands in his pockets.
I raised my eyebrows at that. "Aren't your parents keeping an eye on you?"
"Aren't yours?" He threw the question back at me.
"Mine have guests to entertain," I answered.
"So it's your party huh?" He seemed to think about it. "So technically it's your fault I'm in social agony at the moment."
I laughed at that. "Well technically it's my parents–"
"Whatever Hoodie," he smirked. "You're taking me with you. Let's go."
•••
"Aren't you going to take your phone?" Kit asked after we left my room.
"No," I replied. It was the only explanation I could give him. The rest seemed to stay stuck in my throat.
I led Kit through the hallways cautiously enough. I made sure to avoid eye contact with any one until I was caught by surprise.
"Escaping so soon, my lord?" Andre asked casually, almost causing me to jump off my skin when I was finally outside. "And I see you have a friend." He seemed particularly happy about that last part.
I was only glad it was him who had approached me and not an actual bodyguard because then they wouldn't take their eyes off me.
"I'm going out," I replied and searched his eyes for anything. "We," I added and looked over at Kit. He had his arms crossed as he watched our interaction.
"But your father–"
"Doesn't have to know," I cut Andre short.
"Your mother–"
"Is really preoccupied at the moment," I cut in once again.
Andre sighed. "Okay, where do you want to go?"
"No, you enjoy the party," I told him before he could cement any thoughts about taking me. "I want to drive."
I could see him thinking and weighing the options. "Let me just let Killian know," he said like it was a last resort.
The last thing I wanted was a bodyguard, and maybe we had some kind of friendship with Killian, but there was no way I was putting up with his intense eyes tonight. I shook my head to convince Andre. "Just cover for me okay? For us," I asked although I didn't have to.
His gaze shifted to Kit and I watched as Andre's usually friendly demeanor convert to a serious one. "What is your name?"
"Kit," he answered.
"Other name," asked Andre.
"Pierson."
"Robert's kid?" Asked Andre. At this point I shouldn't be surprised that he knew such a thing, but I still was.
"Uh yeah?" Kit said.
Andre nodded and turned back to me. "Fine, just be careful," Andre said after what I knew was careful thought. "And be back before midnight Cinderella, or my charms will wear off."
"Yes dad," I replied.
He scoffed and turned to walk away from us, going back to the party like he hadn't seen me. Calling him dad sounded like a joke to him but to me, it wasn't quite that simple.
"I wish I had someone that cool," Kit said as we walked to where I knew one of my cars were parked. "Are your parents that strict though?"
Somehow I knew exactly what he was asking. He was asking if I really couldn't go out without bodyguards.
"Yes, it gets a little tiring," I replied nonchalantly, trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed. Thankfully, he didn't say anything else about it.
It was more than an hour later that I parked my car exactly where Andre had parked just about a week ago at the Grand Hall.
"What is this place?" asked Kit. "I mean I know what place this is but why are we here? You're into art and history and stuff?"
I didn't know what to say to him, how to explain why I was here. I thought maybe the best option was to agree to throw him off. I am not averse to that idea either. "It's just–"
I stopped at the beginning of my sentence because his ringtone was so loud and sudden it caught us both unaware. Kit looked at his phone and groaned. "I have to take this or I'm dead."
He walked out of the car and talked to whomever had called him, my best guess was that it was his parents. The sound came out muffled until I took a peek at Kit and noticed that he had one hand in his pocket as he blew out an exasperated breath. The cold air of the night made his breath visible before he clenched his jaw. Maybe they already caught up to the fact that he wasn't anywhere near the party.
Kit finished talking to whoever was on the other side and got back into the car. "Look, Hoodie, I have to go, or my parents are going to put me through some annoying shit."
I nodded as many things went through my head. Among them was that it would be easier if he just left because then I wouldn't have to explain to him what I was doing wandering inside the Grand Hall aimlessly; it took some pressure off my back.
"I'll see you around," he said and began to get out.
"Okay. It was nice to meet you," I answered.
"You too, hoodie," he said was gone.
I watched him round up the car and disappear further into the street. My guess was that he took a taxi or something like that. I guess I made a friend. It made me feel a little happy. Okay maybe we weren't exactly friends, but he seemed friendly enough.
I walked into the museum the same way I did the last time. I told myself I was just bored and here to look at art to pass the time. But there was that annoying voice at the back of my head making assumptions that that was a lie.
You're just hoping he's here and you know it.
I denied the thought and moved on to study the pieces of art, or in actual sense, pretend to.
This wasn't like me at all. I moved on to other stuff until I came face to face with a painting that made me smile. It was the one of Aphrodite at sea, where I'd gotten him to speak to me. I wondered what his name could be.
He had been so passionate and irritated that thinking about it made me struggle to stop the smile that spread across my face. After walking around and looking aimlessly at everything, I decided that I had spent just long enough hoping for the impossible. I couldn't help the disappointment I felt as I got back into the car.
What was I thinking? That I would come back and he'd just be there waiting?
This is stupid,
I thought as I started the ignition, then paused after two seconds.
At the corner of my eye, I noticed the shoes. The sneakers I had at home but had no clue where. Before I could take in the rest of the person in, they'd already ushered themselves into the building.
I tensed behind the wheel and cut the engine off. After that, I checked the time; 23:13.
If l left now, I could still make it in time before getting Andre in trouble. If I didn't, I definitely wouldn't make it in time. I didn't want to get Andre in trouble. I really didn't.
I sacrificed a precious minute or so, thinking hard as my fingers fastened on the door handle in contemplation.
# CHAPTER FOUR
Midnight At The Grand Hall
I actually looked forward to this part of the day because secretly, it meant I could get away. Going out to party on my own wasn't shit, so this definitely took the cup.
After locking the car, I was already on my way inside the museum. It didn't matter that it was late, Ma was home with the kids so I could take all the time I wanted, although I felt a little guilty about the fact that she didn't like me staying out late almost every night.
The first thing I noticed once I got in was that there were far less people than the last time I was here.
I somehow gravitated towards the biggest painting I'd ever seen. Right where Julian had first tried to talk to me. I had been in such a bad mood that I nearly lashed out when he spoke to me. I'd never know how it would have turned out if his dad hadn't interrupted.
It was a replica of 'The Wedding Feast At Cana' by Paolo Veronese. A painting so huge that I could easily be part of it if I stood still enough. My phone dinged with a sound and I ignored it.
As I was lost in thought, it felt like someone was standing right next to me, but when I looked, there was no one.
I saw the shiny dress shoes next to my sneakers just before I could carry them to the next painting.
One quick glance couldn't hurt.
"It's you," I almost exclaimed when I saw Julian. I wasn't excited but rather surprised. Not once did I think I'd ever see him again.
And yet somehow deep down you still hoped.
His eyes lit up when he turned to look at me. "It is," he replied in his way that just sounded proper for no reason.
"What are you doing here?" I asked before I could think better of it.
"Oh I'm just here for a swim," he replied cheekily. He seemed more composed than I remembered.
I smirked before I could control myself. The Grand Hall was suddenly almost emptied out and I figured it should be so, because it was really late. Julian wore slacks and dress shoes and I couldn't figure out why he was so dressed this late in the night.
The collar of his formal shirt peeked out from his black hoodie as he looked directly at me but not quite meeting my eyes, with both hands in his pockets.
Our eyes finally met for the briefest amount of time before I looked away. "I'm Kayden," I said.
"You're nicer than I remember," he replied. "I'm—"
"Julian, I know," I told him. I shook my head at the surprise in his face. "I'm guessing he was your dad? He called you that last week. I have good memory."
"Oh," he replies curtly.
At this point, we were the only two people left inside the entire building. Us and the staff that kept glancing our way as if to say 'just leave already, goddamnit!'. "We should probably get going," I told Julian.
He looked around before focusing his gaze back on me. "Oh, um...I suppose."
I couldn't shake the feeling that he was a little upset as we slowly made our way through the gigantic doors.
"Are you into art?" Julian asked. "Or is it just history?"
"Not exactly," I replied. "But you could say that now." I didn't know how best to describe it either.
"There's no way you're here at this time out of sheer boredom," he replied. "I think not."
"I have a lot of time on my hands," I said as I stopped and sat on the stairs before the entrance. I looked at Julian expectantly before he sat next to me. "I was expelled."
That seemed to grab more of his attention. "Huh, what did you do?"
"Does it have to be something I did?" I answered with a question.
"Then you shouldn't have been expelled, that would be unfair," he quickly said. It sounded perfectly logical coming out of his mouth, like it couldn't happen any other way.
I turned to look at him looking a little irritated. It almost made me want to smile again. I didn't smile so easily lately, but here was Julian, establishing that effortlessly.
He kept his gaze on the lights beyond us on streets as he began to speak. "Did you know that competitive art once used to be in the Olympics?"
"What?" I asked in surprise because of how random it was.
"Yeah, apparently," replied Julian. "Somewhere between 1912 and 1949, medals were awarded in sculpture, music, painting...even architecture. I guess some old men had an argument in the post-war years and just like that, the competitions were scrapped off. I still think it was a stupid move."
My eyebrows were up somewhere as my eyes remained glued to him. "Why do you know that?" I asked.
Julian leaned back and his hand brushed mine. I would wonder for the longest time if he too, felt what I did before he pulled his hand away.
"Uh...my teacher mentioned it once," he answered. "Then he went ahead to scold me for having an athletic body and not being able to 'only run half a mile' in his words."
I nearly sided with the teacher on that one. "Half a mile...seriously?"
"Well excuse me," Julian smiled in my direction. "Not all of us are as gifted," he said while gesturing to me. "As you seem to be."
"You don't have to be gifted to run half a mile," I laughed. "Two working legs would do just fine. But you think I'm gifted huh?"
"I didn't say that," he replied.
"Actually, you kinda did," I answered.
I did the most random thing right after that.
"Wait a minute," I cupped his chin gently and turned his head to me. I did it because I was curious about the color of his ears; I thought I saw them turn pink. "Never mind," I said before letting his flushed face go.
Julian cleared his throat and looked like he didn't know what to do with himself.
"I didn't mean to be rude the other time," I broke the silence. "I was in a bad mood."
"I understand," he said. "I always have bad timing."
I didn't like the fact that he was so quick to take the blame. It was a little odd. "Let's hang out, it'll be cool," I said instead and Julian delayed to give me a response. "You ain't have to, I'm just saying."
"No, no. I was just thinking of my par—no," he shook his head again. This obviously conflicted him. "I mean yes, let's."
He put his hand out.
"What?" I asked.
"Your phone."
When I gave it to him, Julian put his number in and dialed. "There," he said. "Now I have your number."
"Where's your phone?" I asked.
"Left it in my room," he said a little defensively.
"So what's the occasion?" I asked to change the topic and because I still couldn't figure out why he was dressed the way he was.
"My mother's party. I needed to get away so I came here instead," he said and I started to get an idea of why he left his phone.
"So, you are into art then?" I threw the question back at him.
"Not exactly either," Julian said, then went quiet and flushed again.
I was so confused. "Am I allowed to ask?"
"Not yet," he said.
"Not yet huh?" I asked. "Then you have to tell me something else about yourself."
"Hm...I get a headache when I eat lemons," he said then facepalmed himself. "Forget I said that...why am I so weird?"
"I ain't forgetting shit," I replied with a grin. "That's..."
adorable, it really was.
"What?" He asked after I trailed off.
"Odd," I answered. "Just odd."
For some reason it felt like I could talk to him through to tomorrow.
Julian turned out to be like a clear stream flowing peacefully and taking some of your dampened spirits along with it. I lost track of time just talking to him.
And maybe he could be the friend I needed at the moment.
He was something new and seemingly so pure that I found myself trying to handle him delicately so he would just stay that way.
"Shit, I have to go!" He suddenly said. "I need to go."
He was suddenly so worked up but through it all he still managed to ask if I needed a ride back home. For someone who wanted to leave so badly, it was generous.
"I actually came driving," I said, already wondering what to do for the rest of the night. Go home? Go out and grab a drink? Party a little?
Fuck that.
"I uh..."
want to see you again.
"I'll see you around I guess," I said.
"Yes, well, bye," he said and disappeared from sight and into his car parked several feet away from where mine was.
He came back shortly.
"Actually," Julian started. "There's an art show. Do you want to come?"
"I'm down, sure," I replied immediately.
"Okay, I'll let you know of the details. I've got to run," he chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Drive of course...I mean..."
I watched his expensive looking car drive away as I sat behind my wheel, a little tense for no particular reason. I kept watching the direction his car had disappeared into even long after he had left.
There was nothing else in my head but the thought of seeing Julian again. He didn't fit and yet he did. But he was from outside my world, and maybe that was what drew me to him.
He was like a form of escape, and escape was something I wanted badly.
# CHAPTER FIVE
When The Magic Wears Off
It was 00:41 when I started the car to drive back home. As much as I didn't want to, there was only so much trouble I could get Andre into.
To my advantage, the streets were nearly empty as I wound past them. Not that it helped any bit. I would still reach home after a while. And maybe I should have been speeding my way back home but I wasn't. Partly because I was in a really happy mood and partly because I preferred not to get into an accident at such a time.
Sometimes when I'd gone out with Andre and it was just the two of us, he'd let me drive and scold me every time I went too fast. I'd laugh and he'd double the scolding. He was just the best.
It wasn't Andre that I saw when I first got home, it was my dad and he was really pissed off. His fists remained clenched at his sides as his face remained stoic. He was furious.
The guards stood still in a line facing him, tense as they could be as he paced back and forth uneasily.
He stopped when he saw me, relief flooding his face. But I was too familiar with that underlying anger in his eyes. He walked towards me.
"Where is your phone Julian?" My dad asked like he was trying his hardest not to yell at me.
"Didn't take it," I replied casually, making him angrier than he already was.
The air felt like it was sizzling with electricity. "You left on your own, without Andre or Killian, without telling anyone where you were going, and you didn't think to take your phone?!" My father snapped.
I didn't tell him that I thought about taking my phone, and this—he was the exact reason why I didn't. I still don't understand what his paranoia is about no matter how hard I try.
"What if something happened to you?" Dad raised his voice. It was one of those times where according to him, I had messed up really bad.
"Well nothing happened dad, I'm here, aren't I?" I replied in the same casual tone that continued to get on his nerves.
"Anything could have, it's past midnight—"
"I'm aware of the time. I'm freaking seventeen dad!" The lava gushed out of me unexpectedly. "When are you going to start treating me like I don't live in a prison? I can't go anywhere without eyes on me, it's fucking frustrating...I need to breath!"
"Mind your language when you speak to me boy, and this doesn't happen again!" His voice was firm and yet his eyes had softened after my outburst. I noticed it, but it didn't make any difference. Even if his eyes turned into pudding, he'd never change anything. "End of discussion." He added. Exactly like that.
I stared at my dad's angry face with contempt on mine for a few moments before storming off. What was the matter with him?
With them?
What if I'd just decided not to come back home and disappear...then what?
Growing up, I didn't feel the pressure of the situation, but even back to my earliest memories, there were always men in suits around me.
At first I thought it was the way everyone grew up; under airtight protection...until I made friends and they started to leave me one by one.
"Slow down, my lord!" I heard Andre call out, I didn't realize how fast I was stomping my way to my room. "Are you alright?"
He didn't sound angry and yet he should have. After all, everything was my fault. Even after all the times I got him in trouble, he'd pretend it was nothing.
"Yeah," I answered. "I'm sorry." All the anger I felt suddenly died down. I know my dad, so he couldn't have had it easy.
He was too protective that if it involved me, then anyone's job could quickly be in jeopardy, and they'd suddenly become disposable. Thank heavens he didn't believe in changing his people every other night, although he almost got there a couple of times.
I once walked in on dad yelling out the harshest things to Killian because he got distracted on my whereabouts for like twenty minutes. I had to lash out and defend him because at that point he was just being an ass.
"No, no," replied Andre. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong." He ruffled my hair. "But you have to know, your dad is only looking out for you. He wants you safe."
"More like he wants to suffocate me," I snorted.
Andre sighed. "I hope one day you understand just how important you are to them."
"Pick a side Andre, I don't know what you are trying to say," I replied.
"It isn't about sides my boy, and you know I'd definitely walk with you to the edge of the cliff...then push you off. But one day you'll get it. Of course your head might still be too young to grasp any adult stuff my young lord."
"Don't call me that you old geezer. You make it sound like I'm snobbish."
"Aw, is the young lord upset?" I couldn't tell if Andre was pouting or not.
"Hmph," I crossed my arms and put my nose in the air. Andre chuckled and extended his hand to me. Almost like he was waiting for me to take it.
"Aw Andre! I don't know how to waltz but if you're feeling romantic, I'll gladly step on your toes for you," I said, placing my hand in his.
I knew how to waltz, everyone who went to my school did.
"Give me the car keys you idiot," said an amused Andre with a chuckle.
"Have a good night, my lord," he said after taking them from me and ruffling my hair one more time.
By the time I got to my room, I wasn't as angry as I should have been. I slumped onto the bed and closed my eyes for a moment, the sheets wrinkling where I dipped as thoughts of Kayden filled my head.
Perfect white teeth...
Pe
rfect hair...
Ri
pped...
So
much perfection...
What the fuck was I thinking?
His voice...
My eyes opened at the sound of soft knocking on my door, startling me the least bit. As if I was three and had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. No, I didn't have that growing up, but it does make for a good reference.
Turning my head to face the door, my mom's head peeked in and her gaze softened when it landed on me. She walked over and sat next to me. It was really weird how she looked sad. Like because I'd stayed out late alone...she was sad?
Sad??
"You seem to be in a good mood," she told me instead. I realised then that I'd been smiling a little the entire time just before she knocked.
"What are you embarrassed about?" She motioned to her ears, telling me that mine were flushed. Sometimes I forgot how well she knew me. At least to some extent.
"It's nothing mom," I pretended to sound serious and it actually worked out.
"Your dad and I... you know we love you right?"
I didn't answer.
"We do, honey."
"Then maybe you guys should think about what I want for once and not what's most convenient for you. I have a life too."
"This is the best for you honey, one day you'll–"
"I'm tired of everyone telling me I'll understand, why can't I understand now? Stop keeping me caged–"
"We're not–"
"Fine, I'm tired mom, it's late and I need some sleep," I said. I was trying so hard to reign it in and had had enough arguments for one night. Or morning to be precise. If it weren't for the situation, I might've gotten a lecture about cutting people off when they spoke. Lucky me.
With what looked like tears in her eyes, my mom left my room. I sighed and dropped back onto the bed. Why was everyone acting so weird?
I wasn't a big fan of my life. And this kind of situation was exactly why I'd lost a good deal of friends over the years. Sometimes it was because they got uncomfortable from being watched all the time. But I couldn't really blame them.
That didn't mean it still didn't suck every time they made excuses to make sure I didn't hang out with them.
The only ones I had left were the friends from school. And all we can do over the holiday is text each other because we live hundreds or thousands of miles away.
I don't even know where some of them live.
I don't know if they genuinely care about me or not but we always text, or call to check up on each other.
This was another reason why I was in an insanely expensive private boarding school. It was to make sure my life could be easily monitored and contained.
But ironic as it was, it was the one place I could actually relax. Nobody cared, there were no bodyguards to reach me over there and I had the company of actual people my age. It was the best time of my life, and it would be over after one last term.
The only people I frequently saw were cousins and rarely my dad's friend's kids. Or more importantly the ones I've made some type of friends with.
And now that I had Kayden's phone number, I didn't know what to do with it. I mean I could text him.
He won't reply.
What if he didn't reply? I actually didn't save my number on his phone, I just used his phone to call mine. Yes, I'll admit that I just wanted him to save it himself. Just thinking of what to do was making me a mess.
I picked my phone and put it back down over ten times. And then I finally gave in.
Me:
Hi.
I hit send, then switched my phone off and put it on the night stand and tried to sleep. It was an extreme measure—switching off the phone—but I wasn't taking any chances.
I lay awake as everything inside me held its breath.
# CHAPTER SIX
And Then The Giants Came Knocking
Weekends didn't feel as exciting as they used to anymore, but this one in particular had me nervous.
"Mikey's here!" Rylan screamed from downstairs and I'm sure a few birds on the trees outside left their perches.
I invited him over out of guilt, not that he wouldn't barge in anyway if I hadn't.
Being the type of friends that we were, didn't just blow itself away like a summer breeze no matter how strong the wind. And it was high time I stopped acting like a bitch to him—to them. Mike cared a lot and I could tell he was getting a little pissed off because of how I was treating everyone. Although he was the type that didn't get angry easily. Or offended for that matter.
When we were younger, he'd get picked on for being a tiny kid, and never once did I see him take it personal. I, on the other hand, did.
No one even guessed how big he was going to get. I still don't believe it. And if you ever saw his pictures as a child, you'd know exactly what I was talking about.
I wasn't sure yet, how to answer when or if he questioned me directly about my behavior.
The moment I turned to go and meet him, Mike sort of just invaded my room. He had his arms wide open and the biggest grin on his face. I just stared at him as if to warn him to drop them.
In truth, I wasn't that big of a hugger. The only exceptions were the twins. And Stacey...because she was capable of climbing you if you didn't comply. Liam and I; no hugs there. Kit; never. Not until his tongue was somewhere in my mouth and I attempted to hold him. With Connor, you'd realize you were hugging him after it's done, so its futile. Amber-Lee, almost never. Knox; huh, let's just not go there. Honestly, I think he would puke if I gave him a hug.
I never hugged Mike either, and yet here he was, clowning around in my room. "Bro you better get your ass here," he said and kept coming.
I finally decided that I didn't want to be mushed into the mattress because I knew he'd do that. I got up and went to hug him, keeping it light and short. Mike wasn't thinking along those lines...he threatened to squeeze the life out of me with his big frame.
I
had a big frame, and a strong one at that, but Mike was a giant. Fine, giant would be overstretching it but he was a big guy, and he didn't let you forget it.
Mike looked friendly too, and some girls tried to take advantage of that. And they might have succeeded if he wasn't already so whipped for Stacey.
At first, whenever he was around her, he acted all cool and cringe...she didn't notice.
Or she did, who knows.
Now, after his rejection, it's safe to say that boys never learn, because he still acted cool and cringe around her.
It was the smoothest, nicest and harshest rejection I'd ever seen. She hugged him fondly and swayed from side to side, and just before me and the boys could celebrate, she said, 'I'm so sorry Mikey, but I don't feel the same way. You've always been like a brother to me, and you'll always be'.
That last part...we all felt it. Damn.
If she ever warmed up to the idea of being his girlfriend, we were yet to find out.
Ladies, please, enough with the bro zones, our fragile hearts don't deserve that shit.
"What? Like a year now?" Mike exclaimed. "I've missed you bro!"
"I saw you like two weeks ago," I replied. "Dramatic ass bitch."
Mike hugged me tighter. "Swear to God you ain't got no feelings," he said. "You actual piece of shit."
"You can stop crushing me now," I told Mike who didn't know when to stop.
Mike released me and I could breathe better.
"Care to explain your ass?" He asked.
Shit, he really did bring it up. "What do you mean?"
"Nah you can't play dumb with me," he said and for a second there, he actually looked serious. "Better start spilling before I start roasting your black ass."
My phone dinged with a message, temporarily saving me from Mike's onslaught. He was closer to it, so he wasted no time in reaching for it.
"Ouu, we doin' unsaved numbers now huh?" He said with a knowing smile. "Is she hot?"
Even if I knew who that was, I wouldn't tell you.
The phone dinged once more. "Well someone seems desperate," he said while looking between me and the phone. "She just texted again."
"Hi," Mike read. "It's me. We met last night—"
The phone was out of his hand before he could read any further.
"Nice bro, being expelled doesn't seem so bad. Now I'm really curious."
"Die, cat."
"You've never had a problem with me reading your texts before," said Mike. That was true. But this one was different. And was it weird that I wanted it only for myself?
And no, he was wrong, this one wasn't one of those girls. It was a guy, and he made me feel a little confused and I still couldn't figure out exactly why.
I looked at the text. The first one was sent in the early hours of the morning. I'd just fallen asleep right before he sent it, and I still didn't know how I hadn't seen it till now. The other was when Mike had decided to snoop.
Unknown:
Hi.
Delivered at 02:39.
Unknown:
We met last again night.
Delivered at 15:51.
I texted back.
Me:
Hey, I'll text you later...
a lil busy right now.
I hit send and threw my phone away. I had to stop doing that. I could literally just throw it anywhere in the room and find it when I needed it again.
"You even listenin'?" Mike questioned. "Okay you've got to introduce me, who is she?"
I ignored the question. "What were you telling me?" I asked him. If there was something I was grateful for, it was Mike's short as Levi attention span. It's like he totally forgot about one thing when you talked about another.
"Next weekend, my place," he immediately replied, all other matters forgotten. "It'll be me, you and the boys. You haven't seen the gang in forever right?"
Shit, I didn't want to do this. My reluctance to see anyone wasn't faked. I really didn't want to. "Who are they?" I asked without thinking.
"You straight, bro?" Mike looked genuinely concerned. "Nah, you smarter than that, how you already forgot?"
Of course I hadn't forgotten. And unless it was amnesia, what sort of fuck did that? I just happened to be acting like an emotional fuck lately. "Yeah, I'm straight," I answered him. "Of course I know who they are."
I just wanted to know if Kit would be there.
"So you down for it right? No plans with mystery girl or anything right?" Mike wiggled his eyebrows at me.
"Nah, it's cool," I said, agreeing with his idea.
"That's what I'm talking about," Mike answered enthusiastically.
This was going to be awkward as fuck. And at this point, I'd pick plans with
mystery girl
any day.
# CHAPTER SEVEN
T
exts, No Texts, Girls And Soft Presents
I was out to one of the things I dreaded the most. It was one of those lunches where our entire family was invited...where I sat and made nice, while I tried to avoid their daughter who wanted to get in my pants.
I was pretty sure this one did. Her name was Katey, as she'd introduced the minute she shook my hand.
She threw gestures at me all through lunch and smiled too widely when she leaned into me and showed more of her cleavage. She was obviously around my age, so why was her chest that big? They shouldn't have been, right? I wasn't sure anyway, I just wasn't interested.
Quickly checking my phone under the table, I read a text from Kayden. It said he was a little busy and he'd text me later. I must have been smiling, because Katey inched closer to me and looked down too.
"What are you so happy about? Show me?" She said with a hopeful smile across her face.
I quickly put my phone away and forced a smile as I looked at her. "It's nothing," I said.
"Come on," she insisted.
Why was she being so nosy? It was actually starting to get annoying. I managed to get through lunch avoiding every single one of her innuendos.
At one point, both our parents became so engaged in their conversation they started talking in that way that they wouldn't even know if we were there or not...grown ups did that a lot. And that was the moment that Katey grabbed my hand.
I was a little bit confused as I looked at her. My lips were slightly parted in confusion and question while hers were just pulled into a smirk I didn't want anything to do with.
"Come on," she said and got up, her dress billowing around her thighs with her rash movements.
Before I knew it, I was up on my feet and following her into their house. The lunch was outside, on a patio facing a fountain. We made our way inside as a guard pretended not to even acknowledge our presence.
Katey locked her door and proceeded to drop on her bed. Her room was very spacious and very white and very pink. She sat at the edge of her bed and leaned back on her arms and smiled at me.
I was pretty much convinced the distance between the two of us was fine. I pressed my hands against the cool wood of the door behind me. She looked at me expectantly and I looked back at her.
What did she want?
My cluelessness was almost embarrassing until she patted the spot on her pretty bed next to her. Her curtains were drawn to reveal big windows that overlooked a garden below. Very charming...very her.
Reluctantly, I tried not to drag my feet to her.
"We can do it you know," she said to me and twirled her auburn locks between her fingers. I'll admit it, she was really pretty. But she couldn't be serious.
"Do what?" I asked, looking anywhere but directly at her. She giggled and for the shortest moment, I thought she was actually going to call me silly.
Katey then closed her tiny hand around my wrist and pulled it up to rest against her chest. Yes, directly on her fairly large breasts.
It took me at least five seconds to apprehend what was going on. I was bad at this, and that went without saying. I drew up attention at school because of the way I looked. If the girls I'd kissed were telling the truth, then apparently, I was hot. And that always led me to situations like this.
I didn't pry my hand off Katey's chest because she wasn't just playing around. She held my hand tightly. And mostly out of curiosity, I squeezed.
Yes, I'd kissed a few girls, but that's all they'd ever been; kisses. Never anything more than that. The first reason is that it had never crossed my mind to go further than what it already was. And even if I did think of it, I didn't think it would be respectful to touch anything I hadn't been permitted to.
That seemed to encourage her further. She pushed the sleeve of her dress further down her shoulder, she did the same to the other and left her breasts exposed to me.
"Do you want to know how they taste?" She asked and caught me off guard with her blatantness. How could anyone do this without feeling shy?
Katey had huge breasts that bounced a little when she released them from the confines of her dress. They were softer when I squeezed them directly in my hand instead of through the dress.
I closed my mouth around a hard pink nipple. If it was possible, the bud got harder. I squeezed the other one between my fingers before shifting to it. Katey leaned further back and sighed.
Before our engagement could become properly heated, a knock at the door stopped us both, causing us to go still at first, then away from each other. Katey put her clothes back in place as she answered. "Coming!"
I don't know how she did it so naturally. I needed like a minute to compose myself. I got up from the edge of the bed and walked over to the window, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand for no particular reason.
What the actual fuck had just happened?
Katey took a glance at me and nodded before unlocking and pulling the door open. "Mom!" She said in a cheery and accusatory voice, like that same voice hadn't been the least bit sleazy just a short moment ago. "You're interrupting us trying to get along," she said innocently.
"I'll get out of your hair," her mother said, then turned her head to search me out. "Your father says you have to leave in five minutes honey," she smiled then disappeared out the door.
Katey didn't lock it this time after she left. My eyes seemed to remain glued to hers as she walked towards me. "You are so hot," she said with another smirk, the innocent look completely untraceable on her face. "I think we'll continue getting along, the next time we see each other."
•••
I fished my phone out of my pocket when we were on the ride back home. All other thoughts were already out of my head apart from trying to check on a particular text.
My dad spoke before I could check anything. "Katey...nice girl. Seemed to like you son."
You have no idea.
"She's alright," I replied, not really knowing what he wanted me to say.
My dad nodded. "We can invite them for dinner sometime this week if you wa—"
"No," I said quickly enough to rouse suspicion, then tried to redeem myself. "I mean...this week would be too soon. They'll tire of seeing us...don't you think?"
"Alright," said my dad. "I like her, seemed like a decent girl."
"Yeah, dad," I replied. "Really decent."
Andre's eyes caught mine in the rearview mirror and something like suspicion narrowed his eyes. I looked away first and avoided looking back up the entire time, for the rest of the ride. I didn't need his eyes pinning me to the spot when I couldn't properly understand what was going on.
I finally got back to checking on my phone and my excitement died down when I saw that there still wasn't a text from him. He said he'd text me later, what was I so anxious for? I was acting impatient.
I sighed and leaned back in my seat. My mind drifted back to everything that happened in the past hour. Had I just been curious? Was that it?
My thoughts came to a grinding halt when I finally realised what had been bugging me about it the entire time, what I've been trying to push at the back of my mind.
I was sure that that wasn't how it was supposed to go. I was fairly positive it hadn't been unpleasant...definitely not. But there should have been at least the smallest sliver of arousal, and yet there was no such thing.
Maybe I could ask Andre to privately book me an appointment with the family doctor. No, he'd fret too much. Maybe Killian, yeah that could work.
Because even with all the other girls I'd kissed, there'd been none of that. Not even Maisie...we'd made out so hard we almost broke the furniture at school. If we hadn't been interrupted, her hand might have reached down and found a very soft 'present' waiting for her.
So maybe the doctor would have some answers, maybe my body had some...some testosterone level problems.
Yeah.
I checked my phone again. Still no text from Kayden.
# CHAPTER EIGHT
Bad Days And Good Nights
The long (un) awaited day was finally here. It was one of those days you just knew would be a train wreck, and whichever way you decided to look at it, it would end the same... with a crash. It would be a mess, but what was one more mess compared to everything?
I decided to get in through the kitchen. Mike's house had a door where you could walk in straight to the kitchen from the outside, so I decided to get in through that door because I believed the actual front door came with too much attention.
The first person I saw was Kit.
What the fuck?
I'd decided not to use the front door just to avoid this particular moment. The universe delivered it to me flawlessly. And now that it was here, I thought I might as well get on with it.
I thought of when he kissed me, and when I kissed back, the look of absolute pleasure on his face afterwards, and the one of absolute fear right after that. The rest was history.
"Ree misses you," I told Kit, sounding surprisingly really calm.
Kit looked like he'd die if he opened his mouth to talk. "I miss her a lot. Rylan too..." his voice drifted off. Maybe it was better if the conversation ended here. "Why aren't you mad?" He added.
People are scarier when they don't seem mad at something they are supposed to be mad at. Although he had it wrong, I was mad, really mad.
"Why should I be?" I asked. "Because you ghosted me? You guilty?"
"We should talk."
"Now? Now is when you want us to talk? Bitch—"
I stopped abruptly because I didn't know what to say to him. Nor did I know what to do at that particular moment. Part of me wanted to agree (a very small part), while another part (a very big one) wanted to tell him to go and fuck himself. So why wasn't I doing either one?
"K..." Kit said nervously.
I couldn't conjure up a memory of Kit ever being nervous towards me, not even the first time we met. "What?" I replied coldly.
"We should talk this out."
"Talk it out... yeah fuck off," I replied because I didn't want the conversation to go on until another one of the guys walked in on the weirdness of it all.
"Let me make it up to you."
I laughed. No, it was honestly funny. "How could you possibly make it up to me...other schools won't even consider enrolling me because apparently I'm a druggie."
We were way past pretending that my expulsion wasn't his fault.
"Drugs?" Kit asked and for whatever it was worth, he genuinely sounded shocked. He looked it too. "What do you mean druggie?"
Hell no, I wasn't doing this right now. "Fuck you, Kit. Fuck you for treating our friendship like it was disposable."
I walked past Kit. Or tried to. He yanked my arm back to stop me. He sighed like I wasn't understanding the situation. "Listen—"
I turned back and shoved him so he would let go.
That was the moment Liam sauntered into the room and chuckled. "Seriously?" He began. "Didn't even know K was here, and y'all are already fighting? Like when the fuck do you guys not?"
He meant the light and subtle fighting that didn't sever ties like this one did. I was losing Kit with every day that passed and there wasn't much I could do about it. Shit was really hard.
We let each other go at the same moment and I walked out, leaving him and Liam to stare after me.
"What's his problem?" I heard Liam mutter. Then he shouted after me. "Good to see you too bro!"
•••
The entire day was going on weirdly. As expected. The only person who made it seem completely normal was Connor.
He seemed to be somewhere else in his mind and forgot we were there. So that alone threw the attention away from me and Kit being angry at each other.
It was especially weird whenever I caught Kit staring at me, looking so hurt and annoying. Annoying because that shit played with me. I wasn't completely heartless, although this was turning out to be quite the emotional day. When did it get done?
"Bro so what now?" Liam asked me suddenly, drawing everyone's attention to me. Of course everyone wanted to know. "You've dropped out...that's it?"
I didn't dare look at Kit. "Not exactly," I replied. "Not like I got a choice but I'll have to start somewhere soon."
"Thought everywhere's rejecting you," said Mike.
"That's the thing," I said calmly.
"But who the fuck...I mean we know it's principal suck my dick, but why the fuck would he plant drugs in your locker?" Liam questioned. Again, I didn't dare look at Kit. "I mean it makes no sense. You're basically the school's valedictorian and star athlete...who doesn't want that in their school?"
"
You're
the school's star athlete," I replied to Liam.
Liam leaned until his back was against the floor and his hands crossed at the back of his head. "Oh I know," he replied. "I just wanted the pleasure of hearing someone say it."
Considering we said it all the time, this ungrateful shit was so full of himself.
Knox suddenly got on top of Liam and put both knees on either side of him.
Connor hooted with laughter as Liam nearly choked on air. "What the hell man! Me laying down is not an invitation." He got up halfway and leaned back on his elbows, making it look like they needed some privacy.
"Oh," Knox who made sure not to touch him, answered. "Then what is?"
Knox loved nothing more than getting on Liam's nerves. And he knew exactly where those nerves were.
"Get off me," said Liam.
"Mind your business man. I was just trying to get across the room," Knox replied nonchalantly, taking all the time he needed.
"By straddling me? How is it not my business?" Liam asked frustratedly.
"Aw," Knox scrunched his nose in mockery of the star athlete. Without breaking eye contact with Liam, he got off him then blew him a kiss.
"Thought I'd miss this daily drama today," Connor shook his head and went to get a drink.
Knox then settled next to Kit and that's when I finally looked at him. And he was already staring at me. I stared back.
I don't know why I did it but I did. Maybe I wanted to make him look away first. But I didn't know what that would prove.
By the time Kit looked away, there was a light blush on his cheeks.
Seriously?
I made sure not to look in his direction again. Not until he was leaving. And then we were all leaving.
Connor pulled me aside before I could leave. "Something happened between you two, didn't it?"
"Yeah," I said. "Just just a tiny argument again."
"No," he insisted. "Something serious."
"Maybe," I replied. It wasn't so easy to lie to Connor.
"That's what I thought," he said. "I didn't think Kit had it in him to look so shattered. And he was staring at you the entire time."
My jaw clenched and I bit back my remark.
"Anyway," continued Connor. "I know you two will work it out. Don't be so quick to do away with the things that are important to you. I'm here if you need to talk. I'll also check on Kit later on." He shook his phone while showing me the screen. "Right now I need to go. Date night with Stacey!"
"Seriously? Date night?" I asked. "Man...we're like in high school come on, what y'all gon' do when we're like thirty and shit?"
"Have more date nights?" Connor smirked at me and shrugged. "If we're both not married to other people by then."
"Nah, you guys are marrying each other," I said matter of factly. "This platonic shit ain't so convincing anymore."
"It's platonic you freak!" He protested. "In fact, you're dropping me off. Let's go."
I watched as Connor eased himself inside my car. Seconds later, his head popped out of the open window. "Hey Uber driver! You want those stars or what?"
"I'm so going to get you for that," I made my way to the car.
We both turned to Connor's phone as his ringtone went off. Surprise surprise, the caller ID was none other than Stacey. Connor looked at me and smiled like he'd been caught red handed. "It's not what it looks like, I swear."
"Yeah...platonic my ass," I said before driving away.
•••
When it was finally dark, and I'd had dinner and tucked the twins into bed and lay on my bed...when the day had finished taking it's toll on me, I found that I wanted to talk to Julian.
I hadn't spoken to him in a week, after I'd told him to wait a little, so I was a little skeptical about texting him right now.
Could we really be friends? I couldn't say I knew much about him but I knew we were very different. In fact, too different.
I threw all cares to the wind and sent him a message anyway. The need to talk to him was greater than any difference we had at the moment.
Me:
hey
I sent it and waited, my leg propped up against my other leg while my feet danced like they were following a rhythm to an unheard song. I didn't have to wait long because Julian texted back almost immediately.
Julian:
busy for a week huh?
My smile came unbidden and I suddenly felt like I should have spoken to him sooner.
Me:
sorry there's a lot on my mind, I sort of forgot.
Julian:
ouch.
Julian:
it's nice that you remembered then.
I felt something curl and tighten low in my stomach, and just as it came it disappeared. But not fast enough for me not to realize what it was. Guilt. It was weird because I barely knew him but I was undeniably guilty.
Me:
i'm sorry
I thought about it for a while before adding a few laughing emojis to hide the fact that I was serious.
Julian:
forgiven
Julian:
so what's got you so busy?
Me:
busy weird week. saw someone i really didn't
want to see.
Had it always been that easy to talk to someone? I could swear I wasn't the type to talk about something I'd rather keep to myself.
Julian:
people sort of suck
don't they? i feel bad for you :/
Me:
yeah? cheer me up then.
Kayden, what the fuck?
Julian:
a minute. i
think i
know just the thing.
I didn't reply as I waited for Julian to text back. There was no way I could take back what I'd just said. I didn't even know why I said it.
The next thing that filled the screen was the funniest and cutest baby photo I'd ever seen. I laughed out loud at it. From his green eyes, I instantly recognized Julian in a yellow and white onesie. He looked to be running so fast that the picture was a little blurry. It was still enough to recognize the tears in his eyes. He was clearly wailing.
What made it so funny was the fact that he had huge clouds of blue cotton candy tucked under each of his armpits as he made his desperate escape from an unseen enemy.
Me:
what's got baby juju so worked up?
I sent a stream of laughing crying emojis. He was running so fast his feet looked like they were barely touching the ground.
Me:
seriously what were you running from? the friendly
neighbourhood ghost?
Julian:
it's justified i promise.
Julian:
i was running from a lizard. it was so big kayden.
Why did I read so much into that?
Julian:
andre caught it after i'd already jumped onto
my mothers arms. but you should have seen it. you'd run too
Me:
what was it going to do...steal your cotton candy? poor baby...
Julian:
shut up i love cotton candy
Me:
definitely cheered me up
Julian:
it gets better
Me:
the lizard wins?
Julian:
you're having so much fun aren't you?
Me:
You have no idea
Me:
Hows it get better?
Julian:
the art show...that's tomorrow. i was actually
going to text you to tell you to forget it.
Me:
why
Julian:
you weren't exactly replying me, so I started
to doubt if you were interested
Guilty, guilty, guilty.
Me:
oh yeah, my bad. glad you didn't.
Julian:
so i'll see you? and i don't mean a week later
Me:
i swear on lizards and cotton candy, i wont even be late.
After sending that text, I went to take a shower without waiting for him to reply. When I fell back later into bed, I noticed there was a reply waiting for me.
Julian:
:((( and I was just starting to like you.
There was a five minute gap before the next text.
Julian:
can't wait to see you.
What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? Definitely not the embarrassing truth. Julian had probably abandoned his phone now that I hadn't replied in over ten minutes. So I abandoned mine too and didn't reply. I went to sleep.
My phone pinged with another message and I grabbed it too quickly for my own liking.
Julian:
i meant like hang out...
Me:
cant wait to see you either.
And just like that, the embarrassing truth was exposed. I put the phone away and tried to get some sleep.
I turned on my side, then turned back to pick my phone and turned back again with it. I realized what I was doing when I was already there, chuckling at Julian's baby picture.
First the lemons, and now this...I wondered what I would discover next. I looked at it again, my finger hovering over the delete option.
I did one better, I favorited the picture.
# CHAPTER NINE
The Mad Egg
Kayden was not late. Not even by a second. Maybe he was always true to his word, or maybe promises made over lizards and cotton candy were important to him, but he really was here.
I had to wave him over to me the moment he got into the gallery. Killian stood right next to me, looking menacingly at anyone who came close to me. It did not help that he was dressed in his black suit and black sunglasses looking all business-y. Gary stood just a few feet away from us, but it was easy to tell that he was alert about my surroundings. He wouldn't miss a thing if I was subjected to threat, although Killian would deal with it first.
This could go horribly. Kayden could find out that Killian was my bodyguard and want nothing to do with me because it was a lot to handle. Or he could be different.
Please be different.
I glanced at Killian as Kayden approached me. He stared straight ahead with no such thing as a glance in my direction, then slowly turned his gaze to Kayden. Just as he took a step to bar me from Kayden. I put a hand out to stop him. "He's a friend," I said to him. Killian paused before he nodded and stood back, going back to his original stance.
I instantly smiled when Kayden was finally right in front of me. "Fancy place," he said as he glanced around and slowly eased his hands inside the pockets of his dark blue jeans.
The Emerald Season was once known as a hotel. It has exactly seven rooms for guests excluding other quarters. One of my dad's friends bought it and now it always changed. Sometimes it was a getaway, sometimes a club headquarters for whatever old men needed to talk about and sometimes a venue for private parties. It changed with different circumstances. Today it was an art gallery, and the some of the art on display was almost more expensive than some of the cars I owned.
"Julian?" Kayden turned a quizzical look to me. My eyes moved from where his arms filled out his black T-shirt to his eyes. I swallowed.
"Hi," I replied, trying to sweep my distractedness under the rug. "You look good." I swear on my life, I did not plan to say that.
Kayden smirked at me. "I always look good JuJu," he replied. "Even in a onesie."
Was it weird that I liked hearing him call me that, even if it was him making fun of my baby photo? "I'll have to judge for myself."
"Oh you do not want to dare me, Julian," he said.
"I think I do."
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
He hadn't yet noticed Killian or Gary, and I wasn't sure if I should tell him or wait for him to notice. "Wait," he suddenly said.
Oh God here it comes, here it comes.
"This' your bodyguard or something?"
I bit my lip and tried to avoid his eyes. "Both of them," I pointed a thumb towards Gary's direction. This was my deciding moment. "I should have told you you'd be under scrutiny, but I was afraid you wouldn't want to meet anymore. I'm sorry."
"Bro, it's cool. You some type of celebrity or you just that rich?" Kayden asked.
I didn't answer him. I was half distracted by the fact that he'd called me 'bro'.
Bro?
Did I look like his bro to him? When did we establish that? He just went ahead and created a title all by himself and now he was referring me to it? Why did I hate it so much?
I was also half distracted by the attention everyone was suddenly giving the both of us. There were several glances our way and hushed tones. By this time Kayden and I had looked at all the art in the first room and moved to the next one. The judgmental stares persisted and they were really starting to piss me off.
It was in the second room when I heard my name being called out. "Julian dear!" It was Katey's mom. "If I knew you were coming for this art show then I'd have brought Katey along."
If I knew Katey was coming then I wouldn't have come.
"I'm sure there will be other times," I replied.
"She'd be over the moon if you took her on a date," she beamed at me, then whispered, "Don't tell her I told you."
"I'll think it over," I replied mostly to get her off my back. I hated faking smiles for people, but I always did it with adults, even when I wasn't aware of it.
When I had finally succeeded in losing her, I realized that she hadn't paid the slightest attention to Kayden. But when I turned to him, I noticed he hadn't paid any attention to her either because he was fully engrossed in an art piece.
It portrayed a woman blowing air onto what looked like planet earth, and wherever her breath touched, lost the colour it once had.
Before I could interrupt his moment, I heard a few snarky comments. "Who even let him in?" the minute I heard it, I turned to Kayden, and one look at his face was enough to know that he'd heard it too. And he knew that he was the topic of discussion.
I quickly turned to two women who looked older than everyone else in the room. "And who helped you up the stairs here?" I asked them.
"Julian," Kayden said. "Relax, it doesn't bother me."
"Let's go," I told him.
"Go where?" A confused Kayden asked.
"There's a restaurant in this same building. It's being saved for an after party but I can arrange for us..." I stopped and turned to Killian. He nodded before getting a phone out.
"Ju, we don't have to, it's okay."
"No it's not!" I said a bit too sharply. "Sorry, I just..."
Kayden nodded and we followed Killian out of the room, stares and whispers following us until we were out of sight.
The bar and restaurant on the top floor was completely empty, save for the staff. I sat across from Julian. "I know...I've destroyed the art show for you..."
"I wouldn't say that," he replied. "Is Katey your girlfriend?" I suddenly heard Kayden ask. He was looking right at me with a serious expression on his face.
I didn't think he'd heard any of that conversation considering he was absorbed in that art piece at the time.
"No," I answered quickly. I immediately needed a change of topic. "Why did it not bother you? Everyone was obviously whispering about the fact that you were in there."
"I know they were," Kayden shrugged. "But if I had a dollar for every time someone had a problem with the way I looked, I'd be richer than all of them in that room."
"I don't have a problem with the way you look," I blurted out. My face grew hot. Kayden smiled and it grew hotter.
"There it is again," he said and suddenly his hands were moving towards me. I remained rooted in place, so still it felt like the air would cut me if I made the slightest movement.
I knew I was already trembling before his thumb touched my cheek. The contact alone sent shivers down to the tips of my toes. "Your ears do turn pink," Kayden confirmed.
The food served as the distraction I needed. I didn't know what to say to him so I focused on the food.
"How does this taste?" Kayden asked me carefully.
I didn't like it, but it was my fault he had to be here. "It's alright," I lied. It wasn't bad either but it wasn't good enough.
"No, it's not," he said like he could see right through my lie. "Damn, are you sure you like it?"
"No, actually," I finally admitted because there was no use in hiding it.
Kayden stopped eating and put his fork down. "I know a fantastic place, do you want to go? I'll pay."
I was already nodding. "Do you hate this place that much?"
"Yes," he replied. "Compared to where I'm taking you. You'll see."
I couldn't remember the last time anything had every ounce of my attention like Kayden did. Every nerve fiber was conscious of his presence, his movements and his voice. I barely missed a thing, and he wasn't even trying. "Let's get out of here."
Once outside the once-a-hotel building, Kayden and I suddenly took steps in opposite directions, then stopped, looked back and laughed at each other. I was walking towards my car and assumed he was walking towards his. "You're riding with them?" he asked me and I nodded.
Kayden pouted. It wasn't a full on and genuine pout but he did, and it had me changing my mind. "Wait," I said. "Just a minute."
"I can't let you do that Julian, it's my—" Killian looked conflicted.
"Come on Killian, just this once," I tried to convince him. "You guys will be right behind us."
He sighed and seemed to think really hard about it. Killian then nodded twice. "Fine, but you guys can't drive fast enough to lose us."
"Yeah of course," I agreed. Anything to get to Kayden faster.
"What are you doing?" I asked when he held the door open for me and I got into his passenger seat. He closed the door and leaned on the open window, chin on his arms, eyes trained on me.
"After stealing you from your bodyguards, I can't promise to be the best bodyguard but I will do my best to be an awesome chauffeur," he said then looked at me for a beat too long, then moved off to get into the driver's seat.
And just like that, we were driving to wherever he was taking me, with Killian and Gary following close behind.
•••
"Your wallpaper is Groot?" Kayden asked. I hadn't realized my phone had lit up with a message. "Not bad Ju, not bad."
I realized then that I loved the way he had shortened my name, and was waiting for the next time he would say it again.
We were seated in a diner across from each other. The neon sign outside had read 'The Mad Egg', I was still trying to figure out why.
When it came to smaller places, Killian usually stood outside and I wasn't sure if it was to give me more privacy or if it was because he was too big to fit inside. The alone time it gave me was refreshing. I was used to being watched, to a point where it became as normal as breathing but every once in a while, it felt good to have those eyes away from me.
"Now this is what I'm talking about," Kayden said after taking a bite. "How's it taste?"
"It's so good," I replied.
"Yeah, J is the best," he said and looked content with himself.
Kayden got a call in the next few seconds. "Yeah Ma..." He probably didn't realize he was pulling his own cheek, it was so cute. "Okay Ma, love you too." It ended.
"You pull at your cheek while speaking on the phone, or is it just your mom?" I asked before taking a sip of my drink.
"Nah, you lyin'."
I laughed. "I'm not, really. It's so cute," I half mocked.
Kayden chuckled. "Boy, you did not just call me cute."
"I did. It would be a great way to be remembered in history. Think about it...Kayden the Cute. Chills, anyone reading that history book would get chills."
"I ain't ever heard such an ugly title in my life. I'll make one for you too. Julian the Mighty, out-runner of lizards and salvager of cotton candy. Double chills."
"What the fuck?" I asked between laughs. "I gave you a one worded title."
Kayden held out his phone to me and showed me my baby self. "I really love this photo, Ju."
I wish I could hide my face. He said it again. He called me Ju and he loves my picture, silly as it was. "You ass," I replied.
The best I could do with hiding my face, was glance outside the diner momentarily. That was when I noticed Killian frowning and looking at his phone. It gave me a random feeling of foreboding.
"Can I get you more food?" Kayden asked me, drawing my attention back to him and my empty plate. "There's ketchup on your lip."
I licked my lips just as Killian walked towards us with an unreadable expression on his face. Something was definitely up.
"Hey MIB," Kayden said excitedly to Killian. "Come to join us for some delicious food?"
Killian's frown deepened as he ignored him and bent over to my side and spoke lowly into my ear. "Your father wants you back home, right now."
Hearing him say that immediately downed my spirits. I didn't want to leave but I knew I had to. One glance at Kayden and I already knew he was confused and waiting for me to say something.
What was wrong with my dad all of a sudden? He'd never pressure me to do anything as long as I followed his restrictions. I was well within them, two bodyguards and all. And now...really? Now of all times?
"Somethin' wrong?" Kayden asked me.
I bit my lip while looking for the best way to tell him. "I have to go," I said carefully.
He sipped his coke, then nodded, saying nothing.
"But...I loved this place, thank you," I let him know as I got up.
"Nah, it's nothin'." He said because he didn't know how much it meant to me. "This was cool, I'll text you."
My heart soared at hearing that. "I guess we'll talk in a week."
Kayden laughed and made my skin tingle. He got up too. "Promise I'll text you."
"Okay." I took my hands out of my hoodie without thinking and hugged him.
What in the name of cringe?!!
I really hugged him. I put two arms around his middle and...no, that's enough.
You've really outdone yourself Julian.
Just before I could take it back and shoulder the embarrassment, I felt his hand around me, stilling me as if to say 'not so fast'.
Was I holding my breath? Was I not? What was this...what was this moment?
We pulled away slowly. Everything inside me reacted to the look in his eyes. I curled my fingers into tight balls and shoved my hands back inside the pockets of my hoodie. "Well...bye then."
Killian had long since gotten out and I knew they'd both be waiting for me.
Kayden didn't respond as I walked past him and got out of the diner. I got back inside and walked back to him. "You asked if you could get me more food. Yes," I said. And with that, I was gone.
# CHAPTER TEN
Did You Know That Roses Were Red?
Mikey:
you're coming for this party or we are coming to grab you. your pick bro
I felt like it was exactly what I needed, so there wouldn't be any grabbing necessary. Julian had shaken me, and I had to stop thinking about it.
Shivers usually traveled down but these ones moved from my feet to where my hands were circled around him. So much warmth from his solid body. He smelled like sunshine and boyishness. I wanted the hug to last longer, deep down I knew I did. So this party was a mechanism of sorts.
The party was raging when I got there. I nodded while smiling as I got out of my car.
This was the stuff.
It would get wild from here on out with such a party. I'd get lost in it and forget whatever moments I shared with Julian. Except it didn't feel like he was leaving my head anytime soon.
"Kayden's hereeeee!" I hear someone screech out and I realised it was Dane. He was part of the basketball team, but not one of the guys I frequently hung out with, so I mostly only saw him at school. And—
no surprise here
—parties.
Suddenly almost the entire basketball team was rushing towards me. Especially the ones I hadn't seen in more than two weeks. And in the next moment, I was up in the air, and people were cheering all around me.
I was almost forgetting how far these boys could act out. It tore a laugh from my chest.
I was set at one end of a table with almost the entire party gathering around. "My challenge still stands," said Dane. He smiled while looking directly at me.
He'd challenged me to a drinking contest. It was an age old tradition of the basketball team. Especially if we'd won a game and someone threw a party. Someone always threw a party. This one was his.
"Pfft," I scoffed and looked to the side at my boys. "Someone recording this?" I asked. "Because dear old Daney here is about to have his ass handed to him." The crowd cheered and hollered then started to chant.
Mike controlled the chanting, and it got louder as a bottle of hard liquor was placed in my hand. "Three!" Everyone screamed.
"Two!"
"One!"
"Go!"
Dane and I began to chug on our bottles as the crowd went wild. It was a bad idea. I had to drive home but fuck that. A challenge was a challenge, and boys were as stupid as they came.
It was too loud to hear my own thoughts anyway...with everyone shouting and alcohol filling inside me.
I set my empty bottle of alcohol down before Dane did, it slammed so hard it was a wonder the bottle didn't break. It was the announcement of my victory.
"Fuck!" Dane said with a big grin on his face after he'd finished his bottle. "You secretly Irish or what?"
"That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" Mike jostled and patted my back with his large hands. The crowd began to go wild.
"Kay-den! Kay-den! Kay-den!" Practically everyone chanted as we walked away to sit on a couch.
There were a few people on it, but seeing our approach, they scurried off, leaving the area empty. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
I leaned back on the couch and scanned the room, sipping on an orange coloured drink I'd accepted from someone, my phone on the other hand.
Bad idea.
I put it away.
"No..." I heard Knox say as my gaze turned to him. "You're so pretty, but no..."
The girl he was politely turning down just smiled and got up. She gestured with her hands as if to say '
I'll call you'
while walking away. Knox just shrugged.
Or that's what I thought. I couldn't see his face but the girl could. He kept looking at her and she seemed a little scared before hurrying away. By the time he turned to me, he was smiling. As if he was harmless.
"How are you the one turning people down yet we have to try and hit on people?" I asked him, advocating for Mike and Liam too.
Knox parted his legs. "Besides the fact I'm the shit?" He asked.
His focus was lost after that. I turned to see whatever had caught his attention and I saw Kit making a girl blush furiously as he smiled charmingly.
I turned back and Knox had a frown on his face. "You just let a really hot chick leave bruh, why are you staring at Kit?" I asked.
"He's making a fool out of himself," Knox scoffed. "It's entertaining."
How did he...
No...he couldn't know.
I ignored Knox before I could draw any unnecessary attention. The alcohol was starting to really kick in at this point, and yet I kept drinking.
"Maybe you should slow down with the drinking," a random girl, who was suddenly seated almost on me and leaning on my arm said.
She smiled at me and I smiled back. "You think so?" I asked. "You been noticing?"She was cute. Dark skin, hazel eyes, big puffy hair. She didn't look like the type to screw around though.
"Yeah and hell yeah." She let a finger trace my chest through my shirt.
I bent to whisper in her ear. "What's your name?"
She first kept smiling at me, then put a little distance between us. "I'll tell you upstairs," she said then got up and walked away.
Huh.
Very cute indeed. I probably wouldn't remember her name but I took the bait.
I got into a room I saw her disappear into, and as soon as I got in, the door was locked. I saw her stand against it, looking very shy with her hands behind her back. Nothing was going to happen if she didn't want it to, even if I was half drunk.
I walked over to her and she suddenly hugged me. A little confused, I hugged back. "Hey," I cupped the side of her face and looked down at her while she looked up at me. "Are you sure about this?"
She shook her head, then shook it more vigorously as if to erase the first shake. "Yes...I mean I'm sure now."
"You weren't sure before?"
"A couple of friends put me up to this...I didn't want to at first but I approached you because I wanted to prove a point," she said.
I sighed.
Of course this was the problem.
"But in here it's just me and you, and I got a little shy because I realised I really wanted to do it. Don't worry it's not my first time."
"Only if you're sure," I said.
"I am," she said and as if to prove her point, she kissed me.
From then on out, it was our tongues sliding against each other, clothes being discarded everywhere, until we were both in our underwear and she was straddling me on the bed.
With her eyes looking down in mine and my arms around her waist, I surprised myself by asking. "So does Miss Gorgeous have a name?"
She smirked. "She does. It's Julian."
It took me a few seconds to realise I probably heard her wrong. "Say that again," I replied.
Her giggle was the kind that made you smile for no reason. "Jenine," she said.
"Jenine..." I repeated, smile still intact, to make sure it was the correct name while I unclasped her bra.
"I guess I stumbled upon a sex god tonight," she said with her chest exposed to me, her bra well on the way to the floor. "I've heard the stories."
"Sex god might be stretching it," I chuckled. "But I'll do my best." She giggled when I kissed between her breasts. "And I don't disappoint."
•••
Jenine left after giving me several extra kisses and almost getting us to a repeat of one the best sexual encounters I've ever had.
I lay down on the bed half naked from the waist up, and stared at the ceiling lost in thought about nothing in particular.
Kit's sudden intrusion into the room also extended to my thoughts. I snapped out of them as he locked the door.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"If you won't talk to me sober, then at least you'll listen when you're a little drunk."
"What makes you think that?"
"You haven't made any attempt to leave the bed," he said. He had a fair point.
Kit sat at the other end of the bed. He cracked his knuckles.
"I've been..." said Kit. "I've been absolutely terrified of anyone finding out that I'm gay..." he sighed, "there, I said it."
He took a deep breath in, then out, then exercised his tongue again. "I'm...gay," he said and blew out a breath then laughed like he couldn't believe he said it.
"Totally didn't notice," I calmly replied.
"Listen," said Kit. "When I kissed you, it was too good to be true, and then I became paranoid after that, and I admit I acted rashly and somehow got you expelled but you have to believe me that I have no idea what any of it has to do with drugs. You realize that that could have easily led to you being locked up right? That would be taking it too far, I would never do that to you."
"And yet you still got me expelled," I replied, it was hard to be angry when you were drunk. "I'm just mad that you didn't think you could just tell me that you like guys? What did you really think—"
"I thought I would lose you!"
"What you did isn't exactly keeping me."
"I know. But I was so confused and I didn't know what to do...you had kissed me back K! That's like every closeted gay guy's dream. For their straight crush—"
Kit shook his head. "Watching you follow that girl up here was a hard blow for me, and it made me realise that there's nothing I can do about it. I gotta move on, man."
I watched Kit struggle as he got the words out of his chest. When you really cared about someone, seeing them at their lows kicked you in the balls when you were mad at them. You didn't know which side to pick, your anger or them.
Of course I chose him.
Kit pushed my hand away before it could reach him. He got up quickly. "One way or another, I'll make it up to you."
•••
When I finally got back home, after driving like what felt slower than a tortoise, the first thing I did was take a shower.
Then I scavenged for orange juice in the dead quiet house and found it to feed my craving. I didn't get far.
It felt like my soul left my body for a second when I nearly walked into Rylan who was looking up at me.
Jesus.
"You weren't in your room. I had a bad dream," he said as he lifted his hands in the air, waiting for me to carry him.
I lifted my little brother up and soothed him, telling him there was nothing to worry about and that he was safe.
I tucked him into Rylee's bed because he insisted, then held his hand until he was asleep again. Then I kissed them both and got back to my orange juice.
And the one other thing I was really failing to resist. I gave in anyway. I texted Julian.
Me:
hi
To show that I had enough self control, I nonchalantly put the phone away from me and focused on my orange juice.
I wasn't really mindful of it. (the phone) Nope...not at all. I tapped my fingers against my thigh. Yeah no, this was no big deal...I was just keeping the promise I'd made to text him. That's all.
Did you know that roses were red?
Yeah...violets are even blue...
And I almost threw my juice away when my phone lit up.
Oh boy.
# CHAPTER ELEVEN
Spider Sex: Into The Multi-verse Of Nervousness
"Did he say what was so urgent Kil?" I asked after my bodyguards started back towards home. What was a very bright day was turning out to be dreadful because of the bad feeling I had deep down in my gut.
"Uh, no," replied Killian. "He just wants you home...says he has to talk to you."
I hoped to high heavens that this wasn't another show of his overprotectiveness. I hadn't been out for more than three hours and he already needed me back within his fortress? After doing everything by his book? I wouldn't lie, I wasn't a fan.
The ride back was quiet, or if it wasn't, I wouldn't know. I was very distracted due to a number of things. I was smiling to myself without realizing it immediately and then sighing when I caught myself. I didn't know that a hug could feel so good...or so short.
Something was definitely happening to me, and the more it confused me, the more I pushed it at the back of my mind. Maybe I didn't want to understand it yet but it felt inevitable. So I told myself I'd get to it eventually.
I easily forgot about Kayden as we drove through the gates.
Even the air around the house didn't feel right. All I wanted to do was get over with it, so I went straight ahead to find him, only to find that my dad was already waiting for me. He paced back and forth in the large space with his hands held behind his back.
My dad stopped when he spotted me, then unfastened his hands and cleared his throat. He scratched his stubble either absentmindedly or nervously, I couldn't tell which one. "Julian, have a seat," he said.
I hated that voice. It has always been the harbinger of every fight we had. It was all I needed to hear to know that this would end in a fight. Whatever the reason was.
Maybe he was daytime drunk. I don't really believe people can actually get drunk during daytime. I know, it's stupid but I can't just bring myself to believe it's possible. It's something I would have to see for myself first then. I sat down like he asked, still not saying a word.
"Where were you?" I heard him ask and thought to myself,
this again
.
It felt like a trap because I was sure he knew where I was. Or if he wanted to be adamant about it, he could just ask Killian.
"You know that, dad, I was at the art show, then at a diner." I shrugged and acted like deep down anger wasn't bubbling inside me.
"Do you know how dangerous that was?" He asked, his hands were back behind him and all I was left to look at was his broad back under his suit, rigid with tension.
"Being inside a diner? Gee...I had no idea," I replied calmly just to see if it would anger him.
My father sighed like I was a child he had to put up with when it came to times like these. "Who is he?" He asked as he walked to a table and put his hand inside an envelope, retrieved its contents and extended a picture to me.
There was that familiar coiling in my gut as I took it. A few seconds later, I confirmed the dreadful feeling because in the picture, I saw myself and Kayden sitting with food in the middle of us at the diner. The picture was taken from the outside because Killian and Gary were in the shot too, although they were talking to each other. I could not believe my eyes. I closed them and opened them again, praying it wasn't true.
"You had me followed?!" I raised my voice in shock but he didn't answer me. "Dad, are you serious right now? Why would you—"
"Who is he?" He insisted. "This could be dangerous, apparently you both left the art show before it was even properly—
"Because he's black?" I yelled. "That's why this could be dangerous?!"
What fueled my anger was the fact that he didn't answer my question, which obviously meant he was thinking along those lines if not worse. I hated that. I hated it so bad that people could think like that, and so very annoyingly my dad. Someone I have a lot of respect for. I couldn't believe it.
"Say it to my face dad! Is that what you think—
"Julian, no—"
The rest of the words sounded distant, because I walked out on my dad after that. I wasn't listening to anymore of that shit.
I sat at the edge of my bed for so long just thinking, trying to keep calm. My fists supported my chin as I thought about several solutions. And just to spite him, I left. I got up, found my car keys and drove away before he could even have a say about it, before anyone could stop me.
For a long time, I sat alone in one of the benches at The Grand Hall. I wasn't looking at the piece of history right in front of me at all. Although it seemed like I was.
The person who sat right by me, forced me to snap out of my thoughts and turn to them.
Andre wasn't looking at me though, he was staring at the cube-like piece of history before both of us now.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"Same thing you are," he replied and looked like he was prepared to sulk for hours to come.
"Getting away from my dad?"
"Yeah," he shrugged. "I might or might not have started a fight with him."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Which your mother stepped into and prevented from possibly turning physical. She told me to go cool off, so here I am."
"How'd you know where to find me?" I didn't need the answer to that, the man practically raised me...if anyone knew me inside and out, it would be him.
He shrugged anyway, and I noticed the little smirk he was trying to hide. "Lucky guess, my lord."
It wasn't a lucky guess, more like a careful conclusion of my whereabouts. And he said it like he was hiding something.
"Has dad always been this protective?" I asked. "Seems unnatural."
"Not always," replied Andre. "Let's just say circumstances forced him, but that's for him to tell you. Not me."
I was still frustrated nonetheless, continuously tapping my foot on the ground as my brain refused to conjure up sensible answers.
"What happened Andre?"
"I can't tell you that my lord, forgive me," he replied.
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, thinking about whether I should bring it up with my dad. Of course after my being mad at him blew over.
What could have possibly happened? Did someone threaten him? Was someone out to get him? Me? Why couldn't he tell me? Even after I asked, I still believe he wouldn't tell me what it is. But I was tired of being forced to live like I had a target on my back.
We spent the rest of the evening in what could have really passed as a sulk. We sort of shared the same energy the entire time, and in its own way, it was comfortable.
I was itching to bring up why Andre started a fight because of me. He did that a lot and it always sparked some sort of fear within me because I didn't want my dad to do something stupid.
A long time later and I was so sure Andre could read my thoughts.
"My lord?" I looked over to him then immediately facepalmed myself inside my head for responding to the title. "I need a ride back."
"After you promise not to start a fight with my dad again," I replied.
"I can't promise that, my lord."
"Then I sure hope you're feeling energetic," I replied. "Because you're walking home."
Andre got up and moved a little distance away from me. He then stopped and dangled my own keys before my face. "Funny you should say that."
Reflexively my hands moved quickly to my pockets before I turned sharply back to him. "Hey!"
Andre smiled. "Better get to the car fast...otherwise I sure hope you're feeling energetic."
•••
My absence seemed to keep my dad awake. He was pacing again about by the time Andre and I made it back to the house after surprisingly not even calling once. He didn't say a word, but I saw the relief on his face, as I coldly brushed by him. It made me feel a little guilty, but I wouldn't cave. I owed that to myself.
I suddenly felt like I lived a really lonely life with a few people to make it worthwhile. And the latest addition to that was him, Kayden. The one thing my brain decided was the most important thought.
A text from him was waiting for me when I got back up to my room. It cheered me up more than anything could at the moment.
Kay:
hi
It was delivered close to thirty minutes ago. And I was slowly forgetting my bad mood. A lot of it was credited to Andre. Most of it actually. And now this.
Me:
look at that, you keep your promises
He sent a few laughing emojis and I watched the three dots that showed that he was typing.
Kay:
a man of my word
you good though?
seemed important earlier
I wasn't expecting that.
Me:
everything is fine. i'm okay
Kay:
cool
As I tried to think of what to text back, Kayden started typing and sent another message.
Kay:
i'm from this party...
just did it with a hot chick bro. intense.
I frowned at every part of that sentence.
Me:
could you stop doing that?
Kay:
what? partying hard? doing it with hot chicks?
Maybe.
Me:
calling me bro
Kay:
:) i'm just getting used to it, it's me acknowledging we're friends
Me:
use something else, i'm going to take a shower
I dropped my phone on the bed and walked away from it, towards the bathroom. Where I would take the shower and pretend not to think about the boy who was texting me at the moment.
Why did Kayden manage to always get me excited? Even if I was in a bad mood, I'd still be ecstatic to talk to him. Maybe it's because he's the only person I can hangout with at the moment. Because what else could it be?
Kay:
i'm going to find some orange juice
I saw the text after my quick shower but still took a while to open it. I pretended to look into empty space and put my mind away from my phone, but it was so stupidly pathetic I couldn't stop thinking about it. Relief came in the form of another text from Kayden.
Kay:
are you mad
Sort of. For some reason.
Me:
no... why
Wow Julian. Not very two-faced of you.
I was mad at him for things I shouldn't have been mad at him for.
Kay:
don't know...w
hat are you doing tomorrow?
Me:
a bunch of things.
I wasn't about to admit to him that my sometimes controlling mother had declared a week ago, that I was hers tomorrow.
Kay:
the day after
that?
Me:
n
othing
Kay:
come over
My heartbeat spiked as my stomach tightened into a ball of nerves. I hesitated to reply.
Me:
what?
i
mean...you're sure
?
Kay:
why
wouldn't
i
be sure
Maybe because it was too good to be true? Me, going over to Kayden's...just like that. I'd go out with Killian...but I'd tell him not to tell my dad. I knew he wouldn't, it was perfect.
Me:
i
don't kno
w
Me:
spiders have reproductive organs but they don't really couple them to mate. the male deposits some sperm onto a small web and picks it up on the end of his pedipalps. and when the female is in position, he'll deposit the sperm in the female's genital opening.
I was horrified immediately after sending the message. What would he think after that. I deleted the text but not fast enough.
Kay:
did you really just describe spider sex to me?
wtfff that's so random!! XD
and yes, i read fast. you shouldn't delete our texts
I wanted the ground to swallow me up and spit me back out.
Me:
i'll sometimes say random things when i get nervous.
Kay:
and that's okay. why r you nervous though
I couldn't answer that. I really couldn't. Even if I tried. So I would not reply by saying something stupid.
Me:
i don't know?
Kay:
c
ome over Juju
Pwease...
Even if they tried, after reading that, nobody could stop me from going over.
# CHAPTER TWELVE
Parento-phobia?
I'd never known that waiting for someone could feel so stressful. I was Kayden, I didn't fret, I didn't anticipate or dwell in anxiousness because I wanted something to happen. The only other thing that always gave me a sense of nervousness was basketball because I was anticipating too much of the game to come ahead of time.
And like I did with every stressful moment, I took a shower because over thinking it would cause me to be disoriented.
The sound of the doorbell came fifteen minutes after my shower.
He's here, he's here...
I walked to the door with my stomach in knots, and for the thousandth time, I couldn't understand what was happening to me.
Pulling the door open, Julian suddenly turned to me like I had just caught him looking at something else. His lips pulled into a small smile when he saw me. His brown hair looked lighter with the sun trying to shine through it from behind.
Julian took a step forward and hugged me, and there it was again...the familiar tightening in my gut. It felt suspiciously like something inevitably close, just waiting to happen. Was this us now? Were we going to keep hugging each other every time we met? Not that I was complaining...
"Hi," Julian's eyes drifted up, a confident and cocky grin on his lips. I felt the solidness of his body at that moment, and it all made sense why that teacher scolded him for not being sporty. "Your hair is wet."
I detached from him and automatically touched my hair. "I just hit the shower because I was a little stressed."
"Hey, I do that too!" Julian said.
"Like when I called you 'bro'?" I boldly asked.
"Who said I was stressed because of that?"
You literally didn't reply for a while after that, and said you were going to take a shower.
"Did it bother you?" Julian asked while crossing his arms, smile never leaving his face. "That I took a while to reply?"
Jeez... where was all this confidence coming from? "Never mind," I finally said. "Welcome to my humble home."
Julian hummed and nodded.
I made to close the door, then remembered that Julian was probably here with his bodyguard too. I poked my head outside and saw him.
Yep, stoic as ever.
"Hey MIB, you can come inside, you know."
"I'm good, thank you," he said, standing at the porch and staring straight ahead as if assessing the surroundings for any threats.
"So you're just going to stand there?" I asked stubbornly. Partly to annoy him, and partly because Ma would kill me if I wasn't hospitable to a guest. Letting him just keep standing there like that really didn't seem hospitable.
MIB didn't answer me. His jaw was set in an unwavering manner and he looked like he wouldn't budge even if I put up a convincing protest. I made the mistake of just letting him be as he was.
Julian followed me to my room after I closed the door, and only when I reached inside did I realise that I had invited him over with absolutely no goal in mind. I just told him to come over because I wanted him here. Now that the primary goal was established, I didn't know what to do next. I racked my brain for options, anything...
Before I could let myself get nervous, my eyes fell onto my game console and I immediately knew what to do.
•••
It was approximately fifteen minutes into playing Mortal Kombat—me as Scorpion and him as Mileena—when I realised I was staring at Julian's profile.
I could tell from where I was, that he had soft skin, he had a long and pointy nose and right below that were his slightly pink lips. It was unfathomable why I was staring. I was tripping, because in all the time I've played video games, I don't ever remember getting distracted by anything, apart from my mom, (when she demanded my attention). More than that, I don't ever remember the desire to look at the person next to me...not even an ounce of it. Unless it was for purposes of catching the expressions on their faces when they lost. This had nothing to do with that.
"Dude, what are you doing?" Julian suddenly laughed. His lips were pretty, that was for sure. "Are you that bad at this?" He turned and looked at me.
My eyes quickly fleeted to the floor before I sat straighter, pretending he hadn't almost caught me staring at him. "Pfft, I was only giving you a head-start before I crushed you."
"Yeah right," he said, clearly not believing me. I proved him wrong by doing exactly what he didn't think I was capable of. It wasn't even that hard, I couldn't wipe off the smugness from my face if I tried.
"What the fuck?" Julian said after he'd been knocked out. He looked at me with his lips parted in surprise and a frown on his face. What he looked like he was trying to say was
'hey, what gives?'
.
I chuckled. "Told you I was just giving you a head-start."
Julian heavily breathed out and scrunched his nose.
Dear God
. "No," he said. "Let's go again. In fact, this time we're exchanging controllers and still using the same characters. I'll be Scorpion, and you'll be Mileena."
I shrugged. "Yes sir." I calmly said, knowing what the outcome would still be, regardless of the changes made.
Julian looked at me suspiciously before taking the controller from me and giving me his. He restarted the game.
I decided to start by dodging all of his attacks. Like I knew it would, it frustrated him. I was being a tease and I loved it. "Stand still so I can hit you, come on!" The frustrated boy yelled to me.
"Fine, fine," I replied, not meaning a word of it.
The entire time, I still stole glimpses of Julian. I liked seeing his face change expressions as he tried his best to focus on beating me. The plan was to let him think he was finally going to land a hit, then expertly dodge him again, but I must have really gotten distracted because he suddenly piped up, startling me back into the game only to see that he had indeed landed the first hit.
I was amused to see him laugh at me because of that one hit. I let him land more hits. More hits equaled to more laughs from him. Easy choice.
What the fuck Kayden?
When Julian was sure he was going to win, he said, "See, I knew your character was just overpowered."
"Now that you said that," I replied. "I have to prove you wrong."
He chuckled. "Try your best, Kayden The Cute."
"You are going to take that back after I'm done with you."
"Yeah, if you can even win at this point."
I sighed. "I guess you're gonna have to learn the hard way."
In some seconds, I'd totally knocked Julian out with his own character. He looked like he would strangle me if he could. "You sure your character wasn't overpowered?" I asked. "Because that was almost too easy."
Julian groaned and lightly punched my side, making me laugh. "Aw, someone's a sore loser."
"And someone's a show-off."
"Maybe I'll let you win next time."
"No thank you," he said. "I'd prefer the look on your face when I beat you fair and square."
"Just make sure it ain't after thirty years or so, okay Juju?"
He looked like he wanted to murder me. "Fine," he said. "I'll wipe that smirk off your face."
"Look forward to it." I let out a light laugh after that, and then dropped on my back, watching the ceiling from my bed. Shortly after, Julian did the same.
"What had you so busy yesterday?" I asked him. "You saw the person you didn't want to see?"
"Oh yeah, that...She's this girl, sort of like a family friend...I think she likes me," he replied. "But no, I didn't see her yesterday. I actually told you about it at the art show. She's Katey."
"That Katey?" I asked, remembering how I asked him if that was his girlfriend or not. For some reason, all I felt at that time was the burning need to know.
"Yeah," he said. "That Katey."
"She ask you out or somethin'?"
"She probably thinks we're already a thing. She even made me feel her tits and all."
"Damn Ju, is she hot?"
"I think so? She is..."
"Mm, tits are the best," I replied Julian.
"Yeah def–"
"Kay!" We both heard the sound coming from downstairs.
"Ma?" She didn't say she would be back. I got up and kept walking away towards the door. I stopped before I could get out. "Wanna say hi to my mom?" I asked as I turned back to Julian.
"I'm...no," he replied. "I mean, I'm afraid of parents."
I tried not to laugh and it was showing, because Julian's lips quirked a bit. Then we both burst out in laughter. "What the hell man?" I asked him.
"It happens Kay! They are scary."
"Never heard you call me that before."
Julian shrugged and looked at the floor. "It's only fair since you call me Juju. Although I'm still finding the one to suit you best."
I walked over to him and pulled his cheeks. "Oh Juju," I said mockingly.
Mockery could only go so far. It quickly turned to a moment that threatened to have me running for cover.
He was looking up at me, with his face in my hands as I looked down at him. I froze as my heart began to beat faster. I felt hot, Julian's face changed colour and my hands felt clammy. I released him and stepped back.
To make the situation feel normal, I took Julian's hand in mine. "Come on," I said. "Ma's really cool. Be not afraid."
He chuckled before getting up and following behind me. "Okay."
I was way too aware of my hand enclosing his. It felt like my heart was beating from the little spaces where they were joined. We made it downstairs like that, and Ma looked subtly questionably at where I held Julian's hand in mine.
Before she could say anything, I took his hand and placed it in her hands in the most awkward moment I've ever created. Julian seemed terrified and Ma just looked like she was keeping all her questions to herself.
"Ma, this is my friend Juj- Julian," I said. "Julian, this is my mom."
"Hi sweetie," my mom said and shook his hand. I knew she had questions, but she didn't ask them. She might not ask them now, but I was sure she'd eventually get to them. She turned to me.
"Who is that man standing outside?" Ma asked. Shit, I knew she'd kill me for that.
"Oh MIB?" I pointed to Julian. "His bodyguard."
Ma looked at Julian—who couldn't look at either of us—then looked back to me. "How long has he been standing outside?"
"Uh...Ma," I said while rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm not sure, but like–"
"I just come to change and come back to find that you've already done away with your manners. Boy what'd I tell you?"
"That you can't–"
"You can't leave a guest just standing outside for possibly hours," she said as she walked towards the direction of the front door.
I followed her to make my appeal. "Ma, I tried. He wouldn't listen to me."
I watched as Ma got in front of MIB, her hair was tucked behind one ear as she looked up at him. He kept looking ahead without budging, as if she wasn't there. His shades hid his expression so I couldn't exactly tell where he was looking.
"You are indeed a bodyguard like you said," Ma told him so I think they talked before she came in. "But I'm going to ask you again, come in sir, you don't want me to repeat that when I'm angry."
"No shit MIB," I chipped in. "I'd listen if I were you."
MIB, whose jaw was clenched the entire time finally seemed to relax. I'm sure no one else saw it, but he smirked. It was really small but I caught it before it disappeared.
MIB finally moved his huge frame into the house, and peace prevailed. In all honesty, I didn't want to see Ma's angry side either so I was glad he listened.
"Sit," she said and pointed at the couch and for the first time ever, I saw MIB take off his shades and then he lowered himself on the couch, looking a little uneasy. "Can I get you anything?" Ma asked.
Julian and I looked at each other. His expression and the shake of his head told me that he didn't know what was going on either.
MIB shook his head. "No, thank you."
"Kay," she said to me. "Get him something. I'm late, I need to go change and leave. It was nice to meet you sweetie!" She said the last part to Julian.
I got MIB water because who could go wrong with that right? "Sorry, we're out of alien juice," I said as I handed him the water. Julian audibly held back his laugh.
The man sighed before taking it.
"You know, you should wear your shades less. Don't get me wrong, like damn you look cool in them glasses but like I didn't suspect pretty eyes behind them. The ladies love that shit man, like that's a plus on your si-"
"Leave the man alone Kay!" I heard Ma yell from upstairs.
•••
Julian and I had gone back to my room after Ma left. We spent close to thirty minutes talking non stop about the most random things. I found out that he hated the colour green...he'd probably never seen his eyes. He also went further into detail about spider sex, I didn't know there were so many ways those little bastards could have sex.
But why did he know this?
Fun fact, I could listen to him talk for hours.
Just when I thought we'd play another video game (I'd even asked him), Julian turned to me and said, "I wish I could, but I have to go."
Already?
"Okay. We'll both pretend you're not just running away from defeat." I pointed to the game console.
Julian laughed. "Aw Kay," he said in a patronising tone. "Don't get too excited because I let you believe you're really good."
MIB was on his feet looking restless when we found him downstairs again.
The poor thing.
One look at Julian and he understood what was happening, giving him one subtle nod before exiting the house.
I want to see you again.
I wanted to tell him, but I didn't know how.
Julian turned to me when he reached the door. Was that surprise I saw on his face? "You do?"
"What?" I asked.
"You said you want to see me again," replied Julian.
"Damn, I said that out loud?"
Guess it worked itself out.
He chuckled and I watched as his hand disappeared into the back of his head in his hair. "I guess...me as well."
Before the hand could disappear back into his hoodie, I grabbed it and I loved the way my fist closed around his wrist. I pulled him to me at the same time his eyebrows had started to draw together in question, making him look surprised.
With one arm around him I buried my nose in his hair and inhaled, (I really tried to be subtle about it). His shampoo was probably something with apples or berries or both at the same time. It smelled good.
Julian finally seemed to get over his surprise because his arms finally closed around me before letting go.
I let him go, then recalling what he said at The Mad Egg, I repeated the words. "Well bye then," I told him. My lips pulled up in a smile without me asking them to. "Wait, what' you doing tomorrow?"
Stretched, there was a blush on his cheeks. I failed to stop staring. "My mom needs me," he said.
When I said that I failed to stop staring, I really did. I was sure it was my turn to do the dialogue but I didn't know what to say. I only snapped out of it when Julian pointed it out. "Kay..." he seemed careful with his words. "Stop staring at me."
I shook my head. "When's the next time you got nothin' to do?"
He pursed his lips in thought.
"This weekend?"
"This weekend..." I replied. It was a bad answer. "Shit, I've got a thing with the guys this weekend. I'll text you though."
Julian got in the car after MIB pulled the door of the backseat open for him. He waved and smiled before the car drove off. I walked back in and closed the door behind me and just let out a deep breath.
Come on Kayden, smelling hair?
I scolded myself.
Some corny white boy shit right there.
# CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Involved In A Gruesome Accident
Shopping with my mother was definitely not a favorite on my non-existent list of favorites. It was a condition that granted me time with her, although not nearly enough of it according to her. It too, on the other hand, granted me more time to do the things I didn't want to do. It was all a part of her grand plan you see.
Mother always took at least six hours to make sure she had everything that she wanted or needed, some of which in my opinion were totally unnecessary. I still wouldn't deny the reason why I've never put up a fight against it; I sort of liked spending time with her and it was in most of these shopping sprees that I could see that she truly cared for me. There are a few things she would say sometimes and I know they couldn't be from anywhere else but the bottom of her heart. Like sometimes looping my arm with hers and telling me she loved me before she asked my opinion on something she considered purchasing.
"No, I got it," Andre said when I told him I wouldn't mind pushing the trolley while my mom picked out stuff. He wouldn't budge, I knew that like the back of my hand. The most he has ever let me do was take turns pushing it, so that is exactly what I went for again.
Andre took back the trolley from me after about thirty minutes and that's when I couldn't keep it in anymore. "I need to talk to you," I told him while failing to meet his eyes.
His face immediately turned serious as he regarded me silently for a short while, as if looking to find exactly where the problem was. "Is everything alright?" He asked, unable to hide the concern in his eyes.
I nodded. "I guess so."
Andre stopped rolling the trolley. "Do you want to go for a drive later on and talk about it?"
"Not today," I replied. "But a drive would be nice."
He seemed to think about it for a while before finally nodding. Andre then suddenly gripped my wrist. "Just promise me you're genuinely fine."
I put a hand over his, covering it then stroking softly. "Aw Andre," I said. "Don't tell me you're finally admitting to being the biggest softie I've ever seen."
He pulled his hand away. "I'm being serious. I don't take things lightly when it comes to you, you know that."
"Yeah, I know. I'm okay, I promise."
He ruffled my hair and made me look him in the eye. "I love you, you know."
My eyes have never darted away from someone so fast.
What in the name of—
"What the fuck...you can't just say that out of nowhere!" I pulled his hand away from my hair.
"Aww...who's the softie now?" Andre asked with a smug face, his lips pulling into an annoying smirk. I'll admit; he got me. But I'll only admit it inside my head. Never to his face.
My phone chimed with a message and I couldn't be more grateful for the timing. I made a face at Andre before looking down to check it. Andre continued to push the trolley towards my mom after letting out a deep chuckle. I turned to walk after him while checking the text from Kayden, already distracted and almost unaware of anything else around me.
Kay:
jujuuuuu!
I would deny it if anyone else said anything but there was instantly a full blown smile on my face. Coming back for a break from school, I thought everything was just going to be the way I expected. I was wrong. I was so wrong. Every day was different lately...I'd even wake up happy for no reason.
In our texts, Kayden talked about anything. It could be the middle of the night and he'll send me a text asking why cake couldn't be 3.14. Why did it have to be a pie? And we'd go on to talk about it and several other topics until one of us got drowsy. Hardly.
Right now, we fell into a talk about weird and rare kinds of birds.
"Julian!" Mom calls out like a warning. "Who are you texting? This is supposed to be our time."
Oops.
I made a show of putting the phone in my hoodie, then got it back out when she went to throw her attention all over something else. I was already smirking.
Me:
what even is a frogmouth
Kay:
you don't know?? wait i'll send you a picture
The picture that Kayden sends is one of himself taken from a low angle like he is looking into the phone. His eyes were narrowed and his lips twisted and pointed with the silliest expression on his face.
Kay:
i swear it looks sort of like that
I laughed out loud immediately after seeing it. And I must have laughed really loud because I got a few people's attention, including my mom.
She walked back towards me. "It's almost like I haven't seen you this distracted before. Hand it over," she said and put her hand out for my phone.
"No, wait mom," I said and she cocked her head, she was serious. I didn't want to give it to her. I wanted to text him back. Regardless, I hung my head low in defeat and handed her the phone.
She stuffed it inside her bag and we continued to shop. "I'm amazed too, my lord," said Andre, falling into step with me. "What has you so distracted?"
I shrugged quickly and shoved my hands inside the pockets of my hoodie. "Stuff."
Andre chuckled and didn't bring it up again. But he made the entire shopping spree far more bearable. For the umpteenth time, I didn't know what I would do without Andre in my life.
•••
It'd been about three hours and my phone was somewhere in that bottomless bag of hers, and it's all I could think about.
I chuckled at the memory of Kayden's picture. And much later, when I got my phone back, I was still excited about texting with Kayden but to my dismay, as I finally got to my room and opened the chats, the picture was gone.
Kay:
ju...seriously where'd you go
juuuuu
jujuuuuu
Kay:
did you die? is this what this is? you're involved in a gruesome accident?
please don't be
then again, you got MIB...
Kay:
you're damn cold man
fine ignore me
Kay:
come back
Kay:
no whatever bye
Ignoring all of his complaints about my sudden disappearance, I sent my own complaint. Sort-of.
Me:
where is it
I demanded for the picture, not quite ready to accept that he had just deleted the picture like that. The reply was immediate.
Kay:
it was stupid
you finally remembered my existence
Me:
i didn't want to leave you hanging, I had no choice
now send it back
Kay:
i ain't sending you shit
😤
Kayden sent the text with that grumpy emoji and I couldn't help but smile. It felt like he was sulking over the fact that I had disappeared for hours. It made my insides whir with happiness.
Me:
send it back if you know what's good for you
Kay:
huh, you threatenin me?
Me:
and if i am
It took a while before he answered this time. I sat anxiously waiting for the reply.
Kay:
that shit aint gon' work on me
😈👿
I suddenly heard footsteps approach my door and it partly distracted me from texting Kayden back. I knew it was my mom because there would hardly be anyone else walking around the house in heels.
She pushed my door ajar first before slowly opening it widely. "Your sweater," she told me as she handed me the navy blue hoodie. "I have to say, the colour is rather alluring. You will look quite handsome in it. But there's much better sweaters if you ever let me help you pick out your clothing."
"Thank you," I replied as I got up to pick the hoodie from her. "I think I'll do fine with this kind, mom." It just might be the first time she has ever complimented one of my hoodies. She is not a big fan of the things.
"Fine fine," she said while putting her hands up in mock resignation. Her diamond bracelet moved on her wrist as the matching earrings swung with the turn of her head, as if to go. She stopped like she was in thought. "Seriously, what are you so fixated on?"
I chose to ignore that question and subtly ushered her out. "Thank you, mom!"
"Fine," she said while stepping away. "She is a beautiful girl, but you'll have to buy the right sweaters to win her over. I'll be waiting for when that time comes."
After she left, I then realized that she was obviously talking about Katey. I almost chuckled at how far from the mark she was as I went back to my phone, mindlessly throwing the hoodie on my bed.
I quickly checked my phone.
Kay:
you there?
I suddenly got an idea, and I was dying to see if it would work.
Me:
I'm not replying till you send it back
He replied immediately, like he never took his eyes off his phone during our entire conversation.
Kay:
no shit?
I didn't reply.
Kay:
it's cool, like i said you can't threaten me.
After reading his reply, I wasn't so sure about it anymore. Maybe he wouldn't actually cave, there was no guarantee for it. And it wasn't like he was dying to talk to me anyway, who put that idea into my head?
I frowned, then grabbed my phone to tell him I was only joking, but still, a part of me wanted to stand my ground. Maybe it was just to see exactly how long it would play out for. And deep deep down, I knew it would send me over the moon to find out that he couldn't resist talking to me. I don't even know why I wanted it so badly.
Three minutes felt like thirty or more. They turned to five. I watched my phone screen more attentively than any man in uniform.
It felt like forever before I sighed and got off the bed. I cracked my knuckles and sighed again while walking to put my new hoodie in the closet.
"Come on Julian," I said to myself, avoiding the bed and anything that lay on it—my phone and frustration. "Think of something else to do..."
In the end, I decided on a quick shower, although I tried to drag this one out. Showers always lessened the stress, no matter what it was. It felt good while it lasted and after that. I realised I'd also built some resolve while inside there. I could maybe ignore him for another thirty minutes.
Disappointment flooded me when I picked up the phone immediately after dressing for bed.
Wow... like you couldn't just wait to check Julian.
It wasn't in vain. It wasn't in vain because Kayden had texted me back. I was smiling a little too widely before I could even properly see. I covered my mouth and muffled my laughter when I saw his silly picture of what was apparently a frogmouth, which also happened to be a bird.
He'd sent a text below it and I could honestly hear him say it in my head.
Kay:
if you don't reply in the next few minutes I'm unsending it for good
# CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Calculations Made In The Dead Of Night, And The Waters That Watched
It had taken less than ten minutes for me to break. That was pathetic as fuck. It's like my fingers typed the message all on their own, so maybe it wasn't me.
I'm fairly sure that for the first time in my life, my buttons had really been pushed. (In the way that they were) Because no one...not one person, has ever won this kind of battle against me.
Julian... why was he different? What is it about him that makes me the way I am right now? Or just lately, because I was becoming harder for myself to recognise.
Ju:
good, good. how are you so photogenic.
I was smiling so much lately it was starting to worry Ma. At first, she hated the fact that I was grumpy more times than not. And my sudden change was now her greatest concern. It was always concern mixed with a little relief in her voice trying to get me to tell her what exactly changed. If I was being honest, I didn't know either. And maybe it would be the weirdest thing to say that out of nowhere, Julian happened.
Me:
it's a me thing
Ju:
that is hard to believe, considering there's no substantial proof. well, apart from this picture that is...
Me:
you did not just say that
Ju:
read it again
How I wish he was right next to me, we'd see where the cheekiness came from then.
But then what would you do?
That was the question, wasn't it?
Me:
i AM handsome, admit it. in fact, you prolly aint admittin shit because its too much for you to handle...i understand juju
It felt like I could see him smile from the other side.
Ju:
after sighing a lot...i've made up my mind. we'll test it out
Me:
and how exactly are we supposed to do that
Ju:
i'll show you when i see you
Me:
does that mean i get to see you soon?
Seriously, what were we doing? This obviously couldn't be normal. I'd rather eat a flip flop than talk to Mike, Liam, Kit or Connor like this.
Ju:
not as soom as i'd have wanted but yes, soon
I looked at the piece of text with more than a thousand things swimming through my mind. Against my better judgment, I texted back a question.
Me:
and how soon would you have wanted?
I watched the three dots like they held the secrets of the universe.
Ju:
i'm not telling you that...it's embarrassing
Me:
no need to be embarrassed juju...tell me
Ju:
fine...
Ju:
maybe now
If Julian thought that was embarrassing, then he should have seen how intensely my stomach churned the moment I read his text. I might as well have swiped my brow of imaginary sweat before typing my reply.
Me:
i want to see you now too. lets meet
Ju:
now?
I knew the time wasn't ideal and I knew that it was unreasonable for me to ask him to meet me at this hour. It was late or perhaps a little too late for him, and although it would have been a bummer for me, if Julian had declined the idea to meet, then I would not have pushed. Hopefully, he didn't change his mind.
Me:
yes, now...meet me at the bent-gate bridge in like forty minutes
Ju:
i dont know where that is
Me:
alright, remember the mad egg? how about we meet up there, then we'll see what to do. we could meet at the grand hall if you prefer that
Ju:
okay
the mad egg is fine
Julian's affirmation made me so happy I practically bounced off the bed after replying.
Me:
ok see you there
•••
It was no surprise to see Julian in a navy blue hoodie and shorts. He walked over to me and put his hands in his pockets, a little distance away. "Hey," he said.
"Juju," I said and smirked at him. He seemed to light up for the shortest time when he heard me. It made me want to say it again.
"Kayden the cute?" He replied, the neon lights of the Mad Egg casting a yellow kind of sheen on his hair. The lights made his eyes look darker than they were.
"Don't even...don't make me bring up the cotton candy and lizards, Juju. Seriously, I can talk about it all day," I replied with all the seriousness I could muster, nullified by my never-ending smile.
"No, thank you," Juju replied with a slight roll to his eyes.
"That's what I thought," I said then closed the distance between us. He was taking too long to give me my hug, so I did it by myself.
I swayed Juju from side to side, with my arms all around him and his own, still inside his pockets. He was so tense and so stiff so I didn't let it continue for too long. Reluctantly, or not, I released Juju.
"Did you really want to come?" I asked after releasing him. "I know it's really late."
Juju turned a little to the side, and I couldn't tell whether his cheeks were red or it was just the neon lights. "Of course I wanted to come."
My heart soared. "Okay, okay. So, I know just the place to go. Just follow closely behind me," I told him and he nodded.
Bent-gate bridge was just after the last intersection from my place to the Grand Hall, and because of its multiple flood lights, it looked divine at night. And because it was so big, we could park our cars at the sides and no one would be bothered about it. Kit and I had already done it several times.
"Your favorite place?" Julian asked me as he approached from his car, he mimicked me leaning against mine so that we were shoulder to shoulder looking over at the water, and folded his arms across his chest.
"Not exactly. Wanna see my favorite place?" I asked him instead.
"I do," he answered with a hint of excitement in his voice.
"Nah, I'll show you another time," I said, then teasingly added, "Maybe."
"You better," he said firmly. "That's a promise."
"Hm," I replied. "I'll think about it."
Was it just me, or was the space between our shoulders a little smaller?
Turns out, it wasn't just me, because after a little while of talking, the space was closing in, so much that a single movement in his direction would close that space completely. I turned away and tried my best not to move, I kept on talking normally, or trying to, wondering if Julian even realised anything. He seemed oblivious.
I stopped listening to Julian mid sentence when I felt our shoulders touch. It was at this time that he also stopped talking and our eyes met for the shortest while before we both looked away, saying nothing about the body contact, and pretending like none of it was happening. But not moving away either.
Against my will, I chuckled nervously. "Yeah...uh, about that handsome test..."
"Aw, you're really not being cute right now Kay," Julian said with a tiny groan and a small smile.
If he knew just how cute he was...
Kayden stop! Because what the hell is this?
It felt like my brain and I needed to sit down and have a talk, because there was too much I didn't understand.
Julian then pushed himself off the car and pulled his phone out. "So it works like this," he explained. "I'm going to rate the individual parts of your face out of ten, and the closer the total score is to fifty, the more handsome you are. I'm declaring that you're going to rank really low on the scale so do not expect too much."
"Hmm," I said and closed the inches between our faces until I was sure he could feel my breath on his face. He blinked several times. "And what are these individual parts?"
Julian took two steps away from me and moved to the side. "Uh...I...the...," he said hesitantly, it was so...ugh.
Stop Kayden, please stop. ...not now, brain...
"Well?" I asked cheekily.
"Your... facial structure, then eyes, nose, lips are all out of ten each," he said.
"And the other ten?" I asked him.
"That is the general ranking. My final verdict on how well the entire structure fits together," he said and made a round motion with his fingers towards my face. "I'll start now."
Julian started typing into his phone as I held my hands behind my back, way too happy, waiting to be assessed by him.
"Julian's Special Handsome Test," he said while his fingers tapped his screen. "Name, Kayden..."
"Wilson..."
"The Cute," he corrected. "Kayden the Cute."
"You're asking for it Juju,"
"Am I?" He asked, but did not let me answer. Lucky, because my hands itched to do something. "Here we go, so I'm going to have to give you a four for that facial structure."
The nerve!
"What do you mean four? Let me see that!" I made to grab the phone but Julian stepped away from me.
"Your eyes would definitely be a two," he said and I smiled wider. "No, wait, lets give it a one actually. Nose, two will do just fine. Lips..."
Julian stopped talking and I noticed his eyes nervously fleet away from my lips then glue themselves to his phone to input the data. "Uh lips would be te- three..."
"Yeah, that's definitely three," I smirked.
Julian ignored me. "And finally, the final verdict," he said and pretended to look at me seriously as if ananlysing each part of me. "Okay, this is definitely and without a doubt a one. Yeah," he nodded like he'd checked again and made sure. "And with that we have a total score of eleven." Julian then shook his head. "Kayden, your score is eleven out of fifty. Now that you know you are not at all handsome, how do you wish to proceed?"
I took a step towards him. "I would like to look at your phone," I said and as I tried to grab the phone, he snatched his hand back and hid it behind his back.
"Not happening," said Julian.
"Oh, something you don't want me to see? Something like the truth?" When I moved behind him, Julian moved the phone in front of him and completely dodged me. I wrapped my hands around him in an effort to grab the phone from him, which made it look like I was hugging him from the back.
Julian immediately turned and made one of the most "harmless" moments of my life become one of the hottest and most confusing I've ever been in.
His arms automatically rested on my shoulders at the same time mine wrapped around his waist—a little too tightly at that.
We both stopped smiling and looked at each other. It felt like I was looking at him for the first time, every single thing about his face felt different. Every single thing I'd never noticed before. At least not to that level.
I felt Julian's hands withdraw from my shoulders and move to my chest, trying to push me away. I used the moment to steal the phone from his hands.
"Hey!" He yelled.
I laughed at the face he made and tried not to focus on the flushed cheeks. I then groaned and gave him back his phone when I realised it was locked and I didn't have his password. "Lucky you," I said while dropping the phone in his hands reluctantly.
"What are you doing?" His look of victory quickly morphed to confusion. Julian exclaimed after a while when he was lifted and put on the hood of my car.
"It's your turn to be tested," I told him.
"I'm not–"
I traced the outline of his face with a finger. "Ten," I said and the colour on his cheeks deepened.
I knew I was being bold but I was too focused on his every feature to even worry about that. "Ten," I said after poking his nose once. "Ten," I said while tracing his lips.
This couldn't be normal. This couldn't be just two casual friends hanging out.
Julian tried to turn his face to the side but I turned it back to me and looked into his eyes. "Definitely ten."
"Stop, Kay," he said softly.
I shook my head. "My final verdict bends the rules a little, but there's nothing that can be done about it. It's probably fifteen."
"But that's more than fifty..."
"Is it?"
Julian nodded and that's when the sound of his ringtone interrupted us both. He looked at me guiltily and I just shrugged at him, telling him to go ahead.
Juju didn't say a single word during the entire phone call, not until the end when he said a very frustrated sounding 'yes' and hung up.
"I have to go," he said to me, a hint of annoyance in his voice. I didn't ask about it, just nodded.
"Sorry I made you meet me so late in the night, maybe I shouldn't have–"
"Thank you for this...time...it's..." he said. "Please don't apologise." Juju sounded so sincere that all I could do was nod at him.
This time the hug lasted the longest. There was no reason for it to take so much time but somehow, it was too comfortable to let go. "Bye," Julian finally said when we pulled apart.
"Bye," I replied. "Text me when you get back home."
"Really?" He asked a little disbelievingly.
"Oh yeah. I take those really seriously," I replied. "Especially since all this is my fault."
"Not exactly, but okay I will."
"And a screenshot of the unaltered handsome test results on your phone would be very much appreciated," I added.
Julian smiled. "Never."
•••
When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I thought about was Julian.
Julian Julian Julian.
I turned several times to waste enough time on the bed before getting up. But with every position came fresh thoughts of green eyes and brown hair. Light freckles and flushed ears. Pink lips and long fingers.
I felt a little worried about him because this was the second time he got a phone call when he was with me and had to leave immediately. I worried about if everything was fine or if that was normal for him. Something told me it was the former because of how his mood always changed.
I checked my phone and looked at the last message he sent me.
Ju:
hi, i'm back. i'm alright
Me:
good
It was my one worded reply. I pushed down the urge to text any more because I didn't trust myself to stop.
"Kay! There's someone–" Ree started.
"Kaaaayyy!" Rylan interrupted. "There's someone at the door! And mom's still asleep!"
I must have been really lost in my thoughts not to notice. "Teeth," I said and I was flashed with two sets of little pearly white teeth, the action making my siblings look way too cute for this world.
"Good," I approved while giving them high fives. Then I got off the bed.
The reason I still asked them to show me their teeth was because Rylan once got the story wrong and convinced Rylee that every time they brushed their teeth, a tooth fairy died somewhere.
It took a lot of convincing but with the help of gummy worms, I finally managed to change their minds. "Now for my morning kisses!" I said cheerfully. "One here, and one here," I pointed at both my cheeks.
"No! Kay! I'm a big boy now," Rylan complained. "No kisses!"
I looked at him nonchalantly. "Okay," I said then turned to Rylee. "Ree?"
She was already rushing towards me with open arms. She jumped into my arms and gave me two extra kisses as Rylan tried to look every where but at me.
As I pulled the front door open, I didn't expect to see the biggest bouquet of flowers I'd ever seen. There were all sorts of flowers inside it, but despite that, instead of looking like someone could have easily thrown together different flowers, it still looked like someone really put a lot of effort into it.
"Violet Wilson?" The delivery man asked.
"That's mom!" Ree declared as I signed and carried the huge bouquet inside.
I had mixed feelings and waves of protectiveness about the reality of someone sending my mother flowers, but I couldn't deny the happiness I felt either. All this made me cautious and I read the note attached to it.
'
Have a lovely day,
As I spend mine in torture, unable to stop thinking about the day I encountered you
'
Who the fuck was this?
Kayden thought, honestly, it was borderline creepy according to him. No name, no nothing. Probably someone from work?
"Ma," I said, pushing her door open. She woke up immediately. "These came for you."
"For me?" She asked, her voice still addled with sleep.
"Yes, for you," I replied. "Good morning." I cleared my throat. "Are you seeing someone?"
"No," she said while cradling the bouquet in her arms, looking a little confused. "I would have obviously told you."
I watched her frown as she read the note. "I have no idea whom these could be from. But they are lovely." She smelled them.
We spent the entire morning in confusion, that was quickly forgotten as we enjoyed our morning together. It was rare for Ma to get entire weekends off like this so this was special.
It wasn't until later on that I was in my room and almost got the scare of my life when I noticed Rylan's head poking through my door and watching me intently. How long had he been there?!
"Jesus! Ry, come here...what is it?"
He got in cautiously and climbed onto my bed, then fidgeted with his hands. "I need to tell you something Kay."
"What's wrong?" I asked. "What's bothering you?" It was rare that Rylan ever wanted to talk because apparently something was bothering him.
Rylan pointed to one corner of the ceiling and when I looked up, he quickly kissed both my cheeks and scrambled off the bed.
"I'm still a big boy though! Byeeee!" He said without looking back as he made his escape by running away and out the door.
# CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The Berliner Philharmoniker
My dad wanted to talk to me. Every time he said that, it didn't turn out right. It was absolutely aggravating just trying to figure out what he was going to talk about.
No, he isn't hiring a professional to read your texts, so relax.
"Have a seat, son," he said.
History was repeating itself, I lowered myself onto the seat—the couch opposite from his own.
His eyes fleeted to me, pinning me to the spot. If I wasn't thinking so much, I'd say there was remorse in them. "I'm sorry," he said.
"What?" I asked, not really believing what I'd just heard.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I was a little paranoid."
It was more than that in my opinion.
"It was wrong of me to have you followed."
Yeah damn wrong.
"You deserve your privacy and for that I'm sorry."
I had to remind myself that this wasn't a dream and I heard him right. My father looked at me a little bit waveringly and I couldn't help but feel the worry emanating from him. I nodded and forced the words out of my mouth, my tongue feeling heavy. "It's fine, dad."
"Really?" He asked and I was reminded that he loved me. Enough to seem scared I wasn't going to be able to forgive him.
"Yes, but only that part. I still won't forgive you if you think it's wrong for him to be around me because something like his skin tone is different from mine." I felt my hands tighten to fists all on their own, a million and one arguments right at the tip of my tongue, just waiting to explode.
"And I'm proud of you for saying that. But I honestly hoped you didn't make friends with him, I meant that part. I called him poor because I could tell...I had him followed because I had to make sure you were safe. None of it had anything to do with the colour of his skin."
Underneath my frustration and annoyance, was relief. "I only have two questions," I said and my dad nodded. He seemed eager to comply with anything I said, mostly to make amends, so this was my golden chance. He told me to go ahead and ask, so I did. "So what if he is 'poor'?"
"They always try to take advantage of you, one way or another," my dad replied with a far away look in his eyes like he'd seen this particular thing happen many times before. "That's why I believe our worlds should never mix."
"He's not like that!" I replied, my statement laced with more heat than I intended to insert. If I even intended to.
Dad only looked at me with mild surprise, indicated by the slight rise of his eyebrows like he wasn't expecting me to defend Kayden so ferociously. I wasn't either. "I'll take your word for it, for now," he replied. "And I'll promise you here, that I won't have you and him followed again. If you continue to be...er...friends, then eventually I have to meet him, I'll see for myself then, why you like him so much. Maybe you could invite him here."
My heart almost dropped to my feet when he said that statement. But it should have been harmless, right?
"No...not now...not yet," I replied. "I'll think about it." What I didn't say was that I'd prefer to keep him away from any notion of judgment for as long as I could help it.
"And the second question?" He asked calmly.
"What happened?" I asked. "Why are you so obsessed with my safety?"
Dad looked like the air had been sucked from his lungs. He shook his head, trying to gather himself. "I'm just looking out for you."
"We both know it's more than that," I said, trying really hard to stand my ground.
"I'm trying," he said more quietly.
"That does not answer my question," I replied. "What made you so paranoid? Is someone trying to kill me for some reason unbeknownst to me?"
"No! No one is trying to kill you..." he said. It was a little too defensive for my liking.
"Well?"
"I... I just want to keep you safe," dad replied just when I thought he was going to give in, making me feel defeated, because we both knew that was all he was going to say about the issue. It only fed my curiosity, but as usual, I quietened it.
It looked like an idea struck dad and he turned to me. In an effort to steer the conversation away from where it was just a few seconds ago, he said, "How about we spend some quality time together?"
I folded my legs on the couch and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. I sighed internally, willing myself not to start an argument about why he didn't exactly give me a truthful answer. "What do you have in mind?" I asked.
Please be fun, please be fun, please be fun.
"Let's go shooting ducks," he replied enthusiastically.
"Uh no. Ew. People don't do that anymore," I said with all the disinterest I could muster at the moment—it was a lot—hopefully the message got through.
The look on my face must have been repulsive enough, because he laughed. "I wasn't being serious, but now I know never to bring it up."
Before I could nod my relief, my mum just sort of waltzed into the room at that moment, her blue dress billowing down to her ankles like she was about to sweep the floor with it, but not quite. She had pretty white heels with straps on them. I knew that even if I stood right next to her with them still on, I'd still almost tower over her.
She sat on my dad's lap and closed her hands around his neck, focusing her gaze entirely on him. Even after all these years, they still had so much chemistry. I didn't have to contemplate, I knew all of his attention was hers. By the time he was smiling up at her like that, with an arm around her like there was no way she was getting away.
"Hey honey," he said and kissed her.
I cringed and shrunk further into my seat, putting up a hand to cover one side of my face to prevent looking at them from my peripheral. It could take a while if they got like this. My dad only had eyes for my mom, that much I knew because I've watched women throw themselves at him, it was one of the few times I saw him actually be cold. And then my mom walks in, and he's reduced to a thoughtless, smiling machine. Mom loved him too, but in my opinion, he loved her a lot more than she did.
They finally acknowledged my presence again when my mom turned to me. She smiled like she had just noticed her little baby was awake or in her presence. "Let's all go out," she said and my dad perked up. There was no question now, we were doing this.
There is a reason why I always steered clear whenever they made their plans; no one else had the ability to make you feel out of place like my parents could. But with the excitement I sensed pouring out of my dad, I knew there was no getting out of this one.
After approximately fifteen minutes of throwing around ideas of where to go, my mom finally decided on the orchestra, and we both agreed.
For all the times I dreaded doing what my parents preferred to do, I actually enjoyed going to the orchestra. There was always something about the entire performance that managed to always blow me away every single time.
Tonight there was to be a private concert performed by the Berliner Philharmoniker in a location I didn't bother to ask my dad. I was only excited to see Simon Rattle conduct in the phenomenal way he knew how to. I did hear a rumour that he'd retired but he was conducting this particular performance so I was more than thrilled.
Both my dad and I were dressed in black suits which for some reason accentuated our resemblance to outstanding levels. My mom looked lovely in her deep red dress and barely any jewelry. I wish we'd taken pictures before coming here. See, I'm not so anti-family after all.
I was introduced to a few new faces before the performance started. It always feels like there's always someone I have to meet for the first time every time I go out with my parents. It always takes a while, and it probably doesn't show how much I dread it but I just suffer through it in silence. Eventually it came to an end and we settled down, me between my parents.
From the moment I sat down and the music started, there was no other way to put it. I was entranced. I wasn't expecting the performance to bring to surface so many memories but it did and it was all I could do not to get too overwhelmed. I thought of my dad, and the number of times he'd lifted me in his arms and tucked me into bed. I didn't think we'd fight so much when I got older but we did, and I was thankful that no matter how many harsh words we exchanged...underneath all that were endless layers of love. I reached out and covered his hand with mine, realizing the slight differences in the sizes—mine couldn't properly cover his.
My dad let out an emotional sound and brought his other hand over mine, so that now, my hand was being sandwiched by both of his. We didn't say anything, but it was enough.
Before I could search out my mom's hand, she extended hers to mine and this time covered my hand with hers instead. On any other ordinary day, I would have felt nothing short of suffocated by this moment, but right now, it felt comfortable and secure.
I thought of Andre and just how many times he'd read me to sleep. How he was always there, how much he obviously cared more about me than his own job. How much I wish he was right here. There's no grown up whose company I enjoyed like I did his.
And then I thought of Kayden. At that point I'm sure it wasn't just inside my head, the music intensified. As if searing his bright as day image deep into the crevices of mind, like it wasn't there already. I thought about how he had no reason to smell so good, or just look so good. His easy way with words, and how he definitely had no reason to rattle up all my insides just at the mere sight of him.
From the time I met Kayden, there is a door that formed itself in my mind, but for some reason I could never open it. I strongly suspected what was inside it but never did I once open it, or attempt to. But right now, I was doing just that. I reached out for the door, slowly, cautiously, like I was afraid it would get away from me if I rushed. It felt like opening that door was going to reveal a few things I preferred hidden away, things about the boy I just met, things I couldn't bring myself to accept, or to admit.
And just when I was about to turn that knob , the theatre went still. Everything held its breath and the loudest sounds of silence filled the air, disrupting me from my thoughts, making me feel disoriented and taken aback. In my mind, I took a step away from that door, then took another...and then another. Maybe I'd come back, or maybe I would not, but it suspiciously felt like whether I did or not was going to be up to Kayden.
Coming back to my senses, or at least to the present, the first thing I realised was that I was breathing really hard trying to take in every single feeling and thought process at the same time.
I was probably the last person to stand up and applaud the performance. They were incredible, not that that word even began to describe it.
Dinner was in a restaurant a five minutes drive away from the location of the concert. It was barely enough time to process everything I was feeling at once coming from the orchestra, so much that my mom asked if everything was alright.
My dad was barely even looking at me after food was laid out on the table. I practically made the entire order for three as they were both too invested in each other. My dad nodded at the small things I said but I knew that all of his attention belonged to my mother at the moment.
During dinner, I was focused on my phone, looking at the last text between me and Kayden, refusing to be the one to respond, even if the conversation started out with him.
Good
; his last reply. I'd waited for more, but he said nothing else, and so I went to sleep at the time.
"Do you like it?" I looked up to see my dad looking at my mom lovingly, a black case open on her hands with a diamond necklace inside it. She nodded at my dad with her cheeks flushed, looking like a young girl experiencing love for the first time. My dad kissed her and I tried not to die of embarrassment.
"You're still apologizing to me right?" I asked my dad when he finally found the self control to release my mom. As if kissing felt so good that someone wouldn't want to stop. In my opinion, it's disgusting when it goes on for too long.
"Yeah yeah," he replied and made a dismissive gesture while he looked at her. Funny how I suddenly became the third wheel.
Deep down I was grateful that they're focus was far from me and more towards each other as I could get lost in my own thoughts without anyone bothering me. It made me think about things, which didn't really help a lot because I couldn't come to any conclusion, but it was alright. And by the time we were leaving, I was exhausted and couldn't just wait to drop down onto my bed.
"Can I drive back with Andre?" I asked, ready to put up a fight if I got a negative answer. I was even ready to guilt trip him about how none of their focus was on me.
"Sure." I loved how my dad said it without hesitation. It somewhat felt like we were finally progressing.
Andre smiled with his entire face when I got into the car. "Did you have a good time?"
"I actually did," I answered. "It was incredible. My favorite part was when mom and dad forgot my existence for the rest of the night. I think I started looking like a pest at one point."
Andre's laugh tore out of him while he fastened his seatbelt. "Is that why you ran away from your third-wheeling duties?"
"No," I answered then put my hand on his on the steering wheel, forcing him to look at me. "I just wanted to be with you."
Andre stopped, as if his words died on his tongue. The realisation caught him a little too late. "I didn't–"
"Shut up I got you!" I said excitedly. "Now we're even. You should have seen your face!"
There wasn't much he could do to argue, so he clenched his jaw with a little smile. "Fine," he ground out, driving away from the parking space. "Have fun with it for now."
"Aw Andre..."
"My lord."
"Ugh, when are you going to drop that title?" I said a little bit exasperated. "You wouldn't like me giving you a title, just ask Kay–"
"Who's Kay?" Andre asked. I could tell I had all of his attention.
I tried to pretend that I wasn't lost for words, but I was. But who got tongue tied when they were asked about a friend? I quickly recovered to answer him before it became too awkward. "Kayden. He's my friend."
"Yeah?" Andre asks. "The one Killian–"
"Yes." I know all of the bodyguards report to Andre, so there's no way that he doesn't know about Kay.
"Relax my lord, there's no need to get so worked up," replied Andre. "It's normal to have a friend out of school."
I failed to respond to that, so there was a mini awkward silence in the car. It felt like if I said anything, I'd sound more defensive than I was already being which would yet rouse more suspicion. Plus he was right, there really is no need for me to get so worked up.
"But I'm glad you had a great time," Andre's voice filled the silence.
"Jeez, Andre, when exactly was it when I imprinted on you?" I asked.
I'd gone for a light tone but Andre kept his eyes on the road, and answered without faltering. "The day you were born."
•••
It was late when we got back home and just like I fantasised, I saw my bed and smiled, walking towards it and dropping down on it, casting all cares to the wind.
It felt so good.
It didn't take long before I was drifting off into sleep. The moments between drifting off and waking up were what confused me. I didn't know how long I'd slept for, but I knew it wasn't very long.
My eye flicked open at a sound, followed by the other one. That sound was my ringtone. The fatigue of the day made itself present in all of my joints.
Don't go out with your parents, it's a trick.
The first thing I saw was a black box resting on my bed, identical to the one I'd seen my dad give mom. So he hadn't really forgotten about me after all. I just knew it was going to be a watch. I ignored it for now to pay attention to the ringing phone.
I grabbed my phone with uncertainty and looked at the screen for the caller ID.
It was Kayden.
# CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I Am Groot
I tried to tell myself that I was sighing out of a harmless human function but this was not the case. Deep down, I knew that I was sighing because the boys and I were going to the movies in a few hours, and not to be the bad friend but I wasn't really thrilled about it. Although for some reason, I wasn't dreading it as much as the last time we met, so there was some improvement in that case. And I suspected it was because I was almost always smiling lately.
Yes, Julian. Somehow lately, his name was always going to come up somewhere where I was concerned, or wherever my thoughts decided to wander. I still wanted to see my handsome test results. Not because I am so vain that I need the validation from wherever I could get it, but because for some reason, I needed to see for myself that just as he'd said it, he really didn't think I was good looking. Why it was important...I couldn't really put a finger on it.
I decided not to get into Connor's house where I was picking him and Stacey up because of two reasons. One, was that he's grandmother was overly affectionate and always wanted to talk and by that, I meant it could go on for more than an hour. She always tried to put in a good history lesson, and trying to escape her could prove futile sometimes. The second reason was quite simple, I did not want to take my shoes off.
It took a little over five minutes and the dynamic duo were walking towards me, wearing matching T-shirts and holding hands. Stacey looked amazing, she always did. And she was wearing the biggest smile on her face, which made me smile too as they reached.
"You know," I started. "For people who claim to be so platonic, you both act more romantic than most couples." Stacey stuck out her tongue at me and Connor chuckled. "Just tell me the truth, I promise I won't tell the rest."
"Classic awfully mouthy Uber drivers," said Connor.
"Hey!" I replied, acting offended. "That's strike two, Connor."
"Yeah?" He replied with an easy smile. "What happens when we get to three?"
"I quit."
"Oh no! We wouldn't want that! Who'll drive us then?"
"Kit?" I suggested.
"Kit's acting weird," said Stacey. "Even said he couldn't make it today."
"You don't say..." I replied, unable to help the relief I felt at hearing that.
Connor got a phone call at that moment and Stacey continued. "Something's wrong, maybe we should check on him after the movie," she suggested.
"Uhh..." I swallowed, suddenly forgetting how I could run away from this situation. Thankfully, Connor had my back with this one. He made the briefest eye contact with me, understanding in his eyes as he diverted the attention away from me.
"Knox says, our lazy asses showing up any time now would be nice."
Saved.
•••
"You guys go get the snacks, I'll get the tickets," I said to the boys when we were all together.
"I'll come with you," said Liam.
"Yeah sure," I replied.
"Yo, how come you never bring Amber-Lee with you?" Liam asked when he fell into step with me. There was a hard pat on my shoulder before he slung his arm around my neck.
"What? Do you like her?" I asked him because he'd totally piqued my interest. If he did then it was either going to be the cutest thing or it was going to be a total disaster. Because they were both shy as fuck, for Liam at least when it came to girls. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he would make the first move, because I knew for sure that Amber-Lee wouldn't.
"Just saying," Liam said, unable to hide the blush through his extremely pale skin. "You should bring her along."
"Interesting," I said. "I'll definitely ask her the next time."
I barely noticed the usher getting our tickets as I handed her the cash. All I could tell if someone put a gun to my head to describe her would be dark hair, and if they shot me after that, then so be it, because like I said, I barely noticed. (Very unnatural Kayden behavior). Oh and dimples, she definitely had dimples.
All I could make out was that she kept trying to make eye contact with me, and normally, I wouldn't let an opportunity like that go, but lately all I could think about was something I tried very hard not to admit; my thoughts were constantly filled with other things and those things did not leave much room for anything else.
After thinking she would get the hint and stop trying to flirt, the usher brushed a finger over my hand when we were leaving, at the moment she handed the tickets to me. Knowing myself, that would have definitely gotten my attention in the past, but since recent times, it did nothing to me, which made me, question further exactly what was wrong with me.
Liam broke the silence first as we walked to the other guys. "Yoo dude, she was totally checking you out!"
"I noticed," was my reply. I had noticed Liam acting like he wanted the earth to swallow him up during my interaction with the usher, he really was afraid of girls, it was a phase he never outgrew. Maybe girls just made him so nervous he'd much rather sit in a corner by himself. Which seemed so unlikely because if you saw Liam for the first time, it wouldn't be difficult to group him with the bullies. He looked scary mean to a lot of people, which also made girls think he was just evil and unapproachable. Unless you were Stacey. She made him get used to her by force.
With all his nervousness earlier, it shocked me that he noticed that much about the usher. "You should have asked for her number bro, she was totally into you."
"Yeah...not interested," I managed to say nonchalantly.
"Bro...Kayden-
the
Kayden, not interested? In a female? And one that actually flirts with him...bro, are you dying?" He asked with a straight face.
I could swear to God that I'm not as bad as these guys make it seem.
I scoffed and didn't answer as we approached our friends. How was I supposed to answer such a question after all? It didn't make sense, not to Liam and not to me either. Not the 'if I was dying' part, but the me not being interested part...yeah that was not me for sure.
•••
By the time we settled in for the movie, Mike's popcorn was already halfway done and he grabbed mine from my lose grip, replacing it with his and quickly making sure to sit far away from me so that I wouldn't be able to grab it back.
I sent him a death glare and watched him smile while helping himself to my popcorn. Then he wiggled his eyebrows at me.
"Bro fuck you," I said and let it go. I'd get him another time for that one.
The first thing I thought about when I settled down was that Julian and I should really hang out at the movies sometime. I made a mental note to ask him about it when the timing was right. Then it hit me that if I was given the option at this moment, to be here with Julian or with my friends, deep down I knew that I would ditch my friends in a heartbeat. And that was part of everything that was confusing me lately, I didn't know what to make of it or whatever it was for sure. There was no direct answer and it frustrated me to no end.
The movie started and I paid attention for like probably the first nine minutes, and then it was just a downward spiral of Julian themed thoughts.
Jesus this boy again...
Julian loved Groot, and just because of that simple fact, I found myself doing a lot of in depth thinking about the character. He was the plausibly the only character I could really focus on the entire time as I tried to understand everything I could about the little tree monster. Or little tree alien if that was more accurate.
At one point, Stacey poked my arm with her elbow and made a hushed remark. "Bro, Zoe Saldana is so fine though..." she said while more popcorn found its way inside her mouth.
I'm not even so sure if I heard her right though. So I just made an agreeable sound and said nothing else.
"You okay?" She asked, sounding a little skeptical.
"I'm calm," I replied with extra injected enthusiasm to make sure she wasn't suspicious enough to ask any more questions.
Groot minutes later, (because if I didn't already know the characters, that would be the only character I would know), my phone vibrates and I almost jump with the anticipation that it is a text from Julian. To my slight disappointment it wasn't. Okay fine, to my huge disappointment, it wasn't him. Argh. I don't know the last time I was this frustrated, and for such a little reason.
When the movie was done, I noticed that I did a lot of nothing in regards to paying attention to the movie but so much towards thinking Julian thoughts.
Thinking Julian thoughts
...it was a very close to accurate way to describe a day in my life lately.
Everyone was talking about the movie, but all I could offer was nods here and there and a very whack comment about Groot because that is almost all that I noticed in the movie.
"You seem distracted," said Liam after noticing that I might not have been on the same page with everyone after all.
"No, I'm not," I replied quickly.
"You don't have to get defensive about it, you dumbfuck," he replied, bringing his face closer to my phone to see what I was doing.
Liam was then distracted by Knox putting a finger under his chin. "You look good Liam," he just said randomly.
"You shut up, and get away from me," he said and took three steps away from Knox. Knox smirked and took three steps towards him.
It was the perfect opportunity for me to make my escape. I explained to Mike, Stacey and Connor that I had to go while Liam and Knox continued to bicker. I had to go pick up Rylan and Rylee from their friend's birthday party, then go see mom.
We said goodbye and I left.
•••
"My kisses first," I turned to the twins and said. To my surprise, without question, Rylan left a kiss on my cheek before Rylee could.
"Ry you're acting weird today," said Rylee before giving me my kiss. "Is it because Rosa called you her boyfriend?"
I cocked an eyebrow at that, and when my eyes met Ry's, he firmly shook his head several times. "No..." he said like the horrible liar he could be when nervous.
"Did you guys have a great time?" I asked.
"It was awesome!" Ree exclaimed. "More than awesome!" Ry added. "But why are we stopping at the mad egg? We already ate."
"We're getting something for mom," I replied.
"We're going to see mom?" Rylan asked. The cutest children in the world asked me as obvious happiness swam in their eyes. I loved them so much.
I smiled and nodded. "Just one sec," I said, leaving them in the car to go pick up the food. I'd called earlier and made the order, which made it all easy because now it was ready to pick up.
Mom looked dejected when we got to the hospital. It broke my heart to see her like that. If the kids noticed, then they didn't really show it. They ran to her excitedly and jumped around her till she lifted them each in the air and kissed them, then hugged them, all the while feigning a smile. One that I could see through clear as day.
I hugged Ma for the longest time, either of us refusing to let go. It felt like she was shaking or maybe not. My heart broke into a few more pieces. "Bad day?" I asked her.
She nodded into my chest without saying a word. Rylee and Rylan joined in on the hug and her hand went to stroke her babies on the back.
"Let's get you home," I told her because I hated seeing her like this.
"No... I'll get home later," she objected. "It's just...there's a lot of people dying today." Tears spilled out her eyes and she quickly wiped them. "It happens. It's sad but...I can take it."
"It's okay mama," said Rylan. "We can help you bury them if you want. Right Ree?"
Ree didn't answer because she was crying a little too, and when Rylan saw it, he couldn't take it. "Don't cry Ree! Please," he said while wiping her tears away. "Okay?"
"Okay," Ree answered and sniveled. "You too, mama."
Mom smiled and wiped her eyes again, chuckling a little. "Okay."
"I'm going to create a cure to every sickness when I grow up, that way, everyone will be okay!" Ree said happily and with determination.
Rylan wasn't so convinced, he furrowed his eyebrows. "But if they aren't sick, then mom won't have a job. Let's keep them sick!"
They carried on arguing back and forth, and I could tell by the look on Ma's face that they had definitely cheered her up. I was glad.
Surprisingly, at that moment, I thought about the person who sent her flowers, and wondered where they were now. If he could just hurry up with the wooing process so that we could see whether he was good enough for her or not, it would really help a great deal. I didn't think I would be thinking that but now, here I was, holding my mother in my arms with nothing but the burning need to see her happy.
•••
Almost after the entire weekend, Julian still hadn't texted me. There was no communication whatsoever between the two of us, and it is normal for friends to not talk to each other for days...a day or two. It's something that just happens, but we haven't spoken in a while.
Yes, it was bugging me. I knew that it was as easy as texting him, but I wasn't about to do that. Here was the problem, I don't know why I just couldn't bring myself to. I know that my reply was curt and didn't leave any room for a reply but I still wanted him to, and he didn't. I wasn't irritated, but that didn't mean he couldn't just say hi or reply something...anything.
I did say I had a thing with the guys but he hadn't even left a single text. And now that the thing with the guys was finished, there still wasn't a text. What is wrong with him? With me?
I decided then I didn't really need to dwell on it, and so I tried to distract myself and maybe go to sleep without continuously looking at my phone and waiting for him to text. I looked up at the ceiling and decided to close my eyes until I drifted off. I was tired anyway. The day had taken its toll on me.
Guess what? I failed miserably.
Me:
I am Groot.
I looked at the text after five minutes, trying not to cringe and refusing to un-send it. Ten minutes later and he still didn't reply. I weighed several options.
And so with my heart in my throat, I called him. And waited.
"Hmmm..." Ju answered and when I heard his voice, I took a moment and paused.
His voice was thickly laced with a scratchiness that could only come from sleep. Fucking hell. He didn't have to make it sound like that. It suddenly felt a little warmer in the room.
"Kay...did you butt-dial me? Hello?"
Jesus freakin'
... "Uhh..." I cleared my throat. "Hey, uh... did I wake you?"
"No, I mean...yeah you did, but it's fine."
"You ain't usually asleep at this time, you tired?"
"A little," he replied. "My dad was sort of apologizing...making it up to me. And somehow we went out and I ended up becoming the third wheel. Sorry, long story."
I chuckled. "I don't mind."
I just want you to keep talking.
"I'll tell you all about it in person," he said.
That voice though.
"You didn't text me the entire weekend," I said before I could keep my mouth shut. There was a pause before he answered.
"You didn't text me either."
"Your voice...I mean...will you come over tomorrow?"
"Can I come over the day after that?" He asked. "I don't want to have to leave abruptly when I really miss you."
My chest started to pound harder. It's harmless. Relax. I tried to tell myself. Would he have said this if he wasn't so sleepy?
"I really miss you too, you know."
"Huh...really?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," he said sounding innocent. "Also... there's something you need to know."
He sure knew how to get me excited. "What?"
"See you the day after tomorrow," he said and the line went dead.
I bit my lip, smiling like a fool in the darkness. Could tomorrow just finish quickly?
# CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
By The Force Of Karma's Hand
With the way I had been cheeky during that phone call Kayden and I had, you wouldn't believe how nervous I was right now that I was on the way to his house, a day later. It was everything I could look forward to. It was everything I could think about ever since the call.
You didn't text me the entire weekend.
Was he serious? Because it felt really good to know that the same things that were bothering him were the same things that were bothering me.
As Killian drove, I couldn't help but notice the way his fingers kept tapping the wheel restlessly. I wasn't used to seeing a nervous or restless Killian, and for as long as I could remember, he'd always been the calmest person I'd ever seen. Way more than Andre was, so this was quite unusual.
"Is everything alright?" I asked him and immediately, his jaw clenched, eyes never leaving the road.
"Everything's fine," he replied, then cleared his throat.
Strange.
Killian's fingers stopped tapping restlessly for a little over three minutes—probably because I'd pointed it out, and then he was back at it again. This time I just let it go.
Let's just say that I let it go physically but inside I was still worrying about it. Think of the calmest person you know, who never breaks a sweat even under a lot of pressure, and now imagine that person agitated. Trust me, it would worry you to some extent. I'd probably think it was to do with his wife or children, but for as far as I know, he does not have any children, nor does he have a wife.
Girlfriend maybe?
Kayden's house got bigger as we got closer to it and soon we were there. It looked very quiet, almost like there was no one around, but I knew that Kayden was obviously. Because we couldn't stop texting each other of course.
A part of me understands that things like this are bound to get out of hand, but in what way, I wouldn't know. I just didn't want us to stop being friends no matter what the circumstance was. I don't think anyone would want to let go of that one friend who just made them happy no matter what. I know I didn't. And even worse is the fact that even after finding out about me in detail, he still wasn't fazed by the over protection or money if it ever came to that. I'd like to keep someone like that for as long as I could. They didn't just walk by everyday.
Killian got out of the car and I quickly opened my door and got out before he could come around and open it for me. It's something I'll never get comfortable about. But then there is Andre, who will deliberately make it his life mission to do everything in the book that made me uncomfortable, and that evil man would do it with a smile.
The first thing I noticed when I walked out is that Killian has become worse, more restless even. I pretended that I didn't notice a thing. I wasn't going to prod him, and everyone always had something going on in their minds so I thought it would be better to give him breathing space.
Kayden's face lit up when he saw me after opening the door, and he smiled like he always does, widely. It felt like my chest was constricting and expanding at the same time. I couldn't help but smile back.
We didn't say anything for what should have been an awkward and awfully long one minute, but it wasn't. It wasn't awkward at all, and it didn't feel like it had stretched to the point where it was uncomfortable.
The last time I left Kayden's house, I had to ask him to stop staring at me, and now, I was staring back like it was the most natural thing to occur to me.
The only thing that made us stop was the clearing of a throat. It was Killian. I felt a little embarrassed and didn't dare look in his direction, my eyes sort of fell to the floor, somewhere between outside and inside the house.
"Hi Kay," I said more quietly than I'd intended, then went ahead to also clear my own throat. I thought my skin would leave my body when Kayden ran a finger tracing the shell of my ear.
"What?" I looked up quickly and asked, trying not to sound like I was about to break a sweat.
"Your ears got pink," he replied. "Hi Juju." There was the use of his custom made nickname again, and there was that churning again, somewhere deep down in my gut.
I stood up straighter. "For someone who failed the handsome test, you really flash your smile around a lot."
A laugh burst out of Kayden. "Fuck off," he said as his eyes found Killian. "Sup' MIB," he said to my bodyguard.
"His name is Killian you know," I told him matter of factly.
"You don't say," he replied like he was trying to hold back a cheeky smile.
Killian made a disapproving sound and stood by the side of the door. I knew he'd never get in. Not unless Kay's mom was going to perform miracles again. "Youre not going to just stand there this time are you?" Asked Kay.
"That's exactly what I'm going to do," he replied.
Kayden took a moment before shrugging, then spoke. "Well, Ma's still at the hospital so you might get away with it. But just so you know, you're putting both our asses on the line when you-"
"Is she alright?" Killian cut him off to ask.
"She's a nurse."
"Oh, so...okay." Killian replied.
Both Kayden and I cocked our heads at that—his recation—and in my case, I was just very intrigued because Killian has never sounded so curious about anything like he was now if it didn't concern my safety, in all the time that I have known him.
"Okay..." replied Kay. "So you're really just going to stand there and not come in MIB?" Like I hadn't just told him his name.
"I'm good where I am," he replied.
Kayden sighed, then moved out of the way and opened the door wider for me to get in. I spared one last glance at Killian who did not even bother to look back and I know he wouldn't budge. Whatever magic had happened the last time probably already wore off. I got in.
I barely registered that the door had fully shut when Kayden's arms were suddenly wrapped around me, squeezing tighter by the seconds in a moment that swore to get my soul to leave my body.
I loved the way Kayden smelled. It was like the promise of a summer I was yet to have. And at that moment, I could smell his hair, I could smell his skin but what made goose bumps break out all over my skin was the low sound he made as he seemed to squeeze harder, like he's been waiting all his life to hug me like this.
When I finally remembered to hug him back, I felt him nod, or I could have imagined it. "Mhmm," he said. "That's more like it Ju."
Honestly, how was I supposed to survive this? I broke the hug for the purely selfish reasons of my own wellbeing. "Breathe Kay," I teased. "I know I'm awesome but-"
"You, awesome?" Kay said. "I don't know what you talkin' bout, bro."
It really felt like a light bulb was shot inside me, the light going out faster than the blink of an eye.
Fucking bro?
Because bros just casually hugged and squeezed the life out of each other and smelled each other like those fucking wolves in all the stories?!
I know my face definitely didn't hide it because of Kayden's next reaction. "Hey, hey," he said while his hands found their way to my cheeks—I don't know if you see what I mean—his thumb slowly stroked my left cheek and when I looked in his eyes, he genuinely seemed a little worried. "I know you don't like it when I say that..."
"Then why'd you say it?"
"I don't know...but I'm not going to lie to you. Truth is, I guess, a part of me really wanted you to react the way you did."
"Really?" I asked, feeling a little disappointed in his answer.
"Not make you mad...I mean, I like that you don't like it. I'm sorry. It's starting to look like I do the dumbest shit when I'm around you."
"Yeah," I replied a little bitterly. "Like make weird bird faces."
Kayden didn't smile, his eyes roamed around my face and around me, and more than twice lingered on my lips, all the while, his thumb still stroking my cheek until it got too much.
My hand closed around his wrist in a silent plea to get him to stop. The effect was an averse one; the look in his eyes intensified and I became this helpless thing just standing there, waiting for what was next. For the first time I'll admit. I really thought Kayden was going to kiss me. I know I shouldn't even come close to expecting that but in that situation, that's what anyone would think.
With my last shred of self control, I squeezed his wrist and looked him in the eye, my throat going dry, I shook my head slowly and as if snapping back to himself, he let me go.
"Not calling you 'bro' again," said Kayden. "Come on," he added while leading me to his room.
•••
If there's one thing I've noticed from the time that I've met Kayden and started hanging out with him, its that he is a very tidy person. I've never really found or noticed much of any clutter in his room.
It's neat as always except for a stray shirt this time, thrown casually onto his bed. It was the first thing he picked up when he got in and I followed behind him. Then he plopped onto his bed, where I sat next to him. "So what's this thing that I needed to know?" He suddenly asked me.
I tried not to crack my knuckles because of how his question completely caught me off guard. "About that," I replied. "Yeah...I've changed my mind."
"You serious right now, Juju?" He asked me, perfect eyebrows cocking upwards.
"I'm completely serious. Serves you right though."
Kay looked at me for a beat longer, then slowly nodded his head.
•••
By the time I'd spent about an hour, Kayden had already defeated me in several video game sessions that it was getting harder to count.
That's when I decided to take a break and lie back down onto the bed. "This isn't fair."
"Never seen anyone so horrible at video games," Kayden replied. "Imagine sucking that bad."
"Shut up," I smiled. "At least I'm handsome."
"Are you though?" Kayden asked and lay down next to me. He had that cheeky smile of his that always triggered one of my own.
"Let me quote..." I replied. "I'm–"
"Okay okay, I get it," Kayden quickly said. "Tell me about the night I called you."
"Oh," I laughed. "Well my parents decided to take me out, but the night turned out not to be about me Kay you should have seen those two."
He chuckled. "Your parents?"
"Yeah. We went for the Berliner Philharmoniker–"
"Not gonna lie. Got no idea what that is."
"The orchestra. Then we went to have dinner and my parents' attention was only for each other. Seriously, they were basically in their own world and I could have been kidnapped right there and they wouldn't notice. I even tried to get my dad's attention but he brushed me off without taking his eyes off of my mom...and they were supposed to be making it up to me!"
"Making it up to you for what?"
I hesitated at the question, but if Kay was being honest with me, then it was only fair I be honest with him. "Well...uh...my dad and I had a fight," I laughed a little. "Because well remember when you took me out to the Mad Egg?"
"Yeah?"
"My dad had us followed, MI- Killian didn't know about it either. Listen, I'm sorry Kay, to invade your privacy like that. And when I saw the pictures with us in the restaurant...I just lost it...I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize for that Juju. But why the fuck–" Kayden shook his head. "Sorry, that's just not right. Does he always do that to you?"
Kayden was angry but my heart was pounding the more I looked at him. "Not exactly that...but he gets annoying from time to time."
"It must be really hard for you," said Kayden. "I'm sorry."
For some reason, him apologizing just made me more angry at my dad. "You're not mad? You won't stop hanging out with me?"
Kayden actually laughed at that. "You can't get rid of me that easily, not when it comes to you. And no, I'm not really mad because it counts for something that he put in an effort to make it up to you."
I heard everything he said but my brain only highlighted '
not when it comes to you'
and it kept playing it over and over.
"Ju?"
"Huh, yeah. He's just too protective, but I know he's just looking out for me, although he does it in the worst ways sometimes."
"Is he willing to let up? Because if I were you, then I know we'd be fighting every single day."
I didn't really want to get into that, and if the conversation continued in that direction, then we wouldn't have a good time, so I steered it away. "We'll talk about that another day. Right now, I'm feeling pretty sure that I can beat you." I said while getting the controller.
Kayden just smiled and followed suit. "Be my guest Juju."
Not more than five minutes later, Kayden was beating me like he designed the game himself. Seriously, how did he even get to be this good.
You see, the thing is...I decided I wasn't taking it anymore.
I grabbed his controller and hooked my index finger at the collar of my hoodie. With the next chance I had, I threw it inside. Then I held mine tighter and started to beat him at the game.
"No! What the fuck?!" Kayden yelled.
It tore a laugh out of me, without having to take my eyes off to butcher him in the game. Kayden then tried to grab off my hand but I held it really tightly. It was a battle of whether I could still hold on to it and be able to keep beating him at it. "No, no!" I cried out as I stretched my neck, trying to see over where he was blocking my view.
I was winning so easily it was so funny. I laughed almost uncontrollably as Kayden narrowed his eyes with a small smile and got closer to me.
"Oh I'm gon' kill your cheating ass," he swore, then he pushed me onto the bed so that I was now on my back, looking up at him.
His controller didn't fall down as we moved, so Kay pinned my free arm first, then the one with the hard grip on the game controller.
"Let it go," he demanded and I held it tighter, more than determined to have my way.
I probably had a cheeky grin. But it instantly disappeared when I felt his hands inside my hoodie. I panicked inside. His lips twisted in a wry smile as he pulled out his controller that I'd been hiding. He shook it in my face and cocked an eyebrow. "You know...I could beat you singlehandedly if I wanted."
"Yeah right," I got defensive.
"But we'll leave that for another day. I'm forcing karma's hand," he said. Right after saying that, I grabbed the controller back so that I now held the two of them in my grasp.
"You still won't budge, let go Ju."
"No. Why don't you grab it since you're so strong and cool?"
He raised those—yes I'll say it again—perfect black eyebrows. My hoodie was still halfway up. That, and his hand were all I could think about.
"Hmm..." Kayden said, sounding quite like the villain. "You're not ticklish are you?"
I shook my head furiously with a silent plea in my eyes.
"No?" He laughed. "Okay, so you don't mind, if I do this?" His fingers trailed over my stomach then to my side. I let out a laugh then immediately bit my lip to hold it in as the fingers inched higher.
"No!" I said with the most stupid giggle I'd ever heard. Instinctively, I pushed Kay off me and somehow trapped him on the bed. Then I stilled when I felt his hands slide up and grip my butt.
My laughter died down, just like his smile had faded, and we held each other's gazes. I didn't know I had it in me, but I closed my hands around his wrists on either side of me and slowly guided them higher, at the hem of my hoodie. I wanted him to understand.
Please understand.
Indecision flickered in Kayden's eyes and I thought he wouldn't rise to it. But then delicately, he pushed a hand inside and kept going higher, his grip on me like if he wasn't careful enough, I would break. I wouldn't. I placed my hands straighter above me so he could easily take the hoodie off and off it came, very smoothly.
Kayden sat up a little straighter, then yet again, moved till he was very close to me. I fastened hands on his face, cupping his cheeks and cradling his face between my hands. Everything, every moment, every conversation, was leading to this. All of it. I understood that right then for the simple truth that it was. He might have moved or it might have been me, or both of us, but his lips were instantly on mine. And all I remember was gasping before becoming almost irretrievably lost in the million things I felt at the same time.
I didn't know his lips could be as soft as they were. So soft it was hard to feel them, and yet again, they were all I could feel. I'd kissed a few girls before, but the way Kay's lips moved against mine made every past experience dull in comparison.
We were actually kissing.
And my heart rate threatened to go over the roof, but heavens knew I couldn't stop even if I tried.
I felt
him
. Or something, but I felt it. Kayden pulled me closer to him and I felt his tongue against mine. Katey's breasts didn't compare to this. This was my world rapturing with nothing I could do to stop it but hopelessly want for more.
I felt bold in his embrace and dared for more. My hands traveled slowly down his chest, and lower. I think I could go hours touching the hard muscles, but Kayden stiffened, then broke the kiss when I put a hand inside his shirt. He looked at me, his eyes so intense I looked down. He stopped my hand when I tried to continue, the action fraying the edges of my beating heart. And that's when it hit me.
What the hell was I doing?
I snatched my hand back like it had been burned. I saw the surprise register in his eyes right before getting off him hastily.
As the reason why all of this happened, one of the controllers had fallen off the bed right next to my hoodie. I needed to leave, badly, and going to get it meant getting in his space again. I had to get away from here.
Kayden sat watching me. My eyes flitted between the hoodie and him, then he bit his lip and sighed, those same lips that had just shown me how soft they could make me feel. I needed to stop thinking back to them.
Kayden reached over and handed me my hoodie. When I hesitated, he pushed it closer to me with a little nod. I took it, making sure our eyes didn't cross, and our hands didn't touch.
"I'm sorry," I said.
For this, me, everything...
I walked out and not several seconds later, I heard his footsteps follow me to the door.
His silence was driving me crazy so unable to take it anymore, I turned. I didn't want him to think I was like that, then he'd stop hanging out with me and then we wouldn't be friends anymore. "Listen...I'm not–"
"Gay?" He supplied. "Yeah, neither am I."
"I know."
There was no parting hug this time. I didn't wait for it, I exited the house faster than I'd ever left any place.
"Is everything okay?" Killian asked as he started the car.
"Everything is fine."
The last thing I saw as Killian drove away was the house getting smaller until it disappeared in the distance in the rear view mirror.
# CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The Things Friends Are Made For
I knew how this went. I've had the brutal first hand experience already. Julian would probably never speak to me again because history was such a fan of repeating itself.
Maybe I was a magnet for rich white boys, because this was Kit's whole scenario all over again. The plus on this one was that I couldn't get expelled twice.
The only difference with this experience and Kits' is that this time, I felt every single thing. Every single thing was little fires sparking up in several places inside me. That was crazy, because never have I ever kissed anyone and felt that way. To the point where I could not stop thinking about it for more than ten seconds. My brain replayed everything like it was just yesterday. No, it didn't happen yesterday, it was an entire week ago.
I wouldn't play around about it, this was the seventh day that we hadn't spoken and I'll admit that I'm counting. Maybe if I'd never met Juju, then this would have been fine and pretty easy to shoulder.
But after meeting him, to spend seven whole days without speaking to him or texting for that matter, was really difficult. God knows the number of times I've gone to our inbox, like if I stared at the older message bubbles long enough, he would actually text me. He hasn't yet, and I couldn't bring myself to make the first move.
Yes, it's been bugging me.
When Kit kissed me, I hadn't questioned my sexuality, even as I'd kissed back. It felt a little awkward, but good, just like any other kiss. With Julian however, I questioned everything, down to why my dick was getting so excited because of a mere kiss.
At that time, so much had been going on in my mind that I'd stopped him because I needed to think. And that's when Juju had panicked and run away, or at least how I saw it. I remembered how he'd looked embarrassed and cursed why I was so quiet the entire time. That was guaranteed to make anyone self-conscious. Way to go Kayden.
But it was just a kiss, surely he could get over that. It didn't mean anything, well...it didn't have to. Fuck, I don't even understand myself. One part of me readily agreed with that logic as if in hopes that by thinking that way, it would make everything easier. But the other part of me could not just accept it for what it was, deep down it said;
there's no use fighting it, that kiss was everything and you know it.
But that was the thing, I didn't know, if I could understand then maybe I wouldn't have endured an entire week without speaking. And counting.
I was hanging on to every shred of hope that he would contact me, anything. I just wanted to know that he was also somehow affected by the silence like I was. Did he not miss hanging out with me as much as I missed hanging out with him?
Do you not understand that communication goes both ways?
My brain would always shoot back at me.
I checked every notification on my phone obsessively. To the point whereby I was too alert for any noise coming from my phone. But against all my endeavors, Julian seemed so far out of my reach. I didn't know how much longer my resolve could last, I wasn't going to count so strongly on it.
I flinched when my phone started vibrating in my pocket, snapping me out of my thoughts. Hope swelling in my chest, and a few other things like relief, anxiety and little bursts of happiness. I had not yet even confirmed why my phone was vibrating. I was embarrassed about the frantic speed it took me to fish it out, forgetting the laundry I was currently doing.
Tomorrow afternoon, my place?
The message was from Kit. I frowned. Kit had asked to see me but he wouldn't tell me exactly why. Fine, maybe I could suspect why and it had to do with the entire situation we were in, but although I have always been the type to confront the issue, this was one issue I didn't care to confront. And it wasn't like Kit to want to confront such a thing, but here we were, playing opposites like it came naturally to us.
The message stopped there, like he's been trying to get through to me several times. All he asked is that I go over to his house. I couldn't really deduce why for sure, but might as well. And I didn't like it. And yet I didn't exactly say no.
I made a quick decision and called him. He picked up immediately.
"What do you want to talk about man?" I asked immediately he picked up. "Unless you ain't asking me to come over to talk. I'm sure we're not going to play ping pong."
Kit cleared his throat twice from the other side before replying. "I do understand you are mad, but you'll see when you get here."
I felt awkward, but my answer was contradictory. "It's cool," I said solely because I was a little impressed he got the balls to want to talk directly to me without the presence of the other guys.
I hung up and put the phone in my pocket. Then got it out again and checked the call log. I am stupid, I already knew that. I put it back and got back to the laundry I was doing.
I checked the phone later that night as I got to bed too. Maybe it was high time I forgot about him. The friendship thing didn't work out between us and this was his way of saying goodbye. Was it my way though? I didn't think so. I also told him once that it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of me. So I had to put that into consideration and stop acting like a bitch.
Now if only I could understand why Kit chose this specific time to contact me...
•••
It wasn't really the point of my focus, but every time I came over to Kit's house, I felt broker than I was. It was way too huge. And very much white. It could probably qualify for a mini white-house.
The absence of the twin Rolls-Royces, let me know that his parents weren't home. The house was extremely quiet when I walked in. A graveyard would have to pick a leaf. And for a moment there, it felt like I was being set up.
I walked straight to Kit's room and there he was, headphones in his ears, he was propped up against his pillow with one leg over his knee, swinging over the other, swaying to the music.
He was looking outside the window and the music must have been loud because he made no reaction whatsoever to me getting into the room.
Kit looked completely on edge, he looked stressed out and he ran his hands over his hair every four seconds or so. He was so tense I started to feel tense. Kit only turned when I shut the door. And then he looked at me.
"Yo," I said casually, almost like old times.
Kit took his headphones off and straightened on the bed. I didn't think it was possible for him to get anymore tense than he was but the scene was unfolding before my very eyes. He got worse. He didn't reply at all. All he did was look at me, something like fear and regret in his eyes.
So I went straight to the point. "What did you want man?"
"We need to talk," said Kit.
"No shit, Sherlock."
"I really want to apologize. I will admit...yes, I did get you expelled–"
"Okay, tell me something I don't know."
"You're my best friend Kayden-"
"Yeah, and yet somehow you pulled the dumbest bullshit and got me expelled-"
"I was just scared-"
"Scared that I would betray you? Scared that I would what, put up posters all over school, announcing that you're gay? Or no, wait...maybe you thought—"
"I panicked okay? And I know I fucked up. I fucking know that but, we can work this out. I'll think of a way, I just, I just really need things to be okay between us man." It sucked that the look in his eyes was so sincere.
I chuckled at what he said. "Why now?" I asked.
"I was going to come clean sooner or later. It wasn't a matter of the timing. I was just trying to gather up enough courage first..."
"So what if I decide not to listen to your bitch-ass ranting and decide to leave...then what?"
"But you came, so I know that a part of you wants to resolve this too," Kit replied. "I got you something."
That actually almost pissed me off. "Our friendship has never been about this. We don't apologize to each other with material possessions," I replied, a little agitated.
Kayden remembered a time when they had a fight with Kit and he got him something to apologize and Kit went berserk because he absolutely hated being bought something for in the name of an apology. It became a no-no for them from then on.
"Fuck you. This is not part of the apology. There was nothing I could do about the timing. It was the only time I could get it," said Kit.
They were the latest and limited edition basketball sneakers that I had been longing for. I just knew. Even if I'd only mentioned them once in a casual conversation with Kit.
If he had waited, someone else would have grabbed it by now. Kayden understood that Kit was never really planning to let him go as a friend, it touched a part of him that Kit still considered the things that were important to him despite the fact that they were fighting. It was the smallest glimpse of the best friend he pretended not to miss deep down.
"I know we're fighting, but you're taking this with you. And I'm not taking no for an answer," said Kit.
Kayden almost smiled. And then he felt it. He felt how much he missed Kit. He felt it so strongly at that moment that he was ready to put everything behind him, but he stood his ground.
He ignored the box, hiding his excitement.
"Why haven't you told anyone yet?" Kit asked suddenly.
"What? You bothered or something?"
Kit swallowed. "It's been more than a month. We still hang out together, why do you not hate me?"
"I hate you so much right now."
"No you don't. I don't feel it," said Kit. He extended the box closer to me, my hands itching to check the shoes out but controlling myself. "I'm going to tell the others."
I stopped, because talking to them meant he was going to come out. "I'm not sure you should do that, I mean, you could have them all expelled for knowing your secret." I knew what I said stung, I saw it in his eyes.
"I'm–"
"Sorry. I know, but imagine I betrayed you."
It had hurt. It had hurt a lot because Kit should have known better. I would take his secret to the grave if he had to. If he wanted me to. I knew exactly what it was like, to be hated by people simply for being who you were. And I would've protected my best friend at all costs. How could he not know that?
"Yeah," I said after observing Kit for a bit. "Good luck with that." I made to go.
Kit did not object. Except for one thing. "Take the box."
I raised an eyebrow and looked over my shoulder, back to him. Then I took the box because I knew I wasn't going anywhere without it.
"You'll be there right?" Kit asked.
I smirked against my will, then nodded. "What are friends for after all?"
That was sure to sting.
# CHAPTER NINETEEN
How To Escape Impending Doom, And Sometimes, Awkwardness
I guess I was right when I thought Kayden wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. Things like this are always bound to happen. I knew it was a mistake the moment I encouraged him to kiss me. I knew that wouldn't end well, it was a low feeling in my gut that I pushed away simply because my desire for him had gone over the roof.
Most stupid thing I ever did.
More than a week, and no text, no call, nothing but an annoyingly deafening silence. A whole bunch of nothing. I felt disgusting. I shouldn't have liked it as much. I shouldn't have loved it. Maybe I should flush it out of my system, then try to repair what we had...but I couldn't just bring myself to make the first move in this situation that was very much caused by me.
The fact that Kayden hadn't reached out either just confirmed the fact that our relationship was in shambles and he didn't want to fix it. That wasn't fair because I wasn't reaching out either but I wanted things fixed as badly as possible.
I keep telling myself that I was creating something with Kayden that was rare, but I began to wonder if that whole thing was because deep down I was hoping I was going to kiss him one day.
I want to be friends with him, probably more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But at that moment in his room, I wondered if that was the lie that I used to hide the truth, that I would be thrilled if more happened.
I couldn't tell what he was thinking the whole time as I was leaving because he wouldn't talk either. God, he probably hated me now. In fact, I was almost completely certain that he did.
I was thinking so much that I became unaware of my surroundings, and that's when I bumped into someone and pain shot up my nose. My hand immediately flew to my nose and squeezed like that would stop the pain. To be honest it made it better. With teary eyes, I made out Andre through the blur. "How is it that I can bump my nose against someone as short as you are?" I asked him.
Andre replied by saying, "Have you considered the fact that you are just as short?"
The look I gave Andre was my most practiced condescending look, at least I hope that's what it came across as. I folded my arms across my chest. "You wish," I said with a lot of forced contempt, refusing to listen to his reason and letting him win.
Andre tilted his head a little to the left like he had remembered something, then asked, "So what's the serious thing you want to talk to me about?"
The moment Andre's words computed, my guard immediately went up. Have you ever said something that you really mean, to someone, and when a moment such as this one arises, you just want nothing to do with it anymore?
I changed my mind there and then because the timing couldn't have been more horrible.
"How do you know it is serious?"
Andre did that thing with his mouth like he was thinking it over. "You asked to talk to me, my lord, without making a joke, and you've been avoiding me ever since then," he said matter of factly.
"I wasn't," I answered much too quickly, jumping to my defense. "It's just that I've been busy." (Knowing fully well that Andre knew there was absolutely nothing that could have me busy.) "I had to help mom, you know...and..."
Andre chuckled. Then he nodded thoughtfully and came closer. "So, is now a bad time?"
There was no way I could do this, so I took a few steps back and changed my mind at that moment. Maybe I didn't want to talk to Andre after all. "About that, Andre my love, I can't even remember what it was I wanted to talk about." I lied through my teeth.
Again, Andre did not fight me on the issue. He just nodded and said, "Yeah, I knew that brain of yours wasn't good for much...maybe you should cut your hair, you know, give your head some sun. I heard it's good for the brain."
"What does my hair have to do with any of this?" I asked defensively, as he made it a point to ruffle it, then made his way away from me. Probably going to do whatever it was he was going to do before he unceremoniously bumped into me.
I didn't have him fooled, not even for a second, but that was his way of telling me that I could talk to him whenever I wanted. Andre probably learnt to speak Julian before I could even talk, but by knowing that little bit, I guess I speak Andre pretty fluently too.
•••
It didn't take me long to find my mom because she was suddenly walking towards me, her face brightening into a smile right after seeing me. Always thrilled to see me, she came to a stop before me, then pulled my cheek softly. "Is everything alright Jules?"
"I was looking for you actually, mom," I said a little sheepishly.
"You were?" Her eyes widened, and there was no denying the surprise in her voice.
Yes, mom, keeping away from you does not mean I do not love you.
"Yeah, I wanted to ask something. Uhh, could we invite the Johnsons for dinner?" I asked, fully conscious of how my voice sounded because never did I ever think I would be asking for this. My mother on the other hand, smiled very suggestively.
"Oh, your father thought you and Katey were getting along quite well," she replied with a very approving look on her face. She really wanted there to be something between Katey and I. "That's why, isn't it?" She then went ahead to give me the side eyes that indicated she wanted spicy details from me. I do love my mother, but I still cringe every time she gets like this.
I thought my unresponsiveness concerning her questions was enough to let her know that there was really nothing there. It was very obvious, and yet she was clueless.
"You like her, don't you?" She egged on.
Wow.
I inclined my head, trying not to cringe a little more. To her, it probably looked like I was suddenly shy, and so to her, yes would be the answer I never uttered. Inside, it was confusion. Not confusion if I liked her or not, I was sure I didn't. It was confusion for why I was doing something I obviously didn't want to, and coloring it the opposite.
My mother's excitement bubbled over, clapping her hands very quickly and inaudibly. She was so happy. "Alright, I know just what to do. I'll talk to Olivia, and tell them not to make plans later on."
She sounded very much satisfied with herself. And that was that. The next series of events would become of my own making and I'd have no choice but to go with the flow.
•••
All because of one kiss...
was what I was thinking when Katey wiggled her eyebrows at me from across the table later that night. I first looked at her in confusion, then for some reason quickly shot my eyes to her dad, who sat quietly listening to the casual conversation on the table.
Our moms had fallen into a talk about a particular new car model they both fancied. I don't know about Katey's dad, but I knew my mom would have that particular car by morning. She didn't have to ask for it.
I did not dare to clear my throat and bring any attention towards me and Katey as I tried to deflect her innuendos. At least I thought that was what they were. Although there was something different, this time, she didn't seem as expressive as the last time and actually kept mostly to herself most of the time. She was probably on her best behavior.
Dinner was indeed a strange experience.
Here's another reason why this dinner was strange; our mothers went from talking about the car they liked so much, to my mom's voice getting a little agitated the more they talked on. And here's why... Katey's mother, Olivia, seemed to be on a mission ever since they arrived. Trying to get my dad's attention. My dad didn't seem to notice, or acted like he didn't. It was hard to ignore because Olivia took the conversation and forced it skirt around sensitive waters...like sex. 'Inappropriate dinner subjects'. All the while, my mom continued to fume with every passing second.
You'd have to know my mother really well to understand how gradually her mood was shifting. By the time I was starting to notice, my dad must have already noticed seeing how he was trying really hard to steer the conversation away from that topic. The only people that seemed oblivious were Katey and her father.
We sharply turned our heads unanimously when mom slammed her palms flat on the table, making some of the cutlery clink loudly. I saw what happened, she snapped when Olivia touched my dad's hands and tried to make it look like an accident. I really doubt my mom is too thrilled to have them here right now.
"Oh, is anything the matter love," Olivia asked, feigning innocence.
"Excuse me," my mom answered and wiped her mouth, getting up from her chair angrily and walking away. My dad followed after her immediately. I always wondered what would happen if men didn't go after their upset wives when they walked away. It's cute, but say...WW3?
Olivia turned to me directly after a beat and smiled, like she didn't just cause whatever had just happened. "Julian dear, how long did you say until you are finished with school?"
Fuck you, bitch.
Is what I should have replied. It is what I wanted to reply, but to keep the peace, I replied, unable to return her smile. "One term left. You'd have remembered that if you weren't so...distracted."
Mr Johnson sent me a quizzical look.
Poor man.
She probably had him completely wrapped around her finger.
A short while later, my parents approached the table, my dad's hand on the small of my mom's back. It was my best chance to escape the pending awkwardness. "I'm going to show Katey my room!" I said suddenly, getting up.
Katey looked confused at my sudden mention of her name but got up and played along nevertheless. Thank little mercies.
I didn't exactly wait for a reply as I headed straight for the stairs, Katey following close behind. "Julian wait!" I heard her say behind me but I didn't stop walking till we got to my room. "Are you angry?" She asked after closing the door softly behind her. Her eyes did not wander anywhere about the room and I figured it's because our rooms looked really similar, just that mine, was a lot less earth-tone colors.
Right on the mark. I was actually really angry, she just realized it before I did. "For a second there I didn't think you wouldn't betray me."
Katey smiled. "I couldn't wait to get away. Mom was doing that bullshit she always does. I'm really sorry about her behavior, it's really embarrassing... I..." she looked down, unable to finish her sentence.
It was the first time I started to look at Katey differently. Like there was more to her than just that girl I met because our families were starting to get close. She actually seemed pretty upset, and I wanted to hear exactly why, if I ever found an opening to ask.
We both carefully sat on my bed, like two people on the verge of being friends, but unsure of how to go about it. Especially considering our encounter the last time we met.
I heard a soft sniffle come from her. "Katey...is everything alright?"
"Why?" She asked quickly. Defensively and grumpily. It might have been nothing but my heart went out to her.
"Well, you barely said anything during dinner. And yet you were quite chatty the last time we met. You have not even suggested anything sexual towards me, and then there's the undeniable fact that you are crying. They are clearly not tears of joy."
She chuckled at my last statement.
"I hate her so much," she said, or managed to get out. Because right after saying that, the tears that had welled up in her eyes just fell. "My mom..." she sniffled.
I was not expecting that. And maybe anyone who saw this scenario would think that I was probably just being a good listener, but I did not respond because I was not expecting that. People like Katey wore their hearts on their sleeve, so they'd share anything they felt inside if they felt like it. Even if it sounded really personal.
"My mom...I saw what she did, I was aware the whole time," she started. "Because with every man she comes across, is a new challenge, a new person to make fall deeply in love with her, just because she can. And that does not matter if that man is taken or not."
"My dad won't fall for it," I said. I dare any woman to take his attention away from mom. There's no one my dad loves more than her.
"You'd be surprised."
Such a reply should be insignificant, but it was the way she said it. It had me thinking again even if I was so sure.
"And you know why she does it?" Katey asked rhetorically. "Just because she wants to prove that she is more attractive than I am."
"Katey she's your mother!" I said in utter shock.
"You don't think I know? She's my mother but to her I'm just that end result to one of her endeavors. She took it too far with my dad, and had me as a result. It's why she had no choice but to marry him. And as soon as I come of age, I'm in this constant competition with my mother about who grabs more attention, who looked better, how many men did you make want you this week... let me just count...no, you win mom, more men wanted you this week, can we now get back to the part where you fucking do motherly things?"
Katey was fuming, and I didn't know what to do, so I kept listening.
"I don't really like to indulge her when it comes to her behavior, but sometimes I get self conscious and feel like proving a point, so I do stupid things...like try to get into your pants," she chuckled bitterly. "Oh that really pissed her off."
"So you can't have people your same age either?"
"I can. But she can't. So I use it to piss her off from time to time," she smiled.
Your mother is sick.
I so badly wanted to say. "Wow," I said instead.
"Yeah. I don't want to be like her...I really don't."
"Then don't do the things she does-"
"I just told your dumbass--"
"My dumbass got the point, but you need to find a way to stop," I racked my head for anything I could use. "Tell me something you really want. In this context."
"Oh, uhh, I really want to meet a guy and fall in love, like a classic fairytale, and I don't want to have to work for it. That would be nice," she says with dreamy eyes.
"Then every time you get self conscious or confused and are about to do what she does, remember that you're pushing what you want further away, and following in her footsteps wouldn't be worth it anyway."
Katey listened with everything she had, and by the time I was quiet, she looked like an idea bulb had lit up in her head. She nodded with a serious expression. "I think I'm going to do just that."
We talked so much that I didn't realize that I was upright leaning on the headboard with Katey's head on my chest and hands wrapped around either side of me.
"You didn't start to like me at least, did you?" She asked.
"Don't worry about it, I'm not into–"
Pump the brakes on that one, where the fuck was I going with that?
"I don't think I can start to like someone after just one encounter."
Liar.
"I'm not lying," I blurted out.
"Don't worry, I won't make you hang for it," Katey replied nonchalantly. And this moment was when I decided that I liked talking to her.
It didn't take long before my mom opened the door this time around. Her famous head-peek taking full effect.
"Aww," my mom said, causing me to re-analyze our arrangement on the bed. "You two are so cute!"
Yeah we probably looked that way. But adults are so bad at reading kids like they'd never been kids themselves.
"Katey dear, I'd come to tell you that your parents are ready to leave," she continued. "But I could convince them that Andre will drop you off a little later if you want to spend more time here with Jules."
Katey nodded vigorously, smiling at my mom. "I do want that!"
She nodded in response and left, leaving the door ajar.
"I want to ask you something," Katey said all of a sudden. "Your mother is really nice, by the way."
I didn't reply to that, but she wasn't wrong. "Go ahead."
"Can I tell my mom I'm dating you?"
"What?"
"No, listen, I think that way, she'll leave me alone. I just know it will do something. Something good. And you don't have to do much, just acknowledge the fact that I'm your girlfriend, or pretend girlfriend." I must have not looked convinced. "Please?"
I sighed. There was no harm in what she was saying, but...
"And when do they find out the truth?"
"It's just for now, your own parents don't even have to know."
Okay, that actually made it a lot more convincing, so I agreed. Under the condition that she owed me one.
After getting what she wanted, Katey snuggled up closer to me. "Do you think any guy would actually like me? Not for any other reason but just me? I don't think that could actually happen."
"Katey, you know how you called me a dumbass earlier?" I asked.
"I'm not taking it back!"
I laughed at her quickness to get defensive. "Yeah, well, I'm starting to think that's a term more suited for you, for thinking that way. I'm not taking mine back either, dumbass."
Contrary to what my feelings were before the night began, I was actually glad we invited Katey and her family over. Things went a little differently but my dad was weirdly right, she was pretty decent.
# CHAPTER TWENTY
Why The
Movie Lasted Five Minutes
It wasn't a good idea, far from it. Kit was about to take the gigantic lid off a gigantic can of worms, and I would have to sit through it. The situation was bound to create some sparks, and those sparks were bound to ignite, and create a little kind of hell fire of their own.
And yet here I was, across from Liam on Knox's kitchen island, making light conversation while we waited for the rest of the boys to pull up. Like I didn't know that the day was going to end a lot more dramatically than it was going.
"Aye am I the only one who thinks meatballs and spaghetti don't go together?" Liam asked, unable to hide his slight disgust. He was just about as random as one could be.
"Yes. Yes, you are," I said while reaching up to pick one of my favorite snacks of all time. Wasabi flavored Doritos that Knox's mom got from time to time from God knows where. They are seriously so good! And conveniently stashed in the furthest cabinet. Knox would kill me if he knew I was eating the last one. Especially since I'd already devoured the other four.
Knox's mother wasn't home, and wouldn't be for probably the next two weeks. That explained why there were about to be five teenage boys wreaking havoc everywhere in the house in the middle of the day.
"Shut yo' ass up! With that weird ass shit you eatin'. Ain't no way I'm listening to someone eating so much wasabi they about to turn green. You don't know shit about food."
"Gee Liam," I counter. "You married to Spaghetti? Or is it meatballs? Calm your titties."
At what I said, he almost seemed to pipe up, it looked like a little bit of excitement that was immediately quelled down. "That friend of yours," said Liam, his tone completely different now. "The Chinese girl...you said-"
"Whoa whoa whoa..." There was no way I wasn't going to tease him for this one. "I say marriage and you bring up Amber-Lee? Dang bro, that bad?"
Most interesting indeed.
"Shut the fuck up!" he said. And for the first time in my life, I saw the darkest of reds sneak up on Liam's cheeks. And for reasons other than his pale ass. He was flaming! Motherfuckin' Amber-Lee! "You said you'd bring her you fucker, I'm only asking about that."
"Of course." I knew I was making it hard for him but I was having so much fun. "You want me to come over with her?"
"Just shut the fuck up K," Liam said and looked away, but that only showed me how hard he was clenching his jaw before he blew out a breath, the color finally disappearing little by little from his cheeks. "Anyway, you feel useless yet?"
Translation: 'So now that you've been expelled and are a little stranded, floating around with no purpose whatsoever, do you still have the will to go on living?'
The whitest white person I know, sounded nothing like it, and gave zero fucks while he was at it. Liam has always been very direct with me, he would probably laugh at my face and call me a loser if I got into a fight and lost. Then he'd go completely silent for a while and disappear, contemplating if he'd done something wrong. He'd also eat his own basketball before admitting that.
The realisation of what he was asking brought on a laugh. "You don't know the half of it," I answered. The half where I found Julian.
Jesus fucking Christ.
"Yeah... it's pretty fucked up."
"This whole thing is, man. But I hope mom's getting all the rest she needs, we should take her out, you know," said Liam.
"Gee! Thanks for taking two seconds to care about my situation, Liam. Mom is just fine. Now stay away from mom!"
Liam loves Ma, and quite a lot. So he claimed her as his. Wherever his love stemmed from is unclear, but he's convinced at this point.
Maybe it's the fact that Ma has been there for him, several times, in more ways than one, when his parents weren't. I'm not exactly sure about all the details. My best guess was that his parents were the very embodiment of the word 'neglect'. That's where I'd put my money, until Liam clarified otherwise. But Liam would rather swallow his Midnight Navys first, than let the conversation go in that direction for five seconds.
"Take her out?" I backpedaled when I thought about what he said again.
"Yeah you know, I think it'd make her happy," he said. I was under the impression that most kids didn't like hanging out with parents at this particular age. There's a very distant part of me, somewhere deep down, that loved Liam just a little bit more every time he looked out for Ma. Now, I would rather eat my own Midnight Navys, before I admitted that to him.
My lips twisted as I regarded him. "Well, it's not a bad idea...but think about taking Amber-Lee out first."
"It's not like that!" And just like that, the flush was back.
Time to have fun with this.
"It's not?" I asked. "Sure you don't want us to hang out with her? Aw, then why do you keep asking, lil Liam?"
"Motherfucker..." he said, but this time, his words had no bite. After a pause, he added, "I don't know...girls terrify me."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, no matter how many times he'd indicate it. You'd get me if you could see the way he talked, acted and looked. "Nah. Ain't no way. There is just no way that you are terrified by girls. I'll never be able to believe it. How the fuck- Have you seen yourself with a ball?!"
Liam would already have had twice the number of girls who ask him out if he didn't go out of his way to avoid them. Which is why I'm really starting to think he didn't just mention Amber-Lee randomly, because Liam never noticed girls. Ever. All he did was play basketball with his entire heart and focus, and that alone, was what always sent girls screaming. Somehow, he was oblivious to this. What an idiot right?
"You know basketball's everything to me, of course mom too, but that's about it," said Liam. The silence stretched while I fixed him an accusatory look despite myself. He spoke when my brows started to lift in mock disbelief. "What? I'm not going to say you guys too! Go jump off a cliff or 'some."
Knox joined us at that moment and our eyes met, then his gaze dipped to look at the snack I'd almost finished devouring. His eyes started to narrow.
Just to be safe, I tossed the rest of it in my mouth. Knox's hand rose up slowly until I was at eye level with his middle finger. My smug smile should have been the picture of innocence.
Hide them better next time, dawg!
"I can't deal with anything else, much less girls. The only thing I know how to handle is a ball," Liam finished. He hadn't noticed Knox yet.
"Damn right," Knox answered in a low voice as he eased closer to Liam. "You handle those balls so well don't you?" I said it before, and I'mma say it again; Knox will flirt with a fish if you leave them alone together, and even if you don't. Just leave it to him.
"Yeah," said Liam. "I mean it's not exactly easy, but it's pretty easy too..."
Sometimes you wondered just how exactly oblivious Liam could be. He made the perfect victim for Knox.
Knox on the other hand, was having a ball. "You know, that's kinky," he said with an expression that gave him away, it was pure seduction.
"Wait, you ain't mean what I think you mean right?" Liam the wise, finally caught up.
"Hmm...and what if I do?"
"Okay y'all ready to go?" Mike tooted from the door, nodding to everyone in general and walking inside. "Court's empty on my way here."
"Sweet!" I threw him an energy drink that he caught perfectly in midair before I could say 'think fast'. I gulped mine down and discarded the can. Ma would have a fit if she saw me drinking that.
•••
We did not find the basketball court as empty as Mike had declared. There were about six little children getting inside as I slowly brought the car to a stop, and by the time we'd gotten there, the kids were already dribbling their own ball, which looked so old that the orange had faded and given way to a brownish hue... they could really use a new one. Another thing these close to toddlers could really use at the time being was another basketball court. Damned kids.
"Yeah...screw off kids," said Mike, grabbing their ball as it sailed through the air, maybe it was about to make the basket or not, he didn't seem to care.
"Hey! No fair," a ginger haired little boy spoke up, and if he was tall enough, he'd be all over Mike's face, but it'd be a few years before he would stop looking at him like a tall, intimidating skyscraper. "We were here first!"
"Would you believe me if I told you I was here first?" Mike asked with their ball spinning on his index finger.
"No!"
"Well, I ain't believin' yo ass either," he replied to the kid.
"We're not leaving," said a very determined voice. I don't know about the others, but up until now, I'd not realised there was a little girl on the court amongst the boys. She had short hair pulled into a messy ponytail and very, very pink shoes. Next to her was another pair of the very same shoes on a girl that looked exactly like her, only her hair was about one inch long. "You guys screw off!"
Okay, someone stepped on the ballsy child's cotton candy.
I didn't hear or perceive whatever was said next because at that moment, my mind was filled with images of a baby and blue cotton candy.
Shifting back to reality, the little girl took one step back as Knox approached to stand where Mike was, then as if refusing to be intimidated, retracted the gesture and took the step forward once more.
Mike crossed his arms over his broad chest then leaned back and exhaled heavily through his mouth, as if the kids were a sore and mild annoyance to him. The ginger haired boy spoke again; "You guys are wasting our time!"
To that, Mike scoffed unbelievingly. "Y'all imagine arguing with a bunch of lil' eight year olds' a hobby of mine?" Mike crouched to the boy's level, up close I noticed he had just the cutest nose with a few freckles that seemed to match his dark hair. "Listen kid,
you
are wasting our time, I mean, what do you gotta do after this, be late for your afternoon nap?"
"We're not babies! And my name's Michael, not kid."
"Listen ... Mikey," Knox said in his
'I'm really trying not to be bored'
voice, he crouched too, mimicking his friend, it was the child he was addressing. "How about we settle this with a game of two people without wasting each other's time huh?"
The kid swallowed, already wary of Knox regardless of anything . "How?"
"You guys could play against two of us," he motioned to the rest of the group so Michael understood what he was saying.
"Hell nah, man. I ain't playing against some kids...I mean, what if I accidentally find one under my shoe?" He said as he moved back to the rest of us, retiring to watching the entire spectacle.
Liam, calm and patient as ever, and gracefully not giving a flying fuck, bounced the basketball and dribbled to himself all the while, like none of this was happening at all.
"We're gonna beat the jellies out of you bullies!" The girl declared.
"Is that what bullies are doing nowadays...negotiating?" Knox asked with mock surprise. "With kids four times smaller than them?"
The girl pursed her lips and hardened her glare.
And then it started.
•••
The game was finished before ten minutes properly elapsed.
We'd decided that if the kids could keep the ball in their possession for even one full minute, then they'd be declared the winners. They'd also be declared the winner if they scored more than we did. Which we all knew was not gonna happen in bold letters.
The kids examined the five of us with all the curiosity inexperienced children with a love for basketball could contain . They picked Knox, as if daring him after their talk (the little girl had guts), and when Michael's hand began to point towards Liam, the little twin with the ponytail quickly slapped it down and made him turn to her. "Have you gone mad?" The more she spoke, the more British she sounded. "I've been watching him and he looks like trouble for us." In their hushed tones, they finally concluded on me.
Oh come on!
It felt like Rylan and Rylee had challenged me to a duel.
I pushed off the wire fence with a heavy sigh and went to join them in the middle of the court.
This is what happened at first; we'd been too cocky and underestimated the kids. This is what happened after; they won. The freakin' kids actually won!
For a moment there, it was hard to hear my own voice over Liam's laughter. Have I ever seen him laugh so hard? Don't think so. The score was eighteen to zero, in our favor, but the sneaky kids outsmarted us by actually keeping the ball in their possession for a full minute and nearly a half.
"Hmm...not bad. For kids," was all Knox said as he walked away. The children followed, looking like their spirits had never been higher, even Michael's temper seemed to have taken the day off.
"Hey!" Ponytail with the pink shoes said to Knox, a smug smile on her face. I'd come to learn that her name was Sharon while the other kids shouted her name during the game. Her seemingly shy twin sister was Enid.
Knox was fastening his shoelaces. "What? Come to gloat?" he said sarcastically in a childish voice.
Sharon giggled somewhat excitedly. "We want to play again."
"You already won."
"Yeah, and don't you forget it you...you silly boy!"
How cute.
"We've decided we wanna play. With you guys. It was lots of fun!" She was beaming. It was not heard of, for a child to take such a quick liking to Knox. Nor was it heard of for Knox to tolerate a child for so long. Moreover a stubborn and talkative one. But she was a cool kid, I'd give her that.
"Win's getting to your head now, innit?" Mike said.
"No," she replied with all the audacity her little shoulders could carry. "Since now we rule the court, we were thinking...we divide two teams equally. Two of you with three of us against three of you with two of us. Equal," she added. "Unless...uh...you guys aren't scared of us, are you?" She looked ready to gasp, save for the mischief playing in her eyes.
"Okay princess," Knox patted her head and she swatted it away. "I'm in, what do you guys think?"
The game was decided then. It was Knox, Mike, Kit, Michael and Sharon versus me, Liam, Enid, Drake and Josh.
The little girl was right, I'd never had kids on my team before, but it was kind of fun. No further rules were discussed, but no one batted an eye when they lost several passes very purposefully to make the kids happy, or when Mike lifted Drake up so that he could dunk.
The horror came in when he forgot to get the kid down. Panic overtook the little boy and only when he screamed last minute did everyone notice, his hands must have gotten slippery on the hoop and he let go. Mike caught him last minute, just before he could hit the ground.
Thank fucking fuck!
How do you forget an entire child on a basketball hoop that fucking airhead!
The second time Mike swore against playing kids was when he accidentally stepped on Michael's foot and lost his own footing, falling backwards. Trying everything not to fall on the kid, his foot must have twisted on the boy's and Michael, desperate to get away before he was crushed by the monolith, twisted his ankle instead and fell sideways.
Michael screamed so hard the world the world seemed devoid of sound when he stopped. "MOTHERFU–" Mike couldn't finish, quickly recovering and trying to pick the boy up. "See what I was talkin' bout?"
Michael probably didn't cry much, or he was trying to impress Sharon, but he fought hard to keep his tears at bay, only the littlest beads of sweat pooling at his brows.
"Is my leg broken?" he asked, clearly trying not to sniffle. "Oh wait...I think I'm actually okay." There was one last sniffle as he tried to get up and Mike helped him. "I can walk! The pain is almost not there anymore, look!" He started to limp less and less as he moved around.
"Then why did you scream so much, God!" Mike asked, but he wasn't fooling anyone, he was so relieved that Michael was fine that I bet even the kids could tell.
"Because it felt like a big elephant stepped on me!" He nearly screamed. "You would cry too!" And that was all it took to lift all the tension as everyone burst in unanimous laughter.
•••
Before we parted ways, I didn't know what I was doing as my mouth opened. "Hey!" I called out and Sharon and Enid turned first, then three other curious pairs of eyes followed. I tossed my basketball to Sharon and she caught it. "Good game. So you get to keep it."
Sharon gasped, but it was Enid who squealed and ran past them to hug me. "Thank you! Thank you!" She almost knocked her own glasses off. I ruffled her short hair after crouching to right her glasses. "You welcome, kid."
We turned to go and Knox started in a cheesy voice. "Awww, Kayd–"
"Shut the fuck up Kumar."
••••
The dreaded moment was getting back to Knox's. Because then I knew Kit was going to come clean. It was going to be a disaster.
Just as everyone was dispersing, the moment must have seemed perfect to my best friend, because that is when Kit opened his mouth. This was probably what he thought; It's now or never.
"Guys. I've uh... I've something I want to say. To all of you..." Kit said and I turned in amusement because even if I shouldn't have been shocked, I was still taken aback. He really was going to do it and not be chicken-shit about it. Just wish I didn't have a front row seat.
"Ouu, so serious... you getting married or sumn'?" Liam asked and both Mike and Knox chuckled. I'd have joined in if I wasn't so on edge, so transfixed on Kit, knowing exactly what was going on, and what he was going to say. And wondering how everyone would react.
Liam's eyes fleeted to me for what felt like a split second, and in that split second, something about his smile faltered. He looked back at Kit and nodded once. "What's up?" There's no way I was going to believe it was that simple.
"Kit–" I don't even know what I was going to say before he cut me off.
"Connor and Stacey are already on their way." And as if on cue, they walked in in high spirits and acknowledged everyone in the room with high fives and general greetings.
"So this is really serious huh," said Stacey, slumping down next to me and putting me in a playful chokehold. "Better not be long! I have a thing with my girls."
Connor's eyes just kept darting between me and Kit. I avoided him as best as I could.
"It won't," Kit reassured. "I'm the reason Kayden got expelled. It was my fault."
Fucking hell.
Mike's fists balled. "The fuck did you just say?"
"I'm gay. Okay?" He paused, then took a deep breath. The silence in the room was nothing less than unchallengeable. "In a way, I came out to K. And it's stupid, but I panicked and had him expelled. It's not fair that you guys have been treating me the same as always, after what I've done–"
"Damn right, you fuckin' shithead!" Liam spoke first, cutting Kit off. I held him off before his fist connected with Kit's face. Then he turned to me.
He grabbed fistfuls of my shirt. I've never seen Liam this mad before. Not even on the court. "You fell off somewhere and bumped your head full of shit K? The fuck have you been keeping your cool for?!"
Kit pulled Liam off when he punched me instead. "That's enough. I know you look hot when your angry but–"
Liam pushed him off. "Now isn't the fuckin' time–"
"I'm sorry–"
"Yeah, I can't hold it anymore," said Mike. If Kit's face was glass, that shit would have shattered with the force he punched him with.
"Yeah, I deserve that," said Kit surprisingly calmly, wiping blood off his mouth.
Stacey was furious.
Connor was more furious.
Knox did not look it, but he was most furious. It was impossible to know where he gathered such an amount of control from. "Fucking give it a rest!" he growled. For some reason, he was the only one who didn't want to hit Kit. Or let anyone hit him. With surprising strength, he pulled Mike off Kit. "All of you!"
The room was shocked into silence. Regardless of that, Kit did not, at any one point finish his speech.
You see, I wish I could describe to you in detail the big moment...the altercation in all of it's destructive glory...I really wish I could, but it went by faster than I could catch up. I expected a fight, I expected my anger to surface but it was too quick for that.
One thing I can say for sure is that it was almost comical, the number of times the boy's faces moved from me and then to Kit and then back.
Stacey was brewing with anger. Her gaze did not move from Kit's face. Not once. I bet Kit, and anyone who cared for his well being at that point, were glad that Knox cut in when he did. Because when Stacey was this mad, she made sure you felt it. She'd hurt you. Mentally or physically was easily a matter of pick-and-choose.
"So you're telling me," started Knox. "That this entire thing, is because of you. You... did this?" Where Stacey was mad, Knox's voice almost naturally, added a layer of danger in its edges.
You could hear a pin drop after Knox's question. He appeared completely calm save for the hard way his jaw clenched. He took a step towards Kit, and then another until their faces were close. Honestly, Knox does get into a lot of fights, but I haven't seen him this pissed off before.
All of a sudden, the entire fight was between them. They seemed to be inside this bubble of charged electricity—Knox's undeniable anger, Kit's unwavering resolve—the rest of us outside the forcefield. He started to bleed again from the cut in the corner of his mouth, he swiped it away with a thumb that curled with his other fingers to make a tight fist at his side. Not for a moment, did his gaze at Knox falter. "I did."
"Then," Knox got closer yet. "You are going to fucking fix it."
Look, man, I don't even have to tell you the finality his voice carried. That put simply, is why the movie lasted only five minutes.
_________________________
^
My dears, my cherries, to everyone who's been waiting for the rest of this book:
I'm aware this chapter is probably not up to par, and a little dull, and a tad bit disconnected, but it's been so fucking difficult to get my mojo back, to write even as little as one chapter. Until I decided enough is enough. From here on out, the chapters will try to match the storyline better and better as I reread and re-immerse myself into their storyline so that we can get rid of those potential plot-holes just waiting to happen. It will not be unrealistically delayed again.
If you are reading this, then you probably read this chapter, and still have faith in me, so thank you for being super patient. Here's to more, and the rest of Julian's and Kayden's story
🥂
Your author is back, and she'll finish what she started.
– Cherry
🍒
# CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
A Seed Is Planted
Where I found myself was the last place he wanted to be. Another freaking party. And what made this one worse was that I wasn't home so I could sneak away and hide in the comforts of my room. Of course for a little while, until my mother came around looking for her beloved son.
The grand hallway was lined with marble that shone to the point of reflection and let to yet another grander hallway. It was difficult to not be noticed. From where I was sitting, it wasn't enough to hide completely but at least it did the job to some extent.
A lady, who must have been in her mid-thirties, was dressed in a gown that looked like it came straight out of Cinderella's godmother's wand, sat close to an Asian man in a perky suit, fitting him like he was born wearing it. He looked almost too regal. He cleaned up so nice that his suit looked like it could cut you if you leaned in too much.
The chandelier hung low above them, adorned with at least sixty candles on it, lit and shining upon the probably one million gems on stuck on every side. The man played Beethoven's Bagatelle No. 25 in A Minor; or more commonly known as '
Für Elise'
. I found that it was hard to tear my eyes away from him. And he also made me feel that maybe I might have been under dressed. I pushed my shiny shoes away from sight and shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie.
Just as the man finished playing the piano, the lights went low and the host called everyone to her attention, smiling so proudly that the dimples on her cheeks were visible no matter how far you stood from her. She was holding a glass of champagne that I could bet was untouched. Either drink it or put it down right?
"Thank you all for coming," she said, beaming. A large screen started to descend from behind her as her husband came to stand next to her, the way he squeezed her waist was evident enough. They must have been about to announce whatever the reason for the party was.
"This is usually the worst part," a voice said and I nearly jumped out of my skin with how sudden and how close the voice was. "Hey Hoodie," said Kit with a mischievous smile.
"Kit!" I honestly did not understand why I was shocked to see him. "What are doing here?"
He looked at me quizzically. "Uh...I live here?"
The shock must have been evident on my face because he laughed at me. "Your house is so...so white." It really was.
"Come on!" He grabbed my hand and I had no choice but to follow along, wherever he was taking me.
"Where are we going?" I asked desperately trying to fall in step with him.
"I'm returning a favor, saving you from this, same way you saved me before," he said as we passed by a large dining area with the table already laid out and designed to sit at least forty people. Yeah, no, I actually did not want to be a part of any of that.
After settling inside his car, Kit fished out the keys to his Mustang from his pockets and started the car. Then just as quickly turned it off. "Get down!" He whispered desperately as he ducked in his seat and remained as quiet as air. I did the same.
Footsteps approached, lingered for a little over two seconds, then receded along the same direction they are going.
Kit got up slowly and restarted his car, then slowly and with his headlights still off, crept through the gate. In a minute, we were speeding further and further away from his house.
"So," he said in his easy confidence. "Where should we go, Hoodie?"
•••
I had no idea the oceanarium opened in the night time but here I was, seated on a bench with Kit next to me, the aquarium rising before us to meet heights probably twenty times our own, all the way to the ceiling. A soft blue was cast around the darkness surrounding us, illuminating the large room in a beautiful glow.
An old couple sat on the floor a few feet from us talking quietly. They sat so close to each other that the old man was basically trying to get on the lady's lap, and in that moment I wished nothing was wrong with Kayden and I, so that I could bring him here.
A large sting ray swam towards them and stopped by the glass as if to say hello. When the grey-haired woman put her hand against the glass, it swam away and towards us, and then away.
Kit let the silence between us stretch a bit too long. He seemed to be deep in thought, so I decided I'd say something. "What happened with your lip?" I asked.
He chuckled. "Funny, I was just thinking about that." Whether consciously or not, he brushed the bruised area with the pad of his thumb.
"You got into a fight?" Apart from the lip, he seemed completely fine.
"Sort of," said Kit before he opened his mouth, closed it and opened it again in contemplation. "Let's just say I pissed my friends off. But I deserved more than this if you asked me."
My brain ran a bunch of reasons why someone like Kit could get into a fight, but I did not voice even one inquiry.
Earlier on when he'd asked where we should go, I almost said the Grand Hall, but it didn't feel right. I'd almost said the Bridge, then the Mad Egg, but none of the thoughts were sitting well with me.
He wasn't whom I wanted to be in those places with; no matter how much I craved social connection and interaction with my peers.
•••
I found myself for the second time at the bridge where Kayden brought me. To my surprise, Kit said he knew a better place after the oceanarium, so here we were. Unbidden, the memories resurfaced like they happened the night before. Just what was it about him? I'd ask again and again.
"I come here a lot, when I want to vent or when I'm thinking a lot," he started softly. "I used to come here with my best friend a lot, but then I fucked up, and now I don't know how to take things back to exactly how they used to be. I'm sorry, I steal you away to come and talk your ear off like you asked for any of this," he scoffed.
"Someone I was getting close to also brought me here, and I fucked up too and I don't know how to take things back to how they were before that. So I know how you feel," I heard myself say.
"What do you think we should do?" He asked with a small laugh, then a sigh.
"God, I don't know..." the silence stretched. "Probably doesn't want anything to do with me now. Maybe let it go?"
"That bad, huh?" Kit asked while his eyes scanned the water. "You should talk it out though, even if your pretty face gets a bruise, it will definitely feel better. Trust me, I know. It's waiting for what's next that's going to be a bitch."
There was a thought, although I was pretty sure he'd be taking his words back if he knew I'd kissed Kay. It felt like there was no coming back from that one. From that moment of awkwardness, from that horrible silence...from leaving like that.
But his words did something. They planted a seed, and that seed did not stop growing at any one point. Up until the moment I found myself texting Kay, a day later.
•••
Here goes nothing.
'
h
ey...'
I typed the three letters into my phone before completely erasing them.
'h
ey. why-'
Erased.
With all the frustration rolling through me, the realization that time was moving faster so suddenly hit me. It was moving faster than I imagined it would. Two weeks left, and then I'd be back to school for a final term, just like that. How fast that time went was how slowly time felt when it came to this particular situation.
It has also been two weeks since I knew whether Kay was breathing or not. I wanted to know more than anything, but still didn't understand why it was so difficult to break the silence. I kept telling myself that it was because he didn't want to break it either.
The silence was unbearable. Had he really just forgotten about me like that? That easily?
Not when it comes to you.
The words feel like a distant memory...but the sort that is always conveniently at the forefront of your mind when the thoughts came up. And they came up all the time.
I looked back to the screen of phone and thought of what to say. How to not sound desperate and yet get my point across. Kit was right, I knew my inner turmoil would ease up after talking to him, at least then I'd know whether this could be fixed or to let him be. The only thing he was wrong about was the 'maybe getting a bruise on my face' part. I'd bet any of my cars that Kay wouldn't do that to me. Wouldn't even dream of it. There is no knowing how I knew, but I was confident about it.
'i just don't understand why we stopped talking to each other and it's allover my head. the two weeks since haven't been so great without you. but not like that, i hope you understand that i didnt mean to-
I erased all of that too. It didn't seem like a good idea to broadcast my desperation to someone who probably forgot my existence. "Arrghh!" I threw my phone on the far side of my bed with a sigh. "This is harder than Kit made it seem," I said to myself. I picked my phone back up and tried again.
'hey. could we-'
Before you are also frustrated with me, I did not erase the message this time. I was interrupted. By Kayden calling me. I could have sworn I was imagining it if it wasn't for the phone literally vibrating in my hand. I wasn't dreaming, Kayden was really calling my phone!
I didn't even smile at the dumb picture of his caller ID of him trying to educate me about birds...that is just how nervous I was. I was so jittery that it was a wonder I didn't drop the phone, let alone answer it.
I needed to answer instead of staring at the phone before he cut the call. I couldn't tell if I was shaking or not. "Hello...shit," he laughed. "I never really say hello..."
I thought hearing his voice would feel like a miraculous rain in the middle of a hot summer day, but believe it or not, it felt like entering a heated swimming pool in a cold winter night. It felt better than I thought it would.
I thought I would do a good job of responding, after all, I am the one who said it was rude not to answer someone who was talking to you, but I was doing very poorly at it. I couldn't find my words, wrapped up in how long it's been since I heard from him without any affirmation of whether or not things were okay between us. Two weeks, one day, and twenty one hours. Not that anyone's counting.
I forced a little laugh of my own. "Yeah...hey," I said astoundingly weakly. I cleared my throat, biting my lower lip so hard it would probably be red when I let go. I needed to take a shower, I was so hot all of a sudden. Maybe if he'd called after that, then the nerves would have gone away.
Kayden was quiet for a while but I heard his small movements. The more accurate description would be that I was deaf for everything else but that very phone call. I felt the need to say something. Anything. What if he hung up? What if he all of a sudden changes his mind and thinks again about if it is worth it to call me. Damn you, mouth! Move!
"I don't want to stop seeing you"
"Neither do I,"
"What happened last t–"
"Let's not talk about that over the phone," Kay stopped me. He let out a breath. "Don't take this the wrong way Juju," another breath.
"Okay," I replied.
"I miss you," said Kay, to my unbelieving ears. God, if he only knew how mutual it was.
"I...I miss you too," I replied nervously.
"Really?" He sounded so hopeful that I was confused.
"I really do," I assured him.
"So you'll come over?" He asked. "And we'll keep hanging out?"
"Yes," I said. He sounded like he was a little scared because of last time.
Could he really be?
"You want me to come over again?"
"Juju, I really mean it," he said. I have never heard Kay sound so nervous before. "I'm asking you to, aren't I?"
"Okay," I said carefully.
"So, how do you feel about sneaking out?"
"Right now?"
"Right now."
Nothing could have interrupted the way my face broke out into a smile.
# CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
A Fool, Through and Through
I thought my nerves would swallow me whole before I could finish talking to Juju. But somehow, I got through that. And I managed to get him to agree to come out and see me. I was so selfish.
The next thing I know, I was seated across from Ju, at The Mad Egg. The diner was never really busy in the daytime, the way it was in the night. Julian's freckles looked lighter under the soft light. His hair didn't seem to have grown even an inch from the last time I'd seen him...eons ago.
His green eyes softened when they found mine, and then he quickly looked down. Meanwhile, I wasn't finding any such luck. Everything about his face seemed to draw me in, everything about him. He was so magnetic I couldn't help but keep studying him.
Don't make it awkward!
"Julian–" I started.
"What," he said a little too quickly, his eyes fleeting to mine, then quickly going back to watching his own hands. His cheeks seemed to turn rosy after his abrupt answer, I could tell it was taking everything in him to not look back up out of what could possibly be curiosity or nervousness. When I didn't answer, he looked back to my face again and this time his resolve hardened enough to talk through it.
"Why do you keep–" he seemed to think about it, then seemed to change his mind, and all the while I act like I am patient about the rest of his question. After a moment of reconsideration, Ju spits it out, and his question catches me off-guard. "Why are you staring?"
"At what?" God, I sounded so defensive.
"You're staring."
"I haven't seen you in forever," I heard myself say. This wasn't me, never. Not even to girls did I sound like this. And I love girls, but when it came to Julian, I couldn't seem to control my mouth, and the words that came out of it. I always blurted something out, then wondered why I said it. Just like now. "I've really missed you," to my horror, I heard myself say again. And I heard myself not take it back, or claim I didn't mean it in a cheesy way. Although I really didn't.
"Okay," he dragged the word in his reply.
"Okay?" I asked.
"I missed you too Kay...I just really thought...it doesn't really matter now," he said and shook his head like he thought better of it.
"About what happened," I started and immediately had Julian's undivided attention. I didn't want to lie about how I felt, but he made it seem like the only logical path. "Not sure I knew what I was doing but I'm sorry," I gathered my nerves. "I'm sorry for putting you in a spot like that."
The entire time Julian looked at me quietly while I spoke, something like cold irritation slowly taking over the features of his face. "Must you act like it is all your fault?" He asked calmly. He didn't let me answer. "If you are to blame here, then so am I." I couldn't put a finger on it but all my instincts told me he was angry. I didn't understand why. I'd give anything to know what he was thinking at that very moment. Something about his obvious agitation made me unsure of wanting to lean in or lean back. He didn't apologize.
I tried. "But–"
"But nothing!" His tone froze us both on the spot.
I gathered some courage and reached for his hand. He didn't pull away when I touched him. "Are you mad at me, Juju?" He didn't know it but deep down, I'd be willing to do just about anything to make sure we didn't fight again.
He really looked like he wanted to say yes. "No. No...Kay. It's just...you didn't really have to apologize for it like that."
I regarded him, confused as fuck but determined not to show it. There were several things I could have said, but none of them seemed wise. Before I could nod, Julian continued. "Wasn't really your fault," he said meekly.
I would always wonder if at that moment I wanted his words to have been different. Because when I lay on my bed later that night, everything in me couldn't wait for the next day. But all I could about his reply and his reaction.
•••
My room went from pitch black, to dim enough to make out almost anything, until it was bright enough to shock me. I'd come back home last night after meeting with Juju, and my mind stuck to him till morning!
Jesus fucking Christ.
It was a strange and exciting thing, to want to see someone you just saw a few hours ago so badly.
I started to wonder why I hadn't reached out sooner. The fuck was I waiting for? Because just like that, everything was starting to feel right again. Confusing and right.
•••
Julian would be here any minute. "Where are you?" I asked when I called him.
"Uh...I'm actually at your door," he replied and my face felt hot all of a sudden. I don't remember getting to the door but I was there out of nowhere.
The hoodie he wore this time was light grey, for some reason it made the color of his eyes the richer. Juju always had the same expression on his face every time I opened the door for him. It was either he was so excited that he wasn't sure he was at the right house, or he was so nervous he looked like he was doubting his decision to be here and wanted to dash back into the comfort of his car.
It was always like this until our eyes met...and it was just us. This part never lasted too long because then he'd smile in this way where his entire face was doing it. I always went; 'his face is doing that because he saw me?!'
"Stop smiling so much, Kay," he said. Shit. I must have looked shocked because he raised an eyebrow, and his smile turned cheeky. Once again, for probably the second time in my life, my face felt hot. I didn't think it could get any worse than that, but then MIB cleared his throat. I swear on my balls he did it on purpose. So I pulled Julian inside and closed the door.
•••
I have never been so bad at video games like I was that afternoon. Juju almost beat me twice at Mortal Kombat. "Really can't play for shit today."
"Huh, what?" Juju turned to me for like half a second, then back to the game. He was currently trying to knock me out with one of Sub-Zero's finishers, but I annoyingly dodged his every attack. "Does that mean you're going to let me win?"
"See, that's where you're wrong, your ass is losing either way. I'm just that good Juju. Even when distracted," I retorted. I exaggerated how tightly I was holding my controller to get my point across.
"How selfish." I wouldn't have noticed how subtly his lips pouted if I wasn't paying so much attention. "What's on your mind?" Juju asked.
"You," I replied before I could stop myself. The silence that followed was so embarrassingly loud that I didn't know what to do with myself. There was no way to buffer it.
Julian only went back to playing in silence, and since the moment he entered the front door I couldn't help but keep stealing glances at him. I watched how his ears slowly went from their normal shade to the lightest of pinks, then to a darker shade of pink, and then I stopped watching...then stole a tiny last glance to find an even darker shade from the one before.
He seemed to be hell-bent on looking in any other direction but mine while biting his lip so hard I bet he had no idea he was doing it.
How the fuck does he keep getting cuter?
With his eyes glued to the screen, he spoke unexpectedly. "I...um..."
Yes. Really really cute.
"What's your favorite game?" I asked him to distract him from what I'd said. I couldn't tell who needed the distraction more.
"Mario Kart," he answered.
"Do you want to play that? You could teach me."
"Really?" He replied skeptically.
"Yes really."
"Okay," he said. Then after a beat; "No, wait! You'll just beat me at it when I teach you so no."
My smile came so, so easily. Then I laughed, and feigned denial. "Me? Never!"
"Yeah, right," he replied and rolled his eyes. "Kay, I can't let you ruin my favorite game for me, so no." This part, he said with a cheeky smile.
"Please? I can't really beat you at your favorite game, I don't even know how to!"
"That's the whole point!" He resigned with a sigh. "Fine, but I just know I'm going to regret this." A groan. "Fine. I'll teach you."
There was one unforeseen downside to this. "You are such a terrible teacher Juju!" He laughed heartily at my complaint.
"I am not! You're just a slow learner."
"Uh huh. You're having the time of your life aren't you?"
He laughed again. We looked at each other, then looked away, and both laughed.
At some point, I felt my phone vibrating and realized someone was calling me. The vibration stopped when I fished out the phone, I was so distracted I didn't even check who it was and dropped the phone on the bed. When it vibrated again, I picked it up, saw that it was Mike calling, after that was Connor. I picked up neither. If Juju noticed, he didn't say anything about it. He only continued to politely whoop my ass at his game. He was so smug I wouldn't mind losing a bit more.
"Are you avoiding someone?" Ju asked when the phone began to ring again.
For lack of an answer, I looked down at it. This time it was Ma, here to save me from a difficult question. I picked up immediately. "Hi."
"Hey baby. Think you could pick up the twins today? I'm gonna be running a lil late."
"Oh sure thing Ma. Don't even worry about it."
"Thank you baby, I love you."
"Love you too," I said before hanging up.
Ju was looking at me with a small smile. "You did it again," he said.
"Nah, you lyin'!" I just knew he was talking back to the Mad Egg.
Juju looked like he was about to protest when his phone started ringing too. I watched as his face grew more serious the more he talked on the phone, Mario Kart forgotten. I didn't like the way his face frowned one bit. Even worse was how he seemed to be hiding his anger.
"Kay," he said softly. I released the fist I didn't know I was holding so tightly.
"What's wrong?" I asked before I could help myself. "Who was that? What do they want?"
Calm the fuck—
"I think, I have to go," he said in a manner that sounded like it was a question. He could hide all he wanted, but I could see his anger, however little, plain as day.
"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want him to go. He just got here! "Do you want to?"
"No," he replied. "Of course not..."
"Then don't," I looked for something. Anything to be with him longer. "My mom can't make the time and asked me to pick my little siblings up. Come with me?" I hope I didn't sound desperate. But I know I did.
And I wasn't going to push any further had he still turned me down, but to my good fortune, his face lit up to that idea and I knew I could breathe easy. "You're going to love Ree and Ry!"
Julian got into my front seat and shut the door. There was another magical moment where just as he did that, he turned to find me watching him. His cheeks turned red almost instantly, and it knocked me back. I looked away, somewhat embarrassed like I wasn't the one being beaten at his own game.
I started the car, and as if instinctively, my hand fell to his bare thigh. I would have said it was almost accidental, but another thought was overriding that one.
You need to calm yourself down, Kay.
I was such a mess. Instead, I said, "Now you wear your seatbelt too."
My hand came away like fire was burning at every point of contact it had. Whatever it was, burned and lingered. It stayed heated even after the fire had long gone out.
When Ry and Ree got in, they weren't the least bit shy about their curiosity. "Meet my little siblings. They're twins." I said to Julian, whose face was nothing short of happiness.
I reached for Ree and she put her hands in mine. "This is my princess Rylee," I said as I brought my cheek closer to her, where she left two kisses. "And this is my prince, Rylan." Whom, to my surprise once more, did the same. I thought Julian's presence would make him cower away. "This is my friend, Julian." My hands opened out towards him in a way of introduction. Julian then put his hands in my outstretched ones, and I froze. I froze until Ree's sharp giggles brought me back to the moment.
"What?" Julian asked with a cheeky smile aimed at Ree. "I was just following routine!" He shrugged innocently, to which Ree's giggles doubled over so that even Ry had to chuckle.
I hadn't even realized I was smiling yet. Juju had just leaned forward and casually dropped two kisses on my cheek, exactly as he saw the kids do. What it left behind was a staggering, smiling fool.
It wasn't until I thought I'd moved on from the moment that I knew. Not until more than five minutes later, my focus well on the road, MIB following closely behind and Rylan had just about had enough. "Your smile is starting to creep me out Kay!" That's when I finally realized how hard and how long I'd been smiling. A fool, through and through.
# CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
Guns and KitKats
Kayden was right. I loved Rylee and Rylan! Ree was so smart, and Ry was so funny. I was a thousand times grateful that Kay had asked me to stay. This definitely beats being at home and doing close to nothing.
Killian's frustration grew worse as more time went by, and all the while I ignored my dad. More shocking than anything else was how easily the kids convinced him to spend his time at the Mad Egg together with us.
It happened like this; Ree suddenly poked Ry's side and quickly whispered something to her brother's ear, to which his face lit up and he sprang to his feet. "We, shall be right back," he announced with a face that was clearly up to no good. Ree followed giddily behind him. Kay looked like he wanted to protest, but also wanted to find out what the kids were up to.
Not even five minutes later, he looked out of place being led inside the diner, Ree ecstatically pulling him inside by his hand, and Ry, hand clasped into his from the back, as if to make sure there was no going back at all. It looked like the sweetest form of bullying.
My stoic-like bodyguard sat across from me and Kay, between two children, who were unaware that they just accomplished the impossible. He looked almost awkward in his suit, looking overdressed for the occasion. Then he looked irritated when he looked at us. "Not one word, from either of you."
Kay and I too, accomplished the impossible, we stifled the hell out of the laughs trying to escape from us.
The waitress—a plump and short girl with black pigtails falling on each of her shoulders—put our food on the table. Ree immediately emptied out her fries to free up the plate, then asked Kay to cut up her cheeseburger in half. She took the half for herself and put the other on the empty plate, then pushed it towards Killian. "For you," she said.
Killian didn't know what to do with himself. Rylan looked so fascinated that he too, took his own burger and cut it into half, then put the half onto Killian's new plate. He seemed to think about the decision he was making. "Nahh," he said, then took back the half, cut it into two, and put the new quarter on Killian's plate. "For you," he said sweetly.
If you watched closely, you'd see just how much Rylan looked up to his twin sister. Because at that moment, looking like he felt bad, he picked up his fries and emptied half of them onto Killian's plate. God those kids were just adorable.
I don't think I have ever seen Killian smile so widely before. He made no move to pick up the food, but he seemed to get even more comfortable, completely at ease.
"You're going to eat right?" As she took a bite of her burger, worry etched around her brows. I wonder if children understood just how innocent they were, and how lovely.
"Hoodie?"
The sound comes almost quiet enough for me to miss it. I see a very familiar figure from the corner of my eye and when I turn, it makes obvious sense. Only one person called me that. "Hoodie! It is you! Hi!"
I did not get a chance to respond because Rylan was suddenly off his seat and in Kit's arms. "KitKat! KITKAAAT!" He clearly didn't care about preserving the quiet and peaceful atmosphere.
Rylee squeezed past Killian and Kit reached out for her. The hug they shared was the most adorable thing. "Did you see my picture?!" she asked very excitedly.
"Of course princess, how else would I ever recover so fast?" All. This. To. My. Utter. Shock.
"Does this mean you will come to pick us up too now?" Kayden seemed to stiffen beside me at hearing this. Something heavy lingered between him and Kit, the information trying it's damnedest to download properly in my mind. Even Killian had a quizzical look about him.
Whatever was going on, Kit was probably really good at acting with children, because he did not miss a beat when he said, "If I'm not too busy, then obviously."
Ree made a disapproving face as she got back into her seat. "Fine." She put her fries in her mouth. She then piped up like she remembered something. She turned to me. "This is Kay's best friend, Kit!" She mentioned gleefully. BEST. FRIEND. BEST FRIEND! Now I didn't know whom to turn my shock towards; Kay or Kit. "And this is Julian! Kay calls him Juju," she said and giggled.
Kit seemed to raise his brows momentarily at that, then the boy standing next to me chuckled with all the affection one could have for a child. "Yeah, Hoodie and I are friends."
Kay, who had never been so quiet for so long after our first encounter at that museum, bristled when Kit said that and went ahead to put his hand on my shoulder. His reaction was very subtle. If I wasn't so attuned to his every move the way I was, I would have missed it.
Killian, who had been watching the entire scene quietly while he ate his burger, now loudly cleared his throat as if to get everyone's attention. "You know," he said loudly to the twins, ignoring the rest of us completely. I have a dessert adventure all thought up...for only the three of us of course," the next part was clearly to Kayden, although he did not look to him. All we need is twenty-five minutes. It's a surprise, but...here's a little hint; you get to pick whatever shape you want for your ice cream."
The twins were already barely able contain themselves. I was nothing short of surprised at this side of Killian.
"I can get ice cream the shape of a gun?!" Rylan asked with all the excitement his voice could carry.
"Why would you want your ice cream in the shape of a gun, Ry?" Kit asked, chuckling.
"You're right," the little boy replied, resigned. "I'll just get one in the shape of a KitKat."
"Come here, you!" Kit put him in a playful headlock. They really were adorable.
"Let's go!" Ree piped in. "I want a bunny!"
"You can even get a castle!" Killian played well into their excitement, something I'd never in a million have believed he was capable of. "But only if your brother says it's okay." He looked to Kayden. And so did the kids. "Please, Kay!" They both pleaded.
I didn't think it possible for anyone to say no to those eyes. Kay nodded and the kids were already dashing out of the diner. Kay then mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Killian. My bodyguard flipped him off and turned to go, but I didn't miss his small smile.
The kids came back to pull him outside once more, and then they were gone. After that, Kit assumed the empty space across from us. "So," he started, a semblance of a smile playing on his lips. "How do you and Hoodie know each other?" He didn't look at me, but he sounded a little cautious.
"And how exactly do you!" Kay replied sharply as I realized that this was the first time he'd spoken ever since Kit showed up. The two of them acted like I wasn't right there.
Kit's hands paused momentarily on the table, but his smile remained the same. "It's good to see you too, K," he replied. What in all fuck was going on here? "And since you asked so nicely. . .Hoodie here, got me out of one of the most boring parties in history."
"Hey!" I said despite secretly agreeing. "My mom worked hard on that!"
"And then you became friends huh," Kay answered. I have never been in his company so long without warmth coming from him, especially in the form of a smile. There was no such thing at this moment. You didn't even have to try hard, to know the bitterness that was going around. So I looked from one to the other.
"Are you guys really best friends?" I asked, "Because...what happened here?"
"I'm sure he'll tell you all about it, since you're such good friends," Kay replied hotly. His animosity startled me.
Kit's hands paused momentarily on the table. "Hmm," he said and leaned in a little after a strawberry milkshake was placed before him. It's like something inside me sensed what he was going to say before he said it. It all came rushing back to me. He is at the Mad Egg. We've been at Midnight Bridge. He had a falling out with someone really close to him. The common denominator here was Kay. It all made perfect sense.
"I'm gay," Kit said like he was trying to convince me that roses couldn't be redder. "And fortunately enough, I happened to have a crush on my dear best friend here." I could tell this was suddenly really difficult for him, especially if this was the same friend he mentioned so sadly to me. He swallowed, and said even worse things—I'm not sure I liked hearing them. "I couldn't help it and I kissed Kayden, I forced myself on him. You know what horrid, despicable thing I did after that?"
"Stop," Kay cut in, his voice thick with emotion. He didn't seem able to look Kit in the eye.
Kit ignored him, his smile was full of pain. "I got him expelled," he said right before he chuckled. "This motherfucker didn't tell a soul, even after everything I put him through. A shitty person like me does not deserve such loyalty." He didn't have to look at Kay, we all knew that last part was to him. In fact, this entire speech of an answer was to him. "So," he continued. "When I stopped being such a pussy, I finally told our friends, and yet still, he was there with me, and that's when I got this lovely facial you asked me about last time..." he motioned to his face. "And yet, he still defended me."
The second time I met with Kay was the first time we properly talked. I remember how bitterly he mentioned his expulsion. It started to make more sense now.
"So yes, I fucked up." His milkshake was barely touched. We all turned to see Killian pulling up at the diner and it was the only one cue Kit needed. "I really, really like you Kay, I can't help that."
In turn, I too, couldn't help it when something in my chest constricted at hearing him say that.
"But I also understand that those feelings will never be reciprocated, and that's okay. Make something up for the twins. Tell them we had a fight, tell them I did something unforgivable or tell them the truth. I'm not going to do this anymore."
He got up to leave. "Again, it's good to see you K." He took a sip of his milkshake and got up. "See you around, Hoodie," he said, and with that, he was gone.
"Wait!" I almost yelled, but Kit, who was already mid-way to the door, did not turn back nor did he stop. Where his drink had been, was a perfectly new hundred-dollar bill. "Kay, do something!"
I don't know why I was so frustrated. O don't know why I cared so much. I don't know why I wanted Kit to come back and reconcile this stupidity and yet I completely hated hearing that he'd kissed Kay. I stopped when I turned to look at him. Kay looked so dejected, all the energy drained from him. His eyes, sadder than I'd ever seen them. It looked too wrong. I hated it. "If you don't do something Kay, you'll lose him!" Could he not understand the urgency my voice carried against its own will?
I didn't even need his words to know that he'd forgive his best friend a million times over.
Sadder than I've ever heard, he replied. "What would you have me do, Julian? That's that, you heard him. That's it."
"Stop being so stu–"
"Oouuu! Money!" Ry's timing couldn't be any worse. He pocketed the bill after studying it. "Mom's gonna be happy. After I get some candy of course." The last part, he muttered mostly to himself.
Ree was holding Killian's hand, still finishing what I'd assume was previously a rabbit shaped ice-cream. But I don't think Kay even noticed they were back. I wasn't going to sit by and watch this. I couldn't. 'That's it'? No, not if I could fucking help it.
•••
"Thank you," I said to Killian as we drove back home.
"Whatever for, my lord?" He asked with a grin creeping to his face.
"Andre put you up to this, didn't he? The two of you should just drive into a ditch."
Killian replied coolly. "I don't know what you are talking about." That's when I noticed a bouquet of violet tulips resting on the front seat. Killian wasn't done surprising me for the day, it seemed.
"You're in such a good mood because you're going on a date?" I asked him, hoping the question teased him a little.
He sighed, glancing at the flowers forlornly. "I wish."
•••
When I got home that evening, dad was not fussing. To my surprise he wasn't pacing back-and-forth either. Most of all, he wasn't the least bit mad. I felt it in the way he hugged me. "Where have you been?" He asked as he detached from me, his voice was the littlest indication that he was worried.
"I was finishing up with Kayden," I replied somewhat hastily.
He either saw it in my face or heard it. "Something's wrong," he said.
"It's nothing," I was quick to say. I shook my head again as an afterthought. My dad must've really been serious when he said he was trying to change because he did not push that matter.
"Are you OK?" He asked me and I nodded quickly, feeling warm inside.
I wasn't exactly. I was feeling a sensation that almost felt like hurt for someone I deeply cared about losing someone they deeply cared about.
"This...Kayden," my dad said suddenly. "You're spending so much time with him and I must say, against my judgment, I need to meet him." It sounded like he might laugh.
I tried desperately not to cringe from the inside. Kayden meeting my dad was the last thing I would want at the moment. "Dad, no." As soon as I said that I thought better of it. I looked at it from a different perspective. This was the least he could ask for, for literally keeping his distance and not following me around and stalking my almost nonexistent social life. This is the least I could do for him to calm his nerves down. As much as I didn't understand his irrationality, I also knew he couldn't help it. "Okay," I told him two beats later. "Just don't make it awkward."
Dad perked up at once. "I'll let your mother know! We could do dinner!" He announced. "I'll bet she has a few ideas up her sleeve!"
I groaned. "Dad!"
"What? It won't be awkward at all"
"Yes it will. Isn't dinner a little too much?"
It's not like I'm introducing my
fiancé.
"It isn't," he replied confidently.
His hopeful face tricked me into trusting him. "I'll let you know when, and that's if he agrees anyway," I replied. Something had been gnawing at my insides and I needed to get on with it. "Do you know where Andre is?"
"Your mother must have sent him out on an errand. Although he should be back any minute now. I think she also gave him the rest of the day off so I don't expect to see him around." My dad's eyes seemed to follow some kind of movement over my shoulder. "Well well. I look like quite the liar now."
I don't know if it was my face that sold me out, or if it was something else entirely, but all it took was one look from Andre after stealing me away from my dad. "It's about time we went for that drive, my lord." I'd forever be grateful for how well he could read me.
•••
Andre drove for such a long time that I started to wonder if we were driving to another state, and then he separates from the main road until he has reached a cliff, with the view of a beach down below. The sky was stained a rusty kind of orange with a magnificent glow as the sun dipped lower and lower, the ocean swallowing it up slowly by slowly.
He drove us in a truck so he opened the back of it for us to sit comfortably while watching the sunset, and the continuously reducing number of people by the shores.
"I know I've been avoiding you," I started. Andre remained quiet. "It's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now...to talk about. With you. I just wasn't too sure..." The breath I released was shaky. The quiet that followed, worse, save for the sound of gulls and waves. I wondered how he did it but Andre was the picture of calm and patient, it somehow made my frustration worse.
I walked to the front of the car, then came back around to where Andre was still waiting like a saint, eyes far away and fixed onto the shores. I blew a breath out, my stomach turning over a thousand times. I walked around the car again and came back. This time, it was Andre who let out a breath. "Out with it, my lord, before I throttle you."
As if sensing, rather than observing my nervousness, Andre grew serious. I only hoped he didn't deduce it as hesitation, because I hoped he knew there's no one I trusted more. Not one. An even more serious look replaced his features. "Whatever it is, kid, I'm with you. Always–"
"I like boys, Andre. I'm gay."
"Aww my lord! Of course you are! Come here." Andre pulled me into a hug. "That's it? That's what you wanted to tell me?"
There was nothing that could control my shock. "You knew?"
"Obviously I knew."
"You don't hate me for it?" Andre laughed as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.
"Do you understand what it means to imprint on someone?" He said and I vaguely remembered teasing him about that. "My lord, I've loved you long before I ever knew. Sure as hell won't stop now."
I couldn't control the sob that escaped me. I wanted to force a fist to my mouth, keeping it quiet, but I felt safe with Andre. Even more, I needed to wrap my arms around him.
"My dear boy," he said quietly, his embrace gentle and warmer than I ever thought it could be.
Dropping a kiss in my hair, he held me even tighter. And I sobbed even harder.
# CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Sounds Gay, I'm In
"Ma, I'm heading over Mike's to study a little," I put on one of my serious and most convincing voices.
Ma, unimpressed, pinned me with her stare and I erased any hint of mischief from my face. I'm smart enough to know that no matter how old I got or grew, I'd always be the same readable kid to my mom.
She might as well have raised an eyebrow. "You are going to Mike's to study?" I couldn't help but think that she totally didn't believe me.
"Yes," I said and I knew how suspicious I sounded. I tried not to cringe before I gave myself away completely. "I know it's not official but word around is that the school is thinking of reinstating me. I have to bring my A-game when that time comes."
She narrowed her eyes at that. She probably knew I didn't need to study very hard to get good grades, but my excuse was full of logic, so she might just have to accept it for what it was. "Boy please," my mom looked at me blankly. "I believe you about the school, but shut yo' ass up about that A-game bullshit."
I stared at her in what I hoped didn't look like shock. Ma is smart, but why did she have to catch on so quickly about things! Especially at critical times for me like this. I thought of the best thing to say to her in that moment. But she beat me to it. "It's alright. You can go." She said, much to my relief. I could hug her. "I'm just glad you're talking to your friends and hanging out more with them again."
I knew it had bothered her more than it should have when I was avoiding my friends and mostly keeping to myself. And then her worry turned to uncertainty because they weren't exactly coming over and I wasn't talking that much to them either, but that was Julian's magic at work. She met him already, and knowing the twins, they've obviously talked about him to her, but I wonder if she thought about my relationship with him like that. Right at that moment, I was just grateful that she was glad for it.
"Thanks Ma," I told her in honesty, then bent down to kiss her cheek.
"Get your lying ass out of here," she said to me, swatting my bottom like I was five years old, then she went to get dinner started. In that moment, I thought she was the coolest mom in the world.
>>><<<
Me:
get yo' ass out mf
I was at Mike's place, parked just around the corner and out of sight. He had to be sneaky after all or this was not going to work.
Mikey:
gimmie a minute, dad's being a bitch
His dad, despite the sheer size of his son, was too protective for his own good.
Me:
just hurry, before I start to look suspicious out here
I exited Mike's inbox and almost naturally opened Julian's. I didn't know why. But this was alarmingly becoming second nature, being something I did more often than not lately. Especially when I felt like there was a possibility I could be suffocating him. I didn't text him, instead, I scrolled up through our texts, and started reading them like a favorite book while I waited for Mike to show up. The only difference was that in your favorite book, you'd mostly reread your favorite parts of it. Here, every part was my favorite part.
It was like I could hear his voice in my head through the texts; complaining, happy, frustrated, angry, neutral, confused...I had to acknowledge the fact that I missed his voice.
I was so lost inside our inbox until I heard a sound knocking on the window. I quickly unlocked the doors when I realized it was Mike.
He climbed into the passenger seat as I started the car. "Didn't think you were planning on letting me in," Mike said in a way of greeting. He took his RiverFalls basketball varsity off and tossed it onto the backseat to reveal a plain black T-shirt underneath, paired with blue jeans and white sneakers with orange highlights. "You been acting a bit too weird lately K. What the fuck were you smilin' so much for man, you gettin' some pussy tonight?"
I pulled away from Mike's block altogether before his dad could see us, just like old times. "Shut the fuck up before I drive back and drop you off to yo' daddy's doorstep."
"Yeah, so I can tell him to hit yo' mama up real quick."
We both laughed at that. Yeah, this was definitely just like old times.
We went to pick Liam up after that, and that took about two minutes. "Sup' hoes!" He fist bumped us both after getting into the backseat.
"Bro, you look like a vampire," Mike told Liam. "Wit' yo' pale ass, wearin' all black like that."
"At least I don't smell like a cologne factory's experiment. You leave yo daddy's house smelling like that? Damn."
Mike loved his cologne, there was no convincing him otherwise about it. Every insult always passed over his head. "Yeah, your girl likes it," Mike retorted. "Wait! You don't have a girl!"
"Wait!" Liam was quick. "You don't have a girl either!"
We burst out in unanimous laughter. "Okay man," Mike put his hand out towards Liam and dapped him up. "You got it."
"Is Amber-Lee coming?" Liam asked me.
"Who?" Mike asked.
"She turned me down," I answered. "You seriously need to tell her you have this ginormous crush on her, maybe she'll finally agree to come out with us."
"I don't have a crush on her," Liam said defensively.
"Who?" Mike asked again.
"You have a raging hard-on for her," I told him matter of factly, then turned to Mike. "If you don't know who Amber-Lee is bro, I'll throw your fucking ass out on the street."
"Ooohhh, Amber-Lee!" Mike was such a lying ass motherfucker.
I could feel Liam roll his eyes. "She's Asian?" He offers. "Only talks to K." He claimed not to like her, and yet he sounded sour about that. I was just seated, chilling with liars.
"Oooh!" Mike finally remembered. "Yeah, yeah." He shoved my shoulder. "I know her. She's kinda hot, no?"
"Shut the fuck up about her, you shit," Liam irritatedly said to Mike. "And someone pass me the fucking aux."
Mike whistled. Then left it that. Liam was a terrible liar when it came to his feelings it seemed. More surprising was the fact that Mike knew not to push in this situation. After Liam was connected, Powerglide started to play through the car speakers. Mike immediately moved on. "I'm excited man! This gon' be just like back in the day!"
The three of us in unison began to sing along on top of our voices, especially since this one was one of our timeless classics. I'd seriously missed this, missed them, and that was just the honest truth.
Knox would be picking Stacey and Connor up before we could all meet up and get into the club together.
The only person missing to make this complete was Kit. To me, it could never be the same without him. I loved Mike, I loved Liam, I loved all my friends, that went without saying. But Kit... I mean, that was my best friend.
But at this moment, it was me, Liam and Mike, and a shit ton of memories, and I loved every minute of it.
Seriously, who needed much when you had good friends?
>>><<<
Getting to the club was the easy part, technically also smuggling in the alcohol was easy too, only that that was the complicated part.
We knew who was getting it inside for us, after that, it was upon us to be discreet about it.
Maybe it would come as a surprise, and maybe not, but Connor was the master of discretion. Maybe because he looked like the type of guy every parent trusted around their kids, maybe it was the glasses, hell maybe it was just an inborn ability to play anyone he felt like, an ability he never really made use of, being too good a person. He was impossible to find out while doing something suspicious.
Maybe everyone at the club was doing it. I looked around. Okay, everyone was definitely doing it, but not even we could tell how or when exactly Connor juiced up our drinks. Personally — I could speak for everyone but I wouldn't want to assume—I didn't even know where he kept or took the alcohol out from.
Before any of that, Mike was already grooving. I could tell how much he was keeping from being all over Stacey, maybe he wasn't completely over her after all. Thankfully, Liam was in the mood to goof off away with him.
We chatted over the music about anything and everything. We bonded, we made jokes, we were just a bunch of teenagers who loved each other very much.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked for Kit's contact. Never has his name ever not been on the top of the list but now, I had to scroll down to find it. That was sad.
Me:
hi
I thought of what to say, and how to express it.
Me:
i know you know we're out tonight, u coming?
I didn't look away from the screen and I saw that he read the message. He typed. And typed. And typed. He typed for so long that I thought he was going to send me a chapter.
Kit:
no
I refreshed the messages but it remained the same. That's it? All that suspense just for that! I took a sip of water before texting back.
Me:
if you do change your mind, i'll be waiting. i wanna talk to you
I almost left it at that, then thought better of it and added one more text.
Me:
it's important
I put my phone back in my pocket. The rest was now up to him. I just hoped he was curious enough to agree to come.
We continued to dance, and drink. I joined Mike and Knox playing 8-ball at a billiards table. There were vapes being passed around that I didn't know belonged to whom. So much energy charged in the air, so much laughter!
There was a moment when it felt like everything moved in slow motion. We were dancing in a circle all of a sudden. It seemed to just happen naturally.
Stacey hopped over to where I sat, speaking with Connor. "Now, Connor," I leaned in before looking around. "You can admit you like her. I swear to God, no one will know."
Connor laughed at me and leaned in too. "It's platonic, Kay."
I narrowed my eyes, then leaned back in resignation. "One of these days, Connor. One of these days..."
At that moment was when Stacey suddenly appeared, then took a long drag of her drink—a remaking of a Manhattan, made by Connor especially for her of course—and set it in between me and Connor, then fastened her hand into each of ours, pulling us both off our seats, her smile so radiant, so contagious. She looked so lovely that I could bet Connor was having a hard time keeping it together. And that is if my assumptions were correct of course.
I mean, I'm not too sure about the both of them, but I bet their platonic asses would break sooner or later. I'd have liked to think that Juju and I were as platonic as they came, but I don't know how well I'd be able to handle it if he took my hands in his with that lovely smile of his and pulled me to the dance floor. Just thinking about it made me the littlest bit frustrated. And part of that was because it felt like I thought about him every five seconds lately.
On the dance floor, our spirits were high. I hadn't felt so good surrounded by my friends in a very long time. Our bodies moved to the music, a feeling of perfect synergy moving through each of us, happiness flooding our little circle.
Aeons began to blast through the speakers. The club went insane in only the first five seconds of the song playing. It was a beautiful feeling. It was always at moments like this that you always felt you loved your people just a little bit more. Only...where the fuck was Kit.
I checked the messages again, but only in vain. I couldn't help but feel a little dejected. It showed that he'd read it but chosen not to respond. I guess he wasn't coming. I placed the phone back into my pocket to keep dancing, squashing down the urge to drive over to his place after this was over.
The gang didn't let me ponder over it for too long. And so I was back into it again. Until I'd had my fill of dancing.
>>><<<
I joined an unsuspecting Knox after leaving the dance floor to join him at the bar. He was alone so it was perfect. He didn't even turn around when he said, "The pain of being sexy." He sighed. "Always getting stalked by your friends. I didn't exactly ask for this," he gestured from his head to his toes.
Knox picked up a drink from the bartender, and I failed to understand why clubs for underaged people hired them. To hand out juice? Seriously, talk about useless. "Orange juice please," I say to the bartender I just deemed useless in my head.
I sat down next to Knox. "I kinda wanted to talk."
Knox turns to face me. He was wearing a rich, dark maroon leather jacket over a black T-shirt tucked into a pair of dark jeans. A thin gold chain wrapped loosely around his neck. His thick black hair fell on each side of his face as he regarded me. "How can daddy help?"
I rolled my eyes so hard. And this was only a fraction of what Liam had to go through.
The barkeep slid my orange juice to me and went to tend to other people. The taste of it never got old. I looked to Knox seriously. There were things I knew I had to come to terms with. "I think I have feelings for a guy," I told him.
At that point, I had to accept the fact that I liked Julian. Not just like a friend, not partially, not because we hang out and had fun together. It was obvious that there was nothing platonic about it.
Knox paused with his drink halfway to his mouth, then he really looked at me. "Sounds really gay, Kayden." He replied. "I'm in."
"I don't know how to go about it. The realization just came so suddenly and now I feel a little stuck. You understand why I'm asking you right? 'Cause you're like gay and stuff?"
Knox aimed an irritated look at me. "
And stuff
? Bitch I'm as gay as they come. The fuck?"
Jesus Christ
.
"I beg your gay pardon, please forgive me, your gay highness," I tipped my head towards him then took another sip of my orange juice.
"All is forgiven," Knox replied. I observed his eyes focusing behind me for a few short seconds before they turned back to me.
"What do I do?" I asked him.
"This guy you like, does he know?"
"No. He has no idea."
"Is it...is this a secret? Your sexuality I mean."
"I couldn't care less who knew, but with the way I feel about him...I guess I want him to like me back."
"EVERRRYONE! ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS GAYYY!" Knox suddenly shouted and what felt like at least half the club shouted. I heard a few whistles and felt even a pat on my back from a stranger. Knox looked so proud of himself.
A second orange juice was pushed next to my almost finished one. I looked up at the bartender. "One is on the house. The next one coming is from that tiny girl all the way over there!" The tiny girl mentioned made eye contact with me and raised her glass at me. I raised the glass of orange juice back at her. That was nice. Felt like something Amber-Lee would do. I turned back to Knox. "Was that really necessary?"
"No," Knox replied nonchalantly. "But sometimes there are moments when your sexuality can feel a little lonely. It is not always the case obviously but it happens more often than you might think, and I really hope it never happens to you, but if you ever get to that point, if you ever feel like that, I want you to remember this moment. And remember that even if it was just for a minute, or five, you weren't alone."
I stared at him, dumbfounded. Who the fuck was this guy? Where was Knox? I realized then that this was probably the longest I'd ever talked to him without him flirting. "You mean to tell me...there's a heart in there after all?"
"Shut the fuck up, you gay prick."
I chuckled. "I think it's bi."
"And bi is not hetero, so..." Knox shrugged. "I think I'm going to change your contact to Homosexual." Once again he gazed just behind me, looking a little distracted.
"Now that's definitely unnecessary." A laugh tore through me.
Knox Kumar would always be one of a kind.
"Now," he got serious again. "If you're serious about this guy, don't push him to tell you how he feels. Show him how you feel instead, and just go with the flow. Everything will fall into place after that. If you're so horny that you can't keep it to yourself and end up telling him, just don't come on too strong. I'll leave you with that," Knox started to get up. "The rest is up to you. Kit is here for one of us and it is definitely not me."
My head whipped around so fast that I didn't properly see Knox leave. "Kit!" He stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking almost too uncomfortable. "You came!"
He shrugged. "You said it was important. Besides, I didn't want you to bawl your eyes out crying after I left you hanging." He assumed the seat Knox had just emptied.
My lips twitched. I made eye contact with Connor and gestured towards Kit and he immediately understood.
I had to accept I was not ready to lose my best friend just yet. And I genuinely wanted things to go back to how they were.
Connor slapped Kit's shoulder and handed him a drink. Glad to see you two talking."
"You remembered my drink?" He asked Connor.
"Please, just because you fucked up doesn't mean I don't know who you are anymore." He then leaned into Kit's ear and whispered something that I couldn't hear, even if I tried.
Kit's eyes widened in surprise, then he raised his glass up to Connor before he walked away. Kit then took big gulps of his entire drink and downed it in one go before setting the glass down. He focused on me. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to tell you...that I don't want to make something up for the twins."
Kit looked at me when I stopped abruptly.
"I won't make something up for the twins. I wont tell them we had a fight...because I don't want us to fight anymore. I miss you so much Kit, I miss my best friend."
Kit was now looking at me like he was close to holding back tears. "Really?"
"Yes, really!" I assured him. "I forgive you. If the rest of the guys don't, eventually they will. But I want us to be cool again. So what do you say we put all of it behind us?"
I offered Kit my hand but he got up from his seat and hugged me so tightly that I thought he would crush me. "This is why you're so easy to fall for. I missed you so fucking much, man."
"Me too," I replied. The sound coming out almost muffled. I couldn't remember the last time Kit and I hugged. Maybe even never.
He released me from his hold. "I'm sorry."
"I know."
Kit groaned and turned away momentarily, wiping a tear I didn't even notice from the corner of his right eye. Seeing that made me feel a little emotional. "Who's bawling their eyes out now?" I asked him cheekily.
"Shut up," he turned back to me. "I'm really glad I came."
Told you it was important.
"Yeah," Kit chuckled and nodded, "So half the world now knows you're gay. Since when? What was that about? Or was Knox just being a clown again?"
So he'd been there the entire time. That's what Knox kept focusing on then. Just as I was about to answer, my phone dinged and I saw a notification of a text from Juju. I clicked so fast like there was a magnet between my finger and the screen.
Ju:
kay, will you come over for dinner at my place? my parents, well especially my dad, want to meet you
Me:
okay
Ju:
i had no hand in this kay, he just insisted all of a sudden
I couldn't help the smile on my face while I texted back. He was getting all worked up for nothing.
Me:
it's okay juju
Ju:
i already told them you might not agree to it, so if you want to say no, i'll tell them you're not interested
Me:
juju, i'll be there. i cannot turn down a chance to see you
His next text was not as quick as the previous. He seemed to type then stop, then type again, then stop.
I looked up to see Kit studying me. Oh my God I'd almost forgotten he was there! "So it's true," he said to me. "Interesting."
Ju:
mantis shrimp are punching machines by the way. did you know that despite being only a few inches long, they can throw a punch at 50miles per hour. fast enough to shatter glass aquarium tanks
I chuckled after reading the text. I could only imagine his face flushing a different colour at that very moment. He was honestly so cute.
Me:
you're doin that thing again
no need to be so nervous. it'll be fine
"It's Hoodie isn't it?" Kit asked me. I knew how pathetic I looked right then, unable to ignore the texts for a few minutes to properly talk to him. I didn't miss the double meaning in his words either. It was about who was texting me, and it was also about my sexuality.
I nodded, growing serious. I didn't want to hurt him, I cared about him and I knew about his feelings for me, but I couldn't help the situation either. I couldn't help how I felt. "What do you think?" I heard myself asking him, wanting his genuine opinion.
I expected it to be a bit more difficult, but Kit only smiled at me. And it was a smile that made me feel like I had nothing to worry about. "If it was never going to be me, then it better be Hoodie." Kit shrugged. "He's kinda cool."
>>><<<<
# CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Dinner At The Hawthornes' Abode
Mom woke me up again, like this was one of those parties she usually prepared for. It was at the ass crack of dawn. Again. And it pissed me off so much. She barged into my room like she had shares in it, which maybe she did, but that still didn't stop it from being annoying. I groaned at the fact that my sleep was being cut short yet again.
"Kayden's coming over today, so get ready, get up!"
"Mom!" I pleaded. "It's like six! He's coming for dinner! Can I get some decent sleep for once?"
"No. Get up. She drew the curtains, letting in the light. This time she was wearing a pink night gown with a matching pink band holding back her hair. I resisted the urge to hiss like a vampire. God! She was so annoying.
"You know it wouldn't kill you to let me sleep for at least an extra hour, right?"
"Come on, there's much to do," she said happily and walked out of the room.
I grabbed my pillow angrily and squashed it to my face and screamed into it. Why were they so excited anyway? It was just a friend coming over for dinner. It wasn't like one of her parties but she was giving off the same energy. Was my social life really that terrible in hindsight?
The only good thing coming out of this was getting to see Kay. I missed him already. And yet I can't believe he agreed to come for dinner. I thought he'd actually been put off by everything he knew about them till now.
I rolled off the bed to freshen up, because I knew if I didn't, my mom would be back just to make sure I did, and that would just be more annoying.
When I left my room, the hallway had never looked so long as it stretched before me, more so when I got to the stairs. Climbing down, I noticed at least five different members of staff putting the house in order. Like that was even necessary. One was arranging different vases in the place of old ones. One was fixing curtains, one was dusting every surface, another carried in fresh flowers, almost too many to fit around her tiny hands. One ticked things off from a list on her hands as she seemed to supervise the rest.
I found mom sitting on dad's lap on the dining table. Getting started on their breakfast. Barely. If only they could stop looking so mushy and happy, and gross. If they were so thrilled about waking up this early, they ought to know that not everyone was as thrilled about it. Not everyone wanted that. I, for one, would have been content to let them have this very private moment to themselves. Very happily. But here I was, because my mom wouldn't rest if she didn't destroy my sleep.
I heard a familiar laugh coming from the side before I could walk into the room. Of course it was Andre, here to mock me again. It always thrilled him when I was irritated out of bed because it gave him something to laugh about. And I don't know how he always managed to find me. "Aww my poor lord," he said to me.
"Shut up, Andre."
"You should seriously see your face," he replied, then laughed again. "Quite exquisite at the moment." He walked away after saying that and squeezing my shoulder. He looked to be in a rush to be somewhere.
I scratched a spot on my chest before getting in to meet my parents. I willed the irritation away but to no avail. On top of that was the pressure that I had to see Kay, because even if I saw him every single day, I would —for some reason—always have my nerves all bundled up. I guess that is the effect he had on me.
I just didn't know how to get my parents to stop going over the top with everything.
At the center of the table were some of the most beautiful pastel roses I'd ever seen, that I know by lunch time will be changed to blooming hydrangeas then peonies by dinner time. I stalked over to them having a mighty fine time. "You guys are doing too much." I plopped onto a chair, trying not to look directly at them.
Dad looked reluctant to pause showering my mom with affection. "No, we're not," she answered defensively.
"No we're not," my dad chimed in. He would say anything to back his wife up. These guys loved each other, so much that I was sure they would betray me in the blink of an eye for each other. Especially my dad.
"Yes you are. You're expecting a fifty year old over and yet he's my age. Can't you just imagine it was me coming for dinner. How would you guys prepare for that?"
"We'd throw a ball," my dad replied matter of factly. I facepalmed myself before giving up, then putting a croissant on my plate.
I downed my orange juice quickly when I realized mom was about to replace it with some tasteless green sludge that she always claims has apple in it. She gave me a sour look that I pretended not to notice. I added two sausages as well, and she pushed some toast with avocado towards me. She was so overbearing she couldn't help herself.
"This does not happen very often so forgive us if we're very excited." My dad said.
I scoffed. "I cannot emphasize this enough; it's just a plate of food, some mild conversation, and done. You did say you only wanted to meet him. Only. This is over the top."
I could already imagine the questions they had coming up for him. "Jules, we have never seen you so close to someone before.
It's obvious it's important to you. We're kinda excited," said my mom.
"Kinda?"
"We can't help it." Dad.
"It feels like you finally have a real friend you spend time with." Mom.
I felt a little defensive after hearing that. They are so quick to forget that because of their education choices for me, my friends couldn't just hop in for dinner because they lived halfway across the world, so I had to resort to hanging out with cousins and family friends whenever it was convenient. On the other hand, Kayden wasn't exactly like these other friends to me. He was more special. He was just...him. So I let it go because I knew they wouldn't get that. They wouldn't get it at all.
I spent the rest of the day trying to calm my nerves, preparing myself to feel embarrassed because there was nothing I could say to get my parents to adjust a few things.
The knots in my stomach tied more into each other with every reaching hour. I saw Kayden nearly everyday so that didn't explain this reaction. The anticipation.
After what felt like a waiting time of two whole days, Kay was finally about to arrive any minute. I felt so nervous. Too nervous in fact.
"Well, well," Andre said, he watched me pace back and forth restlessly. "You're acting very strange."
"I'm nervous."
And excited to see Kay. But I didn't tell him that.
"Mm...your parents can be a lot can't they?" He said. "Especially when they mean well."
Andre put a hand to his earpiece and went quiet for a few seconds. "I think your friend is here, I'll go receive him." He squeezed my shoulder before walking past me. "Go easy on them. And enjoy the rest of your evening, my lord."
"Juju?" I heard Kayden's voice through the phone. He'd called me immediately after Andre walked away. "I think I'm here. There's so much security, hold up. Just a minute."
The line went dead and that's when I realized I was smiling. I wanted to meet him first right after Andre before everyone else because I didn't want them doing the most in front of him.
When I walked out onto the terrace, Kay was walking in my direction but he didn't see me at all. He looked gobsmacked, staring up at the house looking right and left in awe.
"You didn't tell me your father was Jeff Bezos, Ju!" He said when he finally saw me.
It made me chuckle. "Because he's not."
"You know I had to drive a while to get to the house? And that was when I was already within the gates! Goddamn."
Before I could answer, Kay pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. "You look nice," he said close to me in what was nearly a whisper. I was very clearly underdressed for the occasion in some attempt to bring some normalcy to the this occasion. I was wearing khaki colored sweat-shorts with their matching hoodie. That was basically it.
My heart did a nervous little flip as I felt his warmth engulf me. He smelled so good, he always did. "I should be telling you that," I replied and looked his outfit over again. He wore a big black sweatshirt and dark blue jeans, and the army green Camo Hightop sneakers. The outfit sounded simple enough but on Kayden it didn't look simple at all. Not with the way he filled it out. The curls of his hair tempted me to run my fingers through them. But I held myself.
"Really?" he had that teasing voice again. "Would you say even...handsome?"
I tried so hard to keep myself from smiling that it felt like my jaw would start aching any moment now. "No," I replied, failing miserably. "Not a chance." I stuck my tongue out at him and turned around and beckoned for him to follow me as I led him towards the house. "Come and meet my parents."
Kayden wasn't shy when introducing himself to my parents. He shook my dad's hands and hugged and kissed my mom respectfully. He was so polite. More polite than I'd ever seen him.
"We've heard many things about you," my dad lied while shaking his hand. It was the first time I ever realized just how impressive my dad's height was, because Kayden was quite tall, but he was still taller. He smiled warmly at him. "Welcome to our home."
"Thank you, Mr Hawthorne."
"What a dashing and handsome young man, you are!" My mom said and I could just feel Kayden's smugness. "We're so glad you could make it."
"It's my pleasure ma'am, truly." He replied. I guess he was good at everything after all.
"Please," she motioned towards the dining area. "Let's head over to the table."
Kayden fell into step with me as we followed my parents to the table. When we were a few steps behind them out of earshot, he whispered in my ear, "'
He's so dashing and handsome, that young man'
.
"
I stifled a giggle that almost erupted from my chest. "She was lying," I whispered back, at which he pouted and poked my side.
We assumed our seats on the table, which were next to each other across from my parents. He'd been really good with them so far. Or at least I thought that it was going well.
I was shocked to learn earlier in the day that they had even hired a different chef to make this particular dinner. A little too much, no?
"So you mentioned you play for the River Falls High's basketball team?" My dad asked after some time on the table. "Good team. I heard you lot have won the championship for the past three years."
"And this year, as well."
"Alright!" I could tell my dad was impressed. But I was still preoccupied by the shock of his knowledge about the school and anything to do with it. On my end, I didn't know a thing of it until I met Kayden. "Pierson's son plays on that team. You might know him, name's Kit. What position do you play?"
"Point Guard," Kayden replied as the first course was brought out onto the table. "And Kit's a great player." I felt a little sad after hearing him say that.
My dad's eyes widened yet again. "Captain?"
"You didn't tell me that, Kay!" I replied sourly, almost mirroring my dad's surprise.
Kay turned to me, "Because you've never asked," he said simply.
"What do you mean because I never asked," I poked his side and he chuckled. "You're supposed to tell me!"
Kay made me freeze, and he did it very easily. When my hand lowered back down after poking him, he very discreetly took my hand in his under the table and turned to me. "I'm sorry," he simply said.
Was he trying to make me have a heart attack?
I didn't focus too much on his smiling face, as much as I badly wanted to. "It's fine," I managed to get out. When I looked up, my mom was smiling even wider at me. I couldn't remember the last time she looked at me with so much happiness.
"Let's have a one-on-one the next time you're here." Dad continued.
"You're on, Sir," Kayden calmly accepted the challenge. Most people in the presence of my dad, did not maintain such confidence, not even most grownups. But maybe it was my mistake to put something like this past Kay. I didn't know how to feel after hearing that. Relieved, happy that my dad wanted him around more, and was already basically inviting him over again. Or mortified because all this could decide not to end too well.
"Kayden," my mom began. "Please help yourself to the consommé." I was wondering how long it was going to take her before she started this. Maybe it was just a motherly thing. "The chef spent a day and a half clarifying the broth."
"Okay." If Kay wasn't shocked, then I was shocked enough for the both of us. I stared at my mom with wide eyes and she only shrugged at me before going to look back at Kayden. "It looks beautiful," Kayden said before he went ahead to put a spoonful of the soup in his mouth.
After he swallowed, he picked up another spoonful of the broth. "That is easily the best soup I've ever had in my life!" He swallowed the second one. "Come on, try it Ju," he said as he poked my thigh.
My mom was probably sent to the moon by that comment. And she wasn't even the one who made it.
I tried the soup as well, at the same time my parents all did. I'd have to admit, Kay wasn't actually exaggerating. It was so good I finished mine before everyone else, and even licked my lips. "You win, mom. That was absolutely delicious."
She smiled widely just as my dad put his hand over her own and leaned in to kiss her cheek. It was then that I understood the simple fact that they weren't really trying to do too much, they only wanted all this to really go well, especially for me. It was probably the first time I didn't cringe at their being overly affectionate with each other. It all suddenly felt worth it. Even the waking me up at ungodly hours. What was a little too much if it made them this happy?
It was a beautiful moment, before I tried not to groan when I saw the overly excessive main course, then the overly excessive dessert. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes. But I'd forgive them this once. At least Kay didn't seem uncomfortable, he was to my relief, totally at ease. Happy even.
I cannot turn down a chance to see you juju
. I'd thought about that text about 83664 times now.
The conversation on the table shifted from cooking to art, and then I learned once again that Kayden was actually more into art than I realized. Just like the day I met him in the museum, he had in-depth knowledge about the history of art, and modern art as well. It sounded to me like he could even teach it. Aside from carrying championship for his school for four years, my parents were even more impressed by how smart he was. I could see them so easily becoming fond of him. I kept my small smile to myself at that, it felt good to know it.
After dinner was over, because it took so long, I couldn't show Kay to my room, however much I wanted selfishly a few moments alone with him before he left.
"Thank you so much for dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne," Kayden said before we parted. "It was really delicious."
"It was our pleasure, darling," Mom replied. "Lovely to meet you."
"We look forward to having you over again," said Dad. This was in fact, very surprising. Especially for him.
"I'd be delighted." Kayden replied.
"Okay, I'll go ahead and see him out," I quickly said before they could get any ideas...like walk him all the way to his car. They seemed charmed enough to be able to do it.
I began to walk out with Kay, leaving my parents inside. "I'm sorry about my parents. They can't help being a bit too much sometimes."
"Your parents are actually lovely," Kayden said to me with a grin. "Not too much at all." He looked around. "Mmm, mm, I don't know about you, but that was some good food back there."
"I'm really glad you think so," I told him, then pointed back at the house. "They were really excited to meet you, so they've been fussing a lot about everything."
"Really?" He asked. "Why?"
"Because you're important to me," I told him the truth and how I understood it. "They might be really annoying, but they love to see me happy too." I shrugged.
Kayden suddenly grew serious and stopped walking when we got closer to his car. He studied me quietly, looking like he wanted to pick me up and throw me up against the side of his car. I swallowed. The way he looked at me made me a little nervous. Instead, he linked both his hands at the back of his neck and turned around, looking up and blowing out a heavy breath. When he turned back around, he looked at me like I was on the top of the list of his problems. "Julian do you have any idea..."
He trailed off, but I didn't think about that. He never really called me Julian.
"Kay..." I walked towards him and squeezed his arm. "What's wrong?"
This time, Kayden let out another heavy breath, this one sounded resigned. "Nothing," he said, a little strained. "Just come here," he opened his arms and I automatically stepped into them, allowing him to crush me into him. "It's good to see you, you know."
"It's good to see you too," I replied, hoping he couldn't pick up on how much my heart was pounding.
"You're still coming over tomorrow right?" He asked me. Like I needed a reminder for the highlight of my day.
"Of course."
"Okay. I'll see you then."
"Text me when you get back home?"
"Absolutely, Juju." He said, then he buried his face in my hair, until I felt his shoulders drop and his body sag against mine, exhaling completely.
# CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
You're A White Boy, You Dumb Fuck
It's no surprise that for the past twenty four hours, my thoughts have all been about Julian. I realized that it wasn't going to stop. Hell, I didn't want it to stop, I just wanted him, always, wherever I was. So I counted down the hours until when he was with me again, where I could look my fill and think ungodly thoughts. But I didn't know for how much longer I could reign it all in.
Julian had just told me what I could seriously consider the worst news I could ever receive. He told me that he was going back to his private boarding school in only a week. Only a fucking week! It filled me with so much fear and panic. "No!" I'd told him, like he had even a choice in the matter. I was obviously irrational but I could never be ready for that. I hated that piece of news so much.
I tried to push that piece of information at the back of my mind but it wasn't happening. And on top of that was Juju sitting next to me, looking effortlessly irresistible. He caught me looking and flashed me a smile and I almost dropped the controller in my hand.
Just after that particular game, I couldn't take it anymore. To sit next to him, to play video games...this was our routine. Talking about nothing and everything. That was how it always went. But today, right now, I found that routine nearly impossible.
I got up from the bed and walked to my window, looking outside of it just to try to think for a moment. I absentmindedly watched a neighbor hauling out their trash across the street, but it was almost like I wasn't even seeing her. I was too focused on the boy right behind me. The one on my bed, oblivious to all the torture I was going through.
"Kay?"
"Hmm," I answered quickly. My arms were still folded across my chest, so now I turned to him as my hand went to rub the back of my neck in nervousness.
"What's wrong," he asked, his green eyes finding mine, innocently causing me more free stress than I was already enduring. "You know you just suddenly left the game going midway, right?"
What exactly was I supposed to say to him. I looked away again, fidgeting with myself. Then I went back to sit down next to him again, picking up my controller. "Nothing."
Julian let it go after narrowing his eyes at me, and me pretending like I hadn't noticed. We continued to play, but I was distracted. I watched Julian's character beat mine to a pulp, like my hands forgot how to work.
Knox's words echoed in my head but I pushed them away. Easy for him to say, he didn't have to sit this close to Juju and do nothing about it. I was torn between saying something and risking him leaving again. I don't think I could take that for a second time. But then it was getting harder and harder to do nothing at all, so I found myself doing something.
I paused the game, and when Julian looked at me, I took his controller off his hands and turned to face him. He turned to me too, seeming the least bit nervous. He had no idea what I was going through. "I'm going to say something, but I don't want you to freak out okay?"
"Alright."
"I don't want you to leave either. Are you sure?"
"I won't leave," Juju shook his head at me. He was serious. So I got to it.
"Juju," I breathed out audibly. "I badly, very badly want to kiss you. It's just all I can think about." The room suddenly felt too tiny, too hot. "I think about it every minute you're close to me, and even when you're far, when I wake up, it's you I think about, and right before I go to sleep. I think about how it feels to kiss you again when you text me...fuck, I've even dreamed about it!"
All on their own, my hands went up to stroke the side of his neck. His cheeks got darker. His pulse was racing. Mine was too, and I gave in to it.
"Juju," I started. "Can I please kiss you?"
So much for not coming on too strong. Julian bit his lips and nodded at me, causing my heart rate to spike up all the more. "Promise you won't run away?" I was already leaning into him.
Julian nodded again when my lips were only an inch away from his. When they touched, I thought the world would rupture, and I would die.
I kissed him hard, inhaling, pouring in all the yearning and longing I'd been keeping down. All my hunger for him. All my frustration from every time we hung out, for every single time I missed him, which was every single day. I poured all my relief into the kiss. Relief that he wanted to kiss me too. I felt his lips trembling slightly as he kissed me back, or maybe that was me, I couldn't tell. I didn't care, just as long as his lips remained on mine.
When we finally pulled apart, Julian's half dazed eyes turned to me. We stared at each other for a short while, before I brought my forehead to rest on his, the tips of our noses slightly touching. I took a second to bask in the moment, labored breaths and shut eyes. Then I placed a kiss onto his forehead and pulled him into my chest, just holding him there and feeling him against me.
Julian's arms fastened around me as he let out a breath. "I kinda needed that," he said against my chest, letting out a tiny chuckle. I felt my heartbeat picking up again.
"I kinda needed it more," I said to him, kissing the side of his head, then noticing how pink the tips of his ears had become, I kissed that too.
He turned his head to look up at me and my insides turned to jelly. "I don't think that's possible."
I smiled. "You don't think that's possible Juju?" He shook his head no, smiling shyly back at me, and yet deep down I was the one losing it. "I think I could kiss you all day."
"Kay!" He groaned.
"I'm serious," I said while hooking my index finger under his chin, and using my thumb to trace his lower lip. I kissed him again.
I kissed him softly this time, delicately, I was in no rush, not when it came to savoring the taste of his lips. I moved him closer yet to me as my hand slid to the back of his neck. I could so easily see myself getting addicted to his lips. The way he kissed me back sent a ripple through my chest. It made me even more desperate for him, and he returned it equally.
Julian cupped my face and deepened the kiss. He swallowed the moan I let out as we rolled onto the bed, video games long forgotten. A controller might have been broken and we wouldn't have noticed. The room did not even exist, it was just the two of us in our own world.
Kissing him felt better than any sex I'd ever had in my life. It wasn't an exaggeration. Only fact. I needed to feel more of him, so I went to pull his hoodie off him. That was the same time I felt his hands trying to tug my shirt off. So I let him.
Julian created sparks underneath my skin when he touched my chest. I caught his hand before he could continue, bringing it to my lips and kissing the inside of his wrist. I pulled the hoodie off him in one swift motion and discarded it onto the floor. My lips found his again as my hands found their way underneath his white shirt. It could have been red, it could've been purple, I wouldn't still give a fuck.
Julian didn't wait to circle his arms around my neck, bringing us skin to skin, nose to nose, mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue. It felt like my body was on fire, but I only wanted more.
So I couldn't exactly figure out why I paused before I could take his shirt off, my hands already going inside as far as his chest before thinking better of it. It took everything in me to ignore his hardening nipples underneath my touch. "Do you want to take it slow?" I asked him because I know I did. I know I'd do anything to make sure he was comfortable with me, and this was too much all at once. I didn't trust myself for shit, to hold back. But if Julian wanted to do it right now, I knew I'd be powerless to stop it happening.
Julian pulled me closer to him. "Do you?" God, he was so perfect.
"For you, yes." I told him sincerely.
Julian stared at me for a few seconds before nodding at me. His cheeks were burning a not so subtle pink. He looked so cute, nibbling at his lower lip.
We decided that we would go all the way just yet, and I wanted him so much that it felt like I could wait years if he wanted that, if that made any sense. I'd partly go crazy obviously, starved and a little bit deranged, but I would wait. Julian drew that out of me. And I felt like he was worth more than all of that ten times over.
He leaned in to kiss me this time and I smiled into the kiss, it was the kind of happiness that was impossible to fake. When we broke apart, I stuffed my face into his neck and inhaled deeply, getting no where near enough. "You smell like something I could lick all over."
"Fucking hell, Kay...don't do that to me!"
"Do what?"
I went to rest my head against the headboard, taking Juju down with me to lie on top of my chest. I pecked his lips as I wrapped an arm around his waist. He wrapped around me and kissed my chest, then my shoulder. He gave me butterflies.
I didn't want to let him go, even for a few seconds, I didn't mind if he remained like that, wrapped around me like a Koala bear. He was all over me but it wasn't nearly enough. It was even starting to become embarrassing; the realisation that I couldn't stop touching him all over. I touched his face, I rubbed my hands over his back, I touched his arms delicately, ran a finger caressing his neck in between kisses. I coiled his hair and brought it to my nose. "I'm so sorry," I said after I grabbed a handful of his ass and squeezed. "Sorry. I'm no better than a pervert at this point."
"You're just a tease," Julian said then ground into me slowly. I think I almost saw stars, but I needed to keep it together.
How am I seriously going to survive without this? "What do you mean you're going to disappear from me in a week, what the fuck?" I asked him in a near whisper.
"I don't want to!" Ju told me frustratedly.
"I don't even want to think about it, but it's all I can think about. It's driving me crazy."
As if on cue, his phone was suddenly ringing. It was his dad—almost like he could see us—telling me to wrap it up, because he needed his son back home.
•••
I put Julian's hoodie back on him before we made to get out. I was reluctant to let him go, and he was grumpy about it. I held myself back before I could bring my hands close to anywhere near his ass again. Yes. I know. I wish I could help it, okay?
When we walked out the door, I backed him up against it right after it slid shut, claiming his lips for myself just one more time. Julian gasped at the suddenness then kissed me back fervently, a hand sliding up to wrap around my neck. I could never get used to this. I grabbed his waist with both my hands and jerked him closer, causing him to arch into me. Oh, what a perfect arch.
Julian didn't stop there, he raked his fingers through my hair and pushed my head closer, like breathing air was irrelevant, like this was life itself. My mouth has never hungered more for anything.
We brought our frenzy of excessively uninhibited behavior to an end when we heard footsteps come up the stairs really quickly, but slowly retreat. "Oh my," I heard a voice that sounded much like Liam's. "Fuck..."
I turned towards, the direction of the stairs, but saw no one, so I turned back to Julian. He shrugged at me, not having seen the person either. "You ready to go?" I asked.
He shook his head no, and I would pretend I liked hearing that much less than I actually did. I held my hand out for him to take, but Julian didn't take it immediately, he took a hand past my waist and grabbed a handful of my ass, then squeezed and moved close to whisper in my ear, lips touching my earlobe and all. "Payback for earlier." He said simply and I swear to God if I could describe how many versions of prayers I sent up in that moment to keep my blood circulating everywhere but my dick, it wouldn't be possible.
I snapped back to reality when I felt Julian fastening his hand into mine, and leading the way down the stairs. All I could do was stare at our joined fingers as I trotted behind him. I'd ask again. How was I actually supposed to survive even a month without any of this? Without any of him?
As we got down, as I suspected, it was Liam. He was already staring at us curiously. Especially at Julian. Which was understandable, seeing as they'd never met. His eyes bounced between him and me until it was almost comical. He tried to hide his shock but he didn't do it so well.
"What crime did you finally go and commit? Came up to check what's goin' on and..." He raised his chin up towards Julian, talking about the state he'd found us in. "The FBI is here. Wouldn't speak to me."
"MIB?" I asked.
"MIB?" Liam asked back.
"Liam, this is Julian. Julian, Liam." I pointed at the door. "MIB is Julian's bodyguard." Liam's eyebrows nearly shot to his hairline when he heard that.
"Hi," Julian said to Liam a little skeptically. He seemed a little shy, like he wanted to subtly take a step behind me but he didn't. His hand tightened in mine.
"Sup'," Liam replied, sizing him up.
"You didn't tell me you were coming over."
Liam shrugged. "Mom told me she would be back, so I figured I'd either hang with you, or get dinner started. But you know...yo' ass was preoccupied. Please, you shouldn't have let me interrupt."
"Your brother?" Julian asked me, seeming a little more at ease.
"Of sorts," I replied before flipping Liam the bird and turning to walk Juju out. "He's my friend. It's complicated." I didn't want to delay him too much. Who knew what trouble he could get into, or worse, what if that destroyed chances of his freedom? I know his father was sweet and good-natured at the dinner yesterday, but there was an underlying strictness about him that I could detect. He just didn't really bring it to the surface. The last thing I wanted was for Julian to fight with his dad. Especially when they were making some progress in mending their a-tad-bit-rocky relationship.
"I want to see you," Juju told me when we got to the door. He should know by now that that I felt the exact same way.
"Come over tomorrow," I immediately told him.
"Okay. I'll be here."
I smiled widely. "Really? I can't wait to see you."
"Yes, really. I can't wait to see you either."
"I naturally pulled him to my chest again, inhaling the sweet scent of his hair, not caring for one second that we were probably putting on a show for Liam. I couldn't care less. When we parted, I took Juju's hands in mine and brought them up, brushing my lips over his knuckles. I could tell how much he liked it, by the way he sighed.
"I'll text you," He told me.
"I'll probably call you first," I replied, brushing some hair away from his face.
"Okay," he said, pursing his lips then unpursing them again. Honestly, not even to brag, but he looked like he wanted to kiss me.
"It was nice to meet you," Liam jumped into the moment. Very amused.
"Yeah," Julian replied. "You too."
Julian was not gone even five minutes but I already wanted him back. It was so frustrating, but then again, the way his face would light up whenever he saw me, made it worth the wait.
"So, what the fuck did I just see?" Liam asked me now that we were alone. I stopped thinking about Julian for a while to give him even a sliver of the attention.
"It still doesn't feel real," I felt a hand rise up to touch my lips, they still felt like they were burning. "But it feels right, you know?"
"Dude I do-" his eyes closed momentarily. "I have no idea about what you are saying."
"I'm saying I think I really like him." I knew that that was an understatement. "It's never felt so right to kiss someone before."
"You didn't tell me you were gay."
"Because I wasn't. I didn't realize it till now. I think I might be bisexual. I thought Knox made sure at least a million people knew."
"Damn," Liam looked taken aback. "I wonder what it feels like to be attracted to a guy. I mean, you all look like dehydrated donkeys to me. Especially Knox and his no regard for my personal space." He shook his head while still going on. "I'm going to make dinner for me and mom, unless you are interested in joining us."
This motherfucker.
I looked at him spitefully. "I live here, you actual piece of shit."
"Meh," he shrugged. Then went ahead to take out some groceries I had not noticed were there until now, picking out what was for dinner. "But I'm happy for you. You prolly thinkin' the fish in the sea just doubled, aren't you?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me. He couldn't be more wrong.
I shook my head. "Things change."
Liam's eyes widened. "You for real?"
"Yeah bro, he's the only fish I want," my face scrunched up. "Ew, why did that sound like that?"
Liam paused to look at me in disbelief. "Dayyumm, didn't think I'd live to see the day...but it checks out, 'cause the way you guys were kissin' up there? That was hunger right there. Very disturbing to watch. But smelling his hair though, some white boy shit right there."
I refused to be embarrassed. "
You're
a white boy you dumb fuck."
"Yeah well," he shrugged again, then started to cut up some carrots in thin slices. "So when are you telling mom?"
"What exactly?" I picked up the second carrot he'd brought out and chomped on it after taking a big bite.
"That her third favorite son is in love with a dude."
•••
# CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Desperation In Atlantis
The very next day, contrary to our plans with Kayden, I did not get to see him. I was seated across from the blondest man I'd ever seen, down to his large beard and the hair on his arms. Apparently, I was related to him.
Andre was waiting in the car, just outside his firm. It is easily the furthest I've ever been from security, with their knowledge of course. But I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have. It barely registered because I was agitated, embarrassingly because I wasn't able to see Kayden. And it hadn't even been twenty four hours.
I was still reeling from the kisses we shared. I couldn't, for the life of me, go two minutes without thinking about the fact that we kissed again. More times than one, more times than five. And when I'd called to tell him that there was a change in plans today, he'd whined in disappointment, then told me he had been really looking forward to holding me close to him. I didn't know how I hadn't melted from just that, yet.
I'd spent the entire journey back home yesterday with a smile on my face. Killian definitely noticed, but I avoided making any eye contact with him and he didn't make any comment about it.
The smile was only wiped from my face when I got back home, and dad wasn't even there. No body was home in fact, so it pissed me off that they did something so totally unnecessary. What's worse was that he wanted me home so fast because he needed to talk to me. And the matter was important, so he didn't want to come back and not find me there. I don't know, but that is actually a little fucked up. It sounded like an excuse to me. And it was a little too controlling.
I sat facing him angrily moments later when he got back. I guessed mom was somewhere out with her friends at the time. He told me that my appointment with the tailor was the next day and Mrs Stewart would be expecting me. He also casually let me know that he'd scheduled a meeting with a distant uncle of mine, who wanted to meet me to talk about taking over one of his firms in the future, and could put up a schedule for how best to train me and show me the ropes once I was finished with high school. Was that their idea of a vacation?
It felt a little soon to talk about running a firm, regardless of the fact that my dad was going to buy it from him. He even told me to pick a new name for it if I wanted, although old names usually stuck more with most clients. Too much reform at once could be detrimental, he'd said. I didn't know what to tell him in response.
After buying it from him for me, he was then going to buy fifty percent of the shares from me, so that it could be a partnership between us. No doubt to track how well I was doing with it. This was most probably nothing to him, but it was obviously big for someone my age. If he bought half the shares from me, then I'd be a millionaire overnight. And that's not counting the value of my rumored trust fund.
After my uncle—whose name was Tom—was finished droning on and on about the success of the firm, he might have noticed the disinterest I was failing to hide very well. "I think you were four the last time I saw you. You've really grown since then, huh."
I offered him a polite smile. "I suppose."
"Well," he replied, stroking his shiny beard once. "Are you ready for the tour?"
No
. I wanted to say.
Not really interested at the moment!
I wanted to say. Sure," I said.
We visited every floor with detailed explanations of what each area functioned as, down to why the layout was how it was. I wondered how anyone would react if someone pointed to me and told them, 'you see that kid over there, that's your future boss'. Especially since they knew so much more that I didn't.
The facility housed a hierarchy of employees. Partners, directors, managers, project leaders, down to analysts and associates.
Uncle Tom would actually make such a great tour guide, I was just moody because everything was sprung up at me all at once. There was only one thing I wanted. One person, and it was none of them. The thought alone was enough to refuel my annoyance, despite any reassurance from my uncle.
By the time the tour of the facility had come to an end, I was completely ready to call it a day and it just after noon. It was a lot of responsibility, and while someday soon I'd be thrilled to shoulder it all, right now, I think I preferred just being seventeen. I just don't know what my dad would say to that thought.
•••
It took another while to get to Mrs Stewart's. Also known as 'the most expensive tailor in the world' according to my dad. She was also 'the absolute best', according to him, so she wasn't going anywhere, even if her rates did.
Mrs Stewart ran a five storied building and kept the top floor solely for exclusivity in her domain. We always went straight to the top floor, so the rest of them remained majorly a mystery. I just assumed it was were most of the physical work was handled, milling with a handful of skilled workers.
When we walked into Mrs Stewart's workspace, she looked like we were already wasting her time.
Every single surface on her floor was squeaky clean, polished and shiny. Even the air molecules smelled clean, and faintly of stitching.
I got an entirely new wardrobe at the beginning of every school term, which I felt was a little bit excessive and dramatic on my dad's part, but mom supported the idea with enthusiasm, so that was that.
"Stand up straight, young Julian," said Mrs Stewart and I nearly jumped. All this and she hadn't even raised her voice. I felt like I was being cornered by an animal, one that hadn't even left her desk yet.
Okay...hello to you too.
Mrs Stewart peered at me over a pair of spectacles suspended from a gold chain around her neck. Her nearly silver hair was twisted into a bun so tight it looked painful. Every single hair was in place. Her charcoal suit looked as though it had been ironed just moments ago, the skirt cropped just below her knees. Her very transparent and yet dark body stockings disappeared into a very shiny pair of red bottomed, low black heels. Every single thing about her always looked sharp.
"Sorry." I don't even know what I was apologizing for.
"That won't improve your posture." For years, this has always been her answer.
My mouth hung open at her, gaping at her audacity, like I wasn't used to it.
Andre snorted besides me, folding his arms. "How I've missed you, Mrs Stewart," he said to her.
She didn't even spare him a glance. "Quiet."
Andre nearly whispered to me, "Don't you just love Mrs Stewart, my lord?"
"No," I replied genuinely. She was scary.
"Get on the platform," she said to me. There were several platforms in the large room, but all of them had mannequins on them, wearing everything made my her own hands. Annoying to admit but she made impeccable clothes. I got on the only empty circle.
Mrs Stewart appeared beside me carrying a measuring tape, she circled me like a hawk examining her prey. "Arms out."
I obeyed. She was so intimidating without even trying.
"Higher." I raised them higher.
"You look like a scarecrow, my lord."
I made a face at him. Andre chuckled and I ignored him. A measuring tape slipped around my chest and Mrs Stewart noted something on a clipboard. Then she measured my shoulders, then my neck, then my arms, then checked them again.
Just before I could complain that I was getting too stiff, she spoke. "Chest has broadened." She made another note.
"My lord," Andre gasped, clutching his own chest dramatically. "Is that you, becoming a man?"
I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Shut up Andre."
Mrs Stewart wrapped the measuring tape around my waist. "Don't fidget."
After that, my legs were measured; inside leg, outside leg, thigh, knee, ankle. Measurements I'd always suspect weren't really necessary. It was endless.
The old woman worked with a terrifying kind of efficiency. She noted every adjustment, recorded every figure. Nothing escaped her eagle eyes. "You've grown about an inch." She said to me.
"You hear that Andre?" I said excitedly. "I'm another inch closer to seeing the center of your head."
"Haha very funny," Andre replied with no proper comeback.
I could've sworn I saw Mrs Stewart smile. But it was gone before I could say I caught her.
She finally set down her tape. "Your school uniforms, formal and informal sets—four of each—will be ready in three days. I'll expect you here for fittings then. Do not be late. Extend my greetings to your father."
The relationship my dad had with Mrs Stewart was basically the same I had with her. The only difference was that he signed her paychecks, but she generally treated him the same way. On the other hand, I just couldn't believe it was finally over. I felt so tired and done with the day, quite relieved that I could put it behind me.
Mrs Stewart reviewed her notes one more time then nodded. "That will be all."
__________
"What do you mean we're not going back home?
"I'm sorry my lord," Andre answered. "I understand you're tired but my orders are to bring you straight to your uncle's."
"What for again!"
"There'll be a little garden party that should already be starting, then there will be dinner."
"But I just met him a little over three hours ago. We basically spent the entire morning together."
"Yes. And to strengthen your relationship, your dad proposed dinner, and your uncle insisted it be at his house."
I folded my arms across my chest and sighed. "This is so annoying. Do I never have a say in any of this? Ever?"
It's like I could feel Andre's hurt for me. "I'm really sorry Julian."
I groaned, trying to calm myself down. If my dad was here right now, I'd probably be yelling. If I saw him there right now in the mood I was currently in, I'd start a fight and it would make my parents look terrible in someone else's house. I was so tired of making up with my dad only to find new reasons to fight again. I gritted my teeth and resigned in my seat, growing completely quiet.
I was so lost in thought, feeling so angry that I had completely tuned out of my surroundings. I came back to my senses to realise that we weren't moving at all. "Why are you not starting the car?" I asked Andre irritatedly.
"Because I need you to look at me," he said, surprising me.
"Not the fucking ti-
"Look at me Julian." He was serious.
Reluctantly, I turned to him.
"What is this really about?"
"I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"I know you when you're angry, and you are no stranger to your father's spontaneity either. I don't recognise this level of anger, so what's not adding up? What's really the problem?"
I closed my eyes in a strange moment where I felt the anger start to drain out of me, and all it had taken was Andre's keenness to any situation concerning me.
I sighed, trying to properly put the words together in my head. "I planned to see him today."
"See him?"
"Kayden. And I was really excited about it too, and now the day is just filled with this meeting and that meeting and this dinner and some tea party and I hadn't seen any of them coming."
"But you saw him yesterday."
I nodded. Then I pursed my lips for a second. "I want to see him all the time. And now, there's school starting soon and he's going to be so far away from me, and I don't even have a say in the little time that we have left."
Andre's expression finally softened. "So you like him?"
I turned away from him, nodding at the obvious.
"Does he know that you like him?"
"We kissed."
"You kissed!" Andre suddenly looked very shocked, and a little suspicious. "When were you going to tell me this, my lord!"
I shrugged, causing him to look at me like 'how dare I betray his trust like that'.
"So that's why he hugged you," Andre said mostly to himself. I didn't even know he saw that. I knew he was talking about the day that Kayden came over for dinner, but I don't know if meant the hug when he arrived, or the one when he was leaving. "I thought you guys were just friends. Even though a bit too close in the past two weeks or so."
It was silent in the car for a few moments.
"So you guys kissed!"
"Multiple times."
"Multi– No. We need a different conversation about this." He started the car.
Andre drove in silence and glanced at me every five seconds. Ten minutes later and I still have never seen him so shocked in my life. "I need to interrogate him so bad," he admitted. "My lord, please tell me you're using protection?"
•••
By the time we were back inside the gates at home, I felt exhausted, completely drained. The day had taken its toll on me, and now I lay a useless pliant lump of flesh in my sheets, nearly dozing off. Feeling myself fall in and out of sleep, having lucid dreams about Kayden.
The dinner we went to turned out to be one of the worst gatherings I've ever been to. It was awfully boring, and I was already irritated. It was such a drag that my dad noticed, and I'd forever wonder if what I saw when our gazes met was guilt or sadness. Why was he so complicated?
I don't know if I'd drifted off or not, but all of a sudden, my phone was ringing. I sleepily grabbed it, hoping to hear a particular voice.
"Hi," I said. I sounded terrible.
"
Hi
," Kay answered. "
You sound sleepy
."
"A little tired," I admitted, trying to adjust my vision to the light in the room. I was so sleepy I didn't even put any mind to the fact that they were on before I dropped to my bed. I hadn't even taken my shoes off.
"
You sound so cute,
" his voice was low. "
Damn
."
"Stop it."
"
No, you stop it! You're the one who's making me weak
."
Something in my chest churned at hearing him say that. On my part, all he had to do was breathe and he'd make me weak.
I sighed, then yawned. "I miss you so much."
"
I miss you so much too, and the way your voice is doing things to me is not helping at all."
"Well the way you're pointing it out isn't helping either at all too," I felt more awake the more we talked. More excited. I felt a smile creep up on my face.
"
Can't deny the truth now, can I?
" Kayden asked just before his voice took on a childlike tone. "
My baby Juju catching some beauty sweep?"
My voice cropped out the rest of the sentence and convinced me to focus on the fact that he'd called me his baby. Even if he didn't mean it like that.
"You're not cute."
"
You literally named me Kayden the cute!
"
I chuckled and it came out a little raspy. "Okay you got me." I picked at a spot on a pillow. "But enjoy it while you can."
"
While I can? Nahh, my pretty privileges are for life.
"
"Oh shut up."
"
If you want me to shut up, just bring your lips to me. I'll shut up for as long as you want."
My pulse began to race. "Oh my God!" I said for lack of a better response. The smile on my face only got wider.
"
What? I'm only spitting facts."
"Okay now you're just making me think about kissing you again." I could feel myself flushing.
Kayden was quiet for a while after that, until I was convinced he'd just disappeared. "Kay?"
"
Check your messages.
"
What I found was a picture of Kayden's face too close to the camera, making a kissy face with his eyes closed. I laughed out loud. "You know, you're the goofiest person I know."
"
I think you're the only person in existence who can rightfully say that to me,"
he laughed back. "
And I really like it when you laugh."
"You do?" I was blushing so badly.
"
Very much
."
Silence for a beat.
"Kay?"
"
Yeah
?"
"How do you feel about sneaking out?"
"Really? I thought you wanted to go to bed, you said–"
"I need you," I blurted out. Kay was silent for moments after. "Unless you can't–"
"
Don't even play. I'm out.
"
•••
Ever since I'd gone to the Oceanarium with Kit, all I've ever wanted to do was be there with Kayden.
At that time, we weren't speaking to each other—a dark time I never want to ever revisit—but now, I shocked myself by not even sparing my love for sleep a second thought at the one of wanting to see him.
We got there a little later than the time I was there with Kit; but I figured they were open 24/7 so I didn't pay mind to it when I pulled Kay inside.
He wore grey sweatpants and I found it kinda hot that he didn't bother to tie the drawstrings. What the hell was wrong with me?
The black shirt he wore tonight, did little to hide the muscle in his arms with the way it hugged his biceps. It was so attractive, and yet he seemed oblivious to it. My heart began to race all on its own. Especially after I noticed his very suggestive dick print at the front of his sweatpants. I had to remind myself to look away several times.
The Oceanarium was nearly deserted, save for the people leaving, which was about seven people, that number kept dwindling down until they were all gone.
Until the attendant was walking towards us, giving me a feeling of dread.
"I noticed the two of you came by later but we're closed. You probably didn't catch the announcement through the intercom but nobody is supposed to be here right now." He looked like a middle aged man in his early forties, already balding.
I couldn't hide my disappointment. Mostly because I was so excited about being here with Kayden.
Kayden, who had his arms folded across his chest, listening to the attendant, took one look at me and then pretended to stretch, turning his back to me and pulling something out of his pocket. He walked the attendant a short distance away and slipped him something. "C'mon, man," I heard him say, the rest of his words muffled.
I narrowed my eyes when the attendant looked at his hand appreciatively, then quickly fixed his hand in his pockets.
"Fine. You get about forty minutes, but that's it. And no Touch Tank." He finished. "You can be back tomorrow for that." The man walked away from us.
I threw my hands around Kayden and pulled him close. I love how his arm immediately circled my lower back. "Did you really just bribe him!"
"You didn't see nothing," he answered me with a smile. "He just succumbed to my irresistible charm is all."
I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek. His grip tightened around me to peck my lips. Then he let me go.
I took Kayden's hand in mine and pulled him to follow me in my excitement, the sound of our sneakers making loud, happy squeaks on the concrete floor. "So how have you not been here before?"
He shrugged. "Don't know...but it's beautiful.
"I know right!"
It was like walking into a giant, hollowed out night light. And in some rooms, it was so dark until our eyes figured out how to see in the blue shadows.
At the end of one hallway, it opened up into a room made entirely of glass. It's like we were standing right inside the ocean without getting the least bit wet.
Kay and I sat down and watched the fish from the walls and the ceiling. The moment felt purely magical. A huge crush and some fish, oddly went well together.
I leaned my head on Kay's shoulder as our fingers touched behind us. He inhaled my hair. "You're like magic."
"No, that's you," I replied. "I've never felt for anyone, the way I feel for you."
"Stole the words right out of my mouth, Juju."
A huge sea turtle with a shell that looked like a patchwork quilt made of moss and old stones, came close and blinked one big sleepy eye, like it was winking at us, then drifted away into the deep blue water.
"Every time you call me that, I'm tempted to send you another baby picture."
Kayden detached from me for a while. "There's more?!"
"Quite some few."
"Can I have them?" He asked. "Pretty please?"
He could get so cute when he wanted to be. "I'll definitely send you one just for bribing that man."
"Do I get two if I bribe him again?"
"No," I chuckled. "You're so cute."
"No, that's you."
Kayden moved so that his head now rested on my lap. "I can't believe you're leaving in a week. I just might die."
"I just might go insane," I agreed. "It's going to be the most boring term of my life."
"And the saddest of mine," he sighed. "I wish we could just stay here like this."
"Me too," I replied. "I'll never forget this moment."
Kayden smiled up at me, then rubbed his cheek against my thighs as we watched the fish swimming all around us.
We got up to leave the room after a while of comfortable silence to explore others. I was giddy. Kayden looked excited. It's hard to believe I was on the verge of sleep, just a moment ago.
"Kay..." I said in a playful voice and started to walk backwards towards the door, both hands held behind my back. I smiled at Kayden, who cocked his head to figure out what I was up to, amusement dancing on his features.
"Catch me if you can!" I told him, before slipping off into the corridor and disappearing from his sight. I stifled my laugh as I slipped into an empty room, then out into a different hallway. The light from the aquarium illuminated every single corridor I walked into, into continuously changing hues of blue. In some places, it even looked like the northern lights.
"Juuuuujuuuuu!" I heard Kay call out playfully and slapped a hand to my mouth to keep me from letting out a sounds of laughter.
When his footsteps got close, I dashed into another room. It was the jellyfish glowing room. Dark as midnight, with the only lights coming from tall bubbling tubes from the ceiling to the floor.
Inside, hundreds of tiny, pinkish orange jellies were dancing. They were like squishy little umbrellas that continuously opened and closed, with long lacy ribbons trailing after them.
I peeked out the door, and when I turned back around, Kayden was on one side of me, caging me, he had a forearm braced against the wall, just to the side of my head.
"Aww, did you think you'd get away?"
He was so calm, leaning into me, I looked back at him, breathing fast, hands behind my back, supporting me against the wall, his frame attempting to engulf mine.
"I would have gotten away!"
"If it weren't for those meddling kids?"
I suppressed my laugh with a snort.
Kayden leaned closer yet into me, just until his face was about an inch from mine, just until I could feel his body heat emanate from him. Just until I thought he was going to kiss me, bring heaven down to my lips.
That was when he pulled his other hand from behind him, and held two flowers between us, offering me two daisies.
My breath caught in my throat. Nobody's ever offered me flowers like this before. Or even at all. I felt so soft inside, accepting them.
"Where'd you even find flowers right now?"
"Oh you know, galavanting around, looking for you. I found a vase in a room that looked like an office. Pretty weird now that I think about it. So I stole some to give you. Do you want more? I'll steal the whole vase if you want."
I shook my head. "This is perfect."
"Yeah?"
I nodded.
"So," Kayden cleared his throat. "May I get a kiss?"
It wasn't as simple as that. Kayden hooked a hand under my thigh, and brought it up to his waist. And then both my legs were wrapped around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, loosely gripping the flowers. I couldn't breathe but I needed him more.
I took in his scent, his neediness, the softness of his lips. I took it all in and it wasn't enough. So I unhooked my legs from his waist. Kayden put me down on my feet without breaking our lips apart. I couldn't hold it anymore and I needed to do something about it.
Both my hands gripped Kay's waist as I dropped another kiss on his lips. He seemed confused for a moment, then froze when he felt my hand slide over his bulge. Before Kay could say a word in question, I dropped down until my face was level with his crotch. I couldn't understand what had gotten over me, but there was no way I was stopping. I even put the flowers in my pocket.
Kayden now had both of his hands bracing him on the wall, from his wrist to his elbows, looking down at me through half-lidded eyes as if he was barely keeping himself together, but waiting at my mercy for whatever came next.
I pulled the sweatpants down, together with his underwear, down until his dick sprang free from its confines. Kayden hissed chaotically when I touched it.
"Fuck, Juju..." he started to breathe harder. I had never had an erect penis so close to my face before, but I only got closer to it, mesmerized.
"Wow," I muttered to myself.
Kayden backed away from my hand, the girthy length bobbing vigorously. He sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Don't tease me, Ju," he rasped out.
I watched as his dick oozed out more precum. I don't know how to describe or explain it, I just needed it inside my mouth. I'd figure out what to do after that. I felt excited, my heart was pounding, the need for Kayden was growing, I was so hard. Kayden was fully erect. He had to be.
I leaned forward and closed my mouth around the cone shaped head of his shaft. Kayden sighed, but it was the most agitated sigh I'd ever heard. The precum tasted the slightest bit salty, nearly tasteless. I flicked my tongue over his penile opening and he groaned deeply. "Jesus fuck!"
I looked up to see that his eyes were closed, and one hand on the wall was fisted so tightly I wonder how his knuckles didn't crack. I reveled in how affected he looked.
I took more of him inside my mouth, running my tongue over and under the length. Kayden stretched my mouth until I knew my jaw was bound to hurt by the time I was done. I sucked him hard, with all the pent up longing for him rising to the surface.
Kayden let out a soft moan, a hot breath that he cussed under. I loved the taste of him, I couldn't get enough of him. So I sucked him faster, harder, more desperately. I didn't even know that there was this side to me. I could feel a bit of my saliva dripping off my lips, almost creating a sloppy mess of it, so I wrapped my hand around him, and using the saliva as lubrication, I stroked from his base to the middle, while my mouth covered the other half of him. I could feel Kayden trembling with the sheer effort not to lose control.
"Juju..." he moaned, then brought a hand down to cup one side of my face. He held my face firm, then his thumb stroked my cheek once before he moved inside my mouth, spearing in and out of it. "Juju you're so fuckin'..." he gritted out. Kayden slammed his hard flesh inside my mouth until I thought tears would spill down my face. With his grip tightening on the side of my face, he rammed his length inside my mouth once. "So." Then again. "Fucking." And again. "Hot." And again.
Kayden paused, causing me to look up at him, his dick still in my mouth. His lips were slightly parted, looking like the picture of lust. The moment our eyes met, he exploded inside my mouth. He let go of my face to brace himself more firmly on the wall as he shuddered. His body racked tremors with the sheer force of his orgasm. He grunted like he was in beautiful pain. A thicker, saltier fluid coated the inside of my mouth in an endless spray of ejaculation. He was coming so much that some of it escaped and covered up parts of my lips, some of it dripped to the floor to make it look like I was drooling. I loved the taste of him. So much that I swallowed everything he offered. Everything I could.
Kayden bent and wrapped a hand around my throat before I could lick my lips. He hauled me to my feet, squeezing my throat a little harder while he scanned my face. His eyes darkened at the sight of me. I probably looked flushed out, swollen lips and teary eyes. "Fucking hell," Kayden growled, then in half a second pulled me forward by my throat, and crushed our lips together.
It was so erotic, moving our lips together like that, coating his own lips in his own cum from my lips. The way he didn't express a single word for how much he wanted me, but the way his hand almost cut off my air supply just to tell me.
I could feel his desperation from the way he kissed me, his pleasure, his satisfaction, his hunger for more, his unabashed desire to bring me pleasure.
When he pulled away from my lips, all he had was a dead stare locked onto me. It felt so intense that I didn't know what to do with myself. I licked my lips, then bit them. They were definitely swollen.
Kayden followed the movement with his eyes, still not saying a word, until his eyes were back up to mine. I swallowed, embarrassingly wanting to suck him again. I really couldn't get enough.
"Kids!" The attendant from earlier was already looking for us. His voice came first, then his footsteps. I looked to the entry, past Kayden's shoulder reflexively, following where the voice had come from, only to look back and Kayden's gaze still hadn't strayed from mine yet. Not even by an inch. He was trained on me like a sentry.
"It's time you all got back to your mommy's homes!" He called out. "It's been more than forty minutes. Where are you two?!"
"Kay..." I said a little desperately.
His grip finally loosened on my neck, where he left it feeling hot. "Fine," he bit out, then pulled his sweatpants back up to cover his already hardening shaft.
Fine.
So why did it sound like he was telling me that this wasn't over? Why did it sound like he was telling me to brace myself?
# CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Spice, Spice, And Everything Spice
"How are you so good? You've got to be cheating somehow." Julian said to me.
We're in my room, but we've never played in the position we were in like this before. Julian's head was resting on my chest while we both faced the screen. One leg was propped up with my knee folded, and I had my arms round him with my controller just over his stomach in my hands. "People usually get better with time, there's something wrong with you," I replied.
"I'm not playing anymore," he resigned with a sigh. "I know I told you to not let me win on purpose but this is just ridiculous."
I laughed and turned him to face me, placing my lips onto his. I was beginning to read Julian's body better, however subtle the signals could be sometimes. I loved the quickening of his breath when I touched him intimately, I loved how he curved deeper into me when he wanted me to hold him tighter. Perhaps most of all, I loved how pliant his body became whenever I held him and kissed him. Especially because it felt like in that moment he was giving himself up to me completely. "Wanna play Mario Kart?" I asked after pulling away from him.
"Yes, but..." he started. Julian put down his controller and took mine from my hand to put away. Then he put both arms around my shoulders and stuffed his face in the side of my neck. "Want you."
Lord have mercy.
I could already feel my dick getting excited. When I kissed him again, he ground into me, making my situation a lot worse. I groaned as I squeezed his ass, turning me on like a fucking animal, raring and ready to go. "Are you sure?" I asked.
"Need you," he said simply, and yet it created a power surge from my heart straight to my balls and back.
I was already reaching out to trace my fingers at the edges of his shirt, dying to take it off. It wasn't a lot of times I didn't see Julian without a hoodie, barely ever, so I still got surprised every time it happened. And then we were sharing urgent little kisses between us, nipping and gripping and sucking.
"I've been dying for this so bad," I said less than an inch to his face, letting our noses touch.
Julian wrecked any form of order I possessed when he sucked my dick just over a day ago, and so far, I've done a pretty good job of keeping it together, but I could finally let loose.
He'd taken me inside his mouth and my brain had gone blank. I'd been sucked off by a lot of people. A LOT of people...but not a single one, has ever come close to making me feel the way he did. He put all of their skills to shame.
I've been horny ever since, unable to get the image of my dick inside his mouth, out of my mind.
I bit a spot on his neck and sucked it hard between my teeth. Julian moaned and exposed more of his neck to me. I bit another spot and did the same, he moaned louder.
When his shirt came off, I trailed a finger delicately down his chest, down his stomach, down past his navel, leaving kisses along the trail.
He was so fucking hot.
I stopped just above his crotch, then lightly grabbing his bulge with a hand, I stroked it. "So hard." I said while feeling the evidence of his arousal.
I have never touched an erect penis before in my life, not even a soft one, other than my own, but excitement rushed through me, leaving me desperate, fueled with want and desire for him.
Julian peeled my shirt off me, ogling my chest and biting his lower lip. He then reached a hand inside my shorts to grope me, sending a shiver of excitement down my spine. My own dick twitched, as if it remembered what the hands touching it were capable of.
He pulled my shorts all the way down my thighs. I lay down to pull them the rest of the way off, taking him down with me. I did away with the rest of Julian's clothing as I kicked mine off my feet in a hurried fashion.
Julian hadn't taken his eyes off my crotch the moment my erection bobbed free, and now I could see his hands reaching out for me, transfixed. I didn't let him. Couldn't. I needed him more.
I took his hardness in my hands, having never seen something so beautiful before. Of course, that is apart from his eyes. Also maybe his lips. Also his freckles. And also maybe his fingers.
I ran my lips along the side of his shaft, then kissed the area above his hardness, where there was a faint patch of soft brown hair.
Julian's breathing began to elevate. I then ran my tongue over his balls and had the pleasure of watching him twitch, so I did it again. This was quickly getting intoxicating.
"Kayyy..." Julian muttered breathlessly.
I drew myself up until I was looking into his eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked, barely patient enough about returning to his balls.
"Yes. I feel so good," he said in a tiny voice that was so unlike him. "Anything you do, feels so good."
My heart soared at hearing that.
"Are you trying to make me develop a praise kink?"
"You don't know how it feels to have you touching and teasing me." Julian blushed terribly. "I'm trying so hard to hold it all in already."
"So yes?"
Fuckin Christ.
I moved back down to ease him into my mouth. Julian cussed when my lips closed around him, I felt his dick twitch inside my mouth, nearly hitting the back of my throat and yet I still sucked more of him inside. He was a lot more than a mouthful, and I wanted every beautiful inch inside my mouth.
"Ohhh," he whimpered.
When I touched his scrotum to push more of him inside my mouth, Julian came all over my tongue. He shuddered so uncontrollably that I had to grab his hips to keep him in one place. His cum was so thick, so warm and so rich in texture. I licked up every single drop.
My mouth sought out his, the moment they released his flesh, only to quickly be replaced by my hand, stroking him softly in an effort to ease his tremors, to pillow his twitches.
Julian opened up for me the moment my tongue teased his upper lip, granting me entry to his wanting mouth. God I just wanted to swallow him.
"I'm so sorry," he said after his body stopped shuddering. "I wanted to go on, I didn't mean to come so quickly."
"I don't mind."
"I've never felt that before." Julian looked like he wanted to hide his face.
"Wait, you've never orgasmed before?"
He shook his head, looking embarrassed.
"Do you somehow think that's embarrassing?"
"A little..."
I chuckled and picked up his hand to put my lips to his knuckles, then I dropped a kiss to his temple, shaking my head. "It's not."
"Really?"
"Mhmm. What really matters is how it made you feel." What was really embarrassing was how much I couldn't stop touching him.
Julian tore his gaze from me and looked away.
"Did you like it?" I wrapped one of his my legs over my waist and drew closer to him, letting him feel how hard I was between us. He gasped, drawing his eyes back to me. I pushed some hair away from his eyes. Julian's answer was probably stuck in his throat as he stared at me.
"Hmm?" I poked his nose. "At a loss for words?"
Julian blushed again, then wrapped his other leg over me. His hands wrapped around me to pull me down for a kiss. I collapsed on top of him, feeling his pounding heart through his chest.
"I loved it," he said in between kisses. "Love how you make me feel." He pushed his nose against mine gently. "I..." He paused so suddenly like he'd just realized something. I continued to shower him in soft kisses. "Kay...?"
"Hmm?" I could not take my lips away from him.
"I..."
I willed myself to stop for a few seconds and embarrassingly again, it took so much effort.
"You...?" Juju moaned when I bit another spot just below his neck and I sucked on it, making him a mess.
I was so fucking turned on. I finally drew away and looked down to give him my full attention. I ran a hand down his cheek, softly creating an up-and-down movement as if to see if some of the color could rub off on my knuckles.
"Nothing," Julian finally let out.
"It didn't sound like nothing."
He shook his head, and after looking at him a little longer, I nodded. "You okay?"
"I'm more than okay."
I smiled the moment I heard it. "That good, huh?"
"You're so good, you know exactly what to do."
I groaned before nipping his shoulder, then kissing the spot. "I think it's impossible for my dick to get harder than it already is, but I swear it does every time you praise me."
Julian hissed when I bit his nipple, then let go, sucking over the spot. I kissed his pecs, then made another beeline down to his torso.
"You're so hot." I brushed my lips over his abs. He was already hard again. Why did that make me feel so proud of myself?
I reached over the bed to grab the lube I'd bought after we kissed days earlier and I couldn't stop thinking about having sex with him. I'd obsessed over the thought until Google gave me some answers. Julian watched as I squirted some of the colorless goo onto two fingers. I threw the bottle on the bed and got back to him.
"May I?" I asked, looking calm but feeling impatient, and a little bit nervous.
Julian nodded eagerly. "Yes."
I was lying over him, between his legs, so now I turned to my side, his leg went over my shoulder as I wrapped an arm around his waist, then used the other one to push his thigh further away from the other, spreading him apart to open before me like a five course meal all wrapped into one serving.
My vision narrowed and my eyes locked right onto his opening like a laser sight, settling on a target. The skin around the rim was darker, moving with how hard his breathing was picking up. I teased his entrance with the tip of my finger, rubbing it to hear soft sweet cries falling off his lips, then after kissing the inside of his thigh, I eased the finger inside.
Julian cried out, arching his back violently, taking more of my finger inside the tight ring of muscle. I kissed his stomach and he sighed. I watched my finger move back and forth inside him, mesmerized to a point where it was trance-like.
I watched him squirm, then turned my gaze to him. Julian had his lips parted and his eyes closed in what looked like genuine pleasure. I dropped my lips to his while I added a second finger. He moaned inside my mouth as I continued to fuck him with my lubed up fingers. I imagined him wrapped around my cock and it was enough to make me dizzy.
Julian's moans became louder the faster I went until I began to slow down, our chests heaved with how heavily and how fast we were breathing, he looked like he was doing everything to hold it in.
I
was definitely doing everything to hold it in.
I watched how his opening spasmed around my fingers, glistening with the lube.
When I pulled them out slowly, Julian's hole made a squelching sound and sucked in on itself, then opened up and sucked itself in again, like it was trying to understand the sudden loss, like it was trying to reach out for the fingers to fill it up again. I couldn't it resist any more, I leaned down and ran my tongue over his hole, then hungrily stuffed my face between his cheeks.
My actions were nothing short of desperate, but I needed that hole in my mouth, and I needed it now. Hearing the way Julian gasped was all the satisfaction I needed.
I teased his hole with my tongue, moving the tip over it in a fast-like flicking motion before engulfing his entrance with my mouth. If anyone, just over two months ago had told me that I'd be eating ass so desperately like this, or even at all, I'd have told them to fuck off. If anyone tried to separate me from this particular ass right now, the least I would do was say fuck off.
Julian cried out softly, so tenderly, then he grunted. "Kayy, oh my God Kay..."
I groaned without stopping my onslaught. Julian didn't know what to do with himself, his moans were getting louder as he frantically tried to get to get away from me. I grabbed him and pinned him right back down. He let out the loudest sound I'd heard yet. No matter how hard I licked him and ate him out, it wasn't nearly enough.
"So goodddd! Oh my..." He cried out. "Kay, please...please. I'm going to...I think I'm gonna..."
I licked him faster, groaning so deeply it sounded guttural, like I'd become someone I didn't recognize. My tongue prodded his opening much harder and I think I might have heard myself growl after I felt him jerk. "KAYYY!!"
How was this so fucking good?
My own dick bobbed. I was so hard it pointed straight upwards, thudding restlessly against my stomach.
Julian murmured unintelligible words before moaning so loudly that I felt him tremble with it. Then he was shattering, whimpering, moaning, and becoming completely undone under me.
I watched him in awe as he shot out more come, making a mess of the sheets, I didn't realize how close I'd gotten my face to his groin, until a shot of come landed across my face, causing my eyes to snap shut on their own, bringing me back to reality with a smile.
I wiped the come off and placed that finger in my mouth, Julian watched me, hungry eyes darkening at my shameless behavior. He licked his lips, breathing raggedly. "God, you're so hot."
"Kayyyy..." he whined. "Come here...please kiss me."
He reached a hand out, fastening on the side of my face, gripping my jaw, I let out a half hearted chuckle, which was very telling of how much I was trying not to be too overwhelmed. I took that same hand in mine and brushed my lips over it.
Then I pulled up to kiss him on his soft lips, eliciting a series of soft sounds from him, making me feel tingles all over my body.
"You're so hard." Julian reached a hand down to touch me and I jerked out of his reach.
"Don't."
He frowned at me, unable to understand why I was behaving this way.
"If you touch me right now, Ju, I'm sure I'll explode." I caressed his ass then grabbed a handful, making Julian's lips part as his eyes found mine. "And I really want to get inside you first." I looked down at my dick then back to him. "It literally aches."
Julian took my hand in his. "I want you."
Three words. Only three, but they wrapped themselves around my cock and stroked more pre-come out of it. I just knew I was going to come the fastest I've ever come in my life.
I visibly saw his breath catch when I wrapped a hand around his semi hard-on. "Say that again."
"I want you," he whispered close to my ear.
In one swift movement, Julian was turned around, and pushed down flat on his stomach under me. His back was now to my chest as my right arm circled around his lower waist and pulled him upwards so that he was now on his knees, his ass to my groin. I watched how my dick nestled between his ass and I bit my lower lip so hard it hurt, groaning with the eroticism of the whole sight.
"Wait right there." I quickly scampered off the bed to the same drawer where the lube was, grabbing the condoms and ripping one off. I can't believe I almost forgot about them, that's how desperate I was.
After rolling it on, I reassumed my position behind Julian. I slathered a little more lube on my fingers and rubbed them against his hole, making him squirm.
I didn't immediately get inside him, despite pulling him into me possessively. I wrapped my hand around his hardness and stroked him. Julian didn't see it coming, he gasped, then he grunted, then he sighed.
I pumped him faster and harder, burying my face in the crook of his neck, biting a tender spot and licking over it. Julian let out a high pitched moan and backed into me.
"Ahh...!" He let out, facing the wall, although I could bet his eyes were closed. "Kay...please, ahhh...please get inside me right now, pl– Ohhh..."
He threw his head back and it fell against my shoulder, I kissed the side of his neck and pumped him faster yet, till I could see the telltale signs that he was getting closer to his climax.
He was driving me crazy. I lined my dick up to his entrance, and pushed the tip inside. Julian hissed, I groaned, biting down so hard trying to focus on not coming.
"More," Julian whispered.
Fucking hell.
Who was I to resist? I gathered my wits and pushed inside him slowly, watching him swallow every inch of my cock, stretching him wide. "Fuck!"
"Oh god! Oh my fucking god!" Julian went rigid.
The way his hole gripped my cock, had me transfixed, staring down at it until it felt like I was moving automatically, thrusting deep inside him, then pulling back again before thrusting faster.
"FUCK KAYDENN!!" He cried out.
The pace built until all I could hear was flesh slapping against flesh. And Julian's moaning, and my grunting. I was already so close I could come any minute.
I pulled out and gently carried Julian in my arms after hooking a hand his thighs and wrapping the other over his back. He gasped the moment he was up in the air, holding on to me.
I lowered him down on his back. I wanted to be looking into his eyes when he came, when he made me come.
The moment I entered him again, burying the entirety of my cock inside the tight heat in one hard thrust, Julian's eyes shot to the back of his head, and then he erupted, spilling his white hot seed all over his chest. I don't know if it was the sight of him coming or how much my cock loved the feeling of being inside him, but it was enough to send me over the edge.
"Juju..." I fucked him faster, chasing my release like it hadn't already caught up to me. "JUJUUU! FUCK!" I took in his flushed face, his cock, the hard buds of his nipples, his parted lips, his drunk-dazed eyes... "FUCK! You're so sexy, so hot, so perfect for me..." The words came out a little slurred. I was losing my shit.
"Ahhh," he mewled. "Yes. Yesss Kay..."
I jerked aggressively, feeling the last shreds of my restraint slipping away, releasing everything inside of me, inside him. "Fuckkkk," I groaned as I grit my teeth. "JESUS, JULIAN–"
All I remembered was gathering him close to me.
The force of my orgasm was blinding, I'd never felt anything remotely close to it. An arm wrapped over his shoulders at the back of his neck, while the other gripped his waist. I crushed my lips onto Julian's eagerly waiting ones, jerking, unable to stop thrusting deep inside him at a never-breaking steady slow pace like I wasn't in control of my body anymore. It didn't just feel good, it felt stupid good. I moaned into his mouth and he moaned back. I devoured his lips. I nipped, I bit, I suckled, I kissed. More tenderly than I ever imagined I could be.
My thrusts began to slow down even more, but my grip only tightened on him. I shuddered less violently now.
"So beautiful," I traced his lower lip. "You kinda drive me crazy, you know that?"
I chuckled when he blushed. "Oh my god, shut up!" I laughed harder.
•••
At one point when we lay in each other's arms into the silence of the afternoon, I started to feel rather upset. "Can I see you tomorrow?" The days he had left were dwindling far too fast for my liking.
"I want that so badly but I can't. My dad has it that we always must do something together as a family just before I leave." Julian traced light circles on my chest.
"Really?" I asked despite my increasing frustration. "They must really miss you when you're gone then."
"You think so?"
"For sure." I thought about it. "It's like they want as much time with you as they can get."
The finger on my chest paused, then went back to drawing circles. "I guess I've never thought of it that way."
We grew quiet for a moment, Julian continued touching me while I wrapped a hand around him, he lay his head on one side of my chest, bringing his hair just under my chin. It felt so good to lie down and speak like this, to be quiet like this, to be so content with each other like this. I thought it would be so easy to fall asleep like this, holding him securely against me. I turned my head down to peer at him for a moment, catching sight of his pointy nose just beyond and below his lashes.
"You owe me a baby photo by the way."
"What?" Julian turned to me with a frown.
"What do you mean '
what'
? You owe me a baby photo."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't."
"Juju Yes. You. Do," I aimed my own frown at him.
"I have...no idea," Julian was finding it hard to hold back his laughter. "Wha–" He snorted. "What you're talking about!"
"You messin' with me?" He didn't even have to answer, I could feel him shaking with the laughter he was trying poorly to hide. "You're messin' with me, aren't you?"
At that, his laugh finally tore through, spilling into the room with the richness of its sweet sound. My own lips began to twitch, in an effort to stop themselves from curving upwards.
"You totally fell for it!"
I scoffed. "No I didn't."
"Juju yes, you, do."
He mimicked, tipping his head to each side with each word.
"I was just pretending!" I chuckled.
"Oh you were not!"
I loved more than anything, the way his eyes crinkled with mirth. I liked him happy. Well, I liked him in any form he came in, but there was some kind of satisfaction deep down I always felt when he was happy. Like right now, so I continued being defiant. Even when I knew I'd lost. "I SO was!"
"Oh please!" He countered. "You're just a sore loser."
I tipped my head to each side dramatically. "You don't know nothin' 'bout me."
"I know a few things."
"Yeah?" I smiled cheekily. "Like what?"
"I know you like orange juice."
I stopped after hearing him say that. I'd never told him that before. Not even hinted at it.
"How do you know that?"
It was Julian's turn to chuckle. "I just do."
"Do you also know that I like you?"
My heart fluttered when I watched him blush. It was one of the thousand things about him I could never get over.
"Only if you know that I like you too."
It was my turn to blush.
After going back and forth in random conversation, we lay wrapped around each other.
Julian dropped two wet kisses on my chest, making the area feel as though he'd just lit it on fire. I lay there in a euphoric state, pulling him closer. "I'm going to miss you so bad. You'll still text me right."
"The moment my phone is in my hands. They're strict about that kind of thing, but I know a few people."
"They're strict about phones too?!"
"They're strict about everything. Like to keep the internet away from their school as best as they can. Even pictures showing clear parts of the school are frowned upon. But there are times when we're allowed to use them."
"Damn. Really?"
Julian nodded. "They suck."
"You been caught wrongfully using your phone before?"
"I've never really had a reason to need it before. Until now..."
I was getting quite drowsy. "So you're saying, I'm your reason."
Julian nuzzled my neck before turning back to the side of his face. He nodded. "You're obviously my reason."
I don't know when we drifted off, but I felt his fingers squeeze out the little spaces where they wove into mine.
I turned to my side and pulled him into me, taking our threaded fingers to wrap around his stomach, bringing him closer.
The sigh he released carried the hint of a smile. I inhaled the crook of his neck, smiling too, letting sleep evade my senses.
# CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
My Hoodie
Exactly how was I supposed to go three months or so, without cuddling like this with Kayden? How could something feel so good? I became a puddle in his arms as we drifted off to sleep, loving his warmth around me.
I stirred awake first, feeling groggy and sore and pleased. I turned to lay still on his bare chest, feeling nothing but his steady heartbeat. Kayden didn't wake up, but his arm came to wrap over my back loosely, his fingers resting just at the top of my ass.
The pictures flashed in my head in scenes. Him stretching me, filling me up—I could feel myself blush as I took the image out of my mind. But another one immediately followed, him pounding into me, making me lose my mind, the pleasure of watching his pleasure, watching him come. It was like a movie in my head, that came in short hot scenes. And they just kept coming, no matter how much I tried to distract myself.
I shifted stealthily till I was facing Kayden, gazing at his face fondly. Seriously, he had no business being so handsome. I slowly felt for my phone until I found it, then turned away before his lips could tempt me any further and lay back down on his chest. Then I angled the camera to get both of us in, and took a picture. I loved it so much. In it, he was sound asleep while I rested the side of my face on his chest. I loved the next one even more.
I carefully detached from Kayden, making sure not to wake him. Then I took a photo with only him in it. How did he manage to look so hot even in his sleep?
I might have stared at the picture a bit too long, like he wasn't just right there. Like my heart wasn't beating louder the more I looked at it.
After dressing up, I ran my fingers along Kayden's arm, then peppered kisses all over his jaw, trying to nudge him awake. "Kay, wake up."
"Hmm?"
"I'm leaving."
"Wha-" he stirred awake. "No!" The next thing I know, I am down flush against him. "You're not going anywhere!"
I chortled gleefully. "What, are you going to kidnap me and hide me?"
"If I have to," he said while sitting up, finally fully awake.
I went to sit inside Kay's parted thighs, his knees folding on either side of me like pointy arm rests. He gave me tickly kisses on my nape, making me chuckle so much until I couldn't take it anymore. I rushed off the bed to get away from him, and yet he wasn't even exactly touching me.
Kayden didn't move, he remained in the same position legs parted, only now his palms rested flat on the mattress as he leaned back on them. He watched me run my mouth with a smile on his face.
"Are you even listening?"
"Yeah," the smile didn't leave his face. "You said your mom is about to blow everything out of proportion for the next forty eight hours or so."
"Then why are you just looking at me like that?" I asked. Kayden's smile disappeared from his face.
"Because I think you're lovely."
I sighed. "Are you always going to do this...catch me unawares, tell me sweet things all of a sudden?" He clearly didn't know how hard I tried to keep it all together when I was with him.
"It's not like I can help it...I mean, you asked."
Before I could groan, I watched the easy smile disappear from his face.
"Ju. When will you be back?" He asked carefully and my heart fluttered.
"In about three months."
He sighed so deeply then frowned. Looking at him in that moment, I couldn't help but think he was so cute when upset like that. Because of me.
He moved to the edge of the bed till his bare feet touched the floor. He was only in his underwear, but he looked like the finest piece of renaissance sculpting, without even trying.
Before he could do anything, I stood before him and held my hands out to him. Kayden took both in his and kissed each one. Then I tugged at them and he got up. I don't know if he could tell I was going for a hug but we both sort of collided into it. And it was meant to be harmless but feeling his bare skin against me like that only brought back the most lewd images of the hottest experience of my life.
Kayden then turned me to face the mirror and looked straight into my eyes, fastening his arms around me from the back. It was so intimate in its own right, so bare to say the least.
With each passing moment, the eye contact seemed to intensify. And I could stare into his eyes forever but something else caught my attention.
I tore my gaze away from him to recognize at least four very dark spots around my neck and shoulder area. "Are those hickies?!"
"Mhhm," Kayden's eyes traveled lower, then he pursed his lips, looking guilty.
How had I not noticed? I couldn't tear my gaze away from them, loving it despite myself. It oddly felt like I was marked and belonged to whoever dared to engrave such dark patches on my skin. I don't know when or how he did that, but I found it too intimate and too hot to complain about.
We were looking at each other through the mirror. His arms wrapped around my middle and his head poking out from the side of my neck, chin resting on my shoulder. Occasionally laying soft kisses over the dark spots of skin.
I didn't want to break that hold, that moment, and everything that came with it. I wanted to keep watching his face, and I wanted him to keep watching mine.
"Hey listen," I started, heart in my throat. "There's something I need to tell you when I'm back."
I thought he'd disentangle himself from me at that, but Kayden instead tightened his hold and pulled me closer. "What?"
"I said when I'm back," I reaffirmed delicately. Something about the way his lips and teeth played with my bare neck. I couldn't even swallow properly.
"Thanks," he said with the tiniest bit of frustration. "Now you've added three months of curiosity to the mix."
"I know...but bare with it." I insisted, trying to keep my laugh at bay, like what I wanted to say was in any way funny.
My phone rang and for the first time ever, I ignored it. If only to give me more time with Kay uninterrupted. "Why is your mirror cracked anyway?" I asked instead.
"Well," Kayden said like he was trying not to laugh, ignoring the call as well. "I've got a friend called Stacey, and she has her own version of why. So I'm going to let you ask her when you meet her, because she'd say I'm lying anyway."
"So your version is exaggerated?"
"On the contrary. I like to think that's her version."
"Hmm," I humored him. "I guess we'll see. For now, very sadly...I've got to go." I ran a finger over the hickies, trying not to excite myself, then let out a breath. "My hoodie..." I said, trying to bring some normalcy to the situation and trying to make any kind of progress to my leaving.
Kayden walked to his closet and got a black hoodie out, and it definitely wasn't mine. He walked back and started to dress me in it, pulling it over my head.
I chuckled when he kissed me and looked at me patiently, holding the scrunched arms up for me to slide my hands through. "This isn't mine," I said, unable to hold back my smile, or how good it felt to smell him around me.
"I know. You didn't come with one, but you can have mine, it looks good on you," he replied casually, like my insides weren't curling around themselves for the umpteenth time.
I wanted to tell him about my feelings so bad but it could destroy everything. And if it turned out that he didn't feel as deeply as I did, I was not ready to face a final term with a heartbreak of that magnitude.
Suddenly, I felt his lips on my forehead. So intense I could still feel it burn after he was done with it. My arms wrapped around his middle first, I needed his warmth, his body close to me. I wish I could pack him inside one of my bags and take him to school with me. But unfortunately, airport security would never allow it, let alone my parents.
"Think of me." I heard him mumble.
"All the time," I admitted unashamedly. "Dream of me."
He let out a sound that sounded like a scoff and a grunt. "Don't even say a word. I dream about you like it's a curse." Then he chuckled. "You have me bewitched, like that Jane Austen book says."
"You've read pride and prejudice?"
"What? You know I do read, right?"
"Yes, but you just don't seem like the type to casually read and quote classics."
"That's because I'm full of surprises," he said while he hoisted me up. My legs automatically went to wrap around his waist. "You surprised I picked you up?"
I shoved his chest playfully and he chuckled.
"What? I just wanna give you a goodbye kiss, that's all."
He walked to the door, staring at me, until my back was flush against it. I cupped his cheeks and pulled his face to me, then put my lips onto his.
Sweet, sweet bliss.
We'd just spent a few hours doing this, and yet it only got better? Or was I so utterly smitten I could do this forever?
"Going to miss you so much. "Everything..." I said in between kisses. "So much it feels absurd."
"I know," Kayden replied breathlessly, unable to stop. "Going to miss you too much."
"I'm even going to miss the way you breathe." I could feel the chuckle in his chest before I heard it.
"The way I breathe, Juju?" Maybe I was only seeing things, and Kayden ignored it to a point where it could fool anyone, but his underwear stretched, sort of pitching a tent at half mast, as if stretching trying to rise to meet my ass just above it. But maybe I was imagining it, seeing as all I stole was a tiny glance.
"It's absurd I told you," I latched my lips onto his neck. Kayden gasped to my satisfaction. If only I knew how to leave a hickey.
"In that case," he struggled to get out, rubbing a spot on my arm with his thumb. "I'm even going to miss the way you blink."
"Yeah?" I brought our heads together.
Kayden nodded. "It's quite sexy."
I chuckled. "Well I'll also miss the way you laugh, the way you smell. I'll miss your sweet hugs so much." He groaned long and frustratedly. "I'll not miss being beaten at video games, but I'll miss your dumb smile the most."
All this time, Kayden was moving his face closer to me. Now, he nuzzled the side of my neck in a very needy and affectionate manner. I sighed before I kissed him on the forehead, then wrapped my arms around his neck. Kayden held me close while his head rested against my chest, using the door to support my back.
Then my annoying phone began to ring again. We both groaned at the same time. I could feel his rumbling vibrations against my chest as he leaned against it.
Kayden didn't tear an inch away from me. He didn't even have to ask who it was. "He really doesn't play about your whereabouts, does he?"
![Cover of Highly Unlikely [BB]](/story-covers/highly-unlikely-bb_260757908.webp)
